Episode 30: When Tragedy Strikes: A Principal's Guide to Navigating Student Death and School-Wide Grief

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Death is something no school leader wants to face, yet crisis management becomes an unavoidable reality when tragedy strikes. Drawing from the painful experience of navigating four student deaths in just three years, this deeply personal episode explores the profound challenges of leading a school community through grief and loss.

The sobering statistics tell only part of the story. With suicide ranking as the second leading cause of death among 10-24 year olds and over 6,600 youth suicides in 2021 alone (CDC, 2023), schools face an unprecedented mental health crisis. These aren't merely numbers—they represent faces, stories, and futures abruptly ended, often because young people with still-developing brains see permanent solutions to temporary problems.

Behind every effective crisis response stands a carefully orchestrated team. From verifying facts to identifying those most affected, from staged communication to comprehensive support systems, we break down the essential components of compassionate crisis management. The episode details practical strategies for supporting both students and staff, acknowledging that teachers must navigate their own grief while simultaneously supporting vulnerable students.

Perhaps most compelling is the question that emerges from these experiences: while we train educators to recognize distress signals, should we be empowering students to do the same? As the frontline witnesses to their peers' struggles, could students become our most valuable allies in suicide prevention? This thought-provoking discussion invites educational leaders to collaborate on innovative solutions to protect young lives.

This conversation isn't just about managing crisis—it's about reimagining how we approach mental health in schools. Join me in exploring how we can better support our school communities through their darkest moments and perhaps prevent future tragedies through collective wisdom and courage.

National Center for Education Statistics report from May 31, 2022

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Episode Transcript

Principal JL (00:09):
welcome back everybody to the educational
leadership with principal jlpodcast.
I kind of took a couple weeksoff here.
I had a lot of things to thinkabout, especially for this
episode.
Um, something that you know isreally kind of personal to me,
because over the past threeyears as a principal of the high

(00:29):
school that I'm at, I've beenfaced with unimaginable death of
a student, not just once, nottwice, but I've had to work
through four different studentdeaths in the past three years
as a principal.
So in today's episode I reallywanted to talk about you know,

(00:53):
how we responded.
How did the crisis team respond?
What did that look like?
This is something that you knowyou'd never want to go through
as a principal.
It's something as a leader thatwe have to be ready for in case
that happens.
But really there's some thingsthat really are getting to me
that I feel like I need to shareout but also maybe help someone

(01:17):
that is in this role on how tomanage through those crisis as a
building principal, becausethey're never, they're not fun.
I mean this is this sucks.
This is something, like I said,I've done, you know, four times
in the last three years, butalso even in my last
principalship I had to deal witha student death, and so a lot

(01:40):
of the things that, as aprincipal, that I've done and
learned through this process Ijust wanted to share out,
because I hope that you neverhave to go through these things
but at the same time, there isright ways and wrong ways to
work through these unimaginablecrises that not just your

(02:02):
students go through, but yourfaculty will go through, and I
wanted to kind of really talk toyou guys about that.
With these experiences, they'vereshaped the way I kind of view
things With crisis management.
Most importantly, the role weplay is supporting the mental
health of students, staff andthe community.

(02:24):
Supporting the mental health ofstudents, staff and the
community.
The reality of crisis in schools.
According to the CDC, suicideis the second leading cause of
death among individuals betweenthe age of 10 to 24.
In the United States, in 2021alone, over 6,600 youth in that

(02:46):
age range died by suicide.
The numbers are not juststatistics.
They represent faces, storiesand futures of students that are
no longer here, and so that'simportant to think about.
These kids are findingpermanent solutions to temporary
problems, and so that's reallyhard for us as adults to really

(03:09):
wrap our minds around.
But that's what we're workingthrough.
And for me, you know, out ofthese four deaths we had one
that was a car accident and thenthree were really by suicide.
And that's really hard, youknow, to really come to terms
with, because, as a buildingprincipal, we do the trainings

(03:31):
with our staff.
We are, you know, takingpreemptive measures're really
puzzled by, you know, whycouldn't we see the signs, why
couldn't we prevent these thingsfrom happening?
And that really makes you stepback and think, kind of what

(03:55):
we're doing, what can we dobetter and how can we help
intervene before students get tothat part?
And I take those things veryseriously and I take those
things to heart because I neverwant anybody to have to go
through these tragedies the waythat we have had over the past

(04:17):
three years.
So you know, I'm going to kindof talk about how our crisis
team responds, kind of who'sinvolved, what have we done to
kind of support not just thestudents but also the faculty
members and community membersthat go through this.
So you know, we look at schoolsas being a safe place.
You know we have.

(04:38):
Look at schools, as you know,they're immune to tragedies, but
we aren't.
They're immune to tragedies,but we aren't.
Life happens, things happen andwe have to be able to respond
to those crises when they dohappen.
And really, for us, I would saywe respond very, very well, and

(05:00):
unfortunately we can't respondwell because we've done it, but
at the same time, we respondwell because we have a great
people one and for us, we're abigger district, so we have

(05:27):
multiple layers to our crisisresponse team and it really does
start with our superintendent.
Our superintendent is going toget notified and what that
notification?
The superintendent will thenreach out to the building
principal and say, hey, this hashappened.
I'm going to get the crisisteam involved and for us, we

(05:48):
have two different crisis teamsand we do that because we don't
want the same people respondingto a crisis every time.
We're a big enough district wecan do that, but in smaller
districts you may have the samepeople responding to two crises
as they come up.
So with that, thesuperintendent will initiate the

(06:09):
crisis team.
We'll actually get together andwe will get the facts together.
Our biggest thing as ourresponse with the crisis team is
to really collect the facts,get things together and these
are the people that are on ourcrisis team is to really collect
the facts, get things togetherand these are the people that
are on our crisis team response.
We have our superintendent, thebuilding principal that is

(06:32):
affected by that students andtheir building.
That building principal is apart of that.
We have school counselors fromthat building as well, but we
also have school counselors fromother buildings that will come
in to help support.
We bring in mental healthprofessionals from around the
community, but also from otherschool districts.

(06:55):
We have our community liaisonare part of that team and we
also have our regional ESU 9team that will come in and help
support our school when we gothrough a crisis.
So when the student, whensomething happens to a student
and they pass away from a tragicdeath of some sort, we get

(07:19):
notified.
The superintendent, like I said, will get things rolling and
then our goal is to meet quickly, as soon as possible, so we can
get the facts.
We want to verify facts becausethat's the information we want
to get out to our faculty, toour students, to our parents and

(07:40):
guardians, so they know what'sgoing on, because I guarantee
you, with social media, thingsare going to be out there,
people are going to be talkingabout it, and so we want to try
to respond in a way that sayshey, we are aware, here's some
facts, you know, this is howwe're going to respond, and so
that's really important to keeptrack of as you do this.

(08:01):
And so the first thing we do,after we verify facts, is we try
to identify who's affected themost.
You know who are thesestudents' friends, you know
their family members, theirfamily members, siblings,

(08:21):
teachers.
We try to figure out who'sgoing to be mostly affected, who
has a deep relationship withthat student, and we want to be
able to try to identify thosepeople so we can provide support
for them through this crisis,so they are supported as well.
And then we want to develop aresponse plan, and kind of what
we do with our response plan iswe want to get out information

(08:44):
to different sets of people.
We have our faculty, we haveour parents and we are very
careful on how we word theinformation.
We don't want to use words eventhough we know that the student
death was, you know, maybe asuicide.
At that time, when we aretalking about, we just talk

(09:08):
about we have a death of thisstudent.
We are very saddened by it.
Here's the supports and here'sthe things we're going to have
in place for students, these arethe supports, these are the
things we're going to have aplace for our faculty, and so I
think it's really important tobe very detailed with that
information, and every situationis different, and so what you

(09:32):
put into that, what we utilize,is emails to get out to faculty,
get out to students andteachers, but we do it in stages
.
So we will notify our facultyfirst to kind of let them know
what's going on, then we'llnotify the parents and guardians
and then let them know what'sgoing on.
Then we'll notify the parentsand guardians and then let them
know, and then after that wewait till the next day to notify

(09:57):
students, to kind of let themknow what's going on.
But we also want to let parentsand guardians know so they can
prepare their students for thecoming school day when those
things happen.
So what we also do that you knowsounds cold and cruel is we
actually take the student out ofour system.

(10:18):
We mark them with a decease,and the reason why we do that is
we don't want to have a facultymember come in and see that
student's name or see theirpicture in their roster.
We want to reduce the amount ofthings that could trigger a
faculty member to have you knowto think like, oh my gosh, you

(10:38):
know, this is real, this is youknow, this student's no longer
here.
We don't want to have that.
We want to try to make you knowthat process as streamlined as
possible so we don't haveunnecessary triggers, and that's
kind of why we do that, andthat's the part that I think
sucks the most is when we haveto do those things.
The thing is is we we developplans to for our for the day

(11:06):
after something like thishappens.
So some things that we do Is webring in Multiple counseling
teams.
We have teams, like I said,from our ESU, from other local
school districts, as well aspeople within our school
districts that will be a part ofthat day, and so what we do is
we have different rooms To wherewe have overflow of kids Come

(11:30):
into the counseling office.
We can have them go todifferent people to get the
support they need so they couldtalk out their feelings and
different things like that.
The things you got to rememberis these events may trigger a
student or a faculty member of atrauma that they've had in
their past and a lot of timesthat does happen to where you

(11:53):
know, when you have a death of astudent, they could trigger hey
, I remember, when you know thisfamily member, this happened in
my family and that brings thosetraumas back to not just
students but the faculty members.
So I think it's reallyimportant to make sure you have
supports for your students butalso have supports for your
faculty member.
So I think it's reallyimportant to make sure you have
supports for your students butalso have supports for your

(12:14):
faculty member.
So, for students, what we do iswe have more counselors that
will follow that student'sschedule to check in with those
classes, check in with thoseteachers, check in with those
students that had classes withthat student, so we can make
sure that they're okay and theyunderstand there's people here
to help them.
The other thing we do is, if wetell our faculty what we'll do

(12:38):
is I'll have a meeting withfaculty, I'll give them the
facts, even though I send anemail, I'll talk to them about
hey, these are the supports wehave.
These are the things we want tobe able to do.
We're going to try to makeschool as normal as possible.
Kind of grieve, let kids talkabout it.

(13:01):
But, yeah, it's okay forfaculty members to grieve and if
they need support, we havepeople that are in the building
that will actually step intotheir room so they can
decompress and get out and getthemselves to a spot where they
can go back and do the work thatthey need to do.
It becomes a very long and toughday, but we have a lot of
supports in place to do that andI always want to make my staff

(13:22):
know that.
We know that you're human tooand you're going to grieve,
you're going to have feelingsabout what's going on, and if
you need support, let us know,because we'll get that support
to you.
And if you need to talk tosomebody, here's some things we
can do to help support that.
So I think that's another piece, too is taking care of your
staff as well as your students,and for me, one thing that I do

(13:48):
is I try to get to my staffmembers.
I will go to the staff memberswith the student, check in on
them and then I try to check inon all the other staff members
to make sure they're doing okay,see where they're at, make sure
if they need support and thosethings like that.
So that's really important thatI do as a building principal is

(14:09):
to make sure my staff is okay,as well as the students when it
comes down to it.
And if a staff member sees astudent struggling and the
student needs support, we sendthem to the counseling it.
And if a staff member sees astudent struggling and the
student needs support, we sendthem to the counseling office
and from there, the counselorswill get them to a person to
help them get the support theyneed, especially if we have a

(14:30):
lot of people coming in that areupset and grieving through that
process.
I think that's really, reallyimportant to do as well With
that.
As a principal, these things aretough.
I had to learn to take care ofmyself, too.

(14:51):
I worry about my staff, I worryabout my students.
But I did a lot of reflectingon this last one.
I mean, it wasn't very long agothat we had to assemble a
crisis team due to a studentdeath, and really I thought a
lot, and that's why I kind ofstepped away the last couple of
weeks from podcasting, becausethis just bothered me.

(15:14):
I didn't understand why we havethis happening, why did we have
these types of deaths over thelast three years?
And here's some things I want toshare with you.
We are in a mental healthcrisis.
We're not just in an academiccrisis, we're in a mental health

(15:36):
crisis.
So we have students thatstruggle with academic, but we
also have students that arestruggling with their mental
health.
In a 2021 survey by theNational Center for Education
Statistics, 70% of publicschools report an increase in
students seeking mental healthservices and 76% of students
report staff voicing concernsabout students' percent of

(16:00):
students report staff voicingconcerns about students'
depression, anxiety and trauma.
And that comes back in 2022.
Not very long ago, thosestatistics are true, and here's
the challenge that I have foryou guys.
We train our faculty torecognize signs of distress.
We train them.
I know, because I go throughthe training.

(16:21):
I know what the signs are, Iknow what they are, but my next
thing is are we training ourstudents?
Do we need to train ourstudents to understand those
same signs and distresses thatwe can recognize as faculty
members?
Because, let's think about it,we can only see so much and do

(16:44):
so much with what we have.
But guess who is that firstline of defense?
It's our students.
And so what if we trained ourstudents on how to recognize the
signs and how to handle thosethings, because sometimes
teenagers or students are thefirst ones to see their peer in

(17:04):
crisis, but they don't alwaysknow what to do.
They don't always understandthat what seems like to be the
end of a temporary problem is apermanent solution.
You know, their brains arestill developing.
They have prefrontal cortexesas the part of the
responsibility for long-termplanning and rational

(17:27):
decision-making.
Their prefrontal cortex is notall the way developed until
they're about age 25.
That's why teens see permanentsolutions to temporary problems.
And how can we fix that?
How can we teach our kids torecognize the signs, get an
adult involved?
How can we intervene asteachers before it's too late?

(17:49):
Or as educators, can we empowerstudents to help with that so
they could speak up and supporteach other, so we as adults can
help intervene quicker?
I don't know if that's asolution, but that's something
I've been thinking about a lot.
I would like to invite you guysto collaborate on this.
You know I don't have all theanswers, but I'm asking
questions.

(18:10):
I'm trying to figure this out.
As educational leaders, we needto figure out how can we help
our students recognize thesethings so maybe we can try to
prevent some of these tragediesfrom happening With that guys.
I hope that you guys reach outand if you guys have ideas on

(18:32):
things about how we can getbetter at trying to help our
students so we don't have thesethings, I'd love to hear from
you.
I have the fan mail link thatyou can just send to me.
You know, hey, I have this ideaand I'd really like to hear
from you and I'd like to connectwith you on solutions to this
issue that I've seen grow overthe last four or five years as a

(18:57):
principal, grow over the lastfour or five years as a
principal.
So I thank you guys forlistening to this very deeply
personal episode and if you takeanything away from this
conversation, let it be this.
Leadership in times of crisis isnot about having all the
answers.
It's about showing up withcompassion, clarity and the
courage to ask the hardquestions.

(19:19):
It's how do I show up for myfaculty, how do I show up for my
students, how do I show up in away that I'm supporting them
through this crisis?
That's important to remember,but also, you need to take care
of yourself as well.
I hope you guys will reach outand give me ideas on how I can

(19:39):
help my students, so we are notgoing through this crisis
anymore and, honestly, I'm tiredof having to work through a
crisis team and I'm reallyhoping that we can figure out
solutions so we can help ourstudents, so they don't feel
like they have to have apermanent solution to a

(20:02):
temporary issue.
And so, with that said, guys, Ihope you guys have a great day.
I hope you guys are findingways to help your students
emotionally.
And until next time, take careof yourself and take care of one
another.