What Hospice is like: A personal caregiver's experience shared.

What's it like to make a hospice decision?

The path ahead, Part #1 of a very personal and shared experience.

In this gripping episode of Eldercare Success, your host, Nancy May, bares her soul, recounting her raw and personal journey through her first experience with hospice care for her father. From the agonizing decision-making process to the final moments of her dad's life, Nancy takes listeners on a rollercoaster of emotions, challenging preconceptions about end-of-life care. With unexpected twists, touching moments, and even a dash of humor, this episode promises to change how you view hospice and prepare you for the unthinkable. Can you afford not to listen?

Part Two, next week, is going to give you an entirely different experience into how to manage Hospice care for your parent or loved one.

Key Takeaways: 📌

• Hospice decisions are deeply personal and should align with the wishes of your loved one.
• The experience is never easy, but there are good people who can still make you smile and even laugh through the final days.
• Preparing for end-of-life care can help ease the emotional burden during difficult times.

Helpful Links: 📌

• Podcast: Eldercare Success (please share with those you care about)
• Book: How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies, Step-by-Step Before, During, and After
• Eldercare Success on YouTube
• Eldercare Success, link to ask Nancy a question: A small blue tab on the right side of the page says "Send a Voice Mail Message to Nancy." Click on that and follow the directions on the pop-up.  Then, send me your comments and questions so I can answer them on the show.

💪 How you can help:

If you found this episode helpful, please share it with a friend, family member, or even someone you see at your local coffee shop who might be dealing with similar caregiving challenges. Don't forget to subscribe to "Doing it Best with Eldercare Success" on your favorite podcast platform and leave us a five-star review. Your support helps us continue to bring valuable content to caregivers everywhere. Visit EldercareSuccess.Live to leave Nancy a voicemail with your questions or comments for a chance to be featured on the show.

🎧🎤Host: Nancy May has gone from the Boardroom to the Emergency Room to care for her aging parents and educate business owners, corporate employees, and leaders with more strength and confidence in doing well and doing good.  Nancy is the five-star author of How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies,

Episode Transcript

Nancy May, Eldercare Success (00:01):
Hospice, A Personal Experience With Dad,
Hospice, My First Experience.
My first experience with hospice waslistening to a conversation that my
mom and her dearest best friend, CarolKocka, were having in Carol's kitchen.

(00:24):
You see, Carol's daughter, Leannewas in the final stages of her
own life dealing with cancer.
Leanne could barely keep herhead up with a soft neck brace.
yet insisted on feeding the threeof us lunch, Carol, Mom, and me.
after Leanne's passing.

(00:45):
Hospice was never mentioned againuntil Carol herself had passed.
Sadly, only a few years later,in battling pancreatic cancer.
My next personal experience with hospicewas when the subject was forced on me.
I know, force is probably a word thatwe don't want to even hear about with
hospice, but unfortunately, it often is.

(01:08):
You see, we had fought as hardas we could with dad, right
up to 99 years and 37 days.
There was nothing more that the doctorscould do to keep him here with us and mom.
A call from the emergency roomwith our lead aid and the ER
nurse told me that Dad and I.
We're now backed into acorner and had no place to go.

(01:28):
I know that some people say you shouldnever wait this long to make an important
decision with regards to hospice.
But honestly, I believe that'sa very personal decision.
And it truly depends upon thewishes of your parent and loved
one and how they want to livetheir life right to the very end.
Dad's wishes were to fight And we did.

(01:49):
with this first hospice decisionin my life, decisions had to
be made from 1, 200 miles away.
Papers were faxed for my signatureand approval and discharge orders
on where he's supposed to go.
in our case, home with mom, sothey could be at each other's side.
Through this long, 60 minuteprocess and conversation.

(02:10):
My breath was slowly being squeezedfrom my own body and lungs.
With emotionally hard decisions,Fast flight ticket purchases,
And a call to my sister.
Finally arriving the next day inTampa International Airport, the
drive from the rental car parkinglot, 40 minutes north to mom and
dad's side, felt like it took days.

(02:32):
Parking the car in the garage,and walking in the door, and
getting to the foot of dad's bed.
Millie, our lead aide at dad'sbedside, he took one look at me
and said, with surprise, Tracie?,
My reply was, No, Dad, it's Nance.
I wish I had known better then, as Imight have said, Yes, Dad, it is Tracie.

(02:55):
You see, Tracy was my youngersister who passed away at three
and a half, of childhood leukemia.
I hope that this was a sign that Dadwas being welcomed into a new world
by my sister who loved him dearly,too, and would be taking over his
care and new life from this time on.
My lead aide, Millie, assuredme that this was the case.

(03:15):
our hospice team for dad was kind,professional, and direct in how
they helped us understand howthese final days would be for dad.
our emotions, and how we dealwith those were things we'd
have to figure out ourselves.
Honestly, I appreciated every singleone of our team members, from Chaplain
Scott all the way to Nurse Catherine.

(03:36):
They were the warriors and guidesfor us at this time of life.
Within minutes before Dad'sfinal passing, one of our hospice
team members just happened tobe with us on a scheduled call.
to this day, I am thankful that shewas there at our side for our aides,
for my sister, and yes, for myself.
You see, I had been out making surethat funeral arrangements were in

(03:59):
place, excruciating as that was.
I know that Dad always wantedto make sure that the T's were
crossed and the I's were dotted.
so when this time came, that I wouldbe able to take care of myself, and
yes, everybody else, and not haveto worry about anything on my way
home, I got a call from my sister.
Hurry, hurry!, please, come now, come now.

(04:21):
She didn't even have to tellme what was going on, I knew.
But Dad hung on untilI walked into his room.
The exact time, 3.
20pm, on Patriots Day.
Dad couldn't have selecteda better day as he was Mr.
Red, White, and Blue to the core.
he took his final breathas I reached his feet.

(04:41):
After we knew what had happened,my aides asked, if they could be
the one to wash and dress Dad.
And with respect, I said yes.
They dressed Dad in his Dartmouthfootball jersey, a gift from the current
Dartmouth team football coach, BuddyTeevens, and his favorite fuzzy bottle
jacket, shorts and crazy socks, a giftthat I had given to him a year earlier.

(05:02):
And a photo of mom, his three daughters,and a cloth hanky in his pocket.
Dad was physically ready to leave us.
During this time, I had the opportunityto talk with two funeral directors
who were there to help take dad off.
I had gotten to know who these men were.
One a former Navy fellow,, theother a former firefighter who
had moved down to Florida fromMassachusetts, And had not lived far

(05:26):
from where mom and dad had come from.
getting to know these men made mefeel better in knowing that dad was
in the best care and best hands.
draped in an American flag.
dad's look on his facewas calm and serene.
And I insisted that he not be fullycovered until taken out the front door.
Which is the law,unfortunately, in Florida.

(05:47):
I'm pretty sure it is elsewhere.
I choked up even thinkingabout it at this point.
the lone hospice worker was with usthrough this final time, became one of
our family members almost within seconds.
Dad had always told me over the years,ever since I was a kid actually, to have a
scotch and play music when this day came.

(06:07):
He said it was a time not to be sad,but to smile, party, And toast life.
I asked that hospice nurseif she would stay with us.
She looked at her watch,5:01 PM quitting time.
You bet I can.
And so she joined us in ascotch and a toast to dad.
I thought she might thinkwe were a little weird.
So I said, Do you think we're weird?

(06:29):
She said, Not a bit.
Her response was, You see, Icome from a good Irish family.
when my grandmother was passing,and in a hospital bed in the middle
of our living room, she lay theredying, as we all got soused on wine.
So you see, no, you're not weird.
With that, we laughed, and nowmy time was to take care of mom.

(06:50):
Hospice is actually a goodorganization, as much as I said
otherwise in the previous episode.
there's a lot more in store for the nextepisode in Hospice Part Number 2 with Mom.
Every experience is different, and Iwant to share these with you so that
you won't be afraid, and will know atleast a little bit about what to expect.
On that note.

(07:10):
Please share this episode with afriend, family member, or anybody else
that you might know who's going undera little stress and strain and could
be caring for somebody else as well.
It can be your gift to thembecause it's my gift to you.
This is Nancy May from Eldercare Success.
Be well, stay well, and take care.
Bye bye.