#2. Permission to Not Know Yet

If you've ever felt lost between who you were and who you're becoming, this episode is for you. As women in midlife, we often find ourselves in this uncomfortable limbo, feeling lost and disconnected while simultaneously hungry for something more. We discuss that the uncomfortable place of uncertainty isn't a detour, it's precisely where transformation happens. Most of us have been taught that clarity equals competence, that knowing exactly where we're headed somehow makes us more worthy or successful. We look around at other women who seem to have it all figured out - while we're stumbling through fog, hungry for something more but without a map to get there.

This episode invites you to exhale and release the pressure. You don't need perfect clarity to be on your path. That space of not knowing isn't evidence of failure, it's a time where your authentic self can finally emerge. We explore how awakening rarely arrives as expected. 

The episode also dives into a couple scientific explanations, from neuroplasticity to quantum physics, to help explain how our thoughts literally help shape our reality. Learn how practices like gratitude journaling can rewire neural pathways, shifting us from our natural negativity bias toward positive patterns that invite transformation.

Whether you're standing at the edge of change or feeling lost in the midst of it, this conversation offers gentle reassurance that you're exactly where you need to be. And it offers an actionable step to help you feel better, no matter where you are along the path. Remember: you're not lost, you're on the edge of something real.

🦋 Would you like help walking through these steps, or with accountability, or deeper dives into these topics? Interested in learning more about working 1:1 with me to transform your life in your rediscovery? Schedule a free Discovery call with me here: https://stan.store/edgeofreal

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📌 Leave a review, then email us a screenshot at [e-mail] and we will send you a beautiful free digital journal to help you work through some of your thoughts and get some clarity about what you truly want out of your life.

📹 Photo by Rob Merritt – used with permission.

🎵 Theme Music: Home by Vlad Gluschenko @vladest_art — Home

License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported: ...

Episode Transcript

Kristin (00:08):
Welcome to Edge of Real .
I'm your host, Kristin Hamilton.
This is a podcast for womenwaking up later in life,
rediscovering themselves beyondroles, rules and expectations,
and realizing they are ready forsomething more.
Each week, we explorerebecoming.
Where identity shifts, truthrises and we return to our true

(00:30):
selves, helping you rememberyou're not lost.
You're on the edge of somethingreal.
Hello, my friends, today'sepisode is a bit of an exhale.
It's for the part of you that'sbeen trying so hard to figure
it all out but is starting towonder if, maybe, maybe, it's

(00:50):
okay not to so today.
I want to begin with this youdon't need a five-year plan to
be whole.
You don't need perfect clarityto be on the path, and not
knowing is not a failure.
It's a phase and it is sacred.
I've heard from so many womenlately who feel lost,
disconnected and discontent, yetare scared to make changes

(01:13):
because they don't have fullclarity on where exactly they
even want to be headed, yet theyjust know that they don't want
to be where they currently are.
So let's take the pressure offtoday.
Let's talk about what it meansto give yourself permission to
not know.
Yet there was a season not toolong ago, as I shared in my last
episode, where I kept lookingaround at other women and

(01:36):
thinking how do they all seem toknow what they're doing?
I felt behind, like I hadmissed the class where everyone
else learned how to do lifeconfidently.
And God, I can tell you at myage that did not feel
comfortable at all.
They had direction, visionboards, next steps.
They knew how to do the thingsthat I thought of as so I don't

(01:57):
know, sophisticated, I guess,while they were confidently
controlling the flow of theirlives.
I felt like I was just kind ofstumbling along, going from fire
to fire.
I had well, I had a fog, I hada hunger for more, but no map to
get there.
You know, I remember journalingone evening several years ago,

(02:18):
trying to force clarity, and Iwrote down what's my purpose,
what should I do next?
Then I just stared at the page.
No answers.
Now that not one thing enteredmy brain, just complete and
utter silence.
And when I reflect on this now,instead of spiraling as I did
at the time, I needed to soften.

(02:38):
It would have been okay for meto gently respond with you're
not supposed to know.
Yet I'd spent so much of mylife equating certainty with
safety.
If I didn't have a clear plan,I thought I was lost off track,
failing.
But this, this was actually thebeginning of something.
There was a deeper knowingforming beneath the surface Not

(03:01):
answers, but awareness, not aroadmap but but an awakening,
and I now trust that maybe, justmaybe, this space of unclarity
wasn't a problem to fix.
It was an invitation to listenmore closely.
You know, I used to think thatmy awakening would be loud and

(03:21):
obvious, maybe even glamorous,but mine Mine looked like crying
while folding laundry.
It was silence at dinner time,when I couldn't make small talk
anymore.
It felt like being surroundedby life I had built and
realizing I was missing from it.
Awakening didn't fix everythingovernight.

(03:42):
It actually stirred up morequestions than answers.
But it cracked something openand from that crack light did
start to pour in.
You know, we live in a culturethat celebrates clarity,
direction, action.
We're taught that beinguncertain is a weakness,
something to get through,something to cover up or
overcome.
But here's the truthUncertainty is a portal.

(04:04):
It's the place where truthbegins to rise.
It's the space before theinsight, the pause before the
shift.
Sitting in uncertainty breedschange.
You either sit with it longer,you determine you're okay with
where you are, or you decide youdon't want to be in that

(04:26):
reality anymore and you makesome changes.
When you're in a season ofrediscovery, especially in
midlife, there will be chapterswhere you don't have the answers
.
You've outgrown the old versionof yourself, but the new one
hasn't fully arrived yet.
And that space, that unknownspace, that edge, that is not a

(04:47):
void.
That is sacred ground.
It's where we can allow thatsoftness in.
That softness is born and wecan allow it to grow.
We can stop forcing ourselvesinto boxes that no longer fit.
We can allow curiosity toreturn and when the truth starts
to come back, it starts towhisper and we can let it in.

(05:08):
We don't have to rush thatprocess.
We can honor it, because notknowing isn't a flaw in you or
in your journey.
It is the journey Again.
It's that portal, it's how weget.
If you're in that foggy spaceright now, if you're somewhere

(05:31):
between no longer and not yet, Ioffer you an invitation to
reflect.
As always, here's a journalprompt to explore what if I gave
myself full permission not toknow yet?
What becomes possible when Istop needing clarity right now?
Let it be messy, let it be real.

(05:51):
You don't need to writesomething profound, you just
need to be honest.
What pressures can you let goof?
What deeper part of you isasking to be heard?
You're not lost.
You're listening and you're notbehind.
You're becoming, and the notknowing is where the becoming
begins.
So, as always in these episodes,I like to discuss another

(06:14):
actionable step in the segmenttools I'm using, loving
exploring right now, and I wantto go back to the gratitude
journal that I mentioned inepisode one.
I'm really going all in on this.
I'm still writing 10 everynight, though that may go down
to five, as I'm seeing that 10is a lot to come up with daily.

(06:34):
Not because I don't have 10things I'm grateful for in a day
, but I'm wanting them to beunique things each day and not
just a repetition of somethingfrom the day before.
The more I learn aboutgratitude, the more convinced I
am that this is worthy of mytime and attention in bettering
my life.
Now I'm about to go pretty deepinto some scientific reasoning

(06:56):
here, so please bear with me.
Scientific studies have beendone that show that people who
consciously think of and expressgratitude have lower blood
pressure, increased sleep, lessphysical pain, more happiness,
better relationships and so muchmore.
As humans, we naturally havewhat's called negativity bias.

(07:18):
This is our subconsciousprotecting us for our safety.
Back in the day it kept us safefrom lions and tigers and bears
, oh my.
What becomes ingrained in oursubconscious then affects our
thoughts, behaviors and actions.
When we're stuck in a negativeloop, we can't be grateful.
This would create cognitivedissonance, which occurs when

(07:41):
there's a clash between what webelieve and how we act.
For example, if you valuehealthy living but drink alcohol
every night, your mind feelsuncomfortable because your
behavior doesn't match yourbelief.
Having a gratitude practicekeeps that negativity bias in
check, rewires some of thethoughts, thus affecting our

(08:01):
behavior.
So this gets into self-directedneuroplasticity, the creation
of new neural pathways withinour brain, the rewiring of old
ones that no longer serve us.
So it comes full circle.
Being more positive andconscious of the good things in
your life consistently actuallychanges your brain to make this

(08:23):
your new MO, your new default.
And when these are moreconsistently your thoughts, you
act according to them, thustaking inspired action toward
what you want out of life.
You know I'd also like to toucha bit on energy and quantum
studies and manifestation here.
Now, if this is something thatisn't in your wheelhouse yet,

(08:46):
I'd like for you to stick withme for the next few minutes and
just see if it makes sense foryou.
So Oxford Dictionary definesmanifestation as the action or
fact of showing an abstract idea.
Manifestation is the act ofbringing something into physical
reality through conscious orunconscious thought and action.

(09:09):
Manifestation is based on theidea that your thoughts and
beliefs can influence yourreality?
Well, of course they can.
If I want to make soup fordinner, I first have to have the
thought to do so.
Maybe I can picture it.
I smell it, I remember howdelicious it tastes, so I go to
the grocery store, my pantry, myfridge.

(09:29):
Delicious it tastes, so I go tothe grocery store, my pantry,
my fridge, and then I make thesoup.
I have just manifested soupinto my life.
I turned a thought into realitythrough inspired action.
No-transcript At its core,manifestation is just the

(09:53):
process of turning thoughts intoreality through focused energy,
belief and action.
Now, from a quantum perspective,pioneers like Albert Einstein
and Nikola Tesla explored howeverything in our universe,
including our thoughts, is madeof energy and vibration.
Einstein's famous quote Eequals MC, squared, energy

(10:15):
equals matter.
They're interchangeable Meaningour mental and emotional energy
is not intangible fluff, butit's part of the same energetic
fabric as the physical world.
Tesla famously said if you wantto find the secrets of the
universe, think in terms ofenergy frequency and vibration.

(10:35):
Our inner state, our beliefs,emotions and attention is
constantly broadcasting a signalinto the field around us,
interacting with the quantumsoup of possibilities.
So manifestation isn't justwishful thinking.
It's the intentional use ofyour mind's energy, your

(10:55):
thoughts, feelings and attentionto influence the reality you
experience.
We're essentially tuning ourpersonal frequency to match that
reality.
So think of your thoughts aselectrical signals, each
carrying a frequency.
Just like a radio tunes into acertain station, your mind tunes
into certain outcomes byrepeatedly focusing on them.

(11:16):
Every radio frequency is aroundus all the time, but you only
experience it when you tune intoit.
In the same way, your focusobserves a possibility and
begins to bring it into form.
This is why manifestationstarts, not by forcing outcomes,
but by aligning your innerfrequency, through your thoughts

(11:38):
, feelings and intentions, withwhat you want to experience.
So quantum physics shows thatparticles exist in the state of
pure infinite potential untilthey are observed or interacted
with, at which point they take aspecific form, or interacted
with, at which point they take aspecific form.

(11:59):
If you don't know about thedouble slit experiment, I highly
encourage you to go to YouTubeand find an explanation, a video
, an explanation about it,because it is fascinating and it
explains the scientific studythat made us know this.
You know the idea of if a treefalls in the forest and no one's
around, does it actually make asound.

(12:19):
Well, the tree isn't actuallyin the forest, or rather, every
tree is in every forest, but itdoesn't come into matter.
Reality until someone is thereto observe it.
Reality until someone is thereto observe it.
So our lives hold infinitepossibilities, and once our

(12:40):
focus and beliefs are on them,that's when they collapse into
form.
You're not creating from scratch.
You're selecting from infinitepossibilities, and your
consistent energetic signalhelps collapse the desired wave
of potential into your livedreality.
In this way, manifestation isboth ancient wisdom and
cutting-edge science.

(13:01):
It's an act of co-creationbetween you and the energetic
fabric of the universe.
Manifestation, then, is aboutaligning your inner state with
what you want to experience,trusting that energy leads to
matter and that, by holding aclear, coherent vibration, you
invite the matching reality totake shape.

(13:23):
And all of this is to explainwhy I find a gratitude practice
to be of the utmost importancein my rebecoming.
Having the positive thoughtsand holding that higher
frequency are paramount to mymanifesting the life I want.
I hope this has all made sense,and if this is something new in
your life, you may want tolisten to this part again, maybe

(13:45):
a couple times.
I know it can feel a bitoverwhelming, but once the
concepts become a conscious partof your life, it really does
open up your mind to theinfinite possibilities you can
fight in.
It is so exciting to know thatliterally anything is possible.
So, to wrap up, if no one'stold you lately, I am really

(14:09):
proud of you, not for havingyour ducks in a row and having
it all figured out.
Really proud of you, not forhaving your ducks in a row and
having it all figured out.
No, for staying with yourselfin the space where you don't
know, where nothing is certain,where that errant duck might not
actually be a duck at all.
That's where the real magicbegins.
That's the edge of real.
If this episode gave yousomething to think about, I'd

(14:31):
love for you to share it with afriend who you know needs to
hear this message.
Or you can send me a messageand let me know what landed for
you.
You can also tag me onInstagram at at your real
podcast, and if you want a bitmore space to explore this idea,
there's a beautiful freejournal that I'd love to give to
you when you share a review ofthis podcast.
There's more information onthat in the show notes.

(14:52):
Until next time, be gentle,stay curious and know that your
becoming is unfoldingbeautifully.
You're not lost.
You're on the edge of somethingreal.
I'm already looking forward toour time together next week.
Love you Bye-bye.