October 27, 2024 • 35 mins
Join me for an enlightening conversation with Kimberly Crow, a dynamic public speaker and entrepreneur, who reveals how to reshape the internal narratives that shape our lives. You'll learn how these subconscious stories can limit self-worth and fuel imposter syndrome, and discover the transformative power of reframing them. Kimberly shares her personal journey of shifting from a victim mentality to embracing her unique contributions, offering practical insights for personal growth and self-acceptance.
Explore the art of narrative reframing as we discuss how altering our perceptions can lead to profound personal growth. Whether it's viewing the eldest child's responsibilities as a leadership opportunity or recognizing the strengths gained from childhood roles, we emphasize the empowering potential of positive self-perception. By acknowledging our experiences and contributions, we aim to help you cultivate a mindset that supports both self-acceptance and continual improvement.
Finally, this episode highlights the immense value of public speaking platforms in sharing one's unique message. Kimberly discusses the impact of initiatives like Podapalooza, Entrepreneurs Rocket Fuel Web Summit, and Speaker's Playhouse, which provide supportive environments for voices to be heard. We remind you that your story matters, and through sharing it, you can inspire and impact others. Engage with this episode to find the encouragement and tools to break free from limiting beliefs and embrace your full potential.
Show Notes
Kimberly Crowe is a best-selling author, international and inspirational speaker, business coach, founder of Entrepreneurs Rocket Fuel, and co-founder of Speakers Playhouse. Her passion is to get entrepreneurs seen and heard in a bigger way by getting them connected with the stages, the people, and the opportunities they need to grow their revenue and reach, from virtual to in-person stages, live stages, podcasts, web summits, webinars, Facebook Live, and YouTube shows. Entrepreneurs Rocket Fuel is an active community of entrepreneurs looking to connect, contribute, and grow with other entrepreneurs. Speakers Playhouse is a gathering of speakers and stage hosts having fun and sharing their passion.
Entrepreneur’s Rocket Fuel: https://entrepreneursrocketfuel.com
Want to be learn about Positive Shifts? Go here: https://jamicarlacio--checkingout.thrivecart.com/speaker-registration-positive-shifts/
Want to learn more about Voices of Women? Go here: https://jamicarlacio--checkingout.thrivecart.com/vow-speaker-registration-2025/
Want to learn how to build your EQ? Let's meet to see if working together is good fit.
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* Email: jami@jamicarlacio.com (mailto:%20jami@jamicarlacio.com)
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kimberly Crowe (00:00):
I think the narratives that we have running
in our head are we're so used tothem that we don't even hear
them anymore.
They're like elevator music.
They're running, we're just not.
We're just not aware of them,and it's stories, oftentimes,
that other people have given usright.
They said things to try toprotect us or try to keep us
(00:23):
from being embarrassed or try tokeep us for whatever.
Like you know, straighten up andmake sure that you don't do
this, and just all of thosecriticisms that maybe were
well-meaning at one time but noware running in the back of our
heads and guiding our behaviors.
And being aware of them is thefirst step of that, and I think
(00:44):
it really leads to that.
It's what's behind impostersyndrome, right, that we're not
good enough, that we like whothe hell are we to?
You know, help other people dothis one thing, or you know who
do we think we are to be smartor an expert in this particular
area, and we take that away fromourselves very, very quickly
(01:05):
because of those tapes that arerunning in the back of our head.
Jami Carlacio (01:15):
Welcome to the podcast Emotional Intelligence
your greatest asset and key tosuccess.
I'm your host, Dr.
Jami Carlacio, coming to youfrom the Greater New Haven,
connecticut area, as anemotional intelligence or EQ
coach.
I'm committed to helping peopledevelop both emotional
intelligence and mental fitness.
That is, you'll come to regardproblems as situations that help
(01:39):
you learn and grow.
Eq is a way of being and doingin the world that enables you to
develop and sustain a positiverelationship with yourself and
others, at home, at work andeverywhere in between.
Please subscribe to thispodcast and tap the like button
so more people can enjoy thebenefits of EQ.
And now here's the show.
(02:00):
Hello and welcome everybody.
Thank you for joining me.
I am totally excited todaybecause somebody that I admire
very much is with us today.
Her name is Kimberly Crow andyou may know of her.
She is the owner ofEntrepreneur's Rocket Fuel and
(02:22):
she has the Speaker's Playhouseevery Thursday that she co-hosts
with Jenny Trask, and I have totell you all of that's going to
be in the show notes, but Iguarantee you it is the best 90
minutes of your week, isn't thatright?
Absolutely, yeah.
So just a couple words aboutKimberly before we launch into
(02:42):
our discussion about couplewords about Kimberly before we
launch into our discussion aboutreframing the narrative.
Kimberly is an international andinspirational public speaker,
keynote speaker, tedx speakerand an authority on Speak to
Sell, and I'm interested to hearabout that.
It sounds like you need to beon the Home Shopping Network,
sister, and she's also abest-selling author and a serial
(03:04):
entrepreneur, and I've beenfollowing Kimberly for a couple
of years now.
And she's also a best-sellingauthor and a serial entrepreneur
, and I've been followingKimberly for a couple of years
now and I have to say that sheis one of the most amazing
people I've ever met and that'swhy I asked her to come on this
podcast today.
She is a broadcast personalityof the weekly online show, as I
said, speakers Playhouse, andshe's the founder of
Entrepreneurs Rocket FuelKeywords rocket fuel right.
(03:28):
She is also known for herexpertise on audience engagement
and her mission is to makespeaking on stages super
accessible and super fun forentrepreneurs and coaches to
share their message with theworld.
And actually, since that is partof the bio you sent me, I will
ask you to talk about some ofthe stages that you run and how
(03:51):
people can start gettingthemselves out there and getting
that word out.
But first we talked aboutreframing the narrative, and you
and I are both students ofShirzad Shamin's Positive
Intelligence and I know for methe judge has taken over my life
not anymore, but for a longtime I let the judge decide who
(04:15):
I was, how I felt, who everyoneelse was, and it really just
made a mess of my life.
It really just made a mess ofmy life and it wasn't until I
started realizing I had controlover the narrative and that it
didn't have control over me thatthings changed.
Kimberly Crowe (04:33):
Yeah, I think the narratives that we have
running in our head are we're soused to them that we don't even
hear them anymore.
They're like elevator musicthey're running, we're just not,
we're just not aware of them.
And it's stories, oftentimes,that other people have given us
right, Things that our parentssaid.
Maybe they were evenwell-meaning, but they said
(04:54):
things to try to protect us ortry to keep us from being
embarrassed, or try to keep usfor whatever, like straighten up
and make sure that you don't dothis, and just all the those
criticisms that maybe werewell-meaning at one time.
But now we're running in theback of our heads and and
guiding our behaviors, and andbeing aware of them is the first
(05:16):
step of that, and I think it'sit really leads to that.
It's what's behind impostersyndrome, right, that we're not
good enough, that we like whothe hell are we to?
You know, help other people dothis one thing, or you know who
do we think we are to be smartor an expert in this particular
area and we take that away fromourselves very very quickly
(05:39):
because of those tapes that arerunning in the back of our head.
It's my belief that we can shiftthose narratives, and sometimes
we can't do a 180 on them,because just saying like going
from you're not good enough toI'm amazing is difficult, right,
but generally shifting them tosomething that I think people
(06:00):
believe as what we call alsotrue, but more positive, is
really a powerful shift.
Jami Carlacio (06:08):
Yeah, I love that Also.
True, we are not perfect people.
One thing I've learned is justto embrace my imperfectly
perfect self and say it's okay.
I used to be so afraid to makea mistake because I had
internalized so many negativemessages growing up that when I
made a mistake, it was magnifiedin my mind to something that
(06:30):
was completely unforgivable.
Kimberly Crowe (06:33):
Oh.
Jami Carlacio (06:34):
I know.
Kimberly Crowe (06:35):
Yes, but that is something that we've all been
through, right, I'm like I'mjust, I'm doing that because I'm
like, oh, small Kimberly, samething, right, like when, when
I'm playing small or lettingthose phrases take over, and I
have it in all different like wehave it in all different areas
in our life.
Are we good enough for ourspouse?
Are we being kind enough to ourkids?
(06:55):
Are we a good enough kid forour parents?
Are we a good enough friend toour friends?
Are we a good enough leader inour industry?
Are we a good enough employee?
Whatever?
It is like there is somethingthat's going to take that away
from us in any aspect, and maybewe're confident in one, but not
so confident in another, butreally just being able to find
(07:17):
things that are also true.
Like you said, I'm not perfect,and I get, I'm comfortable with
that now.
Yes, but the big news iseverybody's not perfect.
And I get, I I'm comfortablewith that now.
Yes, but the big news iseverybody's not perfect.
Like we're just part of thepack, right, there's nobody out
there.
That's perfect, that we have tolive up to because we're all
human.
So, like just taking that awayas the ideal, like oh, I have to
(07:39):
be perfect before I get onstage, I have to be perfect
before I give my talk, I have tobe perfect before I launch my
program, that's just somethingthat's going to keep us
procrastinating forever becausewe never will be perfect.
And I've met so many people whoperfected a talk before they
got on stage and then, once theygot on stage, they're like huh,
(08:02):
I think I need to change thatRight, so it wasn't perfect.
Anyway, my method because Iteach speakers and I help people
that are entrepreneurs to geton stages my method is get out
there and do it a lot.
The best way to get good atpublic speaking is to speak
publicly, and the best way toget good at anything is to do it
(08:23):
repeatedly Right.
You're not going to get itright the first time out of the
can.
No matter how much you practicein front of your mirror or how
much you perfect somethingbefore you go live, there's
always going to be somethingthat you tweak later.
I think in my other bio or onmy website I have that part of
my bio is that I've spoken onover 5,000 stages yeah, tedx in
(08:46):
Las Vegas.
And I always ask the audiencedo you know what talk was my
best talk?
And sometimes people will say,oh, the TEDx, probably.
And I'll say, no, it's my nexttalk.
My next talk is my best talkbecause I can always improve
based on this talk I can getbetter for the next one.
Jami Carlacio (09:04):
Yeah, and what I like about that attitude is that
it's fine not to be perfect,because for me the word doesn't
belong in the dictionary,because we have this kind of
idealized notion that there issomething to live up to.
Yes, you're showing up as yourbest self.
(09:30):
I go to the four agreements,you know.
The very last one is do thebest you can every day, and what
your best is on Monday may notbe the best it is on Tuesday,
but it was the best it could beon Monday and just show up and
be the best, and then, if it'snot what you want, or you want
to aspire to more great, butdon't spend Tuesday beating
yourself up for Monday.
Kimberly Crowe (09:53):
For sure and also consider who can benefit
from that right.
Yes, the people that youlearned from.
They weren't perfect either.
Right, the mentors that we have?
They weren't perfect.
And if they waited to beperfect before they had given us
the advice that changed ourlives, we never would have
(10:13):
benefited from that Right.
So if we wait to share ourlearnings with our audience and
we don't do it, then who'smissing out?
And I often make the analogy ofyou don't have to be the best
at something before you starthelping others.
You don't have to wait to beperfect before you start.
(10:36):
Even a second grader isbrilliant to a kindergartner.
Jami Carlacio (10:42):
Oh, absolutely Absolutely.
Somebody who's done something aday longer than I have knows
more than I do, Right, Right.
But you know and that goes backto reframing the narrative If
our narrative is all aboutbeating ourselves up like, oh my
gosh, I can't believe I didthat thing, or everyone's going
to know, I mean, we're so outerdirected, like what are other
people going to think?
(11:02):
So we've internalized stuff,but we've also, I feel like
we've made stuff up, Like Imight make something up about
what I think you're thinking.
Oh yeah To you know.
So what is Kimberly going tothink?
Well, Kimberly has.
I haven't even entered yourtrain of thought.
You're like worried about didyou get good breakfast today?
What am I doing, thinking aboutwhat you're going to think?
(11:24):
So that's again, that's thatreframing of the narrative.
You know, there's something Ilearned in Landmark and that was
there's your story and thenthere's your story about the
story.
Kimberly Crowe (11:38):
Yeah, yeah, and even the story isn't true, right
, it's what we saw in the story.
If you ask two or five or 10different people that went to
Disneyland to describe whattheir day was, they could have
been on the same ride.
They could have eaten the samefood.
They all have differentexperiences.
There's a fun family story thatwe have where my brother and I
(12:00):
went on a river cruise inJamaica one time.
We were on a cruise ship.
It was a wonderful trip, but wewere young and so we went on
this, um, this river cruisetogether and then we came back
at night.
We were telling the story atthe dinner, where everybody was
gathered.
They said how was your rivercruise?
And so jeffrey was telling thestory and I'd be like it wasn't
(12:20):
like that at all.
It was like this, right.
And then, like they, by the endof it, they were like were you
on two different cruises?
Like what happened there?
It's two totally differentstories about the event.
I might have like Jeffrey wentin the water and he almost got
eaten by piranhas and he's likeI don't think that happened and
I'm like yes, it did, don't youremember?
It was two totally differentstories.
Jami Carlacio (12:42):
I think I would have liked to have been on your
river cruise.
Kimberly Crowe (12:45):
I think it would have been a blast.
There was a torrentialrainstorm.
He's like, yeah, it rained alittle bit.
I'm like, no, it was in the seafive feet in front of us and
then mosquitoes came in andswarmed.
But then rain came, themosquitoes went away and he was
like almost eaten alive.
He's like I got maybe 10 bitesand I'm like you were almost
eaten alive.
It was just, yeah, two totallydifferent stories and I'm like
(13:07):
you were almost eaten alive.
Jami Carlacio (13:08):
It was just yeah two totally different stories,
right, yeah, and so that also.
I think it's as long as we know, as long as we're aware.
This is my perception.
You know, this is the pair ofglasses I've got on when I'm
reading this situation, andmaybe a lot of people don't
realize that they have thoseglasses on even right, like, oh,
(13:29):
guess what?
You know, like my son and I seemyself in him when he's 17.
Now, and so he'll have anarrative about something, and I
try to help him shift thenarrative because in his mind,
you know, he did X and theworld's falling down, the
(13:51):
world's going to cave in.
And my favorite thing is totell people if you think you're
so indispensable or you thinkXYZ is such a big deal, go drive
by the cemetery and just askthose people yeah, because the
world is still spinning.
Your mistake, didn't you know?
If it did shift the world,maybe it had to, who knows.
(14:11):
But the point is, I know for meI'm not as important as I make
myself out to be in my own mind.
Kimberly Crowe (14:19):
That's interesting, because we are
infinitely important and yet weare not at all important.
There's a great quote from ayogi master who said all of you
are perfect just the way you are, and all of you could do with a
little improvement.
Isn't that great?
Yes, yeah, like that allows usto accept where we are now and
(14:42):
it allows us to grow, which iswhat we're here to do.
In my opinion, we are here onthis planet to grow and to
experience and to haveexperiences and to learn and to
and to give experiences to theuniverse, because your
experiences are going to betotally different than mine.
And if I'm trying to live up toJamie and I'm trying to be more
(15:02):
like you, then the universe getsdenied the opportunity to live
a little bit more like Kimberly,right?
So I think, really, we'reentitled to our own experiences
and, at the same time, they'renot as world impacting as we
think they are when we makedecisions.
So my shift, your narrative, isall about taking an example of.
(15:24):
We'll just take a couple ofexamples that are out there.
So oftentimes there's people inthe audience that would be like
firstborn and they have thisnarrative that, like I was the
firstborn and so I had to be incharge of my family, I had to
take care of everybody.
Meanwhile, there's the baby ofthe family and I happen to be
the baby of the family, right?
So I have a different story,had a different story.
(15:46):
Like I was the baby of thefamily, so I always got ignored,
so I had to call attention tomyself because they were busy
being like paying attention toother people, you know.
So when we shift the narrative,shifting the narrative to
something that's the opposite,is difficult.
Where, if I said, if the olderchild said, oh, I didn't have to
(16:06):
be responsible for anybody, Ilived a great life.
Maybe they don't feel like that, right, but we got to get them
a little bit further intosomething that's a little more
positive.
So a suggestion if you're outthere listening and you are the
oldest in the family, instead ofsaying I had to be responsible
for everyone and my parents, youknow, made like, made me in
(16:27):
charge of everything Instead ofthat, you might say when I was
the oldest of the family, I gotto be in charge of everyone and
that made me a better leader inthe world.
And I and leadership comes veryeasily to me now, exactly.
Jami Carlacio (16:42):
I was, I was that way, yeah, perfect.
Kimberly Crowe (16:44):
Yeah, it's also true, like you can be like oh,
that is true, and it's not likeyou.
You suddenly are reversing itLike, oh, I didn't have to be in
charge of anybody, no, you did,but let's make the story be
something that's more positivefor your life.
And also true that you believe,rather than just trying to
pretend that it's not true.
(17:05):
So, for the baby of the family,for those of you out there that
are the baby and you're likeyeah, I was ignored by me too.
I have stories about my olderbrother.
I was ignored, nobody paidattention to me, blah, blah,
blah.
I can also say, yeah, by thetime I came around, my parents
were already broken in and Ipretty much got to do what I
wanted.
(17:26):
That's a different story.
That serves me better thansaying I was ignored and I had
to call attention to myself.
But it's a.
It's a story.
That's also true.
My parents let me pretty muchdo, and that made me very
inventive as a child, soinventing new things comes super
easily to me now.
Yeah, and it does like that'ssuper true for me and it's
(17:47):
probably true for you, whocreated a podcast and launched a
program.
Yes, babies in the family.
Invention comes really easy tous because we were pretty much
left alone to do what we wanted,because our parents didn't,
like weren't hovering over uslike oh my gosh, I might break
her Right First.
Children sometimes were so like, let's spin it to be of an
(18:08):
advantage.
There's lots of stories outthere that that detract from
people, though, like storiesabout money, stories about
relationships, and those all canbe shifted as well.
Jami Carlacio (18:18):
Yeah, you know that just I can think of so many
things.
Two things.
I want to go back to the familyfor just a second.
Once you have this narrative ofI had to do this instead of I
got to do that, or they trustedme to do blank, you know, they
put me in charge of versus I hadto be this, I had to, you've
got that victim mentality goinginstead of the wow.
(18:42):
Yeah, they trusted me, they sawthat I could handle X and they
gave that job to me, and sothat's also.
And the other thing issomething else that I forgot
that I'll probably come back toin a moment, but it had to do
with who owns the narrative.
Oh, I know it's kind of like,well, we're not that family,
(19:05):
right, that's not us, or youknow so even a whole family or a
whole culture can have its ownnarrative about itself that
everyone buys into.
And if that narrative and Iwant to go back to something you
said really early about servingdoes it serve your highest good
?
Kimberly Crowe (19:24):
Does it?
Jami Carlacio (19:24):
serve my highest good, so it doesn't serve
anybody to have a super negativeattachment to some kind of idea
or ideal like, well, we aren'tthose people, or that's not how
we do things in this family, orwhatever.
I mean, I don't want to getinto real trauma and real
(19:46):
oppression, but there arenarratives that people hold on
to, as if this is who we are andthen nobody can break out of it
.
Kimberly Crowe (19:54):
They think that's it.
Jami Carlacio (19:55):
It's frozen, it's frozen in time.
Kimberly Crowe (20:04):
And that those stories and we talk about that,
like if you have a story that'sspinning in your head, then find
out, is that your story, thatyou made up, or is it somebody
else's story that they, thatthey gave to you, like what your
example, example is, yourparents said we're not those
people, that's not how we act,that's not how we operate, and
as soon as you know it's theirstory, you can have the
(20:25):
opportunity to let's give thatback to them.
That can be their story.
Go ahead and let them be.
That's their story, becausewe're not here to change their
story, we're just here to be incharge of ours and so if you can
say, oh, that was dad's story,that's fine, let dad have that
story.
But my story is going to bedifferent.
My story with my kids, my storywith my family, my story with
my life is different than dad'sstory with his life.
Jami Carlacio (20:48):
And that's okay.
Yeah, and that is such aliberating thing.
You know, my son went throughsomething a few years ago that
was really really really hardfor him.
You know, my son went throughsomething a few years ago that
was really really really hardfor him and he's stuck in it.
He gets stuck in that mode andso he's living in five years ago
(21:10):
versus you know, and I'm tryingto help him shift his narrative
Instead of woe is me, thisthing happened?
It's no, but look how strongyou are now.
Look where you are today.
No, but look how strong you arenow.
Look where you are today.
You are five years out of thatthing and you survived it and
you were stronger and now youcan help other people.
That's the kind of narrativeshift I think that really moves
people ahead in life.
Kimberly Crowe (21:31):
Yeah, I had one of those too, and you mentioned
landmark.
So I, I I'm not a type ofperson in Landmark that would
raise their hand and go to themic, but some I'm surprised, no,
no, that that deep down privatestuff could stay deep down
private and I can work on itmyself.
But I don't.
I'm not the one that bleh inall over the audience, but there
(21:53):
were people that would get upand ask questions that I was
like that's for me, like that'sa question for me.
So a person got up and theysaid this thing happened to me
when I was 13.
And I was like, ooh, somethinghappened to me when I was 13 too
, right, my parents separatedand I had some anger around that
.
And so then she said this thinghappened to me and blah, blah,
(22:15):
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah, and she
just kept going with it.
And the leader said so, thatthing happened to you at 13.
That's true, that's true.
How long are you going to letthe 13 year old drive your bus,
exactly?
And I was like that was for me.
Okay, I now know that I couldquit being 13 when those sorts
(22:39):
of triggers get pulled right,like I'm going to be like, oh,
at 13 that happened and that wasmy reaction.
But now I can.
I can let my my older persondrive my bus, I can let my now
person drive my bus.
So it was a really good ahamoment for me that we don't have
to pretend it didn't happen.
We just don't have to drag itforward with us for our whole
(23:02):
lives as if it's happening still.
And all of us went throughtrauma, all of us.
Like none of us are going toescape alive, right, like none
of us get out of here alive.
So we all have some level oftrauma, some significantly more
deep than others.
That said, we can acknowledgethat as true.
(23:23):
But that happened and nowthat's not happening currently.
Like get some therapy, likelet's get you out of that
eventually.
But if it's, if it happened inthe past, it doesn't serve us to
carry it forward and relive it.
(23:43):
And another famous speaker oncesaid we should pay for our
mistakes once.
We just shouldn't pay for them.
Jami Carlacio (23:53):
Right and make other people pay while we're at
it.
Right, Don't charge, don't passthe charge on to other people.
That's a good one.
Yes, Jamie, yes, did it for oneweekend, but that stuck with me
(24:15):
, that there's your story andthe story about the story, and
the thing is, like you saidacknowledge the trauma or
acknowledge the thing orwhatever it is, and own it.
And yes, that happened.
But you are a different personnow, or at least you have the
opportunity to reinvent yourself, If you haven't already.
(24:36):
You have that power right.
So take that power.
You have agency.
You can take ownership of this.
Kimberly Crowe (24:42):
I love that.
I'm a huge fan of Abraham Hicks,which is a spirit like
channeled by a lady by the nameof Esther Hicks, and I just love
her, I totally love her.
But she talks about that and shetalks about like that happened.
But you don't need to keepthinking about it, because when
you keep thinking about it youpull it forward into your
(25:03):
current experience and then youbring and attract more of it to
you.
So maybe if you haverelationship issues and you had
a relationship issue and thenyou meet a new person and it's
the same person with a differentface, a new person with a
different face and then you meeta new person and it's the same
person with a different face,and it's because you're pulling
(25:24):
that story about what youdeserve or what happens to you
forward into your currentexperience and you're bringing
more of that toward you throughlaw of attraction.
And I'm just a huge fan of that.
And it can be thinking you'rerich or whatever you follow, but
there is power in the world ofpositive thinking and positive
(25:45):
intelligence and it works themore you work it.
Jami Carlacio (25:49):
Yeah, it does.
So we can talk Joe Dispenza,louise Hay, abraham Hicks,
esther Hicks we can, and itmakes sense.
I just really I'm a visualthinker, so I think of a magnet,
and whatever the magnetsputting out there is what it's
going to attract.
And with regard to, say,relationships, you may have
(26:09):
different characters, but you'restill in the same play.
You've just changed some of thecharacters names and so when
you start seeing the same peopleshow up in your life, you have
to look and say, well, what am Isaying?
What am I putting out there?
And then, what am I tellingmyself about what I'm putting
out there?
Am I being a victim?
Oh my gosh, this always happensto me and I'll be the first one
(26:31):
to admit I lived in victimmentality until one day
something shifted in me like dayand night.
It was kind of like TNT.
I was a chaplain in a hospital,a trauma hospital, so I was
living in trauma every singleday, vicarious trauma of my own,
and one of the things it waspart of an advanced chaplaincy
(26:55):
training called CPE or clinicalpastoral education, and we had
to write a paper on the theologyof woundedness and it was the
best thing ever.
Henry Nouwen, who was atheologian whom I admire.
A Dutch theologian wrote thisbook called the Wounded Healer,
and so as I was looking at adeep wound that I had
(27:15):
experienced and I was doing kindof a theological explanation of
the wound, it hit me.
I am a healer.
I don't have to live in thewound, I don't have to, you know
, be beset by all of thatbasically crap.
You know that I was living inand once I that just shifted
(27:37):
everything for me.
I literally woke up the nextday a different person.
Kimberly Crowe (27:41):
Wow, because you are a healer and we can
self-heal right.
I'm also a fan of BrendanBurchard, who's not really in
that spiritual world so much,but he talks about self-coaching
and there are so many of usthat are out there that are
trying to help others.
There are so many coaches in myworld that are, you know, so
(28:01):
heart-centered and amazing andand just, we often coach what we
need to hear ourselves and sothat that sort of self-coaching
can be so peacemaking for thecommunity to be able to say like
you get permission to do thesethings as well.
You get permission to to be likeable to step out of victimhood.
(28:23):
You get permission to be ableto heal yourself.
Jami Carlacio (28:25):
I love that.
Yeah, and it is, it is.
If you need to think of it likethat, then give yourself the
permission.
Yes, go ahead.
Yeah, and I like also againgoing back to something you said
earlier I think of kind of youknow those paper doll cutouts
where you have a folded piece ofpaper and you cut out one shape
and you open it up and it comesout to like 16 paper dolls.
(28:48):
Yes, I remember those, yes, yes, from third grade or something.
So I think of me as all ofthose different paper dolls at
different points in my life, atdifferent stages and ages, and
so I love that analogy, that'sbeautiful.
And so any one of those may betriggered or come up at some
(29:10):
point.
So the 14-year-old who gotditched by a guy she liked or
something or whatever, right, Ican go comfort her and say yeah,
that sucked.
That was really mean what theydid to you or how he did that
thing or whatever it is, and I'mhere for you.
You know, 60 year old Jamie ishere for you and I love you.
(29:33):
Yeah, you don't have to be her,you're you're not 14 anymore,
but I will acknowledge and honorwhat happened to you when you
were 14.
That affected you and hurt youso badly.
Kimberly Crowe (29:45):
That's just beautiful.
I love that, Jamie.
Jami Carlacio (29:49):
Yeah, so there's a wonderful writer.
Her name is Sandra Cisneros.
Oh, I know her.
I'd die and go to heaven forher.
She's actually from Texas.
She wrote a book, a collectionof short stories, called Woman
Hollering Creek.
Yes, you know, I do.
Kimberly Crowe (30:07):
I do and a whole sweater where she's like oh,
it's such a great touching story.
I love it.
Jami Carlacio (30:13):
Yeah, it's called Eleven, and it was like this
teacher made her like it hadsomething to do with the sweater
and she it wasn't somethingthat she wanted to do like take
the sweater off or keep it, orit wasn't.
There was a sweater.
Kimberly Crowe (30:30):
I remember this Everybody remembers this story
because we all connect with itso deeply.
It's just you're being wrong.
So there was a red sweater inthe classroom and the teacher
rolled up and said whose redsweater is this?
And it wasn't very pretty toher.
She said it's like an ugly redsweater.
And they said whose sweater isthis?
And it wasn't hers.
So she didn't say yes.
But one of the other studentssaid I think it belongs to the
(30:53):
little 11 year old, and she saidno, it's not mine.
And the teacher said I think itis yours, it's, I'm sure that
it's yours, I saw you wearing itonce and then gave it to her.
Well, she was too shy to speakup and talk back and so she felt
like humiliated by this uglyred sweater that was branded on
her and it wasn't hers.
It wasn't fair.
(31:13):
It was really this emotional,sweet story.
Jami Carlacio (31:16):
Yeah, yeah, and so I feel like it's like that
when there's times when we're 11.
Kimberly Crowe (31:22):
Yes.
Jami Carlacio (31:24):
And we're not 11 anymore.
But we can go back and comfortthat 11 year old girl and say,
hey, that wasn't your sweaterand yeah, don't wear it, it is
ugly, you're right.
Whatever yeah so so we get torewrite the narrative.
I wanted to just because I knowfor people who may not know you
I don't know who that would be,but if there are people who are
(31:46):
watching this who don't knowyou, could you say a little bit
about some of the stages thatyou have, especially like you
have a lot of woo stuff going onand you have the pot of palooza
.
So could you just say a fewthings about some of the ways in
which you lift other people upand help other people to raise
their voices?
Kimberly Crowe (32:03):
Yeah.
So if you have a positivemessage to share, if you are a
healer or a coach and you wouldlike to share your uplifting
message with our audience, wehave a fantastic virtual summit
coming up.
It's called Positive Shifts.
So it's perfect for thisaudience and it's an opportunity
(32:25):
to be able to speak interviewstyle with me or with one of my
other interviewers and it's livewith the audience, so you can
interact with them and answerquestions with them.
You don't have to have aprepared talk.
You can just come on and have aconversation with me or with
one of the interview hosts andwe'll take great care of you.
Our job is to make you look asamazing as possible.
(32:47):
It's a very gentle, inclusivegroup and we try to make the
experience as wonderful for youas possible.
If you are an experiencedspeaker, we'll absolutely
glorify you and sort of stay outof your way.
If you're brand new at it,we'll take great care of you,
make sure you look amazing, andso, anywhere you are, if you
(33:08):
have a message to share, Iencourage you to get it out on
stage, because if you're notbeing seen, you're being
overlooked.
If you're not being heard, yourmessage isn't getting out there,
and if you're not getting yourmessage out on stages regularly,
then it won't have the impactyou'd like it to have before you
leave the planet.
So my advice is get out thereand get on some stages.
(33:31):
So positive shifts is one.
We also have one, if you helpentrepreneurs, called
Entrepreneurs Rocket Fuel WebSummit.
We also have another one,called Voices of Color, for
people of color to share theirmessage, and we have another one
that you've been on before, Ibelieve, called Voices of Women.
It's a fantastic opportunity onInternational Women's Day to
(33:51):
share your message with theworld, and it can be any message
that you're passionate about,and we also have, as you
mentioned, potapalooza, someother events.
I'm here to make sure that yourmessage gets heard by as many
folks as possible and help youget that message out in a bigger
way.
Jami Carlacio (34:09):
Yeah, and I can't tell you enough how, how gentle
and fun it was when I was onthe Voices of Women and I'm I
can't think of her name rightnow, but she's one of your
people.
She played, she's beenplayfulful Out Jessica Koch.
Kimberly Crowe (34:26):
Oh yeah.
Jami Carlacio (34:26):
Yeah, she interviewed me.
Oh yeah, you do not just soanyone watching this.
You do not have to have anyexperience, you just need to
know that you have something tosay and somebody somewhere needs
to hear it.
Yeah, and so share it, share it, share it, share it.
Kimberly Crowe (34:43):
That's a great message.
I so share it, share it, shareit, share it.
Jami Carlacio (34:45):
That's a great message I concur, yes, and I
will put all of that in the shownotes, kimberly, with dates and
how to sign up or how to get intouch.
That would be great, all right,wish I could rewrite this story,
(35:05):
change every word of every lineand, on that lovely note, thank
you, thank you, and thank youso much for being here and for
sharing your message and yoursparkle my literal pleasure.
All right, take care everybodyand don't forget you can change
the narrative.
This is your story and you getto write it bye.
I think the narratives that we have running
in our head are we're so used tothem that we don't even hear
them anymore.
They're like elevator music.
They're running, we're just not.
We're just not aware of them,and it's stories, oftentimes,
that other people have given usright.
They said things to try toprotect us or try to keep us
(00:23):
from being embarrassed or try tokeep us for whatever.
Like you know, straighten up andmake sure that you don't do
this, and just all of thosecriticisms that maybe were
well-meaning at one time but noware running in the back of our
heads and guiding our behaviors.
And being aware of them is thefirst step of that, and I think
(00:44):
it really leads to that.
It's what's behind impostersyndrome, right, that we're not
good enough, that we like whothe hell are we to?
You know, help other people dothis one thing, or you know who
do we think we are to be smartor an expert in this particular
area, and we take that away fromourselves very, very quickly
(01:05):
because of those tapes that arerunning in the back of our head.
Jami Carlacio (01:15):
Welcome to the podcast Emotional Intelligence
your greatest asset and key tosuccess.
I'm your host, Dr.
Jami Carlacio, coming to youfrom the Greater New Haven,
connecticut area, as anemotional intelligence or EQ
coach.
I'm committed to helping peopledevelop both emotional
intelligence and mental fitness.
That is, you'll come to regardproblems as situations that help
(01:39):
you learn and grow.
Eq is a way of being and doingin the world that enables you to
develop and sustain a positiverelationship with yourself and
others, at home, at work andeverywhere in between.
Please subscribe to thispodcast and tap the like button
so more people can enjoy thebenefits of EQ.
And now here's the show.
(02:00):
Hello and welcome everybody.
Thank you for joining me.
I am totally excited todaybecause somebody that I admire
very much is with us today.
Her name is Kimberly Crow andyou may know of her.
She is the owner ofEntrepreneur's Rocket Fuel and
(02:22):
she has the Speaker's Playhouseevery Thursday that she co-hosts
with Jenny Trask, and I have totell you all of that's going to
be in the show notes, but Iguarantee you it is the best 90
minutes of your week, isn't thatright?
Absolutely, yeah.
So just a couple words aboutKimberly before we launch into
(02:42):
our discussion about couplewords about Kimberly before we
launch into our discussion aboutreframing the narrative.
Kimberly is an international andinspirational public speaker,
keynote speaker, tedx speakerand an authority on Speak to
Sell, and I'm interested to hearabout that.
It sounds like you need to beon the Home Shopping Network,
sister, and she's also abest-selling author and a serial
(03:04):
entrepreneur, and I've beenfollowing Kimberly for a couple
of years now.
And she's also a best-sellingauthor and a serial entrepreneur
, and I've been followingKimberly for a couple of years
now and I have to say that sheis one of the most amazing
people I've ever met and that'swhy I asked her to come on this
podcast today.
She is a broadcast personalityof the weekly online show, as I
said, speakers Playhouse, andshe's the founder of
Entrepreneurs Rocket FuelKeywords rocket fuel right.
(03:28):
She is also known for herexpertise on audience engagement
and her mission is to makespeaking on stages super
accessible and super fun forentrepreneurs and coaches to
share their message with theworld.
And actually, since that is partof the bio you sent me, I will
ask you to talk about some ofthe stages that you run and how
(03:51):
people can start gettingthemselves out there and getting
that word out.
But first we talked aboutreframing the narrative, and you
and I are both students ofShirzad Shamin's Positive
Intelligence and I know for methe judge has taken over my life
not anymore, but for a longtime I let the judge decide who
(04:15):
I was, how I felt, who everyoneelse was, and it really just
made a mess of my life.
It really just made a mess ofmy life and it wasn't until I
started realizing I had controlover the narrative and that it
didn't have control over me thatthings changed.
Kimberly Crowe (04:33):
Yeah, I think the narratives that we have
running in our head are we're soused to them that we don't even
hear them anymore.
They're like elevator musicthey're running, we're just not,
we're just not aware of them.
And it's stories, oftentimes,that other people have given us
right, Things that our parentssaid.
Maybe they were evenwell-meaning, but they said
(04:54):
things to try to protect us ortry to keep us from being
embarrassed, or try to keep usfor whatever, like straighten up
and make sure that you don't dothis, and just all the those
criticisms that maybe werewell-meaning at one time.
But now we're running in theback of our heads and and
guiding our behaviors, and andbeing aware of them is the first
(05:16):
step of that, and I think it'sit really leads to that.
It's what's behind impostersyndrome, right, that we're not
good enough, that we like whothe hell are we to?
You know, help other people dothis one thing, or you know who
do we think we are to be smartor an expert in this particular
area and we take that away fromourselves very very quickly
(05:39):
because of those tapes that arerunning in the back of our head.
It's my belief that we can shiftthose narratives, and sometimes
we can't do a 180 on them,because just saying like going
from you're not good enough toI'm amazing is difficult, right,
but generally shifting them tosomething that I think people
(06:00):
believe as what we call alsotrue, but more positive, is
really a powerful shift.
Jami Carlacio (06:08):
Yeah, I love that Also.
True, we are not perfect people.
One thing I've learned is justto embrace my imperfectly
perfect self and say it's okay.
I used to be so afraid to makea mistake because I had
internalized so many negativemessages growing up that when I
made a mistake, it was magnifiedin my mind to something that
(06:30):
was completely unforgivable.
Kimberly Crowe (06:33):
Oh.
Jami Carlacio (06:34):
I know.
Kimberly Crowe (06:35):
Yes, but that is something that we've all been
through, right, I'm like I'mjust, I'm doing that because I'm
like, oh, small Kimberly, samething, right, like when, when
I'm playing small or lettingthose phrases take over, and I
have it in all different like wehave it in all different areas
in our life.
Are we good enough for ourspouse?
Are we being kind enough to ourkids?
(06:55):
Are we a good enough kid forour parents?
Are we a good enough friend toour friends?
Are we a good enough leader inour industry?
Are we a good enough employee?
Whatever?
It is like there is somethingthat's going to take that away
from us in any aspect, and maybewe're confident in one, but not
so confident in another, butreally just being able to find
(07:17):
things that are also true.
Like you said, I'm not perfect,and I get, I'm comfortable with
that now.
Yes, but the big news iseverybody's not perfect.
And I get, I I'm comfortablewith that now.
Yes, but the big news iseverybody's not perfect.
Like we're just part of thepack, right, there's nobody out
there.
That's perfect, that we have tolive up to because we're all
human.
So, like just taking that awayas the ideal, like oh, I have to
(07:39):
be perfect before I get onstage, I have to be perfect
before I give my talk, I have tobe perfect before I launch my
program, that's just somethingthat's going to keep us
procrastinating forever becausewe never will be perfect.
And I've met so many people whoperfected a talk before they
got on stage and then, once theygot on stage, they're like huh,
(08:02):
I think I need to change thatRight, so it wasn't perfect.
Anyway, my method because Iteach speakers and I help people
that are entrepreneurs to geton stages my method is get out
there and do it a lot.
The best way to get good atpublic speaking is to speak
publicly, and the best way toget good at anything is to do it
(08:23):
repeatedly Right.
You're not going to get itright the first time out of the
can.
No matter how much you practicein front of your mirror or how
much you perfect somethingbefore you go live, there's
always going to be somethingthat you tweak later.
I think in my other bio or onmy website I have that part of
my bio is that I've spoken onover 5,000 stages yeah, tedx in
(08:46):
Las Vegas.
And I always ask the audiencedo you know what talk was my
best talk?
And sometimes people will say,oh, the TEDx, probably.
And I'll say, no, it's my nexttalk.
My next talk is my best talkbecause I can always improve
based on this talk I can getbetter for the next one.
Jami Carlacio (09:04):
Yeah, and what I like about that attitude is that
it's fine not to be perfect,because for me the word doesn't
belong in the dictionary,because we have this kind of
idealized notion that there issomething to live up to.
Yes, you're showing up as yourbest self.
(09:30):
I go to the four agreements,you know.
The very last one is do thebest you can every day, and what
your best is on Monday may notbe the best it is on Tuesday,
but it was the best it could beon Monday and just show up and
be the best, and then, if it'snot what you want, or you want
to aspire to more great, butdon't spend Tuesday beating
yourself up for Monday.
Kimberly Crowe (09:53):
For sure and also consider who can benefit
from that right.
Yes, the people that youlearned from.
They weren't perfect either.
Right, the mentors that we have?
They weren't perfect.
And if they waited to beperfect before they had given us
the advice that changed ourlives, we never would have
(10:13):
benefited from that Right.
So if we wait to share ourlearnings with our audience and
we don't do it, then who'smissing out?
And I often make the analogy ofyou don't have to be the best
at something before you starthelping others.
You don't have to wait to beperfect before you start.
(10:36):
Even a second grader isbrilliant to a kindergartner.
Jami Carlacio (10:42):
Oh, absolutely Absolutely.
Somebody who's done something aday longer than I have knows
more than I do, Right, Right.
But you know and that goes backto reframing the narrative If
our narrative is all aboutbeating ourselves up like, oh my
gosh, I can't believe I didthat thing, or everyone's going
to know, I mean, we're so outerdirected, like what are other
people going to think?
(11:02):
So we've internalized stuff,but we've also, I feel like
we've made stuff up, Like Imight make something up about
what I think you're thinking.
Oh yeah To you know.
So what is Kimberly going tothink?
Well, Kimberly has.
I haven't even entered yourtrain of thought.
You're like worried about didyou get good breakfast today?
What am I doing, thinking aboutwhat you're going to think?
(11:24):
So that's again, that's thatreframing of the narrative.
You know, there's something Ilearned in Landmark and that was
there's your story and thenthere's your story about the
story.
Kimberly Crowe (11:38):
Yeah, yeah, and even the story isn't true, right
, it's what we saw in the story.
If you ask two or five or 10different people that went to
Disneyland to describe whattheir day was, they could have
been on the same ride.
They could have eaten the samefood.
They all have differentexperiences.
There's a fun family story thatwe have where my brother and I
(12:00):
went on a river cruise inJamaica one time.
We were on a cruise ship.
It was a wonderful trip, but wewere young and so we went on
this, um, this river cruisetogether and then we came back
at night.
We were telling the story atthe dinner, where everybody was
gathered.
They said how was your rivercruise?
And so jeffrey was telling thestory and I'd be like it wasn't
(12:20):
like that at all.
It was like this, right.
And then, like they, by the endof it, they were like were you
on two different cruises?
Like what happened there?
It's two totally differentstories about the event.
I might have like Jeffrey wentin the water and he almost got
eaten by piranhas and he's likeI don't think that happened and
I'm like yes, it did, don't youremember?
It was two totally differentstories.
Jami Carlacio (12:42):
I think I would have liked to have been on your
river cruise.
Kimberly Crowe (12:45):
I think it would have been a blast.
There was a torrentialrainstorm.
He's like, yeah, it rained alittle bit.
I'm like, no, it was in the seafive feet in front of us and
then mosquitoes came in andswarmed.
But then rain came, themosquitoes went away and he was
like almost eaten alive.
He's like I got maybe 10 bitesand I'm like you were almost
eaten alive.
It was just, yeah, two totallydifferent stories and I'm like
(13:07):
you were almost eaten alive.
Jami Carlacio (13:08):
It was just yeah two totally different stories,
right, yeah, and so that also.
I think it's as long as we know, as long as we're aware.
This is my perception.
You know, this is the pair ofglasses I've got on when I'm
reading this situation, andmaybe a lot of people don't
realize that they have thoseglasses on even right, like, oh,
(13:29):
guess what?
You know, like my son and I seemyself in him when he's 17.
Now, and so he'll have anarrative about something, and I
try to help him shift thenarrative because in his mind,
you know, he did X and theworld's falling down, the
(13:51):
world's going to cave in.
And my favorite thing is totell people if you think you're
so indispensable or you thinkXYZ is such a big deal, go drive
by the cemetery and just askthose people yeah, because the
world is still spinning.
Your mistake, didn't you know?
If it did shift the world,maybe it had to, who knows.
(14:11):
But the point is, I know for meI'm not as important as I make
myself out to be in my own mind.
Kimberly Crowe (14:19):
That's interesting, because we are
infinitely important and yet weare not at all important.
There's a great quote from ayogi master who said all of you
are perfect just the way you are, and all of you could do with a
little improvement.
Isn't that great?
Yes, yeah, like that allows usto accept where we are now and
(14:42):
it allows us to grow, which iswhat we're here to do.
In my opinion, we are here onthis planet to grow and to
experience and to haveexperiences and to learn and to
and to give experiences to theuniverse, because your
experiences are going to betotally different than mine.
And if I'm trying to live up toJamie and I'm trying to be more
(15:02):
like you, then the universe getsdenied the opportunity to live
a little bit more like Kimberly,right?
So I think, really, we'reentitled to our own experiences
and, at the same time, they'renot as world impacting as we
think they are when we makedecisions.
So my shift, your narrative, isall about taking an example of.
(15:24):
We'll just take a couple ofexamples that are out there.
So oftentimes there's people inthe audience that would be like
firstborn and they have thisnarrative that, like I was the
firstborn and so I had to be incharge of my family, I had to
take care of everybody.
Meanwhile, there's the baby ofthe family and I happen to be
the baby of the family, right?
So I have a different story,had a different story.
(15:46):
Like I was the baby of thefamily, so I always got ignored,
so I had to call attention tomyself because they were busy
being like paying attention toother people, you know.
So when we shift the narrative,shifting the narrative to
something that's the opposite,is difficult.
Where, if I said, if the olderchild said, oh, I didn't have to
(16:06):
be responsible for anybody, Ilived a great life.
Maybe they don't feel like that, right, but we got to get them
a little bit further intosomething that's a little more
positive.
So a suggestion if you're outthere listening and you are the
oldest in the family, instead ofsaying I had to be responsible
for everyone and my parents, youknow, made like, made me in
(16:27):
charge of everything Instead ofthat, you might say when I was
the oldest of the family, I gotto be in charge of everyone and
that made me a better leader inthe world.
And I and leadership comes veryeasily to me now, exactly.
Jami Carlacio (16:42):
I was, I was that way, yeah, perfect.
Kimberly Crowe (16:44):
Yeah, it's also true, like you can be like oh,
that is true, and it's not likeyou.
You suddenly are reversing itLike, oh, I didn't have to be in
charge of anybody, no, you did,but let's make the story be
something that's more positivefor your life.
And also true that you believe,rather than just trying to
pretend that it's not true.
(17:05):
So, for the baby of the family,for those of you out there that
are the baby and you're likeyeah, I was ignored by me too.
I have stories about my olderbrother.
I was ignored, nobody paidattention to me, blah, blah,
blah.
I can also say, yeah, by thetime I came around, my parents
were already broken in and Ipretty much got to do what I
wanted.
(17:26):
That's a different story.
That serves me better thansaying I was ignored and I had
to call attention to myself.
But it's a.
It's a story.
That's also true.
My parents let me pretty muchdo, and that made me very
inventive as a child, soinventing new things comes super
easily to me now.
Yeah, and it does like that'ssuper true for me and it's
(17:47):
probably true for you, whocreated a podcast and launched a
program.
Yes, babies in the family.
Invention comes really easy tous because we were pretty much
left alone to do what we wanted,because our parents didn't,
like weren't hovering over uslike oh my gosh, I might break
her Right First.
Children sometimes were so like, let's spin it to be of an
(18:08):
advantage.
There's lots of stories outthere that that detract from
people, though, like storiesabout money, stories about
relationships, and those all canbe shifted as well.
Jami Carlacio (18:18):
Yeah, you know that just I can think of so many
things.
Two things.
I want to go back to the familyfor just a second.
Once you have this narrative ofI had to do this instead of I
got to do that, or they trustedme to do blank, you know, they
put me in charge of versus I hadto be this, I had to, you've
got that victim mentality goinginstead of the wow.
(18:42):
Yeah, they trusted me, they sawthat I could handle X and they
gave that job to me, and sothat's also.
And the other thing issomething else that I forgot
that I'll probably come back toin a moment, but it had to do
with who owns the narrative.
Oh, I know it's kind of like,well, we're not that family,
(19:05):
right, that's not us, or youknow so even a whole family or a
whole culture can have its ownnarrative about itself that
everyone buys into.
And if that narrative and Iwant to go back to something you
said really early about servingdoes it serve your highest good
?
Kimberly Crowe (19:24):
Does it?
Jami Carlacio (19:24):
serve my highest good, so it doesn't serve
anybody to have a super negativeattachment to some kind of idea
or ideal like, well, we aren'tthose people, or that's not how
we do things in this family, orwhatever.
I mean, I don't want to getinto real trauma and real
(19:46):
oppression, but there arenarratives that people hold on
to, as if this is who we are andthen nobody can break out of it
.
Kimberly Crowe (19:54):
They think that's it.
Jami Carlacio (19:55):
It's frozen, it's frozen in time.
Kimberly Crowe (20:04):
And that those stories and we talk about that,
like if you have a story that'sspinning in your head, then find
out, is that your story, thatyou made up, or is it somebody
else's story that they, thatthey gave to you, like what your
example, example is, yourparents said we're not those
people, that's not how we act,that's not how we operate, and
as soon as you know it's theirstory, you can have the
(20:25):
opportunity to let's give thatback to them.
That can be their story.
Go ahead and let them be.
That's their story, becausewe're not here to change their
story, we're just here to be incharge of ours and so if you can
say, oh, that was dad's story,that's fine, let dad have that
story.
But my story is going to bedifferent.
My story with my kids, my storywith my family, my story with
my life is different than dad'sstory with his life.
Jami Carlacio (20:48):
And that's okay.
Yeah, and that is such aliberating thing.
You know, my son went throughsomething a few years ago that
was really really really hardfor him.
You know, my son went throughsomething a few years ago that
was really really really hardfor him and he's stuck in it.
He gets stuck in that mode andso he's living in five years ago
(21:10):
versus you know, and I'm tryingto help him shift his narrative
Instead of woe is me, thisthing happened?
It's no, but look how strongyou are now.
Look where you are today.
No, but look how strong you arenow.
Look where you are today.
You are five years out of thatthing and you survived it and
you were stronger and now youcan help other people.
That's the kind of narrativeshift I think that really moves
people ahead in life.
Kimberly Crowe (21:31):
Yeah, I had one of those too, and you mentioned
landmark.
So I, I I'm not a type ofperson in Landmark that would
raise their hand and go to themic, but some I'm surprised, no,
no, that that deep down privatestuff could stay deep down
private and I can work on itmyself.
But I don't.
I'm not the one that bleh inall over the audience, but there
(21:53):
were people that would get upand ask questions that I was
like that's for me, like that'sa question for me.
So a person got up and theysaid this thing happened to me
when I was 13.
And I was like, ooh, somethinghappened to me when I was 13 too
, right, my parents separatedand I had some anger around that
.
And so then she said this thinghappened to me and blah, blah,
(22:15):
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah, and she
just kept going with it.
And the leader said so, thatthing happened to you at 13.
That's true, that's true.
How long are you going to letthe 13 year old drive your bus,
exactly?
And I was like that was for me.
Okay, I now know that I couldquit being 13 when those sorts
(22:39):
of triggers get pulled right,like I'm going to be like, oh,
at 13 that happened and that wasmy reaction.
But now I can.
I can let my my older persondrive my bus, I can let my now
person drive my bus.
So it was a really good ahamoment for me that we don't have
to pretend it didn't happen.
We just don't have to drag itforward with us for our whole
(23:02):
lives as if it's happening still.
And all of us went throughtrauma, all of us.
Like none of us are going toescape alive, right, like none
of us get out of here alive.
So we all have some level oftrauma, some significantly more
deep than others.
That said, we can acknowledgethat as true.
(23:23):
But that happened and nowthat's not happening currently.
Like get some therapy, likelet's get you out of that
eventually.
But if it's, if it happened inthe past, it doesn't serve us to
carry it forward and relive it.
(23:43):
And another famous speaker oncesaid we should pay for our
mistakes once.
We just shouldn't pay for them.
Jami Carlacio (23:53):
Right and make other people pay while we're at
it.
Right, Don't charge, don't passthe charge on to other people.
That's a good one.
Yes, Jamie, yes, did it for oneweekend, but that stuck with me
(24:15):
, that there's your story andthe story about the story, and
the thing is, like you saidacknowledge the trauma or
acknowledge the thing orwhatever it is, and own it.
And yes, that happened.
But you are a different personnow, or at least you have the
opportunity to reinvent yourself, If you haven't already.
(24:36):
You have that power right.
So take that power.
You have agency.
You can take ownership of this.
Kimberly Crowe (24:42):
I love that.
I'm a huge fan of Abraham Hicks,which is a spirit like
channeled by a lady by the nameof Esther Hicks, and I just love
her, I totally love her.
But she talks about that and shetalks about like that happened.
But you don't need to keepthinking about it, because when
you keep thinking about it youpull it forward into your
(25:03):
current experience and then youbring and attract more of it to
you.
So maybe if you haverelationship issues and you had
a relationship issue and thenyou meet a new person and it's
the same person with a differentface, a new person with a
different face and then you meeta new person and it's the same
person with a different face,and it's because you're pulling
(25:24):
that story about what youdeserve or what happens to you
forward into your currentexperience and you're bringing
more of that toward you throughlaw of attraction.
And I'm just a huge fan of that.
And it can be thinking you'rerich or whatever you follow, but
there is power in the world ofpositive thinking and positive
(25:45):
intelligence and it works themore you work it.
Jami Carlacio (25:49):
Yeah, it does.
So we can talk Joe Dispenza,louise Hay, abraham Hicks,
esther Hicks we can, and itmakes sense.
I just really I'm a visualthinker, so I think of a magnet,
and whatever the magnetsputting out there is what it's
going to attract.
And with regard to, say,relationships, you may have
(26:09):
different characters, but you'restill in the same play.
You've just changed some of thecharacters names and so when
you start seeing the same peopleshow up in your life, you have
to look and say, well, what am Isaying?
What am I putting out there?
And then, what am I tellingmyself about what I'm putting
out there?
Am I being a victim?
Oh my gosh, this always happensto me and I'll be the first one
(26:31):
to admit I lived in victimmentality until one day
something shifted in me like dayand night.
It was kind of like TNT.
I was a chaplain in a hospital,a trauma hospital, so I was
living in trauma every singleday, vicarious trauma of my own,
and one of the things it waspart of an advanced chaplaincy
(26:55):
training called CPE or clinicalpastoral education, and we had
to write a paper on the theologyof woundedness and it was the
best thing ever.
Henry Nouwen, who was atheologian whom I admire.
A Dutch theologian wrote thisbook called the Wounded Healer,
and so as I was looking at adeep wound that I had
(27:15):
experienced and I was doing kindof a theological explanation of
the wound, it hit me.
I am a healer.
I don't have to live in thewound, I don't have to, you know
, be beset by all of thatbasically crap.
You know that I was living inand once I that just shifted
(27:37):
everything for me.
I literally woke up the nextday a different person.
Kimberly Crowe (27:41):
Wow, because you are a healer and we can
self-heal right.
I'm also a fan of BrendanBurchard, who's not really in
that spiritual world so much,but he talks about self-coaching
and there are so many of usthat are out there that are
trying to help others.
There are so many coaches in myworld that are, you know, so
(28:01):
heart-centered and amazing andand just, we often coach what we
need to hear ourselves and sothat that sort of self-coaching
can be so peacemaking for thecommunity to be able to say like
you get permission to do thesethings as well.
You get permission to to be likeable to step out of victimhood.
(28:23):
You get permission to be ableto heal yourself.
Jami Carlacio (28:25):
I love that.
Yeah, and it is, it is.
If you need to think of it likethat, then give yourself the
permission.
Yes, go ahead.
Yeah, and I like also againgoing back to something you said
earlier I think of kind of youknow those paper doll cutouts
where you have a folded piece ofpaper and you cut out one shape
and you open it up and it comesout to like 16 paper dolls.
(28:48):
Yes, I remember those, yes, yes, from third grade or something.
So I think of me as all ofthose different paper dolls at
different points in my life, atdifferent stages and ages, and
so I love that analogy, that'sbeautiful.
And so any one of those may betriggered or come up at some
(29:10):
point.
So the 14-year-old who gotditched by a guy she liked or
something or whatever, right, Ican go comfort her and say yeah,
that sucked.
That was really mean what theydid to you or how he did that
thing or whatever it is, and I'mhere for you.
You know, 60 year old Jamie ishere for you and I love you.
(29:33):
Yeah, you don't have to be her,you're you're not 14 anymore,
but I will acknowledge and honorwhat happened to you when you
were 14.
That affected you and hurt youso badly.
Kimberly Crowe (29:45):
That's just beautiful.
I love that, Jamie.
Jami Carlacio (29:49):
Yeah, so there's a wonderful writer.
Her name is Sandra Cisneros.
Oh, I know her.
I'd die and go to heaven forher.
She's actually from Texas.
She wrote a book, a collectionof short stories, called Woman
Hollering Creek.
Yes, you know, I do.
Kimberly Crowe (30:07):
I do and a whole sweater where she's like oh,
it's such a great touching story.
I love it.
Jami Carlacio (30:13):
Yeah, it's called Eleven, and it was like this
teacher made her like it hadsomething to do with the sweater
and she it wasn't somethingthat she wanted to do like take
the sweater off or keep it, orit wasn't.
There was a sweater.
Kimberly Crowe (30:30):
I remember this Everybody remembers this story
because we all connect with itso deeply.
It's just you're being wrong.
So there was a red sweater inthe classroom and the teacher
rolled up and said whose redsweater is this?
And it wasn't very pretty toher.
She said it's like an ugly redsweater.
And they said whose sweater isthis?
And it wasn't hers.
So she didn't say yes.
But one of the other studentssaid I think it belongs to the
(30:53):
little 11 year old, and she saidno, it's not mine.
And the teacher said I think itis yours, it's, I'm sure that
it's yours, I saw you wearing itonce and then gave it to her.
Well, she was too shy to speakup and talk back and so she felt
like humiliated by this uglyred sweater that was branded on
her and it wasn't hers.
It wasn't fair.
(31:13):
It was really this emotional,sweet story.
Jami Carlacio (31:16):
Yeah, yeah, and so I feel like it's like that
when there's times when we're 11.
Kimberly Crowe (31:22):
Yes.
Jami Carlacio (31:24):
And we're not 11 anymore.
But we can go back and comfortthat 11 year old girl and say,
hey, that wasn't your sweaterand yeah, don't wear it, it is
ugly, you're right.
Whatever yeah so so we get torewrite the narrative.
I wanted to just because I knowfor people who may not know you
I don't know who that would be,but if there are people who are
(31:46):
watching this who don't knowyou, could you say a little bit
about some of the stages thatyou have, especially like you
have a lot of woo stuff going onand you have the pot of palooza
.
So could you just say a fewthings about some of the ways in
which you lift other people upand help other people to raise
their voices?
Kimberly Crowe (32:03):
Yeah.
So if you have a positivemessage to share, if you are a
healer or a coach and you wouldlike to share your uplifting
message with our audience, wehave a fantastic virtual summit
coming up.
It's called Positive Shifts.
So it's perfect for thisaudience and it's an opportunity
(32:25):
to be able to speak interviewstyle with me or with one of my
other interviewers and it's livewith the audience, so you can
interact with them and answerquestions with them.
You don't have to have aprepared talk.
You can just come on and have aconversation with me or with
one of the interview hosts andwe'll take great care of you.
Our job is to make you look asamazing as possible.
(32:47):
It's a very gentle, inclusivegroup and we try to make the
experience as wonderful for youas possible.
If you are an experiencedspeaker, we'll absolutely
glorify you and sort of stay outof your way.
If you're brand new at it,we'll take great care of you,
make sure you look amazing, andso, anywhere you are, if you
(33:08):
have a message to share, Iencourage you to get it out on
stage, because if you're notbeing seen, you're being
overlooked.
If you're not being heard, yourmessage isn't getting out there,
and if you're not getting yourmessage out on stages regularly,
then it won't have the impactyou'd like it to have before you
leave the planet.
So my advice is get out thereand get on some stages.
(33:31):
So positive shifts is one.
We also have one, if you helpentrepreneurs, called
Entrepreneurs Rocket Fuel WebSummit.
We also have another one,called Voices of Color, for
people of color to share theirmessage, and we have another one
that you've been on before, Ibelieve, called Voices of Women.
It's a fantastic opportunity onInternational Women's Day to
(33:51):
share your message with theworld, and it can be any message
that you're passionate about,and we also have, as you
mentioned, potapalooza, someother events.
I'm here to make sure that yourmessage gets heard by as many
folks as possible and help youget that message out in a bigger
way.
Jami Carlacio (34:09):
Yeah, and I can't tell you enough how, how gentle
and fun it was when I was onthe Voices of Women and I'm I
can't think of her name rightnow, but she's one of your
people.
She played, she's beenplayfulful Out Jessica Koch.
Kimberly Crowe (34:26):
Oh yeah.
Jami Carlacio (34:26):
Yeah, she interviewed me.
Oh yeah, you do not just soanyone watching this.
You do not have to have anyexperience, you just need to
know that you have something tosay and somebody somewhere needs
to hear it.
Yeah, and so share it, share it, share it, share it.
Kimberly Crowe (34:43):
That's a great message.
I so share it, share it, shareit, share it.
Jami Carlacio (34:45):
That's a great message I concur, yes, and I
will put all of that in the shownotes, kimberly, with dates and
how to sign up or how to get intouch.
That would be great, all right,wish I could rewrite this story,
(35:05):
change every word of every lineand, on that lovely note, thank
you, thank you, and thank youso much for being here and for
sharing your message and yoursparkle my literal pleasure.
All right, take care everybodyand don't forget you can change
the narrative.
This is your story and you getto write it bye.
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