Swipe Right for Red Flags: A Boozy Chat About Dating Hell

The landscape of modern dating can be treacherous to navigate, from swipe-based apps to identifying those subtle red flags that save you from disaster. In this candid conversation, we explore the realities of finding connection in a digital age where safety concerns meet the genuine desire for meaningful partnership.

Jackie shares her journey through dating apps, revealing why Bumble became her platform of choice and the crucial safety protocols everyone should follow when meeting strangers. We laugh about dating disasters, from the milk-toast sports agent to the man who ghosted mid-date after realizing they had zero compatibility. These stories highlight how important it is to know your non-negotiables and recognize when something feels off.

The conversation takes a deeper turn as we both open up about our experiences with toxic relationships. We explore the psychological grip that manipulative partners maintain through love bombing, isolation, and gaslighting. Most poignantly, we discuss that confusing state of knowing you should leave but feeling unable to, even when you'd immediately advise a friend in the same situation to run. Through therapy and self-reflection, we learned to recognize these patterns and finally prioritize our own peace and happiness.

What makes this episode especially powerful is the contrast between those painful experiences and the healthy relationships we've since found. There's a beautiful distinction between simply dating someone and consciously building a life together with mutual respect and understanding. After weathering toxic relationships, finding a partner who truly sees and values you feels nothing short of revolutionary.

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @EmilytoGremilyPod for episode cocktail recipes and teaser clips and don't forget to subscribe for more unfiltered conversations about life's messy, meaningful moments.

Make sure to write in your own "gremlin" stories to [e-mail] to be featured in future episodes!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:13):
all right, welcome, jackie.
You're here for episode.
We're doing episode three ohlucky number three.
This is two, this is three.
If I knew my numbers, then we'dbe off to a good start, and our
drink for this episode is aspicy raspberry margarita and
she's got an awkwardly longstraw, because I didn't have

(00:34):
straws, I was a littleill-prepared.

Speaker 2 (00:36):
Cheers, thank you and I don't do tequila but I
actually like this drink.

Speaker 1 (00:42):
I'm already hot, but it's cool.
I like the fruity with spicyyes, yeah, she had recommended
doing watermelon and I waswalking to the store and I
didn't want to lug thewatermelon home.
Um, it was already a workoutenough because it was sweltering
that's fair.
That's fair, that's fairraspberries raspberries,

(01:02):
raspberries, jalapeno, cazadores, it's good.

Speaker 2 (01:06):
Beautiful.

Speaker 1 (01:07):
It's good, it's good.
So how are you today?
Thank you for coming on,absolutely.

Speaker 2 (01:11):
I'm really excited.
I'm excited for you to be here.
Yeah, how's everything going.

Speaker 1 (01:15):
What's life like?

Speaker 2 (01:16):
I mean, life is going .
I have new projects in theworks I'm not ready to talk
about yet.
Yes, let's, let's keep it underwraps for now.
For now, um, but life has beengoing pretty well, you know.
I am finally in a healthyrelationship.
We love that.
We love that yes, you know sobeen with him six, seven months

(01:36):
now it's going really well.

Speaker 1 (01:38):
Yes, you seem much happier.
Not that you were, you know,seem miserable, but you seem.
You have a different glow aboutyou now.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:46):
Yeah, it it has been.
I mean, it's been a journey.
Yes, because I was dating a bitbefore I found him.

Speaker 1 (01:54):
Right.
You know, and I wasn't evenreally looking- I feel like
that's when you you find yourperson is.
You know you're not actively.
Yeah, I wasn't looking.

Speaker 2 (02:02):
I wasn't looking for long term.
I was honestly looking to fillmy roster.
That's all I was trying to doin the moment.
A girl needs a roster, you knowsometimes.
But then you find that oneplayer that makes you just clear
the bench.

Speaker 1 (02:16):
There you go.
And then you said it was rightbefore Thanksgiving-ish.

Speaker 2 (02:20):
It was right before the holidays hit, so we met
online, met on the apps, becausemeeting people in real life is
hard, especially when you'realways working.
So it was really an interestingbeginning, because we just
started texting, had plans for alunch date and we're chatting

(02:44):
back and forth about fun things,and a day or two before the
date I check in and he says hehas to postpone because he's not
feeling well.
feeling sick, I get it.
I think that's a valid reason.
So a few days later I check inon him to see how he's feeling.
And he basically tells me thathe's sorry, he's depressed and

(03:11):
he doesn't think that I deservethat.
And it's just a little, itcatches my attention yeah.
Because I've dealt withdepression, I get it and that's
not the time to walk away fromsomeone, right?
So I press a little more like,hey, what's going on, do you
need a friend to talk to?
Because at that point I care asa person, not as a romantic

(03:35):
interest.

Speaker 1 (03:35):
Yeah, just to be there for someone, at least as a
friend.

Speaker 2 (03:38):
Yeah, and he opens up about how he just had a
longtime friend die.
Okay, and that immediatelymakes me go.
I'm here Because I dealt with alot of death in the couple
weeks a couple weeks, a coupleyears before that Like traumatic
deaths from close friends thatwere, you know, in their 30s, to

(04:01):
like an elderly grandmother tomy dog.

Speaker 1 (04:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:05):
You know, and that's a lot.
So I was no stranger to grief,yeah.
So I just started talking tohim and, you know, helping him
through it because there's noright way to deal with grief.
And just in the process of uschatting back and forth about it
, he felt better.
He asked to reschedule our dateand you know, that was when he

(04:30):
realized there was somethingspecial about me and I only say
this because he has said this tome.

Speaker 1 (04:37):
Yeah, you're not doing your own part, you know he
pointed out how special you are.

Speaker 2 (04:41):
So you're just reiterating the fact, yeah, and
because I didn't walk away, yes,yeah most people would have
just called it a day, becausethey don't know the person you
know, and why would they want todeal with it?
Yeah, some people wouldn't wantto deal with it.
Yeah, and I was ready to help.
Yeah, you know, I knew how hardit was going through grief for

(05:02):
me.
So the fact that I didn't runaway, you know, really caught
his attention Right.
And we go on our lunch date andit continues into like an
evening walk and continues intohanging out at my place.
It really ended up being likethree dates in one and you know

(05:25):
know he went home for a day andthen after that we were pretty
much inseparable.
You know he works from home, sohe's able to hang out at my
place and work and in theprocess of officially moving in,
even though he's practicallylived there for the last five
months I was was going to sayhas he moved in or is it just

(05:46):
kind of like we're hanging out?
No, he pretty much lives with me, okay, and he is in the process
of getting rid of his apartmentNice.

Speaker 1 (05:58):
So it's yeah, we're in that in-between phase where
he's got to get rid of his placeand get all of his stuff to
your place.

Speaker 2 (06:06):
But I mean we were so connected that him basically
living there immediately wasperfect for both of us, because
there's so many things about himthat are different than men I
usually deal with.

Speaker 1 (06:21):
Right.

Speaker 2 (06:22):
That it was just a breath of fresh air.

Speaker 1 (06:24):
Aw, so I love that for you yeah he's pretty great.
I've seen you in your pastrelationship and the ups and
downs of that, not to give himtoo much attention, because he
doesn't deserve it.

Speaker 2 (06:37):
Yeah, we'll talk about that later.

Speaker 1 (06:40):
Yeah, we'll touch on that for sure.
But yeah, I definitely see achange in, you know, your
happiness.
You seem like you got like anextra pep in your step and I
think that's great.

Speaker 2 (06:52):
It's not just that it's a relationship, it's that
we are consciously building lifetogether.
I love that and yeah, that'snot something I've felt before,
right you know, and it isspecial and it makes me feel
like a grown up.

Speaker 1 (07:06):
Finally, You're growing up, annie is younger
than me.
Oh, how much younger.
Six seven years.
Okay, yeah, I mean, look, I'min an age gap relationship.
So I just like to be theyounger one.

Speaker 2 (07:23):
Yeah, yeah, it's worked out really well, though
that's great, you know and Ithink part of it is him being
younger is that he has a respectfor me that sometimes older men
didn't, and I have a respectfor him because I just respect
people when they deserve it, youknow.
I'm not an asshole, that's notgoing to respect people for no

(07:44):
reason deserve it.
You know, I'm not an assholethat's not gonna respect people
for no reason.

Speaker 1 (07:49):
So so it's nice to have that balance.
Nice, you know, good.
And then, so you said before.
So this whole episode wasbasically I wanted to talk to
her about like dating apps.
Um, I just kind of have notneeded them.

(08:09):
Also, I'm afraid of thembecause I watch way too much
true crime and I think I mightget murdered because with my
luck, I would go on that one thevery first date and it would be
a.
She lit up the room kind ofmoment.

Speaker 2 (08:25):
Yeah, I mean, I definitely have that safety
checklist, of course, andthere's even been times where I
was on a date and the guymentioned that he has his safety
list too.

Speaker 1 (08:35):
You know, he has his friends to make sure we love
safety kings, you know so it'sit should go both ways.

Speaker 2 (08:41):
We should always be watching our back, but
unfortunately it is a situationthat women have to be more
careful.

Speaker 1 (08:49):
We are always on our toes, even like you know me,
just like going to the grocerystore, you know running an
errand.
I am always looking aroundthinking someone could possibly
do the worst.

Speaker 2 (09:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (09:00):
You never know.

Speaker 2 (09:02):
Aware of your surroundings.

Speaker 1 (09:03):
Always be aware of your surroundings.

Speaker 2 (09:04):
Yeah, I mean in addition to that when I walk
down the street.

Speaker 1 (09:11):
I like to walk like the type of person that you
don't want to get in a fightwith right.
Yeah, it's fun.
You walk like with purpose, Iwalk, I walk like try me yeah,
usually people won't walk up toyou if you look like you're
aware, but if you're buried inyour phone not paying attention,
you kind of become the easiesttarget.

Speaker 2 (09:30):
Really easy to see the phone Terrifying.

Speaker 1 (09:32):
Yeah, so all right, dating in LA before you found
your happiness and your glow.

Speaker 2 (09:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (09:39):
What's that like?
Oh, give us the scoop, gosh,because you said you went on
apps and you weren't like a bigfan of meeting people in person
or like going to a bar.

Speaker 2 (09:50):
Yeah, I was never a big drinker, so going to a bar
and meeting someone never reallyworked for me and I don't know.
I feel like when you meetsomeone in person, it's really
easy for them to show you whothey want to show you, right, um
, whereas once things are onpaper and once you really start

(10:12):
talking to the person, if youpay attention, you can feel that
.

Speaker 1 (10:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (10:16):
There have definitely been times when you know
texting someone to meet up andthen they just say that one
thing that makes me go I don'ttrust you anymore.
Yeah, you know, and there'sthere's so many people out there
that if I don't trust someone,there's no reason to continue on

(10:39):
.

Speaker 1 (10:39):
Right, no reason to waste my time.

Speaker 2 (10:41):
Yeah, Like with how many people there are in the
world like LA alone.

Speaker 1 (10:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (10:48):
Like you can go on a different date with a different
person, like probably everynight for months.
Yeah, If you really, if youreally if you really didn't like
any of them enough to have asecond date like there's a lot
of them which is kind of whatmade it a little easier for me,
because I realized going intothese dates that I had no reason

(11:11):
to be nervous when I wasyounger.
Like going into dates I'd be soanxious, I'd be so nervous.
I want to make sure I said theright thing, did the right thing
, I didn't bother them.
And then this time around I waslike didn't bother him.
And then this time around I waslike I don't care, like if they
like me, they're going to likeme.

Speaker 1 (11:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (11:29):
And if they don't, I don't care.
Yeah, we don't need it, becausethere's a list of guys in my
box waiting for their chance.
Right, it's like if you're notthe one or if you are not going
to make it worth it, or if youare not going to make it worth
it, step away.
There's many in line behind you.

Speaker 1 (11:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (11:53):
So while I was kind of playing the field, that just
made it easier because I wasn'tas stressed or as worried about
if they would go well Right Now,as far as safety, there was
always someone who knew where Iwas, whether it was like my good
friend V or, when she was outof town, my friend Caitlin.
Like I would always say, hey,this is where I'm going to be,
this is what time, and I wouldeven send a screenshot of like

(12:16):
the profile so that they knewhis face.
Yes, and then usually I wouldsend them a message later saying
okay, we're cool, right Like Ifelt him out, I feel safe, I
know he's not going to doanything crazy.

Speaker 1 (12:30):
He's not going to Dexter me.

Speaker 2 (12:31):
Yeah, Because I've definitely had times where I'm
like all right, you are not out.
A couple like, really like,like irky stories.
One guy I met with, it was acoffee date in the afternoon and

(12:52):
I agreed to the date because hehad an interesting job.
He was like a sports agent, ohthat is interesting, that's cool
, that's cool, that'sinteresting.

Speaker 1 (13:01):
That's not an everyday person you run into.

Speaker 2 (13:03):
Yeah, I'm like I'd like to hear more about that.
Yeah, and you're into sports?
Yeah, yeah, I enjoy sports.
Yes, I watch football.
I am a fan, like sure.

Speaker 1 (13:13):
She loves the dolphins.

Speaker 2 (13:17):
We don't hold it against her.
There might be a dolphintattooed on me right here there.
Um, yeah, so I'm like, allright, let's see.
And he had the personality ofmilk toast have you ever heard
that term?

Speaker 1 (13:33):
yes, toast.

Speaker 2 (13:34):
Yeah, it's bland, it's it's bland, there's nothing
there, yeah, and like he barelymentioned his job, I asked to
try to get a conversation going.

Speaker 1 (13:44):
I feel like it's the whole reason.
I kind of gravitated towardsyou and he kind of just went
away from it.

Speaker 2 (13:51):
He apparently had bad vision, which wasn't a problem,
but I had kind of just mademyself look all nice and there
was.

Speaker 1 (13:59):
He never mentioned your effort.

Speaker 2 (14:01):
But here's the thing that made me go I'm, I'm done.
He didn't like dogs, oh no, hewas like I don't like dogs
because sometimes I trip on thembecause I can't see, and I'm
like what?

Speaker 1 (14:15):
kind of a?
What kind of a reason is thatto not like?
What a weird state I've neverheard that like, so I trip on
them.

Speaker 2 (14:22):
I know toast.
So we were getting coffee atthe Grove and I was like you
know what you know.
I think it's time to head out.

Speaker 1 (14:30):
Yeah, you know, thank you, I got to go to the
bathroom.

Speaker 2 (14:33):
He like was walking me out, right Okay.

Speaker 1 (14:36):
And I'm like like either the restaurant or to your
car, Like kind of to my car.

Speaker 2 (14:40):
Oh no, but I, I was like, I need to get a meal, I
need to get a drink, so I wasn'teven planning on leaving.
So like I walked basicallytowards the bathroom, and I'm
like all right, well, I'll seeyou later.
Bye, so that he would leave.
Yeah, because I literallywalked back out, went straight
to the nearest bar and called myfriend like you need to hear

(15:02):
about what just happened to me,oh my God and bought myself a
drink and bought myself a meal.

Speaker 1 (15:06):
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (15:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (15:09):
I don't like dogs because I trip on them.
That's a new one.
Yeah, like I can understand.
Okay, if you have allergies,they're not your preference.
But people who also say thatthey just don't like animals or
pets immediate red flag for me.

Speaker 2 (15:28):
I'm like what?
What else is wrong with you?
Because that's not the onlything like why don't you, why
don't you like animals?
Who doesn't like animals?
There's no good reason to notlike animals, unless like
viciously attacked.

Speaker 1 (15:34):
Trauma from a young age, exactly, yeah, you, I will
respect.

Speaker 2 (15:36):
You've been attacked by a dog, so they're just not
maybe your favorite but here'sthe thing when I was two, I was
attacked by a dog.

Speaker 1 (15:44):
I still got a scar on my face from it.

Speaker 2 (15:47):
Okay, and that was when I was two, so also not
really a good excuse.

Speaker 1 (16:00):
No, not really no.

Speaker 2 (16:01):
So, okay, what would you say?
Hard to say, cause some of themI just let go, I just don't
hold onto it, right?
But what's funny is that youknow, sometimes, sometimes I
don't like them and sometimesthey don't like me or they know
it's not going to work.
There was this one guy, let's,let's call him John, him john,

(16:25):
okay, because honestly, I don'tremember his name it doesn't
really matter yeah, um, we wereplanning on meeting up at like a
bj's or yard house and we had atime set and then he had to.
He kept pushing it like he waslike I'm running like keep
pushing it, keep pushing it,keep pushing it, and it got to
the point where I'm like, okay,I don't know if he's gonna make

(16:46):
it or not, and I'm hungry.
So I'm going to the restaurant,yeah, and I get there.
I even tell the host as I walkin.
I'm like, hey, I'm meetingsomeone here for a date, can you
?
And he's being kind of weird,can you?
just can you all keep an eyeyeah and and he was like oh, we

(17:08):
got you, and so they put me in abooth, like in a good spot near
the kitchen, right.
And you know, I told the serverwhat was going on too.
I'm like he's late, he's kindof acting weird.
He had said he had saidsomething weird because I had
asked do you want me to get aspot at the bar or a table?
And he I remember this becauseit was weird he said a table

(17:30):
because I want you all to myselfwhat yeah, yeah, and it's one
of those he could have just saida booth, please, exactly, and I
was like, okay, that's a little.
So that was like immediate, likethere's a flag up.
You know, pay attention to thesituation which is also why I
was like hey, watch my back yeah, please look out, so he's

(17:53):
taking forever.
I'm hungry.
I order an app.
While I wait, he finally showsup.

Speaker 1 (18:01):
How late was he at this point?

Speaker 2 (18:06):
well, from the last time that he said he would be
there probably like 30, 45minutes.

Speaker 1 (18:12):
Oh, hell, you know I'm a late person, but I would
never be 30, 40 minutes from thelast time I spoke to you, to a
date like oh my god.
So I'm assuming he's like twohours in.

Speaker 2 (18:24):
From, like I think we were originally going to meet
at four and then it ended upbeing like six.
Oh, gosh and he showed up like6.30 type thing Okay.
Yeah, no, so I have my drink andI have my app because I'm not
going to wait.
Yeah, because at this point,I'm like, whatever happens, I
still need to eat, exactly.
And so he finally shows up andwe're talking and nothing is

(18:51):
meshing.
Okay, I'm an artsy person, yeah, and that's something that kind
of drives me, and I'm intopeople that are creative.
Yeah, and his entirepersonality was traveling.
Okay, which you travel?

Speaker 1 (19:01):
yeah, cool.

Speaker 2 (19:03):
I mean I would like to travel one day you know, but
the only thing he had to talkabout was traveling here,
traveling there.
Traveling here, traveling there.

Speaker 1 (19:12):
Places he's already been.

Speaker 2 (19:14):
And I'm like I haven't been to any of these
places so I have nothing tocontribute.
You're just listening to himspeak, you know and I'm saying
how I'm into creative people,he's saying how he likes to
travel.
I'm already like, well, thisisn't going to work.
A server comes up and I'm like,are you going to order anything
?
And he doesn't get anythingLike a glass of water.

Speaker 1 (19:33):
Not even like a, not even a drink, a snack, nothing,
and nothing, and so I'm like,screw it, I order myself a meal.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (19:40):
And he's like hey, and he's like hey, or he asks
the server where's the bathroom?

Speaker 1 (19:44):
Okay, points over to the bathroom.

Speaker 2 (19:46):
Goes to leave to the bathroom and I'm sitting there
at the booth going.

Speaker 1 (19:52):
I really hope he doesn't come back.

Speaker 2 (19:54):
Oh no, I really like that would kind of be nice if he
just doesn't come back.
Yeah, he didn't come back.
Oh no, he went to the bathroomand then bailed it yeah, and
part of me was like, oh damn, Icouldn't even make him buy my
meal.

Speaker 1 (20:12):
And then part of me was like, thank god, I get to
enjoy my meal in peace oh my god, he bailed so like in a way, I
might be his nightmare story.

Speaker 2 (20:23):
I mean, but you didn't do anything wrong, but I
didn't do anything wrong.

Speaker 1 (20:26):
You just sat there and waited for him.
There's nothing wrong.

Speaker 2 (20:31):
You waited, you were kind and then ordered food.
Yeah, because I wanted to eat.

Speaker 1 (20:35):
You were hungry and it was two hours later and we
were at a restaurant.
Yeah, for that he should havejust done like a coffee date.
For that he should have justdone like a coffee date.
It was a wild.
What would you say is like yourperfect, like first date?
Because I know some peopleprefer coffee dates because
they're casual, they're quick,you can kind of get in, get out
or extend it if you want.

Speaker 2 (20:56):
I don't think there is one okay, like I don't think
there is a perfect, perfectfirst date scenario.
It's the person Okay, like ifit's the right person, it
doesn't matter what the firstdate is.
It can be coffee, it can be ameal, it can be smoking on the
beach.
You know, if it's the rightperson, it doesn't matter what

(21:18):
that first date is.
Right, you know we did a sushilunch with for Dylan.
That was our first date, andthen it just kept going.
And it just kept going.

Speaker 1 (21:26):
Right.

Speaker 2 (21:26):
Because it felt right .
I love that.
Yeah, I don't think there is aperfect first date as long as
you.

Speaker 1 (21:32):
What would be your nightmare first date?
Let's go with that.
Where's a place like?
If a guy said like hey, youwant to go here, that you'd be
like absolutely fucking not.

Speaker 2 (21:41):
I hate it when guys were like let's go get a drink,
and that was it Okay.
If you want to buy me a drink,you need to buy me food too.

Speaker 1 (21:52):
I am not going to pound the shots.

Speaker 2 (22:02):
No, no, I am not here for you to just look at me as
like an easy, cheap date, get medrunk.
And that that as soon assomeone was like yeah, let's get
a drink.
And if I was like well, can weget food too?
Yeah, if they didn't adjust itto a place where there was food
too, I was like no, we're goodand it's mainly just because if
that's where they want the firstdate to be, then they're the

(22:22):
type of person that I would justmeet in a bar.

Speaker 1 (22:25):
Right, yeah, might as well just go to a bar by
yourself.

Speaker 2 (22:28):
Exactly.

Speaker 1 (22:29):
See what happens.

Speaker 2 (22:30):
Exactly so it was taking me out on a drink for me
was kind of just not enough,because I'm not a heavy drinker.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (22:40):
It was like give me more.

Speaker 2 (22:41):
Right, if I'm going to get dressed up, get cleaned,
do my hair, do my makeup, do allthat.
It doesn't have to be five starright.
It doesn't have to be like justa place with some food.
Yeah, just a little bit of food, just an appetizer even if it's
bar snacks, right you know, aslong as it's stuff I can eat,
we're good, yes, oh yeah, youhave a gluten intolerance I'm

(23:04):
annoying.
I have a gluten allergy it iswhat it is, man, I mean what?

Speaker 1 (23:09):
whatever?
It's not like you're.

Speaker 2 (23:10):
You're not just gluten-free by choice, it's
gluten-free by necessity, yeahI'm gluten-free because I don't
want to throw up on you there wego.

Speaker 1 (23:19):
I think that is reasonable and if you know,
maybe that someone's kink isjust not your kink not my kink
man.
No, no, not your kink at all.
All right, what about likemeeting someone?
Okay, like, have you ever metsomeone in person, as opposed to
like the dating apps, likewhere that went well, or are you

(23:41):
more of an app person becauseyou want to see it?
I mean, we know you prefer theapps, but, like, if you were to
go meet someone in person, likehow would that go?

Speaker 2 (23:51):
I mean in the past.
In the past, yeah, in the pastI have met people in person.
I feel like a lot of times itwould be friend to friend.

Speaker 1 (23:59):
It's like known like through someone.

Speaker 2 (24:02):
Or coworkers, like that definitely happens, even if
you don't want it to sometimes,if you don't put up that wall.
So, if anything, it's peoplethat I'm kind of forced to be
around.

Speaker 1 (24:22):
I'm forced to be around you, so I might as well
just date you.

Speaker 2 (24:24):
Yeah, I'm forced to be around you and'm forced to be
around you, so I might as welljust date you.
Yeah, I'm forced to be aroundyou, and now.
I kind of like you, so okay.

Speaker 1 (24:28):
And you work in the service restaurant industry and
I feel like that's a pretty big…Hospitality, yes.

Speaker 2 (24:38):
Everyone co-mingles yeah, they all date each other.
Date each other.
Date sleep.
Yeah, Date each other.

Speaker 1 (24:43):
Date each other Date sleep.

Speaker 2 (24:44):
Yeah, I've been pretty good with keeping a bit
of a line there, right, mainlybecause I am trying to move up
and you know, if you're amanager you can't be messing
with your sport.

Speaker 1 (25:01):
So I've always kind of at least the last few years,
been really good about keepingthat line.
But I mean, I remember you know, back in the day that was, that
was your hot spot, it was yourplace of work, yeah, you would
text me and be like okay, guesswhat?
so I was talking to this guy andI'd be like, well, wait, what
happened to the other guy?
And you're like, oh, he's theretoo.
But I'm talking to this new guyand I was like, oh okay, yeah,
they, it was the auditions forthe roster there we go, you, you

(25:22):
know, yeah, sometimes you makeit, sometimes you don't, yeah,
exactly.

Speaker 2 (25:27):
Sometimes you're on it for a while and then you get
replaced.
Yeah, I mean that's just.

Speaker 1 (25:31):
You know, that's sports for you.
What can?
You do Okay.
So what about?
What would you say about likewhat are your red flags in
dating and your green flag here?
Let's start with let's do goodfirst.
What are your green flags Ifsomeone, if you're on a first
date?
What's a good green flag thatyou're looking for?

Speaker 2 (25:57):
I mean respect first you know, and how they speak
about other people, or how theyspeak about women in general, or
, if we're at a restaurant, howthey treat the server.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
I was going to say that's a.
I was waiting for that one tipyes I will absolutely judge
someone on how they tip whathave you ever been on a date
where the tip is like absoluteshit and then you're like, oh,
absolutely, like fuck off.
Or will you say it to them, orwill you just slip the money and
then just never talk to themagain?
well they already know that Iwork in the service industry a

(26:23):
lot of times it doesn't matterand so I mean fair, it doesn't
matter but they already have thewarning, yeah you know, they
know I'm in the that.
You're aware of when that Ishould and shouldn't have you
know as a server.

Speaker 2 (26:38):
Yeah, I know being on the other end of that and I've
even had conversations where I'mlike, oh yeah, I always tip 20
yeah, and I mean that's like thebaseline yeah and um, a person
I was talking to at the time uh,was like oh, 15, I I will.
If they're really good, I'll tip20, but base 15, okay, which is

(27:01):
okay.
Like it's not my favorite, butit is okay.
Okay, you at least do 15%.
Always, as long as you're notlike, yeah, I tip 5%.
I have had times where I'velooked at it and left more money
behind.
Right For sure, I've added tothe tip, absolutely.
But then yeah, if it is, it'san ick, it's an ick and it is a

(27:26):
reason for them to not get asecond date with me.
Um, and maybe it's just a karmathing, because I believe in
tipping karma For sure.
And as someone and you rely ontips yeah, as someone who has
been in the tipping industry forso long, like I think it's
important to tip well, yeah, soI always do.
Some people might look at mytips and be like that's

(27:49):
unnecessary.
So when people are reallyparticular about that, it
definitely makes me go.

Speaker 1 (27:55):
You said I am a little bit.
Are your priorities in order?

Speaker 2 (27:58):
yeah, where is your heart?
Yeah, so that's.
That's definitely one of thoseicks that'll make me like think
twice, for sure, okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 (28:08):
Any other green flags you got, I mean?

Speaker 2 (28:11):
there are green flags that I don't always expect but
I'm grateful for like generosity.
Yeah, you know, um, it's rarefor someone to bring me a gift
on a first date.

Speaker 1 (28:26):
Like are you talking about?
Like flowers or chocolates andsomething like that?

Speaker 2 (28:29):
Maybe some type of flower.
Okay, you know, maybe a flowerI prefer over others.

Speaker 1 (28:36):
Want to say that out loud.
That way, no Flowers, ohflowers.
She's looking for weed guys.
She's looking for Mary Jane topop up on this date so I have
had one person bring me as agift is it the guy you're with,
right it?

Speaker 2 (28:54):
is, of course it is that's how we got to your heart.

Speaker 1 (28:57):
It is and it was one of those things where I was like
hey, this is so sweet, heunderstands me like like he
didn't have to do that for sure,yeah, like, admittedly I
wouldn't think to bring that ona first date for someone.
I would think to get it for youfor your birthday, right.

Speaker 2 (29:16):
But yeah, as a date yeah you know, and so it was
just, it was one of those thingsthat made me go wow, oh yeah
okay, it gave him an extralittle checkpoint yeah, just one
book, just one extra, thing,just one more reason why I love
them.

Speaker 1 (29:31):
All right, so then let's talk about I think people
are more interested in red flagsbecause it's more fun to talk
the show than anything else.
Yeah, um, what would be like areally big red flag for you?
Um?

Speaker 2 (29:44):
I mean.

Speaker 1 (29:45):
We already talked about someone not liking animals
.
That would be a red flag for me.

Speaker 2 (29:50):
If they're like heavy drinkers, that get blacked out.
So I did go on a date with thisguy where I was having like one
drink and a snack and he had acouple drinks Okay, no food.
No, not really.

Speaker 1 (30:06):
He's on his liquid diet.

Speaker 2 (30:07):
And then we went to another spot and I think he had
a drink, I had a drink, anothersnack, and we're talking, like I
do, on a date trying to get toknow someone and he's like wow,
I'm usually not this sober bythis point in a date, like
usually me and the girl I'm outwith are wasted by now and we're

(30:28):
just drunk, so he doesn'tremember a lot of his dates.

Speaker 1 (30:34):
How does he follow up , fuck, if I know he doesn't.
I guess that's why he keepsgoing through his dates.

Speaker 2 (30:41):
Yeah, so it was one of those where I was like those
are the kind of dates you go on.
I mean I guess that's hispreference.
I'm like those are the kind ofdates you go on.
Just I mean, if I guess that'shis, I'm like are you just
getting drunk and being a fuckboy?

Speaker 1 (30:52):
is he paying for your drinks?

Speaker 2 (30:54):
yeah, he was at least paying for the drinks, but it
was interesting that's aninteresting tactic for a first
date yeah, and for me it wasclear it was not a patch not
yeah, that's not at all.

Speaker 1 (31:06):
Kismet right there.
Yeah, so getting wasty on adrunk or on wasty?
Waste was on the drunk I've hadthree sips guys wasted on a
date.
Yeah, it's not um.
Yeah, I feel like that shouldbe a red flag from most people,
and that's the thing is.

Speaker 2 (31:24):
He didn't even get wasted on our date, he was just
sloppy.
No, he was just commenting onhow he was surprised that we
weren't drinking as much.

Speaker 1 (31:35):
Wow, do you think he was saying it to you so you'd be
like all right shots, or youthink he was just actually, well
, genuinely surprised?

Speaker 2 (31:41):
so at first he was surprised.
I know part of it was he wassurprised um, because I think he
usually dates a different typeof girl.
Yes, which is fair that becameclear, and maybe it's just
because I'm a little bit olderthat, I'm not that type of girl
anymore.

Speaker 1 (31:57):
I think he was looking for a girl in his 20s
who was just like let's go yeah.
She's got that sorority fratboy mentality yeah.

Speaker 2 (32:05):
I'm past that.
Sorry, yes, I don't drinktequila straight anymore.
I'm past that.

Speaker 1 (32:09):
You used to, I used to.

Speaker 2 (32:11):
I used to be really good at it.
Yes, no face.

Speaker 1 (32:14):
Yeah, yeah, stone cold yeah.
But, I don't play like that nomore.
It loses its sparkle after awhile.
Yeah, it's not fun anymore.
No, yeah, it's not fun anymore.
No.
And the hangovers?

Speaker 2 (32:29):
are longer and it's like I drink less and I still
get a hangover now.
So right?
Yeah, there's no point inpounding them just to feel even
worse, yeah yeah, so ending upwith someone like that, not for
me.
No, yeah, that wouldn't have,that wouldn't have worked out
not at all any um other redflags I mean, when you find out

(32:52):
they're compulsive liars, that'salways a big red.
But I think that's morerelationship.

Speaker 1 (32:57):
You know what about?
Like first date, we have a lotof relationship red flags.

Speaker 2 (33:02):
I think, at the end of the day, my biggest red flag
is them just being an idiot.
Yeah, like, end of the day, mybiggest red flag is them just
being an idiot.

Speaker 1 (33:11):
Yeah, like some people are just idiots.

Speaker 2 (33:12):
And if I try, to have a reasonable conversation and
they don't understand.
Like I do not have the highestIQ ever, I do not have master's
degrees, like there's a lot ofeducation that I don't have.
But if you can't even have likea half intelligent conversation
with me, right, what are wegoing to talk about?

(33:33):
Ever Just that.
And when they talk the entiretime.

Speaker 1 (33:38):
Like and don't ask you questions about yourself.

Speaker 2 (33:39):
Yeah, that's probably one of the biggest red flags is
when they don't ask youquestions.

Speaker 1 (33:44):
I feel like that's some narcissism stuff's going on
, yeah, so what about likerelationship?
Right, like, let's say, you'vemoved on to past the dating.
Now you're kind of like mynon-negotiables yeah, like
non-negotiables, because I feellike you and I have been, have
had somewhat of a similar pathas far as like our serious

(34:06):
relationships.

Speaker 2 (34:09):
You think you're with your, your one, your person,
and then, um, reality slaps youreal hard the face yeah, um well
, one of my biggestnon-negotiables has always been
I won't date someone with kids,and that's not against kids,
right I?
I just am not going to besomeone's stepmother and I also

(34:31):
don't want to partially jumpinto a kid's life and I don't
plan on having kids yeah, you'remyself.

Speaker 1 (34:37):
She's child, free by choice, by choice.

Speaker 2 (34:39):
She's had that, that mentality for ever yeah, and and
some people may call it selfish, which is fine, because it's my
life and I'm allowed to be alittle selfish- not a little.

Speaker 1 (34:53):
You're allowed to be selfish, you're allowed.
It's your life, your time, yourfate and destiny.
So yeah, you're choosing tolive child free.

Speaker 2 (35:03):
And I mean I came, I was born into a situation that
just simply wasn't ready for me,and so I don't want to bring a
child into a situation that isnot ready for them, of course.
So that's just always been my,my plan.
Yeah, you know, no kids.
I would love to find someonewho loves me more than anyone

(35:27):
else on the planet and I canlove them more than anyone else
on the planet.
And if I meet someone and theyalready have kids, they will
always love them more than me,which is okay, which is
understandable.
It's expected they should lovethem more than me, which is why
I just don't want to be in thatsituation.

(35:48):
That's not what I want in thelong term you know I don't plan
on having kids and I neverwanted to date someone with kids
.

Speaker 1 (35:55):
Yet you found yourself in the situation dating
someone who ended up having twochildren.

Speaker 2 (36:01):
Yes, I found myself in a relationship with a man.
We will call him Peter, yes,and I got very emotionally
invested and emotionally closeto him very quickly and we
shared a bond and it took a fewmonths before I found out that

(36:24):
he had kids and at that pointI'm already so emotionally
invested.
I care about him.

Speaker 1 (36:31):
I love him.

Speaker 2 (36:32):
I'm like I want to make it work.

Speaker 1 (36:34):
Yeah, you're willing to look past the non-negotiable.

Speaker 2 (36:37):
The non-negotiable the fact that, yeah, there was a
lot of things that he needed totake care of.

Speaker 1 (36:45):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (36:46):
You know a lot of things that he was lying to me
about the kids, the wife, youknow.
But love makes you dumb.
Yes.

Speaker 1 (36:57):
Sometimes yes, unfortunately.

Speaker 2 (37:00):
And even though those non-negotiables were there, I
stuck around and I tried.

Speaker 1 (37:06):
Because you thought it would just get better, yeah,
or you thought it would, youknow, change, or I.

Speaker 2 (37:12):
I thought that we were just so good together that
it was okay that you overlookthose all negotiables.
All of the bad that is becauseit's because, overall, it still
felt good.
Of course, you know, in thebeginning it yes, it still felt
good.
And then years went on, mm-hmm,and I just started to
understand more of how he was asa person.

Speaker 1 (37:32):
Yeah.
And To lie about your where youare in your relationship and
whether or not you know you weremarried or possibly still
married, or the fact that youhave kids.
I feel like that already, rightthen.
And there you're, just you'restarting off on such a bad foot

(37:52):
that it becomes like what elseare you capable of lying about,
because that's one hell of,that's your entire life.
That's how you spend your day.
You know what else are youcapable of lying about.

Speaker 2 (38:03):
It was one of those things where, no matter what I
did, no matter how much Itrusted him, no matter where the
relationship went, it wasalways built on a foundation of
lies, and they weren't my lies,right.
So there was always a layer ofmistrust, whether we
acknowledged it or not, yeah, itor not.

(38:36):
And over time he had such aneffect on me and broke me so
many times.
Yeah, and I would keep goingback to him, of course, because
I loved him and it wascomfortable and I would rather
be with him than alone in scaryLos Angeles by myself with
little friends, because I had afew friends and part of it was

(38:57):
because of him.
Yeah, it was the isolation.
It was the isolation that youdon't realize is happening.

Speaker 1 (39:02):
Yeah, you don't realize that you're by yourself
until you look around and you'relike, oh my God, wait, hold on,
when you realize that everyspare moment goes to that person
, no matter what.

Speaker 2 (39:11):
Yeah, you know, and certain things he did, I didn't
even realize how bad they wereuntil years later, of course.
Like, looking back, like Iwould pick up a shift at work
because I need to work, I needto pay my bills.
Of course he wasn't paying mybills and he would.

(39:35):
He would be like aren't wesupposed to hang out?
Okay, like weren't we supposedto spend time together?
well, I'm okay if you have towork like he made it, you were
you were guilt neglecting himyeah I was neglecting him, he
was making me feel bad, yeah,when I was just trying to take
care of myself.
Yeah, like the gaslighting, thelies, the manipulation.
And then when I realized thathe just like sure, he loved me,

(40:01):
but he loved the part of me thathe believed was real right.
He didn't want to know anythingabout me.

Speaker 1 (40:07):
Yeah, he wanted you to fit his narrative and he
wanted me to sit there andlisten to him.

Speaker 2 (40:13):
He didn't ask me questions, we didn't have
conversations back and forth.
We would spend hours with himtalking at me, right, yeah, and
about stuff that he had alreadysaid a hundred times.
It was it like a lecture, itwas just his, his internal vents

(40:33):
, whether it was about the past,x or economy, or real estate or
politics, whatever it was thathe was bitching about in the
moment.

Speaker 1 (40:47):
Right, you know, but you had to sit there and listen
to him and his thoughts, asopposed to him having a
conversation with you about yourthoughts and feelings.

Speaker 2 (40:57):
Asking my opinion.
There was definitely a point intime when I realized that he
just stopped asking me anything.

Speaker 1 (41:03):
Do you feel like at the beginning he kind of like
love, bombed you?

Speaker 2 (41:07):
Probably yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:08):
Probably.

Speaker 2 (41:08):
Yeah, probably there was gifts, there was money,
there was.
Yeah, I'll take care of you.

Speaker 1 (41:14):
I'll take care of you .

Speaker 2 (41:15):
Take you on this trip .
Yep, yeah, yeah.
At the time I didn't realize it, but yeah, yeah, I definitely
think he did yeah as a way to tocontrol me.
Yeah, cause he was 10 yearsolder than me, right, and you
know more of an establishedperson.

Speaker 1 (41:33):
Financially, not mentally.

Speaker 2 (41:35):
Financially career, you know whatever.

Speaker 1 (41:37):
Grown up wise.
Quote unquote yeah.

Speaker 2 (41:41):
Yeah, um, and so it it.
It did feel like someone whocould take care of me Right and
who wouldn't hurt me.

Speaker 1 (41:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (41:49):
How wrong was I.

Speaker 1 (41:51):
Like I feel, like you know, back when, like you and I
first started becoming friends,I was in this really toxic
relationship that you know atthe time, like I, when I first
started.
That's why I asked about thelove bombing.
When I first, we first startedgoing out, I, you know, he was
older than me, I think he was,uh, seven or eight years older
than me and I was just like, ohwow, I'm so lucky, he loves me

(42:14):
so much.
Like, how lucky am I now?
You know, you know me now,however, many years later, I
think I met him when I was 19and it I became really stuck in
this horrible toxic relationshipand he love bombed me and I was
like, oh wow, like I'm so lucky, I'm so loved.
And then, you know, reality setin and by that time I was also,

(42:37):
you know, like 20, 21,realizing who he really was.
And then I felt stuck.

Speaker 2 (42:43):
Yeah, stuck, yeah, well, and these narcissists they
find ways to tell you thethings that you really want to
hear, that no one has said.
Yes, you know the.
I can't imagine my life withoutyou.

Speaker 1 (42:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (42:59):
The.
I will always be with you.
The what else?
It's wild because I startedtherapy while I was still with
that ex and when he was gonefrom my life and the progress
that I made getting him out ofmy life, like even my therapist
could see.

Speaker 1 (43:19):
Yeah, she was like getting rid of him was so good
for you.
Did she have any advice for youwhile you were still with him?
Was so good for you?
Did she have any advice for youwhile you were still with him?
Like, was she trying to maybelike nudge you, to be like to
step away from the relationship?

Speaker 2 (43:35):
Yes, without being too much.

Speaker 1 (43:37):
Right, without straight up telling you to,
because she knew I wanted to getaway.

Speaker 2 (43:40):
She knew I was having issues with it too, and really
she was helping me with thetools that I needed to deal with
him, to know how to get away.
You know I wouldn't have beenable to get away without the
tools that I had learned from mytherapist.
You know, um, the stayingcentered, staying grounded.

(44:04):
You know, knowing that whatsomeone else is saying might not
actually be about you Knowingabout the projection.
You know, just being more aware.

Speaker 1 (44:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (44:15):
You know to where when we finally cut ties.
It was very easy for me.

Speaker 1 (44:20):
Yeah, you didn't feel dependent anymore.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (44:23):
It was him running his mouth and me going blocked.

Speaker 1 (44:29):
Yeah, I don't need this anymore.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (44:31):
And going completely no contact with him was like the
best thing.

Speaker 1 (44:36):
I think that's what you have to like with those type
of people.
You have to not give them anyother access to you.
It needs to fully be block yournumber, block on socials, yeah,
you, you don't.
You don't have con, you don'thave access to my life anymore
because you don't not number one.
You don't deserve it and numbertwo I deserve peace.

(44:56):
Yeah, because otherwise theywill find a way always yeah,
always I remember, like even youknow, living in the place that
him and I had shared together, Iwas like always worried he was
gonna pop up, because he knowswhere I live, even though you
know living in the place thathim and I had shared together, I
was like always worried he wasgonna pop up because he knows
where I live, even though youknow, he didn't have access to
calling me anymore, emailing me,even because, believe me, I had
emails from him and it was yeah, until, like, when I moved out

(45:20):
of that place, I was like okay,like for real, like there is
like no way he can get ahold ofme.

Speaker 2 (45:26):
I remember that.
Yeah, I was very happy for you.

Speaker 1 (45:29):
Yes, yeah, I mean, I felt that too I felt that you
did, you just felt safer.

Speaker 2 (45:34):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (45:35):
Yeah, I was.
Yeah, that was a reallyhorrible relationship and I
don't really talk about it verymuch actually now that I think
about it.
But yeah, that was reallyshitty.
I mean, I think, going throughit, I definitely now know what's
up.
You know, again, I met him at19 and I didn't really have much

(45:58):
of a understanding ofrelationships.
You know, I was raised, youknow, pretty much all by women.
I don't, you know, have afather in my life and stuff like
that.
So I wasn't really aware ofwhat, like real healthy
relationships are.
So, I and he did very muchisolate me.
You know, I had friends and then, all of a sudden, I had no

(46:19):
friends and then when I startedto, you know, hang out with
people like you know, you and Igot close and I, we would hang
out at work and then I wouldtalk to other people.
Then it would become a oh well,you know why are you hanging
out with them?
Oh, why are you talking to them?
Because then he didn't have myfull, undivided attention.
And then when he realized hewas starting to lose me and I

(46:39):
was breaking away from, that iswhen he got even more like
Aggressive, very much aggressive, more mentally and verbally
abusive.
He even became physicallyabusive after a while.
It it just really it fell apartreal quick and even then I
couldn't get out of it.
Yeah, so it was just, it was areal toxic cycle for a while.

(47:02):
Let me knock everything overwhile I'm talking about it.
Um, but yeah, it was toxic andscary.
So, definitely breaking contactsgoing.
You know, full ghost mode isalways.
Yeah, it's the best way toprotect your own peace.

Speaker 2 (47:19):
But you also learn a lot from that trauma.

Speaker 1 (47:21):
Yeah, I'm definitely more aware of what should and
how, how people should orshouldn't be treated.

Speaker 2 (47:29):
Yeah, I mean it's.
It's a blessing and a curse atthe same time to go through
trauma.
Personally is how I feel.
Yeah, because once you've gonethrough certain traumas,
whatever they may be, you nowknow what it's like to go
through that Right.
You now know what it's like togo through that Right, and
you're able to see when othersare going through it, and it

(47:50):
just makes you understand more.
But it also leaves you with thepain and the baggage that you
have to heal and sometimesunlearn.

Speaker 1 (48:10):
So it gives you a lot of life experience, going
through a lot of life experience, but like really really quickly
you know, and once you, I feellike once you realize that you
notice the patterns, it's easyto point them out in other
people, but other people don'treally want to hear it either.
You know, it's like everyonehas to learn that horrible
lesson on their own, and it'salways the hard way.

Speaker 2 (48:30):
What's wild about how I felt during my entire
relationship with him was if Iwas on the outside looking in, I
would tell myself to leave, ofcourse.
So why wasn't I leaving?

Speaker 1 (48:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (48:48):
Like that's the hardest part is when you know,
when you know that you had afriend in that situation and you
told them to get out yeah, andyou tried to help them to get
out.
And then you find yourself inthe same situation and you look
at yourself, knowing that youshould know better.

Speaker 1 (49:05):
Yeah.
And you're stuck anyway, you'rejust still in it and you just,
and you always make it theexcuses for it, like, oh well,
it's because of this and I.

Speaker 2 (49:13):
There were times when I said that directly to peter.
I said if I was my friendlooking in on what I'm dealing
with with you, I would tell herto leave yeah, did he have any
response to that?

Speaker 1 (49:28):
not usually he would just stare at you with like a
blank he.

Speaker 2 (49:32):
He would he would just go off on one of his
directions and then blaming meyeah, well, yeah, you're always
the bad guy.
It was always my fault yeah,I'm totally the villain in his
family story oh yeah but oh wellI have to focus on my happiness
.
Yeah, and I wasn't happy and Ieven told him I was like I have

(49:55):
to put my happiness first yeahbecause that's what needs to
matter to me, and if someonereally loved you, he would say
you know what?
I want you to be happy, too wellbut what he did instead was he
told me that I was selfish fornot caring about his happiness
and the happiness of hischildren.

Speaker 1 (50:13):
The children that he lied about having, the children
that were not mine, the childrenthat were ghosts up until you
know month three, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (50:22):
Yeah.
So it's one of those thingswhere there are so many things
that I could still say to himyeah, but it ain't worth it, but
why bother contacting him?
Exactly, yeah, I mean.

Speaker 1 (50:37):
I think about that now.
Like God, oh God, there's nowood to knock on, Knock on wood.
I hope I never, ever, ever seethis person ever again.
But if I ever were to, would Ihave any words for him?
And I really don't I have.
I had very little to say to himat the end anyway.
Um, if that breakup was I meanyou watched it go down you

(50:58):
watched it?
in real time.
That breakup was horrible andit was overdrawn, um, because he
wouldn't leave.
Like you know he, we sharedthat house together and I was
like, well, this is mine.
Yeah, I probably really shouldhave like put my ego aside and
been like I'm just gonna move.
Um, I didn't.
So I told him he had to moveout and then he never moved out

(51:23):
and I was like stuck and I'mlike, okay, well, I'm, you, live
in the other room and I'll bein this room, and so toxic.
So you know, it got to the pointwhere I didn't like going home
and your home is supposed to beyour safe space, your happy
place, and you know, I love myhome now so much I very rarely

(51:43):
leave it, but I used to, youknow, dread going home, so I
just started like making likelittle homes elsewhere, like I'd
be like I'm gonna go to thisperson's house, I'm gonna go
here, I'm gonna go there, andyeah, that was a very overdrawn
breakup, but yeah, I don'treally think I have anything
left to say to him.
What we said earlier I hopethat they get the life that they

(52:06):
deserve.

Speaker 2 (52:06):
They have the yeah, yeah, Absolutely.
I hope they have the life thatthey deserve.

Speaker 1 (52:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (52:12):
You know, I had a period of time where I was
living with Peter as well, andit was during COVID.
Yes, you know, which was reallythe only reason it happened was
COVID.
And it was during a very darktime and I was able to start
working in a restaurant.
But it was one of those thingswhere, when I would come home

(52:32):
from work, I wouldn't know whatversion of him I would get.
Yeah, which demon would be incontrol of his brain.

Speaker 1 (52:39):
And that's scary, to not know what you're coming home
to Like.
What fight are we going to getinto today?

Speaker 2 (52:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (52:47):
What's going to happen today?
What's going to ruin the day?

Speaker 2 (52:50):
Yeah, yeah.
What's going to ruin my nightand make me not able to sleep?
Yep, yeah.
So there was, there was, therewas a lot, and I, I also.
I don't think I have anythingto actually say to him.
I think if he was to come at meand say anything, the only
thing I would have to say is youbuilt a relationship on a

(53:11):
foundation of lies.
Yeah, like anything, he'strying to blame for me.

Speaker 1 (53:16):
After that, like, you put me in a situation I didn't
ask for yeah that youspecifically were avoiding yeah
yeah, so good riddance adiosgoodbye, deuces toodaloo.
Yeah well, let's cheers tobeing oh no, it's drippy.
Let's cheers to being out oftoxic, horrible relationships

(53:37):
out of toxic relationships andthen healthy ones.
Yes, yeah, we should talk aboutour healthy relationships, huh,
okay, so you said you met dylanon on bumble, yeah, and your
first date turned into threedays.
Yes, um, so what's been goingon since then?
Like you said that he had spentholidays back home in chicago

(54:00):
with his family, yeah, so he,and then when he came back?
What?

Speaker 2 (54:03):
yeah, he's that like.
He's originally, you know, fromchicago and he already had
these plans to go back for theholidays.
Um, which was really funny andcute, because when we did get
together, he was like I wish Ihadn't made these plans.
I want to stay with you and Iwanted him to stay too, of
course, yeah, when it's a newrelationship you just want to
soak up all the time togetherand everything's yeah you know

(54:25):
unicorns and rainbows you knowyeah, and it's great and I heard
this somewhere and I trulybelieve it that people are
raised on either survival orlove, and, in all honesty, the
ones that some of the ones thatare raised on love are also
raised on a little bit ofdelusion, um, and, and those

(54:47):
that are raised on survival knowhow hard things can be.
Yeah, and dylan and I were bothraised on survival.
Yeah, and so we understand eachother just like on a, on a
deeper level, on, and it's it'snot just that it's him and that

(55:12):
it's me, it's that we areactually building a life
together and to feel that, toknow that that's a thing I
didn't know, it was a thing LikeI didn't know that would
actually happen?

Speaker 1 (55:26):
You didn't.
You've never felt like you werebuilding a life with somebody
else.

Speaker 2 (55:31):
Not really, because I think for most people like
building a life is like we'regoing to get married and do this
and that and whatever, everyoneshould have their own
definition of it.
Yeah, and I think I've only beenin like one relationship when I
was younger, where I thought itmight go in that way, you know,
and it didn't right whatever,um, so the fact that we are

(55:54):
wanting to build a life togetherand and we both don't want to
have kids, and we both havesimilar opinions on the
importance of marriage, it's notyeah some people, yeah, some
people it's, it's an actualcornerstone others.

Speaker 1 (56:15):
You know it's a tax break.
Yeah, I think it's a paper.

Speaker 2 (56:19):
Yeah, it's a tax break, basically so like we just
we align well and even when weget into an argument or fight,
it's not a fight Right, it's atense conversation and it's one
of those things where we are, weare both working to learn

(56:39):
together.
You know cause I haven't hadhealthy relationships in the
past and I don't even have a lotof examples of healthy
relationships in my family, yeah, and he feels very similar, you
know.
So us learning how to have ahealthy relationship together is

(57:00):
kind of beautiful.
It really is, I hate to saylike magical, but it kind of
feels that way Because we trulywant what's best for each other,
right?
You know it's special, look atyou glowing yeah, he's great, he

(57:20):
.
I mean I, we love each other alot good and and I would do
anything for him and I think hewould do anything for me.
It's feeling that level, thatthat truly honest level of
commitment it yeah, I didn'tknow I'd find that yeah, well,
good, and you found it on bumblelike we're not sponsored by

(57:43):
bumble, but bumble if you wantto sponsor.

Speaker 1 (57:46):
I mean, I've been on a lot of them okay, yeah, okay,
yeah.

Speaker 2 (57:49):
What would?

Speaker 1 (57:49):
be your favorite, not not the success rate of it,
because obviously bumble's yoursuccess story bumble was my
favorite that was that yourfavorite one.

Speaker 2 (57:57):
Yeah, it definitely became my favorite, like back in
the day.
I mean I remember Plenty ofFish, I remember there being a
couple others at the time, andthen right now, like obviously
Tinder was big Is.

Speaker 1 (58:11):
Tinder because, again , I've never been on, like I've
never done online dating or thedating apps.
But like is Tinder?
It's just the hookups.
Tinder is for hookups.
Yeah, like you're just tryingto.

Speaker 2 (58:22):
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (58:23):
Tinder's not usually for.

Speaker 2 (58:27):
Now it happens every now and then I mean not to
football story, but Kylie Kelseyand Jason Kelsey met on Tinder,
they met on Tinder andobviously that worked out for
kids later, right?
But yeah, that one.
I didn't find quality there Idid you find fun?

(58:51):
nothing to write home aboutquality didn't make the roster
for any period of time quantitynot quality yeah, and so I never
even I think.
A lot of the ones on Tinder Ididn't even meet up with because
they didn't even pass in thatpart and I know Bumble for a
while was very strict on thewomen having to message first

(59:13):
which is part of why I liked itRight, because then I wouldn't
get filled with just 20 messagesof different guys saying hey.
Instead I was the person sendinga message saying hey, yes, like
literally that's what I wouldsend.

(59:33):
I would include their name, butI'd be like hey John, hey Kyle,
like hey Mark, and let themrespond.
But but it at least gave me theability to narrow it down a
little right and not have somuch trash so then, what made

(59:54):
bumble?

Speaker 1 (59:55):
like your favorite, then, out of all of them I mean
that, the fact that they want it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:01):
When you matched with someone, the woman had to
initiate, okay, the conversation.
Um, because when I would be onon other apps and they would you
match, or if it's just an openone, like I know how plenty of
fish used to be, I don't evenknow if they're still around.
Um, people could just messageyou yeah you know, with no

(01:00:23):
matching or no nothing, and alot of the time, a lot of the
times, they don't read profiles.
Men are just going for they'rejust quantity like we all know,
and guys are honest about itthey just go swipe, swipe, swipe
, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe,and they wait for one of the
girls to match them.

Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
They're like someone's bound to respond.

Speaker 2 (01:00:45):
Yeah, yeah whereas what I did is I.
I did pay a little extra forthe premium because I wanted to
just go through the list of theguys that had tried to match
with me oh, okay, yeah so that Icould just be like okay, I'll
give you a chance, yeah I'llgive you a chance.
Yeah, I'll give you a chance.
And so that you know that was,that was during, you know, last

(01:01:06):
summer, when I was dating arounda bunch.

Speaker 1 (01:01:09):
And you were getting your fun in.
I was having just just a onelast little spree.
Right, you're, you were havinga summer.

Speaker 2 (01:01:19):
A little spree.
We don't slut shame here.
No, absolutely not.

Speaker 1 (01:01:23):
As you know, we've had our fun.
Yeah, you know you have to getthat, get those years out of
your system.
And now I'm slutty, just forone.
There you go.
Yeah, you got to know whatyou're doing, exactly, exactly.
Yeah, no slut shaming,absolutely.

(01:01:46):
Not speaking of being slitty,possibly.
Um, I always want my guests tocome in with their own gremlin
story, so I told you to think ofone and you said you have one.

Speaker 2 (01:01:53):
Yeah, that you didn't 100, remember, and then you
were filled in on yeah yeah,which is how gremlin stories
should be I mean, I was therenot mentally yeah your body was
there, my body was there, allright, let's hear it.

Speaker 1 (01:02:07):
What's your?
What's your?

Speaker 2 (01:02:08):
so I, every year, I take my sister and some of her
friends out to a big dinner forher birthday, um, and it's
usually someplace I'm working sothat we can, you know, get a
good deal, and it's all fancyand special.

Speaker 1 (01:02:20):
Yeah, you know what's going on there.

Speaker 2 (01:02:22):
Yeah, and there was a couple years ago Okay, it was
also when I was also justdrinking heavily, that's when I
was in my drinking tequilastraight phase a lot.

Speaker 1 (01:02:36):
Yeah, you got to go through it, yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:02:39):
And so we were at dinner and my, my, my good
friend v was our server and shewas my roommate too.
Yes, and she wasn't really ableto keep track of my drinks very
well because I kept going tothe bartender, oh, and just
saying, yeah, tequila oops, ohno um I I already had plans.

(01:03:01):
V was going to take me home atthe end of the night.

Speaker 1 (01:03:04):
It was a celebratory night.
It was a celebratory night.
I knew I was going to bedrinking?

Speaker 2 (01:03:07):
Yes, Like the plan.
Plan was set.
You know I was going to go homewith V.
I was going to wait.
She was going to go get the carand come pick me up, because I
knew I wasn't going to want towalk to where they have to park.
I was in heels, yada, yada, so.
So then we're, we're going toleave, and I insist on walking

(01:03:28):
to the car.

Speaker 1 (01:03:29):
Which is what you were avoiding at the beginning
of the night.

Speaker 2 (01:03:32):
Yeah, I knew.
I didn't want to do that.

Speaker 1 (01:03:34):
So the fact that I was offering but drunk you said,
let's go on an adventure.

Speaker 2 (01:03:38):
Black out me, said let's go for a walk.
So V and our other co-worker,Elijah sweet kid, he helped walk
me to the car.
So it was V on one side, Elijahon the other.

Speaker 1 (01:03:54):
Did you have noodle legs?
Probably.

Speaker 2 (01:03:55):
Okay, probably Because I don't remember any of
it.
Yeah, this is all from what vhas told me.
Yes, um, but we get back to thecar and then we're, we're
driving back and I am chatty, ofcourse, chatty, chatty, chatty.
However, no one knows whatlanguage I was speaking oh, you

(01:04:16):
were doing gibberish ah, I wasspeaking in tongues.
Apparently I would be was justlike I was speaking some random
language and no idea what I wastalking about.
Okay, so we get back home and Ieveryone that knows me knows

(01:04:36):
that when drunk I am a puker- it?

Speaker 1 (01:04:38):
yeah, it is what it is.

Speaker 2 (01:04:39):
You know, you either are, you aren't yeah, and so v's
kind of trying to get me tosleep in the bathroom which is
something that I would do,knowing that I'm gonna be puking
all night um, but I refusedyou're like I'm sleeping in my
bed.
Apparently I thought I was fineand I was like I'm sleeping in

(01:05:03):
my bed and, uh, I already feellike I know where it's going
yeah, yes, when I, yeah, when Iwoke up the the bed was a mess
was covered in vomit.

Speaker 1 (01:05:14):
Oh no, like honestly I, I'm grateful I'm alive I was
gonna say you could haveaspirated and died yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:05:23):
Sadly that's not the first time I've drunk vomited in
my sleep.
But I'm grateful I'm alive.

Speaker 1 (01:05:31):
We're still here.

Speaker 2 (01:05:33):
But it was disgusting and I was so hungover that you
can't fix it.
I couldn't clean it immediately.
I couldn't even sleep in thatroom.
I was sleeping in the other.
That you can't fix it.
I couldn't clean it immediately.
I couldn't even sleep in thatroom, like I was sleeping in the
other room with V for two daysbecause I was like I can't.
And then, once I finally diddeal with cleaning, the whole
situation.

(01:05:53):
Because it wasn't just on thebed.
My bed was against the wall, soit was behind the bed, on the
wall, on the floor, on on thepillows, like one of my pillows
I just straight up threw outyeah because it was one of those
like seated pillows.
Oh, and so I was nope trash.
Everything else was cleaned upand, like as I'm cleaning this,

(01:06:15):
I am thinking to myself how doparents do it?

Speaker 1 (01:06:19):
oh no, I was just thinking like, like, how do
parents?

Speaker 2 (01:06:22):
yeah, clean up the vomit and that's after their
children.

Speaker 1 (01:06:26):
It's not even vomit, it's like poo like and that's
that's not.
It wasn't like a oh, they wentout kind of thing.
That's a daily occurrence.

Speaker 2 (01:06:35):
That, that was my thought because, as I was
cleaning this, I was likethere's no one that I can ask or
pay to do this for me yeah youand it would, and if it was
someone else's, I was gonna sayit was your own, my child and I
had to do that, like when I wasdone cleaning.
I called my mom and I was likesorry, I'm sorry and I don't

(01:06:58):
know how you did it.
She did it twice.
Well, and I was a puker even asa kid.
Oh, you've been like this fromday one.
I've had some.
I've had some bad vomitexperiences that my mom has had
to clean up, so your mom's likea full-on trooper oh yeah, she's
absolutely so we should callher after this and give her
thanks mom for always cleaningup after me send her some

(01:07:20):
flowers yeah, but it wasliterally one of those things
where I was for always cleaningup after me, send her some
flowers, but it was literallyone of those things where I was
like after cleaning up, afterthat I was like oh, how do
people do it?

Speaker 1 (01:07:28):
I thought you were going to say that you were upset
with yourself, like you wereliving in the reality of what
you had done, so you were like,ugh, never again.

Speaker 2 (01:07:34):
No, I was like why do people have kids if they have
to clean up after?
Them, because they usually doit voluntarily too because I was
like cleaning up this mess wasa night.
It was bad.
It was a nightmare.
It was like the whole bed hadto be pulled out the wall, the
floor, it was a production.
Oh man, that's a good gremlinstory, because that was still

(01:07:58):
that one lasted days it did lastdays, god, because literally I
was hung over for two days,could barely move and then, and
then it took a good day to cleanit and just, and now you're
left with the memory.

Speaker 1 (01:08:15):
Well, thank you for that amazing gremlin story very
welcome I'll have to give v ahug when I see her again.
She loves hugs.
Perfect, all right.
Well, that was our episode.
Where can people find you?

Speaker 2 (01:08:28):
So I am on Instagram, missjackrae
M-I-S-S-J-A-C-Q-R-A-E, you know,and I am considering getting
into the Twitch field.
I have been gaming a bit more,all right, and I really enjoy it
, so maybe.

Speaker 1 (01:08:46):
All right.
Well, if you get on it, thenwe'll promote it yeah absolutely
, and we're going to have youcome back on anyway, because we
got more stories.

Speaker 2 (01:08:54):
Yeah, we were talking .

Speaker 1 (01:08:55):
When we were going over what we were going to
discuss, we were like we couldtalk about this and that and I
was like hold on, wait, let'sseparate this into different
episodes.
So today was dating, Next timeit'll be hospitality horror
stories.
And you know, you've got,you've got some projects.
Yeah, you got projects.
You got some good stuff comingup.
All right, so Instagram andyou're not on TikTok, are you?

Speaker 2 (01:09:18):
No, I'm not on TikTok .
I mean, I was for a minute butI deleted it, so there's no
reason to follow me All right, Igave up.

Speaker 1 (01:09:27):
Forget it, I'm too old.

Speaker 2 (01:09:29):
I could handle Instagram.

Speaker 1 (01:09:31):
You're like, I learned one, and that's it, it's
too much All right.
And then you can follow thepodcast at Emily to Gremlin Pod
on Instagram and TikTok, also atemily2gremlinpod on Instagram
and TikTok Also.
Make sure to write in yourgremlin stories so they can be
featured on future episodes ofthe podcast.
We're going to actually I'mcollecting the ones that we have
we're going to read them on thepodcast and that's the same as

(01:09:53):
the Instagram and TikTok handlesemily2gremlinpod at gmailcom.
Make sure to write in in andwe'll read them and it'll be fun
.
Yeah, it'll make us feel betterabout our stories.

Speaker 2 (01:10:06):
Everyone has at least one gremlin story.

Speaker 1 (01:10:09):
At least one, but it would make us feel better if you
have multiple.

Speaker 2 (01:10:12):
And if you don't, you're lying.

Speaker 1 (01:10:14):
Yeah, just yeah, come on, Come on, all right, that's
our episode.
Thank, come on, all right,that's our episode.

Speaker 2 (01:10:20):
Thank you so much for coming on.

Speaker 1 (01:10:21):
Thanks for having me.
Cheersies, cheers, yay, tequila, tequila.