September 23, 2025 • 20 mins
You now that quiet nudge you sometimes feel inside, that whisper that something just feels off? That heaviness in your body, flatness in your mood, or racing thoughts you can't quiet? These aren't random feelings - they're powerful signals that you've drifted out of alignment with your authentic self.
In this deeply reflective episode, we explore what it truly means to live in alignment and the subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways our bodies tell us when we're off course. For so many women, especially in midlife, we've followed external rulebooks for so long that disconnection becomes our normal state. We handle everything - career, family, home, relationships - while feeling increasingly empty inside, waiting for some future moment when we'll finally "get to" live fully.
Your body knows the truth before your mind does. Those knots in your stomach, that tightness in your chest, the shallow breathing - these physical sensations are your nervous system waving red flags, asking for your attention. Understanding how your nervous system works reveals why you respond the way you do to stress and why those responses might have worked in the past but no longer serve who you're becoming now.
The journey back to alignment isn't about thinking your way through - it's about feeling. Through simple somatic practices, like the 90-second exercise shared in this episode, you can learn to acknowledge sensations, give them space to be felt, and watch as they naturally move through you rather than staying stuck. This acceptance is the beginning of freedom, the first step toward making conscious choices rather than reactive decisions.
Ready to reconnect with your truest self? Try the suggested alignment practices this week, including the somatic reset and taking one micro step that feels aligned with who you really are. And remember—living in alignment isn't about perfection. It's a continuous practice of noticing when you're off, tuning in to what that's telling you, and gently choosing again. Your path to alignment is waiting, and you don't have to walk it alone.
🦋 Would you like help walking through these steps, or with accountability, or deeper dives into these topics? Interested in learning more about working 1:1 with me to transform your life in your rediscovery? Schedule a free Discovery call with me here: https://stan.store/edgeofreal
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kristin (00:08):
Hey there, welcome back to Edge of Real.
You know that quiet nudge thatsometimes whispers to you, that
something just feels off.
Maybe you can't put your fingeron it, but your body feels it.
You feel heavy.
Maybe your mood is flat, yourmind races with wild,
unrealistic daydreams that,frankly, you don't even want, or
(00:30):
you're just not excited aboutlife the way it used to be.
That feeling, that ringing ofdiscontent, is often the first
sign that we are living out ofalignment.
Today we're going to talk aboutwhat it really means to be out
of alignment, how old patternsand subconscious programming
keep us there, the signals ournervous system gives us and,
(00:51):
most importantly, what it feelslike when we come back into
alignment.
I'll also give you somepractical tools to start
noticing and shifting back intoyour truest self.
So what does living inalignment actually mean?
Into your truest self?
So what does living inalignment actually mean?
It's when you have congruenceor a state of harmony between
your intentions, actions, valuesand your authentic self.
(01:13):
When these things aren't incooperation with one another,
you get out of alignment.
But alignment rarely disappearsovernight, right, it usually
starts with small symptoms orclues that we brush off.
Maybe you feel restless evenwhen nothing is technically
wrong.
Maybe you're irritable with thepeople you love.
(01:35):
You get that thought loop,feeling the urgency that
sometimes borders on franticness.
Maybe you get a sense offlatness, like life is just one
big eh.
Maybe you actually just checkout or become apathetic.
Maybe you find yourselfprocrastinating on things that
you actually want, or you feelthe urge to change things, to
(01:59):
move, to rearrange furniture,cut or color your hair on a whim
get a new job, get new lipstick.
Maybe you're over-consumingFood, alcohol, sex, scrolling
shopping just to fill some gapthat you don't even really know
what it is.
We often look at externalthings rather than turning
internal for answers.
(02:20):
These behaviors and feelingsaren't failures, but they are
invitations.
They're breadcrumbs from yourbody and your inner, knowing
that something isn't workinganymore.
Something is off in your soul,your inner self.
I've seen that women in midlife,including myself, have spent so
many years following a rulebook this is in our lineage,
(02:42):
right, most of us and this hascreated so much friction in our
bodies and our nervous systemsthat we have nothing to do but
become dysregulated and fall outof alignment.
Our bodies know this has feltoff, but we've persisted, just
gotten into a rut where wehandle things right.
We handle the house and thekids and the husband and the
laundry and the groceries andthe dinners and the job and the
(03:03):
kids and the husband and thelaundry and the groceries and
the dinners and the job and thein-laws and school, and on and
on and on.
We get into a state of I don'tlike where I am, I don't like
who I am as a person, as a woman, in my life.
This is not what I everexpected my life to be.
I recently heard someone askthat question about what if you
(03:24):
had 12 months to live?
And I know I certainly havebeen at the point at certain
times in my life where I neededto ask myself, if I had 12
months to live, would I want tocontinue living from this state
of being?
At some point we have to askourselves what am I waiting for?
Why am I waiting to live mylife, to feel joyful, to feel
(03:46):
sexy, to feel alive?
We tell ourselves that it's outthere.
When this happens or when thathappens, I'll live fully.
When we're constantly waitingfor that external thing to
happen and then I'll fully live.
Meanwhile, we are living so farout of alignment that when is
(04:06):
never actually going to bemagnetized to us.
I think this is why so manywomen become disillusioned in
midlife.
We've been waiting for thesebig changes to occur before we
live fully.
And when those big events dooccur, the kids leave home,
retirement's close.
We're questioning ourrelationship with our spouse.
Kids leave home retirement'sclose.
We're questioning ourrelationship with our spouse.
(04:27):
They happen but nothing changesbecause we are still out of
alignment internally.
When are we going to giveourselves permission to go
inside and accept and love?
So why do we do this?
Because many of us, especiallyas women in midlife, are
operating on old programming.
Maybe we were conditioned to bethe peacemaker, to say yes when
(04:50):
your body said no, to keep thefamily happy, to downplay your
own needs because they weren'tseen as important.
That old programming mightsound like if I speak my truth,
I'll upset someone, so I shouldjust stay quiet.
Or I need to earn love by doingand giving, or it's too late to
(05:11):
change now.
But this is autopilot, living,and autopilot almost always
pulls us out of alignment withwho we truly are.
It's a numbness, a non-spacetruly are.
It's a numbness, a non-space,and far too many of us are
living a really long time fromthis uninspired place where we
are doing all the things but notreally feeling it, not fully
(05:34):
living, and we rationalize andthink, oh, this is just a
neutral place.
I'm just going to be here for alittle bit, but don't let it
fool you.
This is not a neutral space bit.
But don't let it fool you.
This is not a neutral space.
We live in this delusion whereyou're stuck in this lack of
fully living, where the life youbuilt does not reflect the
woman you're becoming and inthis place you are missing out
(05:56):
on the experience of being fullyalive in your life, being fully
you.
You know, these are juststories.
We're telling ourselves that weneed to change, when what we
really need is to regulate, toget back in our body and feel
what we're going through, so wecan make choices and decisions
from a more even place.
(06:17):
This is your inner self,tapping around the shoulder,
saying hello, there is somethinggoing on here.
Something doesn't feel rightand we need for us to feel it
and recognize it for what it is.
We need to treat this numbness,or whatever your friction point
is, as a symptom that there issomething going on.
Something is out of alignmentwithin your soul.
(06:40):
Your body often knows beforeyour mind does.
When you're out of alignment,your body will tell you, maybe
with a tight chest, maybe knotsin your stomach or a pit deep
down in your stomach and yourgut.
Maybe your breathing getsshallow or maybe it quickens,
maybe your throat gets tight oryou start to feel that drained,
(07:04):
heavy energy that feels like youare just trudging through mud.
These are red flags that yourinner self is waving, asking for
you to please notice.
These are clues that there arethings that we're not allowing
into our consciousness yet.
But these signs in your bodyare telling us, and if we first
(07:24):
notice and then listen to them,and then if we trust them, then
we can become consciously awareof them.
And all of this is thebeginning of freedom.
It's where we can then makechoices of whether we're going
to make changes or not.
But the important thing rightnow is to become conscious of it
, bring it into your awareness,invite it in.
(07:45):
It really is just tellingyourself hey, I'm just checking
in, let's just take a littlelook around inside.
It can just be an innerinvitation that there is
something that we need to lookat.
Maybe there's something wedon't want to see.
Maybe there's something big,but maybe it's just something
small that we're just trying toavoid and we can deal with
(08:08):
whatever it is.
Let's just first feel it inyour body.
So one of the first things wecan do when we're trying to
understand this is really becomeconscious of what your body is
doing and what your body issaying, because your body will
give you signs.
When your nervous system isactivated, it will react.
Knowing about the nervoussystem and our biological
(08:29):
processes is so important.
Knowing the way our bodybehaves can really shed some
light on how that affectseverything about us.
And with this knowledge ofwhat's happening within our
bodies, we can give ourselves alittle bit of grace.
It's just your body telling youthat it's scared, that there's
some fear there.
Your body is seeking safety andsecurity.
(08:52):
Your mind may be telling youthat you want expansion, but
your body is telling you nah,we're good, we're just going to
stay right here, we're going tostay safe and secure.
So instead of blaming ourselvesfor feeling this way, we can
understand that this is biology.
So let's go over some of thatso we can really understand.
(09:16):
And the easiest way to look atthis is from an evolutionary
point of view.
So we have the older parts ofour nervous system and we have
the more evolved parts.
And I'm not talking about yourbrain here, I'm talking about
all of these parts thatinnervate throughout your body,
basically from the neck downthrough your body.
These systems live in yourbrain but they work down in the
felt part throughout your body,basically from the neck down
through your body.
These systems live in yourbrain but they work down in the
(09:37):
felt part of your body, theoldest part of our brain some
refer to it as our lizard brainturns on when we get a stress
response that is perceived aslife-threatening.
And you get this freezeresponse, so energy drains from
your system and you becomeimmobilized.
Next on the evolutionary ladderis the fight or flight part.
(09:58):
This is where you get anxiousand you feel like you've got to
move.
This is more of a mobilizedstress response where your
defenses come on because youperceive a threat, not a
life-threatening threat, but adanger of some sort.
And then the most evolved partof us, the most human part, the
newest part of our nervoussystem, is what's called the
(10:20):
ventral vagal system, the partof us that gets activated but
allows us to live in harmony, towork together, to be
comfortable, to team up.
This part promotes well-beingand allows us to function really
well in the world.
Ideally, we want to spend asmuch time as possible in this
connected space so that we canwork together and we can feel
(10:41):
comfortable in our lives and inthe company of other humans and
we can survive in the bestpossible way.
But what happens over time?
Usually something from yourchildhood experiences.
Right, you wire in certainkinds of responses related to
the stressors that happened inyour life and when you get that
(11:02):
stress system activated, you nowhave a drive to bring it back
down and bring you back up tothat regulated, connected with
other humans kind of space.
What you do to regulate isusually what you learned at some
point in your life.
For example, maybe you learnedto use food to calm yourself
down, to regulate or shift thatresponse.
(11:25):
You learned to use food becauseit works, not because you're
bad or broken or something'swrong with you.
You actually landed on asolution that worked.
You store that and then youkeep using it and so when you
have a stress response now, thatpull wherever it's linked in
your past shows up and you getthat drive to eat your body,
(11:46):
your mind, your nervous systemdid exactly what it needed, what
was right.
In those moments in your past,you found something that worked,
but maybe that response doesn'talign with who you are now,
with your intentions, actions,values and your authentic self
now.
So you're now feeling out ofalignment.
(12:07):
Now, in order to change thatresponse, we need to go back in
and regulate the nervous systemin those moments when that feels
like the response.
You would need to go back inand regulate the nervous system
in those moments when that feelslike the response you would
like to have.
The problem is, this is notsomething we learned in school,
because they were too busyteaching us trigonometry, which
is oh so useful in my life.
But since we weren't taught andtherefore don't know how to do
(12:30):
this, we think there's somethingwrong with me.
What is wrong with me that Iuse this kind of response?
But this is something thatsociety has taught us.
This is an outside influence.
These kinds of fixes areoutside, when what we need to do
to actually fix it is turninside and regulate our nervous
system.
Fix our nervous system withinourselves if we want to change
(12:53):
our response, because that samestimuli will always be there,
the thing that we can change isour response to it, and that all
starts with regulating ournervous system.
Your nervous system is yourcompass.
It will tell you where to go.
If you listen to it, and whenwe do, we are then more able to
(13:14):
find solutions to bring us backinto alignment, and you feel
this in your body.
Maybe it's going to feel likeyour breath naturally deepens,
your body feels more open andexpansive, you feel lighter, and
even when you feel a challenge,there's still a groundedness
underneath it.
You still feel grounded.
(13:34):
This is why somatic workmatters.
You don't think your way backinto alignment.
You feel your way back when weget locked in our minds.
We aren't going to get out ofit.
We all know what that thoughtlooping feels like, but
sometimes it's easier to have itstay in our thoughts, isn't it?
It creates a disconnect, adistance.
We think we're feeling it, butwe're only thinking it, rather
(13:58):
than having the courage to dropinto our bodies and be present
with the sensation.
I'd like to give a littleexample here of a somatic
check-in Now.
This will be a quick one, andif you aren't in a place right
now where it's safe to take amoment to close your eyes, then
just bear with us for a momentand save this episode and come
back to it.
If you are able, let's justpause for a moment.
(14:21):
Close your eyes, feel your feeton the ground or your backside
against the seat.
Relax your shoulders, your jaw,your tongue.
Relax your shoulders, your jaw,your tongue.
Now think of something that hasbeen bothering you lately.
Not a big thing, just a littlething for now.
(14:48):
Once you have it, find itwherever it sits in your body.
Now feel into the sensation andallow it to surface.
Tell it that you acknowledge it.
Give it space.
Let it know that it hasinfinite space and full
(15:10):
permission to be here in thismoment.
Say yes to the sensation andwhen you're ready you can open
(15:32):
your eyes.
Now, what started to happenthere?
Even in that short time, didthe sensation soften or even
start to dissipate?
You have given it acceptanceand permission, so then it could
just move through you ratherthan continue to be stuck.
Saying yes to it makes it startto lighten.
(15:57):
So that exercise we just did wasabout 90 seconds, and
neuroanatomist Jill Bolt-Taylorfound that it takes about 90
seconds for a feeling to cyclethrough our body, unless we
attach judgments, stories orother mental narratives to it.
When we ruminate, we reactivateand re-trigger the emotional
(16:19):
loop over and over again.
This is the epitome of avicious cycle that simple
awareness can shift everything.
People think they have to thinkhard about things to find a
solution, but often that justfurther perpetuates it getting
louder.
There's this concept inpsychology that states that
(16:39):
everything defends to the degreethat it doesn't feel accepted.
As soon as we accept thesensations that are stuck energy
in our body, we allow them tostop fighting and just release
and move through us.
When you change yourrelationship with the sensations
in your body, you canexperience more and get out of
your own way.
(16:59):
Rather than fighting yourselfinternally, you can take your
energy back and come back intoalignment and create those
changes within yourself and theworld that you desire.
Now I'm not saying that livingin alignment is easy or that it
makes everything in your lifeeasy, but it does feel different
.
Your decisions flow with moreease.
(17:22):
You stop needing as muchoutside validation because you
trust yourself.
You notice synchronicitieswithin your life.
Things start to just line up.
Your body feels lighter andeven challenges feel like growth
instead of constant resistanceand friction, and you're less
likely to fall into a victimmentality.
(17:43):
That is the difference when youhave flow.
So here are a couple of ways youcan play with alignment in your
daily life.
This week you can do a somaticreset, like what we just did.
Take a few deep belly breaths,feel your feet grounded, find a
sensation in your body thatfeels off, breathe into it, give
it space, accept it, tell it ithas permission to be felt and
(18:06):
then notice the shift, noticethe softening.
Another thing you can try thisweek is take one micro step that
feels aligned.
It could be saying no when youmean no.
Maybe shift your schedule,maybe begin a new practice or
hobby or thing that you've beenwanting to do.
So the journal prompt this week.
(18:27):
Where in my life or body do Ifeel resistance or friction
right now, and what might thatbe showing me about my alignment
?
So living in alignment is notabout perfection.
It's a practice, a dance.
It goes on constantly.
It's noticing when you're off,tuning into what that is telling
(18:48):
you and gently choosing again.
And every time you do you arebuilding deeper self-trust and
creating more ease in your life.
If this episode touched you insome way, share it with someone
in your life who you would liketo help.
Thank you so much for beinghere with me today.
Until next week, tune into yourbody, keep walking toward the
(19:09):
truest version of yourself andremember you're not lost.
You're on the edge of somethingreal.
Love you, bye-bye.
If what we talked about todayfeels close to home, if you're
tired of dimming yourself down,second-guessing every decision
or feeling like you've losttrack of who you really are, I
(19:31):
want you to know you don't haveto figure it out alone.
This is exactly the work I dowith women in my one-to-one
coaching experience.
Together, we talk throughwhat's keeping you stuck,
reconnect you with the truestversion of yourself and create
simple, empowering steps thathelp you move forward with
clarity, confidence and a clearpath.
Knowing the steps is one thing,but actually walking them out
(19:54):
is another.
That's where coaching becomesso powerful.
I'll be there to help you stayaccountable, to support you when
old habits try to pull you back, and to keep you moving forward
even when the path feels foggy.
Sometimes we all need a guide,someone who can hold the mirror,
remind us who we are and walkalongside us until we're steady
(20:16):
in that truth ourselves.
If you've been listening andthinking, yes, that is what I
need I'd love to invite you tobook a free discovery call with
me through the link in the shownotes.
In that call we'll have a realcoaching conversation.
You'll get a feel for thesupport and clarity I can offer
and, if it feels aligned for usboth, I'll share more about what
(20:38):
one-on-one coaching with melooks like.
I'd love to meet you and walkthis path of rediscovery with
you, because the edge isn't theend, it's the becoming.
Hey there, welcome back to Edge of Real.
You know that quiet nudge thatsometimes whispers to you, that
something just feels off.
Maybe you can't put your fingeron it, but your body feels it.
You feel heavy.
Maybe your mood is flat, yourmind races with wild,
unrealistic daydreams that,frankly, you don't even want, or
(00:30):
you're just not excited aboutlife the way it used to be.
That feeling, that ringing ofdiscontent, is often the first
sign that we are living out ofalignment.
Today we're going to talk aboutwhat it really means to be out
of alignment, how old patternsand subconscious programming
keep us there, the signals ournervous system gives us and,
(00:51):
most importantly, what it feelslike when we come back into
alignment.
I'll also give you somepractical tools to start
noticing and shifting back intoyour truest self.
So what does living inalignment actually mean?
Into your truest self?
So what does living inalignment actually mean?
It's when you have congruenceor a state of harmony between
your intentions, actions, valuesand your authentic self.
(01:13):
When these things aren't incooperation with one another,
you get out of alignment.
But alignment rarely disappearsovernight, right, it usually
starts with small symptoms orclues that we brush off.
Maybe you feel restless evenwhen nothing is technically
wrong.
Maybe you're irritable with thepeople you love.
(01:35):
You get that thought loop,feeling the urgency that
sometimes borders on franticness.
Maybe you get a sense offlatness, like life is just one
big eh.
Maybe you actually just checkout or become apathetic.
Maybe you find yourselfprocrastinating on things that
you actually want, or you feelthe urge to change things, to
(01:59):
move, to rearrange furniture,cut or color your hair on a whim
get a new job, get new lipstick.
Maybe you're over-consumingFood, alcohol, sex, scrolling
shopping just to fill some gapthat you don't even really know
what it is.
We often look at externalthings rather than turning
internal for answers.
(02:20):
These behaviors and feelingsaren't failures, but they are
invitations.
They're breadcrumbs from yourbody and your inner, knowing
that something isn't workinganymore.
Something is off in your soul,your inner self.
I've seen that women in midlife,including myself, have spent so
many years following a rulebook this is in our lineage,
(02:42):
right, most of us and this hascreated so much friction in our
bodies and our nervous systemsthat we have nothing to do but
become dysregulated and fall outof alignment.
Our bodies know this has feltoff, but we've persisted, just
gotten into a rut where wehandle things right.
We handle the house and thekids and the husband and the
laundry and the groceries andthe dinners and the job and the
(03:03):
kids and the husband and thelaundry and the groceries and
the dinners and the job and thein-laws and school, and on and
on and on.
We get into a state of I don'tlike where I am, I don't like
who I am as a person, as a woman, in my life.
This is not what I everexpected my life to be.
I recently heard someone askthat question about what if you
(03:24):
had 12 months to live?
And I know I certainly havebeen at the point at certain
times in my life where I neededto ask myself, if I had 12
months to live, would I want tocontinue living from this state
of being?
At some point we have to askourselves what am I waiting for?
Why am I waiting to live mylife, to feel joyful, to feel
(03:46):
sexy, to feel alive?
We tell ourselves that it's outthere.
When this happens or when thathappens, I'll live fully.
When we're constantly waitingfor that external thing to
happen and then I'll fully live.
Meanwhile, we are living so farout of alignment that when is
(04:06):
never actually going to bemagnetized to us.
I think this is why so manywomen become disillusioned in
midlife.
We've been waiting for thesebig changes to occur before we
live fully.
And when those big events dooccur, the kids leave home,
retirement's close.
We're questioning ourrelationship with our spouse.
Kids leave home retirement'sclose.
We're questioning ourrelationship with our spouse.
(04:27):
They happen but nothing changesbecause we are still out of
alignment internally.
When are we going to giveourselves permission to go
inside and accept and love?
So why do we do this?
Because many of us, especiallyas women in midlife, are
operating on old programming.
Maybe we were conditioned to bethe peacemaker, to say yes when
(04:50):
your body said no, to keep thefamily happy, to downplay your
own needs because they weren'tseen as important.
That old programming mightsound like if I speak my truth,
I'll upset someone, so I shouldjust stay quiet.
Or I need to earn love by doingand giving, or it's too late to
(05:11):
change now.
But this is autopilot, living,and autopilot almost always
pulls us out of alignment withwho we truly are.
It's a numbness, a non-spacetruly are.
It's a numbness, a non-space,and far too many of us are
living a really long time fromthis uninspired place where we
are doing all the things but notreally feeling it, not fully
(05:34):
living, and we rationalize andthink, oh, this is just a
neutral place.
I'm just going to be here for alittle bit, but don't let it
fool you.
This is not a neutral space bit.
But don't let it fool you.
This is not a neutral space.
We live in this delusion whereyou're stuck in this lack of
fully living, where the life youbuilt does not reflect the
woman you're becoming and inthis place you are missing out
(05:56):
on the experience of being fullyalive in your life, being fully
you.
You know, these are juststories.
We're telling ourselves that weneed to change, when what we
really need is to regulate, toget back in our body and feel
what we're going through, so wecan make choices and decisions
from a more even place.
(06:17):
This is your inner self,tapping around the shoulder,
saying hello, there is somethinggoing on here.
Something doesn't feel rightand we need for us to feel it
and recognize it for what it is.
We need to treat this numbness,or whatever your friction point
is, as a symptom that there issomething going on.
Something is out of alignmentwithin your soul.
(06:40):
Your body often knows beforeyour mind does.
When you're out of alignment,your body will tell you, maybe
with a tight chest, maybe knotsin your stomach or a pit deep
down in your stomach and yourgut.
Maybe your breathing getsshallow or maybe it quickens,
maybe your throat gets tight oryou start to feel that drained,
(07:04):
heavy energy that feels like youare just trudging through mud.
These are red flags that yourinner self is waving, asking for
you to please notice.
These are clues that there arethings that we're not allowing
into our consciousness yet.
But these signs in your bodyare telling us, and if we first
(07:24):
notice and then listen to them,and then if we trust them, then
we can become consciously awareof them.
And all of this is thebeginning of freedom.
It's where we can then makechoices of whether we're going
to make changes or not.
But the important thing rightnow is to become conscious of it
, bring it into your awareness,invite it in.
(07:45):
It really is just tellingyourself hey, I'm just checking
in, let's just take a littlelook around inside.
It can just be an innerinvitation that there is
something that we need to lookat.
Maybe there's something wedon't want to see.
Maybe there's something big,but maybe it's just something
small that we're just trying toavoid and we can deal with
(08:08):
whatever it is.
Let's just first feel it inyour body.
So one of the first things wecan do when we're trying to
understand this is really becomeconscious of what your body is
doing and what your body issaying, because your body will
give you signs.
When your nervous system isactivated, it will react.
Knowing about the nervoussystem and our biological
(08:29):
processes is so important.
Knowing the way our bodybehaves can really shed some
light on how that affectseverything about us.
And with this knowledge ofwhat's happening within our
bodies, we can give ourselves alittle bit of grace.
It's just your body telling youthat it's scared, that there's
some fear there.
Your body is seeking safety andsecurity.
(08:52):
Your mind may be telling youthat you want expansion, but
your body is telling you nah,we're good, we're just going to
stay right here, we're going tostay safe and secure.
So instead of blaming ourselvesfor feeling this way, we can
understand that this is biology.
So let's go over some of thatso we can really understand.
(09:16):
And the easiest way to look atthis is from an evolutionary
point of view.
So we have the older parts ofour nervous system and we have
the more evolved parts.
And I'm not talking about yourbrain here, I'm talking about
all of these parts thatinnervate throughout your body,
basically from the neck downthrough your body.
These systems live in yourbrain but they work down in the
felt part throughout your body,basically from the neck down
through your body.
These systems live in yourbrain but they work down in the
(09:37):
felt part of your body, theoldest part of our brain some
refer to it as our lizard brainturns on when we get a stress
response that is perceived aslife-threatening.
And you get this freezeresponse, so energy drains from
your system and you becomeimmobilized.
Next on the evolutionary ladderis the fight or flight part.
(09:58):
This is where you get anxiousand you feel like you've got to
move.
This is more of a mobilizedstress response where your
defenses come on because youperceive a threat, not a
life-threatening threat, but adanger of some sort.
And then the most evolved partof us, the most human part, the
newest part of our nervoussystem, is what's called the
(10:20):
ventral vagal system, the partof us that gets activated but
allows us to live in harmony, towork together, to be
comfortable, to team up.
This part promotes well-beingand allows us to function really
well in the world.
Ideally, we want to spend asmuch time as possible in this
connected space so that we canwork together and we can feel
(10:41):
comfortable in our lives and inthe company of other humans and
we can survive in the bestpossible way.
But what happens over time?
Usually something from yourchildhood experiences.
Right, you wire in certainkinds of responses related to
the stressors that happened inyour life and when you get that
(11:02):
stress system activated, you nowhave a drive to bring it back
down and bring you back up tothat regulated, connected with
other humans kind of space.
What you do to regulate isusually what you learned at some
point in your life.
For example, maybe you learnedto use food to calm yourself
down, to regulate or shift thatresponse.
(11:25):
You learned to use food becauseit works, not because you're
bad or broken or something'swrong with you.
You actually landed on asolution that worked.
You store that and then youkeep using it and so when you
have a stress response now, thatpull wherever it's linked in
your past shows up and you getthat drive to eat your body,
(11:46):
your mind, your nervous systemdid exactly what it needed, what
was right.
In those moments in your past,you found something that worked,
but maybe that response doesn'talign with who you are now,
with your intentions, actions,values and your authentic self
now.
So you're now feeling out ofalignment.
(12:07):
Now, in order to change thatresponse, we need to go back in
and regulate the nervous systemin those moments when that feels
like the response.
You would need to go back inand regulate the nervous system
in those moments when that feelslike the response you would
like to have.
The problem is, this is notsomething we learned in school,
because they were too busyteaching us trigonometry, which
is oh so useful in my life.
But since we weren't taught andtherefore don't know how to do
(12:30):
this, we think there's somethingwrong with me.
What is wrong with me that Iuse this kind of response?
But this is something thatsociety has taught us.
This is an outside influence.
These kinds of fixes areoutside, when what we need to do
to actually fix it is turninside and regulate our nervous
system.
Fix our nervous system withinourselves if we want to change
(12:53):
our response, because that samestimuli will always be there,
the thing that we can change isour response to it, and that all
starts with regulating ournervous system.
Your nervous system is yourcompass.
It will tell you where to go.
If you listen to it, and whenwe do, we are then more able to
(13:14):
find solutions to bring us backinto alignment, and you feel
this in your body.
Maybe it's going to feel likeyour breath naturally deepens,
your body feels more open andexpansive, you feel lighter, and
even when you feel a challenge,there's still a groundedness
underneath it.
You still feel grounded.
(13:34):
This is why somatic workmatters.
You don't think your way backinto alignment.
You feel your way back when weget locked in our minds.
We aren't going to get out ofit.
We all know what that thoughtlooping feels like, but
sometimes it's easier to have itstay in our thoughts, isn't it?
It creates a disconnect, adistance.
We think we're feeling it, butwe're only thinking it, rather
(13:58):
than having the courage to dropinto our bodies and be present
with the sensation.
I'd like to give a littleexample here of a somatic
check-in Now.
This will be a quick one, andif you aren't in a place right
now where it's safe to take amoment to close your eyes, then
just bear with us for a momentand save this episode and come
back to it.
If you are able, let's justpause for a moment.
(14:21):
Close your eyes, feel your feeton the ground or your backside
against the seat.
Relax your shoulders, your jaw,your tongue.
Relax your shoulders, your jaw,your tongue.
Now think of something that hasbeen bothering you lately.
Not a big thing, just a littlething for now.
(14:48):
Once you have it, find itwherever it sits in your body.
Now feel into the sensation andallow it to surface.
Tell it that you acknowledge it.
Give it space.
Let it know that it hasinfinite space and full
(15:10):
permission to be here in thismoment.
Say yes to the sensation andwhen you're ready you can open
(15:32):
your eyes.
Now, what started to happenthere?
Even in that short time, didthe sensation soften or even
start to dissipate?
You have given it acceptanceand permission, so then it could
just move through you ratherthan continue to be stuck.
Saying yes to it makes it startto lighten.
(15:57):
So that exercise we just did wasabout 90 seconds, and
neuroanatomist Jill Bolt-Taylorfound that it takes about 90
seconds for a feeling to cyclethrough our body, unless we
attach judgments, stories orother mental narratives to it.
When we ruminate, we reactivateand re-trigger the emotional
(16:19):
loop over and over again.
This is the epitome of avicious cycle that simple
awareness can shift everything.
People think they have to thinkhard about things to find a
solution, but often that justfurther perpetuates it getting
louder.
There's this concept inpsychology that states that
(16:39):
everything defends to the degreethat it doesn't feel accepted.
As soon as we accept thesensations that are stuck energy
in our body, we allow them tostop fighting and just release
and move through us.
When you change yourrelationship with the sensations
in your body, you canexperience more and get out of
your own way.
(16:59):
Rather than fighting yourselfinternally, you can take your
energy back and come back intoalignment and create those
changes within yourself and theworld that you desire.
Now I'm not saying that livingin alignment is easy or that it
makes everything in your lifeeasy, but it does feel different
.
Your decisions flow with moreease.
(17:22):
You stop needing as muchoutside validation because you
trust yourself.
You notice synchronicitieswithin your life.
Things start to just line up.
Your body feels lighter andeven challenges feel like growth
instead of constant resistanceand friction, and you're less
likely to fall into a victimmentality.
(17:43):
That is the difference when youhave flow.
So here are a couple of ways youcan play with alignment in your
daily life.
This week you can do a somaticreset, like what we just did.
Take a few deep belly breaths,feel your feet grounded, find a
sensation in your body thatfeels off, breathe into it, give
it space, accept it, tell it ithas permission to be felt and
(18:06):
then notice the shift, noticethe softening.
Another thing you can try thisweek is take one micro step that
feels aligned.
It could be saying no when youmean no.
Maybe shift your schedule,maybe begin a new practice or
hobby or thing that you've beenwanting to do.
So the journal prompt this week.
(18:27):
Where in my life or body do Ifeel resistance or friction
right now, and what might thatbe showing me about my alignment
?
So living in alignment is notabout perfection.
It's a practice, a dance.
It goes on constantly.
It's noticing when you're off,tuning into what that is telling
(18:48):
you and gently choosing again.
And every time you do you arebuilding deeper self-trust and
creating more ease in your life.
If this episode touched you insome way, share it with someone
in your life who you would liketo help.
Thank you so much for beinghere with me today.
Until next week, tune into yourbody, keep walking toward the
(19:09):
truest version of yourself andremember you're not lost.
You're on the edge of somethingreal.
Love you, bye-bye.
If what we talked about todayfeels close to home, if you're
tired of dimming yourself down,second-guessing every decision
or feeling like you've losttrack of who you really are, I
(19:31):
want you to know you don't haveto figure it out alone.
This is exactly the work I dowith women in my one-to-one
coaching experience.
Together, we talk throughwhat's keeping you stuck,
reconnect you with the truestversion of yourself and create
simple, empowering steps thathelp you move forward with
clarity, confidence and a clearpath.
Knowing the steps is one thing,but actually walking them out
(19:54):
is another.
That's where coaching becomesso powerful.
I'll be there to help you stayaccountable, to support you when
old habits try to pull you back, and to keep you moving forward
even when the path feels foggy.
Sometimes we all need a guide,someone who can hold the mirror,
remind us who we are and walkalongside us until we're steady
(20:16):
in that truth ourselves.
If you've been listening andthinking, yes, that is what I
need I'd love to invite you tobook a free discovery call with
me through the link in the shownotes.
In that call we'll have a realcoaching conversation.
You'll get a feel for thesupport and clarity I can offer
and, if it feels aligned for usboth, I'll share more about what
(20:38):
one-on-one coaching with melooks like.
I'd love to meet you and walkthis path of rediscovery with
you, because the edge isn't theend, it's the becoming.
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