May 20, 2025 • 22 mins
Have you ever woken up after a night of drinking with that sinking feeling that something went terribly wrong? You're not alone. This episode dives deep into the hilarious, mortifying, and all-too-relatable world of alcohol-induced bad decisions through five listener-submitted stories that will make you cringe, laugh, and maybe feel a little better about your own gremlin moments.
We journey from New Orleans, where a 25th birthday celebration led to matching (except not matching at all) tattoos, to a wine tour where a love of dogs collided disastrously with too much Pinot Noir. You'll hear the digital age nightmare of drunk texting an ex seventeen increasingly desperate times, followed by the university party where one listener's inexplicable urge to bite her crush turned her into a literal gremlin. We wrap up with a DIY belly button piercing, a testament to teenage rebellion and poor alcohol-mixing choices.
Between stories, I share my own experiences and confessions, including my needle phobia that prevented multiple planned piercings and my own peculiar urge to occasionally bite my boyfriend (it's a love language, I swear!). The episode creates a judgment-free space where we can all acknowledge the temporary gremlins we become when our inhibitions disappear.
Have your own gremlin story to share? Send it to EMILYTOGREMILYPOD@GMAIL.COM and specify whether you'd like to remain anonymous. Follow along on Instagram and TikTok @emilytogremilypod for updates, polls, and opportunities to contribute to future episodes. And if you enjoyed these tales of liquid courage gone wrong, drop a five-star review!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
hey guys, emily, emily to gremlin, here again
with another solo episode.
I figured I should startreading some more gremlin
stories.
You guys keep submitting,submitting them, and I've read
like I don't know, maybe likefour.
If that I don't even I can'tkeep track, but I feel like I
need to start reading more,otherwise you guys won't keep
(00:33):
sending them in.
So that's what this wholeepisode is going to be, just
your submitted Gremlin stories.
I really appreciate the factthat some of you signed them and
then others said please keep meanonymous, I will respect all
wishes, but thank you for makingit so abundantly clear.
That helps me a lot.
Our drink of the episode is I'mkind of bummed about it.
(00:56):
It's a Tito's and another Alani, because that's what I did last
week and I thought I liked it.
It tasted good.
But I picked the pink slushyone and it came out clear.
I thought it was gonna lookreally cute and pink like last
week's episode and it didn't.
So I don't know.
(01:16):
Kind of bummed, but I didn'twant to waste the alani either.
Yeah, that's our drink.
Um, I think I'm gonna.
I have to start making drinkslike better for myself.
For the solo episodes I usuallyjust kind of throw something
together, and then I'm alwaysbummed about after the fact,
like I need to kind of likeromanticize my life a little bit
(01:37):
more, or like romanticize doinglike a solo podcast episode.
I love making drinks, like forpeople and when I'm with people,
but when I'm by myself I justkind of like throw it together
and then I'm always bummed withthe results.
So I need you guys to hold meaccountable that next week I
have to make myself like a cutecocktail, otherwise, you know,
(01:59):
it's just going to be bummercity for me over here.
All right, so with that we'regoing to start with.
I think I have one, let's seeOne, two, three, four.
I have five stories that Ipicked.
There are more still sitting inmy inbox.
I have skimmed through them.
I just picked these ones thatwere kind of closer to the
(02:20):
bottom because I didn't wantthem to get lost in the shuffle.
So if I didn't pick yours today, it's still going to get picked
at some point.
Bear with me, I'm moving alittle slower than normal right
now.
All right, so with that.
This first one is from Cassie,and Cassie says it was my 25th
(02:40):
birthday and my sister and Iwere in New Orleans to celebrate
After countless hurricanes.
One of us I don't know whodecided we needed to get
matching tattoos, like we hadalways talked about.
I barely remember going to thetattoo shop and now come to
think of it, I have no idea whythe tattoo artist even did our
(03:00):
tattoos, because we were soannihilated drunk, but
nevertheless.
The next morning I woke up inour hotel with a headache that
felt like a marching band wasparading through my skull.
My mouth was very dry, my phonewas missing and I was lying in
a tangle of sheets with one veryunsettling sensation Pain
(03:21):
Specifically on my hip.
I pulled down my shorts and Istared.
There was a green cartooncrocodile on my hip.
The worst part my sister got atattoo in the same spot of a
peace sign.
They don't even match all caps.
What the fuck does a crocodileand a peace sign have to do with
(03:43):
us or our bond as sisters?
Why did I even pick a crocodile?
It makes no sense.
The rest of the day was a blurof Advil Gatorade and silent
regret.
We decided to keep the tattoos,since we got them together, but
still, 10 years later, I haveno fucking idea what one has to
do with the other.
(04:04):
Anyways, maybe next time we'llget gremlins.
Cheers, cassie.
Oh my God, cassie.
Okay, I don't have any tattoosbecause I'm absolutely terrified
of needles.
I think that you know thatworks out in mysterious ways,
because I can imagine I wouldhave gotten a drunk tattoo or
(04:24):
two at this point.
But a cartoon crocodile I don'tknow what you were thinking
either.
And the peace sign I mean, I'massuming it's like the peace
sign, not like two fingersholding up a piece.
I'm assuming it's the actualpeace sign.
But yeah, I don't know why youguys picked that.
And then the tattoo artisttattooing you guys.
(04:46):
That shouldn't even be allowed.
Like, I remember my first job.
I was a receptionist at atattoo parlor and they were like
pretty strict about I think youcouldn't.
You obviously couldn't be drunk, but you couldn't have.
I believe it was ibuprofen inyour system because it thinned
your blood and it would make youbleed, like during the
(05:07):
tattooing process.
So the fact that this guy didthis to both of you is
absolutely wild.
Yeah, girl, I don't know.
A crocodile and a peace sign.
If you want, if you're willingand able to send me those
pictures, please do.
I'll post them with yourpermission.
But yeah, I would love to seewhat that little crocodile looks
(05:30):
like.
But congratulations on yoursisterly tattoo.
Yeah, I don't have any tattoosbecause I'm terrified.
I was supposed to get well, notsupposed to.
Nana and I had always talkedabout doing matching tattoos.
Um, we never did and she hassince passed.
But I do think about possiblygetting that tattoo every now
(05:53):
and then.
But I'm just a big old baby,I'll never do it all right.
So this next one is from Laura.
It says my boyfriend and I havebeen dating for about a year
when we decided to do a weekendgetaway.
On going on a vineyard tour wehit six wineries.
(06:14):
Our shuttle driver was reallynice and chill and our group of
10 started out fun but slowlybecame a disaster.
They usually do.
Some people were just tastingthe wine while others, including
myself, were full on drinkingSomewhere around winery number
four.
Things went fuzzy and Iabsolutely don't remember
(06:37):
arriving at winery five or six,just bits and pieces here and
there.
But as we were leaving the lastwinery a little white dog came
up to our group and I, being anabsolute dog lover, bent down to
greet the dog.
But I guess bending down mademe sick and I puked Pinot Noir
(06:57):
all over the place, with somelanding on the dog.
I apologized and shouted it'sokay, I'm allergic to dogs, as
if that's the reason I threw upand not the barrel of wine I had
just drank.
My boyfriend ushered me to theshuttle with everyone else
shamefully following.
I passed out on the ride back tothe hotel and the next morning
(07:20):
I felt even worse.
I wore a hat and sunglassesduring checkout so no one would
recognize me.
Laura, oh no, I'm like I don'tknow why I'm picturing like a
little white, fluffy Pomeranian.
That's just like covered inlike red and shame.
Oh gosh, I don't think I'veever thrown up on an animal.
(07:42):
No, I for sure haven't.
I feel like that's something Iwould remember.
I have been on a winery tour,but I didn't drink that much
wine because I was kind of hungover from the night before.
But I did go on it and it wasfun and I tasted a little bit
and had some some nice crackers,so that was a good time.
(08:04):
Bit and had some some nicecrackers, so that was a good
time.
And, yeah, I would have.
I would have gone incognito thenext day too, because that is
horrible.
Ok, the next one is anonymous,and now that I'm seeing the
first part of it.
I remember why it's anonymousand I would be anonymous too.
All right, she says.
(08:26):
A couple of years ago I was outwith some friends for a chill
Saturday night at our local bar.
I wasn't planning on gettingwasted like I did, but at some
point during the night ourcocktails turned into shots and
that was that it usually is.
The next morning I woke up onmy friend's couch feeling like
absolute shit, but grateful wemade it back safely.
(08:47):
I checked around for my purseand found it with, luckily,
everything still inside.
Those are always the luckiestdays, I swear.
I checked my phone only to seethat I had, drunk, texted my
ex-boyfriend not once, not twice, and not even three times 17
(09:09):
times, 17 fucking times.
It started with just saying hey, then I miss you, and then just
spiraled into do you still loveme, and all of them had typos.
The next two messages wentundelivered, so I assume he
blocked me.
I have no idea.
(09:32):
I died inside and deleted thetext thread and pretended it
didn't happen.
I never reached out to him andneither did he, I'm for sure
known as.
When I first read that, I feltso bad for you, anonymous.
(09:54):
Oh God, I just I can imaginelike waking up with that, like
absolute, like panic and shame,of just being like, oh my God,
like I just texted this guy andI didn't even just say like just
starting with the hey, it'salready starting out like kind
(10:15):
of iffy, but I miss you and doyou still love me?
Like I think I, honestly, Iwould have done the exact same
thing you did.
I would have deleted it,pretended it never happened, and
if you would have ever saidanything to me about it after
the fact, I would have juststraight up denied it Like I
have no idea what the hellyou're talking about, because
that wasn't me.
Straight up denied it Like Ihave no idea what the hell
you're talking about, becausethat wasn't me, that that was
somebody else, because that wassomebody else, that was your
(10:36):
alter ego that was plotting yourgoddamn demise.
You poor thing.
Yeah, when did you say this was?
Oh, a couple years ago, okay,so, yeah, I don't think you'll
run into him anytime soonbecause it's been a couple years
.
I feel like you're out of thewoods at this point.
Yeah, I don't think I've ever,drunk, texted an ex.
(10:59):
I don't think I have.
But if anyone knows that I have, just keep that to yourself,
because that's none of mygoddamn business.
In my head I've never texted anex drunk and we're going to
keep it that way because I can'thandle any more embarrassment
in my life.
Ok, the next one is alsoanonymous, and I picked this one
(11:22):
specifically for my boyfriend,and he'll know why afterwards
and I'll explain it afterwards.
But anonymous says I have areally embarrassing story, so
please keep me anonymous.
Will do, babe?
I have absolutely no idea why,but while at a uni party I'm
assuming uni means university.
(11:44):
Correct me if I'm wrong, though, but while at a uni party I had
been drinking a lot and decidedto bite the guy I had a crush
on.
We were all talking andlaughing and I fear I became an
actual gremlin and just straighton, bit this man in the bicep.
Everyone stopped and juststared at me.
(12:04):
I immediately sobered up andlooked at him and he had a
horrified look on his facerightfully so.
I just stared at him and saidsorry.
For obvious reasons we neverbegan dating as I hoped we would
, and just typing this out nowmakes me want to die, you poor,
(12:25):
poor baby.
Okay, I picked this onespecifically because I don't
know why.
I don't know why, but I knowI'm not alone in this.
I like to bite him, and it'snot like in a sexual way, I just
like if we're sitting on thecouch and I just look over and
see him, I just wanna like bitehim.
So I do, and he hates it, whichhe shouldn't, because it's just
(12:50):
me showing love.
I think it's a love languageand I know I'm not alone because
I keep seeing all overInstagram all these like memes
and like funny gifs about how,like, biting is a love language
and you're just trying to showyour love.
Why you did it to someoneyou're not dating though, I
don't know, and I don't thinkI've ever done that either.
(13:13):
But, um, I do understand theurge to to bite someone.
It's weird.
I don't know what that is.
Um, if someone has like anactual diagnosis for that,
because it is a weird thing tojust look at somebody and feel
like you want to just like chompon them.
Um, but, yeah, you know, I'msorry, girl at an at a uni party
(13:38):
.
That's not something peoplelike here in america and the
states normally say I want toknow where you're from, like,
are you from canada?
Are you from, like you know,england or Britain, uk, whatever
you want to say.
But yeah, I'm dying to knowwhere you're from, because
uniparty isn't something that wesay here in the States.
(13:58):
So let me know where you'refrom.
And I'm sorry, no judgment here.
I bite too, but I don't know why.
It's just, I don't know.
Maybe it's like you seesomething cute, like when you
you see something cute, you wantto like pinch its cheeks.
Or like you see a cute animaland you want to, you want to hug
it and smush it, but obviouslynot in a violent way.
(14:18):
I, I get it, you know, it'sjust.
Sometimes you just want to bite.
But you know, we're just bothtwo gremlins who are, um, who
want to sink our teeth intopeople.
That's okay, all right.
And this is the last one.
We started with a tattoo storyand we're going to end with a
(14:38):
piercing story.
So we're ending with needles,starting with needles.
We're going full circle here,all right.
So last one, from Alexandra.
She said while I was drunk Idecided to pierce my own belly
button.
I had always wanted a bellybutton piercing, but my super
strict parents would never allowit.
(14:59):
I was 19 and still living athome.
When they were away for theweekend, I invited a few friends
over, one of which had a fakeID, and they brought over an
assortment of beverages.
Being young and dumb, I mixed abunch of different alcohols,
which I now know is the worstdecision.
(15:19):
I completely remember the nightshocking, I know and one of my
friends dared me to pierce mybelly button.
So I did.
I got a needle from my mom'ssewing kit and sent it right on
through my skin.
Since I was wasted, I didn'tfeel anything, but the next
morning it hurt like hell.
It didn't help that we hadtried shoving an earring through
(15:43):
the ridiculously tiny hole.
Oh my god, it's like worse andworse.
Obviously, that piercing didn'tstick, and when I moved out a
year later, I got it done by aprofessional, but I only had it
a year before I grew sick of itand just let the hole close up.
Good times, though.
Also, side note never mix youralcohol, kids.
(16:04):
You always regret it.
Keep on going.
Love the pod, alexandra.
Oh my God, okay, okay.
So again, terrified of needles.
Um, I, I wouldn't.
I I'm like, yeah, I wouldn't beable to do this.
It would freak me out.
Um, I do remember when I was itwas my 15th birthday and my mom
(16:27):
had a friend who was a tattooartist and, in the same vein, a
piercer, and I said I wanted allthese different piercings.
So for my 15th birthday, thatwas my present.
She took me to her friend andsaid she can get whatever she
wants.
So he was like all right, cool,what do you want?
I was feeling really brave andexcited and I was like I want
(16:49):
the top of my ear pierced, Iwant my belly button pierced, I
want my nose pierced and maybe Iwant like my lip pierced, like
I was thinking of maybe doing,like that little Monroe one.
So he was like all right, cool,well, let's get started.
So we started with the top ofmy ear.
It's right here.
I can still feel it the top ofmy left ear, still feel it the
(17:18):
top of my left ear.
And he did it and I swear toGod, I still can remember the
feeling and what had happened.
He put it through my ear, thetop of my cartilage, and I
thought I felt this hot warmthcome over the side of my face.
I thought I was like gushinglike copious amounts of blood
from my ear, which is anabsolute ridiculous statement to
(17:38):
say.
But that's exactly what Ithought in that moment I thought
I was gushing blood out of theside of my head.
I flipped the fuck out.
It was comical looking back onit.
But at that time I thought I waslike maybe near death because
of blood loss and I wasconvinced it was bleeding.
I screamed and they were likelaughing at me and they're like
(17:58):
you're not bleeding, you're fine, you're fine, you're fine.
I was like no, I'm not.
They showed me in the mirror.
They're like you're notbleeding, you're fine.
I was totally fine.
I just had like this big assneedle sticking out of my ear.
So they put the needle throughand then put the earring in.
And then I felt so cool.
I was like, oh my gosh, that'sgreat.
He's like all right, what next?
(18:19):
Your belly button?
Because that's the one I reallywanted, that's the one I should
have started with, to be quitehonest.
And I chickened out and I saidno.
And I got zero piercings afterthat and still to this day, so I
even like I had that earring infor I don't know, maybe like
five, six, seven years, I don'teven.
I think seven's even stretchingit, that hole is closed up.
(18:42):
So I went through all that painand grief and the tears,
because there were tears fornothing, and I should have
started with the belly button,because I think I would have
gotten a little more use out ofthat than I did the ear, but to
this day, I never let anotherneedle touch me, other than like
a vaccine.
(19:03):
But whatever, yeah, so good foryou for being so, alexandra,
for you for being so brave,because even though it's just a
tiny ass sewing needle, I wouldbe absolutely scared to pieces.
And, yeah, and then you got itdone professionally.
So you, you still mustered thecourage to keep on going.
(19:25):
Bravo to you, alexandra.
All right, so those were ourgremlin stories.
Again, just another soloepisode of me, just kind of
reading, still getting used todoing solo episodes.
We are going to have some moreguests soon, though.
I have some really fun peopleand some fun ideas and stories
Well, not stories, just talkingpoints lined up that I'm really
(19:48):
excited to share with you guys.
But, yeah, keep on sending inyour Gremlin stories.
You can send them in toemily2gremlinpod at gmailcom.
Remember to say whether youwant to stay anonymous, whether
you want to put your name down,just like Cassie, laura and
(20:08):
Alexandra did today, and thenalso give me a follow on TikTok
and Instagram, emily to Gremlinpod on both.
I'm going to start like puttingout like polls and questions to
you guys.
Also, if I have, if I'm goingto do another solo episode and
it's going to be a specifictopic and I want, like you know,
(20:30):
you guys, your input, for youguys to send in some questions.
Give me a follow.
That's going to be on Instagram, so give me a follow there so
you can follow in and get on theget on the conversation and
whatnot.
So it'll be fun.
I will eventually start doing mydrink recipes again.
I don't know, they were kind ofjust such a disaster that I
(20:51):
kind of got over them, but I'mgoing to pick them back up
Because you know your girl needscontent.
So, yeah, so send in yourgremlin stories.
Also, give me a five starreview on wherever you're
listening.
I'm going to do another post.
I said I was gonna do it lastweek.
I'm going to do it right now.
Another post on wherever you'relistening I'm gonna do another
post.
I said I was gonna do it lastweek.
I'm gonna do it right now.
Another post on where you canlisten to me.
All the different platforms I'mlisted on there's like I don't
(21:14):
know, I think 15.
But give me a five-star ratingand a nice review I did have.
I was looking, it was on ApplePodcast and I saw that I had a
one-star review and at first Iwas like my heart sank into my
butt because I was like, oh myGod, somebody hates the podcast.
And then I read his review andhis name was listed as Harvey
(21:37):
Butthole Ten out of ten on yourfake name already.
But he said he was.
He gave me a one star because Iwas promoting promoting
misandrist commentary.
And then I realized he was justlooking at the titles and it
was when I was promoting myfriend's podcast.
Men are trash.
We aren't saying all men aretrash.
(21:59):
She was just going to talkabout the trashy men from, like,
history and society and publicand whatnot.
So, mr butthole um.
And also he signed it with apair like typing out a pair of
boobs.
So thank you for that, um.
Also, if you just listen to theepisode, it's not misandrist,
(22:22):
good lordy um.
But yeah, so wherever you'relistening, just give a five-star
review so we can get rid ofbuttholes um review and yeah, so
that's the episode.
Um, I'm gonna finish this drink.
That kind of bummed me out andby the time I'm done with it, I
don't think I'll be bummed outanymore.
So, cheersies, and I'll see youguys next week.
(22:45):
Bye.
hey guys, emily, emily to gremlin, here again
with another solo episode.
I figured I should startreading some more gremlin
stories.
You guys keep submitting,submitting them, and I've read
like I don't know, maybe likefour.
If that I don't even I can'tkeep track, but I feel like I
need to start reading more,otherwise you guys won't keep
(00:33):
sending them in.
So that's what this wholeepisode is going to be, just
your submitted Gremlin stories.
I really appreciate the factthat some of you signed them and
then others said please keep meanonymous, I will respect all
wishes, but thank you for makingit so abundantly clear.
That helps me a lot.
Our drink of the episode is I'mkind of bummed about it.
(00:56):
It's a Tito's and another Alani, because that's what I did last
week and I thought I liked it.
It tasted good.
But I picked the pink slushyone and it came out clear.
I thought it was gonna lookreally cute and pink like last
week's episode and it didn't.
So I don't know.
(01:16):
Kind of bummed, but I didn'twant to waste the alani either.
Yeah, that's our drink.
Um, I think I'm gonna.
I have to start making drinkslike better for myself.
For the solo episodes I usuallyjust kind of throw something
together, and then I'm alwaysbummed about after the fact,
like I need to kind of likeromanticize my life a little bit
(01:37):
more, or like romanticize doinglike a solo podcast episode.
I love making drinks, like forpeople and when I'm with people,
but when I'm by myself I justkind of like throw it together
and then I'm always bummed withthe results.
So I need you guys to hold meaccountable that next week I
have to make myself like a cutecocktail, otherwise, you know,
(01:59):
it's just going to be bummercity for me over here.
All right, so with that we'regoing to start with.
I think I have one, let's seeOne, two, three, four.
I have five stories that Ipicked.
There are more still sitting inmy inbox.
I have skimmed through them.
I just picked these ones thatwere kind of closer to the
(02:20):
bottom because I didn't wantthem to get lost in the shuffle.
So if I didn't pick yours today, it's still going to get picked
at some point.
Bear with me, I'm moving alittle slower than normal right
now.
All right, so with that.
This first one is from Cassie,and Cassie says it was my 25th
(02:40):
birthday and my sister and Iwere in New Orleans to celebrate
After countless hurricanes.
One of us I don't know whodecided we needed to get
matching tattoos, like we hadalways talked about.
I barely remember going to thetattoo shop and now come to
think of it, I have no idea whythe tattoo artist even did our
(03:00):
tattoos, because we were soannihilated drunk, but
nevertheless.
The next morning I woke up inour hotel with a headache that
felt like a marching band wasparading through my skull.
My mouth was very dry, my phonewas missing and I was lying in
a tangle of sheets with one veryunsettling sensation Pain
(03:21):
Specifically on my hip.
I pulled down my shorts and Istared.
There was a green cartooncrocodile on my hip.
The worst part my sister got atattoo in the same spot of a
peace sign.
They don't even match all caps.
What the fuck does a crocodileand a peace sign have to do with
(03:43):
us or our bond as sisters?
Why did I even pick a crocodile?
It makes no sense.
The rest of the day was a blurof Advil Gatorade and silent
regret.
We decided to keep the tattoos,since we got them together, but
still, 10 years later, I haveno fucking idea what one has to
do with the other.
(04:04):
Anyways, maybe next time we'llget gremlins.
Cheers, cassie.
Oh my God, cassie.
Okay, I don't have any tattoosbecause I'm absolutely terrified
of needles.
I think that you know thatworks out in mysterious ways,
because I can imagine I wouldhave gotten a drunk tattoo or
(04:24):
two at this point.
But a cartoon crocodile I don'tknow what you were thinking
either.
And the peace sign I mean, I'massuming it's like the peace
sign, not like two fingersholding up a piece.
I'm assuming it's the actualpeace sign.
But yeah, I don't know why youguys picked that.
And then the tattoo artisttattooing you guys.
(04:46):
That shouldn't even be allowed.
Like, I remember my first job.
I was a receptionist at atattoo parlor and they were like
pretty strict about I think youcouldn't.
You obviously couldn't be drunk, but you couldn't have.
I believe it was ibuprofen inyour system because it thinned
your blood and it would make youbleed, like during the
(05:07):
tattooing process.
So the fact that this guy didthis to both of you is
absolutely wild.
Yeah, girl, I don't know.
A crocodile and a peace sign.
If you want, if you're willingand able to send me those
pictures, please do.
I'll post them with yourpermission.
But yeah, I would love to seewhat that little crocodile looks
(05:30):
like.
But congratulations on yoursisterly tattoo.
Yeah, I don't have any tattoosbecause I'm terrified.
I was supposed to get well, notsupposed to.
Nana and I had always talkedabout doing matching tattoos.
Um, we never did and she hassince passed.
But I do think about possiblygetting that tattoo every now
(05:53):
and then.
But I'm just a big old baby,I'll never do it all right.
So this next one is from Laura.
It says my boyfriend and I havebeen dating for about a year
when we decided to do a weekendgetaway.
On going on a vineyard tour wehit six wineries.
(06:14):
Our shuttle driver was reallynice and chill and our group of
10 started out fun but slowlybecame a disaster.
They usually do.
Some people were just tastingthe wine while others, including
myself, were full on drinkingSomewhere around winery number
four.
Things went fuzzy and Iabsolutely don't remember
(06:37):
arriving at winery five or six,just bits and pieces here and
there.
But as we were leaving the lastwinery a little white dog came
up to our group and I, being anabsolute dog lover, bent down to
greet the dog.
But I guess bending down mademe sick and I puked Pinot Noir
(06:57):
all over the place, with somelanding on the dog.
I apologized and shouted it'sokay, I'm allergic to dogs, as
if that's the reason I threw upand not the barrel of wine I had
just drank.
My boyfriend ushered me to theshuttle with everyone else
shamefully following.
I passed out on the ride back tothe hotel and the next morning
(07:20):
I felt even worse.
I wore a hat and sunglassesduring checkout so no one would
recognize me.
Laura, oh no, I'm like I don'tknow why I'm picturing like a
little white, fluffy Pomeranian.
That's just like covered inlike red and shame.
Oh gosh, I don't think I'veever thrown up on an animal.
(07:42):
No, I for sure haven't.
I feel like that's something Iwould remember.
I have been on a winery tour,but I didn't drink that much
wine because I was kind of hungover from the night before.
But I did go on it and it wasfun and I tasted a little bit
and had some some nice crackers,so that was a good time.
(08:04):
Bit and had some some nicecrackers, so that was a good
time.
And, yeah, I would have.
I would have gone incognito thenext day too, because that is
horrible.
Ok, the next one is anonymous,and now that I'm seeing the
first part of it.
I remember why it's anonymousand I would be anonymous too.
All right, she says.
(08:26):
A couple of years ago I was outwith some friends for a chill
Saturday night at our local bar.
I wasn't planning on gettingwasted like I did, but at some
point during the night ourcocktails turned into shots and
that was that it usually is.
The next morning I woke up onmy friend's couch feeling like
absolute shit, but grateful wemade it back safely.
(08:47):
I checked around for my purseand found it with, luckily,
everything still inside.
Those are always the luckiestdays, I swear.
I checked my phone only to seethat I had, drunk, texted my
ex-boyfriend not once, not twice, and not even three times 17
(09:09):
times, 17 fucking times.
It started with just saying hey, then I miss you, and then just
spiraled into do you still loveme, and all of them had typos.
The next two messages wentundelivered, so I assume he
blocked me.
I have no idea.
(09:32):
I died inside and deleted thetext thread and pretended it
didn't happen.
I never reached out to him andneither did he, I'm for sure
known as.
When I first read that, I feltso bad for you, anonymous.
(09:54):
Oh God, I just I can imaginelike waking up with that, like
absolute, like panic and shame,of just being like, oh my God,
like I just texted this guy andI didn't even just say like just
starting with the hey, it'salready starting out like kind
(10:15):
of iffy, but I miss you and doyou still love me?
Like I think I, honestly, Iwould have done the exact same
thing you did.
I would have deleted it,pretended it never happened, and
if you would have ever saidanything to me about it after
the fact, I would have juststraight up denied it Like I
have no idea what the hellyou're talking about, because
that wasn't me.
Straight up denied it Like Ihave no idea what the hell
you're talking about, becausethat wasn't me, that that was
somebody else, because that wassomebody else, that was your
(10:36):
alter ego that was plotting yourgoddamn demise.
You poor thing.
Yeah, when did you say this was?
Oh, a couple years ago, okay,so, yeah, I don't think you'll
run into him anytime soonbecause it's been a couple years
.
I feel like you're out of thewoods at this point.
Yeah, I don't think I've ever,drunk, texted an ex.
(10:59):
I don't think I have.
But if anyone knows that I have, just keep that to yourself,
because that's none of mygoddamn business.
In my head I've never texted anex drunk and we're going to
keep it that way because I can'thandle any more embarrassment
in my life.
Ok, the next one is alsoanonymous, and I picked this one
(11:22):
specifically for my boyfriend,and he'll know why afterwards
and I'll explain it afterwards.
But anonymous says I have areally embarrassing story, so
please keep me anonymous.
Will do, babe?
I have absolutely no idea why,but while at a uni party I'm
assuming uni means university.
(11:44):
Correct me if I'm wrong, though, but while at a uni party I had
been drinking a lot and decidedto bite the guy I had a crush
on.
We were all talking andlaughing and I fear I became an
actual gremlin and just straighton, bit this man in the bicep.
Everyone stopped and juststared at me.
(12:04):
I immediately sobered up andlooked at him and he had a
horrified look on his facerightfully so.
I just stared at him and saidsorry.
For obvious reasons we neverbegan dating as I hoped we would
, and just typing this out nowmakes me want to die, you poor,
(12:25):
poor baby.
Okay, I picked this onespecifically because I don't
know why.
I don't know why, but I knowI'm not alone in this.
I like to bite him, and it'snot like in a sexual way, I just
like if we're sitting on thecouch and I just look over and
see him, I just wanna like bitehim.
So I do, and he hates it, whichhe shouldn't, because it's just
(12:50):
me showing love.
I think it's a love languageand I know I'm not alone because
I keep seeing all overInstagram all these like memes
and like funny gifs about how,like, biting is a love language
and you're just trying to showyour love.
Why you did it to someoneyou're not dating though, I
don't know, and I don't thinkI've ever done that either.
(13:13):
But, um, I do understand theurge to to bite someone.
It's weird.
I don't know what that is.
Um, if someone has like anactual diagnosis for that,
because it is a weird thing tojust look at somebody and feel
like you want to just like chompon them.
Um, but, yeah, you know, I'msorry, girl at an at a uni party
(13:38):
.
That's not something peoplelike here in america and the
states normally say I want toknow where you're from, like,
are you from canada?
Are you from, like you know,england or Britain, uk, whatever
you want to say.
But yeah, I'm dying to knowwhere you're from, because
uniparty isn't something that wesay here in the States.
(13:58):
So let me know where you'refrom.
And I'm sorry, no judgment here.
I bite too, but I don't know why.
It's just, I don't know.
Maybe it's like you seesomething cute, like when you
you see something cute, you wantto like pinch its cheeks.
Or like you see a cute animaland you want to, you want to hug
it and smush it, but obviouslynot in a violent way.
(14:18):
I, I get it, you know, it'sjust.
Sometimes you just want to bite.
But you know, we're just bothtwo gremlins who are, um, who
want to sink our teeth intopeople.
That's okay, all right.
And this is the last one.
We started with a tattoo storyand we're going to end with a
(14:38):
piercing story.
So we're ending with needles,starting with needles.
We're going full circle here,all right.
So last one, from Alexandra.
She said while I was drunk Idecided to pierce my own belly
button.
I had always wanted a bellybutton piercing, but my super
strict parents would never allowit.
(14:59):
I was 19 and still living athome.
When they were away for theweekend, I invited a few friends
over, one of which had a fakeID, and they brought over an
assortment of beverages.
Being young and dumb, I mixed abunch of different alcohols,
which I now know is the worstdecision.
(15:19):
I completely remember the nightshocking, I know and one of my
friends dared me to pierce mybelly button.
So I did.
I got a needle from my mom'ssewing kit and sent it right on
through my skin.
Since I was wasted, I didn'tfeel anything, but the next
morning it hurt like hell.
It didn't help that we hadtried shoving an earring through
(15:43):
the ridiculously tiny hole.
Oh my god, it's like worse andworse.
Obviously, that piercing didn'tstick, and when I moved out a
year later, I got it done by aprofessional, but I only had it
a year before I grew sick of itand just let the hole close up.
Good times, though.
Also, side note never mix youralcohol, kids.
(16:04):
You always regret it.
Keep on going.
Love the pod, alexandra.
Oh my God, okay, okay.
So again, terrified of needles.
Um, I, I wouldn't.
I I'm like, yeah, I wouldn't beable to do this.
It would freak me out.
Um, I do remember when I was itwas my 15th birthday and my mom
(16:27):
had a friend who was a tattooartist and, in the same vein, a
piercer, and I said I wanted allthese different piercings.
So for my 15th birthday, thatwas my present.
She took me to her friend andsaid she can get whatever she
wants.
So he was like all right, cool,what do you want?
I was feeling really brave andexcited and I was like I want
(16:49):
the top of my ear pierced, Iwant my belly button pierced, I
want my nose pierced and maybe Iwant like my lip pierced, like
I was thinking of maybe doing,like that little Monroe one.
So he was like all right, cool,well, let's get started.
So we started with the top ofmy ear.
It's right here.
I can still feel it the top ofmy left ear, still feel it the
(17:18):
top of my left ear.
And he did it and I swear toGod, I still can remember the
feeling and what had happened.
He put it through my ear, thetop of my cartilage, and I
thought I felt this hot warmthcome over the side of my face.
I thought I was like gushinglike copious amounts of blood
from my ear, which is anabsolute ridiculous statement to
(17:38):
say.
But that's exactly what Ithought in that moment I thought
I was gushing blood out of theside of my head.
I flipped the fuck out.
It was comical looking back onit.
But at that time I thought I waslike maybe near death because
of blood loss and I wasconvinced it was bleeding.
I screamed and they were likelaughing at me and they're like
(17:58):
you're not bleeding, you're fine, you're fine, you're fine.
I was like no, I'm not.
They showed me in the mirror.
They're like you're notbleeding, you're fine.
I was totally fine.
I just had like this big assneedle sticking out of my ear.
So they put the needle throughand then put the earring in.
And then I felt so cool.
I was like, oh my gosh, that'sgreat.
He's like all right, what next?
(18:19):
Your belly button?
Because that's the one I reallywanted, that's the one I should
have started with, to be quitehonest.
And I chickened out and I saidno.
And I got zero piercings afterthat and still to this day, so I
even like I had that earring infor I don't know, maybe like
five, six, seven years, I don'teven.
I think seven's even stretchingit, that hole is closed up.
(18:42):
So I went through all that painand grief and the tears,
because there were tears fornothing, and I should have
started with the belly button,because I think I would have
gotten a little more use out ofthat than I did the ear, but to
this day, I never let anotherneedle touch me, other than like
a vaccine.
(19:03):
But whatever, yeah, so good foryou for being so, alexandra,
for you for being so brave,because even though it's just a
tiny ass sewing needle, I wouldbe absolutely scared to pieces.
And, yeah, and then you got itdone professionally.
So you, you still mustered thecourage to keep on going.
(19:25):
Bravo to you, alexandra.
All right, so those were ourgremlin stories.
Again, just another soloepisode of me, just kind of
reading, still getting used todoing solo episodes.
We are going to have some moreguests soon, though.
I have some really fun peopleand some fun ideas and stories
Well, not stories, just talkingpoints lined up that I'm really
(19:48):
excited to share with you guys.
But, yeah, keep on sending inyour Gremlin stories.
You can send them in toemily2gremlinpod at gmailcom.
Remember to say whether youwant to stay anonymous, whether
you want to put your name down,just like Cassie, laura and
(20:08):
Alexandra did today, and thenalso give me a follow on TikTok
and Instagram, emily to Gremlinpod on both.
I'm going to start like puttingout like polls and questions to
you guys.
Also, if I have, if I'm goingto do another solo episode and
it's going to be a specifictopic and I want, like you know,
(20:30):
you guys, your input, for youguys to send in some questions.
Give me a follow.
That's going to be on Instagram, so give me a follow there so
you can follow in and get on theget on the conversation and
whatnot.
So it'll be fun.
I will eventually start doing mydrink recipes again.
I don't know, they were kind ofjust such a disaster that I
(20:51):
kind of got over them, but I'mgoing to pick them back up
Because you know your girl needscontent.
So, yeah, so send in yourgremlin stories.
Also, give me a five starreview on wherever you're
listening.
I'm going to do another post.
I said I was gonna do it lastweek.
I'm going to do it right now.
Another post on wherever you'relistening I'm gonna do another
post.
I said I was gonna do it lastweek.
I'm gonna do it right now.
Another post on where you canlisten to me.
All the different platforms I'mlisted on there's like I don't
(21:14):
know, I think 15.
But give me a five-star ratingand a nice review I did have.
I was looking, it was on ApplePodcast and I saw that I had a
one-star review and at first Iwas like my heart sank into my
butt because I was like, oh myGod, somebody hates the podcast.
And then I read his review andhis name was listed as Harvey
(21:37):
Butthole Ten out of ten on yourfake name already.
But he said he was.
He gave me a one star because Iwas promoting promoting
misandrist commentary.
And then I realized he was justlooking at the titles and it
was when I was promoting myfriend's podcast.
Men are trash.
We aren't saying all men aretrash.
(21:59):
She was just going to talkabout the trashy men from, like,
history and society and publicand whatnot.
So, mr butthole um.
And also he signed it with apair like typing out a pair of
boobs.
So thank you for that, um.
Also, if you just listen to theepisode, it's not misandrist,
(22:22):
good lordy um.
But yeah, so wherever you'relistening, just give a five-star
review so we can get rid ofbuttholes um review and yeah, so
that's the episode.
Um, I'm gonna finish this drink.
That kind of bummed me out andby the time I'm done with it, I
don't think I'll be bummed outanymore.
So, cheersies, and I'll see youguys next week.
(22:45):
Bye.
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