July 5, 2024 • 51 mins
Ever felt like your past is holding you back from living your fullest life? Join me on 'Emotional Conversations with Esther' as I share a nostalgic July 4th memory and honor our veterans, before diving into the complexities of personal responsibility. From reflecting on the pressures that arise as we enter the third quarter of the year to discussing the infamous Drake and Kendrick Lamar beef, this episode is packed with heartfelt stories and thought-provoking insights.
Finally, let's talk about the importance of accountability and personal growth, especially within relationships. With personal anecdotes and practical tips, I emphasize the value of journaling, self-assessment, and surrounding yourself with supportive individuals.
Responsibility | Apostle Emmanuel Adewusi | CCCG
https://www.youtube.com/live/vya-YdnmqSA?si=KRamSfvDO4UWVKTU
Send me your inspirational stories and feedback! We want to hear from you ❤️.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
welcome back to speaking arrangements.
Y'all.
Welcome back to emotionalconversations with esther.
I'm gonna let the beat rightout there.
We're back.
It's me again.
Thank you guys so much forjoining me on emotional
(00:38):
conversations with esther.
It's big esther, never thelittle.
There's just so much going onand I'm so excited to be here
with you guys and I'm happy thatyou guys are here.
You guys are so amazing.
Thank you for always supportingme.
Shout out to the first timelisteners, last time listeners,
always listeners, listen.
I'm here for it.
(00:59):
Thank you so much for beinghere.
I don't even know where do Istart.
There's just been so much.
It's July, it's July 4th.
So shout out to all my Americanlisteners all around the world
Happy July 4th.
I work for an American company,so I got July 1st off, but I
didn't get July 4th off.
I was working.
Okay, I was working.
I was like the only personthere, but I hope everybody had
(01:20):
a safe July 4th.
I hope everybody had fun.
I remember when I was younger inmy neighborhood we were ghetto.
I lived in a hood child, sothey used to shoot each other
with firecrackers and I remembermy younger brother one time
went outside trying to be brave.
They shot that man in the backwith that firecracker bun, up
his whole back.
It was a whole thing.
And then he came home and gotbeats for getting burnt with a
firecracker Listen, with afirecracker.
(01:47):
Listen, I don't know.
Parents, backwards, backwards.
He's hurt man down.
Like, um, yeah, so shout out toeverybody, fourth of july.
Um, all our veterans out therelike, yeah, god is good, because
it takes a different kind ofperson, a different kind of
dedication and responsibilityfor someone to want to go and
fight for their country.
So, thank everyone, thank youall for your service.
Yeah, we're gonna get into.
Yeah, we're going to get intosome things today.
(02:08):
We're going to get into somereal things, but they not like
us.
They not like us.
Okay, listen, I'm a fan ofDrake.
Okay, I'm a fan of Drake, but Ilove Kendrick.
Kendrick is one of my favoriteartists ever.
I'm a fan of Drake too.
This whole beef has been very,very entertaining.
Hopefully you can just stay onwax and not get in the streets,
but it's looking like it's aboutto pour over in the streets.
(02:29):
Hopefully, not.
You know what I mean, but youknow, kendrick dropped his video
today, on the 4th of july.
Kendrick like okay, weunderstand.
Okay, you won, you annihilated.
You showed who you are as anartist big yourself up.
The video was very good, it wasvery entertaining.
I just wanted to be on wax.
Hopefully these guys can comeback together and like, do music
(02:49):
, because I feel like both like,when they do music it's so good
, it's so positive.
You know what I mean.
And I feel like us, the fans,we really perpetuated a lot of
this drama.
But yeah, so hopefully they canget.
But I love that sound.
They not like it, they not likeit, they not like it.
No, yeah, I actually reallyit's a bop.
It's a bop for sure.
But you know, drake, he's goingto come drop some music for the
(03:12):
summer, I'm sure.
And yeah, they're just going toget, they're going to get to it
.
They're going to let it do whatit do.
But today we are talking aboutsome real things.
Okay, we're talking abouttaking responsibility.
So we are in the third quarterof the year.
Quickly, we have like sixmonths.
Okay, it's not over.
(03:33):
We're still in the game.
God is good, we're stillbreathing.
Okay, as long as you're stillbreathing, listen, the Lord has
a plan for you, and I'm here tojust talk to you really quickly,
because I went to church todayand the Lord said sit down, sit
down.
I got a word for you today andy'all know I be preaching, y'all
know the Holy Ghost be doinghis thing, but I'm not here to
(03:55):
really preach to y'all.
I want to have a conversation.
I want to give you guys youknow some, I want to give you
guys no-transcript.
(04:31):
You're just going, going, going, going, going, going going and
then there's like a slump and ifyou don't like fight against
the tide, if you don't knowyou're, you're fighting for your
life.
You are going to go down andstay down and then you're going
to wake up in December and belike what happened.
You know what I mean.
There's like a pressure.
There's some type of demonicpressure, slash like depression
(04:56):
that comes around this time,telling people that they won't
finish well, telling people thatthey haven't done anything for
the year, telling people thatthere's no more time.
Like.
If you have experienced this,then you know, like I've
experienced, that I know peoplethat are haven't done anything
for the year, telling peoplethat there's no more time.
Like, if you have experiencedthis, then you know, like I've
experienced it, I know peoplethat are going through it right
now Like these are people thathave done a lot of things and
you know, here at EmotionalConversations with Esther, we
are not our productivity.
We are human beings, we arechildren of God.
(05:18):
We are loved, even if we arenot doing anything.
We're loved by Christ.
But we all have goals, we haveaspirations, we have things that
we want to do.
You know we want, you know wehave, we have, we have purpose
and we have vision and, ofcourse, we want to follow up on
that right, at least try ourbest to.
So when you know around, thistime, I find, is where the
(05:39):
pressure is on.
Third quarter, you know what Imean.
Like fourth quarter is almostamong us.
It's like six months, but youdon't know what six months can
do to your life if you buckledown.
You have.
You don't even know what threemonths can do to your life if
you buckle down and really likerevalue what the things that you
want to do and takeresponsibility, and that's what
(06:00):
we're here to talk about today.
Okay, I went to church yesterdayand the Lord listen, the Lord
had a word for me and I justwant to pass it on to you.
I'm going to actually link thesermon in the description of
this podcast, because I want youguys to go watch it, because I
was so blessed.
I was so blessed.
I was so blessed by this word.
I know that this word is likegoing to change my life and I'm
(06:20):
going to break it down.
I'm really going to go.
You guys know me, I've beengoing all over the place, but
I'm really going to try to takeus on, take us on a journey.
You know what I mean when itcomes to, like us taking
responsibility for our lives, ustaking responsibility for our
mental health, our health, ourthoughts, our relationships, our
finances.
You know what I mean Ourfriendships, our careers, our if
(06:44):
you're an entrepreneur,whatever it is.
We need to take responsibility.
And I'm speaking to myselfbecause you know, I want to
speak to the people that havebeen hurt and have been
traumatized and have been leftbehind, rejected, and you know
what I mean Just forsaken.
If you feel like you've beenforsaken and whatever, and
you've gone through some thingsin life, I'm speaking to you
(07:07):
because I was one of thosepeople until the Lord done
changed my life.
Tonight.
We, you know, we hold on to ourtraumas and sometimes they can
become a clutch.
And I'm not trying to beinsensitive because I was that
person too and I'm workingthrough that right now.
You know, when you've beenthrough a lot, when you've been
abused, when you've beenabandoned, like I said, and
(07:29):
you've just been gone, you'vegone through some stuff, whether
it be family stuff, some mentalhealth stuff, like financial
stuff, like maybe going throughbankruptcy, and you just feel
alone when, as you, as you startto grow in life, and you know
those things can become traumas.
And when you, when you havetrauma or you've been through
things, like I said, you know wecan use our experiences of
(07:51):
abuse and different things thatwe've been through as a clutch,
like I get to act like thisbecause I've been through this
and it sounds right, it soundsjustified.
You know what I mean, andsometimes it is.
I'm not going to say it's not,sometimes it is.
I'm not going to say and sayit's not, sometimes it is.
What do you tell a child thatwas abused by their own father
or abused by their own mother,or abandoned by their parents or
(08:14):
, you know, given up foradoption, where they just don't
they feel like they don't knowwho they're like?
What do you tell people likethat?
You know what I mean that, hey,like your experience is not
valid.
No, our experiences are valid.
But one thing that you knowwhat I mean that, hey, like your
experience is not valid.
No, our experiences are valid.
But one thing that I know andI've experienced is, like I use
the pain as a clutch.
Some I used to use the pain as aclutch where it was something
(08:36):
that I could lean on, because Ifelt like I didn't have anything
that I could really lean on.
But I felt like I can lean onmy experiences and what I've
been through and and thatsubconsciously told me that I
didn't have to takeresponsibility for my life.
I didn't have to takeresponsibility for the things
that I was doing, or aspirationsor visions or anything that I
had because of what I had beenthrough.
You know what I mean.
(08:57):
I don't want to say it was anexcuse, but sometimes I did use
it as an excuse because I washurting.
I was truly hurting, I wastruly bleeding, I was truly
going through it and when Ididn't have anybody to you know,
there was a time where I didn'tknow about, I didn't really
care about therapy, I was justgoing through it.
I was running rampant, like youknow what I mean I was.
I was still like my inner child, was still scared, still no
(09:19):
protection felt, abandoned.
You know what I mean I'mtalking to to you guys.
I hope that you guys can listento this podcast and really be
empowered, because a lot oftimes and I'm not talking and
once again I want to say that,like you, everything that we've
been through I, you know, we'respecial people and everything
that we've been through is anexperience.
But we have to use ourexperiences to help and set
other people free.
(09:40):
We have to use our experiencefor something.
We can't make it go to waste.
We can't just go through lifeand be like you know what I've
been through stuff and, yeah,like that's just, that's just me
, and this is why I act this wayand this is why I talk this way
and this is why I have angerissues or this is why I've
become an abuser, because I wasabused like, listen, everything
(10:01):
that we've been through isabsolutely valid.
But you know, I hope that thispodcast will help us break free,
you know, for us to takecontrol and full responsibility
for our life.
You know what I mean.
We can't blame society, wecan't blame our parents.
We can't blame our friends.
We can't blame our abusers.
Like, their day will come, theLord will deal with them, life
(10:21):
will deal with them, but we needto take back our power.
We need to take back our power.
For a long time, I let myabusers have the power over my
life.
They controlled how I felt,they controlled how I thought,
they controlled how I looked atmyself and how I perceived
myself, and we don't want to dothat anymore.
(10:43):
You know what I mean.
We don't.
We need to under.
I want to break downresponsibility, like the
definition.
Let me.
Let me read the definition ofresponsibility.
Okay, so it's recognizing thatyou are the primary agent in
your life.
You are the primary agent.
If you want to break it down inspiritual terms, you are the
first prophet over your life.
Okay, you prophesy into yourown life.
(11:06):
You speak life into your ownlife.
That is your responsibility.
That is absolutely yourresponsibility.
Yes, we have parents and a lotof us.
Our parents didn't do right byus.
Ok, because their parentsdidn't do right by them.
It's been just a vicious cycle,but we are here to break that
generational curse.
We are here to take back ourpower.
We are here to take back ourpower.
(11:26):
We are here to set captivesfree.
We are here to set people freeand let them know that.
No, no, no, no, no, like itstops here.
It stops with us.
I'm going to like, listen, I'mgoing to do, I'm going to record
a podcast about generationalcurse curses and what that looks
like and how.
You know some of the vicious,you know the abuse that we go
(11:47):
through and the patterns and howit just continues unless we.
Someone stands up.
And let me tell you somethingwhen you're building from the
ground up, when you are buildingfrom scratch, you think the
devil's going to get off yourback.
You're about like you're thefirst person that went to school
in your family.
You're the first person thathas financial freedom in your
family.
You're the first person thathas financial freedom in your
family.
(12:07):
You think the devil's gonna letup.
Absolutely not.
You're the first person to umbe able to be a city of refuge
for people.
You know what I mean.
You're the first person tobring healing to people.
You think the devil's gonna getoff your back.
He's not gonna get off yourback.
The sooner we understand that,the sooner we recognize that and
get up and stop crying likethis.
I am an emotional babe.
(12:27):
That's why this is calledemotional conversations with
Esther.
Like, when people used to callme emotional back in the day, I
used to get so angry because,you know, being emotional has
like a negative connotation thatcomes with it.
But I really am an emotionalbabe.
I feel people's pain.
You know what I mean.
There's a reason for that.
It's a gift really, babe.
I feel people's pain.
You know what I mean.
There's a reason for that.
It's a gift really.
That's the.
(12:48):
You know that's the way I usedto.
That's one of the gifts that Iuse to communicate with other
people and understand people'ssufferings and hurtings and
experiences.
I get to connect with people.
Like that it's beautiful.
Like it really is beautiful.
Like a lot of people try to like, use it against me and you know
they want to do wrong by youand then turn around and be like
oh, you're emotional, no,actually you're just evil or a
psychopath, and that's okay,like you have to like.
(13:11):
But you know, I'm speaking fromthis place because I'm learning
who I am and I'm learning thegifts that the Lord has given me
.
So I, you know, I really today,like the Lord really really
spoke to me and I was like, wow,like I haven't been taking
responsibility from a lot of mylife.
You know what I mean.
I haven't.
I haven't really been takingresponsibility for a lot of my
life.
And starting today, this verysecond, the minute that you're
(13:33):
playing this podcast, whereveryou are, you can begin to take
responsibility for your life,your thoughts, your actions,
your emotions, because that'ssuper important, excuse me,
that's super, super important.
So, and it's crucial, like youknow what I mean, like you have
(13:57):
to take responsibility for yourpersonal growth.
You know what I mean.
You have to, and I want to.
Hopefully, by the end of thispodcast, you guys will have some
practical steps on how, youknow, you can do that right,
because once you takeresponsibility for your, your
life, it leads to empowerment,it leads to freedom, control of
your over your own destiny.
Like you know, other peoplecan't control your destiny, no
matter what's going on.
(14:17):
Other people can't control theoutcome of your life.
You know what I mean.
Yes, our parents were supposedto be there for us, and you know
things happen to.
Our parents were supposed to bethere for us and you know
things happened to us and that'sthat was their responsibility,
because we were children and weyou know what I mean.
But now we're adults and evenif you're a child, or even if
you're a teenager and you'relistening, whatever, like you
can begin to be like okay, allright, I know this is going
(14:38):
wrong for me, but how can I help?
Because I am the.
You know, I'm the primaryperson in my life.
You know what I mean.
I'm the primary component whenit comes to my life, on how
things can can become and how Ican live my life going forward.
So, you know, I kind of want totalk about that and, of course,
I'm going to share some of myexperiences because, you know,
(15:03):
for me, I felt like I blamed alot on my parents, my bio
parents, for a very long time.
You know what I mean like a lot, a lot, a lot like, yeah, like
one of the, like a couple of thebarriers for me when it came to
like taking responsibility formy life.
Subconsciously, like in mysubconscious, because you never
(15:24):
think that you're actually justdoing anything.
Some people just don't care andthey don't want to take
responsibility.
They want to blame everybody.
They want to blame culture,blame, you know, society, blame
their parents, blame the familythat they came out of the school
, that they went to the, thechurch, that they went to the
people that they are around.
Like I said, all those thingscan be valid, but it comes to a
point where we have toessentially stop that.
(15:46):
Right Like right now, thesociety that we live in is
broken.
It's backwards, it's definitelybroken and we could blame a lot
of the dysfunction that we havein our lives on society.
But we can empower ourselves tobecome better and I think one
(16:09):
thing that I really understandlike I hear a lot sorry is that,
like people, you know theydon't make them like they used
to anymore.
They don't make men like theyused to anymore.
They don't make women like theyused to anymore.
You know, back in the day, thisone, like we, you can be that
person that you're searching for.
If you're searching for someonethat is solid, if you're
searching for someone that isloving, that is full of light,
(16:31):
that is willing to um compromise, meet you where you're at, an
effective listener, someone thattruly loves you and cares about
you, you can be that person.
You can be that thing thatyou're looking for.
You really can, and it's noteasy, it's an everyday thing.
It's definitely an everydaything, but we can be the light
(16:52):
that we're looking for.
We can be the people that weare looking to connect with.
You can be that business ownerthat you're looking to connect
with.
You.
Can be that investor thatyou're looking to connect with.
You can be that friend thatyou're looking to connect with.
You can be that friend thatyou're looking to connect with.
You.
Can be that partner, that lifepartner that you're looking to
connect with.
You can become that now.
You know what I mean.
You can take responsibility andbecome that now.
(17:14):
You really, really can.
And that means coming out ofyour comfort zone, like when we
want to stay in familiar places.
Listen, it's unfulfilling.
It's honestly unfulfilling.
Like come out of your comfortzone.
Come out of your comfort zonelike challenge yourself to be
(17:36):
that person that you're lookingfor, take responsibility for
your actions, takeresponsibility for your anger,
take responsibility,responsibility for your mouth.
I'm talking to myself right nowbecause you guys, if you know
me, then you know that I have anissue with people playing with
me.
Don't play with me, because Iplay back and my enemy goes low.
(17:58):
You know what I mean.
That's why I don't really liketo be going back and forth with
people and fighting with people,because I can do it all day.
I can do it all day and I don'twant to.
So I had to realize that I hadto take responsibility over my
words.
I had to take responsibilityover my thoughts and my actions
and my emotions.
Yes, people will provoke you,they will provoke you, but it's
(18:19):
up to you on what you are goingto do and how you are going to
react when storms come in ourlives.
It's up to us on how we aregoing to react.
That's a major thing.
In the Bible it says thattribulation will come.
Like it says in the Bible, thetribulation, it will come, but
the Lord will be with you.
And when we say the Lord willbe with you, it's really how you
(18:42):
are going to act when thechallenges come, when the storms
come.
You know what I mean.
When the doctor gives you thatdiagnosis, god forbid.
Or you get fired from that job,or you know what I mean your
marriage is falling apart, orfriendships are falling apart,
whatever your business might notbe doing well, how we react to
(19:03):
that, it's all about us takingresponsibility.
We can't let life happen to us.
We can't let life just happento us.
We have to fight back and infighting back, you are going to
continue to hear this word inthis podcast.
It's taking responsibility.
Okay, listen, let me talk to youguys about, like, some of the
(19:27):
benefits of that I've seenlately.
Okay, when it comes to mereally taking responsibility for
my mental health, for my health, for my resources, for my
relationships, for my resourcesfor my relationships, like, my
life has been changing.
The fact that you guys evenhear me on this podcast is
because I took responsibilityand I said I no longer want to
(19:48):
come on this microphone andspeak to people that take their
time to listen to this podcastand say y'all pray for me.
Yes, y'all pray for me.
Continue to pray for me,believe that, because I need all
the prayers, but I'm takingresponsibility to be consistent.
Today you have heard me.
I'm not perfect, but I'm takingresponsibility to be consistent
(20:08):
, to share the light that I havewith other people and pray that
it blesses someone, that itsets someone free, that it even
plants a seed to germinate.
I'm not saying you're going tolisten to this podcast or listen
to a sermon or read a book andyou know your whole life is
going to change, but you canliterally change your
subconscious continue to tryevery day that you get up, like
(20:30):
today, I'm taking responsibilityfor my emotions.
I'm taking responsibility formy thoughts, any negative
thoughts, I'm bringing them down.
You know what I mean beingintentional, taking
responsibility is beingintentional Really.
It's the same thing beingintentional about your life,
being intentional abouteverything around you.
There's so many benefits, likeyour personal growth, it just
(20:54):
accelerates.
You know what I mean.
But let me, let me.
Let me tell you what peoplemight call the downside of
taking responsibility for things.
I don't think it's a downside.
I think it's a win winsituation.
But we can potentially look atit and be like, okay, well, that
doesn't.
You know, when you start to takeresponsibility and become
accountable for your life,things and relationships and
they start to fall off.
Okay, I seen that for myself.
(21:16):
I've experienced it for myselfwhen I was like you know what?
Now I'm going to show up formyself.
I'm going to takeaccountability for my reactions
to people.
I'm going to takeaccountability for my thoughts,
my health, my resources.
Listen, things can't stay thesame.
Things just can't stay the same, because people are used to you
being dumb.
People are used to you beingyou know what I mean Like
(21:38):
cowering.
People are used to you justbeing a doormat for them.
People are used to you being anATM machine.
People are used to you being ayes man.
When you turn around and yourno is your no and your yes is
your yes, those people can't bearound you anymore.
It's going to be a struggle andthat might be family.
That might be friends thatyou've known since sandbox.
That might be you know what Imean.
(21:59):
A workplace, a manager,whatever situation.
Hopefully not your husband orwife, but it just might be.
You know what I mean.
It just might be Now.
If those people are willing totake responsibility too, then
you guys can grow together.
It might be rocky a little bitthere.
You know what I mean, buteventually you guys can come
together.
But if you are in a situationwhere you're trying to
(22:20):
accelerate your learning foryourself and your development,
you know you're trying to buildrelationships.
You're trying to build trustand respect for each other and
people around you and the thingsaround you.
You're trying to, like, enhancethe decisions that you're
making.
You know your problem solvingskills, like, like, and you find
that other it's just notworking with other people.
You need to take responsibilityand take yourself away from
(22:40):
that situation.
I wish I knew this, my God.
I wish I knew this.
I wish I knew this.
But God is good, because Godreveals to redeem.
Believe that he reveals toredeem.
No matter at what age you areat, you can change your life
around.
I'm here to tell you that.
Don't let anyone tell you thatit's over.
(23:00):
You are breathing, you arealive.
The Lord can listen.
He will take your mess and makeit into a message.
And that's the truth.
Believe that, even when youdon't feel like believing it, he
will take your mess and make itinto a message.
He really will.
He really will.
You know what I mean.
So people might be like well,I'm losing family members, I'm
(23:23):
losing friends, I'm losing myrelationship.
Those are probably notsituations that you want to be
in, because you want to be yourbest self.
You want to show up as yourbest self.
You want to be happy, you wantto be filled with joy, you want
to be healing.
You want to have light to giveto other people.
You want to be unproblematic.
You want to you know what Imean bring peace.
(23:44):
You want to be a city of refugefor people.
You want to be able to pullpeople up as you go up, so that
they can pull other people up.
That's the only way we can fixour society.
That's the only way we can fixour communities, our homes, our
schools, our hospitals.
You know what I mean.
That's the only way.
(24:06):
So when you feel like, hey,I've been.
You know, I listened to thispodcast, I read this book,
whatever I'm making up my mindto be intentional and take
responsibility for my actionsand my life and you know my
emotions and my thinking processand my mindset it's a mindset
thing and you know people aroundyou are just not really shaking
and moving with you.
Sis, you might have to brother,you might have to stand on that
(24:28):
island by yourself, and that'sokay.
Because one thing about Godnever have I seen the righteous
forsaken, never have I seen therighteous forsaken.
It might look like it, butnever have I seen the righteous
forsaken.
The Lord will send you thosepeople.
You will attract the rightpeople.
You will attract the rightcommunity.
You will attract the right job.
You will attract the rightbusiness partner.
(24:50):
You will attract the rightspaces and rooms, because not
every room you're supposed to bein Can we talk about that Not
every room you are supposed tobe in, and that is a fact.
You people try to continue tokick down these doors that
you're not supposed to, theserooms that you're not supposed
to be in, including myself thatI'm not supposed to be in.
You know what I mean.
(25:10):
When you take responsibility foryour life, you take
responsibility for your visionand your purpose.
You know what I mean.
And my vision doesn't look likeyour vision and your vision
doesn't look like other people'svision, and you know what I
mean.
We're all different, we're allunique.
We're all a part of the bodywe're supposed to.
You know all stand in our lanesand watch our front, okay, and
mind our business and do whatwe're supposed to do so we can
(25:33):
come together and it can be aholistic situation and do what
we're supposed to do so we cancome together and it can be a
holistic situation, but a lot oftimes we don't do that.
You know, I really wish that I,for a long time, honestly, like
for a long time man, I blamedmy bio, parents, my siblings, my
church, the word God.
I don't blame everybody.
And because when you've beenthrough a lot, you want to
(25:56):
offload.
That's real, that's a realfeeling when you've been, when
you feel like you've beencarrying the world, the weight
of the world, you want to findsomeone in offload.
You want to find somewhere inoffload.
You know what I mean.
And some and a lot of timeswhen we're offloading, we're not
doing it in the right way,we're not doing it a healthy way
.
You know?
Listen, like it says in theBible, that a friend is closer
(26:18):
than a brother.
And when you find that person,or God brings that person in
your life or that communitywhoever mentor, father, friend,
mother, whoever you know you cansay like, hey, I'm going
through a tough time, I'm goingthrough a tough time, can you
carry this burden with me?
Can you carry this burden withme?
That, okay, that's all right.
Listen, there's a friend thatis closer than a brother.
(26:39):
And I wish for everyone that'slistening that you find your
community, that you find yourtribe, that you find the people
that truly just love you for whoyou are and that when you show
up you're, they admire yourlight, they love your light,
they gravitate towards yourlight.
I pray that you find peoplethat make you feel like a king
and a queen, value your words,value the love that you give and
(27:03):
really care about you.
I really pray for that, foreveryone.
It is my prayer that everybodywill find that.
And if you haven't, and you know, if you're looking for, you
know a community where you canstart to maybe essentially find
those people or your tribe, or,you know, find yourself a local
church, even if you don'tbelieve in God, just try it.
(27:24):
You know what I mean.
People are here trying alldifferent types of different
religions.
Like, listen, try it.
You guys can come on down toCornerstone Christian Church of
God.
It's on 50th Street, 9249 50thStreet.
Okay, I found my tribe, whichwas jesus christ.
I found my tribe, which wassorry, excuse me, amazing
mentors.
You know a great shepherd overthe house, pastor emmanuel
(27:44):
adewisi, like, just, I meanapostle emmanuel davis, just
great pastor ibukum she's, um,you know pastor emmanuel
adewisi's wife just greatleaders, great mentors that take
responsibility for the sheepthat the Lord, because, listen,
they are shepherds.
You know what I mean.
They are shepherds and theytake great responsibility over
(28:06):
their sheep.
So if you're looking forsomewhere where you can find
community, community whereyou're just like you know what I
just I just need someone totalk to.
I want to be around community,I want to meet different people,
even if you want to network.
Come on down to the house ofthe Lord.
Okay, come on down with thehouse of the Lord with an open
mind and a pure heart.
Now let's get back to ourscheduled program, our regular
(28:27):
scheduled program.
So I think that the first thingthat you can do because I want
to give us practical steps Okay,I don't want to make this
complicated I think the firstthing that we can do is a
self-assessment.
I'm doing this currently.
It's a never-ending thing.
I think you do this throughlife.
It's a self-assessment, youknow.
Just reflect on the areas whereyou know you tend to deflect
your responsibility.
You know what I mean.
(28:48):
Like, for me, it was myemotions.
I gave people the power over myemotions.
I've, like, you made me feellike this, you did this, you did
that, you did that you did.
I feel like this because of you.
And let me be real, like, a lotof times people were hurting me
and taking advantage of me andstuff like that, but I gave them
the power.
So I would really deflect whenit came to, like, my emotions
and the pain that I felt and theway that I acted, and I
(29:11):
deflected a lot.
You know, when you know I'veI've heard this many times like
you're um, what's the word?
You're projecting, and sometimespeople be doing stuff, wild
stuff, to you and say you'reprojecting, listen, like you
have to have the spirit ofdiscernment too, because some of
them some of them people, someof them folks is lines, lines
and cheetahs.
You need to get them lines andcheetahs.
Know what I mean.
I know and I can takeresponsibility for that.
(29:31):
I mean, I'm not perfect, we'renot always going to get it right
, but we can be intentional.
And you also have to be aroundpeople that are willing to give
you the room to grow, the roomto change, the room to empower
you.
To empower you, you have to bearound people that have the
(29:54):
capacity to love.
You know what I mean.
If you're around people thatdon't have the capacity to love
and they're burnt out, it's notgoing to work, baby.
You know.
That's where you just need toreevaluate and just be like,
okay, maybe I need to be bymyself right now Because you can
give yourself the love thatyou're looking for right.
So you know, do aself-assessment of, like, what
you're going through or thethings that you find that you
tend to deflect responsibility.
(30:15):
Like you know, you reallydeflect in that area.
I think that's great journaling, journaling, journaling your
thoughts and your patterns ofthe people that you blame and
the excuses and the viciouscycles.
You will see, like I know, forme, like I was, I was going
through like a vicious cycle.
I just kept going through it.
I just kept going through itand it took someone to be like
(30:35):
okay, sis, this is the patternand it was like clear as day.
It's like a light bulb went offfor me.
But journaling, journaling, willchange your life.
Journaling just like makingsure that, if you don't have
anybody to offload, tooffloading your thoughts from
your mind to paper, listen,journaling your thoughts, your
(30:57):
patterns and like the blameexcuses that you like the
excuses that you have, thepeople you tend to blame, that
will really make you moreself-aware.
That will honestly truly makeyou way more self-aware.
So like reflect, sit down,reflect, turn the netflix off,
turn everything off and reflect.
(31:18):
Take some time to just reflecton your life and the things that
you've been through.
You know what I mean the waythat you react to things, some
of the patterns where youdeflect the most, where it hurts
, where it's like a soft, likeit's a.
It's a wound.
Still, you know what I mean.
Journal your thoughts.
Journal the patterns.
Journal the you know thevicious cycles and the people
that you blame.
Journal that.
You know what I mean.
(31:40):
Offload your thoughts.
Like that helps with yourmental health.
Every listen, every psychiatristI've ever seen, therapist that
I've ever seen journaling is amajor key.
It's a major, major, major key.
So once you do that becauselisten is listen, this is not an
overnight thing, it's aneveryday thing.
You know what I mean.
It's an intentional thing, it'staking responsibility thing
(32:02):
Then you can set some cleargoals.
You know what I mean For me,like I have to.
I really, really cause I thinka lot.
I think a lot, so I have tooffload a lot of my thoughts
onto paper and I like to offloada lot of my thoughts.
That's why I have a podcast,because I like to offload a lot
of my thoughts and myexperiences and it really helps
me and it's super therapeutic.
You know what I mean.
So I would do this even ifnobody was listening, because it
(32:25):
really helps me when it comesto a lot of, like, my mental
health and things like that.
But, yeah, set some clear goals.
You know what I mean.
I think that will really helpyou, like define what it is that
you want.
You know what I mean In thedifferent areas of your life.
So you know career relationship,your health.
You know your finances, yourmental health.
(32:46):
Like, set clear boundaries,define what it is that you're
looking for.
Like hey, I'm takingresponsibility for my health in
this way.
I'm taking and it doesn't haveto be major goals Like so if
you're, let's just say you don't, you're not good with money,
you know you don't have a goodrelationship with money.
Every time you get paid you justblow a bag everywhere.
Like you don't, you don't save,you don't do anything.
(33:07):
You can literally just be likeI'm going to start taking
responsibility or I'm going tostart being intentional about my
finances by opening up asavings account.
Like take a step.
You know what I mean, just takea step.
It says close mouth, closemouths, don't get fed.
That's what that's you know.
That's what I'm straight say.
But the bible says you know thelord will, he is your shepherd,
(33:29):
he is your rear guard.
Once you, once you start to doit says arise and shine.
You have to arise so the lordcan help you shine.
You know what I mean.
So you know, like I said, smallgoals.
You can start with some smallgoals.
You know the funny things too.
Society's always like.
You know.
I love those gurus that comearound and be like, yeah, I had
an awakening and I was able towrite 65 books in 10 days.
(33:52):
And you can do it too when youbuy this package.
Like that is $17,000.
Like that's fugazi stuff,that's, that's honestly, that's
honestly BS.
Like listen, little drops you.
You know that little drops ofwater can that consistently
drops on a rock and crack therock.
Little, little improvements.
Every diary entry, every timeyou sit down and self-reflect,
(34:16):
every time that you'reintentional about something,
every time that you remember tobe intentional about something,
it builds consistency.
Consistency will get you towhere you're going.
It amasses, it's like asnowball effect.
That's one thing that I had tolearn.
Like that is a key.
Like when people like okay, youknow, that's why the study of
the year, the gyms make so muchmoney because people are going
to are saying that in December31st, you know they're eating
(34:40):
all the junk food and dah, dah,dah.
But January 1st they're goingto just cut all that junk food
and da, da, da.
But january 1st they're goingto just cut all that junk food
and cut all the sugar out.
They're just gonna go to thegym and they're gonna be ripped
and they're gonna wear their gymshirt clothes and just know.
Like it's a lie, it's smokingmirrors, it's not real.
Like you know what I mean.
Make small goals, set cleargoals, even if they're little.
(35:00):
Like you open the bank account.
Maybe you never put any moneyin it yet, but you've opened the
bank account.
Maybe you never put any moneyin it yet, but you've opened the
bank account.
You've opened the savingsaccount.
Then you push yourself, youpush yourself, continue to set
small goals'm continuing to workon is my thoughts, my mindset.
You know what I mean.
(35:28):
So declarations and meditationhave really, really, really,
really, really helped me, and mychurch has this thing called
our meditation.
It's, you know, it's guidedmeditation with Dr Emmanuel and
he just guides us throughmedication.
You know what I mean and it's,it's amazing, amazing and it
clears my mind.
I get to offload and I come outfeeling light and it really
(35:49):
helps me with my mental healthbecause I want to show up as my
best self and I've all you know,for a long time I've had issues
with my mindset.
You know what I mean the Lordwill pray for me.
I mean the Lord will pray forme, I'll be prayed for, I'll be
prayed for, I'll be like, but mymindset wasn't changing.
I was getting opportunities,going to new environments, but
(36:09):
my mindset, it was still thesame.
So I write, I do this, I writethese, I write these small goals
down.
I journal, I meditate.
You know what I mean.
I listen declarations,declarations, declarations.
I know it sounds crazy, but Ispeak to myself.
You know, even when I don'tfeel like it, you know, I tell
myself.
You know, like for a long time,when I was younger, they told
(36:29):
me that I had ADHD, if that'swhat it is, adhd.
So you know, for even now I,you know I can't really focus
for a really long time If I'm,if that, what, what I'm doing,
is not really, you know, likeentertaining to me, and you know
what I mean Like I can't sitstill for really really long
periods of time, and you knowwhat I mean.
So but I declare over myselfthat I have the mind of Christ,
(36:51):
that I have the mind of JesusChrist.
You know what I mean.
I declare to myself, even when Ifeel like those things are,
like you know, it's rearing itsugly head.
Like I, I listen, I have themind of Jesus Christ period,
like that's the goal that I havefor me.
You know what I mean.
It doesn't that doesn't have tobe for you, but I'm just saying
that for my mindset, that's thegoal.
(37:13):
Those are the small goals thatI've been using.
They've really been helping mekeep my mindset positive, light,
um, full of full of light, andI am able to navigate, I'm not
bogged down, I don't have thatbrain fog that I usually have
and depression and mental health.
You know what I mean.
So really do that and then breakit down, like I said, into like
(37:34):
small actionable goals andsteps that you can take.
This is very easy like listen,set clear goals.
So define what it is that youyou know the different areas
that you find that you usuallyreflect, deflect in and deflect
responsibility in and then breakthem down into small actionable
goals.
You know what I mean.
You have to develop a growthmindset.
(37:54):
You just have to push throughevery single day.
You're not going to get itevery day, you're not going to
hit the bullseye every singleday, but every day that you wake
up you say, say I'm going to beresponsible for my life today.
I'm going to try my very bestto do that.
You know what I mean.
And and another thing for me,like I don't really believe in,
(38:14):
like I I don't really believe inhoroscopes.
I feel like horoscopes are just, like you know, people that
have like studied a group ofpeople that are born a certain
month and stuff, and and a lotof the traits are the same, to
be really honest.
But let's just say we'retalking about horoscopes.
I'm a Taurus, you know what Imean.
They say we don't like changeand I find that I really don't
like you know, for a long time Ididn't like change, like I
wanted everything to stay thesame.
(38:35):
Because when I was younger,there was a lot of chaos in my
family and you know my biofather would leave and come back
and it was just never stable.
So I always wanted things tostay the same, because when you
know, for me in my mind, thingsstaying the same, it meant
stability.
For me, all I ever wanted wasstability, a stable relationship
(38:57):
, a stable friendship, a stablejob, a stable you know what I
mean.
I wanted just a stable, quiet,cool, calm life.
But that's just not what I wasthrown into.
You know what I mean.
And now I know that that's justnot the hands that were dealt
to me.
But for me, now I'm developinglike a growth mindset.
So I'm embracing challenges,I'm embracing like different
(39:17):
opportunities to learn, to openmy mind, to connect with someone
that's different from me.
To connect with someone that'sdifferent from me.
That's something that I used tonot be able to do, like if we
didn't really agree.
Then I was like, oh, you're notthe person.
No, I want to be able to have ahealthy, communicative, you
know um conversation withsomeone that doesn't believe in
God, that doesn't love God.
And you know, I want to be ableto have like a healthy
conversation with them and askquestions and agree to disagree.
(39:41):
Like that's something that I'mreally working on.
When it comes to my mindset, youknow what I mean Replacing all
the negative self-talk that Iused to have with positive
affirmations, like just tellingyourself every day.
Like every day I tell myselfI'm like, I'm a solution, I'm a
city set on a hill, I'm the saltof this earth, I'm a queen, I
am a solution, I'm an answerprayer, I'm a kingdom financier.
(40:04):
I'm here to set captives free.
Like I try I speak to myself.
I speak life into myself beforeI can ever want other people to
speak life into me.
I gotta take responsibility formyself.
I gotta show up for the innerchild in me.
I have to stand up.
Like I don't know if you guysever see that meme or that video
where she's like stand up,stand up.
Like that's what I'd be tellingmyself.
(40:25):
Like let's go, let's go big Enever the little.
Like you know what I mean.
You got this God.
You are God's child.
You know what I mean.
Like I try my best.
Like, listen, I'm not going tosay I hit the bullseye every
single day, but I'm trying, I'mpushing through, no matter,
because we can't become ahelping hand to anybody else if
we're just bogged down.
You know what I mean.
(40:45):
So really, really like, replacethat negative self-talk with
positive affirmations.
Like you don't have to wake upand be like today I'm going to
do 100 affirmations.
If it's just one and youcontinue to repeat it to
yourself every single day, youknow, maybe you might remember
at lunch, you might rememberbefore you go to sleep.
Like I am a child of God, Ihave the mind of Jesus Christ.
(41:06):
Just those two affirmations.
You know what that can do foryour day?
Do you know what that can dofor your day?
Listen, develop a growthmindset.
Now let's talk aboutaccountability.
Okay, you can findaccountability you can have an
accountability partner or likean accountability coach.
But take accountability forwhen you don't take
responsibility, when you don'ttake responsibility, don't blame
(41:27):
yourself.
This is not about blamingyourself when you don't get it
right or when you fall short oryou make a mistake, like no,
that's demonic, that's not whatwe're here to do.
When you don't, you know, takeresponsibility.
You might have got a little bitheated in that argument.
You know what I mean and saidsome things that you didn't want
to say.
You didn't take accountabilityfor your actions.
Like you know what I mean, youdidn't take responsibility for
your actions.
Like you, take anaccountability will really help.
(41:48):
You know what I mean.
Like, if you have people aroundyou that can be an
accountability partner, then goahead and get that, but regular,
like you know, regularly reviewand self-assess, like your
progress.
You know what I mean Adjustwhere you need to adjust and
keep it moving.
You know what I mean Take andkeep it moving.
You know what I mean Take anaction oriented approach, guys.
(42:09):
Focus on what you can control.
This is so big, I'm talking tomyself.
Focus on what you can control.
Don't focus on the things thatyou can't control.
How people treat you you cannotcontrol that.
How you treat yourself you cancontrol that.
What you think you can controlthat.
You know what I mean.
Where you're at, where you putyourself physically, you can
control that.
You know what I mean.
Where you're at, where you putyourself physically, you can
control that.
You know what I mean.
How you spend your money, therelationship you have with
(42:29):
yourself and your money and yourpeople.
Like you can control thosethings.
But the things like that youcan't control, like how people
treat you, how people perceiveyou.
Like you need to let that goBecause you can't.
You can't those narratives thatpeople make about you.
Like you cannot control that.
You can't pretend.
Be yourself.
Show up as your authentic self.
That's taking accountability,that's taking responsibility.
(42:50):
That's being intentional.
You know what I mean.
Focus on what you can control.
That's all you can do.
Listen, it's small, consistentactions towards your goals, guys
.
Small, consistent actions willsnowball into something that you
will be able to help otherpeople like.
(43:10):
That will be your path, yourgift, and you'll be able to help
other people.
And you'll be shocked.
You know what I mean.
You will be absolutely shocked,like.
I really want to talk about anarea of my life where I never
took accountability and it'swhen it came to men.
You know what I mean.
Men and these dang onrelationships and whatever they
were.
You know, when I was younger, Iwas a daddy's girl.
(43:32):
My bio dad hey, listen, he sadstory.
You know black american story.
I don't drink said that onetime, but he wasn't there.
He was in my life.
You know what I mean.
So, of course, as a child, ayoung girl, growing up, I just
kept dating men.
They were, were like my fatheremotionally unavailable.
I'm unavailable.
That was a listen, that was thestory, that was the song of my
life.
Ok, back in the day.
(43:53):
But the Lord done changed mylife.
Ok, and I still listen, I stillgot to watch it.
If I'm being transparent, Istill got to be like, ok, well,
this is looking familiar, oh,this is looking familiar.
You know, when I reassessed,this is looking familiar and now
it's giving almost the same.
No, I need to take myself awayfrom the situation.
So I dated a lot of guys thatwere unavailable, that just
weren't there for me, thatplayed a lot of games, that just
(44:15):
never showed up for me.
When they said they weren't menof their word, you know what I
mean.
They would violate me and Iwould just consistently, just,
you know, want to be with thatperson.
The more that they you knowthey, they were unavailable, the
more I wanted to like change my, change who I was, to prove to
them that I was worthy of loveand you know, I was the right
woman for them and I was not inan.
(44:35):
You know, I, I would alwaysmake the.
You know, after the guy treatedme bad, whatever, I would
always make the guy the villain.
You know, I would villainizethe guy and be like it's your
fault, fault, it's his fault.
You're the reason why we'rethis, you're the reason why I'm
jaded, you're the reason why I'mhurt.
And I was not.
And listen, a lot of the times,listen, I didn't doubt what some
demons OK, so they really wereout here doing what they were
they were doing, but I didn'ttake responsibility for my
(44:58):
actions.
I didn't take responsibilityfor putting myself in that
situation.
I didn't take responsibilityfor not walking away.
I didn't take responsibilityfor letting them continue to
treat me that way.
I didn't take responsibility, Ididn't take accountability, I
didn't assess, I didn'treevaluate, I didn't do anything
.
I just kept saying what was me?
You keep treating me bad andyou're a villain.
(45:20):
You know what I mean when wevillainize people or villainize
things in our minds, like wedon't take accountability.
That that gives me a reason notto step up and be like okay,
I'm going to show up for myself.
But when I, when I, when I cameupon this gem of like, really
taking a responsibility andbeing intentional about my life
and showing up for my innerchild and showing up for myself,
it eliminates a lot of that bs.
(45:43):
It eliminates a lot of.
You know what I mean Like,because the minute I started
talking to you and you startedshowing that you're wassy, that
you're, you're emotionallyavailable, you're trying to come
do some things, I can takemyself away.
I can hold myself responsibleand be like okay, esther, this
is not a situation.
This person is clearly showingpatterns.
I can take myself away fromthat situation.
(46:04):
I don't have to villainize thatperson, but I can be like hey,
listen, it's time for me to hitthe old dusty trail.
This is not for me, this is notworking for me, and I can do it
in a civilized way.
It doesn't have to be no drama.
It could just be deuces.
I'm chucking up the deuces.
It ain't for me.
You know what I mean.
That's one thing that I'mlearning and, as a young man,
and just people out there canreally like relation, like
(46:24):
dating right now is justincredibly interesting.
I always say there's likeneedles and fentanyl in the
dating pool because it's givingcrazy.
There is some people out therethat are nuts, but because
they're not takingresponsibility for their actions
, there are grown men and grownwomen walking around that are
wounded, okay, hurt, traumatized.
(46:44):
That you know.
They just just hey, like, I'mthis way because of this, I'm
this way because of this, takeit or leave it.
Listen, when you meet thosetype of people, run for the
hills, run, bolt, usain Bolt,run for your life.
Run for your lives Like run,because, yeah, that's like you.
You listen.
(47:06):
Kendrick said it the best I amnot your savior, we are not
their saviors.
Jehovah Jireh, if you think youcan be El Shaddai, you shall
truly die.
Okay, like, I'm not El Shaddai.
I'm not Listen, I'm not ElShaddai.
All I can do is try to besupportive and if, if that
doesn't work, I got to go to dois try to be supportive.
If, if that doesn't work, Igotta go like I hit the old
(47:26):
dusting trail.
You gotta be around people thatwant to be responsible and
intentional also, or it's notgonna work.
You know what I mean.
So I really wanted to share thatand I know I talk a lot about
my experiences when it comes tolike dating and men.
But yeah, like you know what Imean, I would villainize them
and I would you know.
That would give me an excuse toyou know, not be, not be better
, not be better, and just anexcuse to be like you're
horrible, you hurt me and it'syour fault.
(47:49):
No, if I don't put myself in aposition for you to play me, you
can't play me.
If I don't put myself in aposition for you to mistreat me,
you can't mistreat me.
If I don't put myself in aposition to you know what I mean
, like you, when I build anexpectation of you know, when I
build an expectation of you know, and I have an, when we have
(48:09):
expectations of people thatclearly can't meet that
expectation that we have, likewe're just playing ourselves.
That's all it is.
You know what I mean.
So I just want to close with Ihope this blessed you, because I
know it blessed me.
I hope that you know, eventhough it's the third quarter,
you take responsibility for yourlife.
Take responsibility for yourlife, show up for yourself.
You can do it.
(48:30):
No one's going to do it for you, no one around you.
God is not going to fall fromheaven and do it for you.
He's given you the tools and ifyou don't have the tools yet,
learn, get into spaces,challenge yourself, have a
growth mindset, wake up everyday I'm not saying wake up every
day, and you know what I mean.
Like, oh my gosh, you gottaknow.
Wake up every, if it's just youknow.
(48:51):
Another thing I want to touch ontoo, excuse me reading, reading
.
Reading will help you.
Reading will change your life.
Read, get knowledge, acquireknowledge about what it is that
your visions, your goals, youraspirations.
Like you know, turn the Netflixoff.
This is for me to turn theNetflix off to the Nigerian
(49:12):
movies off.
Turn it off.
You know what I mean.
Read a book.
Read a book.
A book like, not some nonsensebook.
Read a book that's going toempower you, to empower other
people.
Do something, get in community,wake up, stand up, show up for
yourself, be accountable, beintentional, have a growth
mindset, try your best to becomea light in a city of refuge for
(49:36):
other people.
You know what I mean.
I'm listen, I'm here to justlisten.
I'm the messenger for my ownlife too.
You know what I mean and andthis is for me, this is for
speaking ranges, for speak um.
You know emotionalconversations with Esther.
Like I said to my, I was so sickand tired of coming on here and
be like hey guys, pray for me.
(49:56):
Like I'm going through so much.
I'm going through so much.
Um, yeah, okay, we're all goingthrough some things.
Everybody's going throughsomething.
You know what I mean.
Everybody's going throughsomething.
But if this is what the Lordhas given me, this is the
assignment that the Lord hasgiven me, then I need to take
responsibility for theassignment and I need to show up
as much as I possibly can.
I need to fight for this vision.
(50:17):
I need to fight for this, this,this purpose, because I know
that this is a part of mypurpose.
You what I mean and I pray thatyou know.
This blesses you.
I wanted to make this short, butyou guys know I'd be going.
I'd be.
I want the holy spirit betalking like listen, I'd be
going, but listen, it's beensuper fun.
I pray that you guys willcontinue to be, to empower
(50:38):
yourself, continue to love onyourself, speak life into
yourself, show up for yourself,be the people that you're
looking for, be that thing thatyou're looking for.
Um, yeah, I'm back on instagramy'all.
Speaking arrangement.
Speaking underscorearrangements um, esther estates.
Send me an email, actually onmy, on my.
(50:58):
Um, when you guys go to listento my podcast, if, wherever it
is that you're listening, itsays feedback.
Like you guys can like text me.
I really want to hear from youguys.
I want to hear about the topicsthat you guys want me to talk
about.
If there's guests that you wantme to connect with, I really
would love to hear from you guys.
Just feedback in general.
You guys are awesome.
I love you guys and, yeah, talkto you guys next friday.
(51:20):
Y'all have an amazing weekend.
welcome back to speaking arrangements.
Y'all.
Welcome back to emotionalconversations with esther.
I'm gonna let the beat rightout there.
We're back.
It's me again.
Thank you guys so much forjoining me on emotional
(00:38):
conversations with esther.
It's big esther, never thelittle.
There's just so much going onand I'm so excited to be here
with you guys and I'm happy thatyou guys are here.
You guys are so amazing.
Thank you for always supportingme.
Shout out to the first timelisteners, last time listeners,
always listeners, listen.
I'm here for it.
(00:59):
Thank you so much for beinghere.
I don't even know where do Istart.
There's just been so much.
It's July, it's July 4th.
So shout out to all my Americanlisteners all around the world
Happy July 4th.
I work for an American company,so I got July 1st off, but I
didn't get July 4th off.
I was working.
Okay, I was working.
I was like the only personthere, but I hope everybody had
(01:20):
a safe July 4th.
I hope everybody had fun.
I remember when I was younger inmy neighborhood we were ghetto.
I lived in a hood child, sothey used to shoot each other
with firecrackers and I remembermy younger brother one time
went outside trying to be brave.
They shot that man in the backwith that firecracker bun, up
his whole back.
It was a whole thing.
And then he came home and gotbeats for getting burnt with a
firecracker Listen, with afirecracker.
(01:47):
Listen, I don't know.
Parents, backwards, backwards.
He's hurt man down.
Like, um, yeah, so shout out toeverybody, fourth of july.
Um, all our veterans out therelike, yeah, god is good, because
it takes a different kind ofperson, a different kind of
dedication and responsibilityfor someone to want to go and
fight for their country.
So, thank everyone, thank youall for your service.
Yeah, we're gonna get into.
Yeah, we're going to get intosome things today.
(02:08):
We're going to get into somereal things, but they not like
us.
They not like us.
Okay, listen, I'm a fan ofDrake.
Okay, I'm a fan of Drake, but Ilove Kendrick.
Kendrick is one of my favoriteartists ever.
I'm a fan of Drake too.
This whole beef has been very,very entertaining.
Hopefully you can just stay onwax and not get in the streets,
but it's looking like it's aboutto pour over in the streets.
(02:29):
Hopefully, not.
You know what I mean, but youknow, kendrick dropped his video
today, on the 4th of july.
Kendrick like okay, weunderstand.
Okay, you won, you annihilated.
You showed who you are as anartist big yourself up.
The video was very good, it wasvery entertaining.
I just wanted to be on wax.
Hopefully these guys can comeback together and like, do music
(02:49):
, because I feel like both like,when they do music it's so good
, it's so positive.
You know what I mean.
And I feel like us, the fans,we really perpetuated a lot of
this drama.
But yeah, so hopefully they canget.
But I love that sound.
They not like it, they not likeit, they not like it.
No, yeah, I actually reallyit's a bop.
It's a bop for sure.
But you know, drake, he's goingto come drop some music for the
(03:12):
summer, I'm sure.
And yeah, they're just going toget, they're going to get to it
.
They're going to let it do whatit do.
But today we are talking aboutsome real things.
Okay, we're talking abouttaking responsibility.
So we are in the third quarterof the year.
Quickly, we have like sixmonths.
Okay, it's not over.
(03:33):
We're still in the game.
God is good, we're stillbreathing.
Okay, as long as you're stillbreathing, listen, the Lord has
a plan for you, and I'm here tojust talk to you really quickly,
because I went to church todayand the Lord said sit down, sit
down.
I got a word for you today andy'all know I be preaching, y'all
know the Holy Ghost be doinghis thing, but I'm not here to
(03:55):
really preach to y'all.
I want to have a conversation.
I want to give you guys youknow some, I want to give you
guys no-transcript.
(04:31):
You're just going, going, going, going, going, going going and
then there's like a slump and ifyou don't like fight against
the tide, if you don't knowyou're, you're fighting for your
life.
You are going to go down andstay down and then you're going
to wake up in December and belike what happened.
You know what I mean.
There's like a pressure.
There's some type of demonicpressure, slash like depression
(04:56):
that comes around this time,telling people that they won't
finish well, telling people thatthey haven't done anything for
the year, telling people thatthere's no more time.
Like.
If you have experienced this,then you know, like I've
experienced, that I know peoplethat are haven't done anything
for the year, telling peoplethat there's no more time.
Like, if you have experiencedthis, then you know, like I've
experienced it, I know peoplethat are going through it right
now Like these are people thathave done a lot of things and
you know, here at EmotionalConversations with Esther, we
are not our productivity.
We are human beings, we arechildren of God.
(05:18):
We are loved, even if we arenot doing anything.
We're loved by Christ.
But we all have goals, we haveaspirations, we have things that
we want to do.
You know we want, you know wehave, we have, we have purpose
and we have vision and, ofcourse, we want to follow up on
that right, at least try ourbest to.
So when you know around, thistime, I find, is where the
(05:39):
pressure is on.
Third quarter, you know what Imean.
Like fourth quarter is almostamong us.
It's like six months, but youdon't know what six months can
do to your life if you buckledown.
You have.
You don't even know what threemonths can do to your life if
you buckle down and really likerevalue what the things that you
want to do and takeresponsibility, and that's what
(06:00):
we're here to talk about today.
Okay, I went to church yesterdayand the Lord listen, the Lord
had a word for me and I justwant to pass it on to you.
I'm going to actually link thesermon in the description of
this podcast, because I want youguys to go watch it, because I
was so blessed.
I was so blessed.
I was so blessed by this word.
I know that this word is likegoing to change my life and I'm
(06:20):
going to break it down.
I'm really going to go.
You guys know me, I've beengoing all over the place, but
I'm really going to try to takeus on, take us on a journey.
You know what I mean when itcomes to, like us taking
responsibility for our lives, ustaking responsibility for our
mental health, our health, ourthoughts, our relationships, our
finances.
You know what I mean Ourfriendships, our careers, our if
(06:44):
you're an entrepreneur,whatever it is.
We need to take responsibility.
And I'm speaking to myselfbecause you know, I want to
speak to the people that havebeen hurt and have been
traumatized and have been leftbehind, rejected, and you know
what I mean Just forsaken.
If you feel like you've beenforsaken and whatever, and
you've gone through some thingsin life, I'm speaking to you
(07:07):
because I was one of thosepeople until the Lord done
changed my life.
Tonight.
We, you know, we hold on to ourtraumas and sometimes they can
become a clutch.
And I'm not trying to beinsensitive because I was that
person too and I'm workingthrough that right now.
You know, when you've beenthrough a lot, when you've been
abused, when you've beenabandoned, like I said, and
(07:29):
you've just been gone, you'vegone through some stuff, whether
it be family stuff, some mentalhealth stuff, like financial
stuff, like maybe going throughbankruptcy, and you just feel
alone when, as you, as you startto grow in life, and you know
those things can become traumas.
And when you, when you havetrauma or you've been through
things, like I said, you know wecan use our experiences of
(07:51):
abuse and different things thatwe've been through as a clutch,
like I get to act like thisbecause I've been through this
and it sounds right, it soundsjustified.
You know what I mean, andsometimes it is.
I'm not going to say it's not,sometimes it is.
I'm not going to say and sayit's not, sometimes it is.
What do you tell a child thatwas abused by their own father
or abused by their own mother,or abandoned by their parents or
(08:14):
, you know, given up foradoption, where they just don't
they feel like they don't knowwho they're like?
What do you tell people likethat?
You know what I mean that, hey,like your experience is not
valid.
No, our experiences are valid.
But one thing that you knowwhat I mean that, hey, like your
experience is not valid.
No, our experiences are valid.
But one thing that I know andI've experienced is, like I use
the pain as a clutch.
Some I used to use the pain as aclutch where it was something
(08:36):
that I could lean on, because Ifelt like I didn't have anything
that I could really lean on.
But I felt like I can lean onmy experiences and what I've
been through and and thatsubconsciously told me that I
didn't have to takeresponsibility for my life.
I didn't have to takeresponsibility for the things
that I was doing, or aspirationsor visions or anything that I
had because of what I had beenthrough.
You know what I mean.
(08:57):
I don't want to say it was anexcuse, but sometimes I did use
it as an excuse because I washurting.
I was truly hurting, I wastruly bleeding, I was truly
going through it and when Ididn't have anybody to you know,
there was a time where I didn'tknow about, I didn't really
care about therapy, I was justgoing through it.
I was running rampant, like youknow what I mean I was.
I was still like my inner child, was still scared, still no
(09:19):
protection felt, abandoned.
You know what I mean I'mtalking to to you guys.
I hope that you guys can listento this podcast and really be
empowered, because a lot oftimes and I'm not talking and
once again I want to say that,like you, everything that we've
been through I, you know, we'respecial people and everything
that we've been through is anexperience.
But we have to use ourexperiences to help and set
other people free.
(09:40):
We have to use our experiencefor something.
We can't make it go to waste.
We can't just go through lifeand be like you know what I've
been through stuff and, yeah,like that's just, that's just me
, and this is why I act this wayand this is why I talk this way
and this is why I have angerissues or this is why I've
become an abuser, because I wasabused like, listen, everything
(10:01):
that we've been through isabsolutely valid.
But you know, I hope that thispodcast will help us break free,
you know, for us to takecontrol and full responsibility
for our life.
You know what I mean.
We can't blame society, wecan't blame our parents.
We can't blame our friends.
We can't blame our abusers.
Like, their day will come, theLord will deal with them, life
(10:21):
will deal with them, but we needto take back our power.
We need to take back our power.
For a long time, I let myabusers have the power over my
life.
They controlled how I felt,they controlled how I thought,
they controlled how I looked atmyself and how I perceived
myself, and we don't want to dothat anymore.
(10:43):
You know what I mean.
We don't.
We need to under.
I want to break downresponsibility, like the
definition.
Let me.
Let me read the definition ofresponsibility.
Okay, so it's recognizing thatyou are the primary agent in
your life.
You are the primary agent.
If you want to break it down inspiritual terms, you are the
first prophet over your life.
Okay, you prophesy into yourown life.
(11:06):
You speak life into your ownlife.
That is your responsibility.
That is absolutely yourresponsibility.
Yes, we have parents and a lotof us.
Our parents didn't do right byus.
Ok, because their parentsdidn't do right by them.
It's been just a vicious cycle,but we are here to break that
generational curse.
We are here to take back ourpower.
We are here to take back ourpower.
(11:26):
We are here to set captivesfree.
We are here to set people freeand let them know that.
No, no, no, no, no, like itstops here.
It stops with us.
I'm going to like, listen, I'mgoing to do, I'm going to record
a podcast about generationalcurse curses and what that looks
like and how.
You know some of the vicious,you know the abuse that we go
(11:47):
through and the patterns and howit just continues unless we.
Someone stands up.
And let me tell you somethingwhen you're building from the
ground up, when you are buildingfrom scratch, you think the
devil's going to get off yourback.
You're about like you're thefirst person that went to school
in your family.
You're the first person thathas financial freedom in your
family.
You're the first person thathas financial freedom in your
family.
(12:07):
You think the devil's gonna letup.
Absolutely not.
You're the first person to umbe able to be a city of refuge
for people.
You know what I mean.
You're the first person tobring healing to people.
You think the devil's gonna getoff your back.
He's not gonna get off yourback.
The sooner we understand that,the sooner we recognize that and
get up and stop crying likethis.
I am an emotional babe.
(12:27):
That's why this is calledemotional conversations with
Esther.
Like, when people used to callme emotional back in the day, I
used to get so angry because,you know, being emotional has
like a negative connotation thatcomes with it.
But I really am an emotionalbabe.
I feel people's pain.
You know what I mean.
There's a reason for that.
It's a gift really, babe.
I feel people's pain.
You know what I mean.
There's a reason for that.
It's a gift really.
That's the.
(12:48):
You know that's the way I usedto.
That's one of the gifts that Iuse to communicate with other
people and understand people'ssufferings and hurtings and
experiences.
I get to connect with people.
Like that it's beautiful.
Like it really is beautiful.
Like a lot of people try to like, use it against me and you know
they want to do wrong by youand then turn around and be like
oh, you're emotional, no,actually you're just evil or a
psychopath, and that's okay,like you have to like.
(13:11):
But you know, I'm speaking fromthis place because I'm learning
who I am and I'm learning thegifts that the Lord has given me
.
So I, you know, I really today,like the Lord really really
spoke to me and I was like, wow,like I haven't been taking
responsibility from a lot of mylife.
You know what I mean.
I haven't.
I haven't really been takingresponsibility for a lot of my
life.
And starting today, this verysecond, the minute that you're
(13:33):
playing this podcast, whereveryou are, you can begin to take
responsibility for your life,your thoughts, your actions,
your emotions, because that'ssuper important, excuse me,
that's super, super important.
So, and it's crucial, like youknow what I mean, like you have
(13:57):
to take responsibility for yourpersonal growth.
You know what I mean.
You have to, and I want to.
Hopefully, by the end of thispodcast, you guys will have some
practical steps on how, youknow, you can do that right,
because once you takeresponsibility for your, your
life, it leads to empowerment,it leads to freedom, control of
your over your own destiny.
Like you know, other peoplecan't control your destiny, no
matter what's going on.
(14:17):
Other people can't control theoutcome of your life.
You know what I mean.
Yes, our parents were supposedto be there for us, and you know
things happen to.
Our parents were supposed to bethere for us and you know
things happened to us and that'sthat was their responsibility,
because we were children and weyou know what I mean.
But now we're adults and evenif you're a child, or even if
you're a teenager and you'relistening, whatever, like you
can begin to be like okay, allright, I know this is going
(14:38):
wrong for me, but how can I help?
Because I am the.
You know, I'm the primaryperson in my life.
You know what I mean.
I'm the primary component whenit comes to my life, on how
things can can become and how Ican live my life going forward.
So, you know, I kind of want totalk about that and, of course,
I'm going to share some of myexperiences because, you know,
(15:03):
for me, I felt like I blamed alot on my parents, my bio
parents, for a very long time.
You know what I mean like a lot, a lot, a lot like, yeah, like
one of the, like a couple of thebarriers for me when it came to
like taking responsibility formy life.
Subconsciously, like in mysubconscious, because you never
(15:24):
think that you're actually justdoing anything.
Some people just don't care andthey don't want to take
responsibility.
They want to blame everybody.
They want to blame culture,blame, you know, society, blame
their parents, blame the familythat they came out of the school
, that they went to the, thechurch, that they went to the
people that they are around.
Like I said, all those thingscan be valid, but it comes to a
point where we have toessentially stop that.
(15:46):
Right Like right now, thesociety that we live in is
broken.
It's backwards, it's definitelybroken and we could blame a lot
of the dysfunction that we havein our lives on society.
But we can empower ourselves tobecome better and I think one
(16:09):
thing that I really understandlike I hear a lot sorry is that,
like people, you know theydon't make them like they used
to anymore.
They don't make men like theyused to anymore.
They don't make women like theyused to anymore.
You know, back in the day, thisone, like we, you can be that
person that you're searching for.
If you're searching for someonethat is solid, if you're
searching for someone that isloving, that is full of light,
(16:31):
that is willing to um compromise, meet you where you're at, an
effective listener, someone thattruly loves you and cares about
you, you can be that person.
You can be that thing thatyou're looking for.
You really can, and it's noteasy, it's an everyday thing.
It's definitely an everydaything, but we can be the light
(16:52):
that we're looking for.
We can be the people that weare looking to connect with.
You can be that business ownerthat you're looking to connect
with.
You.
Can be that investor thatyou're looking to connect with.
You can be that friend thatyou're looking to connect with.
You can be that friend thatyou're looking to connect with.
You.
Can be that partner, that lifepartner that you're looking to
connect with.
You can become that now.
You know what I mean.
You can take responsibility andbecome that now.
(17:14):
You really, really can.
And that means coming out ofyour comfort zone, like when we
want to stay in familiar places.
Listen, it's unfulfilling.
It's honestly unfulfilling.
Like come out of your comfortzone.
Come out of your comfort zonelike challenge yourself to be
(17:36):
that person that you're lookingfor, take responsibility for
your actions, takeresponsibility for your anger,
take responsibility,responsibility for your mouth.
I'm talking to myself right nowbecause you guys, if you know
me, then you know that I have anissue with people playing with
me.
Don't play with me, because Iplay back and my enemy goes low.
(17:58):
You know what I mean.
That's why I don't really liketo be going back and forth with
people and fighting with people,because I can do it all day.
I can do it all day and I don'twant to.
So I had to realize that I hadto take responsibility over my
words.
I had to take responsibilityover my thoughts and my actions
and my emotions.
Yes, people will provoke you,they will provoke you, but it's
(18:19):
up to you on what you are goingto do and how you are going to
react when storms come in ourlives.
It's up to us on how we aregoing to react.
That's a major thing.
In the Bible it says thattribulation will come.
Like it says in the Bible, thetribulation, it will come, but
the Lord will be with you.
And when we say the Lord willbe with you, it's really how you
(18:42):
are going to act when thechallenges come, when the storms
come.
You know what I mean.
When the doctor gives you thatdiagnosis, god forbid.
Or you get fired from that job,or you know what I mean your
marriage is falling apart, orfriendships are falling apart,
whatever your business might notbe doing well, how we react to
(19:03):
that, it's all about us takingresponsibility.
We can't let life happen to us.
We can't let life just happento us.
We have to fight back and infighting back, you are going to
continue to hear this word inthis podcast.
It's taking responsibility.
Okay, listen, let me talk to youguys about, like, some of the
(19:27):
benefits of that I've seenlately.
Okay, when it comes to mereally taking responsibility for
my mental health, for my health, for my resources, for my
relationships, for my resourcesfor my relationships, like, my
life has been changing.
The fact that you guys evenhear me on this podcast is
because I took responsibilityand I said I no longer want to
(19:48):
come on this microphone andspeak to people that take their
time to listen to this podcastand say y'all pray for me.
Yes, y'all pray for me.
Continue to pray for me,believe that, because I need all
the prayers, but I'm takingresponsibility to be consistent.
Today you have heard me.
I'm not perfect, but I'm takingresponsibility to be consistent
(20:08):
, to share the light that I havewith other people and pray that
it blesses someone, that itsets someone free, that it even
plants a seed to germinate.
I'm not saying you're going tolisten to this podcast or listen
to a sermon or read a book andyou know your whole life is
going to change, but you canliterally change your
subconscious continue to tryevery day that you get up, like
(20:30):
today, I'm taking responsibilityfor my emotions.
I'm taking responsibility formy thoughts, any negative
thoughts, I'm bringing them down.
You know what I mean beingintentional, taking
responsibility is beingintentional Really.
It's the same thing beingintentional about your life,
being intentional abouteverything around you.
There's so many benefits, likeyour personal growth, it just
(20:54):
accelerates.
You know what I mean.
But let me, let me.
Let me tell you what peoplemight call the downside of
taking responsibility for things.
I don't think it's a downside.
I think it's a win winsituation.
But we can potentially look atit and be like, okay, well, that
doesn't.
You know, when you start to takeresponsibility and become
accountable for your life,things and relationships and
they start to fall off.
Okay, I seen that for myself.
(21:16):
I've experienced it for myselfwhen I was like you know what?
Now I'm going to show up formyself.
I'm going to takeaccountability for my reactions
to people.
I'm going to takeaccountability for my thoughts,
my health, my resources.
Listen, things can't stay thesame.
Things just can't stay the same, because people are used to you
being dumb.
People are used to you beingyou know what I mean Like
(21:38):
cowering.
People are used to you justbeing a doormat for them.
People are used to you being anATM machine.
People are used to you being ayes man.
When you turn around and yourno is your no and your yes is
your yes, those people can't bearound you anymore.
It's going to be a struggle andthat might be family.
That might be friends thatyou've known since sandbox.
That might be you know what Imean.
(21:59):
A workplace, a manager,whatever situation.
Hopefully not your husband orwife, but it just might be.
You know what I mean.
It just might be Now.
If those people are willing totake responsibility too, then
you guys can grow together.
It might be rocky a little bitthere.
You know what I mean, buteventually you guys can come
together.
But if you are in a situationwhere you're trying to
(22:20):
accelerate your learning foryourself and your development,
you know you're trying to buildrelationships.
You're trying to build trustand respect for each other and
people around you and the thingsaround you.
You're trying to, like, enhancethe decisions that you're
making.
You know your problem solvingskills, like, like, and you find
that other it's just notworking with other people.
You need to take responsibilityand take yourself away from
(22:40):
that situation.
I wish I knew this, my God.
I wish I knew this.
I wish I knew this.
But God is good, because Godreveals to redeem.
Believe that he reveals toredeem.
No matter at what age you areat, you can change your life
around.
I'm here to tell you that.
Don't let anyone tell you thatit's over.
(23:00):
You are breathing, you arealive.
The Lord can listen.
He will take your mess and makeit into a message.
And that's the truth.
Believe that, even when youdon't feel like believing it, he
will take your mess and make itinto a message.
He really will.
He really will.
You know what I mean.
So people might be like well,I'm losing family members, I'm
(23:23):
losing friends, I'm losing myrelationship.
Those are probably notsituations that you want to be
in, because you want to be yourbest self.
You want to show up as yourbest self.
You want to be happy, you wantto be filled with joy, you want
to be healing.
You want to have light to giveto other people.
You want to be unproblematic.
You want to you know what Imean bring peace.
(23:44):
You want to be a city of refugefor people.
You want to be able to pullpeople up as you go up, so that
they can pull other people up.
That's the only way we can fixour society.
That's the only way we can fixour communities, our homes, our
schools, our hospitals.
You know what I mean.
That's the only way.
(24:06):
So when you feel like, hey,I've been.
You know, I listened to thispodcast, I read this book,
whatever I'm making up my mindto be intentional and take
responsibility for my actionsand my life and you know my
emotions and my thinking processand my mindset it's a mindset
thing and you know people aroundyou are just not really shaking
and moving with you.
Sis, you might have to brother,you might have to stand on that
(24:28):
island by yourself, and that'sokay.
Because one thing about Godnever have I seen the righteous
forsaken, never have I seen therighteous forsaken.
It might look like it, butnever have I seen the righteous
forsaken.
The Lord will send you thosepeople.
You will attract the rightpeople.
You will attract the rightcommunity.
You will attract the right job.
You will attract the rightbusiness partner.
(24:50):
You will attract the rightspaces and rooms, because not
every room you're supposed to bein Can we talk about that Not
every room you are supposed tobe in, and that is a fact.
You people try to continue tokick down these doors that
you're not supposed to, theserooms that you're not supposed
to be in, including myself thatI'm not supposed to be in.
You know what I mean.
(25:10):
When you take responsibility foryour life, you take
responsibility for your visionand your purpose.
You know what I mean.
And my vision doesn't look likeyour vision and your vision
doesn't look like other people'svision, and you know what I
mean.
We're all different, we're allunique.
We're all a part of the bodywe're supposed to.
You know all stand in our lanesand watch our front, okay, and
mind our business and do whatwe're supposed to do so we can
(25:33):
come together and it can be aholistic situation and do what
we're supposed to do so we cancome together and it can be a
holistic situation, but a lot oftimes we don't do that.
You know, I really wish that I,for a long time, honestly, like
for a long time man, I blamedmy bio, parents, my siblings, my
church, the word God.
I don't blame everybody.
And because when you've beenthrough a lot, you want to
(25:56):
offload.
That's real, that's a realfeeling when you've been, when
you feel like you've beencarrying the world, the weight
of the world, you want to findsomeone in offload.
You want to find somewhere inoffload.
You know what I mean.
And some and a lot of timeswhen we're offloading, we're not
doing it in the right way,we're not doing it a healthy way
.
You know?
Listen, like it says in theBible, that a friend is closer
(26:18):
than a brother.
And when you find that person,or God brings that person in
your life or that communitywhoever mentor, father, friend,
mother, whoever you know you cansay like, hey, I'm going
through a tough time, I'm goingthrough a tough time, can you
carry this burden with me?
Can you carry this burden withme?
That, okay, that's all right.
Listen, there's a friend thatis closer than a brother.
(26:39):
And I wish for everyone that'slistening that you find your
community, that you find yourtribe, that you find the people
that truly just love you for whoyou are and that when you show
up you're, they admire yourlight, they love your light,
they gravitate towards yourlight.
I pray that you find peoplethat make you feel like a king
and a queen, value your words,value the love that you give and
(27:03):
really care about you.
I really pray for that, foreveryone.
It is my prayer that everybodywill find that.
And if you haven't, and you know, if you're looking for, you
know a community where you canstart to maybe essentially find
those people or your tribe, or,you know, find yourself a local
church, even if you don'tbelieve in God, just try it.
(27:24):
You know what I mean.
People are here trying alldifferent types of different
religions.
Like, listen, try it.
You guys can come on down toCornerstone Christian Church of
God.
It's on 50th Street, 9249 50thStreet.
Okay, I found my tribe, whichwas jesus christ.
I found my tribe, which wassorry, excuse me, amazing
mentors.
You know a great shepherd overthe house, pastor emmanuel
(27:44):
adewisi, like, just, I meanapostle emmanuel davis, just
great pastor ibukum she's, um,you know pastor emmanuel
adewisi's wife just greatleaders, great mentors that take
responsibility for the sheepthat the Lord, because, listen,
they are shepherds.
You know what I mean.
They are shepherds and theytake great responsibility over
(28:06):
their sheep.
So if you're looking forsomewhere where you can find
community, community whereyou're just like you know what I
just I just need someone totalk to.
I want to be around community,I want to meet different people,
even if you want to network.
Come on down to the house ofthe Lord.
Okay, come on down with thehouse of the Lord with an open
mind and a pure heart.
Now let's get back to ourscheduled program, our regular
(28:27):
scheduled program.
So I think that the first thingthat you can do because I want
to give us practical steps Okay,I don't want to make this
complicated I think the firstthing that we can do is a
self-assessment.
I'm doing this currently.
It's a never-ending thing.
I think you do this throughlife.
It's a self-assessment, youknow.
Just reflect on the areas whereyou know you tend to deflect
your responsibility.
You know what I mean.
(28:48):
Like, for me, it was myemotions.
I gave people the power over myemotions.
I've, like, you made me feellike this, you did this, you did
that, you did that you did.
I feel like this because of you.
And let me be real, like, a lotof times people were hurting me
and taking advantage of me andstuff like that, but I gave them
the power.
So I would really deflect whenit came to, like, my emotions
and the pain that I felt and theway that I acted, and I
(29:11):
deflected a lot.
You know, when you know I'veI've heard this many times like
you're um, what's the word?
You're projecting, and sometimespeople be doing stuff, wild
stuff, to you and say you'reprojecting, listen, like you
have to have the spirit ofdiscernment too, because some of
them some of them people, someof them folks is lines, lines
and cheetahs.
You need to get them lines andcheetahs.
Know what I mean.
I know and I can takeresponsibility for that.
(29:31):
I mean, I'm not perfect, we'renot always going to get it right
, but we can be intentional.
And you also have to be aroundpeople that are willing to give
you the room to grow, the roomto change, the room to empower
you.
To empower you, you have to bearound people that have the
(29:54):
capacity to love.
You know what I mean.
If you're around people thatdon't have the capacity to love
and they're burnt out, it's notgoing to work, baby.
You know.
That's where you just need toreevaluate and just be like,
okay, maybe I need to be bymyself right now Because you can
give yourself the love thatyou're looking for right.
So you know, do aself-assessment of, like, what
you're going through or thethings that you find that you
tend to deflect responsibility.
(30:15):
Like you know, you reallydeflect in that area.
I think that's great journaling, journaling, journaling your
thoughts and your patterns ofthe people that you blame and
the excuses and the viciouscycles.
You will see, like I know, forme, like I was, I was going
through like a vicious cycle.
I just kept going through it.
I just kept going through itand it took someone to be like
(30:35):
okay, sis, this is the patternand it was like clear as day.
It's like a light bulb went offfor me.
But journaling, journaling, willchange your life.
Journaling just like makingsure that, if you don't have
anybody to offload, tooffloading your thoughts from
your mind to paper, listen,journaling your thoughts, your
(30:57):
patterns and like the blameexcuses that you like the
excuses that you have, thepeople you tend to blame, that
will really make you moreself-aware.
That will honestly truly makeyou way more self-aware.
So like reflect, sit down,reflect, turn the netflix off,
turn everything off and reflect.
(31:18):
Take some time to just reflecton your life and the things that
you've been through.
You know what I mean the waythat you react to things, some
of the patterns where youdeflect the most, where it hurts
, where it's like a soft, likeit's a.
It's a wound.
Still, you know what I mean.
Journal your thoughts.
Journal the patterns.
Journal the you know thevicious cycles and the people
that you blame.
Journal that.
You know what I mean.
(31:40):
Offload your thoughts.
Like that helps with yourmental health.
Every listen, every psychiatristI've ever seen, therapist that
I've ever seen journaling is amajor key.
It's a major, major, major key.
So once you do that becauselisten is listen, this is not an
overnight thing, it's aneveryday thing.
You know what I mean.
It's an intentional thing, it'staking responsibility thing
(32:02):
Then you can set some cleargoals.
You know what I mean For me,like I have to.
I really, really cause I thinka lot.
I think a lot, so I have tooffload a lot of my thoughts
onto paper and I like to offloada lot of my thoughts.
That's why I have a podcast,because I like to offload a lot
of my thoughts and myexperiences and it really helps
me and it's super therapeutic.
You know what I mean.
So I would do this even ifnobody was listening, because it
(32:25):
really helps me when it comesto a lot of, like, my mental
health and things like that.
But, yeah, set some clear goals.
You know what I mean.
I think that will really helpyou, like define what it is that
you want.
You know what I mean In thedifferent areas of your life.
So you know career relationship,your health.
You know your finances, yourmental health.
(32:46):
Like, set clear boundaries,define what it is that you're
looking for.
Like hey, I'm takingresponsibility for my health in
this way.
I'm taking and it doesn't haveto be major goals Like so if
you're, let's just say you don't, you're not good with money,
you know you don't have a goodrelationship with money.
Every time you get paid you justblow a bag everywhere.
Like you don't, you don't save,you don't do anything.
(33:07):
You can literally just be likeI'm going to start taking
responsibility or I'm going tostart being intentional about my
finances by opening up asavings account.
Like take a step.
You know what I mean, just takea step.
It says close mouth, closemouths, don't get fed.
That's what that's you know.
That's what I'm straight say.
But the bible says you know thelord will, he is your shepherd,
(33:29):
he is your rear guard.
Once you, once you start to doit says arise and shine.
You have to arise so the lordcan help you shine.
You know what I mean.
So you know, like I said, smallgoals.
You can start with some smallgoals.
You know the funny things too.
Society's always like.
You know.
I love those gurus that comearound and be like, yeah, I had
an awakening and I was able towrite 65 books in 10 days.
(33:52):
And you can do it too when youbuy this package.
Like that is $17,000.
Like that's fugazi stuff,that's, that's honestly, that's
honestly BS.
Like listen, little drops you.
You know that little drops ofwater can that consistently
drops on a rock and crack therock.
Little, little improvements.
Every diary entry, every timeyou sit down and self-reflect,
(34:16):
every time that you'reintentional about something,
every time that you remember tobe intentional about something,
it builds consistency.
Consistency will get you towhere you're going.
It amasses, it's like asnowball effect.
That's one thing that I had tolearn.
Like that is a key.
Like when people like okay, youknow, that's why the study of
the year, the gyms make so muchmoney because people are going
to are saying that in December31st, you know they're eating
(34:40):
all the junk food and dah, dah,dah.
But January 1st they're goingto just cut all that junk food
and da, da, da.
But january 1st they're goingto just cut all that junk food
and cut all the sugar out.
They're just gonna go to thegym and they're gonna be ripped
and they're gonna wear their gymshirt clothes and just know.
Like it's a lie, it's smokingmirrors, it's not real.
Like you know what I mean.
Make small goals, set cleargoals, even if they're little.
(35:00):
Like you open the bank account.
Maybe you never put any moneyin it yet, but you've opened the
bank account.
Maybe you never put any moneyin it yet, but you've opened the
bank account.
You've opened the savingsaccount.
Then you push yourself, youpush yourself, continue to set
small goals'm continuing to workon is my thoughts, my mindset.
You know what I mean.
(35:28):
So declarations and meditationhave really, really, really,
really, really helped me, and mychurch has this thing called
our meditation.
It's, you know, it's guidedmeditation with Dr Emmanuel and
he just guides us throughmedication.
You know what I mean and it's,it's amazing, amazing and it
clears my mind.
I get to offload and I come outfeeling light and it really
(35:49):
helps me with my mental healthbecause I want to show up as my
best self and I've all you know,for a long time I've had issues
with my mindset.
You know what I mean the Lordwill pray for me.
I mean the Lord will pray forme, I'll be prayed for, I'll be
prayed for, I'll be like, but mymindset wasn't changing.
I was getting opportunities,going to new environments, but
(36:09):
my mindset, it was still thesame.
So I write, I do this, I writethese, I write these small goals
down.
I journal, I meditate.
You know what I mean.
I listen declarations,declarations, declarations.
I know it sounds crazy, but Ispeak to myself.
You know, even when I don'tfeel like it, you know, I tell
myself.
You know, like for a long time,when I was younger, they told
(36:29):
me that I had ADHD, if that'swhat it is, adhd.
So you know, for even now I,you know I can't really focus
for a really long time If I'm,if that, what, what I'm doing,
is not really, you know, likeentertaining to me, and you know
what I mean Like I can't sitstill for really really long
periods of time, and you knowwhat I mean.
So but I declare over myselfthat I have the mind of Christ,
(36:51):
that I have the mind of JesusChrist.
You know what I mean.
I declare to myself, even when Ifeel like those things are,
like you know, it's rearing itsugly head.
Like I, I listen, I have themind of Jesus Christ period,
like that's the goal that I havefor me.
You know what I mean.
It doesn't that doesn't have tobe for you, but I'm just saying
that for my mindset, that's thegoal.
(37:13):
Those are the small goals thatI've been using.
They've really been helping mekeep my mindset positive, light,
um, full of full of light, andI am able to navigate, I'm not
bogged down, I don't have thatbrain fog that I usually have
and depression and mental health.
You know what I mean.
So really do that and then breakit down, like I said, into like
(37:34):
small actionable goals andsteps that you can take.
This is very easy like listen,set clear goals.
So define what it is that youyou know the different areas
that you find that you usuallyreflect, deflect in and deflect
responsibility in and then breakthem down into small actionable
goals.
You know what I mean.
You have to develop a growthmindset.
(37:54):
You just have to push throughevery single day.
You're not going to get itevery day, you're not going to
hit the bullseye every singleday, but every day that you wake
up you say, say I'm going to beresponsible for my life today.
I'm going to try my very bestto do that.
You know what I mean.
And and another thing for me,like I don't really believe in,
(38:14):
like I I don't really believe inhoroscopes.
I feel like horoscopes are just, like you know, people that
have like studied a group ofpeople that are born a certain
month and stuff, and and a lotof the traits are the same, to
be really honest.
But let's just say we'retalking about horoscopes.
I'm a Taurus, you know what Imean.
They say we don't like changeand I find that I really don't
like you know, for a long time Ididn't like change, like I
wanted everything to stay thesame.
(38:35):
Because when I was younger,there was a lot of chaos in my
family and you know my biofather would leave and come back
and it was just never stable.
So I always wanted things tostay the same, because when you
know, for me in my mind, thingsstaying the same, it meant
stability.
For me, all I ever wanted wasstability, a stable relationship
(38:57):
, a stable friendship, a stablejob, a stable you know what I
mean.
I wanted just a stable, quiet,cool, calm life.
But that's just not what I wasthrown into.
You know what I mean.
And now I know that that's justnot the hands that were dealt
to me.
But for me, now I'm developinglike a growth mindset.
So I'm embracing challenges,I'm embracing like different
(39:17):
opportunities to learn, to openmy mind, to connect with someone
that's different from me.
To connect with someone that'sdifferent from me.
That's something that I used tonot be able to do, like if we
didn't really agree.
Then I was like, oh, you're notthe person.
No, I want to be able to have ahealthy, communicative, you
know um conversation withsomeone that doesn't believe in
God, that doesn't love God.
And you know, I want to be ableto have like a healthy
conversation with them and askquestions and agree to disagree.
(39:41):
Like that's something that I'mreally working on.
When it comes to my mindset, youknow what I mean Replacing all
the negative self-talk that Iused to have with positive
affirmations, like just tellingyourself every day.
Like every day I tell myselfI'm like, I'm a solution, I'm a
city set on a hill, I'm the saltof this earth, I'm a queen, I
am a solution, I'm an answerprayer, I'm a kingdom financier.
(40:04):
I'm here to set captives free.
Like I try I speak to myself.
I speak life into myself beforeI can ever want other people to
speak life into me.
I gotta take responsibility formyself.
I gotta show up for the innerchild in me.
I have to stand up.
Like I don't know if you guysever see that meme or that video
where she's like stand up,stand up.
Like that's what I'd be tellingmyself.
(40:25):
Like let's go, let's go big Enever the little.
Like you know what I mean.
You got this God.
You are God's child.
You know what I mean.
Like I try my best.
Like, listen, I'm not going tosay I hit the bullseye every
single day, but I'm trying, I'mpushing through, no matter,
because we can't become ahelping hand to anybody else if
we're just bogged down.
You know what I mean.
(40:45):
So really, really like, replacethat negative self-talk with
positive affirmations.
Like you don't have to wake upand be like today I'm going to
do 100 affirmations.
If it's just one and youcontinue to repeat it to
yourself every single day, youknow, maybe you might remember
at lunch, you might rememberbefore you go to sleep.
Like I am a child of God, Ihave the mind of Jesus Christ.
(41:06):
Just those two affirmations.
You know what that can do foryour day?
Do you know what that can dofor your day?
Listen, develop a growthmindset.
Now let's talk aboutaccountability.
Okay, you can findaccountability you can have an
accountability partner or likean accountability coach.
But take accountability forwhen you don't take
responsibility, when you don'ttake responsibility, don't blame
(41:27):
yourself.
This is not about blamingyourself when you don't get it
right or when you fall short oryou make a mistake, like no,
that's demonic, that's not whatwe're here to do.
When you don't, you know, takeresponsibility.
You might have got a little bitheated in that argument.
You know what I mean and saidsome things that you didn't want
to say.
You didn't take accountabilityfor your actions.
Like you know what I mean, youdidn't take responsibility for
your actions.
Like you, take anaccountability will really help.
(41:48):
You know what I mean.
Like, if you have people aroundyou that can be an
accountability partner, then goahead and get that, but regular,
like you know, regularly reviewand self-assess, like your
progress.
You know what I mean Adjustwhere you need to adjust and
keep it moving.
You know what I mean Take andkeep it moving.
You know what I mean Take anaction oriented approach, guys.
(42:09):
Focus on what you can control.
This is so big, I'm talking tomyself.
Focus on what you can control.
Don't focus on the things thatyou can't control.
How people treat you you cannotcontrol that.
How you treat yourself you cancontrol that.
What you think you can controlthat.
You know what I mean.
Where you're at, where you putyourself physically, you can
control that.
You know what I mean.
Where you're at, where you putyourself physically, you can
control that.
You know what I mean.
How you spend your money, therelationship you have with
(42:29):
yourself and your money and yourpeople.
Like you can control thosethings.
But the things like that youcan't control, like how people
treat you, how people perceiveyou.
Like you need to let that goBecause you can't.
You can't those narratives thatpeople make about you.
Like you cannot control that.
You can't pretend.
Be yourself.
Show up as your authentic self.
That's taking accountability,that's taking responsibility.
(42:50):
That's being intentional.
You know what I mean.
Focus on what you can control.
That's all you can do.
Listen, it's small, consistentactions towards your goals, guys
.
Small, consistent actions willsnowball into something that you
will be able to help otherpeople like.
(43:10):
That will be your path, yourgift, and you'll be able to help
other people.
And you'll be shocked.
You know what I mean.
You will be absolutely shocked,like.
I really want to talk about anarea of my life where I never
took accountability and it'swhen it came to men.
You know what I mean.
Men and these dang onrelationships and whatever they
were.
You know, when I was younger, Iwas a daddy's girl.
(43:32):
My bio dad hey, listen, he sadstory.
You know black american story.
I don't drink said that onetime, but he wasn't there.
He was in my life.
You know what I mean.
So, of course, as a child, ayoung girl, growing up, I just
kept dating men.
They were, were like my fatheremotionally unavailable.
I'm unavailable.
That was a listen, that was thestory, that was the song of my
life.
Ok, back in the day.
(43:53):
But the Lord done changed mylife.
Ok, and I still listen, I stillgot to watch it.
If I'm being transparent, Istill got to be like, ok, well,
this is looking familiar, oh,this is looking familiar.
You know, when I reassessed,this is looking familiar and now
it's giving almost the same.
No, I need to take myself awayfrom the situation.
So I dated a lot of guys thatwere unavailable, that just
weren't there for me, thatplayed a lot of games, that just
(44:15):
never showed up for me.
When they said they weren't menof their word, you know what I
mean.
They would violate me and Iwould just consistently, just,
you know, want to be with thatperson.
The more that they you knowthey, they were unavailable, the
more I wanted to like change my, change who I was, to prove to
them that I was worthy of loveand you know, I was the right
woman for them and I was not inan.
(44:35):
You know, I, I would alwaysmake the.
You know, after the guy treatedme bad, whatever, I would
always make the guy the villain.
You know, I would villainizethe guy and be like it's your
fault, fault, it's his fault.
You're the reason why we'rethis, you're the reason why I'm
jaded, you're the reason why I'mhurt.
And I was not.
And listen, a lot of the times,listen, I didn't doubt what some
demons OK, so they really wereout here doing what they were
they were doing, but I didn'ttake responsibility for my
(44:58):
actions.
I didn't take responsibilityfor putting myself in that
situation.
I didn't take responsibilityfor not walking away.
I didn't take responsibilityfor letting them continue to
treat me that way.
I didn't take responsibility, Ididn't take accountability, I
didn't assess, I didn'treevaluate, I didn't do anything
.
I just kept saying what was me?
You keep treating me bad andyou're a villain.
(45:20):
You know what I mean when wevillainize people or villainize
things in our minds, like wedon't take accountability.
That that gives me a reason notto step up and be like okay,
I'm going to show up for myself.
But when I, when I, when I cameupon this gem of like, really
taking a responsibility andbeing intentional about my life
and showing up for my innerchild and showing up for myself,
it eliminates a lot of that bs.
(45:43):
It eliminates a lot of.
You know what I mean Like,because the minute I started
talking to you and you startedshowing that you're wassy, that
you're, you're emotionallyavailable, you're trying to come
do some things, I can takemyself away.
I can hold myself responsibleand be like okay, esther, this
is not a situation.
This person is clearly showingpatterns.
I can take myself away fromthat situation.
(46:04):
I don't have to villainize thatperson, but I can be like hey,
listen, it's time for me to hitthe old dusty trail.
This is not for me, this is notworking for me, and I can do it
in a civilized way.
It doesn't have to be no drama.
It could just be deuces.
I'm chucking up the deuces.
It ain't for me.
You know what I mean.
That's one thing that I'mlearning and, as a young man,
and just people out there canreally like relation, like
(46:24):
dating right now is justincredibly interesting.
I always say there's likeneedles and fentanyl in the
dating pool because it's givingcrazy.
There is some people out therethat are nuts, but because
they're not takingresponsibility for their actions
, there are grown men and grownwomen walking around that are
wounded, okay, hurt, traumatized.
(46:44):
That you know.
They just just hey, like, I'mthis way because of this, I'm
this way because of this, takeit or leave it.
Listen, when you meet thosetype of people, run for the
hills, run, bolt, usain Bolt,run for your life.
Run for your lives Like run,because, yeah, that's like you.
You listen.
(47:06):
Kendrick said it the best I amnot your savior, we are not
their saviors.
Jehovah Jireh, if you think youcan be El Shaddai, you shall
truly die.
Okay, like, I'm not El Shaddai.
I'm not Listen, I'm not ElShaddai.
All I can do is try to besupportive and if, if that
doesn't work, I got to go to dois try to be supportive.
If, if that doesn't work, Igotta go like I hit the old
(47:26):
dusting trail.
You gotta be around people thatwant to be responsible and
intentional also, or it's notgonna work.
You know what I mean.
So I really wanted to share thatand I know I talk a lot about
my experiences when it comes tolike dating and men.
But yeah, like you know what Imean, I would villainize them
and I would you know.
That would give me an excuse toyou know, not be, not be better
, not be better, and just anexcuse to be like you're
horrible, you hurt me and it'syour fault.
(47:49):
No, if I don't put myself in aposition for you to play me, you
can't play me.
If I don't put myself in aposition for you to mistreat me,
you can't mistreat me.
If I don't put myself in aposition to you know what I mean
, like you, when I build anexpectation of you know, when I
build an expectation of you know, and I have an, when we have
(48:09):
expectations of people thatclearly can't meet that
expectation that we have, likewe're just playing ourselves.
That's all it is.
You know what I mean.
So I just want to close with Ihope this blessed you, because I
know it blessed me.
I hope that you know, eventhough it's the third quarter,
you take responsibility for yourlife.
Take responsibility for yourlife, show up for yourself.
You can do it.
(48:30):
No one's going to do it for you, no one around you.
God is not going to fall fromheaven and do it for you.
He's given you the tools and ifyou don't have the tools yet,
learn, get into spaces,challenge yourself, have a
growth mindset, wake up everyday I'm not saying wake up every
day, and you know what I mean.
Like, oh my gosh, you gottaknow.
Wake up every, if it's just youknow.
(48:51):
Another thing I want to touch ontoo, excuse me reading, reading
.
Reading will help you.
Reading will change your life.
Read, get knowledge, acquireknowledge about what it is that
your visions, your goals, youraspirations.
Like you know, turn the Netflixoff.
This is for me to turn theNetflix off to the Nigerian
(49:12):
movies off.
Turn it off.
You know what I mean.
Read a book.
Read a book.
A book like, not some nonsensebook.
Read a book that's going toempower you, to empower other
people.
Do something, get in community,wake up, stand up, show up for
yourself, be accountable, beintentional, have a growth
mindset, try your best to becomea light in a city of refuge for
(49:36):
other people.
You know what I mean.
I'm listen, I'm here to justlisten.
I'm the messenger for my ownlife too.
You know what I mean and andthis is for me, this is for
speaking ranges, for speak um.
You know emotionalconversations with Esther.
Like I said to my, I was so sickand tired of coming on here and
be like hey guys, pray for me.
(49:56):
Like I'm going through so much.
I'm going through so much.
Um, yeah, okay, we're all goingthrough some things.
Everybody's going throughsomething.
You know what I mean.
Everybody's going throughsomething.
But if this is what the Lordhas given me, this is the
assignment that the Lord hasgiven me, then I need to take
responsibility for theassignment and I need to show up
as much as I possibly can.
I need to fight for this vision.
(50:17):
I need to fight for this, this,this purpose, because I know
that this is a part of mypurpose.
You what I mean and I pray thatyou know.
This blesses you.
I wanted to make this short, butyou guys know I'd be going.
I'd be.
I want the holy spirit betalking like listen, I'd be
going, but listen, it's beensuper fun.
I pray that you guys willcontinue to be, to empower
(50:38):
yourself, continue to love onyourself, speak life into
yourself, show up for yourself,be the people that you're
looking for, be that thing thatyou're looking for.
Um, yeah, I'm back on instagramy'all.
Speaking arrangement.
Speaking underscorearrangements um, esther estates.
Send me an email, actually onmy, on my.
(50:58):
Um, when you guys go to listento my podcast, if, wherever it
is that you're listening, itsays feedback.
Like you guys can like text me.
I really want to hear from youguys.
I want to hear about the topicsthat you guys want me to talk
about.
If there's guests that you wantme to connect with, I really
would love to hear from you guys.
Just feedback in general.
You guys are awesome.
I love you guys and, yeah, talkto you guys next friday.
(51:20):
Y'all have an amazing weekend.
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