Embracing Life's Journey: Growth, Grief, and Marriage ft. Joshua Tafoya

The ups and downs of life don't cease to sweep us off our feet, especially when the joys of milestones intertwine with the pangs of loss. In a revealing heart-to-heart with the ever-insightful Joshua Tafoya, we delve into the nuances of personal growth against the backdrop of grief. We open up about how we navigate the silent echoes of parental absence during significant life events, and how the teachings and values instilled by our parents continue to shape us, even in their physical absence.

Life's journey seldom follows a straight path, and it's the crooked trails that often lead to growth. Joshua and I share our respective voyages through trials and triumphs, reflecting on the gratitude owed to those who've nourished our spirits along the way. The conversation steers into our internal battles, the ones that lurk in the corners of our minds, questioning our abilities and worth. Yet, in the midst of this vulnerability, we find solace in the idea of spiritual noise cancellation—immersing ourselves in the divine to find calm in the chaos.

Finally, we celebrate the strength drawn from community and the collective embrace of growth, love, and marriage. Joshua's recent marriage and the heartening steps forward in both our lives serve as testaments to the enduring power of support systems. Through personal anecdotes and reflections, we underscore the importance of partnership and mentorship in anchoring our missions. This dialogue is more than an exchange of words; it's an ode to those unsung heroes in our lives and the legacy of those who have paved the way, whose presence is felt, powerfully, even when they're gone.

#familyloss #Heartfelt #marriage #relationships #motivation #faith #Jesus #christian #Hope #Elohimpodcast #christianPodcast

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
A week before I got married, I was searching and I
doubted that I'd be a goodhusband and all I wanted to hear
was my dad say, hey, you'regoing to be okay, and like this
is freaking horrible man.
It's just so hard to celebratethe good things in life.
Who you were trying to, youknow, do it for wasn't there.
I bought my first house and Ijust sat there and I sat there
in an empty house and I was likeyou know what?
I just wanted my dad and to seeyou know, I want to kind of

(00:22):
like to present the house.
Look, I did it.
Like I want to bring my car andbe like, look, dad, isn't it
nice.
Like like I've worked hard forit, like you told me like I'm
not a bum, like you know gettingmarried, like aren't you proud
of me?

Speaker 2 (00:34):
Like Welcome to Elohim podcast, a podcast about
real life issues from a biblicalperspective.
On this podcast, we don't justwant to be entertained, we want
to be changed.
Listen to the end to hear whatGod has for your life.
Elohim Podcast.

(00:55):
We have an amazing guest today.
This is my brother, this is mypartner in crime.
Even though we're notcommitting any crimes, we're
serving the kingdom of God.
This is an amazing servant ofthe Lord.
He preaches with the fire ofGod.
Man, I love your heart.
I love what you're doing forthe kingdom.
Today we have this podcast withmy friend, the one and only,

(01:19):
joshua Tafoya.
How's?

Speaker 1 (01:21):
it going.
It's going good.
Man Third tries the charm.
This is the third time it isman you tries the charm.
This is third time.

Speaker 2 (01:26):
It is, man, you have been on this podcast three times
, that's right.
So the first time it was at myhouse.
We did a podcast.
It was my first rodeo.
Uh, you came into the room.
We had this, this black tableright, don't forget the candle,
the candle, don't forget thecandle.
We had this, uh, this oil lampright, right, eventually.
So a guest came and with thiscomputer, he moved it too quick
and it broke.
The candle, don't forget thecandle.
We had this oil lamp, right,right.
Eventually, a guest came andwith this computer, he moved it

(01:48):
too quick and it broke.
Wow, but no, it was very, itwas funny because it was like so
intimate, right, right here.

Speaker 1 (01:55):
I was on a podcast date is what it felt like.

Speaker 2 (01:58):
We just needed to take out the picnic basket,
right, right.
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(02:19):
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(03:02):
At the bottom of their websiteyou will see the different
reviews.
I'm not lying to you when Itell you that they have amazing
customer service and qualityproducts.
No, but it's so awesome to seewhat God has done.
Man, I was not a member ofFamily Worship Center at that
time, right, I was just visiting, or I've just heard of it.
Also, at that time you weren'tmarried yet.

(03:23):
No, I was not.
No, and now you're married.
Praise God, you have a brandnew truck.
Yes, you've purchased a home.
So God has just been blessingyou, man, and it's beautiful to
see.
Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 (03:34):
First and foremost, I just want to commend you.
You know, something is of Godwhen he begins to take you
higher and elevate you higher.
God when he begins to take youhigher and elevate you higher.
So I commend you with yourconsistency.
I know you've been through alot over these last couple of
years, but your heart to keepgoing forward, man has
encouraged me.
Matter of fact, you are the onethat inspired me to start my
podcast.

(03:54):
Yeah so.
But first and foremost, man, Iwant to honor you.
I'm thankful to be here withyou.
You know, we're not just now.
Now we're just not people whodo ministry together.
I consider you part of the FWCfamily, my family, and I'm glad
man I'm excited to be here withyou.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
You know it's real and you've crossed over.
If you get invited to go toDisneyland, that's right.
That's how you know.
The moment you got married, youstarted hanging out with the
married folks.
It's not too bad on that side,with the slim, thick folks.

(04:30):
Yes, on the rich and glory.
We've built some credit on thisside, Right, right, right.
But no, we're eating good, Notjust physically, because you
know we've been to thesteakhouses, that's right.
Thank you for inviting me toFogo de Chau.
You know that was a good time,that was some good time.
But we're also eating good atchurch, man, that's right.
Wednesday, the word was onpoint.
Every service, I feel likeevery pastor Pastor Mano, Pastor
John, Pastor Hyman, PastorGeorge, all the pastors have,

(04:51):
you know, fed us so muchspiritual steak that I'm just
finding myself getting obese inthe spirit.

Speaker 1 (04:59):
Come on praise God, we got to do it some way.
No, you know it's.
I mean, we're grateful for ourpastors there at Family Worship
Center.
We're just byproducts, you know, of a lot of people in our life
and so that most definitely,God's doing some.
God is definitely.
We are definitely experiencingrevival, you know, in every
aspect, and what's cool aboutrevival is that it just doesn't
happen in church.
Every single member, you knowyou're bringing revival, I'm

(05:22):
bringing revival, Everyone'sbringing revival, and so it's
just an awesome thing to be apart of it is man.

Speaker 2 (05:27):
This Wednesday that just happened we had seven
baptisms.
Three were scheduled and then,out of nowhere, we always ask
the question who else wants toget baptized?
Because the day of tomorrow isnot promised to nobody.
Four more people raised theirhand and say I want to get
baptized.
We're seeing people raisedtheir hand and say I want to get
baptized.
We're seeing people givingtheir life to Jesus.
We're seeing baptisms.
We're seeing the ex-gang membercome to church and give their

(05:49):
life to Jesus, the ex-drugaddict.
So it's beautiful to see, butwhat I am waiting for is to see
your podcast.
Man, you have an amazing idea.
No cosmetics.
Like I couldn't have thought ofa better name.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, I know.

Speaker 3 (06:03):
You know it's funny.
Shout out to.

Speaker 1 (06:05):
Andy Minio.
Andy Minio, one of my favoriteChristian rappers.
He has a song it's called LayUp and in the beginning of the
song it yells out no cosmetics.
Yeah, and funny enough, youknow, god doesn't just speak to
me through worship music.
But he spoke to me and said hey, let's make a podcast about.
You know the unfiltered thingsin church.

Speaker 2 (06:25):
Producer, can you drop the beat for um for Josh.
I was like, does he?

Speaker 3 (06:29):
have it, I was about to rip it off already.

Speaker 2 (06:34):
Oh, okay, Okay, we need.
We need people don't know.
Producer fell asleep on me.
We don't, they haven't heardyou, but you've, you've wrecked
that church because there's asong.

Speaker 1 (06:48):
What's the song?
Oh man, what is it called?
Um, uh, shoot that, that, thatphenomenal phenomenal phenomenal
.
Yep, that's yeah, I was thechosen one how does it go?

Speaker 3 (07:00):
uh, I'll never be the same.
My heart's forever changed.
I know the old me is over andburied in the grave.
I don't care what they say,cause I'll never be ashamed of
the one who saved me 180.
The types.
I'm never fading.
I still got a little bit in me,the horns came out.

Speaker 2 (07:18):
That's right.
No man, it's so Like again, whyamen?
It's like you're talking aboutrevival.
It's amazing, Like we're seeingand this is what I love about
my church that we're not in acompetition with nobody.
Nope, If we were to be in acompetition.
We're in a competition with theenemy, with the devil, with the
kingdom of darkness, but weknow that the kingdom of the
Lord will always prevail and Ilove that.

(07:39):
We get visitors from differentchurches, different
denominations as well.
That's so crazy and you knowthey get to experience a great
time and we're also saving soulsand making disciples.

Speaker 1 (07:52):
That's what it's about, something that we love.
You said it right we're not inno competition with anybody, and
I think that the most importantthing is, we don't care where
you come from, right, as long asyou're leaving with Jesus and
you're bringing back anywhereyou, we can get anywhere, we
could be a service to anybody.
Um, we're, we're at, we'reready, we want you guys there.
So, yeah, if you guys havenothing to do on a friday night,

(08:13):
family work center friday nightseven o'clock, amazing.

Speaker 2 (08:17):
Now I want to get to some deeper stuff.
Sure, sure, um.
You're married now.
Uh, you're even dressed as acowboy now.

Speaker 3 (08:25):
I am.
I came with Nikes and now I'mcoming with some cowboy boots
For reals man.

Speaker 2 (08:29):
He used to shop at Finish Line Full Locker.
Now he shops at Boot Barn, atthe Boot Barn, don't sleep on
the Boot Barn.

Speaker 3 (08:35):
I'll tell you that.
Is this your idea or is thisyour wife's idea?

Speaker 1 (08:45):
No, actually I don't know where this got inspired
from one day I started wearingthem.

Speaker 3 (08:47):
If you feel threatened, blink twice.

Speaker 1 (08:48):
I can't, I can't really say anything she's in the
room, but we have a liveaudience today, my wife is
everything and she chooseseverything.
Right, I'm wrong do you like hercookie?
I do.
Actually she does make amazingcooking, I do.
But yeah, no, I mean I just Ijust got married.
Um, first episode, I wasn'tmarried.
Second episode, I wasn'tmarried, and know I'm so blessed
to have been, you know, gifted,because that's what she is to

(09:09):
me.
She's a gift from God and Icouldn't, I couldn't, and she's
not mine.
She belongs to God's and that'swhat makes it even more special
.
So I'm grateful that God hasplaced her in my life.
She's definitely my better half.
Man, you're trying to have agood date tonight.
I'm trying to have a good datetonight, today's date night,
yeah, but no, she's awesome man,fearful, she's a god-fearing
woman and, and you know, there'sno one else I'd rather do life

(09:30):
with than her right, rightthat's beautiful man.

Speaker 2 (09:34):
Um, thank you for inviting me to your wedding.
Of course, an honor and it waslit.
Huh, it was lit, the mariagethat's right, that's right.

Speaker 3 (09:41):
I gotta get it.
You gotta get my roots.

Speaker 2 (09:44):
But there was a moment in your wedding it made
me reflect a lot.
So my mom.
Unfortunately, she wasn't ableto be at the birth of my first
son, jeremiah, and neither formy daughter, and either, when I
got married, she had gone toMexico and she didn't have the
way to come back.
She didn't have the way to comeback, she, she didn't have
documentation.
So I've got to experience, uh,life-changing, remarkable

(10:09):
moments of my life without thepresence of my mom, right?
So when I saw you gettingwalking towards the altar at
your wedding and this is whatreally hit me is that you still
reserved a chair for your father, even though he's not here with
us anymore, correct?
And then then I believe soCorrect me if I'm wrong you
grabbed the Bible and you kissedit, right?
Was it his Bible?

Speaker 1 (10:29):
It was his.
It was a picture of him withhis favorite scripture, psalms
91.
But yeah, you know I mean, I'msure people who are listening,
especially you you can relate towhere things you're supposed to
be happy and congratulating andbe having a good time around.
It just hits a little differentwhen the people you love aren't
there.

(10:50):
But you know what you have to.
And this is where I'm learning,because I tell you what I'm
still grieving being transparent, being stuff where I have a lot
of grief in me.
But I can tell you that God hasalso healed me in a lot of my
areas of my life.
And so when I'm there, yeah,did it hurt a little bit that he
wasn't able to be there?

(11:10):
Sure, I would love for him tobe there, but at the same time,
I know that the prayer of a typeof woman that he prayed for was
going to stand at the altarwith me.
So, yeah, his physical presencemay have not been there, but
his prayer was right in front ofme, amen.
And I know he's always prayedfor me to have a God fearing
woman.
So that's why I also have a lotof love for my wife, because

(11:32):
she reminds me that she's notjust a gift and a blessing.
She's someone, she's an answerprayer for my dad, because my
dad really admired and cherishedand he would call my mom God Jr
.
And you know what, and that'swhere you have to anyone who had
lost.
You have to live life andknowing that they're a part of

(11:53):
that still, right, you knowevery place of growth, every
advancement you get to, don'tfocus on them not being there.
Focus on they're the ones thatled you to that place.
Right, you know you being afather, you know they're the
ones that led you to that place.
You know you being a father,you know I can understand you
saying I wish my mom was hereand and you saying I wish she
could see what a great husbandand a father I am.

(12:13):
And I totally understand thatand I can totally meet you and
sympathize and empathize withyou because I have that same
feeling.
But the thing is is that youwouldn't have been that great
husband, that great father, ifit wasn't for your mom and so
having that to hang on to andbeing like, yeah, her presence
isn't here, but her lessons andher teachings and her discipline

(12:35):
and her and her faith in me andher prayers stand with you
every day.
Stand with me every day.

Speaker 2 (12:40):
I like how you mentioned prayers, because even
though they're not here, maybethey're not alive, but their
prayers are still alive Amen.
And not to sound crazyspiritual, but one of the last
times that I preached not thislast recent one, but I think a
couple was back I was about topreach and you know, I'm waiting
for the five spot and my wifesays that she hears from the

(13:00):
Lord to tell me and tell me thatyour mom is not here, but God
is here and he's with you andyour mom might not be alive, but
her prayers are alive.
And she didn't know.
But as I was waiting for thatfive spot, I was feeling so
anxious, so uneasy, so nervous,especially because of the
message that I was about topreach.

(13:21):
And and it hit me because Iremember, every time I would go
preach somewhere, where it'd belocally or wherever it'd be, I
would always call my mom and belike hey, mom, I'm going to go
preach, can you pray for meright now, looking for some
words of encouragement or whatdo you think about this?
And my mom was a woman of God,even though she's not here, like

(13:41):
we were talking about ourparents not being here, even
though she's not here, like wewere talking about our parents
not being here, but their DNAstill flows through our body.
It's our makeup, exactly,there's their blood rushing
through our veins.
You feel me?
Yeah, so I think that we arethe representatives and we are a
fruit of the seeds that ourparents have planted in our
lives.
And I don't know, it'ssupernatural strength, because

(14:04):
we can put the pictures.
This is you preaching here onthe screen, you know, preaching
the gospel.
There's another picture, Ibelieve.
But if people were to look atthis, right, they see the glory,
they see the young, courageousmen of God, they see an amazing
message perhaps, but they don'tsee what goes behind the scenes.

(14:25):
Right, and once you grab themicrophone, your life is now
under a microscope.
Correct, yeah, 100%.
And you're being attacked alltypes of different ways.

Speaker 1 (14:32):
Right, and, man, it ain't everything that people
think it is.
I never wanted to be a preacher, you know, I always loved Jesus
, that's 100% sure.
But you know, being a preacheris something that wasn't my
first choice.
But you know what I asked God?
God, give me the desires ofyour heart.
And the desire of his heart wasfor me to be a preacher of his

(14:56):
gospel.
Everyone's meant to be apreacher of his gospel.
It doesn't mean you have tohave a microphone on the stage,
it just means you have to have amouth and God by your side.
And so, yeah, microphone on thestage, it just means you have
to have a mouth, and, and God byyour side, yeah, and so, yeah,
I mean, don't get me wrong, it'scool being up there and it's
cool.
I love what I do, I lovepreaching the gospel, I love
bringing people closer to Jesus,bringing so, you know, being a
messenger of his, of his gospel.
But behind the scenes, man,it's nothing but crushing right.

(15:19):
It's nothing but in the secretplace, pleading with God to
speak to you, and dealing withinsecurity and dealing with am I
good enough?
You know, feeling like you'reunworthy, feeling like you're
not good.
In reality we are, and it'sonly by the grace and mercy of
God we're able to do what I do.
But you know, especially beinga PK, your life is like under a

(15:41):
double microscope and it'salmost like it don't matter how
good you preach, it don't matterhow much love you show.
People can pray for yourdownfall.

Speaker 2 (15:51):
Have you ever felt like you've just want to get
away?
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (15:54):
Every day.
Actually, I tell my wife thatsometimes I just want to run
away.
But you know, god didn't evencall us to be men to run away.
Right, I'll be transparent.
I still deal with insecuritywithin my ministry.
I deal with insecurity withinmy character.
But I have to remember myinsecurities, what I think about
myself.
But I need to find my securityin what I think about God.

(16:15):
And so when I go up and dosomething, I always tell myself
yeah, you're right, you can't doit.
That's why you have to lean onthe Lord, that's why you have to
keep in prayer, that's why youhave to keep in fasting, because
ain't no one getting saved inyour name?
Right, you can only get savedin Jesus name.
So my confidence, and I'll get,I'll be honest, I have a lot of
confidence in Jesus, right, andhe's been so faithful to me that
when I go up there, I said, no,I'm expecting people to give

(16:37):
their lives to Jesus, I'mexpecting to bring fire from
heaven.
I'm expecting that's good faith.
And when people say, oh, that'sjust cockiness, no, it's not.
I've tasted and seen what Jesuscan do.
So every time I come up there,I believe he wants to take when
you, when you're in alignmentwith him from glory to glory,
right.
The same way, he took yourpodcast from a room to a podcast
room and you know it's it'sfunny to say, but who's?

(17:00):
You never thought you'd be here, but it was your God.
I trust in you, god, I lean onyou and I go in your confidence
and I don't care what people sayand I don't care how much I
mess, you're with me.

Speaker 2 (17:11):
You're going to hear voices all the time.
Oh yeah, your friends are goingto have a voice, your family's
going to have a voice, the worldis going to have a voice that
way.
But when you get into thepresence of God, you know what
happens.
When you enter the presence ofGod, we enter into a space of
noise cancellation, where allthe noise spiritual AirPods,
spiritual AirPods they getcanceled out and you get in

(17:32):
tuned, yeah, hallelujah, you getin tune with the frequency of
the Holy Spirit.
Right, and maybe you haven'theard from God because you
haven't seeked God, andsometimes you need to.
Just, it doesn't matter whatthey say, it doesn't matter what
they think.
This is what I'm being led to,yeah, and I don't have
confidence in myself, in my ownintellect and in my own
knowledge, but I have confidencethat God died on that cross,

(17:52):
resurrected on the third day,and that's the God I serve,
right, the God that defeateddeath, the God that defeated and
cheesed me.
The gossip, that's right.
They called him Osana one day,and then they called him, and
then they put a crown of thornson his head, making fun of him.
You feel me.

Speaker 1 (18:06):
So I think that that's where our strength will
come and that's we need tocancel out the voices, and
sometimes it's hard Because Ilearned that sometimes you try
so hard to please the voicesthat you forget who you're doing
it for, and you could be socaught up working for the wrong
voice.
Think about that, that's good.

(18:28):
How many of us are doing theright thing the wrong way or for
the wrong reason?
And I've been there, I've beenguilty of it.
Oh, I want to preach thismessage because I know it's
going to make people feel goodFor the ooze and the awe For the
ooze and the awe and not forthe need.
And I praise God for my mentors,I praise God for my pastors,
because they love me enough tooffend me.
And I feel like this is where,as young ministers, guys and
girls, we have to allow our andour trusted pastors to offend us

(18:52):
, and we live in a world that isso afraid to be offended.
That's why no one changes andthat's why no one grows, because
there are the ones that say heyman, get off your high horse.
Hey man, that wasn't biblical.
Hey man, I don't feel that thatwas of God.
God had a different messageDon't just preach for the Uzzah
Nas.
And it was in those momentsthat they've offended me where I

(19:16):
had to say you know what, I'mgoing to take this and I'm going
to use it to help me grow andchange.
And so I don't know how manytimes Pastor John and Pastor
Hyman has hurt my feelings.
Um, and my mom, my mom, youknow, she, she, she's quick to
tell me if she felt in herspirit that that wasn't right.

Speaker 2 (19:28):
I appreciate your mom .
I can tell I've never reallytalked to her about this, but I
can discern that she has thegift of discernment.
Oh man, I can.
I don't know why.
It's scary.
Yeah, I can't.
I don't know why, but I feellike she has told the pastor,
john, or you or anybody thatshe's close to.
I don't know about this guy, Idon't know about that.
I don't think we should do this, I don't think we should do
that and I honestly think thatthat's why maybe God still has

(19:52):
her here in this place, becausethey're necessary.
We need guidance, amen, and wewill develop that and we'll grow
stronger in that.
But we need that pulling of theyear because they'll guide us.
And what you're talking about is, I think sometimes we do the
wrong, the right thing, thewrong way, because we are not
rooted, we're not planted, heldaccountable.
We're not held accountable.
I think there's a lot of freeagents and freelancers in the

(20:13):
faith where they're doing this,they're doing that and they're
not being accountable toanything.
And you need to be planted inorder to grow.
You can't grow without settingroots and you can't set roots
without being submitted.
But what you're doing, man,it's amazing.
I remember you shared a messageone day and you talked about
wineskins.
Oh right, man, that message ispowerful.

Speaker 1 (20:35):
Yeah, that message was was for me.
Um man, think about it Likeanytime God wanted to do
something new, he had to placeyou somewhere new, at a
different, a different mindsetand I feel like a lot of times
is we're asking God for more,but we're asking for more with
the wrong, with the wrongcapacity.
And so, before God will pourout wine, he's going to stretch

(20:59):
out your capacity, and some ofus are trying to ask God for
more, which we can't handle, andinstead we should ask God God,
widen my capacity.
Why didn't my stretch me outbefore you give me this so I'll
be able to handle it?

Speaker 3 (21:20):
And so many people are and I'll be honest, like
I've had to turn down things allthe time.

Speaker 1 (21:22):
I'm not ready for that.
Wow, Really, yeah, I've had.
I've had to say I've had.
I can't handle that right now.
Um, how do you?

Speaker 2 (21:26):
determine that?
Because I think the uh, ourexcitement could get the best of
us right, or our, or ourambition could get the best of
us, like, yeah, I want to go andpreach over there.
Or yeah, I want to do this, ohyeah, I want to do that.
So how do you determine that?
How do you discipline yourselfto be like I'm not ready for
that humility?
humility is key because let metell you this real quick a lot
of you guys ain't ready formarriage.

(21:46):
I'm gonna tell you how it is.
You guys are asking for ahusband and you're asking for a
wife and you still can't payyour bills on time and your
credits through the floor, likehow you expect to be married and
pay bills, like tell the peoplehow hard is it it's hard.

Speaker 1 (22:02):
I'll tell you what.
My wife's my witness.
I have turned down speakingengagements because I feel like
man.
If I'm not ministering to mywife the right way, why would I
go minister to people in anotherway?
Because the Bible says thatyour wife is your first ministry
, that you shall love, that youshould love your wife the way
God loves the church.
And I tell people all the timeI say and there's these the

(22:24):
problem is this is that we havepeople who are willing to
divorce their wife before theywant to divorce the church.
And that's an issue because Godis and she's my witness.
I don't know how many speakingengagements, two or three days
speaking engagements.
These last two months I've beenmarried and I said and God has
told me no, because you need toget your house in order, you
need to learn to love your wife,you need to learn to

(22:44):
communicate your wife, you needto learn to uplift your wife,
you need to encourage your wife.
And the reason why God has usdo that?
Because there's no glory inthat yeah besides to your wife,
there's no, there's no applausefor that, there's no people
telling you good job.
It's you solely having the pureintention to say I just want to
see my relationship with mywife be elevated.
And so we're selfish beings.

(23:08):
We're just naturally selfish.
The first things we always saywhen babies is what mine, that's
mine, and and, and it's trueand like, marriage is no joke.
I'll tell you that right now.
You know, even when you'requote unquote ready for marriage
, you're not ready for marriage,and and I feel like the moment,
giving your giving it's likegod, it's like giving your life

(23:29):
for somebody.
Yeah, um, I know you've beenmarried how many years now it's
gonna going to be seven in.
December, see seven.
And have any of those yearsever just been a breeze?

Speaker 2 (23:39):
Never, never it's.
A marriage is like a garden andyou have to water the garden
and you have to cultivate theroses that are among the garden,
right.
And even though it's hard,sometimes, just like the rose,
from the thorns, come the rosesright.
So from the trials, from thetribulations, from the hardships
come the beautiful, greatmoments.
You feel me and sometimesyou'll say, oh, the grass is

(24:02):
greener on the other side.
Yeah, because maybe you're theone that manages that grass and
you're not watering it andyou're looking around at grass
that is being watered, right,and the moment they get divorced
and they leave and they get ina new relationship, it fails and
it goes down the drain.
It's the same thing Because youfail to water it again.
You feel me and what you saidearlier, man, was spot on that

(24:22):
Some people are more willing todivorce their wife and not so
much the church, right, andwe've seen that because we've
seen people and no, no shade atanybody.
God can redeem God can restoreany ministry 100%.
But there is some cases wherethey've been divorced and all
this, but they never stoppeddoing ministry, right?
So I think sometimes, like, isyou doing ministry worth it?

(24:42):
Like is it even pleasing God?
Like, for example, you'resaying I got invited to go
preach and all that, but I feelin my spirit that it's not time
right now.
I need to get my house in order.

Speaker 1 (24:59):
But I also do understand that we need to be
careful with conviction andguilt, but right, but when
you're in the spirit, you knowto differentiate either or 100.
I mean I, if trust me, I Ican't say that I didn't want to
go preach, but it was theconviction of the lord, right.
And the thing is, is that?
Um, people have been asking meoh, tell me about marriage.
I'm like, I've only beenmarried two months, man, and the
thing is this a hundred percent, if I don't, I'm not an expert

(25:20):
at all.
Matter of fact, I'm wouldn'teven consider myself like any
type of professional in marriage.
Don't, I can't even spellmarriage.
Let me tell you that.
But let me tell you this If Iwere to tell somebody that is
going to get married and it islooking to get married, is first
, one be held accountable?
Second, I have never, back whenI was in ministry and I was

(25:43):
single, I was intrigued byministers.
Now more than ever, I amintrigued by husbands.
Wow, and I run to.
I don't care if you're, if youcan you know that?
All 66 books of the Bible,right, tell me what you did,
tell me how you got better, tellme how you were a good husband,
tell me where you failed, so Iwouldn't make the same.
Tell me, tell, and I am soeager to be a student of being a

(26:05):
husband, um, and because that'swhat you have to be in life
always be a student.
So that's my one thing, amen.
The one thing I've learned istoo much in marriage is learn to
be a student and always, don'tever, be afraid for premarital
counseling, marital counselingand asking husbands and wives
for advice.

Speaker 2 (26:26):
Wow, that's so beautiful.
I think that's true.
I think from the first podcastwhen you said don't look at the
suits, look at the fruit.
Right, that's always stuck inmy head, right, but it's so true
.
I think that you can determinewhat type of man of god they are
based on the reflection oftheir family.
Right, like I was tellingvictor, I can't go out there and

(26:46):
be so confident in myself andand be so sharp if my kids are
not good, yeah, if they're allbummy, if my wife's not good,
like how can I have the audacityto go out there and like, look
at me and my wife is lookingmiserable, right, I had given um
again not to sound spiritualand anything, but I had told
somebody uh, I gave him a wordabout his family and all this

(27:08):
and I thank god he took theadvice and I told him again.
I was like man, you're wateringyour garden, right, I can see
your family, I can see thechange, I can see a glow in your
wife.
Now, you know, this is just aprivate conversation that me and
him had and you can tell thatthere's a change because of
obedience.
That's number one.
And love is not an emotion, loveis a decision every day.

(27:32):
You know, it's a choice that wemake every day, and just how we
decide to love christ andfollow him every day, being
faithful to his word and beingobedient.
That's the same thing withmarriage.
We choose and we decide.
Either are we going to fightthe good fight, are we going to
finish the race, or are we goingto give up and quit.
Right, because our legacydepends on it.
And when I say legacy, we'retalking about our children, the

(27:55):
inheritance that we're going toleave here on this earth.
I want Jeremiah to be a greathusband, I want him to be a
great man of God, I want him tohave a family and to flourish.
But what's going to happen if Igive the wrong example and I
give up and I crush his dreamsand whatever it's going to
affect him?
Right, and I give up and Icrush his dreams and whatever
it's going to affect them, right?
So that's, I think you can.

(28:16):
You can judge, uh, a book notby its cover, by, but by the
letters that it's writtenamongst the book.
Exactly, it's fruits and um, no, I, I see.
That's why I admire pastor John, because when he preaches, I
preaches.
I see his wife in agreement.
I see his wife cheering him on.
I see how he goes to thebasketball games for his

(28:36):
children.
Pastor Israel Tavar told me thesame thing Look around, look at
the pastors that are doinggreat and mighty things.
Usually their wife is rightthere with them.

Speaker 1 (28:46):
More than ever I've seen my.
So when my dad passed, Irealized how really strong my
mom was.
She is the one pushing husband.
Like wives are the ones pushinghusbands forward, like husbands
may be the ones in the frontlines, but it's definitely the
wife that's that's pushing themand pushing them, and pushing
them, because I really, I never,really never, realized how

(29:08):
strong my mom was till my dadwas gone.
And so I give it up for all thewives that are pushing their
husbands.
And if you're a wife, encourageyour husband.
I think that the I don't careif you're a pastor of a thousand
people.
The best encouragement I get iswhen my wife tells me hey, man,
you're a really good husband.
Hey, you really made me happy.
Hey, you make me feel loved.
That's the number oneencouragement she cause, she's

(29:31):
my biggest fan.
Yeah, be your, be yourhusband's biggest fan.
Um, because you gotta, like youknow, she, her words, are, are,
are, hold the most weight to me.
Her and God, god and her.
Sorry, babe, gotta gotta gofirst, but yeah, no no for sure
vision in your ministry.

Speaker 2 (29:51):
when, when it comes to both of you guys together,
what is?
What do you think god?
What do you think god hasplanned for you guys?

Speaker 1 (29:58):
I don't know, but I know we're ready for whatever he
has for us.
Um, I uh, this is no one knowsthis, um, but I was supposed to
be ordained into the ministry.
Um, the last time the otherpastors were ordained and Pastor
John had asked me do you wantto get ordained?

(30:18):
And the Lord has spoke to meand I felt in my spirit I don't
want to get ordained till I getmarried, because she's not doing
ministry beside me, she's doingministry with me.
And so I wanted to make it apoint that this isn't my
ministry, this is our ministry,because when I go up there, I'm

(30:39):
a representation of her andshe's a representation to me.
We're one to become one.
And so I told John, I'm goingto wait because I want to, I
want to do this ministry with,with y'all.
And so you know that's numberone, like, like, my goal in life
isn't.

(30:59):
You know it's not.
My goal in life isn't to be apastor.
My goal in life isn't to have athousand member church.
My goal in life is to see thelost saved.
My goal in life is to seepeople who never believed in
Jesus saved.
And I know for a fact me beingin in church my whole life and
learning those lessons that Idon't have to be a pastor to see
that I don't have to be apastor to see that I don't have

(31:20):
to be a minister to see that I'ma minister at the gym, I'm a
minister at my workplace.
And the thing is, is that thisyoung generation needs to
realize you're not a full-timeministry, isn't when you start
getting paid full-timeministries, when you say yes to
Jesus and you start opening upyour mouth wherever you go and,
starting out, start allowing theHoly spirit, and you start
opening up your mouth whereveryou go and, starting out, start

(31:40):
allowing the Holy Spirit, besensitive to the Holy Spirit and
letting him lead you.
And so, yeah, you know, I see,honestly, I tell you also, all
the time she's, she could be mywitness.
You know, I tell her.
I see you leading womanconferences.
I see you lead, disciplingyoung woman and admire young
woman, admiring you because ofyour obedience, because you were
pure to marriage, because youdecided to follow God, because

(32:01):
before you said yes to a man andyes to a boyfriend, you said
yes to Jesus.
And that's why I honor her andthat's why I'll always commit to
her and that's why I'll honorher because people see me and
they see, you know, sometimes,oh, he's a guy, I know that guy,
he's a pastor or he's whatever,he's a preacher.
But I'm like you need to seeher because she's the one that
inspires me, she's the one thatencouraged I look up, I have

(32:21):
times where I look up to herbecause she has been able to to
be honorable and obedient to God, where in places, I have it
Right.
And so, yeah, I, I honor people, you know I honor her for that.
And so, yeah, we don't know,you know if God calls us to be
evangelists.
we'll be evangelists If God, ifGod calls us to be evangelists.

Speaker 3 (32:40):
We'll be evangelists If God calls us to be young.
We'll preach at Cancun andRocky Point.
We'll go all over the world andmake our life a vacation.
Don't be you want to go to Romeand preach at the Vatican?
Yeah, right, right.

Speaker 1 (32:48):
Anything, anything and so like if we shoot.
You know, if we're young adultpastors, we just want to be
available.
You know we want to serve.
We just want to serve.
We want to see people's liveschange and we don't really care.
We'll be wherever God wants usto be.

Speaker 2 (33:02):
Man that's beautiful.
I think having thisconversation with you has
increased my, even though Ialready had respect for you.
But I think sometimes peopledon't know.
They see, oh, why hasn't hedone this, why isn't he doing
that, or why is this persondoing this?
You know, know, I rather waiton the Lord and be ready than
rush it and have my greatestdownfall.
And I think what you're doingit's inspirational and it's,

(33:25):
it's a model to follow in thesense that, like, are you ready
to bear the weight, are youready to carry on that baton?

Speaker 1 (33:33):
because only God knows you feel me and I feel,
and the people who want to rushinto ministry really don't know
what ministry is, becauseministry is you laying out.
It's like you laying downyourself every single day.
I look at my brother, pastorJohn, and he's my pastor and I'm
grateful for my pastor.
He's also my pastor.
It ain't all microphones andlights man.

Speaker 2 (33:55):
I told him, man, you're a call center during the
day yes, dude, Calls after calls.
I?
I told him, man, you're a callcenter during the day yes, dude.

Speaker 1 (34:02):
Calls after calls, I'm like Lord, have mercy on
this man.
And there's a cost.
It ain't just speaking, it's.
You give up your children'stime, you give up your wife's
time.
The balance on Pastor John'slife, there's no way.
I know he's in tune with Godand I know he's been with God,
because there's no way he coulddo that on his own strength A
hundred percent.
And that's why I admire him,because I look at his life

(34:25):
sometimes and people be like oh,all you do is preach.
Yeah right, you shall, I wishOkay.

Speaker 3 (34:30):
That's what I wish I did.

Speaker 1 (34:32):
Right, but there's a cost, and so I commend the
pastors out there, I commend thelead pastors, I commend the
assistant pastors, because itain't it ain't all rainbows and
sunshines and I know what it isfirsthand to give up your give
up your parents and and give upyou know they can come to
basketball games because theyhave a church thing and they got
to go do marriage counseling,and I know what it is to to have
your mom and dad gone becausethey're on a, on a missions trip

(34:54):
and they got to preach thegospel.
And you're staying withrelatives and you're staying
with cousins and you're stayingwith friends, and so these are
the things behind the scenesthat people don't see Do you
think you got the best version Idefinitely did Of your parents.

Speaker 3 (35:05):
I definitely did.
He already knew what I wasgoing to ask.
I definitely did.
You know what you know.

Speaker 1 (35:11):
We talk about this all the time, if you have dinner
with me and my family, we havecompetitions.
Oh, I'm dad's favorite, oh, I'mmom's favorite.
But you know, we all know deepdown.
I know my mom and my dad loveme the best, but I'm not going
to say that.
But you know deep down.
Yeah, I got so my oldersiblings.

(35:31):
There's a big gap.
So Pastor John is 10 yearsolder than me.
Pastor, hey, prophesying mybrother Art, he's 13 years older
than me.
My sister Chrissy is 17 yearsolder than me.
Wow, and so they got Bishop Dad.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
They got Bishop Dad, the one that was also trying to
figure it out as a dad and ahusband.

Speaker 1 (35:50):
As a dad, as a husband, as a minister.
He had all theseresponsibilities.
So he was gone a lot and I hada little bit of that from like
from like till about 11, 12years old.
But after 12 years old man, hewas dad, dad to me.
Um never missed any of my sportevents Very rarely, um.
The only time he would miss ison Sundays, of course, you know

(36:11):
Um, and that's when he would letme go Um.
But he, he showed up to all mysporting events.
My parents showed up to all mysporting events.
He was the president of theboosters clubs for my high
school.
He was involved in my life inevery single way.
Our team was the first team inArizona I'd never seen in
Arizona that had a team pastor,my club team and so he would

(36:32):
lead prayer for our team everysingle game.
My dad was heavily involved andthat's why it was so hard for me
when he was gone, because Iunderstand, you know, I never
asked my siblings this but whomy dad was to him.
But to me he was definitely dad, dad.
I never called him pastor, I'dcall him dad.
You know, I call him no matterwhat.

(36:53):
He was To a lot of people hewas pastor To a lot of people he
was bishop To me the greatestman ever to me was my father.
Yeah, so that's, that's who Iknew.

Speaker 2 (37:02):
What is the biggest thing you miss from your dad?

Speaker 1 (37:05):
The biggest thing I miss is I never realized this
and, man, I might get a littleemotional, but I just missed the
phone calls and I remember,every time I call my dad, the
first thing I say hey pop, heypop.
And you know, getting marriedman and navigating a ministry

(37:26):
and trying to be a good husbandand trying to be a good son and
trying to be a good friend andtrying to be a good leader and
trying to be a good disciple andtrying to be a good influence
and trying to be a good exampleto all these people.
And you know, you're notperfect and you mess up and
sometimes it's so hard becausesometimes people don't have

(37:47):
mercy for you and sometimes whenyou're hurt and you're not
healed, you you operate indysfunction.
And when you operate indysfunction you make mistakes
and that's just a human thingand sometimes people don't see
that.
So it's hard for me, mostdefinitely because I just miss
him saying man, you're going tobe okay.
And I feel like I haven't heardthat in so long.
And I'll be honest, it's beenrough for me getting married.

(38:09):
You know, a week before I gotmarried I was such a doubt that
I'd be a good husband and all Iwanted to hear was my dad say,
hey, you're going to be okayAffirming yeah.
And you know it's cool gettinghey, you're you're going to be
okay Affirming yeah, and and youknow it's, it's.
It's cool getting it from, youknow, your mom.
It's awesome.
I love my mom so much.
Um.
It's cool getting it from yourbrothers.
It's.
It's cool getting it from yourpastors and your mentors.

(38:31):
But there's something about afather, um, that when he speaks
to you, it ain't for no benefit,it ain't for no.
I'm just telling you this it's,it's so, solely, wholeheartedly
, because they love youUnconditional, unconditional.
There's nothing, there's noties to it, there's nothing.
And there's not because I haveto, but he's, he would just tell
me you're going to be okay andI miss that and I think my life

(38:55):
over the last four years I'vebeen so stressful and so heavy
because I feel like I don't havethat.
And so you know, beingcompletely transparent, I don't.
You know he's cool.
He was an awesome pastor,awesome preacher, but more than
anything, I felt like I couldconquer the world when he was
around.

(39:15):
A lot of my confidence, a lot ofmy I'll be honest with you
growing up, my cockiness camefrom my dad, your confidence,
yeah, cause my dad would say noone can stop you.
Wow, go after your dreams,don't let no one stop you.
Let the haters hate, do whatyou're going to do.
You can do it, no matter whatyou did.
It was just something in methat my life was motivated by.
I can do anything in the world.

(39:37):
And until this day I feel thatI feel that engraved.
I may not hear it, but it'sengraved in my heart.
I tell my wife all the timebabe, I want to create a
business, and I know I can do it.
Babe, I want to go preacharound the world and I know I
can do it.
And it's so hard to have thatdream in your heart but then you
don't have that in your ear.
Everything's going to be okay.

(39:57):
Have that in your ear,everything's going to be okay,
right.
And so you know it's been hardfor me.
It's been hard for me.
You know I I wish I can go tothere's so many questions I wish
I can ask him in the season ofmy life, man, and you know I'm
grateful for the father figures,the mentors God has placed in
me because they, god knows, Ineed them and I'm for them.

(40:23):
But you know there's always bethat spot in your heart, you
know, for your mom.
You know like, for instance,you know the love of a mom my
dad wasn't lovey-dovey, my dadwas an encourager, my dad was a
uplifter, my mom's a lover,right, you know that love, that
motherly love that, just like ahug, can just change your whole
entire day.
You know you're my son.
You know my baby, my treasure.
You know all that.
You know you know what's,what's something that you
specifically miss about your mom.

Speaker 2 (40:47):
I I grew up seeing my mom be the best example of a
believer in my whole life.
She had a unique zeal for thethings of the Lord, so I think
when she passed away, I wouldmyself.
Who's gonna pray for me now?
Yeah, who's gonna give me thatsound um doctrine, that that, uh
, that guidance, um, like yousay, that unconditional love?

(41:09):
Um, that doesn't matter howmany times you fail.
There was a moment um in highschool where me and my dad got
in a big fight.
Um, unfortunately I can't say.
I had a great father in theregards of how he treated us and
he always provided, paid ourbills, everything.
But when it came down to beinga father and loving, it was a

(41:33):
different story.
But I remember I had gotten ahuge argument with my dad.
I left my house.
I went to a friend's house.
I was my senior year of highschool and from one day to
another I took everything frommy room.
My parents had gone to church.
They had locked the doors.
I found a way inside the house.
I don't know if you guys seenit, but older houses had like a
vent on the side and I got aladder from the backyard and I

(41:57):
broke through.
The vent went inside the atticand went all the way where
there's an opening to the atticand my parents room went through
and and basically broke intothe house, got into my car,
opened it up.
I had a bunch of j's.
At that time, yeah, I was like abig sneakerhead, threw a whole
bunch of j's, a bunch of clothes.
I had nothing but, like ralphlauren, at the time, I was just
a hustler, like nothing washanded to me.

(42:18):
I was always working hard.
And then when my parents camehome from church they saw that
my room was emptied out.
And so it was my senior yearand I was trying to get good
grades.
So for like two weeks I got thebest grades of my life.
I was trying to do the bestever just to prove a point, like
, look, I can do it on my own.
But then later on it gets to you.

(42:40):
You start missing your house,you start missing your room, you
start missing your bed, youstart missing the homemade meals
.
And you know just your, yourfamily.
And I remember all that.
Man, I gotta go back.
I feel like the prodigal son.
I gotta go back.
And I remember swallowing mypride and just going to the
house.
It was like 5 pm in the evening.
I knock on the door.

(43:01):
I'm like, damn, I don't knowwhat to expect.
Yeah, and I remember I openedthe door.
Someone opened the door and itwas my mom.
She looked at me and I was likeI didn't know what to expect.
And she saw me with these eyesfull of love, you know, yeah,

(43:22):
and it's just like it's likejesus looking at you and say,
son, and yeah, I will neverforget that moment because
instead of yelling at me,instead of telling me where you
been, this, and that she justopened the door, gave me a hug,
yeah, welcomed me back in.
And I don't expect to cry, butthe woman that gave me life, the

(43:44):
woman that taught me so much,you know, I pray to God that he
gives me the strength and thatI'm able to continue my walk
with Jesus.
Yeah, so that's one of thebiggest things that I miss is my
mom's resiliency.
That's beautiful.
Of the biggest things that Imiss is my mom's resiliency.
Um, that's beautiful.
If you were to see a preachingof hers, like her preach, you'd

(44:05):
be like, oh, I see, I see, howeasy is that savage?
That's a beautiful thing.
Man, the dna and um, just, mymom taught me how to forgive man
like crazy.
Like I remember when, before shepassed away, a couple years
before she had broken her knee,the doctor had put screws in her
leg.
He was supposed to remove thescrews.
He forgot to put anesthesia onher knees, on her body, and he

(44:30):
removed the screws and she feltthe whole pain.
She went into shock, wow, andme and my brother were like
we're going to pull up on thedoctor in Mexico.
You know we're going to pull up.
He's going to find out who weare.
And my mom said no, you guysare tripping, like, obviously in
Spanish.
And later on she goes to thedoctor's visit and tells the
doctor like man, please don't dothis ever to somebody else, but
forgave him, even preached tohim.

(44:51):
And, like my mom, taught me howto forgive, taught me how to
love, taught me how to beresilient, taught me how to be a
warrior of god.
And that's why, in her funeral,I made it my life goal to give
her the best funeral service Icould possibly give her right.
In mexico they're, they're usedto, like you pass away the next
day or the next two days, theybury you because they don't

(45:14):
really have the money or I don'tknow.
They don't really practice.
You know how they prepare yourbody here.
They put chemicals and they doautopsies and all kinds of stuff
over there.
No, they bury you like this.
But I made it a life goal, like, no, I need to look for a
church.
I needed to look for how I'mgoing to do the service.
So I paid extra to the funeralhome to prepare her body and
wait at least a week, and so I.

(45:36):
In her funeral.
We had an amazing service.
I had a couple friends fromphoenix come and do a great,
amazing worship.
Shout out to manny, shout outto jacob, shout out to all the
guys frankie, paulina, angie,all the people that went right
sorry if I miss forget your name, uh, to mention you, but I I
remember my son was up there onthe altar playing and worshiping

(45:57):
and and in the whole moment,and I was like this is what my
mom stood for, this is what shedid.
My mom was the type of personthat in the, during the worship
and the praise, she would be upthere dancing and worshiping God
and and I knew that this iswhat she would have wanted for
her funeral.

Speaker 1 (46:12):
That's beautiful and I think that you know I told you
this in the first podcast likeit feels good to go on knowing
that you did that for her Right.
You know I told you then in thelast podcast, the last thing my
dad ever told me was you tookcare of me.
Yeah, you know, I was the lastone to see me.
My sister, christy, was thelast one to see my dad alive,
breathing, operational, inperson.

(46:32):
And so, like, man like this isfreaking horrible man.
Man like this is freakinghorrible man.
But you know, my biggestconcern when it came to my dad
was I want him to see that I'mgoing to be the man that he
called me to be, that hebelieves in me to be Wow.
And like it's just so hard tocelebrate the good things in

(46:54):
life when the hard work anddiscipline and the character and
who you were trying to, youknow, do it for wasn't there.
You know, I bought my firsthouse and I just sat there
Really, and I sat there in anempty house and I was like you
know what?
Like, yeah, I'm happy, but Ijust wanted my dad to see this.

(47:14):
You wish he was there.
You know small things, butbuying my first car.
Yeah, you know.
Look, I know, the first thing Ithink about is I wanted my dad
and I want to kind of like topresent the house.
Look, I did it.
Like I told you.
I told you like I'm going to dothis one day and I'm going to
be like you and like I want tobring my car and be like, look,

(47:35):
dad, isn't it nice, like likeI've worked hard for it, like
you told me, like I'm not a bum,like you know, and all these
things.
And like you know, gettingmarried, like aren't you proud
of me, like you know.
You know, I know my dad wouldhave loved my wife, like, but
been in love with her.
She's awesome, you know, andshe reminds me a lot of my mom
and my dad.
But it's those moments, man,but you know what, even in those

(48:00):
moments, you have to be okayand you have to say I know in my
heart they'd be proud.
I know in my heart they'd behappy for me and more than
anything, like right now, I goand I celebrate and I just look

(48:22):
up and I just think about my dad.
My wife sees me go on theseepisodes where I'm in the shower
and I'm just blank.
Yeah, because sometimes it justhits you, you're just zoned out
, yeah, you're just trying to behappy for yourself, right to be

(48:42):
happy for yourself, right,trying to trying to like
celebrate yourself and yourmarriage and and like that
heaviness of, like thatdepression sometimes will come
go that way.
If you know, you ever had thatwave, just like dang, that hit
me hard today yeah, man, I, Ithink.

Speaker 2 (48:53):
Um, I told victor this the other day.
I told him I refuse to have baddays.
Yeah, yeah, I will have.
I'm okay with having a badmoment, I'm okay with having a
bad minute, I'm okay with havinga bad hour.
And those moments do happen,because there's days where I'm
driving to work I'm like dang, Ican't believe it.
Like you're human, I miss mymom.

Speaker 3 (49:12):
I wish I can go to.

Speaker 2 (49:13):
Mexico and go eat to our favorite restaurant, right?
I wish I can just talk to herone more time, give her a hug
for the last time, one more time, one more moment.
And so I do have a bad momentof, you know, loneliness,
sadness or emotion.
Maybe that whole drive wasemotional, right, but I don't
want it to affect my whole day.
Why I'm trying to?
What I'm trying to say is thatsometimes we have to be careful

(49:38):
and put things into perspective,because if we allow that to to
get the best of us and we don'tcelebrate the victories, it will
affect those that love us, ohyeah, it will affect our wife,
it will affect our kids, it willaffect the ones that look up to
us, because we need tocelebrate, we need, we need to
have a chance of victory and inthose moments but if we continue

(49:58):
to go down there, that pathbecause there was a moment where
I had to make a decision lastyear I came to Family Worship
Center.
I got rooted, I got planted.
I didn't serve right away.
It seems like I did, but Ididn't.
But then there was a moment thatI went through a season and I'm
forever grateful to Pastor Johnthat he invited me to go.
He's like man we need togetherbecause, you know, we need to

(50:27):
have a talk.
And in that moment I was goingdown the wrong path, like I was
starting to contemplate certainthings, compromise certain
things, but I give god the glorythat he used a man of god to
intervene.
Um, but I had to make adecision.
Am I going to feel sorry forthe rest of my life?
Am I going to go down thismoment?
And I'm I had to make a choice.
Am I going to feel sorry forthe rest of my life?
Am I going to go down thismoment?
And I had to make a choice.
God, I need you to give mesupernatural strength.
I need you to give me peace.

(50:48):
I need you to heal this wound.
I don't know how long it'sgoing to take Maybe a year,
maybe two, maybe three, maybefour years but I need to get out
of the slump.
I need the supernatural powerof God.
I love my mom with all my heartand everything, but I know
there's a new season.

Speaker 3 (51:02):
I know there's new things.

Speaker 2 (51:03):
There's new people, new relationships, and I don't
want to idolize my mom.
I don't want to get to thepoint where I've loved her so
much, where I looked up to herso much, that she became like a
God to me, like an idol to me.
I need to be careful with that100.
And yeah, there's moments like,oh, she would have loved my
daughter.
Yeah, yeah, oh, I I think aboutman just having her be around

(51:24):
her and this and that becauseshe reminds me of my mom.
I am brown, my wife, my baby'slike pale, she's white and my,
my, my baby, is white.
You know I'm saying so.
She got the, her grandparents,her grandma's colors like, like
my wife's mom, my suegra and mymother.
They're both like the lightercomplexions, the light skin, and

(51:45):
so I would have questions formy wife.
But we have the same birthmark,we have the same big old eyes
and certain things that you knoware the same.
But definitely she reminds meof my mother.
But I got to be careful.
I don't know if the producercan pull up, uh, isaiah 57, or
give me the phone.
Last night I've been readingthis book.

(52:06):
It's been blessing my life andbefore I went to sleep I saw
again.
I don't want to sound spiritual, but I was closing my eyes and
I, isaiah 57 came to mind,isaiah 57.
So before I could go to sleep Ihad to pull up Isaiah 57.
So before I could go to sleep Ihad to pull up Isaiah 57.
And this kind of blew my mind.
I don't know if somebody has aphone or the Bible, but this

(52:29):
gave me so much peace.
It kind of reassured me of whythings happen or how things
happen.
But Isaiah 57.
I don't know if the producerhas it.
Damn your wife.
Wife, she got it thank you somuch.

Speaker 1 (52:46):
I thank God for you, sister check this out.

Speaker 2 (52:50):
Isaiah 57 this is the NIV version.
The righteous perish and no onetakes it to heart.
The devout are taken away andno one understands.
We don't understand, josh, whythe bishop makes it too hard.
The devout are taken away andno one understands, right?
We don't understand, josh, whythe Bishop, why the pastor, why
the woman of God was taken away?
Not a single clue there.
No one understands that therighteous are taken away to be

(53:12):
spared from evil so good.
Look at the times, look at themoments, look at the seasons
that we're living.
It's wickedness everywhere.
Those who walk uprightly enterinto peace right, they find rest
and they lie in death right,that's so good.
So those who walk uprightlyenter into peace, they find rest
and they lie in death.

(53:32):
Yeah, so I'm like man.
It automatically reminded me ofyou guys.
That reminded me, me of my life, of my family, and I'm like,
yes, I don't understand, butthese were men and women of God
and just like in my, in thesepast years, since the pandemic
started, it has been a toughseason.
I lost my childhood pastor, thepastor I grew up with.

(53:54):
I lost Alfredo Serna from JDNOther pastors I had a great
friend in the faith.
He was young, 29 years old.
We did ministry together.
I would go preach, he would goworship.
Amazing voice, anointed man ofGod.
He got taken away.
A lot of other people that Iknow in the faith have been
taken away, but only Godunderstands and he gives us

(54:15):
peace.
Last night, you know, beforegoing, I didn didn't.
We didn't even have thispodcast.
No, I hit up josh.
He's like man.
I don't even got a fresh fade,I don't got nothing, just coming
as I am today.
But I think somebody needs tohear this.

Speaker 1 (54:29):
somebody needs to hear this was definitely divine
appointment, because I feel likeeven we needed this.
I feel like you know, I feellike god was saying no, you all
need help, you all better talkto each other.
But no, you know, 100%, don'tmake.
There's a part of grieving thatyou're allowed to be selfish
and there's a part of grievingaccording to God that is, you
know, selfish, selfish.

(54:50):
And the thing is is this islike, first of all, this it's
okay not to be okay.
Address you're not okay, cryabout it.
You're not okay, cry about it,yell about it, be frustrated
about it, be angry about it.
Go ahead, that's not bad.
Now there's another time wherewe have to be like do I really
wish they were here other thanheaven?
Because all, all part of ourgrieving is missing their

(55:12):
absence.
But to the believer, to be awayfrom this body is to be in the
presence of the Lord, as theBible says.
And so what you have toremember is my dad would be
pissed if I had a prayer and Isaid come back down here.
Actually, pastor John had adream, really and I hope he's
okay with me sharing this, I'mgoing to share it anyways but he

(55:35):
had a dream that he prayed formy dad to come back to life, and
he did.
And my dad woke up angry andsaid why did you do this to me?
Wow, think about that man.
He's in paradise no more sin,no more, nothing like straight
joy, straight presence of god.
So he probably feels more badfor me.

(55:55):
If he was like you know, then Iwill for him.
Right, and so you know what Imean.
No more back pain, no more, nomore diets, no more diets, but
no more cholesterol.

Speaker 2 (56:06):
exactly, exactly, man .
That is.
So I think that I thinksometimes god allows like
podcasts like this or momentslike this to remind us look,
it's going to be okay.
And maybe sometimes you doforget that dream, like in the
moments of lowly spirit, ofsadness.
You forget that dream becauseI'm sure, forget that dream,
like in the moments of lowlyspirit of sadness.
You forget that dream becauseI'm sure that that dream was a
blessing man.
That is true.
There is no better place in thepresence of God, there is no

(56:28):
better place than heaven, andthat's so true.
I mean, imagine our desires.
God heal him.
Maybe that wasn't God's plan,maybe that wasn't God's desire
for him.
He finished the race, hefinished his purpose, and that
is true.
Your dad would be upset, hewould be a very sorry about my
Christian customers, by the way.
He'll give you a holy slap.
Yeah, he would.
Yeah, how dare you pray for me?

(56:49):
You're chilling up in heaven.
You ain't got to pay your rent.

Speaker 1 (56:53):
He's got his mansion up there.
He's just.
I don't know what time it is,but whatever we're going to come
to, this is for every Christian.
The Bible says in 2 Corinthiansrun their ways to win.
You know, I admire you becauseyou run their ways to win.
You know, I admire people ofthe faith who are doing actually
being disciples Not just beingChristians being disciples of

(57:15):
God and run the race to win.
Win a soul.
You know, if you were listeningto this right now and I don't
know what camera you're at, I'mlooking at whatever camera.
I'm at this one right here.
I'm going to point at this one.
I'm looking at you right now.
If you did not listen toanything, we're glad that you
heard our podcast.
We're glad that you heard ourstory.
We're glad that you're going tobe healed, but, at the same

(57:36):
time, save a soul, tell somebody, tell your testimony, give your
life to Jesus and be a laborerfor his harvest.
Wow, you know, and that's whatwe get caught up in is like,
like you know, it's so funny.
God speaks to me all the timewhen I'm going through like sad
times and he's like all right,your dad's gone, how about you

(58:00):
go win a soul.
Wow Meaning like Get over it.
Yeah, get over it, he's with me,I'm not changing my mind.
I know what I did and I'm notgoing to change my mind.
And I have to find that peace.
And the Lord always tells meyou want to see your dad Go, be
a good and faithful servant.
You know, because he's.
We're in the final hour, youknow, but we've been talking

(58:23):
about that.
We're in the final hour, youknow, jesus is coming, and so I
tell myself that, okay, thatthere's going to be a time and a
season for that, for me to havethat, that, that reuniting with
God, reuniting with your, withyour mom.
But the thing is, when we go toheaven, we're not, you're not
running to your mom, I'm notrunning to my dad.
Right, we're both running toJesus, amen.

(58:45):
So we have to remember.
That too is like there's amission here on earth.
Their mission was up.
Now let's put our hands to theplow.
When Moses died, he gave Joshua.
God gave Joshua 30 days andthen he said wipe your face and
go, take over the river Jordan,meaning like I gave you your
morning time, your grieving time, and know that grieving is for

(59:05):
a season for those, and I feelin my spirit to say that you've
been, and I try to be sensitivebecause everyone grieves in
their own way, right, butthere's a way to grieve and go
forward.
Stop grieving and staying, sitdown, grieve and go forward.
And so that's what we have torealize and that's why I admire
testimony like yours, becauseit's not just a sob story, it's

(59:28):
a.
This happened, yeah, it sucked,but we're here and we're going
to go forward in the name ofJesus, and I believe in my faith
that he, she's with my mom,your, my, my dad, your mom's
their savior, and I got to dowhat God has called me to do
Amen.
There is nothing moreencouraging to me as a leader
and being in leadership thanhearing men and women of God say

(59:49):
that Amen.

Speaker 2 (59:51):
You know Powerful yeah, man, that is powerful.
Falling down can be an accident, but staying down is a choice.
Come on, and I received thatword because you know you can
grieve.
But it's a difference betweengrieving and staying put, and
grieving and moving forward.
And I think that God has calledyou.
God has called Josh, god hascalled his, his wife Jocelyn, my

(01:00:12):
wife Taryn, everybody, anybodythat's listening.
God has called you for a timesuch as this.
You were born for a time timesuch as this.
You were born for a time suchas this.
You have a purpose to fulfill,you have a calling to complete
and the time is running out andthis world is thirsty, and the
only one that can satisfy theirthirst is Jesus.
Come on, somebody, man, youhave been a blessing.
Thank you so much, josh, forbeing on this podcast.

(01:00:34):
Any last words of encouragementthat you want to give to that
person that is listening.

Speaker 1 (01:00:38):
No, you know what I just pray.
This touches your heart.
I pray that in some way we werea blessing to you and know that
you're not alone in this.
God's not calling us toperfection, he's calling us to
progression.
Give your life to Jesus everyday.
Surrender your life to Jesusevery day, repent every single
day, and get around community ofbelievers.
That's powerful.

(01:00:59):
Number one.
Get it in the church, getaround community.
You know you will grow andadapt to what you're around.
And, last and not least, I lovemy wife.
I love you, yoselin GuadalupeGaribaldi Actually, not
Garibaldi, no more.
Hey, get it right, miss Tafoya.
Amen, so you know.
Thank you, zeke man.

(01:01:25):
Amen, so you know, you know.
Thank you, zeke man.
Thank you for being such ablessing, thank you for being
obedient, thank you for sharingyour wounds and your healings
and your victories and your falldowns.
And I just want to let you know, I know that your work is never
going in vain and even in there, even there's secret and silent
victories that you don't evenknow about.

Speaker 2 (01:01:34):
But I know God sees it, and thank God I ain't a
female, because if I had mascaraon Me too, me too this was a
therapy session for me and Z.
God, no, we need this.
Thank you to BKW and FlyingPhoenix PCs for making this
episode possible and forplanting a seed here at Elohim

(01:01:55):
Podcast.
Elohim Podcast.