July 8, 2025 • 46 mins
The unhinged agony aunts are IN. Kee and Kel are answering your anonymous questions - from newborn hell and toddler tantrums to sharing finances and European adventures with small humans. There’s some big feels, questionable advice, and surprisingly useful tips buried in the chaos. You know the drill.
LINKS TO EVERYTHING MENTIONED
Gen Muir On Catching Your Toddler On The Emotional Climb
How To Cope With Unhinged Toddlers
"Little People, Big Feelings" - Gen Muir
Pakembl Large Travel Backpack
Shop Vestirsi Bella XL
HOSTS & PRODUCERS
Kelly McCarren @kelly_mccarren
Kee Reece Searles @keereece
AUDIO PRODUCTION
Madeline Joannou - Mylk Media
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
We acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land we're recording
on today.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
If I met myself two months postpartum now, I wouldn't
even recognize myself.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
I would just want to give her a big hug.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Hello, Hello, and welcome back to Eat Sleep Repete. I'm
Kelly McCarran and I'm.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Kyriseels and we are, as always your anti parenting podcast,
parenting podcast about the madness that is motherhood and everything
in between. Before we get into today's episode, you may
have noticed that we are now part of the Mummie Network.
Nothing is going to change regarding the content or anything else.
We are still your same unhinged goals. But you will
(00:44):
notice that there are now some advertisements in our episodes.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
And if I read one one complaint about the ads,
I swear I actually will riot. Yeah, like I will
storm the streets holding a sign because being lately transparent,
Key and I have muddled our way through the past
two plus years, and you have listened and enjoyed hopefully
(01:08):
so much free content. It's true, so much free content.
And as much as we love doing this show and
our community, it's really not feasible to spend so much
time working on something that is not making you any
one dollar.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Yeah, and I.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Feel like that's pretty fair.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
So we did decide to join the Mum and Mee network.
Both of us have worked on other shows within their network,
and we know so many people within the business, So
for us, it just made a lot of sense. And
now you get the exact same free content with the
side of advertising.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
And it just means that now we really can well, yeah,
just focus on the content and doing things like in
person meetups without the stress of like, hey, we need
to be making a living off this, Like we can
actually get back to what we're good at. It's a
when when for our confidence for us to be able
to continue to do the podcast, because we had actually
(02:03):
asked ourselves, like, can we continue to do this? Like
we believe in the show, We know our audience love
the show, but we are also too human beings with
a family, and I.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Have almost each key wants a mortgage.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yeah I want a mortgage note but we'll have yes.
But yeah, So I'm just glad that we didn't have
to make that choice and that we can keep doing
the show. So it's very exciting.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Yeah, really, Like who knew that becoming a corporate girly
would bring me so much to Okay, it's really hard
to say corporate girly with a straight face because yeah,
that's not going to happen anyway. Before we get into
today's show, let's do peak and pit.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Yeah, everything through to.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Shit, so I'll start peaking pit this week. My pit
is that the baby is teething, the baby is daby.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Do they come out? I remember thinking, my god, that
would be really painful.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
The parado's not working today, she's it's just not having
a good day.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
And there's a tooth trying to get through.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Oh totally, and it's a full fist in mouth kind
of gnawing.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
And she was smiling and giggling and I had a
good look and there's a lot that are waiting, and.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
She was born with them really close, like I could
always see them. And I was like, oh, I think
she's going to be early. But she's doing the pulling
of the ear. She was doing that yesterday, the pull thing.
It's awful seeing them like that and annoying. She's a
very chilled gal to so to see her so distressed
and not being able to do anything and obviously when
you give them any panadole, like, it takes a second
(03:35):
for them to kick in. So I'm just waiting. I'm like,
it's gonna be okay, It's gonna be okay, but it
is fine. But it is just you know, when it's
not one thing, it's the next thing. So we've moved on.
She's sleeping again with exactly, so we're getting there. So
my peek is a bit mushy. Charlie and I Charlie's
my husband. For any new listeners that might be listening,
(03:55):
we are just vibing at the.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
Moment, a very tall jap of man.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Yeah he's the best, but are just vibing at the moment.
You know, you go through ups and downs, and not
that we've been in a necessarily a down, but we're
just like, I don't know, we're just really funny at
the moment, Like I don't know, you know, when you're
just bouncing off your partner and everything they do is
not annoying you. Everything they do is like making you
laugh and giggle, and you're just I'm just really enjoying
(04:20):
his company. Even though finding a house is very stressful,
finding a house with him has been really fun, like
when we're in these bidding walls and different things are happening,
Like there's just like no other person that I want
to be doing that with. The Other day, he just
came home and he was wearing his Patagonia down vest,
(04:41):
and how had his RMS on, and he had a
fresh haircut, and I just went, oh, oh, dear, okay, gorgeous. Anyway,
moving right along.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
Okay, my pits. Oh, surprise, surprise, it's cold. It's so annoying.
It's like I forget.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
While holding an ice pack in a cold apartment.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
I don't think I've ever felt the cold the way
I have this winter, and I think it's potentially because
I don't have as much fat on me as I did.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
It's definitely what it is like.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
I did not realize how a dress size could affect
you in a thermostat. Well, that's what's.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Keeping you warm.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
My very word, I'm interested because I still found summer
very sweaty.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
I don't think I'm turning into my grandmother.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
I live in her apartment, in her house, and I've
got all the heaters on all the time, wrapped up
with my spindly little eggs poking out growing itch Coral.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
I bet you're happy for that ductor air gone now, Oh.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Cracks the shits.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
It's already a thousand dollars for the quarter and I'm like,
what was the point of getting these stupid ducted air
conditioning if we don't use them anyway? My peak is
that we've booked a bunch of family trips, so we're
going to the Gold Coast and Noosa next month. Nice
for Luke's dad's two year anniversary, which will be really
nice because last time we went to Nus, Lenny didn't
(06:00):
get to go to the graveside and visit his grandfather
because it was pouring rain the one chap so we had,
so Luke just sort of run out put a little
flower on there. So Lennie's never been there. We'll stay
with our friends. We're going to take the boys, so
Lennie and his cousin to SeaWorld.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Which would be so cute.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
It's so fine.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
I know, I really want to take them to Movie
World as well, but Luke's right, they probably are a
little bit too young.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
They are. This has been a big topic conversation in
my Brisbane mum group because one of the girls was like,
can we take it and they said hold off. They
said SeaWorld though perfect age.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Yeah, because there's animals, there's kids section. Yeah, and I
know that there is a movie world, but you just
want them to remember it at least get a bit
more out of it. Yeah, which, and I think that
SeaWorld will be great. And Yeah, he'll just get to
see a lot of his family that and Luke too,
that they don't really get to see. And then we're
going to Melbourne early next year for my uncle and
(06:53):
aunt's seventieth and that'll just be so much fun to
get the whole extended family together for a long weekend.
Little chances as you get older with extended family, and
my extended family is so much fun.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
So that'll be so fun.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Love those.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
So a little refresher on our monthly Unhinged Agony slash
Drunken Aunt EP. This is where you send us your
anonymous questions or dilemmas and we give you some helpful
and not so helpful advice.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
And we're going to pop a link in the show
notes for you to submit yours for the next one.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Don't be shy, all right, I'll read question number one.
I know Kelly has talked a lot about how hard
the newborn stage was for her, So could you both
tell me, if slash, when Slash, how it gets easier.
I'm a first time mum with a two month old
and really struggling. My baby cries a lot during the
day when I'm home alone, and I feel like I'm
failing as a mum.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
First of all, I'm right there with you.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
You're not failing.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
You're not failing. I think you're just in a really
vulnerable fresh of time and it is hard work being
a mum two a newborn. It's not an easy ride, and.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
Especially when you have never done it before.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Yeah, and when your baby cries a lot during the day,
that's when you're by yourself the most, so it can
feel really lonely and really isolating. But I want to
say that it does get better. There's still more challenges ahead,
but I think it's different for everyone. I think it's
never going to be as bad it as it is.
Continuously like it's going to ebb and flow, so you'll
(08:30):
feel like you are drowning, and then you'll maybe get
a week or two where you're like, oh, okay, things
are kind of manageable and then the next thing might come,
but that ebb and flow comes a little bit more,
the highs and the lows. It's not all just the
doom and gloom and the hard parts. Like I've just
come out the other end of a really shit four
month regression, and now she started teething. So it's kind
(08:53):
of like you might have something shit but lens and
then you might get something else which is shit too,
But teething is managed with padded well, you know, it's
a bit more manageable rather than the no sleep. So
I think to say that it's different for everyone. It
still has its challenges along the way, but just keep
going and it will get better and easier, I promise.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
One of the things that I struggled with so much, though,
was when people would say it gets better, I promise,
But when you're in the thick of it and the
depths of not knowing what the hell you're doing and
a baby that's screaming a lot, you just think that's
not helpful. Though. I want to know exactly when, But
the problem is is that it's different for everyone, and
(09:35):
there is no exactly when.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
Yeah, so it's just a promise that it does get better.
What I would say was.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
I honestly cannot remember a day that something switched for me.
It almost felt like and continuously over the past three years,
it's almost like I slowly have come back to life
from the depths. And if I met myself two months
postpartum now, I wouldn't even recognize myself.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Oh yeah, I don't even recognize myself from two months ago. Yeah,
month's postpartum.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Like I would just want to give her a big,
huge because it does get better. And it's been like
millions of little things that have slowly helped me. And
when I say come back to life, I mean myself
feel like myself again. And it was really interesting because
friend of the pod Lee posted a couple of months
ago about I forget even what the term was, but
(10:33):
she was talking about people missing the person they were
before kids, and so many people were then sharing with
her and it was quite interesting though, because I actually couldn't.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Relate to that at all.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
I don't miss the person that I was pre kids
at all. I think I might think differently if I
had more than one, yeah, because a lot of my
life hasn't changed now. Yeah, if I look, say five
years ago versus now, I mean it has, I hike,
but just the person that I was this is a
(11:08):
separate question. But the person I was before was a
lot more selfish, and I don't think even half as
resilient as I am now. So I think all that
has definitely helped. But all I will say is do
things that you know will help you. Yeah, slowly come
back to life and slowly get yourself back, whether or
not that's going to a spin class exactly, organizing dinner
(11:30):
with your girlfriends, starting to do a couple of hours
of work here or there. I know for so many
people that's when they really feel like something lifts a
little bit. It can also add a lot of stress,
but for some people, yeah, it can be really helpful.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
I think getting outside, oh god, I know, I know
that a baby that screams during the day is a
big hurdle to getting out the door. But I promise you,
you think you're baby screams the loudest, no one cares,
No one cares, No one cares. In fact, a lot
of people will offer to help you, probably walking down
(12:07):
the street.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
But honestly a lot of people don't even notice.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Once you get out and you're walking. It's just a
lot better than being stuck in four walls with a
screaming baby.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
You've got a bun, Yes, so good. The sun and
fresh air is so good for your mental health. Yeah,
it's also good for the baby. Yeah, you will be
surprised that your baby will probably stop screaming.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
And the cold air and winter is so good for
the kids outside. Like, obviously, bundle them up and if.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
You're going to wear them a little, you wear them
if like.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
It's nice you've got a carrier of If you don't
have a carrier, definitely recommend getting one because that helps
with the screaming as well.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Yeah, getting out and doing that for you, I think
is like something that is achievable and small that you
can do each day that will lift you.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Take care of advice, Keith, I know I have been
good girl.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Good.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Went on two walks yesterday around my work. I had
a great day yesterday. Today it's just been a bit
of a hell. But we're deep in the teething. But
that is exactly for this question. It changes day to day. Yesterday,
my god, I was and I just was like I
got this Today.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
You've been on the verge of tears several times and
I think that if I wasn't here with you, you
would have burst into tears.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Yeah, and that's how quickly it can change. Yeah, for
the good, for the bad, for the medium. You've just
got to keep rolling with the punches.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
I also think, do you speak to your GP if
you feel like you're managing coping because you're not alone
as well with any of your thoughts.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
No, share with someone?
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Yeah, yeah, ask someone out on a little date if
there's been Yeah, a person like another mum asking the group.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
We just heard from someone that we know she met
up with a shooter in real life that she met
through the Facebook group. Yeah, they had a friend date,
they had a lot in common. There will be a
second date.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Yeah, that's such a good idea. And even if you
go on those walls and you go down to the
playground or near a playground, there'll be another mum with
a baby, probably run the same age as you. Just
gotta say hi.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Question two. Hi guys, I'm twenty one weeks pregnant and
I have a three year old toddler. Wall any nappy
bag recos I've got a shoulder bag at present and
just won't work with a toddler and a newborn. Oh
that's a great question. I can't relate because all of
the bags that I have are shoulder Oh yes I can. Yes,
(14:31):
I have got wall only because Charlie took this bag
up to Queensland a couple of weekends ago. It was
our backpack for Europe that we took and he was
like packing the bag and he's like, how good is
this backpack? And I was like, yeah, so good and
Amazon backpack. I'll pop the link in the show notes.
It has like a compartment for shoes, but it's like
(14:52):
slim line and it has compartments for different things. It
would be perfect as an happy bag.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Is it cute?
Speaker 1 (14:58):
There's different colors but it's all one color? Okay? No,
like nothing on it, No like identifiable things carry like
Amazon generic. But it's a lovely backpack. And we did Europe.
It was our day bag that we would take out
and he whipped it out the other day for his
bag to travel with, and both of us were very
stoked about how good that bag is. So that's my
(15:19):
reco There you go.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
That's a great one that you just pulled out of
your bottom. Don't you love though?
Speaker 2 (15:25):
That I was like, is it nice though, because for
me given methetic, I'm very into my clothes and you
wouldn't think it sometimes when I'm just trotting around looking
like Adam Sandler, I'm.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
A bit of a bougie bitch with my bags. You are.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
I don't know why, because I'm not a snob, but
I really like clothes are like putting outfits together, and
I've never wanted like a giant, fuck an ugly bag
ruining a look. I also think it comes down to
me hating anything that pigeonholes me. As a mum, you know,
I really go against yeah, yeah, sometimes things.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
So I was always like, I hate the trope of.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Being a mum with a mum bag, if that makes
any sense, even though.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
I am a mum.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
So I actually bought it today to prove that I
still use it even though I've used it twice.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
I was like, why is she wearing that bag? Soay,
she never wears it.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
I did buy a Balance Yaga tote.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Can I just say when Lenny was born, which was
potentially the most ridiculous thing I've ever purchased in my
entire life, But I still don't regret it because I
love how chic it made me feel.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
Did it make me look she know? I love that
it looks.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Kind of fake almost, because it's like this black canvas bag.
I asked my girlfriend, who doesn't know designer, how much
she thought it was once, and she said fifty dollars
and she goes, and that's a lot for a shopping bag,
and I said, it's not a shopping bag. But I
loved like lobbing it over my pram handle because it
was black with the balance yaga, and I just felt
(16:53):
chic And that was important to me because I guess
it made me feel more myself. Now I sort of
just either shove stuff in my handbag, I refuse, I
refuse a mum bag. Or do you remember that time
we were going on an outing and I said to you,
I'm going to have to buy like a cute backpack
for this outing because I'm going to need my hands
(17:15):
free now that he's running.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
So that's right, I forgot about that.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
I bought a six hundred dollar roiton. It's beautiful. It's
a tan leather backpack.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
I've not used it that much though, because it doesn't
fit his lunchboxes. Yeah, it was a bit of a
silly purchase. I'm not going to recommend that bag. I
did find one though, that I would recommend because it
looks like it will fit backpacks. This a lady startup,
Aussie business.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Cool.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
It's Shopfestry. It's just cute cool.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
You turn it into a backpack and it fits your laptop,
so it would definitely fit a lunch box if it's
a bunch of stuff.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
I love this.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
It's beautiful, super cute.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
I don't have any of their bags, but I know
people that do that highly rate them three fifty.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
It's currently on sale. It looks like it fits a
lot and it would be super cute after you're done
with it. It's just as like a U bag.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Oh, it's definitely a U bag. It's a total It's
a bag that you would use for work or just life.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
I know that that's still Bella and then a Beller
XCEL and the Beller XL is the one that you're.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
I'm recommending the XCEL because I just think, always just
get the VS you can. It's still cute, and I
know it's still really expensive, but but it's ever.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
It's leather, and that's something that your friends like.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
You're probably not going to do a sprinkle or maybe
you are, but that's something that people could chip in for,
or it could be your treat because I don't know.
It just makes having a nice bag just it makes
you feel good.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
And also like, I like the option of wearing it
both ways because I don't want to buy a backpack
exactly necessarily, but I'd like the option to make it
a backpack when needed exactly. So, Yes, why I really
recommend this bag myself? I would like to own it
my lovely recommendation to all right question three.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
As a daycare teacher for nine years and now a mother,
I've realized some things we put effort into as daycare
teachers are really not what parents care about, and things
we put little effort into a what parents actually care about.
What do you wish your children's daycares would focus on
more or less of?
Speaker 1 (19:22):
I have never cared about loads of pictures. I'm completely
understanding when a day care says, hey, we don't prioritize
taking pictures of them during the day because we're looking
after the kids. Totally understand don't need that.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Or so kids don't even like having their photo taken heaps.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Yeah, I don't need to see what they're doing throughout
the day, every second of the day. That's your business.
I think for me the number one thing has just
been communication and seeing that they are doing different things.
So I love it when I go in and Ru's
like we made sushi today or we did paper mache today.
Like we do get like a little day report of
(19:59):
what they do, so I don't have pictures, but they
do a day report which is just like really brief
on what they did today, so we can see and
I often ask her questions about it. So for me,
the biggest thing is communication, like around their safety if
something's happened, like that's what I care about ultimately, and
then just knowing that there is care and thought around
the things that they're doing day to day. And honestly,
(20:20):
the reports that we get from this day care in
particular above and beyond what I could ever imagine. They
just love the fact that someone is looking at how
she's progressing and hopefully like if anything pops up, we'll
know about it because you know, people are looking at
her behavior and every day, and then also just flagging
with us things that she's not picking up, so then
(20:42):
at home we can maybe make up the you know,
the gap and learning that she wasn't grasping or something.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
That is such a good point. Actually, I wish that
we got more than one report card per year.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
You need to get one a year.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
We get no, No, we get lots of check ins,
but an actual report card on where he's at with
different things once a year. And I remember last year
it was none of it was a new information, but
I didn't realize he was that far behind with certain
russ okay, like toilet training as one thing, and then
they kind of were alluding to it a lot. But
(21:17):
it wasn't until I read the report that I was like, oh,
I didn't realize that it was such.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
A big deal that he needed.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Yeah, and I knew that he'd get there when he
wanted to anyway. Yeah, but so different things. Oh and
the dummy, I didn't realize that it was affecting his
speech at school so much.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Yeah, so that's more about communication.
Speaker 3 (21:34):
Yeah, once again communication.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Yeah. I only have the one, and I haven't had
a bad daycare, so I don't really know what a
bad daycare only from what Keys really told me about. Oh,
just different things with her prior daycares that I was like,
I can't believe that.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
Remember that one that they never did photos?
Speaker 1 (21:52):
Oh yeah, they never did anything. It was like one
a day or something because they said that they had
to focus on the children, which I didn't care about.
Like I was like, totally understand. But then they didn't
do anything else. I was like, so what are you doing?
Like she wouldn't be doing any activities, Like she wasn't
learning things. They were just like letting them run free play.
Speaker 3 (22:11):
Which is fine with some of the day but fine.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
But then for me, there was no structure. I guess
I should say so for me, I think it's just
really important that there's some structure.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Team.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
They love the team, they love morning tea, but there's
a plan.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Yeah, that's the biggest thing for me is like I
want to walk in in the morning, leave them there
knowing that someone in the room has a plan as
to what they're going to do that day with the kids.
That was a bariently being important thing to me. And
also outside play. I want them to be outside side
as much as possible, especially in winter. I don't want
them inside with those I mean, right the mundy and summer.
(22:43):
But it's funny because like with the daily.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Journals, Like sometimes I think, oh, for goodness sake, just
go play with them. I hate that they have to
waste so much time adding all of these things, but
I guess people do want all of the information.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Yeah, we've got like our daily reflection, which I still
think is quite detailed, considering like they're like, well, you know,
we don't want to do the big photos every hour,
but we're going to do this daily reflection. I'm like,
that seems like a lot of work as well.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
We've got daily journals, observations, daily chart.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Oh yeah, we've got all those two actually, and.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
What category of education everything was, And I just think,
I mean, I know that they would cut and paste
a lot of it, but dear Lord, having to do
that several times throughout the day.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
My favorite thing is seeing Rue and her best friend
Goldie dressed up as Nana is pushing like the prem
or whatever they're doing. They just look like two retirees
just having the best time.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
That is so cute.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Body question for my partner wants us to combine finances.
I've never shared money with anyone before, so I don't
know how I feel. What are your experiences with money
in relationships? Slash. How do you both manage finances?
Speaker 2 (23:53):
I don't share money with Luke. I've never shared money
with a partner. We just sort of golf and half
with different things or like. It can cause fights sometimes,
but most of the time it's not.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
A big deal.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
It's like, oh, yeah, I'll get that, or you get this.
I like paying for fun stuff because I don't care,
and he's always happy to pay for boring shit, to say,
the laundry. When we did that, he paid for that,
He paid for the air conditioning, whereas I pay for holidays.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (24:25):
Like, I just I like buying fun things. I personally
don't like the idea of sharing finances. I get why
so many people do it, Yeah, but I am simply
too selfish to do it.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
You and Charlie do correct.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Kind of not really, Oh go on, So we buy
everything on credit and then we had Charlie's good with
money split the credit card bill at the end of
the month and we paid off. But that was what
we did when we earned the same amount of money.
Speaker 3 (24:57):
When did you ever earn the same Amouney?
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Back in the day, when he was a grad we
were earning You're in the media. We were earning similar
money though, right because I had been working, remember a.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Long time along, and here was a grad. I'm just
being realistic now. But as we were in media, as
we've gone.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
On, we've tweaked that. So it's not fifty to fifty anymore.
There are things that he pays for that I don't
even pay for. So he pays for all of daycare,
for instance, But I still pay for my rent. But
while I'm on matt leeve, we adjust and things like that.
But we have a joint account as well that we
transfer money into and use to pay for our rent,
(25:41):
because obviously we can't pay for our rent with our
credit card, so and that would be the same way
as I imagine we would continue to pay our mortgage.
Probably that way it shared to anything is halves. But
we just use a credit card, so it's one payment
and then we pay the credit card off together. But
say the credit card is ten thousand for a month.
Because of what I earn currently earn, what he earns,
(26:04):
he might take care of seventy percent of the credit
card bill and I would do thirty percent. And that's
kind of how we would do it. It is a tricky one.
I think that as women we need to be careful
in what we do and feel comfortable with around our
finances because especially if you're going to have children and
take time off, because your capacity to earn goes down
(26:27):
because you are the primary r and the majority of
the time you would be the person who is taking
more time off work. You also don't earn superannuation, although
that is changing with labor that we will be getting
a little bit of superannuation when we're on maternity leave,
but it's still you just want to be smart with
your finances and always have your own money in the
(26:47):
event that.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
You shit goes tits up, yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
And that you have something to fall back on, because
no one can imagine getting divorced, but statistically it does happen.
So you want to always make make sure that you
are financially going to be okay to survive independently and
not have to rely on anyone else. And I think
that that's always should be at the forefront of whatever
you're doing.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
A lot of people always argue with me when I
say that, I because they'll be like, oh, it's just
better for it all to be together, and I say, oh, yeah,
I just don't really ever want to have to explain
myself to someone oh yeah, and people go, oh, no,
I don't you do because and that's just common sense
(27:31):
and common courtesy. Really, but if you share a bank
account with someone, unless you're millionaires, if you go and
buy a five hundred dollars pair of shoes, your partner's
going to say to you, oh, treated yourself to a
new pair of boots. I don't want that sort of
negativity in my life, Okay. I do not want any
comment ever about things that I'm purchasing or how I
(27:54):
spend my money, as long as I'm paying for my
share of everything related to the family. How I spend
my fun money is my business and my business alone.
And I also know that I'm a controlling monster, and
I would one hundred percent be going through a joint
bank account going oh seems a little bit outrageous for lunch?
(28:16):
Did you really have to spend that at the meat imporium?
Could turn vegetarian, couldn't you? Then you'd save a lot
of money. I just know that I'd make those sorts
of comments.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
I think also, combining finances is very different to what
it was traditionally because Traditionally, women didn't really earn out
of the home, so you would be surviving on one salary.
That's just probably not that realistic anymore. So. I think
the definition of combining finances is something that you two
can work out as what you feel comfortable in doing.
(28:47):
Like you can combine finances to a certain extent. You
can both say, hey, each month, we're going to transfer
twelve hundred dollars to a joint account and have a
card each and when you go out to dinner. When
Charlie and I were dating, that's what we did. We
had a join and acout when we were dating. Weren't
even engaged or married yet. But every weekend we weren't
earning that much money, but we'd have, you know, every
paycheck we'd do I don't know, I think it was
(29:07):
like three hundred dollars and so that we didn't have
to when we were out at dinner or drinks on
the weekend or whatever. We didn't have to be like
your shout, my shout. It was like we use our
joint card to pay for things. Yeah, so that's another
way to do it, But it doesn't mean that you're
combining all of your finance.
Speaker 3 (29:23):
It means you're both combining.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
The same amount of money into a main account for
you to use when you were together or to use
on things that you were going to enjoy together.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
And you could do the same thing though with all
bills basically exactly. Yeah, so like we don't do this,
but it would be smart. We've thought about it, but
neither of us like admin, so we don't really know
how to set up a joint account. If I'm being
completely honest, it was hard enough for you and I
to do it. You can do it online, but then
you've got to like, you know, just for things like internet,
health insurance, pet insurance, Like I pay for everything, and
(29:55):
it's only when I start thinking it and I go, oh,
for goodness sake, so stuff like that, I think we
you'd have a joint account and then it's just comes
out of it. But I'm like, oh, setting it up
into annoying will take you.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
I reckon one hour to set it up. And then
because those are big expenses, coal Like, I'm not saying
that Luke doesn't pay for them, conditioning doesn't. He will.
He pays for all the big house.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
He paid for my car to get fixed when it
stopped working.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
That was a couple of grand nice. Yeah, so I'm not.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
Just I literally threw a tent from about having to
spend three thousand dollars on my car getting fixed. I
will drop that on a handbag with no without even
thinking about it.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
But I was. This is just such me in a nightshell.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Another note, if you earn astronomically different amounts, you could
do a percent of your finances into the joint account.
So you say thirty percent of your income you put
because it's not really fair if you earn three hundred
thousand dollars and you're partner owned sixty thousand dollars, fore
you to both to put two thousand dollars a month in.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Makes sense and it is fair. It's not like you're
asking them to go over and above. It's just like
you are paying the same amount in relation.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
To your exactly. Hope that helps.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
Question number five. If you found yourself single, would you
go for someone older your own age or younger?
Speaker 2 (31:12):
This is so juicy, I know, and my answer is
so ridiculous. I am basically Leonardo DiCaprio.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
Not a chance.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Would I go for someone my own age or some
old dude with just the baggage.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
Give me a young cub. Wow, give me a young cub.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Mid twenties, I say, yeah, someone eager, just someone without
any baggage, just all of the energy in their prime,
in their humor, in their prime. I'd like to think
that I'm more of a milk than a cougar.
Speaker 3 (31:43):
Yeah, yeah, I hope.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
Anyway, Yeah, okay, what about you. I think i'd definitely
go for someone older.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
Oh, I thought you were going to agree with me
about the young cub thing.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
No, I'm not a young cub, giral, No.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
Actually, you're definitely not a young cub. I feel like
someone younger would irritate you.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
Yeah, I would just feel like I'd have to like
hang out with their friends. I'd be like Anne Hathaway
and that movie where it's really uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
She's also got the most ridiculous body in the entire world,
and she pretends in the movie like it's just so unrelatable.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
I did like that movie though, I did really like
it too.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
But yeah, I think someone like older for sure. I mean,
Charlie is younger by a couple of years, which doesn't
really it doesn't count.
Speaker 3 (32:21):
I'm tooking a decade.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
Yeah, i'd like someone a bit older, no more than
ten years older, I think.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
Also, maybe a rich dude.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
We can't just go and be like I want a
rich dude.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
Like no, but I could bear the rich dude.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
I know, but I've been so anti taking money from men.
Or it might be kind of nice to date someone
to be after until be looked after.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
Yeah, I like just understand that.
Speaker 2 (32:44):
Think I can go out on this yacht sun myself,
get tummy that is very loose skinned because of my child,
that I.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
It'd be nice just to be showered with gifts.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
Yeah, I do gifts like these.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
Yes, I like experiences like I want to go to
Europe on a jet.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
Oh well, I would like someone who's comfortable. They don't
have to be a mega rich guy. But I think
it's just because I'd like to just do really boring
things that I consider to be fun. That I don't
want to binge drink. I just want to drink really
nice wine. Or I'd like to go to fancy dinners,
or maybe I'd like to go on a nice holiday
but not necessarily do much.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
I hate fancy dinners. So that's why I think that
i'd be good with a young cub unless you know
we'll traveling the world.
Speaker 3 (33:35):
I do not want to backpack.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Yuck.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
No, we're not backpacking with our young cubs.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
Hotels if I'm taking my young cub, because I will
not be staying at a young hostel. In my audit age,
you see, little question was not saying I want to
end up with a young cub, but I definitely want
to fling lit. I like to end up single, obviously. Yes, God,
can you imagine the content for the pod? Oh if
I was out there shmacking a young and help me
(34:05):
please with my toddler tantrums. They are making me cry
constantly because I don't know what to do. Do you
have any hacks?
Speaker 1 (34:11):
I would say Gen's book for one. I would say
Jen's episode, Gen's episode for two. First one we did
last year, yeah, second one for three.
Speaker 3 (34:20):
That we did this year last week.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
And I think with toddler tantrums, just based on like
I've been doing what Jen said, just talking to my girlfriends,
just realizing that it's not always going to be perfect,
Like you're not always going to parent perfectly in the moment.
But I think above anything else, like we as a
generation are thinking so much more about our parenting and
(34:46):
how to be better and do better. So like, just
also give yourself a little bit of grace that you
are making an effort.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
And I loved what Jen said last week that we
are more involved with our kids than we were in
this fifty years ago. Fifty years ago, yeah, fifty something
years ago, Yet they weren't even commonly working full time
the way that we are, So I thought that was
also good.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
Food for Yeah, we're way more involved in what our
kids doing day to day and their likes, their dislikes,
what they needed more help with. Like, we're doing a
lot of the right stuff, but they're in areas that
you don't often think about. You're just looking at behaviorally
when they have tantrums, you think I'm failing as a
parent because you can't help them regulate their emotions. News splash.
(35:29):
We're all still learning to regulate our emotions as adults
as well. So it's not a quick fix. There's nothing
really we can say except for like, I think, just
be really proud of the multitude of things that you
are getting right and doing well, and like give yourself
a bit of grace and navigating their tantrums.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Plus when they're peak tantrum, you could do what I've
started doing, just yell at.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
Them, you know, Germany, German. Some reason, it just works.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
You've got to break the eyes. Although the circuit breaker
is really good. Good, yeah, exactly, a circuit breaker. Actually,
that's a really good thing I found with with tantrums.
And this also doesn't work. It depends where they are
in the tantrum, and they at a zero and at five,
I would say seven and above, this is not gonna work.
Speaker 3 (36:14):
Think about the latter eyes per last week's episode.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
Exactly a little bit of distraction is really good. Sometimes
I'll just start dancing for real and she kind of
gets the sillies. We do a shake the sillies out,
Shake the sillies.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
Out, shake all the silly dance contest.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
Yes, good one. I love that. So I would say
try those little things a way to like as a
circuit breaker for them. But also you sometimes that can
lift it. Laughter. Gin was saying, is really good. A
little bit of a laughing competition. We have got this
game and it is so funny. It's this crocodile and
you open its mouth and it's got just the bottom
(36:51):
roll of the crocodile's teeth. You're able to push one
tooth down at a time. Oh, Brou's uncle got this
for her for a birthday, and you take turns and
it's actually quite scary. It's not scary scary bite bite,
but you never know what tooth it's going to bite on,
so you go you push it down and you're like
and you're like, your turn. Sometimes I just bring that
out because it's like fun. I don't know, it's just
(37:14):
a form of distraction, and it's a quick game. You
don't have to like pull out a bloody board and
like commit to a bloody half an hour game. It's
all of two minutes and it's over. And that breaks
a circuit and she's like, I don't want to play
that again. I'm scared. I'm like, let's move on.
Speaker 3 (37:30):
My hand got bitten.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
Yeah, it's just like your little finger. It's actually I
think it's so funny, but it's also.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
Like scary, like scary.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
Yet it's all right. Question seven Europe holiday with a
toddler yay or nay?
Speaker 3 (37:43):
I mean I would say nay.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
I would say the only thing that was really hard
about the trip to Europe with ru as a toddler
was the fact that I was pregnant. Because had I
not been pregnant, I feel like the bits that I
didn't enjoy I would have been fine. It was more
of like a physical cool level for me of just
like being exhausted and stuff, but very manageable. With a toddler,
(38:06):
I would say, yeah, why not.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
We did a whole episode about this, like you did
a recap from last year, so we'll link that in
the show notes as well.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
I loved our trip.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
I think it depends on the kid.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
Personally. I wouldn't take any we could have gone this year.
We decided not to buy a house. We technically could
have afforded to do a big European holiday, but not
a chance. I'm not doing that flight with an insane
three year old. Yeah. Look, everyone says it's only twenty
four hours and then you're there. Nah, I'm not putting
myself through that.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
The flight is the biggest hurdle, though, I would say,
like it's literally if you put it into percentages, it it'd
be like two percent of the trip. Yeah, but that
two percent is awful, but not necessarily. I think the
older they get as well, like there's a difference between
taking a toddler that's eighteen months versus taking a toddler
that is three years. Even Charlie taking Rue up to
(38:57):
Queensland on the weekend, he had to because he was
going up on early on Friday morning and she wanted
to sit and quietly with her headphones and was happy
to watch you know, Bluey Wiggles on the iPad. When
we did our trip to Europe, she didn't want to
wear the airphones and was not really interested in TV
at that time, so we had to do a lot
(39:18):
of entertaining.
Speaker 3 (39:19):
So I difference in like lesson a here.
Speaker 1 (39:21):
Yeah, so I think that maybe not a smaller toddler
if you're a younger toddler, if you're worried about the flight,
because yes, you will have to do a lot more
of the entertaining on the older end of a toddler,
I think it's great because they they've got their own space,
you can give them their own things and they can
keep themselves entertained.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
Yeah, that's a good point, and like I said, we
will link the episode where we will keep recap to that.
Speaker 1 (39:45):
Just don't get pregnant and go all right.
Speaker 3 (39:47):
Last question if you entered. I love this question so much.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
If you entered a room full of every person you've
ever met in your life, who would you go to first?
Speaker 1 (39:57):
Why are you doing this? This is so sad question. Yeah,
it is beautiful, Yeah, it is beautiful. It's just gonna
make me upset, I think, because yeah.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
Oh god, who is it? It's your grandparent, one of them,
probably dead. Oh god, sorry, I didn't even think about.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
Oh, you're fine. It's a beautiful question, it is, isn't it. Yeah,
it's a beautiful question, I think. Yeah, it'll be my
mother in law. I would just talk to her about
the girls.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
That's all she'd really care about, isn't it. She'd be like,
shiny photos.
Speaker 1 (40:29):
Yeah, the girl's little baby, Ronnie, who is Charlie's sister,
her baby. That would be my answer, Just how much
have mister?
Speaker 2 (40:38):
Mine's gonna sound a little bit trivial then, because the
first person that pops into my head is my nanny,
which now I'm gonna get upset, which sounds crazy because
she's still alive. Yeah, but it's her ten in five
years ago.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
Oh yeah, when she.
Speaker 3 (40:57):
Was of sound mind.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
I'll fix onto my chest and to know who I
am and make silly jokes, tell me I'm being a clown.
And she'd love Lenny so much. I know she loves Lenny,
but she doesn't really know who he is. Yeah, sometimes
she goes what's your name?
Speaker 3 (41:13):
Or how old are you? And I'm like, she feels
like she's never say him before. Yeah, she'd be so
in love with him. Yeah, and she'd be so happy.
Speaker 2 (41:21):
With me that I finally grew up and had a
baby because she just wanted it so badly for me.
Speaker 1 (41:24):
Oh yeah, isn't it so funny? My grandparents were the same.
They just were like, wanted me to have a kid.
Speaker 3 (41:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
I guess it's very important to them. But I also
it makes me feel a bit sick because she would
hate knowing who she is. Yeah, and if she was
like how did I die or whatnot? You haven't Yeah,
but you don't get to garden anymore. You don't know
(41:50):
who anyone is. You don't have much dignity.
Speaker 3 (41:54):
It just Yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
And also my other grandma who is a late grandma,
Like I just also just think of her and hearing
her laugh and yeah.
Speaker 3 (42:03):
What a beautiful thought.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
I think, though, I want to know everyone's like, what
a beautiful room that would be.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
I'm not religious at all, but I do like to
think that when we die, that's kind of what we get.
Speaker 3 (42:16):
Yeah, except so isn't it just dead people?
Speaker 2 (42:18):
Though? I want everyone, like everyone I've ever loved, to
be there. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
Maybe like in the future, there'll be some weird thing
you can do. I mean they're talking about all.
Speaker 3 (42:27):
These I could do that right now with AI technically.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
Yeah, that's so true.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
It's a bit scary, though it is. I don't know
how I feel about it yet.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
That is a really nice question.
Speaker 3 (42:35):
Sorry, what a way to end on that?
Speaker 1 (42:39):
Both and tears and he's.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
Just turned turn around to glare at me. So but
let's have a quick break and then recommendations.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
Okay, recommendations time. Kelly's going first while I try and
think of mine.
Speaker 3 (42:57):
I have a book.
Speaker 1 (42:58):
She has a book. I r l I hard copy.
Speaker 2 (43:01):
I know I haven't actually read it yet, so it's
a bit weird that I'm recommending it. But I'm not
recommending the book, although I do think that it's so
interesting and I am going to have I'm going to
read it. It's by doctor Libby Fixed Iron First, The
One Thing that Changes Everything and it's what if the
real reason you feel anxious, flat, foggy, or exhausted is
a lack of iron. Wow. The reason why I'm recommending
this is I don't know if I've mentioned this on
(43:23):
the pod, but when Lenny had his bloods done earlier
in the year, when he had his adenoids out and
more grommets put in, he was astronomically deficient in iron.
There's two different levels. One of them is meant to
be at a minimum fifty.
Speaker 3 (43:38):
He was twelve.
Speaker 2 (43:39):
Oh wow, So he's now on an iron supplement, which
is really not great for his pood. But I also
am very deficient and iron, which goes to show. Like Lenny,
it's red meat most days, I don't eat any red meat.
Both of us are very deficient in iron. So some
people you just don't absorb.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
It or your body dixactly.
Speaker 3 (43:57):
There are lots of.
Speaker 2 (43:57):
Different reasons, but the pediatrician explained to me, I mean
I just don't kind of like, ah, yeah, it makes
you feel a bit shit, but it's actually just so important.
So if you are feeling flat yourself, definitely go get
your bloods done. And the endochronologist about my hormones, he said, oh,
(44:18):
your iron's fine, and then my GP, who focuses more
on women's health, was like, no, no, it's fine in
terms of it's not causing any issues, but it will
be making you feel awful still. And it was once
like this time last year it was one seventy. Now
it's sixteen or something, so anything under fifteen is dangerous.
But the endocrinologist is kind of like, hey, you're above fifteen,
(44:39):
you're fine.
Speaker 1 (44:40):
Ah right, Interesting if you're worried about your kid's moods,
speaking of temper tantrums, which we've been talking about a
lot lately, if they're sleep is affected, yeah, the pediatrician
said to me, you have no idea how much it
can affect their happiness, their sleep, their crankiness, so many
different how they hit different milestones. So definitely worth getting
(45:04):
your kid tested. However, I don't know how you could
do it without them being under My sister did do
it with evelon those, so maybe I'll get her to
pop in the group. Yeah, I was just going to say,
like a blood test would be. Getting the flu shot
was like the first time, but then the second time,
going back for the booster shot, rou knew what was
(45:27):
about to happen, and it was definitely harder. It was
still okay, but I can't imagine the blood being taken.
But I think it is such a good recommendation because
you don't think to get your kid's bloods no taken.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
I never like doctor Johnny just wanted to do it
because he was already going under and he's just a
really thorough pediatrician. Yeah, but I would never think to
get that looked at. Yeah, why would I?
Speaker 1 (45:51):
Yeah, it's a really good record. I love it.
Speaker 3 (45:53):
If anything, I'm worried about him getting scurvy.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
Not scurvy, it's.
Speaker 3 (45:57):
What people used to get because they had such bad diets.
Weird tengent on that.
Speaker 1 (46:01):
Load, it's probably time to say goodbye, farewell.
Speaker 2 (46:04):
This podcast was produced by myself, Kelly McCarran and the
delightful Key Resells Audio Production is our beautiful producer that
has honestly the shit that she has had to put it.
There's been a lost dog, a teething baby, Maddie, Juanna,
she's the best.
Speaker 3 (46:19):
We love you.
Speaker 1 (46:20):
Why should I
We acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land we're recording
on today.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
If I met myself two months postpartum now, I wouldn't
even recognize myself.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
I would just want to give her a big hug.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Hello, Hello, and welcome back to Eat Sleep Repete. I'm
Kelly McCarran and I'm.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Kyriseels and we are, as always your anti parenting podcast,
parenting podcast about the madness that is motherhood and everything
in between. Before we get into today's episode, you may
have noticed that we are now part of the Mummie Network.
Nothing is going to change regarding the content or anything else.
We are still your same unhinged goals. But you will
(00:44):
notice that there are now some advertisements in our episodes.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
And if I read one one complaint about the ads,
I swear I actually will riot. Yeah, like I will
storm the streets holding a sign because being lately transparent,
Key and I have muddled our way through the past
two plus years, and you have listened and enjoyed hopefully
(01:08):
so much free content. It's true, so much free content.
And as much as we love doing this show and
our community, it's really not feasible to spend so much
time working on something that is not making you any
one dollar.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Yeah, and I.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Feel like that's pretty fair.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
So we did decide to join the Mum and Mee network.
Both of us have worked on other shows within their network,
and we know so many people within the business, So
for us, it just made a lot of sense. And
now you get the exact same free content with the
side of advertising.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
And it just means that now we really can well, yeah,
just focus on the content and doing things like in
person meetups without the stress of like, hey, we need
to be making a living off this, Like we can
actually get back to what we're good at. It's a
when when for our confidence for us to be able
to continue to do the podcast, because we had actually
(02:03):
asked ourselves, like, can we continue to do this? Like
we believe in the show, We know our audience love
the show, but we are also too human beings with
a family, and I.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Have almost each key wants a mortgage.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yeah I want a mortgage note but we'll have yes.
But yeah, So I'm just glad that we didn't have
to make that choice and that we can keep doing
the show. So it's very exciting.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Yeah, really, Like who knew that becoming a corporate girly
would bring me so much to Okay, it's really hard
to say corporate girly with a straight face because yeah,
that's not going to happen anyway. Before we get into
today's show, let's do peak and pit.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Yeah, everything through to.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Shit, so I'll start peaking pit this week. My pit
is that the baby is teething, the baby is daby.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Do they come out? I remember thinking, my god, that
would be really painful.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
The parado's not working today, she's it's just not having
a good day.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
And there's a tooth trying to get through.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Oh totally, and it's a full fist in mouth kind
of gnawing.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
And she was smiling and giggling and I had a
good look and there's a lot that are waiting, and.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
She was born with them really close, like I could
always see them. And I was like, oh, I think
she's going to be early. But she's doing the pulling
of the ear. She was doing that yesterday, the pull thing.
It's awful seeing them like that and annoying. She's a
very chilled gal to so to see her so distressed
and not being able to do anything and obviously when
you give them any panadole, like, it takes a second
(03:35):
for them to kick in. So I'm just waiting. I'm like,
it's gonna be okay, It's gonna be okay, but it
is fine. But it is just you know, when it's
not one thing, it's the next thing. So we've moved on.
She's sleeping again with exactly, so we're getting there. So
my peek is a bit mushy. Charlie and I Charlie's
my husband. For any new listeners that might be listening,
(03:55):
we are just vibing at the.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
Moment, a very tall jap of man.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Yeah he's the best, but are just vibing at the moment.
You know, you go through ups and downs, and not
that we've been in a necessarily a down, but we're
just like, I don't know, we're just really funny at
the moment, Like I don't know, you know, when you're
just bouncing off your partner and everything they do is
not annoying you. Everything they do is like making you
laugh and giggle, and you're just I'm just really enjoying
(04:20):
his company. Even though finding a house is very stressful,
finding a house with him has been really fun, like
when we're in these bidding walls and different things are happening,
Like there's just like no other person that I want
to be doing that with. The Other day, he just
came home and he was wearing his Patagonia down vest,
(04:41):
and how had his RMS on, and he had a
fresh haircut, and I just went, oh, oh, dear, okay, gorgeous. Anyway,
moving right along.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
Okay, my pits. Oh, surprise, surprise, it's cold. It's so annoying.
It's like I forget.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
While holding an ice pack in a cold apartment.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
I don't think I've ever felt the cold the way
I have this winter, and I think it's potentially because
I don't have as much fat on me as I did.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
It's definitely what it is like.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
I did not realize how a dress size could affect
you in a thermostat. Well, that's what's.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Keeping you warm.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
My very word, I'm interested because I still found summer
very sweaty.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
I don't think I'm turning into my grandmother.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
I live in her apartment, in her house, and I've
got all the heaters on all the time, wrapped up
with my spindly little eggs poking out growing itch Coral.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
I bet you're happy for that ductor air gone now, Oh.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Cracks the shits.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
It's already a thousand dollars for the quarter and I'm like,
what was the point of getting these stupid ducted air
conditioning if we don't use them anyway? My peak is
that we've booked a bunch of family trips, so we're
going to the Gold Coast and Noosa next month. Nice
for Luke's dad's two year anniversary, which will be really
nice because last time we went to Nus, Lenny didn't
(06:00):
get to go to the graveside and visit his grandfather
because it was pouring rain the one chap so we had,
so Luke just sort of run out put a little
flower on there. So Lennie's never been there. We'll stay
with our friends. We're going to take the boys, so
Lennie and his cousin to SeaWorld.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Which would be so cute.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
It's so fine.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
I know, I really want to take them to Movie
World as well, but Luke's right, they probably are a
little bit too young.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
They are. This has been a big topic conversation in
my Brisbane mum group because one of the girls was like,
can we take it and they said hold off. They
said SeaWorld though perfect age.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Yeah, because there's animals, there's kids section. Yeah, and I
know that there is a movie world, but you just
want them to remember it at least get a bit
more out of it. Yeah, which, and I think that
SeaWorld will be great. And Yeah, he'll just get to
see a lot of his family that and Luke too,
that they don't really get to see. And then we're
going to Melbourne early next year for my uncle and
(06:53):
aunt's seventieth and that'll just be so much fun to
get the whole extended family together for a long weekend.
Little chances as you get older with extended family, and
my extended family is so much fun.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
So that'll be so fun.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Love those.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
So a little refresher on our monthly Unhinged Agony slash
Drunken Aunt EP. This is where you send us your
anonymous questions or dilemmas and we give you some helpful
and not so helpful advice.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
And we're going to pop a link in the show
notes for you to submit yours for the next one.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Don't be shy, all right, I'll read question number one.
I know Kelly has talked a lot about how hard
the newborn stage was for her, So could you both
tell me, if slash, when Slash, how it gets easier.
I'm a first time mum with a two month old
and really struggling. My baby cries a lot during the
day when I'm home alone, and I feel like I'm
failing as a mum.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
First of all, I'm right there with you.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
You're not failing.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
You're not failing. I think you're just in a really
vulnerable fresh of time and it is hard work being
a mum two a newborn. It's not an easy ride, and.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
Especially when you have never done it before.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Yeah, and when your baby cries a lot during the day,
that's when you're by yourself the most, so it can
feel really lonely and really isolating. But I want to
say that it does get better. There's still more challenges ahead,
but I think it's different for everyone. I think it's
never going to be as bad it as it is.
Continuously like it's going to ebb and flow, so you'll
(08:30):
feel like you are drowning, and then you'll maybe get
a week or two where you're like, oh, okay, things
are kind of manageable and then the next thing might come,
but that ebb and flow comes a little bit more,
the highs and the lows. It's not all just the
doom and gloom and the hard parts. Like I've just
come out the other end of a really shit four
month regression, and now she started teething. So it's kind
(08:53):
of like you might have something shit but lens and
then you might get something else which is shit too,
But teething is managed with padded well, you know, it's
a bit more manageable rather than the no sleep. So
I think to say that it's different for everyone. It
still has its challenges along the way, but just keep
going and it will get better and easier, I promise.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
One of the things that I struggled with so much, though,
was when people would say it gets better, I promise,
But when you're in the thick of it and the
depths of not knowing what the hell you're doing and
a baby that's screaming a lot, you just think that's
not helpful. Though. I want to know exactly when, But
the problem is is that it's different for everyone, and
(09:35):
there is no exactly when.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
Yeah, so it's just a promise that it does get better.
What I would say was.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
I honestly cannot remember a day that something switched for me.
It almost felt like and continuously over the past three years,
it's almost like I slowly have come back to life
from the depths. And if I met myself two months
postpartum now, I wouldn't even recognize myself.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Oh yeah, I don't even recognize myself from two months ago. Yeah,
month's postpartum.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Like I would just want to give her a big,
huge because it does get better. And it's been like
millions of little things that have slowly helped me. And
when I say come back to life, I mean myself
feel like myself again. And it was really interesting because
friend of the pod Lee posted a couple of months
ago about I forget even what the term was, but
(10:33):
she was talking about people missing the person they were
before kids, and so many people were then sharing with
her and it was quite interesting though, because I actually couldn't.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Relate to that at all.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
I don't miss the person that I was pre kids
at all. I think I might think differently if I
had more than one, yeah, because a lot of my
life hasn't changed now. Yeah, if I look, say five
years ago versus now, I mean it has, I hike,
but just the person that I was this is a
(11:08):
separate question. But the person I was before was a
lot more selfish, and I don't think even half as
resilient as I am now. So I think all that
has definitely helped. But all I will say is do
things that you know will help you. Yeah, slowly come
back to life and slowly get yourself back, whether or
not that's going to a spin class exactly, organizing dinner
(11:30):
with your girlfriends, starting to do a couple of hours
of work here or there. I know for so many
people that's when they really feel like something lifts a
little bit. It can also add a lot of stress,
but for some people, yeah, it can be really helpful.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
I think getting outside, oh god, I know, I know
that a baby that screams during the day is a
big hurdle to getting out the door. But I promise you,
you think you're baby screams the loudest, no one cares,
No one cares, No one cares. In fact, a lot
of people will offer to help you, probably walking down
(12:07):
the street.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
But honestly a lot of people don't even notice.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Once you get out and you're walking. It's just a
lot better than being stuck in four walls with a
screaming baby.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
You've got a bun, Yes, so good. The sun and
fresh air is so good for your mental health. Yeah,
it's also good for the baby. Yeah, you will be
surprised that your baby will probably stop screaming.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
And the cold air and winter is so good for
the kids outside. Like, obviously, bundle them up and if.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
You're going to wear them a little, you wear them
if like.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
It's nice you've got a carrier of If you don't
have a carrier, definitely recommend getting one because that helps
with the screaming as well.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Yeah, getting out and doing that for you, I think
is like something that is achievable and small that you
can do each day that will lift you.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Take care of advice, Keith, I know I have been
good girl.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Good.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Went on two walks yesterday around my work. I had
a great day yesterday. Today it's just been a bit
of a hell. But we're deep in the teething. But
that is exactly for this question. It changes day to day. Yesterday,
my god, I was and I just was like I
got this Today.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
You've been on the verge of tears several times and
I think that if I wasn't here with you, you
would have burst into tears.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Yeah, and that's how quickly it can change. Yeah, for
the good, for the bad, for the medium. You've just
got to keep rolling with the punches.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
I also think, do you speak to your GP if
you feel like you're managing coping because you're not alone
as well with any of your thoughts.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
No, share with someone?
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Yeah, yeah, ask someone out on a little date if
there's been Yeah, a person like another mum asking the group.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
We just heard from someone that we know she met
up with a shooter in real life that she met
through the Facebook group. Yeah, they had a friend date,
they had a lot in common. There will be a
second date.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Yeah, that's such a good idea. And even if you
go on those walls and you go down to the
playground or near a playground, there'll be another mum with
a baby, probably run the same age as you. Just
gotta say hi.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Question two. Hi guys, I'm twenty one weeks pregnant and
I have a three year old toddler. Wall any nappy
bag recos I've got a shoulder bag at present and
just won't work with a toddler and a newborn. Oh
that's a great question. I can't relate because all of
the bags that I have are shoulder Oh yes I can. Yes,
(14:31):
I have got wall only because Charlie took this bag
up to Queensland a couple of weekends ago. It was
our backpack for Europe that we took and he was
like packing the bag and he's like, how good is
this backpack? And I was like, yeah, so good and
Amazon backpack. I'll pop the link in the show notes.
It has like a compartment for shoes, but it's like
(14:52):
slim line and it has compartments for different things. It
would be perfect as an happy bag.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Is it cute?
Speaker 1 (14:58):
There's different colors but it's all one color? Okay? No,
like nothing on it, No like identifiable things carry like
Amazon generic. But it's a lovely backpack. And we did Europe.
It was our day bag that we would take out
and he whipped it out the other day for his
bag to travel with, and both of us were very
stoked about how good that bag is. So that's my
(15:19):
reco There you go.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
That's a great one that you just pulled out of
your bottom. Don't you love though?
Speaker 2 (15:25):
That I was like, is it nice though, because for
me given methetic, I'm very into my clothes and you
wouldn't think it sometimes when I'm just trotting around looking
like Adam Sandler, I'm.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
A bit of a bougie bitch with my bags. You are.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
I don't know why, because I'm not a snob, but
I really like clothes are like putting outfits together, and
I've never wanted like a giant, fuck an ugly bag
ruining a look. I also think it comes down to
me hating anything that pigeonholes me. As a mum, you know,
I really go against yeah, yeah, sometimes things.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
So I was always like, I hate the trope of.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Being a mum with a mum bag, if that makes
any sense, even though.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
I am a mum.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
So I actually bought it today to prove that I
still use it even though I've used it twice.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
I was like, why is she wearing that bag? Soay,
she never wears it.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
I did buy a Balance Yaga tote.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Can I just say when Lenny was born, which was
potentially the most ridiculous thing I've ever purchased in my
entire life, But I still don't regret it because I
love how chic it made me feel.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
Did it make me look she know? I love that
it looks.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Kind of fake almost, because it's like this black canvas bag.
I asked my girlfriend, who doesn't know designer, how much
she thought it was once, and she said fifty dollars
and she goes, and that's a lot for a shopping bag,
and I said, it's not a shopping bag. But I
loved like lobbing it over my pram handle because it
was black with the balance yaga, and I just felt
(16:53):
chic And that was important to me because I guess
it made me feel more myself. Now I sort of
just either shove stuff in my handbag, I refuse, I
refuse a mum bag. Or do you remember that time
we were going on an outing and I said to you,
I'm going to have to buy like a cute backpack
for this outing because I'm going to need my hands
(17:15):
free now that he's running.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
So that's right, I forgot about that.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
I bought a six hundred dollar roiton. It's beautiful. It's
a tan leather backpack.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
I've not used it that much though, because it doesn't
fit his lunchboxes. Yeah, it was a bit of a
silly purchase. I'm not going to recommend that bag. I
did find one though, that I would recommend because it
looks like it will fit backpacks. This a lady startup,
Aussie business.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Cool.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
It's Shopfestry. It's just cute cool.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
You turn it into a backpack and it fits your laptop,
so it would definitely fit a lunch box if it's
a bunch of stuff.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
I love this.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
It's beautiful, super cute.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
I don't have any of their bags, but I know
people that do that highly rate them three fifty.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
It's currently on sale. It looks like it fits a
lot and it would be super cute after you're done
with it. It's just as like a U bag.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Oh, it's definitely a U bag. It's a total It's
a bag that you would use for work or just life.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
I know that that's still Bella and then a Beller
XCEL and the Beller XL is the one that you're.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
I'm recommending the XCEL because I just think, always just
get the VS you can. It's still cute, and I
know it's still really expensive, but but it's ever.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
It's leather, and that's something that your friends like.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
You're probably not going to do a sprinkle or maybe
you are, but that's something that people could chip in for,
or it could be your treat because I don't know.
It just makes having a nice bag just it makes
you feel good.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
And also like, I like the option of wearing it
both ways because I don't want to buy a backpack
exactly necessarily, but I'd like the option to make it
a backpack when needed exactly. So, Yes, why I really
recommend this bag myself? I would like to own it
my lovely recommendation to all right question three.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
As a daycare teacher for nine years and now a mother,
I've realized some things we put effort into as daycare
teachers are really not what parents care about, and things
we put little effort into a what parents actually care about.
What do you wish your children's daycares would focus on
more or less of?
Speaker 1 (19:22):
I have never cared about loads of pictures. I'm completely
understanding when a day care says, hey, we don't prioritize
taking pictures of them during the day because we're looking
after the kids. Totally understand don't need that.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Or so kids don't even like having their photo taken heaps.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Yeah, I don't need to see what they're doing throughout
the day, every second of the day. That's your business.
I think for me the number one thing has just
been communication and seeing that they are doing different things.
So I love it when I go in and Ru's
like we made sushi today or we did paper mache today.
Like we do get like a little day report of
(19:59):
what they do, so I don't have pictures, but they
do a day report which is just like really brief
on what they did today, so we can see and
I often ask her questions about it. So for me,
the biggest thing is communication, like around their safety if
something's happened, like that's what I care about ultimately, and
then just knowing that there is care and thought around
the things that they're doing day to day. And honestly,
(20:20):
the reports that we get from this day care in
particular above and beyond what I could ever imagine. They
just love the fact that someone is looking at how
she's progressing and hopefully like if anything pops up, we'll
know about it because you know, people are looking at
her behavior and every day, and then also just flagging
with us things that she's not picking up, so then
(20:42):
at home we can maybe make up the you know,
the gap and learning that she wasn't grasping or something.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
That is such a good point. Actually, I wish that
we got more than one report card per year.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
You need to get one a year.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
We get no, No, we get lots of check ins,
but an actual report card on where he's at with
different things once a year. And I remember last year
it was none of it was a new information, but
I didn't realize he was that far behind with certain
russ okay, like toilet training as one thing, and then
they kind of were alluding to it a lot. But
(21:17):
it wasn't until I read the report that I was like, oh,
I didn't realize that it was such.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
A big deal that he needed.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Yeah, and I knew that he'd get there when he
wanted to anyway. Yeah, but so different things. Oh and
the dummy, I didn't realize that it was affecting his
speech at school so much.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Yeah, so that's more about communication.
Speaker 3 (21:34):
Yeah, once again communication.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Yeah. I only have the one, and I haven't had
a bad daycare, so I don't really know what a
bad daycare only from what Keys really told me about. Oh,
just different things with her prior daycares that I was like,
I can't believe that.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
Remember that one that they never did photos?
Speaker 1 (21:52):
Oh yeah, they never did anything. It was like one
a day or something because they said that they had
to focus on the children, which I didn't care about.
Like I was like, totally understand. But then they didn't
do anything else. I was like, so what are you doing?
Like she wouldn't be doing any activities, Like she wasn't
learning things. They were just like letting them run free play.
Speaker 3 (22:11):
Which is fine with some of the day but fine.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
But then for me, there was no structure. I guess
I should say so for me, I think it's just
really important that there's some structure.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Team.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
They love the team, they love morning tea, but there's
a plan.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Yeah, that's the biggest thing for me is like I
want to walk in in the morning, leave them there
knowing that someone in the room has a plan as
to what they're going to do that day with the kids.
That was a bariently being important thing to me. And
also outside play. I want them to be outside side
as much as possible, especially in winter. I don't want
them inside with those I mean, right the mundy and summer.
(22:43):
But it's funny because like with the daily.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Journals, Like sometimes I think, oh, for goodness sake, just
go play with them. I hate that they have to
waste so much time adding all of these things, but
I guess people do want all of the information.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Yeah, we've got like our daily reflection, which I still
think is quite detailed, considering like they're like, well, you know,
we don't want to do the big photos every hour,
but we're going to do this daily reflection. I'm like,
that seems like a lot of work as well.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
We've got daily journals, observations, daily chart.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Oh yeah, we've got all those two actually, and.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
What category of education everything was, And I just think,
I mean, I know that they would cut and paste
a lot of it, but dear Lord, having to do
that several times throughout the day.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
My favorite thing is seeing Rue and her best friend
Goldie dressed up as Nana is pushing like the prem
or whatever they're doing. They just look like two retirees
just having the best time.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
That is so cute.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Body question for my partner wants us to combine finances.
I've never shared money with anyone before, so I don't
know how I feel. What are your experiences with money
in relationships? Slash. How do you both manage finances?
Speaker 2 (23:53):
I don't share money with Luke. I've never shared money
with a partner. We just sort of golf and half
with different things or like. It can cause fights sometimes,
but most of the time it's not.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
A big deal.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
It's like, oh, yeah, I'll get that, or you get this.
I like paying for fun stuff because I don't care,
and he's always happy to pay for boring shit, to say,
the laundry. When we did that, he paid for that,
He paid for the air conditioning, whereas I pay for holidays.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (24:25):
Like, I just I like buying fun things. I personally
don't like the idea of sharing finances. I get why
so many people do it, Yeah, but I am simply
too selfish to do it.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
You and Charlie do correct.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Kind of not really, Oh go on, So we buy
everything on credit and then we had Charlie's good with
money split the credit card bill at the end of
the month and we paid off. But that was what
we did when we earned the same amount of money.
Speaker 3 (24:57):
When did you ever earn the same Amouney?
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Back in the day, when he was a grad we
were earning You're in the media. We were earning similar
money though, right because I had been working, remember a.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Long time along, and here was a grad. I'm just
being realistic now. But as we were in media, as
we've gone.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
On, we've tweaked that. So it's not fifty to fifty anymore.
There are things that he pays for that I don't
even pay for. So he pays for all of daycare,
for instance, But I still pay for my rent. But
while I'm on matt leeve, we adjust and things like that.
But we have a joint account as well that we
transfer money into and use to pay for our rent,
(25:41):
because obviously we can't pay for our rent with our
credit card, so and that would be the same way
as I imagine we would continue to pay our mortgage.
Probably that way it shared to anything is halves. But
we just use a credit card, so it's one payment
and then we pay the credit card off together. But
say the credit card is ten thousand for a month.
Because of what I earn currently earn, what he earns,
(26:04):
he might take care of seventy percent of the credit
card bill and I would do thirty percent. And that's
kind of how we would do it. It is a tricky one.
I think that as women we need to be careful
in what we do and feel comfortable with around our
finances because especially if you're going to have children and
take time off, because your capacity to earn goes down
(26:27):
because you are the primary r and the majority of
the time you would be the person who is taking
more time off work. You also don't earn superannuation, although
that is changing with labor that we will be getting
a little bit of superannuation when we're on maternity leave,
but it's still you just want to be smart with
your finances and always have your own money in the
(26:47):
event that.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
You shit goes tits up, yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
And that you have something to fall back on, because
no one can imagine getting divorced, but statistically it does happen.
So you want to always make make sure that you
are financially going to be okay to survive independently and
not have to rely on anyone else. And I think
that that's always should be at the forefront of whatever
you're doing.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
A lot of people always argue with me when I
say that, I because they'll be like, oh, it's just
better for it all to be together, and I say, oh, yeah,
I just don't really ever want to have to explain
myself to someone oh yeah, and people go, oh, no,
I don't you do because and that's just common sense
(27:31):
and common courtesy. Really, but if you share a bank
account with someone, unless you're millionaires, if you go and
buy a five hundred dollars pair of shoes, your partner's
going to say to you, oh, treated yourself to a
new pair of boots. I don't want that sort of
negativity in my life, Okay. I do not want any
comment ever about things that I'm purchasing or how I
(27:54):
spend my money, as long as I'm paying for my
share of everything related to the family. How I spend
my fun money is my business and my business alone.
And I also know that I'm a controlling monster, and
I would one hundred percent be going through a joint
bank account going oh seems a little bit outrageous for lunch?
(28:16):
Did you really have to spend that at the meat imporium?
Could turn vegetarian, couldn't you? Then you'd save a lot
of money. I just know that I'd make those sorts
of comments.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
I think also, combining finances is very different to what
it was traditionally because Traditionally, women didn't really earn out
of the home, so you would be surviving on one salary.
That's just probably not that realistic anymore. So. I think
the definition of combining finances is something that you two
can work out as what you feel comfortable in doing.
(28:47):
Like you can combine finances to a certain extent. You
can both say, hey, each month, we're going to transfer
twelve hundred dollars to a joint account and have a
card each and when you go out to dinner. When
Charlie and I were dating, that's what we did. We
had a join and acout when we were dating. Weren't
even engaged or married yet. But every weekend we weren't
earning that much money, but we'd have, you know, every
paycheck we'd do I don't know, I think it was
(29:07):
like three hundred dollars and so that we didn't have
to when we were out at dinner or drinks on
the weekend or whatever. We didn't have to be like
your shout, my shout. It was like we use our
joint card to pay for things. Yeah, so that's another
way to do it, But it doesn't mean that you're
combining all of your finance.
Speaker 3 (29:23):
It means you're both combining.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
The same amount of money into a main account for
you to use when you were together or to use
on things that you were going to enjoy together.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
And you could do the same thing though with all
bills basically exactly. Yeah, so like we don't do this,
but it would be smart. We've thought about it, but
neither of us like admin, so we don't really know
how to set up a joint account. If I'm being
completely honest, it was hard enough for you and I
to do it. You can do it online, but then
you've got to like, you know, just for things like internet,
health insurance, pet insurance, Like I pay for everything, and
(29:55):
it's only when I start thinking it and I go, oh,
for goodness sake, so stuff like that, I think we
you'd have a joint account and then it's just comes
out of it. But I'm like, oh, setting it up
into annoying will take you.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
I reckon one hour to set it up. And then
because those are big expenses, coal Like, I'm not saying
that Luke doesn't pay for them, conditioning doesn't. He will.
He pays for all the big house.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
He paid for my car to get fixed when it
stopped working.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
That was a couple of grand nice. Yeah, so I'm not.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
Just I literally threw a tent from about having to
spend three thousand dollars on my car getting fixed. I
will drop that on a handbag with no without even
thinking about it.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
But I was. This is just such me in a nightshell.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Another note, if you earn astronomically different amounts, you could
do a percent of your finances into the joint account.
So you say thirty percent of your income you put
because it's not really fair if you earn three hundred
thousand dollars and you're partner owned sixty thousand dollars, fore
you to both to put two thousand dollars a month in.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Makes sense and it is fair. It's not like you're
asking them to go over and above. It's just like
you are paying the same amount in relation.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
To your exactly. Hope that helps.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
Question number five. If you found yourself single, would you
go for someone older your own age or younger?
Speaker 2 (31:12):
This is so juicy, I know, and my answer is
so ridiculous. I am basically Leonardo DiCaprio.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
Not a chance.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Would I go for someone my own age or some
old dude with just the baggage.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
Give me a young cub. Wow, give me a young cub.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Mid twenties, I say, yeah, someone eager, just someone without
any baggage, just all of the energy in their prime,
in their humor, in their prime. I'd like to think
that I'm more of a milk than a cougar.
Speaker 3 (31:43):
Yeah, yeah, I hope.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
Anyway, Yeah, okay, what about you. I think i'd definitely
go for someone older.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
Oh, I thought you were going to agree with me
about the young cub thing.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
No, I'm not a young cub, giral, No.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
Actually, you're definitely not a young cub. I feel like
someone younger would irritate you.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
Yeah, I would just feel like I'd have to like
hang out with their friends. I'd be like Anne Hathaway
and that movie where it's really uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
She's also got the most ridiculous body in the entire world,
and she pretends in the movie like it's just so unrelatable.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
I did like that movie though, I did really like
it too.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
But yeah, I think someone like older for sure. I mean,
Charlie is younger by a couple of years, which doesn't
really it doesn't count.
Speaker 3 (32:21):
I'm tooking a decade.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
Yeah, i'd like someone a bit older, no more than
ten years older, I think.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
Also, maybe a rich dude.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
We can't just go and be like I want a
rich dude.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
Like no, but I could bear the rich dude.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
I know, but I've been so anti taking money from men.
Or it might be kind of nice to date someone
to be after until be looked after.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
Yeah, I like just understand that.
Speaker 2 (32:44):
Think I can go out on this yacht sun myself,
get tummy that is very loose skinned because of my child,
that I.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
It'd be nice just to be showered with gifts.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
Yeah, I do gifts like these.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
Yes, I like experiences like I want to go to
Europe on a jet.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
Oh well, I would like someone who's comfortable. They don't
have to be a mega rich guy. But I think
it's just because I'd like to just do really boring
things that I consider to be fun. That I don't
want to binge drink. I just want to drink really
nice wine. Or I'd like to go to fancy dinners,
or maybe I'd like to go on a nice holiday
but not necessarily do much.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
I hate fancy dinners. So that's why I think that
i'd be good with a young cub unless you know
we'll traveling the world.
Speaker 3 (33:35):
I do not want to backpack.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Yuck.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
No, we're not backpacking with our young cubs.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
Hotels if I'm taking my young cub, because I will
not be staying at a young hostel. In my audit age,
you see, little question was not saying I want to
end up with a young cub, but I definitely want
to fling lit. I like to end up single, obviously. Yes, God,
can you imagine the content for the pod? Oh if
I was out there shmacking a young and help me
(34:05):
please with my toddler tantrums. They are making me cry
constantly because I don't know what to do. Do you
have any hacks?
Speaker 1 (34:11):
I would say Gen's book for one. I would say
Jen's episode, Gen's episode for two. First one we did
last year, yeah, second one for three.
Speaker 3 (34:20):
That we did this year last week.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
And I think with toddler tantrums, just based on like
I've been doing what Jen said, just talking to my girlfriends,
just realizing that it's not always going to be perfect,
Like you're not always going to parent perfectly in the moment.
But I think above anything else, like we as a
generation are thinking so much more about our parenting and
(34:46):
how to be better and do better. So like, just
also give yourself a little bit of grace that you
are making an effort.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
And I loved what Jen said last week that we
are more involved with our kids than we were in
this fifty years ago. Fifty years ago, yeah, fifty something
years ago, Yet they weren't even commonly working full time
the way that we are, So I thought that was
also good.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
Food for Yeah, we're way more involved in what our
kids doing day to day and their likes, their dislikes,
what they needed more help with. Like, we're doing a
lot of the right stuff, but they're in areas that
you don't often think about. You're just looking at behaviorally
when they have tantrums, you think I'm failing as a
parent because you can't help them regulate their emotions. News splash.
(35:29):
We're all still learning to regulate our emotions as adults
as well. So it's not a quick fix. There's nothing
really we can say except for like, I think, just
be really proud of the multitude of things that you
are getting right and doing well, and like give yourself
a bit of grace and navigating their tantrums.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Plus when they're peak tantrum, you could do what I've
started doing, just yell at.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
Them, you know, Germany, German. Some reason, it just works.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
You've got to break the eyes. Although the circuit breaker
is really good. Good, yeah, exactly, a circuit breaker. Actually,
that's a really good thing I found with with tantrums.
And this also doesn't work. It depends where they are
in the tantrum, and they at a zero and at five,
I would say seven and above, this is not gonna work.
Speaker 3 (36:14):
Think about the latter eyes per last week's episode.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
Exactly a little bit of distraction is really good. Sometimes
I'll just start dancing for real and she kind of
gets the sillies. We do a shake the sillies out,
Shake the sillies.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
Out, shake all the silly dance contest.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
Yes, good one. I love that. So I would say
try those little things a way to like as a
circuit breaker for them. But also you sometimes that can
lift it. Laughter. Gin was saying, is really good. A
little bit of a laughing competition. We have got this
game and it is so funny. It's this crocodile and
you open its mouth and it's got just the bottom
(36:51):
roll of the crocodile's teeth. You're able to push one
tooth down at a time. Oh, Brou's uncle got this
for her for a birthday, and you take turns and
it's actually quite scary. It's not scary scary bite bite,
but you never know what tooth it's going to bite on,
so you go you push it down and you're like
and you're like, your turn. Sometimes I just bring that
out because it's like fun. I don't know, it's just
(37:14):
a form of distraction, and it's a quick game. You
don't have to like pull out a bloody board and
like commit to a bloody half an hour game. It's
all of two minutes and it's over. And that breaks
a circuit and she's like, I don't want to play
that again. I'm scared. I'm like, let's move on.
Speaker 3 (37:30):
My hand got bitten.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
Yeah, it's just like your little finger. It's actually I
think it's so funny, but it's also.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
Like scary, like scary.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
Yet it's all right. Question seven Europe holiday with a
toddler yay or nay?
Speaker 3 (37:43):
I mean I would say nay.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
I would say the only thing that was really hard
about the trip to Europe with ru as a toddler
was the fact that I was pregnant. Because had I
not been pregnant, I feel like the bits that I
didn't enjoy I would have been fine. It was more
of like a physical cool level for me of just
like being exhausted and stuff, but very manageable. With a toddler,
(38:06):
I would say, yeah, why not.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
We did a whole episode about this, like you did
a recap from last year, so we'll link that in
the show notes as well.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
I loved our trip.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
I think it depends on the kid.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
Personally. I wouldn't take any we could have gone this year.
We decided not to buy a house. We technically could
have afforded to do a big European holiday, but not
a chance. I'm not doing that flight with an insane
three year old. Yeah. Look, everyone says it's only twenty
four hours and then you're there. Nah, I'm not putting
myself through that.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
The flight is the biggest hurdle, though, I would say,
like it's literally if you put it into percentages, it it'd
be like two percent of the trip. Yeah, but that
two percent is awful, but not necessarily. I think the
older they get as well, like there's a difference between
taking a toddler that's eighteen months versus taking a toddler
that is three years. Even Charlie taking Rue up to
(38:57):
Queensland on the weekend, he had to because he was
going up on early on Friday morning and she wanted
to sit and quietly with her headphones and was happy
to watch you know, Bluey Wiggles on the iPad. When
we did our trip to Europe, she didn't want to
wear the airphones and was not really interested in TV
at that time, so we had to do a lot
(39:18):
of entertaining.
Speaker 3 (39:19):
So I difference in like lesson a here.
Speaker 1 (39:21):
Yeah, so I think that maybe not a smaller toddler
if you're a younger toddler, if you're worried about the flight,
because yes, you will have to do a lot more
of the entertaining on the older end of a toddler,
I think it's great because they they've got their own space,
you can give them their own things and they can
keep themselves entertained.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
Yeah, that's a good point, and like I said, we
will link the episode where we will keep recap to that.
Speaker 1 (39:45):
Just don't get pregnant and go all right.
Speaker 3 (39:47):
Last question if you entered. I love this question so much.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
If you entered a room full of every person you've
ever met in your life, who would you go to first?
Speaker 1 (39:57):
Why are you doing this? This is so sad question. Yeah,
it is beautiful, Yeah, it is beautiful. It's just gonna
make me upset, I think, because yeah.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
Oh god, who is it? It's your grandparent, one of them,
probably dead. Oh god, sorry, I didn't even think about.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
Oh, you're fine. It's a beautiful question, it is, isn't it. Yeah,
it's a beautiful question, I think. Yeah, it'll be my
mother in law. I would just talk to her about
the girls.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
That's all she'd really care about, isn't it. She'd be like,
shiny photos.
Speaker 1 (40:29):
Yeah, the girl's little baby, Ronnie, who is Charlie's sister,
her baby. That would be my answer, Just how much
have mister?
Speaker 2 (40:38):
Mine's gonna sound a little bit trivial then, because the
first person that pops into my head is my nanny,
which now I'm gonna get upset, which sounds crazy because
she's still alive. Yeah, but it's her ten in five
years ago.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
Oh yeah, when she.
Speaker 3 (40:57):
Was of sound mind.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
I'll fix onto my chest and to know who I
am and make silly jokes, tell me I'm being a clown.
And she'd love Lenny so much. I know she loves Lenny,
but she doesn't really know who he is. Yeah, sometimes
she goes what's your name?
Speaker 3 (41:13):
Or how old are you? And I'm like, she feels
like she's never say him before. Yeah, she'd be so
in love with him. Yeah, and she'd be so happy.
Speaker 2 (41:21):
With me that I finally grew up and had a
baby because she just wanted it so badly for me.
Speaker 1 (41:24):
Oh yeah, isn't it so funny? My grandparents were the same.
They just were like, wanted me to have a kid.
Speaker 3 (41:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
I guess it's very important to them. But I also
it makes me feel a bit sick because she would
hate knowing who she is. Yeah, and if she was
like how did I die or whatnot? You haven't Yeah,
but you don't get to garden anymore. You don't know
(41:50):
who anyone is. You don't have much dignity.
Speaker 3 (41:54):
It just Yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
And also my other grandma who is a late grandma,
Like I just also just think of her and hearing
her laugh and yeah.
Speaker 3 (42:03):
What a beautiful thought.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
I think, though, I want to know everyone's like, what
a beautiful room that would be.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
I'm not religious at all, but I do like to
think that when we die, that's kind of what we get.
Speaker 3 (42:16):
Yeah, except so isn't it just dead people?
Speaker 2 (42:18):
Though? I want everyone, like everyone I've ever loved, to
be there. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
Maybe like in the future, there'll be some weird thing
you can do. I mean they're talking about all.
Speaker 3 (42:27):
These I could do that right now with AI technically.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
Yeah, that's so true.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
It's a bit scary, though it is. I don't know
how I feel about it yet.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
That is a really nice question.
Speaker 3 (42:35):
Sorry, what a way to end on that?
Speaker 1 (42:39):
Both and tears and he's.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
Just turned turn around to glare at me. So but
let's have a quick break and then recommendations.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
Okay, recommendations time. Kelly's going first while I try and
think of mine.
Speaker 3 (42:57):
I have a book.
Speaker 1 (42:58):
She has a book. I r l I hard copy.
Speaker 2 (43:01):
I know I haven't actually read it yet, so it's
a bit weird that I'm recommending it. But I'm not
recommending the book, although I do think that it's so
interesting and I am going to have I'm going to
read it. It's by doctor Libby Fixed Iron First, The
One Thing that Changes Everything and it's what if the
real reason you feel anxious, flat, foggy, or exhausted is
a lack of iron. Wow. The reason why I'm recommending
this is I don't know if I've mentioned this on
(43:23):
the pod, but when Lenny had his bloods done earlier
in the year, when he had his adenoids out and
more grommets put in, he was astronomically deficient in iron.
There's two different levels. One of them is meant to
be at a minimum fifty.
Speaker 3 (43:38):
He was twelve.
Speaker 2 (43:39):
Oh wow, So he's now on an iron supplement, which
is really not great for his pood. But I also
am very deficient and iron, which goes to show. Like Lenny,
it's red meat most days, I don't eat any red meat.
Both of us are very deficient in iron. So some
people you just don't absorb.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
It or your body dixactly.
Speaker 3 (43:57):
There are lots of.
Speaker 2 (43:57):
Different reasons, but the pediatrician explained to me, I mean
I just don't kind of like, ah, yeah, it makes
you feel a bit shit, but it's actually just so important.
So if you are feeling flat yourself, definitely go get
your bloods done. And the endochronologist about my hormones, he said, oh,
(44:18):
your iron's fine, and then my GP, who focuses more
on women's health, was like, no, no, it's fine in
terms of it's not causing any issues, but it will
be making you feel awful still. And it was once
like this time last year it was one seventy. Now
it's sixteen or something, so anything under fifteen is dangerous.
But the endocrinologist is kind of like, hey, you're above fifteen,
(44:39):
you're fine.
Speaker 1 (44:40):
Ah right, Interesting if you're worried about your kid's moods,
speaking of temper tantrums, which we've been talking about a
lot lately, if they're sleep is affected, yeah, the pediatrician
said to me, you have no idea how much it
can affect their happiness, their sleep, their crankiness, so many
different how they hit different milestones. So definitely worth getting
(45:04):
your kid tested. However, I don't know how you could
do it without them being under My sister did do
it with evelon those, so maybe I'll get her to
pop in the group. Yeah, I was just going to say,
like a blood test would be. Getting the flu shot
was like the first time, but then the second time,
going back for the booster shot, rou knew what was
(45:27):
about to happen, and it was definitely harder. It was
still okay, but I can't imagine the blood being taken.
But I think it is such a good recommendation because
you don't think to get your kid's bloods no taken.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
I never like doctor Johnny just wanted to do it
because he was already going under and he's just a
really thorough pediatrician. Yeah, but I would never think to
get that looked at. Yeah, why would I?
Speaker 1 (45:51):
Yeah, it's a really good record. I love it.
Speaker 3 (45:53):
If anything, I'm worried about him getting scurvy.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
Not scurvy, it's.
Speaker 3 (45:57):
What people used to get because they had such bad diets.
Weird tengent on that.
Speaker 1 (46:01):
Load, it's probably time to say goodbye, farewell.
Speaker 2 (46:04):
This podcast was produced by myself, Kelly McCarran and the
delightful Key Resells Audio Production is our beautiful producer that
has honestly the shit that she has had to put it.
There's been a lost dog, a teething baby, Maddie, Juanna,
she's the best.
Speaker 3 (46:19):
We love you.
Speaker 1 (46:20):
Why should I
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