Understanding the Relationship Between Disappointment & Expectations EP 34

In life, we all have expectations. Whether it is from ourselves, the people around us, or the experiences we encounter, we set standards and anticipate specific outcomes. However, things don't always go as planned, and we are left feeling disappointed. Disappointment is a common feeling, but it can be challenging to navigate, especially when we don't understand the relationship between our expectations and disappointment.

Expectations are the beliefs we hold about an event, situation, or person. It is natural to have expectations, as they help us make sense of the world around us. They help us plan, anticipate, and prepare for events. However, when our expectations are not met, we feel disappointed. 

The more significant our expectations, the more significant our disappointment.

Brené Brown emphasizes that there are two types of expectations: 

• Examined and expressed
• Unexamined and unexpressed



Unexamined and unexpressed expectations, also known as "stealth expectations," are those that we keep to ourselves, and we expect others to know and fulfill them. These types of expectations are dangerous and often lead to disappointment.

To manage disappointment and expectations, Brown suggests examining and communicating expectations with ourselves and others. Communicating our expectations with our loved ones or colleagues can help them understand our needs and manage their expectations. This approach can lead to healthier relationships and fewer disappointments.

Examined and Expressed Expectations are when our expectations are realistic, clearly communicated, and self-aware. These expectations are intentional and thoughtful, and when they don't turn out as expected, disappointment can hurt a lot. However, it's an opportunity for meaningful connection when someone shares their hopes and dreams with us.

It takes a lot of courage and vulnerability to share our Examined and Expressed Expectations with others. That's why it's important to celebrate someone's success, but also be there for them when disappointment happens. Instead of offering simple platitudes, we can show meaningful empathy by recognizing and acknowledging the courage it took to share their hopes and dreams.

It's important to note that even when we have done the hard work of self-examination, we can still experience disappointment. In these moments, it's important to keep the lines of communication open and circle back to talk about our feelings and move to accountability. 

Glennon Doyle Untamed Journaling Prompts: 

Ideals & Expectations that you grew up with:

• What were you taught to believe makes a good daughter/child?
• What have you been conditioned to believe makes a good partner?
• What were you trained to believe makes a good friend?
• What did your family, culture, and world teach you to believe about what makes a good mother? 
• What expectations are you ready and willing to let go of?
• When have you made a decision that defied expectations that your family, your community, your workplace, or the world had of you?
• What are some things that you have denied yourself  because they do not fit with others expectations?

Resources:

Atlas of the Heart Book Study: https://www.meghanthomas.com/atlas-of-the-heart

Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown: https://amzn.to/3IXIeZE

Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski: https://amzn.to/3YsK9v1

Untamed by Glennon Doyle: https://amzn.to/3LkF5Gr

The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer: http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/

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