April 3, 2024 • 54 mins
Jeanette's powerful testimony on how God healed her from a toxic and abusive relationship was inspiring. Jeanette is now mentoring and helping troubled youth. We invite you to open up a dialogue about the redemptive power of faith and the human capacity for resilience. Whether you're the singular spiritual torchbearer in your family or someone who's known the darkness of abuse, this episode stands as a testament to the transformation that's possible when we lean on faith and the support of those who've walked similar paths.
The complexities of balancing a life of service often go unseen, especially when you're leading the charge in worship and ministry. Our conversation with Jeanette dives into the very heart of this delicate juggle, where the lines between faith, family, and self-care are as fine as they are crucial. Listeners who find themselves pouring out love and guidance in their communities will find camaraderie and valuable insights here. We delve into the importance of nurturing a personal relationship with God that goes beyond the obligations of ministry, and how to avoid the ever-looming threat of burnout.
#podcast #hope #love #purpose #motivation #faith #jesus #relationshipadvice #relationships #toxicrelationships #christian
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I was scared, you know, I didn't know what to say,
I didn't know what to do.
That cussing started to himtouching me.
He would like grab me by mywrist really hard and he would
leave bruises on my arm, on mywrist.
The first time, like I couldn'tbelieve it, because I was like
did he really put his hands onme?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Like he literally hit you.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Yeah, he literally like punched me in the face.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
He punched you in the face, yeah hit you, yeah, he
literally like punched me in theface.
He punched you in the face.
Yeah, he did.
Welcome to Elohim Podcast, apodcast about real life issues
from a biblical perspective.
On this podcast, we don't justwant to be entertained.
We want to be changed.
Listen to the end to hear whatGod has for your life.
Elohim Podcast.
(00:45):
Welcome to Elohimhim podcast, apodcast about real life issues
from a biblical perspective.
Today we got Jeanette.
Jeanette, how's it going?
Thank you for coming on to thepodcast.
It's a blessing to have you.
How do you feel?
How you been?
Speaker 1 (01:01):
oh, I've been good.
It's definitely a blessing andhonor to be here.
You know it's my first podcastever.
I'm super excited I'm finallyready to share my testimony.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
No, definitely.
I know you shared that with me.
I know you're not camera shybecause you've been making all
these TikToks and they be goingviral and you've been giving me
these tips behind the scenes, soI know you're not camera shy.
And then at church, you knowyou'll be leading worship, yeah,
so you're used to streaminglive and all that stuff yeah,
but obviously you know I stillget a little bit nervous.
(01:34):
But we're, we're working on itso how did you start making
tiktoks?
And, for those that arewatching, what is your TikTok?
Speaker 1 (01:43):
handle.
It's Jovnetty J-E-V-N-E-T-T-Ythe plug, Definitely.
When I started TikTok, when Istarted getting more attention
on the app, the platform ingeneral, I saw them and I saw it
(02:04):
and I told myself, like I'mnever going to make TikToks,
like I'm never going to get intoTikToks never, none of that.
You know, until one day I waslike you know what, like I'll
give it a shot because I saw howmuch attention and you know how
people were getting so muchviews, how people were getting
famous and views, how peoplewere getting famous and you know
(02:27):
all of that.
So when I was deciding to giveit a shot, I was starting it for
the wrong reasons, you know,and that's because I knew that
people were getting attention.
I knew that people were weregetting the fame, you know.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
So in a way, that's what I had in mind, you know do
you think people are addicted togetting like, likes, comments,
attention, views and do youthink that's kind of like
unhealthy because it makespeople like depend?
Their happiness depends on thatstuff.
Did you ever feel like that?
Speaker 1 (02:57):
um, not a little bit, yes, but I kind of felt like,
you know, if I posted a videoand it didn't get a lot of views
, it didn't get a lot of likes,but I knew that it was about God
.
You know, I didn't really careas long as I reached one soul
and I'm like I did my job.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Do you think that's why sometimes people that know
that they could make Christiancontent and share a message
about Jesus, christian contentand share a message about jesus,
do you think that sometimesthey think about it twice
because they know that they?
Speaker 1 (03:30):
might sacrifice a couple views.
A couple, yes, yes, definitelyit.
It's because it's talking aboutgod.
It brings a lot of different.
You know hate or bad commentsor those religious people you
know, but I always tell people.
People ask me the same thing.
You know hate or bad commentsor those religious people you
know, but I always tell peoplepeople ask me the same thing.
You know, and I always tellpeople like why are you going to
(03:52):
be shy, why are you going to benervous?
And and keep the love of Godand keep the word of God in
yourself and not say it out inpublic and say it in front of
people, because when Jesus diedon the cross, he did it in
public.
He didn't do it.
You know in the, in the secret.
You know he did it publicly, infront of everybody.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
I mean, I agree with you.
If nobody on your social mediaand nobody at your school, if
your friends don't know thatyou're Christian, are you really
christian?
Yeah, because I think that youknow.
You show on social media whatyou care about, what you love,
what you're interested, and Itold victor the producer.
I told him, if you want to knowwho you are and get a glimpse
(04:38):
because I know sometimes it's onthe surface level, but if you
want to know who you are, justlook at your algorithm yeah look
at what your algorithm isfeeding you, because your
algorithm is never going to feedyou something that you don't
like, something that doesn'tplease you.
So if you're getting a lot ofsomething, that means you like
it and it might represent whoyou are as a person.
So I'm like man.
(05:00):
I haven't got any Jesus in myChristian.
No, man, I haven't got anyJesus.
Am I Christian?
No, but how did you go from youknow?
You said you started for thewith the wrong reasons.
You know, maybe not necessarilyyou know for God or anything
like that, but I've seen acouple you know videos of you
sharing God.
How did you transition intomaking videos that share a
(05:20):
positive message?
Speaker 1 (05:22):
um, I feel like when I started that TikTok, I was
going through a process and Iwasn't necessarily focusing on
my relationship with God, butthen when God kept calling me,
you know, and I was like, okay,god, you know, it's time for me,
to a hundred percent, you know,I'm a fully commit to you, you
(05:43):
know.
So that includes everything,including my tiktok, you know,
and I even went back, you know,at the time, to delete old
videos, to delete them, andbefore the pastor sees them,
you're like oh lord, god forgiveme.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Oh, my pastor can't see this.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
God forbid so no, it's just like how am I going to
really commit to God?
And then people look back at myTikToks and they're like, hey,
she's doing this, she's doingthat.
You know, that's notrepresenting God, that's not
representing the love of God.
Right, you know?
And I looked at it as in likeif I was somebody else and I
(06:20):
knew that this person isChristian, or you know they go
to church and I knew that thisperson is Christian, or you know
they go to church and I look atmy TikTok, you know, is it
really representing God?
And it wasn't, you know.
So then that's when I switchedmy perspective and I was like,
you know what?
I'm gonna start doing this forGod.
I'm gonna start, you know,spreading the love of God and
(06:40):
trying to get those soulsthrough TikTok.
You know, because, like I said,tiktok is a big platform.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
It's a big platform.
Christian TikTok.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Yeah, no, what you're saying is powerful.
I think that if God were tolook at our Instagram, at our
TikTok, at our Snapchat, wouldhe be happy with this.
Would he be proud to call ushis son and his daughter?
Yeah, like, I've asked myselfthat I'm like man.
Am I really glorifying the Lord?
Am I really pleasing?
Because it's one thing you knowsalvation is free, it's granted
(07:12):
to anybody.
God can be your savior, but ishe the Lord of your life?
That's a difference.
Yeah, when you make God theLord of your life.
You even said I had tosurrender my TikTok.
I had to surrender so manydifferent things because no
longer he wasn't just my, myhealer, my savior, my father, my
friend.
He was now the Lord of my life,the ruler of me.
I no longer live, but God livesin me, right, so to live is to
(07:36):
die is gain, but to live isChrist.
Yes, so you, you made a lot ofsacrifices.
What are the are some of thesacrifices you made as a worship
leader.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
There's a lot so, and it's not necessarily just
worship leader, but because I ama worship leader, I have to be
attending church more, you know.
So if you didn't know ourservices, for example, you know
we have services Tuesdays, 7 pm,house of Prayer.
We have Wednesdays, house ofPeace, which is kind of like
(08:07):
Bible study.
I lead, I lead, I'm a leader,hop leader, that's what we call
it.
And Thursdays we have practice.
A hip hop leader what no?
A hop A hop.
She leads Drake on Tuesdays,short for House of Peace.
Okay, hop leader.
So that's every Wednesday.
Thursdays we have practice,worship practice, and every
(08:30):
Friday we have youth services orkids services at the end of the
month.
Saturdays sometimes it justdepends Maybe we'll have a
conference or the youth will gettogether and have a prayer
night, and Sundays are all day.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Sundays are there all day, 1 pm and 6 pm is our so do
you have like a room somewherein the church, like with a
bedroom?
They need to get a green roomfor you guys, somewhere where
you guys can touch up your hairor something.
No, I definitely can identifywith you.
On mondays, we have prayer.
Tuesdays, the women have biblestudy.
Wednesday, we have our impact.
(09:04):
Wed have prayer.
Tuesdays, the women have Biblestudy.
Wednesday, we have our impactWednesday nights.
Thursday, the men have Biblestudies.
And then Fridays, we have ourYA.
You're invited to come wheneverwe are doing something amazing.
Every Friday we have around like200 250 Victor can testify to
that young adults, we pack outthe house and God is doing
something amazing.
I am privileged to be part ofthe worship team but to also
(09:26):
preach on those Friday nights.
And then Saturdays, for themost part we have them free,
unless we have like an event orsomething like you said.
And then Sundays all day, weget to church at six.
Well, not church.
We have a grown our church.
Our church fits around like 250people, but we're on Sundays,
we're more than that.
So we have to rent a WestviewHigh School, oh, wow.
(09:47):
And at Westview High School werent out the gymnasium, the
caffeinasium, sorry, and we setup chairs from scratch.
At 6 in the morning, we set upthe stage, the sound, the chairs
, the projectors Every Sunday,every Sunday, from scratch.
We have two services the 9 amservice and the 1130 am service.
So we're going at it witheverything and, you know,
(10:11):
sometimes people see the glory,they see like they see.
Oh, I want to be on stage, Iwant to be on the pulpit, I want
to be on the microphone, I wantto serve, but little do they
know all the sacrifices thatcome with.
Yeah, like sometimes, to sayyes to God, you have to say no
to the world.
Exactly, you have to say no toyour friends, to your family, to
your family.
But you know what?
I'm also a believer, a greatbeliever of balance.
(10:33):
I believe that it's God first,family and then your ministry.
But for some, their God istheir ministry and their
ministry has become their God,just because you go to church
and you're preaching and allthis doesn't mean you're
necessarily putting God first.
Putting God first is havingthat genuine relationship, that
(10:53):
prayer life, that devotionallife, being obedient to him.
That's putting God first.
Then it's your family, becauseyour family is your first
ministry.
But I sometimes think that inthe process.
I think that's why there's alot of pastor's kids that leave
church, because they growresentful.
They saw that their parentsmissed birthdays, that they
(11:16):
never took a break, that theynever went on vacation, that
they took food out of theirmouth to give it to that person
in need and they end up puttingministry before their own family
.
And what good is it for me topreach?
And all this and and and?
God has convicted me, you know,and it's something that I'm
working.
I'm trying.
I'm really trying to be abetter husband, I'm really
(11:38):
trying to be a better father,and sometimes I struggle with
that, sometimes I don't know howto do it, sometimes I feel like
I'm failing God in certainareas, because maybe it's the
guilt of the enemy, maybe it's,you know, not necessarily
conviction, but I don't want tobe somebody that's over here
saving a thousand souls but I'mlosing my family.
Oh, yeah, being faithful tochurch is great.
(12:00):
Yeah, being committed is great,but you also have to take those
moments where you take sometime with your family and as you
get older and I'm sure you'regoing to get married eventually,
and soon, right, Sooner thanlater.
I don't know.
Don't put it on the spot.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
I hope so.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
If you're watching, you know who you are.
She's ready.
But it's important because thisis something I admire about my
pastor John.
He, yes, he goes hard for God,like, like I admire him.
He's there at six in themorning with the rest of the
team, like he's setting up justlike we are setting up, but I I
(12:40):
love that he's always at hisson's basketball games.
I love that he's always at hisson's basketball games.
I love that he's always makingtime for his family.
I love that sometimes afterSundays he'll still go out to
the park with his kids.
I love that sometimes, after aheavy week of ministry, I see
them go to California on a trip.
You know, and I think thosethings are necessary, yeah,
(13:03):
because I'm sure you made somesacrifices.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Are there any sacrifices you made as a worship
leader that you say, like man,I regret it?
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Being completely honest, Not necessarily regret
it.
I'm not going to say regret it,because the sacrifices that I'm
referring to is family, likeyou said.
Yeah, is family, like you said.
Yeah, you know, um, I'm theonly one in my family that
really is a hundred percent inthe ministry and with God.
(13:31):
You know so many times like I'mbig in family and my family is
big in getting together and Ihave a lot of nieces and nephews
, you know, and there's alwaysbirthdays, like today there was
a birthday.
I couldn't make it, you know,but oh man, it's OK, don't blame
(13:52):
me.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
I did not tell her to miss the birthday party.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
No, he didn't.
I'm going to be there, eventhough it's late.
She's going to come with a giftcard signed by Elohim podcast
but, um, definitely those areone of the sacrifices not being
able to always be with family,and you know like we always have
so much fun as a family.
You know talking or justanything in general.
(14:18):
We like to go out to the movies, we like to go get some
antojitos or go eat and you knowstuff like that.
Like being on family and manytimes I had to miss out on that.
You know, like 90% of the time,because I tell them you know
what, and they know, like theyknow, that my ministry and my
(14:39):
relationship with God comesfirst.
You know, and, like you said,there's a balance.
Yeah, there's a balance.
You know, because many timesyou know I'm still there's a
balance.
Yeah, there's a balance.
You know, because many timesyou know I'm still there, I
still hang out with them, Istill see my family and and
things like that.
You know, um, but they knowthat, you know I I have to be
there, you know, most of thetime of the of the week.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
You know what is your perspective on secular music?
Because, um, sometimes peoplewill be like, oh, I don't have
any problem with secular music.
I I believe that I can worshipgod in eyes and I can still
listen to um drake, to pesopluma.
Um, what is your perspective onthat?
Speaker 1 (15:21):
oh, I've definitely gotten that question asked to me
before and it's simple, like,because they asked me, like, hey
, like, is this song good?
Like it doesn't say any cusswords, it's about love, and I'm
just like OK, here's thequestion Does it glorify God?
And if it doesn't, then it'ssecular music.
You know, because, like, yes,you can turn a love song into
(15:45):
like your love for God, you know, but the artist, that wasn't
their intention, you know.
So secular music is really hardbecause there's catchy music
out there, like you know, likethe rhythm, especially catchy
TikTok audience.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
But if it doesn't glorify god,if it doesn't bring out the
(16:08):
glory, if you don't feel hispresence through a worship song
or a praise song, you know it'sjust not worth listening to.
And there was a time where Iwas struggling with secular
music, you know.
It was kind of during like highschool and kind of getting out
of high school and until I cameinto like a breaking point.
You know, because secular musicdoesn't bring you anything good
(16:31):
, you know.
It brings you like, let's say,you're listening to a sad song,
you're just gonna get more sad,that's true you're listening to,
um, a song that brings violence, and that's all you're going to
want to do, you know.
So it's like it just doesn'tbring anything good.
You know, and there was thatbreaking point where I realized
that and I deleted all mysecular music.
(16:53):
I deleted all of it and I mademy worship playlist and that's
all I would listen to.
And, yeah, that's.
I had to make that, thatsacrifice, sacrifice.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Yeah, I think that music is super powerful.
Imagine watching a movie andthere's no music I'm just
talking about instrumental music.
Or going to a sporting eventand there's no music.
Or going to a party, right afamily party and there's like no
kids party music.
Music has the power of creatingan atmosphere, of creating an
environment, and when you sayI'm listening to music and I
(17:26):
feel depressed and all that, andif I listen to sad music, I'm
just going to dig a deeper hole.
Yeah, and what people don't knowis that music is the only thing
here that's on earth thatwasn't created on earth.
Music comes from heaven.
Music comes, you know, theydon't know that Lucifer Satan,
he was the most beautifulGeroene right An angelan.
He, he said he was the mostbeautiful gatorween right an
angel, and he said that even his, his wings flapped and they
(17:49):
made music and he orchestratedit and he felt like a fallen
angel and, um, I'm sure that heuses music as a weapon.
I feel like there's music outthere that's, you know, music
that you can use that spiritualwarfare.
There's music that's abouthealing.
There's a.
There's worship music or praisemusic about joy and freedom.
(18:09):
Yes, but in the same way, Iknow that there's people that
are captive to certain thingsbecause they're feeding their
soul music that, subliminally,is keeping them captive yes so
it's just, it's just powerful.
Now the only thing is like the.
The counter argument that maybesomebody can make is well,
you're saying, music thatdoesn't have curse words, music
(18:30):
that doesn't have anything,you're like, well, anything that
doesn't glorify God, youshouldn't listen to it.
But what if somebody says, well, do you go to the movies and
watch movies?
You're like, well, yeah, do youwatch a show on Netflix?
Yeah, do you watch sports thatdoesn't glorify God, but you're
watching it.
So it's a conversation that cango different directions, right.
(18:53):
But I think that's why the wordof God says for all has sinned
and fall short of the glory ofGod.
I think that sometimes, if Godis convicting us of something,
we should follow God'sconviction and follow the Holy
Spirit for our lives and ourfamilies and the people that
were that we lead over, that wepastor over.
But we shouldn't becomeself-righteous and say, oh,
(19:15):
because of them listening tothat, they're going to hell.
Yes, because at the end of theday, if we put ourselves in our
lives before God and God does ascan of our life and examines us
, we'll be at fault.
He'll find something thatdoesn't glorify him, whether
we're watching it, we'respeaking it or we're listening
to it.
What do you think?
Speaker 1 (19:35):
I mean, yeah, but that's the hard part, because
secular music is all around us.
It's all around us.
We can't get away from it.
You, you know, but just as longas that's not like the main or
only thing that you're listeningto.
Yeah, you know, like, don'tmake that song, that music, who
you are, you know, or don't letthe artist influence you in
(19:58):
doing stuff you know that's true.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Yeah, because I mean even sports can be an idol.
Yeah, even I mean I used to bea huge lebron james fan.
I still like it, whatever, butman, I used to know all the
stats of his games how manyrebounds, how many assists, how
many points.
Yeah, I knew the year he gotdrafted, what high school he
went to, all that stuff, right,and sometimes I'll be watching
(20:24):
his highlights and all that andthen like, slowly, god started
convicting me.
Like you're watching all thesehighlights, you're so informed
about basketball, the nba, allthese players, about the
football teams and who's on whatteam and whose record is what.
But how many scriptures are youlearning per year?
Oh, wow, you know, one time Iwas preaching and I asked the
group of youth there I was likelift up your hands.
(20:44):
Have you been been Christianmore than 10 years?
And then a couple raised theirhands Raise your hand if you've
been Christian for 15 years, andsome have been Christian their
whole life.
So they lift up their hand andI said I'll give $20 if somebody
comes up here and says by heart, from their memory, 10 Bible
verses.
And nobody could do it, and itwas like not to embarrass
anybody, but I just use that asa reflector, as a reflection of
(21:06):
look, that's less than one Bibleverse a year, mm hmm, we
memorize what we want tomemorize.
Yeah that's true, you know.
I mean like girls especially.
You know what your man did lastweek.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
I have that memory.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
You know.
So it's it.
Just everything falls intodifferent categories and you
know, the Holy Spirit willconvict us and it's up to us if
we want to listen to him or justkeep living, and I think that's
why people reach differentlevels in their walk with Christ
.
Now to him, or just keep living, and I think that's why people
(21:43):
reach different levels in theirwalk with Christ.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
yeah, now you've been in church for a good time, for
a good while, yes, and you toldme that you were in a
relationship that was abusiveand that was toxic.
From church, from church.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
I met the guy at church he met the man, he met
the guy at church.
You would have thought thatthis person was maybe from the
world, that maybe she met him ata club, maybe she met him at
school, I don't know.
But how was this relationshipand how did what did you
experience and how did Goddeliver you from that
relationship?
Speaker 1 (22:06):
oh, wow, um, so, like I said, this is my first time
ever really speaking about it.
Um, so I'm going to be honestand transparent.
You know what I really wentthrough and how I feel, you know
.
So, like you said, I met thisguy at church, you know, and you
know you get to like somebody.
(22:26):
You're just, you know, you'rejust getting to know them, you
know.
But then it got to, you know,more serious and stuff like that
.
And then a relationship and andit was going good, you know, I
wouldn't really say it was bad,it was going good, you know.
But then there would bearguments and arguments and
arguments until it got to thepoint where he started yelling
(22:48):
at me and you know, it startedbuilding up, so it started off
him yelling at me.
So I was like okay, you know.
And then after that, you know,he started calling me names,
cussing at me, cussing at me andsaying all these names, and
again I was like okay, so I wasletting these things slide yeah
(23:11):
you know.
So I was like OK, whatever, andI wouldn't really yell at him
back or I wouldn't like cuss athim back, because I was just so.
I was like, yeah, I was scared,you know, I didn't know what to
say, I didn't know what to do,until that cussing started to
him touching me.
(23:31):
Wow, you know, the first time,like I couldn't believe it,
because I was like did he reallyput his hands on me?
like he literally hit you yeah,he literally like punched me in
the face.
He punched you in the face.
Yeah, he did.
He punched me in the face, um,you know, only once, but before
(23:52):
that he would like grab me by mywrist really hard and he would
leave bruises on my arm, on mywrist, and he would push me or
he would pull my hair.
You know, until, yeah, it justkept building and building, but
I allowed it because I was justso used to it and I was just
(24:13):
like, ok, Will you try to hidethe bruises and stuff like that?
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
I would.
Would you try to justify it inyour mind?
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Yeah, like I was, it's cause, that's all I knew.
Like in my head, I was thinkinglike, oh, it's fine, you know,
it's fine Cause I didn't reallyknow or I didn't really feel
like love, you know.
Like you know what I mean, likeit was just, it was just hard,
(24:41):
like I don't know necessarily Idon't remember what I was really
thinking.
You know, it was a couple yearsago, but it's still obviously
traumatizing, you know.
And after it kept getting worseand worse, I tried to leave.
I'm like, hey, you know, andafter it kept getting worse and
worse, I tried to leave.
I'm like, hey, you know, that'sit.
You know, like, yeah, this isover with this, I'm done, you
(25:02):
know.
And when I would say that Iwould block him, right, because
I'm like I'm done, and he wouldshow up at my house, wow, he
would show up at my house and hewould end up blowing up my
Facebook on my post because eventhough, like, I blocked him, he
can still comment, and thosecomments were cuss words like
(25:25):
hey, you better unblock me, youbetter do this, you better do
that, or I'm going to do this.
And he wouldn't care what otherpeople would say no, and other
people would see, like my youthyouth leader, my youth pastor,
saw it, you know, and shebrought it up to me and I was
like, oh yeah, you whatever,brush it off.
You know, I would try to lie toher and like, you know, like,
(25:46):
try to hide it.
And so he would just show up.
And there was just this onetime, um, we had an argument and
we were home alone.
Well, I was home alone and hewas over my house, you know, and
we got into an argument andthen he started cussing at me
and he walked out.
(26:07):
Yeah, so I was like OK, and Ilocked the door and I went into
my room, because every time hewould cuss at me, every time he
would call me a name, I wouldcry, like it would hurt me, it
would trigger you.
Yeah, so when I locked the door,I went into my room and I even
locked my room door as well andI started crying and I started
(26:28):
calling out to God and I'm justlike God, like why are you
allowing this to happen?
Like I don't get it, like I'min church, I'm serving you 100%.
You know, I met this guy atchurch.
Like why are you allowing thesethings, you know, and I would
pray, and I would pray.
And at the time, that samemoment, he I don't know how he
(26:49):
was able to break into my house.
He broke into your house, yes,like the door.
Know how he was able to breakinto my house.
He broke into your house.
Yes, like the door was lockedand he was able to still get in
and he was outside of my roomdoor knocking telling me to open
and I was like like I couldn'tbelieve it and I was so scared.
(27:09):
I was scared because I'm likeI'm home alone, like what is he
going to do?
You know, like I'm home alone,like what is he going to do.
You know, like I was so scaredand and it was just really hard
for me to get out of that andnot a lot of people knew I.
If you've ever been in in anabusive relationship, you know
(27:31):
that it's hard to open up tosomebody and tell them, hey,
this is what's going on.
You're's hard to open up tosomebody and tell them, hey,
this is what's going on.
You're not going to open up tosomebody and tell them what
you're going through untilyou're really ready and that's
why people didn't know, you know.
And until this day, um, until Itold you know I, I told some
(27:52):
leaders, I've told some friendsof mine, hey, this is what I
went, you know, I told someleaders, I told some friends of
mine, hey, this is what I wentthrough, you know.
But mainly, my main source, mymentor.
My best friend at the time wasJesus.
You know, every time somethingwould happen, I would run to God
.
I'd run to God.
Like Jesus, help me.
Like what am I supposed?
Speaker 2 (28:11):
to do and in that process, like, how was your
self-esteem?
Because you just shared someintense things like being
punched in the face.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
By a guy.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
By a guy.
It was horrible.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Like I remember that same night I was trying to eat
and I couldn't like chew becauseit hurt, like it was bad.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
And your parents didn't know this?
No, it was your parents didn'tknow this.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
No, like my mom knew that he would speak to me bad,
because she heard one time wewere arguing he called me the B
word and he walked out and she'slike, don't let him talk to you
like that.
And I'm like, ok, but that's it.
You know I would still allow itto happen.
So you know, I was just scaredto really reach out for help.
(28:55):
You know, for somebody humanlike my mom, like my mom, my
best friend, you know I tell hereverything.
But at the time I just couldn'ttell anybody.
You know, it was just alwaysstraight to Jesus Like God, help
me.
I would pray and I would likeGod like, help me, you know.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
Like help me, get out of this were you scared to
share what was going on withsomebody because you were I
don't know, maybe a combinationof things, but maybe embarrassed
or scared for your life orafraid to get him in trouble.
What was the?
The reason why?
I know you shared a little bitright now that it's not so easy
to just trust anybody, but what?
Speaker 1 (29:41):
were the combination of emotions that you were
feeling that made you kind ofkeep it under the rug.
It was definitely fear, likewhat is he going to do, you know
, because there's many storiesout there where abusive
relationships end up in death,wow, you know, and I was like I
don't want to be that, I don'twant to be six feet under
(30:02):
because I allowed somebody totreat me bad.
You know, like what are my,what are my parents going to say
, you know?
And I was living in fear and Iremember this one time, uh, when
he finally, when he finallysorry, when he finally like left
me alone, like he wouldn'tbother me.
I remember this one time I wasdriving home and I was pulling
up to my house and I rememberseeing a car parked outside that
(30:27):
looked like his.
Wow, and I was so scared, youwere shook.
Yes, I was so scared, I evendrove around like once, because
I'm like what am I going to do,what am I going to do, do?
Speaker 2 (30:36):
but I was traumatized , you're like anxious and like
anxiety attack.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Yes, because I'm like what's going, what's gonna
happen?
Man, that's how traumatized andscared I was, and it wasn't
even him like you werelegitimately scared for your
life.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
Yes, like you felt trapped.
You felt like there was no wayout.
You were scared for your life.
Your self-esteem was probablylow.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Yeah, I was I like.
I said, I was like this is whatI deserve.
That's kind of what I toldmyself.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
That's what you would think.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Yes, that's what I would think, like this is what I
deserve.
Like I don't deserve love, Idon't deserve somebody to treat
me good.
You know cause I didn't knowwhat it felt like.
You know, that's all I knew.
That's all I knew to be in atoxic relationship, abusive
relationship.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
And did you ever think of like hurting yourself
because you were such in a badplace?
Speaker 1 (31:26):
Um, yes and no.
Um, it wasn't so extreme, Iwouldn't say, because, yes, of
course, I thought about, likewhat if I take my life away?
But I wouldn't really act on itobviously, you know, but that
wasn't really a big thing in myLike a big option.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
Yes, thank God, you know, so you're.
You're in this place ofuncertainty, of fear, feeling
trapped, feeling hopeless,essentially getting hurt
physically and emotionally.
How did God deliver you fromthe situation?
Speaker 1 (32:06):
he left me.
He just stopped bothering me,just one day to another just
like that yeah just one day toanother.
So I was just just so.
I was just like okay, praiseGod.
Yeah, I was like okay, like man, thank God, you know, like
thank God, because I was livingin fear, you know, I was scared
and I was, I just didn't knowwhat to do, until, you know, he
(32:30):
finally just disappeared.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
So I was like okay, god, okay, god, like this was
your time what do you tell thatyoung lady that maybe right now
is listening to this, goingthrough the same exact thing you
are, has low self-esteem, feelslike she deserves what she's
getting and she has noself-worth.
And you're making a tiktokright.
What would you tell her rightnow?
Speaker 1 (32:56):
I would definitely say I know.
I mean, I've been through it.
You know it's not easy to justgo up to your mom or anybody
that you're close with and tellthem what's happening.
You know it's not easy becauseI wasn't able to do it.
You know.
But definitely go to God.
You know he's going to take youout of that situation at the
right it.
(33:16):
You know, but definitely go toGod.
You know he's going to take youout of that situation at the
right time.
You know, but you can't do itin your own strength.
You know you can't do it inyour own strength.
You need God, like you need Godto help you get out of that
situation.
You know, and he's going to doit.
He's going to do it, um, but Ijust want to tell those, those
girls, those ladies and men too,because men can go through it
(33:38):
you know that that you're worthyof love, you're worthy of
getting treated good and it'sgoing to, it's going to get to
you, you know, becauseeventually you know that that
right person, that that yourperson is going to come.
You know, but you, you can'tallow these things to happen
(33:59):
because it's just not going tocome.
You know you're.
Yes, you know, like, like Isaid, it's hard, take your time,
not necessarily take your time,but you know, choose wisely the
the time that you spend.
You know, like, are you therecrying?
Are you there?
(34:19):
You know, I don't know tryingto seek revenge?
You know, but instead go to Godbecause he's the only person
that can take you out.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
Before that relationship was there any like
red flags that you sawbeforehand that you ignore?
That if you would have paidattention to, would have
prevented all of this to happenum, yeah, definitely I think one
would be.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Um, I mean, of course , I met his family.
You know, I was able to bearound his family and one thing
that I saw is how his dad wouldtreat his mom and I think him
growing up and seeing that hethinks that it's okay for him to
do it too, you know, and I feellike that's where he got it
from.
You know, learn behavior?
Speaker 2 (35:03):
yes, exactly that's their social determinants of
health yeah, that's.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
That's one of the red flags, um, but definitely
another one would be if he's.
If you're in a relationship andyour significant other is
yelling at you and it leads tocussing at you, it just starts
to build up from there.
You know it starts to build upfrom there and you have to put a
stop to it before it gets worsedid you ever get any spiritual
(35:32):
warnings from any spiritualleader in your life that says
you shouldn't get into thisrelationship?
hmm, no, no, no, because I was,um, I was bare, not barely going
to church, but I was barelygetting to know my leaders and
(35:52):
stuff like that.
They didn't really know me andthey didn't really know him.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
Got it so yeah you told me that you work in like
the mental health field as abehavioral coach, so you work
with at-risk youth.
You work with different.
You know kids and youth thatare going through things.
Yeah, how has your faith andyour personal experiences helped
you show the love and theattention to these children?
Speaker 1 (36:19):
um, well, there's a lot.
Um first, sadly, I'm not reallyable to share God with them.
That's one of the policies, orwhat do you call it?
like uh, rules yeah you know, um, but it it depends, because
there was this one time, it waslike a year ago this girl, her
(36:41):
mom, uh, was you know, and shewas asking, you know, the
managers, you know like, hey, isit possible if she's able to go
to a church?
And they knew that I go tochurch, you know, and I was able
to, like, bring her to church.
I was actually like two times.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
So you were actually able to bring her to church.
Speaker 1 (37:06):
Yeah, I was actually able to bring her.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
Got the green light from work.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Yeah, I was clocked in at church.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
I was like I'm getting paid to do the Lord's
will.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
Yeah, but I love that job.
It definitely has its ups anddowns, but there is this one
time where you know these kidshave gone through a lot.
They struggle through mentalproblems, they struggle a lot at
home, they struggle with a lot,you know, because many of these
(37:38):
kids they come back or they'recoming from a mental hospital
and every little thing willtrigger them yeah you know, if
you say no to them, if you sayno, we're doing this or no, you
can't do that.
And there was this one time Ihad this kid, um, I think, oh,
(38:00):
his mom had called me and shewas like, hey, do not allow him
to go to the library, because wego to the library and they play
video games, you know.
And she was like don't allowhim to go and go play video
games.
And at the time he was askingme like hey, can we go to the
library?
I want to go play video games.
And I was like no, like sadly,like no, I'm sorry, we can't.
(38:22):
And he got triggered.
He got so triggered and it wasout of control I had to call the
cops.
Um, yeah, so we have an officebut it's locked up.
You have to put a key right andin there we have all of our
sharp items, like our knives andforks and stuff like that.
(38:43):
So it was locked and I wasthere in the kitchen at the time
and he was kind of going, likehe was going into.
Um, he was, I feel like he waskind of like bipolar, you know,
it's like he remembered, heremembered and he got mad cause
he wasn't going to, but then hewould calm down and then he
would go back to it.
You know so he would it was aroller coaster, yeah, so he
(39:06):
would tell me like, like, like,come on, like I really want to
go, and I'm like no, like I'msorry.
So then I don't know where, hejust like throws, like he gets
up and he throws his chair inthe kitchen and I was like, okay
, I'm gonna keep my distance,you know.
And then he started likearguing with the other kids,
(39:27):
like cussing at them and likealmost getting physical, getting
in their face, you know.
And I was like, okay, this guyis getting aggressive, you know.
And at the time he was eatingnoodles and he had a fork.
So I was like, okay, I'm goingto take this away.
I'm going to take it awaybecause I don't know what's
gonna happen.
And he got so mad he's, he waslike give me my noodles.
(39:49):
He started yelling at me and Iwas all like I took it away
because, um, he was using a fork.
Yeah, you know, that'sdangerous.
So I took it away and I waslike no, like you can't have it.
Like no, no, like I'm sorry,you know.
And he was going crazy andthrowing stuff and like walking
(40:10):
back and forth and stuff likethat.
And I was just waiting for himto calm down, you know.
But then he got to the pointwhere he looked at me and he is
all like I'm going to kill you.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
Man.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
And I was like what?
You're freaked?
Speaker 2 (40:25):
out man and I was like what You're freaked?
Speaker 1 (40:26):
out.
Yes, and that's when he startedcoming towards me and we were
kind of going like back andforth in the table, you know,
because obviously I didn't wanthim to get close to me, you know
, and he couldn't get to me.
So then he grabbed a pan fromthe, from the kitchen, and he
tried to go into the office andhe was trying to break in and he
(40:46):
was trying to go in to get aknife.
Speaker 2 (40:49):
Man to get and attack you.
Speaker 1 (40:53):
That's tough, but he wasn't able to.
But he got even more madbecause he wasn't able to.
Speaker 2 (41:01):
That's a tough job.
People don't understand Workingwith these young adults well,
not young adults, but theseteens and all that stuff.
Like you said, they do comefrom broken families.
They come.
Sometimes the parents are doingdrugs or some parents are in
jail and the grandma's raisingthem.
So they lack a lot of support,they lack a lot of guidance,
they lack a lot of love in theirlife.
(41:22):
So then they come and they meetyou and they're just resistant
to any type of you knowdiscipline or order in their
life.
And the best way that I approachsituations like this because I
worked with kids from grouphomes as well was, even though I
can't necessarily preach tothem about Jesus and stuff like
that, when they're in my car andI'm transporting them somewhere
(41:44):
, we're not going to listen totheir music, we're going to
listen to worship.
And then there was a song fromElevation, maverick City,
brandon Lake, talking to Jesus.
I don't know if you've everheard that song, but I had one
of the kids from a group homeand he would listen to that song
and then he started singingalong and he actually had a
voice.
I'm like, oh my God to thatsong.
(42:04):
And then he started singingalong and he actually had a
voice.
I'm like, oh my god, and he waslike talking to jesus.
So it was um, me planting seeds, yes, and then also, sometimes
you may not be able to preachbible verses or with the bible
whatever, but you can definitelypreach with your life.
Yeah, you can show them love,you can show them what patience
looks like, what it looks to beand have self-control, what it
(42:28):
looks like to give unconditionallove.
So I've invested like I wouldbuy them something.
I'll buy them a drink, I'll buythem this, I'll buy them that,
yeah, and I'll break thebarriers because I can't just go
in there like a drill sergeantand just, you know, expect them
to listen to me and followdirections I had before I can
correct.
You know, expect them to listento me and follow directions I
had before I can correct.
I need to connect.
That's true, and you knowthat's a world out there that is
(42:50):
lost, that's broken.
Broken families hurt people,hurt people, and we're having a
society that is godless andlawless and and there's no more
Jesus at the center of families.
Before there there wasgovernment, before there was
schools, there was aninstitution called family.
Adam and Eve came and abled thefirst family, the first
(43:13):
foundation, and when that isbroken apart and we have a bunch
of families that are broken,then we have a broken society.
Yes, and the only one that canmend things together and
transform your life is Jesus.
Amen.
Even if you're in an abusiverelationship, even if you don't
have both parents, even if youcome from a family that's
dysfunctional and your parentshave divorced, and maybe you
(43:35):
have a stepfather and astepmother, god can do something
new with your life.
You can break the cycles, youcan break the bondages.
You can write a new story, abetter story.
And just because right now inyour story you're going through
a bad season, that's just achapter.
You gotta turn the page.
That's just a chapter in yourstory and your story has a
(43:55):
brighter future.
I know it's tough being theonly one in your family.
Maybe that serves God like that.
Yes, you said you grew upCatholic, but I know that God
has a plan for your life.
I know that the sacrifices thatyou're making are not in vain.
Your pain is not in vain.
In the future, some way,somehow, more than a worship
leader and a singer, I believethat God is going to use you to
(44:18):
preach, to preach the word ofGod, amen.
I believe that God is going toopen the doors.
I know there is God's spiritwithin you.
I believe that God is going toopen the doors.
I know there is God's spiritwithin you.
I know you made sacrifices.
I know you said no to the world, but you've said yes to God.
I know that he can impregnateyou with a ministry that will go
(44:38):
way beyond your physical andnatural capabilities.
We do the natural, god does thesupernatural.
We do the physical and Godcapabilities.
We do the natural, god does thesupernatural.
Yes, we do the physical and goddoes the spiritual.
And even though man may notbelieve it maybe they only see
the physical part god does notsee the appearance, like man see
the appearance.
God looks at the heart.
Yes, and what you have, morethan than than looks, or maybe
(45:02):
more than than talent, thanlooks, or maybe more than talent
, what you have inside of you isa heart and a heart that wants
to please the Lord.
Speaker 1 (45:12):
Yes, definitely.
Speaker 2 (45:13):
And that's what he's looking for.
He's not looking for quality ofsound, he's looking for quality
of heart.
Speaker 1 (45:18):
If you're serving God and you're the only one in your
family, definitely keep going.
You know it's hard, it's asacrifice, you know, because
that's what, that's what I'mgoing through.
You know, being the only onethat really serves God a hundred
percent is hard, but I know atthe end of the day it's going to
(45:39):
be, you know, worth it.
You know, because it's reallyhard Many times, many times,
people, you know, grow up withtheir parents being christian,
like, oh, let me go to myparents so they can pray for me.
You know, I didn't have that, Ididn't have that and it's not to
like, maybe talk bad about them.
You know, because they'rethey're.
(46:01):
They go through their own stuff, they're going through a
process and I know, you know,one day they'll fully commit.
You know.
But, and I always say this, soif you didn't know, like, my
parents aren't together, they'renot together.
My dad has his own family andstuff like that, and so,
(46:21):
technically, the head of thehousehold is my mom.
You know, so, technically, thehead of the household is my mom,
wow, you know.
And I always say this.
But like, I tell her like, yes,you're the head of household,
but spiritually it's me, wow,because I'm the one that stays
up late at night, praying foreverybody, yeah, praying for you
guys.
I'm the one that's taking allthe hits.
Speaker 2 (46:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:41):
Because I'm the one that God is using, I'm the
vessel and I'm the one that thedevil is going after.
Why?
Because I'm fully committed toGod, you know, and it's it's
really hard, but I'm still hereby the grace of God.
You know.
I definitely know that God hasbigger plans.
(47:02):
You know, god is definitelygoing to use this testimony to
speak to others, but definitelyif you're in the same position,
you know, just keep going.
You know, because if you giveup, then the whole family is
just going to fall.
Wow, you know, because there'snobody sustaining it.
(47:23):
You know, through God, ofcourse, you know, because it's
through God, but there's noprayer, there's no commitment,
you know, and it's hard, and I'mstill praying, you know, for
the rest of my family, you know,and I feel like many times, for
example, like when it'sholidays, thanksgiving,
(47:46):
christmas hey can somebody, ornot, hey can somebody.
But like, hey, janet, can youpray?
It's always hey, janet, can youpray?
There's a problem, there's asituation, there's a sickness in
the family.
Hey, janet, hey janet, heyjanet.
And I'm just like of course I'mgonna.
You know, of course it's myfamily, I'm going to, I'm going
(48:07):
to pray for them, you know, butit's hard, because I can't be
the only one because then theyget their, their prayer answered
and then they forget about God.
Right, and it's just like itdoesn't work like that.
You know it doesn't work likethat and it's just, it's just
hard.
Speaker 2 (48:27):
But well, I admire your resilience.
I admire that, even thoughyou're the only one, and just
like there's other youth outthere, that you know young
adults or just people in ingeneral that they're the only
ones serving God.
They didn't have parents topush them, they they didn't grow
up in that environment, but yetthey have decided to follow
Jesus and they're going to havea great reward up in heaven and
(48:52):
God is going to bless them hereon earth.
And even though you're pullingthe weight right now, and even
though you're pushing, andsometimes you know like, why am
I always have to be the onepraying?
Even before we started thispodcast, I was like, hey, today
can we pray?
But you know God is going tobless you with a family and
you're going to change thenarrative.
Yes, where it's not just goingto be you anymore.
(49:13):
Just be wise in the Lord.
Just, you know, keep your handto the plow and just keep
pushing through.
I know it probably was hard tohave parents that divorced I
know that's not easy or parentsthat never got together.
I've been there.
I felt that where.
You know, I grew up in a homeand both my parents served the
Lord and they were leaders inthe church and unfortunately,
(49:35):
due to different circumstances,they get divorced, and it just
changes everything.
But you know, in the middle ofmy loneliness, in the middle of
my depression or my heartbreak,god never left me.
He's my rock, my fortress andmy deliverer, in whom I take
refuge.
(49:56):
And even if your mother and yourfather abandon you, the Lord
will receive you.
So God has always been therefor you, jeanette, yes,
definitely, and just know thathis hand is upon your life and
is upon all of you guys that aremaking the decision to serve
God.
Don't give up, yes, do not stopdoing what's good, because at
his right time, you will reap aharvest if you don't give up.
(50:18):
And no, your story is, you know, inspirational.
I see that you're sharing allthese things that are very
heartbreaking, that areemotional, that the normal
person would have cried or youcan just tell, but I can see
that God has healed you and donesome amazing stuff in your life
(50:41):
, because you're sharing thesethings not from a wound but from
a scar yes definitely.
Yes, you can kind of feel sometype of weight, but you're not
long.
You're no longer breaking down,you're no longer like a mess.
You know a disaster of it,because I'm sure you've been
through that season where it wasjust a touchy subject, a tender
(51:05):
area in your life.
But now you're able to share it, and you share it because it's
something you know sensitive.
But you're no longer sharing itfrom a wound, you're sharing it
from a scar and that means Godhas done something in your life.
Speaker 1 (51:20):
And it's definitely a process and I tell a lot of
people, you know, like, yes, godcan use you and you know, if
you tell him God, I'm a vessel,he's going to make you go
through things.
You know, and he allowed thesethings to happen and even though
at the time I'm questioning,like God, why would you allow
this?
You know, and my pastor told meonce that this, my pastor has
(51:45):
told me this thing that hasalways stuck to me.
And he said let's say that yourlife is perfect.
Let's say you have no problems,no financial problems, no
family problems, nothing likeyou're happy, you're good.
He said and would you reallyneed God?
Speaker 2 (52:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (52:04):
Would you need God If everything's going perfect?
Are you going to think aboutGod?
You know, and sometimes thesethings have to happen for you to
realize that you know God'sthere.
God is going to use this as atestimony.
You know he's going to use youto help other people that went
through the same thing that youdid.
(52:24):
You know, so that that hasalways stuck to me.
Speaker 2 (52:28):
You know because and life is gonna be boring like.
Imagine everything was perfectin your life.
How boring would life beexactly?
like you need some type ofstress.
I saw this video that like somegirl but this is not the right
message but she was like I wanttoxic, like message those girls
I know this is like straight outof the ballpark, but it just
(52:49):
that's not the right message butlike life without problems,
like everything's perfect, likeis there really a sense of
purpose?
You know, and that's true,sometimes, when our pockets get
full, our faith gets empty andwe need God, we need to put our
trust in God and you know, aslong as we're here on this earth
, we'll continue to serve him,we'll continue to have faith in
(53:11):
him.
Yes, and you know what yourtest will bring a testimony.
You know, and there's a greatpurpose behind your pain.
Yes, and nothing is in vain.
Exactly Mic drop, that's it invain.
Exactly Mic drop, that's it,that's it.
Well, jeanette, thank you somuch.
You shared so many differentthings you shared about you know
(53:31):
your, your decision tosacrifice everything for God.
You know, as a worship leader,as just a person that wants to
serve God, about your process onTikTok and social media and
wanting to glorify the Lord.
Also your process of being in atoxic relationship.
Also how God has being in atoxic relationship, also how God
has used you at work or thethings that you've gone through,
and also you know your, yourissues with your family and you
(53:53):
know what God has done andcarrying that weight.
But you know, just know, thatGod is with you, amen, Thank you
.
Thank you for watching anotherepisode of Elohim podcast, a
podcast about real life issuesfrom a biblical perspective.
Stay tuned for the next episode, elohim Podcast.
I was scared, you know, I didn't know what to say,
I didn't know what to do.
That cussing started to himtouching me.
He would like grab me by mywrist really hard and he would
leave bruises on my arm, on mywrist.
The first time, like I couldn'tbelieve it, because I was like
did he really put his hands onme?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Like he literally hit you.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Yeah, he literally like punched me in the face.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
He punched you in the face, yeah hit you, yeah, he
literally like punched me in theface.
He punched you in the face.
Yeah, he did.
Welcome to Elohim Podcast, apodcast about real life issues
from a biblical perspective.
On this podcast, we don't justwant to be entertained.
We want to be changed.
Listen to the end to hear whatGod has for your life.
Elohim Podcast.
(00:45):
Welcome to Elohimhim podcast, apodcast about real life issues
from a biblical perspective.
Today we got Jeanette.
Jeanette, how's it going?
Thank you for coming on to thepodcast.
It's a blessing to have you.
How do you feel?
How you been?
Speaker 1 (01:01):
oh, I've been good.
It's definitely a blessing andhonor to be here.
You know it's my first podcastever.
I'm super excited I'm finallyready to share my testimony.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
No, definitely.
I know you shared that with me.
I know you're not camera shybecause you've been making all
these TikToks and they be goingviral and you've been giving me
these tips behind the scenes, soI know you're not camera shy.
And then at church, you knowyou'll be leading worship, yeah,
so you're used to streaminglive and all that stuff yeah,
but obviously you know I stillget a little bit nervous.
(01:34):
But we're, we're working on itso how did you start making
tiktoks?
And, for those that arewatching, what is your TikTok?
Speaker 1 (01:43):
handle.
It's Jovnetty J-E-V-N-E-T-T-Ythe plug, Definitely.
When I started TikTok, when Istarted getting more attention
on the app, the platform ingeneral, I saw them and I saw it
(02:04):
and I told myself, like I'mnever going to make TikToks,
like I'm never going to get intoTikToks never, none of that.
You know, until one day I waslike you know what, like I'll
give it a shot because I saw howmuch attention and you know how
people were getting so muchviews, how people were getting
famous and views, how peoplewere getting famous and you know
(02:27):
all of that.
So when I was deciding to giveit a shot, I was starting it for
the wrong reasons, you know,and that's because I knew that
people were getting attention.
I knew that people were weregetting the fame, you know.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
So in a way, that's what I had in mind, you know do
you think people are addicted togetting like, likes, comments,
attention, views and do youthink that's kind of like
unhealthy because it makespeople like depend?
Their happiness depends on thatstuff.
Did you ever feel like that?
Speaker 1 (02:57):
um, not a little bit, yes, but I kind of felt like,
you know, if I posted a videoand it didn't get a lot of views
, it didn't get a lot of likes,but I knew that it was about God
.
You know, I didn't really careas long as I reached one soul
and I'm like I did my job.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Do you think that's why sometimes people that know
that they could make Christiancontent and share a message
about Jesus, christian contentand share a message about jesus,
do you think that sometimesthey think about it twice
because they know that they?
Speaker 1 (03:30):
might sacrifice a couple views.
A couple, yes, yes, definitelyit.
It's because it's talking aboutgod.
It brings a lot of different.
You know hate or bad commentsor those religious people you
know, but I always tell people.
People ask me the same thing.
You know hate or bad commentsor those religious people you
know, but I always tell peoplepeople ask me the same thing.
You know, and I always tellpeople like why are you going to
(03:52):
be shy, why are you going to benervous?
And and keep the love of Godand keep the word of God in
yourself and not say it out inpublic and say it in front of
people, because when Jesus diedon the cross, he did it in
public.
He didn't do it.
You know in the, in the secret.
You know he did it publicly, infront of everybody.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
I mean, I agree with you.
If nobody on your social mediaand nobody at your school, if
your friends don't know thatyou're Christian, are you really
christian?
Yeah, because I think that youknow.
You show on social media whatyou care about, what you love,
what you're interested, and Itold victor the producer.
I told him, if you want to knowwho you are and get a glimpse
(04:38):
because I know sometimes it's onthe surface level, but if you
want to know who you are, justlook at your algorithm yeah look
at what your algorithm isfeeding you, because your
algorithm is never going to feedyou something that you don't
like, something that doesn'tplease you.
So if you're getting a lot ofsomething, that means you like
it and it might represent whoyou are as a person.
So I'm like man.
(05:00):
I haven't got any Jesus in myChristian.
No, man, I haven't got anyJesus.
Am I Christian?
No, but how did you go from youknow?
You said you started for thewith the wrong reasons.
You know, maybe not necessarilyyou know for God or anything
like that, but I've seen acouple you know videos of you
sharing God.
How did you transition intomaking videos that share a
(05:20):
positive message?
Speaker 1 (05:22):
um, I feel like when I started that TikTok, I was
going through a process and Iwasn't necessarily focusing on
my relationship with God, butthen when God kept calling me,
you know, and I was like, okay,god, you know, it's time for me,
to a hundred percent, you know,I'm a fully commit to you, you
(05:43):
know.
So that includes everything,including my tiktok, you know,
and I even went back, you know,at the time, to delete old
videos, to delete them, andbefore the pastor sees them,
you're like oh lord, god forgiveme.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Oh, my pastor can't see this.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
God forbid so no, it's just like how am I going to
really commit to God?
And then people look back at myTikToks and they're like, hey,
she's doing this, she's doingthat.
You know, that's notrepresenting God, that's not
representing the love of God.
Right, you know?
And I looked at it as in likeif I was somebody else and I
(06:20):
knew that this person isChristian, or you know they go
to church and I knew that thisperson is Christian, or you know
they go to church and I look atmy TikTok, you know, is it
really representing God?
And it wasn't, you know.
So then that's when I switchedmy perspective and I was like,
you know what?
I'm gonna start doing this forGod.
I'm gonna start, you know,spreading the love of God and
(06:40):
trying to get those soulsthrough TikTok.
You know, because, like I said,tiktok is a big platform.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
It's a big platform.
Christian TikTok.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Yeah, no, what you're saying is powerful.
I think that if God were tolook at our Instagram, at our
TikTok, at our Snapchat, wouldhe be happy with this.
Would he be proud to call ushis son and his daughter?
Yeah, like, I've asked myselfthat I'm like man.
Am I really glorifying the Lord?
Am I really pleasing?
Because it's one thing you knowsalvation is free, it's granted
(07:12):
to anybody.
God can be your savior, but ishe the Lord of your life?
That's a difference.
Yeah, when you make God theLord of your life.
You even said I had tosurrender my TikTok.
I had to surrender so manydifferent things because no
longer he wasn't just my, myhealer, my savior, my father, my
friend.
He was now the Lord of my life,the ruler of me.
I no longer live, but God livesin me, right, so to live is to
(07:36):
die is gain, but to live isChrist.
Yes, so you, you made a lot ofsacrifices.
What are the are some of thesacrifices you made as a worship
leader.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
There's a lot so, and it's not necessarily just
worship leader, but because I ama worship leader, I have to be
attending church more, you know.
So if you didn't know ourservices, for example, you know
we have services Tuesdays, 7 pm,house of Prayer.
We have Wednesdays, house ofPeace, which is kind of like
(08:07):
Bible study.
I lead, I lead, I'm a leader,hop leader, that's what we call
it.
And Thursdays we have practice.
A hip hop leader what no?
A hop A hop.
She leads Drake on Tuesdays,short for House of Peace.
Okay, hop leader.
So that's every Wednesday.
Thursdays we have practice,worship practice, and every
(08:30):
Friday we have youth services orkids services at the end of the
month.
Saturdays sometimes it justdepends Maybe we'll have a
conference or the youth will gettogether and have a prayer
night, and Sundays are all day.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Sundays are there all day, 1 pm and 6 pm is our so do
you have like a room somewherein the church, like with a
bedroom?
They need to get a green roomfor you guys, somewhere where
you guys can touch up your hairor something.
No, I definitely can identifywith you.
On mondays, we have prayer.
Tuesdays, the women have biblestudy.
Wednesday, we have our impact.
(09:04):
Wed have prayer.
Tuesdays, the women have Biblestudy.
Wednesday, we have our impactWednesday nights.
Thursday, the men have Biblestudies.
And then Fridays, we have ourYA.
You're invited to come wheneverwe are doing something amazing.
Every Friday we have around like200 250 Victor can testify to
that young adults, we pack outthe house and God is doing
something amazing.
I am privileged to be part ofthe worship team but to also
(09:26):
preach on those Friday nights.
And then Saturdays, for themost part we have them free,
unless we have like an event orsomething like you said.
And then Sundays all day, weget to church at six.
Well, not church.
We have a grown our church.
Our church fits around like 250people, but we're on Sundays,
we're more than that.
So we have to rent a WestviewHigh School, oh, wow.
(09:47):
And at Westview High School werent out the gymnasium, the
caffeinasium, sorry, and we setup chairs from scratch.
At 6 in the morning, we set upthe stage, the sound, the chairs
, the projectors Every Sunday,every Sunday, from scratch.
We have two services the 9 amservice and the 1130 am service.
So we're going at it witheverything and, you know,
(10:11):
sometimes people see the glory,they see like they see.
Oh, I want to be on stage, Iwant to be on the pulpit, I want
to be on the microphone, I wantto serve, but little do they
know all the sacrifices thatcome with.
Yeah, like sometimes, to sayyes to God, you have to say no
to the world.
Exactly, you have to say no toyour friends, to your family, to
your family.
But you know what?
I'm also a believer, a greatbeliever of balance.
(10:33):
I believe that it's God first,family and then your ministry.
But for some, their God istheir ministry and their
ministry has become their God,just because you go to church
and you're preaching and allthis doesn't mean you're
necessarily putting God first.
Putting God first is havingthat genuine relationship, that
(10:53):
prayer life, that devotionallife, being obedient to him.
That's putting God first.
Then it's your family, becauseyour family is your first
ministry.
But I sometimes think that inthe process.
I think that's why there's alot of pastor's kids that leave
church, because they growresentful.
They saw that their parentsmissed birthdays, that they
(11:16):
never took a break, that theynever went on vacation, that
they took food out of theirmouth to give it to that person
in need and they end up puttingministry before their own family
.
And what good is it for me topreach?
And all this and and and?
God has convicted me, you know,and it's something that I'm
working.
I'm trying.
I'm really trying to be abetter husband, I'm really
(11:38):
trying to be a better father,and sometimes I struggle with
that, sometimes I don't know howto do it, sometimes I feel like
I'm failing God in certainareas, because maybe it's the
guilt of the enemy, maybe it's,you know, not necessarily
conviction, but I don't want tobe somebody that's over here
saving a thousand souls but I'mlosing my family.
Oh, yeah, being faithful tochurch is great.
(12:00):
Yeah, being committed is great,but you also have to take those
moments where you take sometime with your family and as you
get older and I'm sure you'regoing to get married eventually,
and soon, right, Sooner thanlater.
I don't know.
Don't put it on the spot.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
I hope so.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
If you're watching, you know who you are.
She's ready.
But it's important because thisis something I admire about my
pastor John.
He, yes, he goes hard for God,like, like I admire him.
He's there at six in themorning with the rest of the
team, like he's setting up justlike we are setting up, but I I
(12:40):
love that he's always at hisson's basketball games.
I love that he's always at hisson's basketball games.
I love that he's always makingtime for his family.
I love that sometimes afterSundays he'll still go out to
the park with his kids.
I love that sometimes, after aheavy week of ministry, I see
them go to California on a trip.
You know, and I think thosethings are necessary, yeah,
(13:03):
because I'm sure you made somesacrifices.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Are there any sacrifices you made as a worship
leader that you say, like man,I regret it?
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Being completely honest, Not necessarily regret
it.
I'm not going to say regret it,because the sacrifices that I'm
referring to is family, likeyou said.
Yeah, is family, like you said.
Yeah, you know, um, I'm theonly one in my family that
really is a hundred percent inthe ministry and with God.
(13:31):
You know so many times like I'mbig in family and my family is
big in getting together and Ihave a lot of nieces and nephews
, you know, and there's alwaysbirthdays, like today there was
a birthday.
I couldn't make it, you know,but oh man, it's OK, don't blame
(13:52):
me.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
I did not tell her to miss the birthday party.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
No, he didn't.
I'm going to be there, eventhough it's late.
She's going to come with a giftcard signed by Elohim podcast
but, um, definitely those areone of the sacrifices not being
able to always be with family,and you know like we always have
so much fun as a family.
You know talking or justanything in general.
(14:18):
We like to go out to the movies, we like to go get some
antojitos or go eat and you knowstuff like that.
Like being on family and manytimes I had to miss out on that.
You know, like 90% of the time,because I tell them you know
what, and they know, like theyknow, that my ministry and my
(14:39):
relationship with God comesfirst.
You know, and, like you said,there's a balance.
Yeah, there's a balance.
You know, because many timesyou know I'm still there's a
balance.
Yeah, there's a balance.
You know, because many timesyou know I'm still there, I
still hang out with them, Istill see my family and and
things like that.
You know, um, but they knowthat, you know I I have to be
there, you know, most of thetime of the of the week.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
You know what is your perspective on secular music?
Because, um, sometimes peoplewill be like, oh, I don't have
any problem with secular music.
I I believe that I can worshipgod in eyes and I can still
listen to um drake, to pesopluma.
Um, what is your perspective onthat?
Speaker 1 (15:21):
oh, I've definitely gotten that question asked to me
before and it's simple, like,because they asked me, like, hey
, like, is this song good?
Like it doesn't say any cusswords, it's about love, and I'm
just like OK, here's thequestion Does it glorify God?
And if it doesn't, then it'ssecular music.
You know, because, like, yes,you can turn a love song into
(15:45):
like your love for God, you know, but the artist, that wasn't
their intention, you know.
So secular music is really hardbecause there's catchy music
out there, like you know, likethe rhythm, especially catchy
TikTok audience.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
But if it doesn't glorify god,if it doesn't bring out the
(16:08):
glory, if you don't feel hispresence through a worship song
or a praise song, you know it'sjust not worth listening to.
And there was a time where Iwas struggling with secular
music, you know.
It was kind of during like highschool and kind of getting out
of high school and until I cameinto like a breaking point.
You know, because secular musicdoesn't bring you anything good
(16:31):
, you know.
It brings you like, let's say,you're listening to a sad song,
you're just gonna get more sad,that's true you're listening to,
um, a song that brings violence, and that's all you're going to
want to do, you know.
So it's like it just doesn'tbring anything good.
You know, and there was thatbreaking point where I realized
that and I deleted all mysecular music.
(16:53):
I deleted all of it and I mademy worship playlist and that's
all I would listen to.
And, yeah, that's.
I had to make that, thatsacrifice, sacrifice.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Yeah, I think that music is super powerful.
Imagine watching a movie andthere's no music I'm just
talking about instrumental music.
Or going to a sporting eventand there's no music.
Or going to a party, right afamily party and there's like no
kids party music.
Music has the power of creatingan atmosphere, of creating an
environment, and when you sayI'm listening to music and I
(17:26):
feel depressed and all that, andif I listen to sad music, I'm
just going to dig a deeper hole.
Yeah, and what people don't knowis that music is the only thing
here that's on earth thatwasn't created on earth.
Music comes from heaven.
Music comes, you know, theydon't know that Lucifer Satan,
he was the most beautifulGeroene right An angelan.
He, he said he was the mostbeautiful gatorween right an
angel, and he said that even his, his wings flapped and they
(17:49):
made music and he orchestratedit and he felt like a fallen
angel and, um, I'm sure that heuses music as a weapon.
I feel like there's music outthere that's, you know, music
that you can use that spiritualwarfare.
There's music that's abouthealing.
There's a.
There's worship music or praisemusic about joy and freedom.
(18:09):
Yes, but in the same way, Iknow that there's people that
are captive to certain thingsbecause they're feeding their
soul music that, subliminally,is keeping them captive yes so
it's just, it's just powerful.
Now the only thing is like the.
The counter argument that maybesomebody can make is well,
you're saying, music thatdoesn't have curse words, music
(18:30):
that doesn't have anything,you're like, well, anything that
doesn't glorify God, youshouldn't listen to it.
But what if somebody says, well, do you go to the movies and
watch movies?
You're like, well, yeah, do youwatch a show on Netflix?
Yeah, do you watch sports thatdoesn't glorify God, but you're
watching it.
So it's a conversation that cango different directions, right.
(18:53):
But I think that's why the wordof God says for all has sinned
and fall short of the glory ofGod.
I think that sometimes, if Godis convicting us of something,
we should follow God'sconviction and follow the Holy
Spirit for our lives and ourfamilies and the people that
were that we lead over, that wepastor over.
But we shouldn't becomeself-righteous and say, oh,
(19:15):
because of them listening tothat, they're going to hell.
Yes, because at the end of theday, if we put ourselves in our
lives before God and God does ascan of our life and examines us
, we'll be at fault.
He'll find something thatdoesn't glorify him, whether
we're watching it, we'respeaking it or we're listening
to it.
What do you think?
Speaker 1 (19:35):
I mean, yeah, but that's the hard part, because
secular music is all around us.
It's all around us.
We can't get away from it.
You, you know, but just as longas that's not like the main or
only thing that you're listeningto.
Yeah, you know, like, don'tmake that song, that music, who
you are, you know, or don't letthe artist influence you in
(19:58):
doing stuff you know that's true.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Yeah, because I mean even sports can be an idol.
Yeah, even I mean I used to bea huge lebron james fan.
I still like it, whatever, butman, I used to know all the
stats of his games how manyrebounds, how many assists, how
many points.
Yeah, I knew the year he gotdrafted, what high school he
went to, all that stuff, right,and sometimes I'll be watching
(20:24):
his highlights and all that andthen like, slowly, god started
convicting me.
Like you're watching all thesehighlights, you're so informed
about basketball, the nba, allthese players, about the
football teams and who's on whatteam and whose record is what.
But how many scriptures are youlearning per year?
Oh, wow, you know, one time Iwas preaching and I asked the
group of youth there I was likelift up your hands.
(20:44):
Have you been been Christianmore than 10 years?
And then a couple raised theirhands Raise your hand if you've
been Christian for 15 years, andsome have been Christian their
whole life.
So they lift up their hand andI said I'll give $20 if somebody
comes up here and says by heart, from their memory, 10 Bible
verses.
And nobody could do it, and itwas like not to embarrass
anybody, but I just use that asa reflector, as a reflection of
(21:06):
look, that's less than one Bibleverse a year, mm hmm, we
memorize what we want tomemorize.
Yeah that's true, you know.
I mean like girls especially.
You know what your man did lastweek.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
I have that memory.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
You know.
So it's it.
Just everything falls intodifferent categories and you
know, the Holy Spirit willconvict us and it's up to us if
we want to listen to him or justkeep living, and I think that's
why people reach differentlevels in their walk with Christ
.
Now to him, or just keep living, and I think that's why people
(21:43):
reach different levels in theirwalk with Christ.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
yeah, now you've been in church for a good time, for
a good while, yes, and you toldme that you were in a
relationship that was abusiveand that was toxic.
From church, from church.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
I met the guy at church he met the man, he met
the guy at church.
You would have thought thatthis person was maybe from the
world, that maybe she met him ata club, maybe she met him at
school, I don't know.
But how was this relationshipand how did what did you
experience and how did Goddeliver you from that
relationship?
Speaker 1 (22:06):
oh, wow, um, so, like I said, this is my first time
ever really speaking about it.
Um, so I'm going to be honestand transparent.
You know what I really wentthrough and how I feel, you know
.
So, like you said, I met thisguy at church, you know, and you
know you get to like somebody.
(22:26):
You're just, you know, you'rejust getting to know them, you
know.
But then it got to, you know,more serious and stuff like that
.
And then a relationship and andit was going good, you know, I
wouldn't really say it was bad,it was going good, you know.
But then there would bearguments and arguments and
arguments until it got to thepoint where he started yelling
(22:48):
at me and you know, it startedbuilding up, so it started off
him yelling at me.
So I was like okay, you know.
And then after that, you know,he started calling me names,
cussing at me, cussing at me andsaying all these names, and
again I was like okay, so I wasletting these things slide yeah
(23:11):
you know.
So I was like OK, whatever, andI wouldn't really yell at him
back or I wouldn't like cuss athim back, because I was just so.
I was like, yeah, I was scared,you know, I didn't know what to
say, I didn't know what to do,until that cussing started to
him touching me.
(23:31):
Wow, you know, the first time,like I couldn't believe it,
because I was like did he reallyput his hands on me?
like he literally hit you yeah,he literally like punched me in
the face.
He punched you in the face.
Yeah, he did.
He punched me in the face, um,you know, only once, but before
(23:52):
that he would like grab me by mywrist really hard and he would
leave bruises on my arm, on mywrist, and he would push me or
he would pull my hair.
You know, until, yeah, it justkept building and building, but
I allowed it because I was justso used to it and I was just
(24:13):
like, ok, Will you try to hidethe bruises and stuff like that?
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
I would.
Would you try to justify it inyour mind?
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Yeah, like I was, it's cause, that's all I knew.
Like in my head, I was thinkinglike, oh, it's fine, you know,
it's fine Cause I didn't reallyknow or I didn't really feel
like love, you know.
Like you know what I mean, likeit was just, it was just hard,
(24:41):
like I don't know necessarily Idon't remember what I was really
thinking.
You know, it was a couple yearsago, but it's still obviously
traumatizing, you know.
And after it kept getting worseand worse, I tried to leave.
I'm like, hey, you know, andafter it kept getting worse and
worse, I tried to leave.
I'm like, hey, you know, that'sit.
You know, like, yeah, this isover with this, I'm done, you
(25:02):
know.
And when I would say that Iwould block him, right, because
I'm like I'm done, and he wouldshow up at my house, wow, he
would show up at my house and hewould end up blowing up my
Facebook on my post because eventhough, like, I blocked him, he
can still comment, and thosecomments were cuss words like
(25:25):
hey, you better unblock me, youbetter do this, you better do
that, or I'm going to do this.
And he wouldn't care what otherpeople would say no, and other
people would see, like my youthyouth leader, my youth pastor,
saw it, you know, and shebrought it up to me and I was
like, oh yeah, you whatever,brush it off.
You know, I would try to lie toher and like, you know, like,
(25:46):
try to hide it.
And so he would just show up.
And there was just this onetime, um, we had an argument and
we were home alone.
Well, I was home alone and hewas over my house, you know, and
we got into an argument andthen he started cussing at me
and he walked out.
(26:07):
Yeah, so I was like OK, and Ilocked the door and I went into
my room, because every time hewould cuss at me, every time he
would call me a name, I wouldcry, like it would hurt me, it
would trigger you.
Yeah, so when I locked the door,I went into my room and I even
locked my room door as well andI started crying and I started
(26:28):
calling out to God and I'm justlike God, like why are you
allowing this to happen?
Like I don't get it, like I'min church, I'm serving you 100%.
You know, I met this guy atchurch.
Like why are you allowing thesethings, you know, and I would
pray, and I would pray.
And at the time, that samemoment, he I don't know how he
(26:49):
was able to break into my house.
He broke into your house, yes,like the door.
Know how he was able to breakinto my house.
He broke into your house.
Yes, like the door was lockedand he was able to still get in
and he was outside of my roomdoor knocking telling me to open
and I was like like I couldn'tbelieve it and I was so scared.
(27:09):
I was scared because I'm likeI'm home alone, like what is he
going to do?
You know, like I'm home alone,like what is he going to do.
You know, like I was so scaredand and it was just really hard
for me to get out of that andnot a lot of people knew I.
If you've ever been in in anabusive relationship, you know
(27:31):
that it's hard to open up tosomebody and tell them, hey,
this is what's going on.
You're's hard to open up tosomebody and tell them, hey,
this is what's going on.
You're not going to open up tosomebody and tell them what
you're going through untilyou're really ready and that's
why people didn't know, you know.
And until this day, um, until Itold you know I, I told some
(27:52):
leaders, I've told some friendsof mine, hey, this is what I
went, you know, I told someleaders, I told some friends of
mine, hey, this is what I wentthrough, you know.
But mainly, my main source, mymentor.
My best friend at the time wasJesus.
You know, every time somethingwould happen, I would run to God
.
I'd run to God.
Like Jesus, help me.
Like what am I supposed?
Speaker 2 (28:11):
to do and in that process, like, how was your
self-esteem?
Because you just shared someintense things like being
punched in the face.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
By a guy.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
By a guy.
It was horrible.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Like I remember that same night I was trying to eat
and I couldn't like chew becauseit hurt, like it was bad.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
And your parents didn't know this?
No, it was your parents didn'tknow this.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
No, like my mom knew that he would speak to me bad,
because she heard one time wewere arguing he called me the B
word and he walked out and she'slike, don't let him talk to you
like that.
And I'm like, ok, but that's it.
You know I would still allow itto happen.
So you know, I was just scaredto really reach out for help.
(28:55):
You know, for somebody humanlike my mom, like my mom, my
best friend, you know I tell hereverything.
But at the time I just couldn'ttell anybody.
You know, it was just alwaysstraight to Jesus Like God, help
me.
I would pray and I would likeGod like, help me, you know.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
Like help me, get out of this were you scared to
share what was going on withsomebody because you were I
don't know, maybe a combinationof things, but maybe embarrassed
or scared for your life orafraid to get him in trouble.
What was the?
The reason why?
I know you shared a little bitright now that it's not so easy
to just trust anybody, but what?
Speaker 1 (29:41):
were the combination of emotions that you were
feeling that made you kind ofkeep it under the rug.
It was definitely fear, likewhat is he going to do, you know
, because there's many storiesout there where abusive
relationships end up in death,wow, you know, and I was like I
don't want to be that, I don'twant to be six feet under
(30:02):
because I allowed somebody totreat me bad.
You know, like what are my,what are my parents going to say
, you know?
And I was living in fear and Iremember this one time, uh, when
he finally, when he finallysorry, when he finally like left
me alone, like he wouldn'tbother me.
I remember this one time I wasdriving home and I was pulling
up to my house and I rememberseeing a car parked outside that
(30:27):
looked like his.
Wow, and I was so scared, youwere shook.
Yes, I was so scared, I evendrove around like once, because
I'm like what am I going to do,what am I going to do, do?
Speaker 2 (30:36):
but I was traumatized , you're like anxious and like
anxiety attack.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Yes, because I'm like what's going, what's gonna
happen?
Man, that's how traumatized andscared I was, and it wasn't
even him like you werelegitimately scared for your
life.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
Yes, like you felt trapped.
You felt like there was no wayout.
You were scared for your life.
Your self-esteem was probablylow.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Yeah, I was I like.
I said, I was like this is whatI deserve.
That's kind of what I toldmyself.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
That's what you would think.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Yes, that's what I would think, like this is what I
deserve.
Like I don't deserve love, Idon't deserve somebody to treat
me good.
You know cause I didn't knowwhat it felt like.
You know, that's all I knew.
That's all I knew to be in atoxic relationship, abusive
relationship.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
And did you ever think of like hurting yourself
because you were such in a badplace?
Speaker 1 (31:26):
Um, yes and no.
Um, it wasn't so extreme, Iwouldn't say, because, yes, of
course, I thought about, likewhat if I take my life away?
But I wouldn't really act on itobviously, you know, but that
wasn't really a big thing in myLike a big option.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
Yes, thank God, you know, so you're.
You're in this place ofuncertainty, of fear, feeling
trapped, feeling hopeless,essentially getting hurt
physically and emotionally.
How did God deliver you fromthe situation?
Speaker 1 (32:06):
he left me.
He just stopped bothering me,just one day to another just
like that yeah just one day toanother.
So I was just just so.
I was just like okay, praiseGod.
Yeah, I was like okay, like man, thank God, you know, like
thank God, because I was livingin fear, you know, I was scared
and I was, I just didn't knowwhat to do, until, you know, he
(32:30):
finally just disappeared.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
So I was like okay, god, okay, god, like this was
your time what do you tell thatyoung lady that maybe right now
is listening to this, goingthrough the same exact thing you
are, has low self-esteem, feelslike she deserves what she's
getting and she has noself-worth.
And you're making a tiktokright.
What would you tell her rightnow?
Speaker 1 (32:56):
I would definitely say I know.
I mean, I've been through it.
You know it's not easy to justgo up to your mom or anybody
that you're close with and tellthem what's happening.
You know it's not easy becauseI wasn't able to do it.
You know.
But definitely go to God.
You know he's going to take youout of that situation at the
right it.
(33:16):
You know, but definitely go toGod.
You know he's going to take youout of that situation at the
right time.
You know, but you can't do itin your own strength.
You know you can't do it inyour own strength.
You need God, like you need Godto help you get out of that
situation.
You know, and he's going to doit.
He's going to do it, um, but Ijust want to tell those, those
girls, those ladies and men too,because men can go through it
(33:38):
you know that that you're worthyof love, you're worthy of
getting treated good and it'sgoing to, it's going to get to
you, you know, becauseeventually you know that that
right person, that that yourperson is going to come.
You know, but you, you can'tallow these things to happen
(33:59):
because it's just not going tocome.
You know you're.
Yes, you know, like, like Isaid, it's hard, take your time,
not necessarily take your time,but you know, choose wisely the
the time that you spend.
You know, like, are you therecrying?
Are you there?
(34:19):
You know, I don't know tryingto seek revenge?
You know, but instead go to Godbecause he's the only person
that can take you out.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
Before that relationship was there any like
red flags that you sawbeforehand that you ignore?
That if you would have paidattention to, would have
prevented all of this to happenum, yeah, definitely I think one
would be.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Um, I mean, of course , I met his family.
You know, I was able to bearound his family and one thing
that I saw is how his dad wouldtreat his mom and I think him
growing up and seeing that hethinks that it's okay for him to
do it too, you know, and I feellike that's where he got it
from.
You know, learn behavior?
Speaker 2 (35:03):
yes, exactly that's their social determinants of
health yeah, that's.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
That's one of the red flags, um, but definitely
another one would be if he's.
If you're in a relationship andyour significant other is
yelling at you and it leads tocussing at you, it just starts
to build up from there.
You know it starts to build upfrom there and you have to put a
stop to it before it gets worsedid you ever get any spiritual
(35:32):
warnings from any spiritualleader in your life that says
you shouldn't get into thisrelationship?
hmm, no, no, no, because I was,um, I was bare, not barely going
to church, but I was barelygetting to know my leaders and
(35:52):
stuff like that.
They didn't really know me andthey didn't really know him.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
Got it so yeah you told me that you work in like
the mental health field as abehavioral coach, so you work
with at-risk youth.
You work with different.
You know kids and youth thatare going through things.
Yeah, how has your faith andyour personal experiences helped
you show the love and theattention to these children?
Speaker 1 (36:19):
um, well, there's a lot.
Um first, sadly, I'm not reallyable to share God with them.
That's one of the policies, orwhat do you call it?
like uh, rules yeah you know, um, but it it depends, because
there was this one time, it waslike a year ago this girl, her
(36:41):
mom, uh, was you know, and shewas asking, you know, the
managers, you know like, hey, isit possible if she's able to go
to a church?
And they knew that I go tochurch, you know, and I was able
to, like, bring her to church.
I was actually like two times.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
So you were actually able to bring her to church.
Speaker 1 (37:06):
Yeah, I was actually able to bring her.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
Got the green light from work.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Yeah, I was clocked in at church.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
I was like I'm getting paid to do the Lord's
will.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
Yeah, but I love that job.
It definitely has its ups anddowns, but there is this one
time where you know these kidshave gone through a lot.
They struggle through mentalproblems, they struggle a lot at
home, they struggle with a lot,you know, because many of these
(37:38):
kids they come back or they'recoming from a mental hospital
and every little thing willtrigger them yeah you know, if
you say no to them, if you sayno, we're doing this or no, you
can't do that.
And there was this one time Ihad this kid, um, I think, oh,
(38:00):
his mom had called me and shewas like, hey, do not allow him
to go to the library, because wego to the library and they play
video games, you know.
And she was like don't allowhim to go and go play video
games.
And at the time he was askingme like hey, can we go to the
library?
I want to go play video games.
And I was like no, like sadly,like no, I'm sorry, we can't.
(38:22):
And he got triggered.
He got so triggered and it wasout of control I had to call the
cops.
Um, yeah, so we have an officebut it's locked up.
You have to put a key right andin there we have all of our
sharp items, like our knives andforks and stuff like that.
(38:43):
So it was locked and I wasthere in the kitchen at the time
and he was kind of going, likehe was going into.
Um, he was, I feel like he waskind of like bipolar, you know,
it's like he remembered, heremembered and he got mad cause
he wasn't going to, but then hewould calm down and then he
would go back to it.
You know so he would it was aroller coaster, yeah, so he
(39:06):
would tell me like, like, like,come on, like I really want to
go, and I'm like no, like I'msorry.
So then I don't know where, hejust like throws, like he gets
up and he throws his chair inthe kitchen and I was like, okay
, I'm gonna keep my distance,you know.
And then he started likearguing with the other kids,
(39:27):
like cussing at them and likealmost getting physical, getting
in their face, you know.
And I was like, okay, this guyis getting aggressive, you know.
And at the time he was eatingnoodles and he had a fork.
So I was like, okay, I'm goingto take this away.
I'm going to take it awaybecause I don't know what's
gonna happen.
And he got so mad he's, he waslike give me my noodles.
(39:49):
He started yelling at me and Iwas all like I took it away
because, um, he was using a fork.
Yeah, you know, that'sdangerous.
So I took it away and I waslike no, like you can't have it.
Like no, no, like I'm sorry,you know.
And he was going crazy andthrowing stuff and like walking
(40:10):
back and forth and stuff likethat.
And I was just waiting for himto calm down, you know.
But then he got to the pointwhere he looked at me and he is
all like I'm going to kill you.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
Man.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
And I was like what?
You're freaked?
Speaker 2 (40:25):
out man and I was like what You're freaked?
Speaker 1 (40:26):
out.
Yes, and that's when he startedcoming towards me and we were
kind of going like back andforth in the table, you know,
because obviously I didn't wanthim to get close to me, you know
, and he couldn't get to me.
So then he grabbed a pan fromthe, from the kitchen, and he
tried to go into the office andhe was trying to break in and he
(40:46):
was trying to go in to get aknife.
Speaker 2 (40:49):
Man to get and attack you.
Speaker 1 (40:53):
That's tough, but he wasn't able to.
But he got even more madbecause he wasn't able to.
Speaker 2 (41:01):
That's a tough job.
People don't understand Workingwith these young adults well,
not young adults, but theseteens and all that stuff.
Like you said, they do comefrom broken families.
They come.
Sometimes the parents are doingdrugs or some parents are in
jail and the grandma's raisingthem.
So they lack a lot of support,they lack a lot of guidance,
they lack a lot of love in theirlife.
(41:22):
So then they come and they meetyou and they're just resistant
to any type of you knowdiscipline or order in their
life.
And the best way that I approachsituations like this because I
worked with kids from grouphomes as well was, even though I
can't necessarily preach tothem about Jesus and stuff like
that, when they're in my car andI'm transporting them somewhere
(41:44):
, we're not going to listen totheir music, we're going to
listen to worship.
And then there was a song fromElevation, maverick City,
brandon Lake, talking to Jesus.
I don't know if you've everheard that song, but I had one
of the kids from a group homeand he would listen to that song
and then he started singingalong and he actually had a
voice.
I'm like, oh my God to thatsong.
(42:04):
And then he started singingalong and he actually had a
voice.
I'm like, oh my god, and he waslike talking to jesus.
So it was um, me planting seeds, yes, and then also, sometimes
you may not be able to preachbible verses or with the bible
whatever, but you can definitelypreach with your life.
Yeah, you can show them love,you can show them what patience
looks like, what it looks to beand have self-control, what it
(42:28):
looks like to give unconditionallove.
So I've invested like I wouldbuy them something.
I'll buy them a drink, I'll buythem this, I'll buy them that,
yeah, and I'll break thebarriers because I can't just go
in there like a drill sergeantand just, you know, expect them
to listen to me and followdirections I had before I can
correct.
You know, expect them to listento me and follow directions I
had before I can correct.
I need to connect.
That's true, and you knowthat's a world out there that is
(42:50):
lost, that's broken.
Broken families hurt people,hurt people, and we're having a
society that is godless andlawless and and there's no more
Jesus at the center of families.
Before there there wasgovernment, before there was
schools, there was aninstitution called family.
Adam and Eve came and abled thefirst family, the first
(43:13):
foundation, and when that isbroken apart and we have a bunch
of families that are broken,then we have a broken society.
Yes, and the only one that canmend things together and
transform your life is Jesus.
Amen.
Even if you're in an abusiverelationship, even if you don't
have both parents, even if youcome from a family that's
dysfunctional and your parentshave divorced, and maybe you
(43:35):
have a stepfather and astepmother, god can do something
new with your life.
You can break the cycles, youcan break the bondages.
You can write a new story, abetter story.
And just because right now inyour story you're going through
a bad season, that's just achapter.
You gotta turn the page.
That's just a chapter in yourstory and your story has a
(43:55):
brighter future.
I know it's tough being theonly one in your family.
Maybe that serves God like that.
Yes, you said you grew upCatholic, but I know that God
has a plan for your life.
I know that the sacrifices thatyou're making are not in vain.
Your pain is not in vain.
In the future, some way,somehow, more than a worship
leader and a singer, I believethat God is going to use you to
(44:18):
preach, to preach the word ofGod, amen.
I believe that God is going toopen the doors.
I know there is God's spiritwithin you.
I believe that God is going toopen the doors.
I know there is God's spiritwithin you.
I know you made sacrifices.
I know you said no to the world, but you've said yes to God.
I know that he can impregnateyou with a ministry that will go
(44:38):
way beyond your physical andnatural capabilities.
We do the natural, god does thesupernatural.
We do the physical and Godcapabilities.
We do the natural, god does thesupernatural.
Yes, we do the physical and goddoes the spiritual.
And even though man may notbelieve it maybe they only see
the physical part god does notsee the appearance, like man see
the appearance.
God looks at the heart.
Yes, and what you have, morethan than than looks, or maybe
(45:02):
more than than talent, thanlooks, or maybe more than talent
, what you have inside of you isa heart and a heart that wants
to please the Lord.
Speaker 1 (45:12):
Yes, definitely.
Speaker 2 (45:13):
And that's what he's looking for.
He's not looking for quality ofsound, he's looking for quality
of heart.
Speaker 1 (45:18):
If you're serving God and you're the only one in your
family, definitely keep going.
You know it's hard, it's asacrifice, you know, because
that's what, that's what I'mgoing through.
You know, being the only onethat really serves God a hundred
percent is hard, but I know atthe end of the day it's going to
(45:39):
be, you know, worth it.
You know, because it's reallyhard Many times, many times,
people, you know, grow up withtheir parents being christian,
like, oh, let me go to myparents so they can pray for me.
You know, I didn't have that, Ididn't have that and it's not to
like, maybe talk bad about them.
You know, because they'rethey're.
(46:01):
They go through their own stuff, they're going through a
process and I know, you know,one day they'll fully commit.
You know.
But, and I always say this, soif you didn't know, like, my
parents aren't together, they'renot together.
My dad has his own family andstuff like that, and so,
(46:21):
technically, the head of thehousehold is my mom.
You know, so, technically, thehead of the household is my mom,
wow, you know.
And I always say this.
But like, I tell her like, yes,you're the head of household,
but spiritually it's me, wow,because I'm the one that stays
up late at night, praying foreverybody, yeah, praying for you
guys.
I'm the one that's taking allthe hits.
Speaker 2 (46:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:41):
Because I'm the one that God is using, I'm the
vessel and I'm the one that thedevil is going after.
Why?
Because I'm fully committed toGod, you know, and it's it's
really hard, but I'm still hereby the grace of God.
You know.
I definitely know that God hasbigger plans.
(47:02):
You know, god is definitelygoing to use this testimony to
speak to others, but definitelyif you're in the same position,
you know, just keep going.
You know, because if you giveup, then the whole family is
just going to fall.
Wow, you know, because there'snobody sustaining it.
(47:23):
You know, through God, ofcourse, you know, because it's
through God, but there's noprayer, there's no commitment,
you know, and it's hard, and I'mstill praying, you know, for
the rest of my family, you know,and I feel like many times, for
example, like when it'sholidays, thanksgiving,
(47:46):
christmas hey can somebody, ornot, hey can somebody.
But like, hey, janet, can youpray?
It's always hey, janet, can youpray?
There's a problem, there's asituation, there's a sickness in
the family.
Hey, janet, hey janet, heyjanet.
And I'm just like of course I'mgonna.
You know, of course it's myfamily, I'm going to, I'm going
(48:07):
to pray for them, you know, butit's hard, because I can't be
the only one because then theyget their, their prayer answered
and then they forget about God.
Right, and it's just like itdoesn't work like that.
You know it doesn't work likethat and it's just, it's just
hard.
Speaker 2 (48:27):
But well, I admire your resilience.
I admire that, even thoughyou're the only one, and just
like there's other youth outthere, that you know young
adults or just people in ingeneral that they're the only
ones serving God.
They didn't have parents topush them, they they didn't grow
up in that environment, but yetthey have decided to follow
Jesus and they're going to havea great reward up in heaven and
(48:52):
God is going to bless them hereon earth.
And even though you're pullingthe weight right now, and even
though you're pushing, andsometimes you know like, why am
I always have to be the onepraying?
Even before we started thispodcast, I was like, hey, today
can we pray?
But you know God is going tobless you with a family and
you're going to change thenarrative.
Yes, where it's not just goingto be you anymore.
(49:13):
Just be wise in the Lord.
Just, you know, keep your handto the plow and just keep
pushing through.
I know it probably was hard tohave parents that divorced I
know that's not easy or parentsthat never got together.
I've been there.
I felt that where.
You know, I grew up in a homeand both my parents served the
Lord and they were leaders inthe church and unfortunately,
(49:35):
due to different circumstances,they get divorced, and it just
changes everything.
But you know, in the middle ofmy loneliness, in the middle of
my depression or my heartbreak,god never left me.
He's my rock, my fortress andmy deliverer, in whom I take
refuge.
(49:56):
And even if your mother and yourfather abandon you, the Lord
will receive you.
So God has always been therefor you, jeanette, yes,
definitely, and just know thathis hand is upon your life and
is upon all of you guys that aremaking the decision to serve
God.
Don't give up, yes, do not stopdoing what's good, because at
his right time, you will reap aharvest if you don't give up.
(50:18):
And no, your story is, you know, inspirational.
I see that you're sharing allthese things that are very
heartbreaking, that areemotional, that the normal
person would have cried or youcan just tell, but I can see
that God has healed you and donesome amazing stuff in your life
(50:41):
, because you're sharing thesethings not from a wound but from
a scar yes definitely.
Yes, you can kind of feel sometype of weight, but you're not
long.
You're no longer breaking down,you're no longer like a mess.
You know a disaster of it,because I'm sure you've been
through that season where it wasjust a touchy subject, a tender
(51:05):
area in your life.
But now you're able to share it, and you share it because it's
something you know sensitive.
But you're no longer sharing itfrom a wound, you're sharing it
from a scar and that means Godhas done something in your life.
Speaker 1 (51:20):
And it's definitely a process and I tell a lot of
people, you know, like, yes, godcan use you and you know, if
you tell him God, I'm a vessel,he's going to make you go
through things.
You know, and he allowed thesethings to happen and even though
at the time I'm questioning,like God, why would you allow
this?
You know, and my pastor told meonce that this, my pastor has
(51:45):
told me this thing that hasalways stuck to me.
And he said let's say that yourlife is perfect.
Let's say you have no problems,no financial problems, no
family problems, nothing likeyou're happy, you're good.
He said and would you reallyneed God?
Speaker 2 (52:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (52:04):
Would you need God If everything's going perfect?
Are you going to think aboutGod?
You know, and sometimes thesethings have to happen for you to
realize that you know God'sthere.
God is going to use this as atestimony.
You know he's going to use youto help other people that went
through the same thing that youdid.
(52:24):
You know, so that that hasalways stuck to me.
Speaker 2 (52:28):
You know because and life is gonna be boring like.
Imagine everything was perfectin your life.
How boring would life beexactly?
like you need some type ofstress.
I saw this video that like somegirl but this is not the right
message but she was like I wanttoxic, like message those girls
I know this is like straight outof the ballpark, but it just
(52:49):
that's not the right message butlike life without problems,
like everything's perfect, likeis there really a sense of
purpose?
You know, and that's true,sometimes, when our pockets get
full, our faith gets empty andwe need God, we need to put our
trust in God and you know, aslong as we're here on this earth
, we'll continue to serve him,we'll continue to have faith in
(53:11):
him.
Yes, and you know what yourtest will bring a testimony.
You know, and there's a greatpurpose behind your pain.
Yes, and nothing is in vain.
Exactly Mic drop, that's it invain.
Exactly Mic drop, that's it,that's it.
Well, jeanette, thank you somuch.
You shared so many differentthings you shared about you know
(53:31):
your, your decision tosacrifice everything for God.
You know, as a worship leader,as just a person that wants to
serve God, about your process onTikTok and social media and
wanting to glorify the Lord.
Also your process of being in atoxic relationship.
Also how God has being in atoxic relationship, also how God
has used you at work or thethings that you've gone through,
and also you know your, yourissues with your family and you
(53:53):
know what God has done andcarrying that weight.
But you know, just know, thatGod is with you, amen, Thank you
.
Thank you for watching anotherepisode of Elohim podcast, a
podcast about real life issuesfrom a biblical perspective.
Stay tuned for the next episode, elohim Podcast.
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