November 24, 2024 • 41 mins
Reality interventionist Shiraz Babu joins us to unravel the complex connection between subconscious beliefs and physical well-being. Once a promising medical student turned arthritis sufferer, Shiraz's inspirational journey led him to uncover the transformative power of addressing deep-seated beliefs, a discovery that changed his life. Together, we explore the profound impact of rewriting our reality and how recognizing these hidden narratives can be a powerful catalyst for overcoming challenges like illness and addiction.
Have you ever found yourself addicted to the struggle? This episode challenges the notion that self-worth is tied to external achievements, drawing on personal stories of exhaustion from the relentless pursuit of success. We discuss how shifting our focus to inherent self-value can liberate us from this cycle and lead to more fulfilling lives. With insights into the “inner drug store” and emotional addiction, we highlight how changing our mindset can lead to sustained growth and happiness, even during life's most challenging moments.
Join us as we showcase the miracle that unfolds when personal development is prioritized. We share practical strategies for speeding up the book writing process and discuss how embracing positive addiction can retrain our brains for healthier rewards. This episode is a treasure trove for anyone looking to embark on a transformative journey of self-improvement, loaded with real stories, practical advice, and the promise of personal miracles.
Want to learn how to build your EQ? Let's meet to see if working together is good fit.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Shiraz Baboo (00:00):
And your mind avoids emotional distress.
It does not care about physicalcircumstances, so it will do
anything it can to get you outof emotional distress, including
kill you.
So in this case we're talkingabout illness.
(00:20):
If I'm sick in bed, I have alegitimate excuse as to why I
can't help people, so there's noway I can feel guilty.
So that was escaping theemotional distress.
As far as that shift in will,I've always been a person that's
like on logic, which is becausewhat I do now is very, very
(00:45):
spiritual.
But when he said A equals B,then I'm like oh well, then I
just have to do this toeliminate that.
And in my mind it's like okay,stop being responsible, Just be
clear on that.
You're not going to beresponsible for anyone.
If he's right, your authorityshould go away.
Now in my mind, I'm thinking ifhe's right and I do this, then
(01:06):
over the course of the next fewmonths or years, everything will
just slowly go away and I'llend up back where I started, Not
oh you know what Next morningwe're done Now, to be clear, the
damage done to my body wasstill there.
The arthritis itself justdisappeared.
My body was still there, thearthritis itself just
(01:28):
disappeared, and that's animportant thing, because
sometimes we get miracles andsometimes we have to go on a
journey.
Getting rid of the arthritiswas the miracle.
Repairing my body is a journey.
It's a journey I'm still on,but I'm getting more and more
mobility as the years go by.
So that's the thing, and I'mwilling to go through that
(01:50):
journey, however long it takes.
If you keep looking for themiracles, you don't tend to get
them.
If you're willing to go on thejourney, the miracles drop along
the way.
Miracles drop along the way.
Jami Carlacio (02:08):
Welcome to the podcast Emotional Intelligence
your greatest asset and key tosuccess.
I'm your host, dr JamieCarlaccio, coming to you from
the Greater New Haven,connecticut area, as an
emotional intelligence or EQcoach.
I'm committed to helping peopledevelop both emotional
intelligence and mental fitness.
That is, you'll come to regardproblems as situations that help
(02:33):
you learn and grow.
Eq is a way of being and doingin the world that enables you to
develop and sustain a positiverelationship with yourself and
others, at home, at work andeverywhere in between.
Please subscribe to thispodcast and tap the like button
so more people can enjoy thebenefits of EQ.
And now here's the show.
(02:54):
Hello everybody, Welcome, andthank you so much for joining us
today.
I am excited because I have afabulous guest.
His name is Shiraz Babu, and heis going to talk to us a little
bit about rewriting reality,because, yes, you can rewrite
your reality.
You do not have to be stuck inthis narrative that is keeping
(03:16):
you down, and I hear it all thetime.
People are down on themselvesand down on life and they think
that's the only reality, when infact it's not.
And what I really like and Iknow Shiraz is going to talk a
lot about this is that we areaddicted to a certain narrative,
and when we are addicted tosomething, our brain wants more
(03:37):
of it, and so how do we stopthat?
To change the trajectory of ourthinking and change the
trajectory of our life.
Change the trajectory of ourlife.
But before I go on, I want totell you just a couple of things
about Shiraz.
Shiraz is a multi-award-winningauthor, international speaker
and reality interventionist.
Now that is the best job titleI have heard in a long time.
(04:00):
He's known for helping peoplerewrite their reality and
overcome challenges in theirlives.
He has helped thousands and I'mtelling you, he has helped
thousands of people overcomeillness, poverty and
unconsciously addicted struggles, and a lot of times our
addictions are unconscious.
If we knew a lot about what weare actually addicted to, I
(04:26):
think a lot of us would probablybe calling you and your phone
would never stop ringing.
Yeah.
So, overall pardon.
Shiraz Baboo (04:34):
That's what caller ID is for.
Jami Carlacio (04:35):
Yeah right, exactly.
He is a renowned personality inthe area of reality addiction,
and his book how to RewriteReality has changed lives across
the globe.
So thank you so much forjoining us today.
How are you?
Shiraz Baboo (04:51):
I am wonderful.
How are you?
Jami Carlacio (04:52):
I'm well, thank you.
I am well because I have alsolearned how to rewrite my
reality, and I did it withoutmeeting you, although I still
recommend you because a lot ofpeople don't realize that I work
in the addiction field.
So when Kimberly Crow told meabout you, I wanted to meet you
(05:15):
and find out a little bit moreabout what you do, because a lot
of people live in this box, andthis box is extremelyining and
I hear day in and day out frompeople I'm just going to go back
to it, or I can't stop, ornothing matters, or everything I
(05:36):
do turns to blank, or I can'tchange.
And it is really really hard tohear that, especially as
someone who has changed, and Ihave completely done a 180 in my
life, and so I know I'm livingproof, and I guess you are too,
and so are a lot of people thatwe know.
And so tell us a little bitabout how you came into this
(05:59):
field and a little bit moreabout what the problem is and
how you solve it.
Shiraz Baboo (06:03):
Okay, and a little bit more about what the problem
is and how you solve it.
Okay, how I came into thisfield was because when I was 22
years old, I was in university,I studied to be a doctor and I
was a bodybuilder.
I was in the best shape of mylife so I thought I had it all.
I knew what I was going to dowith my life.
The world was my oyster.
Except the world didn't give mepearls.
(06:25):
It gave me arthritis.
So I ended up with arthritis inevery single joint in my body.
So, to give you an idea, therewere nights where I would sip my
dinner through a straw becausemy jaw was so swollen and
painful.
So it was every joint.
Jami Carlacio (06:41):
Wow.
Shiraz Baboo (06:42):
Yeah, and you know , and I did what people would do
.
I tried medication, didn't work.
I tried supplements, I trieddiet.
That didn't work.
I started trying things likeyoga, meditation, acupuncture.
Nothing worked and, like peoplemay not have gone through that
(07:06):
kind of physical pain like I did, but if you've had that plan
for your life, you thinkeverything's set, you know what
you're going to do, and thensuddenly that's all ripped out
from under you, you, you knowwhat I experienced in that time
Sounds like you hit a realbottom too it sounds like you
hit a real bottom too.
Oh yeah, I was depressed, I wasangry, I felt hopeless.
(07:29):
At times, the questions arecoming up why did this happen to
me, what did I do to deservethis?
And, of course, what am Isupposed to do now?
I eventually changed careers tocomputers because I could sit,
not have to move around a lot,because that always caused pain.
And I continued with my lifestill searching for a way to get
(07:51):
out of this, but it wasn'tuntil 18 years of this had
passed by 18 years of misery andsuffering.
And yeah, and by that point Iwas walking, I was was about 40
years old and I was walking likeI was 70, like hunched over and
just shuffling along, and anduh, I talked to my father and I
(08:14):
said, is there anything that wehaven't tried yet or something
new that's come up?
And he said, well, I've justheard recently about a program
over in india, combined therapyand I'm like what the hell is
that?
He goes.
I'm not sure what they do, butthey've had success with
multiple illnesses.
I'm like what do you mean?
Multiple illnesses Like cancer,diabetes, arthritis?
(08:35):
Like why aren't they being liketouted worldwide?
Like that makes no sense ifthey're curing everything?
He goes.
I don't know.
I just I've heard about, heardabout it.
It comes highly recommended.
So I jump on a plane and I headover to india wow and I met with
this guy and I figured it'sindia, it's probably going to be
some sort of reiki energyhealing kind of thing and, and
(08:58):
you know I was open to that.
I was like open to anything atthis point it's not working and
all he did was talk to me forlike about two weeks and it was
almost like being with apsychiatrist.
He wasn't trying to solveanything, he was just gathering
all this information on my life.
And after the two weeks he saysShiraz, you believe you're
(09:19):
responsible for everyone in yourlife.
Like no, I don't.
That's ridiculous.
And he said oh, I know youdon't think you do, but from
everything you've told me, youcreated this belief that you
need to be responsible foreveryone else, and you did when
you were about eight years old.
Jami Carlacio (09:37):
Kind of sounds codependent.
Shiraz Baboo (09:40):
It does, except the other people didn't realize
that I was responsible for them.
Jami Carlacio (09:46):
Yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (09:47):
One-sided.
So if my friends weren't doingwell, I felt responsible and I
should be the one to come in andsave them and fix them.
Jami Carlacio (09:54):
Wow.
Shiraz Baboo (09:55):
Right Any one of my family.
If they're struggling, I had tobe the one to save them.
And so that was the belief.
I didn't think I had it.
He seemed to think I had it andso I said even if I have it,
what does that have to do witharthritis?
There's no connection.
That's, you know, feelingresponsible.
(10:17):
This is illness.
And he said oh, you don't wantto be responsible for everyone.
I said, of course.
I said and if you're lying inbed in pain, you don't want to
be responsible for everyone?
I said, of course.
I said and if you're lying inbed in pain, you don't have to
be responsible for anyone andyou don't have to feel guilty
about it.
When people see you struggle toget through your days, they're
not going to ask you to takecare of them.
Your arthritis isn't yourproblem, it's your solution.
Jami Carlacio (10:41):
Say more.
Say more because right now I'mdealing with sciatica and it's
real physical pain, but I knowthere's something mental going
on with me.
Shiraz Baboo (10:51):
There's always something, because it's all
about emotions.
So when he said that, first ofall I thought well, that's
completely messed up.
Why would I do that to myself?
Jami Carlacio (11:03):
Right, Exactly.
Shiraz Baboo (11:04):
And he said but that's what most chronic
illnesses are.
They're solutions for problemspeople don't realize they have.
And so I said okay, if whatyou're saying is true, then all
I have to do is say I'm notgoing to be responsible for
anyone else and the arthritisshould just go away.
I'm not really believing this,but I'm just going through the
(11:25):
logic.
And he said yes, if youactually believe it deep down
that you don't need to beresponsible for anyone else, you
don't need the arthritis.
So I said okay, I'm not goingto be responsible for anyone,
except for me.
When I woke up the next morning, there was no pain, there was
(11:50):
no inflammation, I had moremobility and I could even
breathe easier.
Jami Carlacio (11:57):
And so I have a question, because you went to
bed one night and said, allright, I'm not going to be
responsible.
But that requires a major shiftin thinking.
Shiraz Baboo (12:10):
Yeah.
Jami Carlacio (12:11):
So how did you accomplish that really major
shift in thinking?
And then I still I need someclarification, and maybe others
will too.
How does your arthritis presentthe solution?
Shiraz Baboo (12:28):
Because if I can't take care of people, I feel
guilty and your mind avoidsemotional distress.
Jami Carlacio (12:40):
Okay.
Shiraz Baboo (12:40):
It does not care about physical circumstances, so
it will do anything it can toget you out of emotional
distress, including kill you.
Jami Carlacio (12:50):
Yes.
Shiraz Baboo (12:51):
Right, so in this case we're talking about illness
.
Yeah, if I'm sick in bed, Ihave a legitimate excuse as to
why I can't help people, sothere's no way I can feel guilty
.
Jami Carlacio (13:03):
Ah, yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (13:06):
So that was escaping the emotional distress.
Jami Carlacio (13:09):
I love it.
I love it.
Shiraz Baboo (13:11):
As far as that shift in will, I've always been
a person that's like on logic,because what I do now is very,
very spiritual.
But yeah when he said A equalsB, then I'm like, oh well, then
I just have to do this toeliminate that.
And in my mind it's like okay,stop being responsible, just be
(13:32):
clear on that.
You're not going to beresponsible for anyone.
If he's right, yours alreadyshould go away.
Now in my mind I'm thinking ifhe's right and I do this, then
over the course of the next fewmonths or years, everything will
just slowly go away and I'llend up back where I started.
Not oh, you know what Nextmorning we're done.
Now, to be clear, the damagedone to my body was still there.
(13:56):
The arthritis itself justdisappeared.
The arthritis itself justdisappeared, right, and that's
an important thing, becausesometimes we get miracles and
sometimes we have to go on ajourney.
Yes, getting rid of thearthritis was the miracle.
Repairing my body is a journey.
(14:18):
It's a journey I'm still on,but I'm getting more and more
mobility as the years go by.
So that's the thing, and I'mwilling to go through that
journey, however long it takes.
If you keep looking for themiracles, you don't tend to get
them.
If you're willing to go on thejourney, the miracles drop along
(14:39):
the way.
Jami Carlacio (14:41):
Yes, that makes complete sense.
A lot of people just want toget to wherever that is some
chimerical, fantabulous place,and they don't want to have to
go from A to Z.
They don't want to have to kindof go through the Monopoly
board and hit all the properties.
Yeah, exactly monopoly board andhit all the properties.
(15:02):
Yeah, exactly, you know, and Iagree, I'm a Reiki master and so
when I take people on a Reikimeditation journey, we spend
time on the journey and then Iactually have the light, take
them on the journey and thewhole point of it is the journey
(15:26):
.
It isn't getting anywhere.
We're not going anywhere.
We're not going to have a potof gold at the end of any
rainbow, we're just going to goon a journey and when they come
back they are completelydifferent people, at least for
that time being.
Shiraz Baboo (15:39):
Yep, and that is getting to.
The next point is addiction.
So oftentimes people will do ajourney like that and they'll
come back and they'll betransformed.
Jami Carlacio (15:53):
Yes.
Shiraz Baboo (15:55):
If they don't allow for the fact that your
body has been addicted to adifferent state physically
addicted then what happens witha lot of people is they slide
back to the original state.
Jami Carlacio (16:08):
The body is looking for that homeostasis,
right.
It wants to go back like wait aminute, this doesn't feel right
.
This is different.
Let me go back to that thing,even if that thing is bad.
Shiraz Baboo (16:19):
Yeah, even if it sucks, I'm used to it.
Let's just keep going.
And when you get that your bodywants to be addicted to
something, right, then that'swhen things really change.
Like, well, I guess the firstthing is realize that you are
addicted.
Number two is realize that itwants to be addicted.
Because what a lot of people dois they try to get rid of the
addiction.
And if you get rid of theaddiction, your body's like well
(16:42):
then, what else?
Well, I need a fix.
Where's I'm?
Jami Carlacio (16:44):
going to get my fix.
Shiraz Baboo (16:45):
If you say I'm going to replace this addiction
with this addiction, then yourbody can get a different fix.
Jami Carlacio (16:52):
Right.
Shiraz Baboo (16:53):
Right.
So, for instance, one of theaddictions I used to have was
feeling so good after I'veworked really hard to accomplish
something.
It's like, look, I stayed upall night doing that.
I felt good.
Look how you know what I'mwilling to go through, what I'm
willing to put myself through toreally accomplish a lot, and
(17:14):
that was a fix.
And so I would be working longnights I'd be doing even though
it wasn't too long ago, just afew years ago I would do
something called last Mondays.
Last Mondays, I would do aseries of webinars, starting at
9am, finishing at 11pm.
Jami Carlacio (17:26):
Oh, that's a long day.
Shiraz Baboo (17:29):
I felt good at the end of that day.
I was like, look what I did.
I did it was like sevendifferent webinars through the
day, right and gave all sorts ofvalue.
And now I'm like I only did itonce a month, thank God, the
last Monday of the month.
But after a year of that I wasjust like I'm exhausted.
So I decided to change my fixto wow, I barely had to put any
(17:52):
effort into that and it came outgreat.
Jami Carlacio (17:55):
Yes, that's what we were talking about.
Right Is changing what it is.
That is your fix.
Like, uh, tell this story aboutthe guy that you helped, the
client who was yeah, the problemsolver.
You know we look for problemsand so our our, you know our,
(18:15):
our lizard brain says up, got tocheck for danger everywhere,
got to check for danger.
And then we invent problemsjust so we can solve them.
Shiraz Baboo (18:23):
Yeah, because if you identify as a problem solver
, if you take pride in being aproblem solver, then what you're
basically saying is my value inthis world comes from solving
problems.
Right, and if you want to feelmore valuable, you have to keep
creating more and or biggerproblems to solve.
(18:44):
So he had problems going onevery single day and he was just
so done with it.
He's like every day there'ssomething that comes up, problem
after problem after problem.
He's like I'm used to it atwork, but it's in my personal
life At work, it's my whole jobof solving problems.
And so then we found out hesees himself as a problem solver
.
I got him to get to a differentstate, in that your value
(19:07):
doesn't come from problemsolving.
You just have value, andsolving problems is one way you
can express it, but it's notwhat gives you value.
Jami Carlacio (19:18):
A lot of people do not believe they have
inherent value, and so I thinkwe're a society of doers,
because we keep thinking if I dothat thing, I'll have value.
If I'm that perfect person,I'll have value.
If I have to solve people'sproblems, or if I have to take
(19:39):
care of everyone, then I'll havevalue.
I used to think that my valuecame from outside of me, and I
had a shift about two and a halfyears ago, and it changed
everything for me when I finallyfigured out that my value
didn't come from outside ofdoing things.
Shiraz Baboo (19:57):
I'm so happy for you.
Jami Carlacio (20:00):
It took a minute.
I'm not a spring chicken, butbetter late than never.
Shiraz Baboo (20:06):
Yes, absolutely.
And this thing, this is what weget taught by our parents, and
I find it fascinating becausewhen we're babies, our parents
see all our value.
We feel the value.
You can feel the value comingoff a newborn baby.
It's like oh, oh, my god,there's so much potential in
this child, there's so muchvalue.
I hope this child goes on to doamazing things.
And then you're like teenagersand it's like why don't you go
(20:28):
make something of yourself?
Jami Carlacio (20:31):
I have a teenager and I'm thinking, oh dear, have
I ruined him for life?
Shiraz Baboo (20:35):
so if you start teaching your, your children,
that they inherently have valuethey just have to find ways to
express it You're going to havea different outlook on yeah
Right and so the?
The trick is getting to thatspace of knowing you have value
without getting to a place ofentitlement.
Well, I have value, you shouldhave.
(20:55):
Everything should just be doneWell there's that too.
Jami Carlacio (20:59):
That that's that is.
Well, there's that too, that'sthe other side of that, isn't it
?
Shiraz Baboo (21:11):
Because the entitlement, just because you
have inherent value, doesn'tentitle you to things
no-transcript.
People that are truly in touchwith their value will find that
other people will pay to be inthe room with them yeah because
they see them right.
So this, this client I had, wegot him to stop having problems.
(21:35):
And uh, and we, we checked withhim next day, no problems
whatsoever.
He's like, oh my god, this islike a whole new world.
This is great, thank you much.
And I let him run away and godo his thing.
And three weeks later he callsme up and he goes I had a
problem today.
I'm like, why do you sound sohappy about it?
(21:55):
And he said, well, the firstweek of no problems was amazing.
I had no problems.
It's a whole brand newexperience.
I was just loving it.
The second week there was likeanxieties coming up.
It's like, well, when's theshoe going to drop?
Like, yeah, it's been over aweek now, there must be
something coming up.
And so this week it's just beenfull on what the hell?
And so finally a problemdropped and I got to solve it
(22:17):
and I felt amazing and I saidyou're describing withdrawal.
Jami Carlacio (22:21):
Yes, I was just going there with that.
I was just thinking this iswithdrawal.
Yeah, yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (22:27):
So he had been addicted to solving problems.
Whenever he solved the problem,he got a hit of dopamine in his
system.
His body is now three weekswithout that dopamine hit.
It's a full on withdrawal so heneeded to create a problem so
he could get his chemical fix.
It was a physical addiction.
Jami Carlacio (22:44):
Right, and that's that homeostasis.
The body got used to all ofthat dopamine and then it needs
it, it needs it, it needs ityeah.
Shiraz Baboo (22:53):
And the thing is, a lot of people don't realize
that they are doing this.
You're in addiction to yourstruggle.
You're not actually addicted tothe struggle itself.
You're addicted to the feelingsthat come along with that
struggle.
Look how hard I'm working.
Or some people, it's thecompassion they get from other
people.
So you're hanging out with Fredand Fred says I see how hard
(23:14):
you've been working.
I wish you had more success.
Keep going, It'll come throughfor you.
And that feels amazing.
Fred loves you.
But if you suddenly have thisbreakthrough and have the
success, Fred's not going to saythat to you anymore.
You're going to lose thatsource of love.
Jami Carlacio (23:28):
Yes.
Shiraz Baboo (23:29):
Right.
Jami Carlacio (23:29):
So then you continue to perpetuate struggles
so that Fred and Nancy and Joethey're all like oh my God, keep
going, keep working hard, we'rehere to support you.
Yeah, so I think I recallsaying this to you earlier in
our conversation before that inadult children of alcoholics
they call that the inner drugstore, and so we are addicted to
(23:51):
a particular emotion.
Shiraz Baboo (23:53):
Yes.
Jami Carlacio (23:54):
And that could be shame, it could be guilt, it
could be, you know, whatever.
It is pity anger, pity anger.
And so we will do,unconsciously, we will do the
thing that gives us the hit toget that emotion.
Because we are so addicted toit, because we've had it for so
(24:15):
long, our body thinks that'snormal.
He's addicted to receivingthose feelings of compassion for
people or something.
Shiraz Baboo (24:25):
Yeah.
And once people get this, thenyou can treat your behaviors and
you can treat your reality in acompletely different way.
Because how you look at it, andif you're starting to start to
see success in your life andthen it starts to drop off,
instead of saying what am Idoing wrong, what am I
(24:47):
forgetting, what am I missing,why am I not getting clients, or
whatever, you're like, oh, am Iin withdrawal?
And if you're in withdrawal,then you do whatever you did to
get out of it and get out of itagain.
So then, instead of going yo-yoin your results, you'll start
to go up, start to come down,catch yourself in withdrawal and
continue to go up.
Catch yourself in withdrawal,continue to go up.
Start to come down, catchyourself in withdrawal and
continue to go up.
Catch yourself in withdrawaland continue to go up, and that
creates an amazing life.
(25:08):
And if you continue to do thislong enough, then you get
addicted to the continualincrease in success and
happiness and everything else.
Jami Carlacio (25:15):
Right, right, I'm thinking about people who feel
depressed and people who havebeen diagnosed, say, with
clinical depression or adifferent mental illness.
But I'm thinking depressionbecause when you're depressed it
is very hard to thinkpositively, it is hard to think
things will be different, it'shard to think you're worthy and
(25:37):
it is hard to work with peopleand tell them that this is your
depression talking and it's notactually true.
It's just what your brain istelling you and you don't have
to believe that.
And I've been talking to peopleabout these neural pathways
because when you were talkingabout the withdrawal and stop,
(26:00):
it's the same thing with ourthinking, right, if we can learn
to recognize when we'rethinking a certain way that's
leading to a behavior or a hitor whatever, and we can say, oh,
oh, stop, stop, and I think ofit as heading something off at
the pass.
So if you've got differentneural pathways in your brain
(26:23):
and the well-traveled one is theone with the addiction and all
of the negative consequences ofthat addiction, we have to be
able to rethink everything.
And that's where positiveintelligence and emotional
intelligence comes in, becauseit is all about really reframing
(26:43):
your reality.
Shiraz Baboo (26:46):
It is.
And one thing, just becauseyou're talking about depression,
an interesting story with mybook how to Rewrite Reality is
one of my friends gave it to hisson who had been depressed for
three years and he came out ofthe depression after reading the
book.
Jami Carlacio (27:04):
Wow.
Shiraz Baboo (27:05):
And I told that story to another friend of mine
and she's like I, have a sonthat's depressed.
So she gave the book to him andhe came out of depression.
Jami Carlacio (27:12):
Okay, All right Well.
Shiraz Baboo (27:13):
I'm going to be buying that for my son, so so
how did?
Jami Carlacio (27:18):
so how long did it take you to write this book?
Three months, okay.
So it really you to write thisbook.
Shiraz Baboo (27:22):
Three months.
Jami Carlacio (27:24):
Okay, so it really almost wrote itself.
Huh, because that's not a verylong time.
It took me a long time to writethe last one I wrote.
Shiraz Baboo (27:31):
Okay, so here's how you write a book quickly.
You tell people what date it'sgoing to be on.
Jami Carlacio (27:37):
I know, yeah, yeah, and you've got no choice,
right yeah?
Shiraz Baboo (27:42):
Yeah, so, yeah, so , yeah.
So I put that announcementbecause I had a book writing
coach and he's just like get thecover designed, Put the cover
out on Facebook and Instagramand stuff and say coming and put
the date, and now you'recommitted.
Jami Carlacio (27:57):
Yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (27:58):
And I went further .
I actually created a workshoparound the book.
Jami Carlacio (28:02):
Oh, that's great, I actually created a workshop
around the book.
Shiraz Baboo (28:04):
Oh, that's great the workshop.
You'll get a copy of the bookand I didn't actually have the
book ready by the end of theworkshop.
I had two thirds of the bookwritten.
And the last third was justpoints.
So what I ended up doing was Iwas teaching from the book on
the first two days of three dayworkshop and the last day I was
teaching from the points I'd hadwritten for the book and I had
(28:26):
it recording and I did voice totext.
Oh, that's perfect.
A third of the book was writtenin one day, thanks to me having
a workshop.
So now I do a book, I'm justgoing to do a workshop and just
voice to text the whole workshop.
Jami Carlacio (28:41):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Text the whole workshop yeah,yeah, absolutely.
And then you need a good editorto smooth out all the kinks in
the way that we talk and havedifferent verbal tics and
everything.
But that sounds great.
I like that.
Yeah, I think you're right,though, with the book that I did
.
I'm an academic writer, so mybook is on Black Women in
(29:05):
History and I did talk about thebook a lot and I was determined
not to quit even when thingsgot in the way.
But because I kept saying Ihave this book, I have this book
, there's this book, it's goingto get written, and I just kept
going on it.
It did get, it did get finished, but it took more than three
(29:27):
months.
It was like a five-year project.
Shiraz Baboo (29:30):
Sometimes it takes that long.
I've got some books that are indevelopment They've been,
they've been, I've worked onthem for years and other books I
just knock them off.
I did a young adult fantasynovel that took about three
months and that fantasy novelthat took about three months and
that was 108 000 words.
Oh, that's a lot.
Yeah, I would go to work, uh,work eight to ten hours a day,
(29:51):
come home and write for sixhours, except on the weekends
where I wrote for 12 hours oh,oh, I'm tired just thinking of
that but it was.
It was a passion project, like Ienjoyed writing it, and so it
was just I couldn't wait to gethome from work to keep writing.
Jami Carlacio (30:09):
Yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (30:10):
And luckily I had a group of friends and I said
I'm going to give you chaptersevery week.
Give me feedback on thechapters and be honest, because
if you say it's great and I putthis book out in the world and
they say it sucks, I'm comingafter you.
Jami Carlacio (30:23):
That's right.
Shiraz Baboo (30:29):
But I was getting such great feedback that that
again was a fix I wanted myfeedback from them every week,
and so then, three months later,it's done.
Jami Carlacio (30:36):
Yeah, all right, I have a memoir in my head and I
guess I need to start gettingmy fix, which is I've already
designed the cover of the memoir, I have the title and I have
even got the chapters in my head.
I just haven't sat down to putwords to paper.
But I think I should take someadvice here and just speak it.
Shiraz Baboo (30:57):
Yep.
Jami Carlacio (30:58):
And then I can edit it later.
Shiraz Baboo (31:00):
Yep, and if you've got people that are willing to
review it, tell them I'm'm goingto put out a chapter or two
chapters each week and can youreview it for me.
And then now you've gotaccountability, you've got your
feedback, you're creating yourown addiction to writing the
book.
Right, if we know we're goingto get addicted, we might as
well use it positively.
Jami Carlacio (31:18):
Yeah, exactly.
And so, yeah, our brains arealways going to be looking for
something, so why not teach itto look for something good?
Shiraz Baboo (31:27):
Yes, exactly.
Jami Carlacio (31:28):
And you know again, with substances whether
it's heroin or pot or alcohol orbenzos or methamphetamine,
whatever we've trained ourbrains to think that's good for
it, even when our body suffersand our life suffers and we lose
things.
But our brain doesn't know that.
Our brain says but I want thisthing because I'm used to having
(31:51):
it, so teach it that it canhave something good.
Shiraz Baboo (31:55):
Yeah, it can have something better.
Jami Carlacio (31:57):
Yeah, way better, yeah.
And again I go back to thatinner drugstore and I remember
picking fights with myex-fiancee because I felt good
when he was mad at me.
And that was my hit was back inthe 90s.
(32:26):
So this was a long long timeago, when I was still living
with this inner drug store and Ineeded to feel bad to feel good
.
But I don't do that anymore.
I don't pick fights to feelgood, trying not to pick fights,
yeah, but it's a reallyimportant point.
And so now it sounds importantpoint, and so now it sounds the
way you describe.
It sounds easy, is it easy?
Shiraz Baboo (32:55):
It's simple.
Okay, it's not necessarily easy, so that's, that's the big
difference.
The secret to life isincredibly simple, but if it was
easy, everyone would haveeverything they want.
Jami Carlacio (33:00):
Yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (33:01):
Right, so you have .
Like we talked about earlier,you have to be prepared to go on
the journey.
Jami Carlacio (33:05):
Yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (33:08):
It takes 21 days to build a habit.
Jami Carlacio (33:12):
Okay.
Shiraz Baboo (33:13):
It takes six months to get into a full-on
addiction or get out of afull-on addiction, and it takes
I think it's 10 years for it tobecome what we call
institutionalized, in which it'salmost impossible to shift.
Jami Carlacio (33:28):
Okay.
Shiraz Baboo (33:29):
Right.
So and this is the thing, Ihave a program.
It's a year-long program andfor the most part, people have
shifts and get into newaddictions during the program
better addictions.
However, the ones that struggletypically try to get out of the
program at month six, just whenthat thing is about to lock in.
For the new thing, they'retrying to go back to the old way
, and so they'll have an excuselike I suddenly don't have any
(33:53):
money and I can't make payments,or I got sick, or I'm having
problems with the family, so Ican't keep attending the events
and whatever it is to get outand go back to the old addiction
, their bodies freak out.
And like I said, it's not a lotof them, but when they do, it's
always around that six-monthmark right when the addiction is
going to be replaced.
Jami Carlacio (34:16):
Wow, yeah, that's really important information
because a lot of people you hearthis phrase don't quit before
the miracle happens.
And I think a lot of times weget tired and you can kind of
see the finish line is there.
But oh man, getting to thatlast 100 yards sometimes can
(34:38):
feel so hard.
But that doesn't mean we haveto sprint.
You know, you can still getacross the line.
You just don't necessarily haveto sprint.
I think we're often hard onourselves as human beings, you
know we so much.
Yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (34:58):
It's, it's funny, the inner dialogue we have with
ourselves.
And one of the things I say isis would you ever talk to a
two-year-old the way you talk toyourself?
Jami Carlacio (35:08):
Yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (35:09):
And they're like oh, hell, no.
And I'm like well, why don'tyou talk to yourself like you
talk to a two-year-old?
Be encouraging, be loving, havethat dialogue with yourself.
Jami Carlacio (35:19):
Yeah, yeah, exactly yeah.
I tell people.
I say, would you talk to yourbest friend that way?
And the answer is always no.
I want to say well then, youneed to treat yourself like you
would treat your best friend.
Shiraz Baboo (35:34):
Yeah.
Jami Carlacio (35:36):
Yeah, and I think this world is kind of sick
right now, but I refuse tobelieve that all is lost.
In other words, I believe inmiracles and I'm not even sure
they're really miracles.
They just seem like miraclesbecause we've decided that
they're so far-fetched that wecan't even believe it's going to
(35:58):
happen.
Shiraz Baboo (36:01):
But I mean, I believe in miracles because I
see them happen every single day, and so a miracle is basically
when you set an intention and,without any real effort on your
part, it just manifests intoyour life.
Jami Carlacio (36:14):
Yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (36:15):
And so you could have miracles on a small stegale
.
Or even just setting thatintention for a better world,
you start to see it manifestaround you.
Jami Carlacio (36:24):
You know, we have those magnifying minds, yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (36:26):
Right, we those magnifying minds.
Jami Carlacio (36:27):
Yeah Right, we have magnifying minds.
So if you look for problems,that's what you see.
If you look for solutions,that's what you see.
Yes, and that's why you know alot of people quit reading the
paper or watching the newsbecause they're fed a diet of
disaster and bad news andtragedy, and it's enough to put
(36:52):
anybody in the bed and not wantto come out.
Shiraz Baboo (36:56):
The crazy thing is they actually came out with
good news stations.
Jami Carlacio (37:02):
I know they did, but are they?
How popular are they?
Shiraz Baboo (37:05):
They're not popular because people are
looking for the drama.
Jami Carlacio (37:09):
Exactly, exactly, I know, and and so bad news and
danger cells.
I used to teach a course on themedia and a course called.
It was like media and democracyin the digital age, and one of
the things, uh, one of the unitsI taught was called the Culture
of Fear, and this wonderfulsociologist, barry Glasser,
(37:32):
wrote this book called theCulture of Fear, and the first
chapter is all about how themedia sells us a steady diet of
fear, sells us, feeds us, and weconsume the fear and then we
feel like we need moreinformation because I'm afraid.
So I need to know more.
(37:52):
I need to know more.
I mean, even just withHurricane Milton, for example,
or any kind of natural disaster,you have somebody outside in
the war zone reporting on thewar zone and 10 minutes later
they're giving you anotherreport, as if something major
has shifted.
But it's constant, it'sconstant, it's constant and it's
(38:15):
crazy.
Shiraz Baboo (38:16):
It's crazy making so I think what might work and I
don't know if they've triedthis yet is if they do stories
that are nerve wracking, thatare scary, that are all these
things that make you feel theseemotions, but have happy endings
.
Jami Carlacio (38:32):
Yeah Well, we like those for sure.
Shiraz Baboo (38:35):
I mean, that's the plot of every Hallmark movie.
Jami Carlacio (38:38):
Yeah, but that is something.
Shiraz Baboo (38:43):
if there were new stories that fit that formula,
that would be a popular newsstation, because then they get
their hit, but then they alsoget their oh, it turned out
great, and they feel goodafterwards.
Jami Carlacio (38:54):
Yeah, I think that's why we like those
judicial shows, because we getthe crime is here and then the
detectives are on it and theyget the bad guy and everyone
feels better because somebodygot arrested, somebody got
justice.
We like those things, yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (39:16):
Maybe someone will come out with that news station
sometime.
Jami Carlacio (39:18):
Yes, yeah, well, it's so great, just so you know.
First of all, please like andsubscribe this podcast, because
when you do, more people see itand you can see more people like
Shiraz on this show and I bringin guests that I try to bring
that value to people, becausepeople like you are what changes
the world.
(39:39):
You know you are a change maker.
You know one person at a timeand I'll make sure your book is
in the show notes and any otherthings that we should know about
you before we sign off andinvite the cars into the studio.
Shiraz Baboo (39:57):
Well, not necessarily know about me, but
for yourself, be the happiestperson in the room.
Jami Carlacio (40:03):
Yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (40:04):
Yeah, see how that affects your life.
Jami Carlacio (40:06):
Exactly, yeah, because we are magnets.
What do you want to attract?
Yeah, there's a person namedelvira hopper and she calls
herself a miracle magnet, butshe was a crap magnet before her
words, her words, and, and soshe completely shifted her life
(40:28):
around.
Oh, that's yeah, I see yourposts on Facebook.
Shiraz Baboo (40:32):
She's doing so well.
I'm I'm so happy for her rightnow.
Jami Carlacio (40:35):
Yep, yep, she is, and and she glows.
Shiraz Baboo (40:38):
Yes, she does Absolutely.
Jami Carlacio (40:40):
Yeah, she does, so, yeah, so let's, let's bring
the cars in and talk about magic, all right.
Shiraz Baboo (40:50):
Thank you so much for having me on the show.
Jami Carlacio (40:52):
Thank you, thank you so much.
Oh, it's magic when I'm withyou.
Oh, it's magic.
Oh it's magic.
Oh, you know magic, you knowit's true and that is our show.
Thank you so much, shiraz, andwe'll see you at the PQ Gym.
(41:17):
That's the place where youstart learning to reroute your
neural pathways and build youremotional intelligence muscle.
Take care everybody.
Bye.
And your mind avoids emotional distress.
It does not care about physicalcircumstances, so it will do
anything it can to get you outof emotional distress, including
kill you.
So in this case we're talkingabout illness.
(00:20):
If I'm sick in bed, I have alegitimate excuse as to why I
can't help people, so there's noway I can feel guilty.
So that was escaping theemotional distress.
As far as that shift in will,I've always been a person that's
like on logic, which is becausewhat I do now is very, very
(00:45):
spiritual.
But when he said A equals B,then I'm like oh well, then I
just have to do this toeliminate that.
And in my mind it's like okay,stop being responsible, Just be
clear on that.
You're not going to beresponsible for anyone.
If he's right, your authorityshould go away.
Now in my mind, I'm thinking ifhe's right and I do this, then
(01:06):
over the course of the next fewmonths or years, everything will
just slowly go away and I'llend up back where I started, Not
oh you know what Next morningwe're done Now, to be clear, the
damage done to my body wasstill there.
The arthritis itself justdisappeared.
My body was still there, thearthritis itself just
(01:28):
disappeared, and that's animportant thing, because
sometimes we get miracles andsometimes we have to go on a
journey.
Getting rid of the arthritiswas the miracle.
Repairing my body is a journey.
It's a journey I'm still on,but I'm getting more and more
mobility as the years go by.
So that's the thing, and I'mwilling to go through that
(01:50):
journey, however long it takes.
If you keep looking for themiracles, you don't tend to get
them.
If you're willing to go on thejourney, the miracles drop along
the way.
Miracles drop along the way.
Jami Carlacio (02:08):
Welcome to the podcast Emotional Intelligence
your greatest asset and key tosuccess.
I'm your host, dr JamieCarlaccio, coming to you from
the Greater New Haven,connecticut area, as an
emotional intelligence or EQcoach.
I'm committed to helping peopledevelop both emotional
intelligence and mental fitness.
That is, you'll come to regardproblems as situations that help
(02:33):
you learn and grow.
Eq is a way of being and doingin the world that enables you to
develop and sustain a positiverelationship with yourself and
others, at home, at work andeverywhere in between.
Please subscribe to thispodcast and tap the like button
so more people can enjoy thebenefits of EQ.
And now here's the show.
(02:54):
Hello everybody, Welcome, andthank you so much for joining us
today.
I am excited because I have afabulous guest.
His name is Shiraz Babu, and heis going to talk to us a little
bit about rewriting reality,because, yes, you can rewrite
your reality.
You do not have to be stuck inthis narrative that is keeping
(03:16):
you down, and I hear it all thetime.
People are down on themselvesand down on life and they think
that's the only reality, when infact it's not.
And what I really like and Iknow Shiraz is going to talk a
lot about this is that we areaddicted to a certain narrative,
and when we are addicted tosomething, our brain wants more
(03:37):
of it, and so how do we stopthat?
To change the trajectory of ourthinking and change the
trajectory of our life.
Change the trajectory of ourlife.
But before I go on, I want totell you just a couple of things
about Shiraz.
Shiraz is a multi-award-winningauthor, international speaker
and reality interventionist.
Now that is the best job titleI have heard in a long time.
(04:00):
He's known for helping peoplerewrite their reality and
overcome challenges in theirlives.
He has helped thousands and I'mtelling you, he has helped
thousands of people overcomeillness, poverty and
unconsciously addicted struggles, and a lot of times our
addictions are unconscious.
If we knew a lot about what weare actually addicted to, I
(04:26):
think a lot of us would probablybe calling you and your phone
would never stop ringing.
Yeah.
So, overall pardon.
Shiraz Baboo (04:34):
That's what caller ID is for.
Jami Carlacio (04:35):
Yeah right, exactly.
He is a renowned personality inthe area of reality addiction,
and his book how to RewriteReality has changed lives across
the globe.
So thank you so much forjoining us today.
How are you?
Shiraz Baboo (04:51):
I am wonderful.
How are you?
Jami Carlacio (04:52):
I'm well, thank you.
I am well because I have alsolearned how to rewrite my
reality, and I did it withoutmeeting you, although I still
recommend you because a lot ofpeople don't realize that I work
in the addiction field.
So when Kimberly Crow told meabout you, I wanted to meet you
(05:15):
and find out a little bit moreabout what you do, because a lot
of people live in this box, andthis box is extremelyining and
I hear day in and day out frompeople I'm just going to go back
to it, or I can't stop, ornothing matters, or everything I
(05:36):
do turns to blank, or I can'tchange.
And it is really really hard tohear that, especially as
someone who has changed, and Ihave completely done a 180 in my
life, and so I know I'm livingproof, and I guess you are too,
and so are a lot of people thatwe know.
And so tell us a little bitabout how you came into this
(05:59):
field and a little bit moreabout what the problem is and
how you solve it.
Shiraz Baboo (06:03):
Okay, and a little bit more about what the problem
is and how you solve it.
Okay, how I came into thisfield was because when I was 22
years old, I was in university,I studied to be a doctor and I
was a bodybuilder.
I was in the best shape of mylife so I thought I had it all.
I knew what I was going to dowith my life.
The world was my oyster.
Except the world didn't give mepearls.
(06:25):
It gave me arthritis.
So I ended up with arthritis inevery single joint in my body.
So, to give you an idea, therewere nights where I would sip my
dinner through a straw becausemy jaw was so swollen and
painful.
So it was every joint.
Jami Carlacio (06:41):
Wow.
Shiraz Baboo (06:42):
Yeah, and you know , and I did what people would do
.
I tried medication, didn't work.
I tried supplements, I trieddiet.
That didn't work.
I started trying things likeyoga, meditation, acupuncture.
Nothing worked and, like peoplemay not have gone through that
(07:06):
kind of physical pain like I did, but if you've had that plan
for your life, you thinkeverything's set, you know what
you're going to do, and thensuddenly that's all ripped out
from under you, you, you knowwhat I experienced in that time
Sounds like you hit a realbottom too it sounds like you
hit a real bottom too.
Oh yeah, I was depressed, I wasangry, I felt hopeless.
(07:29):
At times, the questions arecoming up why did this happen to
me, what did I do to deservethis?
And, of course, what am Isupposed to do now?
I eventually changed careers tocomputers because I could sit,
not have to move around a lot,because that always caused pain.
And I continued with my lifestill searching for a way to get
(07:51):
out of this, but it wasn'tuntil 18 years of this had
passed by 18 years of misery andsuffering.
And yeah, and by that point Iwas walking, I was was about 40
years old and I was walking likeI was 70, like hunched over and
just shuffling along, and anduh, I talked to my father and I
(08:14):
said, is there anything that wehaven't tried yet or something
new that's come up?
And he said, well, I've justheard recently about a program
over in india, combined therapyand I'm like what the hell is
that?
He goes.
I'm not sure what they do, butthey've had success with
multiple illnesses.
I'm like what do you mean?
Multiple illnesses Like cancer,diabetes, arthritis?
(08:35):
Like why aren't they being liketouted worldwide?
Like that makes no sense ifthey're curing everything?
He goes.
I don't know.
I just I've heard about, heardabout it.
It comes highly recommended.
So I jump on a plane and I headover to india wow and I met with
this guy and I figured it'sindia, it's probably going to be
some sort of reiki energyhealing kind of thing and, and
(08:58):
you know I was open to that.
I was like open to anything atthis point it's not working and
all he did was talk to me forlike about two weeks and it was
almost like being with apsychiatrist.
He wasn't trying to solveanything, he was just gathering
all this information on my life.
And after the two weeks he saysShiraz, you believe you're
(09:19):
responsible for everyone in yourlife.
Like no, I don't.
That's ridiculous.
And he said oh, I know youdon't think you do, but from
everything you've told me, youcreated this belief that you
need to be responsible foreveryone else, and you did when
you were about eight years old.
Jami Carlacio (09:37):
Kind of sounds codependent.
Shiraz Baboo (09:40):
It does, except the other people didn't realize
that I was responsible for them.
Jami Carlacio (09:46):
Yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (09:47):
One-sided.
So if my friends weren't doingwell, I felt responsible and I
should be the one to come in andsave them and fix them.
Jami Carlacio (09:54):
Wow.
Shiraz Baboo (09:55):
Right Any one of my family.
If they're struggling, I had tobe the one to save them.
And so that was the belief.
I didn't think I had it.
He seemed to think I had it andso I said even if I have it,
what does that have to do witharthritis?
There's no connection.
That's, you know, feelingresponsible.
(10:17):
This is illness.
And he said oh, you don't wantto be responsible for everyone.
I said, of course.
I said and if you're lying inbed in pain, you don't want to
be responsible for everyone?
I said, of course.
I said and if you're lying inbed in pain, you don't have to
be responsible for anyone andyou don't have to feel guilty
about it.
When people see you struggle toget through your days, they're
not going to ask you to takecare of them.
Your arthritis isn't yourproblem, it's your solution.
Jami Carlacio (10:41):
Say more.
Say more because right now I'mdealing with sciatica and it's
real physical pain, but I knowthere's something mental going
on with me.
Shiraz Baboo (10:51):
There's always something, because it's all
about emotions.
So when he said that, first ofall I thought well, that's
completely messed up.
Why would I do that to myself?
Jami Carlacio (11:03):
Right, Exactly.
Shiraz Baboo (11:04):
And he said but that's what most chronic
illnesses are.
They're solutions for problemspeople don't realize they have.
And so I said okay, if whatyou're saying is true, then all
I have to do is say I'm notgoing to be responsible for
anyone else and the arthritisshould just go away.
I'm not really believing this,but I'm just going through the
(11:25):
logic.
And he said yes, if youactually believe it deep down
that you don't need to beresponsible for anyone else, you
don't need the arthritis.
So I said okay, I'm not goingto be responsible for anyone,
except for me.
When I woke up the next morning, there was no pain, there was
(11:50):
no inflammation, I had moremobility and I could even
breathe easier.
Jami Carlacio (11:57):
And so I have a question, because you went to
bed one night and said, allright, I'm not going to be
responsible.
But that requires a major shiftin thinking.
Shiraz Baboo (12:10):
Yeah.
Jami Carlacio (12:11):
So how did you accomplish that really major
shift in thinking?
And then I still I need someclarification, and maybe others
will too.
How does your arthritis presentthe solution?
Shiraz Baboo (12:28):
Because if I can't take care of people, I feel
guilty and your mind avoidsemotional distress.
Jami Carlacio (12:40):
Okay.
Shiraz Baboo (12:40):
It does not care about physical circumstances, so
it will do anything it can toget you out of emotional
distress, including kill you.
Jami Carlacio (12:50):
Yes.
Shiraz Baboo (12:51):
Right, so in this case we're talking about illness
.
Yeah, if I'm sick in bed, Ihave a legitimate excuse as to
why I can't help people, sothere's no way I can feel guilty
.
Jami Carlacio (13:03):
Ah, yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (13:06):
So that was escaping the emotional distress.
Jami Carlacio (13:09):
I love it.
I love it.
Shiraz Baboo (13:11):
As far as that shift in will, I've always been
a person that's like on logic,because what I do now is very,
very spiritual.
But yeah when he said A equalsB, then I'm like, oh well, then
I just have to do this toeliminate that.
And in my mind it's like okay,stop being responsible, just be
(13:32):
clear on that.
You're not going to beresponsible for anyone.
If he's right, yours alreadyshould go away.
Now in my mind I'm thinking ifhe's right and I do this, then
over the course of the next fewmonths or years, everything will
just slowly go away and I'llend up back where I started.
Not oh, you know what Nextmorning we're done.
Now, to be clear, the damagedone to my body was still there.
(13:56):
The arthritis itself justdisappeared.
The arthritis itself justdisappeared, right, and that's
an important thing, becausesometimes we get miracles and
sometimes we have to go on ajourney.
Yes, getting rid of thearthritis was the miracle.
Repairing my body is a journey.
(14:18):
It's a journey I'm still on,but I'm getting more and more
mobility as the years go by.
So that's the thing, and I'mwilling to go through that
journey, however long it takes.
If you keep looking for themiracles, you don't tend to get
them.
If you're willing to go on thejourney, the miracles drop along
(14:39):
the way.
Jami Carlacio (14:41):
Yes, that makes complete sense.
A lot of people just want toget to wherever that is some
chimerical, fantabulous place,and they don't want to have to
go from A to Z.
They don't want to have to kindof go through the Monopoly
board and hit all the properties.
Yeah, exactly monopoly board andhit all the properties.
(15:02):
Yeah, exactly, you know, and Iagree, I'm a Reiki master and so
when I take people on a Reikimeditation journey, we spend
time on the journey and then Iactually have the light, take
them on the journey and thewhole point of it is the journey
(15:26):
.
It isn't getting anywhere.
We're not going anywhere.
We're not going to have a potof gold at the end of any
rainbow, we're just going to goon a journey and when they come
back they are completelydifferent people, at least for
that time being.
Shiraz Baboo (15:39):
Yep, and that is getting to.
The next point is addiction.
So oftentimes people will do ajourney like that and they'll
come back and they'll betransformed.
Jami Carlacio (15:53):
Yes.
Shiraz Baboo (15:55):
If they don't allow for the fact that your
body has been addicted to adifferent state physically
addicted then what happens witha lot of people is they slide
back to the original state.
Jami Carlacio (16:08):
The body is looking for that homeostasis,
right.
It wants to go back like wait aminute, this doesn't feel right
.
This is different.
Let me go back to that thing,even if that thing is bad.
Shiraz Baboo (16:19):
Yeah, even if it sucks, I'm used to it.
Let's just keep going.
And when you get that your bodywants to be addicted to
something, right, then that'swhen things really change.
Like, well, I guess the firstthing is realize that you are
addicted.
Number two is realize that itwants to be addicted.
Because what a lot of people dois they try to get rid of the
addiction.
And if you get rid of theaddiction, your body's like well
(16:42):
then, what else?
Well, I need a fix.
Where's I'm?
Jami Carlacio (16:44):
going to get my fix.
Shiraz Baboo (16:45):
If you say I'm going to replace this addiction
with this addiction, then yourbody can get a different fix.
Jami Carlacio (16:52):
Right.
Shiraz Baboo (16:53):
Right.
So, for instance, one of theaddictions I used to have was
feeling so good after I'veworked really hard to accomplish
something.
It's like, look, I stayed upall night doing that.
I felt good.
Look how you know what I'mwilling to go through, what I'm
willing to put myself through toreally accomplish a lot, and
(17:14):
that was a fix.
And so I would be working longnights I'd be doing even though
it wasn't too long ago, just afew years ago I would do
something called last Mondays.
Last Mondays, I would do aseries of webinars, starting at
9am, finishing at 11pm.
Jami Carlacio (17:26):
Oh, that's a long day.
Shiraz Baboo (17:29):
I felt good at the end of that day.
I was like, look what I did.
I did it was like sevendifferent webinars through the
day, right and gave all sorts ofvalue.
And now I'm like I only did itonce a month, thank God, the
last Monday of the month.
But after a year of that I wasjust like I'm exhausted.
So I decided to change my fixto wow, I barely had to put any
(17:52):
effort into that and it came outgreat.
Jami Carlacio (17:55):
Yes, that's what we were talking about.
Right Is changing what it is.
That is your fix.
Like, uh, tell this story aboutthe guy that you helped, the
client who was yeah, the problemsolver.
You know we look for problemsand so our our, you know our,
(18:15):
our lizard brain says up, got tocheck for danger everywhere,
got to check for danger.
And then we invent problemsjust so we can solve them.
Shiraz Baboo (18:23):
Yeah, because if you identify as a problem solver
, if you take pride in being aproblem solver, then what you're
basically saying is my value inthis world comes from solving
problems.
Right, and if you want to feelmore valuable, you have to keep
creating more and or biggerproblems to solve.
(18:44):
So he had problems going onevery single day and he was just
so done with it.
He's like every day there'ssomething that comes up, problem
after problem after problem.
He's like I'm used to it atwork, but it's in my personal
life At work, it's my whole jobof solving problems.
And so then we found out hesees himself as a problem solver
.
I got him to get to a differentstate, in that your value
(19:07):
doesn't come from problemsolving.
You just have value, andsolving problems is one way you
can express it, but it's notwhat gives you value.
Jami Carlacio (19:18):
A lot of people do not believe they have
inherent value, and so I thinkwe're a society of doers,
because we keep thinking if I dothat thing, I'll have value.
If I'm that perfect person,I'll have value.
If I have to solve people'sproblems, or if I have to take
(19:39):
care of everyone, then I'll havevalue.
I used to think that my valuecame from outside of me, and I
had a shift about two and a halfyears ago, and it changed
everything for me when I finallyfigured out that my value
didn't come from outside ofdoing things.
Shiraz Baboo (19:57):
I'm so happy for you.
Jami Carlacio (20:00):
It took a minute.
I'm not a spring chicken, butbetter late than never.
Shiraz Baboo (20:06):
Yes, absolutely.
And this thing, this is what weget taught by our parents, and
I find it fascinating becausewhen we're babies, our parents
see all our value.
We feel the value.
You can feel the value comingoff a newborn baby.
It's like oh, oh, my god,there's so much potential in
this child, there's so muchvalue.
I hope this child goes on to doamazing things.
And then you're like teenagersand it's like why don't you go
(20:28):
make something of yourself?
Jami Carlacio (20:31):
I have a teenager and I'm thinking, oh dear, have
I ruined him for life?
Shiraz Baboo (20:35):
so if you start teaching your, your children,
that they inherently have valuethey just have to find ways to
express it You're going to havea different outlook on yeah
Right and so the?
The trick is getting to thatspace of knowing you have value
without getting to a place ofentitlement.
Well, I have value, you shouldhave.
(20:55):
Everything should just be doneWell there's that too.
Jami Carlacio (20:59):
That that's that is.
Well, there's that too, that'sthe other side of that, isn't it
?
Shiraz Baboo (21:11):
Because the entitlement, just because you
have inherent value, doesn'tentitle you to things
no-transcript.
People that are truly in touchwith their value will find that
other people will pay to be inthe room with them yeah because
they see them right.
So this, this client I had, wegot him to stop having problems.
(21:35):
And uh, and we, we checked withhim next day, no problems
whatsoever.
He's like, oh my god, this islike a whole new world.
This is great, thank you much.
And I let him run away and godo his thing.
And three weeks later he callsme up and he goes I had a
problem today.
I'm like, why do you sound sohappy about it?
(21:55):
And he said, well, the firstweek of no problems was amazing.
I had no problems.
It's a whole brand newexperience.
I was just loving it.
The second week there was likeanxieties coming up.
It's like, well, when's theshoe going to drop?
Like, yeah, it's been over aweek now, there must be
something coming up.
And so this week it's just beenfull on what the hell?
And so finally a problemdropped and I got to solve it
(22:17):
and I felt amazing and I saidyou're describing withdrawal.
Jami Carlacio (22:21):
Yes, I was just going there with that.
I was just thinking this iswithdrawal.
Yeah, yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (22:27):
So he had been addicted to solving problems.
Whenever he solved the problem,he got a hit of dopamine in his
system.
His body is now three weekswithout that dopamine hit.
It's a full on withdrawal so heneeded to create a problem so
he could get his chemical fix.
It was a physical addiction.
Jami Carlacio (22:44):
Right, and that's that homeostasis.
The body got used to all ofthat dopamine and then it needs
it, it needs it, it needs ityeah.
Shiraz Baboo (22:53):
And the thing is, a lot of people don't realize
that they are doing this.
You're in addiction to yourstruggle.
You're not actually addicted tothe struggle itself.
You're addicted to the feelingsthat come along with that
struggle.
Look how hard I'm working.
Or some people, it's thecompassion they get from other
people.
So you're hanging out with Fredand Fred says I see how hard
(23:14):
you've been working.
I wish you had more success.
Keep going, It'll come throughfor you.
And that feels amazing.
Fred loves you.
But if you suddenly have thisbreakthrough and have the
success, Fred's not going to saythat to you anymore.
You're going to lose thatsource of love.
Jami Carlacio (23:28):
Yes.
Shiraz Baboo (23:29):
Right.
Jami Carlacio (23:29):
So then you continue to perpetuate struggles
so that Fred and Nancy and Joethey're all like oh my God, keep
going, keep working hard, we'rehere to support you.
Yeah, so I think I recallsaying this to you earlier in
our conversation before that inadult children of alcoholics
they call that the inner drugstore, and so we are addicted to
(23:51):
a particular emotion.
Shiraz Baboo (23:53):
Yes.
Jami Carlacio (23:54):
And that could be shame, it could be guilt, it
could be, you know, whatever.
It is pity anger, pity anger.
And so we will do,unconsciously, we will do the
thing that gives us the hit toget that emotion.
Because we are so addicted toit, because we've had it for so
(24:15):
long, our body thinks that'snormal.
He's addicted to receivingthose feelings of compassion for
people or something.
Shiraz Baboo (24:25):
Yeah.
And once people get this, thenyou can treat your behaviors and
you can treat your reality in acompletely different way.
Because how you look at it, andif you're starting to start to
see success in your life andthen it starts to drop off,
instead of saying what am Idoing wrong, what am I
(24:47):
forgetting, what am I missing,why am I not getting clients, or
whatever, you're like, oh, am Iin withdrawal?
And if you're in withdrawal,then you do whatever you did to
get out of it and get out of itagain.
So then, instead of going yo-yoin your results, you'll start
to go up, start to come down,catch yourself in withdrawal and
continue to go up.
Catch yourself in withdrawal,continue to go up.
Start to come down, catchyourself in withdrawal and
continue to go up.
Catch yourself in withdrawaland continue to go up, and that
creates an amazing life.
(25:08):
And if you continue to do thislong enough, then you get
addicted to the continualincrease in success and
happiness and everything else.
Jami Carlacio (25:15):
Right, right, I'm thinking about people who feel
depressed and people who havebeen diagnosed, say, with
clinical depression or adifferent mental illness.
But I'm thinking depressionbecause when you're depressed it
is very hard to thinkpositively, it is hard to think
things will be different, it'shard to think you're worthy and
(25:37):
it is hard to work with peopleand tell them that this is your
depression talking and it's notactually true.
It's just what your brain istelling you and you don't have
to believe that.
And I've been talking to peopleabout these neural pathways
because when you were talkingabout the withdrawal and stop,
(26:00):
it's the same thing with ourthinking, right, if we can learn
to recognize when we'rethinking a certain way that's
leading to a behavior or a hitor whatever, and we can say, oh,
oh, stop, stop, and I think ofit as heading something off at
the pass.
So if you've got differentneural pathways in your brain
(26:23):
and the well-traveled one is theone with the addiction and all
of the negative consequences ofthat addiction, we have to be
able to rethink everything.
And that's where positiveintelligence and emotional
intelligence comes in, becauseit is all about really reframing
(26:43):
your reality.
Shiraz Baboo (26:46):
It is.
And one thing, just becauseyou're talking about depression,
an interesting story with mybook how to Rewrite Reality is
one of my friends gave it to hisson who had been depressed for
three years and he came out ofthe depression after reading the
book.
Jami Carlacio (27:04):
Wow.
Shiraz Baboo (27:05):
And I told that story to another friend of mine
and she's like I, have a sonthat's depressed.
So she gave the book to him andhe came out of depression.
Jami Carlacio (27:12):
Okay, All right Well.
Shiraz Baboo (27:13):
I'm going to be buying that for my son, so so
how did?
Jami Carlacio (27:18):
so how long did it take you to write this book?
Three months, okay.
So it really you to write thisbook.
Shiraz Baboo (27:22):
Three months.
Jami Carlacio (27:24):
Okay, so it really almost wrote itself.
Huh, because that's not a verylong time.
It took me a long time to writethe last one I wrote.
Shiraz Baboo (27:31):
Okay, so here's how you write a book quickly.
You tell people what date it'sgoing to be on.
Jami Carlacio (27:37):
I know, yeah, yeah, and you've got no choice,
right yeah?
Shiraz Baboo (27:42):
Yeah, so, yeah, so , yeah.
So I put that announcementbecause I had a book writing
coach and he's just like get thecover designed, Put the cover
out on Facebook and Instagramand stuff and say coming and put
the date, and now you'recommitted.
Jami Carlacio (27:57):
Yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (27:58):
And I went further .
I actually created a workshoparound the book.
Jami Carlacio (28:02):
Oh, that's great, I actually created a workshop
around the book.
Shiraz Baboo (28:04):
Oh, that's great the workshop.
You'll get a copy of the bookand I didn't actually have the
book ready by the end of theworkshop.
I had two thirds of the bookwritten.
And the last third was justpoints.
So what I ended up doing was Iwas teaching from the book on
the first two days of three dayworkshop and the last day I was
teaching from the points I'd hadwritten for the book and I had
(28:26):
it recording and I did voice totext.
Oh, that's perfect.
A third of the book was writtenin one day, thanks to me having
a workshop.
So now I do a book, I'm justgoing to do a workshop and just
voice to text the whole workshop.
Jami Carlacio (28:41):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Text the whole workshop yeah,yeah, absolutely.
And then you need a good editorto smooth out all the kinks in
the way that we talk and havedifferent verbal tics and
everything.
But that sounds great.
I like that.
Yeah, I think you're right,though, with the book that I did
.
I'm an academic writer, so mybook is on Black Women in
(29:05):
History and I did talk about thebook a lot and I was determined
not to quit even when thingsgot in the way.
But because I kept saying Ihave this book, I have this book
, there's this book, it's goingto get written, and I just kept
going on it.
It did get, it did get finished, but it took more than three
(29:27):
months.
It was like a five-year project.
Shiraz Baboo (29:30):
Sometimes it takes that long.
I've got some books that are indevelopment They've been,
they've been, I've worked onthem for years and other books I
just knock them off.
I did a young adult fantasynovel that took about three
months and that fantasy novelthat took about three months and
that was 108 000 words.
Oh, that's a lot.
Yeah, I would go to work, uh,work eight to ten hours a day,
(29:51):
come home and write for sixhours, except on the weekends
where I wrote for 12 hours oh,oh, I'm tired just thinking of
that but it was.
It was a passion project, like Ienjoyed writing it, and so it
was just I couldn't wait to gethome from work to keep writing.
Jami Carlacio (30:09):
Yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (30:10):
And luckily I had a group of friends and I said
I'm going to give you chaptersevery week.
Give me feedback on thechapters and be honest, because
if you say it's great and I putthis book out in the world and
they say it sucks, I'm comingafter you.
Jami Carlacio (30:23):
That's right.
Shiraz Baboo (30:29):
But I was getting such great feedback that that
again was a fix I wanted myfeedback from them every week,
and so then, three months later,it's done.
Jami Carlacio (30:36):
Yeah, all right, I have a memoir in my head and I
guess I need to start gettingmy fix, which is I've already
designed the cover of the memoir, I have the title and I have
even got the chapters in my head.
I just haven't sat down to putwords to paper.
But I think I should take someadvice here and just speak it.
Shiraz Baboo (30:57):
Yep.
Jami Carlacio (30:58):
And then I can edit it later.
Shiraz Baboo (31:00):
Yep, and if you've got people that are willing to
review it, tell them I'm'm goingto put out a chapter or two
chapters each week and can youreview it for me.
And then now you've gotaccountability, you've got your
feedback, you're creating yourown addiction to writing the
book.
Right, if we know we're goingto get addicted, we might as
well use it positively.
Jami Carlacio (31:18):
Yeah, exactly.
And so, yeah, our brains arealways going to be looking for
something, so why not teach itto look for something good?
Shiraz Baboo (31:27):
Yes, exactly.
Jami Carlacio (31:28):
And you know again, with substances whether
it's heroin or pot or alcohol orbenzos or methamphetamine,
whatever we've trained ourbrains to think that's good for
it, even when our body suffersand our life suffers and we lose
things.
But our brain doesn't know that.
Our brain says but I want thisthing because I'm used to having
(31:51):
it, so teach it that it canhave something good.
Shiraz Baboo (31:55):
Yeah, it can have something better.
Jami Carlacio (31:57):
Yeah, way better, yeah.
And again I go back to thatinner drugstore and I remember
picking fights with myex-fiancee because I felt good
when he was mad at me.
And that was my hit was back inthe 90s.
(32:26):
So this was a long long timeago, when I was still living
with this inner drug store and Ineeded to feel bad to feel good
.
But I don't do that anymore.
I don't pick fights to feelgood, trying not to pick fights,
yeah, but it's a reallyimportant point.
And so now it sounds importantpoint, and so now it sounds the
way you describe.
It sounds easy, is it easy?
Shiraz Baboo (32:55):
It's simple.
Okay, it's not necessarily easy, so that's, that's the big
difference.
The secret to life isincredibly simple, but if it was
easy, everyone would haveeverything they want.
Jami Carlacio (33:00):
Yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (33:01):
Right, so you have .
Like we talked about earlier,you have to be prepared to go on
the journey.
Jami Carlacio (33:05):
Yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (33:08):
It takes 21 days to build a habit.
Jami Carlacio (33:12):
Okay.
Shiraz Baboo (33:13):
It takes six months to get into a full-on
addiction or get out of afull-on addiction, and it takes
I think it's 10 years for it tobecome what we call
institutionalized, in which it'salmost impossible to shift.
Jami Carlacio (33:28):
Okay.
Shiraz Baboo (33:29):
Right.
So and this is the thing, Ihave a program.
It's a year-long program andfor the most part, people have
shifts and get into newaddictions during the program
better addictions.
However, the ones that struggletypically try to get out of the
program at month six, just whenthat thing is about to lock in.
For the new thing, they'retrying to go back to the old way
, and so they'll have an excuselike I suddenly don't have any
(33:53):
money and I can't make payments,or I got sick, or I'm having
problems with the family, so Ican't keep attending the events
and whatever it is to get outand go back to the old addiction
, their bodies freak out.
And like I said, it's not a lotof them, but when they do, it's
always around that six-monthmark right when the addiction is
going to be replaced.
Jami Carlacio (34:16):
Wow, yeah, that's really important information
because a lot of people you hearthis phrase don't quit before
the miracle happens.
And I think a lot of times weget tired and you can kind of
see the finish line is there.
But oh man, getting to thatlast 100 yards sometimes can
(34:38):
feel so hard.
But that doesn't mean we haveto sprint.
You know, you can still getacross the line.
You just don't necessarily haveto sprint.
I think we're often hard onourselves as human beings, you
know we so much.
Yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (34:58):
It's, it's funny, the inner dialogue we have with
ourselves.
And one of the things I say isis would you ever talk to a
two-year-old the way you talk toyourself?
Jami Carlacio (35:08):
Yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (35:09):
And they're like oh, hell, no.
And I'm like well, why don'tyou talk to yourself like you
talk to a two-year-old?
Be encouraging, be loving, havethat dialogue with yourself.
Jami Carlacio (35:19):
Yeah, yeah, exactly yeah.
I tell people.
I say, would you talk to yourbest friend that way?
And the answer is always no.
I want to say well then, youneed to treat yourself like you
would treat your best friend.
Shiraz Baboo (35:34):
Yeah.
Jami Carlacio (35:36):
Yeah, and I think this world is kind of sick
right now, but I refuse tobelieve that all is lost.
In other words, I believe inmiracles and I'm not even sure
they're really miracles.
They just seem like miraclesbecause we've decided that
they're so far-fetched that wecan't even believe it's going to
(35:58):
happen.
Shiraz Baboo (36:01):
But I mean, I believe in miracles because I
see them happen every single day, and so a miracle is basically
when you set an intention and,without any real effort on your
part, it just manifests intoyour life.
Jami Carlacio (36:14):
Yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (36:15):
And so you could have miracles on a small stegale
.
Or even just setting thatintention for a better world,
you start to see it manifestaround you.
Jami Carlacio (36:24):
You know, we have those magnifying minds, yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (36:26):
Right, we those magnifying minds.
Jami Carlacio (36:27):
Yeah Right, we have magnifying minds.
So if you look for problems,that's what you see.
If you look for solutions,that's what you see.
Yes, and that's why you know alot of people quit reading the
paper or watching the newsbecause they're fed a diet of
disaster and bad news andtragedy, and it's enough to put
(36:52):
anybody in the bed and not wantto come out.
Shiraz Baboo (36:56):
The crazy thing is they actually came out with
good news stations.
Jami Carlacio (37:02):
I know they did, but are they?
How popular are they?
Shiraz Baboo (37:05):
They're not popular because people are
looking for the drama.
Jami Carlacio (37:09):
Exactly, exactly, I know, and and so bad news and
danger cells.
I used to teach a course on themedia and a course called.
It was like media and democracyin the digital age, and one of
the things, uh, one of the unitsI taught was called the Culture
of Fear, and this wonderfulsociologist, barry Glasser,
(37:32):
wrote this book called theCulture of Fear, and the first
chapter is all about how themedia sells us a steady diet of
fear, sells us, feeds us, and weconsume the fear and then we
feel like we need moreinformation because I'm afraid.
So I need to know more.
(37:52):
I need to know more.
I mean, even just withHurricane Milton, for example,
or any kind of natural disaster,you have somebody outside in
the war zone reporting on thewar zone and 10 minutes later
they're giving you anotherreport, as if something major
has shifted.
But it's constant, it'sconstant, it's constant and it's
(38:15):
crazy.
Shiraz Baboo (38:16):
It's crazy making so I think what might work and I
don't know if they've triedthis yet is if they do stories
that are nerve wracking, thatare scary, that are all these
things that make you feel theseemotions, but have happy endings
.
Jami Carlacio (38:32):
Yeah Well, we like those for sure.
Shiraz Baboo (38:35):
I mean, that's the plot of every Hallmark movie.
Jami Carlacio (38:38):
Yeah, but that is something.
Shiraz Baboo (38:43):
if there were new stories that fit that formula,
that would be a popular newsstation, because then they get
their hit, but then they alsoget their oh, it turned out
great, and they feel goodafterwards.
Jami Carlacio (38:54):
Yeah, I think that's why we like those
judicial shows, because we getthe crime is here and then the
detectives are on it and theyget the bad guy and everyone
feels better because somebodygot arrested, somebody got
justice.
We like those things, yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (39:16):
Maybe someone will come out with that news station
sometime.
Jami Carlacio (39:18):
Yes, yeah, well, it's so great, just so you know.
First of all, please like andsubscribe this podcast, because
when you do, more people see itand you can see more people like
Shiraz on this show and I bringin guests that I try to bring
that value to people, becausepeople like you are what changes
the world.
(39:39):
You know you are a change maker.
You know one person at a timeand I'll make sure your book is
in the show notes and any otherthings that we should know about
you before we sign off andinvite the cars into the studio.
Shiraz Baboo (39:57):
Well, not necessarily know about me, but
for yourself, be the happiestperson in the room.
Jami Carlacio (40:03):
Yeah.
Shiraz Baboo (40:04):
Yeah, see how that affects your life.
Jami Carlacio (40:06):
Exactly, yeah, because we are magnets.
What do you want to attract?
Yeah, there's a person namedelvira hopper and she calls
herself a miracle magnet, butshe was a crap magnet before her
words, her words, and, and soshe completely shifted her life
(40:28):
around.
Oh, that's yeah, I see yourposts on Facebook.
Shiraz Baboo (40:32):
She's doing so well.
I'm I'm so happy for her rightnow.
Jami Carlacio (40:35):
Yep, yep, she is, and and she glows.
Shiraz Baboo (40:38):
Yes, she does Absolutely.
Jami Carlacio (40:40):
Yeah, she does, so, yeah, so let's, let's bring
the cars in and talk about magic, all right.
Shiraz Baboo (40:50):
Thank you so much for having me on the show.
Jami Carlacio (40:52):
Thank you, thank you so much.
Oh, it's magic when I'm withyou.
Oh, it's magic.
Oh it's magic.
Oh, you know magic, you knowit's true and that is our show.
Thank you so much, shiraz, andwe'll see you at the PQ Gym.
(41:17):
That's the place where youstart learning to reroute your
neural pathways and build youremotional intelligence muscle.
Take care everybody.
Bye.
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