August 23, 2025 âą 29 mins
Menopause and perimenopause are natural, but the way they feel now? Not so much. In this raw and real episode, Michelle gets personal about the symptoms no one warns you about, why theyâre hitting harder than ever, and the difference between menopause and perimenopause that every woman should know.
From hot flashes in the grocery store to weight gain that laughs in the face of diet and exercise, Michelle unpacks whatâs really going on and why ânormal rangesâ donât tell the whole story. Plus, she shares why itâs time to start testing hormones from the very first period and how to reframe this stage as a gift even when it feels like chaos.
If youâve ever felt lost in the brain fog, stared at a stubborn scale, or wondered if anyone else is going through this, this episode is your reminder: youâre not alone, and youâre definitely not broken.
This podcast is for the woman who's done with the pretending.
Done with the shrinking, the people-pleasing, the burnout badge of honor.
Sheâs ready to come home to her body, her truth, and her power.
I'm Michelle, your feminine embodiment guide, no-BS truth teller, and woman who spent way too many years living in her head, doubting her worth, and dimming her light.
This space is where we unravel the old stories and reconnect with what it really means to live as an embodied woman. Expect juicy conversations on:
đ« Confidence, boundaries, and feminine energy
đ« Healing the good girl conditioning and embracing your full self
đ« Mindfulness, movement, tapping, and real-talk healing tools
đ« Being a woman in a world that profits off your silence
Whether you're on a walk, in the bath, or hiding from your kids in the car (been there), these episodes are your weekly permission slip to drop back into you.
đ§ Subscribe to Embodied Living with Michelle wherever you listen to podcastsâand if you love what you hear, leave a review and share with your soul sisters.
Letâs stop performing life and start living it.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:02):
Welcome back to Embodied Living, and this is a
topic I wasn't going to talkabout yet.
I was putting it off.
I thought I'd wait until Januarywhen I do my health and wellness
embodiment podcast, but...
I'm in it right this moment.
I'm in it all the time.
I'm sure you other women feelit.
If you're watching this in videomode, you will see that I am not
(00:25):
wearing any makeup because I wassweating so much I couldn't even
get on my face.
So there's that.
And so anyway, as we head intothis, this is a topic that
pretty much affects every singleperson.
And I just want want to put outthere how great some of these
(00:45):
men are at understanding andsupporting us as we go through
this.
I met my man about nine monthsinto my perimenopausal journey
to Mordor, that dark volcanicland ruled by Sauron in the Lord
of the Rings.
I don't know if you feel it, butit kind of feels like that
menopausal version of a vacationspot you don't really feel like
(01:07):
visiting ever.
Oh my gosh.
So Let's get started on thistopic that seems to rule our
40s.
Menopause.
Perimenopause.
The words alone can send us downa Google rabbit hole.
What are my symptoms?
What's the difference?
Where am I going?
(01:29):
What do I need to know?
When do I need to see my doctor?
What am I going to experience?
Right?
Who's been there?
And here's the truth, though.
What's happening in our bodies,we're not broken, right?
It just doesn't feel normal ornatural anymore.
And there are reasons for that.
(01:49):
But I don't know about youladies, but it seems to me like
we get our periods and then wehave the hormones for
childbirth.
And now we're going through thiswith perimenopause.
Just doesn't seem right.
But.
The good thing, we're finallytalking about this.
(02:09):
We are so damn lucky that morewomen are actually talking about
menopause and perimenopause now.
For so long, this was sohush-hush.
Just deal with it, phase oflife.
My mom didn't even talk to meabout it.
Her mom didn't talk to her aboutit.
We were just supposed to stayquiet.
disappear into these hotflashless and sleepless nights
(02:31):
without saying a word.
And when I talked to my momabout it, she said she and her
friends didn't talk about it.
Nobody had this support.
How crazy is that?
But now women are stepping up.
We're sharing our stories.
We're swapping tips and we'rebeing real about how much this
can suck.
And honestly, that support iseverything.
(02:55):
I was just talking the other daywith another woman and my man.
Somehow the conversation took ahard left turn straight into
menopause territory.
And she and I just went there.
The frustration, the symptoms,the way our bodies feel like
it's been hijacked.
We left nothing on the table.
The support we were giving eachother, it was honest.
(03:18):
It was real.
I felt seen.
I felt heard.
And I think she did too.
And here's what I want you toknow about my guy.
He's wonderful.
He just sat there.
He listened.
He didn't try to fix or changethe subject.
And when we got in the carlater, he turned to me and said,
(03:38):
I'm so glad you have women youcan talk to about this.
I know how annoyed you are withwhat's happening to you.
That means so much because thisis not just a physical
transition.
It's emotional, mental.
And dare I say it, evenspiritual.
And having people who see it init instead of brushing it off
(04:01):
makes the whole thing just alittle less heavy to go through.
So let's kind of clear up thedifferences between menopause
and perimenopause because thisidea of perimenopause has only
been around the last few years.
It's always just been calledmenopause.
And so I want to break this downbecause all these symptoms
originally were just undermenopause.
(04:22):
So it's quite different.
And I swear that half theconfusion around the stage of
life comes from the fact that noone actually explains the real
difference.
Menopause is just a one day inyour life, the day you
officially have gone 12 fullmonths without a period.
That's it.
You're technically in menopausefor 24 hours, and the next day
(04:43):
you're consideredpostmenopausal.
But what most people callmenopause symptoms, yeah.
Yeah.
Those are there way before weget to the point of menopause.
That's all perimenopause.
The years leading up tomenopause, when your emotions
are doing their wildrollercoaster thing and
perimenopause is sneaky.
(05:04):
It can start as early as yourmid to late 30s and go on for
four, six, even 10 years.
Your cycle is still happening,but you might start noticing
sleep goes out the window.
Anyone else enjoy those 3 a.m.
wake-up calls drenched in sweat?
Mood swings that feel like PMSon steroids.
(05:24):
Seriously, they come out ofnowhere.
I don't understand it at all.
Hot flashes in the middle of awork meeting.
Makeup dripping from your face.
Sweat showing in every part ofyour shirt.
And then there's the brain fog.
So thick you forget why youwalked into a room.
So...
(05:47):
I've done this so many times.
I've walked into a room, then Iwalk back into the other room
because I can't remember why Iwalked into the room so I can
try to remember.
And then I remember, go, ohyeah, perfect.
I remember.
And then I get to the room againand I forgot.
It's like a never ending cycleof feeling stupid.
Have you been there?
And yet for decades, all of thisgot lumped under menopause.
(06:13):
Which means generations of womenthought they were too young to
be going through it and justsuffered in silence.
I recently watched that specialthat Oprah did and it had, I
want to say Sienna on it.
And she said that she had gonethrough this in her late 30s.
(06:36):
How scary is that?
To have that happen to you insomething that you're thinking
isn't until your 50s.
And now we're finding out thatthis is happening in the 40s.
How crazy and how scary.
So.
We're finally callingperimenopause what it is, a
(06:58):
hormonal transition period thatdeserves just as much attention
and care as any other majorstage of life.
And knowing the differencematters because it helps you
understand what's happening nowand what might still be coming.
And while I say that with a bitof sarcasm, a hormonal
transition period, which we knowIt really does deserve our
(07:20):
attention.
And it really is important thatwe understand what's happening
now and what is coming and thatwe can talk to our doctors and
that we can talk to other womenabout this and feel supported.
And know that there are moredoctors out there that are
actually focusing on menopauseand perimenopause.
(07:42):
So feel free to look that up fordoctors around that.
I know this is a side note, butMy friend Amy actually told me
last year when I started havingsome of these symptoms said,
hey, there's this site you cango to to look for doctors.
And if I can find that site, Iwill put it in the show notes so
(08:02):
that you have that.
All along with a book called TheNew Menopause.
And I will put that also in theshow notes for you.
Anyway, let me get back.
So.
Menopause and perimenopause,they're nothing new.
We've been going through thisfor as long as time has existed.
So why do the symptoms now feellike they've gone from a little
(08:25):
inconvenient to who stole mybody and left me this shell of a
human?
I have a few thoughts.
Let's first talk to stress.
Our nervous systems are runningon overdrive.
We're juggling work, kids, agingparents, relationships,
finances, all while living in aculture that worships
productivity.
(08:47):
Chronic stress spikes cortisol,high cortisol, messes with
everything, right?
We know that.
But it really does mess with ourhormones, estrogen and
progesterone, and the balancebetween the two in order for us
to feel normal.
UNKNOWN (09:01):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (09:02):
And yes, our mothers and our grandmothers had stress
also, but not the same degree asit feels like we do now as
women.
It's along the lines of if westay home with our kids, We have
mom guilt for not workingoutside of the home.
And if we do work outside thehome, we have mom guilt for not
being with our kids more.
And society doesn't help withthe constant criticism, no
(09:25):
matter what we choose to do.
It always feels like somebodyhas an opinion or a judgment on
the choices that we make.
And men don't have this the sameas we do.
Well, then there's ourenvironment, right?
Past generations, they weren'tdealing with the same level of
endocrinology.
endocrine disruptors, you know,those hormone interfering
(09:46):
chemicals that are in plastics,pesticides, processed foods,
beauty products, the very thingsthat we're putting on to make
ourselves feel more beautifuland normal.
The very things are hurting us.
Our bodies are basically indaily chemical battle, and that
makes any hormonal shift thatmuch harder for us.
(10:07):
Well, and let's not forget aboutnutrition.
The food that we eat nowadayshas such few nutrients than what
our grandparents ate.
And in a busy schedule,convenience meals, you know,
those fast food restaurants, thesugar sneaking into everything.
And we're not always giving ourbodies what they need to weather
(10:29):
the big hormonal changes.
And I want to speak to this alittle bit more because this is
a huge frustration for me.
The medical institution hasalways been late to the game in
taking care of women's needs.
If we really need to understandour hormones and keep them in
balance, we should be gettingtested from the moment that
first period starts, not waitinguntil our 40s when things start
(10:52):
going haywire.
The whole idea of a normal rangeis a bit of a And I'll tell you
that in high school, I had afriend that went through this.
I had what you might call normalperiods, no major cramps, didn't
miss school.
But this friend, every singlemonth, doubled over in pain,
(11:17):
missing school for days.
We were both considered normalon paper, but clearly our bodies
were living very differentrealities.
And if we were to track ourhormones from the start, we'd
have a baseline of what's normalfor us, for me, for you.
(11:38):
And when things start shifting,we could catch it early.
That means getting help soonerinstead of being dismissed until
the symptoms are too loud toignore.
Or the other one, you go to seeyour doctor and it says, oh,
it's normal.
You're fine.
I don't feel fine.
Please stop telling me that I'mfine.
(12:00):
So with that, we've gone throughthe things that can affect our
hormones, but let's now go intothe actual symptoms that are
showing up in our lives.
Let's talk about the list ofthat they might put on a medical
(12:22):
website that say, oh, you'llhave this and this and that, but
they don't actually capture howwe feel when we're living it.
All right.
Let's start with the big one.
Hot flashes, night sweats.
This is not just a feeling warm.
I'm talking about sitting in ameeting and suddenly feeling
like your body has turned into ahuman furnace.
(12:42):
Sweat Sweat dripping down yourback, makeup melting, hair
plastered to your head.
And at night, it's like someoneset your bed on fire from the
inside out.
And for me, about 3 a.m., I wakeup drenched in sweat, no covers
on.
And honestly, well, honestly, Irun hot all the time.
(13:03):
And it seems to just love to hitat the most inopportune times of
the sweat just dripping on myclothes.
But I'll tell you, those nightsweats, they're brutal.
How about those sleepdisturbances?
I just talked about it for me,that wake-up call at 3 a.m.,
(13:24):
you're exhausted, but your bodyacts like it's auditioning for a
role in The Walking Dead.
You're wide awake at 3, yourbrain is going nuts, you're
staring at the ceiling, unableto get back to sleep until maybe
5 a.m., And then you have toturn around and get up in an
hour or two.
(13:45):
Who's been there?
And here's another big one forme.
Talked about it earlier, butthat brain fog and memory lapse.
Walking into a room andforgetting why you're there.
Losing your train of thoughtmid-sentence.
I've literally been in themiddle of telling a story and
had to say, shit, what did Ijust say?
(14:06):
And lately...
My man has somehow learned myspecial brain fog language.
I don't know how he did it.
But you know, when the words inyour head just refuse to connect
to your mouth, just waving myhands around trying to fill in
the blanks, he somehow candecode it.
I don't know how he does it.
(14:27):
Bless that man.
But let me tell you, thefrustration is real.
Feeling lost in my own abilityto communicate is one of the
most maddening things of thiswhole thing.
I feel so dumb.
stupid, not smart.
And this is so frustrating forme and for so many women I know.
(14:49):
All right, next on the list, wehave mood swings.
And this is not justirritability.
We're talking about anxiety thatcomes out of nowhere, feeling
low without an obvious reason.
It can feel like your emotionshave a mind of their own.
In fact, the other day I told myfamily, said, I'm not in a good
(15:09):
headspace.
You need to keep your distance.
And they just looked at me withthis weird look on their face
and said, okay.
I wasn't messing either.
And they listened.
Next, and this could be a reallytough one for us ladies, is our
change in libido and the vaginaldryness that can happen.
(15:31):
For one, as soon as we hit 40,I'm going to tell you that
moment you hit 40 for mostwomen, all of a sudden our
libidos are on high drive.
There is something about thattime that we are just ready to
get rocking all the time.
So the idea of like that changeall of a sudden, dropping, When
(15:51):
you've had this high libido orthe vaginal dryness of now
you're needing to use lubricanton a regular basis, and even
that doesn't always help, that'sreally tough.
And this really isn't one thatwe talk about enough.
And when it is, it's usuallysome part around shame or
awkwardness, because heavenforbid we talk about our private
(16:15):
areas, right?
But these changes are real.
And they can impact intimacy inbig ways, especially if we
haven't had them before.
And let me just add a little bitmore to this.
No one tells you about thechange in body odor in your
breath.
What the actual fuck?
(16:37):
I have been trying so manydeodorants now because the
antiperspirant ones make theodor worse.
Whole body deodorant is now athing.
And that is insane.
after the shower with putting iton again and again and again
throughout the day.
Now here, I thought I washandling it, but my guy felt
(17:02):
that he needed to have thatsensitive conversation with me.
And he's right.
He did.
His voice was low, afraid totalk to me about it, but he did
it anyway in the most kindness,kindest of ways.
I appreciated that conversationso much.
The next morning, I asked mydaughter about the body odor.
(17:26):
And in her not so kind way, shesaid, yeah, mom, I've been
telling you this for months.
It is so bad.
Thank you, daughter, for yourkindness in this difficult time
for me.
But I appreciated theconversation because They're
(17:47):
hard ones to have.
They're sensitive topics, butthey need to happen, whether we
like it or not.
Now, this next one, weightchanges.
This one is so incrediblypersonal for me.
So 15 months ago, I weighed 145pounds.
I'd worked my ass off for over ayear to hit this goal, and I did
(18:08):
it.
And then, boom, out of nowhere,the weight in my tummy area just
started creeping in.
In just three months, I was 25pounds heavier and suddenly on
blood pressure meds.
Here's the thing, though.
I was still exercising.
I was still eating like I didbefore.
(18:29):
So what the actual fuck justhappened?
I was so angry.
How come other women my agedidn't seem to have this issue?
My body started feeling weaker.
And as of today, I still haven'tbeen able to get under 170
pounds.
Eating right, exercising isn'tmoving the needle.
(18:50):
And that's the reality for somany of us in this stage.
The weight gain is brutal and itdoes happen mostly around our
tummies.
But then we also can have thosejoint pain and skin changes.
How many of you feel like you'recracking every time you take a
(19:11):
step?
Because that is me every damnmorning.
The soundtrack of my day startswith snap, crackle, pop.
I haven't even had my coffeeyet.
And the skin, drier, thinner,more delicate than it used to
be.
And here's the kicker.
Many of these symptoms start inperimenopause.
(19:32):
This is years before wetechnically even hit menopause.
That's why so many of us areblindsided.
We think we're too young.
Or we assume it's stress.
Or we're told it's just part ofgetting older.
And I'll tell you, when somebodysays that, you're like, oh, hell
no, you didn't just say that tome.
(19:55):
We're not doing that whole, it'sjust part of getting older
thing.
No.
But when you know what'spossible and you understand your
own hormonal baseline, you cansee these changes for what they
are.
They're simply signals from ourbody that it's entering a new
phase, a new chapter.
(20:15):
But I'll say something.
It still doesn't feel naturaland normal.
It just doesn't.
And so I keep coming back tothis.
Menopause and perimenopause arenatural.
Our bodies were designed to dothis.
But it doesn't feel that way.
The intensity, the length, theexhaustion, it doesn't feel
(20:39):
natural at all.
And here's the thing.
Natural doesn't always meangood.
Arsenic is natural.
Certain mushrooms are natural.
Hurricanes are natural.
That doesn't mean that I wantthem hanging out in my daily
life.
So just because menopause ispart of our biology doesn't mean
the experience we're havingright now is the one nature
(21:00):
intended.
In past generations, this was atransition that happened
alongside community support,slower living, a whole lot less
chronic stress.
Women weren't expected to jugglefull-time work, caregiving, 24-7
availability, and the constantpressure to look like we're 30.
They moved more naturally, atemore whole foods, and weren't
(21:24):
surrounded by the chemical soupwe live in today.
There was also a differentcultural story.
Menopause wasn't treated likethe beginning of the end for in
many societies, in manycultures.
It was a rite of passage into arespected role.
The wise woman, the elder, theone who had earned her voice.
(21:47):
And we can see this in so manycultures that are from Africa or
of African descent and alsoNative American descent and in
Native American cultures.
We see this all the time wherewomen are treated as wise and
you go to them for these things,for their voice, for their
(22:07):
wisdom.
But now?
We live in a world that valuesproductivity over presence,
youth over wisdom, and quickfixes over deep care.
We get handed antidepressants orbirth control instead of having
a real conversation about what'sactually happening in our
bodies.
They are more concerned in themedical field to take care of
(22:31):
the symptoms versus theoverlaying cause or the core
reason these things arehappening.
So yes, our bodies are stilldoing something natural, but
we're trying to have a smoothhormonal transition while living
the least natural environmentimaginable.
And that disconnect is huge.
(22:57):
So can we reframe theconversation?
Yes, menopause and perimenopausemight change our bodies, but
they don't have to take ourpower.
This isn't the slow fade intoinvisibility that our culture
tries to sell us.
This is a hormonal transitioninto a whole new phase of life.
(23:18):
And we get to decide what thislooks like.
Your body is not betraying you,even though it feels like it.
She's just asking for somethingdifferent, deeper nourishment,
rest.
nervous system regulation,movement that supports rather
than depletes.
She's simply saying that the oldways don't work anymore and it's
(23:41):
time for something better.
Who would love to have somethingbetter?
This is also the moment that westop ignoring our needs.
And yes, ladies, I'm beingserious.
Stop ignoring your needs.
Stop ignoring your needs.
These symptoms are loud becausethey're asking us to listen.
(24:03):
You don't have to just gothrough menopause.
You can work with your body tofind new balance.
You can track your symptoms soyou can see patterns instead of
guessing.
There's lots of apps for thisnow.
Getting a full hormone panel soyou know exactly what's going on
inside.
Even if you do it now, at leastyou know where your numbers are.
(24:27):
That's a good thing.
Upping your nutrient game, moreprotein, minerals, healthy fats.
These are so important for us toregulate our bodies.
Moving in ways that protect ourjoints and build strength.
This is a time...
They say after 40 is we want tofocus on strength training, not
(24:51):
on cardio.
And so we need to start lookingat that.
We need to protect our jointsand we need to protect those
hips and those knees and thoseelbows build strength in our
body.
We need to practice stressreduction like your life depends
on it.
Because let's be honest, itdoes.
(25:15):
And we can also reframe what thestage means.
And what I mean by that is thatin so many cultures, this is the
shift into wise woman energy.
You've done the work, you'velived the lessons, and now you
get to speak your truth.
Without apology, you get to takeup space in ways you never knew
before.
(25:37):
So while we may be struggling,while we must also find a way to
embody this change as a gift.
And I want to say this again,because I got it a little wrong.
While we may be struggling, wemust also find a way to embody
this change as a gift.
Because in the midst of allthese hot flashes, the brain
(26:00):
fog, the frustrations, there'salso freedom.
Freedom from cycles that oncedictated our lives.
Freedom to choose how we carefor ourselves.
Freedom to move into a phasewhere our voice, our wisdom, and
our desires matter.
And they matter more than ever.
(26:20):
So no, it might not feel naturalright now, but it can still feel
empowering.
You can be informed, supported,and unapologetically in charge
of how you move through thisstage.
Not just for you, but for everywoman coming up behind you.
So, all right, beautiful ladies.
(26:43):
I know that this was a bigtopic.
And I've covered a lot ofdifferent things around
menopause and perimenopause.
Why the symptoms are hitting usharder these days.
Why our personal hormone storyis just that.
personal there's no such thingas normal we vented hopefully
you've laughed at some of theabsurdity of it at all and also
(27:06):
found a little bit more clarityand these are talks that I want
to continue to have because Ithink it's important and I'm 48
going to be 49 in a couplemonths and I'm right there in it
now so if you're in this stageright now like I am I want you
(27:27):
to know that you're not alone.
You're not broken.
And you sure as hell aren'tinvisible.
And while we may be strugglingtogether, there is also a gift
here.
And when we share our stories,when we give each other the
permission and the power to seethe gift more clearly, we help
(27:47):
each other.
And that's important.
So let's keep talking.
If you've had a hot flash in themiddle of the grocery store,
forgotten what you were sayingmid-sentence, woken up in the
morning sounding like a bowl ofRice Krispies, I want to hear
from you.
Share your stories with me.
You can DM me.
(28:09):
We can do stuff.
You can do that throughInstagram.
You can leave comments under myYouTube video.
And...
Just know that I've got stufftoo, that I have my Facebook
group, Embodied Living, and Ialso have coming up an Embodied
Woman Collective.
This is a place for us to share,to experience, to grow.
(28:33):
Because when we speak thesetruths out loud, we take away
their power so that it won'tisolate us.
And I want you to know thisconversation isn't over.
I will cover this again inJanuary as we dive into wellness
and health.
And in a future podcast, I thinkit'd be a lot of fun to dive
into something I know so many ofus have actually been asking
(28:55):
for.
And that's how do we reclaim oursensuality and vitality during
and after menopause?
Yes, it is possible.
It's worth it.
And yes, you're going to leavefeeling a little more turned on
by life.
And that's why we do embodiedliving, because I want you
(29:16):
turned on by your life.
I want you excited to experiencethings.
I want you to embody your life.
So until then, be kind toyourself, listen to your body,
and remember, this isn't the endof anything.
It's simply the start of apowerful, unapologetic new life.
Welcome back to Embodied Living, and this is a
topic I wasn't going to talkabout yet.
I was putting it off.
I thought I'd wait until Januarywhen I do my health and wellness
embodiment podcast, but...
I'm in it right this moment.
I'm in it all the time.
I'm sure you other women feelit.
If you're watching this in videomode, you will see that I am not
(00:25):
wearing any makeup because I wassweating so much I couldn't even
get on my face.
So there's that.
And so anyway, as we head intothis, this is a topic that
pretty much affects every singleperson.
And I just want want to put outthere how great some of these
(00:45):
men are at understanding andsupporting us as we go through
this.
I met my man about nine monthsinto my perimenopausal journey
to Mordor, that dark volcanicland ruled by Sauron in the Lord
of the Rings.
I don't know if you feel it, butit kind of feels like that
menopausal version of a vacationspot you don't really feel like
(01:07):
visiting ever.
Oh my gosh.
So Let's get started on thistopic that seems to rule our
40s.
Menopause.
Perimenopause.
The words alone can send us downa Google rabbit hole.
What are my symptoms?
What's the difference?
Where am I going?
(01:29):
What do I need to know?
When do I need to see my doctor?
What am I going to experience?
Right?
Who's been there?
And here's the truth, though.
What's happening in our bodies,we're not broken, right?
It just doesn't feel normal ornatural anymore.
And there are reasons for that.
(01:49):
But I don't know about youladies, but it seems to me like
we get our periods and then wehave the hormones for
childbirth.
And now we're going through thiswith perimenopause.
Just doesn't seem right.
But.
The good thing, we're finallytalking about this.
(02:09):
We are so damn lucky that morewomen are actually talking about
menopause and perimenopause now.
For so long, this was sohush-hush.
Just deal with it, phase oflife.
My mom didn't even talk to meabout it.
Her mom didn't talk to her aboutit.
We were just supposed to stayquiet.
disappear into these hotflashless and sleepless nights
(02:31):
without saying a word.
And when I talked to my momabout it, she said she and her
friends didn't talk about it.
Nobody had this support.
How crazy is that?
But now women are stepping up.
We're sharing our stories.
We're swapping tips and we'rebeing real about how much this
can suck.
And honestly, that support iseverything.
(02:55):
I was just talking the other daywith another woman and my man.
Somehow the conversation took ahard left turn straight into
menopause territory.
And she and I just went there.
The frustration, the symptoms,the way our bodies feel like
it's been hijacked.
We left nothing on the table.
The support we were giving eachother, it was honest.
(03:18):
It was real.
I felt seen.
I felt heard.
And I think she did too.
And here's what I want you toknow about my guy.
He's wonderful.
He just sat there.
He listened.
He didn't try to fix or changethe subject.
And when we got in the carlater, he turned to me and said,
(03:38):
I'm so glad you have women youcan talk to about this.
I know how annoyed you are withwhat's happening to you.
That means so much because thisis not just a physical
transition.
It's emotional, mental.
And dare I say it, evenspiritual.
And having people who see it init instead of brushing it off
(04:01):
makes the whole thing just alittle less heavy to go through.
So let's kind of clear up thedifferences between menopause
and perimenopause because thisidea of perimenopause has only
been around the last few years.
It's always just been calledmenopause.
And so I want to break this downbecause all these symptoms
originally were just undermenopause.
(04:22):
So it's quite different.
And I swear that half theconfusion around the stage of
life comes from the fact that noone actually explains the real
difference.
Menopause is just a one day inyour life, the day you
officially have gone 12 fullmonths without a period.
That's it.
You're technically in menopausefor 24 hours, and the next day
(04:43):
you're consideredpostmenopausal.
But what most people callmenopause symptoms, yeah.
Yeah.
Those are there way before weget to the point of menopause.
That's all perimenopause.
The years leading up tomenopause, when your emotions
are doing their wildrollercoaster thing and
perimenopause is sneaky.
(05:04):
It can start as early as yourmid to late 30s and go on for
four, six, even 10 years.
Your cycle is still happening,but you might start noticing
sleep goes out the window.
Anyone else enjoy those 3 a.m.
wake-up calls drenched in sweat?
Mood swings that feel like PMSon steroids.
(05:24):
Seriously, they come out ofnowhere.
I don't understand it at all.
Hot flashes in the middle of awork meeting.
Makeup dripping from your face.
Sweat showing in every part ofyour shirt.
And then there's the brain fog.
So thick you forget why youwalked into a room.
So...
(05:47):
I've done this so many times.
I've walked into a room, then Iwalk back into the other room
because I can't remember why Iwalked into the room so I can
try to remember.
And then I remember, go, ohyeah, perfect.
I remember.
And then I get to the room againand I forgot.
It's like a never ending cycleof feeling stupid.
Have you been there?
And yet for decades, all of thisgot lumped under menopause.
(06:13):
Which means generations of womenthought they were too young to
be going through it and justsuffered in silence.
I recently watched that specialthat Oprah did and it had, I
want to say Sienna on it.
And she said that she had gonethrough this in her late 30s.
(06:36):
How scary is that?
To have that happen to you insomething that you're thinking
isn't until your 50s.
And now we're finding out thatthis is happening in the 40s.
How crazy and how scary.
So.
We're finally callingperimenopause what it is, a
(06:58):
hormonal transition period thatdeserves just as much attention
and care as any other majorstage of life.
And knowing the differencematters because it helps you
understand what's happening nowand what might still be coming.
And while I say that with a bitof sarcasm, a hormonal
transition period, which we knowIt really does deserve our
(07:20):
attention.
And it really is important thatwe understand what's happening
now and what is coming and thatwe can talk to our doctors and
that we can talk to other womenabout this and feel supported.
And know that there are moredoctors out there that are
actually focusing on menopauseand perimenopause.
(07:42):
So feel free to look that up fordoctors around that.
I know this is a side note, butMy friend Amy actually told me
last year when I started havingsome of these symptoms said,
hey, there's this site you cango to to look for doctors.
And if I can find that site, Iwill put it in the show notes so
(08:02):
that you have that.
All along with a book called TheNew Menopause.
And I will put that also in theshow notes for you.
Anyway, let me get back.
So.
Menopause and perimenopause,they're nothing new.
We've been going through thisfor as long as time has existed.
So why do the symptoms now feellike they've gone from a little
(08:25):
inconvenient to who stole mybody and left me this shell of a
human?
I have a few thoughts.
Let's first talk to stress.
Our nervous systems are runningon overdrive.
We're juggling work, kids, agingparents, relationships,
finances, all while living in aculture that worships
productivity.
(08:47):
Chronic stress spikes cortisol,high cortisol, messes with
everything, right?
We know that.
But it really does mess with ourhormones, estrogen and
progesterone, and the balancebetween the two in order for us
to feel normal.
UNKNOWN (09:01):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (09:02):
And yes, our mothers and our grandmothers had stress
also, but not the same degree asit feels like we do now as
women.
It's along the lines of if westay home with our kids, We have
mom guilt for not workingoutside of the home.
And if we do work outside thehome, we have mom guilt for not
being with our kids more.
And society doesn't help withthe constant criticism, no
(09:25):
matter what we choose to do.
It always feels like somebodyhas an opinion or a judgment on
the choices that we make.
And men don't have this the sameas we do.
Well, then there's ourenvironment, right?
Past generations, they weren'tdealing with the same level of
endocrinology.
endocrine disruptors, you know,those hormone interfering
(09:46):
chemicals that are in plastics,pesticides, processed foods,
beauty products, the very thingsthat we're putting on to make
ourselves feel more beautifuland normal.
The very things are hurting us.
Our bodies are basically indaily chemical battle, and that
makes any hormonal shift thatmuch harder for us.
(10:07):
Well, and let's not forget aboutnutrition.
The food that we eat nowadayshas such few nutrients than what
our grandparents ate.
And in a busy schedule,convenience meals, you know,
those fast food restaurants, thesugar sneaking into everything.
And we're not always giving ourbodies what they need to weather
(10:29):
the big hormonal changes.
And I want to speak to this alittle bit more because this is
a huge frustration for me.
The medical institution hasalways been late to the game in
taking care of women's needs.
If we really need to understandour hormones and keep them in
balance, we should be gettingtested from the moment that
first period starts, not waitinguntil our 40s when things start
(10:52):
going haywire.
The whole idea of a normal rangeis a bit of a And I'll tell you
that in high school, I had afriend that went through this.
I had what you might call normalperiods, no major cramps, didn't
miss school.
But this friend, every singlemonth, doubled over in pain,
(11:17):
missing school for days.
We were both considered normalon paper, but clearly our bodies
were living very differentrealities.
And if we were to track ourhormones from the start, we'd
have a baseline of what's normalfor us, for me, for you.
(11:38):
And when things start shifting,we could catch it early.
That means getting help soonerinstead of being dismissed until
the symptoms are too loud toignore.
Or the other one, you go to seeyour doctor and it says, oh,
it's normal.
You're fine.
I don't feel fine.
Please stop telling me that I'mfine.
(12:00):
So with that, we've gone throughthe things that can affect our
hormones, but let's now go intothe actual symptoms that are
showing up in our lives.
Let's talk about the list ofthat they might put on a medical
(12:22):
website that say, oh, you'llhave this and this and that, but
they don't actually capture howwe feel when we're living it.
All right.
Let's start with the big one.
Hot flashes, night sweats.
This is not just a feeling warm.
I'm talking about sitting in ameeting and suddenly feeling
like your body has turned into ahuman furnace.
(12:42):
Sweat Sweat dripping down yourback, makeup melting, hair
plastered to your head.
And at night, it's like someoneset your bed on fire from the
inside out.
And for me, about 3 a.m., I wakeup drenched in sweat, no covers
on.
And honestly, well, honestly, Irun hot all the time.
(13:03):
And it seems to just love to hitat the most inopportune times of
the sweat just dripping on myclothes.
But I'll tell you, those nightsweats, they're brutal.
How about those sleepdisturbances?
I just talked about it for me,that wake-up call at 3 a.m.,
(13:24):
you're exhausted, but your bodyacts like it's auditioning for a
role in The Walking Dead.
You're wide awake at 3, yourbrain is going nuts, you're
staring at the ceiling, unableto get back to sleep until maybe
5 a.m., And then you have toturn around and get up in an
hour or two.
(13:45):
Who's been there?
And here's another big one forme.
Talked about it earlier, butthat brain fog and memory lapse.
Walking into a room andforgetting why you're there.
Losing your train of thoughtmid-sentence.
I've literally been in themiddle of telling a story and
had to say, shit, what did Ijust say?
(14:06):
And lately...
My man has somehow learned myspecial brain fog language.
I don't know how he did it.
But you know, when the words inyour head just refuse to connect
to your mouth, just waving myhands around trying to fill in
the blanks, he somehow candecode it.
I don't know how he does it.
(14:27):
Bless that man.
But let me tell you, thefrustration is real.
Feeling lost in my own abilityto communicate is one of the
most maddening things of thiswhole thing.
I feel so dumb.
stupid, not smart.
And this is so frustrating forme and for so many women I know.
(14:49):
All right, next on the list, wehave mood swings.
And this is not justirritability.
We're talking about anxiety thatcomes out of nowhere, feeling
low without an obvious reason.
It can feel like your emotionshave a mind of their own.
In fact, the other day I told myfamily, said, I'm not in a good
(15:09):
headspace.
You need to keep your distance.
And they just looked at me withthis weird look on their face
and said, okay.
I wasn't messing either.
And they listened.
Next, and this could be a reallytough one for us ladies, is our
change in libido and the vaginaldryness that can happen.
(15:31):
For one, as soon as we hit 40,I'm going to tell you that
moment you hit 40 for mostwomen, all of a sudden our
libidos are on high drive.
There is something about thattime that we are just ready to
get rocking all the time.
So the idea of like that changeall of a sudden, dropping, When
(15:51):
you've had this high libido orthe vaginal dryness of now
you're needing to use lubricanton a regular basis, and even
that doesn't always help, that'sreally tough.
And this really isn't one thatwe talk about enough.
And when it is, it's usuallysome part around shame or
awkwardness, because heavenforbid we talk about our private
(16:15):
areas, right?
But these changes are real.
And they can impact intimacy inbig ways, especially if we
haven't had them before.
And let me just add a little bitmore to this.
No one tells you about thechange in body odor in your
breath.
What the actual fuck?
(16:37):
I have been trying so manydeodorants now because the
antiperspirant ones make theodor worse.
Whole body deodorant is now athing.
And that is insane.
after the shower with putting iton again and again and again
throughout the day.
Now here, I thought I washandling it, but my guy felt
(17:02):
that he needed to have thatsensitive conversation with me.
And he's right.
He did.
His voice was low, afraid totalk to me about it, but he did
it anyway in the most kindness,kindest of ways.
I appreciated that conversationso much.
The next morning, I asked mydaughter about the body odor.
(17:26):
And in her not so kind way, shesaid, yeah, mom, I've been
telling you this for months.
It is so bad.
Thank you, daughter, for yourkindness in this difficult time
for me.
But I appreciated theconversation because They're
(17:47):
hard ones to have.
They're sensitive topics, butthey need to happen, whether we
like it or not.
Now, this next one, weightchanges.
This one is so incrediblypersonal for me.
So 15 months ago, I weighed 145pounds.
I'd worked my ass off for over ayear to hit this goal, and I did
(18:08):
it.
And then, boom, out of nowhere,the weight in my tummy area just
started creeping in.
In just three months, I was 25pounds heavier and suddenly on
blood pressure meds.
Here's the thing, though.
I was still exercising.
I was still eating like I didbefore.
(18:29):
So what the actual fuck justhappened?
I was so angry.
How come other women my agedidn't seem to have this issue?
My body started feeling weaker.
And as of today, I still haven'tbeen able to get under 170
pounds.
Eating right, exercising isn'tmoving the needle.
(18:50):
And that's the reality for somany of us in this stage.
The weight gain is brutal and itdoes happen mostly around our
tummies.
But then we also can have thosejoint pain and skin changes.
How many of you feel like you'recracking every time you take a
(19:11):
step?
Because that is me every damnmorning.
The soundtrack of my day startswith snap, crackle, pop.
I haven't even had my coffeeyet.
And the skin, drier, thinner,more delicate than it used to
be.
And here's the kicker.
Many of these symptoms start inperimenopause.
(19:32):
This is years before wetechnically even hit menopause.
That's why so many of us areblindsided.
We think we're too young.
Or we assume it's stress.
Or we're told it's just part ofgetting older.
And I'll tell you, when somebodysays that, you're like, oh, hell
no, you didn't just say that tome.
(19:55):
We're not doing that whole, it'sjust part of getting older
thing.
No.
But when you know what'spossible and you understand your
own hormonal baseline, you cansee these changes for what they
are.
They're simply signals from ourbody that it's entering a new
phase, a new chapter.
(20:15):
But I'll say something.
It still doesn't feel naturaland normal.
It just doesn't.
And so I keep coming back tothis.
Menopause and perimenopause arenatural.
Our bodies were designed to dothis.
But it doesn't feel that way.
The intensity, the length, theexhaustion, it doesn't feel
(20:39):
natural at all.
And here's the thing.
Natural doesn't always meangood.
Arsenic is natural.
Certain mushrooms are natural.
Hurricanes are natural.
That doesn't mean that I wantthem hanging out in my daily
life.
So just because menopause ispart of our biology doesn't mean
the experience we're havingright now is the one nature
(21:00):
intended.
In past generations, this was atransition that happened
alongside community support,slower living, a whole lot less
chronic stress.
Women weren't expected to jugglefull-time work, caregiving, 24-7
availability, and the constantpressure to look like we're 30.
They moved more naturally, atemore whole foods, and weren't
(21:24):
surrounded by the chemical soupwe live in today.
There was also a differentcultural story.
Menopause wasn't treated likethe beginning of the end for in
many societies, in manycultures.
It was a rite of passage into arespected role.
The wise woman, the elder, theone who had earned her voice.
(21:47):
And we can see this in so manycultures that are from Africa or
of African descent and alsoNative American descent and in
Native American cultures.
We see this all the time wherewomen are treated as wise and
you go to them for these things,for their voice, for their
(22:07):
wisdom.
But now?
We live in a world that valuesproductivity over presence,
youth over wisdom, and quickfixes over deep care.
We get handed antidepressants orbirth control instead of having
a real conversation about what'sactually happening in our
bodies.
They are more concerned in themedical field to take care of
(22:31):
the symptoms versus theoverlaying cause or the core
reason these things arehappening.
So yes, our bodies are stilldoing something natural, but
we're trying to have a smoothhormonal transition while living
the least natural environmentimaginable.
And that disconnect is huge.
(22:57):
So can we reframe theconversation?
Yes, menopause and perimenopausemight change our bodies, but
they don't have to take ourpower.
This isn't the slow fade intoinvisibility that our culture
tries to sell us.
This is a hormonal transitioninto a whole new phase of life.
(23:18):
And we get to decide what thislooks like.
Your body is not betraying you,even though it feels like it.
She's just asking for somethingdifferent, deeper nourishment,
rest.
nervous system regulation,movement that supports rather
than depletes.
She's simply saying that the oldways don't work anymore and it's
(23:41):
time for something better.
Who would love to have somethingbetter?
This is also the moment that westop ignoring our needs.
And yes, ladies, I'm beingserious.
Stop ignoring your needs.
Stop ignoring your needs.
These symptoms are loud becausethey're asking us to listen.
(24:03):
You don't have to just gothrough menopause.
You can work with your body tofind new balance.
You can track your symptoms soyou can see patterns instead of
guessing.
There's lots of apps for thisnow.
Getting a full hormone panel soyou know exactly what's going on
inside.
Even if you do it now, at leastyou know where your numbers are.
(24:27):
That's a good thing.
Upping your nutrient game, moreprotein, minerals, healthy fats.
These are so important for us toregulate our bodies.
Moving in ways that protect ourjoints and build strength.
This is a time...
They say after 40 is we want tofocus on strength training, not
(24:51):
on cardio.
And so we need to start lookingat that.
We need to protect our jointsand we need to protect those
hips and those knees and thoseelbows build strength in our
body.
We need to practice stressreduction like your life depends
on it.
Because let's be honest, itdoes.
(25:15):
And we can also reframe what thestage means.
And what I mean by that is thatin so many cultures, this is the
shift into wise woman energy.
You've done the work, you'velived the lessons, and now you
get to speak your truth.
Without apology, you get to takeup space in ways you never knew
before.
(25:37):
So while we may be struggling,while we must also find a way to
embody this change as a gift.
And I want to say this again,because I got it a little wrong.
While we may be struggling, wemust also find a way to embody
this change as a gift.
Because in the midst of allthese hot flashes, the brain
(26:00):
fog, the frustrations, there'salso freedom.
Freedom from cycles that oncedictated our lives.
Freedom to choose how we carefor ourselves.
Freedom to move into a phasewhere our voice, our wisdom, and
our desires matter.
And they matter more than ever.
(26:20):
So no, it might not feel naturalright now, but it can still feel
empowering.
You can be informed, supported,and unapologetically in charge
of how you move through thisstage.
Not just for you, but for everywoman coming up behind you.
So, all right, beautiful ladies.
(26:43):
I know that this was a bigtopic.
And I've covered a lot ofdifferent things around
menopause and perimenopause.
Why the symptoms are hitting usharder these days.
Why our personal hormone storyis just that.
personal there's no such thingas normal we vented hopefully
you've laughed at some of theabsurdity of it at all and also
(27:06):
found a little bit more clarityand these are talks that I want
to continue to have because Ithink it's important and I'm 48
going to be 49 in a couplemonths and I'm right there in it
now so if you're in this stageright now like I am I want you
(27:27):
to know that you're not alone.
You're not broken.
And you sure as hell aren'tinvisible.
And while we may be strugglingtogether, there is also a gift
here.
And when we share our stories,when we give each other the
permission and the power to seethe gift more clearly, we help
(27:47):
each other.
And that's important.
So let's keep talking.
If you've had a hot flash in themiddle of the grocery store,
forgotten what you were sayingmid-sentence, woken up in the
morning sounding like a bowl ofRice Krispies, I want to hear
from you.
Share your stories with me.
You can DM me.
(28:09):
We can do stuff.
You can do that throughInstagram.
You can leave comments under myYouTube video.
And...
Just know that I've got stufftoo, that I have my Facebook
group, Embodied Living, and Ialso have coming up an Embodied
Woman Collective.
This is a place for us to share,to experience, to grow.
(28:33):
Because when we speak thesetruths out loud, we take away
their power so that it won'tisolate us.
And I want you to know thisconversation isn't over.
I will cover this again inJanuary as we dive into wellness
and health.
And in a future podcast, I thinkit'd be a lot of fun to dive
into something I know so many ofus have actually been asking
(28:55):
for.
And that's how do we reclaim oursensuality and vitality during
and after menopause?
Yes, it is possible.
It's worth it.
And yes, you're going to leavefeeling a little more turned on
by life.
And that's why we do embodiedliving, because I want you
(29:16):
turned on by your life.
I want you excited to experiencethings.
I want you to embody your life.
So until then, be kind toyourself, listen to your body,
and remember, this isn't the endof anything.
It's simply the start of apowerful, unapologetic new life.
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