August 30, 2025 • 24 mins
Authenticity is one of those words everyone loves to throw around, but what does it really mean to live authentically, in your body and your life?
In this episode, Michelle unpacks the heated debate around makeup, implants, and “toxic” choices, and why women often end up pointing fingers at each other instead of lifting one another up.
She shares the difference between direct truth and judgment, reads real responses from her community, and offers simple ways to check in with your own embodied authenticity.
If you’ve ever wondered whether your choices make you “less authentic”, this episode will free you from the rulebook and bring you back to your truth.
Segments
- Opening Story: The social media post that sparked this episode
- Defining authenticity vs. embodied authenticity
- The complexity of choice: makeup, food, implants & intention
- Direct truth vs. judgment: the difference between honesty and cruelty
- Reading responses from the Embodied Living community
- Embodied authenticity in action: practical self-checks
- Closing message: lifting women up, not tearing them down
This podcast is for the woman who's done with the pretending.
Done with the shrinking, the people-pleasing, the burnout badge of honor.
She’s ready to come home to her body, her truth, and her power.
I'm Michelle, a feminine embodiment guide, no-BS truth teller, and woman who spent way too many years living in her head, doubting her worth, and dimming her light.
This space is where we unravel the old stories and reconnect with what it really means to live as an embodied woman. Expect juicy conversations on:
💫 Confidence, boundaries, and feminine energy
💫 Healing the good girl conditioning and embracing your full self
💫 Mindfulness, movement, tapping, and real-talk healing tools
💫 Being a woman in a world that profits off your silence
Whether you're on a walk, in the bath, or hiding from your kids in the car (been there), these episodes are your weekly permission slip to drop back into you.
🎧 Subscribe to Embodied Living with Michelle wherever you listen to podcasts—and if you love what you hear, leave a review and share with your soul sisters.
Let’s stop performing life and start living it.
Host: Michelle Lawson
Learn more and join our next Embodied Living Course
Join my Embodied Living Newsletter
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Welcome to another episode of Embodied Living,
episode nine, and we're going tobe talking about embodied
authenticity.
And I came across this as atopic for this podcast when I
was scrolling Facebook.
I came across a post thatintrigued me.
I have followed this woman.
(00:22):
I enjoy her shares and posts.
I often agree with them, butthis one was a little different.
It hit different in my body, theway it was talking.
And so I'm going to just tellyou a little bit about what she
had put in this.
And then I'll probably put in afew little notes here and there.
(00:42):
But I want to explain like howthis kind of went, this
interaction on this post andwhat happened and why this
became such an important topicto me to discuss in my podcast.
So she makes her first point isabsolutely 100% irrevocably
true.
The beauty industry hasnormalized the synthetic world.
(01:05):
We've been doing that fordecades.
This is not new, right?
Fake nails, fake breasts, fakehair, fake lips, fake ass,
right?
And I want to be completely realhere because I understand what
she's trying to say.
Injections, breast implants,these can be very dangerous.
So Just please use caution anddo your research.
(01:28):
And do not assume that thedoctors will be honest with you
because let's be honest here,right?
Let's switch it around.
They make a whole lot of fuckingmoney on these procedures.
So be smart.
This includes liposuction, doingthese different types of things
in order for us to feel betteror feel good in our own bodies.
(01:51):
I think that it's important thatwe feel...
feel good in our own bodies, butwe do need to look at where it
comes from and we'll get to thatlater on.
So, but I just wanted to putthat out there.
So what got me was that shesaid, your fake body isn't
liberation or authenticity.
And we're going to talk aboutthat because for one, what's
(02:18):
fake and what's real, what arewe referring to?
is having plumper lips somethingthat makes you feel better about
yourself and therefore it makesyou feel more authentic?
I don't know.
I don't know your story.
But she makes a very good pointthat these are poisons and that
they are creating issues in ourbodies.
(02:39):
So I do want to say that iunderstand i think where she was
coming from with this um but shedoes talk to the fact that she
also thinks it's wild that wewomen promote authenticity yet
we are fully addicted to a fakebody and i think that's a gross
exaggeration i just don't seethis much in real women this is
(03:00):
something that is shown more inthe public eye i mean hello
kardashians right and more of usladies are much smarter than
that we know that this is notour expression It's their
expression and they have everyright to express that way if
they choose.
She speaks to all thesedifferent toxins creating
(03:21):
horrible transitions throughmenopause.
And for those of you wholistened to episode eight that I
just did on menopause, I talkabout a lot of different things
that can cause these issues.
And yes, toxins are one of them.
The foods we eat are one ofthem.
There's many, many things thatattribute to this.
And, um, And there's so manythings in the foods that I think
(03:43):
attribute more so, but, but herpoint is still there, right?
These things that we do arefleeting and that's what she
says.
And, but she's under theimpression that because we
choose certain things, likemaybe to dye our hair, that now
our golden years are going to betough.
(04:05):
And I, She ends it with saying,I don't care if you want to do
these things, but be a grownupand accept that it is an
expression.
It is, it isn't liberation andit's wildly toxic to your body.
So she's saying that thesethings that perhaps make us feel
better about ourselves aren'texpressions.
It does.
They're just toxic.
(04:26):
And that's all.
And she really just speaks tomakeup and implants for the most
part, these main two topics.
But like I said, I was veryintrigued.
I thought this was a greattopic.
What I came out of also is thatshe believes in direct
communication is what she said,but what she was expressing was
a viewpoint which pointedfingers to those who don't agree
(04:49):
with her.
So let me describe a little bithow this went.
I responded, shocking.
That's what I do.
I wanted to offer another way oflooking at authenticity.
But she would rather getoffended, it seemed, than that I
didn't agree with hercompletely.
She wasn't interested inpondering another way to
(05:10):
express.
And many of the women whocommented also were pointing
fingers at the women who chooseto show authenticity in a way
they beautify themselves with nounderstanding of personal
experience or wanting to reallyknow the women's stories.
And we do this a lot.
And this is my big thing is wehave to stop.
(05:33):
We need to know each other'sstories.
We need to lift each other up.
But I go on a tangent and Iapologize.
So in this conversation,conversation, there were a few
women who had responded to mycomments and would ask me
questions and I loved it.
And I told them great questionsand I would respond back.
I want to honor their questions.
I want to make sure that theyknow that I'm hearing them and
(05:56):
simply giving back my ownfeedback of what I've
experienced.
Well, after I answered twoladies, I found out that I was
blocked from commenting.
So I will objectively assume Iwas posting too much in her
eyes, but I think we can allcome to the conclusion
conclusion that it was moreabout the fact that I wasn't
(06:16):
agreeing with the point she wasmaking around expression and I
want to express also that I didtell her that I love this
conversation and thank you forbringing it to the public it's
such an important one to discusswell I have gone back and read
this post a few times.
I wanted to see, did Imisunderstand something?
(06:37):
Did I hear something at the timebased on maybe how I was
feeling?
Was there something else goingon?
What was the reasoning for thepost?
What was the real thing she wastrying to bring forward?
And what really came to me, whathit me the most is, wait.
(07:01):
What even is authenticity?
What is our expression?
And who has the right to tell uswhether we're being authentic in
our expression?
So I want to define authenticitya bit.
And this could be more my way oflooking at it.
(07:23):
And I totally understand that.
So here goes.
So this whole world or wholeword authenticity, everyone
loves to throw it around, right?
We're all saying, oh, I want tobe authentic.
I want to do this.
I want to do that.
Oh, I'm authentic.
I'm this.
I'm that.
We do it all the time.
But being authentic is aboutbeing real to yourself.
(07:47):
And let's talk about that alittle bit more.
So for me, authenticity isliving in alignment with my
truth, my values, my my actuallived experience.
It's not a checklist someoneelse made for me.
And when it comes to embodiedauthenticity, well, that's when
it's not just a thought or acute Instagram caption.
(08:09):
It's when I actually am livingit.
I'm breathing it and feel it inmy body.
It's when my choices match thewoman that I am, not the woman
someone else says I should be.
And with that said, Here's apersonal example.
So in the past, I've always madeit a point on a second date to
(08:33):
show up without makeup.
So I'll be all done up on thefirst one, you know, really just
kind of in it, seeing how I feelabout the person, seeing if we
have a communication that works,if the person is interesting.
And the reason why on the seconddate I come in with no makeup is
(08:53):
It's not because I don't lovegetting done up, because I do.
I love it.
I'm done up now.
It's how I feel the mostproductivity happens.
But I do it because I want themto see me completely natural.
There's two sides of myauthenticity.
The fresh-faced me, theglammed-up me, depending on how
(09:15):
much I'm doing or where I'mgoing.
And they're both real.
Whether I have makeup on orwhether I don't have makeup on,
they're both part of who I am.
They're both me.
They're both real.
Some days I love the process ofgetting dressed up and paint my
face.
(09:36):
And other days I love thefreedom of just being bare.
Neither cancels the other out.
They're both part of myauthentic expression.
So let's talk a little bit aboutexpression and the complexity of
our choices that we make.
So What really struck me in thatoriginal post was she said that
(09:56):
fake things like makeup andimplants mean you can't have a
true relationship with yourbody.
That it's not authentic.
It's not liberating.
And since it doesn't last, it'smeaningless.
Well, here's the thing.
That's her perspective.
One person's perspective.
In my experience...
(10:17):
And in the stories of so manywomen I've worked with, those
things can be exactly whatexpression looks like.
Expression doesn't always meanuntouched, raw and bare.
Expression can be hair color.
It's makeup, tattoos, piercings,the lotions we put on, getting
(10:37):
our nails done.
Even what shoes we decide to puton our feet for that day.
But it's...
And are some of these thingstoxic to the body?
Of course they are.
Yeah, absolutely.
Toxic and inauthentic are notthe same thing.
(10:58):
Expression is about choice.
Authenticity is about choice.
And when we choose from a placeof intention, from desire,
creativity, that's authenticity.
That is liberation.
And let's be honest, aginghappens no matter what.
None of us are stopping time.
(11:18):
But the way we choose to movethrough it, adorn ourselves,
express who we are, that's notfake.
That's real as hell.
And we have every right toexpress ourselves the way we
want.
If we want to color our hairbecause maybe we don't like our
original color, that's ourchoice.
Nobody is here to tell us whatwe can and cannot do unless we
(11:38):
let them.
And listen, Like I said, it's avalid point, right?
We all get to define ourrelationship with our bodies.
But the problem is when weuniversalize it.
When we say this is the only wayto be authentic.
If you do it differently, you'refake.
(12:00):
That's not truth telling.
That's judgment.
That's one dimensional thinking.
That is not caring about whatthe other person's experiences
are.
and why they are making thechoices they're making.
Authenticity is not cookiecutter.
It's layered like an onion.
It's nuanced and it's deeplypersonal.
(12:23):
What's liberating for her, theperson who posted, might feel
suffocating to me.
What's free or what feels faketo her might feel like joyous
self-expression to someone else.
And the danger is when we stopbeing curious about each other's
experiences and stop policing,we have an issue.
(12:47):
Because we have choices, ladies,whether it's makeup, boob jobs,
banks, Botox, green smoothies,or a damn Target lip gloss, they
don't exist in a vacuum.
I want you to take a moment withthis.
Every choice we make isconnected to our stories, our
(13:08):
pain, our desires, our culture.
One woman's implants might beher reclaiming her body after
cancer.
Another woman's bare face mightbe her reclaiming her body after
years of being sexualized.
So when we point fingers and saythat's toxic, that's not
authentic, we erase thosestories.
(13:31):
And in my world, That's notokay.
It's unfair.
It's not being balanced in whowe are.
And let's not pretend that theonly toxins in our lives are in
our mascara tubes.
We're talking nutrition,environment, water quality,
lotions, hair dye, evendeodorants, antiperspirants that
(13:56):
we put onto our skin.
All of these things go into ourbodies.
They soak into our skin andaffect us.
And natural is not alwayshealthy for us.
Great example.
Arsenic is natural and yet toxicto our bodies.
So yes, a lot of it is toxic.
(14:17):
But here's the truth.
Toxic doesn't automatically meaninauthentic.
Authenticity isn't about banningthings.
It's about asking, why am Ichoosing this?
Does this choice expand me ordoes it shrink me?
Who am I doing this for?
And am I choosing this from fearor from a place of freedom?
(14:43):
That's the real conversation.
Not whether something is fake ornot, but whether it's aligned
with our truth, our own personaltruth.
And listen, there's a bigdifference between direct
communication and judgmentdisguised as truth.
And I want to speak to thisbecause I believe that direct
(15:07):
communication is very importantwhen done with kindness, with
regard for the other person,with a place of, I wonder what
motivates women to, or I'venoticed when I stopped wearing
makeup, I felt more free or Ifelt less free.
Judgment is if you wear makeup,you're fake.
(15:28):
One opens a door, the otherslams it shut.
And women, we just don't needmore doors slammed in our faces.
We've had centuries of thatalready.
And we especially don't need itcoming from other women.
I get so worked up about this.
(15:51):
I want so much for us to raiseeach other up, to understand
each other's stories, tounderstand our wisdom.
Not to get so caught up inone-dimensional thinking and
thinking that our way is theright way.
That we're not honest withourselves if we don't agree with
your point.
I want this to end.
(16:13):
So, after I got blocked fromthat conversation, I brought the
question over to my owncommunity.
Because let's be honest.
Y'all are smarter, morecompassionate than a stupid
comment thread wore.
And that's how it felt aftertime.
So I'm going to read some ofthese comments because I want
(16:34):
you to hear what other women aresaying.
One woman says, I think thatbeing authentic means that you
do what pleases your soul frommoment to moment and day to day.
Some days I want to wear makeupand do myself up and I don't
care if my makeup has some toxicqualities to it.
(16:57):
Some days my authentic self isdone to the nines and some days
my authentic self is shorts anda tank top.
No makeup and my hair and aponytail.
I think that when we aren'tauthentic is when we are
wearing, doing, being,expressing what is not in
alignment with our values andour truths.
(17:17):
When we do things such as put ona bunch of makeup and wear
clothes that we don't feelcomfortable in because we think
that we have to, not because wewant to, that is being
inauthentic.
And I also think that sometimeswe have limiting beliefs that
are buried, that spill out like,can't leave the house without my
(17:40):
face on.
This was a saying that my aunthad that I picked up on.
I still have to question myselfabout why I wasn't okay with the
face that I have.
Why do I need to doctor it upwith a bunch of makeup?
Who says this?
(18:00):
And other limiting beliefs aboutour value and our contributions
in society being hinged onlooking a certain way.
So doing the inner work helpsmake sure that the authenticity
is true authenticity and it'snot coming from a place of lack
or other.
And then she said, thanks forthe discussion.
Another woman says, I believeeach of us is different.
(18:24):
The authentic self is who wechoose to be.
If we choose to dress or takecare of ourselves in a certain
way, That's fine.
I do feel it is good for ourclose friends to communicate
with us if they feel we aredoing something harmful, but
hopefully in a gentle,nonjudgmental way.
I personally enjoy makeup formyself.
(18:44):
I have some natural items and Ienjoy that we have a local
natural store.
Another lady said she had justhad this debate with her husband
because he is starting to losehis hair and maybe a little
self-conscious about that.
And he's ready to go bald.
She doesn't want him to.
And she's telling him that, no,it's natural.
(19:05):
It's fine.
Don't shave.
I love it like this.
Do your comb over.
Just be natural.
Be who you are.
And his response is, but I wantto look this way because it
makes me feel more me.
It makes me better.
feel better.
And his response to her alsowas, then you can't wear makeup
(19:27):
or dye your hair anymore.
And I love that.
And she responded that it isn'tthe same thing at all.
But I think we know that it is.
And we often point this kind ofstuff just to us ladies.
But what men have theirinsecurities to one of their big
ones is their hair.
So if they want to go bald, letthem choose that.
(19:49):
I love a beautiful bald head.
I think they're sexy.
Maybe she will find them sexierthan she thought too.
And finally we have, I think weshould do what makes us feel our
best.
I have lived in organic andhealthy lifestyle for decades
and aging is inevitable and wehave no control of how or what
(20:10):
it looks like.
I want my outside to match myinsides and I've wanted this for
decades, but son can't wipe thataway.
I totally support a natural lookwith aesthetics for me, not big
lips and fake boobs, but that'sgreat for others.
As long as whatever we do toourselves is not a codependent
(20:33):
behavior.
I say, do your thing, Chica.
We can't outrun the trips aroundthe sun, but we can soften the
blows.
UNKNOWN (20:44):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (20:46):
I love those responses.
They came from a place of love,a place of compassion, and a
place of understanding.
And it showed me just howlayered and nuanced all of our
experiences are, right?
There's no one size fits all.
There's no complete definitionof authenticity for each of us.
(21:08):
There's nothing finite about us.
There's your version and myversion, and they both get to
exist.
So how can we kind of close thisup and how can we practice
embodied authenticity?
So here's what I do.
And please feel free in thecomments or DM me your own
(21:32):
thoughts of what you do thathelps you feel embodied within
your own personal authenticity.
But for me personally, I like totake a moment to pause and feel
and ask myself this question.
Does this choice expand me orconstrict me?
Why am I doing it?
Is it for someone else or is itfor me?
(21:52):
An intentional check.
Where's this coming from?
Is this coming from a place offear, proving or desire?
And then I take in my body'swisdom.
How does my body respond if Iimagine not doing it?
(22:13):
How would I feel?
Would I be okay?
Because at the end of the day,it's not about the mascara or
the implants or the kale salad.
It's about whether the choicebrings you closer to yourself or
(22:36):
takes you further away.
If eating the kale salad makesyou feel healthy in your body,
then eat it.
If your favorite mascara makesyour lashes look gorgeous and it
just lets you feel more youbecause perhaps you're like me
and you have blonde lashes thatdon't even show up, wear it.
(22:57):
If you have implants because youwent through a double mastectomy
and you want to feel like yourold self again, do it.
but also know the pros and thecons.
(23:17):
My invitation at this time isthis.
Let's stop measuring eachother's authenticity like it's a
damn competition.
Instead of pointing fingers,lift each other up.
Fix each other's crowns.
Embodied authenticity isn'tabout the thing.
It's about you.
(23:38):
the truth underneath the thing.
And when you live from thatplace, that's when we're free.
So wear the jeans because youlove the way your butt looks.
Wear the bra that pushes thosebreasts up because you feel
sexier.
Wear fabrics that feel good toyour skin.
(23:58):
Define your expression throughyour style, your looks.
And if that makes you feel inalignment, with what you want
for that day, then do it.
At the end of the day, just doyou.
Be you.
(24:19):
So that closes out this episodeof Embodied Living.
Please give me comments.
I want to hear them.
I want to know what makes youfeel authentic.
What gives you a place that youfeel your best self?
Tell me your stories.
Your stories matter.
You matter.
(24:40):
And I want you to always knowthat.
So as we close this up, I justwant to wish you a beautiful
day, an embodied day, apleasurable day.
Welcome to another episode of Embodied Living,
episode nine, and we're going tobe talking about embodied
authenticity.
And I came across this as atopic for this podcast when I
was scrolling Facebook.
I came across a post thatintrigued me.
I have followed this woman.
(00:22):
I enjoy her shares and posts.
I often agree with them, butthis one was a little different.
It hit different in my body, theway it was talking.
And so I'm going to just tellyou a little bit about what she
had put in this.
And then I'll probably put in afew little notes here and there.
(00:42):
But I want to explain like howthis kind of went, this
interaction on this post andwhat happened and why this
became such an important topicto me to discuss in my podcast.
So she makes her first point isabsolutely 100% irrevocably
true.
The beauty industry hasnormalized the synthetic world.
(01:05):
We've been doing that fordecades.
This is not new, right?
Fake nails, fake breasts, fakehair, fake lips, fake ass,
right?
And I want to be completely realhere because I understand what
she's trying to say.
Injections, breast implants,these can be very dangerous.
So Just please use caution anddo your research.
(01:28):
And do not assume that thedoctors will be honest with you
because let's be honest here,right?
Let's switch it around.
They make a whole lot of fuckingmoney on these procedures.
So be smart.
This includes liposuction, doingthese different types of things
in order for us to feel betteror feel good in our own bodies.
(01:51):
I think that it's important thatwe feel...
feel good in our own bodies, butwe do need to look at where it
comes from and we'll get to thatlater on.
So, but I just wanted to putthat out there.
So what got me was that shesaid, your fake body isn't
liberation or authenticity.
And we're going to talk aboutthat because for one, what's
(02:18):
fake and what's real, what arewe referring to?
is having plumper lips somethingthat makes you feel better about
yourself and therefore it makesyou feel more authentic?
I don't know.
I don't know your story.
But she makes a very good pointthat these are poisons and that
they are creating issues in ourbodies.
(02:39):
So I do want to say that iunderstand i think where she was
coming from with this um but shedoes talk to the fact that she
also thinks it's wild that wewomen promote authenticity yet
we are fully addicted to a fakebody and i think that's a gross
exaggeration i just don't seethis much in real women this is
(03:00):
something that is shown more inthe public eye i mean hello
kardashians right and more of usladies are much smarter than
that we know that this is notour expression It's their
expression and they have everyright to express that way if
they choose.
She speaks to all thesedifferent toxins creating
(03:21):
horrible transitions throughmenopause.
And for those of you wholistened to episode eight that I
just did on menopause, I talkabout a lot of different things
that can cause these issues.
And yes, toxins are one of them.
The foods we eat are one ofthem.
There's many, many things thatattribute to this.
And, um, And there's so manythings in the foods that I think
(03:43):
attribute more so, but, but herpoint is still there, right?
These things that we do arefleeting and that's what she
says.
And, but she's under theimpression that because we
choose certain things, likemaybe to dye our hair, that now
our golden years are going to betough.
(04:05):
And I, She ends it with saying,I don't care if you want to do
these things, but be a grownupand accept that it is an
expression.
It is, it isn't liberation andit's wildly toxic to your body.
So she's saying that thesethings that perhaps make us feel
better about ourselves aren'texpressions.
It does.
They're just toxic.
(04:26):
And that's all.
And she really just speaks tomakeup and implants for the most
part, these main two topics.
But like I said, I was veryintrigued.
I thought this was a greattopic.
What I came out of also is thatshe believes in direct
communication is what she said,but what she was expressing was
a viewpoint which pointedfingers to those who don't agree
(04:49):
with her.
So let me describe a little bithow this went.
I responded, shocking.
That's what I do.
I wanted to offer another way oflooking at authenticity.
But she would rather getoffended, it seemed, than that I
didn't agree with hercompletely.
She wasn't interested inpondering another way to
(05:10):
express.
And many of the women whocommented also were pointing
fingers at the women who chooseto show authenticity in a way
they beautify themselves with nounderstanding of personal
experience or wanting to reallyknow the women's stories.
And we do this a lot.
And this is my big thing is wehave to stop.
(05:33):
We need to know each other'sstories.
We need to lift each other up.
But I go on a tangent and Iapologize.
So in this conversation,conversation, there were a few
women who had responded to mycomments and would ask me
questions and I loved it.
And I told them great questionsand I would respond back.
I want to honor their questions.
I want to make sure that theyknow that I'm hearing them and
(05:56):
simply giving back my ownfeedback of what I've
experienced.
Well, after I answered twoladies, I found out that I was
blocked from commenting.
So I will objectively assume Iwas posting too much in her
eyes, but I think we can allcome to the conclusion
conclusion that it was moreabout the fact that I wasn't
(06:16):
agreeing with the point she wasmaking around expression and I
want to express also that I didtell her that I love this
conversation and thank you forbringing it to the public it's
such an important one to discusswell I have gone back and read
this post a few times.
I wanted to see, did Imisunderstand something?
(06:37):
Did I hear something at the timebased on maybe how I was
feeling?
Was there something else goingon?
What was the reasoning for thepost?
What was the real thing she wastrying to bring forward?
And what really came to me, whathit me the most is, wait.
(07:01):
What even is authenticity?
What is our expression?
And who has the right to tell uswhether we're being authentic in
our expression?
So I want to define authenticitya bit.
And this could be more my way oflooking at it.
(07:23):
And I totally understand that.
So here goes.
So this whole world or wholeword authenticity, everyone
loves to throw it around, right?
We're all saying, oh, I want tobe authentic.
I want to do this.
I want to do that.
Oh, I'm authentic.
I'm this.
I'm that.
We do it all the time.
But being authentic is aboutbeing real to yourself.
(07:47):
And let's talk about that alittle bit more.
So for me, authenticity isliving in alignment with my
truth, my values, my my actuallived experience.
It's not a checklist someoneelse made for me.
And when it comes to embodiedauthenticity, well, that's when
it's not just a thought or acute Instagram caption.
(08:09):
It's when I actually am livingit.
I'm breathing it and feel it inmy body.
It's when my choices match thewoman that I am, not the woman
someone else says I should be.
And with that said, Here's apersonal example.
So in the past, I've always madeit a point on a second date to
(08:33):
show up without makeup.
So I'll be all done up on thefirst one, you know, really just
kind of in it, seeing how I feelabout the person, seeing if we
have a communication that works,if the person is interesting.
And the reason why on the seconddate I come in with no makeup is
(08:53):
It's not because I don't lovegetting done up, because I do.
I love it.
I'm done up now.
It's how I feel the mostproductivity happens.
But I do it because I want themto see me completely natural.
There's two sides of myauthenticity.
The fresh-faced me, theglammed-up me, depending on how
(09:15):
much I'm doing or where I'mgoing.
And they're both real.
Whether I have makeup on orwhether I don't have makeup on,
they're both part of who I am.
They're both me.
They're both real.
Some days I love the process ofgetting dressed up and paint my
face.
(09:36):
And other days I love thefreedom of just being bare.
Neither cancels the other out.
They're both part of myauthentic expression.
So let's talk a little bit aboutexpression and the complexity of
our choices that we make.
So What really struck me in thatoriginal post was she said that
(09:56):
fake things like makeup andimplants mean you can't have a
true relationship with yourbody.
That it's not authentic.
It's not liberating.
And since it doesn't last, it'smeaningless.
Well, here's the thing.
That's her perspective.
One person's perspective.
In my experience...
(10:17):
And in the stories of so manywomen I've worked with, those
things can be exactly whatexpression looks like.
Expression doesn't always meanuntouched, raw and bare.
Expression can be hair color.
It's makeup, tattoos, piercings,the lotions we put on, getting
(10:37):
our nails done.
Even what shoes we decide to puton our feet for that day.
But it's...
And are some of these thingstoxic to the body?
Of course they are.
Yeah, absolutely.
Toxic and inauthentic are notthe same thing.
(10:58):
Expression is about choice.
Authenticity is about choice.
And when we choose from a placeof intention, from desire,
creativity, that's authenticity.
That is liberation.
And let's be honest, aginghappens no matter what.
None of us are stopping time.
(11:18):
But the way we choose to movethrough it, adorn ourselves,
express who we are, that's notfake.
That's real as hell.
And we have every right toexpress ourselves the way we
want.
If we want to color our hairbecause maybe we don't like our
original color, that's ourchoice.
Nobody is here to tell us whatwe can and cannot do unless we
(11:38):
let them.
And listen, Like I said, it's avalid point, right?
We all get to define ourrelationship with our bodies.
But the problem is when weuniversalize it.
When we say this is the only wayto be authentic.
If you do it differently, you'refake.
(12:00):
That's not truth telling.
That's judgment.
That's one dimensional thinking.
That is not caring about whatthe other person's experiences
are.
and why they are making thechoices they're making.
Authenticity is not cookiecutter.
It's layered like an onion.
It's nuanced and it's deeplypersonal.
(12:23):
What's liberating for her, theperson who posted, might feel
suffocating to me.
What's free or what feels faketo her might feel like joyous
self-expression to someone else.
And the danger is when we stopbeing curious about each other's
experiences and stop policing,we have an issue.
(12:47):
Because we have choices, ladies,whether it's makeup, boob jobs,
banks, Botox, green smoothies,or a damn Target lip gloss, they
don't exist in a vacuum.
I want you to take a moment withthis.
Every choice we make isconnected to our stories, our
(13:08):
pain, our desires, our culture.
One woman's implants might beher reclaiming her body after
cancer.
Another woman's bare face mightbe her reclaiming her body after
years of being sexualized.
So when we point fingers and saythat's toxic, that's not
authentic, we erase thosestories.
(13:31):
And in my world, That's notokay.
It's unfair.
It's not being balanced in whowe are.
And let's not pretend that theonly toxins in our lives are in
our mascara tubes.
We're talking nutrition,environment, water quality,
lotions, hair dye, evendeodorants, antiperspirants that
(13:56):
we put onto our skin.
All of these things go into ourbodies.
They soak into our skin andaffect us.
And natural is not alwayshealthy for us.
Great example.
Arsenic is natural and yet toxicto our bodies.
So yes, a lot of it is toxic.
(14:17):
But here's the truth.
Toxic doesn't automatically meaninauthentic.
Authenticity isn't about banningthings.
It's about asking, why am Ichoosing this?
Does this choice expand me ordoes it shrink me?
Who am I doing this for?
And am I choosing this from fearor from a place of freedom?
(14:43):
That's the real conversation.
Not whether something is fake ornot, but whether it's aligned
with our truth, our own personaltruth.
And listen, there's a bigdifference between direct
communication and judgmentdisguised as truth.
And I want to speak to thisbecause I believe that direct
(15:07):
communication is very importantwhen done with kindness, with
regard for the other person,with a place of, I wonder what
motivates women to, or I'venoticed when I stopped wearing
makeup, I felt more free or Ifelt less free.
Judgment is if you wear makeup,you're fake.
(15:28):
One opens a door, the otherslams it shut.
And women, we just don't needmore doors slammed in our faces.
We've had centuries of thatalready.
And we especially don't need itcoming from other women.
I get so worked up about this.
(15:51):
I want so much for us to raiseeach other up, to understand
each other's stories, tounderstand our wisdom.
Not to get so caught up inone-dimensional thinking and
thinking that our way is theright way.
That we're not honest withourselves if we don't agree with
your point.
I want this to end.
(16:13):
So, after I got blocked fromthat conversation, I brought the
question over to my owncommunity.
Because let's be honest.
Y'all are smarter, morecompassionate than a stupid
comment thread wore.
And that's how it felt aftertime.
So I'm going to read some ofthese comments because I want
(16:34):
you to hear what other women aresaying.
One woman says, I think thatbeing authentic means that you
do what pleases your soul frommoment to moment and day to day.
Some days I want to wear makeupand do myself up and I don't
care if my makeup has some toxicqualities to it.
(16:57):
Some days my authentic self isdone to the nines and some days
my authentic self is shorts anda tank top.
No makeup and my hair and aponytail.
I think that when we aren'tauthentic is when we are
wearing, doing, being,expressing what is not in
alignment with our values andour truths.
(17:17):
When we do things such as put ona bunch of makeup and wear
clothes that we don't feelcomfortable in because we think
that we have to, not because wewant to, that is being
inauthentic.
And I also think that sometimeswe have limiting beliefs that
are buried, that spill out like,can't leave the house without my
(17:40):
face on.
This was a saying that my aunthad that I picked up on.
I still have to question myselfabout why I wasn't okay with the
face that I have.
Why do I need to doctor it upwith a bunch of makeup?
Who says this?
(18:00):
And other limiting beliefs aboutour value and our contributions
in society being hinged onlooking a certain way.
So doing the inner work helpsmake sure that the authenticity
is true authenticity and it'snot coming from a place of lack
or other.
And then she said, thanks forthe discussion.
Another woman says, I believeeach of us is different.
(18:24):
The authentic self is who wechoose to be.
If we choose to dress or takecare of ourselves in a certain
way, That's fine.
I do feel it is good for ourclose friends to communicate
with us if they feel we aredoing something harmful, but
hopefully in a gentle,nonjudgmental way.
I personally enjoy makeup formyself.
(18:44):
I have some natural items and Ienjoy that we have a local
natural store.
Another lady said she had justhad this debate with her husband
because he is starting to losehis hair and maybe a little
self-conscious about that.
And he's ready to go bald.
She doesn't want him to.
And she's telling him that, no,it's natural.
(19:05):
It's fine.
Don't shave.
I love it like this.
Do your comb over.
Just be natural.
Be who you are.
And his response is, but I wantto look this way because it
makes me feel more me.
It makes me better.
feel better.
And his response to her alsowas, then you can't wear makeup
(19:27):
or dye your hair anymore.
And I love that.
And she responded that it isn'tthe same thing at all.
But I think we know that it is.
And we often point this kind ofstuff just to us ladies.
But what men have theirinsecurities to one of their big
ones is their hair.
So if they want to go bald, letthem choose that.
(19:49):
I love a beautiful bald head.
I think they're sexy.
Maybe she will find them sexierthan she thought too.
And finally we have, I think weshould do what makes us feel our
best.
I have lived in organic andhealthy lifestyle for decades
and aging is inevitable and wehave no control of how or what
(20:10):
it looks like.
I want my outside to match myinsides and I've wanted this for
decades, but son can't wipe thataway.
I totally support a natural lookwith aesthetics for me, not big
lips and fake boobs, but that'sgreat for others.
As long as whatever we do toourselves is not a codependent
(20:33):
behavior.
I say, do your thing, Chica.
We can't outrun the trips aroundthe sun, but we can soften the
blows.
UNKNOWN (20:44):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (20:46):
I love those responses.
They came from a place of love,a place of compassion, and a
place of understanding.
And it showed me just howlayered and nuanced all of our
experiences are, right?
There's no one size fits all.
There's no complete definitionof authenticity for each of us.
(21:08):
There's nothing finite about us.
There's your version and myversion, and they both get to
exist.
So how can we kind of close thisup and how can we practice
embodied authenticity?
So here's what I do.
And please feel free in thecomments or DM me your own
(21:32):
thoughts of what you do thathelps you feel embodied within
your own personal authenticity.
But for me personally, I like totake a moment to pause and feel
and ask myself this question.
Does this choice expand me orconstrict me?
Why am I doing it?
Is it for someone else or is itfor me?
(21:52):
An intentional check.
Where's this coming from?
Is this coming from a place offear, proving or desire?
And then I take in my body'swisdom.
How does my body respond if Iimagine not doing it?
(22:13):
How would I feel?
Would I be okay?
Because at the end of the day,it's not about the mascara or
the implants or the kale salad.
It's about whether the choicebrings you closer to yourself or
(22:36):
takes you further away.
If eating the kale salad makesyou feel healthy in your body,
then eat it.
If your favorite mascara makesyour lashes look gorgeous and it
just lets you feel more youbecause perhaps you're like me
and you have blonde lashes thatdon't even show up, wear it.
(22:57):
If you have implants because youwent through a double mastectomy
and you want to feel like yourold self again, do it.
but also know the pros and thecons.
(23:17):
My invitation at this time isthis.
Let's stop measuring eachother's authenticity like it's a
damn competition.
Instead of pointing fingers,lift each other up.
Fix each other's crowns.
Embodied authenticity isn'tabout the thing.
It's about you.
(23:38):
the truth underneath the thing.
And when you live from thatplace, that's when we're free.
So wear the jeans because youlove the way your butt looks.
Wear the bra that pushes thosebreasts up because you feel
sexier.
Wear fabrics that feel good toyour skin.
(23:58):
Define your expression throughyour style, your looks.
And if that makes you feel inalignment, with what you want
for that day, then do it.
At the end of the day, just doyou.
Be you.
(24:19):
So that closes out this episodeof Embodied Living.
Please give me comments.
I want to hear them.
I want to know what makes youfeel authentic.
What gives you a place that youfeel your best self?
Tell me your stories.
Your stories matter.
You matter.
(24:40):
And I want you to always knowthat.
So as we close this up, I justwant to wish you a beautiful
day, an embodied day, apleasurable day.
Popular Podcasts
NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal
Gregg Rosenthal and a rotating crew of elite NFL Media co-hosts, including Patrick Claybon, Colleen Wolfe, Steve Wyche, Nick Shook and Jourdan Rodrigue of The Athletic get you caught up daily on all the NFL news and analysis you need to be smarter and funnier than your friends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com