August 8, 2024 • 34 mins
What if the key to a fulfilling life was hidden in the activities that make you lose track of time? Join Matt Berrafato and me as we uncover the transformative power of aligning your gifts, passions, and the people you can serve. From Matt's early days as a hockey goalie inspired by Tony Esposito to his current role as a renowned author and purpose hunter coach, Matt shares his journey and wisdom on how to connect deeply with your purpose. Drawing lessons from Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now," we explore how a simple shift in mindset can turn dissatisfaction into profound fulfillment.
Life is a balancing act between responsibilities and passions, but what if you could navigate both without compromising your true calling? In this episode, we introduce the concept of the "purpose continuum," a powerful idea that shows how your purpose evolves over different life stages and responsibilities. Matt and I discuss practical tips on identifying who you can serve with your unique gifts and how recognizing this can guide you towards a fulfilling life. Personal anecdotes and reflections make this discussion relatable and actionable, helping you remain aligned with your deeper passions even while meeting life’s demands.
Uncover the magic of embracing and sharing your passions as we delve into activities like dancing, hockey, cooking, and teaching that can connect deeply to your purpose. Effective brainstorming often leads to unexpected and inspiring outcomes, and we highlight personal stories to illustrate this point. We also emphasize the importance of recognizing and valuing the passions of others, uplifting them while avoiding self-deprecation and negative judgments. Finally, we reflect on powerful lessons learned from a friend's journey as a quadriplegic, emphasizing our responsibility to honor and share these lessons to help others. Don't miss this episode, where you learn to boost your emotional and positive intelligence to live the life you were meant to live--and enjoy.
Show Notes:
Matt Berrafato, The Purpose Hunter
Get a FREE copy of the Purpose Hunting ebook along with some exclusive bonuses: https://thepurposehunter.com/hi1
Buy the book here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CTQQZD6Q
LinkedIn page: https://www.linkedin.com/in/matt-berrafato-83528113/
Flow, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, pronounced
“Muh·hay·lee Chik·sent·mee·hai·ee”
https://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org/history-of-happiness/mihaly-csikszentmihalyi/
Music:
What is My Why by Fearless Motivation
https://youtu.be/WPooBmy2h9k?si=Zmq7DAIIMtBR5OFJ
Want to learn how to build your EQ? Let's meet to see if working together is good fit.
* Calendar: https://calendly.com/jami-carlacio/virtual-coffee
* Email: jami@jamicarlacio.com (mailto:%20jami@jamicarlacio.com)
* Find out more about my coaching services: https://jamicarlacio.com
* LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jami-carlacio/
* FaceBook: https://www.facebook.com/jamicarlacioEQ
* Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jamicarlacio1/
* YouTube: https://tinyurl.com/jamicarlacio1
* TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@jcarlacio
* Substack: https://substack.com/@eqmaven
* I'd appreciate your support the show by buying me a cup of coffee: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2167520/supporters/new
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
that people don't think really deeply enough about
is who can you serve with yourgift and your passion?
And when you start to lookthere and you go, I've I always
get the response but I neverreally thought about it from
that perspective and then I go.
Well, I'm going to push you tothink deeply on that because
when you start to actually Ialways say when you when you
(00:21):
look at the gifts, your passionand who you serve, you wrap a
ribbon around those three legsof a three-legged stool and you
jump in that water.
That's when you createEventually, you're going to
create an environment where yourpurpose is going to emerge and
come and find you, hit you inthe chest and you're going to go
that's it, yeah, and when you?
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Hello and welcome to the podcast.
Emotional intelligence, yourgreatest asset and key to
success.
I'm your host, dr JamieCarlaccio, coming to you from
the greater new Haven,connecticut area, as a positive
intelligence, or PQ, coach.
I'm committed to helping peopledevelop both emotional
intelligence and mental fitness.
That is, you'll come to regardproblems as situations that help
you learn and grow.
(01:16):
Pq is a way of being and doingin the world that enables you to
develop and sustain a positiverelationship with yourself and
others, at home, at work andeverywhere in between.
Please subscribe to thispodcast and tap the like button
so more people can enjoy thebenefits of PQ.
And now here's the show.
(01:40):
Hello and welcome everybody tothe podcast Emotional
Intelligence, and I'm excitedtoday because I have a fabulous
guest whose sole job is helpingpeople find their purpose, and
his name is Matt Berrafato andhe is the Purpose Hunter.
Matt grew up in the suburbs ofChicago, he has several siblings
(02:03):
and he is, or was I supposeyou're not on the ice anymore,
but you were a hockey goalie,and so getting on the ice at a
young age and really findingyour joy on the ice it sounds
like a great thing.
And then Matt is also theauthor of the bestselling book.
Which is what's it called, Matt?
(02:25):
Purpose Hunting Purpose Hunting,yay, okay, so we'll talk a
little bit about what's in yourbook and how you work with
people, but first I just want tosay a couple of words about it.
I've been thinking a lot aboutpurpose because we've been
having a lot of conversationsabout this, and I was looking up
some stuff on the internet,like I always do, and the
(02:49):
Greater Good Society that comesout of Berkeley, california, has
written about purpose manytimes over the years, and the
common theme is that when youfind your purpose, you are happy
, and when you don't feel likeyou've got a purpose, like when
(03:09):
you feel rudderless it's kind oflike being on a boat in an
ocean and you feel like youdon't have any oars and you
don't have a rudder it's likewhere am I going?
I don't even know why I'mfloating here, and is somebody
going to come and save me?
And so finding purpose has todo with what I think is finding
joy, and if you don't feel happyabout what you're doing, it
(03:34):
might be time to take stock ofthat.
And I'll just say one morething One of the sort of
spiritual teachers that I havelearned a lot from is Eckhart
Tolle, and in his book the Powerof Now, which I read in 2002,
and it just changed everythingfor me.
He said something that reallystuck with me.
(03:54):
He said if you aren't happy inyour life right now with what
you're doing, it may not be whatyou're doing, but how you're
doing it.
And that really stuck with mebecause it made me think about
things that I was unhappy aboutand it made me think, okay, I
need to really change myorientation, which was all about
(04:18):
my mindset.
So I've just said a lot ofstuff there Go ahead and pick
something.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
I love it.
No, no, you, you set the stagefor many, I mean, as you and I
have always had some greatconversations.
You know it's funny that youare.
You know the what you just saidabout Eckhart Tolle, when he,
when he gave you a littleperspective, that sort of shifts
.
(04:52):
What I've learned is that thebiggest characteristic or
criteria when I'm talking tosomebody that can actually
describe when you're actuallytouching your purpose, is when
time completely disappears.
And when you so if you think,when anybody that I work with,
whether I'm coaching or having aconversation, when I when
touching that thing, that timecompletely disappears, I know
it's connected to their purpose.
I don't know how, don't knowexactly where, but I just know
(05:17):
it is, and it's one of thosekinds of things where, when time
completely disappears becauseof what you're doing, you get
lost in it.
It's not a challenge for you,because there's something there
that lets you experiencesomething that you don't have to
try to get that feeling.
It just happens and I don'twant that, to think that, oh, if
someone's go, I've just never.
(05:38):
I've never found my purpose.
I never found it.
Well, you haven't looked hardenough, but that's not always it
, because a lot of times yourpurpose finds you and it sort of
emerges and you know it'sinteresting.
You know, in the introductionyou talk to talk about my hockey
background and if you'relooking at the screen, the
Jersey I'm pointing to above myhead, if you're a Chicago hockey
(06:00):
fan, tony Esposito was a goalie.
That, in my opinion, was thegreatest goalie who ever played
the game in the NHL.
And why do I say that?
Because of my passion for thegame of hockey.
But being a goalie was like awhole new level and what
happened was I was using mygifts, which are, you know, my
(06:25):
gifts, which in the which in theathletic world, I had very
quick reflexes and I was veryhad.
I had a vision on the ice whenI was a goalie.
There were certain things I didand I just I didn't have to try
very hard Shouldn't say that Itried very hard, but you know
what it's like.
It came naturally to me and Ithink what I'm trying to get at
(06:45):
is when you go with the flow,and and I love that word flow.
I don't know if you've read thebook flow.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Yes, and I'm gonna add it to the show notes because
that that book is the book.
How do you say his name?
Speaker 1 (06:57):
I can't ever pronounce his name but it's
suzent mahali.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
I don't know, but we're gonna.
I'll even put a pronunciationguide in there.
I can't say it either.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Right.
He's the only one who I've everread or heard that actually
could describe what I'm tryingto describe, which is the state
of flow, and when I heard it thefirst time it was just like oh
my gosh, that's it.
When you're in that kind of astate and it's not always an
athletic state, I mean it's notalways an athletic state I mean
you don't have to be playing asport, and that's what I loved
about it.
So when I think about joy and Ithink about happiness, it
(07:30):
happens at the deepest level.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
At least, it's been my experience when you're
touching your purpose in someway.
Oh, definitely, I find that mydeepest joy.
There's a wonderful theologian.
I like Frederick Buechner.
I've mentioned him before.
And your purpose is where yourjoy or your deep gladness and
(07:54):
the world's greatest need meet.
And I think that when we pursuethe joy or the purpose, chances
are somebody else is going tobenefit from it.
We're not pursuing somethingjust for the pursuit of it.
It's just that, like your giftfor hockey or my gift as a
(08:15):
writer or Reiki master or asobriety coach, whatever it is,
somebody out there must need it,or I wouldn't be called to it.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Right Now isn't that interesting, and I think what I,
what I'm going to, I'm going togo down a path I'm going to
connect to to what you just said.
Here's how I think it.
I yesterday you heard me talkabout it we were on that show
and what a wonderful, what awonderful experience that was.
And why do I say that?
(08:45):
Because it was almost like, Ithink people just there's clues
all around us.
There are clues all around usand one of them, which you just
touched on, is when you'reactually serving somebody.
And it's really interestingwhen and I call it it's my ace,
(09:05):
sort of the ace in my pocket,when I'm trying to help someone
find their purpose.
It's a matter of if they'restruggling with.
I really don't have not beenable to answer the question why
am I here?
I haven't been able to answerthe question of what my purpose
is, and I go usually, when youhave them, take a step back and
have them look at what are theyreally good at in the world.
(09:27):
When I say really good atthings, that come very naturally
to them.
Secondly, what are?
What are you really passionateabout meaning?
Really like me being passionateabout hockey?
You being passionate aboutwriting?
Um, you know, if you're a cookpassionate about cooking, if
you're a teacher who doesn'tlike to be fed.
Exactly who doesn't like to befed.
(09:47):
But the one I find that peopledon't think really deeply enough
about is who can you serve withyour gift and your passion?
And when you start to lookthere and you go, I always get
the response I never reallythought about it from that
perspective and then I go.
Well, I'm going to push you tothink deeply on that, because
(10:08):
when you start to actually Ialways say when you look at the
gifts, your passion and who youserve, you wrap a ribbon around
those three legs of athree-legged stool and you jump
in that water.
That's when you createeventually you're going to
create an environment where yourpurpose is going to emerge and
(10:28):
come and find you, hit you inthe chest and you're going to go
.
That's it.
Yeah, and when you do, that'swhen you go.
It's funny in my world ofpurpose when they go, that's it.
The next question always is now, what do I do?
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Yeah, yeah, and I need to say something about that
because I'm hearing.
I want to play devil's advocatefor a moment.
First of all, I think we bothagree that the purpose is there
and we don't always know it isthere, and you're just sort of
helping Dorothy recognize thatthe slippers worked the whole
time.
She didn't actually need to gofind that idiot, the smoke and
(11:05):
the curtains.
But somebody might say yeah,well, I really love to draw and
paint, but I have to have thisjob for 40 hours a week and I
get that God doesn't write rentchecks, at least as far as I
know.
Maybe God does, and I'm justnot in the right part of the sky
(11:26):
.
But one thing I think about isyeah, that could be true that
you have to have this paycheckand you're a good accountant,
but it doesn't fill you with joyand you would rather be
painting watercolors and havingyour art up in a gallery.
So how do we reconcile the needto sort of make a living in the
(11:47):
real world with finding yourpurpose?
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Oh, I think you're hitting a very important point
and a lot of people get stuck.
I believe you get stuck andthey get stuck because they go.
What you just said I got tomake a living.
You know it's.
You know it's interesting.
In my, in my new book, purposehunting, I introduced a concept
that um, I know was, I know wasum inspired, so God inspired.
(12:15):
It was the.
You know, if you want to callit universe, I call it God I.
There's no way this came to mejust out of my head, because it
was so powerful and it's calledthe purpose continuum and why
it's such an important thing isthe purpose continuum.
If you actually had at the, ifyou look at, if you were looking
directly at the purposecontinuum, your purpose would be
(12:37):
something on top, so my handbeing that purpose on top.
And when I was 23 years old,looking at my purpose, I had
just gotten married, I didn'thave any children yet.
But when I had children, all ofa sudden it was like I need to.
You know, I got to take care ofmy wife, my myself and my
children.
That was, you know, and Ilooked at well, that must be my
(12:58):
purpose and I go.
So there was a responsibilitybecause of my choices and I had
to do something about that.
So I would I would say well, Igot to have a job and I have to
do these things and what Ilearned as the purpose continuum
moved along.
Okay, as I kept working for andI was, I was providing for my
family, I was doing a what Ithought was a pretty good job
(13:19):
and I know it was and all of asudden I would all, every once
in a while, I'd get to a placewhere I'd go.
There's gotta be more than whatI'm doing at this job, and the
more that now again, remember, Ididn't understand the purpose
continuum back then.
So I'm going what the heck isthat all about?
Well, what I know is if, if youmove to the right as you age,
you move to this side of thepurpose continuum.
(13:40):
Now, when I was age 50 and I'mlooking at that purpose, my
purpose, well, my kids are gone,they're out of the house and
I'm going well, that looksreally different.
Well, what's the deal with that?
And I said, oh.
And then, at age 58, jamie, age58, I looked at it and one of my
clients grabbed me and sat medown and said man, I want you to
(14:00):
, I need you to help me.
I've read your book, I'm stuck,I don't know how to articulate
my cornerstone values.
And I looked at her.
I rolled my eyes, I'm sure Isaid, okay, well, let's go ahead
and sit down.
Now listen to this.
So I sit down with her andliterally Three hours later, at
this coffee, I'm looking at mywatch, going.
(14:23):
There's something got to bewrong with my watch, because
we've been here three hours andI'm going.
Oh, my goodness, I'm looking atit, I'm going, my purpose is to
help other people figure outwhy they're on this planet, but
all of a sudden.
So my responsibilities ofhaving a job never left me, my
responsibilities of paying therent and doing the things.
(14:44):
I was not a kind of a personthat doesn't do that, because
that was not me, you know.
I just took.
So.
But what was interesting, thepurpose continuum allowed me to
see my purpose in a differentlight.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Every time I started going a little bit to the right,
and that is how I think youaddress it.
So someone you know, my, my, my.
You've heard me talk about mypersonal philosophy, which I
call the elephant philosophy.
And the elephant philosophy ishow do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time.
And please understand everybody, this is a metaphor.
I'm not hurting.
(15:16):
I love elephants.
I would never dream of hurtingan elephant, but it's any big
project you have, you have tobreak it in little pieces and do
it one bite at a time.
So think about this.
I was, I love to do speakingevents as a professor, you know.
I became a speaker right away.
This is over 30 years ago, butI had to make a living.
I couldn't make a living doingthe speaking, but I kept my toe
(15:39):
in that water.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
And I did it as often as I could without jeopardizing
my wife and my thing.
And so what I tell everybody is, if you've got to make a living
, do not quit your job, but payattention to the things you love
, pay attention to those gifts,pay attention to what you're
passionate about and payattention who you can serve, and
what you can do is touch thosethings and you do.
(16:02):
That's when, all of a sudden,you go okay, pay attention to
that.
That was one of the things.
Now maybe you can do a littlebit more.
Maybe there's a foundation youcould help, maybe there's this.
Does that make sense on how Italk about that?
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Yes, and I was just thinking too because we did both
.
Matthew and I were on the Searsshow yesterday with Nikki
Gangemi and Sifu Raphael and wewill put that also in the show
notes because it was a half-hourinterview that aired live on TV
and it was awesome.
But one thing I think is we'renot our job and sometimes, when
(16:38):
our identity is tied up withwhat we do for a living, we can
lose sight of our purpose, and Idid.
I lost sight of my purpose whenI was so tied up with my title
or how people approached me orthought about me or whatever it
was, and then I wasn't living, Iwasn't joyful, I wasn't feeling
(17:00):
like I was contributinganything, and when I dropped all
of that stuff and just kind oflet it fall away.
Then I could find out what itwas that I was called to do and
at one point it was to go todivinity school and become a
chaplain and then to move intocoaching.
But I had to let all the otherstuff fall away, and that didn't
(17:24):
mean leaving my real worldresponsibilities.
It meant finding a way to maybemesh them.
And I was a little bit crazy.
I left my job as a chaplain.
It was a nine-month residencyat a trauma hospital and I
couldn't find another job rightaway.
And I didn't know why, becauseI have a bunch of letters after
(17:45):
my name and I have a bunch ofqualifications, yet I couldn't
find another full-time job.
So I said, hey God, what'sgoing on?
Why can't I find a job?
You brought me here?
I went to divinity school.
I was a chaplain Now what?
And so the message was to gohelp women.
And so that's what I did.
(18:05):
But I had a hard time makingends meet for a while, while I
was getting my business up andrunning.
But what happened was I justkept trusting and then, as
opportunities kept opening up, Ikept moving along that
continuum opening up.
(18:25):
I kept moving along thatcontinuum, and so I moved from
hospital chaplain to Reikimaster, emotional intelligence
coach and sobriety coach.
But it did take a couple ofyears.
It wasn't like, okay, lightbulbs on my life is completely
different tomorrow, becausethat's not always the case,
right?
Speaker 1 (18:39):
No, it's not, and I mean, you're an example, I'm an
example of it, and you know acouple of.
One of my favorite speakers andauthors was Wayne Dyer, and one
of the things he taught, or oneof the things I learned from I'm
sure that he was speakingdirectly to it, but he talked.
You know, we are not.
I think he used to say we arenot human doings, we are human
(19:03):
beings, and that makes me smilewhen I we're not human doings,
we aren't what we do, we arehuman beings.
And so if you're not being oryou're not embracing who you're
being, then maybe you're.
You know, are you payingattention?
Maybe he didn't phrase it quitethat way, but I loved how he
(19:25):
said that and you and I had theexample of you know, that's why
I really like to ask thequestion, or I do it and bring
it up.
Usually when I tell I'll tell astory that revolves around one
of my favorite characters that Icreated in my book called COD,
(19:45):
and I know you you may haveheard me talk about it, but COD,
the greatest motivator is yourcheckout date, jamie, and your
checkout date People.
I mean, I, I have fun with it.
Some people are frightened, butI'm going, man, you know my
that continuum way I talk abouton the left side of your
continuum when you're looking upat it is when you're in eighth
(20:06):
grade, the right side of yourcontinuum.
Now we don't have a crystalball of how long you're going to
live, but hey, my dad lived to95, so I 93.
So I put 95 as the one overhere.
Well, what happens when you getcloser to the right side of the
continuum?
You're getting closer to yourcheckout date and at least on
(20:26):
this planet, jamie, there's acheckout date.
You can't avoid your checkoutdate.
And what I know is, once you'vediscovered why you're on this
planet, what your purpose forbeing is, then your checkout
date, you're looking at it andyou go I want that dude as far
away from me as possible.
If I can control those things.
There's certain things you canand can't control and I know
(20:47):
that the things you can controlI want.
I want that guy is, you know,the grim reaper.
I want him as far away from meas possible.
But I'm motivated now, on myterms, to do what I need to do
to be healthy, to be the personI need to be mentally.
All these different things Ican't make someone else want to
(21:07):
be healthy.
You ever notice that?
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Oh yes, you have to want it for yourself.
That's the thing you can't get.
It's not external, right?
That's that part that's inside.
You can't tell me my purpose.
You might notice it and say,jamie, you know, every time you
mention dancing or whatever, youlight up like a neon board and
then I might say, oh yeah, thatis Now.
(21:31):
I'm not going to make money asa professional dancer, but I can
take the money that I do earnafter I pay my bills and pay for
the dancing lessons like I'vebeen doing.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Exactly so think about it.
So to me it's interesting.
I've just learned how to bethis person who really number
one loves to brainstorm, and Ilove to teach other people to
brainstorm and love it as muchas I do, because when you do it,
(22:04):
the way I think is, is there aright or wrong right or wrong
way?
Not really, but when you do iteffectively, you'll amaze
yourself what you'll come upwith.
And so when you uncover one ofthose things like in your case
it might be dancing, in my caseit's hockey, in someone else's
case be dancing, in my case it'shockey, in someone else's case
(22:28):
it might be cooking, it might beteaching, it might be politics,
it might be there's, there's.
Everybody has many passions.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
And and the thing about that is that I think, when
time disappears, when you'redoing whatever that is, there's
something there that's connecteddeeply to your purpose.
Yes, and so, even though yousaid I can't make a living doing
dancing, you know what'sinteresting?
There's probably somehow inyour travels and what you're
(22:54):
doing that dancing will enter inin a way that you can touch
another person, yes, and leadthem maybe to their purpose, or
lead them and inspire them, oryou know, by the way.
So I've seen that video yousent me of you dancing and what
do you think happened?
When I saw it, I don't know, Icompletely had this smile and
(23:16):
grin on my face.
That was.
You don't understand that, youknow.
So you have no idea how youletting that passion come
forward through sharing thatvideo was risky.
You thought you were beingrisky sharing that video with me
.
I'm going.
I it tickled my soul and itreally did, because I actually
saw something.
I saw the glimmer in your eyeand I'm going.
(23:37):
That was inspiring to me andthat's where I get to, where you
heard me on the show yesterdaysay I think there's a
responsibility for us to allowothers to feel that passion,
because that's their opportunityto be inspired by you, and
sometimes we don't take thatseriously enough and again, it
(23:57):
might not be something that I'mgoing to change the world and
I'm going to do this, but youknow what, if it brought joy and
again for me, you know, when Ilook back at my experience of
hockey, jamie, yeah.
The, the.
I was so passionate abouthockey as being a goalie that I
(24:17):
met my best friend, mike Schwoz,who was also a hockey player.
And Mike Schwartz was one ofthe best forwards in hockey that
you could imagine and imaginethis now, senior year in high
school.
It was back in December of 1975.
He's going in on a breakaway.
For those of you who don't knowhockey, he's going in skating
alone, gets hit from behind,gets he, he, his skates fall
(24:39):
from under him, he skips theboard, he breaks his neck.
And when that happened, so mywhole life I've and I thought
about why was I?
Why was I on the ice watchingmy best friend break his neck?
Always wondered that.
I know now why, but I alwayswondered that and as I watched
(25:00):
him as a 30 for 35 years, liveas a quadriplegic If you've
never known someone who's aquadriplegic, it is not, it is,
it is the most significant kindof disability I think you can
have.
Right, and why did he?
Why did he suffer?
Why did all these things?
And the lesson this is, this iswhat I want people to hear the
(25:20):
lessons that Michael Schwartz,my friend, taught me after 35
years as a quadriplegic on howto help other disabled people.
Yeah, the lessons I needed, andI personally believe that I'm
called and it's my purpose tonot let those lessons go to his
grave.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Exactly exactly.
So we have a responsibility,and I wanted to say one thing
that's really important.
It's also when we talk aboutpurpose and our joy and our
passion and sharing it, becausesomebody else might benefit from
it, or get an idea and take itand run with it.
(26:00):
It's also not beneficial to putyourself down and, you know,
sort of even be self-deprecating, like, oh, I'm not very good at
that, or oh, you're going tolaugh because this isn't really
good.
Or you know sort of even beself-deprecating like, oh, I'm
not very good at that, or oh,you're going to laugh because
this isn't really good.
Or you know, the thing is thatdoesn't serve anybody.
It doesn't serve anybody to putyourself down or take your
(26:24):
inventory, so to speak, or takeother people's inventory or
laugh at them or be mean.
None of that serves anybody.
And so if we can think aboutwhat is the highest good, what
is your highest good, matt, andwhat is my highest good and what
is the world's highest good,keeping that in mind helps too,
(26:47):
because even the dancing you maynot go out to Arthur Murray
Dance Arthur Murray Dance Studiolike I did and grab lessons,
but the fact that it made youhappy and, you know, tickled
your fancy.
That's awesome, and I talkabout it on here because
somebody else may say yeah, youknow, I've always wanted to
dance, but I didn't know I couldWell guess what.
(27:08):
I didn't know I could either,and I stepped on a lot of feet.
But I don't care, the lessonswent so fast.
I would be like, oh gosh, we'realready done.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
Right, isn't that interesting?
And you know I'm looking at thetitle of the emotional
intelligence, your title of yourpodcast, and think about
understanding emotionalintelligence to the degree that
you and I can understand that weat least I do.
I don't put this on anybody,but I know I take a
(27:42):
responsibility in helping pointthese things out to other people
, which is what you're saying,and I really I believe so
strongly that I think it's aresponsibility.
I believe so strongly that youknow I was just texting back and
forth with a good he's actuallymy godson and and he's
(28:02):
challenging with, he'schallenged with some really
significant mental health issuesand but he's got this gift as
an artist.
That is just unbelievable.
I'm looking at a picture he drewof an elephant right over my,
but he's got this gift as anartist.
That is just unbelievable.
I'm looking at a picture hedrew of an elephant right over
my.
I always keep it right there soI can see it every time and
it's just fascinating.
And so he just recently wentthrough a really rough period
(28:28):
and I brought him back to startthinking about his art.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
And why.
And his opinion oh, these arejust, oh, I hate these things,
they're not good.
Like you say, self-deprecating.
He's just I'm going, do youunderstand?
And that's how.
I didn't even tell him that, Ijust said, wow, I just can't.
I love looking at that picture.
I sent it.
I just real few words.
I did that and it's reallyinteresting and I think that's
what I'm called and I thinkwe're all called to be able to
(28:54):
recognize that gift in somebody.
Let them know that and sayplease share that, cause it
really did impact me, it didinspire me, and when you do that
, guess what happens?
I think that's how we changethe world.
Jamie, think about this.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
It does.
Yes, it's a ripple effect.
That's how we change the world.
It's a ripple effect.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
It absolutely is.
In my opinion it is, and Ithink that when we don't give I
want to say, I'm trying tosearch for the word when we
don't give credit to the strongconnection and these ripple
effects that come from when wetouch it Call it the energy
(29:32):
vibrations, whatever it is thatactually happened when you
actually touch your purpose,yeah, it goes out.
It's like that tuning fork,right, it's like someone does a
tuning for those.
Those have always amazed me,cause you go ding and it's just,
it just goes on and go.
Well, that's what happens whenanybody who's been watching this
interview, that our pod, whenanybody who's been watching this
(29:53):
interview, your podcast, ifthey're not feeling what's
coming from me, they're just notpaying attention.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Yeah, exactly.
Oh, matt, we have to wrap up ina minute, but you mentioned
emotional intelligence, so Ijust want to say that, as a
positive intelligence coach, oneof the things that I talk about
a lot is that we have a judgeand the judge has nine
accomplices, and we have neuralpathways, and one pathway is the
(30:18):
judge and the accomplices, andI call it the rabbit hole.
It's the bad place and it's thevoices we listen to oh, you're
not good enough.
You know that won't work, or Ihave to be perfect, or you know,
if you're in an environmentwhere you have to control
everything, all of thosenegative voices, they're not you
, for one.
(30:38):
And second, we can stop themwith some positive intelligence.
We call them PQ reps, where youcan just stop and breathe, you
can focus on something outside,you can look at your hand for
crying out loud and look at thelines in your hand if you need
to.
But when we do that, we canpave a new neural pathway, and
(31:01):
the sage pathway is the empathy,it's the exploration, it's the
curiosity, it's the innovation,it's the taking action, and when
we do that, that path becomessmooth and that path becomes
well-worn.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
How beautiful, and you know that's why I love what
you do.
You know your goal of teachingother people emotional
intelligence is critical,because if they don't change
that pathway, you and I bothknow what's going to happen.
As soon as they get a negativethought again, they're going to
go back to the old way and thatold negative pathway that way
instead of the new one, that waythat you're trying to.
(31:37):
I don't know.
That's what I've learnedanyways, and so God bless you
for what you're doing, because Ithink you're helping people in
a huge way.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
Yeah, and as we both know and I'm sure a lot of
people who are watching this orlistening to this know that when
we live in that stress mode orthat kind of negative feeling
mode or whatever self-loathing,lack of self-confidence, it
manifests as illness in our body.
So if you suffer fromgastrointestinal issues or
(32:06):
headaches or backaches orwhatever it is, that is
oftentimes based in emotion andwe talk about psychosomatic.
That's not a bad thing.
That's not like saying you'refaking it.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
It's saying that your mental state affects your
physical state, and that'stalking about how putting what
(32:40):
into your body I mean, thinkabout it, putting what into your
body so that you can actuallyexperience from that perspective
.
And then our negative attitudes.
How does that change how youactually even respond to that
stuff you're putting in yourbody?
And and they're, they're,they're so linked together that
you can't, you know, obviously,how do you separate them?
You really can't.
I don't think you can, andthat's part of the beauty of it.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
So exactly, yes, oh, I could talk to you all day.
I want to jump through thescreen and come and visit you in
Chicago.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
I can't wait, so will you do it?
And when I get out to the EastCoast, we want to do that as
well.
You know I'm going to bereaching out to you.
This has been wonderful.
Thank you, yes.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
Thank you so much, and everybody out there.
I will have Matt's informationin the show notes as well as
mine, as well as the title, thebook flow and the name of the
author, whose name we can'tpronounce.
And before we go, I want totreat everybody to a little
snippet of a song that I foundthat's really good and it fits
(33:43):
right with what we're doing, solet me just pull that up.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
When you wake up every morning?
What drives you?
What is your?
Why?
Tell me, what's that thing thatyou dream about almost every
night?
What gives you drive?
What inspires?
What lights your fire Love that.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
Yeah, so that's our show and thank you everybody,
and I will see you at the PQ gymand Matt will see you.
If you are looking to find thatpurpose, he will help you.
Speaker 1 (34:21):
Great.
Thank you so much, Jamie.
Have a great day.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Thank you, take care.
that people don't think really deeply enough about
is who can you serve with yourgift and your passion?
And when you start to lookthere and you go, I've I always
get the response but I neverreally thought about it from
that perspective and then I go.
Well, I'm going to push you tothink deeply on that because
when you start to actually Ialways say when you when you
(00:21):
look at the gifts, your passionand who you serve, you wrap a
ribbon around those three legsof a three-legged stool and you
jump in that water.
That's when you createEventually, you're going to
create an environment where yourpurpose is going to emerge and
come and find you, hit you inthe chest and you're going to go
that's it, yeah, and when you?
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Hello and welcome to the podcast.
Emotional intelligence, yourgreatest asset and key to
success.
I'm your host, dr JamieCarlaccio, coming to you from
the greater new Haven,connecticut area, as a positive
intelligence, or PQ, coach.
I'm committed to helping peopledevelop both emotional
intelligence and mental fitness.
That is, you'll come to regardproblems as situations that help
you learn and grow.
(01:16):
Pq is a way of being and doingin the world that enables you to
develop and sustain a positiverelationship with yourself and
others, at home, at work andeverywhere in between.
Please subscribe to thispodcast and tap the like button
so more people can enjoy thebenefits of PQ.
And now here's the show.
(01:40):
Hello and welcome everybody tothe podcast Emotional
Intelligence, and I'm excitedtoday because I have a fabulous
guest whose sole job is helpingpeople find their purpose, and
his name is Matt Berrafato andhe is the Purpose Hunter.
Matt grew up in the suburbs ofChicago, he has several siblings
(02:03):
and he is, or was I supposeyou're not on the ice anymore,
but you were a hockey goalie,and so getting on the ice at a
young age and really findingyour joy on the ice it sounds
like a great thing.
And then Matt is also theauthor of the bestselling book.
Which is what's it called, Matt?
(02:25):
Purpose Hunting Purpose Hunting,yay, okay, so we'll talk a
little bit about what's in yourbook and how you work with
people, but first I just want tosay a couple of words about it.
I've been thinking a lot aboutpurpose because we've been
having a lot of conversationsabout this, and I was looking up
some stuff on the internet,like I always do, and the
(02:49):
Greater Good Society that comesout of Berkeley, california, has
written about purpose manytimes over the years, and the
common theme is that when youfind your purpose, you are happy
, and when you don't feel likeyou've got a purpose, like when
(03:09):
you feel rudderless it's kind oflike being on a boat in an
ocean and you feel like youdon't have any oars and you
don't have a rudder it's likewhere am I going?
I don't even know why I'mfloating here, and is somebody
going to come and save me?
And so finding purpose has todo with what I think is finding
joy, and if you don't feel happyabout what you're doing, it
(03:34):
might be time to take stock ofthat.
And I'll just say one morething One of the sort of
spiritual teachers that I havelearned a lot from is Eckhart
Tolle, and in his book the Powerof Now, which I read in 2002,
and it just changed everythingfor me.
He said something that reallystuck with me.
(03:54):
He said if you aren't happy inyour life right now with what
you're doing, it may not be whatyou're doing, but how you're
doing it.
And that really stuck with mebecause it made me think about
things that I was unhappy aboutand it made me think, okay, I
need to really change myorientation, which was all about
(04:18):
my mindset.
So I've just said a lot ofstuff there Go ahead and pick
something.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
I love it.
No, no, you, you set the stagefor many, I mean, as you and I
have always had some greatconversations.
You know it's funny that youare.
You know the what you just saidabout Eckhart Tolle, when he,
when he gave you a littleperspective, that sort of shifts
.
(04:52):
What I've learned is that thebiggest characteristic or
criteria when I'm talking tosomebody that can actually
describe when you're actuallytouching your purpose, is when
time completely disappears.
And when you so if you think,when anybody that I work with,
whether I'm coaching or having aconversation, when I when
touching that thing, that timecompletely disappears, I know
it's connected to their purpose.
I don't know how, don't knowexactly where, but I just know
(05:17):
it is, and it's one of thosekinds of things where, when time
completely disappears becauseof what you're doing, you get
lost in it.
It's not a challenge for you,because there's something there
that lets you experiencesomething that you don't have to
try to get that feeling.
It just happens and I don'twant that, to think that, oh, if
someone's go, I've just never.
(05:38):
I've never found my purpose.
I never found it.
Well, you haven't looked hardenough, but that's not always it
, because a lot of times yourpurpose finds you and it sort of
emerges and you know it'sinteresting.
You know, in the introductionyou talk to talk about my hockey
background and if you'relooking at the screen, the
Jersey I'm pointing to above myhead, if you're a Chicago hockey
(06:00):
fan, tony Esposito was a goalie.
That, in my opinion, was thegreatest goalie who ever played
the game in the NHL.
And why do I say that?
Because of my passion for thegame of hockey.
But being a goalie was like awhole new level and what
happened was I was using mygifts, which are, you know, my
(06:25):
gifts, which in the which in theathletic world, I had very
quick reflexes and I was veryhad.
I had a vision on the ice whenI was a goalie.
There were certain things I didand I just I didn't have to try
very hard Shouldn't say that Itried very hard, but you know
what it's like.
It came naturally to me and Ithink what I'm trying to get at
(06:45):
is when you go with the flow,and and I love that word flow.
I don't know if you've read thebook flow.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Yes, and I'm gonna add it to the show notes because
that that book is the book.
How do you say his name?
Speaker 1 (06:57):
I can't ever pronounce his name but it's
suzent mahali.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
I don't know, but we're gonna.
I'll even put a pronunciationguide in there.
I can't say it either.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Right.
He's the only one who I've everread or heard that actually
could describe what I'm tryingto describe, which is the state
of flow, and when I heard it thefirst time it was just like oh
my gosh, that's it.
When you're in that kind of astate and it's not always an
athletic state, I mean it's notalways an athletic state I mean
you don't have to be playing asport, and that's what I loved
about it.
So when I think about joy and Ithink about happiness, it
(07:30):
happens at the deepest level.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
At least, it's been my experience when you're
touching your purpose in someway.
Oh, definitely, I find that mydeepest joy.
There's a wonderful theologian.
I like Frederick Buechner.
I've mentioned him before.
And your purpose is where yourjoy or your deep gladness and
(07:54):
the world's greatest need meet.
And I think that when we pursuethe joy or the purpose, chances
are somebody else is going tobenefit from it.
We're not pursuing somethingjust for the pursuit of it.
It's just that, like your giftfor hockey or my gift as a
(08:15):
writer or Reiki master or asobriety coach, whatever it is,
somebody out there must need it,or I wouldn't be called to it.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Right Now isn't that interesting, and I think what I,
what I'm going to, I'm going togo down a path I'm going to
connect to to what you just said.
Here's how I think it.
I yesterday you heard me talkabout it we were on that show
and what a wonderful, what awonderful experience that was.
And why do I say that?
(08:45):
Because it was almost like, Ithink people just there's clues
all around us.
There are clues all around usand one of them, which you just
touched on, is when you'reactually serving somebody.
And it's really interestingwhen and I call it it's my ace,
(09:05):
sort of the ace in my pocket,when I'm trying to help someone
find their purpose.
It's a matter of if they'restruggling with.
I really don't have not beenable to answer the question why
am I here?
I haven't been able to answerthe question of what my purpose
is, and I go usually, when youhave them, take a step back and
have them look at what are theyreally good at in the world.
(09:27):
When I say really good atthings, that come very naturally
to them.
Secondly, what are?
What are you really passionateabout meaning?
Really like me being passionateabout hockey?
You being passionate aboutwriting?
Um, you know, if you're a cookpassionate about cooking, if
you're a teacher who doesn'tlike to be fed.
Exactly who doesn't like to befed.
(09:47):
But the one I find that peopledon't think really deeply enough
about is who can you serve withyour gift and your passion?
And when you start to lookthere and you go, I always get
the response I never reallythought about it from that
perspective and then I go.
Well, I'm going to push you tothink deeply on that, because
(10:08):
when you start to actually Ialways say when you look at the
gifts, your passion and who youserve, you wrap a ribbon around
those three legs of athree-legged stool and you jump
in that water.
That's when you createeventually you're going to
create an environment where yourpurpose is going to emerge and
(10:28):
come and find you, hit you inthe chest and you're going to go
.
That's it.
Yeah, and when you do, that'swhen you go.
It's funny in my world ofpurpose when they go, that's it.
The next question always is now, what do I do?
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Yeah, yeah, and I need to say something about that
because I'm hearing.
I want to play devil's advocatefor a moment.
First of all, I think we bothagree that the purpose is there
and we don't always know it isthere, and you're just sort of
helping Dorothy recognize thatthe slippers worked the whole
time.
She didn't actually need to gofind that idiot, the smoke and
(11:05):
the curtains.
But somebody might say yeah,well, I really love to draw and
paint, but I have to have thisjob for 40 hours a week and I
get that God doesn't write rentchecks, at least as far as I
know.
Maybe God does, and I'm justnot in the right part of the sky
(11:26):
.
But one thing I think about isyeah, that could be true that
you have to have this paycheckand you're a good accountant,
but it doesn't fill you with joyand you would rather be
painting watercolors and havingyour art up in a gallery.
So how do we reconcile the needto sort of make a living in the
(11:47):
real world with finding yourpurpose?
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Oh, I think you're hitting a very important point
and a lot of people get stuck.
I believe you get stuck andthey get stuck because they go.
What you just said I got tomake a living.
You know it's.
You know it's interesting.
In my, in my new book, purposehunting, I introduced a concept
that um, I know was, I know wasum inspired, so God inspired.
(12:15):
It was the.
You know, if you want to callit universe, I call it God I.
There's no way this came to mejust out of my head, because it
was so powerful and it's calledthe purpose continuum and why
it's such an important thing isthe purpose continuum.
If you actually had at the, ifyou look at, if you were looking
directly at the purposecontinuum, your purpose would be
(12:37):
something on top, so my handbeing that purpose on top.
And when I was 23 years old,looking at my purpose, I had
just gotten married, I didn'thave any children yet.
But when I had children, all ofa sudden it was like I need to.
You know, I got to take care ofmy wife, my myself and my
children.
That was, you know, and Ilooked at well, that must be my
(12:58):
purpose and I go.
So there was a responsibilitybecause of my choices and I had
to do something about that.
So I would I would say well, Igot to have a job and I have to
do these things and what Ilearned as the purpose continuum
moved along.
Okay, as I kept working for andI was, I was providing for my
family, I was doing a what Ithought was a pretty good job
(13:19):
and I know it was and all of asudden I would all, every once
in a while, I'd get to a placewhere I'd go.
There's gotta be more than whatI'm doing at this job, and the
more that now again, remember, Ididn't understand the purpose
continuum back then.
So I'm going what the heck isthat all about?
Well, what I know is if, if youmove to the right as you age,
you move to this side of thepurpose continuum.
(13:40):
Now, when I was age 50 and I'mlooking at that purpose, my
purpose, well, my kids are gone,they're out of the house and
I'm going well, that looksreally different.
Well, what's the deal with that?
And I said, oh.
And then, at age 58, jamie, age58, I looked at it and one of my
clients grabbed me and sat medown and said man, I want you to
(14:00):
, I need you to help me.
I've read your book, I'm stuck,I don't know how to articulate
my cornerstone values.
And I looked at her.
I rolled my eyes, I'm sure Isaid, okay, well, let's go ahead
and sit down.
Now listen to this.
So I sit down with her andliterally Three hours later, at
this coffee, I'm looking at mywatch, going.
(14:23):
There's something got to bewrong with my watch, because
we've been here three hours andI'm going.
Oh, my goodness, I'm looking atit, I'm going, my purpose is to
help other people figure outwhy they're on this planet, but
all of a sudden.
So my responsibilities ofhaving a job never left me, my
responsibilities of paying therent and doing the things.
(14:44):
I was not a kind of a personthat doesn't do that, because
that was not me, you know.
I just took.
So.
But what was interesting, thepurpose continuum allowed me to
see my purpose in a differentlight.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Every time I started going a little bit to the right,
and that is how I think youaddress it.
So someone you know, my, my, my.
You've heard me talk about mypersonal philosophy, which I
call the elephant philosophy.
And the elephant philosophy ishow do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time.
And please understand everybody, this is a metaphor.
I'm not hurting.
(15:16):
I love elephants.
I would never dream of hurtingan elephant, but it's any big
project you have, you have tobreak it in little pieces and do
it one bite at a time.
So think about this.
I was, I love to do speakingevents as a professor, you know.
I became a speaker right away.
This is over 30 years ago, butI had to make a living.
I couldn't make a living doingthe speaking, but I kept my toe
(15:39):
in that water.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
And I did it as often as I could without jeopardizing
my wife and my thing.
And so what I tell everybody is, if you've got to make a living
, do not quit your job, but payattention to the things you love
, pay attention to those gifts,pay attention to what you're
passionate about and payattention who you can serve, and
what you can do is touch thosethings and you do.
(16:02):
That's when, all of a sudden,you go okay, pay attention to
that.
That was one of the things.
Now maybe you can do a littlebit more.
Maybe there's a foundation youcould help, maybe there's this.
Does that make sense on how Italk about that?
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Yes, and I was just thinking too because we did both
.
Matthew and I were on the Searsshow yesterday with Nikki
Gangemi and Sifu Raphael and wewill put that also in the show
notes because it was a half-hourinterview that aired live on TV
and it was awesome.
But one thing I think is we'renot our job and sometimes, when
(16:38):
our identity is tied up withwhat we do for a living, we can
lose sight of our purpose, and Idid.
I lost sight of my purpose whenI was so tied up with my title
or how people approached me orthought about me or whatever it
was, and then I wasn't living, Iwasn't joyful, I wasn't feeling
(17:00):
like I was contributinganything, and when I dropped all
of that stuff and just kind oflet it fall away.
Then I could find out what itwas that I was called to do and
at one point it was to go todivinity school and become a
chaplain and then to move intocoaching.
But I had to let all the otherstuff fall away, and that didn't
(17:24):
mean leaving my real worldresponsibilities.
It meant finding a way to maybemesh them.
And I was a little bit crazy.
I left my job as a chaplain.
It was a nine-month residencyat a trauma hospital and I
couldn't find another job rightaway.
And I didn't know why, becauseI have a bunch of letters after
(17:45):
my name and I have a bunch ofqualifications, yet I couldn't
find another full-time job.
So I said, hey God, what'sgoing on?
Why can't I find a job?
You brought me here?
I went to divinity school.
I was a chaplain Now what?
And so the message was to gohelp women.
And so that's what I did.
(18:05):
But I had a hard time makingends meet for a while, while I
was getting my business up andrunning.
But what happened was I justkept trusting and then, as
opportunities kept opening up, Ikept moving along that
continuum opening up.
(18:25):
I kept moving along thatcontinuum, and so I moved from
hospital chaplain to Reikimaster, emotional intelligence
coach and sobriety coach.
But it did take a couple ofyears.
It wasn't like, okay, lightbulbs on my life is completely
different tomorrow, becausethat's not always the case,
right?
Speaker 1 (18:39):
No, it's not, and I mean, you're an example, I'm an
example of it, and you know acouple of.
One of my favorite speakers andauthors was Wayne Dyer, and one
of the things he taught, or oneof the things I learned from I'm
sure that he was speakingdirectly to it, but he talked.
You know, we are not.
I think he used to say we arenot human doings, we are human
(19:03):
beings, and that makes me smilewhen I we're not human doings,
we aren't what we do, we arehuman beings.
And so if you're not being oryou're not embracing who you're
being, then maybe you're.
You know, are you payingattention?
Maybe he didn't phrase it quitethat way, but I loved how he
(19:25):
said that and you and I had theexample of you know, that's why
I really like to ask thequestion, or I do it and bring
it up.
Usually when I tell I'll tell astory that revolves around one
of my favorite characters that Icreated in my book called COD,
(19:45):
and I know you you may haveheard me talk about it, but COD,
the greatest motivator is yourcheckout date, jamie, and your
checkout date People.
I mean, I, I have fun with it.
Some people are frightened, butI'm going, man, you know my
that continuum way I talk abouton the left side of your
continuum when you're looking upat it is when you're in eighth
(20:06):
grade, the right side of yourcontinuum.
Now we don't have a crystalball of how long you're going to
live, but hey, my dad lived to95, so I 93.
So I put 95 as the one overhere.
Well, what happens when you getcloser to the right side of the
continuum?
You're getting closer to yourcheckout date and at least on
(20:26):
this planet, jamie, there's acheckout date.
You can't avoid your checkoutdate.
And what I know is, once you'vediscovered why you're on this
planet, what your purpose forbeing is, then your checkout
date, you're looking at it andyou go I want that dude as far
away from me as possible.
If I can control those things.
There's certain things you canand can't control and I know
(20:47):
that the things you can controlI want.
I want that guy is, you know,the grim reaper.
I want him as far away from meas possible.
But I'm motivated now, on myterms, to do what I need to do
to be healthy, to be the personI need to be mentally.
All these different things Ican't make someone else want to
(21:07):
be healthy.
You ever notice that?
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Oh yes, you have to want it for yourself.
That's the thing you can't get.
It's not external, right?
That's that part that's inside.
You can't tell me my purpose.
You might notice it and say,jamie, you know, every time you
mention dancing or whatever, youlight up like a neon board and
then I might say, oh yeah, thatis Now.
(21:31):
I'm not going to make money asa professional dancer, but I can
take the money that I do earnafter I pay my bills and pay for
the dancing lessons like I'vebeen doing.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Exactly so think about it.
So to me it's interesting.
I've just learned how to bethis person who really number
one loves to brainstorm, and Ilove to teach other people to
brainstorm and love it as muchas I do, because when you do it,
(22:04):
the way I think is, is there aright or wrong right or wrong
way?
Not really, but when you do iteffectively, you'll amaze
yourself what you'll come upwith.
And so when you uncover one ofthose things like in your case
it might be dancing, in my caseit's hockey, in someone else's
case be dancing, in my case it'shockey, in someone else's case
(22:28):
it might be cooking, it might beteaching, it might be politics,
it might be there's, there's.
Everybody has many passions.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
And and the thing about that is that I think, when
time disappears, when you'redoing whatever that is, there's
something there that's connecteddeeply to your purpose.
Yes, and so, even though yousaid I can't make a living doing
dancing, you know what'sinteresting?
There's probably somehow inyour travels and what you're
(22:54):
doing that dancing will enter inin a way that you can touch
another person, yes, and leadthem maybe to their purpose, or
lead them and inspire them, oryou know, by the way.
So I've seen that video yousent me of you dancing and what
do you think happened?
When I saw it, I don't know, Icompletely had this smile and
(23:16):
grin on my face.
That was.
You don't understand that, youknow.
So you have no idea how youletting that passion come
forward through sharing thatvideo was risky.
You thought you were beingrisky sharing that video with me
.
I'm going.
I it tickled my soul and itreally did, because I actually
saw something.
I saw the glimmer in your eyeand I'm going.
(23:37):
That was inspiring to me andthat's where I get to, where you
heard me on the show yesterdaysay I think there's a
responsibility for us to allowothers to feel that passion,
because that's their opportunityto be inspired by you, and
sometimes we don't take thatseriously enough and again, it
(23:57):
might not be something that I'mgoing to change the world and
I'm going to do this, but youknow what, if it brought joy and
again for me, you know, when Ilook back at my experience of
hockey, jamie, yeah.
The, the.
I was so passionate abouthockey as being a goalie that I
(24:17):
met my best friend, mike Schwoz,who was also a hockey player.
And Mike Schwartz was one ofthe best forwards in hockey that
you could imagine and imaginethis now, senior year in high
school.
It was back in December of 1975.
He's going in on a breakaway.
For those of you who don't knowhockey, he's going in skating
alone, gets hit from behind,gets he, he, his skates fall
(24:39):
from under him, he skips theboard, he breaks his neck.
And when that happened, so mywhole life I've and I thought
about why was I?
Why was I on the ice watchingmy best friend break his neck?
Always wondered that.
I know now why, but I alwayswondered that and as I watched
(25:00):
him as a 30 for 35 years, liveas a quadriplegic If you've
never known someone who's aquadriplegic, it is not, it is,
it is the most significant kindof disability I think you can
have.
Right, and why did he?
Why did he suffer?
Why did all these things?
And the lesson this is, this iswhat I want people to hear the
(25:20):
lessons that Michael Schwartz,my friend, taught me after 35
years as a quadriplegic on howto help other disabled people.
Yeah, the lessons I needed, andI personally believe that I'm
called and it's my purpose tonot let those lessons go to his
grave.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Exactly exactly.
So we have a responsibility,and I wanted to say one thing
that's really important.
It's also when we talk aboutpurpose and our joy and our
passion and sharing it, becausesomebody else might benefit from
it, or get an idea and take itand run with it.
(26:00):
It's also not beneficial to putyourself down and, you know,
sort of even be self-deprecating, like, oh, I'm not very good at
that, or oh, you're going tolaugh because this isn't really
good.
Or you know sort of even beself-deprecating like, oh, I'm
not very good at that, or oh,you're going to laugh because
this isn't really good.
Or you know, the thing is thatdoesn't serve anybody.
It doesn't serve anybody to putyourself down or take your
(26:24):
inventory, so to speak, or takeother people's inventory or
laugh at them or be mean.
None of that serves anybody.
And so if we can think aboutwhat is the highest good, what
is your highest good, matt, andwhat is my highest good and what
is the world's highest good,keeping that in mind helps too,
(26:47):
because even the dancing you maynot go out to Arthur Murray
Dance Arthur Murray Dance Studiolike I did and grab lessons,
but the fact that it made youhappy and, you know, tickled
your fancy.
That's awesome, and I talkabout it on here because
somebody else may say yeah, youknow, I've always wanted to
dance, but I didn't know I couldWell guess what.
(27:08):
I didn't know I could either,and I stepped on a lot of feet.
But I don't care, the lessonswent so fast.
I would be like, oh gosh, we'realready done.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
Right, isn't that interesting?
And you know I'm looking at thetitle of the emotional
intelligence, your title of yourpodcast, and think about
understanding emotionalintelligence to the degree that
you and I can understand that weat least I do.
I don't put this on anybody,but I know I take a
(27:42):
responsibility in helping pointthese things out to other people
, which is what you're saying,and I really I believe so
strongly that I think it's aresponsibility.
I believe so strongly that youknow I was just texting back and
forth with a good he's actuallymy godson and and he's
(28:02):
challenging with, he'schallenged with some really
significant mental health issuesand but he's got this gift as
an artist.
That is just unbelievable.
I'm looking at a picture he drewof an elephant right over my,
but he's got this gift as anartist.
That is just unbelievable.
I'm looking at a picture hedrew of an elephant right over
my.
I always keep it right there soI can see it every time and
it's just fascinating.
And so he just recently wentthrough a really rough period
(28:28):
and I brought him back to startthinking about his art.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
And why.
And his opinion oh, these arejust, oh, I hate these things,
they're not good.
Like you say, self-deprecating.
He's just I'm going, do youunderstand?
And that's how.
I didn't even tell him that, Ijust said, wow, I just can't.
I love looking at that picture.
I sent it.
I just real few words.
I did that and it's reallyinteresting and I think that's
what I'm called and I thinkwe're all called to be able to
(28:54):
recognize that gift in somebody.
Let them know that and sayplease share that, cause it
really did impact me, it didinspire me, and when you do that
, guess what happens?
I think that's how we changethe world.
Jamie, think about this.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
It does.
Yes, it's a ripple effect.
That's how we change the world.
It's a ripple effect.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
It absolutely is.
In my opinion it is, and Ithink that when we don't give I
want to say, I'm trying tosearch for the word when we
don't give credit to the strongconnection and these ripple
effects that come from when wetouch it Call it the energy
(29:32):
vibrations, whatever it is thatactually happened when you
actually touch your purpose,yeah, it goes out.
It's like that tuning fork,right, it's like someone does a
tuning for those.
Those have always amazed me,cause you go ding and it's just,
it just goes on and go.
Well, that's what happens whenanybody who's been watching this
interview, that our pod, whenanybody who's been watching this
(29:53):
interview, your podcast, ifthey're not feeling what's
coming from me, they're just notpaying attention.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Yeah, exactly.
Oh, matt, we have to wrap up ina minute, but you mentioned
emotional intelligence, so Ijust want to say that, as a
positive intelligence coach, oneof the things that I talk about
a lot is that we have a judgeand the judge has nine
accomplices, and we have neuralpathways, and one pathway is the
(30:18):
judge and the accomplices, andI call it the rabbit hole.
It's the bad place and it's thevoices we listen to oh, you're
not good enough.
You know that won't work, or Ihave to be perfect, or you know,
if you're in an environmentwhere you have to control
everything, all of thosenegative voices, they're not you
, for one.
(30:38):
And second, we can stop themwith some positive intelligence.
We call them PQ reps, where youcan just stop and breathe, you
can focus on something outside,you can look at your hand for
crying out loud and look at thelines in your hand if you need
to.
But when we do that, we canpave a new neural pathway, and
(31:01):
the sage pathway is the empathy,it's the exploration, it's the
curiosity, it's the innovation,it's the taking action, and when
we do that, that path becomessmooth and that path becomes
well-worn.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
How beautiful, and you know that's why I love what
you do.
You know your goal of teachingother people emotional
intelligence is critical,because if they don't change
that pathway, you and I bothknow what's going to happen.
As soon as they get a negativethought again, they're going to
go back to the old way and thatold negative pathway that way
instead of the new one, that waythat you're trying to.
(31:37):
I don't know.
That's what I've learnedanyways, and so God bless you
for what you're doing, because Ithink you're helping people in
a huge way.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
Yeah, and as we both know and I'm sure a lot of
people who are watching this orlistening to this know that when
we live in that stress mode orthat kind of negative feeling
mode or whatever self-loathing,lack of self-confidence, it
manifests as illness in our body.
So if you suffer fromgastrointestinal issues or
(32:06):
headaches or backaches orwhatever it is, that is
oftentimes based in emotion andwe talk about psychosomatic.
That's not a bad thing.
That's not like saying you'refaking it.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
It's saying that your mental state affects your
physical state, and that'stalking about how putting what
(32:40):
into your body I mean, thinkabout it, putting what into your
body so that you can actuallyexperience from that perspective
.
And then our negative attitudes.
How does that change how youactually even respond to that
stuff you're putting in yourbody?
And and they're, they're,they're so linked together that
you can't, you know, obviously,how do you separate them?
You really can't.
I don't think you can, andthat's part of the beauty of it.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
So exactly, yes, oh, I could talk to you all day.
I want to jump through thescreen and come and visit you in
Chicago.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
I can't wait, so will you do it?
And when I get out to the EastCoast, we want to do that as
well.
You know I'm going to bereaching out to you.
This has been wonderful.
Thank you, yes.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
Thank you so much, and everybody out there.
I will have Matt's informationin the show notes as well as
mine, as well as the title, thebook flow and the name of the
author, whose name we can'tpronounce.
And before we go, I want totreat everybody to a little
snippet of a song that I foundthat's really good and it fits
(33:43):
right with what we're doing, solet me just pull that up.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
When you wake up every morning?
What drives you?
What is your?
Why?
Tell me, what's that thing thatyou dream about almost every
night?
What gives you drive?
What inspires?
What lights your fire Love that.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
Yeah, so that's our show and thank you everybody,
and I will see you at the PQ gymand Matt will see you.
If you are looking to find thatpurpose, he will help you.
Speaker 1 (34:21):
Great.
Thank you so much, Jamie.
Have a great day.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Thank you, take care.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!