August 26, 2025 • 23 mins
Reclaiming visibility in midlife means finally aligning the version of yourself the world sees with the woman you truly are inside. In this episode of Edge of Real, I share personal stories and practical tools to help you rediscover your identity, step into your authentic confidence, and embrace the power of becoming visible again.
Here’s what we’ll explore together:
• The moment an acting coach’s simple question exposed how I had abandoned my true self
• Why assertiveness is not selfish - it’s the bridge between integrity, self-expression, and empowerment
• Six ways to reclaim your visibility in midlife: personal style, speaking up, challenging limiting beliefs, pursuing new passions, building meaningful connections, and prioritizing your physical presence
• How power posing for just two minutes can shift your hormones and boost confidence
• The link between intermittent fasting, clarity, and reclaiming personal power
• Journal prompt: What identity inside you have you been putting off choosing?
If you’ve ever felt invisible or disconnected from your real self, this episode will remind you that midlife isn’t the end of your story - it’s the beginning of your most authentic chapter.
Download the free guide with 6 Ways to Reclaim Your Visibility in Midlife https://stan.store/edgeofreal
🦋 Would you like help walking through these steps, or with accountability, or deeper dives into these topics? Interested in learning more about working 1:1 with me to transform your life in your rediscovery? Schedule a free Discovery call with me here: https://stan.store/edgeofreal
🎧 Follow Edge of Real on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. And share this episode with a friend who you would like to help.
✨ Find me on Instagram @edgeofrealpodcast
📌 Leave a review, then email us a screenshot at edgeofrealpodcast@gmail.com and we will send you a beautiful free digital journal to help you work through some of your thoughts and get some clarity about what you truly want out of your life.
📹 Photo by Rob Merritt – used with permission.
🎵 Theme Music: Home by Vlad Gluschenko @vladest_art — Home
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported: ...
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kristin (00:08):
you're listening to edge of real, a podcast for
women rediscovering who theyreally are, beyond the rules,
roles, timelines andexpectations.
Each week we explore rebecoming, where identity shifts, truth
rises and we return to our trueselves, helping you remember
you're not lost.
(00:28):
You're on the edge of somethingreal.
I'm Kristin and I am so gladyou're here.
Today's conversation is aboutbeing seen.
I'll be covering six powerfulways to reclaim your visibility
in midlife.
It's also about identity Notthe identity you've been taught
(00:49):
to perform, but the truer selfthat's already within you,
waiting for you to choose her.
This episode is also aboutbecoming who you already are,
about recognizing when theversion of you you're showing
the world doesn't match the onethat lives inside, and about
finding the courage to stepcloser to and ultimately claim
(01:11):
your truth.
I'll share a story about how Ifinally acknowledged and learned
to heal a very limiting beliefI'd held onto for decades and
thus began to untangle from theidentity I was performing and
move toward the woman I alreadywas inside.
So let's dive in.
(01:31):
When we talk aboutrediscovering ourselves in
midlife, it's not just thisquiet inner process.
Yes, it begins there with thejournaling, reflection, asking
the hard questions, but at somepoint, the becoming has to move
from inside to outside.
And here's what I've beennoticing the more we rediscover
(01:53):
who we truly are, the more webump up against this question of
visibility.
For so many women in midlife,visibility can feel complicated.
I know me too.
We've been conditioned to playsmall, to smooth the edges, to
not rock the boat.
We've been rewarded for beingagreeable, for disappearing into
(02:16):
the roles we were given, forkeeping the peace.
We're often dismissed as justthe mom or just the wife, or
just the caregiving daughter.
We often don't have theenergetic capacity or emotional
bandwidth to reject the wrongsthrust upon us or to even take
the time to look within todetermine how we feel about them
(02:38):
.
And then one day we wake up andrealize I don't even recognize
myself anymore.
One day we wake up and realizeI don't even recognize myself
anymore, and I will never forgeta specific time.
This hit me hard.
So let's have a story time.
Several years ago, in the midstof a terrible time at the end of
my marriage, I was in an actingclass and at that time, as a
(03:01):
stay-at-home mom with fairlyyoung children, this was the one
thing I did completely formyself.
Now this particular actingcoach was a truly terrifying man
.
He had this full head of whitehair and a calm but commanding
voice.
But even his silence was scary.
His tone was deep and clear andmade you stand a little taller.
(03:24):
Now, my theater friend said hewas a genius actor and director,
but I had never worked with himbefore.
You know it's funny as I'mdescribing him.
It sounds like he's justcompetent and masterful.
So I'm not sure why I'mdescribing him as terrifying,
but he was to me.
So this was a Shakespeare classwhich was also intimidating.
(03:49):
At the end of our second sessionwe were each given a monologue
which was handpicked by this guy, this coach, and I was given
Hermione's soliloquy, which isessentially a monologue from A
Winter's Tale.
Now she is this strong,intelligent, loyal, virtuous
(04:10):
queen, and she's been wronglyaccused by her husband, the king
, of having an affair, wrongly,mind you.
He ripped her children from her, ordered the newborn he thought
wasn't his to be killed andsentenced his wife to death.
Now she, of course, has thisall-consuming grief over the
(04:34):
loss of her children, herfreedom, the love of this man
she'd shared a life with, andshe's now speaking at her trial
to defend her virtue and herworth.
I mean, this is some powerfulshit right.
I worked on my delivery allweek and, oh my god, I mastered
(04:57):
it.
So the next week I'm performingand I am bold and passionate as
Hermione.
During my class performance andmy class went crazy for it I
nailed it.
So I'm standing up there infront of the class clapping,
dying down, waiting for thecoach's feedback and waiting and
(05:18):
waiting and it's not coming.
So I am completely embarrassedand I start back to my seat.
His voice comes so quietly fromthe back of the room that at
first I didn't even realize hewas speaking.
May I ask you a personalquestion?
I stop and look up and meet hiseyes and I just kind of nod.
(05:40):
I mean, good Lord, I just baredmy soul to you.
Of course you can ask me aquestion I mean, it was the
queen's soul.
But you know method actingright.
How assertive are you in yourpersonal life?
Yeah, that was a zinger.
Yeah, it hits me.
(06:01):
Of course, that is why he gaveme this monologue A woman
standing up for herself againstfalse accusations and atrocities
committed toward her, declaringher worth, regardless of
actions taken or not.
Now, quick sidebar here.
Remember?
(06:22):
I was headed at that verymoment into a terrible divorce.
So this person, this actingcoach, who barely knew me, saw
straight into my soul andverbalized what I was refusing
to acknowledge.
In one 90-minute class, he hadseen straight through my
(06:42):
well-constructed mask to thevery heart of my biggest issue,
the one that for years I hadscoffed at Every time it
surfaced in my consciousness.
I'd been refusing toacknowledge this for years.
So, despite what I thought was avery convincing facade, I had
(07:03):
very little assertiveness overmyself or my life and I had
given away all feelings of worth.
I'd just become this shell of aperson making very few
decisions on my own about mylife.
I mean, how did I becomesomeone who gave away who I was
(07:25):
Without even a fight, really?
I just gradually shrunk anddiminished.
I became someone who deferredto my very competent husband and
I became whatever he believed Iwas.
So the question stopped me cold, because the honest answer was
I wasn't assertive at all.
Inside I was holding back,waiting for permission, editing
(07:50):
myself to fit in and to bepleasing, and this near stranger
saw that almost immediately inme.
I didn't even see it in me.
It's like when you're walkingdown the street being your
fabulous 35-year-old self andyou catch a glimpse of your
reflection in the shop windowand realize you are fucking 50
(08:12):
years old and everyone sees that, but you, you know.
I kind of want to deliver thatmonologue again now, but this
time with conviction and theknowledge of what it truly means
to believe in my own worth.
Here's what I've learned sincethen.
When you are rediscoveringyourself, there's this
(08:35):
in-between stage where you'verealized who you are but you're
still practicing how to livefrom that place.
Assertiveness is the bridge.
It's the moment you say this iswho I am.
It's one thing to know yourtruth quietly inside yourself.
It's another to stand in it andlet other people actually see
(08:59):
you in it.
And that is where assertivenesscomes in, not in a harsh, pushy
way, but in a steady, groundedway.
Assertiveness is about alignment.
It's not about being loud andaggressive.
It's about standing in yourtruth and allowing it to take up
space in the world.
Assertiveness is the bridgebetween your inner identity and
(09:25):
your outer life.
In its simplest form, it isalignment in action.
It's standing in who you areand letting that truth be
visible, not watered down, nottucked away.
Visible, you know.
I think for women in midlifethis is especially powerful.
So many of us have spentdecades just dimming, editing,
(09:48):
reshaping ourselves for othersto fit into the roles or the
expectations around us.
But rediscovery asks forvisibility.
It asks us to bring our trueselves into the room.
Rediscovery is about choosingagain.
It's about saying this is whatI want, this is what I need,
(10:10):
this is what I believe, what Ivalue, this is who I am, this is
me and I am willing to be seenin it.
And I am willing to be seen init.
And the more we practice that,the more natural it feels.
So every time you assertyourself, you are rewriting your
identity in real time.
(10:32):
You're saying I choose me, Ichoose truth over performance.
I choose to be seen as I reallyam.
And that's why I sayassertiveness matters,
especially in midlife.
It doesn't mean you need to beloud, it doesn't mean you
(10:52):
bulldoze, and it definitelydoesn't mean that you have to
have everything figured out.
It simply means you don'tabandon yourself anymore.
You stop hiding behind theversion of yourself you think
others need, the version thatfeels safe.
You let the real.
You show up voice, steady eyes,open shoulders, back, present
(11:17):
in the moment.
I choose me.
And that is where the magic ofmidlife comes in, because our
messes, our experiences, it allbecomes wisdom, because we're
not doing this for applause,we're not doing this to please
anyone else.
We're doing it because beinginvisible no longer feels like
(11:42):
an option.
We've carried too many masks,too many versions of ourselves
that never fit, and now it'stime to let the real version
take up space.
So if you're feeling that pulltoward rediscovery, I want you
to hear this Assertiveness isn'tselfish.
(12:03):
It's not about controllingothers.
It's about finally being inintegrity with yourself.
It's remembering what's alwaysbeen true and choosing to live
in alignment with it.
It's realizing you don't haveto prove yourself into existence
.
You just have to allow yourselfto exist as you are, and that
(12:24):
choice to acknowledge your truthand stand in it is one of the
most powerful steps you willever take.
It's one of the bravest ways tohonor who you're becoming.
So let's go into those sixactionable steps to reclaim your
visibility in midlife.
Number one reclaim your personalstyle.
(12:46):
Invest in clothes that make youfeel confident and true to
yourself.
Update your wardrobe withpieces that reflect who you are
now.
Your style is your expressionof self and can give you
confidence when you feel good inwhat you wear.
And, oh my God, wear what youwant, no matter your age.
(13:09):
If you feel good in it, that'swhat matters.
No one gets to decide that, butyou Throw your shoulders back
and strut your stuff, knowingthat you feel amazing.
Number two speak up and shareyour voice.
Your opinions, experiences,thoughts, feelings.
(13:29):
They matter.
Join conversations, share yourinsights and never, ever
apologize for taking up space.
You are interesting and yourwisdom is valuable.
The world needs to hear you isvaluable.
The world needs to hear you.
Number three let go of yourperceived limitations.
Become consciously aware of thestories you tell yourself and
(13:54):
ask yourself each time is thisreally true?
Challenge those limitingthoughts every single time.
One of my biggest blocks thathad been that I felt like I was
too old to start over.
And why would anyone listen tosomeone of my age who was
starting over?
And didn't that mean that I'dfailed in my life and I was a
(14:17):
loser who was floating around at50?
Limiting belief.
The idea to take control of mylife after my divorce and use my
past education and skills tobecome a certified life coach
and then start this podcast,perfect it completely slashed my
limiting belief.
Was it true that I was too oldto start over?
(14:40):
Absolutely not, because it'sturned my age into a strength,
because no one who hasn't beenthrough my situation and come
through the other sideAbsolutely not.
Because it's turned my age intoa strength, because no one who
hasn't been through my situationand come through the other side
could be creating this businesswith this level of help.
Replace your lack language withempowering statements.
What a beautiful place to livefrom.
(15:03):
Number four pursue new passionsand interests.
Try that art class, join a yogastudio, learn a new language,
start that business you've beendreaming about.
And if you feel like you can'tor you don't know how, just
think of me starting a podcastwithout a clue how to do any of
(15:23):
it.
If I can do something that newand unknown, I assure you you
can too.
Novel activities bring newthoughts and fresh energy,
increase joy and excitement andconfidence, and they also help
you meet interesting new peoplewho will see your vibrant spirit
.
(15:43):
Number five build meaningfulconnections.
Cultivate relationships withpeople who appreciate and
celebrate you Quality overquantity.
Surround yourself with thosewho see your worth and make you
feel valued and heard.
Having true connections with aselect few improves life in
(16:05):
healthy, surprising, fun ways.
You are amazing, so shareyourself with others.
And number six prioritize yourphysical presence.
Stand tall, make eye contact,wear a smile and move with
intention.
Make eye contact, wear a smileand move with intention.
(16:25):
Good posture and confident bodylanguage instantly makes you
feel stronger and more visible.
Take care of your health.
When you feel strong, youradiate presence.
And did you know that taking theWonder Woman pose, which is a
solid power stance feet shoulderwidth apart, hands on hips,
(16:46):
chin raised, chest out makes youfeel more powerful?
I shit you not.
There are several scientificstudies and one very popular TED
talk that show that powerposing for two minutes changes
hormone levels in your body.
It increases testosterone,which is connected to dominance,
(17:07):
and decreases cortisol, whichis connected with stress.
So this non-verbal expressionof power can influence how we
feel about ourselves.
The social psychologist in theTED talk says our bodies can
change our minds.
Our minds can change ourbehavior and our behavior can
change the outcome of asituation.
(17:29):
So channel your inner WonderWoman.
You deserve to be seen, feel it, know it, be it.
And speaking of our bodies, Iwant to segue into the part
where I tell you about some toolI'm currently using or trying
in my rediscovery, and this tiesback to the discussion about
(17:52):
assertiveness and being seen aswell, because that isn't just
about our voices or how we showup in relationships.
It's also about how we treatour body, and the way we care
for ourselves is part of how weassert who we are.
It's one of the ways we chooseourselves.
It's the ultimate empowermentFor me that recently showed up
(18:15):
through intermittent fasting.
I'd been curious about it for awhile, but I had always brushed
it off, telling myself I didnot have the discipline and it
probably wouldn't work for meanyway.
But a couple of weeks ago Iread the book Fast Like a Girl
by Dr Mindy Pelz.
I'm not sure how she pronouncesher last name, it's P-E-L-Z and
(18:38):
she goes into how to utilizefasting in healthy ways,
specifically for women's bodiesand hormones.
The physical benefits arestaggering.
If you have interest inlearning more, you can reach out
to me, pick up the book, findher on YouTube.
Last week I gave myselfpermission to try, and it has
(19:01):
been an eye-opening experience.
And it has been an eye-openingexperience.
First of all.
Within seven days so far, Ihave lost six pounds, and I'm
not going to lie.
That feels pretty good, and itwasn't nearly as hard as I had
worried about either, but beyondthat, I have gained clarity,
(19:25):
energy, a sharper sense ofdiscipline that's carrying into
other areas of my life as well.
For me, it's been a practice oftuning in more deeply to my body
and noticing how much of what Ido is out of habit and on
autopilot.
Fasting has been teaching methat I don't need to fill every
space.
Growth comes from creatingspace.
(19:48):
That pausing whether in food ordecisions or the constant rush
of life creates room for me tostop and listen to myself again,
just like fasting creates spacein the body for rest and
renewal.
Letting go of old identitiesand old limiting beliefs creates
(20:09):
space in the soul and mind fortruth and rediscovery.
And in a way, it ties rightback to that question.
My acting coach asked me yearsago how assertive are you in
your personal life?
How assertive are you in yourpersonal life?
Because choosing to fast,choosing to take a stand for my
(20:31):
health and to pay attention towhat my body needs, to say yes
to myself in a new and differentway, that is a form of
assertiveness too.
It's me taking up space in myown life, not shrinking, not
waiting for somebody else todecide for me, and I think
that's something so many of usin midlife are realizing.
We get to choose differentlynow.
(20:53):
We get to reclaim our voice,our health, our bodies, our
truth.
I am the boss of me, you arethe boss of you.
We get to decide, not as aperformance, not to prove
anything, but because we'reworthy of living in alignment
with who we really are, insideand out.
(21:16):
If you've been projecting aversion of yourself that doesn't
quite match the real you, I'dlike to give you a journal
prompt and invitation to reflect.
So here it is.
What is the identity inside methat I have been putting off
choosing, and what happens if Iassertively decide to
acknowledge and choose her?
(21:38):
So give yourself a few minutesto write freely, without
judgment, as always, and let theanswers surprise you.
So, my friends, you don't haveto become someone new.
You are in control.
You get to choose, be assertiveand choose yourself.
You don't need to perform yourworth.
(21:58):
You already are worthy.
You don't need to prove youridentity, you to choose it.
And the more you chooseyourself, the more life just
opens up, because rediscoveryisn't about realizing who you
are.
It's about choosing her outloud, again and again and again.
(22:20):
So if this episode resonated, Iwould love for you to share with
a friend or two who you thinkcould benefit from a message or
discussion that we've had justnow.
And you can also always find meon Instagram at
edgeofrailpodcast, and, if youwould like, I have included a
link in the show notes todownload a beautiful booklet
I've created with these six waysto reclaim your visibility in
(22:44):
midlife.
That I've created with thesesix ways to reclaim your
visibility in midlife.
So until next time, keeplistening, keep choosing
yourself and know that who youreally are is more than enough.
Remember you're not lost.
You're on the edge of somethingreal.
Love you, bye-bye.
you're listening to edge of real, a podcast for
women rediscovering who theyreally are, beyond the rules,
roles, timelines andexpectations.
Each week we explore rebecoming, where identity shifts, truth
rises and we return to our trueselves, helping you remember
you're not lost.
(00:28):
You're on the edge of somethingreal.
I'm Kristin and I am so gladyou're here.
Today's conversation is aboutbeing seen.
I'll be covering six powerfulways to reclaim your visibility
in midlife.
It's also about identity Notthe identity you've been taught
(00:49):
to perform, but the truer selfthat's already within you,
waiting for you to choose her.
This episode is also aboutbecoming who you already are,
about recognizing when theversion of you you're showing
the world doesn't match the onethat lives inside, and about
finding the courage to stepcloser to and ultimately claim
(01:11):
your truth.
I'll share a story about how Ifinally acknowledged and learned
to heal a very limiting beliefI'd held onto for decades and
thus began to untangle from theidentity I was performing and
move toward the woman I alreadywas inside.
So let's dive in.
(01:31):
When we talk aboutrediscovering ourselves in
midlife, it's not just thisquiet inner process.
Yes, it begins there with thejournaling, reflection, asking
the hard questions, but at somepoint, the becoming has to move
from inside to outside.
And here's what I've beennoticing the more we rediscover
(01:53):
who we truly are, the more webump up against this question of
visibility.
For so many women in midlife,visibility can feel complicated.
I know me too.
We've been conditioned to playsmall, to smooth the edges, to
not rock the boat.
We've been rewarded for beingagreeable, for disappearing into
(02:16):
the roles we were given, forkeeping the peace.
We're often dismissed as justthe mom or just the wife, or
just the caregiving daughter.
We often don't have theenergetic capacity or emotional
bandwidth to reject the wrongsthrust upon us or to even take
the time to look within todetermine how we feel about them
(02:38):
.
And then one day we wake up andrealize I don't even recognize
myself anymore.
One day we wake up and realizeI don't even recognize myself
anymore, and I will never forgeta specific time.
This hit me hard.
So let's have a story time.
Several years ago, in the midstof a terrible time at the end of
my marriage, I was in an actingclass and at that time, as a
(03:01):
stay-at-home mom with fairlyyoung children, this was the one
thing I did completely formyself.
Now this particular actingcoach was a truly terrifying man
.
He had this full head of whitehair and a calm but commanding
voice.
But even his silence was scary.
His tone was deep and clear andmade you stand a little taller.
(03:24):
Now, my theater friend said hewas a genius actor and director,
but I had never worked with himbefore.
You know it's funny as I'mdescribing him.
It sounds like he's justcompetent and masterful.
So I'm not sure why I'mdescribing him as terrifying,
but he was to me.
So this was a Shakespeare classwhich was also intimidating.
(03:49):
At the end of our second sessionwe were each given a monologue
which was handpicked by this guy, this coach, and I was given
Hermione's soliloquy, which isessentially a monologue from A
Winter's Tale.
Now she is this strong,intelligent, loyal, virtuous
(04:10):
queen, and she's been wronglyaccused by her husband, the king
, of having an affair, wrongly,mind you.
He ripped her children from her, ordered the newborn he thought
wasn't his to be killed andsentenced his wife to death.
Now she, of course, has thisall-consuming grief over the
(04:34):
loss of her children, herfreedom, the love of this man
she'd shared a life with, andshe's now speaking at her trial
to defend her virtue and herworth.
I mean, this is some powerfulshit right.
I worked on my delivery allweek and, oh my god, I mastered
(04:57):
it.
So the next week I'm performingand I am bold and passionate as
Hermione.
During my class performance andmy class went crazy for it I
nailed it.
So I'm standing up there infront of the class clapping,
dying down, waiting for thecoach's feedback and waiting and
(05:18):
waiting and it's not coming.
So I am completely embarrassedand I start back to my seat.
His voice comes so quietly fromthe back of the room that at
first I didn't even realize hewas speaking.
May I ask you a personalquestion?
I stop and look up and meet hiseyes and I just kind of nod.
(05:40):
I mean, good Lord, I just baredmy soul to you.
Of course you can ask me aquestion I mean, it was the
queen's soul.
But you know method actingright.
How assertive are you in yourpersonal life?
Yeah, that was a zinger.
Yeah, it hits me.
(06:01):
Of course, that is why he gaveme this monologue A woman
standing up for herself againstfalse accusations and atrocities
committed toward her, declaringher worth, regardless of
actions taken or not.
Now, quick sidebar here.
Remember?
(06:22):
I was headed at that verymoment into a terrible divorce.
So this person, this actingcoach, who barely knew me, saw
straight into my soul andverbalized what I was refusing
to acknowledge.
In one 90-minute class, he hadseen straight through my
(06:42):
well-constructed mask to thevery heart of my biggest issue,
the one that for years I hadscoffed at Every time it
surfaced in my consciousness.
I'd been refusing toacknowledge this for years.
So, despite what I thought was avery convincing facade, I had
(07:03):
very little assertiveness overmyself or my life and I had
given away all feelings of worth.
I'd just become this shell of aperson making very few
decisions on my own about mylife.
I mean, how did I becomesomeone who gave away who I was
(07:25):
Without even a fight, really?
I just gradually shrunk anddiminished.
I became someone who deferredto my very competent husband and
I became whatever he believed Iwas.
So the question stopped me cold, because the honest answer was
I wasn't assertive at all.
Inside I was holding back,waiting for permission, editing
(07:50):
myself to fit in and to bepleasing, and this near stranger
saw that almost immediately inme.
I didn't even see it in me.
It's like when you're walkingdown the street being your
fabulous 35-year-old self andyou catch a glimpse of your
reflection in the shop windowand realize you are fucking 50
(08:12):
years old and everyone sees that, but you, you know.
I kind of want to deliver thatmonologue again now, but this
time with conviction and theknowledge of what it truly means
to believe in my own worth.
Here's what I've learned sincethen.
When you are rediscoveringyourself, there's this
(08:35):
in-between stage where you'verealized who you are but you're
still practicing how to livefrom that place.
Assertiveness is the bridge.
It's the moment you say this iswho I am.
It's one thing to know yourtruth quietly inside yourself.
It's another to stand in it andlet other people actually see
(08:59):
you in it.
And that is where assertivenesscomes in, not in a harsh, pushy
way, but in a steady, groundedway.
Assertiveness is about alignment.
It's not about being loud andaggressive.
It's about standing in yourtruth and allowing it to take up
space in the world.
Assertiveness is the bridgebetween your inner identity and
(09:25):
your outer life.
In its simplest form, it isalignment in action.
It's standing in who you areand letting that truth be
visible, not watered down, nottucked away.
Visible, you know.
I think for women in midlifethis is especially powerful.
So many of us have spentdecades just dimming, editing,
(09:48):
reshaping ourselves for othersto fit into the roles or the
expectations around us.
But rediscovery asks forvisibility.
It asks us to bring our trueselves into the room.
Rediscovery is about choosingagain.
It's about saying this is whatI want, this is what I need,
(10:10):
this is what I believe, what Ivalue, this is who I am, this is
me and I am willing to be seenin it.
And I am willing to be seen init.
And the more we practice that,the more natural it feels.
So every time you assertyourself, you are rewriting your
identity in real time.
(10:32):
You're saying I choose me, Ichoose truth over performance.
I choose to be seen as I reallyam.
And that's why I sayassertiveness matters,
especially in midlife.
It doesn't mean you need to beloud, it doesn't mean you
(10:52):
bulldoze, and it definitelydoesn't mean that you have to
have everything figured out.
It simply means you don'tabandon yourself anymore.
You stop hiding behind theversion of yourself you think
others need, the version thatfeels safe.
You let the real.
You show up voice, steady eyes,open shoulders, back, present
(11:17):
in the moment.
I choose me.
And that is where the magic ofmidlife comes in, because our
messes, our experiences, it allbecomes wisdom, because we're
not doing this for applause,we're not doing this to please
anyone else.
We're doing it because beinginvisible no longer feels like
(11:42):
an option.
We've carried too many masks,too many versions of ourselves
that never fit, and now it'stime to let the real version
take up space.
So if you're feeling that pulltoward rediscovery, I want you
to hear this Assertiveness isn'tselfish.
(12:03):
It's not about controllingothers.
It's about finally being inintegrity with yourself.
It's remembering what's alwaysbeen true and choosing to live
in alignment with it.
It's realizing you don't haveto prove yourself into existence
.
You just have to allow yourselfto exist as you are, and that
(12:24):
choice to acknowledge your truthand stand in it is one of the
most powerful steps you willever take.
It's one of the bravest ways tohonor who you're becoming.
So let's go into those sixactionable steps to reclaim your
visibility in midlife.
Number one reclaim your personalstyle.
(12:46):
Invest in clothes that make youfeel confident and true to
yourself.
Update your wardrobe withpieces that reflect who you are
now.
Your style is your expressionof self and can give you
confidence when you feel good inwhat you wear.
And, oh my God, wear what youwant, no matter your age.
(13:09):
If you feel good in it, that'swhat matters.
No one gets to decide that, butyou Throw your shoulders back
and strut your stuff, knowingthat you feel amazing.
Number two speak up and shareyour voice.
Your opinions, experiences,thoughts, feelings.
(13:29):
They matter.
Join conversations, share yourinsights and never, ever
apologize for taking up space.
You are interesting and yourwisdom is valuable.
The world needs to hear you isvaluable.
The world needs to hear you.
Number three let go of yourperceived limitations.
Become consciously aware of thestories you tell yourself and
(13:54):
ask yourself each time is thisreally true?
Challenge those limitingthoughts every single time.
One of my biggest blocks thathad been that I felt like I was
too old to start over.
And why would anyone listen tosomeone of my age who was
starting over?
And didn't that mean that I'dfailed in my life and I was a
(14:17):
loser who was floating around at50?
Limiting belief.
The idea to take control of mylife after my divorce and use my
past education and skills tobecome a certified life coach
and then start this podcast,perfect it completely slashed my
limiting belief.
Was it true that I was too oldto start over?
(14:40):
Absolutely not, because it'sturned my age into a strength,
because no one who hasn't beenthrough my situation and come
through the other sideAbsolutely not.
Because it's turned my age intoa strength, because no one who
hasn't been through my situationand come through the other side
could be creating this businesswith this level of help.
Replace your lack language withempowering statements.
What a beautiful place to livefrom.
(15:03):
Number four pursue new passionsand interests.
Try that art class, join a yogastudio, learn a new language,
start that business you've beendreaming about.
And if you feel like you can'tor you don't know how, just
think of me starting a podcastwithout a clue how to do any of
(15:23):
it.
If I can do something that newand unknown, I assure you you
can too.
Novel activities bring newthoughts and fresh energy,
increase joy and excitement andconfidence, and they also help
you meet interesting new peoplewho will see your vibrant spirit
.
(15:43):
Number five build meaningfulconnections.
Cultivate relationships withpeople who appreciate and
celebrate you Quality overquantity.
Surround yourself with thosewho see your worth and make you
feel valued and heard.
Having true connections with aselect few improves life in
(16:05):
healthy, surprising, fun ways.
You are amazing, so shareyourself with others.
And number six prioritize yourphysical presence.
Stand tall, make eye contact,wear a smile and move with
intention.
Make eye contact, wear a smileand move with intention.
(16:25):
Good posture and confident bodylanguage instantly makes you
feel stronger and more visible.
Take care of your health.
When you feel strong, youradiate presence.
And did you know that taking theWonder Woman pose, which is a
solid power stance feet shoulderwidth apart, hands on hips,
(16:46):
chin raised, chest out makes youfeel more powerful?
I shit you not.
There are several scientificstudies and one very popular TED
talk that show that powerposing for two minutes changes
hormone levels in your body.
It increases testosterone,which is connected to dominance,
(17:07):
and decreases cortisol, whichis connected with stress.
So this non-verbal expressionof power can influence how we
feel about ourselves.
The social psychologist in theTED talk says our bodies can
change our minds.
Our minds can change ourbehavior and our behavior can
change the outcome of asituation.
(17:29):
So channel your inner WonderWoman.
You deserve to be seen, feel it, know it, be it.
And speaking of our bodies, Iwant to segue into the part
where I tell you about some toolI'm currently using or trying
in my rediscovery, and this tiesback to the discussion about
(17:52):
assertiveness and being seen aswell, because that isn't just
about our voices or how we showup in relationships.
It's also about how we treatour body, and the way we care
for ourselves is part of how weassert who we are.
It's one of the ways we chooseourselves.
It's the ultimate empowermentFor me that recently showed up
(18:15):
through intermittent fasting.
I'd been curious about it for awhile, but I had always brushed
it off, telling myself I didnot have the discipline and it
probably wouldn't work for meanyway.
But a couple of weeks ago Iread the book Fast Like a Girl
by Dr Mindy Pelz.
I'm not sure how she pronouncesher last name, it's P-E-L-Z and
(18:38):
she goes into how to utilizefasting in healthy ways,
specifically for women's bodiesand hormones.
The physical benefits arestaggering.
If you have interest inlearning more, you can reach out
to me, pick up the book, findher on YouTube.
Last week I gave myselfpermission to try, and it has
(19:01):
been an eye-opening experience.
And it has been an eye-openingexperience.
First of all.
Within seven days so far, Ihave lost six pounds, and I'm
not going to lie.
That feels pretty good, and itwasn't nearly as hard as I had
worried about either, but beyondthat, I have gained clarity,
(19:25):
energy, a sharper sense ofdiscipline that's carrying into
other areas of my life as well.
For me, it's been a practice oftuning in more deeply to my body
and noticing how much of what Ido is out of habit and on
autopilot.
Fasting has been teaching methat I don't need to fill every
space.
Growth comes from creatingspace.
(19:48):
That pausing whether in food ordecisions or the constant rush
of life creates room for me tostop and listen to myself again,
just like fasting creates spacein the body for rest and
renewal.
Letting go of old identitiesand old limiting beliefs creates
(20:09):
space in the soul and mind fortruth and rediscovery.
And in a way, it ties rightback to that question.
My acting coach asked me yearsago how assertive are you in
your personal life?
How assertive are you in yourpersonal life?
Because choosing to fast,choosing to take a stand for my
(20:31):
health and to pay attention towhat my body needs, to say yes
to myself in a new and differentway, that is a form of
assertiveness too.
It's me taking up space in myown life, not shrinking, not
waiting for somebody else todecide for me, and I think
that's something so many of usin midlife are realizing.
We get to choose differentlynow.
(20:53):
We get to reclaim our voice,our health, our bodies, our
truth.
I am the boss of me, you arethe boss of you.
We get to decide, not as aperformance, not to prove
anything, but because we'reworthy of living in alignment
with who we really are, insideand out.
(21:16):
If you've been projecting aversion of yourself that doesn't
quite match the real you, I'dlike to give you a journal
prompt and invitation to reflect.
So here it is.
What is the identity inside methat I have been putting off
choosing, and what happens if Iassertively decide to
acknowledge and choose her?
(21:38):
So give yourself a few minutesto write freely, without
judgment, as always, and let theanswers surprise you.
So, my friends, you don't haveto become someone new.
You are in control.
You get to choose, be assertiveand choose yourself.
You don't need to perform yourworth.
(21:58):
You already are worthy.
You don't need to prove youridentity, you to choose it.
And the more you chooseyourself, the more life just
opens up, because rediscoveryisn't about realizing who you
are.
It's about choosing her outloud, again and again and again.
(22:20):
So if this episode resonated, Iwould love for you to share with
a friend or two who you thinkcould benefit from a message or
discussion that we've had justnow.
And you can also always find meon Instagram at
edgeofrailpodcast, and, if youwould like, I have included a
link in the show notes todownload a beautiful booklet
I've created with these six waysto reclaim your visibility in
(22:44):
midlife.
That I've created with thesesix ways to reclaim your
visibility in midlife.
So until next time, keeplistening, keep choosing
yourself and know that who youreally are is more than enough.
Remember you're not lost.
You're on the edge of somethingreal.
Love you, bye-bye.
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