October 24, 2023 • 27 mins
Looking fear straight in the eyes and choosing the path less traveled - that's the theme of this episode of Emancipation Nation. We uncover how fear, an emotion we're all too familiar with, can often serve as the chains that hold us back from reaching our full potential, our real dreams. Through personal anecdotes and stories of how successful individuals faced their fears and emerged victorious, we cast a spotlight on the idea that success isn’t always about wealth, but could be about personal growth, relationships or just reaching a goal.
As a host, I delve into my own journey of overcoming fear, from moving mountains to ensure my daughter gets the Montessori education she deserves, to getting accepted into Case Western for my Masters degree, and eventually pursuing a PhD. The episode also underscores the importance of self-care as a catalyst to not just nourish ourselves, but also to keep our fears at bay and enhance our lives. In essence, this episode is a call to action to embrace the unknown, challenge self-limiting beliefs and march forward towards your dreams. So, let's not just exist, but start living our dreams.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
You know the why human trafficking work is needed
To fight for the freedom ofmodern day slaves.
But love, passion, commitmentisn't all you need to be an
effective and successfulanti-trafficking advocate.
Learn the how.
I'm Dr Celia Williamson,director of the Human
Trafficking and Social JusticeInstitute at the University of
(00:23):
Toledo.
Welcome to the EmancipationNation podcast, where I'll
provide you with the latest andbest methods, policy and
practice, discussed byexperienced experts in the field
, so that you can cut throughthe noise, save time and be
about the work of saving lives.
Welcome to the EmancipationNation.
This is episode 196.
(00:44):
And today I am solo.
Hey, it is October 23rd, this isthe day I'm recording this, and
Halloween is right around thecorner.
So I want to talk about thescariest thing, your scariest
(01:06):
thing.
Ooh, that's fear itself.
So many people say there's onlytwo emotions I've talked about
this before love and fear, andall the other emotions really
fit under one of those twoJealousy, fear, anger, fear,
(01:30):
resentment, fear, right Courage,love, stick to it, follow
through love.
All of these characteristicseither fall under love or fear.
So we're talking about fearbecause Halloween's around the
corner, and it's really not.
(01:50):
It's much less about theboogeyman and the scary movies
and the spooky houses that youtour.
Let's talk about what's reallyscary, and that is change, and
that is living your dreams,being your full self, not your
(02:15):
diet self, not the one who showsup and pretends that they enjoy
their life, their job, theirrelationship, but the real you,
the you who wants to experiencejoy, the you that is so afraid.
(02:38):
Sometimes we don't even knowwhat our hopes and dreams are
anymore, because we've been sointimidated, so afraid to even
speak it out loud, for fear thatpeople will ridicule us and say
absolutely, you can't do that,are you crazy?
(03:00):
So fear helps us push down ourhopes and our dreams.
But in this Halloween season,I'd like you to maybe dust off
your, your hopes and your dreams.
(03:20):
And, by the way, hopes anddreams are figments of our
imagination, right?
Until we put a plan in place,do our hopes and dreams become
real?
So I know you've been sayingeven some of you, who even
(03:43):
acknowledge your dreams, saywell, I'm not going to put a
plan in place because it's nottime yet.
I'm going to wait.
No, I'm going to wait for mykids to get a little older.
I'm going to wait for, you know, the house to get paid off.
I'm going to wait for you knowthis, this job, I think I can
work another year, right,because it's ultimately the fear
(04:10):
of the unknown that's thegreatest fear.
So there's a story about agladiator and he's getting ready
to go out onto the field andfight the lion.
Right, glad gladiators too.
And they say, look, behind thisdoor is the lion.
(04:34):
You know the fear, you know theterror behind this door, over
here, behind this door.
We're not going to tell youwhat it is, but there are
unknown terrors behind that door.
Which door do you think thegladiator chose?
(04:58):
Right, the door to the unknown,with unknown tears, or the one
that's known, because sometimespeople say, stay with the devil,
you know, right, but behind theother door of the unknown was
(05:24):
freedom.
So don't wait until you nolonger feel afraid, because that
day may never come.
People don't change with time,they change by choice.
(05:44):
So this Halloween season willyou face your fears and change
by choice the whole analogy.
In the US, anyway, halloween,right, you are afraid.
(06:08):
You kind of watch scary movies,you go to spooky houses and you
also eat candy.
So it's sort of saying to youthat when you face scary things,
oftentimes it's their sweetnesson the other end.
So let's think about, let'schallenge these self-limiting
(06:37):
beliefs and don't think thatyour life has to be set in a way
that's so charmed that it istime now, right, because all of
us have real lives.
When you go up and you asksomebody you know, tell me how
(06:59):
you made it to this, tell me howyou have that great
relationship for 30 years, howdo you do it?
They'll tell you the real.
I mean R-E-E-L.
They'll give you the snapshotof all the highlights and the
good times and they tend togloss over.
(07:20):
You know, it's really difficultin the beginning, but then, as
we learned, well, they don'ttell you the details of the
difficulty.
Tell me how you got this far inyour education.
My God, that seems incrediblyhard.
They tell you well, I studied,I know I had a plan and I put.
(07:47):
You know.
They tell you the real, theR-E-E-L, the highlights, as if
they knew each step in theprocess to become successful,
whether it was successful as aparent or as any parent who
tells you the real deal, theR-E-A-L deal.
They'll tell you look, I reallydidn't know what the hell I was
(08:12):
doing.
That's the real R-E-A-L.
Even when they had the secondkid they're like well, now I
know what I'm doing.
But that kid is very, verydifferent from the first kid.
What worked for the first kidisn't necessarily going to work
for the second kid.
So parents often are learningand in flux and if they produced
(08:36):
great, successful, kindchildren, they had a little help
, maybe in the universe, to doso.
Some parents who do everythingexactly right, exactly perfect,
kids grow up with differentpersonalities.
Kids grow up with mental healthissues.
(08:58):
Kids grow up ADHD.
Kids grow up with a propensitytoward drugs.
So when you ask them, they willtell you that real, the R-E-E-L
.
When you ask a PhD, when you askan executive director of a
(09:18):
corporation, when you ask aboutsomebody who has a great
relationship, they'll tell youthe R-E-E-L.
You have to realize thatthey're telling you, they're
glossing over and giving you thehighlights.
They're skipping the realR-E-E-L of the struggles.
(09:41):
So you can't take thatinformation and say, well, look,
they had a charmed life, theyfollowed the straight path and
that's why they were successful.
I don't have a charmed life, Icurrently struggle and my path
has not been anything butstraight.
(10:01):
You'll find out that manypeople who are successful
whatever you determine successdid not follow a straight path
and many times struggled andmany times lost their way on the
path.
And if you have that type ofrelationship with them, ask them
(10:21):
about those times, because theywill then become very genuine
and authentic to you and youwill think, oh okay, maybe I
could do what I set out to do,my dream, maybe I could put the
(10:43):
plans in place to be successful.
And success doesn't always meanmoney.
Somebody can work 12, 14, 16hours a day, become wealthy and
be very rich in money but bevery poor in their relationships
(11:03):
with their partner, with theirchildren, with their family.
So maybe your success is withfamily, maybe your success is
with children, maybe yoursuccess is in relationship,
maybe your success is in yourjob, but maybe you want to be
successful in your relationshipwith your children and in your
(11:26):
job and good to yourself.
It's possible.
So let me tell you about acouple of fears that I faced.
Hey, before we continue theepisode, I want to let you know
of three courses.
I offer effective casemanagement with human
trafficking survivors, the TNTsurvivor journey groups and the
(11:48):
best life human traffickingprevention course for girls that
are at risk.
Raising awareness around humantrafficking is a great start
Hanging up flyers, havingfundraisers, doing human
trafficking presentations, oreven joining an anti-trafficking
coalition or commission orstudent group, but it simply
isn't enough.
If you or your group aren'ttouching the lives of survivors
(12:12):
or those at risk, and meaningful, in healing ways, you're
missing a critical component.
I want you to get back to thereasons you joined the
anti-trafficking fight in thefirst place, the reason you
joined that coalition or thatcommission or that student group
.
You wanted to make a difference, but maybe you didn't know
(12:34):
exactly what to do and sopresentations seem doable.
Why?
Because you had the knowledgeand skills to do it.
Well, if you're really ready toget directly involved and help
change the lives of others forthe better, then this is an
important message for you.
I have almost 30 yearsexperience working with
(12:55):
survivors and studying the issue, and I'm circling back to help
you become effective andconfident in your ability to
work with survivors ofcommercial sexual violence.
I wrote a few books, developedsome courses that would love to
train you on how to be involveddirectly.
Just go to my website, celiaWilliamsoncom, and check out my
(13:18):
webinars.
Learn a little more about howyou can become knowledgeable and
skilled to actually work withsurvivors using my
trauma-informed courses.
And now on with the podcast, mymain fear was the fear of
(13:42):
success, the fear of happinessand joy.
You know, I grew up in a family.
It's like my mother used to sayall the time, you know, laugh
all day, you'll cry at night.
So I always had the fear thatyou know the other shoe is gonna
drop If I get too happy,something's gonna happen and
(14:03):
it's gonna be bad.
And so once I learned to stoptelling myself no, that's when
my life took off.
I promise you, that's when ittook off.
I no longer believe becauseI've seen the evidence of no
(14:28):
longer telling myself no.
I will not tell myself no.
If I want it and if I'm willingto put the work in the sweat,
in the savings, in whatever thesacrifice, in, I will not tell
myself no, I will go for it.
(14:49):
I will quiet that fear and Iwill go for it.
Let me tell you, I had a babyliving in the North side of
Toledo, high crime area andpoverty.
I, you know, had received foodstamps.
(15:09):
I received wickets, women,infants and children where they
give you the milk and the cheeseand all the things back in the
day.
Now they give you a card thatyou can take to the store, but
back in the day they used todeliver your milk and your
cheese and that sort of thing.
And you know I was living in ahouse and I literally put pots
(15:31):
and pans down to catch the waterfrom the roof leaking.
It was a mess.
It was a mess and I got a joband I was working as a part-time
social worker, so you canimagine what I'm getting paid
right.
And at this community centerwhere I was working, the
(15:52):
secretary's daughter, she had ababy.
It's same age as my child andyou know, a couple years went by
and her little girl was goingto Montessori and I said what is
Montessori?
And then I read about it and Ilearned about social emotional
learning and it's greateducation.
And I looked up the school thather daughter sent was sending
(16:18):
her child to and me, and thetuition was like $6,000 a year
Now my daughter's 34.
This was back in the day mydaughter was three $6,000 a year
.
I mean, what could you beteaching a three-year-old Right
that it's 6,000.
And man, I wanted my daughter tohave that education and the
(16:41):
secretary said well, I'll justask my daughter to set up a
meeting with the director ofsome of the program.
Maybe you could ask her, youcould find out if they have any
scholarships.
And I thought, oh my God, who?
Like?
No, I couldn't possibly.
And I said to myself this isn'tfor you, this is for your
(17:02):
daughter.
And that's how, sometimes,that's how we can get past.
Our fear is we can think okay,I will have the courage for my
child.
I mean, sometimes we will dothings for our children, we will
have the strength of 10 men ifit's for our children.
So I did.
(17:22):
I went out there and I talked toher and I said man, this is a
fabulous education.
I can't afford it.
I'm a social worker, I'm apart-time social worker.
I want to change the world, butunfortunately they don't pay
social workers much.
And she said you know what?
I'll give you the first everpart-time scholarship, your
(17:43):
daughter.
Just come, just come for free.
And I said, wow, that's amazing.
Like, thank you so much.
And you know I am going to bemoving to full-time, so I'm
gonna need a full-timescholarship.
I can't believe it came out ofmy mouth, but I said it.
And she said well, you knowwhat?
(18:06):
I need somebody to clean theschool.
If you will come and clean theschool after hours, no one will
know.
I'll give you the key.
I'll allow your daughter tocome for free.
My daughter attended MontessoriEducation for three years.
(18:27):
I called in the village.
My mother came and helped cleanthe school in the evenings.
My sister, my nephew and wecleaned that school and that was
probably one of the most noblejobs that I've had cleaning
toilets, cleaning toys, runningthe vacuum.
(18:48):
But because I didn't tellmyself no, this all happened.
My daughter was learningSpanish at three years old.
I graduated with my bachelor'sdegree.
I had a overall cumulativegrade point average of 2.79.
(19:08):
That's about a C.
That was not the stellarbachelor degree student.
But at that time I was also inan abusive relationship and so a
lot of my emotional energy,intellectual energy was going
(19:32):
out to keep myself safe, to hidefrom everybody else what was
really happening in my home.
And so I graduated 2.79.
But I wanted to pursue mymaster's degree at Case Western.
No doubt Case Western is oftenone of the top 10 schools in the
country for social work andthat's where I wanted to go.
(19:54):
But I knew to even apply to amediocre school.
I mean you need at least a 2.8.
I think I had a 2.6999.
Actually I think you needed a2.7 to even go to like a
mediocre school.
(20:15):
So I decided I'm not going totell myself no, I'm going to
allow them to tell me no.
And I applied and I spent a lotof time on my personal
statement.
I tried to sell myself as bestas possible and I got a call and
(20:39):
they said well, you're not in,but we will interview you and
we'll make our decisions.
So I live in Toledo, ohio.
I had to drive to Clevelandwhere Case Western was located,
and I borrowed my sister's carbecause you know who has a car
that can get that far.
(20:59):
At that time my mother wentwith me.
I was 45 minutes late for thatinterview with a $80 speeding
ticket.
I went to the door and I saidI'm Sylvia Williamson, I'm so
(21:21):
sorry I'm late To which.
He was reading the newspaperand he put the newspaper down a
bit so we could see each other.
And he said yes, you are.
And he put the newspaper backup and kept on reading.
That was it.
That was my opportunity lost.
(21:46):
I stood there in the doorway andI thought, god, just walk away
Because you have humiliated andembarrassed yourself enough.
But then that thought came backinto my head Wait a minute, you
don't tell yourself no, youallow them to tell you no,
remember.
(22:06):
So my feet started walkingtoward him and my brain is
saying oh my God, what are youdoing?
And I saw my finger go up tohis newspaper and pull it down
and I said excuse me, sir, can Iplease talk to you?
(22:28):
Do you mind if I have a seatwhile I'm sitting down?
Actually?
And I told that man about myhopes and my dreams and I told
him about my life experience andI told him what I wanted to do
one day.
I wanted to be incrediblysuccessful helping people and I
(22:52):
wanted Case Western's nameattached to it.
If you can imagine, I'm goingto be successful and I want Pace
Western on the top 10 school.
I want them attached to my nameinstead of my name attached to
their name.
He was so impressed.
(23:15):
I kept him for an hour talkingabout my life, talking about my
dreams, and he said I just haveone sort of mandate for you and
I said yes, anything.
He said I want to see you walkacross that stage at graduation.
(23:37):
So he said I'm going topersonally make sure that you're
admitted to this school.
Good luck.
I was successful at PaceWestern A's, a couple of B's and
that enabled me to have theself-esteem and the confidence
(23:58):
to apply and get my PhD and tohave the confidence to work in
the area of anti-trafficking andto have the confidence to start
a podcast.
When I started this podcast, Isay many times, I didn't even
know what a podcast was.
I didn't know plug what intowhat, like, how do you?
(24:20):
I didn't know anything.
But I said I want to do it andI'm not going to tell myself, no
, I'll put in the work, I'll putin the sweat, I'll put in the
sacrifice, I'll put in theenergy, but I'm going to do it.
And if I get two listeners, I'mthrilled.
(24:42):
If I get five, I'm excited.
And now I have almost 200episodes and about 300 or 3000,
I'm sorry listeners per week,about 80% in the US, about 20%
around the world.
(25:03):
The power of getting past fearand not saying no to yourself,
not saying no to your hopes anddreams, but also being willing
to put the work behind it.
So what I want you to do is alittle homework for Halloween.
(25:24):
I want you to answer a coupleof questions.
One of them is I choose to getrid of and then finish the
sentence I choose to keep?
What is it that you choose tokeep?
What I would like to startsaying to myself about myself is
(25:46):
my need to be happy living mydreams outweighs my need to and
then fill it in.
I can blank without blank.
I am blank even when blank.
(26:11):
I must blank in order to blank.
We can't ask our clients thatwe walk alongside of to better
themselves, to change theirlives, to live their dreams, to
experience joy, if we're notwalking the talk.
(26:36):
We have to take care ofourselves to be able to take
care of others.
Until next time, the fightcontinues.
Let's not just do something,let's do the best thing.
If you like this episode ofEmancipation Nation, please
subscribe and I'll send you theweekly podcast.
(26:59):
Until then, the fight continues.
You know the why human trafficking work is needed
To fight for the freedom ofmodern day slaves.
But love, passion, commitmentisn't all you need to be an
effective and successfulanti-trafficking advocate.
Learn the how.
I'm Dr Celia Williamson,director of the Human
Trafficking and Social JusticeInstitute at the University of
(00:23):
Toledo.
Welcome to the EmancipationNation podcast, where I'll
provide you with the latest andbest methods, policy and
practice, discussed byexperienced experts in the field
, so that you can cut throughthe noise, save time and be
about the work of saving lives.
Welcome to the EmancipationNation.
This is episode 196.
(00:44):
And today I am solo.
Hey, it is October 23rd, this isthe day I'm recording this, and
Halloween is right around thecorner.
So I want to talk about thescariest thing, your scariest
(01:06):
thing.
Ooh, that's fear itself.
So many people say there's onlytwo emotions I've talked about
this before love and fear, andall the other emotions really
fit under one of those twoJealousy, fear, anger, fear,
(01:30):
resentment, fear, right Courage,love, stick to it, follow
through love.
All of these characteristicseither fall under love or fear.
So we're talking about fearbecause Halloween's around the
corner, and it's really not.
(01:50):
It's much less about theboogeyman and the scary movies
and the spooky houses that youtour.
Let's talk about what's reallyscary, and that is change, and
that is living your dreams,being your full self, not your
(02:15):
diet self, not the one who showsup and pretends that they enjoy
their life, their job, theirrelationship, but the real you,
the you who wants to experiencejoy, the you that is so afraid.
(02:38):
Sometimes we don't even knowwhat our hopes and dreams are
anymore, because we've been sointimidated, so afraid to even
speak it out loud, for fear thatpeople will ridicule us and say
absolutely, you can't do that,are you crazy?
(03:00):
So fear helps us push down ourhopes and our dreams.
But in this Halloween season,I'd like you to maybe dust off
your, your hopes and your dreams.
(03:20):
And, by the way, hopes anddreams are figments of our
imagination, right?
Until we put a plan in place,do our hopes and dreams become
real?
So I know you've been sayingeven some of you, who even
(03:43):
acknowledge your dreams, saywell, I'm not going to put a
plan in place because it's nottime yet.
I'm going to wait.
No, I'm going to wait for mykids to get a little older.
I'm going to wait for, you know, the house to get paid off.
I'm going to wait for you knowthis, this job, I think I can
work another year, right,because it's ultimately the fear
(04:10):
of the unknown that's thegreatest fear.
So there's a story about agladiator and he's getting ready
to go out onto the field andfight the lion.
Right, glad gladiators too.
And they say, look, behind thisdoor is the lion.
(04:34):
You know the fear, you know theterror behind this door, over
here, behind this door.
We're not going to tell youwhat it is, but there are
unknown terrors behind that door.
Which door do you think thegladiator chose?
(04:58):
Right, the door to the unknown,with unknown tears, or the one
that's known, because sometimespeople say, stay with the devil,
you know, right, but behind theother door of the unknown was
(05:24):
freedom.
So don't wait until you nolonger feel afraid, because that
day may never come.
People don't change with time,they change by choice.
(05:44):
So this Halloween season willyou face your fears and change
by choice the whole analogy.
In the US, anyway, halloween,right, you are afraid.
(06:08):
You kind of watch scary movies,you go to spooky houses and you
also eat candy.
So it's sort of saying to youthat when you face scary things,
oftentimes it's their sweetnesson the other end.
So let's think about, let'schallenge these self-limiting
(06:37):
beliefs and don't think thatyour life has to be set in a way
that's so charmed that it istime now, right, because all of
us have real lives.
When you go up and you asksomebody you know, tell me how
(06:59):
you made it to this, tell me howyou have that great
relationship for 30 years, howdo you do it?
They'll tell you the real.
I mean R-E-E-L.
They'll give you the snapshotof all the highlights and the
good times and they tend togloss over.
(07:20):
You know, it's really difficultin the beginning, but then, as
we learned, well, they don'ttell you the details of the
difficulty.
Tell me how you got this far inyour education.
My God, that seems incrediblyhard.
They tell you well, I studied,I know I had a plan and I put.
(07:47):
You know.
They tell you the real, theR-E-E-L, the highlights, as if
they knew each step in theprocess to become successful,
whether it was successful as aparent or as any parent who
tells you the real deal, theR-E-A-L deal.
They'll tell you look, I reallydidn't know what the hell I was
(08:12):
doing.
That's the real R-E-A-L.
Even when they had the secondkid they're like well, now I
know what I'm doing.
But that kid is very, verydifferent from the first kid.
What worked for the first kidisn't necessarily going to work
for the second kid.
So parents often are learningand in flux and if they produced
(08:36):
great, successful, kindchildren, they had a little help
, maybe in the universe, to doso.
Some parents who do everythingexactly right, exactly perfect,
kids grow up with differentpersonalities.
Kids grow up with mental healthissues.
(08:58):
Kids grow up ADHD.
Kids grow up with a propensitytoward drugs.
So when you ask them, they willtell you that real, the R-E-E-L
.
When you ask a PhD, when you askan executive director of a
(09:18):
corporation, when you ask aboutsomebody who has a great
relationship, they'll tell youthe R-E-E-L.
You have to realize thatthey're telling you, they're
glossing over and giving you thehighlights.
They're skipping the realR-E-E-L of the struggles.
(09:41):
So you can't take thatinformation and say, well, look,
they had a charmed life, theyfollowed the straight path and
that's why they were successful.
I don't have a charmed life, Icurrently struggle and my path
has not been anything butstraight.
(10:01):
You'll find out that manypeople who are successful
whatever you determine successdid not follow a straight path
and many times struggled andmany times lost their way on the
path.
And if you have that type ofrelationship with them, ask them
(10:21):
about those times, because theywill then become very genuine
and authentic to you and youwill think, oh okay, maybe I
could do what I set out to do,my dream, maybe I could put the
(10:43):
plans in place to be successful.
And success doesn't always meanmoney.
Somebody can work 12, 14, 16hours a day, become wealthy and
be very rich in money but bevery poor in their relationships
(11:03):
with their partner, with theirchildren, with their family.
So maybe your success is withfamily, maybe your success is
with children, maybe yoursuccess is in relationship,
maybe your success is in yourjob, but maybe you want to be
successful in your relationshipwith your children and in your
(11:26):
job and good to yourself.
It's possible.
So let me tell you about acouple of fears that I faced.
Hey, before we continue theepisode, I want to let you know
of three courses.
I offer effective casemanagement with human
trafficking survivors, the TNTsurvivor journey groups and the
(11:48):
best life human traffickingprevention course for girls that
are at risk.
Raising awareness around humantrafficking is a great start
Hanging up flyers, havingfundraisers, doing human
trafficking presentations, oreven joining an anti-trafficking
coalition or commission orstudent group, but it simply
isn't enough.
If you or your group aren'ttouching the lives of survivors
(12:12):
or those at risk, and meaningful, in healing ways, you're
missing a critical component.
I want you to get back to thereasons you joined the
anti-trafficking fight in thefirst place, the reason you
joined that coalition or thatcommission or that student group
.
You wanted to make a difference, but maybe you didn't know
(12:34):
exactly what to do and sopresentations seem doable.
Why?
Because you had the knowledgeand skills to do it.
Well, if you're really ready toget directly involved and help
change the lives of others forthe better, then this is an
important message for you.
I have almost 30 yearsexperience working with
(12:55):
survivors and studying the issue, and I'm circling back to help
you become effective andconfident in your ability to
work with survivors ofcommercial sexual violence.
I wrote a few books, developedsome courses that would love to
train you on how to be involveddirectly.
Just go to my website, celiaWilliamsoncom, and check out my
(13:18):
webinars.
Learn a little more about howyou can become knowledgeable and
skilled to actually work withsurvivors using my
trauma-informed courses.
And now on with the podcast, mymain fear was the fear of
(13:42):
success, the fear of happinessand joy.
You know, I grew up in a family.
It's like my mother used to sayall the time, you know, laugh
all day, you'll cry at night.
So I always had the fear thatyou know the other shoe is gonna
drop If I get too happy,something's gonna happen and
(14:03):
it's gonna be bad.
And so once I learned to stoptelling myself no, that's when
my life took off.
I promise you, that's when ittook off.
I no longer believe becauseI've seen the evidence of no
(14:28):
longer telling myself no.
I will not tell myself no.
If I want it and if I'm willingto put the work in the sweat,
in the savings, in whatever thesacrifice, in, I will not tell
myself no, I will go for it.
(14:49):
I will quiet that fear and Iwill go for it.
Let me tell you, I had a babyliving in the North side of
Toledo, high crime area andpoverty.
I, you know, had received foodstamps.
(15:09):
I received wickets, women,infants and children where they
give you the milk and the cheeseand all the things back in the
day.
Now they give you a card thatyou can take to the store, but
back in the day they used todeliver your milk and your
cheese and that sort of thing.
And you know I was living in ahouse and I literally put pots
(15:31):
and pans down to catch the waterfrom the roof leaking.
It was a mess.
It was a mess and I got a joband I was working as a part-time
social worker, so you canimagine what I'm getting paid
right.
And at this community centerwhere I was working, the
(15:52):
secretary's daughter, she had ababy.
It's same age as my child andyou know, a couple years went by
and her little girl was goingto Montessori and I said what is
Montessori?
And then I read about it and Ilearned about social emotional
learning and it's greateducation.
And I looked up the school thather daughter sent was sending
(16:18):
her child to and me, and thetuition was like $6,000 a year
Now my daughter's 34.
This was back in the day mydaughter was three $6,000 a year
.
I mean, what could you beteaching a three-year-old Right
that it's 6,000.
And man, I wanted my daughter tohave that education and the
(16:41):
secretary said well, I'll justask my daughter to set up a
meeting with the director ofsome of the program.
Maybe you could ask her, youcould find out if they have any
scholarships.
And I thought, oh my God, who?
Like?
No, I couldn't possibly.
And I said to myself this isn'tfor you, this is for your
(17:02):
daughter.
And that's how, sometimes,that's how we can get past.
Our fear is we can think okay,I will have the courage for my
child.
I mean, sometimes we will dothings for our children, we will
have the strength of 10 men ifit's for our children.
So I did.
(17:22):
I went out there and I talked toher and I said man, this is a
fabulous education.
I can't afford it.
I'm a social worker, I'm apart-time social worker.
I want to change the world, butunfortunately they don't pay
social workers much.
And she said you know what?
I'll give you the first everpart-time scholarship, your
(17:43):
daughter.
Just come, just come for free.
And I said, wow, that's amazing.
Like, thank you so much.
And you know I am going to bemoving to full-time, so I'm
gonna need a full-timescholarship.
I can't believe it came out ofmy mouth, but I said it.
And she said well, you knowwhat?
(18:06):
I need somebody to clean theschool.
If you will come and clean theschool after hours, no one will
know.
I'll give you the key.
I'll allow your daughter tocome for free.
My daughter attended MontessoriEducation for three years.
(18:27):
I called in the village.
My mother came and helped cleanthe school in the evenings.
My sister, my nephew and wecleaned that school and that was
probably one of the most noblejobs that I've had cleaning
toilets, cleaning toys, runningthe vacuum.
(18:48):
But because I didn't tellmyself no, this all happened.
My daughter was learningSpanish at three years old.
I graduated with my bachelor'sdegree.
I had a overall cumulativegrade point average of 2.79.
(19:08):
That's about a C.
That was not the stellarbachelor degree student.
But at that time I was also inan abusive relationship and so a
lot of my emotional energy,intellectual energy was going
(19:32):
out to keep myself safe, to hidefrom everybody else what was
really happening in my home.
And so I graduated 2.79.
But I wanted to pursue mymaster's degree at Case Western.
No doubt Case Western is oftenone of the top 10 schools in the
country for social work andthat's where I wanted to go.
(19:54):
But I knew to even apply to amediocre school.
I mean you need at least a 2.8.
I think I had a 2.6999.
Actually I think you needed a2.7 to even go to like a
mediocre school.
(20:15):
So I decided I'm not going totell myself no, I'm going to
allow them to tell me no.
And I applied and I spent a lotof time on my personal
statement.
I tried to sell myself as bestas possible and I got a call and
(20:39):
they said well, you're not in,but we will interview you and
we'll make our decisions.
So I live in Toledo, ohio.
I had to drive to Clevelandwhere Case Western was located,
and I borrowed my sister's carbecause you know who has a car
that can get that far.
(20:59):
At that time my mother wentwith me.
I was 45 minutes late for thatinterview with a $80 speeding
ticket.
I went to the door and I saidI'm Sylvia Williamson, I'm so
(21:21):
sorry I'm late To which.
He was reading the newspaperand he put the newspaper down a
bit so we could see each other.
And he said yes, you are.
And he put the newspaper backup and kept on reading.
That was it.
That was my opportunity lost.
(21:46):
I stood there in the doorway andI thought, god, just walk away
Because you have humiliated andembarrassed yourself enough.
But then that thought came backinto my head Wait a minute, you
don't tell yourself no, youallow them to tell you no,
remember.
(22:06):
So my feet started walkingtoward him and my brain is
saying oh my God, what are youdoing?
And I saw my finger go up tohis newspaper and pull it down
and I said excuse me, sir, can Iplease talk to you?
(22:28):
Do you mind if I have a seatwhile I'm sitting down?
Actually?
And I told that man about myhopes and my dreams and I told
him about my life experience andI told him what I wanted to do
one day.
I wanted to be incrediblysuccessful helping people and I
(22:52):
wanted Case Western's nameattached to it.
If you can imagine, I'm goingto be successful and I want Pace
Western on the top 10 school.
I want them attached to my nameinstead of my name attached to
their name.
He was so impressed.
(23:15):
I kept him for an hour talkingabout my life, talking about my
dreams, and he said I just haveone sort of mandate for you and
I said yes, anything.
He said I want to see you walkacross that stage at graduation.
(23:37):
So he said I'm going topersonally make sure that you're
admitted to this school.
Good luck.
I was successful at PaceWestern A's, a couple of B's and
that enabled me to have theself-esteem and the confidence
(23:58):
to apply and get my PhD and tohave the confidence to work in
the area of anti-trafficking andto have the confidence to start
a podcast.
When I started this podcast, Isay many times, I didn't even
know what a podcast was.
I didn't know plug what intowhat, like, how do you?
(24:20):
I didn't know anything.
But I said I want to do it andI'm not going to tell myself, no
, I'll put in the work, I'll putin the sweat, I'll put in the
sacrifice, I'll put in theenergy, but I'm going to do it.
And if I get two listeners, I'mthrilled.
(24:42):
If I get five, I'm excited.
And now I have almost 200episodes and about 300 or 3000,
I'm sorry listeners per week,about 80% in the US, about 20%
around the world.
(25:03):
The power of getting past fearand not saying no to yourself,
not saying no to your hopes anddreams, but also being willing
to put the work behind it.
So what I want you to do is alittle homework for Halloween.
(25:24):
I want you to answer a coupleof questions.
One of them is I choose to getrid of and then finish the
sentence I choose to keep?
What is it that you choose tokeep?
What I would like to startsaying to myself about myself is
(25:46):
my need to be happy living mydreams outweighs my need to and
then fill it in.
I can blank without blank.
I am blank even when blank.
(26:11):
I must blank in order to blank.
We can't ask our clients thatwe walk alongside of to better
themselves, to change theirlives, to live their dreams, to
experience joy, if we're notwalking the talk.
(26:36):
We have to take care ofourselves to be able to take
care of others.
Until next time, the fightcontinues.
Let's not just do something,let's do the best thing.
If you like this episode ofEmancipation Nation, please
subscribe and I'll send you theweekly podcast.
(26:59):
Until then, the fight continues.
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