46. Motherhood

In reflecting on motherhood, I have noticed recurring themes including guilt, selfishness, feeling trapped, loss of identity, the importance of choice, and the exhaustion it brings. Social media often fuels these feelings by portraying idealised stay at home mothers with perfect homes and appearances, suggesting that this is the pinnacle of happiness. In contrast, others share the raw reality of messy hair, fatigue, and perseverance, reminding us that motherhood is not about perfection but persistence.

I no longer judge these differing narratives because people live according to their own beliefs, and fear often keeps them from making authentic choices. My own journey as a mother of three sons has been complex, filled with joy, criticism, and labels ranging from good to selfish mother. I have learned that such opinions reflect others’ biases and insecurities, not my worth.

From age sixteen, I resolved not to live for others’ approval, instead focusing on my strengths, education, and financial independence. When I met my husband at eighteen, we initially agreed on shared responsibilities and no children, but he later changed his mind. We committed to realistic expectations, emotional support, and quality childcare, enabling me to return to work after each child’s first year. Despite societal pressures, I pursued my career and personal growth, ensuring my children understood the reasons behind these decisions.

Motherhood is a vital part of my identity but does not define me entirely. I embrace my humanity, acknowledging mistakes, seeking forgiveness, and striving to improve. I believe traditional gender roles should give way to teamwork, with husbands sharing emotional, physical, and financial responsibilities.

Women must reject guilt and social comparison, focusing instead on strengths, authenticity, and God’s guidance. Motherhood should complement life, not consume it. True fulfilment comes from living authentically, maintaining balance, and recognising worth through divine love, not through societal approval.