August 27, 2024 • 48 mins
What if decluttering your mind could recharge your mental battery? Join my guest Kitti Andrews and me as we explore the transformative power of decluttering both your mind and space for heightened emotional intelligence and mental clarity.An international author and speaker specializing in personal decluttering solutions, Kitti brings invaluable insights on how to create a serene and productive environment by decluttering physical and mental spaces, sharing her innovative ONE decluttering system.
Drawing compelling parallels between mental clutter and having multiple web browser tabs open, we delve into practical strategies to maintain a clutter-free environment that fosters mental clarity and productivity. Hear personal anecdotes and actionable tips on prioritizing tasks, keeping spaces like kitchen counters clear, and beginning the day with centering practices like meditation. By organizing our physical and mental spaces, we set the stage for a more focused, efficient, and tranquil life.
The episode also emphasizes emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and clarity of purpose. Jami shares her personal journey of transitioning through various roles and the struggles of maintaining focus amidst life's demands. Kitty discusses the importance of differentiating between what we truly need and what we can discard, highlighting the importance of having a strong "why" to motivate meaningful changes. Concluding with reflections on the significance of creating space for clarity and purpose, we leave you with a reminder to enjoy a lovely, decluttered day. Tune in for practical tips and transformative insights on developing--and maintaining--a clutter-free mind and space.
Show Notes:
Kitti Andrews:
Website: https://www.declutterthebrain.com/;
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kitti.andrews.21
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kitti-andrews-87644055/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kittiandrews_mckay/
One One Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan: https://the1thing.com/book/
Rumi:
“Today, like every other day, we wake up empty and frightened. Don’t open the door to the study and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument. Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.”
Want to learn how to build your EQ? Let's meet to see if working together is good fit.
* Calendar: https://calendly.com/jami-carlacio/virtual-coffee
* Email: jami@jamicarlacio.com (mailto:%20jami@jamicarlacio.com)
* Find out more about my coaching services: https://jamicarlacio.com
* LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jami-carlacio/
* FaceBook: https://www.facebook.com/jamicarlacioEQ
* Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jamicarlacio1/
* YouTube: https://tinyurl.com/jamicarlacio1
* TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@jcarlacio
* Substack: https://substack.com/@eqmaven
* I'd appreciate your support the show by buying me a cup of coffee: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2167520/supporters/new
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kitti Andrews (00:00):
So just that five minutes just make it hotel-y,
as a friend of mine used to say,and many times it won't even
take you that five minutes.
Eventually you are going to be.
I'm going to have to clear this.
I'm going to have to clear this, so I'm not even going to put
(00:21):
it on the desk, it doesn't needto be here.
For example, just take away thecoffee cups, whatever.
Deceptively simple.
However, if it will reduce that, that little bit of frustration
and and keep that mentalbattery, you know the, the
battery indicator at the top ofyour iphone.
(00:44):
That is what is happening whenyou have clutter it's using up
extra mental energy and thatpower bar can go down lickety
split if you are careful.
Jami Carlacio (01:06):
Hello and welcome to the podcast.
Emotional Intelligence yourgreatest asset and key to
success.
I'm your host, dr Jami Carlacio, coming to you from the Greater
New Haven, connecticut area, asa positive intelligence, or PQ,
coach.
I'm committed to helping peopledevelop both emotional
intelligence and mental fitness.
(01:27):
That is, you'll come to regardproblems as situations that help
you learn and grow.
Pq is a way of being and doingin the world that enables you to
develop and sustain a positiverelationship with yourself and
others, at home, at work andeverywhere in between.
Please subscribe to thispodcast and tap the like button
(01:48):
so more people can enjoy thebenefits of PQ.
And now here's the show.
Hello and welcome everybody.
Thank you for joining us.
We are a little bit late, wehad some sound issues and it
always seems to be a little bitweird, and doesn't matter how
often I log in early, there's asound issue.
(02:11):
So thank you for bearing withme.
And thank you, Kitty, forbearing with me.
This is Kitti's and my secondattempt at recording this
podcast, and so she and I talkedabout how sometimes we're going
to talk about clarity today andwe're going to talk about what
it means to declutter the mind,and that's the topic of today's
(02:31):
podcast.
But we're going to talk about.
What does it mean?
How does clarity or lack ofclarity relate to emotional
intelligence?
But before we get into that, acouple things.
One is that when we tried tobroadcast last week, it was very
difficult.
I was frazzled, I was runninglate, I had technical
(02:54):
difficulties, kitty had to besomewhere and since I was having
such technical difficulties, wedecided to postpone the podcast
to today.
And we discovered that theenergy wasn't right and I said
well, mercury's been inretrograde, and I don't know how
much that means, but I know,for me, for the past month,
(03:18):
everything has been upside downand my mind has been completely
cluttered.
And so you are the perfect,perfect guest today.
And before we get into ourconversation, I want to
introduce you to our wonderfulaudience, if you are listening
or watching.
Kitti is an international authorand speaker and she's known as
(03:39):
the one lady who providespersonal decluttering solutions
for people who are overwhelmedby their accumulation.
And again, that doesn'tnecessarily mean you are
hoarding and that you have ahouse full of stuff.
It can all be up here in thislovely little space in between
your ears.
And so the idea is that we canthrive in a calm and productive
(04:03):
environment when our brain isdecluttered, and she helps you
do this for life.
This isn't just a okay, let'smeet next week.
It's I'm going to help you dothis thing and live this life of
clarity.
Kitti has produced over 1100online videos devoted to
(04:23):
decluttering the five lifepillars and she'll tell us what
those are, and she is the CEO ofDeclutter the Brain, and she
has shared step-by-step the onedecluttering system O-N-E at
events at Stanford and HarvardUniversities and on multiple
podcasts and in nationalmagazines, including the Los
(04:46):
Angeles Tribune and USA Today.
And I will have Kitti'sinformation in the show notes.
And so thank you, kitty, foryour forbearance and your
patience and welcome.
How are you doing today?
Kitti Andrews (04:58):
Fantastic, so glad that we can do this, and
let's give some value.
Let's declutter people's brains, shall we?
Jami Carlacio (05:06):
Okay, yes, so as I was doing some research on
this I always do research beforeI go live and I was thinking
about what does it mean to haveclarity?
And in terms of emotionalintelligence, clarity can mean a
lot of things, but it usuallymeans clarity of who I am, what
I'm about, what my values are.
(05:28):
It can mean clarity of takingthe next right action when my
mind is cluttered and Idefinitely experience symptoms
of ADHD and I can't focus verywell on one thing at a time.
I focus on five.
And then when we get into, well, I have Chrome open, I have
(05:49):
Firefox open, I have DuckDuckGoopen, I have Safari open and
within those four browsers, Ihave multiple tabs and I have
several email addresses that Ihave to check for different
parts of my life.
And I'm probably making youdizzy just saying all of that,
(06:09):
because that's a lot of clutterthat I have to sift through
every day and I'm wondering ifother people have to do that.
And what's been your experiencein working with people?
What kinds of things are theycoming to you with and then how
do you help them?
Kitti Andrews (06:26):
Excellent question of things are they
coming to you with?
And then how do you help them?
Excellent question.
And when you were rhyming offall of those things that you
have open, I have many, manytabs open in in chrome and the
rest of it.
I'm like, how do you do that?
I, I, I, I, I can, I can managethe.
How many?
Jami?
One, one search engine.
(06:49):
God bless you for being able tomanage more than one, and you
make an interesting point aboutit.
I wonder if you would agree withme that what you do with these
multiple search engines open andthe tabs within them, isn't
that a lot like our brains?
(07:09):
Yes, when we have, I mean evenas early as when you're starting
your day, you're getting ready,you're brushing your teeth and
you start to think did I emailthat person?
Did I write down that I've gotto phone that person?
By the time you get to yourdesk, you're tired because
(07:32):
you've been using all of thismental energy.
And what if there is a way thatyou can make that subside?
Just get it down and get it sothat it's manageable.
And that's where my one systemcomes in.
Now you asked about peoplecoming to me.
(07:56):
They always no one comes to mesaying come and declutter my
brain.
They've done it in jest, uh,you know, occasionally.
But basically people think ofclutter of as as being physical.
What they can see and what wedon't realize is often is that
(08:20):
physical clutter is amanifestation of mental clutter,
and the reverse is also true.
So for these last five yearsthat I've been in business, I've
been puzzling through whichcomes first, the physical
clutter or the mental clutter,and back and forth, and back and
forth, and most of my clientswill say it just all seems to go
(08:44):
together.
Yeah, I'm a perfect example.
By Wednesday night I start theweek, kitchen counter is pretty
much clear and it's to be myplace where I put things.
So, being ADHD, I've got to putit there so that I will
remember.
I see it.
Okay, that I will remember.
I see it.
(09:05):
Okay, I will do it.
And then by Wednesday nightit's starting to get a little
cluttered and I'm also notfeeling lemony fresh by that
time.
It's been a busy three days.
I will clear most of what I canof that clutter on the on the
(09:26):
kitchen counter and Thursday Itell you what I feel like.
This breath of fresh energy isis flowing through me Almost
like feng shui energy is, youknow, flowing through, I've
cleared that and just somehow,magically, it all comes together
.
And that is where we start togo into the five pillars that
(09:47):
you were talking about.
Jami Carlacio (09:50):
Okay, that sounds good.
You said a lot there, and Iwant to go back to this chicken
and egg thing because I thinkthat's really important thing.
I know, for me, when I look atmy desk, I see little pieces of
(10:10):
paper that are notes that Iscribble during a conversation
that I don't want to forget.
There's a password for anothersite, yet another password and
another site that I have toremember.
There's somebody's phone number.
There's so many little piecesof paper and sometimes I need to
find that little piece of paperand then it's buried under
(10:33):
other paper and I will tell myson you need to clean your room.
And he will look at my desk andsay, mom, you need to clean off
your desk.
And he's right, he's totallyright, though it's like I can't
tell him to clean his room,although my room is much cleaner
, but my desk isn't.
And I realized my desk is afunction of all the stuff in my
(10:54):
brain that I'm unable toorganize, and part of it is
maybe not taking the time toprioritize what's going on and
what's important Like what do Ineed to do first?
For me, my first priority in theday is meditating and praying,
and before we go on, I want toread this little.
(11:15):
I don't know if it's a poem,but it's a little saying by Rumi
, and this actually really makessense to me and I try to keep
it in mind every morning.
"Today, like every other day,we wake up empty and frightened.
Don't open the door to thestudy and begin reading.
(11:36):
Take down a musical instrument.
Let the beauty we love be whatwe do.
There are hundreds of ways tokneel and kiss the ground, and
that, to me, is don't check youremail, don't get up and start
dealing with whatever X, y, z is.
(11:56):
So I don't, because that willget me out of my centeredness.
So I think part of thedeclutter is is getting back to
that center.
And then I'm present for myself,I'm present for this podcast,
I'm present for my son and I'mjust really present for the
world.
(12:16):
And when I'm in run around withmy chicken with a head cut off
mode, I'm not there for anybody.
And that's not emotionallyintelligent behavior and that
doesn't make me a bad person.
It just makes me a person witha lot of mental clutter.
So the chicken and egg thing isa difficult question because my
(12:37):
desk reflects a lot of what's inmy mind and my mind is
represented by the top of mydesk.
And lately, I guess becauseMercury's in retrograde, I don't
know what it is, but I cleanedout my filing cabinet.
I dumped all the paperwork inthere that I had saved, that I
don't need and I haven't lookedat.
(12:58):
I have a six month rule.
If I haven't used it and lookedat it in six months, I probably
don't need it, with theexception of a rent contract or
a car thing.
you know my car you knowwhatever, but generally speaking
.
So I cleaned off my dining roomtable, I cleaned off my desk
I'm still working on that but Irealized, when I just put things
(13:20):
away, I feel better.
So, and put the right thingsaway, yes, better and put the
right things away.
Kitti Andrews (13:27):
Yes, right, here's the thing, the expression
you cannot organize until youdeclutter.
Well, you can, but you're justbasically moving stuff that no
longer serves you around.
You do not need most likelythose, unless you're deducting
them for your taxes.
You do not need most likelythose, unless you're deducting
them for your taxes.
(13:47):
You do not need the power billfrom three years ago.
You can probably pitch that,yes, there are so many things,
would you?
But well, I might need it andso you miss.
(14:09):
So you hang on to it out offear.
Clutter the acumen, theaccumulation of clutter is often
fear-based.
Jami Carlacio (14:20):
Well, say more, say more because that's huge.
That's huge, Say more.
Kitti Andrews (14:29):
Well, it gets filtered down and away from our
depression era parents orgrandparents that, well, nothing
ever got thrown away, and I'mnot saying anything new here,
it's all common sense.
However, we do forget that it'salmost genetic in us.
Most of us will either rememberour parents slash grandparents
(14:52):
saying, uh, saying, or then thatthat it's um, uh, no, can't
throw that away or got to keepit for good.
You know, the sunday, the, thedress that you bought for east
for easter sunday and you neverwore.
Well, I've got to keep it forgood.
Well, so how many eastersundays go by, you don't wear,
(15:14):
you don't wear that dress, kindof thing.
Or it might come in handy someone of my clients we laugh about
it.
Expression I swear is it mightcome in handy someday.
She puts this little so that weknow that it's a joke.
Yes, and sometimes it might,but many times it's just fear,
(15:38):
fear of making a decision.
Ah yeah To let go, and this,this covers your sentimental
items, this covers your powerbills.
So you don't know what to do,so you do nothing.
And that is so common because,frankly, especially now
(16:00):
digitally, our lives, our brainsare so busy that I think that
we spend a good deal of our lifenow in decision fatigue.
Jami Carlacio (16:15):
Oh yeah, that makes sense.
You know there's a lot going onin our world, more so than when
our parents were growing up,for sure.
You know, if you start thinkingabout how we are tethered to
technology and I think we'veallowed ourselves to be
available 24, seven or you know,18, six or whatever.
(16:36):
And and I will say we'veallowed ourselves because nobody
has been holding my feet to thefire, saying Jamie you need to
answer email at 10 o'clock atnight.
I'm the one opening the inboxwhen, and you know, whatever's
going on 10 o'clock at night canwait until eight o'clock the
(16:56):
next morning.
Absolutely, you know it doesn'tneed to happen.
And if somebody needs me thatbadly, they can text me and say
you need to take care of this.
Right now my house is on fireand I need you to bring a fire
extinguisher In that case.
Yeah, I'll act on that.
But generally, you know, and alot of people will say I'm not
available, but I or I don't wanta cell phone cause I don't want
(17:19):
to be available, it's like turnit off, right.
Turn it off turn it on, vibrate,and you know, one thing that I
also notice is we're so.
We're so feeling like we'rebeholding to what everyone else
needs, whether, whether they door not, need it from us that we
(17:39):
we tend to.
That's another way in which wespread ourselves too thin, and I
always say drive by thecemetery if you ever think
you're that indispensable,because all those people who
have died may have beenindispensable to somebody, but
the world is still going to turn, whether you answer this email
(18:03):
or whether you deal with thisthing.
And I don't want to be flippant,but in general, there are a lot
of things I think that at leastI'll speak for me, that I do
that are not.
The world is not spinning onits axis because of me.
Right, I'm not the one incharge of the world spinning on
(18:23):
its axis.
I didn't invent gravity.
I have nothing to do with it,I'm just bound by it, and so
that also helps keep me in myplace.
Like, okay, jamie, you are notthe center of the universe, it's
okay.
And when I was teaching, youknow, we have students who this
day and age, they don't, theydon't.
(18:44):
They've never known a worldwithout email, they've never
known a world without a cellphone.
They've never known a worldwithout instantaneous everything
Correct.
You know, the only thing thatwas instantaneous in our lives
was coffee and it was Sanka andit was awful.
But generally, you know, theywould email me.
Students, students are up lateand they sleep late, so they
(19:08):
would email me at one in themorning and ask me a question.
It's like, dude, really, I amnot checking my email at one in
the morning.
I do draw the line at that, butwe live in that world where
everyone needs to be everywhereat once.
Kitti Andrews (19:22):
So yeah, yeah, I don't check my, it is.
Oh, someone will say well, Ijust sent you an email five
minutes ago.
Uh-huh Email at after.
Oh, you mentioned my videos.
After all my content is donebecause I also publish a daily
(19:48):
newsletter.
There are things that have tocome before emails and messages.
And basically, what areintrusions?
I put that into my intrusioncategory.
Jami Carlacio (20:02):
They're lovely intrusions.
Kitti Andrews (20:04):
I don't want to say that I don't want people to
email and message me I hateusing message as messages of her
but whatever the other waywhere I'll do my content for it
very early, and then therethere's still another category
(20:25):
of work that I want to do, but Ithink, okay, well, uh, I should
check.
I'll just quickly check theemails and my Facebook group and
what I find is all of thosewords, all of those words.
It's like a million peopletalking to me at once and I feel
(20:47):
like I should be answering themall.
I'm too tired after half anhour of doing that to go back to
what requires the concentration.
So I now have a new rule, andthis is shared, this is not only
my own.
Brendan Burchard same deal.
Darren Hardy same deal leaveall of the quote distractions
(21:16):
until you have done your onething that is crucial to your
business or your family or whathave you.
Make sure that that one thinggets done.
As you just said, the rest ofthe world will wait.
Jami Carlacio (21:28):
Yes.
Kitti Andrews (21:29):
Unless their house is on fire.
Jami Carlacio (21:31):
Right in which case they need the extinguisher.
Now you know I that I want tocome back to that.
I think that is perhaps themost important thing about
emotional intelligence.
It's the self-awareness.
You know, where am I?
Who do I want to be in theworld?
I have to ask myself who do Iwant to be?
And then what does it mean tolive into that?
(21:52):
And this might mean taking thattime out in the morning for my
son or for myself, or for myspiritual life, or whatever it
is that makes me tick and be inthe world.
And it is a Herculean feat forme to do that.
(22:13):
I have to admit it is hard.
I have to work really hard atit.
It's not like well, I said I'mgoing to do it, it's easy.
So just letting you knoweverybody it's not easy.
And if you think it is, pleasecome on the show and help us
figure that out, because we lovethat magic bullet, thank you
very much.
But that's the key right toemotional intelligence having
(22:34):
that clarity, clarity of vision,clarity of mind, clarity of
purpose.
And I know, when I stoppedbeing a professor I knew I had
to go to divinity school andthat was a clear purpose and I
didn't do anything else, I justwent to divinity school.
I didn't have another job.
(22:55):
I tried and it was a disasterin technicolor, trying to teach
and go to divinity school.
And so I had to leave, I had toquit something and because I was
being pulled in too manydirections, I wasn't being a
good mom, I wasn't being a goodstudent, I wasn't a good
seminarian and I I wasn't beinga good mom, I wasn't being a
good student, I wasn't a goodseminarian and I certainly
wasn't being a good teacher,because I was trying to do too
(23:16):
many things.
So when I, when I basically putseminary first and I did that
for four years I was okay.
And then when I was a chaplain,that was what I did.
That's what I did every day.
I got up, that was what I did.
That's what I did every day.
I got up, did my morningroutine and I went to a hospital
and was a hospital chaplain.
(23:36):
And that was my singleness ofpurpose.
What happened was when I leftmy chaplaining position and went
into business for myself.
Then, all of a sudden, I becamescattered, I lost structure and
I went through a period where Ididn't know who I was or what I
was supposed to be doing, who Iwas supposed to be helping.
(23:57):
And I think I also forgot tocheck in with myself and ask am
I helping, jamie?
Who are you now, jamie?
Who are you trying to be?
Who are you being asked to be?
Kitti Andrews (24:18):
So tell me about the O-N-E.
Okay, that's a terrific segueto what you were.
From what you were just saying.
You, you lost sight of your onething and in fact, gary keller
(24:38):
wrote a book about and calledthe one thing years ago.
And it's it.
It's part, this is partly whatI base everything that I do on
my my, everything that I teachmy clients is my one system.
Now, from a physical clutterpoint of view and this is how I
(25:00):
started, it was it's one room ata time, one area of that room
at a time and one thing at atime.
Do we have time for me toquickly go through it?
Jami Carlacio (25:11):
Sure, Absolutely.
Kitti Andrews (25:12):
Okay, so one room at a time is basically just
that, and what I mean by that ispick one room and stick with it
, as opposed to the naturaltendency monkey brain alert.
Okay, I'll do a little bit inthe office.
I'll do a little bit in theoffice.
(25:34):
I'll do a little bit in thespare room.
I'll come back to the office.
Frankly, from a purelypractical point of view, by the
time you come back to the officeyou've forgotten exactly where
you were.
It's like an actor.
You have to get back intocharacter and get that momentum
going.
But if you stick with that one,then it's like the little
(25:55):
engine that could.
That I'm sure you read to yourson.
You know, I think I can, Ithink whoa, yeah, we're just
rolling right along here Yep.
One area of that room at a time.
Same exact principle pick acorner and stick with it.
Here's where it gets.
Interesting is because it's asmaller area.
(26:17):
Not only do you stay incharacter, you start to see the
results.
Jami Carlacio (26:28):
Yeah.
Kitti Andrews (26:28):
Start to see the results of what you're doing.
You see it more quickly bysticking with that one area.
And what does that do?
That fuels your confidence.
It fuels your self-esteem,because many people will not
start to declutter because, well, I've done it before and it all
came back, or I never, knowwhere to start.
(26:50):
Or my partner just looks at meand says, yeah right, nice huh,
anyway, that's, that's foranother movie.
Uh, just pick one area andstick with it, is it easy?
No, it isn't.
But boy, I tell you once, onceyou do it, it's.
It just makes all thedifference in the world.
And then we get to the one thing, not the book, one thing at a
(27:18):
time.
And is it tedious?
Yes, it can be.
Is it time consuming?
Yes, I'm afraid it is.
However, is it the number oneway that you can train your
brain so that clutter will notcome back into your home?
Absolutely, and I've got aterrific example for you.
(27:40):
Let's hear it my very firstclient, january 2019.
She has a huge L-shaped desk.
She's a business person.
Huge L-shaped desk, which is abusiness person.
Huge L-shaped desk and it isnot a word of a lie, jamie about
eight inches tall of paper allover.
(28:02):
You couldn't see the color ofthe desk unless you looked like
this.
And her why she wanted to do itwas was strong, because you
always need to have a good why,a good reason.
And her why was that?
She had hired an assistant, acome in assistant, not a virtual
(28:23):
.
And, um, she said, the lady isgonna have nowhere to work.
We have to clear and I don'tknow where to start.
So, first day, first client, Ihad never done virtual
decluttering before.
I'd always done it in the home.
So I did what made sense.
I said, okay, well, let's startwith this pile in front of you.
(28:47):
What's this first piece ofpaper?
And she looks at me like I'mfrom venus and she says you have
your mind, we are not goingthrough all of this piece by
piece.
No, well, I'd already taken hermoney.
I didn't know what else to do,so I'm kind of sweating bullets
there, as you can probablyimagine.
(29:09):
And then she relented and shesaid okay, well, we'll, we'll
give it a whirl.
And so she starts going throughand within about five minutes
she says why do I have utilitybills?
I do not need utility bills.
Why do I have bank statements?
My accountant does not.
(29:30):
You see my hand going here.
My accountant does not needbank statements and, besides, I
can get all of this online.
Exactly so it went through withthis.
She started to see what therewas, see what I mean about going
through one at a time.
(29:50):
It started going really, reallyfast because she realized that,
whoa, I don't need this nowhere.
Here here is the icing on thecake about oh yes, we threw, we
threw away uh, uh, trademagazine.
She had six or eight trademagazines that, uh, frankly,
(30:12):
they weren't cheap.
They were about eight bucks apop that she had never read.
They just sat there and theywent and they got outdated.
It was you know technology, itwas outdated magazines.
And she said you know what?
(30:33):
I was in the store and wait forit.
My hand automatically reachedfor that magazine, same as I do
every time I'm in that store andshe said wait a minute now I
just threw away the best part of50, bucks on these things.
I'll get it next month yeah,less clutter coming in.
(30:59):
And that would not havehappened, I firmly believe, if
she hadn't gone through itslowly and I don't mean it to
snail's pace, I mean slowly,methodically.
Her brain had a chance to workwith it with the input that was
coming in, with the input of autility you know telling Abel
(31:22):
Bankerville Magazine.
Okay, her brain was able toprocess all of this and reach
out to the universe and say do Ireally need this?
How do I avoid the cluttercoming back in?
What?
Jami Carlacio (31:36):
do you see to?
Kitti Andrews (31:36):
that.
Jami Carlacio (31:37):
That's awesome.
And so what I hear is, once shesaw what she had been doing,
what she'd been saving, evenwithout thinking about it, she
realized that there wasn't a lotof purpose in saving a lot of
the stuff she was saving.
But you know, there's no reasonto keep a utility bill from six
(31:59):
months ago unless you have toprovide six months worth of
utility bills to somebody.
But again, you can go online toyour utility company and get
that.
And I I've been signing up forlike paperless everything,
because the last thing I want ismore paper in my email, in my
inbox or my mailbox, because, aI think it's useless and it's a
(32:20):
waste of trees and B they'rejust going to sit on my desk
anyway and I'm probably notgoing to need them.
So I try to go paperless.
But I like that.
She started developing a newway of thinking about what she
needs and what she doesn't need,or how to differentiate between
(32:43):
things she had to have physicalcopies of and things she did
not need to have physical copiesof need to have physical copies
of, and so that again goes tothat deliberation.
But the very first piece of itwas willingness, and sometimes
our willingness comes fromdesperation, right?
Or exasperation, like I can't dothis anymore.
Very few people change untilthey are forced to change.
Kitti Andrews (33:07):
Oh, absolutely A strong.
That's where your strong whycomes in.
Somebody says to me, becausethere's an interview process to
work with me.
And I don't want to work withsomebody who isn't motivated,
who doesn't have a strong why Istheir money just as good as
(33:29):
anyone else's?
Absolutely it is.
However, if they don't have astrong why then they won't work
as hard at it, same like workingwith you.
If they don't have a strong whyto incorporate what you are
teaching, then they're not goingto work at it and you're not
(33:50):
going to feel good about whatyou're doing.
I just went off on a bigbecause we often, you know, we
often just do things withoutthinking Right, we run on
(34:15):
autopilot, but if we can stop?
Jami Carlacio (34:17):
I interviewed Matt Barifato a few weeks ago
and we talked about the purposedriven life and it's very easy
to just kind of go through yourday and I'm going to do this,
and I'm going to do that, and Ihave to be here, and I have to
be there and I have to cookdinner or whatever.
And pretty soon the week wentby and you're like what did I do
?
Who did I talk to?
(34:38):
Who did I reach out to today?
And I was reading something Iget in my inbox.
I get things from thetheologian Henry Nowen, and one
of them was on writing lettersand it said you know what?
There's something special aboutwriting a letter to somebody.
There's just something specialabout getting a piece of mail
(35:02):
and just letting people know howare you.
It's my birthday today, by theway.
Yay, I was born on theanniversary of women's suffrage,
august 26, 1920.
So we've been celebratingsuffrage for 104 years here in
the United States, and whileother people, who shall be not
(35:25):
named, have been enjoying itsince the Constitution was
written in 1789, but we won't gothere.
Anyway, women have it, pleaseuse it.
I will say this I don't care ifI'm being political here, but
please, if you have the right tovote and you are old enough to
vote, register yourself and govote, and if you need help, ask
(35:47):
somebody to help you.
But please vote, please vote.
It is so important to exercisethat constitutional right
because when people don't voteand then they get an outcome
they don't like, well I have tosay did you vote?
Did?
you go try to, you know, dosomething.
Don't think your vote doesn'tcount, it counts it adds up, it
(36:10):
does.
Kitti Andrews (36:11):
uh, I even used to um, how many people do we
know who, exactly what you said?
And they say, well, no, andthey come up with some excuse.
The cat had a hangnail, kind ofthing.
Jami Carlacio (36:32):
Yeah, yeah, but you're right.
Kitti Andrews (36:37):
And my vote won't change anything.
And they're all a bunch ofcrooks, et cetera, et cetera, et
cetera.
Well, you know what you and 500other people that feel the same
way can sway at least in amunicipal election?
So multiply that 500 people inevery, every one of, in every US
(37:00):
city.
Jami Carlacio (37:00):
I'm in Canada so that's why I'm specifying US.
She's from Nova Scotia, by theway, and yes, that's in Canada,
way on the other side inAtlantic time.
Kitti Andrews (37:08):
Absolutely.
And you multiply that 500 byevery major US city, that starts
to turn into some numbers thatcan sway the I guess not the
electoral college, but anywayyou have a different system.
But what I'm trying to say isthat it does add up just the
(37:31):
same.
As you're going to like thisclutter, yes.
Jami Carlacio (37:37):
No, it all does Right.
And so, again, it goes down tofor me, I have to always ask
myself the question am I doing?
Am I being the person I want tobe?
Am I doing and being the personthat I feel that I was created
to be?
And no, I don't.
You know, I'm not going to savethe world, but for me, I feel
(38:02):
like that I have a divinepurpose and I just need to
listen to it, and that's why Ihave to make space for that
every day.
I have to make space for thatbecause that's where I start
getting that clarity.
And, yes, like everybody else,I've got 64,000 thoughts
competing for my attention inany given day, 60,000 of which
(38:24):
repeat themselves on a dailybasis.
But the point is stop, takethat breath and say wait a
minute.
Is this going to be for myhighest good?
Is this thing going to be forKitty's highest good?
And if it means clearing off mydesk and just making space for
what needs to be there, whateverI do on my desk is going to
(38:49):
free stuff up here.
So it isn't like oh you know,it's going to benefit my son by
clearing off my desk.
Well, it will.
It will, because it really isclearing things up between my
ears.
Kitti Andrews (39:02):
Indirectly, it is benefiting him, it's benefiting
your clients, it's benefitingour audience.
It can do only one thing andthat is benefit Used correctly
thing.
And that is benefit, yeah, usedused correctly, uh.
And people can go overboardwith having absolutely nothing,
(39:26):
but not as many people have thatas as the cluttered them.
And clutter, uh, you almostfeel like, oh, it means that I'm
really, really busy and that'sfine, there's busy, and then
there's busy on the right things.
And while we're talking aboutthe desk, would you be
(39:47):
interested in one?
How many, how many?
Jamie?
Jami Carlacio (39:52):
How many what?
Kitti Andrews (39:56):
One hint that I have, oh, yeah, one hint that I
have to give you.
It is, and it's so deceptivelysimple Take five minutes at the
end of every day, of every workday, and make it just.
Give it a quick, tidy, make itthe way that you want.
(40:24):
You want to walk into it sothat you're you're starting your
day and this is part of themental clutter thing is, how
would you rather walk into yourdesk at 8 am, in my case, 5, 30
am?
That's the way I roll and go ohhey, this looks good, computer
goes on, or walk in and go allright, and can you feel the
(40:51):
energy?
Can you feel the difference inthe energy?
Jami Carlacio (40:56):
Oh yeah, versus Right, energy yeah, oh yeah,
versus right, right, and youstart off behind the eight ball
and then you're like I don'teven know where to start right
yeah, make it up.
Kitti Andrews (41:12):
so just that five minutes just make it um, the
make it hotel-y, as a friend ofmine used to say.
And many times it won't eventake you that five minutes.
Eventually you are going to be.
I'm going to have to clear this.
I'm going to have to clear this, so I'm not even going to put
(41:33):
it on the desk, it doesn't needto be here.
For example, Just take away thecoffee cups, whatever.
Again, deceptively simple.
However, if it will reduce thatlittle bit of frustration and
keep that mental battery youknow the battery indicator at
(41:53):
the top of your iPhone- Wellthat is what is happening when
you have clutter it's using upextra mental energy and that
power bar can go down licketysplit if you're careful.
Jami Carlacio (42:11):
You know, yes, and I know that my computer, if
I'm on battery power and havetoo many browsers open, my
computer, if I'm on batterypower and have too many browsers
open, the battery goes downright.
So it's the same thing.
And it's the same thing in yourcar If you leave stuff on and
you're not charging it, thebattery's going to die.
(42:31):
And I even think about mykitchen and I think I have
dishes in the sink.
It will take me a few minutesto do those dishes.
And I think I have dishes inthe sink.
It will take me a few minutesto do those dishes.
And I will feel so much betterin the morning when I come out
to get my coffee and find thatthe only thing on my counter is
my coffee pot and my coffee cupand my water and not dirty
(42:51):
dishes.
So even just saying I don't feellike doing these, but if I just
do them now, I will feel somuch better and it never takes
as long as I think.
Kitti Andrews (43:03):
Correct by now.
Your audience, our audience,whether they're live or recorded
, they're realizing that, ifthey didn't know it already,
many people just already knowthis, many people just already
know this.
But the reminders of just beingreminded that it only takes a
(43:23):
few simple steps.
However, there's one thing thatis key, and that is don't
bother trying to.
Yes, you can do it, but it's awaste of time to organize before
you declutter, because what areyou doing?
You're basically just pushingthe ghosts of the past around
(43:50):
and not dealing with them,because that falls under your
category of emotionalintelligence as well.
Dealing with the now.
Chances are that there's a songthere somewhere.
Chances are that there arethings in your home that really
shouldn't be there, ghosts ofpeople past, as it were, things
(44:13):
that you're hanging on tobecause you feel guilty.
Here's a real quick example, ifwe have time.
Jami Carlacio (44:21):
Just a couple minutes, so yeah.
Kitti Andrews (44:23):
Okay, it's short.
One client.
She trucked a dining room setover to three states in three
moves and when we workedtogether she called it the
basement of despair.
And what it was was we gotthrough some of the boxes and
(44:45):
then she said what do I do aboutthis table?
Turns out it had belonged to agrandmother of hers that frankly
, with all due respect to thedear lady, nobody really liked,
and Pam inherited it and shekept it because and moved it
around because she felt guiltyto get rid of it.
(45:05):
I said this is just draggingyou down the very next.
And so she got somebody to cartit upstairs the very next day.
Somebody down the street wasthe proud new owner and Pam was
absolutely delighted with thisextra space.
So look around and see whatcould be holding you back, right
(45:25):
.
Jami Carlacio (45:25):
Turn it over Right.
And again, a lot of it'sfear-based and I don't know if I
should let go.
It could be guilt, it couldjust be shame.
You know we hang on to thingsthat maybe we think it'll be
different next time or whatever.
I mean, I'm thinking ofemotional clutter too, and it is
time to maybe just take stockof what's there.
(45:48):
And you know, as we say, in a12-step program we do a fearless
and moral inventory, fearlessand thorough, and it isn't about
beating yourself up and I haveto say that and I emphasize it.
It is not about taking your owninventory and beating yourself
up and calling yourself a badperson or this or that.
(46:10):
It isn't that at all.
It's about looking at what's onthe shelf and saying is this
working, do we need it?
And saying is this working, dowe need it or does it need to go
?
Is it outdated, is it broken,is it defective?
If so, then you know it needsto go.
It's not helping, it's notgetting you through the day,
it's not.
It's not helping you do yourjob.
(46:31):
It's not serving you as aperson or serving you and,
vicariously, all of the otherpeople you serve.
And that has also helped me is,if this isn't serving me, why
am I holding on to it?
So then I have to ask okay, sowhat's going on underneath that?
Because it's never just up here, is it?
It's always under here.
Kitti Andrews (46:50):
That's right.
That's right.
Even something as simple as abelief that's holding you back.
Jami Carlacio (46:57):
Yeah, exactly, exactly so.
You've been awesome.
Thank you so much for beingpatient and bringing your
wonderful, wonderful, clearmental energy to this
conversation, and I am going toget the name of that book.
You mentioned One Day or OneThing.
Kitti Andrews (47:20):
The One Thing by Gary Cowher.
Yes, I'm promoting someoneelse's book.
That's okay, it's good.
Jami Carlacio (47:25):
And I'll put that in the show notes because,
obviously, if it helped you,it's probably going to help
other people.
Yes, yes, yeah.
So stay tuned.
Kitty reminded me of a greatsong that can maybe put us in
the right mood to close out this.
So stay tuned.
Kitty reminded me of a greatsong that can maybe put us in
the right mood to close out this.
So stay tuned.
Kitti Andrews (47:46):
Imagine all the people living life in peace you.
Jami Carlacio (48:06):
You may say I'm a dreamer.
I love John Lennon.
So thank you again, kitty.
Thank you so much.
Kitty's info will be in theshow notes.
If you are looking to declutteryour mind, she's the person to
go to.
So thank you.
All right, take care and seeyou all.
It's PQ, jim, remember.
(48:27):
Please like and subscribe tothis podcast, because the more
people like and subscribe, themore popular it gets and the
more people can see it or listento it.
So thank you for your supportand have a lovely decluttered
day.
Bye.
So just that five minutes just make it hotel-y,
as a friend of mine used to say,and many times it won't even
take you that five minutes.
Eventually you are going to be.
I'm going to have to clear this.
I'm going to have to clear this, so I'm not even going to put
(00:21):
it on the desk, it doesn't needto be here.
For example, just take away thecoffee cups, whatever.
Deceptively simple.
However, if it will reduce that, that little bit of frustration
and and keep that mentalbattery, you know the, the
battery indicator at the top ofyour iphone.
(00:44):
That is what is happening whenyou have clutter it's using up
extra mental energy and thatpower bar can go down lickety
split if you are careful.
Jami Carlacio (01:06):
Hello and welcome to the podcast.
Emotional Intelligence yourgreatest asset and key to
success.
I'm your host, dr Jami Carlacio, coming to you from the Greater
New Haven, connecticut area, asa positive intelligence, or PQ,
coach.
I'm committed to helping peopledevelop both emotional
intelligence and mental fitness.
(01:27):
That is, you'll come to regardproblems as situations that help
you learn and grow.
Pq is a way of being and doingin the world that enables you to
develop and sustain a positiverelationship with yourself and
others, at home, at work andeverywhere in between.
Please subscribe to thispodcast and tap the like button
(01:48):
so more people can enjoy thebenefits of PQ.
And now here's the show.
Hello and welcome everybody.
Thank you for joining us.
We are a little bit late, wehad some sound issues and it
always seems to be a little bitweird, and doesn't matter how
often I log in early, there's asound issue.
(02:11):
So thank you for bearing withme.
And thank you, Kitty, forbearing with me.
This is Kitti's and my secondattempt at recording this
podcast, and so she and I talkedabout how sometimes we're going
to talk about clarity today andwe're going to talk about what
it means to declutter the mind,and that's the topic of today's
(02:31):
podcast.
But we're going to talk about.
What does it mean?
How does clarity or lack ofclarity relate to emotional
intelligence?
But before we get into that, acouple things.
One is that when we tried tobroadcast last week, it was very
difficult.
I was frazzled, I was runninglate, I had technical
(02:54):
difficulties, kitty had to besomewhere and since I was having
such technical difficulties, wedecided to postpone the podcast
to today.
And we discovered that theenergy wasn't right and I said
well, mercury's been inretrograde, and I don't know how
much that means, but I know,for me, for the past month,
(03:18):
everything has been upside downand my mind has been completely
cluttered.
And so you are the perfect,perfect guest today.
And before we get into ourconversation, I want to
introduce you to our wonderfulaudience, if you are listening
or watching.
Kitti is an international authorand speaker and she's known as
(03:39):
the one lady who providespersonal decluttering solutions
for people who are overwhelmedby their accumulation.
And again, that doesn'tnecessarily mean you are
hoarding and that you have ahouse full of stuff.
It can all be up here in thislovely little space in between
your ears.
And so the idea is that we canthrive in a calm and productive
(04:03):
environment when our brain isdecluttered, and she helps you
do this for life.
This isn't just a okay, let'smeet next week.
It's I'm going to help you dothis thing and live this life of
clarity.
Kitti has produced over 1100online videos devoted to
(04:23):
decluttering the five lifepillars and she'll tell us what
those are, and she is the CEO ofDeclutter the Brain, and she
has shared step-by-step the onedecluttering system O-N-E at
events at Stanford and HarvardUniversities and on multiple
podcasts and in nationalmagazines, including the Los
(04:46):
Angeles Tribune and USA Today.
And I will have Kitti'sinformation in the show notes.
And so thank you, kitty, foryour forbearance and your
patience and welcome.
How are you doing today?
Kitti Andrews (04:58):
Fantastic, so glad that we can do this, and
let's give some value.
Let's declutter people's brains, shall we?
Jami Carlacio (05:06):
Okay, yes, so as I was doing some research on
this I always do research beforeI go live and I was thinking
about what does it mean to haveclarity?
And in terms of emotionalintelligence, clarity can mean a
lot of things, but it usuallymeans clarity of who I am, what
I'm about, what my values are.
(05:28):
It can mean clarity of takingthe next right action when my
mind is cluttered and Idefinitely experience symptoms
of ADHD and I can't focus verywell on one thing at a time.
I focus on five.
And then when we get into, well, I have Chrome open, I have
(05:49):
Firefox open, I have DuckDuckGoopen, I have Safari open and
within those four browsers, Ihave multiple tabs and I have
several email addresses that Ihave to check for different
parts of my life.
And I'm probably making youdizzy just saying all of that,
(06:09):
because that's a lot of clutterthat I have to sift through
every day and I'm wondering ifother people have to do that.
And what's been your experiencein working with people?
What kinds of things are theycoming to you with and then how
do you help them?
Kitti Andrews (06:26):
Excellent question of things are they
coming to you with?
And then how do you help them?
Excellent question.
And when you were rhyming offall of those things that you
have open, I have many, manytabs open in in chrome and the
rest of it.
I'm like, how do you do that?
I, I, I, I, I can, I can managethe.
How many?
Jami?
One, one search engine.
(06:49):
God bless you for being able tomanage more than one, and you
make an interesting point aboutit.
I wonder if you would agree withme that what you do with these
multiple search engines open andthe tabs within them, isn't
that a lot like our brains?
(07:09):
Yes, when we have, I mean evenas early as when you're starting
your day, you're getting ready,you're brushing your teeth and
you start to think did I emailthat person?
Did I write down that I've gotto phone that person?
By the time you get to yourdesk, you're tired because
(07:32):
you've been using all of thismental energy.
And what if there is a way thatyou can make that subside?
Just get it down and get it sothat it's manageable.
And that's where my one systemcomes in.
Now you asked about peoplecoming to me.
(07:56):
They always no one comes to mesaying come and declutter my
brain.
They've done it in jest, uh,you know, occasionally.
But basically people think ofclutter of as as being physical.
What they can see and what wedon't realize is often is that
(08:20):
physical clutter is amanifestation of mental clutter,
and the reverse is also true.
So for these last five yearsthat I've been in business, I've
been puzzling through whichcomes first, the physical
clutter or the mental clutter,and back and forth, and back and
forth, and most of my clientswill say it just all seems to go
(08:44):
together.
Yeah, I'm a perfect example.
By Wednesday night I start theweek, kitchen counter is pretty
much clear and it's to be myplace where I put things.
So, being ADHD, I've got to putit there so that I will
remember.
I see it.
Okay, that I will remember.
I see it.
(09:05):
Okay, I will do it.
And then by Wednesday nightit's starting to get a little
cluttered and I'm also notfeeling lemony fresh by that
time.
It's been a busy three days.
I will clear most of what I canof that clutter on the on the
(09:26):
kitchen counter and Thursday Itell you what I feel like.
This breath of fresh energy isis flowing through me Almost
like feng shui energy is, youknow, flowing through, I've
cleared that and just somehow,magically, it all comes together
.
And that is where we start togo into the five pillars that
(09:47):
you were talking about.
Jami Carlacio (09:50):
Okay, that sounds good.
You said a lot there, and Iwant to go back to this chicken
and egg thing because I thinkthat's really important thing.
I know, for me, when I look atmy desk, I see little pieces of
(10:10):
paper that are notes that Iscribble during a conversation
that I don't want to forget.
There's a password for anothersite, yet another password and
another site that I have toremember.
There's somebody's phone number.
There's so many little piecesof paper and sometimes I need to
find that little piece of paperand then it's buried under
(10:33):
other paper and I will tell myson you need to clean your room.
And he will look at my desk andsay, mom, you need to clean off
your desk.
And he's right, he's totallyright, though it's like I can't
tell him to clean his room,although my room is much cleaner
, but my desk isn't.
And I realized my desk is afunction of all the stuff in my
(10:54):
brain that I'm unable toorganize, and part of it is
maybe not taking the time toprioritize what's going on and
what's important Like what do Ineed to do first?
For me, my first priority in theday is meditating and praying,
and before we go on, I want toread this little.
(11:15):
I don't know if it's a poem,but it's a little saying by Rumi
, and this actually really makessense to me and I try to keep
it in mind every morning.
"Today, like every other day,we wake up empty and frightened.
Don't open the door to thestudy and begin reading.
(11:36):
Take down a musical instrument.
Let the beauty we love be whatwe do.
There are hundreds of ways tokneel and kiss the ground, and
that, to me, is don't check youremail, don't get up and start
dealing with whatever X, y, z is.
(11:56):
So I don't, because that willget me out of my centeredness.
So I think part of thedeclutter is is getting back to
that center.
And then I'm present for myself,I'm present for this podcast,
I'm present for my son and I'mjust really present for the
world.
(12:16):
And when I'm in run around withmy chicken with a head cut off
mode, I'm not there for anybody.
And that's not emotionallyintelligent behavior and that
doesn't make me a bad person.
It just makes me a person witha lot of mental clutter.
So the chicken and egg thing isa difficult question because my
(12:37):
desk reflects a lot of what's inmy mind and my mind is
represented by the top of mydesk.
And lately, I guess becauseMercury's in retrograde, I don't
know what it is, but I cleanedout my filing cabinet.
I dumped all the paperwork inthere that I had saved, that I
don't need and I haven't lookedat.
(12:58):
I have a six month rule.
If I haven't used it and lookedat it in six months, I probably
don't need it, with theexception of a rent contract or
a car thing.
you know my car you knowwhatever, but generally speaking
.
So I cleaned off my dining roomtable, I cleaned off my desk
I'm still working on that but Irealized, when I just put things
(13:20):
away, I feel better.
So, and put the right thingsaway, yes, better and put the
right things away.
Kitti Andrews (13:27):
Yes, right, here's the thing, the expression
you cannot organize until youdeclutter.
Well, you can, but you're justbasically moving stuff that no
longer serves you around.
You do not need most likelythose, unless you're deducting
them for your taxes.
You do not need most likelythose, unless you're deducting
them for your taxes.
(13:47):
You do not need the power billfrom three years ago.
You can probably pitch that,yes, there are so many things,
would you?
But well, I might need it andso you miss.
(14:09):
So you hang on to it out offear.
Clutter the acumen, theaccumulation of clutter is often
fear-based.
Jami Carlacio (14:20):
Well, say more, say more because that's huge.
That's huge, Say more.
Kitti Andrews (14:29):
Well, it gets filtered down and away from our
depression era parents orgrandparents that, well, nothing
ever got thrown away, and I'mnot saying anything new here,
it's all common sense.
However, we do forget that it'salmost genetic in us.
Most of us will either rememberour parents slash grandparents
(14:52):
saying, uh, saying, or then thatthat it's um, uh, no, can't
throw that away or got to keepit for good.
You know, the sunday, the, thedress that you bought for east
for easter sunday and you neverwore.
Well, I've got to keep it forgood.
Well, so how many eastersundays go by, you don't wear,
(15:14):
you don't wear that dress, kindof thing.
Or it might come in handy someone of my clients we laugh about
it.
Expression I swear is it mightcome in handy someday.
She puts this little so that weknow that it's a joke.
Yes, and sometimes it might,but many times it's just fear,
(15:38):
fear of making a decision.
Ah yeah To let go, and this,this covers your sentimental
items, this covers your powerbills.
So you don't know what to do,so you do nothing.
And that is so common because,frankly, especially now
(16:00):
digitally, our lives, our brainsare so busy that I think that
we spend a good deal of our lifenow in decision fatigue.
Jami Carlacio (16:15):
Oh yeah, that makes sense.
You know there's a lot going onin our world, more so than when
our parents were growing up,for sure.
You know, if you start thinkingabout how we are tethered to
technology and I think we'veallowed ourselves to be
available 24, seven or you know,18, six or whatever.
(16:36):
And and I will say we'veallowed ourselves because nobody
has been holding my feet to thefire, saying Jamie you need to
answer email at 10 o'clock atnight.
I'm the one opening the inboxwhen, and you know, whatever's
going on 10 o'clock at night canwait until eight o'clock the
(16:56):
next morning.
Absolutely, you know it doesn'tneed to happen.
And if somebody needs me thatbadly, they can text me and say
you need to take care of this.
Right now my house is on fireand I need you to bring a fire
extinguisher In that case.
Yeah, I'll act on that.
But generally, you know, and alot of people will say I'm not
available, but I or I don't wanta cell phone cause I don't want
(17:19):
to be available, it's like turnit off, right.
Turn it off turn it on, vibrate,and you know, one thing that I
also notice is we're so.
We're so feeling like we'rebeholding to what everyone else
needs, whether, whether they door not, need it from us that we
(17:39):
we tend to.
That's another way in which wespread ourselves too thin, and I
always say drive by thecemetery if you ever think
you're that indispensable,because all those people who
have died may have beenindispensable to somebody, but
the world is still going to turn, whether you answer this email
(18:03):
or whether you deal with thisthing.
And I don't want to be flippant,but in general, there are a lot
of things I think that at leastI'll speak for me, that I do
that are not.
The world is not spinning onits axis because of me.
Right, I'm not the one incharge of the world spinning on
(18:23):
its axis.
I didn't invent gravity.
I have nothing to do with it,I'm just bound by it, and so
that also helps keep me in myplace.
Like, okay, jamie, you are notthe center of the universe, it's
okay.
And when I was teaching, youknow, we have students who this
day and age, they don't, theydon't.
(18:44):
They've never known a worldwithout email, they've never
known a world without a cellphone.
They've never known a worldwithout instantaneous everything
Correct.
You know, the only thing thatwas instantaneous in our lives
was coffee and it was Sanka andit was awful.
But generally, you know, theywould email me.
Students, students are up lateand they sleep late, so they
(19:08):
would email me at one in themorning and ask me a question.
It's like, dude, really, I amnot checking my email at one in
the morning.
I do draw the line at that, butwe live in that world where
everyone needs to be everywhereat once.
Kitti Andrews (19:22):
So yeah, yeah, I don't check my, it is.
Oh, someone will say well, Ijust sent you an email five
minutes ago.
Uh-huh Email at after.
Oh, you mentioned my videos.
After all my content is donebecause I also publish a daily
(19:48):
newsletter.
There are things that have tocome before emails and messages.
And basically, what areintrusions?
I put that into my intrusioncategory.
Jami Carlacio (20:02):
They're lovely intrusions.
Kitti Andrews (20:04):
I don't want to say that I don't want people to
email and message me I hateusing message as messages of her
but whatever the other waywhere I'll do my content for it
very early, and then therethere's still another category
(20:25):
of work that I want to do, but Ithink, okay, well, uh, I should
check.
I'll just quickly check theemails and my Facebook group and
what I find is all of thosewords, all of those words.
It's like a million peopletalking to me at once and I feel
(20:47):
like I should be answering themall.
I'm too tired after half anhour of doing that to go back to
what requires the concentration.
So I now have a new rule, andthis is shared, this is not only
my own.
Brendan Burchard same deal.
Darren Hardy same deal leaveall of the quote distractions
(21:16):
until you have done your onething that is crucial to your
business or your family or whathave you.
Make sure that that one thinggets done.
As you just said, the rest ofthe world will wait.
Jami Carlacio (21:28):
Yes.
Kitti Andrews (21:29):
Unless their house is on fire.
Jami Carlacio (21:31):
Right in which case they need the extinguisher.
Now you know I that I want tocome back to that.
I think that is perhaps themost important thing about
emotional intelligence.
It's the self-awareness.
You know, where am I?
Who do I want to be in theworld?
I have to ask myself who do Iwant to be?
And then what does it mean tolive into that?
(21:52):
And this might mean taking thattime out in the morning for my
son or for myself, or for myspiritual life, or whatever it
is that makes me tick and be inthe world.
And it is a Herculean feat forme to do that.
(22:13):
I have to admit it is hard.
I have to work really hard atit.
It's not like well, I said I'mgoing to do it, it's easy.
So just letting you knoweverybody it's not easy.
And if you think it is, pleasecome on the show and help us
figure that out, because we lovethat magic bullet, thank you
very much.
But that's the key right toemotional intelligence having
(22:34):
that clarity, clarity of vision,clarity of mind, clarity of
purpose.
And I know, when I stoppedbeing a professor I knew I had
to go to divinity school andthat was a clear purpose and I
didn't do anything else, I justwent to divinity school.
I didn't have another job.
(22:55):
I tried and it was a disasterin technicolor, trying to teach
and go to divinity school.
And so I had to leave, I had toquit something and because I was
being pulled in too manydirections, I wasn't being a
good mom, I wasn't being a goodstudent, I wasn't a good
seminarian and I I wasn't beinga good mom, I wasn't being a
good student, I wasn't a goodseminarian and I certainly
wasn't being a good teacher,because I was trying to do too
(23:16):
many things.
So when I, when I basically putseminary first and I did that
for four years I was okay.
And then when I was a chaplain,that was what I did.
That's what I did every day.
I got up, that was what I did.
That's what I did every day.
I got up, did my morningroutine and I went to a hospital
and was a hospital chaplain.
(23:36):
And that was my singleness ofpurpose.
What happened was when I leftmy chaplaining position and went
into business for myself.
Then, all of a sudden, I becamescattered, I lost structure and
I went through a period where Ididn't know who I was or what I
was supposed to be doing, who Iwas supposed to be helping.
(23:57):
And I think I also forgot tocheck in with myself and ask am
I helping, jamie?
Who are you now, jamie?
Who are you trying to be?
Who are you being asked to be?
Kitti Andrews (24:18):
So tell me about the O-N-E.
Okay, that's a terrific segueto what you were.
From what you were just saying.
You, you lost sight of your onething and in fact, gary keller
(24:38):
wrote a book about and calledthe one thing years ago.
And it's it.
It's part, this is partly whatI base everything that I do on
my my, everything that I teachmy clients is my one system.
Now, from a physical clutterpoint of view and this is how I
(25:00):
started, it was it's one room ata time, one area of that room
at a time and one thing at atime.
Do we have time for me toquickly go through it?
Jami Carlacio (25:11):
Sure, Absolutely.
Kitti Andrews (25:12):
Okay, so one room at a time is basically just
that, and what I mean by that ispick one room and stick with it
, as opposed to the naturaltendency monkey brain alert.
Okay, I'll do a little bit inthe office.
I'll do a little bit in theoffice.
(25:34):
I'll do a little bit in thespare room.
I'll come back to the office.
Frankly, from a purelypractical point of view, by the
time you come back to the officeyou've forgotten exactly where
you were.
It's like an actor.
You have to get back intocharacter and get that momentum
going.
But if you stick with that one,then it's like the little
(25:55):
engine that could.
That I'm sure you read to yourson.
You know, I think I can, Ithink whoa, yeah, we're just
rolling right along here Yep.
One area of that room at a time.
Same exact principle pick acorner and stick with it.
Here's where it gets.
Interesting is because it's asmaller area.
(26:17):
Not only do you stay incharacter, you start to see the
results.
Jami Carlacio (26:28):
Yeah.
Kitti Andrews (26:28):
Start to see the results of what you're doing.
You see it more quickly bysticking with that one area.
And what does that do?
That fuels your confidence.
It fuels your self-esteem,because many people will not
start to declutter because, well, I've done it before and it all
came back, or I never, knowwhere to start.
(26:50):
Or my partner just looks at meand says, yeah right, nice huh,
anyway, that's, that's foranother movie.
Uh, just pick one area andstick with it, is it easy?
No, it isn't.
But boy, I tell you once, onceyou do it, it's.
It just makes all thedifference in the world.
And then we get to the one thing, not the book, one thing at a
(27:18):
time.
And is it tedious?
Yes, it can be.
Is it time consuming?
Yes, I'm afraid it is.
However, is it the number oneway that you can train your
brain so that clutter will notcome back into your home?
Absolutely, and I've got aterrific example for you.
(27:40):
Let's hear it my very firstclient, january 2019.
She has a huge L-shaped desk.
She's a business person.
Huge L-shaped desk, which is abusiness person.
Huge L-shaped desk and it isnot a word of a lie, jamie about
eight inches tall of paper allover.
(28:02):
You couldn't see the color ofthe desk unless you looked like
this.
And her why she wanted to do itwas was strong, because you
always need to have a good why,a good reason.
And her why was that?
She had hired an assistant, acome in assistant, not a virtual
(28:23):
.
And, um, she said, the lady isgonna have nowhere to work.
We have to clear and I don'tknow where to start.
So, first day, first client, Ihad never done virtual
decluttering before.
I'd always done it in the home.
So I did what made sense.
I said, okay, well, let's startwith this pile in front of you.
(28:47):
What's this first piece ofpaper?
And she looks at me like I'mfrom venus and she says you have
your mind, we are not goingthrough all of this piece by
piece.
No, well, I'd already taken hermoney.
I didn't know what else to do,so I'm kind of sweating bullets
there, as you can probablyimagine.
(29:09):
And then she relented and shesaid okay, well, we'll, we'll
give it a whirl.
And so she starts going throughand within about five minutes
she says why do I have utilitybills?
I do not need utility bills.
Why do I have bank statements?
My accountant does not.
(29:30):
You see my hand going here.
My accountant does not needbank statements and, besides, I
can get all of this online.
Exactly so it went through withthis.
She started to see what therewas, see what I mean about going
through one at a time.
(29:50):
It started going really, reallyfast because she realized that,
whoa, I don't need this nowhere.
Here here is the icing on thecake about oh yes, we threw, we
threw away uh, uh, trademagazine.
She had six or eight trademagazines that, uh, frankly,
(30:12):
they weren't cheap.
They were about eight bucks apop that she had never read.
They just sat there and theywent and they got outdated.
It was you know technology, itwas outdated magazines.
And she said you know what?
(30:33):
I was in the store and wait forit.
My hand automatically reachedfor that magazine, same as I do
every time I'm in that store andshe said wait a minute now I
just threw away the best part of50, bucks on these things.
I'll get it next month yeah,less clutter coming in.
(30:59):
And that would not havehappened, I firmly believe, if
she hadn't gone through itslowly and I don't mean it to
snail's pace, I mean slowly,methodically.
Her brain had a chance to workwith it with the input that was
coming in, with the input of autility you know telling Abel
(31:22):
Bankerville Magazine.
Okay, her brain was able toprocess all of this and reach
out to the universe and say do Ireally need this?
How do I avoid the cluttercoming back in?
What?
Jami Carlacio (31:36):
do you see to?
Kitti Andrews (31:36):
that.
Jami Carlacio (31:37):
That's awesome.
And so what I hear is, once shesaw what she had been doing,
what she'd been saving, evenwithout thinking about it, she
realized that there wasn't a lotof purpose in saving a lot of
the stuff she was saving.
But you know, there's no reasonto keep a utility bill from six
(31:59):
months ago unless you have toprovide six months worth of
utility bills to somebody.
But again, you can go online toyour utility company and get
that.
And I I've been signing up forlike paperless everything,
because the last thing I want ismore paper in my email, in my
inbox or my mailbox, because, aI think it's useless and it's a
(32:20):
waste of trees and B they'rejust going to sit on my desk
anyway and I'm probably notgoing to need them.
So I try to go paperless.
But I like that.
She started developing a newway of thinking about what she
needs and what she doesn't need,or how to differentiate between
(32:43):
things she had to have physicalcopies of and things she did
not need to have physical copiesof need to have physical copies
of, and so that again goes tothat deliberation.
But the very first piece of itwas willingness, and sometimes
our willingness comes fromdesperation, right?
Or exasperation, like I can't dothis anymore.
Very few people change untilthey are forced to change.
Kitti Andrews (33:07):
Oh, absolutely A strong.
That's where your strong whycomes in.
Somebody says to me, becausethere's an interview process to
work with me.
And I don't want to work withsomebody who isn't motivated,
who doesn't have a strong why Istheir money just as good as
(33:29):
anyone else's?
Absolutely it is.
However, if they don't have astrong why then they won't work
as hard at it, same like workingwith you.
If they don't have a strong whyto incorporate what you are
teaching, then they're not goingto work at it and you're not
(33:50):
going to feel good about whatyou're doing.
I just went off on a bigbecause we often, you know, we
often just do things withoutthinking Right, we run on
(34:15):
autopilot, but if we can stop?
Jami Carlacio (34:17):
I interviewed Matt Barifato a few weeks ago
and we talked about the purposedriven life and it's very easy
to just kind of go through yourday and I'm going to do this,
and I'm going to do that, and Ihave to be here, and I have to
be there and I have to cookdinner or whatever.
And pretty soon the week wentby and you're like what did I do
?
Who did I talk to?
(34:38):
Who did I reach out to today?
And I was reading something Iget in my inbox.
I get things from thetheologian Henry Nowen, and one
of them was on writing lettersand it said you know what?
There's something special aboutwriting a letter to somebody.
There's just something specialabout getting a piece of mail
(35:02):
and just letting people know howare you.
It's my birthday today, by theway.
Yay, I was born on theanniversary of women's suffrage,
august 26, 1920.
So we've been celebratingsuffrage for 104 years here in
the United States, and whileother people, who shall be not
(35:25):
named, have been enjoying itsince the Constitution was
written in 1789, but we won't gothere.
Anyway, women have it, pleaseuse it.
I will say this I don't care ifI'm being political here, but
please, if you have the right tovote and you are old enough to
vote, register yourself and govote, and if you need help, ask
(35:47):
somebody to help you.
But please vote, please vote.
It is so important to exercisethat constitutional right
because when people don't voteand then they get an outcome
they don't like, well I have tosay did you vote?
Did?
you go try to, you know, dosomething.
Don't think your vote doesn'tcount, it counts it adds up, it
(36:10):
does.
Kitti Andrews (36:11):
uh, I even used to um, how many people do we
know who, exactly what you said?
And they say, well, no, andthey come up with some excuse.
The cat had a hangnail, kind ofthing.
Jami Carlacio (36:32):
Yeah, yeah, but you're right.
Kitti Andrews (36:37):
And my vote won't change anything.
And they're all a bunch ofcrooks, et cetera, et cetera, et
cetera.
Well, you know what you and 500other people that feel the same
way can sway at least in amunicipal election?
So multiply that 500 people inevery, every one of, in every US
(37:00):
city.
Jami Carlacio (37:00):
I'm in Canada so that's why I'm specifying US.
She's from Nova Scotia, by theway, and yes, that's in Canada,
way on the other side inAtlantic time.
Kitti Andrews (37:08):
Absolutely.
And you multiply that 500 byevery major US city, that starts
to turn into some numbers thatcan sway the I guess not the
electoral college, but anywayyou have a different system.
But what I'm trying to say isthat it does add up just the
(37:31):
same.
As you're going to like thisclutter, yes.
Jami Carlacio (37:37):
No, it all does Right.
And so, again, it goes down tofor me, I have to always ask
myself the question am I doing?
Am I being the person I want tobe?
Am I doing and being the personthat I feel that I was created
to be?
And no, I don't.
You know, I'm not going to savethe world, but for me, I feel
(38:02):
like that I have a divinepurpose and I just need to
listen to it, and that's why Ihave to make space for that
every day.
I have to make space for thatbecause that's where I start
getting that clarity.
And, yes, like everybody else,I've got 64,000 thoughts
competing for my attention inany given day, 60,000 of which
(38:24):
repeat themselves on a dailybasis.
But the point is stop, takethat breath and say wait a
minute.
Is this going to be for myhighest good?
Is this thing going to be forKitty's highest good?
And if it means clearing off mydesk and just making space for
what needs to be there, whateverI do on my desk is going to
(38:49):
free stuff up here.
So it isn't like oh you know,it's going to benefit my son by
clearing off my desk.
Well, it will.
It will, because it really isclearing things up between my
ears.
Kitti Andrews (39:02):
Indirectly, it is benefiting him, it's benefiting
your clients, it's benefitingour audience.
It can do only one thing andthat is benefit Used correctly
thing.
And that is benefit, yeah, usedused correctly, uh.
And people can go overboardwith having absolutely nothing,
(39:26):
but not as many people have thatas as the cluttered them.
And clutter, uh, you almostfeel like, oh, it means that I'm
really, really busy and that'sfine, there's busy, and then
there's busy on the right things.
And while we're talking aboutthe desk, would you be
(39:47):
interested in one?
How many, how many?
Jamie?
Jami Carlacio (39:52):
How many what?
Kitti Andrews (39:56):
One hint that I have, oh, yeah, one hint that I
have to give you.
It is, and it's so deceptivelysimple Take five minutes at the
end of every day, of every workday, and make it just.
Give it a quick, tidy, make itthe way that you want.
(40:24):
You want to walk into it sothat you're you're starting your
day and this is part of themental clutter thing is, how
would you rather walk into yourdesk at 8 am, in my case, 5, 30
am?
That's the way I roll and go ohhey, this looks good, computer
goes on, or walk in and go allright, and can you feel the
(40:51):
energy?
Can you feel the difference inthe energy?
Jami Carlacio (40:56):
Oh yeah, versus Right, energy yeah, oh yeah,
versus right, right, and youstart off behind the eight ball
and then you're like I don'teven know where to start right
yeah, make it up.
Kitti Andrews (41:12):
so just that five minutes just make it um, the
make it hotel-y, as a friend ofmine used to say.
And many times it won't eventake you that five minutes.
Eventually you are going to be.
I'm going to have to clear this.
I'm going to have to clear this, so I'm not even going to put
(41:33):
it on the desk, it doesn't needto be here.
For example, Just take away thecoffee cups, whatever.
Again, deceptively simple.
However, if it will reduce thatlittle bit of frustration and
keep that mental battery youknow the battery indicator at
(41:53):
the top of your iPhone- Wellthat is what is happening when
you have clutter it's using upextra mental energy and that
power bar can go down licketysplit if you're careful.
Jami Carlacio (42:11):
You know, yes, and I know that my computer, if
I'm on battery power and havetoo many browsers open, my
computer, if I'm on batterypower and have too many browsers
open, the battery goes downright.
So it's the same thing.
And it's the same thing in yourcar If you leave stuff on and
you're not charging it, thebattery's going to die.
(42:31):
And I even think about mykitchen and I think I have
dishes in the sink.
It will take me a few minutesto do those dishes.
And I think I have dishes inthe sink.
It will take me a few minutesto do those dishes.
And I will feel so much betterin the morning when I come out
to get my coffee and find thatthe only thing on my counter is
my coffee pot and my coffee cupand my water and not dirty
(42:51):
dishes.
So even just saying I don't feellike doing these, but if I just
do them now, I will feel somuch better and it never takes
as long as I think.
Kitti Andrews (43:03):
Correct by now.
Your audience, our audience,whether they're live or recorded
, they're realizing that, ifthey didn't know it already,
many people just already knowthis, many people just already
know this.
But the reminders of just beingreminded that it only takes a
(43:23):
few simple steps.
However, there's one thing thatis key, and that is don't
bother trying to.
Yes, you can do it, but it's awaste of time to organize before
you declutter, because what areyou doing?
You're basically just pushingthe ghosts of the past around
(43:50):
and not dealing with them,because that falls under your
category of emotionalintelligence as well.
Dealing with the now.
Chances are that there's a songthere somewhere.
Chances are that there arethings in your home that really
shouldn't be there, ghosts ofpeople past, as it were, things
(44:13):
that you're hanging on tobecause you feel guilty.
Here's a real quick example, ifwe have time.
Jami Carlacio (44:21):
Just a couple minutes, so yeah.
Kitti Andrews (44:23):
Okay, it's short.
One client.
She trucked a dining room setover to three states in three
moves and when we workedtogether she called it the
basement of despair.
And what it was was we gotthrough some of the boxes and
(44:45):
then she said what do I do aboutthis table?
Turns out it had belonged to agrandmother of hers that frankly
, with all due respect to thedear lady, nobody really liked,
and Pam inherited it and shekept it because and moved it
around because she felt guiltyto get rid of it.
(45:05):
I said this is just draggingyou down the very next.
And so she got somebody to cartit upstairs the very next day.
Somebody down the street wasthe proud new owner and Pam was
absolutely delighted with thisextra space.
So look around and see whatcould be holding you back, right
(45:25):
.
Jami Carlacio (45:25):
Turn it over Right.
And again, a lot of it'sfear-based and I don't know if I
should let go.
It could be guilt, it couldjust be shame.
You know we hang on to thingsthat maybe we think it'll be
different next time or whatever.
I mean, I'm thinking ofemotional clutter too, and it is
time to maybe just take stockof what's there.
(45:48):
And you know, as we say, in a12-step program we do a fearless
and moral inventory, fearlessand thorough, and it isn't about
beating yourself up and I haveto say that and I emphasize it.
It is not about taking your owninventory and beating yourself
up and calling yourself a badperson or this or that.
(46:10):
It isn't that at all.
It's about looking at what's onthe shelf and saying is this
working, do we need it?
And saying is this working, dowe need it or does it need to go
?
Is it outdated, is it broken,is it defective?
If so, then you know it needsto go.
It's not helping, it's notgetting you through the day,
it's not.
It's not helping you do yourjob.
(46:31):
It's not serving you as aperson or serving you and,
vicariously, all of the otherpeople you serve.
And that has also helped me is,if this isn't serving me, why
am I holding on to it?
So then I have to ask okay, sowhat's going on underneath that?
Because it's never just up here, is it?
It's always under here.
Kitti Andrews (46:50):
That's right.
That's right.
Even something as simple as abelief that's holding you back.
Jami Carlacio (46:57):
Yeah, exactly, exactly so.
You've been awesome.
Thank you so much for beingpatient and bringing your
wonderful, wonderful, clearmental energy to this
conversation, and I am going toget the name of that book.
You mentioned One Day or OneThing.
Kitti Andrews (47:20):
The One Thing by Gary Cowher.
Yes, I'm promoting someoneelse's book.
That's okay, it's good.
Jami Carlacio (47:25):
And I'll put that in the show notes because,
obviously, if it helped you,it's probably going to help
other people.
Yes, yes, yeah.
So stay tuned.
Kitty reminded me of a greatsong that can maybe put us in
the right mood to close out this.
So stay tuned.
Kitty reminded me of a greatsong that can maybe put us in
the right mood to close out this.
So stay tuned.
Kitti Andrews (47:46):
Imagine all the people living life in peace you.
Jami Carlacio (48:06):
You may say I'm a dreamer.
I love John Lennon.
So thank you again, kitty.
Thank you so much.
Kitty's info will be in theshow notes.
If you are looking to declutteryour mind, she's the person to
go to.
So thank you.
All right, take care and seeyou all.
It's PQ, jim, remember.
(48:27):
Please like and subscribe tothis podcast, because the more
people like and subscribe, themore popular it gets and the
more people can see it or listento it.
So thank you for your supportand have a lovely decluttered
day.
Bye.
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