February 14, 2024 • 49 mins
Join us for an enlightening conversation with Alexa and Jacqueline Child, the dynamic duo behind Dateability, a revolutionary dating app designed to empower the disabled and chronically ill communities. Founded by sisters, Jacqueline's personal experience with discrimination and hurtful comments on mainstream dating apps due to her disability ignited a spark within them to create a platform that champions inclusivity and understanding.
In this podcast episode, we delve into Jacqueline and Alexa's journey, exploring the challenges they faced in the dating world and the inspiration behind Dateability. Jacqueline shares her firsthand encounters with discrimination and offensive behavior on traditional dating platforms, highlighting the urgent need for a space where individuals with disabilities can connect authentically without fear of judgment.
Through their shared vision, Jacqueline and Alexa are on a mission to revolutionize the social experiences of a population that has long been overlooked and marginalized. With Dateability, they're not just building a dating app; they're fostering a supportive community where everyone's unique journey is celebrated.
Tune in as we discuss the values driving Dateability, the obstacles they've overcome, and their dedication to making it the premier platform for the disabled and chronically ill communities.
- Learn about and download Dateability
- Follow Dateability on Instagram
- Book an EmBRACE It Workshop
- Looking for more great tips, hacks, and blog posts? Visit: Trend-Able.com
- Find more on Charcot-Marie-Tooth (CMT) and patient resources at: HNF-cure.org
- Follow us on IG! @embraceit_podcast | @trend.able | @cmtwegotthis
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Hosted by Lainie Ishbia and Estela Lugo.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to the Embrace it series, where women
with all types of disabilitiescan be real, resourceful and
stylish.
With each episode, you'll walkor roll away with everyday tips,
life hacks and success storiesfrom community leaders and
influencers.
So take off your leg braces andstay a while with Lainey and
Estella.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Hi, I'm Lainey and I have CMT.
I'm a neuro-muscular disorderaffecting approximately 2.6
million people worldwide.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
That's as many as MS.
We believe disabilities shouldnever get in the way of looking
or feeling good.
Both of us wear leg braces andhave learned through our own
personal journeys to embrace itBrought to you by Launchpad 516
Studios.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
each episode is designed to challenge your own
stigmas and beliefs arounddisability.
We want our listeners to getthe most value for their time
spent with us, so we interviewsome of the most empowering
disability badasses in the world.
Through storytelling, personalexperiences and tips, we're all
reminded of our own strengthsand endless potential.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
For more information and exclusive resources, check
out our websites attrend-ablecom and hnf-curorg,
and don't forget to hit thesubscribe button for future
episodes and special promos.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Welcome everyone to another episode of the Embracing
Podcast with Lainey and Estella.
Hey, Lainey, Hi.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Estella.
Hi everyone, you know what Iwas thinking, Estella, before
you do our introductions.
One of our number one podcaststhat people listen to is the one
we did on dating.
I get more questions andcomments about dating, whether
it's meeting your first partneror divorced and getting
remarried or wanting to beremarried or find someone.
(01:59):
So I'm super excited abouttoday.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Yeah, I think I agree .
We always have a specialinterest in dating and
relationships.
I think that's something thatdefinitely brings people
together and something we'realways learning more about.
So today we have two veryspecial guest sisters actually,
we have Alexa and JacquelineChild.
(02:22):
Jacqueline lives withdisability due to a chronic
illness which we're going tolearn a little bit about, and
these wonderful, amazing sistersteamed up to create a new
dating app for the disabilitycommunity called Datability.
So welcome ladies, hi everyone,hi, hi, hi, hi.
(02:43):
Anna, thank you so much forjoining us.
We are super curious to learnabout this.
I know there hasn't been muchout there as far as options for
the disability community fordating apps, and I think it's
definitely a untapped market andsomething that really is
(03:04):
important for us to address.
So give us a little bit.
Maybe we can start with yourbackground and your experience
with disability and chronicillness and how that kind of
leads you to creating dataability.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Yeah, so if you both of you have disabilities, it's
just one of you, right?
So just me, just.
Speaker 4 (03:24):
Jacqueline.
So I am Jacqueline and I am 29.
And I have been chronically illsince I was a young teenager
and I went from living a veryhealthy average life and not
knowing that I had a lot ofgenetic predispositions to
(03:46):
chronic illness and also geneticconditions.
But after a viral infection in2009, it triggered my immune
system and my health sort ofunraveled from there and it
started out with a severe caseof dysautonomia and
(04:07):
gastroparesis and then led medown to having trigeminal
neuralgia.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
Okay, I'm going to stop you right there.
Can you kind of just describewhat those are briefly?
Speaker 4 (04:20):
A lot of them.
You know they affect me fromhead to toe and the big ones
affect my autonomic nervoussystem, so really anything that
your body involuntarily controls, such as blood pressure,
digestion, eyesight, temperature, temperature regulation, really
(04:40):
everything.
And I also live with severechronic pain and chronic fatigue
, and so throughout the years Ihave my diagnosis list increases
, as do many people living withchronic illness, and really
affects me from my head to mytoes, and it's been a long
(05:03):
journey of figuring out what isthe root cause of pain or
symptoms.
But overall I have a lot ofautoimmune conditions and then
genetic abnormalities that haveled me to develop certain
chronic illnesses, and over theyears I've had over 40 surgeries
(05:24):
on all parts of my body andreally just trying to manage my
symptoms, my pain.
So it has been a veryinteresting life that no one
expected.
My family wasn't prepared forit, we weren't prepared for it,
(05:45):
but now we always joke thatwe're very educated without
going to med school.
I'm always diagnosing people onthe medical TV shows without,
and then they reveal thediagnosis and I'm like told you.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
That's funny.
Actually, I watched so many ofthe criminal minds and all of
those shows SVUs.
I say the same thing, but aboutcrime, which is not as good.
It's not like a table talk andI'm like.
You seem like a very organizedkiller.
I don't know if people like tosay it too, but I'm super
interested.
I mean that obviously is a lot.
(06:25):
You're a young woman, so priorto the beginning of what sounds
like hell, were you totally finedoing your own thing I say
normal in quotations, but justgoing to school doing regular,
expected stuff.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
Yeah, as a child as a really young child I had been
diagnosed with asthma but Iwasn't able to treat it.
I spent my recess in theprincipal's office doing my
nebulizer treatments and nothingever got better.
(07:03):
I used to get, when I used toget sick, I used to get very, I
would have a lot of troublebreathing, and so what they
thought was asthma, but itturned out that it was actually
a congenital heart defect and myaorta was compressed, had been
compressing my trachea.
It kind of goes the oppositeway that it should, and we
(07:25):
didn't find that out until acouple of years ago and I had to
have a thoracotomy to fix that.
But that was really the onlything that health wise that I
experienced as a child.
And then, once I was 14 and hada bad case of mono, is when my
immune system kind of turned onme.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Yeah, and I think that's you know.
You're such an example of somany people living with not
apparent disabilities that we'relooking at you right now on the
Zoom screen.
If you can't see the twobeautiful young sisters and
anyone looking at you from theoutside who doesn't know, you
would have no idea of whatyou're going through and the
(08:08):
medical diagnostic journey andjust treatment journey that
you've been on.
So can you speak a little bitto that and maybe lead us
through a fast forward a fewyears from your teenage years
and how the conversation gotstarted around dating and your
experience and what was thatcatalyst to create the day
ability?
Speaker 4 (08:29):
Yeah, I had never put that much thought into an
invisible disability Like mostpeople don't put that much
thought into it if they don'taren't aware of it and but I
quickly learned that it was athing and that there was a lot
of stigma around it.
And in high school some of theteachers really didn't
(08:53):
understand and I had some greatteachers who could tell I was
different and I was sick.
But a lot of teachers would say, oh, she looks fine, she can do
this, and that was the start ofit.
And then of course, I thinkalmost everyone who has an
invisible disability but alsohas a disabled placard will
(09:15):
experience someone calling themout for wrongly using a disabled
parking space and that wassomething I experienced in high
school, with people questioningwhy I was parked in that spot.
I mean, it still happens to thestate.
It happened a couple of weeksago and luckily I had my very
(09:39):
strong advocate of a sister withme who really called the guy
out.
But it's hard and I think thatpeople who have visible
disabilities I'll often timessay they can't imagine having an
invisible disability and, justlike you know, I say I can't
imagine having a visibledisability.
(09:59):
It's really, it's different andI think just with invisible
disabilities you sort of have toprove yourself and prove that
you're disabled, and I think Imight have in my past years
fallen into that trap of feelinglike I need to prove to myself
(10:21):
and not living my full lifebecause I was afraid that, oh
well, if someone sees me do this, then they're gonna think,
they're not gonna think I'mdisabled, and while now I'm just
like I'm disabled, whether Iride a bike today or not.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Anyway, it's so interesting that you say that we
wanted.
The podcast that we recordedthis week actually was one that
Estelle and I did alone, withouta guest, and it was on 10
things.
We would tell our youngerselves about disability if we
could and you guys are like bothof our.
Even you are a younger self,estelle.
They're much younger than youtoo for once.
(10:57):
But like one of them was thatEstelle said, was you know that
you would have like turned offthe self ableism, the what is?
the word Internal, internalableism, and that's exactly what
you're talking about.
There's so many people withchronic illness feel it's like
the world is doubting them, andso then how can you not doubt
(11:20):
yourself?
You're like, well gosh, thatperson has it so much worse and
yeah, I live with chronic painand it sucks.
But imagine I had to use thisdevice, you know and and going
down that trap.
So how clearly you and I wantto hear about your sister too,
because that's like superinteresting but clearly you move
(11:42):
past that because you havecreated this awesome app for
people.
So talk about how that happened.
Like you know you, you wentfrom being you know a person
like a lot of people whoexperiences ableism, who's you
know kind of figuring out theirdiagnosis, which keeps
(12:02):
increasing and changing all thetime, and then where in that was
dating and like how did it comeup?
Speaker 4 (12:08):
Yeah, dating was rough.
I was using all the mainstreamdating apps and I was very
hesitant to ever disclose mychronic illnesses, but they just
naturally had to come up and alot of times they came up super
early, which made meuncomfortable.
(12:30):
But you know, a lot of peopleask what do you do for work?
And like would I have toexplain to them that I'm just
like trying to take care of myhealth for now and not and not
hold a job?
Or they would say, do you wantto go hiking?
And I wasn't able to do thatand so living in Colorado, it
(12:51):
was.
It's like all about active lifeand being adventurous.
And I would just fall in thesame routine of someone trying
to get me to go do somethingactive and me having to tell
them that I was chronically illand disabled, and then I'd be
ghosted or rejected.
Or someone would say somethingreally offensive, like I hope
(13:14):
you're not planning on havingany kids because it would be
selfish to pass on your genetics, and like it as bad as that is,
like I'm not alone in that.
People say that to so manypeople and I just couldn't
believe it.
And then, if you want todiscuss, like how data ability
actually came about, because Ikind of give you the credit for
(13:38):
putting planting the idea.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
Yeah, what is the age difference between you guys?
Like.
Speaker 6 (13:43):
I'm four years older.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
Okay, yeah, and so you obviously naturally became
interested in your sister.
Have you always been this close?
You guys can't see this, butthey're literally sitting Like
my sister and I would be onopposite sides of the room.
My sister and I wouldn't berecording a podcast, because
we're a lot of long hours.
I love you, stay safe.
You're listening, but it's not.
(14:07):
We aren't.
We don't drive that way.
You two are obviously like very, very close friends as well.
Yes, yes.
Speaker 6 (14:15):
We were really close when we were little and then
when I became a teenager.
That's when the age gap getsreally apparent, Like a 16 year
old and a 12 year old.
There's just not a whole lot incommon there, and I was a
little bit of a wild teenager aswell.
Speaker 4 (14:28):
And I was the epitome of an annoying little sister.
Speaker 6 (14:31):
Yeah, and so we weren't.
We were not not close, justnormal.
And then I went out East first,so we live in Colorado.
I went out East for college andlaw school I'm an attorney and
so I was gone for about eightyears and didn't uh, Japan was
still in high school, so myparents couldn't come out and
visit and I'm very independentand that's like I was from day
(14:54):
one, just miss independent.
So I was doing my own thing outthere and then I moved back to
Denver.
I moved back to Colorado Imissed the mountains after law
school and Jacqueline moved toDenver after she graduated
college.
I've been living here for abouta year and we moved in together
.
Um, I hated the apartment I wasin.
I was living alone and I waslike, okay, let's, let's move in
(15:18):
together, like, come join me.
And we've been living togetherever since, and now we've been
living either for six years.
So we live together, we worktogether.
Um, the pandemic made us a lotcloser because when we weren't
able to see our friends, we wereeach other's support system and
so and now I work from home Um,I'm still an attorney, and so
(15:38):
we're together all the time.
Um, yes, so we're very closeand I'm very, very protective,
and I always have been.
And, um, I Jacqueline had toget Jacqueline's.
She had a gastroparesis, whichis paralysis of the stomach,
essentially, and so she's gonethrough phases where she was
unable to keep things, evenliquid, down without you know,
(15:59):
and she'd throw up.
And then it would get better,or it would only happen if she
had a really big meal, like ifwe went out to dinner.
We would say like, oh, this isgoing to make you sick.
And then it got bad again.
Um, in the beginning of thepandemic where, like, no matter
what she would eat or intake,she would get sick.
And so there came a point wherethe doctors were telling her
you're at risk for esophagealcancer, you're going to be
(16:21):
malnourished, like you need toget a feeding tube.
And so we both panicked.
Um and I had an internal panic,more so because I want I'm not
disabled, so I didn't want myableism to show or to make her
feel bad or to say somethingstupid or offensive, but I was
(16:41):
worried about how this wouldaffect our lives.
I, uh, before, now that I'mworking two jobs, I never cook,
but before I used to like tocook and bake and I cook for us
and I was worried.
Or if I wanted to go out tobrunch with her, like, what
would that look like?
And so I was worried about howit would affect our relationship
.
Um, what I feel guilty eatingin front of her, all of that.
(17:02):
And so then I really worried ifI feel this way.
I've known her my whole life.
She's my sister.
I'm so familiar with herchronic illnesses and
disabilities.
How is some guy going to youknow feel when they meet her?
She's already had all theseterrible experiences before.
This Like this is just kind oflike the cherry on top.
You know now you can't go ondinner dates, you have to
explain or why that can't be aregular occurrence.
(17:23):
And so she had, she hadexpressed that she wanted, she
wished there was an app forpeople like her and I decided
that we should make it ourselves.
Um, as an attorney, I'm aproblem solver.
I worked in the nonprofitpublic service space my whole
career, so almost 10 years andwork with vulnerable populations
(17:44):
, and so that's kind of like mybackground and so I'm used to
solving problems.
And I was actually laid offbecause of COVID budget cuts,
and so I wasn't working at thetime and just kind of stuck in
this weird space, obviouslyCOVID's super dangerous for
Jacqueline, and so it had been avery weird time and I saw a
chance for us to put our energyinto this venture and like kind
(18:09):
of kill a million birds with onestone, have something new, you
know, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
That's wild, I mean, and it's so.
It's so eye opening as well,because just hearing you talk
about all of the you know allthe social interactions that
revolve around food and eating,it's of course that would be.
Of course.
It makes sense that that wouldbe a huge concern, how it would
affect not only yourrelationship but any, you know,
(18:40):
potential dating situations.
How did you start to rethinkdating, a dating app that would
work for someone with adisability, and what were some
of the first things that youwanted to address that weren't
available yet?
Speaker 4 (18:55):
Yeah, it was a revolution to like even a
revelation, to even come to thispoint, because for a really
long time I said I would neverdate someone with a chronic
illness or with a disability.
And you know if I'm packingthat through therapy, I realized
(19:15):
that it was.
It all stemmed throughinternalized ableism and that if
, if I didn't see myself as aworthy partner and that someone
who deserved love and so I was IPut that onto all disabled and
chronically ill people and all Icould think about was, oh, how
miserable this would be and howcould we ever get anything done?
(19:36):
And logistically it's not gonnawork out.
And Once my therapist hadturned the question on me, like,
what, what qualities do youhave that makes you a good
partner?
And I Named a few and she said,well, why can't someone else
with a chronic illness have that?
And then immediately myviewpoints switch and I was like
, well, maybe actually findingsomeone with a chronic illness
(19:59):
would be better, because theyalready understand what I'm
going through, they might havethe same values and and so that
was an exciting Prospect, that,oh, maybe I could actually meet
someone with a chronic illnessand it doesn't have to be the
same chronic illness.
Um, you know, there's so manydisabilities and chronic
illnesses in this world thatthey're it manifests so
(20:23):
differently and even people withthe same diagnoses have a
different experience.
And but it was important for usto be all inclusive, which
meant including all disabilitiespsychiatric, intellectual,
physical, and then alsonon-disabled people, because
there are people like Alexa, who, who are allies and they are
(20:45):
not scared by disability.
And we we have seen Quite a fewpeople like that and it's
really wonderful to see, becauseI think that Both the disabled
and the non-disabled world don'tpicture Interabled
relationships and they like it'slike it's either, oh, they're
being there, fetish, such assaying them, or they're giving,
(21:08):
or, yeah, being a caregiver, andso it's like two extremes.
When there are just people whoare like, yeah, I would say,
disabled person, it's no bigdeal, do we?
Speaker 3 (21:17):
are saying that there's people who are on your
app or come to your app who justlike, like, signed up for you
as well as they signed up forhinge or whatever at the same
time, and it didn't purposelyseek you out like I want to date
a person with a disability andsave them.
I want, I'm just open toanybody and this is like making
(21:43):
some you know.
I have to say that I'm assumingthat your app was attracting
younger people like you're, likeyour age and younger maybe, or
even younger because no youwould be supposed both.
Speaker 6 (21:57):
Yes, younger, but the shocking thing is that ableism
doesn't ever stop.
So, like I just figured whenthis is gonna be a, just when
people are 70, everyone is likehas a chronic illness and or is
disabled, and they got just theway it goes.
And I didn't.
I would never understand why a70 year old would be
discriminating against another70 year old because, like
they're old and so.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
I'm so happy you said 70 and not 53.
Speaker 6 (22:28):
You know I heard the right it.
Oh, my god like.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
I hear you that Right , but yeah, no, it doesn't stop.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
We'll be right back.
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Speaker 6 (23:58):
Older people still discriminate against each other.
Speaker 4 (24:00):
It's wild we just got an email from a really kind
70-something year old woman whosaid that she was so thankful to
find Adability because all themen that she talks to on other
apps where she meets out arelooking for someone active, and
she's like I didn't know.
Speaker 6 (24:19):
I said, when you're like all like all, there's all
these 70 year olds out therehiking.
Speaker 7 (24:22):
I mean, I know that they're out there.
We're from a.
Speaker 6 (24:26):
There's definitely people, but there's.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
There's so many people whose life yeah, we grew
up with, like our grandparentsplay for the very stereotypical
old people and they play golfand they Like play cards and
stuff like that, but like ourgrandma has not been active in
like two decades.
Yeah, so it is sad that it stillis happening.
(24:49):
But so we do have a largesenior community on Datability,
but the majority of our usersare millennials or Gen Z and so
but yeah, it's really an app foreveryone and we really wanted
to make it inclusive, and thebiggest thing that we wanted to
tackle was disclosing, and so wecreated a Datability deep
(25:13):
section where people can choosefrom an extensive list of broad
terms like chronic illness,immuno, compromised, wheelchair
user, and they can check thoseoff and it just shows up on
their profile.
It's really neutral.
It's just there, basicinformation, and so people don't
necessarily Feel like they haveto Talk, explain right explain,
(25:37):
or like give so much detail.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
I like love this because, like one of the things
in in that, like the podcastthat we did and and blogs We've
written about dating is likewhat do I do about my profile?
Do I put my mobility device inthe foot shot?
Do I say it?
Do I whatever?
And nowadays, like apps likeyours and, from what I
understand, these other appshave changed.
Like in my Divorce and remarrydays match with the thing there
(26:04):
were no props.
You just like made your profileright, like you had to be
clever.
You didn't get to like 20clever things or you weren't
clever, I guess, but so I lovethat, like you just put it in
there and like it's there andit's not like an issue, it's not
a whole thing, it's just thisis about me.
These are one of these are likethis is one thing of many
(26:25):
things like.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
I'm just like you're high.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
I love it.
I love it.
Speaker 6 (26:30):
Yeah, that makes it easier because I think the
disclosure and the anxiety comeswhen you are talking about what
you want to do on your date andso many things are not
accessible.
And so, for example, there'sthis thing in Colorado called
the manatee in pine and it'slike a million steps and it's in
the mountains.
So let's say I've matched withsomebody on hinge and the guy
(26:52):
was a wheelchair user and hedidn't feel comfortable putting
his wheelchair he's includinghis wheelchair any pictures.
And then I say, hey, like it'sgonna be a beautiful day, do you
want to do the manatee andclimb with me?
That would actually never be myidea for a first date.
So, and then they have to tellyou the one.
They have to say no, which cancome up as like a rejection for
(27:14):
some people or being negative,and then they have to tell you
why, and so it can get reallyKind of messy and it's so an
anxious, anxiety inducing, andso if I see his Availability
that says he's a wheelchair user, I'm not gonna ask him to go do
that.
I'm gonna ask them to dosomething accessible and I'm
gonna think of an accessibleplace, some place where there's,
(27:37):
you know, not stairs or there'san elevator or something like
that, and so it really does makethe whole date planning process
and getting to know you processbut easier.
Speaker 4 (27:48):
I, in my opinion, yeah, when I was on the
mainstream dating apps andSomeone would suggest something
that I couldn't do, there was atime where I would Rather lie
and say that I don't like doinglike, I don't like the outdoors
than it, then tell them I wasdisabled and that I that's not
accessible for me and and itwould really, just because I was
(28:10):
ashamed of it and I wasembarrassed and and yeah, my
viewpoint has really shiftedreally from like the over the
last three years of just notbeing ashamed anymore of not
being able to do something, andit's just it takes so much more
energy to hide that to be trueand you're hiding yourself
(28:33):
because the truth is that you,like me, like the outdoors no,
you can't hike, but you ski andyou like to camp and Do day
trips and go fishing orsomething, and so you're missing
out on all these activities youcan do by just lying and saying
like I don't like the outdoors,which would is also like for
people in Colorado.
Speaker 6 (28:51):
That's like a very weird.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Treat.
You'll be like that to you.
I don't sold.
Speaker 6 (28:56):
Oh yeah, I would be like, okay, why do you live here
?
Yeah, it's like very, it's allpudding and but if that was your
truth, that's your truth, butit's not.
And so Then they find out, likewhere they find out you're
lying and you're in your lot.
Then, like you're not beingtruthful about yourself and what
you like to do, it's very mess.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
It gets very messy, yeah, but I mean, unfortunately,
being disabled is veryoff-putting for a lot of people,
and that is something that wewant to change and that that we
just want to destigmatizedisability and chronic illness
and show that people are able,and you know, to live a very
(29:35):
normal life and that and liveone that is fulfilling.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Yeah, to meet somebody who is going to Support
them and not make them feelshame around that and, and you
know, just have that, have thatlove story, whether you're
disabled or not.
So what has been the reactionso far?
Maybe any, any stories thatstick out to you or any users
(30:01):
that have really, you know,maybe matched up on your, on
your app, and what have?
What has that been like?
Speaker 6 (30:08):
We have a handful of success stories.
Recently, just aroundThanksgiving, we heard from a
female user who matched with hercurrent partner Shortly after
we launched, right around theholidays of last year, and they
live 900 miles apart from eachother but did long distance and
they are in the process ofmoving in with each other now.
(30:30):
So like a real success story.
I've never lived with a partnerbefore, so that's a big deal.
And then we've got Anothercouple.
They happen to live 30 minutesaway from each other, so when
they matched and they met eachother's families over Christmas.
And then we have a, we metsomebody doing another podcast
(30:52):
almost a year ago who reachedout to us recently and said that
he wasn't.
He had matched with someone,but they don't live in the same
city, but they always kept intouch and then he happened to be
where she lived and so theywent on a date and he said he
had all the typical predatejitters that everybody gets, but
the one thing that was missingwas the Disability related
anxiety.
(31:12):
He was not freaked out aboutthat, didn't have any qualms
about going into this date, andso that was awesome to hear, and
they still keep in touch.
And then another we just heardfrom another person that's
texting somebody else andthey're doing the FaceTime thing
and are planning on meeting upin person for the first time
sometime this month.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
I think I mean how amazing.
Also like, not only does ittake away, I would imagine, the
nervousness about my disabilitybeing the Section, but also like
a lot of people think that theyare rejected because of their
disability.
So like that, you know, ifyou're someone who you know is
been dating and has maybe aninvisible disability, and then
(31:57):
tells someone the person you'redating, that you do, and then
they don't call you, naturally alot of people would then assume
it's because of that.
But sometimes it's not.
It's like people meet and guesswhat they don't like you like
you know, click they don't.
You know you have a different Imean values, different size of
humor, and so that a thing.
(32:18):
I think that's really helpfulfor people like you can't use
your disability as an excuse.
Like I'm, you know, maybe Ineed to work on my communication
skills.
You know, maybe I, maybe, youknow I talk the conversation and
only talk about me.
Like that kind of feedback isnot that people are giving that,
but you know they can look atit from a different angle.
(32:40):
So how many people like are onyour site and like, if someone
went on and they're from and youknow Colorado and you know, are
they gonna find a lot of peoplefrom Colorado to meet, or are
they gonna be talking to peoplein Chicago?
Speaker 4 (32:56):
so we as the recording of this podcast.
We have over 13,000 users, andthat's so great, ah, and it's
all over North America, and sowhen we first launched, we
launched Nationwide, and so wewere really worried about
someone signing on and notseeing anyone in their area, and
(33:19):
so we Turned off the locationfunction and we just allowed
anyone whose preferences matchto see each other.
And now that we have more users, we have an optional location
function so you can search inyour area or you can search
across the app, and that hasbeen really great, especially
for people in rural areas orjust areas that did.
(33:39):
Ability hasn't expanded into asmuch yet, so but it has been,
yeah, a wonderful year of Makingthis, because, I mean, for a
while we would be asked like, oh, do you have any success
stories?
And we were like, not that weknow of, but we're sure they're
out there.
(34:00):
And then they started floodingin and it's, I mean, like, if
nothing comes out of this exceptpeople's success and love, that
is enough for me.
We're, we're really, reallyhappy.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
What about the two of you?
Have you dated anybody fromyour own app, or is that like?
Speaker 4 (34:18):
Okay, yeah, eventually I will, once I get
the hang of having a full-timejob, and I'm like, yeah, I
created this for me, notrealizing how much work it was
gonna be.
And now I'm like, yeah, I don'tknow if I can give someone that
full attention, but I'mconfident that when this does
(34:40):
like Become easier for me tohandle and I can use dateability
in a more recreational way,that I will find my person on
there, because I see all thepeople signing up and it's a
really interesting and diverseuser base and I really think
that people will find that theyhave Things in common with
(35:02):
people on our app.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
Yeah, and I think the cost right.
I'm sorry to interrupt you.
Oh, it's free.
Yeah, wow, would you guys hearthat people no rest free.
So how do you guys keep itgoing?
Speaker 6 (35:15):
So In terms of dating ?
No, I'm not.
I work like too much and Thenjust need to sleep.
I'm also kind of by naturealone wolf, which is ironic
because I'm the founder of adating app who, like that's
really prioritized dating.
But I'm starting to think thatin the future I Will be open to
(35:37):
it, and the pandemic has madedating really hard.
I still mask indoors everywhere, and so that's really hard to
explain to people why I stilltake all these precautions.
And we're seeing an influx ofpeople who are just like me, who
are either they do have achronic illness and they're
still being safe, or they're notdisabled and they're just so.
They just care about COVID andnot getting it joining
Dataability, and so I said maybeone day I will meet somebody
(36:00):
like that.
Of course, I'd rather just likethe pandemic be totally over,
but you know, you know so.
But it is free, and so rightnow, neither of us are taking a
salary for what we do.
We will be Monetizing with someads.
Soon we will be adding in thesubscription model, but we
always want a free version thatwe really do want to make love
(36:20):
accessible, and that's with theapp itself, that's with our user
base and that's with cost, andso we will have a free version,
and then, you know, have addedfeatures in the subscription
version.
Yeah, what?
if standard charging.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (36:33):
I just rolled out some $500 Something and I was
like I, my husband, that forthat much money better be
delivered on my doorstep and Idon't ever have to leave, or get
a prime prime shipping today,shipping Right.
I'm gonna open my front doorand like the perfect person
which is like I don't even knowwhat you get for that.
(36:54):
But yeah, so it won't be likethat.
The cost, even when thesubscription model, the cost
will be very reasonable.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
I meant to say is, if anyone's interested in you know
any investors or anyone wouldlike to advertise with data
ability, please reach out to usor them directly, and we love
anyone that's.
You know.
It's just supportive.
This is we have so manyphilanthropists in the world and
this is just another, you know,opportunity to scale something
(37:23):
and support something thathasn't been done before and is
so so needed when you thinkabout the sheer demographic of
the disability community.
And I love that you took off thelocation as well.
That's what I meant to say isthat you know, my boyfriend and
I were long distance for sixyears the first six years of a
relationship and so you know, ifhe didn't show up in my
(37:45):
neighborhood then I would havebeen like, oh well, that's never
going to work.
So I think it's important forpeople to keep their minds open
about long distancerelationships, because of course
it's not.
It can be difficult, but on theother hand, it can be such an
opportunity to build, like anauthentic friendship with
someone before you meet inperson.
So I love it.
Speaker 4 (38:04):
You say that because we, you know we get mixed
feedback from people saying, ohthere's, you know, we need more
people in my area and it's well,we have a solution for you,
while we can't deliver them inyour radius.
Like you can talk to people andengage with people who might,
that might be your person.
(38:25):
Like I mean, it is veryantiquated to think that the
person has to be within your 20minute radius.
Like we have technology, we canlong distance relationships.
Speaker 6 (38:38):
And that's like a pay , that is a paid feature on the
other apps is the ability tosearch, like if I'm in Denver to
search in New York City orChicago.
That's it you have to pay for.
But I agree, I'm convinced I ama Colorado girl, but I know my
person is not in Colorado.
I spent so much time on theEast Coast and definitely I'm
(38:59):
looking for probably, uh,somebody who's living in one of
the major cities in theNortheast right now, but I
really like want to live inColorado for the rest of my life
and be near the mountains, andso I know that my person I have
to like import them intoColorado.
Um, you know I'm they'reprobably like in DC because I'm
very into politics and stuff.
So I know that.
And so I would love to have theability to see everybody in for
(39:23):
free.
Um, but it is like a onecomplaint.
But, yeah, I agree, liketechnology exists for a reason,
um, and it's not like 1850anymore.
Yeah, and also I write letters.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
Yeah, and also dating .
You know, I've been listeningto.
I'm kind of obsessed with withjust dating and relationships in
general.
I'm always listening topodcasts.
But I think dating is like amuscle.
You have to practice at itright.
You have to get morecomfortable having conversations
with people and tryingdifferent things out and sharing
(39:59):
different things and seeing howyou relate to other human
beings.
So I think, even if thatdoesn't produce a long-term
relationship, you're stillgetting the benefit of
connecting with someone.
Maybe it's a friend, maybe it'sa long lasting friendship, or
just having a conversation withsomebody who can relate to you
and has experience with chronicillness and disability, so you
(40:23):
don't feel so isolated as well.
I think is a great benefit.
Speaker 4 (40:27):
Yeah, I think, yeah, even bad dates teach you some
Something.
It teaches you what you don'twant or you're not interested in
, and, yeah, that that issomething that, personally, we
can get better at is is datingis it in the muscle?
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 6 (40:45):
And because my dating muscle is atrophied.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
Yes, but you're dating.
Muscle is disabled.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
Do you guys do any sort of screening?
I mean, I know like some appshave gotten crap for people
being like serial killers andstuff like that.
Like is there any kind ofscreening or anything?
Or it's just any man, every manfor himself being a true prime.
Speaker 6 (41:07):
I was like did ability never better be
mentioned in Mexico?
But no, so we don't runbackground tracks, we don't
screen.
What we do have is a profileverification feature where you
can verify your profile and thenyou know that you know, while
you might not be a good person,you're not being catfished.
And then and you know, I meaneven a background check I have
(41:32):
dated some pretty nasty peoplefrom who have.
They're not criminals.
They you know they wouldn't.
A background track would neverreveal that they are
narcissistic.
And so there's only so much youcan do.
We do have a report and blockbutton on every profile.
We go through those multipletimes a day and remove people.
We have a pretty like, a zerotolerance Like if you're rude,
(41:54):
you're out and anybody.
The major issue we have is botsLike you know, you see them on
Instagram with this, like thestupid comments they make those
kinds of people.
We delete those two.
They're a little bit likewhack-a-mole, but we delete them
and pop up, and so that's ourbiggest issue.
We haven't had any really badactors.
(42:15):
Yeah, we haven't reported yet.
Knock on wood.
Speaker 4 (42:19):
But yeah, it's hard.
That's you know.
Safety is our top priority andit's a scary thing for anyone
who has a social networking app.
That's like the one thingyou're just like.
Please don't let anything badhappen to our users, and so
we're doing everything that wecan with going through new users
(42:40):
who sign up and check, makingsure that their profile doesn't
seem like it's a bot.
It sounds like you're doingexactly what.
Speaker 3 (42:48):
like I was saying, yeah, obviously, when you have a
vulnerable population of anykind, you worry about people
taking advantage of people andjust going out in there.
But having a vetted profile,knowing that the person is who
they say they are, I think iswhat I meant.
Not that you needed to likeinvest anybody, fully right but
you know, doing the basics isimportant to know that people
(43:11):
can't just join with a fakeprofile.
You know If you're meeting inthe wild.
Speaker 6 (43:15):
I've also been introduced to some people
through mutual friends and noone realized how terrible he was
until we started dating.
So you literally can't.
You're right Like it's a realityLike, unless you have known
this person for 20 years, likeyou probably don't really know
someone until you know them.
Yeah, so we have a safetytutorial at onboarding.
We want people to be educated.
You know we can, you know we'lldo what we can and we want our
(43:38):
users to do everything they can.
So, any red flags, we tell themwhat red flags look out for and
, you know, don't immediatelytake the conversation to Google
chat or signal Is that other app?
And don't there's any kind offinancial discussion Like let us
know, Like they're out, becausethat's the total red flag.
Speaker 2 (43:58):
So where can people?
How do people download the app?
How can they learn more aboutwhat you're doing?
Stay in touch, Follow you guys.
Speaker 4 (44:05):
Yeah, we're available on Apple and Android, and then
we're also available on web appso people can use the uh data
ability from their computer ortheir laptop, and so that's cool
At databilityappcom.
And we're on all social mediaplatforms on Instagram data
ability app and on Tik Tok atdatability.
And, yeah, we would love tohear from from anyone who has
(44:29):
any suggestions or just whowants to talk about dating,
because I mean, even thoughAlexa is not disabled, she has
been on terrible dates and I'msingle for a reason Exactly.
Speaker 3 (44:42):
Well, I think you also have a lot of like.
I mean even, you know, whenyou're dating someone who has a
different disability than you.
I mean having that skill setthat you have, which is clearly
like caring for your sister,putting on a mask and you're
like.
All of those things are.
You know, people need to learnwith each person that they date.
(45:03):
As you said, every, even if youhave the same diagnosis, you
might have different needs anddifferent things that, um, you
know, send you into.
You know, like escalate I'musing all these words and they
all relate to criminal minds.
By the way, I started theepisode talking about us.
Literally, I can't get out ofmy head.
(45:25):
Like words, like escalating.
Speaker 2 (45:29):
The theme music on the pot.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
Obviously you know what I think about dating, but
everyone else.
I did find someone for dating.
So, you guys, what you're?
Doing is so cool and obviouslydate ability is how it sounds,
date ability and we're going toput links in our show notes and
we definitely are, you know,hoping people sign up and I know
there's been a lot of greatpress on you guys already.
(45:54):
So you guys are doing greatstuff and I hope there's lots of
love matches everywhere andincluding for yourself, yeah,
and putting for yourselves whenyou want to.
Speaker 2 (46:07):
Yeah, yeah, and we wanted to.
We usually close out with um,what does embrace it mean to all
of you?
Speaker 4 (46:14):
Oh, now, I would say, embracing it means living as
cliche, as soundly, livingauthentically and not trying to
hide or disguise anything, andthat's something that I've had
to work on.
Whether it's like good things,like disclosing good things or
bad things, I am one who likesto be really just like neutral
(46:37):
and not super excited aboutsomething, but also not like
really down, like I just like tosugarcoat things and keep it
all Everything's fine, um, good,and so I think that it's
embracing.
It just means, yeah, being meand not being afraid to show my
true emotion.
Speaker 6 (46:58):
For me, I think embracing it means, you know,
constantly learning and adaptingand going with the flow, which
is something that I was not goodat.
And then the pandemic happenedin my life was turned more or
less upside down, and it's, youknow, we're going into year five
and it still doesn't look theway it looks before, um, but
I've learned to do things, youknow, go to film festivals and
(47:21):
go to concerts, and they stilldo things while we're meeting
safe and learning how to adapt,which I was not good at before.
I'm a bit of a control freak.
I like things my way andrealizing like most of life is
out of my control, like prettymuch everything, and so the only
thing I can control is how Ireact and respond to it, and I
(47:42):
have to kind of embrace thecircumstances that I'm given and
make the best of it.
Speaker 3 (47:46):
Amen, why is it on your ears?
And it's been a pleasuremeeting you and I think this is
such a cool, wonderful gift thatyou've given the world.
So thank you for that and thankyou for being on the show and
thank everyone else who's outthere listening.
And yeah, thank you, estella,just because I'm thanking you.
Aw, thank you, lainey.
(48:07):
Thank you for not being aserial killer.
Speaker 4 (48:11):
Thank you so much for all the kind words and for
having us on Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (48:16):
We'll take care of you one, and we'll see you next
time.
Hey, embracers, thank you somuch for listening and
supporting the Embrace itpodcast Brought to you by
Launchpad 516 Studios executive,produced by George Andriopoulos
and hosted by Lainey Ispia andEstella Hugo.
Our music and sound effects arelicensed through Epidemic Sound
.
Embrace it is hosted withBuzzsprout.
Speaker 3 (48:37):
Do you have a disability-related topic you'd
love for us to feature, or couldsomeone you know be a fabulous
guest on our show?
We would love to hear yourcomments and feature them on our
next podcast.
So leave us a voicemail or youcan even send us a text to
631-517-0066.
Speaker 2 (48:58):
Make sure to subscribe to this feed wherever
podcasts are available and leaveus a five-star review on Apple
Podcasts while you're at it.
Follow us at Embrace itunderscore podcast on Instagram
and make sure to follow all thegreat podcasts produced by
Launchpad 516 Studios.
Speaker 3 (49:14):
We hope you join us next time and continue to
Embrace it.
Welcome to the Embrace it series, where women
with all types of disabilitiescan be real, resourceful and
stylish.
With each episode, you'll walkor roll away with everyday tips,
life hacks and success storiesfrom community leaders and
influencers.
So take off your leg braces andstay a while with Lainey and
Estella.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Hi, I'm Lainey and I have CMT.
I'm a neuro-muscular disorderaffecting approximately 2.6
million people worldwide.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
That's as many as MS.
We believe disabilities shouldnever get in the way of looking
or feeling good.
Both of us wear leg braces andhave learned through our own
personal journeys to embrace itBrought to you by Launchpad 516
Studios.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
each episode is designed to challenge your own
stigmas and beliefs arounddisability.
We want our listeners to getthe most value for their time
spent with us, so we interviewsome of the most empowering
disability badasses in the world.
Through storytelling, personalexperiences and tips, we're all
reminded of our own strengthsand endless potential.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
For more information and exclusive resources, check
out our websites attrend-ablecom and hnf-curorg,
and don't forget to hit thesubscribe button for future
episodes and special promos.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Welcome everyone to another episode of the Embracing
Podcast with Lainey and Estella.
Hey, Lainey, Hi.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Estella.
Hi everyone, you know what Iwas thinking, Estella, before
you do our introductions.
One of our number one podcaststhat people listen to is the one
we did on dating.
I get more questions andcomments about dating, whether
it's meeting your first partneror divorced and getting
remarried or wanting to beremarried or find someone.
(01:59):
So I'm super excited abouttoday.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Yeah, I think I agree .
We always have a specialinterest in dating and
relationships.
I think that's something thatdefinitely brings people
together and something we'realways learning more about.
So today we have two veryspecial guest sisters actually,
we have Alexa and JacquelineChild.
(02:22):
Jacqueline lives withdisability due to a chronic
illness which we're going tolearn a little bit about, and
these wonderful, amazing sistersteamed up to create a new
dating app for the disabilitycommunity called Datability.
So welcome ladies, hi everyone,hi, hi, hi, hi.
(02:43):
Anna, thank you so much forjoining us.
We are super curious to learnabout this.
I know there hasn't been muchout there as far as options for
the disability community fordating apps, and I think it's
definitely a untapped market andsomething that really is
(03:04):
important for us to address.
So give us a little bit.
Maybe we can start with yourbackground and your experience
with disability and chronicillness and how that kind of
leads you to creating dataability.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Yeah, so if you both of you have disabilities, it's
just one of you, right?
So just me, just.
Speaker 4 (03:24):
Jacqueline.
So I am Jacqueline and I am 29.
And I have been chronically illsince I was a young teenager
and I went from living a veryhealthy average life and not
knowing that I had a lot ofgenetic predispositions to
(03:46):
chronic illness and also geneticconditions.
But after a viral infection in2009, it triggered my immune
system and my health sort ofunraveled from there and it
started out with a severe caseof dysautonomia and
(04:07):
gastroparesis and then led medown to having trigeminal
neuralgia.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
Okay, I'm going to stop you right there.
Can you kind of just describewhat those are briefly?
Speaker 4 (04:20):
A lot of them.
You know they affect me fromhead to toe and the big ones
affect my autonomic nervoussystem, so really anything that
your body involuntarily controls, such as blood pressure,
digestion, eyesight, temperature, temperature regulation, really
(04:40):
everything.
And I also live with severechronic pain and chronic fatigue
, and so throughout the years Ihave my diagnosis list increases
, as do many people living withchronic illness, and really
affects me from my head to mytoes, and it's been a long
(05:03):
journey of figuring out what isthe root cause of pain or
symptoms.
But overall I have a lot ofautoimmune conditions and then
genetic abnormalities that haveled me to develop certain
chronic illnesses, and over theyears I've had over 40 surgeries
(05:24):
on all parts of my body andreally just trying to manage my
symptoms, my pain.
So it has been a veryinteresting life that no one
expected.
My family wasn't prepared forit, we weren't prepared for it,
(05:45):
but now we always joke thatwe're very educated without
going to med school.
I'm always diagnosing people onthe medical TV shows without,
and then they reveal thediagnosis and I'm like told you.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
That's funny.
Actually, I watched so many ofthe criminal minds and all of
those shows SVUs.
I say the same thing, but aboutcrime, which is not as good.
It's not like a table talk andI'm like.
You seem like a very organizedkiller.
I don't know if people like tosay it too, but I'm super
interested.
I mean that obviously is a lot.
(06:25):
You're a young woman, so priorto the beginning of what sounds
like hell, were you totally finedoing your own thing I say
normal in quotations, but justgoing to school doing regular,
expected stuff.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
Yeah, as a child as a really young child I had been
diagnosed with asthma but Iwasn't able to treat it.
I spent my recess in theprincipal's office doing my
nebulizer treatments and nothingever got better.
(07:03):
I used to get, when I used toget sick, I used to get very, I
would have a lot of troublebreathing, and so what they
thought was asthma, but itturned out that it was actually
a congenital heart defect and myaorta was compressed, had been
compressing my trachea.
It kind of goes the oppositeway that it should, and we
(07:25):
didn't find that out until acouple of years ago and I had to
have a thoracotomy to fix that.
But that was really the onlything that health wise that I
experienced as a child.
And then, once I was 14 and hada bad case of mono, is when my
immune system kind of turned onme.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Yeah, and I think that's you know.
You're such an example of somany people living with not
apparent disabilities that we'relooking at you right now on the
Zoom screen.
If you can't see the twobeautiful young sisters and
anyone looking at you from theoutside who doesn't know, you
would have no idea of whatyou're going through and the
(08:08):
medical diagnostic journey andjust treatment journey that
you've been on.
So can you speak a little bitto that and maybe lead us
through a fast forward a fewyears from your teenage years
and how the conversation gotstarted around dating and your
experience and what was thatcatalyst to create the day
ability?
Speaker 4 (08:29):
Yeah, I had never put that much thought into an
invisible disability Like mostpeople don't put that much
thought into it if they don'taren't aware of it and but I
quickly learned that it was athing and that there was a lot
of stigma around it.
And in high school some of theteachers really didn't
(08:53):
understand and I had some greatteachers who could tell I was
different and I was sick.
But a lot of teachers would say, oh, she looks fine, she can do
this, and that was the start ofit.
And then of course, I thinkalmost everyone who has an
invisible disability but alsohas a disabled placard will
(09:15):
experience someone calling themout for wrongly using a disabled
parking space and that wassomething I experienced in high
school, with people questioningwhy I was parked in that spot.
I mean, it still happens to thestate.
It happened a couple of weeksago and luckily I had my very
(09:39):
strong advocate of a sister withme who really called the guy
out.
But it's hard and I think thatpeople who have visible
disabilities I'll often timessay they can't imagine having an
invisible disability and, justlike you know, I say I can't
imagine having a visibledisability.
(09:59):
It's really, it's different andI think just with invisible
disabilities you sort of have toprove yourself and prove that
you're disabled, and I think Imight have in my past years
fallen into that trap of feelinglike I need to prove to myself
(10:21):
and not living my full lifebecause I was afraid that, oh
well, if someone sees me do this, then they're gonna think,
they're not gonna think I'mdisabled, and while now I'm just
like I'm disabled, whether Iride a bike today or not.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Anyway, it's so interesting that you say that we
wanted.
The podcast that we recordedthis week actually was one that
Estelle and I did alone, withouta guest, and it was on 10
things.
We would tell our youngerselves about disability if we
could and you guys are like bothof our.
Even you are a younger self,estelle.
They're much younger than youtoo for once.
(10:57):
But like one of them was thatEstelle said, was you know that
you would have like turned offthe self ableism, the what is?
the word Internal, internalableism, and that's exactly what
you're talking about.
There's so many people withchronic illness feel it's like
the world is doubting them, andso then how can you not doubt
(11:20):
yourself?
You're like, well gosh, thatperson has it so much worse and
yeah, I live with chronic painand it sucks.
But imagine I had to use thisdevice, you know and and going
down that trap.
So how clearly you and I wantto hear about your sister too,
because that's like superinteresting but clearly you move
(11:42):
past that because you havecreated this awesome app for
people.
So talk about how that happened.
Like you know you, you wentfrom being you know a person
like a lot of people whoexperiences ableism, who's you
know kind of figuring out theirdiagnosis, which keeps
(12:02):
increasing and changing all thetime, and then where in that was
dating and like how did it comeup?
Speaker 4 (12:08):
Yeah, dating was rough.
I was using all the mainstreamdating apps and I was very
hesitant to ever disclose mychronic illnesses, but they just
naturally had to come up and alot of times they came up super
early, which made meuncomfortable.
(12:30):
But you know, a lot of peopleask what do you do for work?
And like would I have toexplain to them that I'm just
like trying to take care of myhealth for now and not and not
hold a job?
Or they would say, do you wantto go hiking?
And I wasn't able to do thatand so living in Colorado, it
(12:51):
was.
It's like all about active lifeand being adventurous.
And I would just fall in thesame routine of someone trying
to get me to go do somethingactive and me having to tell
them that I was chronically illand disabled, and then I'd be
ghosted or rejected.
Or someone would say somethingreally offensive, like I hope
(13:14):
you're not planning on havingany kids because it would be
selfish to pass on your genetics, and like it as bad as that is,
like I'm not alone in that.
People say that to so manypeople and I just couldn't
believe it.
And then, if you want todiscuss, like how data ability
actually came about, because Ikind of give you the credit for
(13:38):
putting planting the idea.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
Yeah, what is the age difference between you guys?
Like.
Speaker 6 (13:43):
I'm four years older.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
Okay, yeah, and so you obviously naturally became
interested in your sister.
Have you always been this close?
You guys can't see this, butthey're literally sitting Like
my sister and I would be onopposite sides of the room.
My sister and I wouldn't berecording a podcast, because
we're a lot of long hours.
I love you, stay safe.
You're listening, but it's not.
(14:07):
We aren't.
We don't drive that way.
You two are obviously like very, very close friends as well.
Yes, yes.
Speaker 6 (14:15):
We were really close when we were little and then
when I became a teenager.
That's when the age gap getsreally apparent, Like a 16 year
old and a 12 year old.
There's just not a whole lot incommon there, and I was a
little bit of a wild teenager aswell.
Speaker 4 (14:28):
And I was the epitome of an annoying little sister.
Speaker 6 (14:31):
Yeah, and so we weren't.
We were not not close, justnormal.
And then I went out East first,so we live in Colorado.
I went out East for college andlaw school I'm an attorney and
so I was gone for about eightyears and didn't uh, Japan was
still in high school, so myparents couldn't come out and
visit and I'm very independentand that's like I was from day
(14:54):
one, just miss independent.
So I was doing my own thing outthere and then I moved back to
Denver.
I moved back to Colorado Imissed the mountains after law
school and Jacqueline moved toDenver after she graduated
college.
I've been living here for abouta year and we moved in together
.
Um, I hated the apartment I wasin.
I was living alone and I waslike, okay, let's, let's move in
(15:18):
together, like, come join me.
And we've been living togetherever since, and now we've been
living either for six years.
So we live together, we worktogether.
Um, the pandemic made us a lotcloser because when we weren't
able to see our friends, we wereeach other's support system and
so and now I work from home Um,I'm still an attorney, and so
(15:38):
we're together all the time.
Um, yes, so we're very closeand I'm very, very protective,
and I always have been.
And, um, I Jacqueline had toget Jacqueline's.
She had a gastroparesis, whichis paralysis of the stomach,
essentially, and so she's gonethrough phases where she was
unable to keep things, evenliquid, down without you know,
(15:59):
and she'd throw up.
And then it would get better,or it would only happen if she
had a really big meal, like ifwe went out to dinner.
We would say like, oh, this isgoing to make you sick.
And then it got bad again.
Um, in the beginning of thepandemic where, like, no matter
what she would eat or intake,she would get sick.
And so there came a point wherethe doctors were telling her
you're at risk for esophagealcancer, you're going to be
(16:21):
malnourished, like you need toget a feeding tube.
And so we both panicked.
Um and I had an internal panic,more so because I want I'm not
disabled, so I didn't want myableism to show or to make her
feel bad or to say somethingstupid or offensive, but I was
(16:41):
worried about how this wouldaffect our lives.
I, uh, before, now that I'mworking two jobs, I never cook,
but before I used to like tocook and bake and I cook for us
and I was worried.
Or if I wanted to go out tobrunch with her, like, what
would that look like?
And so I was worried about howit would affect our relationship
.
Um, what I feel guilty eatingin front of her, all of that.
(17:02):
And so then I really worried ifI feel this way.
I've known her my whole life.
She's my sister.
I'm so familiar with herchronic illnesses and
disabilities.
How is some guy going to youknow feel when they meet her?
She's already had all theseterrible experiences before.
This Like this is just kind oflike the cherry on top.
You know now you can't go ondinner dates, you have to
explain or why that can't be aregular occurrence.
(17:23):
And so she had, she hadexpressed that she wanted, she
wished there was an app forpeople like her and I decided
that we should make it ourselves.
Um, as an attorney, I'm aproblem solver.
I worked in the nonprofitpublic service space my whole
career, so almost 10 years andwork with vulnerable populations
(17:44):
, and so that's kind of like mybackground and so I'm used to
solving problems.
And I was actually laid offbecause of COVID budget cuts,
and so I wasn't working at thetime and just kind of stuck in
this weird space, obviouslyCOVID's super dangerous for
Jacqueline, and so it had been avery weird time and I saw a
chance for us to put our energyinto this venture and like kind
(18:09):
of kill a million birds with onestone, have something new, you
know, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
That's wild, I mean, and it's so.
It's so eye opening as well,because just hearing you talk
about all of the you know allthe social interactions that
revolve around food and eating,it's of course that would be.
Of course.
It makes sense that that wouldbe a huge concern, how it would
affect not only yourrelationship but any, you know,
(18:40):
potential dating situations.
How did you start to rethinkdating, a dating app that would
work for someone with adisability, and what were some
of the first things that youwanted to address that weren't
available yet?
Speaker 4 (18:55):
Yeah, it was a revolution to like even a
revelation, to even come to thispoint, because for a really
long time I said I would neverdate someone with a chronic
illness or with a disability.
And you know if I'm packingthat through therapy, I realized
(19:15):
that it was.
It all stemmed throughinternalized ableism and that if
, if I didn't see myself as aworthy partner and that someone
who deserved love and so I was IPut that onto all disabled and
chronically ill people and all Icould think about was, oh, how
miserable this would be and howcould we ever get anything done?
(19:36):
And logistically it's not gonnawork out.
And Once my therapist hadturned the question on me, like,
what, what qualities do youhave that makes you a good
partner?
And I Named a few and she said,well, why can't someone else
with a chronic illness have that?
And then immediately myviewpoints switch and I was like
, well, maybe actually findingsomeone with a chronic illness
(19:59):
would be better, because theyalready understand what I'm
going through, they might havethe same values and and so that
was an exciting Prospect, that,oh, maybe I could actually meet
someone with a chronic illnessand it doesn't have to be the
same chronic illness.
Um, you know, there's so manydisabilities and chronic
illnesses in this world thatthey're it manifests so
(20:23):
differently and even people withthe same diagnoses have a
different experience.
And but it was important for usto be all inclusive, which
meant including all disabilitiespsychiatric, intellectual,
physical, and then alsonon-disabled people, because
there are people like Alexa, who, who are allies and they are
(20:45):
not scared by disability.
And we we have seen Quite a fewpeople like that and it's
really wonderful to see, becauseI think that Both the disabled
and the non-disabled world don'tpicture Interabled
relationships and they like it'slike it's either, oh, they're
being there, fetish, such assaying them, or they're giving,
(21:08):
or, yeah, being a caregiver, andso it's like two extremes.
When there are just people whoare like, yeah, I would say,
disabled person, it's no bigdeal, do we?
Speaker 3 (21:17):
are saying that there's people who are on your
app or come to your app who justlike, like, signed up for you
as well as they signed up forhinge or whatever at the same
time, and it didn't purposelyseek you out like I want to date
a person with a disability andsave them.
I want, I'm just open toanybody and this is like making
(21:43):
some you know.
I have to say that I'm assumingthat your app was attracting
younger people like you're, likeyour age and younger maybe, or
even younger because no youwould be supposed both.
Speaker 6 (21:57):
Yes, younger, but the shocking thing is that ableism
doesn't ever stop.
So, like I just figured whenthis is gonna be a, just when
people are 70, everyone is likehas a chronic illness and or is
disabled, and they got just theway it goes.
And I didn't.
I would never understand why a70 year old would be
discriminating against another70 year old because, like
they're old and so.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
I'm so happy you said 70 and not 53.
Speaker 6 (22:28):
You know I heard the right it.
Oh, my god like.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
I hear you that Right , but yeah, no, it doesn't stop.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
We'll be right back.
Speaker 7 (22:50):
This is George, fred and Jason, the co-leaders of
speak, interrupting to say thatwe hope you're enjoying this
episode, but please make sure tocheck out our new show, the
speak podcast, another greatshow produced by launchpad 516
Studios.
New episodes available everyweek on all of your favorite
podcast platforms.
Speaker 5 (23:09):
Each speak talk is about six to ten minutes in
length, and the talks are givenin storytelling format.
There are three key moments ineach speak talk the moment of
truth, the moment oftransformation and the moment of
impact.
We host pop-up events all overthe world, and now we're
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Speaker 7 (23:29):
Join us on the speak podcast as our speakers step
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We'll let you get back to theshow you were listening to
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Speaker 2 (23:49):
You're tuning in to embrace it with Laini Anastella,
brought to you by launchpad 516Studios.
Speaker 6 (23:58):
Older people still discriminate against each other.
Speaker 4 (24:00):
It's wild we just got an email from a really kind
70-something year old woman whosaid that she was so thankful to
find Adability because all themen that she talks to on other
apps where she meets out arelooking for someone active, and
she's like I didn't know.
Speaker 6 (24:19):
I said, when you're like all like all, there's all
these 70 year olds out therehiking.
Speaker 7 (24:22):
I mean, I know that they're out there.
We're from a.
Speaker 6 (24:26):
There's definitely people, but there's.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
There's so many people whose life yeah, we grew
up with, like our grandparentsplay for the very stereotypical
old people and they play golfand they Like play cards and
stuff like that, but like ourgrandma has not been active in
like two decades.
Yeah, so it is sad that it stillis happening.
(24:49):
But so we do have a largesenior community on Datability,
but the majority of our usersare millennials or Gen Z and so
but yeah, it's really an app foreveryone and we really wanted
to make it inclusive, and thebiggest thing that we wanted to
tackle was disclosing, and so wecreated a Datability deep
(25:13):
section where people can choosefrom an extensive list of broad
terms like chronic illness,immuno, compromised, wheelchair
user, and they can check thoseoff and it just shows up on
their profile.
It's really neutral.
It's just there, basicinformation, and so people don't
necessarily Feel like they haveto Talk, explain right explain,
(25:37):
or like give so much detail.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
I like love this because, like one of the things
in in that, like the podcastthat we did and and blogs We've
written about dating is likewhat do I do about my profile?
Do I put my mobility device inthe foot shot?
Do I say it?
Do I whatever?
And nowadays, like apps likeyours and, from what I
understand, these other appshave changed.
Like in my Divorce and remarrydays match with the thing there
(26:04):
were no props.
You just like made your profileright, like you had to be
clever.
You didn't get to like 20clever things or you weren't
clever, I guess, but so I lovethat, like you just put it in
there and like it's there andit's not like an issue, it's not
a whole thing, it's just thisis about me.
These are one of these are likethis is one thing of many
(26:25):
things like.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
I'm just like you're high.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
I love it.
I love it.
Speaker 6 (26:30):
Yeah, that makes it easier because I think the
disclosure and the anxiety comeswhen you are talking about what
you want to do on your date andso many things are not
accessible.
And so, for example, there'sthis thing in Colorado called
the manatee in pine and it'slike a million steps and it's in
the mountains.
So let's say I've matched withsomebody on hinge and the guy
(26:52):
was a wheelchair user and hedidn't feel comfortable putting
his wheelchair he's includinghis wheelchair any pictures.
And then I say, hey, like it'sgonna be a beautiful day, do you
want to do the manatee andclimb with me?
That would actually never be myidea for a first date.
So, and then they have to tellyou the one.
They have to say no, which cancome up as like a rejection for
(27:14):
some people or being negative,and then they have to tell you
why, and so it can get reallyKind of messy and it's so an
anxious, anxiety inducing, andso if I see his Availability
that says he's a wheelchair user, I'm not gonna ask him to go do
that.
I'm gonna ask them to dosomething accessible and I'm
gonna think of an accessibleplace, some place where there's,
(27:37):
you know, not stairs or there'san elevator or something like
that, and so it really does makethe whole date planning process
and getting to know you processbut easier.
Speaker 4 (27:48):
I, in my opinion, yeah, when I was on the
mainstream dating apps andSomeone would suggest something
that I couldn't do, there was atime where I would Rather lie
and say that I don't like doinglike, I don't like the outdoors
than it, then tell them I wasdisabled and that I that's not
accessible for me and and itwould really, just because I was
(28:10):
ashamed of it and I wasembarrassed and and yeah, my
viewpoint has really shiftedreally from like the over the
last three years of just notbeing ashamed anymore of not
being able to do something, andit's just it takes so much more
energy to hide that to be trueand you're hiding yourself
(28:33):
because the truth is that you,like me, like the outdoors no,
you can't hike, but you ski andyou like to camp and Do day
trips and go fishing orsomething, and so you're missing
out on all these activities youcan do by just lying and saying
like I don't like the outdoors,which would is also like for
people in Colorado.
Speaker 6 (28:51):
That's like a very weird.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Treat.
You'll be like that to you.
I don't sold.
Speaker 6 (28:56):
Oh yeah, I would be like, okay, why do you live here
?
Yeah, it's like very, it's allpudding and but if that was your
truth, that's your truth, butit's not.
And so Then they find out, likewhere they find out you're
lying and you're in your lot.
Then, like you're not beingtruthful about yourself and what
you like to do, it's very mess.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
It gets very messy, yeah, but I mean, unfortunately,
being disabled is veryoff-putting for a lot of people,
and that is something that wewant to change and that that we
just want to destigmatizedisability and chronic illness
and show that people are able,and you know, to live a very
(29:35):
normal life and that and liveone that is fulfilling.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Yeah, to meet somebody who is going to Support
them and not make them feelshame around that and, and you
know, just have that, have thatlove story, whether you're
disabled or not.
So what has been the reactionso far?
Maybe any, any stories thatstick out to you or any users
(30:01):
that have really, you know,maybe matched up on your, on
your app, and what have?
What has that been like?
Speaker 6 (30:08):
We have a handful of success stories.
Recently, just aroundThanksgiving, we heard from a
female user who matched with hercurrent partner Shortly after
we launched, right around theholidays of last year, and they
live 900 miles apart from eachother but did long distance and
they are in the process ofmoving in with each other now.
(30:30):
So like a real success story.
I've never lived with a partnerbefore, so that's a big deal.
And then we've got Anothercouple.
They happen to live 30 minutesaway from each other, so when
they matched and they met eachother's families over Christmas.
And then we have a, we metsomebody doing another podcast
(30:52):
almost a year ago who reachedout to us recently and said that
he wasn't.
He had matched with someone,but they don't live in the same
city, but they always kept intouch and then he happened to be
where she lived and so theywent on a date and he said he
had all the typical predatejitters that everybody gets, but
the one thing that was missingwas the Disability related
anxiety.
(31:12):
He was not freaked out aboutthat, didn't have any qualms
about going into this date, andso that was awesome to hear, and
they still keep in touch.
And then another we just heardfrom another person that's
texting somebody else andthey're doing the FaceTime thing
and are planning on meeting upin person for the first time
sometime this month.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
I think I mean how amazing.
Also like, not only does ittake away, I would imagine, the
nervousness about my disabilitybeing the Section, but also like
a lot of people think that theyare rejected because of their
disability.
So like that, you know, ifyou're someone who you know is
been dating and has maybe aninvisible disability, and then
(31:57):
tells someone the person you'redating, that you do, and then
they don't call you, naturally alot of people would then assume
it's because of that.
But sometimes it's not.
It's like people meet and guesswhat they don't like you like
you know, click they don't.
You know you have a different Imean values, different size of
humor, and so that a thing.
(32:18):
I think that's really helpfulfor people like you can't use
your disability as an excuse.
Like I'm, you know, maybe Ineed to work on my communication
skills.
You know, maybe I, maybe, youknow I talk the conversation and
only talk about me.
Like that kind of feedback isnot that people are giving that,
but you know they can look atit from a different angle.
(32:40):
So how many people like are onyour site and like, if someone
went on and they're from and youknow Colorado and you know, are
they gonna find a lot of peoplefrom Colorado to meet, or are
they gonna be talking to peoplein Chicago?
Speaker 4 (32:56):
so we as the recording of this podcast.
We have over 13,000 users, andthat's so great, ah, and it's
all over North America, and sowhen we first launched, we
launched Nationwide, and so wewere really worried about
someone signing on and notseeing anyone in their area, and
(33:19):
so we Turned off the locationfunction and we just allowed
anyone whose preferences matchto see each other.
And now that we have more users, we have an optional location
function so you can search inyour area or you can search
across the app, and that hasbeen really great, especially
for people in rural areas orjust areas that did.
(33:39):
Ability hasn't expanded into asmuch yet, so but it has been,
yeah, a wonderful year of Makingthis, because, I mean, for a
while we would be asked like, oh, do you have any success
stories?
And we were like, not that weknow of, but we're sure they're
out there.
(34:00):
And then they started floodingin and it's, I mean, like, if
nothing comes out of this exceptpeople's success and love, that
is enough for me.
We're, we're really, reallyhappy.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
What about the two of you?
Have you dated anybody fromyour own app, or is that like?
Speaker 4 (34:18):
Okay, yeah, eventually I will, once I get
the hang of having a full-timejob, and I'm like, yeah, I
created this for me, notrealizing how much work it was
gonna be.
And now I'm like, yeah, I don'tknow if I can give someone that
full attention, but I'mconfident that when this does
(34:40):
like Become easier for me tohandle and I can use dateability
in a more recreational way,that I will find my person on
there, because I see all thepeople signing up and it's a
really interesting and diverseuser base and I really think
that people will find that theyhave Things in common with
(35:02):
people on our app.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
Yeah, and I think the cost right.
I'm sorry to interrupt you.
Oh, it's free.
Yeah, wow, would you guys hearthat people no rest free.
So how do you guys keep itgoing?
Speaker 6 (35:15):
So In terms of dating ?
No, I'm not.
I work like too much and Thenjust need to sleep.
I'm also kind of by naturealone wolf, which is ironic
because I'm the founder of adating app who, like that's
really prioritized dating.
But I'm starting to think thatin the future I Will be open to
(35:37):
it, and the pandemic has madedating really hard.
I still mask indoors everywhere, and so that's really hard to
explain to people why I stilltake all these precautions.
And we're seeing an influx ofpeople who are just like me, who
are either they do have achronic illness and they're
still being safe, or they're notdisabled and they're just so.
They just care about COVID andnot getting it joining
Dataability, and so I said maybeone day I will meet somebody
(36:00):
like that.
Of course, I'd rather just likethe pandemic be totally over,
but you know, you know so.
But it is free, and so rightnow, neither of us are taking a
salary for what we do.
We will be Monetizing with someads.
Soon we will be adding in thesubscription model, but we
always want a free version thatwe really do want to make love
(36:20):
accessible, and that's with theapp itself, that's with our user
base and that's with cost, andso we will have a free version,
and then, you know, have addedfeatures in the subscription
version.
Yeah, what?
if standard charging.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (36:33):
I just rolled out some $500 Something and I was
like I, my husband, that forthat much money better be
delivered on my doorstep and Idon't ever have to leave, or get
a prime prime shipping today,shipping Right.
I'm gonna open my front doorand like the perfect person
which is like I don't even knowwhat you get for that.
(36:54):
But yeah, so it won't be likethat.
The cost, even when thesubscription model, the cost
will be very reasonable.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
I meant to say is, if anyone's interested in you know
any investors or anyone wouldlike to advertise with data
ability, please reach out to usor them directly, and we love
anyone that's.
You know.
It's just supportive.
This is we have so manyphilanthropists in the world and
this is just another, you know,opportunity to scale something
(37:23):
and support something thathasn't been done before and is
so so needed when you thinkabout the sheer demographic of
the disability community.
And I love that you took off thelocation as well.
That's what I meant to say isthat you know, my boyfriend and
I were long distance for sixyears the first six years of a
relationship and so you know, ifhe didn't show up in my
(37:45):
neighborhood then I would havebeen like, oh well, that's never
going to work.
So I think it's important forpeople to keep their minds open
about long distancerelationships, because of course
it's not.
It can be difficult, but on theother hand, it can be such an
opportunity to build, like anauthentic friendship with
someone before you meet inperson.
So I love it.
Speaker 4 (38:04):
You say that because we, you know we get mixed
feedback from people saying, ohthere's, you know, we need more
people in my area and it's well,we have a solution for you,
while we can't deliver them inyour radius.
Like you can talk to people andengage with people who might,
that might be your person.
(38:25):
Like I mean, it is veryantiquated to think that the
person has to be within your 20minute radius.
Like we have technology, we canlong distance relationships.
Speaker 6 (38:38):
And that's like a pay , that is a paid feature on the
other apps is the ability tosearch, like if I'm in Denver to
search in New York City orChicago.
That's it you have to pay for.
But I agree, I'm convinced I ama Colorado girl, but I know my
person is not in Colorado.
I spent so much time on theEast Coast and definitely I'm
(38:59):
looking for probably, uh,somebody who's living in one of
the major cities in theNortheast right now, but I
really like want to live inColorado for the rest of my life
and be near the mountains, andso I know that my person I have
to like import them intoColorado.
Um, you know I'm they'reprobably like in DC because I'm
very into politics and stuff.
So I know that.
And so I would love to have theability to see everybody in for
(39:23):
free.
Um, but it is like a onecomplaint.
But, yeah, I agree, liketechnology exists for a reason,
um, and it's not like 1850anymore.
Yeah, and also I write letters.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
Yeah, and also dating .
You know, I've been listeningto.
I'm kind of obsessed with withjust dating and relationships in
general.
I'm always listening topodcasts.
But I think dating is like amuscle.
You have to practice at itright.
You have to get morecomfortable having conversations
with people and tryingdifferent things out and sharing
(39:59):
different things and seeing howyou relate to other human
beings.
So I think, even if thatdoesn't produce a long-term
relationship, you're stillgetting the benefit of
connecting with someone.
Maybe it's a friend, maybe it'sa long lasting friendship, or
just having a conversation withsomebody who can relate to you
and has experience with chronicillness and disability, so you
(40:23):
don't feel so isolated as well.
I think is a great benefit.
Speaker 4 (40:27):
Yeah, I think, yeah, even bad dates teach you some
Something.
It teaches you what you don'twant or you're not interested in
, and, yeah, that that issomething that, personally, we
can get better at is is datingis it in the muscle?
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 6 (40:45):
And because my dating muscle is atrophied.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
Yes, but you're dating.
Muscle is disabled.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
Do you guys do any sort of screening?
I mean, I know like some appshave gotten crap for people
being like serial killers andstuff like that.
Like is there any kind ofscreening or anything?
Or it's just any man, every manfor himself being a true prime.
Speaker 6 (41:07):
I was like did ability never better be
mentioned in Mexico?
But no, so we don't runbackground tracks, we don't
screen.
What we do have is a profileverification feature where you
can verify your profile and thenyou know that you know, while
you might not be a good person,you're not being catfished.
And then and you know, I meaneven a background check I have
(41:32):
dated some pretty nasty peoplefrom who have.
They're not criminals.
They you know they wouldn't.
A background track would neverreveal that they are
narcissistic.
And so there's only so much youcan do.
We do have a report and blockbutton on every profile.
We go through those multipletimes a day and remove people.
We have a pretty like, a zerotolerance Like if you're rude,
(41:54):
you're out and anybody.
The major issue we have is botsLike you know, you see them on
Instagram with this, like thestupid comments they make those
kinds of people.
We delete those two.
They're a little bit likewhack-a-mole, but we delete them
and pop up, and so that's ourbiggest issue.
We haven't had any really badactors.
(42:15):
Yeah, we haven't reported yet.
Knock on wood.
Speaker 4 (42:19):
But yeah, it's hard.
That's you know.
Safety is our top priority andit's a scary thing for anyone
who has a social networking app.
That's like the one thingyou're just like.
Please don't let anything badhappen to our users, and so
we're doing everything that wecan with going through new users
(42:40):
who sign up and check, makingsure that their profile doesn't
seem like it's a bot.
It sounds like you're doingexactly what.
Speaker 3 (42:48):
like I was saying, yeah, obviously, when you have a
vulnerable population of anykind, you worry about people
taking advantage of people andjust going out in there.
But having a vetted profile,knowing that the person is who
they say they are, I think iswhat I meant.
Not that you needed to likeinvest anybody, fully right but
you know, doing the basics isimportant to know that people
(43:11):
can't just join with a fakeprofile.
You know If you're meeting inthe wild.
Speaker 6 (43:15):
I've also been introduced to some people
through mutual friends and noone realized how terrible he was
until we started dating.
So you literally can't.
You're right Like it's a realityLike, unless you have known
this person for 20 years, likeyou probably don't really know
someone until you know them.
Yeah, so we have a safetytutorial at onboarding.
We want people to be educated.
You know we can, you know we'lldo what we can and we want our
(43:38):
users to do everything they can.
So, any red flags, we tell themwhat red flags look out for and
, you know, don't immediatelytake the conversation to Google
chat or signal Is that other app?
And don't there's any kind offinancial discussion Like let us
know, Like they're out, becausethat's the total red flag.
Speaker 2 (43:58):
So where can people?
How do people download the app?
How can they learn more aboutwhat you're doing?
Stay in touch, Follow you guys.
Speaker 4 (44:05):
Yeah, we're available on Apple and Android, and then
we're also available on web appso people can use the uh data
ability from their computer ortheir laptop, and so that's cool
At databilityappcom.
And we're on all social mediaplatforms on Instagram data
ability app and on Tik Tok atdatability.
And, yeah, we would love tohear from from anyone who has
(44:29):
any suggestions or just whowants to talk about dating,
because I mean, even thoughAlexa is not disabled, she has
been on terrible dates and I'msingle for a reason Exactly.
Speaker 3 (44:42):
Well, I think you also have a lot of like.
I mean even, you know, whenyou're dating someone who has a
different disability than you.
I mean having that skill setthat you have, which is clearly
like caring for your sister,putting on a mask and you're
like.
All of those things are.
You know, people need to learnwith each person that they date.
(45:03):
As you said, every, even if youhave the same diagnosis, you
might have different needs anddifferent things that, um, you
know, send you into.
You know, like escalate I'musing all these words and they
all relate to criminal minds.
By the way, I started theepisode talking about us.
Literally, I can't get out ofmy head.
(45:25):
Like words, like escalating.
Speaker 2 (45:29):
The theme music on the pot.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
Obviously you know what I think about dating, but
everyone else.
I did find someone for dating.
So, you guys, what you're?
Doing is so cool and obviouslydate ability is how it sounds,
date ability and we're going toput links in our show notes and
we definitely are, you know,hoping people sign up and I know
there's been a lot of greatpress on you guys already.
(45:54):
So you guys are doing greatstuff and I hope there's lots of
love matches everywhere andincluding for yourself, yeah,
and putting for yourselves whenyou want to.
Speaker 2 (46:07):
Yeah, yeah, and we wanted to.
We usually close out with um,what does embrace it mean to all
of you?
Speaker 4 (46:14):
Oh, now, I would say, embracing it means living as
cliche, as soundly, livingauthentically and not trying to
hide or disguise anything, andthat's something that I've had
to work on.
Whether it's like good things,like disclosing good things or
bad things, I am one who likesto be really just like neutral
(46:37):
and not super excited aboutsomething, but also not like
really down, like I just like tosugarcoat things and keep it
all Everything's fine, um, good,and so I think that it's
embracing.
It just means, yeah, being meand not being afraid to show my
true emotion.
Speaker 6 (46:58):
For me, I think embracing it means, you know,
constantly learning and adaptingand going with the flow, which
is something that I was not goodat.
And then the pandemic happenedin my life was turned more or
less upside down, and it's, youknow, we're going into year five
and it still doesn't look theway it looks before, um, but
I've learned to do things, youknow, go to film festivals and
(47:21):
go to concerts, and they stilldo things while we're meeting
safe and learning how to adapt,which I was not good at before.
I'm a bit of a control freak.
I like things my way andrealizing like most of life is
out of my control, like prettymuch everything, and so the only
thing I can control is how Ireact and respond to it, and I
(47:42):
have to kind of embrace thecircumstances that I'm given and
make the best of it.
Speaker 3 (47:46):
Amen, why is it on your ears?
And it's been a pleasuremeeting you and I think this is
such a cool, wonderful gift thatyou've given the world.
So thank you for that and thankyou for being on the show and
thank everyone else who's outthere listening.
And yeah, thank you, estella,just because I'm thanking you.
Aw, thank you, lainey.
(48:07):
Thank you for not being aserial killer.
Speaker 4 (48:11):
Thank you so much for all the kind words and for
having us on Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (48:16):
We'll take care of you one, and we'll see you next
time.
Hey, embracers, thank you somuch for listening and
supporting the Embrace itpodcast Brought to you by
Launchpad 516 Studios executive,produced by George Andriopoulos
and hosted by Lainey Ispia andEstella Hugo.
Our music and sound effects arelicensed through Epidemic Sound
.
Embrace it is hosted withBuzzsprout.
Speaker 3 (48:37):
Do you have a disability-related topic you'd
love for us to feature, or couldsomeone you know be a fabulous
guest on our show?
We would love to hear yourcomments and feature them on our
next podcast.
So leave us a voicemail or youcan even send us a text to
631-517-0066.
Speaker 2 (48:58):
Make sure to subscribe to this feed wherever
podcasts are available and leaveus a five-star review on Apple
Podcasts while you're at it.
Follow us at Embrace itunderscore podcast on Instagram
and make sure to follow all thegreat podcasts produced by
Launchpad 516 Studios.
Speaker 3 (49:14):
We hope you join us next time and continue to
Embrace it.
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