November 3, 2025 • 52 mins
Hi!! I would love to hear from you!
Burnout doesn’t vanish with a long weekend. It lingers in your bones, in the shaky hands before a meeting, in the late-night scroll that steals your sleep. Today, we sit down with RN and board-certified nurse coach Abby Payne to chart a grounded path out of chronic stress, people pleasing, and screen compulsion—one nervous system-friendly step at a time.
Abby’s story runs from critical care through cannabis nursing to trauma-informed coaching, and her biggest unlock was scientific: the endocannabinoid system. Stress and nutrient-poor habits drain it, while breath, sunlight, movement, and mindful nutrition replenish it. That frame turns “self-care” from fluff into physiology. We also unpack people pleasing as the fawn response—a survival strategy that trades authenticity for external safety—and how somatic awareness, from shaking to tight shoulders, can guide us back to regulation and self-trust.
If your phone feels like a slot machine in your pocket, you’ll love Abby’s breakdown of the habit loop—trigger, craving, response, reward—and why willpower alone fails against dopamine economics. She offers practical digital boundaries: automated grayscale at night to mute visual hooks, foolproof blocking apps that put your best self in charge, and a gentle taper plan paired with skills that soothe the root triggers. We go deep on 4-7-8 breathing for vagal tone, targeted meditation as physical therapy for the brain, and science-based hypnosis to update the subconscious stories that keep you stuck.
By the end, you’ll have a clear, humane blueprint to reduce screen time, lower anxiety, and rebuild motivation without perfectionism. It’s not about rejecting tech; it’s about choosing presence over autopilot and worthiness over approval. If you’re ready to reclaim your time and your peace, press play, take a slow exhale, and join us.
Enjoyed this conversation? Follow, share with a friend who needs a digital reset, and leave a quick review—it helps more listeners find the show and choose calm on purpose.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (01:09):
Hello and welcome to Empowered Ease.
I'm Jen Ohlinger, and today'sguest is a healer, a teacher,
and fierce advocate forreclaiming calm in a noisy
world.
Abby Payne.
She's a registered nurse, aboard-certified nurse coach, a
screen time and nervous systemcoach, and a digital detox
(01:32):
expert.
After training and working incritical care during the
pandemic, Abby faced burnout,panic attacks, and a crisis of
purpose.
She transformed that pain into anew column.
She combined her nursing skills,mindfulness to the coaching,
plant-based medicines, andnervous system tools to create a
(01:55):
trauma-informed, heart-centeredsupport for women who feel burnt
out, who are people pleasers,and addicted to screens.
Abby now coaches clients throughnervous system regulation, inner
child healing, and her signaturedigital detox program.
She helps people step into amore authentic and
(02:17):
self-compassionate place wherethey can find their purpose.
She's also a wife, a cat mom, anature lover, and a recovering
people pleaser herself who says,I love my job every day.
Abby, welcome to Empowered Ease.
I am so glad that you are here.
SPEAKER_00 (02:41):
Next thing you know, it's been an hour and you feel
fat and old and ugly.
SPEAKER_01 (02:51):
Welcome, Abby.
I am so excited you are here.
So tell us just like a littlebit about what you do, who you
are, and then we'll just go fromthere.
SPEAKER_00 (03:03):
Okay, that sounds great.
I'm so excited to be here, Jen.
Thanks for having me on.
A little bit of background.
Yeah, like you mentioned in myintro, I've been a nurse for,
I've been a nurse for 10 yearsnow in different, you know,
settings and got really burnedout during the pandemic, like a
lot of nurses, and had like abig, you know, come to Jesus
(03:25):
moment, a big mental breakdownduring the pandemic, and
completely switched gears tobeing a holistic coach.
And that was like three yearsago that I became a coach, and
it's had a lot of changes sincethat.
And it's been an extremelyhealing journey in and of
itself.
I've had to go through a lot ofmy own stuff in order to have
(03:47):
the confidence and thedeservingness and the worthiness
to even be here today and nothave shaking hands.
So, like, even I just always saythat the whole experience of
starting a business and leavingnursing has been so worth it for
the healing I've gotten alone.
Like, even if I never made apenny, which I have, even if I
(04:10):
never made a penny, I'm like,it's worth it.
It's worth it to go through allof this and heal my wounds.
SPEAKER_01 (04:17):
I love that you hit on so many, so many, I think,
relevant things just in thatalone.
Number one, like your specialtyI'm is so like I'm so interested
in.
I think it's like I myself, I'mlike kind of find myself doom
scrolling even when I don'tintend to.
So I love what what like yourperspective and really to learn
a little bit more about what thedamage is.
But I also love our stories arekind of similar, like you know,
(04:40):
critical care nursing, thepandemic, burnout, and also that
like nurse the nurse coachingprogram I went through is what
helped me to like reallyreprioritize, find my purpose,
and create like a healthy levelof what's the word I always
detachment where where I can goto work.
(05:01):
And I also like the other thingthat I wanted to mention that
you just said is people pleasingbecause so many nurses are
people pleasers.
So much to talk about here.
I don't even know where tostart.
But first, I guess maybe let'stalk a little bit about how you
got into this, like a littlemore specifically, like your
story.
SPEAKER_00 (05:20):
Yeah, okay, I'll just dive in.
Yeah, so how I got into this.
I well, the nurse coachingprogram was paid for by my
hospital.
Oh, I love that.
And actually before that, Ialways forget about this, but
before that, I actually took acannabis nurse certification.
SPEAKER_01 (05:42):
Oh, cool.
SPEAKER_00 (05:43):
And it was called the Canny Nurse Program.
It's through Inca, theInternational Nurse Coach
Association, and work paid forthat too.
So I had no reason not to.
I was just to take it back evenfurther.
I was really struggling with mymental health during the
pandemic, and I was drinking alot.
I was watching tons of TV,scrolling on my phone, because
(06:06):
they don't teach nurses how totake care of themselves.
They just throw you in at 19, 20years old into the critical care
and they say good luck.
And so a lot of us becomeaddicts in something: alcohol,
TV, food.
Some kind we try to copesomehow.
And I was kind of trying alldiffer all those things.
(06:28):
And like you were saying beforewe started recording, I was
taking care of alcoholics inwithdrawal and learning that it
doesn't take much to become analcoholic.
Like it's just a slippery slope.
And then during the pandemic,I'm drinking more every night
after a shift, two, three anight, and on weekends.
(06:49):
So I started switching tocannabis because I had heard
from a friend who's also a nursethat it's just more gentle on
your system.
And the risk- You don't have ahangover when you go to work.
You don't have a hangover, itdoesn't impact your liver.
Like, yeah, if you needsomething, it's a little easier.
So I was like, okay.
And I started why using justCBD, right?
(07:11):
And the immediate relief I felt,it felt like the entire weight
of the pandemic and all of mypatience was lifted off my
shoulders.
I started with inhalable CBD.
So that hits your bloodstreamwithin like 10 seconds.
So it was a very immediaterelief.
And I was like, whoa, but mymind still felt very clear.
(07:35):
I could drive, like, I wasn'tintoxicated.
I'm like, what is this?
How does this work?
And then, you know, nerd Abbystarts researching it and
learning that we have an entireendocannabinoid system.
SPEAKER_01 (07:48):
And we're still learning a lot about all the
different cannabinoids, right?
There's like a ton because Iknow there's start like just in
the past couple of years,they're starting to like
separate them and use themindividually, which I think is
so cool.
I'm so excited to learn.
SPEAKER_00 (08:01):
It is so cool.
And that all of the differentreceptors, like we have
receptors on every cell in ourbody for cannabis.
And it's because we make ourown.
We make our own cannabis-likemolecules called
endocannabinoids.
We make several of them.
They're essential for immunity,hunger.
They've done very interestingstudies where they've bred rats
(08:23):
and mice without them, and theydie of like skin sores, lots of
infections.
They don't have any desire toget up and eat.
Like, that's why you get themunchies.
SPEAKER_01 (08:34):
Yeah, well, and also why we use it like that was the
first medical use, wasn't it?
I I believe.
One oh, I know seizures wasanother one.
I don't know which one camefirst, but they use it with in
oncology a lot to help peopleget their appetites.
SPEAKER_00 (08:45):
Yeah, stimulates your appetite.
SPEAKER_01 (08:47):
So the healthcare was very resistant to
introducing cannabis for a longtime.
SPEAKER_00 (08:52):
I think it's so unfortunate because it became
illegal because of politics andracism.
SPEAKER_02 (08:58):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (08:59):
And it was actually used by US physicians for
decades as a tonic.
They made it into a liquidtincture, and it was one of the
number one prescribed for manyailments was cannabis extract.
SPEAKER_01 (09:11):
Along with cocaine.
I love that.
SPEAKER_00 (09:13):
Right.
I'm like, this is plantmedicine.
It's literally a flower.
SPEAKER_01 (09:18):
Yes, I know that's so true.
Well, that's where a lot of ourmedications come from.
They, well, not just plants, buta lot of plants.
Like it's a lot.
SPEAKER_00 (09:26):
Yeah, a lot of plants.
So I started learning aboutthat, and then I took the
cannabis nurse certification,which was three months of deep,
like cellular, molecular level.
How does cannabis work?
Which strains, whichcannabinoids for which disease?
And I loved it.
I learned so much aboutself-care too, because you can
(09:49):
become deficient in your owncannabinoids.
They're made on demand and youneed omega-3s and sixes to
synthesize them.
So if you're deficient in yourdiet, you're gonna be deficient
in your own endocannabinoids,and stress depletes them,
literally uses it up.
It's an anti-stress mechanism.
(10:10):
So if you're really stressed andyou're eating like shit, like I
was, like you're gonna feelreally awful.
SPEAKER_01 (10:15):
Like a lot of nurses are.
SPEAKER_00 (10:17):
Like a lot of Americans are.
Like really stressed.
We don't sleep well, we eatbrown tan foods with no real
nutrients, and we deplete ourendocannabinoids.
Makes us get really sick a lot,impacts immunity, and it's a
really downstream effect.
So I learned a lot aboutcannabis, but then I learned
(10:39):
like actual science-backedself-care.
Because as a nurse, as a human,we're all scientists.
We all like to understand whythings work.
And something about me learningthat there's an actual science
behind self-care really unlockedsomething for me.
It was like it's not justwoo-woo, take a deep breath.
It's like when I do thesethings, I'm increasing my
(11:01):
endocannabinoids.
I'm, you know, I'm basicallydosing myself with THC, but
homemade.
Like this is great.
I'm gonna go, you know, floatdown the lazy river by my house
and and get the sun on me andlike do these things because
there's science behind it.
I really needed that.
So that's kind of where itstarted.
And I tried to do cannabis nurseconsulting, where I was working
(11:25):
with, you know, people with MSor cancer or IBS migraines.
Those are some of the topreasons to use cannabis.
And my imposter syndrome came onreally hard, and I gave up on
it.
SPEAKER_01 (11:41):
I understand that though.
It's so hard to step in light,new lights, and be seen in like
different ways.
Like that's so hard.
SPEAKER_00 (11:48):
I got to the point where I made my LLC and I made a
website and I printed outbrochures and I went to
dispensaries because I was inColorado and I handed them out
to people.
And then Stripe shut down mycredit card processing because I
said cannabis on my website.
Oh I am.
And then my bank was like sentme a letter because they looked
(12:10):
on my website and and there wasa lot of red tape.
And I got scared.
It was like, I don't want tolose my nursing license.
I don't, this is a little toomuch.
I'm not sure that I'm ready tobe, you know, bushwhacking this
specialty.
I got really scared.
So I just completely abandonedit.
But then a couple months later,I get fuzzy on the timeline.
(12:31):
I learned about nurse coaching.
And I started that program andgot that paid for as well by the
hospital.
So I was like, how about I trythis?
Like maybe I just am nervousbecause I don't know how to talk
to people as you know, in aholistic way.
A lot of the clients I wouldwork with, they were smoking
because they were anxious andbecause they were stressed.
(12:53):
And I wanted to learn more ofthe lifestyle medicine because I
knew that that would be thecounter.
So I'm like, oh, I'll do nursecoaching.
And then I fell in love withnurse coaching and realized that
even cannabis can be a band-aid.
A lot of things.
Like you can root.
SPEAKER_01 (13:09):
You can numb with anything healthy, really numb
with working out.
You can overeat too healthy andjust, you know, you can obsess.
Exactly.
SPEAKER_00 (13:17):
Yeah.
I was like, oh, we can getreally to the root of this.
Why do we feel anxious?
Why do we feel insecure?
Why do we feel socially awkward?
Like what it's a deep self-lovedeficit, is what I call it in my
nursing lingo.
And I can't get to the root ofit without only using like
(13:39):
cannabis.
It felt almost like the West hadturned cannabis into another
pharmaceutical.
Like here, just slap this on.
And there's other ways that youknow they don't use it that way,
but a lot of people just wantedthe quick fix.
I was like, I need to take thisother coaching program to really
get to the roots.
So that's what I did.
And yeah, so then since thenI've changed my niche a lot.
(14:04):
At first, I was just amindfulness, wellness coach, and
then I started to really narrowin on the people pleasing.
And it was because I was seeingit in myself.
I'm like, I am so worried aboutmy clients liking me, everybody
liking me, doing a good job, notpissing anybody off, terrified
to be on social media and postmy thoughts.
(14:25):
What if I ruffle feathers?
And I just was really strugglingto be my authentic self and
speak the truth even to myclients.
And I knew that it was holdingme back.
So I started digging into thatbecause I'm a nerd.
And then created a digital, apeople-pleasing group.
And I ran that a couple timescalled Break the People Pleasing
(14:47):
Pattern.
So I specialized in that for alittle bit until my next niche.
But I'll pause there.
We can talk about peoplepleasing maybe a little bit
before I get into it.
Well, no, I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_01 (14:57):
Yeah, I love that.
Well, what about what what doyou think?
What do you think is relevantfor people to know about people
pleasing?
Because I think it's a verycommon, it's kind of ingrained,
it's well programmed into littlegirls.
So most women and a lot of menare people pleasers.
So yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (15:12):
From what I learned about people pleasing, it is a
lack of internal safety.
So we externally source oursafety and our security.
It is a conditioned traumaresponse.
It's the fawn response.
If anyone's familiar with fight,flight, freeze, there's also
fawn, which is I'll do whateveryou say, just love me and keep
(15:37):
me safe.
And that was my childhood traumawas being very afraid of a very
authoritarian mother who wasscary and had her own trauma,
like a ton of trauma.
And they didn't go to therapy,they didn't do that back then.
So it was just passed on.
But then certain industries likenursing, teaching, ingrained and
(15:57):
even more to abandon it.
SPEAKER_01 (15:59):
They take advantage of it if we're being real
honest.
SPEAKER_00 (16:03):
They do, they groom you.
Can become a people pleaser, youknow, in nursing.
You can go into it not a peoplepleaser and come out of it
having a big people pleasingproblem.
And it's a trauma response fromnursing, because you know,
nursing is traumatizing andteaching a lot of those serving
professions, but at the root,it's a lack of internal
(16:24):
self-worth, self-esteem, andinternal safety.
Even if this person doesn't likeme, even if I piss everybody off
by saying this, deep down I loveme and I know that I'm okay, and
I can regulate my nervous systemin the midst of that.
And that's courage.
Courage isn't that you're notafraid, it's that you're willing
(16:46):
to be afraid.
Stand up for what you believein.
And it takes a lot ofresourcing, knowing how to calm
down your nervous system andfeeling hands reference, which I
love because I was like, oh myGod, that's so funny.
SPEAKER_01 (16:59):
I spoke in a meeting of people that were I it's
actually about burnout.
I'm working on like every boardI can about supporting nurses in
burnout at the at the facilityI'm at.
And I was the so much low totempole person, like three levels
below, probably the next personthere.
It was like my boss's boss'sboss and all their bosses.
(17:20):
And I was like, oh my god, myhands were shaking so hard.
But I just love that you saidthat because it's not just that.
That's actually where I feel mymy trauma physically.
Sometimes it comes down my arms,but I loved that you said that
because I immediately were like,How many people can relate with
that feeling?
You know, because that's whereit hits you.
SPEAKER_00 (17:39):
And it's so real.
And I would have like full bodyshaking sometimes, which I've
either learned is like traumatrying to get out.
Like at some point, like ifyou're doing a public speaking
and you're shaking andtrembling, at some point, maybe
you were humiliated on the stageor something happened, and now
you're back in that situationand your body's like, no, no,
(18:02):
no.
Remember when we were kids andthis happened, this is bad.
And you're shaking to try andlike clear that energy.
So I've learned to just like letthe shakes happen.
SPEAKER_01 (18:12):
Yeah, move through it.
Like that's what animals do,right?
They shake it off.
SPEAKER_00 (18:16):
Exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
That's great.
SPEAKER_01 (18:20):
Is there anything you would like?
Well, I guess this is just sogreat.
I think honestly, a lot of thethings you said about people
pleasing are I think a lot ofpeople will connect with.
Cause for me, I didn't think Iwas a people pleaser because I
my anxiety is not typical.
Like, I'm not socially awkward.
I'm not, well, I might beawkward, but I'm not socially
anxious.
You know, like I'm not afraid totalk to anybody.
(18:40):
I never have been.
But my anxiety shows up indifferent ways, and my people
pleasing shows up in differentways.
Like I didn't think I had thiscomplex, but I find myself when
I am around authority figures,I'm like, why am I doing this?
I literally know I don't care.
But the authority like gets me.
It's like I'm back in.
And I had I grew up withchildhood time.
I had a pretty abusive father,like a narcissistic,
(19:01):
self-centered, and definitely,you know, emotionally abusive.
And so yeah, I think that'swhere a lot of mine comes from.
But oh, it's so crazy when ithits you because you think
you're in the I don't know.
I thought I was like doing sogood, and then I'm like, oh God,
no, it's still here.
I have more to go.
SPEAKER_00 (19:18):
Oh, there's more to go.
And the more you start puttingyourself out there and stepping
into leadership, stepping intoyour power, the more that that
conditioning from childhood isgonna scream and say, no, no,
no.
So it's meant to keep you safe.
A people-pleasing pattern formedto keep you safe from punishment
(19:38):
or abuse.
But then as you get older andyou get out of that, like it's
an old operating system thatneeds upgraded and it can be
upgraded.
Like I feel not like a peoplepleaser at all.
Maybe every once in a while,like if I'm around my family or
something, like it'll come up.
But the amount of things thatI've been able to do and not
care what people think, itastounds me.
(20:01):
So I just for anyone out therewho is struggling with people
pleasing or feeling that fawnresponse, it is possible to
recover.
SPEAKER_01 (20:10):
I love that.
That's great advice.
So let's talk some more aboutthis digital, the screen time
and how how it affects us.
Like, teach me.
Because I think everyone isalmost almost everyone is
struggling with this right nowin our world.
SPEAKER_00 (20:25):
Yes, definitely.
So I was doing the peoplepleasing niche for a little
while, and I started to noticein myself and in others that we
were numbing with screens.
And I noticed it a lot formyself, kind of post-pandemic.
I had gotten off of social mediaduring the pandemic because I
(20:46):
was like calling my uncle aracist and I was in the comments
of everything.
Like, people are saying COVIDisn't real.
And I was like, I'm a nice younurse.
It's real, and I was reallystressing me out.
So I was like, I need to justget off of this.
So I logged out of all myaccounts, deleted them off my
phone, and I felt so muchbetter.
And then I started a business,and everybody says, Well, you
(21:09):
need to be on social media.
So I got back on, and at thispoint, TikTok was now on the
scene.
So I got on TikTok and Instagramand YouTube, and I got sucked in
really badly.
I think just having social mediatied to my career felt like I
have to be on here.
I have to check it a lot.
(21:29):
And I was spending like fourhours a day, plus sometimes up
to like six hours, eight hours aday on some kind of platform,
just getting lost.
I get on there to post a littlesomething, and next thing you
know, it's been an hour.
Do that times a day, and you'rein five hours.
I'm like, this is bad, but Ican't just delete it because I
(21:50):
use it for work, and how willpeople know that I exist?
And so I felt this tug to be onit.
It felt like I'm either onsocial media and it completely
takes over my life, or I'm noton it at all and I have no
business platform.
So I really struggled with that.
And a lot of the women in mycircle were struggling with it.
I was part of a women's businessgroup in my old town, and we
(22:14):
would all talk about the samething.
Like, I'm on it all so much, butI have to be for my business.
Like, I know.
So I started looking for, youknow, is there someone out there
that could help me?
Like, is there a coach?
Is there a program?
Is there a course?
Nothing.
The most I could find was anarticle with like 10 ways to
reduce your screen time.
And it was just like plug yourphone in somewhere else.
(22:44):
I can't do that.
And I realized like, I thinkthat this is a public health gap
and a mental health gap.
There aren't enough peoplecovering this, and I think that
it's me.
I think I have to become theexpert for myself.
I love that.
Just for myself.
I'm like, I need to figure thisout for me.
So then I started reading booksabout dopamine and nerd Abby
(23:08):
again at it, just like digginginto it.
And I found a really greatblocking app that is super
customizable and free, andstarted learning how to use that
and had some real success andstarted learning how to create
my own dopamine in my own brainto balance out the dopamine
(23:29):
withdrawal of not being on myscreen as much and learning
about addiction.
So then I uh started reallyreducing my screen time and
found something that reallyworked for me, just like a whole
kind of process.
And then all the women around mewere like, Will you show me how
to do that?
So I started the digital detoxprogram and I ran it live a
(23:50):
couple times.
Now I have a self-guided programthat people can do on their own.
I still do live groups.
I partner with like therapistsand wellness centers to do
groups like partnerships.
So that's kind of how it allstarted.
It's always been me first.
It's always been me figuring outa process for myself for
(24:10):
something I've struggled with,and then bringing it to others
because they struggle with ittoo.
And screen time is a huge topicright now because it's new on
the scene.
We're like 10 years into this.
1015 very new thing that we'retrying to figure out.
SPEAKER_01 (24:25):
Yeah, I love that so much.
So I know you you I love thedopamine talk, and it is like a
buzzword, right?
Dopamine's a buzzword right now,which is great, but explain a
little bit about because there'sdifferent ways like dopamine's
good and dopamine's bad, andthere's quick dopamine, and
there's you know, well,obviously you know more than I
do.
So explain to us a little bitabout like the role of dopamine
(24:48):
and how that plays in well ifyou want into screen time and
all that.
SPEAKER_00 (24:52):
Yeah, I'd love to.
So dopamine, you're right, it isa buzzword, it's thrown around a
lot, but what does it actuallydo in our bodies?
It's responsible for motivationand reward.
It gives you that desire to getup and go for it in the day.
For example, they have bred miceand rats again to not have
(25:13):
dopamine receptors.
And these rats will lay and noteat.
You can put food in their mouthand they'll eat it and swallow
it and seem to enjoy it.
But even if the food is one bodylength away, they won't get up.
So that's them without dopaminereceptors.
And that's what dopamine does.
It gives you that desire to gofor something.
(25:36):
And then when you get the food,it's that sense of reward.
Like I did a good job, I huntedfor my meal and I got it.
And now I feel really good aboutmyself.
And that's the whole motivationreward.
So when it comes to screens,there's kind of this habit loop
that we create.
There's four steps to it: there's trigger, craving, (25:54):
undefined
response, and reward.
So the trigger can be anythinglike pulling into your driveway
after work.
You just want to scroll.
Maybe you've created a habitthat there.
So trigger could be an emotionaltrigger.
It could be, I'm reallystressed, I'm really
overwhelmed.
And that trigger creates acraving to escape those
(26:17):
feelings.
And then the response is to pullout your phone because it's been
engineered to be reallyaddictive and release a lot of
dopamine.
Dopamine is also released withalcohol, pornography, sex, and
food.
So all of the addictive thingsare secreting a bunch of
dopamine because it feels reallygood.
(26:38):
So we create, we get thesetriggers and then a little
craving.
I want to scroll on my phone.
And then we pull it out and weget flooded with dopamine, the
short form content, theemotional hooks that people use,
and the bright colors and thenovelty.
You never know what you're gonnafind, you're gonna find what is
out there, what cat video awaitsme, and like that novelty is
(26:59):
also big with dopamine.
And then the last step after ourresponse is oh, I lost my train
of thought.
It's where you satisfied theinitial trigger and you've
solved it.
So if you were overwhelmed andyou pulled out your phone,
you're not overwhelmed anymore.
You've disappeared from yourlife, you've disassociated from
(27:20):
it.
And the more that we repeat thiscycle, the stronger it gets in
our brains and the harder it isto overcome.
And over time, your brainactually becomes dependent on
the external dopamine.
And you stop releasing andcreating your own innate
self-made dopamine.
You become dependent on externaltriggers, external sources.
(27:43):
And then your initial trigger islike withdrawal.
It's dopamine withdrawal becauseyou've created this response in
your brain, just like any otheraddiction, just like alcohol,
food.
We have to learn how to rewireour brains.
And when it comes to addictionof any kind, willpower is not a
(28:04):
strategy because it's dopaminedependence with anything,
behavior or substance, willpowerdoesn't work.
But we're telling everybody withscreen time overuse to just try
harder.
Just try scrolling less, tryplugging your phone in somewhere
else.
And we're setting people up forfailure and shame because it
(28:24):
doesn't work.
And then you go get your phoneand you scroll and you think
what's wrong with me?
Yeah, I'm just so weak, I'm solazy, I'm broken.
Am I the only one who'sstruggling with this?
We're setting people up forfailure.
SPEAKER_01 (28:37):
I love that perspective because I think my
first way that I tried to battleit was like, Well, I'll just
unfollow anything that isn'tlike the kind of content I like
because I'm really into likeneuroscience and mental health.
And so I'm like, I'll justfollow scientists and like, but
it's the same thing.
You still you still get lost init, and then the algorithms are
things that you so that doesn'thelp either.
But I tried like, you know, Iwas trying to like find other
(28:59):
ways to like make my socialmedia better for me, but it you
still find yourself like I pickup my phone to well, because we
use our phones for everythingnowadays.
Like I have work on here, thisis how I order my groceries,
this is how I check my medicalcharts, so you get on every
actual work and you're likesucked in.
And so I've got done a ton ofthings where they're like put
(29:19):
your apps off your main screenin a little folder, which helped
a itty bitty bit, you know.
And the and but the thing isthose little like alert, like
the little message thing, likethe whatever it is saying, like
you have something new.
I turned all that off.
Notifications, thank you.
Sorry, I turned all that offbecause that I would like find
why did I click on that?
(29:40):
Like I would have alreadyclicked on it and be like, I
didn't even want to click onthat.
Why didn't you click that?
SPEAKER_00 (29:45):
It's all engineered to get you to click.
SPEAKER_01 (29:47):
It's so crazy.
This is I okay.
So, what is your opinion onvideo games then?
Because I feel like that'sanother thing I hear.
I mean, I hear a lot of thingsin both ways, all around about
video games.
But I wonder what your thoughtsare about video games.
SPEAKER_00 (30:01):
I mean, my thoughts are my core value is presence,
peace and presence.
And I do feel like TV, videogames, social media does take us
out of presence, ability to bewith ourselves in the present
moment and causes socialisolation.
(30:21):
Now, video games are a littleinteresting for people who have
a lot of friends who play.
Like my brother's a big gamer.
SPEAKER_01 (30:28):
Yeah, I have my brother and my husband are big
gamers, so I wonder about it,like, you know.
SPEAKER_00 (30:33):
Yeah, like I I do get that it's a gray area for
people who really enjoy itbecause they play with their
friends and they all log on at,you know, 6 p.m.
and play whatever and andthey're talking and it can be a
source of connection and it'slive.
So you're engaging in ittogether in the same moment can
make you more present.
But I've also seen in myself andmy brother that it can really
(30:57):
take over to where you'replaying games all day on your
days off, on weekends, late intothe night, not getting good
sleep, and with any addiction,any potentially addiction.
addictive substance or behavior,there's always that line.
Like, when am I drinking toomuch?
When am I, you know, eating toomuch?
When am I using it to numb?
(31:18):
And typically, like if you'restaying up really late, not
getting your eight hours ofsleep because you're gaming or
you're scrolling, it's nowimpacting your health.
Yeah.
That's a good telltale sign.
Like, is this impacting myhealth, my sleep, my activity
levels, my sense of connection?
Am I choosing this over thosethings?
(31:40):
If the answer is yes, then it'sprobably time to take a step
back and create some strongdigital boundaries.
SPEAKER_01 (31:47):
I love that.
So what are some examples ofthings people can do digitally
like some like set digitalboundaries for themselves?
SPEAKER_00 (31:55):
Yeah.
Great question.
So going back to that habit loopof trigger, craving, response
reward, that was the word I waslooking for.
You need to create friction inthat loop.
So the best place to createfriction is between that trigger
and the response where you havethe craving.
So things like that would beblocking apps.
(32:17):
So for example, and you you needthe right blocking app, it needs
to be pretty foolproof.
It can't be like the littlescreen time alerts built in on
your phone where it says hey youknow you've hit your 30
millimets but you can just hitsnooze and you can just
disregard it.
That's not going to work.
If you're really serious aboutyou know reducing your screen
(32:37):
time and breaking this, it needsto be foolproof.
So a blocking app that forexample mine is set to I get
three 10 minute opens ofInstagram a day.
After I use those three 10minutes up I'm completely
blocked out.
If I wanted to change thosesettings I would have to go into
my blocking app and sit therefor five minutes keeping the
(33:00):
screen alive can't leave the appin order for my settings to
unlock for me to change it.
And you'd be amazed at how muchfive minutes is like I'm not
going to do that.
I rarely do that.
I've had people have to set itup to like 15 minutes, 20
minutes even oh wow even up toan hour.
SPEAKER_01 (33:16):
Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_00 (33:18):
Yeah she was serious she went cold turkey talk about
her in a minute but just takingthe willpower out of it really
making things automated smartautomated digital boundaries
that don't have any reliance onwillpower your highest best
version of yourself sets thesesettings and then you hit save
(33:39):
and then the weak you know Ijust want to scroll version of
you it's late at night isn'tgoing to be able to so it's like
you put your highest self backin the driver's seat by using a
blocking app.
And then another thing which iswhere I start people is an
automated grayscale schedule.
So maybe you've heard of beingable to put your phone in black
(33:59):
and white have you heard thatsetting so that's great but
having it on 247 usually doesn'twork for people because you end
up turning it back on.
Maybe you want to use your mapsto navigate and you don't like
the black and white whateverreason but you can create a
shortcut on your phone to whereat 9 p.m your phone goes black
(34:22):
and white and at 8 a.m it goesback to color completely
automated.
You don't have to remember toturn it on it just does it on
its own every day.
And that's a great baby step toreduce the dopamine response
because there's no flashingcolors and it's a great reminder
for your brain that it's time togo to bed.
Like when you're scrolling andit suddenly goes black and white
(34:43):
you're like oh it's alreadyeight o'clock and you know you
end up putting your phone down.
That's a great baby step.
And I'm all about a taper.
I'm not a fan of cold turkeybecause any cold turkey again
with any addictive type of thingit's very shocking to the
system.
SPEAKER_01 (35:01):
So I think people rebound too don't they like my
experience you rebound.
SPEAKER_00 (35:05):
Oh absolutely and then you kind of go on a binger
you just watch tons of stuff.
I experienced that like theprocess for me to get off my
phone was lots of trial anderror lots of failure lots of
relapse of yeah just trying tofigure it out for myself and
then going on bingers and and soI I help people by using strong
(35:27):
digital boundaries and wetighten up that blocking app
every week.
I do an eight-week program.
Every week we get tighter andtighter on the blocking app and
at the same time I'm teachingholistic coping skills because
that's gonna focus on theinitial triggers which is
overwhelm, dissatisfaction,sadness, loneliness, and really
(35:49):
big feelings that we don't knowhow to feel because no one ever
taught us how to do that.
Usually our parents aren'temotionally intelligent and
never taught us they taught ushow to numb and how to hide from
our feelings.
So we have to rewire that wehave to learn how to
holistically cope with stressand bring our nervous system out
of fight or flight and intocalm.
(36:11):
So while we're tapering screentime down we're building up
holistic awareness of your bodyand nervous system techniques
and there's podcast homeworkevery week to deepen people's
understanding of dopamine oraddiction or nervous system
regulation.
By the end of it you're not onlyscrolling less your stress is
(36:33):
way lower and you feelcompletely in control of your
stress levels because if you'rewilling to feel anything you can
do anything.
It's our feelings that we don'tknow how to feel or process that
get in the way so when you learnhow to be with yourself and
regulate through those bigfeelings it really unlocks a lot
and people can reduce theirscreen time.
SPEAKER_01 (36:55):
That's only the beginning I love that that
sounds amazing.
Man I don't even know what toask I was just so sucked into
that.
SPEAKER_00 (37:03):
I was like yes totally that's great advice so
where would you if people arelistening at home and they're
where would you tell them tostart I would tell them to start
I actually have a freemasterclass that walks you
through all of this with greatvisuals of that habit loop, how
to reprogram your brain and I doa step-by-step demo of setting
(37:28):
up the grayscale automation.
So I plug in my iPhone and inthe workshop I take you through
step by step on how to do it onan iPhone and then also some
nervous system regulationtechniques and it gives you all
the information on the fulldigital detox program.
So that is at nurseaby llc dotcom slash masterclass that's a
(37:49):
really great place to start toget a full well rounded view on
what's really going on with yourbrain and how to start taking
back control.
SPEAKER_01 (37:59):
I love that also your website has a free women's
empowerment playlist I noticedso I was like I'm totally going
to sign up for this one I can'twait to hear her playlist so I'm
excited to listen to playlist Ilove powerful music.
SPEAKER_00 (38:13):
Me too me too it's like reprogramming your
subconscious mind.
SPEAKER_01 (38:18):
Yeah I keep trying to get people to send me them
from the show like send me yourmost favorite like powerful song
I want to make up like a publicplaylist of like the most
powerful songs people send methat was the good idea like a
public playlist.
Yeah it'd be awesome that wouldbe so cool yeah anybody can
download that too it's uhavailable on my website it's a
Spotify playlist I love that sois there a typical demographic
(38:44):
that you work with withinclients it's a good question.
SPEAKER_00 (38:48):
I tend to work with attract high performing soulful
women who their mothers they'reyou know teachers nurses
passionate about their careersthey're on the path of wanting
to be their best selves.
So those would seem to be thewomen that come to me they're
business owners like they are ona mission to be their highest
(39:11):
self and they've realized thattheir screen time is starting to
keep them stuck in a version ofthemselves that they don't want
to be but they don't know how toget out of it.
So that seems to be who I reallywork with a lot.
I've only ever done digitaldetox with one man.
SPEAKER_01 (39:28):
And we get a lot of men that want to work with
burnout either.
SPEAKER_00 (39:32):
Exactly and I haven't worked with teenagers I
keep getting asked to work withyeah just because they're on
their phones a lot but Itypically say that like with any
addiction you have to be ready.
You have to have self-identifiedthat this is a problem and be
ready to make the change and alot of the teenagers that I've
(39:53):
talked to or parents ofteenagers they would be dragging
their kids to this program.
I'm like that's not gonna workthey might have to get to be 24
25 they're working and they'rerealizing I don't want to live
this way and then they mightcome to me.
So it's typically likepost-college women who want to
live a soul-led heart-led lifethat's beautiful I love that so
(40:18):
I ask all my guests thisquestion so when things in your
own personal life get like outof control and stressful what is
your like so self go-toself-nurture practices that you
use my go-to for acute stresslike in the moment is four seven
eight breathing I love breathwork it's so powerful and the
(40:43):
science behind it again isreally powerful for me to
understand that when you take afull deep breath completely
filling your lungs and you holdit you're stimulating your vagal
nerve and that is actuallytoning and training your nervous
system to be in theparasympathetic the rest and
digest state and then a slowexhale twice as long as the
(41:07):
inhale so four seven eight isalso releasing stress and
bringing your body out of fightor flight.
So I use that a lot I try to useit throughout the day whenever I
notice my shoulders are tight ormy belly is tight and I'm
gripping the steering wheel orwhatever, I do some four, seven,
eight breathing as much as I canto really reprogram my nervous
(41:27):
system.
That's great in the moment, butthe best is always prevention,
right?
Not treatment.
So daily meditation practice, Icall it physical therapy for the
brain and I cover this in mydigital detox program, but
there's different types ofmeditation to strengthen
different brain regions.
So loving kindness meditation isgreat if you're feeling burned
(41:51):
out or lack of empathy it'sgoing to strengthen the empathy
centers of your brain if you'refeeling scattered like you can't
focus you want to do focusedattention meditation which is
going to strengthen your abilityto concentrate there's different
techniques it really is physicaltherapy for your brain.
And when you do it three times aweek even 10 minutes each you
(42:13):
rewire your brain to be focused,present, calm and loving.
And that is going to reduce allany incidents of high stress,
burnout it's always preventionfirst.
So that's something that Ipractice is at least three times
a week some kind of meditation.
And I just find guidedmeditations.
I have some recorded that are inmy program but I like guided
(42:36):
ones YouTube, you know you canfind them on even podcasts.
SPEAKER_01 (42:40):
I love Insight Timer because it's free and it has
like so I mean actually thedownside of Insight Timer is the
overwhelming amount of contentthat's free and picking what you
want to do.
SPEAKER_00 (42:50):
But the one that I I like really well is Tik Not
Han's app.
He's a Buddhist teacher it'scalled the Plum Village app.
Ooh and these are moretraditional Buddhist meditations
they have no music they are verymuch about connecting with the
breath and the present moment.
(43:12):
And again if you train yourselfwith that then you live in the
present moment the more you dothat.
You don't live in the futureworrying and you don't live in
the past regretting.
You train your body and yourbrain to be in the present and I
love his app he also has amindfulness bell in the app so
you can have like a a Buddhistbell go off three times a day
(43:33):
and it reminds you to take threemindful deep breaths.
So I have that turned on aswell.
And then my final resource forpeople I don't know if you've
heard of them is to be magnetic.
No oh they are so good.
Tell me how transformational forme so to be magnetic is a
(43:54):
manifestation program but it'sit's called neural
manifestation.
So it's all about rewiring yourin your self-worth towards
worthiness that sounds amazing.
And they use self-hypnosisrecordings.
So you go into a hypnotic stateand you rewire fear anxiety lack
(44:19):
of self-worth through hypnosisand they have a great podcast
too it's really informative butit's a very science based way to
reprogram your mind and it'sbeen super helpful for me.
So if I'm ever really feelingoverwhelmed stressed I will go
into to be magnetic and pull upa hypnosis to work through that
(44:41):
and that really helps.
And I can put in the show notesa link to get a discount if
anyone's looking for that.
SPEAKER_01 (44:46):
Yeah that would be awesome I've used hypnosis once
for emotional eating and it wasreally helpful.
And I I might stumble acrosssome practice like meditations
that you I can tell are using abit of hypnosis sometimes.
But um I I find it like sofascinating.
So I love that you mentionedthat because that's so cool.
SPEAKER_00 (45:03):
It's really powerful.
It's really powerful to get youinto your subconscious mind
because there's just limits tothe conscious mind.
And she talks about in there youcan't manifest from your
conscious mind.
It's like trying to get apromotion but the whole time
deep down in your subconsciousmind you're like I'm not worthy.
Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (45:23):
I mean all the like our subconscious is like it is
the programming that's runningin the background and for our
parents like there's so muchthat we know now and we don't
know at all.
We're like you know we're justbreaching the water of the
iceberg but like our parents hadno clue like I think like mental
health I mean people just I meanwe're all just doing the best we
(45:43):
can but they were really justdoing the best they can could
with what they had and liketheir parents like could you
imagine that trauma you knowwhat I mean like seriously so
we're all just trying to heal.
If you were lucky enough to havelike well adjusted parents that
saw you as an individual andgave you unconditional love that
is the outlier and that'slovely.
SPEAKER_00 (46:04):
Like wonderful like the best gift you can give the
world right anybody out therewho has children like the best
gift you can give the world isto love them and just really
learn as much as you can aboutsupporting their developing mind
and their sense of self-worth.
And my husband's also a nurse heworks in the OR and him and I
worked in the same place for alittle while I was Pacquiao he
(46:26):
was OR so we knew the samesurgeons and so we would joke
about which ones were loved asbabies it's so true.
SPEAKER_01 (46:35):
I mean you can see that in pee well you could I
mean if you look at abusershonestly like anybody out there
causing harm look at the abusersin your life look at the people
in your life that are difficult.
What are they reacting to it'susually like an internal self I
want to say hatred but it's ait's a self like sabotaging I
mean it's no it's no way it's noreason to allow that behavior
(46:59):
which is I know some of uspeople pleasers and empaths can
get lost in like because you canunderstand why a person does
that feel empathetic towardsthem but most of that is all
coming from subconsciousprogramming about the beliefs
they have about themselves whichwe all have those beliefs about
ourselves that something whetherit's that we're unlovable or not
(47:20):
not enough or unworthy or youknow and we have that's so hard
because unless you address it itwill come back in the best cases
from beneath and just pull youright back down.
You have to address it.
SPEAKER_00 (47:32):
You have to get to those roots and and reprogram
them and the TB Magnetic is I Ifound the best tool that's so to
program.
And yeah we would have somesurgeons who were just so mean
and about you know let's speedup that turnover time.
What took you so long and likeone thing goes wrong and they
just explode and then adifferent surgeon who's like no
(47:53):
problem I'll go get a coffee youknow I'll go call my buddy if
they're just chill and like Ieither they've done their work
or they were just reallysupported as kids and told
you're the apple of my eye youcan do anything.
I love you.
They've never had to fight forworthiness yeah which is so sad
that we do.
SPEAKER_01 (48:13):
I know so sad.
It's funny because I have I haveactually had this conversation
at work last night a nursepulled me aside to tell me some
horrible interaction she hadwith the surgeon who said he
hates nurses and I was like ohmy god he hates himself so do
not worry about it.
And she was like I think that heis just defensive of his own
skills and that's why he actsthat way and I was like I think
(48:35):
you hit the nail right on that.
SPEAKER_00 (48:37):
Absolutely it's all from insecurity.
Even in myself when I lash outor I get triggered I know it's
because I'm insecure aboutsomething you know and I need to
work through that and that's myjob to do.
But not taking on what's notours.
Like that surgeon it's so hardwhen it actually happens it's so
(48:57):
hard but that's not your workthat's his work.
SPEAKER_01 (49:00):
Yes I love that that's that beautiful detachment
and the growing popularity ofthe let them that everyone keeps
saying here that I love.
Yeah exactly this has been sucha lovely conversation you have
such a beautiful energy andyou're so like grounded and calm
talking to you makes me calm andI love that I can only imagine
how your clients feel so thankyou.
SPEAKER_00 (49:21):
I love that a lot I'm a double cancer I'm a cancer
sun and a cancer moon so I'm XI'm double water.
SPEAKER_01 (49:29):
Wow I love that I'm a I have I I have like two
Sagittariuses in mine and like astrong Leo.
SPEAKER_00 (49:36):
So there you go fire fire and water work well
together.
Yes yes yes I love groundedpeople I'm like come here I need
you and I need people who havesome fire be like come on you
can do it I'm like I can justmeditate all day I'm like but
someone needs to come light alittle fire under me something
right get out of your innerworld and come act in the outer
(50:00):
world exactly long enough Abbyit's time to get out of the pool
and go dry off and do some stuffright you can get back in later
don't worry exactly I love thatwell is there anything that you
would like to leave us withbefore we gab I would just say
to follow your intuition I knowthat's something we've probably
(50:23):
thrown around a lot these daysbut especially as women your
intuition like you have a sixthsense and it's knowing when
something's not a right fit whenthe job isn't a right fit or the
relationship listen to that andfollow that and do the work that
(50:44):
it's asking you to do.
And I think that's going to takeyou where you want to go.
So just permission for women totrust themselves in a world that
has told us not to trustourselves as women we are the
most powerful intuitive we'reliterally the gateway between
the unseen and the seen we arethe gateways of life and our
(51:06):
power is unlimited we've justbeen told that we're worthless
for so long.
So follow your intuition even ifother people the men in your
life the people in your life aresaying you're reading into
things or you're justoverreacting I found with my
clients and myself usually we'reright.
SPEAKER_01 (51:25):
Yep I agree.
So just find women who can buildyou up I love that finding your
community beautiful beautifuladvice well we will put the
links in the show notes do youwant to say your website one
more time for people that mayjust be like listening yes it's
nurse Abby and it's A B B Y L Cdot com slash masterclass if you
(51:50):
want the master class.
SPEAKER_00 (51:52):
Yes thank you so much thanks for coming on today
yes thank you jen it was sogreat to have this conversation
thanks for having me on
Hello and welcome to Empowered Ease.
I'm Jen Ohlinger, and today'sguest is a healer, a teacher,
and fierce advocate forreclaiming calm in a noisy
world.
Abby Payne.
She's a registered nurse, aboard-certified nurse coach, a
screen time and nervous systemcoach, and a digital detox
(01:32):
expert.
After training and working incritical care during the
pandemic, Abby faced burnout,panic attacks, and a crisis of
purpose.
She transformed that pain into anew column.
She combined her nursing skills,mindfulness to the coaching,
plant-based medicines, andnervous system tools to create a
(01:55):
trauma-informed, heart-centeredsupport for women who feel burnt
out, who are people pleasers,and addicted to screens.
Abby now coaches clients throughnervous system regulation, inner
child healing, and her signaturedigital detox program.
She helps people step into amore authentic and
(02:17):
self-compassionate place wherethey can find their purpose.
She's also a wife, a cat mom, anature lover, and a recovering
people pleaser herself who says,I love my job every day.
Abby, welcome to Empowered Ease.
I am so glad that you are here.
SPEAKER_00 (02:41):
Next thing you know, it's been an hour and you feel
fat and old and ugly.
SPEAKER_01 (02:51):
Welcome, Abby.
I am so excited you are here.
So tell us just like a littlebit about what you do, who you
are, and then we'll just go fromthere.
SPEAKER_00 (03:03):
Okay, that sounds great.
I'm so excited to be here, Jen.
Thanks for having me on.
A little bit of background.
Yeah, like you mentioned in myintro, I've been a nurse for,
I've been a nurse for 10 yearsnow in different, you know,
settings and got really burnedout during the pandemic, like a
lot of nurses, and had like abig, you know, come to Jesus
(03:25):
moment, a big mental breakdownduring the pandemic, and
completely switched gears tobeing a holistic coach.
And that was like three yearsago that I became a coach, and
it's had a lot of changes sincethat.
And it's been an extremelyhealing journey in and of
itself.
I've had to go through a lot ofmy own stuff in order to have
(03:47):
the confidence and thedeservingness and the worthiness
to even be here today and nothave shaking hands.
So, like, even I just always saythat the whole experience of
starting a business and leavingnursing has been so worth it for
the healing I've gotten alone.
Like, even if I never made apenny, which I have, even if I
(04:10):
never made a penny, I'm like,it's worth it.
It's worth it to go through allof this and heal my wounds.
SPEAKER_01 (04:17):
I love that you hit on so many, so many, I think,
relevant things just in thatalone.
Number one, like your specialtyI'm is so like I'm so interested
in.
I think it's like I myself, I'mlike kind of find myself doom
scrolling even when I don'tintend to.
So I love what what like yourperspective and really to learn
a little bit more about what thedamage is.
But I also love our stories arekind of similar, like you know,
(04:40):
critical care nursing, thepandemic, burnout, and also that
like nurse the nurse coachingprogram I went through is what
helped me to like reallyreprioritize, find my purpose,
and create like a healthy levelof what's the word I always
detachment where where I can goto work.
(05:01):
And I also like the other thingthat I wanted to mention that
you just said is people pleasingbecause so many nurses are
people pleasers.
So much to talk about here.
I don't even know where tostart.
But first, I guess maybe let'stalk a little bit about how you
got into this, like a littlemore specifically, like your
story.
SPEAKER_00 (05:20):
Yeah, okay, I'll just dive in.
Yeah, so how I got into this.
I well, the nurse coachingprogram was paid for by my
hospital.
Oh, I love that.
And actually before that, Ialways forget about this, but
before that, I actually took acannabis nurse certification.
SPEAKER_01 (05:42):
Oh, cool.
SPEAKER_00 (05:43):
And it was called the Canny Nurse Program.
It's through Inca, theInternational Nurse Coach
Association, and work paid forthat too.
So I had no reason not to.
I was just to take it back evenfurther.
I was really struggling with mymental health during the
pandemic, and I was drinking alot.
I was watching tons of TV,scrolling on my phone, because
(06:06):
they don't teach nurses how totake care of themselves.
They just throw you in at 19, 20years old into the critical care
and they say good luck.
And so a lot of us becomeaddicts in something: alcohol,
TV, food.
Some kind we try to copesomehow.
And I was kind of trying alldiffer all those things.
(06:28):
And like you were saying beforewe started recording, I was
taking care of alcoholics inwithdrawal and learning that it
doesn't take much to become analcoholic.
Like it's just a slippery slope.
And then during the pandemic,I'm drinking more every night
after a shift, two, three anight, and on weekends.
(06:49):
So I started switching tocannabis because I had heard
from a friend who's also a nursethat it's just more gentle on
your system.
And the risk- You don't have ahangover when you go to work.
You don't have a hangover, itdoesn't impact your liver.
Like, yeah, if you needsomething, it's a little easier.
So I was like, okay.
And I started why using justCBD, right?
(07:11):
And the immediate relief I felt,it felt like the entire weight
of the pandemic and all of mypatience was lifted off my
shoulders.
I started with inhalable CBD.
So that hits your bloodstreamwithin like 10 seconds.
So it was a very immediaterelief.
And I was like, whoa, but mymind still felt very clear.
(07:35):
I could drive, like, I wasn'tintoxicated.
I'm like, what is this?
How does this work?
And then, you know, nerd Abbystarts researching it and
learning that we have an entireendocannabinoid system.
SPEAKER_01 (07:48):
And we're still learning a lot about all the
different cannabinoids, right?
There's like a ton because Iknow there's start like just in
the past couple of years,they're starting to like
separate them and use themindividually, which I think is
so cool.
I'm so excited to learn.
SPEAKER_00 (08:01):
It is so cool.
And that all of the differentreceptors, like we have
receptors on every cell in ourbody for cannabis.
And it's because we make ourown.
We make our own cannabis-likemolecules called
endocannabinoids.
We make several of them.
They're essential for immunity,hunger.
They've done very interestingstudies where they've bred rats
(08:23):
and mice without them, and theydie of like skin sores, lots of
infections.
They don't have any desire toget up and eat.
Like, that's why you get themunchies.
SPEAKER_01 (08:34):
Yeah, well, and also why we use it like that was the
first medical use, wasn't it?
I I believe.
One oh, I know seizures wasanother one.
I don't know which one camefirst, but they use it with in
oncology a lot to help peopleget their appetites.
SPEAKER_00 (08:45):
Yeah, stimulates your appetite.
SPEAKER_01 (08:47):
So the healthcare was very resistant to
introducing cannabis for a longtime.
SPEAKER_00 (08:52):
I think it's so unfortunate because it became
illegal because of politics andracism.
SPEAKER_02 (08:58):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (08:59):
And it was actually used by US physicians for
decades as a tonic.
They made it into a liquidtincture, and it was one of the
number one prescribed for manyailments was cannabis extract.
SPEAKER_01 (09:11):
Along with cocaine.
I love that.
SPEAKER_00 (09:13):
Right.
I'm like, this is plantmedicine.
It's literally a flower.
SPEAKER_01 (09:18):
Yes, I know that's so true.
Well, that's where a lot of ourmedications come from.
They, well, not just plants, buta lot of plants.
Like it's a lot.
SPEAKER_00 (09:26):
Yeah, a lot of plants.
So I started learning aboutthat, and then I took the
cannabis nurse certification,which was three months of deep,
like cellular, molecular level.
How does cannabis work?
Which strains, whichcannabinoids for which disease?
And I loved it.
I learned so much aboutself-care too, because you can
(09:49):
become deficient in your owncannabinoids.
They're made on demand and youneed omega-3s and sixes to
synthesize them.
So if you're deficient in yourdiet, you're gonna be deficient
in your own endocannabinoids,and stress depletes them,
literally uses it up.
It's an anti-stress mechanism.
(10:10):
So if you're really stressed andyou're eating like shit, like I
was, like you're gonna feelreally awful.
SPEAKER_01 (10:15):
Like a lot of nurses are.
SPEAKER_00 (10:17):
Like a lot of Americans are.
Like really stressed.
We don't sleep well, we eatbrown tan foods with no real
nutrients, and we deplete ourendocannabinoids.
Makes us get really sick a lot,impacts immunity, and it's a
really downstream effect.
So I learned a lot aboutcannabis, but then I learned
(10:39):
like actual science-backedself-care.
Because as a nurse, as a human,we're all scientists.
We all like to understand whythings work.
And something about me learningthat there's an actual science
behind self-care really unlockedsomething for me.
It was like it's not justwoo-woo, take a deep breath.
It's like when I do thesethings, I'm increasing my
(11:01):
endocannabinoids.
I'm, you know, I'm basicallydosing myself with THC, but
homemade.
Like this is great.
I'm gonna go, you know, floatdown the lazy river by my house
and and get the sun on me andlike do these things because
there's science behind it.
I really needed that.
So that's kind of where itstarted.
And I tried to do cannabis nurseconsulting, where I was working
(11:25):
with, you know, people with MSor cancer or IBS migraines.
Those are some of the topreasons to use cannabis.
And my imposter syndrome came onreally hard, and I gave up on
it.
SPEAKER_01 (11:41):
I understand that though.
It's so hard to step in light,new lights, and be seen in like
different ways.
Like that's so hard.
SPEAKER_00 (11:48):
I got to the point where I made my LLC and I made a
website and I printed outbrochures and I went to
dispensaries because I was inColorado and I handed them out
to people.
And then Stripe shut down mycredit card processing because I
said cannabis on my website.
Oh I am.
And then my bank was like sentme a letter because they looked
(12:10):
on my website and and there wasa lot of red tape.
And I got scared.
It was like, I don't want tolose my nursing license.
I don't, this is a little toomuch.
I'm not sure that I'm ready tobe, you know, bushwhacking this
specialty.
I got really scared.
So I just completely abandonedit.
But then a couple months later,I get fuzzy on the timeline.
(12:31):
I learned about nurse coaching.
And I started that program andgot that paid for as well by the
hospital.
So I was like, how about I trythis?
Like maybe I just am nervousbecause I don't know how to talk
to people as you know, in aholistic way.
A lot of the clients I wouldwork with, they were smoking
because they were anxious andbecause they were stressed.
(12:53):
And I wanted to learn more ofthe lifestyle medicine because I
knew that that would be thecounter.
So I'm like, oh, I'll do nursecoaching.
And then I fell in love withnurse coaching and realized that
even cannabis can be a band-aid.
A lot of things.
Like you can root.
SPEAKER_01 (13:09):
You can numb with anything healthy, really numb
with working out.
You can overeat too healthy andjust, you know, you can obsess.
Exactly.
SPEAKER_00 (13:17):
Yeah.
I was like, oh, we can getreally to the root of this.
Why do we feel anxious?
Why do we feel insecure?
Why do we feel socially awkward?
Like what it's a deep self-lovedeficit, is what I call it in my
nursing lingo.
And I can't get to the root ofit without only using like
(13:39):
cannabis.
It felt almost like the West hadturned cannabis into another
pharmaceutical.
Like here, just slap this on.
And there's other ways that youknow they don't use it that way,
but a lot of people just wantedthe quick fix.
I was like, I need to take thisother coaching program to really
get to the roots.
So that's what I did.
And yeah, so then since thenI've changed my niche a lot.
(14:04):
At first, I was just amindfulness, wellness coach, and
then I started to really narrowin on the people pleasing.
And it was because I was seeingit in myself.
I'm like, I am so worried aboutmy clients liking me, everybody
liking me, doing a good job, notpissing anybody off, terrified
to be on social media and postmy thoughts.
(14:25):
What if I ruffle feathers?
And I just was really strugglingto be my authentic self and
speak the truth even to myclients.
And I knew that it was holdingme back.
So I started digging into thatbecause I'm a nerd.
And then created a digital, apeople-pleasing group.
And I ran that a couple timescalled Break the People Pleasing
(14:47):
Pattern.
So I specialized in that for alittle bit until my next niche.
But I'll pause there.
We can talk about peoplepleasing maybe a little bit
before I get into it.
Well, no, I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_01 (14:57):
Yeah, I love that.
Well, what about what what doyou think?
What do you think is relevantfor people to know about people
pleasing?
Because I think it's a verycommon, it's kind of ingrained,
it's well programmed into littlegirls.
So most women and a lot of menare people pleasers.
So yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (15:12):
From what I learned about people pleasing, it is a
lack of internal safety.
So we externally source oursafety and our security.
It is a conditioned traumaresponse.
It's the fawn response.
If anyone's familiar with fight,flight, freeze, there's also
fawn, which is I'll do whateveryou say, just love me and keep
(15:37):
me safe.
And that was my childhood traumawas being very afraid of a very
authoritarian mother who wasscary and had her own trauma,
like a ton of trauma.
And they didn't go to therapy,they didn't do that back then.
So it was just passed on.
But then certain industries likenursing, teaching, ingrained and
(15:57):
even more to abandon it.
SPEAKER_01 (15:59):
They take advantage of it if we're being real
honest.
SPEAKER_00 (16:03):
They do, they groom you.
Can become a people pleaser, youknow, in nursing.
You can go into it not a peoplepleaser and come out of it
having a big people pleasingproblem.
And it's a trauma response fromnursing, because you know,
nursing is traumatizing andteaching a lot of those serving
professions, but at the root,it's a lack of internal
(16:24):
self-worth, self-esteem, andinternal safety.
Even if this person doesn't likeme, even if I piss everybody off
by saying this, deep down I loveme and I know that I'm okay, and
I can regulate my nervous systemin the midst of that.
And that's courage.
Courage isn't that you're notafraid, it's that you're willing
(16:46):
to be afraid.
Stand up for what you believein.
And it takes a lot ofresourcing, knowing how to calm
down your nervous system andfeeling hands reference, which I
love because I was like, oh myGod, that's so funny.
SPEAKER_01 (16:59):
I spoke in a meeting of people that were I it's
actually about burnout.
I'm working on like every boardI can about supporting nurses in
burnout at the at the facilityI'm at.
And I was the so much low totempole person, like three levels
below, probably the next personthere.
It was like my boss's boss'sboss and all their bosses.
(17:20):
And I was like, oh my god, myhands were shaking so hard.
But I just love that you saidthat because it's not just that.
That's actually where I feel mymy trauma physically.
Sometimes it comes down my arms,but I loved that you said that
because I immediately were like,How many people can relate with
that feeling?
You know, because that's whereit hits you.
SPEAKER_00 (17:39):
And it's so real.
And I would have like full bodyshaking sometimes, which I've
either learned is like traumatrying to get out.
Like at some point, like ifyou're doing a public speaking
and you're shaking andtrembling, at some point, maybe
you were humiliated on the stageor something happened, and now
you're back in that situationand your body's like, no, no,
(18:02):
no.
Remember when we were kids andthis happened, this is bad.
And you're shaking to try andlike clear that energy.
So I've learned to just like letthe shakes happen.
SPEAKER_01 (18:12):
Yeah, move through it.
Like that's what animals do,right?
They shake it off.
SPEAKER_00 (18:16):
Exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
That's great.
SPEAKER_01 (18:20):
Is there anything you would like?
Well, I guess this is just sogreat.
I think honestly, a lot of thethings you said about people
pleasing are I think a lot ofpeople will connect with.
Cause for me, I didn't think Iwas a people pleaser because I
my anxiety is not typical.
Like, I'm not socially awkward.
I'm not, well, I might beawkward, but I'm not socially
anxious.
You know, like I'm not afraid totalk to anybody.
(18:40):
I never have been.
But my anxiety shows up indifferent ways, and my people
pleasing shows up in differentways.
Like I didn't think I had thiscomplex, but I find myself when
I am around authority figures,I'm like, why am I doing this?
I literally know I don't care.
But the authority like gets me.
It's like I'm back in.
And I had I grew up withchildhood time.
I had a pretty abusive father,like a narcissistic,
(19:01):
self-centered, and definitely,you know, emotionally abusive.
And so yeah, I think that'swhere a lot of mine comes from.
But oh, it's so crazy when ithits you because you think
you're in the I don't know.
I thought I was like doing sogood, and then I'm like, oh God,
no, it's still here.
I have more to go.
SPEAKER_00 (19:18):
Oh, there's more to go.
And the more you start puttingyourself out there and stepping
into leadership, stepping intoyour power, the more that that
conditioning from childhood isgonna scream and say, no, no,
no.
So it's meant to keep you safe.
A people-pleasing pattern formedto keep you safe from punishment
(19:38):
or abuse.
But then as you get older andyou get out of that, like it's
an old operating system thatneeds upgraded and it can be
upgraded.
Like I feel not like a peoplepleaser at all.
Maybe every once in a while,like if I'm around my family or
something, like it'll come up.
But the amount of things thatI've been able to do and not
care what people think, itastounds me.
(20:01):
So I just for anyone out therewho is struggling with people
pleasing or feeling that fawnresponse, it is possible to
recover.
SPEAKER_01 (20:10):
I love that.
That's great advice.
So let's talk some more aboutthis digital, the screen time
and how how it affects us.
Like, teach me.
Because I think everyone isalmost almost everyone is
struggling with this right nowin our world.
SPEAKER_00 (20:25):
Yes, definitely.
So I was doing the peoplepleasing niche for a little
while, and I started to noticein myself and in others that we
were numbing with screens.
And I noticed it a lot formyself, kind of post-pandemic.
I had gotten off of social mediaduring the pandemic because I
(20:46):
was like calling my uncle aracist and I was in the comments
of everything.
Like, people are saying COVIDisn't real.
And I was like, I'm a nice younurse.
It's real, and I was reallystressing me out.
So I was like, I need to justget off of this.
So I logged out of all myaccounts, deleted them off my
phone, and I felt so muchbetter.
And then I started a business,and everybody says, Well, you
(21:09):
need to be on social media.
So I got back on, and at thispoint, TikTok was now on the
scene.
So I got on TikTok and Instagramand YouTube, and I got sucked in
really badly.
I think just having social mediatied to my career felt like I
have to be on here.
I have to check it a lot.
(21:29):
And I was spending like fourhours a day, plus sometimes up
to like six hours, eight hours aday on some kind of platform,
just getting lost.
I get on there to post a littlesomething, and next thing you
know, it's been an hour.
Do that times a day, and you'rein five hours.
I'm like, this is bad, but Ican't just delete it because I
(21:50):
use it for work, and how willpeople know that I exist?
And so I felt this tug to be onit.
It felt like I'm either onsocial media and it completely
takes over my life, or I'm noton it at all and I have no
business platform.
So I really struggled with that.
And a lot of the women in mycircle were struggling with it.
I was part of a women's businessgroup in my old town, and we
(22:14):
would all talk about the samething.
Like, I'm on it all so much, butI have to be for my business.
Like, I know.
So I started looking for, youknow, is there someone out there
that could help me?
Like, is there a coach?
Is there a program?
Is there a course?
Nothing.
The most I could find was anarticle with like 10 ways to
reduce your screen time.
And it was just like plug yourphone in somewhere else.
(22:44):
I can't do that.
And I realized like, I thinkthat this is a public health gap
and a mental health gap.
There aren't enough peoplecovering this, and I think that
it's me.
I think I have to become theexpert for myself.
I love that.
Just for myself.
I'm like, I need to figure thisout for me.
So then I started reading booksabout dopamine and nerd Abby
(23:08):
again at it, just like digginginto it.
And I found a really greatblocking app that is super
customizable and free, andstarted learning how to use that
and had some real success andstarted learning how to create
my own dopamine in my own brainto balance out the dopamine
(23:29):
withdrawal of not being on myscreen as much and learning
about addiction.
So then I uh started reallyreducing my screen time and
found something that reallyworked for me, just like a whole
kind of process.
And then all the women around mewere like, Will you show me how
to do that?
So I started the digital detoxprogram and I ran it live a
(23:50):
couple times.
Now I have a self-guided programthat people can do on their own.
I still do live groups.
I partner with like therapistsand wellness centers to do
groups like partnerships.
So that's kind of how it allstarted.
It's always been me first.
It's always been me figuring outa process for myself for
(24:10):
something I've struggled with,and then bringing it to others
because they struggle with ittoo.
And screen time is a huge topicright now because it's new on
the scene.
We're like 10 years into this.
1015 very new thing that we'retrying to figure out.
SPEAKER_01 (24:25):
Yeah, I love that so much.
So I know you you I love thedopamine talk, and it is like a
buzzword, right?
Dopamine's a buzzword right now,which is great, but explain a
little bit about because there'sdifferent ways like dopamine's
good and dopamine's bad, andthere's quick dopamine, and
there's you know, well,obviously you know more than I
do.
So explain to us a little bitabout like the role of dopamine
(24:48):
and how that plays in well ifyou want into screen time and
all that.
SPEAKER_00 (24:52):
Yeah, I'd love to.
So dopamine, you're right, it isa buzzword, it's thrown around a
lot, but what does it actuallydo in our bodies?
It's responsible for motivationand reward.
It gives you that desire to getup and go for it in the day.
For example, they have bred miceand rats again to not have
(25:13):
dopamine receptors.
And these rats will lay and noteat.
You can put food in their mouthand they'll eat it and swallow
it and seem to enjoy it.
But even if the food is one bodylength away, they won't get up.
So that's them without dopaminereceptors.
And that's what dopamine does.
It gives you that desire to gofor something.
(25:36):
And then when you get the food,it's that sense of reward.
Like I did a good job, I huntedfor my meal and I got it.
And now I feel really good aboutmyself.
And that's the whole motivationreward.
So when it comes to screens,there's kind of this habit loop
that we create.
There's four steps to it: there's trigger, craving, (25:54):
undefined
response, and reward.
So the trigger can be anythinglike pulling into your driveway
after work.
You just want to scroll.
Maybe you've created a habitthat there.
So trigger could be an emotionaltrigger.
It could be, I'm reallystressed, I'm really
overwhelmed.
And that trigger creates acraving to escape those
(26:17):
feelings.
And then the response is to pullout your phone because it's been
engineered to be reallyaddictive and release a lot of
dopamine.
Dopamine is also released withalcohol, pornography, sex, and
food.
So all of the addictive thingsare secreting a bunch of
dopamine because it feels reallygood.
(26:38):
So we create, we get thesetriggers and then a little
craving.
I want to scroll on my phone.
And then we pull it out and weget flooded with dopamine, the
short form content, theemotional hooks that people use,
and the bright colors and thenovelty.
You never know what you're gonnafind, you're gonna find what is
out there, what cat video awaitsme, and like that novelty is
(26:59):
also big with dopamine.
And then the last step after ourresponse is oh, I lost my train
of thought.
It's where you satisfied theinitial trigger and you've
solved it.
So if you were overwhelmed andyou pulled out your phone,
you're not overwhelmed anymore.
You've disappeared from yourlife, you've disassociated from
(27:20):
it.
And the more that we repeat thiscycle, the stronger it gets in
our brains and the harder it isto overcome.
And over time, your brainactually becomes dependent on
the external dopamine.
And you stop releasing andcreating your own innate
self-made dopamine.
You become dependent on externaltriggers, external sources.
(27:43):
And then your initial trigger islike withdrawal.
It's dopamine withdrawal becauseyou've created this response in
your brain, just like any otheraddiction, just like alcohol,
food.
We have to learn how to rewireour brains.
And when it comes to addictionof any kind, willpower is not a
(28:04):
strategy because it's dopaminedependence with anything,
behavior or substance, willpowerdoesn't work.
But we're telling everybody withscreen time overuse to just try
harder.
Just try scrolling less, tryplugging your phone in somewhere
else.
And we're setting people up forfailure and shame because it
(28:24):
doesn't work.
And then you go get your phoneand you scroll and you think
what's wrong with me?
Yeah, I'm just so weak, I'm solazy, I'm broken.
Am I the only one who'sstruggling with this?
We're setting people up forfailure.
SPEAKER_01 (28:37):
I love that perspective because I think my
first way that I tried to battleit was like, Well, I'll just
unfollow anything that isn'tlike the kind of content I like
because I'm really into likeneuroscience and mental health.
And so I'm like, I'll justfollow scientists and like, but
it's the same thing.
You still you still get lost init, and then the algorithms are
things that you so that doesn'thelp either.
But I tried like, you know, Iwas trying to like find other
(28:59):
ways to like make my socialmedia better for me, but it you
still find yourself like I pickup my phone to well, because we
use our phones for everythingnowadays.
Like I have work on here, thisis how I order my groceries,
this is how I check my medicalcharts, so you get on every
actual work and you're likesucked in.
And so I've got done a ton ofthings where they're like put
(29:19):
your apps off your main screenin a little folder, which helped
a itty bitty bit, you know.
And the and but the thing isthose little like alert, like
the little message thing, likethe whatever it is saying, like
you have something new.
I turned all that off.
Notifications, thank you.
Sorry, I turned all that offbecause that I would like find
why did I click on that?
(29:40):
Like I would have alreadyclicked on it and be like, I
didn't even want to click onthat.
Why didn't you click that?
SPEAKER_00 (29:45):
It's all engineered to get you to click.
SPEAKER_01 (29:47):
It's so crazy.
This is I okay.
So, what is your opinion onvideo games then?
Because I feel like that'sanother thing I hear.
I mean, I hear a lot of thingsin both ways, all around about
video games.
But I wonder what your thoughtsare about video games.
SPEAKER_00 (30:01):
I mean, my thoughts are my core value is presence,
peace and presence.
And I do feel like TV, videogames, social media does take us
out of presence, ability to bewith ourselves in the present
moment and causes socialisolation.
(30:21):
Now, video games are a littleinteresting for people who have
a lot of friends who play.
Like my brother's a big gamer.
SPEAKER_01 (30:28):
Yeah, I have my brother and my husband are big
gamers, so I wonder about it,like, you know.
SPEAKER_00 (30:33):
Yeah, like I I do get that it's a gray area for
people who really enjoy itbecause they play with their
friends and they all log on at,you know, 6 p.m.
and play whatever and andthey're talking and it can be a
source of connection and it'slive.
So you're engaging in ittogether in the same moment can
make you more present.
But I've also seen in myself andmy brother that it can really
(30:57):
take over to where you'replaying games all day on your
days off, on weekends, late intothe night, not getting good
sleep, and with any addiction,any potentially addiction.
addictive substance or behavior,there's always that line.
Like, when am I drinking toomuch?
When am I, you know, eating toomuch?
When am I using it to numb?
(31:18):
And typically, like if you'restaying up really late, not
getting your eight hours ofsleep because you're gaming or
you're scrolling, it's nowimpacting your health.
Yeah.
That's a good telltale sign.
Like, is this impacting myhealth, my sleep, my activity
levels, my sense of connection?
Am I choosing this over thosethings?
(31:40):
If the answer is yes, then it'sprobably time to take a step
back and create some strongdigital boundaries.
SPEAKER_01 (31:47):
I love that.
So what are some examples ofthings people can do digitally
like some like set digitalboundaries for themselves?
SPEAKER_00 (31:55):
Yeah.
Great question.
So going back to that habit loopof trigger, craving, response
reward, that was the word I waslooking for.
You need to create friction inthat loop.
So the best place to createfriction is between that trigger
and the response where you havethe craving.
So things like that would beblocking apps.
(32:17):
So for example, and you you needthe right blocking app, it needs
to be pretty foolproof.
It can't be like the littlescreen time alerts built in on
your phone where it says hey youknow you've hit your 30
millimets but you can just hitsnooze and you can just
disregard it.
That's not going to work.
If you're really serious aboutyou know reducing your screen
(32:37):
time and breaking this, it needsto be foolproof.
So a blocking app that forexample mine is set to I get
three 10 minute opens ofInstagram a day.
After I use those three 10minutes up I'm completely
blocked out.
If I wanted to change thosesettings I would have to go into
my blocking app and sit therefor five minutes keeping the
(33:00):
screen alive can't leave the appin order for my settings to
unlock for me to change it.
And you'd be amazed at how muchfive minutes is like I'm not
going to do that.
I rarely do that.
I've had people have to set itup to like 15 minutes, 20
minutes even oh wow even up toan hour.
SPEAKER_01 (33:16):
Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_00 (33:18):
Yeah she was serious she went cold turkey talk about
her in a minute but just takingthe willpower out of it really
making things automated smartautomated digital boundaries
that don't have any reliance onwillpower your highest best
version of yourself sets thesesettings and then you hit save
(33:39):
and then the weak you know Ijust want to scroll version of
you it's late at night isn'tgoing to be able to so it's like
you put your highest self backin the driver's seat by using a
blocking app.
And then another thing which iswhere I start people is an
automated grayscale schedule.
So maybe you've heard of beingable to put your phone in black
(33:59):
and white have you heard thatsetting so that's great but
having it on 247 usually doesn'twork for people because you end
up turning it back on.
Maybe you want to use your mapsto navigate and you don't like
the black and white whateverreason but you can create a
shortcut on your phone to whereat 9 p.m your phone goes black
(34:22):
and white and at 8 a.m it goesback to color completely
automated.
You don't have to remember toturn it on it just does it on
its own every day.
And that's a great baby step toreduce the dopamine response
because there's no flashingcolors and it's a great reminder
for your brain that it's time togo to bed.
Like when you're scrolling andit suddenly goes black and white
(34:43):
you're like oh it's alreadyeight o'clock and you know you
end up putting your phone down.
That's a great baby step.
And I'm all about a taper.
I'm not a fan of cold turkeybecause any cold turkey again
with any addictive type of thingit's very shocking to the
system.
SPEAKER_01 (35:01):
So I think people rebound too don't they like my
experience you rebound.
SPEAKER_00 (35:05):
Oh absolutely and then you kind of go on a binger
you just watch tons of stuff.
I experienced that like theprocess for me to get off my
phone was lots of trial anderror lots of failure lots of
relapse of yeah just trying tofigure it out for myself and
then going on bingers and and soI I help people by using strong
(35:27):
digital boundaries and wetighten up that blocking app
every week.
I do an eight-week program.
Every week we get tighter andtighter on the blocking app and
at the same time I'm teachingholistic coping skills because
that's gonna focus on theinitial triggers which is
overwhelm, dissatisfaction,sadness, loneliness, and really
(35:49):
big feelings that we don't knowhow to feel because no one ever
taught us how to do that.
Usually our parents aren'temotionally intelligent and
never taught us they taught ushow to numb and how to hide from
our feelings.
So we have to rewire that wehave to learn how to
holistically cope with stressand bring our nervous system out
of fight or flight and intocalm.
(36:11):
So while we're tapering screentime down we're building up
holistic awareness of your bodyand nervous system techniques
and there's podcast homeworkevery week to deepen people's
understanding of dopamine oraddiction or nervous system
regulation.
By the end of it you're not onlyscrolling less your stress is
(36:33):
way lower and you feelcompletely in control of your
stress levels because if you'rewilling to feel anything you can
do anything.
It's our feelings that we don'tknow how to feel or process that
get in the way so when you learnhow to be with yourself and
regulate through those bigfeelings it really unlocks a lot
and people can reduce theirscreen time.
SPEAKER_01 (36:55):
That's only the beginning I love that that
sounds amazing.
Man I don't even know what toask I was just so sucked into
that.
SPEAKER_00 (37:03):
I was like yes totally that's great advice so
where would you if people arelistening at home and they're
where would you tell them tostart I would tell them to start
I actually have a freemasterclass that walks you
through all of this with greatvisuals of that habit loop, how
to reprogram your brain and I doa step-by-step demo of setting
(37:28):
up the grayscale automation.
So I plug in my iPhone and inthe workshop I take you through
step by step on how to do it onan iPhone and then also some
nervous system regulationtechniques and it gives you all
the information on the fulldigital detox program.
So that is at nurseaby llc dotcom slash masterclass that's a
(37:49):
really great place to start toget a full well rounded view on
what's really going on with yourbrain and how to start taking
back control.
SPEAKER_01 (37:59):
I love that also your website has a free women's
empowerment playlist I noticedso I was like I'm totally going
to sign up for this one I can'twait to hear her playlist so I'm
excited to listen to playlist Ilove powerful music.
SPEAKER_00 (38:13):
Me too me too it's like reprogramming your
subconscious mind.
SPEAKER_01 (38:18):
Yeah I keep trying to get people to send me them
from the show like send me yourmost favorite like powerful song
I want to make up like a publicplaylist of like the most
powerful songs people send methat was the good idea like a
public playlist.
Yeah it'd be awesome that wouldbe so cool yeah anybody can
download that too it's uhavailable on my website it's a
Spotify playlist I love that sois there a typical demographic
(38:44):
that you work with withinclients it's a good question.
SPEAKER_00 (38:48):
I tend to work with attract high performing soulful
women who their mothers they'reyou know teachers nurses
passionate about their careersthey're on the path of wanting
to be their best selves.
So those would seem to be thewomen that come to me they're
business owners like they are ona mission to be their highest
(39:11):
self and they've realized thattheir screen time is starting to
keep them stuck in a version ofthemselves that they don't want
to be but they don't know how toget out of it.
So that seems to be who I reallywork with a lot.
I've only ever done digitaldetox with one man.
SPEAKER_01 (39:28):
And we get a lot of men that want to work with
burnout either.
SPEAKER_00 (39:32):
Exactly and I haven't worked with teenagers I
keep getting asked to work withyeah just because they're on
their phones a lot but Itypically say that like with any
addiction you have to be ready.
You have to have self-identifiedthat this is a problem and be
ready to make the change and alot of the teenagers that I've
(39:53):
talked to or parents ofteenagers they would be dragging
their kids to this program.
I'm like that's not gonna workthey might have to get to be 24
25 they're working and they'rerealizing I don't want to live
this way and then they mightcome to me.
So it's typically likepost-college women who want to
live a soul-led heart-led lifethat's beautiful I love that so
(40:18):
I ask all my guests thisquestion so when things in your
own personal life get like outof control and stressful what is
your like so self go-toself-nurture practices that you
use my go-to for acute stresslike in the moment is four seven
eight breathing I love breathwork it's so powerful and the
(40:43):
science behind it again isreally powerful for me to
understand that when you take afull deep breath completely
filling your lungs and you holdit you're stimulating your vagal
nerve and that is actuallytoning and training your nervous
system to be in theparasympathetic the rest and
digest state and then a slowexhale twice as long as the
(41:07):
inhale so four seven eight isalso releasing stress and
bringing your body out of fightor flight.
So I use that a lot I try to useit throughout the day whenever I
notice my shoulders are tight ormy belly is tight and I'm
gripping the steering wheel orwhatever, I do some four, seven,
eight breathing as much as I canto really reprogram my nervous
(41:27):
system.
That's great in the moment, butthe best is always prevention,
right?
Not treatment.
So daily meditation practice, Icall it physical therapy for the
brain and I cover this in mydigital detox program, but
there's different types ofmeditation to strengthen
different brain regions.
So loving kindness meditation isgreat if you're feeling burned
(41:51):
out or lack of empathy it'sgoing to strengthen the empathy
centers of your brain if you'refeeling scattered like you can't
focus you want to do focusedattention meditation which is
going to strengthen your abilityto concentrate there's different
techniques it really is physicaltherapy for your brain.
And when you do it three times aweek even 10 minutes each you
(42:13):
rewire your brain to be focused,present, calm and loving.
And that is going to reduce allany incidents of high stress,
burnout it's always preventionfirst.
So that's something that Ipractice is at least three times
a week some kind of meditation.
And I just find guidedmeditations.
I have some recorded that are inmy program but I like guided
(42:36):
ones YouTube, you know you canfind them on even podcasts.
SPEAKER_01 (42:40):
I love Insight Timer because it's free and it has
like so I mean actually thedownside of Insight Timer is the
overwhelming amount of contentthat's free and picking what you
want to do.
SPEAKER_00 (42:50):
But the one that I I like really well is Tik Not
Han's app.
He's a Buddhist teacher it'scalled the Plum Village app.
Ooh and these are moretraditional Buddhist meditations
they have no music they are verymuch about connecting with the
breath and the present moment.
(43:12):
And again if you train yourselfwith that then you live in the
present moment the more you dothat.
You don't live in the futureworrying and you don't live in
the past regretting.
You train your body and yourbrain to be in the present and I
love his app he also has amindfulness bell in the app so
you can have like a a Buddhistbell go off three times a day
(43:33):
and it reminds you to take threemindful deep breaths.
So I have that turned on aswell.
And then my final resource forpeople I don't know if you've
heard of them is to be magnetic.
No oh they are so good.
Tell me how transformational forme so to be magnetic is a
(43:54):
manifestation program but it'sit's called neural
manifestation.
So it's all about rewiring yourin your self-worth towards
worthiness that sounds amazing.
And they use self-hypnosisrecordings.
So you go into a hypnotic stateand you rewire fear anxiety lack
(44:19):
of self-worth through hypnosisand they have a great podcast
too it's really informative butit's a very science based way to
reprogram your mind and it'sbeen super helpful for me.
So if I'm ever really feelingoverwhelmed stressed I will go
into to be magnetic and pull upa hypnosis to work through that
(44:41):
and that really helps.
And I can put in the show notesa link to get a discount if
anyone's looking for that.
SPEAKER_01 (44:46):
Yeah that would be awesome I've used hypnosis once
for emotional eating and it wasreally helpful.
And I I might stumble acrosssome practice like meditations
that you I can tell are using abit of hypnosis sometimes.
But um I I find it like sofascinating.
So I love that you mentionedthat because that's so cool.
SPEAKER_00 (45:03):
It's really powerful.
It's really powerful to get youinto your subconscious mind
because there's just limits tothe conscious mind.
And she talks about in there youcan't manifest from your
conscious mind.
It's like trying to get apromotion but the whole time
deep down in your subconsciousmind you're like I'm not worthy.
Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (45:23):
I mean all the like our subconscious is like it is
the programming that's runningin the background and for our
parents like there's so muchthat we know now and we don't
know at all.
We're like you know we're justbreaching the water of the
iceberg but like our parents hadno clue like I think like mental
health I mean people just I meanwe're all just doing the best we
(45:43):
can but they were really justdoing the best they can could
with what they had and liketheir parents like could you
imagine that trauma you knowwhat I mean like seriously so
we're all just trying to heal.
If you were lucky enough to havelike well adjusted parents that
saw you as an individual andgave you unconditional love that
is the outlier and that'slovely.
SPEAKER_00 (46:04):
Like wonderful like the best gift you can give the
world right anybody out therewho has children like the best
gift you can give the world isto love them and just really
learn as much as you can aboutsupporting their developing mind
and their sense of self-worth.
And my husband's also a nurse heworks in the OR and him and I
worked in the same place for alittle while I was Pacquiao he
(46:26):
was OR so we knew the samesurgeons and so we would joke
about which ones were loved asbabies it's so true.
SPEAKER_01 (46:35):
I mean you can see that in pee well you could I
mean if you look at abusershonestly like anybody out there
causing harm look at the abusersin your life look at the people
in your life that are difficult.
What are they reacting to it'susually like an internal self I
want to say hatred but it's ait's a self like sabotaging I
mean it's no it's no way it's noreason to allow that behavior
(46:59):
which is I know some of uspeople pleasers and empaths can
get lost in like because you canunderstand why a person does
that feel empathetic towardsthem but most of that is all
coming from subconsciousprogramming about the beliefs
they have about themselves whichwe all have those beliefs about
ourselves that something whetherit's that we're unlovable or not
(47:20):
not enough or unworthy or youknow and we have that's so hard
because unless you address it itwill come back in the best cases
from beneath and just pull youright back down.
You have to address it.
SPEAKER_00 (47:32):
You have to get to those roots and and reprogram
them and the TB Magnetic is I Ifound the best tool that's so to
program.
And yeah we would have somesurgeons who were just so mean
and about you know let's speedup that turnover time.
What took you so long and likeone thing goes wrong and they
just explode and then adifferent surgeon who's like no
(47:53):
problem I'll go get a coffee youknow I'll go call my buddy if
they're just chill and like Ieither they've done their work
or they were just reallysupported as kids and told
you're the apple of my eye youcan do anything.
I love you.
They've never had to fight forworthiness yeah which is so sad
that we do.
SPEAKER_01 (48:13):
I know so sad.
It's funny because I have I haveactually had this conversation
at work last night a nursepulled me aside to tell me some
horrible interaction she hadwith the surgeon who said he
hates nurses and I was like ohmy god he hates himself so do
not worry about it.
And she was like I think that heis just defensive of his own
skills and that's why he actsthat way and I was like I think
(48:35):
you hit the nail right on that.
SPEAKER_00 (48:37):
Absolutely it's all from insecurity.
Even in myself when I lash outor I get triggered I know it's
because I'm insecure aboutsomething you know and I need to
work through that and that's myjob to do.
But not taking on what's notours.
Like that surgeon it's so hardwhen it actually happens it's so
(48:57):
hard but that's not your workthat's his work.
SPEAKER_01 (49:00):
Yes I love that that's that beautiful detachment
and the growing popularity ofthe let them that everyone keeps
saying here that I love.
Yeah exactly this has been sucha lovely conversation you have
such a beautiful energy andyou're so like grounded and calm
talking to you makes me calm andI love that I can only imagine
how your clients feel so thankyou.
SPEAKER_00 (49:21):
I love that a lot I'm a double cancer I'm a cancer
sun and a cancer moon so I'm XI'm double water.
SPEAKER_01 (49:29):
Wow I love that I'm a I have I I have like two
Sagittariuses in mine and like astrong Leo.
SPEAKER_00 (49:36):
So there you go fire fire and water work well
together.
Yes yes yes I love groundedpeople I'm like come here I need
you and I need people who havesome fire be like come on you
can do it I'm like I can justmeditate all day I'm like but
someone needs to come light alittle fire under me something
right get out of your innerworld and come act in the outer
(50:00):
world exactly long enough Abbyit's time to get out of the pool
and go dry off and do some stuffright you can get back in later
don't worry exactly I love thatwell is there anything that you
would like to leave us withbefore we gab I would just say
to follow your intuition I knowthat's something we've probably
(50:23):
thrown around a lot these daysbut especially as women your
intuition like you have a sixthsense and it's knowing when
something's not a right fit whenthe job isn't a right fit or the
relationship listen to that andfollow that and do the work that
(50:44):
it's asking you to do.
And I think that's going to takeyou where you want to go.
So just permission for women totrust themselves in a world that
has told us not to trustourselves as women we are the
most powerful intuitive we'reliterally the gateway between
the unseen and the seen we arethe gateways of life and our
(51:06):
power is unlimited we've justbeen told that we're worthless
for so long.
So follow your intuition even ifother people the men in your
life the people in your life aresaying you're reading into
things or you're justoverreacting I found with my
clients and myself usually we'reright.
SPEAKER_01 (51:25):
Yep I agree.
So just find women who can buildyou up I love that finding your
community beautiful beautifuladvice well we will put the
links in the show notes do youwant to say your website one
more time for people that mayjust be like listening yes it's
nurse Abby and it's A B B Y L Cdot com slash masterclass if you
(51:50):
want the master class.
SPEAKER_00 (51:52):
Yes thank you so much thanks for coming on today
yes thank you jen it was sogreat to have this conversation
thanks for having me on
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