🏡 "Navigating Senior Living: Insider Tips and Tricks" 🌟

Episode Transcript
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Nancy May, Eldercare Success: Hello, everybody. (00:03):
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Welcome to another episode of Doingit Best With Eldercare Success.
This is going to be a really informativesession because I am here with Lynn
Smargis, who is a senior care advisorand consultant to helping those of us
who are looking for a place for ourmom and dad to live in a community.

(00:26):
Understanding how those types ofindividuals like Lynn works is so
important to the quality of carethat our folks get, the types of
facilities that we're introducedto, and even understanding how to
work with a professional like Lynn.
And I have some bias on somecertain things that we're going
to talk about, and Lynn and Ihave discussed those in advance.

(00:48):
And, and she understands because she'sgot some concerns about how that, I'll
say, placement industry works as well.
But on that note, let'sdive in real quickly.
And Lynn, thank you so muchfor joining me here today.
I am thrilled to have you here as aguest because this gives us sort of a
A look behind the curtain, I would say.

Lynn Smargis - Guest (01:08):
Yes, and thank you, Nancy, for having me come on
because this is actually a topic Ireally have to educate my clients on
because, you know, most of the timewhen people call me, it's the first
time they've ever used a senior advisor.

Nancy May, Eldercare Success (01:21):
Well, and we all see those ads online, just
call and it's free and everythingelse is going to be just hunky dory.
Well, maybe not so.
And why don't we just dive into the aspectof what should somebody first do when
they're a little concerned that mom ordad may not be able to live on their own

(01:44):
and are looking for a new home for them.
Let's call it that,

Yes.
And, um, before I answer that question,Nancy, one of the things I want to really
briefly touch on is a lot of seniors andtheir adult children are always really
worried about moving their parents fromtheir, home they've been living in for
40, 50 years into retirement living.
And I totally understand that.
But one of the things I always educatemy clients on is that you have to

(02:10):
look at it When mo the, this movein, in this sort of mindset, right?
Like you grow up as a kid and you'rein your parents' home and then you get
married or you don't get married, yougo off to college and you move and then
maybe you get married or find someonedown the line and then you move again,
and then you might move into a biggerhouse 'cause you have kids, and then
you might move into a smaller housebecause then you don't have kids.

(02:31):
Well, this is justanother stage in the step.
It doesn't mean.
That your parents are just goingto just sit around and wait to
pass, This is not what that is.
what happens at that point in their lifeis really up to your parents and how you
can support them, to be as independentas possible based on, what their health
challenges are, things like that.

(02:51):
but to get back to your question,first thing you need to do if you
see that your parent is declining,there's actually a few different
things depending on your circumstance.
One is I always recommend my clientsto, you could go to their GP, but one
of the things you might want to doinstead of going to their GP is to find
a gerontologist to, Consult with youand to do an evaluation of your parent.

(03:14):
And the reason a gerontologistwould be better than a GP is because
gerontologists specialize in senior care.
Now that might not sound like ahuge difference, but the thing is,
is that seniors present differentthings, like specifically infections,
a lot differently medically thansomebody who is not a senior, right?
Like children will presentthings differently then an adult.

(03:36):
And so you want to go to agerontologist because you don't want
somebody to misdiagnose your parents.
I actually had that happened to a clientand they misdiagnosed her mom with
dementia and she didn't have dementia.
But now that's on her medicalrecord and you cannot get that off.
So you want to get an accurate diagnosis.
The next thing I would do or doin conjunction with this is to

(03:56):
say, tell your parents, Hey,I'm really concerned about you.
I want to make sure I can support you.
Let's sit down and go over all of yourdocuments you have, like life insurance,
veterans benefits, social security,like what is their income per month?
What do they have?
What type of financialresources will they have?
What other resources dothey have or not have?
So, you really need to get a goodholistic picture of where they're

(04:19):
sitting, both financially, emotionally,and medically, before you can even
make the first step, to do something.
Because unless you haveall of that information.
to give to even a senior advisor,if you're wanting to hire a senior
advisor or wanting to go with a senioradvisor, you're, you are not going
to have the information you need toplace your parent in the right place.
Retirement living, especially, ifthey think they're forgetting, but

(04:43):
Dementia is a huge deal.
and so is diabetes.
Diabetes is another big one.
especially if it's unmanaged.
So I, I would recommend that wouldbe the first thing I would do if my
parents were in that situation today.

you bring up multiple aspects, but I
think the biggest to start with, well,the first two biggest is to really
get a proper diagnosis of what theircurrent situation is and, You're right.
Adults or seniors do presentdifferently in their medical
situations because dementia may notnecessarily be, what they've got.

(05:16):
It could be a reaction to aprescription that they're on.
Things change over time, and justbecause mom or dad have been on, let's
say, I'll use this as an example, itmay not be the best one, but like blood
pressure medicine, and all of a sudden,now they're having a reaction to it.
Our chemical systems do change and wedo have reactions to medications over

(05:38):
time as our blood gets thinner, ourbodies get more frail, and other things
interact and they may be on differentmedications that are now interacting
with one another that you don't evenknow about because now they've gone to
multiple pharmacies to get what they need.
So that's critical and I agree with you.
Once dementia is on, on a diagnosis.

(06:02):
It's very difficult to get off.

Yes.
And, and with any medical diagnosis thatactually happened with my daughter, they
gave her an incorrect medical diagnosisand she can't get that off her chart.
And every doctor reads that.

And it may not necessarily be accurate.
So, that's, I would say a huge problemwith our whole medical system as well,
but that's probably for another podcast.

Lynn Smargis - Guest: a whole nother series. (06:23):
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Yes, yes.

all the documentation as far as legal and just
as important, More important, I wouldsay, when you're going into a care
facility or any kind of continued careor care home, Is really understanding
the financial situation because carefacilities can ask you to leave after
they've exhausted all your finances.

(06:53):
And most will not admit that.
I would say 99.
9 percent of them will never admit that.
They'll always say, Oh, well,we can figure things out.
Well, yeah, figure things out.
the lack of beds has to do with Medicaid,not Medicare For And anybody listening,
I just want to let you know that scaretactic that a lot of facilities will use

(07:14):
saying, Oh, you got to go now because wehave a bed and we don't have any more.
It's predominantly because theyhave, they're only required to
have a certain percentage of beds.
per facility based on the numberof rooms or beds that they have.
many people call itheads in beds scenario.
But, as listeners know, I am not a fanof care facilities, but I do understand,

(07:37):
I mean, full disclosure, I do understandthat not all of us have the luxury
of being able to keep mom and dad athome with the support that we need.
And it's not so much that the priceor the cost of care or service is
that much different in the long run.
It's just that it takesa little bit more time.
So, anyway, I'm driftingoff the discussion.

There's so many side roads we could go down

Oh my God, we could be, we could be on here for
a year talking about this, but I'm notgoing to burden everybody with that one.
so now let's say I've decidedand mom and dad have agreed that.
I can't take care of them anymore.
I can't do the support for them togive them the help that they need.
It would be best for them to make thattransition into a place that they have

(08:25):
access to community, to events, toactivities, and somebody who's there
just in case in the middle of the night.
an accident happens.
And I think that's probably the biggestadvantage if you do not have 24 or seven
care at home is to know that if thereis an accident or there's some issue
or there's some fear thing that goes onbecause there's night terrors and other

(08:48):
things that can go on based on againit could be a prescription, it could be
a dementia thing, it could be anythingthat's going on that somebody who's alone
or even Worried about a health situationcould get frightened up in the middle
of the night and not know who to call.
So what happens when I've decidedor mom and dad and I have decided

(09:08):
that this is the next step.
I need to call andcontact somebody like you.
What's the best step I do?
Do I type in my name into a websitesaying, Please call me and all of a
sudden I'm barraged by all sorts ofpeople who have never really even toured
a facility that, they may be recommending.

Yeah.
I would recommend you can call andask questions, but do not give anybody
your information because there'sa couple different, quote unquote,

Well, I'm gonna stop you right there.
What kind of informationare you talking about?
You're talking about my

Lynn Smargis - Guest: any personal information. (09:41):
undefined

anything.

not your mom's first name, not your first name,
anything, because there are a varietyof quote unquote services out there
that said they will refer you, butwhat they really do is just take your
information and just send it out to 10different places, and all those places
will call you like within three days.
So it's really stressful,

Nancy May, Eldercare Success: It won't even take three days. (10:00):
undefined
It'll take five seconds.
Trust me.
I do secret shopping of care facilities.

it does.
And then I find the adult children arejust super frustrated, of course, because
who just wants to get sold to, right?
I don't want that.
Nobody wants that.
And, that's typically what they do.
And so once you put your informationonline and the director of a community
gets your information, then youare considered an independent.
Family and then you go, youcould go and tour that facility.

(10:27):
But the problem is if you hire a senioradvisor down the line, because you're
really stressed because all thesecommunities have all these different
roles and all as far as financial andlike who they'll take, who they won't
take And medical and all these things.
And then say you tour three facilitiesand you've given your name to ten
and then you call a senior advisor.
Well, that senior advisor won't be ableto help you because once you put your

(10:47):
name into a system, the senior advisorwon't be able to get paid because we get
paid from the communities and there'sthis really stupid rule and it's in
no other vertical that I've ever seenis that whoever contacts the facility
first gets the commission for thesenior moving into the community, and
I think that is the dumbest rule ever.
I feel like the family should choosewho they want to, represent them.

(11:09):
And so if you decide it's timeto start looking into it, go
online, just look around, do notput your information in anywhere.
Look on the websites, look upreviews, but don't put your
information in and don't give themyour mom's name, your dad's name.
Like any of your family names, becauseum, once you do, then you are in
their system and then that senioradvisor can't get paid to place

(11:30):
you in that retirement facility.

Is that a state or is that a contractual,

that is a national thing as far as I know.
Every senior

Nancy May, Eldercare Success: That's a national thing. (11:37):
undefined
That's a, wow.

every senior advisor I know in every state has, has
run into that issue more than once.

Nancy May, Eldercare Success: Well, I think that's a situation (11:45):
undefined
that's up for a lobby debate.
That's, the big companies are the onesthat have the power to be in that one.
And that's wrong.
basically you sold your rightwithout even knowing that you have
sold your right to some strangeorganization who is now marketing
you and your personal informationwithout you necessarily knowing,

(12:07):
unless you're reading the fine print.
And even still, they may notdisclose it in the fine print.

Oh yeah, they do, but it's like, you know,
nobody reads it, and they also sellyour information to other people.
So it's not just giving itto communities, they sell it.
So there is actually a, I think it'sa congressman from Pennsylvania who is
right now making a move against one of thereally big players that do this, because
he says it's unethical, basically, whatthey're doing, and a conflict of interest,

(12:33):
and so he's actually making politicalmoves against one of the organizations
that do this, because it's just wrong,

Yeah, we're not purposely saying the names because I
don't want to be held liable against that.
It's very easy.
there are at least two majorplayers in this space right now.
So, um, I will give you an example ofwhat happened to me in my Secret Shopping.
Now, both my parents have now passed, So,There's nothing to be sold, at least as

(13:00):
far as their situation, and I'll go in andsay, well, I'm caring for my Aunt Sally.
Or whoever it is.
And one woman, went throughsome financial information.
Look at, I was so appalled by thethe, the amount of information that
she wanted that I said, I'm notcomfortable sharing that information.

(13:20):
She came down to wanting toknow a social security number.
She wanted to knowpensions about insurance.
Did they own a home?
Did they not own a home?
And the list went on, including.
investments, the, I mean, it went downto the penny of what kind of questions
she was asking financially on the phone.
And then, she says, well,okay, what is your budget?

(13:40):
And I gave her a budget, I said,of, I think it was 3, 500 to 4, 500.
And she goes, oh, okay.
Well, that was kind of condescending.
I
mean, it

so sorry.
You don't meet our criteria, Ms.
Nancy.

Nancy May, Eldercare Success: Right, right. (13:54):
undefined
You're not, well, you're notwilling to pay 100, 000 a

not good enough for our community.

it's this, this tactic, the emotional
tactic that they use even so subtly.
And then she says, well, here'sa, based on what you can afford.
Well, thank you, you know, SOB.

Right?

Nancy May, Eldercare Success: thank you, bitch. (14:14):
undefined
I might blank that one out.
But, anyway, So, she said, here's afacility, and now, I was in the area
where we live, so I was particularlyinterested to see what she would tell
me, and, one I know is horrible, one ofthe others that she gave me was the place
that I took my parents out of, whichwas considered one of the nicer ones in

(14:39):
the, it was a very lovely place, I mean,lovely, it was, looks are deceiving.
Let's put it that way.
And, and I said, no, I wouldn'tput my dog in that place.
I'm familiar with it.
And her response was, Oh, really?
The brochure looks so lovely.

of course.
The brochure looks lovely.

so that means that she's in some other state.
I have no idea where she is and sheis just selling the names in the list.
Well, hell, I can do that if that's whatI want to do versus making an appointment.
Why do I need her to do that?

An eighth grader can do that.

Yeah, yeah, probably a third grader can do that.
But even still, the reason why Imention this is because I think it's
so important for those of you who arelistening to really understand, as
I refer to this, is the tricks andthe traps of the aging care business.
And that's not just with carefacilities, it's with everything.

(15:33):
But yeah.
so Lynn, let's explain, let's really coversome of the things that you actually do
to help people go through this process,including making sure that they've
selected the right place based on theirfinances, but also based on the quality
of care that they want, because financesare one thing, but if the quality of

(15:55):
care and service is not there, which isa challenge for many of these places,
because they just don't have the staffing.
to get there and pressures frommanagement continue to grow because
many of them are public companies.
And you, I'm just letting you know, you,the family member is not the customer.
The main customer and concern ofthese facilities that are public

(16:16):
companies are the shareholders.
I'll leave it at that andlet you go from there.

Okay, great.
Thank you, Nancy.
Yeah.
and that is true.
And, one of the reasons why Ireally tried to get my families to,
tour places that are owned, stillindependently owned, which there's
not very many of them because a lotof them have sold to bigger companies.
but.
On your thing of appearance,I 110 percent agree with you.
I have families all the time.
So I live in, my farm is inMcMindle, which is a town that's

(16:44):
an hour south of Portland.
And we're right in the middleof wine and hazelnut country.
So a lot of people know this area.
It's actually a reallybig, retirement area.
A lot of people like to come herebecause it's like, it's rural.
It's really nice.
It's suburbs, but it's justa really nice lifestyle.
Like you have everything you want here.
And then if you want togo into Portland, you can.
It's, The reason why I movedhere two years ago, I loved it.
Like, I'm probably

I'll bring my glass of wine when I go tour
facilities and that there the twain shall

We actually have a facility called Vineyard
Heights and it's wine themed.

I love it.
All right.
Great.
I want to die with aglass of wine in my hand.

Right?
Like, that's not bad.
Yeah, that is not a bad proposition.

Nancy May, Eldercare Success: maybe a case and a straw. (17:19):
undefined

Yes, if you ever want really good
wine, come out to McMinnville.
You can go to any supermarket andbuy cases of wine very easily,
and, and all sorts of things.
And Pinot is our, signature wine here.
So if you love Pinot, comeout to McMinnville, Oregon.
You will have the best Pinotexperience you have ever

Nancy May, Eldercare Success: This is probably the best (17:36):
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conversation I've had so far.
Wine and aging care.
I always joke with people, I sayeverybody wants to come to McMinnville
to retire just for the wine.
That sounds like a good place to

Right, it's not a bad plan, I can tell you that.
But yeah, but getting backto the appearance thing, I
absolutely agree with you on that.
One of the places we havehere is called Hillside.
and Hillside is a nice place.
There's nothing that I, that hasred flag, I call it red flag wrong.
if you walk into a place andyou're like, oh, that's a red flag.
and, but people know it because it'sthe biggest place in McMinnville.

(18:07):
So we, the McMinnville has a populationof 35, 000, to give you some context.
We have 8, 000 people.
Eight Senior Retirement LivingPlaces in McMinnville, which
is a lot for this small town.
But because it's a big retirement area,people build retirement places here.
And so anyway, almost every clientthat wants to look in McMinnville
was Oh, I want to look at Hillside.
I want to look at Hillside.
Like repeatedly, because they knowit because they see and they're

(18:28):
like, Oh, it looks so beautiful.
It's like, yes, it does look beautiful.
And there are a lot ofindependent cottages there.
And there are advantagesto living in Hillside.
However, Hillside is a, What's knownas a CCRC, which is a Continuing
Care Retirement Community.
And for those of you who don't know whatthat is, that is a community that has all
levels of care from independent living,assisted memory care, skilled nursing,

(18:49):
which used to be called nursing homes.
And now they call it skillednursing facility and rehab.
The advantage of that is nomatter what level of care you
need, you always have it there.
So you never have to moveout of your community.
The disadvantage is,is you have to put it.
up front, a large fee, anywhere from50, 000 to 2 million, depending on the
location, the community, what they'reoffering you, and it really varies.

(19:10):
Of course, like the biggercottage you want, the more
upfront fee you have to pay.
and down the line, if you decideyou don't like it, guess what?
You've just lost that huge chunkof deposit you put there, and then
you have to move and pay a newregistration fee somewhere else.
That's not going to be that much.
So, a CCRC is different from, Just whatI call a regular retirement community,
a regular retirement community, whichusually has like independent and assisted,

(19:32):
or it'll have assisted and memory care,or it might have a different combination.
You usually have to pay a registrationfee of anywhere from 1, and that's a one
time fee, and then you have like yourregular rent and care on top of that.
So it's a way lower cost.
Upfront Cost, and I always tellmy clients, like one client I
toured, they were, they're like,oh, I want to go to Hillside.

(19:53):
I'm like, okay, I will tour you onHillside, but I will let you know
right now up front that I neversuggest a continuing care retirement
community to any of my clients whohave less than an eight figure savings.
Because, and the reason is, is becauseit's not that you couldn't afford it
if you had a seven figure savings, butif you did get in there and you decided
to move somewhere else, it's That'sgoing to take a huge chunk of your

(20:13):
retirement money off the plate thatyou have no control over getting back.
And so I don't want to see my clients bein that situation if for some reason they
decide they don't want to be in a CCRC.
And so that's why I always say don'tgo looking at CCRCs unless you have
an eight figure retirement savings.
Because then if you do makethat mistake, it's not going to
hurt as much in your pocketbook.

I'm going to stop you right there a second.
Have you heard of people who arein CCRC, Continued Care Retirement
Communities, who have been asked to leavebecause they have, run out of assets?

I have not,

Because that's what the upfront fee is typically
about, is to make sure that you don't,

Right.
So what I have been told by a couple,two or three different directors of
CCRCs is they said, if you run outof assets, we will keep you here.
However, if you run out of assetsbecause you gamble them or you
become, addicted to alcohol andyou're just spending it on alcohol,
then they, then that nullifies that.
But if it's just like cancer or whatever,and it really drained your, your

(21:11):
funds because of medical or somethingelse that was not something, that
was unnecessary, then from what I'veheard, I, they will keep you there.
I have never heard of anybody gettingkicked out of a CCRC because they
couldn't afford it, but again, it may havehappened and I just don't know about it.
Right.

many of them will say, upon your passing, if
there is money left over in that poll,80 percent of that will go back to
your heirs or to your beneficiaries.
My response to that is good luck.

Well, yeah, so here's the thing I always tell my clients.
If you're going into a CCRC,before you sign anything, take that
paperwork to an eldercare attorney.
An eldercare attorney specifically, notjust a general attorney, but an eldercare
or someone who deals with estate planning.
And have them read it over, because youwant to make sure that there's nothing
in that paperwork that is, going to biteyou in the butt, so to speak, later on.

(22:06):
and so I always tell people that don'tsign anything unless you've taken that
to an attorney, because it's goingto be well worth your 1, 500 or 2,
500, whatever it is, for them to justreview that contract for you and make
sure there are no red flags in it.
Because again, like my dad used tosay growing up, and I always used
to be like, oh dad, you're so silly.
Absolutely true.
The only two things that areguaranteed in life are death and taxes.

Well, the other thing too is, attorneys are not
necessarily designed or I would say designis the wrong term, but attorneys are not
necessarily financially astute, which israther interesting to, to think about.
And my experience working in thecorporate world for so long and contracts
and at high levels in the boards ofdirectors and whatnot, is that their

(22:47):
skill is really in telling you what notto do, not how to do something well.
So, what we do here is we do reviewcare facility contracts so people
understand, so they actually canlook at where the hidden traps are.
An attorney's not going to know what'sgoing to happen behind closed doors
when they don't, they may know thatfacility, but they don't know necessarily

(23:08):
what those details might be to you.
Like a change in a contract rulewhere all of a sudden now there's a
higher price and you only have, let'ssay, disposal income of, 10, 000 a
month and now your brought it up to15, 000 a month or 30, 000 a month
where my parents were ended up being.
It's like, wait a second.
So understanding what questionsto ask and where the rules change

(23:30):
along the way is critical to anybodyat this point in, in life so that.
We don't, I would say we really don'tget it taken advantage of, or as
I like to say, you don't get screwglued and tattooed along the way.

Right.
Yeah.
And to your point too, that's one of the

Like mom doesn't need a tramp stamp.

Right, exactly.
That's one of the things I really dofor my families is I ask all of those
questions because I'm in the industry,so I know the questions to ask that my,
my clients may not know to ask because,you know, they're just looking, they're
stressed, they've been taking care oftheir, they may have been taking care
of their parents for years at thispoint and they're tired and exhausted.
So I'm really big on advocating for myfamilies and asking all the questions

(24:12):
and I will tell them if somethingdoesn't look right at a community,
I'll be like, if I were you, what?
My personal advice is I would not go here.

Now you're unusual because not every
senior care advisor who gets paid bythe facility would necessarily do that

oh no, but I, I like, honestly, Nancy, I couldn't sleep
with myself at night if I didn't do that.

Well, this is why I'm bringing this up,
and you work only in the Oregon area.
That's your territory right

Yes, but I can actually refer people to a
senior advisor anywhere in the U.
S.
because I'm part of a nationwide certifiedsenior advisor membership directory.
So if somebody has a parentin like Boston, Mass.
I can refer them to someone there.
But getting back to your thing, one of thethings I tell people that a lot of people
don't know is that these communitieswhen they make their policy, there's no

(24:57):
like Federal regulation and things likethat, govern all these, every community
makes their own individual policies.
So you go to one CCRC, they're, whatyou get back and what their rules are
completely different from another one.
So don't ever assume you go to oneCCRC and you're like, oh this looks
okay, and then you go to anotherone and it's going to be the same.

(25:17):
They're, Their financial requirementsand financial guidelines and rules they
make up are, can be completely different.
So don't ever assume that one facility isthe same as another facility unless it is
a facility that's run by like Brookdale.
There's like a bazillion Brookdalesand they pretty much all have the same

And they've been through some major lawsuits, as well.
So, do yourself a favor and doinvestigate, litigation, the name of the
facility and understand who the parentcompany is because many of them are
also what I call stacked corporations.
So the service that is, is under the nameof the company or the organization or

(25:55):
the facility that you may be going into.
Could be owned by several differentmultiple layers of LLC or, or LLPs
based on the situation because thisis a hot investment area for a lot of,
funds and groups that are out therebased on the size of the population
and what's happening down the road.
And you just know that if there isa situation where you feel that you

(26:19):
want to sue because of a result of awrongdoing, it is going to be next to
impossible to get at where the money is.

and yeah, so one thing too is if you want to check online,
you want to go to your state ombudsmanwhich is spelled o m b u d s o I mean,
yes, Ombudsman, I, I have to look up theorigin of that because that, I, that word.
Anyway, and each state is regulatedby the, like each place is
regulated by the state you live in.

(26:49):
So, like California's laws are goingto be different than Oregon, they're
different than Tennessee and Florida.
So, you really have to go on yourstate, the state website that your
parents could be placed in if youlive out of state and find out, not
just, the number they have, right?
But you have to, look at whatactually happened, because some, one
place might have five, but it's not

Nancy May, Eldercare Success: Oh, violations, right? (27:08):
undefined

right, sorry, violations, but they might, they might
be really minor, as to, like, one placemight have two, but they were both abuse.
So, those, I would say, those twowith abuse, I would be way more
concerned about than the five orsix that had, minor things happen.

Nancy May, Eldercare Success: we did a podcast with the (27:23):
undefined
National Ombudsman Association,the head of that, a while back.
I'll put a link in theepisode notes to that.
As well as several, we did with twomajor attorneys who were dealing
with litigation issues for family.
The thing there to understand is that evenwith the ombudsman, an ombudsman can only.
enforce the, the medical requirements.

(27:46):
of a resident.
And you as a family membercannot make that complaint.
Your parent, the resident, has to makethe complaint if there's an issue.
And many, many people are scaredto death of making a complaint
for fear of retribution.
And that depends upon how the, Facilityis managed, and you don't know what's
going on as far as those relationshipsgo with management when you're not there.

(28:10):
As it relates to litigation, that'sa whole nother format, because most
of your contracts out there, youwill be signing a, an arbitration
clause, not a right to sue.
And arbitration cases are not public, theresults of the arbitration, the outcomes.
So, major things can happen,and you may never know about it.

(28:31):
And my feeling is that the bestway to find out about those is
to really dig deep and find outwho's been there, what's going on.
Talk to aides and people who work there.
Find out who's there.
You will, I'll, my term, not theirs, but aperson who works at the lowest level of a

(28:52):
facility, will squeal like a pig and tell

And so will the residents, so will the

Right.
Well, and residents may not necessarilytell you everything because again,
they may be afraid of something orit may be a bad day or there may
be something else that's going on.
But yeah, you want to really doyour, your homework and don't make
these decisions when you're all of asudden in a situation in a hospital
and the hospital is telling you, youneed to put mom in a care facility.

(29:19):
Or at a, or you're at a rehab and nowyou only have two weeks to get out and
figure out what you're going to do.
Do not make these decisionsunder duress, please.
this, this really should takeseveral months to decide what
to do and how to do it well.

Yeah, and one of the things too, if you do find
you need like care really quickly andyou don't know what to do, a really
good option that I give my clientsis, what's called Respite Care.
So We have in Oregon what's called AdultFoster Homes, and I, it's a weird name,
but basically what it is, is a residentialhome that has five or six bedrooms,
and each senior has their own bedroom.

(29:53):
You can always go and find a really nice,Place like that for two or three months
until you can actually sit there andthink about do we want to do like, think
long term so you can put them somewherefor respite care for one to three months.
and in the meantime, they're gettingthe care they need in a smaller home.
It's much better because,it's a smaller home.
It's more intimate.
but one of the things I do formy clients is I will go in and.

(30:19):
I tour the communities like before I havebring my clients in 99 percent of the time
sometimes there's a place that fits andI haven't toured it but I'm up front with
my clients I call and talk to the directorI don't just look at the brochure ask
them all the questions and if I feel likeit's a good fit to tour I'll tell them
hey I called and talked to the director.
I haven't physically been to this placeyet, but I think this is a good place

(30:40):
to tour and we'll set up an appointment.
Um, but one of the things I do is I willgo in to be like 15 minutes before my tour
appointment and I'll sit in the waitingroom and I'll look around and I'll see
what people are doing, how they're doing.
And one time I was at a community andthere was a group of seniors just sitting
around in the, you know, in the area.
I was talking and I waslike, hi, how are you doing?

(31:00):
Just chatting with them.
And I said, Hey, I want tohave a question for you.
What do you think of the food here?
And one of the

Nancy May, Eldercare Success: Oh, good question. (31:06):
undefined
Good question,

and one of the senior ladies goes,
Oh my God, it's horrible.
I wouldn't feed it to my dog.
I was like, Oh really?
I'm like, why don't you like the food?
She's like, it's terrible.
It has no taste.
It's disgusting.
And then she goes, Ohwait, do you work here?
I said, no, I'm an independent advisor.
I don't work here at all.
I said, so I just want to say, I'mlike, thank you for your opinion.
I really appreciate that.
I ask people like, like, howdo you like your care here?

(31:29):
Like, what do you feel about it?
And I had one gentleman ina different community say he
absolutely loved the community.
He was in a different communityand it was too restrictive.
They're like no TV after 10.
Like it was, it was all this and he'slike, and I moved here and he's like,
it's like a breath of fresh air.
the people are friendly.
I feel like the staffreally cares about you.
So I always go in ahead of timeand talk to the seniors because the

(31:50):
seniors will tell you everything.

Well, yeah, they have the time, they're living it.
They're experiencing it all the time.
And yeah, that's important.
No TV after.

right?
I thought that

Nancy May, Eldercare Success: parents are not children. (32:01):
undefined

Yeah, I know.

it's not

Lynn Smargis - Guest: it's not a dorm room. (32:05):
undefined

Nancy May, Eldercare Success: hope it's not prison, but in any (32:08):
undefined
case, that's not what you want.
The other thing too is that if youneed to make a decision very quickly,
there is absolutely no reason whyyou can't hire an agency for a short
period of time to do 24/7 care if it'sneeded in your parent's home for them.
typically you don't getthe same aid on each shift.

(32:28):
You can ask for it, but that's not,that's not typical because the agencies
are so desperate themselves also for aidsand caregivers, as are the facilities.
So that's an important to know, butthat is an option to be aware of.
And like I said, don't make adecision, that you're going to
regret in a very short period of

I will tell you if you decide to have someone come
into your house, because my my motherin law did that and she had 24 7 care.
She spent all 20, 000 a month andthey did not get her up enough to move
and she ended up getting a bed sore.
So always ask the agency, how often doyou get my parent up to move around?
Or how often, if you're, ifthey're bedridden, how often
are you going to turn my parent?

(33:09):
If they don't say every twohours, then find somewhere

Nancy May, Eldercare Success: Well, and that's going to (33:12):
undefined
happen in a care facility too.
So we're not just going to blame theaides or the agencies, but, in those
particular cases, especially since you getthe care in your own home, get a camera

Oh,

Nancy May, Eldercare Success: up to your phone. (33:24):
undefined
And, uh, most facilities,this is interesting.
Most facilities will not allow youto put a camera in your parent's
residential apartment because it'snot yours, but in a way it is.
So, my attitude is, screw it.
Where there's a will, there's a way.

right?
Yeah.
And yeah, and the thing, especiallyat home, you can put video cameras in
every room and have them all connected.
And then you can see them in real time.
So you can see and record what is actuallygoing on in your parent's home with the
caregivers themselves and seeing are theyreally telling the truth when you call to,
see what's going on and things like that.
But yeah, I mean, I, Ithink in home care is great.

(34:05):
I, for me in Oregon, not a lotof my clients can afford that
because it's just really pricey.

but it's also a different quality or level of care.
One on one versus, Oneresident to 17 aides.
So that's just somethingto understand going on.
But, before we close out, are thereany major things that you think people
need to, consider before they make thisdecision to go into a care facility, Lynn?

Yes, um, and it actually applies to Medicaid.
So one of the things I have clientscall me and they say, oh, you know,
we have, limited funds, so we'regoing to put Mom or Dad on Medicaid.
There's a couple things I want youto know your listeners know about
Medicaid, that not a lot of people knowabout because this scene is changing
so fast, especially within the pastyear or two, it's changed incredibly.

(34:52):
Um,

And it changes by state by state because
Medicaid is a state funded, service.
So just understand that.

Right, I will tell you one thing, you do not want
to be on Medicaid in California.
That is a nightmare, like, thatis a nightmare in a bad dream.
Like, that's, it's, I, oh mygosh, you don't want to be
on Medicaid in California.
but here's the thing with Medicaid.
So, in the past, more facilities inOregon and other places would accept
Medicaid patients, like, just directlyon Medicaid, because the acuity rating,

(35:22):
which is, like, how much staff you have tohave to each resident, was more lenient.
So, maybe before, itwas, like, you needed.
One Aid for 10 People.
Well, now they need, the acuity ratingin Oregon in the past year has changed.
So now you have, you need more caregiversfor the same amount of people you
have at your retirement community.

(35:43):
So what's that going todo to the money, right?
Like you can't accept more peopleon Medicaid now, because medicaid
Especially for assisted living,it doesn't cover the cost of care.
So you have to balance, if you don't wantto go out of business, you have to balance
your books and say, okay, well, we canonly accept X amount of people on Medicaid
in order to be able to pay the caregiversso we can meet our acuity rating.

(36:04):
And there have been places in Oregonthat have unfortunately had to shut
down because they didn't have themoney to meet that acuity rating
because they had too many peopleon Medicaid and vice versa, right?
Like there's a lot of different reasons.
anyway.
The point being is that before you jumpon the Medicaid bandwagon, first of
all, I will say, don't let your parentsgift any money to anybody, because

(36:25):
everybody thinks, oh, my parents willjust gift the money and they'll look poor.
Medicaid does a five year look back,and a lot of people don't know that.
I had a client come to me andsaid, Oh, well, we're going
to put our dad on Medicaid.
I said, the first thing I always askpeople is, has your dad or mom gifted any
money to anybody in the past five years?
And she said, well, yeah, my momgifted each of us a quarter million
dollars before she died two years ago.

(36:47):
I said, you're not, your parentsnever going to get on Medicaid.
And she's like, why?
And I say, you cannot giftmoney and get on Medicaid.
Like there are certain thingsyou can spend money on.
It's called a spend down, butthey have to be medical in nature.
There are some things on your home.
It varies by state.
So you always have tocheck into your state.
Specific state regulations.
I am not a Medicaid expert, but thegeneral information, I know in dealing

(37:09):
with my clients is a lot of clients getstuck, but the only option they have is
to take their parent into their home totake care of them 24 7, because they were
planning on putting them on Medicaid.
but mom or dad gifted money to somebody.
And, now they can't get on Medicaidbecause they gifted money to somebody,
of course, right before they passedaway or right before they got sick.
and it's even if like they're marriedand the husband or the wife gifts

(37:32):
it and the other one's left behind,it still affects the other person.
It's not like.
Oh, mom gifted it so it only affects mom.
No, it will affect dad if dadis left behind and vice versa.
So please know that before youdo anything, with Medicaid.
And the process is super, super stressful.
I always refer to a Medicaidspend down specialist, who just,

(37:53):
yeah, just charges a flat fee.
Because if you go and you apply forMedicaid and A, you don't realize there's
a spend down Like, restrictions, or B,someone's gifted money, and then you've
gone through that process for months,and then they deny you, and then you have
to appeal the claim, and then mom anddad still waiting to get on Medicaid,
like, and they're still running, there's,then maybe now they're out of funds.

(38:13):
So be especially careful.
If you want to do Medicaid, Youcan do it, but it's, there's a
lot of hoops to jump through.
And the other thing is, is, is it'sextremely hard, especially to find memory
care for someone who is on Medicaid.

Because the facilities don't want to take you in,
and that's where the fear tactics are asfar as the amount of room that they have

Or another, another snafu I came into is one
of my clients right now is doingwhat's called a, like the spend down.
And they have two years of, Fundsto spend on assisted living.
So I was doing all this research,calling around all these places
to see who would fit this family.
And one community said, well, we'lltake the Medicaid for assisted
living, but we don't take Medicaidonce they get into memory care.

(38:56):
And this person has dementia.
And I'm like, well, okay, that doesmy client no good because clearly
they're not going to get off Medicaidwhen they get into memory care.

No.
and sadly, I have known, a number ofpeople who personally, the adult children,
the caregivers, overseeing their parents,who have suffered financially and gone
into bankruptcy themselves as a resultof some of the challenge, the financial
challenges the parents have had, becausethey either got on Medicaid too late, or

(39:23):
whatever the list might be, and we'll,we'll have to do a whole separate show
on this, but I did do an episode recentlyon how to get paid for caring for mom and
dad using some of the Medicaid ruling,but again, state by state, and it is
very restrictive, and you are not goingto beat a path to the bank with a check.
By any means in what you're goingto get compensated to do so.

(39:45):
So, this is not a means to an end.
It's not even a stopgap.
It's just a, thank you, here'sa, here's somebody to go buy
a coffee at Dunkin Donuts

insurance against that, if you are, like,
I just turned 52 last week.
The best insurance against that isthe Buy Long Term Care Insurance,
and that's what my husband andI are doing right now for us.

Well, and even then, you have to be careful because
long term care insurance businesseshave gone out of business in the past
and there are restrictions to the type.
Well, there is a lot of complexityI'll put in the type of long term care
programs and products that are out there.
So, do make sure that you're, you'relooking into what's going to work
for you and for somebody else.

(40:27):
But I agree there are a number of waysto do this and But on that note, to be a
little bit more positive and uplifting,there is help out there and somebody
like Lynn, and I would recommend Lynnin Oregon for what she does because she
really is, I would say, family centeredand family centric in making sure that
she helps you make the right decision,not necessarily the right decision for her

(40:51):
or she's going to get compensated becauseif we're not doing well with our folks,
how is anybody else going to do well?

Yes.

Nancy May, Eldercare Success: So on that note, Lynn, thank (40:59):
undefined
you so much for joining me.
I appreciate

Well, thank you for letting me come on here and share what
I do, Nancy, and, pass along some of myadvice and experience to your listeners.

Absolutely.
Take care, be well, and don't forgetto get the book, How to Survive 9
1 1 Medical Emergencies, a step bystep guide before, during, and after.
And guess what?
If mom and dad are in a care facility,you're going to still need to know what
to do when the 9 1 1 system is out, oreven better yet, when the facility calls
9 1 1, because they are going to thehospital alone, and there's a boatload

(41:34):
of stuff that you're going to want todo to make sure that they get out alive.
Take End of story on that one.
Go to howtosurvive911.
com for that book and other information.
In the meantime, if you like thisshow, which I hope you do, please
give it five star rating at any ofyour podcast listening platforms.
Better yet, go to eldercaresuccess.
live and you can rate it there.

(41:54):
And don't forget to share it witha friend, a family member, or even
somebody, Who might look a littlestressed on the line at Starbucks or
Dunkin Donuts, or even at the grocerystore, they could be a caregiver too.
This can be your gift to them, a link tothe show, because it's our gift to you.
Take care and be well.
Bye bye.

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Care Facilities: How to Research the Details for Mom and Dad

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Previous Eldercare Success Episodes that add value to the subject of finding a care facility for mom and dad.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Care Facilities: How to Research the Details for Mom and Dad

🏡 "Navigating Senior Living: Insider Tips and Tricks" 🌟

Previous Eldercare Success Episodes that add value to the subject of finding a care facility for mom and dad.

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Dateline NBC

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Care Facilities: How to Research the Details for Mom and Dad

Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club