Importance Keeping Up Appearances in Dementia Care: looking good and feeling good counts.

Why it's Important to Help Mom and Dad Maintaining Appearance, Even if They have Dementia!

In this next episode of Eldercare Sucess, Nancy May addresses an issue few mention: why looking good is important, even if your parent or loved one has dementia.

💇‍♀️Ever wonder why it's crucial to keep our parents with dementia looking and feeling their best, even on their toughest days? This episode dives into the profound impact of appearance and self-esteem on their overall well-being. Tune in to learn why a simple haircut or a stylish outfit can make a world of difference for your loved one.

In this episode of "Eldercare Success," host Nancy May shares her experience and valuable insights on the importance of maintaining the physical appearance of our parents who live with dementia. From ensuring regular salon visits to avoiding demeaning adult bibs, Nancy emphasizes how looking good can boost self-esteem and improve the quality of life for those battling cognitive decline. These points will make your life and job in caring for them easier and better too.

📌Key Takeaways:

• 👵👴Physical Appearance Matters: How regular grooming and even the simplest stylish clothing can significantly enhance the self-esteem of individuals with dementia.
• 🌟 Impact on Treatment: Being well-kept can influence how caregivers, medical professionals, and strangers treat your loved ones.
• 🧠Self-Esteem and Health: Maintaining a positive self-image can contribute to mental and emotional health, making daily living more enjoyable and dignified.
• 🙌Practical Tips: How to avoid using adult bibs that look like oversized baby bibs; and, instead opt for more dignified solutions like larger utensils or quick wardrobe changes post-meal.

Personal Stories and Anecdotes: 👗

Nancy recounts her own challenges and triumphs in caring for her parents, including confronting a well-meaning aide about her mother’s increasingly bad haircuts and the joy of seeing her mother light up with new, stylish clothes.

Helpful Links: 📌

• Podcast: Eldercare Success (please share with those you care about)
• Book: How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies, Step-by-Step Before, During, and After
• Eldercare Success on YouTube
• Eldercare Success, link to ask Nancy a question: A small blue tab on the right side of the page says "Send a Voice Mail Message to Nancy." Click on that and follow the directions on the pop-up.  Then, send me your comments and questions so I can answer them on the show.

💪 How you can help:

If you found this episode helpful, please share it with a friend, family member, or even someone you see at your local coffee shop who might be dealing with similar caregiving challenges. Don't forget to subscribe to "Doing it Best with Eldercare Success" on your favorite podcast platform and leave us a five-star review. Your support helps us continue to bring valuable content to caregivers everywhere. Visit

Episode Transcript

Nancy May (00:02):
Hey everybody, it's Nancy May and Doing it Best With Eldercare Success.
Years back, I remember flyingdown to see mom and dad.
It was always a treat forboth of them, mom, dad, and
me and spending time together.
although mostly my visits wereto monitor their well being.
Make sure aides were doing theirjob well, seeing firsthand versus

(00:25):
phone calls, video monitoring, andemails is always the best way to make
sure that things are kept at best.
I'd also use that time to make sureI could go to doctor's appointments
and keep that refrigeratorstocked with fresh, healthy foods.
and then any extra effort I coulddo to make their aides caregiving

(00:45):
job just a little bit easier.
but one thing had beenbothering me on these visits.
And it was getting worse.
I know my lead aide had been trying to bevery conscious about helping me maintain
a good budget and had decided to take itupon herself to become mom's hairstylist.
This aide also loved shopping forsparkly blingy clothing for mom,

(01:09):
which mom loved, and we all enjoyedseeing the smile on her face.
When she saw some shiny new shirt or acute pair of pants, but that haircut.
Well, they kept gettingworse and worse and worse.
You see, the reason why bring this upis because physical appearance and style
was always important to mom and dad too.

(01:31):
But we're talking about mom this time.
From the very first day thatI can remember, mom always
took pride in how she looked.
for herself and for dad.
She took weekly trips to the beauty salon.
And then taking special care inbetween each salon visit with her
teased hair and that gentle backflipstyle of a bouffant of the day.

(01:54):
Then as times changed and styles changed,the teasing and the lacquered hairspray
styles became a lot more relaxed.
Clothing was anotherimportant thing for mom.
I remember a very special Easterhat that she had with these delicate
little strawberries that would hangoff tendrils on the top of a small cap.
I don't know what it was, but Ijust loved watching those things

(02:17):
dance around the top of her head.
and I remember when she boughta brightly colored lily pulitzer
dress that came into style.
Dad loved that one too.
But now lily pulitzer is back in fashion.
But what does this have todo with mom who had dementia?
Well, actually quite a lot.
As I mentioned, mom's handyaid haircuts were We're going

(02:39):
from bad to what the heck.
I knew mom was still checking herselfout in the mirror and as time went
on she wasn't feeling too good aboutherself and she wasn't looking too good.
so on one visit and during one of ourregular group aid meetings to assess
where things really were going fromthe aid side too, I blurted out.

(03:01):
What the heck is up with mom's hair?
She looks like hell.
all of a sudden, therewas stunned silence.
my lead aide at the time said, shelikes it when I cut and style her hair.
My reply?
Take her to a salon.
You're doing a bad job.
Okay.
Sometimes I open mouth and insert foot.

(03:25):
However, sometimes being blunt andletting those working for your folks
know who's in charge is important.
not just for yourself,but for your parents.
You see, even with dementia,appearance is important.
Not just physical hygiene, although that'scritical to good health, but simple,
plain old looking good or looking hot.

(03:46):
is important to self esteem.
and yes, anybody who has dementiaor Alzheimer's still has a sense
of self importance and self esteem.
Yes, self esteem isimportant to all of us.
And if that feeling of looking goodand feeling good is lost, it can
often cause individuals with dementiato feel insecure, lose confidence in

(04:07):
themselves and their ability to dothings for themselves, even worse, even
wanting to get up the next morning.
can you imagine looking in a mirrorday in and day out and seeing yourself?
Just sloppy and unkept for days on end?
You'd probably quickly lose interestin doing much of anything yourself, let
alone wanting to sit outside in the sun.

(04:29):
Now imagine if you had dementia.
How much worse you'd feel.
Making sure our parents have a way tomaintain their appearance is important.
It creates a sense of positiveself esteem and gives them
a greater sense of normalcy.
Doing so can also impact howwe or others treat our parents.

(04:50):
If you don't look good, (we're nottalking about Miss America here
by any means, but just lookingnice), then others, Aids, Doctors,
Hospitals, Restaurant Servers, etc.
tend to lower the waythey treat our parents.
It's sad but true.
Have you ever seen anybody standingon line who looks kind of disheveled?

(05:12):
and how people tend to just sort ofstare or even back away a little bit?
That can happen to your folks too.
Beyond good haircuts and dressingwell, I have another pet peeve.
And this one's important too.
It's those adult bibs.
I saw oversized baby bibs with acatch all type pocket at the bottom,

(05:35):
quite often being used in the facilitywhere mom and dad first lived.
I understand why AIDS place those thingson some of the residents at mealtime,
But, if they do not look like somethingthat an adult would wear, ditch it.
Yes, this is my opinion, but Ithink it shows lack of respect
and understanding for somebodywho's having difficulty eating.

(05:56):
In that case, find a way tomake sure that food is more
easily able to stay on a fork.
They have bigger forks, bigger spoons,some that are just easier to handle.
or simply plan on a quick changeafter a meal, a blouse, a shirt,
a t shirt, whatever it is.
It's okay.
it's only a piece of clothing andcan be easily thrown into the wash.

(06:20):
helping your parents.
Keep a sense of physical pridein themselves is important.
It makes them feel betterabout themselves, and you
feel better about them too.
It will support their desire to staystrong and healthy and mentally positive.
PMA all the way was oneof my mom's sayings.
Dad would say, don't letthe bastards get you down.

(06:41):
Well, I guess that's justanother way of saying PMA.
Physically looking good encouragesnormalcy, even when days are
tough, physically and emotionally.
there's nothing better thanfeeling self sufficient.
Even when you can't dothings entirely by yourself.
And having a sense of pride in lookinggood also help somebody want to continue

(07:03):
to contribute to the world, even ifthat's only in their own home, with a
family member, or just helping out in aid.
It's just a matter of respect.
Now, if you're not living with yourparents, or even if you are take a
look at how they're physically looking.
don't have to really be ready forthe next Yves Saint Laurent Runway.

(07:24):
Runway event, but looking good willhelp them physically and mentally.
It may even help withsome cognitive challenges.
Vanity can be a goodthing for them and you.
On your next visit with mom and dad, paythem a compliment and see how they react.
Gee mom, you're looking good.

(07:45):
My mom once told me, you're full of shit.
Well, she certainly told me how she wasfeeling, but if they smile and say thank
you, you know, you're on the right path.
And if they frown and look alittle bewildered, you also know
what path you're on, other thanthe comment that my mom have said.
I hope this short episode helps youthink just a little bit differently

(08:07):
in caring for mom and dad.
And it'll help yourself too.
Pride in our parents alsogives us extra pride in who we
are and how well we're doing.
Looking good can help both ways.
On that note, if you're lookinggood, you'll also want to do good.
one way you can do that is by gettingthe book, How to Survive 9 1 1

(08:27):
Medical Emergencies, a step by stepguide before, during, and after.
You'll learn what to do inthe most difficult times,
and How To Manage Through A HealthcareSystem That Is Not Always Looking Out
For You And Your Folks Best Interest.
Being Ready Versus Reacting.
is the best gift that you cangive yourself and your folks.

(08:48):
Also, if you like the show,go to eldercaresuccess.
live and give it a five star rating.
You can give that rating there, Oryou can go to your favorite listening
platform from eldercaresuccess.
live as well.
Finally, if you have a question orcomment, please leave me a voicemail
message or drop me an You canalso do that at EldercareSuccess.
Live.
There's a blue tab on the righthand side of the screen that

(09:10):
says, Leave Nancy a voicemail.
You can leave me a voicemailor send me an email.
Simply click and follow the instructions.
It's easy.
I'll read your comment orquestion on the next episode.
thank you for following and being a partof the Eldercare Success Podcast family.
Thank you for following,listening, and being a part of the

(09:31):
Eldercare Success Podcast family.
If you see somebody online behindyou at Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, or
even at the grocery store who looks alittle stressed out, You might want to
give them a link to this show as well.
As I said, it's eldercaresuccess.
live.
It can be your gift and theymight be a caregiver too.

(09:53):
It can be your gift to thembecause it's my gift to you.
Be well, stay well, and keep caring.
Bye bye.