April 24, 2025 • 12 mins
In this episode, I explore what's truly holding us back from speaking with confidence and introduce a powerful alternative to "executive presence" that can transform how we show up in our most important moments.
What You'll Learn:
- The shocking data: 88-90% of professionals struggle speaking in high-pressure situations
- Why physical and psychological distractions during communication aren't personal failings
- How "executive presence" actually makes us less present and less confident
- The three components of Empathetic Presence: embodied confidence, harnessed empathy, and owned expertise
I've spent a decade collecting data from corporate workshops across nearly every industry, and the pattern is clear: dominant, disconnected leadership isn't helping people speak up. Even at a recent Google Developers event, only 12% of 500 engineers felt comfortable speaking in front of senior leaders.
Empathetic Presence offers a different path. Instead of overthinking how we're perceived, we can focus on being fully embodied, leveraging our natural empathy as a strength, and owning our unique expertise - even if we're junior or new to our roles.
I'm curious: What do you want to liberate your voice from? And how would you use your voice if you felt fully confident in every setting?
Join me next time as we hear from empathetic leaders who are using their voices for impact.
Want to experience Empathetic Presence in action? Join my free monthly workshop and learn tools to express yourself in every setting. Register here.
00:00 Introduction to Empathetic Presence
00:21 Understanding Speaking Anxiety
00:32 The Importance of Empathy in Leadership
00:52 Challenging Executive Presence
01:22 About the Host: Lee Bonvissuto
01:57 Data on Speaking Confidence
03:36 Physical and Emotional Distractions
05:09 Systemic and Situational Factors
06:27 Rejecting Executive Presence
07:27 Embracing Empathetic Presence
08:47 Harnessing Empathy and Expertise
11:32 Conclusion and Call to Action
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:05):
Welcome back to EmpatheticPresence, a podcast to liberate
our voices.
I'm your host, Lee Bonvissuto,and today I want to know what do
you want to liberate your voicefrom?
Maybe you have speaking anxietythat only shows up in certain
situations.
(00:26):
Maybe you're managing a toxicworkplace.
Maybe you're tired ofoverthinking.
I started this podcast in thisvery scary moment because it's
never been more important for usto uplift leaders who are
leading with inclusion andempathy at the center.
Leaders who prioritize humanityin both the products they build
(00:49):
and the people that they serve.
Today, I wanna give you analternative to executive
presence because when we leadwith ease and empathy, we don't
need executive presence.
Especially in the age of AI, Ibelieve that the one thing
technology will never be able toreplace is our human empathy.
(01:14):
Our ability to connect,communicate, and collaborate
will never be replaced bytechnology.
Before we dive in, I want you toknow a little bit about me.
I'm Lee, and for the past 10years I have helped empathetic
leaders express themselves inevery setting, and particularly
(01:34):
at the executive level, so thatthey can be seen as the experts
they are with more ease and lesseffort.
I do this work to co-createcultures of confidence, cultures
where we can all be heard.
Futures that include all of us,and I care about this deeply as
(01:55):
a trns person.
Over the past 10 years, I'vebeen collecting data and it's
quite remarkable.
This is from the thousands ofpeople I've been honored to
support in corporate teamworkshops and trainings where
people are not pre-selecting tocome and see me, and the data is
really astounding.
(02:16):
Now I have run workshops withsome of the top companies in the
world over the past 10 years,throughout nearly every
industry.
The percentage of people whostruggle to speak with
confidence when they're put onthe spot in high pressure
moments.
I'm talking about moments withsenior leaders in leadership
settings and moments where theyfeel like there's something to
(02:37):
prove.
88 to 90% of people report thatthey struggle speaking off the
cuff when they're put on thespot in those moments.
88 to 90% of people this farexceeds the data around fear of
public speaking, which usuallylands somewhere around the 75%
(02:57):
mark.
Even this past year, I spoke ona stage at Google Developers Dev
Fest in front of 500 engineersand developers, and we did some
live polling at that event, andonly 12% of the room felt
comfortable speaking up in frontof senior leaders.
This just goes to show thatdominant, disconnected
(03:22):
leadership is not helping peoplespeak with more confidence.
It might even be harmful toinnovation.
And so what prevents you fromspeaking up?
Maybe your distractions arephysical, like the palpitations,
that throat constriction, airhunger, where we suddenly start
(03:43):
gasping for air and feeling likewe can't take a deep breath.
Maybe you have sweating orblushing blotchiness.
Maybe your mouth gets dry or youhave a shaky voice.
Maybe the shakiness is in yourhands or limbs.
Maybe you get cold or you haveto run to the bathroom with GI
problems.
Maybe you have a lot of tensionor fidgeting, pacing or
(04:06):
swiveling in your chair, ormaybe you find that your eyes
move rapidly as you search forwhat you want to say.
Maybe your distractions are moreinternal or psychoemotional.
Maybe you lose your train ofthought as you're searching for
what you want to say.
You might have nervous laughteror nervous crying.
(04:27):
That was always something forme.
You might speak fast to try andkeep up with your racing
thoughts.
You might find that your thoughtpattern is very circuitous and
you trail off thinking of whatyou want to say next, or your
tone might get very suggestiveas you second guess yourself.
You might shrink, makingyourself small, filling the
(04:51):
space, apologizing orqualifying, or maybe you find
that you're holding your breathand overthinking, but what if
these distractions andsensations were not a reflection
of your ability to communicate.
What if they were a reflectionof your environment, your
situation?
(05:11):
Maybe only in certain settingsyou say too much or you get
quiet.
Maybe it's in high pressuredmeetings like with senior
leaders where you find thatyou're comparing yourself to
peers or over-indexing facialexpressions.
Maybe it's only in those highpressured moments that you're
over prioritizing how you'reperceived.
(05:32):
Instead of focusing on what youwant to say, maybe you dread
these moments, avoid them, orget really frustrated with
yourself there, and maybe you'rewatching yourself and having
this unconscious thought patternof, am I being clear?
Am I making sense?
Do I seem professional enough?
(05:52):
And I wanna ask you a genuinequestion.
Do you feel confident whenyou're comfortable?
Do you feel good about yourcommunication when you don't
feel like you have to provesomething?
And if you do feel confidentwhen you're comfortable, maybe
it's not your voice that needsto be fixed.
(06:14):
Maybe it's systemic, societal,situational, because in my
experience, I found that when wetry to fix our voices, we lose
ourselves, and this is whyexecutive presence doesn't work.
This is why fake it till youmake it only makes us overthink,
(06:35):
overwork, and over prepare,leading to even more
perfectionism, asking forpermission or focusing on how
we're being perceived.
We have to reject executivepresence.
We have to reject dominantdisconnected leadership because
it doesn't work anyway, which wecan see on the national stage.
(07:01):
In this moment, this can bereally hard when our empathy is
being attacked, when we'reoverthinking because we're being
told that feelings will not helpus in our work settings.
And this can lead to peoplepleasing or over prioritizing
how we're being perceived.
This is why I want you to havean alternative to executive
(07:21):
presence.
Executive presence is adistraction.
It forces us to overthink andbecome less present, which makes
us less confident, and I want torecommend you think about
empathetic presence instead.
Empathetic presence isconnected.
It's intuitive, it's humancentered.
(07:42):
And we get to empatheticpresence by combining three
areas.
The first is embodying ourvoices, embodied confidence, and
this is true presence, notexecutive presence, but full
body focus so that we can thinkon our feet with less anxiety
and more ease.
(08:03):
This is not about how you'reperceived.
I'm talking about actuallyshifting your hormonal
confidence, and what I mean bythat is your ability to actually
feel more comfortable andconfident.
When we feel comfortable, weknow that we have more access to
feel good hormones.
Things like serotonin, whichincreases our trust and comfort.
(08:27):
Testosterone, which increasesour confidence, dopamine, which
increases our ability to feelproductive.
And once we can really embodyour confidence, embody our
voices with full presence, wewant to harness our empathy.
And I'm a student of empathy.
I learn about empathy from myclients who are thinking about
(08:50):
empathy in terms of their users.
I support a lot of productmanagers and user experience
experts.
I'm a student of empathy interms of conflict navigation in
my own personal life.
This is something that does notcome naturally to me, but I am
working on being more aware.
Not just because empathy makesus stronger leaders, but it's
(09:12):
actually a focusing tool.
When we get nervous or we feellike we're under pressure, we
focus on ourselves, and this canlead to perfectionism or getting
really formal or wanting to beseen as an expert.
And if we can focus on empathyinstead, it can actually help us
get out of our own heads andfocus on our audience, focus on
(09:36):
our impact.
Focus on the people we are thereto serve.
It's a focusing tool.
Empathy is our strength if weknow how to leverage it.
And so after we embody ourconfidence and making sure we're
present and we are leveragingour empathy, using empathy as a
tool to engage and connect withour audiences, we want to be
(09:58):
focusing on our expertise.
How we can own our expert andsee ourselves as experts in
every setting we enter.
And even if you're a junior inyour career, you have a unique
expertise.
Even if you're new to yourworkplace, you have a unique
experience that other peopledon't have.
Helping you identify that.
(10:20):
Use it when you introduceyourself, think about it in
terms of your personal brand,but even more so in moments when
you're put on the spot, usingyour unique perspective and
expertise as a filter for how tocontribute in those settings.
It creates more ease andclarity.
And I am learning aboutexpertise from my amazing
clients who are experts inpublic health, disaster
(10:42):
management technology, and ai.
People who have such deepsubject matter expertise that
they have to elevate out of thedetails when communicating at
higher levels.
But this work is bigger.
It's about how can more of ussee ourselves as experts?
How can more of us see ourselvesas leaders, even if we've been
(11:03):
called sensitive or shy?
Even if we have social anxiety,even if we feel super confident
doing the work itself, but weget nervous talking about it.
That is empathetic presence.
Our ability to harness ourexpertise, our empathy, and our
presence to show up and speak upas more fully ourselves in our
(11:27):
most important moments.
And in this podcast, I am soexcited to uplift and amplify
empathetic leaders who are usingtools of empathy inclusion in
order to lead in more futureforward ways.
So how do you wanna use yourvoice right now?
(11:48):
How would you use your voice ifyou felt fully confident
expressing yourself in everysetting?
Would you use your voice toprotect your community, to
advocate for people who arebeing silenced at work and
around you?
Would you use it to fight backagainst racism and other
silencing systems around us?
(12:10):
Would you use it to speak up inyour corporate culture?
I hope that you share thispodcast with others who need to
be heard and don't forget tosubscribe so that you never miss
an episode.
Join us next time as we hearfrom empathetic leaders who are
using their voices for impact.
Welcome back to EmpatheticPresence, a podcast to liberate
our voices.
I'm your host, Lee Bonvissuto,and today I want to know what do
you want to liberate your voicefrom?
Maybe you have speaking anxietythat only shows up in certain
situations.
(00:26):
Maybe you're managing a toxicworkplace.
Maybe you're tired ofoverthinking.
I started this podcast in thisvery scary moment because it's
never been more important for usto uplift leaders who are
leading with inclusion andempathy at the center.
Leaders who prioritize humanityin both the products they build
(00:49):
and the people that they serve.
Today, I wanna give you analternative to executive
presence because when we leadwith ease and empathy, we don't
need executive presence.
Especially in the age of AI, Ibelieve that the one thing
technology will never be able toreplace is our human empathy.
(01:14):
Our ability to connect,communicate, and collaborate
will never be replaced bytechnology.
Before we dive in, I want you toknow a little bit about me.
I'm Lee, and for the past 10years I have helped empathetic
leaders express themselves inevery setting, and particularly
(01:34):
at the executive level, so thatthey can be seen as the experts
they are with more ease and lesseffort.
I do this work to co-createcultures of confidence, cultures
where we can all be heard.
Futures that include all of us,and I care about this deeply as
(01:55):
a trns person.
Over the past 10 years, I'vebeen collecting data and it's
quite remarkable.
This is from the thousands ofpeople I've been honored to
support in corporate teamworkshops and trainings where
people are not pre-selecting tocome and see me, and the data is
really astounding.
(02:16):
Now I have run workshops withsome of the top companies in the
world over the past 10 years,throughout nearly every
industry.
The percentage of people whostruggle to speak with
confidence when they're put onthe spot in high pressure
moments.
I'm talking about moments withsenior leaders in leadership
settings and moments where theyfeel like there's something to
(02:37):
prove.
88 to 90% of people report thatthey struggle speaking off the
cuff when they're put on thespot in those moments.
88 to 90% of people this farexceeds the data around fear of
public speaking, which usuallylands somewhere around the 75%
(02:57):
mark.
Even this past year, I spoke ona stage at Google Developers Dev
Fest in front of 500 engineersand developers, and we did some
live polling at that event, andonly 12% of the room felt
comfortable speaking up in frontof senior leaders.
This just goes to show thatdominant, disconnected
(03:22):
leadership is not helping peoplespeak with more confidence.
It might even be harmful toinnovation.
And so what prevents you fromspeaking up?
Maybe your distractions arephysical, like the palpitations,
that throat constriction, airhunger, where we suddenly start
(03:43):
gasping for air and feeling likewe can't take a deep breath.
Maybe you have sweating orblushing blotchiness.
Maybe your mouth gets dry or youhave a shaky voice.
Maybe the shakiness is in yourhands or limbs.
Maybe you get cold or you haveto run to the bathroom with GI
problems.
Maybe you have a lot of tensionor fidgeting, pacing or
(04:06):
swiveling in your chair, ormaybe you find that your eyes
move rapidly as you search forwhat you want to say.
Maybe your distractions are moreinternal or psychoemotional.
Maybe you lose your train ofthought as you're searching for
what you want to say.
You might have nervous laughteror nervous crying.
(04:27):
That was always something forme.
You might speak fast to try andkeep up with your racing
thoughts.
You might find that your thoughtpattern is very circuitous and
you trail off thinking of whatyou want to say next, or your
tone might get very suggestiveas you second guess yourself.
You might shrink, makingyourself small, filling the
(04:51):
space, apologizing orqualifying, or maybe you find
that you're holding your breathand overthinking, but what if
these distractions andsensations were not a reflection
of your ability to communicate.
What if they were a reflectionof your environment, your
situation?
(05:11):
Maybe only in certain settingsyou say too much or you get
quiet.
Maybe it's in high pressuredmeetings like with senior
leaders where you find thatyou're comparing yourself to
peers or over-indexing facialexpressions.
Maybe it's only in those highpressured moments that you're
over prioritizing how you'reperceived.
(05:32):
Instead of focusing on what youwant to say, maybe you dread
these moments, avoid them, orget really frustrated with
yourself there, and maybe you'rewatching yourself and having
this unconscious thought patternof, am I being clear?
Am I making sense?
Do I seem professional enough?
(05:52):
And I wanna ask you a genuinequestion.
Do you feel confident whenyou're comfortable?
Do you feel good about yourcommunication when you don't
feel like you have to provesomething?
And if you do feel confidentwhen you're comfortable, maybe
it's not your voice that needsto be fixed.
(06:14):
Maybe it's systemic, societal,situational, because in my
experience, I found that when wetry to fix our voices, we lose
ourselves, and this is whyexecutive presence doesn't work.
This is why fake it till youmake it only makes us overthink,
(06:35):
overwork, and over prepare,leading to even more
perfectionism, asking forpermission or focusing on how
we're being perceived.
We have to reject executivepresence.
We have to reject dominantdisconnected leadership because
it doesn't work anyway, which wecan see on the national stage.
(07:01):
In this moment, this can bereally hard when our empathy is
being attacked, when we'reoverthinking because we're being
told that feelings will not helpus in our work settings.
And this can lead to peoplepleasing or over prioritizing
how we're being perceived.
This is why I want you to havean alternative to executive
(07:21):
presence.
Executive presence is adistraction.
It forces us to overthink andbecome less present, which makes
us less confident, and I want torecommend you think about
empathetic presence instead.
Empathetic presence isconnected.
It's intuitive, it's humancentered.
(07:42):
And we get to empatheticpresence by combining three
areas.
The first is embodying ourvoices, embodied confidence, and
this is true presence, notexecutive presence, but full
body focus so that we can thinkon our feet with less anxiety
and more ease.
(08:03):
This is not about how you'reperceived.
I'm talking about actuallyshifting your hormonal
confidence, and what I mean bythat is your ability to actually
feel more comfortable andconfident.
When we feel comfortable, weknow that we have more access to
feel good hormones.
Things like serotonin, whichincreases our trust and comfort.
(08:27):
Testosterone, which increasesour confidence, dopamine, which
increases our ability to feelproductive.
And once we can really embodyour confidence, embody our
voices with full presence, wewant to harness our empathy.
And I'm a student of empathy.
I learn about empathy from myclients who are thinking about
(08:50):
empathy in terms of their users.
I support a lot of productmanagers and user experience
experts.
I'm a student of empathy interms of conflict navigation in
my own personal life.
This is something that does notcome naturally to me, but I am
working on being more aware.
Not just because empathy makesus stronger leaders, but it's
(09:12):
actually a focusing tool.
When we get nervous or we feellike we're under pressure, we
focus on ourselves, and this canlead to perfectionism or getting
really formal or wanting to beseen as an expert.
And if we can focus on empathyinstead, it can actually help us
get out of our own heads andfocus on our audience, focus on
(09:36):
our impact.
Focus on the people we are thereto serve.
It's a focusing tool.
Empathy is our strength if weknow how to leverage it.
And so after we embody ourconfidence and making sure we're
present and we are leveragingour empathy, using empathy as a
tool to engage and connect withour audiences, we want to be
(09:58):
focusing on our expertise.
How we can own our expert andsee ourselves as experts in
every setting we enter.
And even if you're a junior inyour career, you have a unique
expertise.
Even if you're new to yourworkplace, you have a unique
experience that other peopledon't have.
Helping you identify that.
(10:20):
Use it when you introduceyourself, think about it in
terms of your personal brand,but even more so in moments when
you're put on the spot, usingyour unique perspective and
expertise as a filter for how tocontribute in those settings.
It creates more ease andclarity.
And I am learning aboutexpertise from my amazing
clients who are experts inpublic health, disaster
(10:42):
management technology, and ai.
People who have such deepsubject matter expertise that
they have to elevate out of thedetails when communicating at
higher levels.
But this work is bigger.
It's about how can more of ussee ourselves as experts?
How can more of us see ourselvesas leaders, even if we've been
(11:03):
called sensitive or shy?
Even if we have social anxiety,even if we feel super confident
doing the work itself, but weget nervous talking about it.
That is empathetic presence.
Our ability to harness ourexpertise, our empathy, and our
presence to show up and speak upas more fully ourselves in our
(11:27):
most important moments.
And in this podcast, I am soexcited to uplift and amplify
empathetic leaders who are usingtools of empathy inclusion in
order to lead in more futureforward ways.
So how do you wanna use yourvoice right now?
(11:48):
How would you use your voice ifyou felt fully confident
expressing yourself in everysetting?
Would you use your voice toprotect your community, to
advocate for people who arebeing silenced at work and
around you?
Would you use it to fight backagainst racism and other
silencing systems around us?
(12:10):
Would you use it to speak up inyour corporate culture?
I hope that you share thispodcast with others who need to
be heard and don't forget tosubscribe so that you never miss
an episode.
Join us next time as we hearfrom empathetic leaders who are
using their voices for impact.
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