August 17, 2025 • 56 mins
He's LA's most feared agony columnist—and possibly its biggest De Sade fan. He wants to hurt you in the ways that most help you, and it means the world to him when you let him be mean to you. It's Ask a Sadist, a long-time fixture on Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes. And these are a few of his greatest hits.
The boundaries between cruelty and kindness blur in this provocative exploration of ethical sadism. Our host—self-described as having "a heart of rugged gold"—dismantles conventional morality to reveal how acknowledging our darker impulses might lead to more authentic, fulfilling lives.
"I like to hurt people in the ways that most help them," our host declares, establishing a philosophical framework where inflicting pain (with enthusiastic consent) becomes an act of profound kindness. This paradox forms the foundation for addressing listeners' diverse relationship challenges, from long-distance romance to workplace sexual politics.
When a listener describes their long-distance relationship struggles, our host reframes it as "an exquisite form of torture" with potential for growth rather than merely a problem to solve. This perspective transforms relationship challenges into opportunities for deeper self-understanding and personal evolution.
The episode takes a fascinating turn examining power dynamics in the workplace when addressing a young professional labeled "too sexy" by her female boss. Rather than offering standard harassment advice, our host provides an insightful analysis of unacknowledged desires and power plays, suggesting that understanding these dynamics gives the listener unexpected leverage.
Most provocatively, the recurring claim that "rough sex can save the world" isn't mere shock value but represents a coherent philosophy arguing that our repressed desires for dominance and submission, when denied healthy expression, manifest as destructive forces in society. By acknowledging and channeling these desires in consensual contexts, we might create more honest, less harmful expressions of our fundamental nature.
"Suffer like you mean it," our host advises, suggesting that deliberate engagement with discomfort yields greater insights than avoiding pain altogether. This challenges the modern obsession with comfort, proposing instead that a meaningful life emerges from embracing the full spectrum of human experience—darkness included.
Ready to explore your own darkness? Visit AskASadist.com to discover how honest engagement with your desires might be your path to liberation.
Got something to say to me? Slide into the DMs.
It's OUT! Sophistication Nation: Brief Interviews with Women I Pretend to Understand: https://emersondameron.hearnow.com/sophistication-nation
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm a sadist.
My great joy is to inflict painon other people, and I'm not
afraid to admit it.
Did you know that sadists facediscrimination every day simply
because of who we are?
With so many people competingfor the status of victimhood, we
need sadists more than ever.
If you really dig deep, youmight find we have a lot more in
common than you'd hoped.
Join us in the fight for fairtreatment, equal opportunities
(00:23):
and respect for the sadistcommunity.
Be kind to the cruel.
Visit AskASadistcom to learnmore.
Ask a Sadist.
I am a sadist with a heart ofrugged gold.
I like to hurt people in theways that most help them, and it
means the world to me.
When you let me be mean to you,dear Sadist, hi.
(00:43):
I've been struggling withmaintaining intimacy in my
long-term relationship.
What can I do to reignite thespark?
I was thinking about the phrasepartner in crime.
The people who use that aregenerally looking for someone to
perhaps drive them to LAX.
If these people got what theysay they wanted, they would not
(01:05):
be prepared.
When you truly free yourselffrom the shackles of
conventional morality, devoteyourself to transgression,
decadence, pleasure, the realrevolution of the soul will be
condemned For breaking the tacitprohibition on indulging in the
freedom that they don't allowthemselves to realize that they
have.
This will give you secrets onlyyou and your partner really
(01:28):
understand.
I am a sadist with a heart ofrugged gold.
I hurt people in the ways thatmost help them, and it means the
world to me.
When you let me be mean to you,I'm a sadist.
I'm here to help mean to you.
I'm a sadist.
I'm here to help.
Life's a lot simpler with asadist on your side or looking
(01:50):
down into those beautiful eyesthat look so good, when you're
doing the thing you were born todo Thriving in your personal
life, with help from me in theform of my advice.
I am LA's most feared agonycolumnist.
I answer questions, dear sadist, hello, long time, first time.
(02:12):
Maybe you can help me.
I'm in a long-distancerelationship and I'm struggling
to maintain intimacy with mypartner despite the physical
distance.
Do you have any advice orsuggestions for keeping the
spark alive and stayingconnected emotionally and
sexually?
Long distance relationships anexquisite form of torture.
Each one is a little bitdifferent and all of them are
(02:35):
inexplicable.
Why would you do that toyourself, you absolutely sick,
twisted, delicious, slimecreature that I want to nail to
the center of the earth.
I'm getting distracted.
It's hot that you're doing thisunpleasant, lonely, liminal
here, but not here thing toyourself, where you're in a
(02:58):
relationship, but without thephysicality In the meantime.
There are a lot of masochistsout there and none of you will
admit it.
Well, some of you will, andyou're my favorite people in the
world.
I'm not talking to you, I'mtalking to everyone else who
works that out, if that's whatyou want to call it, through
these acts of self-sabotage.
If you have a celibacy kink,this is a wonderful place to be.
(03:21):
You can demand celibacy of yourpartner, which means that
they're either going to bemiserable or they're going to be
cheating on you.
Their loss you were anabsolutely excellent saintist
and they will never find anotherone of your caliber.
If you give them that choice,they're not going to be celibate
.
If they theoretically were,they would not be enjoying
(03:43):
anything.
If you're into that, if that'swhat gets you off, I respect it.
I live in a significantlytransparent glass house.
I admit it, I am outwardlycruel and thus can be artful and
, dare I say, heartful in mypractice of cruelty.
That's the gift ofself-awareness that I give to
(04:06):
myself every morning uponawakening.
Why am I in such a vanishingminority?
Raiden Estekor once said If yousleep on the floor you don't
have to worry about rolling outof bed, and yet people still
sleep in beds.
People still sleep.
That means you're not havingenough sex.
If you were having good sex,you wouldn't be able to sleep.
(04:29):
You would be awake for threedays and not even notice Because
you would be high on the bestdrugs available.
They're all right in the humanbrain and a lot of them come
from good sex.
Everyone should have as much ofthat as feels good or feels bad
in a way they enjoy which Ientirely condone, especially if
(04:51):
it's self-aware or feel bad tosomeone else in a way that makes
you feel good.
You can do a lot of that stuff.
Long distance Ethicalnon-monogamy has a lot of rules.
Come up with some rules thatare gloriously disgusting.
It's a good opportunity tocultivate some of your higher
aspects.
The goat, the Marquis de Sade,wrote most of his best work in
(05:16):
asylums and prisons.
We would not have Malcolm X ifhe had not gone to prison.
It can be a monastery, becauseanything can be anything.
That is the versatility of ourdelusion.
May it be more consciouslyself-imposed than the pain or
pleasure that we inflict.
If we inflict pleasure, that istruly cruel.
(05:38):
Nothing makes someone's headexplode by getting what they
really want in life.
That is some next-level stuff.
That is some next level stuffthat is not for amateurs.
I would be very careful withthat.
I would try to wake up to whatI was doing.
I don't have to worry aboutthat.
I'm wide awake, doing it right.
I'm an artist of cruelty.
(05:58):
Long distance relationships cangive you time to read a lot.
If you're actually going withthe celibacy thing and I hear a
lot of people are just jackingit now and more power to them,
that's less potentiallydangerous.
I'll answer this question howcan I keep my long-distance
relationship interesting?
There are many options short ofswatting.
(06:20):
Although swatting and doxingare ways to ruin your
long-distance partner'sreputation in their own locality
, I would ramp up to swatting,especially if you don't know how
long you're going to be indifferent cities.
You can make them feel badabout their city.
You can insult its sports team,or food, which is stuff that
seems to genuinely upset somepeople who clearly deserve it,
(06:45):
or remote-controlled toys youcan either demand that your
partner carry one of these in anorifice or you can convince
them to do something that theyalready wanted to do in a way
that makes them think it wastheir idea and have no mercy on
them.
This is, we must admit, despitethe significant downsides,
(07:07):
truly the golden age ofsurveillance tech.
An excellent time to be asadist.
Dear Sadist, please help.
My husband always stopsbreathing when we have sex.
I've tried talking to him aboutit, gently encouraging him to
breathe, just so he can enjoyhimself more and I can stop
worrying that he's going toburst a blood vessel or worse.
(07:27):
But although he's normally avery communicative person, he
just doesn't respond and latelyjust quits the lovemaking
entirely.
If I say something, I am notcomplaining.
He is a terrific, attentivelover.
It's just so disconcerting.
He claims he's trying to notblow up in another way.
I have questions, and Icertainly appreciate that effort
and have no idea what that'slike.
(07:49):
I feel like there's some gapsin this.
Is this something I should giveup?
You mean trying to get him tobreathe when he doesn't want to,
not?
Oh, here we go, not.
Is this something I should giveup?
Not try to advise him how to dothings like breathe and make
love?
Or is there a way to practicebreathing outside of sex so that
it's not so sensitive.
(08:10):
I don't want to be a nag,especially in the bedroom.
I want us both to feel free andfor there to be a lovely flow
of energy between us, and itfeels like breathing is the most
basic requirement for that.
But maybe not for him Holdingmy breath in New York, donna.
There are so many ways youcould go with this.
Donna, I assume that you'refamiliar with the practice of
(08:31):
autoerotic asphyxiation andalthough I'm not quite clear on
why he's doing this, it soundslike he has attempted to explain
it or rationalize it some way,that he's trying not to blow up
in another way.
Is he delaying his orgasm?
Because I know women who reallyenjoy making men come faster
(08:55):
than they want to.
That power gets them off andmore power to them.
But assuming that he's doingthis because he wants to, which
he must be, we do everythingbecause we want to.
We do it because it beats thealternative, the things that we
don't want to do but do anyway.
We're either not clear on whatwe want or we are doing the
(09:18):
thing that we want to do and notallowing ourselves to enjoy it.
Regardless, he is here notbreathing during sex, and that
is a well-known sexual practice.
It can be dangerous.
The great Michael Hutchence isno longer with us for that
reason.
We lost so much great musicthat way.
But here's what I propose Don'tallow him to breathe during sex
(09:43):
, not the whole time, but justperiodically Cut in and if he's
breathing, tell him to stop, andif he breathes, shut it down,
force him to hold his breath.
This is kind of like if yourparents ever caught you smoking
and made you smoke the entirepack in front of them.
The things that are forbiddenbecome irresistible and things
(10:06):
that are compulsory becomeonerous.
So you can try that as anexperiment.
He might decide to startbreathing out of rebellion,
because people do turn towardthe sunlight of freedom, as you
observe, and love meansfacilitating the freedom of the
loved one.
Sex can mean quite the opposite,but that's not relevant here
(10:27):
and there's so much here that'sworth getting into.
See if he likes that, and if hedoesn't, then there's more to
explore.
There is something here in himto dislodge.
There's some resistance togiving in to the violent
relishing of pleasure.
(10:48):
That is the life force, theforce of the breath, the burst
experience outside of the wombthat we have of the polarity of
the natural world, the in andthe out, the dark and the light,
life and death.
He's denying himself that, andit must be for a reason.
You obviously love this man.
He is very lucky that you arein his life, because this could
(11:11):
be the opportunity for a massivebreakthrough If he is able to
cough up whatever it is that'sstuck in his throat that is
preventing him from the fullenjoyment of breathing, and all
I can do is wish you the best,but it sounds like he needs a
little bit of help and he trustsyou.
(11:32):
So I would start by seeing whathappens if you don't let him
breathe.
Frown on his breathing duringcoitus Could be exciting for
both of you or, as I suspect, itcould lead to greater
revelations which could thenlater result in a waterfall of
(11:53):
pleasure like you can't possiblyimagine from where you are
sitting now.
Such things happen when wechallenge ourselves to break
through our resistance to power,to pleasure, to truly stoking
the fires of our inner hells.
It is now time for Ask a Sadista round of Q&A with me, your
(12:18):
host, a sadist with a heart ofrugged gold.
I like to hurt people in theways that most help them, and it
means the world to me when you,let me, be mean to you.
We have reader-submittedquestions and we will start with
this one.
Dear Sadist, I am a recentlygraduated 20-something who just
started my new job in my dreamprofession.
(12:39):
What could that be?
The mind reels?
The one hitch is my boss.
Could that be the mind reels?
The one hitch is my boss,selena.
I assume not her real name,since it's in scare quotes which
fail to scare me.
Selena, who is around my age buton the more conservative side,
she seems determined to make anuncomfortable work environment
for me in the office.
So the dream professioninvolves an office Interesting.
(13:02):
She accuses me of being toosexy Also in scare quotes that
could be scary depending oncontext and a distraction to my
apparently very susceptible maleco -workers.
She asked me to stop wearingskirts and heels and has even
gone so far as to call me quotesex on a stick unquote.
(13:23):
Now I'm shaking Within earshotof coworkers in the break room.
She silently drills herdisapproving eyes into my back
during staff meetings I havechills and makes inappropriate
remarks about how my quote legsdo all the work for me unquote.
Any advice on how to get myboss to respect the work I am
(13:44):
actually doing and stopinsinuating that I'm the office
sex kitten.
Signed Cat, not a kitten.
Cats are not known for beingjoiners or team players, not
that they don't work hard.
If you've watched a cat,interestingly they mostly do
this when humans are not looking.
But if you've seen a cat huntin the wild or on the street, it
(14:08):
is absolutely fascinating towatch and it merits a slow
motion replay.
And I feel the same way aboutyour letter Cat, not a kitten.
The power dynamics here aredelicious.
The great Oscar Wilde said thateverything in the world is
about sex except sex.
Sex is about power.
Power is also about sex becausesex is about everything, and we
(14:30):
have a heaping hell of sex andpower, which is also about
everything.
Getting the respect that youfeel that you deserve,
20-something, encompasses a widerange.
The human brain is not fullydeveloped until age 25.
(14:50):
So if you're under 25, youmight not deserve the respect
that you think that you are owed.
That's true of many of us.
However, you are obviouslyattuned to this dance, this game
of power dynamics in theworkplace, in a way that I would
venture to say that Selina isoblivious to, as she is wielding
(15:15):
the cudgel of conventionalmorality against you, the weapon
of boring brutes and dullardsin order to engage in a
sadomasochistic relationship.
She is the one that keepsbringing up sex with regards to
you.
I don't know if these men arewolf whistling or if they're
(15:36):
complaining about thedistractions, or if their wives
bring them lunch and complain toSelina.
I would guess that this is onlya problem in her troubled,
addled with conventionalmorality excuse for a mind, and
that gives you immense power.
In this situation, my friend, myadvice enjoy your youth, first
(15:59):
of all, and the power that itgives you and your sexuality and
the appeal that that has,because it has there's the
perception that it's somehowunspoiled, and on and on and on.
People want to break yourinnocence, which I'm sure you're
perfectly capable of doingyourself, because you are
already in tune with this in aremarkably astute way.
(16:22):
So my advice to you is enjoyyour power, embrace it, use it,
enjoy the dance, let this goonfeel important.
Meanwhile, get good at your job.
You say that it's your dreamjob.
You're not going to be workingin this office forever.
You are going to be running.
Something important is what myintuition tells me, based on
(16:44):
your fluency in the hidden,silent language of power.
So get good at your job, becomeindispensable, become
unfireable and thus, in the end,ungovernable.
But make this dullard feelpowerful, let her think that
she's getting to you, let herfeel like she's hurting you,
that will be tremendouslyexciting for her.
(17:06):
If you feign subservience, ifyou act as though she's getting
to you and she's hurting you andshe's breaking you down and
she's rewiring you to make youmore subservient to her, and
that you're developing a genuinerespect for your tormentor,
which I believe that you'recapable of doing this without
(17:27):
going too far with the act.
She's gonna believe it.
It's what she wants to believe,but does not want to think
about directly.
This gets her off.
She is the worst kind of sadistbecause she has no idea.
She thinks that God andconventional morality are
compelling her to behave in thisway and is thus rationalizing
(17:50):
it and is thus not making peacewith her own proclivities.
So you can do her an immensefavor by letting her think that
she's getting to you and I.
From the way that you write,you might have a little bit of
the masochist in you and that'ssomething I love to see and do
not discourage and you can enjoythat.
(18:11):
Enjoy the dance.
My friend, my cat-like prodigyAsk a sadist lightning round
answering frequently askedquestions for listeners who are
not perceptive enough to readbetween the lines.
I am, as always, a sadist with aheart of rugged gold.
I like to hurt people in theways that most help them.
It means the world to me whenyou let me be mean to you, dear
(18:34):
sadist, do you support thesubjugation of women?
Sadist, do you support thesubjugation of women?
Yes, I do support thesubjugation of women.
I hope it goes without sayingthat I believe it should be
optional.
In an open society, people haverights the right to the pursuit
of pleasure, the only thing thatmakes this otherwise absurd
existence worthwhile.
That includes an array of freechoices, some of which are not
(18:59):
for everyone, some of which youmight wish were not for anyone,
but you don't get to make thatcall.
Those rights include theliberty to be verbally and
physically degraded, humiliated,flogged, bound, smacked around.
For consenting adults who knowwhat they're doing and know how
to communicate, subjugationshould be safe, legal and
(19:20):
readily available, and I thinkit would be a lot more common
than you might expect.
People are exhausted.
They're tired of workingthemselves to death, working
harder for less.
They're tired of running a raceas the floor caves in under
their feet.
People want to give up, give in, let go, let the ecstasy happen
.
I obviously have a dog in thisfight.
(19:42):
I also know that there's amarket for my services and
everyone would be a lot happierif we could put more of our
libidinal energy where itbelongs Rough sex can save the
world.
If we keep sublimating oursadism and masochism into wars,
arguments, other non-sexy formsof cruelty, that will be the end
of the species.
(20:02):
Let's get out of the tanks, outof the boardrooms and into the
dungeons.
I support the subjugation ofwomen and I believe that you
should too.
Sadist, masochist.
We're run-of-the-mill pervert,like everyone else.
Ask a sadist A round of Q&Awith me, la's most feared agony
columnist, a sadist with a heartof rugged gold.
(20:25):
I like to hurt people in theways that most help them, and it
means the world to me.
You, let me be mean to you,dear sadist.
I started seeing my newboyfriend a month ago.
It may just be the afterglowtalking, but I really like like
this guy.
Our sex has been great, if alittle bland for my tastes, and
we're super compatible.
(20:45):
Recently he told me that hislifelong dream is to have sex
and then get severely beaten bythe partner.
He wants me to do the honors.
I'm thrilled that we're finallygetting kinky up in here.
There's an anecdote from themaking of one of the Rocky
(21:08):
movies, possibly apocryphal buttrue enough to support my thesis
.
Sylvester Stallone asked DolphLundgren to really hit him.
Dolph Lundgren is aprofessional fighter.
Stallone is an actor, quite aninteresting one.
The stories behind the makingof First Blood are fascinating.
Stallone was offered a princelysum for the script for that
(21:32):
film and said that he would notsell the script unless he was
going to star in it, put hisfoot down, turned down tons of
money.
He's now internationally knownas an actor.
In a sense, lundgren beats uppeople for a living and he gave
Sly what he wanted.
Sly was the main person on thatfilm and he promptly put him in
(21:53):
the hospital for a couple ofdays because Estalone didn't
know what he was signing up for.
Your boyfriend wants you to beathim up.
I'm flattered that you came tome to get more information about
that.
However, if you really wereinterested in beating people,
surely you would notice thatthere are a lot of martial arts
(22:15):
academies, boxing gyms,institutions dedicated to
teaching the art of givingsomeone the business.
You can learn how to beatsomeone up and not really hurt
them or not do severe damage.
You can learn these things inkink dungeons.
They have classes taught byexperts.
Some of the doms can be ratheraggressive in their pedagogy,
(22:39):
but what do you expect?
You can still learn to beatsomeone.
That sort of thing in the kinksphere is very high level.
You have to go through a lot ofother stuff to get there Basic
fundamentals of understandingconsent and all the complexities
of engaging with these sort ofpractices in an intentional way,
(23:00):
which is kind of revolutionary.
It is easy to be a sadist inthis country if you are
dishonest about it, and it'snearly effortless, and in fact
this society is very muchoptimized for sadism.
As long as you can lie toyourself, it's not a lie if you
believe it.
That way you don't have to dealwith the cognitive dissonance
(23:21):
of being a cop or a dentist or abill collector and also
supporting the farce ofconventional morality.
You can have it both ways, aslong as you don't know that
you're having it both ways.
It's a cruel world but so muchof it is sublimated which I
think is so dangerous, and Ithink that rough sex can save
(23:42):
the world.
What I'm getting at here.
You've been seeing this man fora month.
He's lucky to have foundsomeone who is enthusiastic
about this, to the point wherethey didn't ask him why or maybe
you did and his answer wasacceptable.
But if you didn't, that'sremarkable and noteworthy and I
would think about why you wantto beat up this man If it's not
(24:04):
on your yes list.
If it's a maybe, I wouldconsider doubling up, finding
something on his maybe listthat's on your yes list and
seeing if he wants to do that.
Beating someone up without doingdamage is a serious undertaking
.
I could not describe myself asan amateur in that field at this
point, in the pejorative sensethat the term is usually
(24:26):
intended.
However, you could pay me abillion dollars a year to
inflict pain on people and Iwould still be in it for the
love of the game, and you haveto love it to get good at it.
It takes a long time.
It takes a lot of practice.
It's not the kind of thing thatyou can practice in the skate
park on Venice Beach, unlessyou're very slick about it.
(24:47):
It's a calling, almost.
You have to be devoted tocruelty to become an artist and
a scientist in that field, and Idon't get the sense that you
are doing this for your ownpleasure, which is the only
thing that life is about.
It's empty outside of that.
But all creatures seek outpleasure.
(25:08):
Plants turn toward the sun andif you want to beat them up, I
would learn how to do thatthrough the proper channels.
The help is available.
It comes in many differentflavors.
You could find the one that'sright for you and get good at it
and learn the particulars ofkink in this sort of pursuit.
I would not describe myself as adom.
(25:28):
I don't want to run anyoneelse's life.
That sounds like aninconvenience.
The women I typically engagewith can very much run their own
lives.
They're in control, high status, and that's the problem.
They have a lot ofresponsibility.
People depend on them.
That is exhausting and theycome to me to shrug that off for
a while because sex is wherepeople hide things.
(25:51):
Our sexuality in many ways is aphoto negative of the image we
present to the world.
Unless we've worked very hardto come to terms with it and
forget that we forgot to behonest with ourselves about what
gets us off.
I would wager to say the modalperson never gets that.
Your boyfriend wants you to behim up.
You don't want to let him down.
If that's the only reasonyou're doing this, that may be a
(26:14):
call to self-inquiry.
I would not be entirely at easegiving information about how to
do this to someone whosemotives are as obscure as yours.
Four months is not a long time.
There's obviously a lot youdon't know about this guy.
I don't say this a lot, butproceed with caution, dear
(26:46):
sadist.
I've discovered my partnerwatches a lot of porn and it's
making me uncomfortable.
How do I approach thisconversation without shaming
them and find a middle groundthat works for both of us?
First of all, eliminate thepossibility that your partner
wants to be shamed, which is asignificant one.
Since the saturation ofbroadband internet, we've been
(27:08):
deluged with all forms ofpornography, much of it violent
and degrading.
I'm not interested.
Interested by and large.
None of it will ever come closeto the libertine, decadence,
transgression, violence, mutualdegradation that characterize my
own sex life.
Most people who prefer theexperience of jacking it to porn
(27:28):
over actual sexual intimacy,congress, other kinds of torture
, are afraid.
They view the Sex Act on somelevel as a performance.
They are afraid ofunderperforming, disappointing
you, letting you down, which inturn indicates a fear, a desire
and intimacy.
Sex is power.
(27:49):
Power is violence.
Sex and death are intertwined.
Sex is everything, the veryforce of creation itself.
Sex and death are intertwined.
Sex is everything, the veryforce of creation itself,
profound level at which we canconnect with another human and
transcend this horror show houseof mirrors in which we live.
Porn, by contrast, is sex asprofessional wrestling for an
audience of unsatisfied,resentful men.
(28:11):
It has nothing to do with realsex.
Any mind that links the two isgoing to have problems in both
areas.
It is fundamentally confusingfantasy and reality, confusing a
ridiculous fantasy with part ofreality that is absolutely
essential to the humanexperience.
An acquaintance of mine, abachelor in his mid-40s, claims
(28:33):
to be highly successful onTinder.
His mid-forties claims to behighly successful on Tinder
almost entirely with youngerwomen in their early to
mid-twenties who, he says, oftenconfided him that they don't
date men their own age becausetheir brains are soaked with
porn they want to do anal.
Pile drivers on the first date,turn off the porn, throw out
(28:54):
your cum-encrusted securityblanket.
Death is certain.
Life is optional.
Live, damn you, bring yourselfto life or I'll do it for you.
This has been Ask a Sadist Ask aSadist, dot com, a production
of Emerson Dameron's MedicatedMinutes Medicated dash minutes,
dot com, in turn itself aproduction of K-Chung K-chung
(29:16):
radioorg.
I'm a sadist with a heart ofrugged gold.
I hurt people in the ways thatmost help them.
It means the world to me to bemean to you.
My art form is pain.
I don't suffer for my art.
I outsource the suffering.
Pleasure is the law, passion isthe rocket.
In order to free your mind, youmust lose your mind by throwing
(29:38):
your body into decadent,dionysian depravity.
Up next, it is time for asegment that we call Ask a
Sadist, which is a round of Q&Awith me, your host Emerson
(29:59):
Dameron, a sadist with a heartof rugged gold.
I want to hurt you in the waysthat help you most, only by the
most exquisitely enthusiasticconsent, that's right.
You have to beg for it, but Iwill field your burning, itching
(30:25):
, lacerating questions here onAsk a Sadist, on Emerson
Dameron's Medicaid in Minutes.
Dear Sadist, what does successmean to you?
Success to me is not a state ofbeing, it's not a goal, it's
(30:47):
not somewhere you are, it's notsomewhere you have to get to.
Success is a series of actionsand choices culminating in a
deliberate decision toconcentrate the rays of my
cruelty and my carnal passionsthrough a magnifying glass.
(31:10):
Success is a process ofelimination.
It's the rejection of insipidmoralism and the decision to
follow your depraved anddecadent passions wherever they
may lead, to be heedless of allthat contradicts pleasure's
(31:32):
divine laws that are inscribedin your DNA.
You know their songs by heart.
It's pleasure's divine lawsthat are inscribed in your DNA.
You know their songs by heart.
It's just a process offorgetting all of the
distractions from the sound andrhythm and melody of that
(31:52):
beautiful music.
Dear sadist, if you're so smart,why aren't you happy?
I don't think we know eachother.
Anonymous interlocutor, youcertainly don't know me.
It's fair to say that I mightbe operating at a level of
(32:17):
sophistication that isunfamiliar to you and that you
do not fully understand.
In my experience, the smarter Iget, the more I hone my senses
and incorporate integrate wisdomthat I've gathered about the
(32:40):
world, the more excited andlibertine my accursed mind
becomes.
And if you want what I have, ifyou're ready to cross that
(33:14):
Rubicon, it openly.
And yet I observe you behave inways that are pretty much
guaranteed to make you suffer.
If you insist on suffering andtaking actions that you know are
going to mire your ass inmisery and walking right into
(33:35):
that meat grinder day after day.
All I ask is that you sufferlike you mean it, suffer on
purpose, suffer with intent inthe ways that bring you closer
(33:56):
to accomplishing whateverliberation it is that you seek
from the practice of suffering.
Dear sadist, would you rathersee the future or change the
past?
If your past is a place ofunhappy memories, which does
(34:19):
apply to mine, let those badfeelings fuel your frustration
and drive you forward into adecadent and liberated future.
The future is open.
Your duty is to defile it open.
(34:40):
Your duty is to defile it, andif you don't know your place or
where you fit in or belong, Iwill find it for you and I will
put you there.
This has been Ask a Sadist onEmerson Dameron's Medicare and
MS K-Chung, los Angeles 1630 AM.
(35:02):
Kchungradioorg is the stationyou got in your ears at the
moment.
This is Emerson Dameron'sMedicated Minutes
medicated-minutescom.
I am Emerson Dameron, theproducer, director, writer, host
, etc.
(35:22):
For the show Levity Saves Lives.
It is now time once again forAsk a Sadist, a round of Q&A
(35:45):
with me, your host, well-knownthroughout the Los Angeles
metropolitan area as a sadistwith a heart of rugged gold,
choker, flogger, penetrator andoccasional perforator of
orifices, pending the mostexquisitely enthusiastic consent
.
That's right.
It's not enough to take it andlike it, you have to beg for it
(36:08):
and you have to surprise me.
I like surprises.
I like to hurt people in theways that most help them, and it
means the world to me.
When you let me be mean to you.
Let's get into this, dearSadist.
I recently turned 40.
The party was some of the mostfun I've ever had.
(36:30):
I was surprised at how manypeople showed up to support me
and I fully expected to enter apersonal renaissance period.
Three months later, I feel asense of disappointment and
encroaching dread.
My demanding career, once myhighest priority, has stalled
out.
I feel disconnected from myhusband and two young daughters.
(36:52):
I'm having mysterious healthcomplaints.
I need a big change.
What do you suggest?
What do you suggest?
(37:26):
It sounds as though you havespent a lot of time under the
yoke of insipid moralists andsmarmy hypocrites.
You allude to thishigh-pressure career that you're
involved with.
And if that were just a routeto other things, such as
debauchery, invitations toorgies involving blood, play,
fire, play, etc.
Orgies involving blood play,fire play, etc.
I would understand, but byattaching your identity to the
(37:52):
career itself, you have putyourself in a bind.
You have no idea what you want,what you really enjoy, and
you're not likely to get it byaccident.
I would be curious about whathappened at your 40th birthday
(38:13):
party, very curious about that.
You say that's some of the mostfun that you've ever had in
your life.
Could have used more details onthat, very, very curious.
I bet there are clues in theresomewhere, and the fact that you
(38:38):
didn't reveal any details orsend photographic evidence leads
me to believe that if you thinkback and parse what was so
pleasurable about thatexperience, you may have some
(38:58):
clues about the path that youwant to take.
As you make this transition,which I certainly applaud, you
know that your passions arealready having their way with
you.
They cannot be kept at bay.
(39:18):
Law that we obey our decadentwhimsy, our taste for all of the
various bodily fluids consumedin the most disgraceful ways in
(39:40):
debauched environments.
That is what nature wants, thatis what we gravitate to, that
is the law, and it affects allof us, even more so if we push
it out to focus on a career oron attempting to win the esteem
(40:07):
of other people or to look goodin some public eye that we
perceive that no one else caresabout.
Perhaps your passions havebrought you to this impasse.
They may have forced your handin order to free you and, by
(40:29):
seeking my counsel, perhaps youare making a move to do a little
bit more of what you reallylike.
Whatever it was that was goingon in the coat room at your 40th
, whatever it was that was goingon in the coat room at your
40th.
Or maybe you're stuck becausepart of you enjoys it.
(40:53):
Maybe there is a part of youthat is getting off on this sick
freak that you are deep inside.
I would encourage you to testthat hypothesis, to sit with the
(41:17):
feeling of stuckness, feel intothe details, into the fine
grain of the experience.
What does it really feel liketo be stuck?
Is there excitement or pleasurein there?
Perhaps interpreted as fear ora sense of overwhelm?
Sit with that, maybe give ithalf an hour, see what happens.
(41:41):
If you don't start feeling alittle bit frisky, then you can
cross that off the list and goback to your search for the
debauchery that nature isdriving you toward through the
brutal force of your carnalpassions.
(42:04):
I believe in you, I care aboutyou in my way and I wish you
luck in that journey.
It's time for Ask a Sadist aquestion and answer segment with
(42:27):
me, a sadist with a heart ofgold.
I like to hurt people.
I've always wanted to hurtpeople.
I used to feel bad about it,but that didn't feel very good
with my dark side, for I havediscovered there is more virtue
(42:48):
in my cruelty than there is inyour hypocrisy, false piety and
anything else that you do inyour tragic lack of imagination.
Today's question, dear sadist,what kink or fetish would you
absolutely refuse to try if yourpartner suggested, and why?
This is not Ask a Sadistanything.
(43:09):
I'm here to give you advice, todispense wisdom on how to live
your life, and it's not meassuming that I'm somehow in a
superior position to you to dolife coaching.
In a superior position to youto do life coaching, it is that
you find me so interesting thatyou ask these personal questions
because you want to know me onsome personal level, when what
(43:33):
you should do having theopportunity to receive my
counsel is you ask somethingthat would not go toward
fostering a parasocialrelationship.
That is only going to wastetime that you could be spending
out and about exploring yourpassionate depravity.
You should be asking me for mythoughts on how to live your
(43:59):
life and what kinks and fetishesyou should try or refuse to try
.
I won't say you're wasting mytime.
You are wasting your own.
I have a feeling this is goingto be used as some kind of bonus
content, but now that I'm in amood, I will answer this
(44:19):
question because I feel primedto treat it with the seriousness
and sincerity that it deserves.
So let's parse this what kink orfetish would you absolutely
refuse to try?
Ever?
Forever, as they say, is amighty long time.
We don't know all of theexperiences that we're going to
(44:43):
experience.
Some of us live forever in somesense.
Others never live in anothersense.
Whatever applies to you, I hopethat you spend the time
suffering, suffering well,suffering better.
Learn to suffer, understand whyyou suffer and how you suffer,
(45:08):
and suffer like you mean it.
I wish you nothing butsuffering, because I care about
you.
It means the world to me whenyou let me be mean to you, but
since you asked me, I won't saythat there's anything I would
never try.
There are not many things thatI haven't tried.
(45:30):
It's been said that in order tobe a good sadist one should
experience masochism.
I don't necessarily thinkthat's the case, but I'm not
going to get into everythingthat I've ever done.
I will readily admit that Ihave thrown myself into the
flames of romantic love.
(45:52):
I knew that it was ill-advisedand yet everything I did to
stifle that urge to quench thoseflames only made them more
powerful.
And I did give in and it wentwell.
It went badly, sometimessimultaneously.
I won't say that it ended well.
(46:15):
We both could have handled itbetter.
I was inspired at that point toexplore my decadent libertine
passions.
I went out on the town, Ipainted the town red and gold, I
ripped into it.
I had the summer of my life andI discovered who I was.
(46:40):
It did not make the pain goaway, but I felt much better
about it when I was able toshare it with others.
And I think that no matter whatkink or fetish you try, you
should do it in a spirit ofindulging fully in your own
animal passions, even theself-destructive ones.
Animal passions, even theself-destructive ones, within
(47:03):
reasonable limits.
Excess in moderation.
Don't tear yourself apart Ifyou have that kind of cruelty
that it takes to be a pay pig orwhatever it is that actually
destroys your life not just thepain that you get off on, but
the pain that tears you down andwears through your bank account
(47:24):
, wears out your mental andphysical health, sends you into
an early grave and hurtseveryone around you by proxy.
If you have the kind of crueltythat it takes to inflict that
on yourself, it's rather shallowof you to keep that for
yourself and not share it.
So no, I don't get financialdomination.
(47:44):
I am kink-friendly.
I'm very sex positive.
I'm a positive person.
That's why I do this.
I will take issue with anotherpart of the question.
What would you absolutelyrefuse to try if your partner
suggested it?
I don't have partners.
I am a deeply kind person and Ithink you know this.
(48:06):
You see yourself in me and youknow the strength of my heart.
And any animosity, any desirethat you have to knock me down,
to put me in chains, to takeaway my toys, comes from
insecurity about how the partsof yourself that you see in me
because you know that I'm deeplygood and honest and I reflect
(48:30):
the best in humanity that has noGod.
It's certainly not the sort ofimbecilic God.
That would rule in the mannerthat some of you think your God
does, I'm not going to get intothat, I don't have partners.
I god does, I'm not going toget into that, I don't have
partners.
I'm kind, I'm not nice, I'm notfair.
I'm honest with you about that.
(48:52):
But I'm on top, you're on thebottom.
That much should be obvious.
This has been Ask a Sadist you.
I'm a sadist.
My great joy is to inflict painon other people, and I'm not
afraid to admit it.
Did you know that sadists facediscrimination every day simply
because of who we are?
With so many people competingfor the status of victimhood, we
need sadists more than ever.
If you really dig deep, youmight find we have a lot more in
common than you'd hoped.
Join us in the fight for fairtreatment, equal opportunities
(00:23):
and respect for the sadistcommunity.
Be kind to the cruel.
Visit AskASadistcom to learnmore.
Ask a Sadist.
I am a sadist with a heart ofrugged gold.
I like to hurt people in theways that most help them, and it
means the world to me.
When you let me be mean to you,dear Sadist, hi.
(00:43):
I've been struggling withmaintaining intimacy in my
long-term relationship.
What can I do to reignite thespark?
I was thinking about the phrasepartner in crime.
The people who use that aregenerally looking for someone to
perhaps drive them to LAX.
If these people got what theysay they wanted, they would not
(01:05):
be prepared.
When you truly free yourselffrom the shackles of
conventional morality, devoteyourself to transgression,
decadence, pleasure, the realrevolution of the soul will be
condemned For breaking the tacitprohibition on indulging in the
freedom that they don't allowthemselves to realize that they
have.
This will give you secrets onlyyou and your partner really
(01:28):
understand.
I am a sadist with a heart ofrugged gold.
I hurt people in the ways thatmost help them, and it means the
world to me.
When you let me be mean to you,I'm a sadist.
I'm here to help mean to you.
I'm a sadist.
I'm here to help.
Life's a lot simpler with asadist on your side or looking
(01:50):
down into those beautiful eyesthat look so good, when you're
doing the thing you were born todo Thriving in your personal
life, with help from me in theform of my advice.
I am LA's most feared agonycolumnist.
I answer questions, dear sadist, hello, long time, first time.
(02:12):
Maybe you can help me.
I'm in a long-distancerelationship and I'm struggling
to maintain intimacy with mypartner despite the physical
distance.
Do you have any advice orsuggestions for keeping the
spark alive and stayingconnected emotionally and
sexually?
Long distance relationships anexquisite form of torture.
Each one is a little bitdifferent and all of them are
(02:35):
inexplicable.
Why would you do that toyourself, you absolutely sick,
twisted, delicious, slimecreature that I want to nail to
the center of the earth.
I'm getting distracted.
It's hot that you're doing thisunpleasant, lonely, liminal
here, but not here thing toyourself, where you're in a
(02:58):
relationship, but without thephysicality In the meantime.
There are a lot of masochistsout there and none of you will
admit it.
Well, some of you will, andyou're my favorite people in the
world.
I'm not talking to you, I'mtalking to everyone else who
works that out, if that's whatyou want to call it, through
these acts of self-sabotage.
If you have a celibacy kink,this is a wonderful place to be.
(03:21):
You can demand celibacy of yourpartner, which means that
they're either going to bemiserable or they're going to be
cheating on you.
Their loss you were anabsolutely excellent saintist
and they will never find anotherone of your caliber.
If you give them that choice,they're not going to be celibate
.
If they theoretically were,they would not be enjoying
(03:43):
anything.
If you're into that, if that'swhat gets you off, I respect it.
I live in a significantlytransparent glass house.
I admit it, I am outwardlycruel and thus can be artful and
, dare I say, heartful in mypractice of cruelty.
That's the gift ofself-awareness that I give to
(04:06):
myself every morning uponawakening.
Why am I in such a vanishingminority?
Raiden Estekor once said If yousleep on the floor you don't
have to worry about rolling outof bed, and yet people still
sleep in beds.
People still sleep.
That means you're not havingenough sex.
If you were having good sex,you wouldn't be able to sleep.
(04:29):
You would be awake for threedays and not even notice Because
you would be high on the bestdrugs available.
They're all right in the humanbrain and a lot of them come
from good sex.
Everyone should have as much ofthat as feels good or feels bad
in a way they enjoy which Ientirely condone, especially if
(04:51):
it's self-aware or feel bad tosomeone else in a way that makes
you feel good.
You can do a lot of that stuff.
Long distance Ethicalnon-monogamy has a lot of rules.
Come up with some rules thatare gloriously disgusting.
It's a good opportunity tocultivate some of your higher
aspects.
The goat, the Marquis de Sade,wrote most of his best work in
(05:16):
asylums and prisons.
We would not have Malcolm X ifhe had not gone to prison.
It can be a monastery, becauseanything can be anything.
That is the versatility of ourdelusion.
May it be more consciouslyself-imposed than the pain or
pleasure that we inflict.
If we inflict pleasure, that istruly cruel.
(05:38):
Nothing makes someone's headexplode by getting what they
really want in life.
That is some next-level stuff.
That is some next level stuffthat is not for amateurs.
I would be very careful withthat.
I would try to wake up to whatI was doing.
I don't have to worry aboutthat.
I'm wide awake, doing it right.
I'm an artist of cruelty.
(05:58):
Long distance relationships cangive you time to read a lot.
If you're actually going withthe celibacy thing and I hear a
lot of people are just jackingit now and more power to them,
that's less potentiallydangerous.
I'll answer this question howcan I keep my long-distance
relationship interesting?
There are many options short ofswatting.
(06:20):
Although swatting and doxingare ways to ruin your
long-distance partner'sreputation in their own locality
, I would ramp up to swatting,especially if you don't know how
long you're going to be indifferent cities.
You can make them feel badabout their city.
You can insult its sports team,or food, which is stuff that
seems to genuinely upset somepeople who clearly deserve it,
(06:45):
or remote-controlled toys youcan either demand that your
partner carry one of these in anorifice or you can convince
them to do something that theyalready wanted to do in a way
that makes them think it wastheir idea and have no mercy on
them.
This is, we must admit, despitethe significant downsides,
(07:07):
truly the golden age ofsurveillance tech.
An excellent time to be asadist.
Dear Sadist, please help.
My husband always stopsbreathing when we have sex.
I've tried talking to him aboutit, gently encouraging him to
breathe, just so he can enjoyhimself more and I can stop
worrying that he's going toburst a blood vessel or worse.
(07:27):
But although he's normally avery communicative person, he
just doesn't respond and latelyjust quits the lovemaking
entirely.
If I say something, I am notcomplaining.
He is a terrific, attentivelover.
It's just so disconcerting.
He claims he's trying to notblow up in another way.
I have questions, and Icertainly appreciate that effort
and have no idea what that'slike.
(07:49):
I feel like there's some gapsin this.
Is this something I should giveup?
You mean trying to get him tobreathe when he doesn't want to,
not?
Oh, here we go, not.
Is this something I should giveup?
Not try to advise him how to dothings like breathe and make
love?
Or is there a way to practicebreathing outside of sex so that
it's not so sensitive.
(08:10):
I don't want to be a nag,especially in the bedroom.
I want us both to feel free andfor there to be a lovely flow
of energy between us, and itfeels like breathing is the most
basic requirement for that.
But maybe not for him Holdingmy breath in New York, donna.
There are so many ways youcould go with this.
Donna, I assume that you'refamiliar with the practice of
(08:31):
autoerotic asphyxiation andalthough I'm not quite clear on
why he's doing this, it soundslike he has attempted to explain
it or rationalize it some way,that he's trying not to blow up
in another way.
Is he delaying his orgasm?
Because I know women who reallyenjoy making men come faster
(08:55):
than they want to.
That power gets them off andmore power to them.
But assuming that he's doingthis because he wants to, which
he must be, we do everythingbecause we want to.
We do it because it beats thealternative, the things that we
don't want to do but do anyway.
We're either not clear on whatwe want or we are doing the
(09:18):
thing that we want to do and notallowing ourselves to enjoy it.
Regardless, he is here notbreathing during sex, and that
is a well-known sexual practice.
It can be dangerous.
The great Michael Hutchence isno longer with us for that
reason.
We lost so much great musicthat way.
But here's what I propose Don'tallow him to breathe during sex
(09:43):
, not the whole time, but justperiodically Cut in and if he's
breathing, tell him to stop, andif he breathes, shut it down,
force him to hold his breath.
This is kind of like if yourparents ever caught you smoking
and made you smoke the entirepack in front of them.
The things that are forbiddenbecome irresistible and things
(10:06):
that are compulsory becomeonerous.
So you can try that as anexperiment.
He might decide to startbreathing out of rebellion,
because people do turn towardthe sunlight of freedom, as you
observe, and love meansfacilitating the freedom of the
loved one.
Sex can mean quite the opposite,but that's not relevant here
(10:27):
and there's so much here that'sworth getting into.
See if he likes that, and if hedoesn't, then there's more to
explore.
There is something here in himto dislodge.
There's some resistance togiving in to the violent
relishing of pleasure.
(10:48):
That is the life force, theforce of the breath, the burst
experience outside of the wombthat we have of the polarity of
the natural world, the in andthe out, the dark and the light,
life and death.
He's denying himself that, andit must be for a reason.
You obviously love this man.
He is very lucky that you arein his life, because this could
(11:11):
be the opportunity for a massivebreakthrough If he is able to
cough up whatever it is that'sstuck in his throat that is
preventing him from the fullenjoyment of breathing, and all
I can do is wish you the best,but it sounds like he needs a
little bit of help and he trustsyou.
(11:32):
So I would start by seeing whathappens if you don't let him
breathe.
Frown on his breathing duringcoitus Could be exciting for
both of you or, as I suspect, itcould lead to greater
revelations which could thenlater result in a waterfall of
(11:53):
pleasure like you can't possiblyimagine from where you are
sitting now.
Such things happen when wechallenge ourselves to break
through our resistance to power,to pleasure, to truly stoking
the fires of our inner hells.
It is now time for Ask a Sadista round of Q&A with me, your
(12:18):
host, a sadist with a heart ofrugged gold.
I like to hurt people in theways that most help them, and it
means the world to me when you,let me, be mean to you.
We have reader-submittedquestions and we will start with
this one.
Dear Sadist, I am a recentlygraduated 20-something who just
started my new job in my dreamprofession.
(12:39):
What could that be?
The mind reels?
The one hitch is my boss.
Could that be the mind reels?
The one hitch is my boss,selena.
I assume not her real name,since it's in scare quotes which
fail to scare me.
Selena, who is around my age buton the more conservative side,
she seems determined to make anuncomfortable work environment
for me in the office.
So the dream professioninvolves an office Interesting.
(13:02):
She accuses me of being toosexy Also in scare quotes that
could be scary depending oncontext and a distraction to my
apparently very susceptible maleco -workers.
She asked me to stop wearingskirts and heels and has even
gone so far as to call me quotesex on a stick unquote.
(13:23):
Now I'm shaking Within earshotof coworkers in the break room.
She silently drills herdisapproving eyes into my back
during staff meetings I havechills and makes inappropriate
remarks about how my quote legsdo all the work for me unquote.
Any advice on how to get myboss to respect the work I am
(13:44):
actually doing and stopinsinuating that I'm the office
sex kitten.
Signed Cat, not a kitten.
Cats are not known for beingjoiners or team players, not
that they don't work hard.
If you've watched a cat,interestingly they mostly do
this when humans are not looking.
But if you've seen a cat huntin the wild or on the street, it
(14:08):
is absolutely fascinating towatch and it merits a slow
motion replay.
And I feel the same way aboutyour letter Cat, not a kitten.
The power dynamics here aredelicious.
The great Oscar Wilde said thateverything in the world is
about sex except sex.
Sex is about power.
Power is also about sex becausesex is about everything, and we
(14:30):
have a heaping hell of sex andpower, which is also about
everything.
Getting the respect that youfeel that you deserve,
20-something, encompasses a widerange.
The human brain is not fullydeveloped until age 25.
(14:50):
So if you're under 25, youmight not deserve the respect
that you think that you are owed.
That's true of many of us.
However, you are obviouslyattuned to this dance, this game
of power dynamics in theworkplace, in a way that I would
venture to say that Selina isoblivious to, as she is wielding
(15:15):
the cudgel of conventionalmorality against you, the weapon
of boring brutes and dullardsin order to engage in a
sadomasochistic relationship.
She is the one that keepsbringing up sex with regards to
you.
I don't know if these men arewolf whistling or if they're
(15:36):
complaining about thedistractions, or if their wives
bring them lunch and complain toSelina.
I would guess that this is onlya problem in her troubled,
addled with conventionalmorality excuse for a mind, and
that gives you immense power.
In this situation, my friend, myadvice enjoy your youth, first
(15:59):
of all, and the power that itgives you and your sexuality and
the appeal that that has,because it has there's the
perception that it's somehowunspoiled, and on and on and on.
People want to break yourinnocence, which I'm sure you're
perfectly capable of doingyourself, because you are
already in tune with this in aremarkably astute way.
(16:22):
So my advice to you is enjoyyour power, embrace it, use it,
enjoy the dance, let this goonfeel important.
Meanwhile, get good at your job.
You say that it's your dreamjob.
You're not going to be workingin this office forever.
You are going to be running.
Something important is what myintuition tells me, based on
(16:44):
your fluency in the hidden,silent language of power.
So get good at your job, becomeindispensable, become
unfireable and thus, in the end,ungovernable.
But make this dullard feelpowerful, let her think that
she's getting to you, let herfeel like she's hurting you,
that will be tremendouslyexciting for her.
(17:06):
If you feign subservience, ifyou act as though she's getting
to you and she's hurting you andshe's breaking you down and
she's rewiring you to make youmore subservient to her, and
that you're developing a genuinerespect for your tormentor,
which I believe that you'recapable of doing this without
(17:27):
going too far with the act.
She's gonna believe it.
It's what she wants to believe,but does not want to think
about directly.
This gets her off.
She is the worst kind of sadistbecause she has no idea.
She thinks that God andconventional morality are
compelling her to behave in thisway and is thus rationalizing
(17:50):
it and is thus not making peacewith her own proclivities.
So you can do her an immensefavor by letting her think that
she's getting to you and I.
From the way that you write,you might have a little bit of
the masochist in you and that'ssomething I love to see and do
not discourage and you can enjoythat.
(18:11):
Enjoy the dance.
My friend, my cat-like prodigyAsk a sadist lightning round
answering frequently askedquestions for listeners who are
not perceptive enough to readbetween the lines.
I am, as always, a sadist with aheart of rugged gold.
I like to hurt people in theways that most help them.
It means the world to me whenyou let me be mean to you, dear
(18:34):
sadist, do you support thesubjugation of women?
Sadist, do you support thesubjugation of women?
Yes, I do support thesubjugation of women.
I hope it goes without sayingthat I believe it should be
optional.
In an open society, people haverights the right to the pursuit
of pleasure, the only thing thatmakes this otherwise absurd
existence worthwhile.
That includes an array of freechoices, some of which are not
(18:59):
for everyone, some of which youmight wish were not for anyone,
but you don't get to make thatcall.
Those rights include theliberty to be verbally and
physically degraded, humiliated,flogged, bound, smacked around.
For consenting adults who knowwhat they're doing and know how
to communicate, subjugationshould be safe, legal and
(19:20):
readily available, and I thinkit would be a lot more common
than you might expect.
People are exhausted.
They're tired of workingthemselves to death, working
harder for less.
They're tired of running a raceas the floor caves in under
their feet.
People want to give up, give in, let go, let the ecstasy happen
.
I obviously have a dog in thisfight.
(19:42):
I also know that there's amarket for my services and
everyone would be a lot happierif we could put more of our
libidinal energy where itbelongs Rough sex can save the
world.
If we keep sublimating oursadism and masochism into wars,
arguments, other non-sexy formsof cruelty, that will be the end
of the species.
(20:02):
Let's get out of the tanks, outof the boardrooms and into the
dungeons.
I support the subjugation ofwomen and I believe that you
should too.
Sadist, masochist.
We're run-of-the-mill pervert,like everyone else.
Ask a sadist A round of Q&Awith me, la's most feared agony
columnist, a sadist with a heartof rugged gold.
(20:25):
I like to hurt people in theways that most help them, and it
means the world to me.
You, let me be mean to you,dear sadist.
I started seeing my newboyfriend a month ago.
It may just be the afterglowtalking, but I really like like
this guy.
Our sex has been great, if alittle bland for my tastes, and
we're super compatible.
(20:45):
Recently he told me that hislifelong dream is to have sex
and then get severely beaten bythe partner.
He wants me to do the honors.
I'm thrilled that we're finallygetting kinky up in here.
There's an anecdote from themaking of one of the Rocky
(21:08):
movies, possibly apocryphal buttrue enough to support my thesis
.
Sylvester Stallone asked DolphLundgren to really hit him.
Dolph Lundgren is aprofessional fighter.
Stallone is an actor, quite aninteresting one.
The stories behind the makingof First Blood are fascinating.
Stallone was offered a princelysum for the script for that
(21:32):
film and said that he would notsell the script unless he was
going to star in it, put hisfoot down, turned down tons of
money.
He's now internationally knownas an actor.
In a sense, lundgren beats uppeople for a living and he gave
Sly what he wanted.
Sly was the main person on thatfilm and he promptly put him in
(21:53):
the hospital for a couple ofdays because Estalone didn't
know what he was signing up for.
Your boyfriend wants you to beathim up.
I'm flattered that you came tome to get more information about
that.
However, if you really wereinterested in beating people,
surely you would notice thatthere are a lot of martial arts
(22:15):
academies, boxing gyms,institutions dedicated to
teaching the art of givingsomeone the business.
You can learn how to beatsomeone up and not really hurt
them or not do severe damage.
You can learn these things inkink dungeons.
They have classes taught byexperts.
Some of the doms can be ratheraggressive in their pedagogy,
(22:39):
but what do you expect?
You can still learn to beatsomeone.
That sort of thing in the kinksphere is very high level.
You have to go through a lot ofother stuff to get there Basic
fundamentals of understandingconsent and all the complexities
of engaging with these sort ofpractices in an intentional way,
(23:00):
which is kind of revolutionary.
It is easy to be a sadist inthis country if you are
dishonest about it, and it'snearly effortless, and in fact
this society is very muchoptimized for sadism.
As long as you can lie toyourself, it's not a lie if you
believe it.
That way you don't have to dealwith the cognitive dissonance
(23:21):
of being a cop or a dentist or abill collector and also
supporting the farce ofconventional morality.
You can have it both ways, aslong as you don't know that
you're having it both ways.
It's a cruel world but so muchof it is sublimated which I
think is so dangerous, and Ithink that rough sex can save
(23:42):
the world.
What I'm getting at here.
You've been seeing this man fora month.
He's lucky to have foundsomeone who is enthusiastic
about this, to the point wherethey didn't ask him why or maybe
you did and his answer wasacceptable.
But if you didn't, that'sremarkable and noteworthy and I
would think about why you wantto beat up this man If it's not
(24:04):
on your yes list.
If it's a maybe, I wouldconsider doubling up, finding
something on his maybe listthat's on your yes list and
seeing if he wants to do that.
Beating someone up without doingdamage is a serious undertaking
.
I could not describe myself asan amateur in that field at this
point, in the pejorative sensethat the term is usually
(24:26):
intended.
However, you could pay me abillion dollars a year to
inflict pain on people and Iwould still be in it for the
love of the game, and you haveto love it to get good at it.
It takes a long time.
It takes a lot of practice.
It's not the kind of thing thatyou can practice in the skate
park on Venice Beach, unlessyou're very slick about it.
(24:47):
It's a calling, almost.
You have to be devoted tocruelty to become an artist and
a scientist in that field, and Idon't get the sense that you
are doing this for your ownpleasure, which is the only
thing that life is about.
It's empty outside of that.
But all creatures seek outpleasure.
(25:08):
Plants turn toward the sun andif you want to beat them up, I
would learn how to do thatthrough the proper channels.
The help is available.
It comes in many differentflavors.
You could find the one that'sright for you and get good at it
and learn the particulars ofkink in this sort of pursuit.
I would not describe myself as adom.
(25:28):
I don't want to run anyoneelse's life.
That sounds like aninconvenience.
The women I typically engagewith can very much run their own
lives.
They're in control, high status, and that's the problem.
They have a lot ofresponsibility.
People depend on them.
That is exhausting and theycome to me to shrug that off for
a while because sex is wherepeople hide things.
(25:51):
Our sexuality in many ways is aphoto negative of the image we
present to the world.
Unless we've worked very hardto come to terms with it and
forget that we forgot to behonest with ourselves about what
gets us off.
I would wager to say the modalperson never gets that.
Your boyfriend wants you to behim up.
You don't want to let him down.
If that's the only reasonyou're doing this, that may be a
(26:14):
call to self-inquiry.
I would not be entirely at easegiving information about how to
do this to someone whosemotives are as obscure as yours.
Four months is not a long time.
There's obviously a lot youdon't know about this guy.
I don't say this a lot, butproceed with caution, dear
(26:46):
sadist.
I've discovered my partnerwatches a lot of porn and it's
making me uncomfortable.
How do I approach thisconversation without shaming
them and find a middle groundthat works for both of us?
First of all, eliminate thepossibility that your partner
wants to be shamed, which is asignificant one.
Since the saturation ofbroadband internet, we've been
(27:08):
deluged with all forms ofpornography, much of it violent
and degrading.
I'm not interested.
Interested by and large.
None of it will ever come closeto the libertine, decadence,
transgression, violence, mutualdegradation that characterize my
own sex life.
Most people who prefer theexperience of jacking it to porn
(27:28):
over actual sexual intimacy,congress, other kinds of torture
, are afraid.
They view the Sex Act on somelevel as a performance.
They are afraid ofunderperforming, disappointing
you, letting you down, which inturn indicates a fear, a desire
and intimacy.
Sex is power.
(27:49):
Power is violence.
Sex and death are intertwined.
Sex is everything, the veryforce of creation itself.
Sex and death are intertwined.
Sex is everything, the veryforce of creation itself,
profound level at which we canconnect with another human and
transcend this horror show houseof mirrors in which we live.
Porn, by contrast, is sex asprofessional wrestling for an
audience of unsatisfied,resentful men.
(28:11):
It has nothing to do with realsex.
Any mind that links the two isgoing to have problems in both
areas.
It is fundamentally confusingfantasy and reality, confusing a
ridiculous fantasy with part ofreality that is absolutely
essential to the humanexperience.
An acquaintance of mine, abachelor in his mid-40s, claims
(28:33):
to be highly successful onTinder.
His mid-forties claims to behighly successful on Tinder
almost entirely with youngerwomen in their early to
mid-twenties who, he says, oftenconfided him that they don't
date men their own age becausetheir brains are soaked with
porn they want to do anal.
Pile drivers on the first date,turn off the porn, throw out
(28:54):
your cum-encrusted securityblanket.
Death is certain.
Life is optional.
Live, damn you, bring yourselfto life or I'll do it for you.
This has been Ask a Sadist Ask aSadist, dot com, a production
of Emerson Dameron's MedicatedMinutes Medicated dash minutes,
dot com, in turn itself aproduction of K-Chung K-chung
(29:16):
radioorg.
I'm a sadist with a heart ofrugged gold.
I hurt people in the ways thatmost help them.
It means the world to me to bemean to you.
My art form is pain.
I don't suffer for my art.
I outsource the suffering.
Pleasure is the law, passion isthe rocket.
In order to free your mind, youmust lose your mind by throwing
(29:38):
your body into decadent,dionysian depravity.
Up next, it is time for asegment that we call Ask a
Sadist, which is a round of Q&Awith me, your host Emerson
(29:59):
Dameron, a sadist with a heartof rugged gold.
I want to hurt you in the waysthat help you most, only by the
most exquisitely enthusiasticconsent, that's right.
You have to beg for it, but Iwill field your burning, itching
(30:25):
, lacerating questions here onAsk a Sadist, on Emerson
Dameron's Medicaid in Minutes.
Dear Sadist, what does successmean to you?
Success to me is not a state ofbeing, it's not a goal, it's
(30:47):
not somewhere you are, it's notsomewhere you have to get to.
Success is a series of actionsand choices culminating in a
deliberate decision toconcentrate the rays of my
cruelty and my carnal passionsthrough a magnifying glass.
(31:10):
Success is a process ofelimination.
It's the rejection of insipidmoralism and the decision to
follow your depraved anddecadent passions wherever they
may lead, to be heedless of allthat contradicts pleasure's
(31:32):
divine laws that are inscribedin your DNA.
You know their songs by heart.
It's pleasure's divine lawsthat are inscribed in your DNA.
You know their songs by heart.
It's just a process offorgetting all of the
distractions from the sound andrhythm and melody of that
(31:52):
beautiful music.
Dear sadist, if you're so smart,why aren't you happy?
I don't think we know eachother.
Anonymous interlocutor, youcertainly don't know me.
It's fair to say that I mightbe operating at a level of
(32:17):
sophistication that isunfamiliar to you and that you
do not fully understand.
In my experience, the smarter Iget, the more I hone my senses
and incorporate integrate wisdomthat I've gathered about the
(32:40):
world, the more excited andlibertine my accursed mind
becomes.
And if you want what I have, ifyou're ready to cross that
(33:14):
Rubicon, it openly.
And yet I observe you behave inways that are pretty much
guaranteed to make you suffer.
If you insist on suffering andtaking actions that you know are
going to mire your ass inmisery and walking right into
(33:35):
that meat grinder day after day.
All I ask is that you sufferlike you mean it, suffer on
purpose, suffer with intent inthe ways that bring you closer
(33:56):
to accomplishing whateverliberation it is that you seek
from the practice of suffering.
Dear sadist, would you rathersee the future or change the
past?
If your past is a place ofunhappy memories, which does
(34:19):
apply to mine, let those badfeelings fuel your frustration
and drive you forward into adecadent and liberated future.
The future is open.
Your duty is to defile it open.
(34:40):
Your duty is to defile it, andif you don't know your place or
where you fit in or belong, Iwill find it for you and I will
put you there.
This has been Ask a Sadist onEmerson Dameron's Medicare and
MS K-Chung, los Angeles 1630 AM.
(35:02):
Kchungradioorg is the stationyou got in your ears at the
moment.
This is Emerson Dameron'sMedicated Minutes
medicated-minutescom.
I am Emerson Dameron, theproducer, director, writer, host
, etc.
(35:22):
For the show Levity Saves Lives.
It is now time once again forAsk a Sadist, a round of Q&A
(35:45):
with me, your host, well-knownthroughout the Los Angeles
metropolitan area as a sadistwith a heart of rugged gold,
choker, flogger, penetrator andoccasional perforator of
orifices, pending the mostexquisitely enthusiastic consent
.
That's right.
It's not enough to take it andlike it, you have to beg for it
(36:08):
and you have to surprise me.
I like surprises.
I like to hurt people in theways that most help them, and it
means the world to me.
When you let me be mean to you.
Let's get into this, dearSadist.
I recently turned 40.
The party was some of the mostfun I've ever had.
(36:30):
I was surprised at how manypeople showed up to support me
and I fully expected to enter apersonal renaissance period.
Three months later, I feel asense of disappointment and
encroaching dread.
My demanding career, once myhighest priority, has stalled
out.
I feel disconnected from myhusband and two young daughters.
(36:52):
I'm having mysterious healthcomplaints.
I need a big change.
What do you suggest?
What do you suggest?
(37:26):
It sounds as though you havespent a lot of time under the
yoke of insipid moralists andsmarmy hypocrites.
You allude to thishigh-pressure career that you're
involved with.
And if that were just a routeto other things, such as
debauchery, invitations toorgies involving blood, play,
fire, play, etc.
Orgies involving blood play,fire play, etc.
I would understand, but byattaching your identity to the
(37:52):
career itself, you have putyourself in a bind.
You have no idea what you want,what you really enjoy, and
you're not likely to get it byaccident.
I would be curious about whathappened at your 40th birthday
(38:13):
party, very curious about that.
You say that's some of the mostfun that you've ever had in
your life.
Could have used more details onthat, very, very curious.
I bet there are clues in theresomewhere, and the fact that you
(38:38):
didn't reveal any details orsend photographic evidence leads
me to believe that if you thinkback and parse what was so
pleasurable about thatexperience, you may have some
(38:58):
clues about the path that youwant to take.
As you make this transition,which I certainly applaud, you
know that your passions arealready having their way with
you.
They cannot be kept at bay.
(39:18):
Law that we obey our decadentwhimsy, our taste for all of the
various bodily fluids consumedin the most disgraceful ways in
(39:40):
debauched environments.
That is what nature wants, thatis what we gravitate to, that
is the law, and it affects allof us, even more so if we push
it out to focus on a career oron attempting to win the esteem
(40:07):
of other people or to look goodin some public eye that we
perceive that no one else caresabout.
Perhaps your passions havebrought you to this impasse.
They may have forced your handin order to free you and, by
(40:29):
seeking my counsel, perhaps youare making a move to do a little
bit more of what you reallylike.
Whatever it was that was goingon in the coat room at your 40th
, whatever it was that was goingon in the coat room at your
40th.
Or maybe you're stuck becausepart of you enjoys it.
(40:53):
Maybe there is a part of youthat is getting off on this sick
freak that you are deep inside.
I would encourage you to testthat hypothesis, to sit with the
(41:17):
feeling of stuckness, feel intothe details, into the fine
grain of the experience.
What does it really feel liketo be stuck?
Is there excitement or pleasurein there?
Perhaps interpreted as fear ora sense of overwhelm?
Sit with that, maybe give ithalf an hour, see what happens.
(41:41):
If you don't start feeling alittle bit frisky, then you can
cross that off the list and goback to your search for the
debauchery that nature isdriving you toward through the
brutal force of your carnalpassions.
(42:04):
I believe in you, I care aboutyou in my way and I wish you
luck in that journey.
It's time for Ask a Sadist aquestion and answer segment with
(42:27):
me, a sadist with a heart ofgold.
I like to hurt people.
I've always wanted to hurtpeople.
I used to feel bad about it,but that didn't feel very good
with my dark side, for I havediscovered there is more virtue
(42:48):
in my cruelty than there is inyour hypocrisy, false piety and
anything else that you do inyour tragic lack of imagination.
Today's question, dear sadist,what kink or fetish would you
absolutely refuse to try if yourpartner suggested, and why?
This is not Ask a Sadistanything.
(43:09):
I'm here to give you advice, todispense wisdom on how to live
your life, and it's not meassuming that I'm somehow in a
superior position to you to dolife coaching.
In a superior position to youto do life coaching, it is that
you find me so interesting thatyou ask these personal questions
because you want to know me onsome personal level, when what
(43:33):
you should do having theopportunity to receive my
counsel is you ask somethingthat would not go toward
fostering a parasocialrelationship.
That is only going to wastetime that you could be spending
out and about exploring yourpassionate depravity.
You should be asking me for mythoughts on how to live your
(43:59):
life and what kinks and fetishesyou should try or refuse to try
.
I won't say you're wasting mytime.
You are wasting your own.
I have a feeling this is goingto be used as some kind of bonus
content, but now that I'm in amood, I will answer this
(44:19):
question because I feel primedto treat it with the seriousness
and sincerity that it deserves.
So let's parse this what kink orfetish would you absolutely
refuse to try?
Ever?
Forever, as they say, is amighty long time.
We don't know all of theexperiences that we're going to
(44:43):
experience.
Some of us live forever in somesense.
Others never live in anothersense.
Whatever applies to you, I hopethat you spend the time
suffering, suffering well,suffering better.
Learn to suffer, understand whyyou suffer and how you suffer,
(45:08):
and suffer like you mean it.
I wish you nothing butsuffering, because I care about
you.
It means the world to me whenyou let me be mean to you, but
since you asked me, I won't saythat there's anything I would
never try.
There are not many things thatI haven't tried.
(45:30):
It's been said that in order tobe a good sadist one should
experience masochism.
I don't necessarily thinkthat's the case, but I'm not
going to get into everythingthat I've ever done.
I will readily admit that Ihave thrown myself into the
flames of romantic love.
(45:52):
I knew that it was ill-advisedand yet everything I did to
stifle that urge to quench thoseflames only made them more
powerful.
And I did give in and it wentwell.
It went badly, sometimessimultaneously.
I won't say that it ended well.
(46:15):
We both could have handled itbetter.
I was inspired at that point toexplore my decadent libertine
passions.
I went out on the town, Ipainted the town red and gold, I
ripped into it.
I had the summer of my life andI discovered who I was.
(46:40):
It did not make the pain goaway, but I felt much better
about it when I was able toshare it with others.
And I think that no matter whatkink or fetish you try, you
should do it in a spirit ofindulging fully in your own
animal passions, even theself-destructive ones.
Animal passions, even theself-destructive ones, within
(47:03):
reasonable limits.
Excess in moderation.
Don't tear yourself apart Ifyou have that kind of cruelty
that it takes to be a pay pig orwhatever it is that actually
destroys your life not just thepain that you get off on, but
the pain that tears you down andwears through your bank account
(47:24):
, wears out your mental andphysical health, sends you into
an early grave and hurtseveryone around you by proxy.
If you have the kind of crueltythat it takes to inflict that
on yourself, it's rather shallowof you to keep that for
yourself and not share it.
So no, I don't get financialdomination.
(47:44):
I am kink-friendly.
I'm very sex positive.
I'm a positive person.
That's why I do this.
I will take issue with anotherpart of the question.
What would you absolutelyrefuse to try if your partner
suggested it?
I don't have partners.
I am a deeply kind person and Ithink you know this.
(48:06):
You see yourself in me and youknow the strength of my heart.
And any animosity, any desirethat you have to knock me down,
to put me in chains, to takeaway my toys, comes from
insecurity about how the partsof yourself that you see in me
because you know that I'm deeplygood and honest and I reflect
(48:30):
the best in humanity that has noGod.
It's certainly not the sort ofimbecilic God.
That would rule in the mannerthat some of you think your God
does, I'm not going to get intothat, I don't have partners.
I god does, I'm not going toget into that, I don't have
partners.
I'm kind, I'm not nice, I'm notfair.
I'm honest with you about that.
(48:52):
But I'm on top, you're on thebottom.
That much should be obvious.
This has been Ask a Sadist you.
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