August 16, 2024 • 36 mins
Have you ever felt more comfortable discussing your deepest secrets than your financial situation? You're not alone. Join me and Janine Bolon, an analytical biochemist turned financial coach, as we unpack the fascinating dynamics between emotional intelligence and money. Janine, whose life was dramatically changed after being struck by lightning, brings a unique perspective on why open conversations about money are crucial for emotional and financial well-being. We dive into the emotional baggage that often accompanies financial discussions, and Janine shares her journey of helping others overcome these barriers to achieve financial abundance.
Staying present and addressing the ego can be game-changers for your financial mindset. This episode explores how the ego, rooted in our childhood fears, affects our current decisions. By acknowledging and managing these fears, we can foster a healthier relationship with money. We also discuss the importance of inner child work and how embracing all parts of ourselves, even those we struggle with, can lead to a state of flow and fulfillment. Learn how to shift from a scarcity mindset to one of abundance, unlocking the emotional and financial benefits that come with it.
Money shame and guilt are universal experiences, regardless of your financial status. This episode provides practical advice on overcoming these feelings, emphasizing the importance of a supportive network and accountability. We discuss how language shapes our perceptions of work and money, and why shifting from resistance to acceptance is key for financial wellness. Don't miss our heartfelt conversation, where we also highlight the significance of community support in achieving financial and emotional fitness. Tune in to enrich your journey towards a mindset of worthiness and openness to receiving abundance.
Show Notes:
Janine Bolon
https://the8gates.com/about
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/janinebolon
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/janinebolon/
Instagram: Janine Bolon (@janinebolon) • Instagram photos and videos
YouTube: The Janine Bolon Show
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvWVsj2oR30p9beFzMi5Dww
Want to learn how to build your EQ? Let's meet to see if working together is good fit.
* Calendar: https://calendly.com/jami-carlacio/virtual-coffee
* Email: jami@jamicarlacio.com (mailto:%20jami@jamicarlacio.com)
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
started helping people with their finances.
I had five marriage counselorson speed dial because they will
talk about their sex life longbefore they will talk to you
about their money, and I had toget through a lot of discussions
(00:22):
that I did not feel qualifiedfor.
I'm an analytical biochemist.
For crying out loud, zerotraining in the humanities, and
they were starting to talk to meabout issues with their love
life and I was trying to getthem to talk about money issues
and it took training from thosefive marriage counselors to help
me get to a point where I couldframe questions and what have
(00:44):
you to stay off the sex topicsand stay on the money topics,
the problem being that's wherethe shame and the guilt are.
So as a first chakra healer, Ihad to learn a lot about how to
help people with their sex dualsituations before we could talk
about money.
(01:04):
Do you realize that mostmarriage counselors say people
will start talking about theirsex lives in session two or
three?
They will not discuss moneyuntil session eight?
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Hello and welcome to the podcast Emotional
Intelligence your greatest assetand key to success.
I'm your host, dr JamieCarlaccio, coming to you from
the greater New Haven,connecticut area, as a positive
intelligence, or PQ, coach.
I'm committed to helping peopledevelop both emotional
intelligence and mental fitness.
(01:44):
That is, you'll come to regardproblems as situations that help
you learn and grow.
Pq is a way of being and doingin the world that enables you to
develop and sustain a positiverelationship with yourself and
others, at home, at work andeverywhere in between.
Please subscribe to thispodcast and tap the like button
(02:05):
so more people can enjoy thebenefits of PQ.
And now here's the show.
Hello and welcome everybody.
I am excited today because ourtopic is money, and I don't know
a single person on this planetand no, I don't know everybody
on the planet but I don't knowanybody who isn't thinking about
(02:26):
money at some point in theirday, whether it's what they are
going to spend, what they'regoing to save, how much they
have or don't have, and thefeelings associated with that.
But first I want to tell you alittle bit about my wonderful
guest, janine Bolan.
I met Janine a couple of yearsago, hi, and I am so grateful
(02:49):
that I got to know Janine.
I have learned so much from you, janine, from your Friday
coffee chats and just otherinteractions that we've had.
We have a couple of networkinggroups in common, but before I
say any more, I want to justshare a little bit about you
with our audience.
And this first fact is, I think, the most interesting one.
(03:11):
When Janine was young, she wasstruck by lightning and
obviously she survived and shelived through it.
But it's the driving factorthat inspired her not to waste
time by living some kind ofunfulfilled life.
So originally her life goal wasto be a scientist and have as
many different types ofexperiences as she could have.
(03:34):
She enjoys helping peopleachieve their dreams and showing
them the path to debt-freeliving, and she has a book on
that and I'll let her talk alittle bit about that later
While creating a business andwriting books and she's written
I don't know, maybe we'recounting at 20 by now, janine,
somewhere around there.
Yeah, yeah, we've lost count.
(03:54):
Okay, amazon is very happy withyou, anyway.
So she has a lot of fun helpingpeople go from living paycheck
to paycheck to living anabundant life.
So she's worked as ananalytical biochemist, she's
homeschooled four children andshe runs an online university,
(04:15):
and in 2010, she was called intoactive service by the Thunder
Clan.
And what does that mean?
Well, she was pulled into herlife's purpose, and that purpose
is to teach, write and guidespiritual seekers of all
paradigms into deeperrelationship with their source
and share their spiritual,emotional and physical laws that
(04:38):
work with and through financialabundance.
Through financial abundance,and through her books and her
courses, janine shares how toexpand your intuitive gifts as
well as help you uncover theblocks, to help you improve your
financial situation, and Icertainly could use a little bit
of that myself.
For the more analytical seeker,janine has been labeled a
(05:00):
financial first responder, andfor the spiritually minded,
she's been labeled as a firstchakra healer.
The chakra up here, the crown,oh, excuse me, the root chakra,
the root chakra yeah, the rootchakra which is actually quite
different, but still veryconnected.
Yes, ma'am, so no matter whatlabel that you prefer, just
don't call her late for dinner.
(05:20):
She is here to share with youhow to think about money and how
to live debt-free and leavethis living from paycheck to
paycheck mentality behind.
But, in addition, the reason Iasked Janine to join me today is
because I really wanted to getinto this is called emotional
(05:40):
intelligence, so I want to talkabout the emotionality about
money, and I will say that Ihave a lot of emotions around
money, and a lot of my life hasbeen living in a scarcity
mindset, because when I wasgrowing up, money was scarce.
It was also not really talkedabout, and if you had it, you
(06:03):
certainly didn't really sayanything.
But people knew who had moneyand who didn't have money in my
family, and we definitely didn't, and so I grew up very jealous
of people who had money, butafraid to talk about it and
afraid to want it.
So I'm just going to leave youwith that little bombshell right
(06:24):
there and let you take it fromthere for a moment.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Okay, well, let's start off with where you are.
Okay, and we'll talk aboutJamie, but for those of you that
are watching this either livestreaming or you're watching the
recording I just wanted toshare with you that this is not
an uncommon story, all right.
So if you feel alone or feellike that your family had it
worse than someone else, orsomething like that, I want you
(06:49):
to take comfort in the fact ofyou picked that.
You picked that experience, andhow you choose to move beyond
that experience is what we willtalk about.
Okay, so, once you accept thefact that you allowed your soul
to incarnate in a body thatlived in a family that had all
(07:15):
of that packaging wrapped up init, that whole paradigm that
Jamie just kind of went, andhere you go.
This was my background.
I'd like you to make a promiseto yourself and what I want you
to do.
If you don't mind and you canjudge this you can take a moment
and kind of check in with yourhigher self, or however you
(07:35):
meditate to see if it'sappropriate or not, but you need
to stop telling that story.
That is your family story.
That is how your family choseto operate.
How's that working for you?
Right, and so I don't mean tocome off as too flip or whatever
, but that's part of the problemis that you say I grew up this
(07:57):
way.
I thought what you're doing isyou're justifying your
limitations.
Stop making those excuses Right, and so I.
First of all, it's I'm notmaking this a fault.
It's not somebody's fault.
Okay, I'm just stating theseare things, these are behaviors,
these are perfectly acceptableways of communicating.
(08:19):
And let's start a focus group,let's get on Facebook, let's
build a group, let's all talkabout the trauma and the drama.
And, oh my gosh, it stoppedright.
Because you're just feeding thatnegativity, you're feeding that
ego and, believe it or not, itis your ego.
(08:41):
This is where I grew up, so Iam justified.
And, believe it or not, it isyour ego.
This is where I grew up, so Iam justified.
And it's like you've seen thoselittle kids that will hold on
ferociously for something thatisn't good for them and you know
it isn't good for them and theywill hang on tight as anything
and realize your ego is doingthat because it feels like it
needs to protect you, likeprotect you from reality.
(09:05):
Well, the thing is that mindsetand just because you've
experienced it I don't care ifyou're 60 years old and this is
all you've experienced.
There are people living very,very different lives who came
from the same environment youdid, and they're living
different lives because theychose to make different life
(09:25):
choices and different paths.
And it's never too late tochange.
But the ego resists changesbecause a lot of times, change
is terrifying.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Exactly, fear is underneath, I think, everything.
It's underneath every emotion,but I want to go back.
It's underneath every emotion,but I want to go back.
So the reason that we aretalking about money today is
exactly that that we often don'teven realize how unconscious
our decisions are and how fear,or whatever, is ruling the roost
(09:59):
, so to speak.
And I wanted to also, in casesome listeners aren't familiar
with, say, soul contracts.
I totally understand that, andmy spiritual trajectory and
journey has evolved to such thatI understand that soul
contracts are entering intoagreements with.
(10:19):
What do you want to experience?
And I believe, at least for me,I chose the experiences I have,
not because I wanted to feellike what is it like to feel
poor, but I chose the wholepackage.
And the whole package meansthere must have been something
else I really wanted toexperience and maybe learn so
(10:41):
that I could evolve.
And so I'm at that place whereI'm evaluating all those beliefs
and systems and behaviors thathave governed and, by the way,
I'm going to be 60 in a few days, so it has been 60 years.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Congratulations.
Not everybody makes it to 60.
I made it, yeah.
Yeah, I celebrate every time Ihit another decade.
I'm like because my familydoesn't necessarily, yeah, raise
them long, you know we don't wedon't necessarily live long
lives.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
I'm like ahead of the curve for my family, so yeah,
yeah, yeah, but I think it'sreally important what you said
about choice and mindset, and Iwondered if you could say a
little bit more about thisconcept of the ego grabbing onto
something because it's familiar, it's like for me.
(11:32):
I understand it, as this iswhat I know and it may not be
good for me, but it's what Iknow, it's what I'm used to and
I don't know what to do if I letgo of this thing.
I'm not sure, and for me, youknow, my higher power is my
safety net, and I just have toremember that it's always been
there.
And so, for me, letting go isusually falling into loving arms
(11:55):
that protect me and bring me tosomething better.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Let's start off with the fact that and whether you
have soul contracts or you havea spirituality that accepts it,
all that let's just bring itdown into a very secular
environment for a moment thething is is taking
responsibility for where youcurrently stand.
So the reason that we talk inmindset when it comes to money,
(12:24):
about it doesn't matter whatyour family did, it doesn't
matter.
None of that matters.
What matters is where you standright now, in this present
moment, and any successfulperson will tell you that where
their power lies is in thatpresent moment Now.
Some call it the power of now,with Eckhart Tolle and all that
(12:46):
kind of stuff.
But even athletes that havenever heard of the man, or even
people who have never had anykind of spiritual teaching in
that way, will talk about whereis your power.
And as an athlete, it's like itwas my head in the game they
always know when they're offright.
Every athlete will tell youthat People who are on media,
(13:08):
like anchor people or people whoare reporters, will always tell
you that sometimes the camerawill go on and they're not in
the right mind space, and theyknow they're not and you're
seeing them trying to recover.
So when you talk about mindset,it's you were thinking about
the past, you were thinkingabout the future.
You are not thinking aboutwhere you are right now.
(13:28):
And the mindset that's soimportant is that one where you
address the ego's concernsbecause, no offense, the ego
kept you safe during your two,three and four year old phase.
And let me tell you, that'swhere I feel like children are
trying to die.
They're sticking things intoelectrical sockets there.
(13:49):
You know, I just always feltlike I'm just trying to keep
them alive to their fifthbirthday.
Okay, that's how I felt as amother of four Realized the ego
is in that space, my ego.
I actually got a glimpse of it,that it was actually six, it
was six years old.
I actually got kind of thatunderstanding of myself and when
I realized it was asix-year-old, I realized, oh my
(14:11):
gosh, there is no cognitive,analytical reasoning skills at
that level.
Right, that is not happening.
I have to deal with this ego ina very basic way and very
emotionally and realize it knowsgood from bad, it knows right
from wrong.
But it also doesn't see thepast, it doesn't see the future,
(14:34):
it just sees the now.
And when I started understandingthat about my ego, I could
address my demons, so-called Icould address my darkness.
I could address my demons onemoment at a time that way.
And so when I was getting readyto make a decision on something
and I could feel myself beingtight-fisted as a very terrified
(14:54):
six-year-old, I could say Icould talk to that six-year-old
and say you know, you have everyright to be afraid.
You have every right.
I acknowledge the fact thatyou're feeling afraid right now.
What can we do to make you feelsafer right now?
And usually it was just taking acouple of breaths and then,
after taking a couple of breaths, pausing a little bit, I would
(15:15):
then say so what's the realconcern?
And then a memory would flashup from the past and I go that's
totally appropriate.
However, I'm not there now.
You're still there.
You're here now, and I wouldhave to like coax that person
through and I'm talking aboutthis very slowly.
This would happen in a matter ofmicroseconds.
(15:36):
I mean, this can happen very,very fast, but it takes time to
learn, and so some people, itmay take you a whole 15 to 30
seconds.
All right To do this.
Come on now, people.
You can do 15 to 30 secondswhere you hit the pause button
on life and deal with that demon, that, that darkness, that
shadow however you want to labelthat.
(15:57):
So it's very important toacknowledge where you are right
now.
Ok, and stop telling storiesthat are not helping you move
forward.
The more you talk about thethings that you had to grow up
and the things you had toovercome, the more you bring all
of that into your presentmoment.
(16:18):
Well, did all that informationhelp you before, when you were
making these choices?
I don't think so, so stop it.
Right, and, by the way, the wayI'm speaking to you and your
listeners right now is how Italk to myself, so I'm just
letting you in that crazy nuthouse that is Janine's brain.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Yeah, yeah, I like that.
Some people might call what youjust talked about inner child
work, because there is thisinner child like I need to tell
you something.
You're OK now.
That might have been rough whenyou were six, but you're 56 now
or something, and I've learned.
I don't do it in microsecondsyet, but I do realize that I've
(16:57):
become aware of when I'm in fearand I'm aware of when I have a
negative emotion that isn'tserving me or anybody else, and
that even goes with money.
And so I've been reallycontemplating in fact I'm doing
a seven-day meditation on myshadow self and just learning
that I get to embrace everysingle part of myself as part of
(17:22):
the whole me, even the partsthat I may wish didn't exist or
that I don't like so much, butthey're all part of me, and that
is actually helping me to movebeyond all of this other kind of
mind clutter that is existingand that I'm saying.
You know you're right, janine,none of this really matters,
(17:43):
because that's not today and itisn't, and I think of I talked
about, we talked about findingyour purpose last week with Matt
Berrifato, and it's about beingin that state of flow that you
were talking about, whetheryou're a news anchor or an
athlete or anything, but whenyou're in flow, you're in the
right now.
You're in the right now.
(18:03):
You're not in what happenedyesterday or what might happen,
and isn't even predictable fortomorrow.
That's so true, yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
And one of the things I caution people on, and this
is because I'm sure it's becauseof my analytical nature and the
fact that I am a writer and Iwork with words.
Okay, so you have artists thatwork with paint and paintbrushes
or sculpture or what have you.
Well, my art is words, and so Ipick up on words that people
use a lot, and so I like to dojust a little cognitive
behavioral therapy which, by theway, I'm not licensed or
(18:37):
accredited so, but I play one onTV, experience All right.
But it's very important thatyou make sure that the word work
is something that you reallywant to be actively doing, and
so I choose not to use that wordwhen I'm talking about what we
were describing regarding shadow, the shadow side or what have
(19:00):
you, because there's no effortrequired on my part.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Say more about that, when you say there's no effort
required.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
Okay, what we're doing here is we are allowing
grace to enter, we are makingspace, we are releasing, we're
letting go of the work.
See, this, to me, is what theshifts of mindset are all about
is when you stop resisting.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
When you stop putting up the defensive barriers, when
you stop working.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And when people say, what doyou do for work?
For me what I do isn't work andso I don't think of what I do
as work as much as I'm doingwhat I love.
And when I'm doing what I love,I don't even think about I
don't have, like I don't punch aclock, even though I may have
(20:00):
to punch a clock, like, yes, Ihave to get up, I want to go to
the gym and, yes, I need to makesure my son has dinner tonight.
But other than that, I think itbehooves us to think about that
word work.
I like that you brought that up.
That's really important becausethat sets up this whole other
mindset right.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
I'm going to stop you right there and I'm going to
say you made and I would lovefor you to go back and I want
you to pinpoint all theassumptions you made about the
word I used, which was work.
You talked about punching aclock, you started mentioning
things that you have to do andblah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And I'd like you to go back andlisten to what you said and the
listeners, you guys.
(20:38):
This is so valuable.
I started in radio in 1982 and Iwould listen to my recorded
stuff and I realized some of thethings that I was saying and
nothing is more valuable.
I didn't enjoy it.
By the way, I didn't enjoygoing back and listening to
myself because I sounded weird,because I'm, you know, we're
used to hearing ourselvesthrough our bones.
(20:59):
Yeah, so when you hear yourselfrecord, it's very weird.
And then the other thing iswhat you think you are saying is
so different from what actuallycomes out of your mouth when
you're not aware of what'shappening, and so we make a lot
of assumptions about things.
So when I was talking aboutwork, I was using it in the
physics aspect of it, which isthe amount of energy required to
(21:23):
sustain a behavior.
Yeah, and I was thinking of itin a totally cultural sense, and
that's totally fine, and it'swonderful that you did, because
it just shows the amount ofassumptions we make on a daily
basis when one person isspeaking and we are receiving
that information, and so when Ispeak about work, I don't care
(21:44):
what your emotional state isregarding it.
You are expending energy.
Let's go back to what we'retalking about money and the
resistance that we have towardit, because we're too busy
making it difficult for us toreceive.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
So I just was listening to something the other
day and this person remarkedthat emotions and I believe this
because I do energy work aswell, I'm a Reiki master but
emotion is energy in motion.
And so, talking about energynot only what we put out into
(22:24):
the world without recognizing itor realizing it, how it's
received, without recognizing itor realizing it, how it's
received and, like you said, theamount of resistance to the
energy is what's going torequire a certain amount of
effort.
Right, Energy flows, butoftentimes, if you think of wind
, there's resistance.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
And so when you were in physics, you learned that
there are two types of energy,and this is very classical stuff
.
We're going to take it toreally good basic Newtonian kind
of physics and that is you havepotential energy and you have
kinetic energy.
Potential energy is what I see.
A lot happens with thought andemotion.
(23:05):
Emotion you can love somethingand no work is required, no
work's required.
You can totally love somethingand you hear that love is action
.
Love is this.
Love is that?
Well, no offense.
How dare you tell me what loveis?
I know when I am receivingGod's grace.
How dare you tell me I have tobe working to receive it or I
(23:28):
need to be worthy for that?
Yeah, that's a tough one forpeople, and so I'm mixing things
here.
I'm being scientific, I'mbouncing back and forth between
the secular and the spiritualhere, but I'm also trying to
make a point that resistancetakes work.
Money just needs to be received.
(23:49):
Money just needs to be received, and there's a lot in between
there that people makeresistance work, and so when
we're talking about mindset, Ireally want to dig pretty deeply
.
Like I said, I'm a first chakrahealer, so we dig, we dig a lot
, and what I like to dig down tois basically you deserve all
(24:11):
the money you have received Now.
If you're in debt and you'renot worth, okay.
So then people get intoself-blame and all that and I'm
like no, no, no, that's not whatI'm talking about.
What I'm talking about is youdeserve a better life.
So sit there and own where youare, write down in dollars and
cents how much money you oweother people.
(24:31):
Write down how much money isactually coming in.
I couldn't believe the numberof clients that I had.
I've coached over 1,600 clientsand I couldn't believe how many
clients I had that would tellme how much money they made each
year, but they didn't know howmuch money actually landed in
their bank account.
Just because you say I make$135,000 a year.
(24:53):
How much of that is Uncle Sam's, before you even get it in your
checking account?
So I was wanting to know whatthe net money was.
Right, so that's a goodstarting place is how much you
are making net.
Okay, and then after that, thenstart working on a plan to
improve your life, and you startdoing that by becoming
(25:14):
extremely jealous of your time,and what's amazing is the more
you schedule your life so thatyou make room for the things you
want to do and then the thingsthat you feel are your
responsibility, and all that.
Then you start to see how muchtime is left Now.
When do you want to relax?
(25:35):
When do you want to go out?
And in my case, I love to gosnowshoeing in the mountains.
So when am I going to go intothe mountains and when am I
going to get busy changing mylife?
So that's the items that I seeover and over again with very
wealthy people.
Is that?
The wealthy people that I havebeen lucky enough to be able to
(25:55):
interview and to really examinetheir lives?
They all live their lives by acalendar.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
Hmm, Hmm, yeah, that's interesting.
I have all kinds of thingsgoing through my head as you say
that, because today I did writedown a schedule for myself that
listed what I wanted to do andwhen I wanted to do it, and one
(26:25):
of the first things I do everyday is for myself.
I get my coffee, which is formyself, and I meditate, and I
usually get on a Zoom call withfriends and then I go to the gym
and so I try to jealously guardthose things that feed my soul
(26:46):
before I even attempt to doother stuff like check email or,
you know, tackle something thatI said I was going to do, like
today.
It's purging my files, which isgoing to make me feel better.
It's going to clear away someof the detritus that's been
collecting in my head.
But I like that.
You said that that people reallylearn to value their time and
(27:08):
what nourishes them or feedsthem, and I can say that I have
certainly been one of thosepeople to use a proverbial
phrase that runs around like achicken, with her head cut off
sometimes, and then I'm justspinning my wheels and I'm
usually not present at all whenthat's happening.
(27:30):
So, yeah, so I wanted to say,going back to feelings about
money, sometimes people feelguilty for wanting money or feel
shame in having more money orless money.
I know that in our cultureespecially, people blame the
(27:51):
poor, as if they are lessvirtuous because they don't have
money or they rely ongovernment assistance or
something.
So there's a lot of emotion andjudgment around it, and
something I learned is money'sjust a thing.
It's just there like a hammer.
You need it, you pick it upwhen you need it, or it's there,
(28:13):
it's available as a tool andyou use it for the appropriate
thing.
And when I started thinkingabout money as just something
that is inert, really it's justthere and that it doesn't have
to have a value tied to it perse, that actually helped me
shift my thinking about it andto shift my thinking about
(28:36):
whether I wanted it and why Iwanted it, and I probably said
some things in there that beliemy supposed enlightenment, but
I'm still in this process ofevolving my thoughts about it
and my feelings.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
We all are, everybody is.
We're always evolving, and ifyou're evolving, then you're not
psychological furniture, you'renot inert, and that's a good
thing.
That's a good thing, and anybodywho says, well, I just want to
stay the way I am for the restof my eternity, um, are not
people that I hang with.
(29:13):
Yeah, so uh.
But for starters, where itcomes to the emotional side of
money, um, people judge people.
I don't care if you're poor,rich, I don't care.
So when you are kind enough tobring to our attention that you
know people poor people arejudged, I like to say, please
(29:34):
show me a human being on thisplanet that has not been judged.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Oh yeah for sure.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
Okay, so let's go a little deeper now.
All right, you talked aboutshame and guilt.
Well, shame, then guilt.
There is a reason that when Ifirst started helping people
with their finances, I had fivemarriage counselors on speed
dial because I gotta hear thisthey will talk about their sex
(30:02):
life long before they will talkto you about their money.
And I had to get through a lotof discussions that I did not
feel qualified for.
I'm an analytical biochemistfor crying out loud, zero
training in the humanities andthey were starting to talk to me
about issues with their lovelife and I was trying to get
(30:23):
them to talk about money issuesand it took training from those
five marriage counselors to helpme get to a point where I could
frame questions and what haveyou to stay off the sex topics
and stay on the money topics,the problem being that's where
the shame and the guilt are.
So, as a first, as a firstchakra healer, I had to learn a
(30:44):
lot about how to help peoplewith their sex dual situations
before we could talk about money.
Do you realize that mostmarriage counselors say people
will start talking about theirsex lives in session two or
three?
They will not discuss moneyuntil session eight?
Speaker 2 (31:03):
Wow, no, that's amazing, wow, that's huge.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
Yeah.
When you bring up shame andguilt, people immediately go to
sex.
I'm like try money.
Yeah, that's a lot deeper downthere.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Woo, yeah, yeah.
So there must be a lot of feararound, like I don't even really
want to talk about it.
Yeah, I love it.
So it sounds like you've had areally wide variety of clients.
And like you say, you've beendoing this for a very long time
15, 1600 people that you'vehelped.
Do you have any?
(31:41):
Because we're getting close tothe end of our time?
Do you have any nuggets ofwisdom that you've learned that
have helped you and that youcould impart to our audience?
Besides, what you've alreadygiven us.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Sure, I'll be glad to leave you guys some stuff.
First of all, I'm a verypractical person.
I'm practical in myspirituality.
I'm very earthy.
I'm like, okay, show me how toimplement it.
So I love ideas.
Okay, I love brainstorming.
I love ideas.
I love these visionaries thathave these amazing ideas for us.
Love those people, okay.
(32:15):
But I know my place in societyand that is it's my job to
implement it.
So, let's some of this stuff.
It's very lovely.
Jamie will continue to workwith you.
Continue to listen to her showas she goes on her journey.
She'll be glad to invite youalong with her.
So, definitely continue tolisten to this.
That's step one.
Listen to people who are alsoon a similar journey.
(32:36):
Have that as your supportnetwork.
Make sure you join up with herFacebook group or whatever she's
got going on, because she isevolving.
Okay, is she evolving perfectly?
God, I hope not.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
None of us are pretty boring yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
But definitely be a part of this group, be a part of
this journey with Jamie.
Okay, Number two find somebodythat you like the way their
system rolls.
So we didn't talk about the 60,40 principle.
I've written a lot.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
It's going in the show notes for sure.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
That's fine.
So it's all free.
Okay, because my business hasevolved and I moved on to other
things, but I'm still availableto anybody who wants to talk
about money.
I will be glad to help you withthat.
There's a lot of free contentthere.
Now, this is a psychologicalthing.
Just because it's free, peoplethink it doesn't have value.
I want you to know what I'moffering you for free, because
(33:28):
you're listening to Jamie today.
I used to charge $2,970 for aweekend to go through similar
information.
I did this in 1997 through 2005.
So that's the content.
All right, now, who are yougoing to have that is going to
hold your feet to the fire tomake sure that you stay there.
(33:52):
Even though it gets reallyuncomfortable, you still make
progress and move forward.
You're going to hire Jamie?
Are you going to hire someother coach?
Are you going to show up to myopen Friday coffees?
These are choices that arelaying out before you, but it's
very important that number oneyou decide that you're going to
do it.
You're going to get yourselfout of debt.
You're going to start makingmore money.
(34:15):
Okay, number two who is going tobe in your support group?
Oh, please, don't pick yourpartner.
Oh my God, please, no, givethem a break.
Okay, you're trying to evolveinto something differently.
Please allow your partner to bethere to be your cheerleader or
to be your salve when the worldgets tough, and get somebody
else.
So join Jamie's group, be apart of that, okay?
Number three make sure you pickone person, say, okay, this is
(34:38):
my plan, this is what I'm goingto do, this is how I'm going to
do it.
I want to meet with you once aweek to make sure I do it.
Or some people have even metevery single day because they
need that kind of support.
What kind of support do you do?
And, my dear people who aremale, please ask for help.
I know it's very difficult and Iknow that you have been taught
(35:01):
since you were knee high, to agrasshopper, as we like to say.
I know that you've been taughtthat you need to learn to do it
for yourself, figure it out, bethe best man you possibly can be
.
And, please, I want you to knowthat if you're struggling with
under earning, if you'restruggling with self-worth
issues, allow someone to helpyou move through that, because
(35:22):
you'll go faster.
And I want to save you time, Iwant to save you money and I
want to save you your sanity.
I want to save you those threethings.
So please take my advice onthis, if nothing else, and start
those three points.
Thank you so much, jamie, forletting me be on your show.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
I am so grateful to you, janine, and just now we
have a little bit of a treat.
Neen, it is a blessing to haveyou here with me, and I will see
(36:00):
you again soon.
I think you're off for a weekor two for coffee fridays, is
that right?
Speaker 1 (36:04):
that's correct, but I'll be back on september 27th
and we'll be there most, almostevery Friday.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Awesome and I'll make sure people know that in the
show notes.
And until next time, I'll seeyou guys all at the positive
slash emotional intelligence gym, where you can start feeling
better right now.
Take care, bye.
started helping people with their finances.
I had five marriage counselorson speed dial because they will
talk about their sex life longbefore they will talk to you
about their money, and I had toget through a lot of discussions
(00:22):
that I did not feel qualifiedfor.
I'm an analytical biochemist.
For crying out loud, zerotraining in the humanities, and
they were starting to talk to meabout issues with their love
life and I was trying to getthem to talk about money issues
and it took training from thosefive marriage counselors to help
me get to a point where I couldframe questions and what have
(00:44):
you to stay off the sex topicsand stay on the money topics,
the problem being that's wherethe shame and the guilt are.
So as a first chakra healer, Ihad to learn a lot about how to
help people with their sex dualsituations before we could talk
about money.
(01:04):
Do you realize that mostmarriage counselors say people
will start talking about theirsex lives in session two or
three?
They will not discuss moneyuntil session eight?
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Hello and welcome to the podcast Emotional
Intelligence your greatest assetand key to success.
I'm your host, dr JamieCarlaccio, coming to you from
the greater New Haven,connecticut area, as a positive
intelligence, or PQ, coach.
I'm committed to helping peopledevelop both emotional
intelligence and mental fitness.
(01:44):
That is, you'll come to regardproblems as situations that help
you learn and grow.
Pq is a way of being and doingin the world that enables you to
develop and sustain a positiverelationship with yourself and
others, at home, at work andeverywhere in between.
Please subscribe to thispodcast and tap the like button
(02:05):
so more people can enjoy thebenefits of PQ.
And now here's the show.
Hello and welcome everybody.
I am excited today because ourtopic is money, and I don't know
a single person on this planetand no, I don't know everybody
on the planet but I don't knowanybody who isn't thinking about
(02:26):
money at some point in theirday, whether it's what they are
going to spend, what they'regoing to save, how much they
have or don't have, and thefeelings associated with that.
But first I want to tell you alittle bit about my wonderful
guest, janine Bolan.
I met Janine a couple of yearsago, hi, and I am so grateful
(02:49):
that I got to know Janine.
I have learned so much from you, janine, from your Friday
coffee chats and just otherinteractions that we've had.
We have a couple of networkinggroups in common, but before I
say any more, I want to justshare a little bit about you
with our audience.
And this first fact is, I think, the most interesting one.
(03:11):
When Janine was young, she wasstruck by lightning and
obviously she survived and shelived through it.
But it's the driving factorthat inspired her not to waste
time by living some kind ofunfulfilled life.
So originally her life goal wasto be a scientist and have as
many different types ofexperiences as she could have.
(03:34):
She enjoys helping peopleachieve their dreams and showing
them the path to debt-freeliving, and she has a book on
that and I'll let her talk alittle bit about that later
While creating a business andwriting books and she's written
I don't know, maybe we'recounting at 20 by now, janine,
somewhere around there.
Yeah, yeah, we've lost count.
(03:54):
Okay, amazon is very happy withyou, anyway.
So she has a lot of fun helpingpeople go from living paycheck
to paycheck to living anabundant life.
So she's worked as ananalytical biochemist, she's
homeschooled four children andshe runs an online university,
(04:15):
and in 2010, she was called intoactive service by the Thunder
Clan.
And what does that mean?
Well, she was pulled into herlife's purpose, and that purpose
is to teach, write and guidespiritual seekers of all
paradigms into deeperrelationship with their source
and share their spiritual,emotional and physical laws that
(04:38):
work with and through financialabundance.
Through financial abundance,and through her books and her
courses, janine shares how toexpand your intuitive gifts as
well as help you uncover theblocks, to help you improve your
financial situation, and Icertainly could use a little bit
of that myself.
For the more analytical seeker,janine has been labeled a
(05:00):
financial first responder, andfor the spiritually minded,
she's been labeled as a firstchakra healer.
The chakra up here, the crown,oh, excuse me, the root chakra,
the root chakra yeah, the rootchakra which is actually quite
different, but still veryconnected.
Yes, ma'am, so no matter whatlabel that you prefer, just
don't call her late for dinner.
(05:20):
She is here to share with youhow to think about money and how
to live debt-free and leavethis living from paycheck to
paycheck mentality behind.
But, in addition, the reason Iasked Janine to join me today is
because I really wanted to getinto this is called emotional
(05:40):
intelligence, so I want to talkabout the emotionality about
money, and I will say that Ihave a lot of emotions around
money, and a lot of my life hasbeen living in a scarcity
mindset, because when I wasgrowing up, money was scarce.
It was also not really talkedabout, and if you had it, you
(06:03):
certainly didn't really sayanything.
But people knew who had moneyand who didn't have money in my
family, and we definitely didn't, and so I grew up very jealous
of people who had money, butafraid to talk about it and
afraid to want it.
So I'm just going to leave youwith that little bombshell right
(06:24):
there and let you take it fromthere for a moment.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Okay, well, let's start off with where you are.
Okay, and we'll talk aboutJamie, but for those of you that
are watching this either livestreaming or you're watching the
recording I just wanted toshare with you that this is not
an uncommon story, all right.
So if you feel alone or feellike that your family had it
worse than someone else, orsomething like that, I want you
(06:49):
to take comfort in the fact ofyou picked that.
You picked that experience, andhow you choose to move beyond
that experience is what we willtalk about.
Okay, so, once you accept thefact that you allowed your soul
to incarnate in a body thatlived in a family that had all
(07:15):
of that packaging wrapped up init, that whole paradigm that
Jamie just kind of went, andhere you go.
This was my background.
I'd like you to make a promiseto yourself and what I want you
to do.
If you don't mind and you canjudge this you can take a moment
and kind of check in with yourhigher self, or however you
(07:35):
meditate to see if it'sappropriate or not, but you need
to stop telling that story.
That is your family story.
That is how your family choseto operate.
How's that working for you?
Right, and so I don't mean tocome off as too flip or whatever
, but that's part of the problemis that you say I grew up this
(07:57):
way.
I thought what you're doing isyou're justifying your
limitations.
Stop making those excuses Right, and so I.
First of all, it's I'm notmaking this a fault.
It's not somebody's fault.
Okay, I'm just stating theseare things, these are behaviors,
these are perfectly acceptableways of communicating.
(08:19):
And let's start a focus group,let's get on Facebook, let's
build a group, let's all talkabout the trauma and the drama.
And, oh my gosh, it stoppedright.
Because you're just feeding thatnegativity, you're feeding that
ego and, believe it or not, itis your ego.
(08:41):
This is where I grew up, so Iam justified.
And, believe it or not, it isyour ego.
This is where I grew up, so Iam justified.
And it's like you've seen thoselittle kids that will hold on
ferociously for something thatisn't good for them and you know
it isn't good for them and theywill hang on tight as anything
and realize your ego is doingthat because it feels like it
needs to protect you, likeprotect you from reality.
(09:05):
Well, the thing is that mindsetand just because you've
experienced it I don't care ifyou're 60 years old and this is
all you've experienced.
There are people living very,very different lives who came
from the same environment youdid, and they're living
different lives because theychose to make different life
(09:25):
choices and different paths.
And it's never too late tochange.
But the ego resists changesbecause a lot of times, change
is terrifying.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Exactly, fear is underneath, I think, everything.
It's underneath every emotion,but I want to go back.
It's underneath every emotion,but I want to go back.
So the reason that we aretalking about money today is
exactly that that we often don'teven realize how unconscious
our decisions are and how fear,or whatever, is ruling the roost
(09:59):
, so to speak.
And I wanted to also, in casesome listeners aren't familiar
with, say, soul contracts.
I totally understand that, andmy spiritual trajectory and
journey has evolved to such thatI understand that soul
contracts are entering intoagreements with.
(10:19):
What do you want to experience?
And I believe, at least for me,I chose the experiences I have,
not because I wanted to feellike what is it like to feel
poor, but I chose the wholepackage.
And the whole package meansthere must have been something
else I really wanted toexperience and maybe learn so
(10:41):
that I could evolve.
And so I'm at that place whereI'm evaluating all those beliefs
and systems and behaviors thathave governed and, by the way,
I'm going to be 60 in a few days, so it has been 60 years.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Congratulations.
Not everybody makes it to 60.
I made it, yeah.
Yeah, I celebrate every time Ihit another decade.
I'm like because my familydoesn't necessarily, yeah, raise
them long, you know we don't wedon't necessarily live long
lives.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
I'm like ahead of the curve for my family, so yeah,
yeah, yeah, but I think it'sreally important what you said
about choice and mindset, and Iwondered if you could say a
little bit more about thisconcept of the ego grabbing onto
something because it's familiar, it's like for me.
(11:32):
I understand it, as this iswhat I know and it may not be
good for me, but it's what Iknow, it's what I'm used to and
I don't know what to do if I letgo of this thing.
I'm not sure, and for me, youknow, my higher power is my
safety net, and I just have toremember that it's always been
there.
And so, for me, letting go isusually falling into loving arms
(11:55):
that protect me and bring me tosomething better.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Let's start off with the fact that and whether you
have soul contracts or you havea spirituality that accepts it,
all that let's just bring itdown into a very secular
environment for a moment thething is is taking
responsibility for where youcurrently stand.
So the reason that we talk inmindset when it comes to money,
(12:24):
about it doesn't matter whatyour family did, it doesn't
matter.
None of that matters.
What matters is where you standright now, in this present
moment, and any successfulperson will tell you that where
their power lies is in thatpresent moment Now.
Some call it the power of now,with Eckhart Tolle and all that
(12:46):
kind of stuff.
But even athletes that havenever heard of the man, or even
people who have never had anykind of spiritual teaching in
that way, will talk about whereis your power.
And as an athlete, it's like itwas my head in the game they
always know when they're offright.
Every athlete will tell youthat People who are on media,
(13:08):
like anchor people or people whoare reporters, will always tell
you that sometimes the camerawill go on and they're not in
the right mind space, and theyknow they're not and you're
seeing them trying to recover.
So when you talk about mindset,it's you were thinking about
the past, you were thinkingabout the future.
You are not thinking aboutwhere you are right now.
(13:28):
And the mindset that's soimportant is that one where you
address the ego's concernsbecause, no offense, the ego
kept you safe during your two,three and four year old phase.
And let me tell you, that'swhere I feel like children are
trying to die.
They're sticking things intoelectrical sockets there.
(13:49):
You know, I just always feltlike I'm just trying to keep
them alive to their fifthbirthday.
Okay, that's how I felt as amother of four Realized the ego
is in that space, my ego.
I actually got a glimpse of it,that it was actually six, it
was six years old.
I actually got kind of thatunderstanding of myself and when
I realized it was asix-year-old, I realized, oh my
(14:11):
gosh, there is no cognitive,analytical reasoning skills at
that level.
Right, that is not happening.
I have to deal with this ego ina very basic way and very
emotionally and realize it knowsgood from bad, it knows right
from wrong.
But it also doesn't see thepast, it doesn't see the future,
(14:34):
it just sees the now.
And when I started understandingthat about my ego, I could
address my demons, so-called Icould address my darkness.
I could address my demons onemoment at a time that way.
And so when I was getting readyto make a decision on something
and I could feel myself beingtight-fisted as a very terrified
(14:54):
six-year-old, I could say Icould talk to that six-year-old
and say you know, you have everyright to be afraid.
You have every right.
I acknowledge the fact thatyou're feeling afraid right now.
What can we do to make you feelsafer right now?
And usually it was just taking acouple of breaths and then,
after taking a couple of breaths, pausing a little bit, I would
(15:15):
then say so what's the realconcern?
And then a memory would flashup from the past and I go that's
totally appropriate.
However, I'm not there now.
You're still there.
You're here now, and I wouldhave to like coax that person
through and I'm talking aboutthis very slowly.
This would happen in a matter ofmicroseconds.
(15:36):
I mean, this can happen very,very fast, but it takes time to
learn, and so some people, itmay take you a whole 15 to 30
seconds.
All right To do this.
Come on now, people.
You can do 15 to 30 secondswhere you hit the pause button
on life and deal with that demon, that, that darkness, that
shadow however you want to labelthat.
(15:57):
So it's very important toacknowledge where you are right
now.
Ok, and stop telling storiesthat are not helping you move
forward.
The more you talk about thethings that you had to grow up
and the things you had toovercome, the more you bring all
of that into your presentmoment.
(16:18):
Well, did all that informationhelp you before, when you were
making these choices?
I don't think so, so stop it.
Right, and, by the way, the wayI'm speaking to you and your
listeners right now is how Italk to myself, so I'm just
letting you in that crazy nuthouse that is Janine's brain.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Yeah, yeah, I like that.
Some people might call what youjust talked about inner child
work, because there is thisinner child like I need to tell
you something.
You're OK now.
That might have been rough whenyou were six, but you're 56 now
or something, and I've learned.
I don't do it in microsecondsyet, but I do realize that I've
(16:57):
become aware of when I'm in fearand I'm aware of when I have a
negative emotion that isn'tserving me or anybody else, and
that even goes with money.
And so I've been reallycontemplating in fact I'm doing
a seven-day meditation on myshadow self and just learning
that I get to embrace everysingle part of myself as part of
(17:22):
the whole me, even the partsthat I may wish didn't exist or
that I don't like so much, butthey're all part of me, and that
is actually helping me to movebeyond all of this other kind of
mind clutter that is existingand that I'm saying.
You know you're right, janine,none of this really matters,
(17:43):
because that's not today and itisn't, and I think of I talked
about, we talked about findingyour purpose last week with Matt
Berrifato, and it's about beingin that state of flow that you
were talking about, whetheryou're a news anchor or an
athlete or anything, but whenyou're in flow, you're in the
right now.
You're in the right now.
(18:03):
You're not in what happenedyesterday or what might happen,
and isn't even predictable fortomorrow.
That's so true, yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
And one of the things I caution people on, and this
is because I'm sure it's becauseof my analytical nature and the
fact that I am a writer and Iwork with words.
Okay, so you have artists thatwork with paint and paintbrushes
or sculpture or what have you.
Well, my art is words, and so Ipick up on words that people
use a lot, and so I like to dojust a little cognitive
behavioral therapy which, by theway, I'm not licensed or
(18:37):
accredited so, but I play one onTV, experience All right.
But it's very important thatyou make sure that the word work
is something that you reallywant to be actively doing, and
so I choose not to use that wordwhen I'm talking about what we
were describing regarding shadow, the shadow side or what have
(19:00):
you, because there's no effortrequired on my part.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Say more about that, when you say there's no effort
required.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
Okay, what we're doing here is we are allowing
grace to enter, we are makingspace, we are releasing, we're
letting go of the work.
See, this, to me, is what theshifts of mindset are all about
is when you stop resisting.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
When you stop putting up the defensive barriers, when
you stop working.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And when people say, what doyou do for work?
For me what I do isn't work andso I don't think of what I do
as work as much as I'm doingwhat I love.
And when I'm doing what I love,I don't even think about I
don't have, like I don't punch aclock, even though I may have
(20:00):
to punch a clock, like, yes, Ihave to get up, I want to go to
the gym and, yes, I need to makesure my son has dinner tonight.
But other than that, I think itbehooves us to think about that
word work.
I like that you brought that up.
That's really important becausethat sets up this whole other
mindset right.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
I'm going to stop you right there and I'm going to
say you made and I would lovefor you to go back and I want
you to pinpoint all theassumptions you made about the
word I used, which was work.
You talked about punching aclock, you started mentioning
things that you have to do andblah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And I'd like you to go back andlisten to what you said and the
listeners, you guys.
(20:38):
This is so valuable.
I started in radio in 1982 and Iwould listen to my recorded
stuff and I realized some of thethings that I was saying and
nothing is more valuable.
I didn't enjoy it.
By the way, I didn't enjoygoing back and listening to
myself because I sounded weird,because I'm, you know, we're
used to hearing ourselvesthrough our bones.
(20:59):
Yeah, so when you hear yourselfrecord, it's very weird.
And then the other thing iswhat you think you are saying is
so different from what actuallycomes out of your mouth when
you're not aware of what'shappening, and so we make a lot
of assumptions about things.
So when I was talking aboutwork, I was using it in the
physics aspect of it, which isthe amount of energy required to
(21:23):
sustain a behavior.
Yeah, and I was thinking of itin a totally cultural sense, and
that's totally fine, and it'swonderful that you did, because
it just shows the amount ofassumptions we make on a daily
basis when one person isspeaking and we are receiving
that information, and so when Ispeak about work, I don't care
(21:44):
what your emotional state isregarding it.
You are expending energy.
Let's go back to what we'retalking about money and the
resistance that we have towardit, because we're too busy
making it difficult for us toreceive.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
So I just was listening to something the other
day and this person remarkedthat emotions and I believe this
because I do energy work aswell, I'm a Reiki master but
emotion is energy in motion.
And so, talking about energynot only what we put out into
(22:24):
the world without recognizing itor realizing it, how it's
received, without recognizing itor realizing it, how it's
received and, like you said, theamount of resistance to the
energy is what's going torequire a certain amount of
effort.
Right, Energy flows, butoftentimes, if you think of wind
, there's resistance.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
And so when you were in physics, you learned that
there are two types of energy,and this is very classical stuff
.
We're going to take it toreally good basic Newtonian kind
of physics and that is you havepotential energy and you have
kinetic energy.
Potential energy is what I see.
A lot happens with thought andemotion.
(23:05):
Emotion you can love somethingand no work is required, no
work's required.
You can totally love somethingand you hear that love is action
.
Love is this.
Love is that?
Well, no offense.
How dare you tell me what loveis?
I know when I am receivingGod's grace.
How dare you tell me I have tobe working to receive it or I
(23:28):
need to be worthy for that?
Yeah, that's a tough one forpeople, and so I'm mixing things
here.
I'm being scientific, I'mbouncing back and forth between
the secular and the spiritualhere, but I'm also trying to
make a point that resistancetakes work.
Money just needs to be received.
(23:49):
Money just needs to be received, and there's a lot in between
there that people makeresistance work, and so when
we're talking about mindset, Ireally want to dig pretty deeply
.
Like I said, I'm a first chakrahealer, so we dig, we dig a lot
, and what I like to dig down tois basically you deserve all
(24:11):
the money you have received Now.
If you're in debt and you'renot worth, okay.
So then people get intoself-blame and all that and I'm
like no, no, no, that's not whatI'm talking about.
What I'm talking about is youdeserve a better life.
So sit there and own where youare, write down in dollars and
cents how much money you oweother people.
(24:31):
Write down how much money isactually coming in.
I couldn't believe the numberof clients that I had.
I've coached over 1,600 clientsand I couldn't believe how many
clients I had that would tellme how much money they made each
year, but they didn't know howmuch money actually landed in
their bank account.
Just because you say I make$135,000 a year.
(24:53):
How much of that is Uncle Sam's, before you even get it in your
checking account?
So I was wanting to know whatthe net money was.
Right, so that's a goodstarting place is how much you
are making net.
Okay, and then after that, thenstart working on a plan to
improve your life, and you startdoing that by becoming
(25:14):
extremely jealous of your time,and what's amazing is the more
you schedule your life so thatyou make room for the things you
want to do and then the thingsthat you feel are your
responsibility, and all that.
Then you start to see how muchtime is left Now.
When do you want to relax?
(25:35):
When do you want to go out?
And in my case, I love to gosnowshoeing in the mountains.
So when am I going to go intothe mountains and when am I
going to get busy changing mylife?
So that's the items that I seeover and over again with very
wealthy people.
Is that?
The wealthy people that I havebeen lucky enough to be able to
(25:55):
interview and to really examinetheir lives?
They all live their lives by acalendar.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
Hmm, Hmm, yeah, that's interesting.
I have all kinds of thingsgoing through my head as you say
that, because today I did writedown a schedule for myself that
listed what I wanted to do andwhen I wanted to do it, and one
(26:25):
of the first things I do everyday is for myself.
I get my coffee, which is formyself, and I meditate, and I
usually get on a Zoom call withfriends and then I go to the gym
and so I try to jealously guardthose things that feed my soul
(26:46):
before I even attempt to doother stuff like check email or,
you know, tackle something thatI said I was going to do, like
today.
It's purging my files, which isgoing to make me feel better.
It's going to clear away someof the detritus that's been
collecting in my head.
But I like that.
You said that that people reallylearn to value their time and
(27:08):
what nourishes them or feedsthem, and I can say that I have
certainly been one of thosepeople to use a proverbial
phrase that runs around like achicken, with her head cut off
sometimes, and then I'm justspinning my wheels and I'm
usually not present at all whenthat's happening.
(27:30):
So, yeah, so I wanted to say,going back to feelings about
money, sometimes people feelguilty for wanting money or feel
shame in having more money orless money.
I know that in our cultureespecially, people blame the
(27:51):
poor, as if they are lessvirtuous because they don't have
money or they rely ongovernment assistance or
something.
So there's a lot of emotion andjudgment around it, and
something I learned is money'sjust a thing.
It's just there like a hammer.
You need it, you pick it upwhen you need it, or it's there,
(28:13):
it's available as a tool andyou use it for the appropriate
thing.
And when I started thinkingabout money as just something
that is inert, really it's justthere and that it doesn't have
to have a value tied to it perse, that actually helped me
shift my thinking about it andto shift my thinking about
(28:36):
whether I wanted it and why Iwanted it, and I probably said
some things in there that beliemy supposed enlightenment, but
I'm still in this process ofevolving my thoughts about it
and my feelings.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
We all are, everybody is.
We're always evolving, and ifyou're evolving, then you're not
psychological furniture, you'renot inert, and that's a good
thing.
That's a good thing, and anybodywho says, well, I just want to
stay the way I am for the restof my eternity, um, are not
people that I hang with.
(29:13):
Yeah, so uh.
But for starters, where itcomes to the emotional side of
money, um, people judge people.
I don't care if you're poor,rich, I don't care.
So when you are kind enough tobring to our attention that you
know people poor people arejudged, I like to say, please
(29:34):
show me a human being on thisplanet that has not been judged.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Oh yeah for sure.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
Okay, so let's go a little deeper now.
All right, you talked aboutshame and guilt.
Well, shame, then guilt.
There is a reason that when Ifirst started helping people
with their finances, I had fivemarriage counselors on speed
dial because I gotta hear thisthey will talk about their sex
(30:02):
life long before they will talkto you about their money.
And I had to get through a lotof discussions that I did not
feel qualified for.
I'm an analytical biochemistfor crying out loud, zero
training in the humanities andthey were starting to talk to me
about issues with their lovelife and I was trying to get
(30:23):
them to talk about money issuesand it took training from those
five marriage counselors to helpme get to a point where I could
frame questions and what haveyou to stay off the sex topics
and stay on the money topics,the problem being that's where
the shame and the guilt are.
So, as a first, as a firstchakra healer, I had to learn a
(30:44):
lot about how to help peoplewith their sex dual situations
before we could talk about money.
Do you realize that mostmarriage counselors say people
will start talking about theirsex lives in session two or
three?
They will not discuss moneyuntil session eight?
Speaker 2 (31:03):
Wow, no, that's amazing, wow, that's huge.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
Yeah.
When you bring up shame andguilt, people immediately go to
sex.
I'm like try money.
Yeah, that's a lot deeper downthere.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Woo, yeah, yeah.
So there must be a lot of feararound, like I don't even really
want to talk about it.
Yeah, I love it.
So it sounds like you've had areally wide variety of clients.
And like you say, you've beendoing this for a very long time
15, 1600 people that you'vehelped.
Do you have any?
(31:41):
Because we're getting close tothe end of our time?
Do you have any nuggets ofwisdom that you've learned that
have helped you and that youcould impart to our audience?
Besides, what you've alreadygiven us.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Sure, I'll be glad to leave you guys some stuff.
First of all, I'm a verypractical person.
I'm practical in myspirituality.
I'm very earthy.
I'm like, okay, show me how toimplement it.
So I love ideas.
Okay, I love brainstorming.
I love ideas.
I love these visionaries thathave these amazing ideas for us.
Love those people, okay.
(32:15):
But I know my place in societyand that is it's my job to
implement it.
So, let's some of this stuff.
It's very lovely.
Jamie will continue to workwith you.
Continue to listen to her showas she goes on her journey.
She'll be glad to invite youalong with her.
So, definitely continue tolisten to this.
That's step one.
Listen to people who are alsoon a similar journey.
(32:36):
Have that as your supportnetwork.
Make sure you join up with herFacebook group or whatever she's
got going on, because she isevolving.
Okay, is she evolving perfectly?
God, I hope not.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
None of us are pretty boring yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
But definitely be a part of this group, be a part of
this journey with Jamie.
Okay, Number two find somebodythat you like the way their
system rolls.
So we didn't talk about the 60,40 principle.
I've written a lot.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
It's going in the show notes for sure.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
That's fine.
So it's all free.
Okay, because my business hasevolved and I moved on to other
things, but I'm still availableto anybody who wants to talk
about money.
I will be glad to help you withthat.
There's a lot of free contentthere.
Now, this is a psychologicalthing.
Just because it's free, peoplethink it doesn't have value.
I want you to know what I'moffering you for free, because
(33:28):
you're listening to Jamie today.
I used to charge $2,970 for aweekend to go through similar
information.
I did this in 1997 through 2005.
So that's the content.
All right, now, who are yougoing to have that is going to
hold your feet to the fire tomake sure that you stay there.
(33:52):
Even though it gets reallyuncomfortable, you still make
progress and move forward.
You're going to hire Jamie?
Are you going to hire someother coach?
Are you going to show up to myopen Friday coffees?
These are choices that arelaying out before you, but it's
very important that number oneyou decide that you're going to
do it.
You're going to get yourselfout of debt.
You're going to start makingmore money.
(34:15):
Okay, number two who is going tobe in your support group?
Oh, please, don't pick yourpartner.
Oh my God, please, no, givethem a break.
Okay, you're trying to evolveinto something differently.
Please allow your partner to bethere to be your cheerleader or
to be your salve when the worldgets tough, and get somebody
else.
So join Jamie's group, be apart of that, okay?
Number three make sure you pickone person, say, okay, this is
(34:38):
my plan, this is what I'm goingto do, this is how I'm going to
do it.
I want to meet with you once aweek to make sure I do it.
Or some people have even metevery single day because they
need that kind of support.
What kind of support do you do?
And, my dear people who aremale, please ask for help.
I know it's very difficult and Iknow that you have been taught
(35:01):
since you were knee high, to agrasshopper, as we like to say.
I know that you've been taughtthat you need to learn to do it
for yourself, figure it out, bethe best man you possibly can be
.
And, please, I want you to knowthat if you're struggling with
under earning, if you'restruggling with self-worth
issues, allow someone to helpyou move through that, because
(35:22):
you'll go faster.
And I want to save you time, Iwant to save you money and I
want to save you your sanity.
I want to save you those threethings.
So please take my advice onthis, if nothing else, and start
those three points.
Thank you so much, jamie, forletting me be on your show.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
I am so grateful to you, janine, and just now we
have a little bit of a treat.
Neen, it is a blessing to haveyou here with me, and I will see
(36:00):
you again soon.
I think you're off for a weekor two for coffee fridays, is
that right?
Speaker 1 (36:04):
that's correct, but I'll be back on september 27th
and we'll be there most, almostevery Friday.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Awesome and I'll make sure people know that in the
show notes.
And until next time, I'll seeyou guys all at the positive
slash emotional intelligence gym, where you can start feeling
better right now.
Take care, bye.
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