April 1, 2021 • 16 mins
How do you get unstuck? There are times when you know that something is "off" with you and that you're the only one that can address it. Whether it's a career, a relationship or its lifestyle related, there are 4 things to consider. In today's episode I'm diving into changes you initiate to build a better life that aligns with who you are.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Oh my gosh adulting! I havenavigated some major life
changes many times and had noguide. I was in it before I knew
how to get through it. So therewas so much fall out that I
could have avoided had I hadbetter resources; had I've been
(00:21):
better equipped. So this topicis near and dear to my heart.
What I'm hoping that you willget out of this is some help in
how to navigate radical lifechanges. So when I say radical
life changes, what I'm actuallytalking about is major life
(00:43):
changes. And when you thinkabout what those are, major life
changes are things that arecontrollable, and some are not
controllable. They are thingslike separation, marriage,
divorce, deaths in the family,imprisonment, injury, illness,
(01:06):
job loss, retirement, they spana lot of areas. It spans
familiar areas, financial,health related topics, they are
the social aspects of livinglife. And we could go on and on
(01:27):
and on. What I would like to dofor the conversation we're going
to have today is just to focuson the changes that you initiate
when you are on your path tobuild a better life. Because
those are things that althoughnone of this is light, right,
all of this is heavy, is evenheavier. Based on some factors,
(01:53):
like what's been going on inyour family's history, I just
want to spend a couple minutestoday, thinking about the impact
of the changes that you aregoing to initiate, the ones that
you have initiated, becauseyou're on your way to building a
better life. So the term thatthis took when I started
(02:16):
researching this topic that Iwasn't actually prepared to take
was one around mental health.
And I mean, I get it, I totallyget it as somebody who's gone
through so many things. And I amwholeheartedly a believer in
mental health professionals, Imyself have had many therapists
(02:37):
in my life, as an individual,I've also had marriage therapy.
And so I understand the valueand the power there. But what I
didn't think about as I wasgetting prepared for this was
the impact on our mental healthfrom a guilt, shame and
uncertainty standpoint, andthinking about initiating a
(03:02):
change, there are certainly alot of emotions that go into it.
So these were not a foreignconcepts. You know, I think
about you making a major careerchange, being in a place of
employment, and thinking aboutleaving to become an
(03:22):
entrepreneur or leaving to goand work for another company.
You know, there are some somepieces that go along with that
decision that you have to workthrough. I know when I was
thinking about leaving anemployer some time ago to go
back out into entrepreneurship,you know, the things that I had
(03:43):
to consider was the financialimpact on my family, obviously,
children who are athletes, youknow, husband and wanting to
know how this income change wasgoing to affect all of these
people, the family that arearound me, as I'm going through
these changes, all of thatbrought up some feelings that I
(04:06):
hadn't considered outside of,you know, the good things,
right. So going out to work formyself and become an
entrepreneur means freedom. Itmeans a lot of great things. But
it also means that if I don'tsucceed there, my family is
going to suffer, right? If Idon't succeed, and I've
sacrificed time away from myfamily, then I'm going to feel
(04:30):
terrible about that. So therewas this impact that I had to
work through in order to makethat change. The thing about the
mental health piece is that alot of this is outside of our
control, right? Like we talkabout mindset all the time in my
friend groups, and it's a greatideal, but putting that into
(04:55):
practice is a completelydifferent topic.
So Understanding that when thesethings happen, even when you
initiate them, you're going towant to have some tools in place
to be able to navigate them foryour mental health's sake. There
is also a need for you to checkin with your resiliency. Because
(05:20):
at the end of the day, we can'tpredict the future. And anytime
we're making radical lifechanges, we know that there are
going to be things that areoutside of our control, there
are going to be people affected,in most cases, by your decision.
So having the wherewithal toknow that you will get through
(05:41):
all of these unexpected turns isimportant. So let's talk about
what's needed. When you arenavigating radical change, there
are four things that I want tospend a little more time talking
about today. And one of them isa plan.
(06:03):
Now, I realize that not everyoneis comfortable planning.I have a
couple sisters who are like"Let's go." And that's it,
they've made the decision. Andthey are on to executing on such
decision. I tend to be aplanner. So I'm going to think
things through try to figure outall of the angles, I'm
considering all of the keyplayers, the stakeholders. It
(06:28):
can take months or years whereI'm running through what the
effects are going be. Call it acontrol thing. Sure that makes
sense. But I advocate making aplan, even when you know that
there are going to beuncontrollables. Because I think
that there should be someresponsibility around the
decisions you're making. Right?
I also think that having a planwill help you identify some of
(06:53):
the needs that are going to comeup as you make these
adjustments, right, if you are,whether again, it's a career
related decision, whether it isrelationship related decision,
you want to identify what yourneeds are going to be and maybe
the needs around you, as youmake those decisions.
(07:15):
Second thing that's needed isfor you to really understand how
to tap into your power and howto find strength.The thing about
making major decisions is thatthere are going to be so many
times when you doubt yourself,oh my gosh, do I know this story
(07:38):
very well. And as you are doingthe thing, you are sometimes
thinking about backing out ofit, because sometimes you're hit
with so many different factorsthat you didn't consider it can
be overwhelming. I also knowthat there are those who just
(08:00):
kind of they freeze up, theyjust kind of get stuck as
they're navigating throughsomething new and different. So
understand where your power baseis. What does that mean? That
means that you've got to havesome things in place. So that
when doubt seeks seeps in, andit typically does, when you're
(08:23):
feeling you know, like youshould rescind the offer or take
a step back or just kind of goback to what's comfortable. You
don't do that. So you've plannedfor what it's going to take and
and whether that is making sureyou've got your squad around you
the people that are going tosupport you through it, whether
(08:44):
it means that you've got to lineup some things financially,
whether it means that you haveto build some relationships that
don't exist today. Maybe thereare some professionals that
you're going to need to employto be able to get you through
this transition. Think aboutwhat that looks like and think
(09:04):
about putting that in placebefore you navigate.
The other thing that's needed isreorientation. So this happens
quite a bit for example, asentrepreneurs make the
transition from career toentrepreneurship. I've done it
several times myself and one ofthe things that I've always had
(09:26):
to rely on is my discipline.
Going from someone saying youneed to be here at this time,
every single day to anenvironment where your days are
yours, you can do whatever youwant to do. And there is no body
asking you to do anything. Imean, you are you are working
this thing as you see fit. Youare reorienting how you work.
(09:50):
The same can be said when itcomes to relationships whether
you are walking into arelationship or You're walking
away from a relationship, thereis a pivot that you have to
navigate, there areaccommodations that you now need
to think about that didn't existbefore.
(10:15):
The fourth thing is, this iskind of kind of broad, but it's
getting help versus stayingstuck. So I said this because
when it comes to navigating,life changes, (and I've talked
(10:35):
about maybe askingprofessionals) what I mean by
getting help is understanding,like who you are. There is a
self assessment that needs tohappen, when you are making a
decision to make a change. Youknow, as I've been talking about
entrepreneurship, as an example,what I've found when I've
(10:59):
coached entrepreneurs, and I'vebeen doing it for decades, is
that most entrepreneurs have atalent in an area. And they've
gotten some kind of feedbackthat this is a talent that they
should take on the road, so tospeak, or take to the
marketplace. And so they go, andthey are good at a thing, they
(11:23):
have a talent, but that does nottranslate 100% into owning a
business. As a matter of fact,what typically happens in a
small business is that the smallbusiness owner oriented towards
the operational side of theirbusiness, so they make the
thing, they create the thing.
But there are other sides ofthat company that are needed,
(11:46):
there is marketing, the thing,there is handling the finances
of that enterprise. So they walkout, and they're very confident
in what they can do, and don'tnecessarily account for all of
the other areas that they cannotdo. And that self assessment is
(12:08):
necessary in terms of makingsure that that that change is
positive and it is successfuland sustainable. And I would
say, I would challenge you, ifyou're thinking about that kind
of change to be honest withyourself. On the relationship
side of the equation, that thesame is true, you know, there
(12:28):
are those of us who have been inrelationships for so long, for
so much of our adult lives. Theidea of being a single person,
not in a relationship issomething that you've really got
to take account for. Becauseit's different.
So these are some things tothink about as you're navigate.
(12:52):
What I want to close with isplanting the seed for what's on
the other side of change. Andagain, we're talking about
intentional changes, that you'vedecided to initiate because you
want to build a better life, ifyou are in that spot. And as
you're navigating thatunderstand that the other side
(13:15):
of this transition is one whereyou have your well being in
mind, and that you can besuccessful at whatever the next
area is that you decide toparticipate in. There is a
(13:37):
reason we are called out of onething and into another thing.
And I just want you to bemindful of that. And these
desires we have they are they'renot coming out of nowhere. But
honestly, in most cases, they'recoming out of a place of
alignment, because somehow we'vegotten out of alignment. So I
(13:59):
would just encourage you tonavigate this with your eyes
wide open. I've learned thatvisualization, manifestation,
gratitude practices, journaling,there are a lot of tools and
ways to move through thisjourney. I also have leaned most
(14:21):
heavily into my faith. And ithas been the number one source
of power and strength for me. Ihope that you have something in
place that will help younavigate as well. So I hope
you're empowered. I hope thatyou know that you are not alone
as you navigate. Don't bescared. We're here for you.
(14:42):
We've got your back. This is acommunity and you can do this.
Sound good?
Oh my gosh adulting! I havenavigated some major life
changes many times and had noguide. I was in it before I knew
how to get through it. So therewas so much fall out that I
could have avoided had I hadbetter resources; had I've been
(00:21):
better equipped. So this topicis near and dear to my heart.
What I'm hoping that you willget out of this is some help in
how to navigate radical lifechanges. So when I say radical
life changes, what I'm actuallytalking about is major life
(00:43):
changes. And when you thinkabout what those are, major life
changes are things that arecontrollable, and some are not
controllable. They are thingslike separation, marriage,
divorce, deaths in the family,imprisonment, injury, illness,
(01:06):
job loss, retirement, they spana lot of areas. It spans
familiar areas, financial,health related topics, they are
the social aspects of livinglife. And we could go on and on
(01:27):
and on. What I would like to dofor the conversation we're going
to have today is just to focuson the changes that you initiate
when you are on your path tobuild a better life. Because
those are things that althoughnone of this is light, right,
all of this is heavy, is evenheavier. Based on some factors,
(01:53):
like what's been going on inyour family's history, I just
want to spend a couple minutestoday, thinking about the impact
of the changes that you aregoing to initiate, the ones that
you have initiated, becauseyou're on your way to building a
better life. So the term thatthis took when I started
(02:16):
researching this topic that Iwasn't actually prepared to take
was one around mental health.
And I mean, I get it, I totallyget it as somebody who's gone
through so many things. And I amwholeheartedly a believer in
mental health professionals, Imyself have had many therapists
(02:37):
in my life, as an individual,I've also had marriage therapy.
And so I understand the valueand the power there. But what I
didn't think about as I wasgetting prepared for this was
the impact on our mental healthfrom a guilt, shame and
uncertainty standpoint, andthinking about initiating a
(03:02):
change, there are certainly alot of emotions that go into it.
So these were not a foreignconcepts. You know, I think
about you making a major careerchange, being in a place of
employment, and thinking aboutleaving to become an
(03:22):
entrepreneur or leaving to goand work for another company.
You know, there are some somepieces that go along with that
decision that you have to workthrough. I know when I was
thinking about leaving anemployer some time ago to go
back out into entrepreneurship,you know, the things that I had
(03:43):
to consider was the financialimpact on my family, obviously,
children who are athletes, youknow, husband and wanting to
know how this income change wasgoing to affect all of these
people, the family that arearound me, as I'm going through
these changes, all of thatbrought up some feelings that I
(04:06):
hadn't considered outside of,you know, the good things,
right. So going out to work formyself and become an
entrepreneur means freedom. Itmeans a lot of great things. But
it also means that if I don'tsucceed there, my family is
going to suffer, right? If Idon't succeed, and I've
sacrificed time away from myfamily, then I'm going to feel
(04:30):
terrible about that. So therewas this impact that I had to
work through in order to makethat change. The thing about the
mental health piece is that alot of this is outside of our
control, right? Like we talkabout mindset all the time in my
friend groups, and it's a greatideal, but putting that into
(04:55):
practice is a completelydifferent topic.
So Understanding that when thesethings happen, even when you
initiate them, you're going towant to have some tools in place
to be able to navigate them foryour mental health's sake. There
is also a need for you to checkin with your resiliency. Because
(05:20):
at the end of the day, we can'tpredict the future. And anytime
we're making radical lifechanges, we know that there are
going to be things that areoutside of our control, there
are going to be people affected,in most cases, by your decision.
So having the wherewithal toknow that you will get through
(05:41):
all of these unexpected turns isimportant. So let's talk about
what's needed. When you arenavigating radical change, there
are four things that I want tospend a little more time talking
about today. And one of them isa plan.
(06:03):
Now, I realize that not everyoneis comfortable planning.I have a
couple sisters who are like"Let's go." And that's it,
they've made the decision. Andthey are on to executing on such
decision. I tend to be aplanner. So I'm going to think
things through try to figure outall of the angles, I'm
considering all of the keyplayers, the stakeholders. It
(06:28):
can take months or years whereI'm running through what the
effects are going be. Call it acontrol thing. Sure that makes
sense. But I advocate making aplan, even when you know that
there are going to beuncontrollables. Because I think
that there should be someresponsibility around the
decisions you're making. Right?
I also think that having a planwill help you identify some of
(06:53):
the needs that are going to comeup as you make these
adjustments, right, if you are,whether again, it's a career
related decision, whether it isrelationship related decision,
you want to identify what yourneeds are going to be and maybe
the needs around you, as youmake those decisions.
(07:15):
Second thing that's needed isfor you to really understand how
to tap into your power and howto find strength.The thing about
making major decisions is thatthere are going to be so many
times when you doubt yourself,oh my gosh, do I know this story
(07:38):
very well. And as you are doingthe thing, you are sometimes
thinking about backing out ofit, because sometimes you're hit
with so many different factorsthat you didn't consider it can
be overwhelming. I also knowthat there are those who just
(08:00):
kind of they freeze up, theyjust kind of get stuck as
they're navigating throughsomething new and different. So
understand where your power baseis. What does that mean? That
means that you've got to havesome things in place. So that
when doubt seeks seeps in, andit typically does, when you're
(08:23):
feeling you know, like youshould rescind the offer or take
a step back or just kind of goback to what's comfortable. You
don't do that. So you've plannedfor what it's going to take and
and whether that is making sureyou've got your squad around you
the people that are going tosupport you through it, whether
(08:44):
it means that you've got to lineup some things financially,
whether it means that you haveto build some relationships that
don't exist today. Maybe thereare some professionals that
you're going to need to employto be able to get you through
this transition. Think aboutwhat that looks like and think
(09:04):
about putting that in placebefore you navigate.
The other thing that's needed isreorientation. So this happens
quite a bit for example, asentrepreneurs make the
transition from career toentrepreneurship. I've done it
several times myself and one ofthe things that I've always had
(09:26):
to rely on is my discipline.
Going from someone saying youneed to be here at this time,
every single day to anenvironment where your days are
yours, you can do whatever youwant to do. And there is no body
asking you to do anything. Imean, you are you are working
this thing as you see fit. Youare reorienting how you work.
(09:50):
The same can be said when itcomes to relationships whether
you are walking into arelationship or You're walking
away from a relationship, thereis a pivot that you have to
navigate, there areaccommodations that you now need
to think about that didn't existbefore.
(10:15):
The fourth thing is, this iskind of kind of broad, but it's
getting help versus stayingstuck. So I said this because
when it comes to navigating,life changes, (and I've talked
(10:35):
about maybe askingprofessionals) what I mean by
getting help is understanding,like who you are. There is a
self assessment that needs tohappen, when you are making a
decision to make a change. Youknow, as I've been talking about
entrepreneurship, as an example,what I've found when I've
(10:59):
coached entrepreneurs, and I'vebeen doing it for decades, is
that most entrepreneurs have atalent in an area. And they've
gotten some kind of feedbackthat this is a talent that they
should take on the road, so tospeak, or take to the
marketplace. And so they go, andthey are good at a thing, they
(11:23):
have a talent, but that does nottranslate 100% into owning a
business. As a matter of fact,what typically happens in a
small business is that the smallbusiness owner oriented towards
the operational side of theirbusiness, so they make the
thing, they create the thing.
But there are other sides ofthat company that are needed,
(11:46):
there is marketing, the thing,there is handling the finances
of that enterprise. So they walkout, and they're very confident
in what they can do, and don'tnecessarily account for all of
the other areas that they cannotdo. And that self assessment is
(12:08):
necessary in terms of makingsure that that that change is
positive and it is successfuland sustainable. And I would
say, I would challenge you, ifyou're thinking about that kind
of change to be honest withyourself. On the relationship
side of the equation, that thesame is true, you know, there
(12:28):
are those of us who have been inrelationships for so long, for
so much of our adult lives. Theidea of being a single person,
not in a relationship issomething that you've really got
to take account for. Becauseit's different.
So these are some things tothink about as you're navigate.
(12:52):
What I want to close with isplanting the seed for what's on
the other side of change. Andagain, we're talking about
intentional changes, that you'vedecided to initiate because you
want to build a better life, ifyou are in that spot. And as
you're navigating thatunderstand that the other side
(13:15):
of this transition is one whereyou have your well being in
mind, and that you can besuccessful at whatever the next
area is that you decide toparticipate in. There is a
(13:37):
reason we are called out of onething and into another thing.
And I just want you to bemindful of that. And these
desires we have they are they'renot coming out of nowhere. But
honestly, in most cases, they'recoming out of a place of
alignment, because somehow we'vegotten out of alignment. So I
(13:59):
would just encourage you tonavigate this with your eyes
wide open. I've learned thatvisualization, manifestation,
gratitude practices, journaling,there are a lot of tools and
ways to move through thisjourney. I also have leaned most
(14:21):
heavily into my faith. And ithas been the number one source
of power and strength for me. Ihope that you have something in
place that will help younavigate as well. So I hope
you're empowered. I hope thatyou know that you are not alone
as you navigate. Don't bescared. We're here for you.
(14:42):
We've got your back. This is acommunity and you can do this.
Sound good?
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