March 30, 2022 • 33 mins
Welcome to part 2 of a 3 part series on time & boundaries.
In episode 3 we explored why boundaries and time management were so important and why NOW is the right time. In this episode we dig down on our boundaries and start to consider personality traits, and why its important to communicate your boundaries - as cultural, demographic, generational and lived experience backgrounds result in others never really knowing what you need... unless you tell them.
Its a great episode we look forward to you listening to this one & then in our next pod we deep dive on time management tips and tricks.
ACTION CHALLENGE
Our action challenge for this episode is two fold.
#1 If you didn’t get a chance to track your time for a week to understand where it really goes then this in your time, along with energy tracking feels important particularly if you are feeling quite burned out, or drained at the end of each day.
#2 Then it's time to take action - one boundary tool each week for the next few weeks until you are finding more time to work on your vision!
SHOW NOTES
The Burnout Fix, Jacinta Jimenez
Boundaries, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
https://womensagenda.com.au/latest/four-in-five-australians-faced-burnout-in-2020/
Ryan Howes, blog In Therapy https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-figure-out-your-boundaries#6
Quoted from article: Remember that you’re not harming anyone by saying no, he said. “You haven’t become a boundary violator, just someone who is making a point of taking care of yourself. They’ll get used to it.”
Music created by Claire's daughter Hannah
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Claire (00:00):
Welcome to season two of the elevate with grace podcast.
For women who are short on timeand long to take steps to create
success on their own terms.
This podcast is here for womenwho feel overworked,
underappreciated, and stuck in aconstant world of spinning
plates and want more from life.
We take the plethora of Intelout there and curated into the
(00:21):
highest value insights.
We combine it with our livedexperiences to offer bite sized,
actionable tips.
So you can look back at the endof the quarter and the end of
the year, knowing you wereworking towards achieving
success on your own terms.
Miranda (00:34):
Welcome to episode four of our second season.
A huge hello to all the fabulouslisteners.
My name is Miranda and a hugewelcome to my vivacious and
dynamic co-host Claire.
point we discussed whyboundaries and solid time
management were essential forachieving your goals and how
following on from courageousconversations.
It was such a good time to betalking about this.
(00:57):
The last few weeks have not beena great reflection on me living
out time management.
However, I've given myself graceand accept.
The very and accept that thereis no guilt.
There's no negative languagecoming from the shortcomings.
There is moments in time duringtransition changing roles there
is very little, you can do tojust hold on and get through
(01:18):
that sort of period.
So I'm quite okay.
With how it's all been rolling.
It's been a real time flexibleon both sides.
I was feeling reallyappreciated.
Quite humbled that the way thatI want to show up in the world
is being reflected back to me inthese wonderful comments for
people as I am finish up in mycurrent job and current role.
(01:39):
It's just been a wonderfulexperience.
Claire, my friend, how are youdoing?
And how have you gone withoutaction challenge?
Claire (01:45):
Hello yes.
I've been good.
It's interesting going throughthose transitions, I've been
thinking about you a lot, doingall of that transition out of a
current role and thinking aboutnew horizons with the new role.
I think after a couple of yearswe've been of.
COVID itself has been a messytransition.
So in transitions on top ofthat, it's an interesting
experience, I think because yes,I've been thinking about you and
(02:08):
doing all that stuff.
My fortnite has been good.
I've been making a consciouseffort to really enjoy the warm,
extended some, a Melbourne withthem.
I think that, you've got toappreciate those things.
So we've had a good run here.
In fact this weekend we went andsaw the Melbourne boomers plays,
so the female basketball team.
So that was good, fun to begetting out and about and doing
(02:31):
other bits and pieces.
So just being really consciousof.
Thinking about enjoying all thatbeautiful weather before we get
into return, we're getting outand about and getting into
practice of being out and aboutafter two years of a lot of
lockdowns.
So yeah, it's been fabulous.
In terms of the actionchallenge.
The time diary has been aninteresting experience, writing
down some of the time, what Ifound earlier in the week when I
(02:52):
first started doing it was thatI was getting irritated.
If.
Others were impacting on how Iplan the time.
I found that was a reallyinteresting journey, like as I
was doing that, because I wasgetting frustrated that I had
this plan and then.
Others in your life, coworkers,family, friends, or whatever,
and making changes to that.
(03:14):
And finding that difficult to,accommodate because I was like,
no, I'm trying to track my time.
Making it inefficient for me.
So then I had to go throughwhich I talk about probably next
podcast about the timemanagement aspect.
Is thinking about why that'shappening.
And already.
Break the code the one dayrefund, which will come into.
In a couple of weeks time, causeit's more about time management
(03:34):
and energy management, butabout.
You've got to leave flexing yourtime.
So you have to, it can't beabout 100%.
Logging everything in there andthen you're beating yourself up.
So the concept of having flex inyour week and accepting that
things are out of your control.
I found that really goodexercise.
I think I probably need tocontinue to do what the other
(03:55):
thing I realized was It's soeasy.
get out of the ability to dofocused amount of time of blocks
of time.
So I was trying to get somethingdone from a work perspective
this week.
And I was really quite consciousof an allocate an hour and a
half.
And then I was really quiteconscious of.
I'd pick up my phone every 15minutes in that hour and half.
(04:17):
I had to go and I put my phonein another Room?
You become quite clunky,conscious of.
How distracted you can be andhow easy it can happen.
And again, playing those gamesabout focus time, like what can
I get done?
Any hour and a half and move thephone and all that sort of
stuff.
Yeah.
I've had a good fun.
Good playing around with that.
I think he learned to walk.
So I think it was a really good.
Challenged to do.
(04:38):
Keep doing it.
Miranda (04:39):
And I do believe that is so reflective of what a lot
of people are going to beexperiencing with that
challenge.
Because it is so easy to getinterrupted.
It's so easy to get distractedin this.
Notifications and the phone'sjust an easy kind of.
Brain pause.
To say, and then back in theoffice for a lot of painful and
the other cities, they haven'treally had as much time at home
(04:59):
as maybe Melbourne, but fromAlvin.
It's really getting back intothe office and getting used to
having those interruptions.
And how much workflow you canget.
Interesting statistic probablydoesn't fit in here.
Other than just to be part ofthe conversation about returning
to work.
Currently we do about 56 hoursfrom home versus the 40 that we
do in the office.
Some benefits too, a little bitof working from home time.
Claire (05:22):
And then the other aspect, the book that I
mentioned the one day.
Refund.
Talks about how you could betteruse that time.
So one day refund is 50 15% andyou should be operating at 85%.
So I would argue that why I, andthen the conversation we had in
the last podcast around there'spretty significant.
(05:42):
Evidence to say that there'sdiminishing returns after that
35, 40 hours a week.
And so what should we have beenusing, or should we be using
that time?
Should we be working with thattime or should we be doing other
stuff with that time?
Miranda (05:55):
Studies would definitely agree with no issue,
not.
But let's dig into it.
So quick reminder in our lastpod that we explore the
importance of healthyboundaries.
And how these have been erodedpotentially more so in the last
few years Yeah.
Maybe some people haven't hadthem, but even if they were,
they did get a bit of road.
And how it's essential tocultivate those new boundaries
(06:16):
to really help you achieve yourgoals, which is what we're
about.
We want to ensure that we'resetting you up for success on
your own terms.
And this is just such anessential part of that puzzle.
The both boundaries and timemanagement.
So we really dove into takingback control of your time and
how key that is.
How we.
Only to upskill ourselves inthis area.
(06:37):
And we shared some interestingstudies from Europe.
Countries like Germany, France,and Portugal.
That are leading the way withvarying legislation around this.
Exploring that both companiesand employees can play a role in
supporting more positive workbehaviors.
For the longterm benefit of all.
We spoke about why this was soimportant to us and some
statistics to help.
Four of five workers in 2020based on an Asana survey and
(07:01):
report in the women's agendawe're reporting high levels of
burnout.
77% of Australians.
56 hours or up.
From home, it's just, it'sproven that it's way too much.
The main three factors thatcaused the, this.
And increased over time.
Vagueness around workplacetasks.
I think there was a lot ofambiguity.
Around the winter week what arewe catching?
(07:24):
And there was also a lot ofunnecessary workplace meetings,
potentially as management we'regetting used to having people
working from home and notnecessarily having that control.
So some really big statisticsthere.
Claire (07:35):
Yeah.
The whole conversation makes ithappen around the effectiveness
about any.
And getting better at oureffectiveness in meanings and
whether they really go with iteven pre virtual, but being on
the virtual thing.
I think it doesn't help.
And I think there was another, Ithink it's the fatigue of being
able to be.
The communication channels andthe collaboration channels.
(07:55):
So it's not just, we spoke aboutlast time.
I think that I find can bedeclining from an energy
perspective, because at anypoint in time, You have to be a
cyborg.
You're getting emails coming inand paper.
If you're not responding toemails, people are getting you
on teams.
If you're not responding toteams and getting you on text
messages.
I can see how there's fatigue.
And I think, even though thatsurvey's 2020 a lot of people
(08:17):
that I speak to even in 2022.
Whether it's still burning outalmost like a hangover from
burnout.
That's.
I'd like to look into that.
Yeah.
I feel like maybe it's as bad asit's been.
Because of this.
That high statistic, the 77%.
Four and five.
Because in 2020, I feel that thestill, yeah, a bit of a.
Burnout hangover happening.
(08:38):
And for some people, even ifthey're still in that space.
Miranda (08:41):
And I came across this terrific query, which really
sums that up, which is workingharder or smarter.
Isn't enough to survive thepressures of the modern
workplace.
if the system's flawed, what dowe do?
Now that quote was from theburnout, fix a book by Jacinta
Jimenez and interestingly, evenbefore the last couple of years
in 2019, the world healthorganization officially
(09:03):
identified burnout as a majorglobal health challenge.
And identifying it as asyndrome.
As syndrome that results fromchronic workplace stress that
has not been successfullymanaged.
This is my way here.
All.
We definitely want to dig intowhat you can do.
I think we've had those greatconversations about courageous
conversations, and this is thetime.
(09:26):
Because if you don't set upthose boundaries, if you don't
implement some of those timestime limits no one else is doing
it for you.
And we really need to make sure,I think both from an employer
and an employee point of view.
We don't, you don't want peopleburning out.
You don't want to create anunnecessary turnover in your
workplace.
So the conversation's aboutcoming together for the greater
(09:49):
good of everybody.
So we delved into the why on myboth boundaries and time in the
last episode.
There is just way too much tocover here.
So we've split this part into atwo part series.
We're going to cover boundariestoday.
And then in our next part, we'regoing to dig deep on time
management.
Our boundaries really stopexamining our mindset sharing
(10:10):
key to.
Tips and tricks to help you findyour groove in this space.
And an acknowledgement thatthings are going to take time to
work through.
And there is going to bepushback from people that have
really enjoyed your lacksboundaries over the last few
years, by instituting theseboundaries, we are gifting
ourselves one giant leap towardsachieving our goals.
We absolutely promise you thatand we're walking the path to
(10:32):
achieving success on our ownterms.
Claire (10:34):
I think once we started looking at the boundaries and
time management, we realizedthat actually quite a lot to
talk about.
And so it will be moredigestible if we cover it off
in, into episodes.
So for this part it'd be good.
I think if we just put ouraction challenge upfront, just
to summarize.
Action challenge.
So that we've all got that inthe back of our mind.
(10:54):
There's where.
Picking through some of theamazing content in this space.
So like we mentioned at thebeginning, if we didn't get a
chance to, if you haven't madetracking your time yet, like
I've mentioned, I've got a bigbenefit from that.
We still encourage you to keeptracking your time for the week
ahead, just to understand reallywhere your time is going and
whether there's some.
(11:15):
Whether there's some ways.
You put boundaries around thattime?
I think another part of thattaking note of your emotive
state whether you're feelingirritated or angry the time that
you're allocating to stuff overthe week can, if you're
identifying emotions around thatI can help you.
Again, think about ways that youwould like to make some changes.
(11:36):
With the emotion, reallythinking about your energy as
well.
So when you're feeling burntout, if you're feeling inspired
where that is, and what'shelping you do that by thinking
about how you plan yourboundaries and combat over the
week.
Then take one of the boundarytools that we're going to talk
about over the next sort of 20minutes or so, and look at how
(11:56):
you can use that too reallyfocus your time and get back to
your goals and think about whatyour vision is for the next 12
months.
And how you can wrap someboundaries around that with the
people that you love and careabout in your lives.
I do want to take a little bitof a step back and talk about
what boundaries are.
Exactly.
From my perspective.
I've just mentioned a way foryou to understand and uncover
(12:18):
what your boundaries are, is topay attention to what's making
you feel uncomfortable,irritable, frustrated with a
particular aspect or socircumstances within your
personal or professionalrelationships.
So often for me, That's where Ithink you shouldn't be trying to
suppress those feelings.
One of the things that youshould be looking at is.
particular situation in my way,really gets my goat off.
(12:39):
I don't want this and thenstarts to explore why that is.
And I think probably a lot ofthe time it's about, that's not
how you feel comfortable workingor living or running your life
and then you need to have athink how do you get a situation
where you're having the rightconversations about that?
When I think to look goodboundaries, look like for me.
I imagine a solid.
With some beautiful, straightout, all in a sturdy door.
(13:02):
With an inviting welcomingstyle.
So it's very clear that there'sa wall there, but it's embodying
you can come in.
And it's all very out there andpretty and amazing.
When I think about times when myrelationships.
Not in a good place in terms ofa good foundation of boundaries.
I feel like it's a bit more likean electric fence scenario when
(13:24):
nobody knows whether it'sswitched on or off.
So when people approach me.
And I haven't really been doingthe hard work to set up the
boundaries and then they come toask me something and I'd been
suppressing it and they get azap.
And the other person iswondering why they're getting
his zap, because I didn't knowit was a problem.
I like to think about movingmyself from, if I feel like I'm
zapping people and people isthat thing made and let, maybe
(13:45):
my boundaries not caught rightand got a bit of electric and
imaginary electric fanshappening there, as opposed to
saying, to be really clear aboutWhat it is that I need in
particular situations andrelationships and working
through that.
Miranda (13:57):
Yeah.
I don't know what you thinkabout that grander.
Absolutely love it.
I've never thought of boundariesin that way.
But it's sorry to Hampshire.
We definitely, I think we letpeople push our boundaries again
and again.
Until it's one time too many.
And then somehow they shouldhave always known that boundary
was there and that they werepushing it.
On reflection we have acommunicator that we haven't put
(14:18):
that beautiful street art out onour brick wall.
And door that says welcome maybebetween the hours of eight and
five.
I do think that boundaries ofkind, but they've just got such
a bad reputation.
Claire (14:29):
Yeah, we've spoken about it we're all coming through a
place where boundaries are aninteresting concept right now,
they were pre COVID because wealready had introduced these
digital tools into theworkplace.
I think.
Last time I mentioned the fastcompany article, where there was
a survey conducted by trees.
whether it's employees oremployers responsibility to set
(14:51):
boundaries.
And remember we made thatdistinction between workers over
45.
A significant number of thembelieved that it was their
personal responsibility.
Whereas that was only shared by42% of those under the age of
45.
And.
The theory in that instance,which we agree makes a fair bit
of sense, is that.
Those who started working in anera where they could be reached
(15:14):
24 7 by email, slack, zoom, orany number of other workplace
tools.
Expect the employer to supportboundaries around that, aspect
of the new workplace ratherthan.
in a physically differentlocation at work, and then you
move home for one of us, it'sall blended.
And so then it's become quite acomplex topic.
(15:35):
And.
With the amount of burnout canwe do here?
I It's the thing, like how canwe really explore and getting
placed some of these brick wallswith lovely street art as
opposed to the.
And telecom without the propersignup.
Miranda (15:49):
Such a good run.
When you actually spell out thestudy of the 45 and under versus
45 and over.
Most likely the 45 and over arethe ones setting the rules.
And I don't know they'recrossing boundaries.
Because they have never being apart of that, they've been able
to craft boundaries throughouttheir career.
They maybe haven't let thatsoftware take over their world.
(16:11):
And the millennial generation.
Hang on.
I've got all these tools I'mbeing contacted constantly and
it's not right.
And communication is just soimportant here, because we don't
allow for different livedexperiences, past work
experiences, differentgenerations and different
cultural backgrounds as well.
So I think my organizations doneed to be aware of.
(16:33):
I have lots of recliner of theirworkforce and they should be
constantly educating andre-educating themselves and a
really strong growth mindset ofwhat their team need.
it's also very important that weshare those values and we
communicate really clearly.
I think this is a much morehealthy way of going And then
everybody benefits from that.
So that it's a sharedconversation.
Part of that conversation.
(16:53):
We spoke in our last poet.
About to boundaries.
was some five from studies andour lived experiences that
boundaries were somehow selfish.
We look through this data.
We know it's not true.
In theory.
However, let me start toimplement these into our lives.
There's this subconscious orunderlying mindset hangout that
can absolutely get in the way.
(17:13):
Let's go back to your beautifulfence analogy.
I think that's a much better wayof perceiving boundaries.
But when you start to Institutethese boundaries, I think what
happens is that we start tobring them in.
People get quite defensive.
They get angry at us becausewe're trying to apply a
boundary.
And get.
Don't worry about it, that'sokay.
I'm fine.
And I think we'll get into thistowards the end of our podcast,
but I think that thoughtfuldelivery.
(17:36):
And communication of why youneed this, how this is going to
help you and them potentially tomove forward.
Is really something that weshould take responsibility for
and we should watch out for.
Claire (17:45):
I think you make an interesting point.
There's a book calledboundaries.
That's very original term henrycloud and John Townsend I wanted
to bring up and maybe this is agood time to do it.
Is that in terms of.
Tips and tricks for how to sethealthy boundaries.
The first part of bag or what isactually a boundary and how
could we identify it?
You.
There's emotional triggers whenthings are bothering us as a
(18:07):
good way to identify them.
the first action is to know yourboundary personality type.
The concept that our mindordinarily jobs to you.
Is that.
People who have boundary Twoyears of being the ones that are
going to campus compliant.
Flex for the compliance.
That's the person that's gettingpushed back and then they're
like, whatever this is all toohard, or just not bother about
(18:28):
that.
It's important to understand ifthere's another couple of
boundaries, personalities thatthey talk about.
That is equally importantbecause if you're one of these
other boundary times or theirbedroom personality types or
your on the other side, you'recompliant and you're dealing
with another person on theseboundary types, it can really
impact the type of conversationsthat you should be having.
One is they talk aboutavoidance.
(18:50):
So avoidance.
So focused on building a wall toprotect themselves from the bad
that they don't actually let anygood.
Good through the gate.
So back to my metaphor of the.
Thanks types.
That's like basically sayingthat on my beautiful brick wall
with the street art, there's amassive plaque off on there that
nothing comes in and nothinggoes out.
And so there's.
(19:11):
Basically avoidance have troubleletting others in and sharing
their And they say no to helpall the time.
That's a distinctive from beingin avoidance where you just know
I don't need any help.
No, I'm fine.
And you're behind the boundaryfence and you never come out.
And then the other one, whichI'm sure we've all had many
experiences with and havedifferent reactions to our
(19:32):
controllers.
Thinking that they're in a goodspot.
The controller is in a good spotbecause people never overstepped
their boundaries.
You're always getting what youwant.
And the reality is that thecontrol is if they're not aware,
so they're like, whoa, I alwaysget what I want.
I send information out all thetime.
People come back to me.
Is that basically, they're notappreciating that there
overstepping everybody else'sboundaries.
(19:54):
And so they think I'm fine.
I don't have any boundaryissues.
Wearing it affected you becausethe relationships that you're
having over others in this sortof controlling manner.
You relationships are built onfear and guilt rather than
inspiring other leaders.
And it's not a mutual respect.
The loss of the situations.
I found that really interestingto think about that it's I think
we're always thinking aboutthose of us that so I'd say no
(20:15):
very well and are very good atarticulating boundaries.
But there's a whole bunch ofother personalities in that
boundary ecosystem that we needto work through.
Miranda (20:24):
Absolutely.
Quite a lot in that.
Your point in a, there isdefinitely a reason why we don't
have boundaries as well.
And you've got your personalitytypes and then there's also
reasons why people don't Tend tohave these strong boundaries.
It's always driven this way.
So with.
I've never learned how to haveboundaries and instead we've
tolerated those that are settingup for us.
I've never stood up for ourboundaries.
So that one definitely fillsinto the personality type.
(20:47):
There.
And maybe we're not sure whatboundaries we need.
Some people intuitively knowwhat boundaries might be missing
from their lives.
Others perhaps feeluncomfortable, but they don't
really know why.
And I think that one is probablywhere.
It's really important that weget clarity around what you want
to achieve.
So that's where we've beensetting our goals, our visions,
understanding what we want.
(21:08):
As those boundaries are going tohelp you get there.
The boundaries are going toallow you to actually achieve
those goals because they'regoing to help set up systems and
structures for you.
To be able to move forward.
Running house and his blog intherapy.
Recommended that you change youremotions.
So when your emotions are goinga bit haywire, when you're
feeling a bit uncomfortable, toyour point, Claire, where you
(21:30):
feeling, you.
Aggravated or irritated bythings.
Some things.
Most likely pushing a boundary.
Tuning into your thoughts.
We all have those greatconversations with ourselves
when we're driving home andpotentially some negative chats
about what we didn't do, maybetuning to those thoughts in a
different way and go, where didI feel uncomfortable today?
What didn't work for me today?
Because again, it's you were aboundary's happening.
(21:52):
And then ask others close, calm,close confidence, and loved
ones.
Have probably seen these.
How you're showing up in yourlife and wishing that you
brought more boundaries intoyour world.
So sometimes a really close,confident is going to be able to
go.
Yes.
You just tell them to leave youalone after 5:00 PM.
Then we'd both be happy.
(22:13):
So you're going to, maybe that'sgoing to help you.
To start to identify some ofthose.
I think that's I think that's areally good.
Point.
And I think in terms of bringingthat into a leadership concept
as well, and we're all leaders,right?
Whether we are.
It's not breakfast.
Management toddle, but in termsof leading by example, and you
were mentioning.
It is often, always easier.
(22:35):
When you're starting a newrelationship, a new Joel, a new
project.
Setting, you should always befighting.
We end up finishing in terms ofyour boundaries.
Then I think as we move intothis, because once the already
established relationships.
Try to do then.
Create any boundaries can beattempts IX.
Experience and not to say wedon't want me to do it.
(22:56):
Given the very now stats and awhole bunch of other things.
We absolutely need to be basinginto our existing relationships.
To understand.
And re-establish what ourmanagers are, but when you're
starting a new situation.
So give it an example.
As we head back to.
Into the office workplace.
Claire (23:14):
One of my non-negotiables is I will, I'm
happy for my kids to go intoafter school care and do a
couple of other things.
One of my non-negotiables is ownnever go back to the days where.
We're all trying to get out ofthe house at 7:00 AM.
Let's go dropping them off tobefore school care, just so I
could be in an office by 8, 830.
As we've transitioned back tothe office, I'm being very clear
(23:36):
that I've all come into theoffice.
The number of days of.
We need to be in the office, butI'll be coming here after school
drop.
So there'll be somewhere betweennine and nine 30.
That's when I'll start my day,do my regular hours or however
that works.
But being very clear about thatwith my peers.
And so that, and others we'reall starting to feel comfortable
about doing that and havingthose conversations about.
What I'm thinking that I'm goingto bring in as boundary.
(23:58):
So I think.
As you're transitioning into anew workplace is doing the work
to really understand.
What is it?
That's really important.
What.
What do I need to do?
And being conscious ofintroducing them as you're
coming into transitionalsituations is a good way to
bring some of that stuff in.
Another was just around Taking abit of a pause.
Miranda (24:18):
So I think sometimes we really do believe that we have
to achieve everything today.
This week, this year.
The aforementioned book been outfix.
It really talks about dramaticsuccess as being created through
gradual sustainable growth.
If you think about the time thatwe've just had in the last few
years, There's been, huge amountof overwhelm.
As in 70%, percent of fair now,and instead of taking a pause,
(24:40):
because we're working fromhiring, we're doing
homeschooling.
I just 50% of women also choseto up-skill in that period.
Wow.
And both you and I are in thatgroup.
It's just one of those thingswhere you look at this on the
paper and you go, oh yeah, I seethat.
So your.
One of our boundaries has to bewith ourselves to going, this is
how much we can actually achievethis week.
(25:01):
This year.
And it's okay.
Those achievements will come.
We will achieve that gradualsustainable success.
it's super important that itdoesn't only to be the skier.
It doesn't need to be done by acertain age.
I think we've really gotta bemindful of those expectations
that we're sending on ourself.
Be really careful that we don'tthen bring those into effecting
(25:23):
our physical and mental health.
As part of that.
The BeneFIX could provide somegreat examples and it's a nice
reminder that JK Rowling tookseven years to write the first
Harry Potter.
Beyonce is first girl bandfailed.
And what Disney had to taketime.
He was well into his midlife andbeyond before Walt Disney really
became an iconic Disney that heis today.
(25:44):
It takes a while to bring thosegreat success stories out and
they're a hundred percent worthit when they get there.
Claire (25:49):
is a really good point because I think in this media
cycle.
We brought it up a couple oftimes before as well.
But in this media cycle, it'sall about you get all of the
news about instant successes.
He needs to attain and successand how you have to, what a car
to be the next Steve jobs.
You need to be.
Burning the midnight oil andI'll just sort of stuff and it's
(26:10):
simply just not true, but it'sjust the media that we get
served.
So I loved all those examplesbecause they're just, I love the
example.
I'm going to have that in theback of my head because
sometimes.
It's the tiny steps that we talkabout in this podcast, the
actionable steps.
But it's consistent work overthe longterm that gets the
(26:32):
results, but, Sometimes we canget a bit, feel like taking a
nap when it feels like.
A lot of work to do, but that'sthe thing here does take a lot
of work to have these likeamazing situations.
So they're not going to happenovernight.
Miranda (26:46):
And spending time in Dubai, I feel like I'm.
Operating on 50% speed.
They've all got jobs.
They've all got, Side hustles.
They're all creating productsand stuff.
Living in that world for such along time.
Made me feel like I've got to goa bit harder.
I've got to push a bit further.
The reality is.
Probably don't.
And they've got a lot of supportto make sure that they can do
that.
So it's just a different livedexperience.
So some good mindset shifts herethat we we can summarize as we
(27:09):
go into, trying to solve, whatdo we do when people push back
on our boundaries?
First let's make sure that we.
Being our own worst enemy interms of boundaries.
It does not all need to be donetoday this week, this month,
this year.
Make a start.
Is what matters.
So taking those incrementalsteps towards your greater goal.
Which is going to lead usperfectly into time management
next week.
Just making sure there's timeeach week to achieve these
(27:31):
things.
Another mindset shift is thatpeople are not going to know or
understand your boundaries.
Unless you communicate them.
Calmly and clearly, and ideallynon-judgmentally because I think
sometimes when you set yourboundary up.
It's like you should have no.
And that can cause obviously upthere conflict.
Claire (27:49):
And I think there's ways to in that boundaries.
Book that I mentioned aboutTownsend.
And Carl.
They give some really goodexamples, some practical
examples of how to communicateeffectively so that you are
coming from a place ofnon-judgment.
And also it's about.
It's about putting it in thesense of how it makes you feel.
(28:10):
It's never about the accusationon the other person.
And what they're doing is wrongbecause in their mind, they've
got their boundaries.
So you've got to find a way ifyou've got the controller.
And avoid an example or thecontroller.
When you're setting upboundaries in relationships.
And so it's trying to understandand be curious about their
perspective as well.
So you can have greatconversations.
(28:33):
And I think the point that youjust mentioned.
Starting is important.
Looking at my boundaries andreconsidering them.
You might have to try a fewthings because it's working with
another person that.
It's a completely differentperson to you.
And so you've got to start withsomething and then seeing if
that works, and if it's a littlebit getting you there or it's
not working, then you might haveto try something else.
(28:53):
So it's not this sort of, thisis what, I don't know how.
And this is what I mean.
It's about what, how do we getsomething?
That's a foundation that both ofus can work with.
And then that requires trial anderror.
that flexibility is soimportant.
I give a very simple example of,you'd want to do your focused
work between eight 30 and 10.
But you've got something thatalways comes by your desk at
(29:14):
eight 30.
They're a valued colleague.
I help you on glow color,roadblocks.
And that's the only time intheir calendar that they can do.
So it's, while it's friendly,it's also helping to make sure
that they're setting up the dayfor success as much as you are.
It's going to be the right moveto move that focused work's to 8
45 and have that 15 minutes.
The reality behind that is goingto be more valuable to you.
(29:35):
Birth.
Flexibility is so important.
I think also having that clarityon your mission and your goals.
If you understand why thingswork, boundaries are going to
help you to achieve what youneed.
That you understand what themission is?
It's far easier.
And going you.
I'm going to set this up.
Swaying.
I'm always out of the door byfive o'clock, but there's no
kind of wine to why you need tobe out the door at five o'clock.
(29:56):
Is it to get to the gym?
Is it to be with family?
Is it to, whatever, what isyour, why?
What is the purpose behind it?
It's going to help you toimplement that and to share that
with people to say, look, I'mhappy to do exactly what you
said in reverse.
I'm happy to do the extra onthis side.
Because I need this fiveo'clock.
This has to be my hard cutoff.
Obviously there is so manyexamples of what boundaries are
(30:17):
going to work for.
You.
These are the simple ones, justbecause we know that.
There is just so many differentworkplaces, different time
zones, different whatevers thatyou play in.
So please do try and, relatethose to what your vision and
what your purpose is and how youwould show up in the world and
what that looks like for you.
I definitely think the why isunderstanding your, why?
I think that reminder to that.
(30:38):
Like the knowing that no is acomplete sentence.
So I think back to some of when.
I'm like assessing theboundaries for the waken.
And the week ahead where I'vegot a bit derailed or whatever,
it's.
Not stick being clear on.
I could just say no to a fewthings.
And then regretting that Ididn't say no.
So it's a big, I hate to say no.
But that's different.
(30:58):
What we talked about being inavoidance and always avoiding
health.
We all still need help wherehuman beings, where, you know,
the collaborative kind of tribebased brunch.
That still doesn't mean that youshouldn't be able to be clear on
what your nos are and helpingknow your wide, I think is
really good.
Another quote, actually thisweek, Alfa miss in therapy.
How's that I quoted earlier.
(31:19):
Remember that you're not harminganyone by saying no.
You haven't become a boundaryviolator, just someone who is
making a point of taking care ofthemselves.
They'll get used to it.
Yes.
Good reminder.
You've got to go a couple ofquotes today.
I don't want him to.
Put them up on that.
Speaking of which we should wrapup this episode.
Action challenge was twofold ifyou remember from the beginning.
(31:40):
So if you haven't been trackingyour time, For a week to the
tracking time experiment for aweek.
As I mentioned, I think doing itfor more than a week or picking
it up and putting it down anddoing it regularly could help.
So definitely.
Recommend us all doing thataction in terms of getting clear
on where we're spending at atime.
Along with tracking our energyas well.
(32:02):
So when are we feeling burnt outor when are.
And noticing that as we'renoticing what we're doing with
that time.
And then looking for one ofthose boundary tools that we've
spoken about over the course ofthe episode.
In terms of getting comfortablewith your, why, how are you
going to set boundaries,courageous conversations.
Thinking about the boundary.
Personality types that you arein your life, any of the things
(32:25):
that we've talked about andthink about how you can apply
them in your coming wings andit's all about trial and error.
It gets started.
Practice.
You don't stop, then we've gotno basis to tweak and be agile
about making it better.
Miranda (32:38):
Done is better than perfect.
As always we've put all of thecurated content and quotes we've
mentioned today in the podepisode notes.
So you can check them out overthe next week or so and dip into
some of the stuff that resonateswith you and will inspire you to
take small, actionable steps foryour own success journey.
Also check out our website,elevate with grace.com.
You on would love you to hoponto our Instagram and give some
(33:00):
notes about how things are andwe'd love, love, love to hear
from you.
If you want something morepersonal, please send us an
email to elevate withgrace@gmail.com.
And our next episode.
be getting into these tips toolsand checks for time management
and working on our timemanagement muscles.
So look forward to sharing thatwith you.
Can't wait to try it again.
(33:20):
In a fortnight's time.
And thank you so much forlistening.
Thanks
Welcome to season two of the elevate with grace podcast.
For women who are short on timeand long to take steps to create
success on their own terms.
This podcast is here for womenwho feel overworked,
underappreciated, and stuck in aconstant world of spinning
plates and want more from life.
We take the plethora of Intelout there and curated into the
(00:21):
highest value insights.
We combine it with our livedexperiences to offer bite sized,
actionable tips.
So you can look back at the endof the quarter and the end of
the year, knowing you wereworking towards achieving
success on your own terms.
Miranda (00:34):
Welcome to episode four of our second season.
A huge hello to all the fabulouslisteners.
My name is Miranda and a hugewelcome to my vivacious and
dynamic co-host Claire.
point we discussed whyboundaries and solid time
management were essential forachieving your goals and how
following on from courageousconversations.
It was such a good time to betalking about this.
(00:57):
The last few weeks have not beena great reflection on me living
out time management.
However, I've given myself graceand accept.
The very and accept that thereis no guilt.
There's no negative languagecoming from the shortcomings.
There is moments in time duringtransition changing roles there
is very little, you can do tojust hold on and get through
(01:18):
that sort of period.
So I'm quite okay.
With how it's all been rolling.
It's been a real time flexibleon both sides.
I was feeling reallyappreciated.
Quite humbled that the way thatI want to show up in the world
is being reflected back to me inthese wonderful comments for
people as I am finish up in mycurrent job and current role.
(01:39):
It's just been a wonderfulexperience.
Claire, my friend, how are youdoing?
And how have you gone withoutaction challenge?
Claire (01:45):
Hello yes.
I've been good.
It's interesting going throughthose transitions, I've been
thinking about you a lot, doingall of that transition out of a
current role and thinking aboutnew horizons with the new role.
I think after a couple of yearswe've been of.
COVID itself has been a messytransition.
So in transitions on top ofthat, it's an interesting
experience, I think because yes,I've been thinking about you and
(02:08):
doing all that stuff.
My fortnite has been good.
I've been making a consciouseffort to really enjoy the warm,
extended some, a Melbourne withthem.
I think that, you've got toappreciate those things.
So we've had a good run here.
In fact this weekend we went andsaw the Melbourne boomers plays,
so the female basketball team.
So that was good, fun to begetting out and about and doing
(02:31):
other bits and pieces.
So just being really consciousof.
Thinking about enjoying all thatbeautiful weather before we get
into return, we're getting outand about and getting into
practice of being out and aboutafter two years of a lot of
lockdowns.
So yeah, it's been fabulous.
In terms of the actionchallenge.
The time diary has been aninteresting experience, writing
down some of the time, what Ifound earlier in the week when I
(02:52):
first started doing it was thatI was getting irritated.
If.
Others were impacting on how Iplan the time.
I found that was a reallyinteresting journey, like as I
was doing that, because I wasgetting frustrated that I had
this plan and then.
Others in your life, coworkers,family, friends, or whatever,
and making changes to that.
(03:14):
And finding that difficult to,accommodate because I was like,
no, I'm trying to track my time.
Making it inefficient for me.
So then I had to go throughwhich I talk about probably next
podcast about the timemanagement aspect.
Is thinking about why that'shappening.
And already.
Break the code the one dayrefund, which will come into.
In a couple of weeks time, causeit's more about time management
(03:34):
and energy management, butabout.
You've got to leave flexing yourtime.
So you have to, it can't beabout 100%.
Logging everything in there andthen you're beating yourself up.
So the concept of having flex inyour week and accepting that
things are out of your control.
I found that really goodexercise.
I think I probably need tocontinue to do what the other
(03:55):
thing I realized was It's soeasy.
get out of the ability to dofocused amount of time of blocks
of time.
So I was trying to get somethingdone from a work perspective
this week.
And I was really quite consciousof an allocate an hour and a
half.
And then I was really quiteconscious of.
I'd pick up my phone every 15minutes in that hour and half.
(04:17):
I had to go and I put my phonein another Room?
You become quite clunky,conscious of.
How distracted you can be andhow easy it can happen.
And again, playing those gamesabout focus time, like what can
I get done?
Any hour and a half and move thephone and all that sort of
stuff.
Yeah.
I've had a good fun.
Good playing around with that.
I think he learned to walk.
So I think it was a really good.
Challenged to do.
(04:38):
Keep doing it.
Miranda (04:39):
And I do believe that is so reflective of what a lot
of people are going to beexperiencing with that
challenge.
Because it is so easy to getinterrupted.
It's so easy to get distractedin this.
Notifications and the phone'sjust an easy kind of.
Brain pause.
To say, and then back in theoffice for a lot of painful and
the other cities, they haven'treally had as much time at home
(04:59):
as maybe Melbourne, but fromAlvin.
It's really getting back intothe office and getting used to
having those interruptions.
And how much workflow you canget.
Interesting statistic probablydoesn't fit in here.
Other than just to be part ofthe conversation about returning
to work.
Currently we do about 56 hoursfrom home versus the 40 that we
do in the office.
Some benefits too, a little bitof working from home time.
Claire (05:22):
And then the other aspect, the book that I
mentioned the one day.
Refund.
Talks about how you could betteruse that time.
So one day refund is 50 15% andyou should be operating at 85%.
So I would argue that why I, andthen the conversation we had in
the last podcast around there'spretty significant.
(05:42):
Evidence to say that there'sdiminishing returns after that
35, 40 hours a week.
And so what should we have beenusing, or should we be using
that time?
Should we be working with thattime or should we be doing other
stuff with that time?
Miranda (05:55):
Studies would definitely agree with no issue,
not.
But let's dig into it.
So quick reminder in our lastpod that we explore the
importance of healthyboundaries.
And how these have been erodedpotentially more so in the last
few years Yeah.
Maybe some people haven't hadthem, but even if they were,
they did get a bit of road.
And how it's essential tocultivate those new boundaries
(06:16):
to really help you achieve yourgoals, which is what we're
about.
We want to ensure that we'resetting you up for success on
your own terms.
And this is just such anessential part of that puzzle.
The both boundaries and timemanagement.
So we really dove into takingback control of your time and
how key that is.
How we.
Only to upskill ourselves inthis area.
(06:37):
And we shared some interestingstudies from Europe.
Countries like Germany, France,and Portugal.
That are leading the way withvarying legislation around this.
Exploring that both companiesand employees can play a role in
supporting more positive workbehaviors.
For the longterm benefit of all.
We spoke about why this was soimportant to us and some
statistics to help.
Four of five workers in 2020based on an Asana survey and
(07:01):
report in the women's agendawe're reporting high levels of
burnout.
77% of Australians.
56 hours or up.
From home, it's just, it'sproven that it's way too much.
The main three factors thatcaused the, this.
And increased over time.
Vagueness around workplacetasks.
I think there was a lot ofambiguity.
Around the winter week what arewe catching?
(07:24):
And there was also a lot ofunnecessary workplace meetings,
potentially as management we'regetting used to having people
working from home and notnecessarily having that control.
So some really big statisticsthere.
Claire (07:35):
Yeah.
The whole conversation makes ithappen around the effectiveness
about any.
And getting better at oureffectiveness in meanings and
whether they really go with iteven pre virtual, but being on
the virtual thing.
I think it doesn't help.
And I think there was another, Ithink it's the fatigue of being
able to be.
The communication channels andthe collaboration channels.
(07:55):
So it's not just, we spoke aboutlast time.
I think that I find can bedeclining from an energy
perspective, because at anypoint in time, You have to be a
cyborg.
You're getting emails coming inand paper.
If you're not responding toemails, people are getting you
on teams.
If you're not responding toteams and getting you on text
messages.
I can see how there's fatigue.
And I think, even though thatsurvey's 2020 a lot of people
(08:17):
that I speak to even in 2022.
Whether it's still burning outalmost like a hangover from
burnout.
That's.
I'd like to look into that.
Yeah.
I feel like maybe it's as bad asit's been.
Because of this.
That high statistic, the 77%.
Four and five.
Because in 2020, I feel that thestill, yeah, a bit of a.
Burnout hangover happening.
(08:38):
And for some people, even ifthey're still in that space.
Miranda (08:41):
And I came across this terrific query, which really
sums that up, which is workingharder or smarter.
Isn't enough to survive thepressures of the modern
workplace.
if the system's flawed, what dowe do?
Now that quote was from theburnout, fix a book by Jacinta
Jimenez and interestingly, evenbefore the last couple of years
in 2019, the world healthorganization officially
(09:03):
identified burnout as a majorglobal health challenge.
And identifying it as asyndrome.
As syndrome that results fromchronic workplace stress that
has not been successfullymanaged.
This is my way here.
All.
We definitely want to dig intowhat you can do.
I think we've had those greatconversations about courageous
conversations, and this is thetime.
(09:26):
Because if you don't set upthose boundaries, if you don't
implement some of those timestime limits no one else is doing
it for you.
And we really need to make sure,I think both from an employer
and an employee point of view.
We don't, you don't want peopleburning out.
You don't want to create anunnecessary turnover in your
workplace.
So the conversation's aboutcoming together for the greater
(09:49):
good of everybody.
So we delved into the why on myboth boundaries and time in the
last episode.
There is just way too much tocover here.
So we've split this part into atwo part series.
We're going to cover boundariestoday.
And then in our next part, we'regoing to dig deep on time
management.
Our boundaries really stopexamining our mindset sharing
(10:10):
key to.
Tips and tricks to help you findyour groove in this space.
And an acknowledgement thatthings are going to take time to
work through.
And there is going to bepushback from people that have
really enjoyed your lacksboundaries over the last few
years, by instituting theseboundaries, we are gifting
ourselves one giant leap towardsachieving our goals.
We absolutely promise you thatand we're walking the path to
(10:32):
achieving success on our ownterms.
Claire (10:34):
I think once we started looking at the boundaries and
time management, we realizedthat actually quite a lot to
talk about.
And so it will be moredigestible if we cover it off
in, into episodes.
So for this part it'd be good.
I think if we just put ouraction challenge upfront, just
to summarize.
Action challenge.
So that we've all got that inthe back of our mind.
(10:54):
There's where.
Picking through some of theamazing content in this space.
So like we mentioned at thebeginning, if we didn't get a
chance to, if you haven't madetracking your time yet, like
I've mentioned, I've got a bigbenefit from that.
We still encourage you to keeptracking your time for the week
ahead, just to understand reallywhere your time is going and
whether there's some.
(11:15):
Whether there's some ways.
You put boundaries around thattime?
I think another part of thattaking note of your emotive
state whether you're feelingirritated or angry the time that
you're allocating to stuff overthe week can, if you're
identifying emotions around thatI can help you.
Again, think about ways that youwould like to make some changes.
(11:36):
With the emotion, reallythinking about your energy as
well.
So when you're feeling burntout, if you're feeling inspired
where that is, and what'shelping you do that by thinking
about how you plan yourboundaries and combat over the
week.
Then take one of the boundarytools that we're going to talk
about over the next sort of 20minutes or so, and look at how
(11:56):
you can use that too reallyfocus your time and get back to
your goals and think about whatyour vision is for the next 12
months.
And how you can wrap someboundaries around that with the
people that you love and careabout in your lives.
I do want to take a little bitof a step back and talk about
what boundaries are.
Exactly.
From my perspective.
I've just mentioned a way foryou to understand and uncover
(12:18):
what your boundaries are, is topay attention to what's making
you feel uncomfortable,irritable, frustrated with a
particular aspect or socircumstances within your
personal or professionalrelationships.
So often for me, That's where Ithink you shouldn't be trying to
suppress those feelings.
One of the things that youshould be looking at is.
particular situation in my way,really gets my goat off.
(12:39):
I don't want this and thenstarts to explore why that is.
And I think probably a lot ofthe time it's about, that's not
how you feel comfortable workingor living or running your life
and then you need to have athink how do you get a situation
where you're having the rightconversations about that?
When I think to look goodboundaries, look like for me.
I imagine a solid.
With some beautiful, straightout, all in a sturdy door.
(13:02):
With an inviting welcomingstyle.
So it's very clear that there'sa wall there, but it's embodying
you can come in.
And it's all very out there andpretty and amazing.
When I think about times when myrelationships.
Not in a good place in terms ofa good foundation of boundaries.
I feel like it's a bit more likean electric fence scenario when
(13:24):
nobody knows whether it'sswitched on or off.
So when people approach me.
And I haven't really been doingthe hard work to set up the
boundaries and then they come toask me something and I'd been
suppressing it and they get azap.
And the other person iswondering why they're getting
his zap, because I didn't knowit was a problem.
I like to think about movingmyself from, if I feel like I'm
zapping people and people isthat thing made and let, maybe
(13:45):
my boundaries not caught rightand got a bit of electric and
imaginary electric fanshappening there, as opposed to
saying, to be really clear aboutWhat it is that I need in
particular situations andrelationships and working
through that.
Miranda (13:57):
Yeah.
I don't know what you thinkabout that grander.
Absolutely love it.
I've never thought of boundariesin that way.
But it's sorry to Hampshire.
We definitely, I think we letpeople push our boundaries again
and again.
Until it's one time too many.
And then somehow they shouldhave always known that boundary
was there and that they werepushing it.
On reflection we have acommunicator that we haven't put
(14:18):
that beautiful street art out onour brick wall.
And door that says welcome maybebetween the hours of eight and
five.
I do think that boundaries ofkind, but they've just got such
a bad reputation.
Claire (14:29):
Yeah, we've spoken about it we're all coming through a
place where boundaries are aninteresting concept right now,
they were pre COVID because wealready had introduced these
digital tools into theworkplace.
I think.
Last time I mentioned the fastcompany article, where there was
a survey conducted by trees.
whether it's employees oremployers responsibility to set
(14:51):
boundaries.
And remember we made thatdistinction between workers over
45.
A significant number of thembelieved that it was their
personal responsibility.
Whereas that was only shared by42% of those under the age of
45.
And.
The theory in that instance,which we agree makes a fair bit
of sense, is that.
Those who started working in anera where they could be reached
(15:14):
24 7 by email, slack, zoom, orany number of other workplace
tools.
Expect the employer to supportboundaries around that, aspect
of the new workplace ratherthan.
in a physically differentlocation at work, and then you
move home for one of us, it'sall blended.
And so then it's become quite acomplex topic.
(15:35):
And.
With the amount of burnout canwe do here?
I It's the thing, like how canwe really explore and getting
placed some of these brick wallswith lovely street art as
opposed to the.
And telecom without the propersignup.
Miranda (15:49):
Such a good run.
When you actually spell out thestudy of the 45 and under versus
45 and over.
Most likely the 45 and over arethe ones setting the rules.
And I don't know they'recrossing boundaries.
Because they have never being apart of that, they've been able
to craft boundaries throughouttheir career.
They maybe haven't let thatsoftware take over their world.
(16:11):
And the millennial generation.
Hang on.
I've got all these tools I'mbeing contacted constantly and
it's not right.
And communication is just soimportant here, because we don't
allow for different livedexperiences, past work
experiences, differentgenerations and different
cultural backgrounds as well.
So I think my organizations doneed to be aware of.
(16:33):
I have lots of recliner of theirworkforce and they should be
constantly educating andre-educating themselves and a
really strong growth mindset ofwhat their team need.
it's also very important that weshare those values and we
communicate really clearly.
I think this is a much morehealthy way of going And then
everybody benefits from that.
So that it's a sharedconversation.
Part of that conversation.
(16:53):
We spoke in our last poet.
About to boundaries.
was some five from studies andour lived experiences that
boundaries were somehow selfish.
We look through this data.
We know it's not true.
In theory.
However, let me start toimplement these into our lives.
There's this subconscious orunderlying mindset hangout that
can absolutely get in the way.
(17:13):
Let's go back to your beautifulfence analogy.
I think that's a much better wayof perceiving boundaries.
But when you start to Institutethese boundaries, I think what
happens is that we start tobring them in.
People get quite defensive.
They get angry at us becausewe're trying to apply a
boundary.
And get.
Don't worry about it, that'sokay.
I'm fine.
And I think we'll get into thistowards the end of our podcast,
but I think that thoughtfuldelivery.
(17:36):
And communication of why youneed this, how this is going to
help you and them potentially tomove forward.
Is really something that weshould take responsibility for
and we should watch out for.
Claire (17:45):
I think you make an interesting point.
There's a book calledboundaries.
That's very original term henrycloud and John Townsend I wanted
to bring up and maybe this is agood time to do it.
Is that in terms of.
Tips and tricks for how to sethealthy boundaries.
The first part of bag or what isactually a boundary and how
could we identify it?
You.
There's emotional triggers whenthings are bothering us as a
(18:07):
good way to identify them.
the first action is to know yourboundary personality type.
The concept that our mindordinarily jobs to you.
Is that.
People who have boundary Twoyears of being the ones that are
going to campus compliant.
Flex for the compliance.
That's the person that's gettingpushed back and then they're
like, whatever this is all toohard, or just not bother about
(18:28):
that.
It's important to understand ifthere's another couple of
boundaries, personalities thatthey talk about.
That is equally importantbecause if you're one of these
other boundary times or theirbedroom personality types or
your on the other side, you'recompliant and you're dealing
with another person on theseboundary types, it can really
impact the type of conversationsthat you should be having.
One is they talk aboutavoidance.
(18:50):
So avoidance.
So focused on building a wall toprotect themselves from the bad
that they don't actually let anygood.
Good through the gate.
So back to my metaphor of the.
Thanks types.
That's like basically sayingthat on my beautiful brick wall
with the street art, there's amassive plaque off on there that
nothing comes in and nothinggoes out.
And so there's.
(19:11):
Basically avoidance have troubleletting others in and sharing
their And they say no to helpall the time.
That's a distinctive from beingin avoidance where you just know
I don't need any help.
No, I'm fine.
And you're behind the boundaryfence and you never come out.
And then the other one, whichI'm sure we've all had many
experiences with and havedifferent reactions to our
(19:32):
controllers.
Thinking that they're in a goodspot.
The controller is in a good spotbecause people never overstepped
their boundaries.
You're always getting what youwant.
And the reality is that thecontrol is if they're not aware,
so they're like, whoa, I alwaysget what I want.
I send information out all thetime.
People come back to me.
Is that basically, they're notappreciating that there
overstepping everybody else'sboundaries.
(19:54):
And so they think I'm fine.
I don't have any boundaryissues.
Wearing it affected you becausethe relationships that you're
having over others in this sortof controlling manner.
You relationships are built onfear and guilt rather than
inspiring other leaders.
And it's not a mutual respect.
The loss of the situations.
I found that really interestingto think about that it's I think
we're always thinking aboutthose of us that so I'd say no
(20:15):
very well and are very good atarticulating boundaries.
But there's a whole bunch ofother personalities in that
boundary ecosystem that we needto work through.
Miranda (20:24):
Absolutely.
Quite a lot in that.
Your point in a, there isdefinitely a reason why we don't
have boundaries as well.
And you've got your personalitytypes and then there's also
reasons why people don't Tend tohave these strong boundaries.
It's always driven this way.
So with.
I've never learned how to haveboundaries and instead we've
tolerated those that are settingup for us.
I've never stood up for ourboundaries.
So that one definitely fillsinto the personality type.
(20:47):
There.
And maybe we're not sure whatboundaries we need.
Some people intuitively knowwhat boundaries might be missing
from their lives.
Others perhaps feeluncomfortable, but they don't
really know why.
And I think that one is probablywhere.
It's really important that weget clarity around what you want
to achieve.
So that's where we've beensetting our goals, our visions,
understanding what we want.
(21:08):
As those boundaries are going tohelp you get there.
The boundaries are going toallow you to actually achieve
those goals because they'regoing to help set up systems and
structures for you.
To be able to move forward.
Running house and his blog intherapy.
Recommended that you change youremotions.
So when your emotions are goinga bit haywire, when you're
feeling a bit uncomfortable, toyour point, Claire, where you
(21:30):
feeling, you.
Aggravated or irritated bythings.
Some things.
Most likely pushing a boundary.
Tuning into your thoughts.
We all have those greatconversations with ourselves
when we're driving home andpotentially some negative chats
about what we didn't do, maybetuning to those thoughts in a
different way and go, where didI feel uncomfortable today?
What didn't work for me today?
Because again, it's you were aboundary's happening.
(21:52):
And then ask others close, calm,close confidence, and loved
ones.
Have probably seen these.
How you're showing up in yourlife and wishing that you
brought more boundaries intoyour world.
So sometimes a really close,confident is going to be able to
go.
Yes.
You just tell them to leave youalone after 5:00 PM.
Then we'd both be happy.
(22:13):
So you're going to, maybe that'sgoing to help you.
To start to identify some ofthose.
I think that's I think that's areally good.
Point.
And I think in terms of bringingthat into a leadership concept
as well, and we're all leaders,right?
Whether we are.
It's not breakfast.
Management toddle, but in termsof leading by example, and you
were mentioning.
It is often, always easier.
(22:35):
When you're starting a newrelationship, a new Joel, a new
project.
Setting, you should always befighting.
We end up finishing in terms ofyour boundaries.
Then I think as we move intothis, because once the already
established relationships.
Try to do then.
Create any boundaries can beattempts IX.
Experience and not to say wedon't want me to do it.
(22:56):
Given the very now stats and awhole bunch of other things.
We absolutely need to be basinginto our existing relationships.
To understand.
And re-establish what ourmanagers are, but when you're
starting a new situation.
So give it an example.
As we head back to.
Into the office workplace.
Claire (23:14):
One of my non-negotiables is I will, I'm
happy for my kids to go intoafter school care and do a
couple of other things.
One of my non-negotiables is ownnever go back to the days where.
We're all trying to get out ofthe house at 7:00 AM.
Let's go dropping them off tobefore school care, just so I
could be in an office by 8, 830.
As we've transitioned back tothe office, I'm being very clear
(23:36):
that I've all come into theoffice.
The number of days of.
We need to be in the office, butI'll be coming here after school
drop.
So there'll be somewhere betweennine and nine 30.
That's when I'll start my day,do my regular hours or however
that works.
But being very clear about thatwith my peers.
And so that, and others we'reall starting to feel comfortable
about doing that and havingthose conversations about.
What I'm thinking that I'm goingto bring in as boundary.
(23:58):
So I think.
As you're transitioning into anew workplace is doing the work
to really understand.
What is it?
That's really important.
What.
What do I need to do?
And being conscious ofintroducing them as you're
coming into transitionalsituations is a good way to
bring some of that stuff in.
Another was just around Taking abit of a pause.
Miranda (24:18):
So I think sometimes we really do believe that we have
to achieve everything today.
This week, this year.
The aforementioned book been outfix.
It really talks about dramaticsuccess as being created through
gradual sustainable growth.
If you think about the time thatwe've just had in the last few
years, There's been, huge amountof overwhelm.
As in 70%, percent of fair now,and instead of taking a pause,
(24:40):
because we're working fromhiring, we're doing
homeschooling.
I just 50% of women also choseto up-skill in that period.
Wow.
And both you and I are in thatgroup.
It's just one of those thingswhere you look at this on the
paper and you go, oh yeah, I seethat.
So your.
One of our boundaries has to bewith ourselves to going, this is
how much we can actually achievethis week.
(25:01):
This year.
And it's okay.
Those achievements will come.
We will achieve that gradualsustainable success.
it's super important that itdoesn't only to be the skier.
It doesn't need to be done by acertain age.
I think we've really gotta bemindful of those expectations
that we're sending on ourself.
Be really careful that we don'tthen bring those into effecting
(25:23):
our physical and mental health.
As part of that.
The BeneFIX could provide somegreat examples and it's a nice
reminder that JK Rowling tookseven years to write the first
Harry Potter.
Beyonce is first girl bandfailed.
And what Disney had to taketime.
He was well into his midlife andbeyond before Walt Disney really
became an iconic Disney that heis today.
(25:44):
It takes a while to bring thosegreat success stories out and
they're a hundred percent worthit when they get there.
Claire (25:49):
is a really good point because I think in this media
cycle.
We brought it up a couple oftimes before as well.
But in this media cycle, it'sall about you get all of the
news about instant successes.
He needs to attain and successand how you have to, what a car
to be the next Steve jobs.
You need to be.
Burning the midnight oil andI'll just sort of stuff and it's
(26:10):
simply just not true, but it'sjust the media that we get
served.
So I loved all those examplesbecause they're just, I love the
example.
I'm going to have that in theback of my head because
sometimes.
It's the tiny steps that we talkabout in this podcast, the
actionable steps.
But it's consistent work overthe longterm that gets the
(26:32):
results, but, Sometimes we canget a bit, feel like taking a
nap when it feels like.
A lot of work to do, but that'sthe thing here does take a lot
of work to have these likeamazing situations.
So they're not going to happenovernight.
Miranda (26:46):
And spending time in Dubai, I feel like I'm.
Operating on 50% speed.
They've all got jobs.
They've all got, Side hustles.
They're all creating productsand stuff.
Living in that world for such along time.
Made me feel like I've got to goa bit harder.
I've got to push a bit further.
The reality is.
Probably don't.
And they've got a lot of supportto make sure that they can do
that.
So it's just a different livedexperience.
So some good mindset shifts herethat we we can summarize as we
(27:09):
go into, trying to solve, whatdo we do when people push back
on our boundaries?
First let's make sure that we.
Being our own worst enemy interms of boundaries.
It does not all need to be donetoday this week, this month,
this year.
Make a start.
Is what matters.
So taking those incrementalsteps towards your greater goal.
Which is going to lead usperfectly into time management
next week.
Just making sure there's timeeach week to achieve these
(27:31):
things.
Another mindset shift is thatpeople are not going to know or
understand your boundaries.
Unless you communicate them.
Calmly and clearly, and ideallynon-judgmentally because I think
sometimes when you set yourboundary up.
It's like you should have no.
And that can cause obviously upthere conflict.
Claire (27:49):
And I think there's ways to in that boundaries.
Book that I mentioned aboutTownsend.
And Carl.
They give some really goodexamples, some practical
examples of how to communicateeffectively so that you are
coming from a place ofnon-judgment.
And also it's about.
It's about putting it in thesense of how it makes you feel.
(28:10):
It's never about the accusationon the other person.
And what they're doing is wrongbecause in their mind, they've
got their boundaries.
So you've got to find a way ifyou've got the controller.
And avoid an example or thecontroller.
When you're setting upboundaries in relationships.
And so it's trying to understandand be curious about their
perspective as well.
So you can have greatconversations.
(28:33):
And I think the point that youjust mentioned.
Starting is important.
Looking at my boundaries andreconsidering them.
You might have to try a fewthings because it's working with
another person that.
It's a completely differentperson to you.
And so you've got to start withsomething and then seeing if
that works, and if it's a littlebit getting you there or it's
not working, then you might haveto try something else.
(28:53):
So it's not this sort of, thisis what, I don't know how.
And this is what I mean.
It's about what, how do we getsomething?
That's a foundation that both ofus can work with.
And then that requires trial anderror.
that flexibility is soimportant.
I give a very simple example of,you'd want to do your focused
work between eight 30 and 10.
But you've got something thatalways comes by your desk at
(29:14):
eight 30.
They're a valued colleague.
I help you on glow color,roadblocks.
And that's the only time intheir calendar that they can do.
So it's, while it's friendly,it's also helping to make sure
that they're setting up the dayfor success as much as you are.
It's going to be the right moveto move that focused work's to 8
45 and have that 15 minutes.
The reality behind that is goingto be more valuable to you.
(29:35):
Birth.
Flexibility is so important.
I think also having that clarityon your mission and your goals.
If you understand why thingswork, boundaries are going to
help you to achieve what youneed.
That you understand what themission is?
It's far easier.
And going you.
I'm going to set this up.
Swaying.
I'm always out of the door byfive o'clock, but there's no
kind of wine to why you need tobe out the door at five o'clock.
(29:56):
Is it to get to the gym?
Is it to be with family?
Is it to, whatever, what isyour, why?
What is the purpose behind it?
It's going to help you toimplement that and to share that
with people to say, look, I'mhappy to do exactly what you
said in reverse.
I'm happy to do the extra onthis side.
Because I need this fiveo'clock.
This has to be my hard cutoff.
Obviously there is so manyexamples of what boundaries are
(30:17):
going to work for.
You.
These are the simple ones, justbecause we know that.
There is just so many differentworkplaces, different time
zones, different whatevers thatyou play in.
So please do try and, relatethose to what your vision and
what your purpose is and how youwould show up in the world and
what that looks like for you.
I definitely think the why isunderstanding your, why?
I think that reminder to that.
(30:38):
Like the knowing that no is acomplete sentence.
So I think back to some of when.
I'm like assessing theboundaries for the waken.
And the week ahead where I'vegot a bit derailed or whatever,
it's.
Not stick being clear on.
I could just say no to a fewthings.
And then regretting that Ididn't say no.
So it's a big, I hate to say no.
But that's different.
(30:58):
What we talked about being inavoidance and always avoiding
health.
We all still need help wherehuman beings, where, you know,
the collaborative kind of tribebased brunch.
That still doesn't mean that youshouldn't be able to be clear on
what your nos are and helpingknow your wide, I think is
really good.
Another quote, actually thisweek, Alfa miss in therapy.
How's that I quoted earlier.
(31:19):
Remember that you're not harminganyone by saying no.
You haven't become a boundaryviolator, just someone who is
making a point of taking care ofthemselves.
They'll get used to it.
Yes.
Good reminder.
You've got to go a couple ofquotes today.
I don't want him to.
Put them up on that.
Speaking of which we should wrapup this episode.
Action challenge was twofold ifyou remember from the beginning.
(31:40):
So if you haven't been trackingyour time, For a week to the
tracking time experiment for aweek.
As I mentioned, I think doing itfor more than a week or picking
it up and putting it down anddoing it regularly could help.
So definitely.
Recommend us all doing thataction in terms of getting clear
on where we're spending at atime.
Along with tracking our energyas well.
(32:02):
So when are we feeling burnt outor when are.
And noticing that as we'renoticing what we're doing with
that time.
And then looking for one ofthose boundary tools that we've
spoken about over the course ofthe episode.
In terms of getting comfortablewith your, why, how are you
going to set boundaries,courageous conversations.
Thinking about the boundary.
Personality types that you arein your life, any of the things
(32:25):
that we've talked about andthink about how you can apply
them in your coming wings andit's all about trial and error.
It gets started.
Practice.
You don't stop, then we've gotno basis to tweak and be agile
about making it better.
Miranda (32:38):
Done is better than perfect.
As always we've put all of thecurated content and quotes we've
mentioned today in the podepisode notes.
So you can check them out overthe next week or so and dip into
some of the stuff that resonateswith you and will inspire you to
take small, actionable steps foryour own success journey.
Also check out our website,elevate with grace.com.
You on would love you to hoponto our Instagram and give some
(33:00):
notes about how things are andwe'd love, love, love to hear
from you.
If you want something morepersonal, please send us an
email to elevate withgrace@gmail.com.
And our next episode.
be getting into these tips toolsand checks for time management
and working on our timemanagement muscles.
So look forward to sharing thatwith you.
Can't wait to try it again.
(33:20):
In a fortnight's time.
And thank you so much forlistening.
Thanks
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