May 26, 2025 • 49 mins
Hi!! I would love to hear from you!
What happens when we stop fearing death and start embracing it as part of our human journey? Christine Soza, a Reiki master and end-of-life doula with 30 years of nursing experience, transforms our understanding of mortality in this profound conversation.
Christine guides us through the role of an end-of-life doula—a non-medical practitioner supporting people from diagnosis through their final transition and beyond. With compassion and clarity, she explains how our society's death denial creates unnecessary suffering and how reclaiming death as a natural process can lead to more meaningful living. Her stories of sitting with hundreds of dying individuals reveal the sacred patterns and opportunities for connection that emerge when we don't turn away from mortality.
Our conversation ventures into practical territory as Christine shares how advance care planning empowers individuals and relieves loved ones from making agonizing decisions. She introduces the concept of "legacy work"—writing letters to future grandchildren, planning meaningful gestures that will continue after death, and creating what one client lovingly calls her "dead box" with all essential information organized. These preparations aren't morbid; they're liberating acts that allow fuller engagement with life.
Perhaps most striking is Christine's integration of energy healing into end-of-life care. As a medical Reiki master, she witnesses remarkable transformations as this gentle practice activates the parasympathetic nervous system, creating deep relaxation for those transitioning and their families. Her perspective challenges us to reconsider quality versus quantity of life and reminds us that "if death is a battle, we'll all lose"—suggesting instead that we transition having fought bravely.
Whether you're facing mortality yourself, supporting a loved one, or simply curious about approaching life with greater awareness, Christine's wisdom offers a roadmap to presence, meaning, and connection. Her closing thoughts on rekindling our inner light serve as a powerful meditation for living fully, no matter where we are on life's journey.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to Empowered Eve, the podcast dedicated to
inspiring women to turn inwardand take ownership of their mind
, body and soul.
I'm so excited to announce ourguest today, christina Sosa.
She's a remarkable Reiki master, an end-of-life doula and
founder of True North Awakening.
Christine's journey intocaregiving began in her youth,
(00:26):
instilling in her a deepunderstanding of the value of
time and connection.
From supporting an elderlywoman with dementia as a
teenager to her subsequent rolesas a certified nursing
assistant and oncology nurse,christine has provided
compassionate care to hundreds,often holding hands with those
nearing their final moments.
(00:46):
The transformation into a Reikipractitioner emerged from
personal health challenges,leading her to explore energy
healing as a path to holisticwell-being.
Christine's story is atestament to the incredible
potential of integratingtraditional and alternative
medicine.
The incredible potential ofintegrating traditional and
(01:06):
alternative medicine.
She believes that dying is ahuman experience, not merely a
medical event, and finds a deepfulfillment in guiding others
through their healing journeysat every stage of life.
Join us as Christine delvesinto her life's work, reflecting
on sacred moments she witnessedand the powerful lessons she's
learned about living fully.
Non-sacred moments shewitnessed and the powerful
(01:27):
lessons she's learned aboutliving fully.
Her insights serve as a guidinglight for anyone seeking to
understand the profoundconnection between healing life
and death.
Welcome, christine, toEmpowered Eats.
We're excited to learn fromyour incredible list of
inexperience.
Well welcome, christine, I'm sohappy to have you.
Well welcome, christine, I'm sohappy to have you.
How are you doing today?
Speaker 2 (01:47):
I'm great.
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm super excited to be hereAll right Now.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
tell me where you're located for our listeners.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
I am located in Boise , idaho, boise.
I love that.
And then can you tell us alittle bit about what an end-of
doula is?
Sure, so I have a nursingbackground and I've been a nurse
(02:15):
for 30 years and I really hadalways wanted to work with folks
at the end of life and I wasn'treally sure how that would fit
in with nursing, and so Idiscovered an end-of-life doula,
kind of by default.
It was by divine guidance, and,in my words, an end-of-life
doula is something or someonethat has really been doing,
(02:38):
considered a helper and someonewho is really supporting people
at the end of life.
To me it's very similar to abirthing doula, so a birthing
doula I think more people arefamiliar with that it is someone
who helps mom and baby from thebeginning, before, during and
after birth, and so anend-of-life doula is someone who
(02:59):
helps support the person at theend of life at the beginning
stages, during, and then offersbereavement to loved one
afterwards.
So, in essence, an end-of-lifedoula is a holistic, non-medical
practitioner that supportspeople on their journey until
they take their last breath andafterwards.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Beautiful.
Sorry, I had to mute you.
My dog was licking anyone.
She's usually pretty good, butokay, well, I love that
description because I think, um,so death or end of life, doula
seems to be something that'sgrowing, that I'm hearing more
and more about, but I don'tthink it's something that many
people really understand whatrole you serve or how powerful
(03:46):
this can be.
So can you tell me a little bit, maybe about like how people
seek you out and maybe like thecircumstances or like who you
would be, what kind of peopleyou would, really they could
benefit from your services?
I know at the end of life itseems like anyone at the end of
(04:06):
life, but I don't know.
I just want to hear a littlebit from your perspective over
like who can really benefit fromthese services.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Yeah, so anyone, I, you know, I, I think oftentimes
people will say, well, I'm notready yet, I'm not going yet,
and I'm like, oh my gosh, thework can start way before.
And so, really, an end of lifedoula's role, one of the many
roles of an end of life doula iseducation.
So, really, what we want to dois help people even start
(04:32):
thinking about the inevitablejourney that we're all going to
take.
For some reason I don't knowwhat happened, but we have
become a death denying society,like I think, people believe,
like we're not going to die andit's like, well, you know
spoiler alert yes, we are allgoing to get there, and so
oftentimes people will say Ididn't even know how.
(04:52):
How can you do this work?
It seems really sad, and for me, when I work with people at end
of life or even people who arewilling to have the conversation
, it's so life affirming.
It is powerful to be in thatspace to not only help people
navigate those difficultconversations with their loved
ones how do they process theirown terminal diagnosis and then
(05:15):
it actually helps to empowerpeople, knowing that they have
more control over their end oflife experience than they
realize.
And I think what's happening isthat we have created this death
, denying society.
We are all fearful of death andI don't know what happened.
I really feel like in and Icome from a medical background
(05:38):
and sometimes I'm just standingin the middle of the forest
shouting at the top of my lungslike what are we doing here?
You know what are we doing here?
We are so far removed from thenatural process of end of life
that it really baffles me.
We have to embrace this.
Animals die, plants die.
(05:58):
You know, there's just thisevolution of our beautiful
planet.
There's this life and rebirth.
That is happening among all ofus each and every day.
So why don't we uh, turn thataround and allow ourselves to
embrace this journey that we'regoing to take?
It can be beautiful, I've seenit hundreds of times and so why
(06:20):
are we so fearful of death?
Speaker 1 (06:23):
so so you said so many powerful things.
There's so many questions.
I love it.
I'm like you said so much, butI want to take you back to, like
one of the first things yousaid, because I think it was
super powerful and that you said, like that, a death.
Part of your role is helpingpeople talk to their own family
members about death, because I,like I've been I've been a
(06:46):
critical care nurse for 10 years, so for me, death is like you
know I.
And then another powerful thingyou said which I want to touch
on later is, like when I broughtthat to my family, they are not
medical people, so they theyare in full denial of wanting to
plan, because after I'm workingin the ICU, you know, I want
everyone I love to have a planof how they want to die, because
I don't want us to be leftleaving that decision, which I
think, as a nurse, youunderstand why that would be so
(07:08):
powerful, because we end up inthat situation with people.
But I think part of it is thisinability to know how to talk
about it be a really powerfulthing with when, when, given a
(07:31):
new diagnosis or even decidingthat it's that time in your life
.
It can not.
It can be a very difficultconversation with family members
who are not ready to hear it,so I just would love to hear a
little bit about yourperspective of that, I guess.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Yeah, so it starts, I think, with childhood, and so
how we were I don't really likethe word programmed, but these,
this culturally created selfthat is created for each
individual, somehow these seedswere planted, I think early on,
that you know, if we weren'treally exposed to a lot of death
, then you know if grandma ispassed away we don't really get
(08:06):
to touch and love and connectwith our loved ones that are
passing away.
You know we just show up to afuneral and then you know
there's no bereavement, there'sno processing.
You know everyone's crying.
It seems really scary and sad,and so I think it really begins
with childhood.
So if we can begin to allow ourchildren, our pets, everyone be
(08:31):
a part of the dying process, Ithink that really helps set the
stage for how we process andtalk to other people about death
.
There is this possibility of usbeing, when we touch death, when
we experience death on apersonal level.
How we respond and react to italso sets the stage on how we
(08:57):
influence others and how weinteract or kind of do the dance
as we're processing our ownterminal diagnosis or helping
our family and loved ones.
But I think for me personallyit wasn't until I actually was
forced, having to take care ofall these loved ones that I in
my family, you know, a death wasjust in my face.
(09:18):
And even being a nurse andhaving seen so many end of life,
having seen so many lastbreaths, it's so different when
it's your person.
It's so different when it'syour person and so really, you
just kind of have to practice.
And with each time I've hadexperience with supporting
(09:40):
people at the end of life myloved ones, my mom, my dad, my
in-laws, everyone.
It's a practice and when we arefaced with so much death, we
actually begin to question ourown mortality and we begin it's
just like this little valve thatgets looser and looser and
looser.
It's like, okay, it's safe totalk about this.
I'm the one that wants to talkabout it.
(10:01):
My family's like no, no, no, no, and so I get really excited
about it.
But I think, the more that youwant to talk about it, you can
ask your family.
You know this is reallyimportant to me, this is really
meaningful.
Can we have this conversation?
And it's not going to be a oneand done thing.
People are just going to havesome resistance, but and we have
(10:25):
to just honor where they're atin their life experiences.
But really those are thehardest conversations to have.
But but I think saying yourwishes and allowing yourself,
your loved ones, to honor yourwishes is the greatest gift for
everyone involved.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Yes, yes, I, yes, a hundred percent agree with that.
I love that you were talkingabout starting in childhood
because it makes me think oflike traditionally, when before
we had like funeral services,people like kept their, their
dead in their home and theywalked, they them themselves and
(11:00):
like had the time to saygoodbye to them.
You know, that was like thewhole parlor room thing was to
display your dead and I thinksome people might hear that and
their skin might crawl.
But when I was first ICU, wedid this really beautiful
practice that when someonepassed we bathed them and before
we sent them to what we do withthem, and I found it to be such
(11:24):
a beautiful practice and itfelt so beautiful to be able to
do that for someone and it mademe think, like I mean, my, I
have not lost my parents, but atthe time I thought, man, I
could see how this would helpyou closure, like it's such a
gift, a loving gift to do, eventhough it's like their, their
body.
It's like it's a beautifulpractice and I can see just how
(11:46):
much that would be part of your,it could be part of someone's
closure if they're open to that,obviously.
If you're not, but that makesyour skin crawl not you, but for
me.
I thought, oh man, I could seeback in the day how people were
so much more connected to thisprocess Because, like to me, it
was a gift to give them in theend, like it was a beautiful
saying goodbye, you know, andthe Abbeys were not my close
(12:07):
family members, so maybe thatwas a little easier closure for
me, but it just made me think ofthat time when that's actually
how we treated our loved onesand how that could be more
powerful if we were more presentwith it, you know, if we were
more present with our death.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Absolutely.
It's beautiful.
I think that's one of likethat's a week right, and in the
Jewish faith they have Shiva, sothat's seven days, you know,
and awake is three days, and soreally I think, just in my
experience, you know, firstworking with hospice patients
(12:42):
for a while, it was like oh mygosh, my, you know, my person,
my loved one, died, and so theyimmediately call hospice and
then they just sweep their lovedone, you know, the funeral home
comes and then they're gone andit's just like wait a minute,
they were alive and now they'renot and there's this empty bed.
And so I love the idea ofhaving home weeks and funerals.
Those are having a rebirth,really just embracing, spending
(13:03):
time with your loved one,bathing them.
You know.
I love the idea of anointing,you know, putting essential oils
on, putting lotions on andthere was a gentleman I loved.
He was rubbing his lotion onhis mom's feet and hands.
He's like I've never done thisbefore.
I'm like this is your lastopportunity.
You're not going to get thischance again with your person.
Sit down, have a cup of teawith your person.
(13:26):
You don't.
Death is not an emergency right.
Take all the time that you needwith your person, even if it's
just a couple of hours, thephone calls can wait.
There is something sacred aboutwhen you observe your person,
or any person for that matter.
Take that last breath, thebreath that will no longer
return, and there is just all ofa sudden.
(13:48):
Then it's just like there's abig gap in space and time, like
you are not going to get thistime back.
So I always encourage people totake that time, love on your
person, dress them in somebeautiful clothes, put flowers,
you know, whatever, whatever,setting the stage of really just
embracing that moment, becauseit is a sacred time.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
I love that.
I love that.
Now I want to talk to you alittle bit about the process of
dying, because I have my my youknow medical experience of it.
But from what I've heard fromand just in passing, I think, up
close from women who do whatyou do and is that there is this
profound experience you canhave in this process where you
(14:29):
can really gain a lot, and I'veseen little bits and pieces of
just stories that emerge, seeingpeople in the room.
Like you know, there are thingsthat happen during this process
.
They're really beautiful if youallow them to and, you know,
don't try to fight it and so I'dlove to hear a little bit about
your experiences with that, orwhat's possible for people that
(14:51):
may not know, you know.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Oh, that's a great question.
So you know, for one, we reallyhave to check ourselves at the
door when we're supportingsomeone at the end of life.
You know, I, you know, as ahospice nurse, I really
struggled because I reallywanted everyone to just have
this beautiful end of lifeexperience and I wanted to just
(15:16):
say here's this package, it'sall wrapped up in a bow Now have
your beautiful end of lifeexperience, and sometimes, most
of the time, that happens.
But there can be a processwhere I call all of those loose
ends Like if we don't tie up ourloose ends I'm such an advocate
for forgiveness, work andreally doing the work while
(15:39):
we're here right now, justreally doing our own
interpersonal work, can reallyset the stage on a more peaceful
end of life experience.
I've witnessed it.
I've witnessed it.
I've witnessed it.
I know it's possible.
So, please, I encourageeveryone to do your work today.
There is something powerfulabout that.
But the end of life experienceto me is very similar to the
(16:01):
birthing process.
I have a son who is now 30 andI wanted to have a natural birth
, like I wanted it to be.
I wanted no drugs, I wanted itto be so natural and just
amazing and I had envisioned howit was going to go.
And I had friends who you knowhad had children and they, like
you know, they would cough andthen the baby would be birthed.
(16:22):
Right, it was just like that.
Right, they made it lookpainless.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
They took a shower before they went in.
Yeah, oh yeah, they werebeautiful.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
It was just like here's the baby, and that was
not my experience at all.
It was long, I had somecomplications, it was not
natural at all and so and it wasdays, I labored for days and
that is to me just like thebirthing process.
I wish we could all just die inour sleep Like I wish that.
You know, I wish that foreveryone.
(16:51):
That's not the norm.
I think what happens is thereis a laboring process and so
really we have to be, we have toreally get good with death, and
it's a process.
It is just like the laboringprocess.
Death and it's a process.
It is just like the laboringprocess.
And so when people begin totransition, and that's when
people start to lose interest infood and water, their
(17:11):
swallowing reflex really startsto diminish and so it becomes
unsafe for them to eat.
And then they sleep longer,they begin to stay in bed longer
and eventually they go intotheir sleep coma and they're in
the transitional phase.
That's where all the magic,there's the stabilization phase,
where the magic can happen, andthat's when all the I love,
(17:33):
you's, I'm sorry's, you know,spending time with one another,
reading books, listening tomusic, all of that is magical.
But once they hit that sleepcoma state.
They are no longer able to getout of bed.
But sometimes there issomething, there's this
restlessness that can happen,and so they call it terminal
agitation, where there's this,where people would say I need to
(17:56):
go home, I'm ready to go home.
And sometimes we argue with ourpeople, like you are home and
they're like, no, I want to gohome.
Our people, like you are homeand they're like, no, I want to
go home.
And so I've heard instanceswhere other doulas have, you
know, like, okay, what do youneed?
And so let's pack a bag.
You know, let's put your dressand your shoes and let's get
your bag ready, set it next toyour bed so that the person can
(18:18):
feel comfortable, like, okay,I'm ready, I'm ready to go home.
They oftentimes to begin to seetheir loved ones that have
already crossed over and as aend of life doula, I've seen it
too many times to just dismissthat.
And I think a lot of people inthe hospice world and in your
work as well, when you seepeople that are nearing the end,
(18:38):
they are talking to their lovedones, they're reaching out to
parents a lot.
Yes, they're there.
I am a firm believer.
You cannot convince meotherwise that our loved ones
they're reaching out theirparents a lot.
Yes, they're there.
I am a firm believer.
You cannot convince meotherwise.
That our loved ones that havecrossed over are there to help
guide us, like I can't.
I can't deny that anymore.
There's angelic figures, likethey're.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
They're there to support us yeah, I just listened
to the telepathy tapes that itlike blew my mind open and I
know so.
I'm like that's what I'm soexcited to have you too.
But um, so the other thing thatI love about this and this is
all not just the death process,this is also dementia but um,
sometimes it's like these veryearly childhood memory stories
(19:17):
get unlocked for people and it'sa time where you can, if you
don't try to argue with them, ifyou just sit down and listen to
them, you will hear things,learn stories, just see a
different side of them than youhave ever heard.
Because it's like this thesememories they haven't been able
to access for some reason becomeaccessible and valuable it's
(19:39):
powerful, it's powerful.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
I, the telepathy tapes.
Like I, I could listen to thatover and over and over again.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
That's my jam, that's totally my jam.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
And I would do Reiki.
I have done Reiki on hundredsof people with dementia and
Alzheimer's and I would see thenurses notes, like you know they
would.
The patient would be talking inword salad, they're, they're
not putting you know they're.
They aren't able to put wordstogether and they're nonsensical
talking and and I was in mymind I'm like we had a great
(20:09):
time, like I just entered theirreality and um, and we had a
beautiful session.
And so when really in Reiki,when people are able to get into
that deep, relaxed state,anything is possible.
And so you're right, whenpeople are nearing their end of
life, all sorts of things canhappen.
Some beautiful things canhappen If we really can just
(20:29):
accept people where they are andallow them to have their
experience, just enter theirreality.
If they think their loved oneis there, I cannot deny I can't
see that their loved one isthere, but I believe that they
are.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
I also like like I just, yeah, I think it's
intentional, I think it's likemeant to happen that way, just
because also the regularity I'veseen it and the not like random
people you know what I mean itis very specific people that
they're seeing who meant a lotto them, like it.
So it seems very profound, um,so I love, love that you share
that.
The other thing I want to talkabout is your reiki, because I
(21:03):
didn't realize that you were areiki master until, um, just
right before this um, we startedrecording.
My last guest last week was afriend of mine who's a reiki
master, um, and she was.
She's been talking to me aboutone of my dogs is old and
getting ready to pass and, um,the power, how powerful reiki
can be for him to help him pass,which sounds silly.
(21:24):
But I want to talk aboutReiki's role in your, in your,
in your, in your end of lifedueling, because, from what I've
heard, it can be verycomforting and help people to
ease into that transition.
So how?
Speaker 2 (21:36):
do you?
Find the two, tell me to meit's, it's, it's like.
I can't imagine doing onewithout the other to me so I do
Reiki and I I have a medicalReiki master as well as a Reiki
master.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
So and can you tell us the difference of that too,
before I forget, like along withthis what?
Because I don't know whatmedical Reiki is, so I'd love to
learn that too yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
So medical Reiki is Reiki.
It's just providing Reiki inthe clinical or medical setting.
And if you haven't, if you'reinterested in Reiki, they're my
medical Reiki teacher, ravenKeys, who passed away two years
ago.
She actually started doingReiki on folks in the operating
room.
It's phenomenal.
So it's Raven keys medicalReiki and it's an incredible
(22:22):
book and um.
And so she actually came toBoise a couple of years ago and
taught several of us about, uh,how to do Reiki in the clinical
setting.
And so I have completelyembraced that because that's my
medical background and and it'slike, how do I, how do I, how do
I blend the two?
How do I do my death work?
And it just seemed like anatural fit that it all goes
(22:45):
together.
And so Reiki in the clinicalsetting can be performed in an
infusion suite and, you know, inacupuncture it can be done
anywhere you receive medicaltreatment.
It just looks a littledifferent.
And in my most recent role wasdoing Reiki for folks in the
hospice setting which, again,you know, sometimes in my brain
(23:08):
I thought I needed to havepeople come into my little space
, you know, sit on the table.
I actually do a ton of homevisits where I just meet people
where they're at, so it's intheir hospital bed and their
wheelchair.
Sometimes I call it Reiki onthe fly.
When I'm in a dementia unit andthey start to move around, I'm
just holding their hand.
The staff in the facilities arelike can you come back tomorrow
(23:29):
?
Because they're receiving lessmedications for their anxiety
and their agitation.
It just really helps to calmthat nervous system down, and
that's what Reiki is in medicalterms, is that it really helps
to activate that parasympatheticnervous system.
It really helps people to getinto a deep, relaxed state.
So I've been using, I haveReiki in my life.
(23:51):
I've been a Reiki master since2019.
I am not the same person that Iwas.
I was kind of high strung, abit controlling, and my life is
completely different, and so howI utilize it in my death work
is um, I just start doing Reikias soon as, if they're open to
it.
Of course, not everybody isopen to Reiki, but, um, I, I
(24:11):
start, I start off early andthen, as they begin to go
through their process, um, I'vejust seen some beautiful things.
It's a beautiful complimentarytherapy that I think everybody
should have.
It really helps to um, um,provide uh, uh, a sense of
release, a relief, and thiscalmness and the family, you
(24:32):
know, ricky, is energy, and sothe whole, the whole house just
seems more grounded and morecentered.
They can just be in that energy.
It's lovely, and I've beendoing it for people at and like
when they're actively dying too,it's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
So I like to compare it to and I would love to know
cause I know it's not exactlyaccurate, but in my mind and
when I talk about it sometimesto like visualization, like pro
athletes and even some insurancecompanies like cover,
visualizations of like, becauseif you visualize your surgery,
it's been proven and having aneffective outcome has been
(25:07):
proven to work, having betteroutcomes.
So this is like the same kindof energy work of like, sending
an intention, would you?
Would you say that iscomparable for people who may be
having trouble wrapping theirtheir head around this concept
of Reiki as a medical practice.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Yes, and this left brain girl wants to still try
and figure it out.
I think that we cannot minimizethe power of mindfulness and
the power of thought.
To me, reiki is a superpowerbecause we can actually heal
ourselves Now.
Now, I'm not saying that peopleshould stop taking all their
(25:46):
medications and stop seekingmedical treatment, but this is
something that can be added toyour, your medical protocol,
treatment protocol.
To really, to really understandReiki, you have to.
I always encourage people totry it, but we do not understand
, or even can begin to realize,how much stress our bodies are
under.
And so, really, when we getinto that deep, relaxed state,
(26:10):
healing is possible.
And we know, you know, and noteverybody knows about the
difference between thesympathetic and the
parasympathetic right.
The sympathetic is that fightor flight, and physiologically
they know that the bloodpressure goes up, the heart rate
goes up, respirations go up,our blood vessels are
constricted.
There's no way that our bodycan sustain that for long
(26:31):
lengths of time.
When we activate thatparasympathetic nervous system,
our heart rate goes down, ourblood pressure goes down,
respiration's slow.
It's like we're just navigatinglife with a sense of ease.
I just think that if we reallyunderstood, we have more power
over our healthcare journey,then we have more power than we
(26:52):
realize.
Getting out in nature, takingactive steps, eating the right
food there's so much things thatwe ingest, you know, the media,
social media, family work,stress all of that stuff is just
energy.
(27:14):
I think that's why I love thetelepathy tapes is remembering,
when we get down to the center,the core of us, remembering that
we're all connected, thatthat's where the beauty lies.
And we have more power than werealize.
(27:36):
We can take control by how werespond or react to, you know,
people, places and time and allthe actions.
We really have more controlthan we realize.
Sorry, I go off on a tangent.
No, absolutely.
I'm right here with you and inmy head I'm thinking so.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
My specialty is burnout right, and that is what
happens when you live in thatstate of stress, on edge, but
you're in fight mode, you're inflight mode, what happens is
your body starts having seriousmedical issues and meltdowns,
which I experienced personallyand now I help women work
through.
But you're, you're.
We're talking about the oppositeend of the same spectrum here,
(28:06):
and I love that because it alldoes tie in and it all does
relate and we can heal ourselvesif we start first on some level
and, like I said, I work withpeople, like I always recommend
they have therapists, and Irecommend these other therapies
as well, like great, using Reiki, or using acupuncture, or using
massage, or going to yoga thesethings that make you turn in
(28:27):
because that's where the realanswers are found.
And then the death process.
I'm hearing very same right.
Turn inward and find your peace.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
Yeah, it's beautiful and I think that we can start
now preparing for our death LikeI try to live my life, living a
complete lifetime in one day.
So I'm living at this point asbest to my ability of like no
regrets.
It's like I don't know what itis Like.
(28:58):
I see so many people at the endof life.
They have regrets.
I know I'm going to haveregrets, but I don't want to
have regrets moving forward andso take life, live life fully,
leave the past behind and juststep into your own power.
Forget about what other peoplethink.
I think that's another tool ofjust really feeling empowered to
(29:21):
step into your beautifuloneness, expansive self and none
of my business what otherpeople think of me, just really
being in a state of rememberingthat we're all connected.
It's beautiful.
That's how I choose to live.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
I love that.
That is very beautiful.
So tell me what a typical timeperiod you work with a person is
like before they pass.
I know sometimes it time periodyou work with a person is like
before they they pass.
I know sometimes it's probablyvery short, but what are like
the longer time periods thatyou're working with people?
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Yeah, so, um, I can do um advanced care planning.
So, um, I can also offer what'scalled elder care, so providing
respite care, um, helpingpeople go to appointments and
things like that.
My, my, my passion is education, so really helping to way
before we get to the end of lifeand so really starting to help
(30:11):
people have communications,helping them to get their
advanced directives in order.
I'm doing something called myteacher.
My teacher, from her name, isSuzanne O'Brien, from doula
Givers, and I've been with herfor about five years and she
just wrote a book a couple ofmonths ago called the Good Death
, and I anyone, I just reallystrongly recommend anybody read
(30:31):
that because it really helps to,you know, explain how we got
here, the fear of death, how canwe plan for a good death?
And you know we're more thanjust our physical bodies.
There's our spiritual,emotional, mental and then
energetic body.
So if we can really care andtend to those, all those bodies
(30:53):
of ourselves, then really we canplan for a good death.
So if I can get in there early,I've even had I have a client
who's 88, who I helped her doher paperwork.
She calls it her dead box andshe's got it all together.
She's got all her passwords,everything her family needs in
case she does pass away.
They have all the informationand we meet and have dinner like
(31:14):
every three months, becauseshe's like when I'm ready, I'm
ready, I'm going to, I'm goingto, I'm going to hire you.
But at this point she isembracing life fully, so really
just staying connected to peopleand just really allowing them
to have conversations that theymay not necessarily feel
comfortable with having withtheir family members, but really
creating a death positiveexperience.
(31:36):
So I can start way back.
You know, the average length ofstay in hospice is two weeks.
Sometimes people are on hospicefor hours, which is unfortunate
.
So if we can help people soonerthan later.
I would say I had a client thefirst client I had where it was
a kind of a substantial amountof time.
I was with her for about fourmonths and started meeting with
(31:57):
her weekly, about three or fourhours a week, and we started
working on legacy work.
I was helping her to writeletters to her loved ones.
It's so amazing If you startwriting love letters to your
loved ones, to your futuregrandchildren, you know, um, uh,
you're the first.
You know.
All these firsts after someonepassed away are super tender All
of them are tender but writinglove notes to your family
(32:20):
members and sending those youknow, making arrangements for
flowers to be sent for yourspouse after they pass on your
anniversary.
So I just start working withpeople you know weekly and then,
as the time draws near, then Ican spend more time with them.
I've actually done overnightvisits with them, so it really
the person who is having theexperience or their family
(32:41):
members are really making thedecision on how much time is
needed, and it's real flexibleso it can be whatever they want
it to be.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
I can only imagine, too, that doing that planning
like for the woman you youmentioned that it probably helps
her live life more fullybecause she doesn't have to.
She doesn't have things shestill has to get done.
She has taken care of her stuff, put it away in a neat little
box and she tends to it when sheneeds to, but she's free to
live her life.
She doesn't have these tiesthat she has to get done before
(33:15):
she can put herself first.
And isn't that the battle thatwe're all fighting, right to put
our needs out there.
So it really seems like itwould be a freeing process to be
able to fully engage inyourself, in your life, at the
end to get this stuff out of theway Totally.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
And I you know people say they really want to have
their advanced directives done.
You know their end of lifewishes, but there is a very
small percentage of people thathave actually done it.
So that's like and then whathappens is that this person
doesn't know what you want.
Something happens, somethingcatastrophic happens.
They end up in the emergencyroom or the ICU, and then these
(33:50):
decisions have to be made atthat point.
Please do not wait until thatmoment.
It does take a lot of effortnot a lot of effort, but it does
take a little bit of a lift toget those, get those wishes
written down, let your peopleknow what you want, and then, if
something does happen, thenyou're ready.
The decision has already beenmade.
(34:11):
I think with the decision, oneof the things that I feel really
passionate about is kind of thewording of the advanced
directive.
So when you name a health careproxy, that person is not making
the decision for you.
That person is actuallycarrying out your wishes.
Yes, that's the goal, so thatthe decision doesn't have to be
(34:33):
made Right?
So the person that you chooseto speak for you if you are
unable to speak for yourself.
That's the goal of the advanceddirective.
You're not.
I mean, you can say, yeah, I'lldo whatever you want, but
really I think there's thatlevel of empowerment.
Let let your family know whatyou want and then trust, pick.
Make sure that you pick aperson that is going to carry
(34:55):
out your wishes.
That's the other thing.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Don't say you're going to have this person do it,
and then there'll be like oneperson in your family that has
no backbone, that the rest willpush around.
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
So I love that you say thatbecause that's the conversation
I've had with my parents.
They're like oh, you are anurse, you will make the
decisions.
I'm like, no, no, no, that'snot the point of this.
(35:18):
Yeah, I know what will happen,but that doesn't mean I know
what you want to happen to youand how far you want this.
We have this conversation allthe time Cause I'm like you need
to write down what you wouldwant and what circumstances,
because I can't make thatdecision for you.
I can tell you what I'd make formyself and I have had, like,
nurses I've worked alongside forlike 10 years tell me that they
(35:39):
would want every single thingdone to the very end, and it
shocked the hell out of mebecause those are not my beliefs
.
We do the same job, the sameviewpoint on life, and I could
see how my viewpoint might skewmy beliefs about that for my
parents.
You know what I mean.
They don't know what I want,what I see, so that people
deserve the right you have allearned the right to end your
(36:00):
life with as much control aspossible.
That's something I try to statetoo when I'm helping people
make this decision, because asan ICU nurse, I have so like I
mean I probably 80% of the endof life conversations I'm having
with people is telling themwhat do you think they would
want?
Think back to any conversationwhere you've talked about end of
life, because they don't knowand they're feeling lost and
(36:22):
they're feeling guilty andthey're feeling like people are
going to their sibling, theirbrother, their sister, that the
decision maker is feeling likepeople are going to blame them.
That's all not there.
If they have made their owndecisions and you know what they
want, and in the end, whenyou're stressed and trying to
grieve, thinking about whatconversations would we have
surrounding this?
What would they really want?
(36:42):
Have they ever told me?
It's not an easy thing to bedoing in that moment, when it's
so much better to give the giftof the people you love that are
left here to just be able togrieve you and not have to worry
about what you would want andworry about how the people left
will feel about these decisionsthey're making.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Oh, so much in that.
I, you know, I, when we love,when we, when we lose a person,
regardless, and the ones thatseem to be sudden and tragic,
super tender, super hard,because those last goodbyes you
don't get a chance to say thoselast goodbyes, even if it's
expected, it still does notdiminish the grief and the loss
(37:23):
and the pain that we experience.
But really, when all of ourfinancial, when all of all those
loose ends, all of thoseresponsibilities end up being
tended to afterwards, even justfuneral arrangements like did
they want to be buried?
did they want to be cremated?
Do they want to be?
Speaker 1 (37:42):
what does?
Speaker 2 (37:42):
she want to wear right, yeah or not?
If you marry me with my bra, Iwill come back and get you so?
we're just getting that clearhere.
So it's just like you have tobe able to have those
conversations and do find, youknow, find some, some common
(38:05):
ground.
You know, sometimes if it getsa little heavy, it's okay to
come back, come up for air.
There's a couple of things thatI wanted to mention.
The deck deck is a greatresource.
It's a card deck, it's a cardgame that you can actually you
can buy it, bring it and justinvite everybody over for dinner
, drinks, if you want.
And then it's a card game andit's just these questions that
(38:28):
you ask.
You know, like you know what,what, what would you, what would
you like to do?
You know, do you want to beburied?
Do you want to be cremated?
Do you want it?
There's, you know, all sorts ofbody dispositions.
There's composting.
You know there's all thesequestions.
Do you believe in the afterlife?
You know, how do you?
What would?
What's your biggest regret?
(38:48):
So there's some seriousquestions.
There's also funny ones, and soreally that offers an
opportunity for families ifthey're struggling with getting
the conversation started.
The death deck is a great toolfor that.
And then the other thing that Ithink about is a book from Atul
Gawande Living Mortal, beingMortal, oh my gosh, that really
(39:09):
was pivotal in my practice ofreally beginning to understand
that again, we, we are, um, wehave more power than we, than we
realize, on how we make thosemedical decisions, because
there's a million different waysthat we can die and um, and so
really, all these different um,you know, I think, um, I think.
(39:30):
What makes me sad, my hearthurt, when I see people get on
that medical treadmill Right,and so they're, they're
sustaining life.
But really, when we aresustaining life, are we really
living?
And so I think about quality oflife versus quantity.
And my husband has a cancerdiagnosis and we talk about this
all the time.
(39:51):
He has A, b and C.
If he can't go fishing, if hecan't play A, b and C, if he
can't go fishing, if he can'tplay with his grandchildren, you
know, if he can't, he loves toeat.
He and I are both big foodies.
You know, if, if, if he isn'table to do those things that he
loves, then you know,considering making some changes.
You know, then we'll haveanother conversation.
But I think that when we have,when we find that we have
(40:13):
purpose and meaning in our life,um, then then, uh, you know
having a life that's worthliving, but when really, um,
when, when the scale is tipped,you know we do need to begin to
reflect back and and realizeagain we have more power than we
realize.
We can choose to stop treatment.
That may not be a decision foreverybody, but really, when we
think about quality of life,it's a decision based on your
(40:37):
ideas and beliefs and what'scomfortable for you, and it may
not be in alignment with others,but I think that, again, we
just have to honor everybody'sdecision of where they're at,
everybody's on their own journey, and we have to respect that.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
Yeah, and I think something for people who aren't
medical, like extending lifesometimes is very, very, very
painful.
It is not an, it's not apeaceful process to extend life
through a lot of medical meansand for some people they're okay
with that.
They want to fight till the endand they deserve that Right.
(41:12):
But for people who don't know,there are a lot of people out
there who would rather notsuffer and they don't know
necessarily that thoseextensions to keep you know, the
some of the things we do arequite uncomfortable.
So having that talk awarenessis also super helpful, because
you get in there and you're likewhat's happening.
So this is there's.
(41:34):
So much can be avoided and somuch beauty that can be created
through being open about theseconversations early.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
And are we making?
Are we making a decision out oflove or are we just making a
decision out of fear?
And so I think, when we reallyget into that place of just
honoring, and so I think, whenwe really get into that place of
just honoring, okay, is this afearful decision or is this a
decision that is in alignmentwith what makes me feel right in
(42:03):
this moment, and it can change.
You know, like I'm done, I'mdone, I don't want treatment.
And then it's like, oh my gosh,I have my grandbaby now, and so
I'm going to just go a littlelonger.
One of the biggest things thatbothers me so much is when I
(42:24):
hear people say, oh, they losttheir battle to cancer, or you
know, it's like they didn't loseanything, they fought hard.
Please stop saying that.
They didn't they, they, theyfought, they fought.
And so when, if death is abattle, then we're all going to
lose.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
Everyone will, and so transition to the next thing,
whatever that is.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
That's right, yeah, so when we really embrace death,
we really are embracing andsaying yes to life.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
I love that.
That's so beautiful.
Okay, I want to spend some ofthis time talking about you a
little bit here.
So do you help people just inyour local area, or do you work
with people virtually as well?
Speaker 2 (42:57):
Yeah, both I do Teledula and also I have a Reiki
practice where I can do Reiki,a distance Reiki, so really just
supporting people.
I can do Zoom calls, I can justdo it over the phone.
It can look like whateverpeople need at a distance wise,
(43:17):
and then also here locally inthe Treasure Valley, I travel to
people's homes.
I have a little spot for Reiki.
I just meet people wherethey're at.
Yeah, I love.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
That I don't want to.
I want to also like give voiceto how powerful it is to meet
people where they are.
It's part of like that littlepiece of my podcast.
This is like challenging thepatriarchy and you know, part of
that is like a break from thisvery stiff, standardized way of
doing things, and doing thingsbased around what people need,
(43:46):
about a based around individualslives needs where they're at in
that moment.
It's such a powerful thing onso many levels and this is just
another beautiful example ofthat.
If someone were interested andwanted to get a hold of you
maybe consultation or get thisprocess started, or maybe talk
(44:07):
to you about how they approachtheir elderly parents, who they
want to be prepared for maybeit's the other way around how
would they find you or what doyou recommend them doing?
Speaker 2 (44:17):
Yeah, so for dual work I provide a 30 minute free
consultation so we can just sitand talk for a little bit and
figure out what exactly they'relooking for support in, and then
they can call me.
They can send an email totruenorthawakening at gmailcom.
They can fill out a littlecontact information on my
(44:39):
website.
Facebook, instagram andLinkedIn are all great ways to
reach out to me.
Speaker 1 (44:45):
And they're all.
The True North Awakening is howto find you.
All this will be in the shownotes, but I like to say it too,
because not everyone stops andlooks at the show notes, which
is understandable, so I like toget that on here too.
And one thing I ask all myguests is like what is your
go-to self-care when things arejust like getting out of control
and you're feeling like over it?
(45:06):
What's your go-to?
Speaker 2 (45:08):
My breath.
You know, I think that you knowI I'm a big, I'm a big advocate
of connecting with nature andbut I can connect with my breath
anywhere.
So if I'm in between clients oryou know, I have a sacred time
in the morning that I sit andmeditate.
Sometimes I don't get as muchtime as I'd like, but you know
(45:31):
it just takes three breathsreally to just ground ourselves.
I have river rocks in my carwhen I'm feeling super
ungrounded, and pine cones andand really if we can just, you
know I have a phrase calledcalled be where my hands are.
So if I can just connect withmy hands, connect with my body,
connect with my breath, thatbrings me back into an alignment
, knowing that all is well righthere.
Speaker 1 (45:55):
Back into an alignment, knowing that all is
well right here right now,because it is because it is all
well.
Right here.
You have a very calmingpresence.
I gotta say so.
Whatever you're doing isworking, because I can feel it
from here.
It makes me feel calm, so Iappreciate that.
I can only imagine howcomforting it would be to be
like interacting with you insuch a vulnerable time of
someone's life.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
So yeah, I owe it all to Reiki.
I feel like I was just havingthis conversation with my
husband last night.
I am not the same person that Iwas.
I wish everyone could get Reikiattuned and integrated into
their life.
Everyone can use a little Reiki, because Reiki is love and it's
a.
We can admit it.
We can administer Reiki toourselves.
(46:35):
We can administer Reiki toeveryone on the planet.
It's really a form of activism.
So when we're feeling a littleuntethered and knowing that
there's a lot going on in ourworld, we can send Reiki to the
world, the planet to one another, and it just helps to.
Really it's like a rippleeffect.
It's just sending out love andpeace to the world.
(46:55):
So thank you.
Speaker 1 (46:56):
I feel your ripple and I appreciate it.
Thank you so much for being onthe show.
Is there anything you want toleave us with before we go?
Speaker 2 (47:03):
Oh my gosh, you know, I think that really remembering
that we are all each light andthat, when, I know, sometimes
our light within us becomes alittle dim with circumstances or
things that have happened to usin our life, we really have
(47:24):
this pilot light within each ofus.
So all we have to do isremember to ignite that pilot
light and just when we ignitethat flame and when we become
the light that will empowerothers to find light within
themselves.
And it's just like sharing acandle, right?
So you share your light andit'll expand and we'll just
(47:46):
light up this whole world.
Speaker 1 (47:48):
I love that Beautiful .
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
You're welcome.
Thank you so much.
I appreciate your time.
It's been lovely.
Yes,
Welcome to Empowered Eve, the podcast dedicated to
inspiring women to turn inwardand take ownership of their mind
, body and soul.
I'm so excited to announce ourguest today, christina Sosa.
She's a remarkable Reiki master, an end-of-life doula and
founder of True North Awakening.
Christine's journey intocaregiving began in her youth,
(00:26):
instilling in her a deepunderstanding of the value of
time and connection.
From supporting an elderlywoman with dementia as a
teenager to her subsequent rolesas a certified nursing
assistant and oncology nurse,christine has provided
compassionate care to hundreds,often holding hands with those
nearing their final moments.
(00:46):
The transformation into a Reikipractitioner emerged from
personal health challenges,leading her to explore energy
healing as a path to holisticwell-being.
Christine's story is atestament to the incredible
potential of integratingtraditional and alternative
medicine.
The incredible potential ofintegrating traditional and
(01:06):
alternative medicine.
She believes that dying is ahuman experience, not merely a
medical event, and finds a deepfulfillment in guiding others
through their healing journeysat every stage of life.
Join us as Christine delvesinto her life's work, reflecting
on sacred moments she witnessedand the powerful lessons she's
learned about living fully.
Non-sacred moments shewitnessed and the powerful
(01:27):
lessons she's learned aboutliving fully.
Her insights serve as a guidinglight for anyone seeking to
understand the profoundconnection between healing life
and death.
Welcome, christine, toEmpowered Eats.
We're excited to learn fromyour incredible list of
inexperience.
Well welcome, christine, I'm sohappy to have you.
Well welcome, christine, I'm sohappy to have you.
How are you doing today?
Speaker 2 (01:47):
I'm great.
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm super excited to be hereAll right Now.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
tell me where you're located for our listeners.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
I am located in Boise , idaho, boise.
I love that.
And then can you tell us alittle bit about what an end-of
doula is?
Sure, so I have a nursingbackground and I've been a nurse
(02:15):
for 30 years and I really hadalways wanted to work with folks
at the end of life and I wasn'treally sure how that would fit
in with nursing, and so Idiscovered an end-of-life doula,
kind of by default.
It was by divine guidance, and,in my words, an end-of-life
doula is something or someonethat has really been doing,
(02:38):
considered a helper and someonewho is really supporting people
at the end of life.
To me it's very similar to abirthing doula, so a birthing
doula I think more people arefamiliar with that it is someone
who helps mom and baby from thebeginning, before, during and
after birth, and so anend-of-life doula is someone who
(02:59):
helps support the person at theend of life at the beginning
stages, during, and then offersbereavement to loved one
afterwards.
So, in essence, an end-of-lifedoula is a holistic, non-medical
practitioner that supportspeople on their journey until
they take their last breath andafterwards.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Beautiful.
Sorry, I had to mute you.
My dog was licking anyone.
She's usually pretty good, butokay, well, I love that
description because I think, um,so death or end of life, doula
seems to be something that'sgrowing, that I'm hearing more
and more about, but I don'tthink it's something that many
people really understand whatrole you serve or how powerful
(03:46):
this can be.
So can you tell me a little bit, maybe about like how people
seek you out and maybe like thecircumstances or like who you
would be, what kind of peopleyou would, really they could
benefit from your services?
I know at the end of life itseems like anyone at the end of
(04:06):
life, but I don't know.
I just want to hear a littlebit from your perspective over
like who can really benefit fromthese services.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Yeah, so anyone, I, you know, I, I think oftentimes
people will say, well, I'm notready yet, I'm not going yet,
and I'm like, oh my gosh, thework can start way before.
And so, really, an end of lifedoula's role, one of the many
roles of an end of life doula iseducation.
So, really, what we want to dois help people even start
(04:32):
thinking about the inevitablejourney that we're all going to
take.
For some reason I don't knowwhat happened, but we have
become a death denying society,like I think, people believe,
like we're not going to die andit's like, well, you know
spoiler alert yes, we are allgoing to get there, and so
oftentimes people will say Ididn't even know how.
(04:52):
How can you do this work?
It seems really sad, and for me, when I work with people at end
of life or even people who arewilling to have the conversation
, it's so life affirming.
It is powerful to be in thatspace to not only help people
navigate those difficultconversations with their loved
ones how do they process theirown terminal diagnosis and then
(05:15):
it actually helps to empowerpeople, knowing that they have
more control over their end oflife experience than they
realize.
And I think what's happening isthat we have created this death
, denying society.
We are all fearful of death andI don't know what happened.
I really feel like in and Icome from a medical background
(05:38):
and sometimes I'm just standingin the middle of the forest
shouting at the top of my lungslike what are we doing here?
You know what are we doing here?
We are so far removed from thenatural process of end of life
that it really baffles me.
We have to embrace this.
Animals die, plants die.
(05:58):
You know, there's just thisevolution of our beautiful
planet.
There's this life and rebirth.
That is happening among all ofus each and every day.
So why don't we uh, turn thataround and allow ourselves to
embrace this journey that we'regoing to take?
It can be beautiful, I've seenit hundreds of times and so why
(06:20):
are we so fearful of death?
Speaker 1 (06:23):
so so you said so many powerful things.
There's so many questions.
I love it.
I'm like you said so much, butI want to take you back to, like
one of the first things yousaid, because I think it was
super powerful and that you said, like that, a death.
Part of your role is helpingpeople talk to their own family
members about death, because I,like I've been I've been a
(06:46):
critical care nurse for 10 years, so for me, death is like you
know I.
And then another powerful thingyou said which I want to touch
on later is, like when I broughtthat to my family, they are not
medical people, so they theyare in full denial of wanting to
plan, because after I'm workingin the ICU, you know, I want
everyone I love to have a planof how they want to die, because
I don't want us to be leftleaving that decision, which I
think, as a nurse, youunderstand why that would be so
(07:08):
powerful, because we end up inthat situation with people.
But I think part of it is thisinability to know how to talk
about it be a really powerfulthing with when, when, given a
(07:31):
new diagnosis or even decidingthat it's that time in your life
.
It can not.
It can be a very difficultconversation with family members
who are not ready to hear it,so I just would love to hear a
little bit about yourperspective of that, I guess.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Yeah, so it starts, I think, with childhood, and so
how we were I don't really likethe word programmed, but these,
this culturally created selfthat is created for each
individual, somehow these seedswere planted, I think early on,
that you know, if we weren'treally exposed to a lot of death
, then you know if grandma ispassed away we don't really get
(08:06):
to touch and love and connectwith our loved ones that are
passing away.
You know we just show up to afuneral and then you know
there's no bereavement, there'sno processing.
You know everyone's crying.
It seems really scary and sad,and so I think it really begins
with childhood.
So if we can begin to allow ourchildren, our pets, everyone be
(08:31):
a part of the dying process, Ithink that really helps set the
stage for how we process andtalk to other people about death
.
There is this possibility of usbeing, when we touch death, when
we experience death on apersonal level.
How we respond and react to italso sets the stage on how we
(08:57):
influence others and how weinteract or kind of do the dance
as we're processing our ownterminal diagnosis or helping
our family and loved ones.
But I think for me personallyit wasn't until I actually was
forced, having to take care ofall these loved ones that I in
my family, you know, a death wasjust in my face.
(09:18):
And even being a nurse andhaving seen so many end of life,
having seen so many lastbreaths, it's so different when
it's your person.
It's so different when it'syour person and so really, you
just kind of have to practice.
And with each time I've hadexperience with supporting
(09:40):
people at the end of life myloved ones, my mom, my dad, my
in-laws, everyone.
It's a practice and when we arefaced with so much death, we
actually begin to question ourown mortality and we begin it's
just like this little valve thatgets looser and looser and
looser.
It's like, okay, it's safe totalk about this.
I'm the one that wants to talkabout it.
(10:01):
My family's like no, no, no, no, and so I get really excited
about it.
But I think, the more that youwant to talk about it, you can
ask your family.
You know this is reallyimportant to me, this is really
meaningful.
Can we have this conversation?
And it's not going to be a oneand done thing.
People are just going to havesome resistance, but and we have
(10:25):
to just honor where they're atin their life experiences.
But really those are thehardest conversations to have.
But but I think saying yourwishes and allowing yourself,
your loved ones, to honor yourwishes is the greatest gift for
everyone involved.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Yes, yes, I, yes, a hundred percent agree with that.
I love that you were talkingabout starting in childhood
because it makes me think oflike traditionally, when before
we had like funeral services,people like kept their, their
dead in their home and theywalked, they them themselves and
(11:00):
like had the time to saygoodbye to them.
You know, that was like thewhole parlor room thing was to
display your dead and I thinksome people might hear that and
their skin might crawl.
But when I was first ICU, wedid this really beautiful
practice that when someonepassed we bathed them and before
we sent them to what we do withthem, and I found it to be such
(11:24):
a beautiful practice and itfelt so beautiful to be able to
do that for someone and it mademe think, like I mean, my, I
have not lost my parents, but atthe time I thought, man, I
could see how this would helpyou closure, like it's such a
gift, a loving gift to do, eventhough it's like their, their
body.
It's like it's a beautifulpractice and I can see just how
(11:46):
much that would be part of your,it could be part of someone's
closure if they're open to that,obviously.
If you're not, but that makesyour skin crawl not you, but for
me.
I thought, oh man, I could seeback in the day how people were
so much more connected to thisprocess Because, like to me, it
was a gift to give them in theend, like it was a beautiful
saying goodbye, you know, andthe Abbeys were not my close
(12:07):
family members, so maybe thatwas a little easier closure for
me, but it just made me think ofthat time when that's actually
how we treated our loved onesand how that could be more
powerful if we were more presentwith it, you know, if we were
more present with our death.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Absolutely.
It's beautiful.
I think that's one of likethat's a week right, and in the
Jewish faith they have Shiva, sothat's seven days, you know,
and awake is three days, and soreally I think, just in my
experience, you know, firstworking with hospice patients
(12:42):
for a while, it was like oh mygosh, my, you know, my person,
my loved one, died, and so theyimmediately call hospice and
then they just sweep their lovedone, you know, the funeral home
comes and then they're gone andit's just like wait a minute,
they were alive and now they'renot and there's this empty bed.
And so I love the idea ofhaving home weeks and funerals.
Those are having a rebirth,really just embracing, spending
(13:03):
time with your loved one,bathing them.
You know.
I love the idea of anointing,you know, putting essential oils
on, putting lotions on andthere was a gentleman I loved.
He was rubbing his lotion onhis mom's feet and hands.
He's like I've never done thisbefore.
I'm like this is your lastopportunity.
You're not going to get thischance again with your person.
Sit down, have a cup of teawith your person.
(13:26):
You don't.
Death is not an emergency right.
Take all the time that you needwith your person, even if it's
just a couple of hours, thephone calls can wait.
There is something sacred aboutwhen you observe your person,
or any person for that matter.
Take that last breath, thebreath that will no longer
return, and there is just all ofa sudden.
(13:48):
Then it's just like there's abig gap in space and time, like
you are not going to get thistime back.
So I always encourage people totake that time, love on your
person, dress them in somebeautiful clothes, put flowers,
you know, whatever, whatever,setting the stage of really just
embracing that moment, becauseit is a sacred time.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
I love that.
I love that.
Now I want to talk to you alittle bit about the process of
dying, because I have my my youknow medical experience of it.
But from what I've heard fromand just in passing, I think, up
close from women who do whatyou do and is that there is this
profound experience you canhave in this process where you
(14:29):
can really gain a lot, and I'veseen little bits and pieces of
just stories that emerge, seeingpeople in the room.
Like you know, there are thingsthat happen during this process
.
They're really beautiful if youallow them to and, you know,
don't try to fight it and so I'dlove to hear a little bit about
your experiences with that, orwhat's possible for people that
(14:51):
may not know, you know.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Oh, that's a great question.
So you know, for one, we reallyhave to check ourselves at the
door when we're supportingsomeone at the end of life.
You know, I, you know, as ahospice nurse, I really
struggled because I reallywanted everyone to just have
this beautiful end of lifeexperience and I wanted to just
(15:16):
say here's this package, it'sall wrapped up in a bow Now have
your beautiful end of lifeexperience, and sometimes, most
of the time, that happens.
But there can be a processwhere I call all of those loose
ends Like if we don't tie up ourloose ends I'm such an advocate
for forgiveness, work andreally doing the work while
(15:39):
we're here right now, justreally doing our own
interpersonal work, can reallyset the stage on a more peaceful
end of life experience.
I've witnessed it.
I've witnessed it.
I've witnessed it.
I know it's possible.
So, please, I encourageeveryone to do your work today.
There is something powerfulabout that.
But the end of life experienceto me is very similar to the
(16:01):
birthing process.
I have a son who is now 30 andI wanted to have a natural birth
, like I wanted it to be.
I wanted no drugs, I wanted itto be so natural and just
amazing and I had envisioned howit was going to go.
And I had friends who you knowhad had children and they, like
you know, they would cough andthen the baby would be birthed.
(16:22):
Right, it was just like that.
Right, they made it lookpainless.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
They took a shower before they went in.
Yeah, oh yeah, they werebeautiful.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
It was just like here's the baby, and that was
not my experience at all.
It was long, I had somecomplications, it was not
natural at all and so and it wasdays, I labored for days and
that is to me just like thebirthing process.
I wish we could all just die inour sleep Like I wish that.
You know, I wish that foreveryone.
(16:51):
That's not the norm.
I think what happens is thereis a laboring process and so
really we have to be, we have toreally get good with death, and
it's a process.
It is just like the laboringprocess.
Death and it's a process.
It is just like the laboringprocess.
And so when people begin totransition, and that's when
people start to lose interest infood and water, their
(17:11):
swallowing reflex really startsto diminish and so it becomes
unsafe for them to eat.
And then they sleep longer,they begin to stay in bed longer
and eventually they go intotheir sleep coma and they're in
the transitional phase.
That's where all the magic,there's the stabilization phase,
where the magic can happen, andthat's when all the I love,
(17:33):
you's, I'm sorry's, you know,spending time with one another,
reading books, listening tomusic, all of that is magical.
But once they hit that sleepcoma state.
They are no longer able to getout of bed.
But sometimes there issomething, there's this
restlessness that can happen,and so they call it terminal
agitation, where there's this,where people would say I need to
(17:56):
go home, I'm ready to go home.
And sometimes we argue with ourpeople, like you are home and
they're like, no, I want to gohome.
Our people, like you are homeand they're like, no, I want to
go home.
And so I've heard instanceswhere other doulas have, you
know, like, okay, what do youneed?
And so let's pack a bag.
You know, let's put your dressand your shoes and let's get
your bag ready, set it next toyour bed so that the person can
(18:18):
feel comfortable, like, okay,I'm ready, I'm ready to go home.
They oftentimes to begin to seetheir loved ones that have
already crossed over and as aend of life doula, I've seen it
too many times to just dismissthat.
And I think a lot of people inthe hospice world and in your
work as well, when you seepeople that are nearing the end,
(18:38):
they are talking to their lovedones, they're reaching out to
parents a lot.
Yes, they're there.
I am a firm believer.
You cannot convince meotherwise that our loved ones
they're reaching out theirparents a lot.
Yes, they're there.
I am a firm believer.
You cannot convince meotherwise.
That our loved ones that havecrossed over are there to help
guide us, like I can't.
I can't deny that anymore.
There's angelic figures, likethey're.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
They're there to support us yeah, I just listened
to the telepathy tapes that itlike blew my mind open and I
know so.
I'm like that's what I'm soexcited to have you too.
But um, so the other thing thatI love about this and this is
all not just the death process,this is also dementia but um,
sometimes it's like these veryearly childhood memory stories
(19:17):
get unlocked for people and it'sa time where you can, if you
don't try to argue with them, ifyou just sit down and listen to
them, you will hear things,learn stories, just see a
different side of them than youhave ever heard.
Because it's like this thesememories they haven't been able
to access for some reason becomeaccessible and valuable it's
(19:39):
powerful, it's powerful.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
I, the telepathy tapes.
Like I, I could listen to thatover and over and over again.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
That's my jam, that's totally my jam.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
And I would do Reiki.
I have done Reiki on hundredsof people with dementia and
Alzheimer's and I would see thenurses notes, like you know they
would.
The patient would be talking inword salad, they're, they're
not putting you know they're.
They aren't able to put wordstogether and they're nonsensical
talking and and I was in mymind I'm like we had a great
(20:09):
time, like I just entered theirreality and um, and we had a
beautiful session.
And so when really in Reiki,when people are able to get into
that deep, relaxed state,anything is possible.
And so you're right, whenpeople are nearing their end of
life, all sorts of things canhappen.
Some beautiful things canhappen If we really can just
(20:29):
accept people where they are andallow them to have their
experience, just enter theirreality.
If they think their loved oneis there, I cannot deny I can't
see that their loved one isthere, but I believe that they
are.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
I also like like I just, yeah, I think it's
intentional, I think it's likemeant to happen that way, just
because also the regularity I'veseen it and the not like random
people you know what I mean itis very specific people that
they're seeing who meant a lotto them, like it.
So it seems very profound, um,so I love, love that you share
that.
The other thing I want to talkabout is your reiki, because I
(21:03):
didn't realize that you were areiki master until, um, just
right before this um, we startedrecording.
My last guest last week was afriend of mine who's a reiki
master, um, and she was.
She's been talking to me aboutone of my dogs is old and
getting ready to pass and, um,the power, how powerful reiki
can be for him to help him pass,which sounds silly.
(21:24):
But I want to talk aboutReiki's role in your, in your,
in your, in your end of lifedueling, because, from what I've
heard, it can be verycomforting and help people to
ease into that transition.
So how?
Speaker 2 (21:36):
do you?
Find the two, tell me to meit's, it's, it's like.
I can't imagine doing onewithout the other to me so I do
Reiki and I I have a medicalReiki master as well as a Reiki
master.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
So and can you tell us the difference of that too,
before I forget, like along withthis what?
Because I don't know whatmedical Reiki is, so I'd love to
learn that too yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
So medical Reiki is Reiki.
It's just providing Reiki inthe clinical or medical setting.
And if you haven't, if you'reinterested in Reiki, they're my
medical Reiki teacher, ravenKeys, who passed away two years
ago.
She actually started doingReiki on folks in the operating
room.
It's phenomenal.
So it's Raven keys medicalReiki and it's an incredible
(22:22):
book and um.
And so she actually came toBoise a couple of years ago and
taught several of us about, uh,how to do Reiki in the clinical
setting.
And so I have completelyembraced that because that's my
medical background and and it'slike, how do I, how do I, how do
I blend the two?
How do I do my death work?
And it just seemed like anatural fit that it all goes
(22:45):
together.
And so Reiki in the clinicalsetting can be performed in an
infusion suite and, you know, inacupuncture it can be done
anywhere you receive medicaltreatment.
It just looks a littledifferent.
And in my most recent role wasdoing Reiki for folks in the
hospice setting which, again,you know, sometimes in my brain
(23:08):
I thought I needed to havepeople come into my little space
, you know, sit on the table.
I actually do a ton of homevisits where I just meet people
where they're at, so it's intheir hospital bed and their
wheelchair.
Sometimes I call it Reiki onthe fly.
When I'm in a dementia unit andthey start to move around, I'm
just holding their hand.
The staff in the facilities arelike can you come back tomorrow
(23:29):
?
Because they're receiving lessmedications for their anxiety
and their agitation.
It just really helps to calmthat nervous system down, and
that's what Reiki is in medicalterms, is that it really helps
to activate that parasympatheticnervous system.
It really helps people to getinto a deep, relaxed state.
So I've been using, I haveReiki in my life.
(23:51):
I've been a Reiki master since2019.
I am not the same person that Iwas.
I was kind of high strung, abit controlling, and my life is
completely different, and so howI utilize it in my death work
is um, I just start doing Reikias soon as, if they're open to
it.
Of course, not everybody isopen to Reiki, but, um, I, I
(24:11):
start, I start off early andthen, as they begin to go
through their process, um, I'vejust seen some beautiful things.
It's a beautiful complimentarytherapy that I think everybody
should have.
It really helps to um, um,provide uh, uh, a sense of
release, a relief, and thiscalmness and the family, you
(24:32):
know, ricky, is energy, and sothe whole, the whole house just
seems more grounded and morecentered.
They can just be in that energy.
It's lovely, and I've beendoing it for people at and like
when they're actively dying too,it's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
So I like to compare it to and I would love to know
cause I know it's not exactlyaccurate, but in my mind and
when I talk about it sometimesto like visualization, like pro
athletes and even some insurancecompanies like cover,
visualizations of like, becauseif you visualize your surgery,
it's been proven and having aneffective outcome has been
(25:07):
proven to work, having betteroutcomes.
So this is like the same kindof energy work of like, sending
an intention, would you?
Would you say that iscomparable for people who may be
having trouble wrapping theirtheir head around this concept
of Reiki as a medical practice.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Yes, and this left brain girl wants to still try
and figure it out.
I think that we cannot minimizethe power of mindfulness and
the power of thought.
To me, reiki is a superpowerbecause we can actually heal
ourselves Now.
Now, I'm not saying that peopleshould stop taking all their
(25:46):
medications and stop seekingmedical treatment, but this is
something that can be added toyour, your medical protocol,
treatment protocol.
To really, to really understandReiki, you have to.
I always encourage people totry it, but we do not understand
, or even can begin to realize,how much stress our bodies are
under.
And so, really, when we getinto that deep, relaxed state,
(26:10):
healing is possible.
And we know, you know, and noteverybody knows about the
difference between thesympathetic and the
parasympathetic right.
The sympathetic is that fightor flight, and physiologically
they know that the bloodpressure goes up, the heart rate
goes up, respirations go up,our blood vessels are
constricted.
There's no way that our bodycan sustain that for long
(26:31):
lengths of time.
When we activate thatparasympathetic nervous system,
our heart rate goes down, ourblood pressure goes down,
respiration's slow.
It's like we're just navigatinglife with a sense of ease.
I just think that if we reallyunderstood, we have more power
over our healthcare journey,then we have more power than we
(26:52):
realize.
Getting out in nature, takingactive steps, eating the right
food there's so much things thatwe ingest, you know, the media,
social media, family work,stress all of that stuff is just
energy.
(27:14):
I think that's why I love thetelepathy tapes is remembering,
when we get down to the center,the core of us, remembering that
we're all connected, thatthat's where the beauty lies.
And we have more power than werealize.
(27:36):
We can take control by how werespond or react to, you know,
people, places and time and allthe actions.
We really have more controlthan we realize.
Sorry, I go off on a tangent.
No, absolutely.
I'm right here with you and inmy head I'm thinking so.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
My specialty is burnout right, and that is what
happens when you live in thatstate of stress, on edge, but
you're in fight mode, you're inflight mode, what happens is
your body starts having seriousmedical issues and meltdowns,
which I experienced personallyand now I help women work
through.
But you're, you're.
We're talking about the oppositeend of the same spectrum here,
(28:06):
and I love that because it alldoes tie in and it all does
relate and we can heal ourselvesif we start first on some level
and, like I said, I work withpeople, like I always recommend
they have therapists, and Irecommend these other therapies
as well, like great, using Reiki, or using acupuncture, or using
massage, or going to yoga thesethings that make you turn in
(28:27):
because that's where the realanswers are found.
And then the death process.
I'm hearing very same right.
Turn inward and find your peace.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
Yeah, it's beautiful and I think that we can start
now preparing for our death LikeI try to live my life, living a
complete lifetime in one day.
So I'm living at this point asbest to my ability of like no
regrets.
It's like I don't know what itis Like.
(28:58):
I see so many people at the endof life.
They have regrets.
I know I'm going to haveregrets, but I don't want to
have regrets moving forward andso take life, live life fully,
leave the past behind and juststep into your own power.
Forget about what other peoplethink.
I think that's another tool ofjust really feeling empowered to
(29:21):
step into your beautifuloneness, expansive self and none
of my business what otherpeople think of me, just really
being in a state of rememberingthat we're all connected.
It's beautiful.
That's how I choose to live.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
I love that.
That is very beautiful.
So tell me what a typical timeperiod you work with a person is
like before they pass.
I know sometimes it time periodyou work with a person is like
before they they pass.
I know sometimes it's probablyvery short, but what are like
the longer time periods thatyou're working with people?
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Yeah, so, um, I can do um advanced care planning.
So, um, I can also offer what'scalled elder care, so providing
respite care, um, helpingpeople go to appointments and
things like that.
My, my, my passion is education, so really helping to way
before we get to the end of lifeand so really starting to help
(30:11):
people have communications,helping them to get their
advanced directives in order.
I'm doing something called myteacher.
My teacher, from her name, isSuzanne O'Brien, from doula
Givers, and I've been with herfor about five years and she
just wrote a book a couple ofmonths ago called the Good Death
, and I anyone, I just reallystrongly recommend anybody read
(30:31):
that because it really helps to,you know, explain how we got
here, the fear of death, how canwe plan for a good death?
And you know we're more thanjust our physical bodies.
There's our spiritual,emotional, mental and then
energetic body.
So if we can really care andtend to those, all those bodies
(30:53):
of ourselves, then really we canplan for a good death.
So if I can get in there early,I've even had I have a client
who's 88, who I helped her doher paperwork.
She calls it her dead box andshe's got it all together.
She's got all her passwords,everything her family needs in
case she does pass away.
They have all the informationand we meet and have dinner like
(31:14):
every three months, becauseshe's like when I'm ready, I'm
ready, I'm going to, I'm goingto, I'm going to hire you.
But at this point she isembracing life fully, so really
just staying connected to peopleand just really allowing them
to have conversations that theymay not necessarily feel
comfortable with having withtheir family members, but really
creating a death positiveexperience.
(31:36):
So I can start way back.
You know, the average length ofstay in hospice is two weeks.
Sometimes people are on hospicefor hours, which is unfortunate
.
So if we can help people soonerthan later.
I would say I had a client thefirst client I had where it was
a kind of a substantial amountof time.
I was with her for about fourmonths and started meeting with
(31:57):
her weekly, about three or fourhours a week, and we started
working on legacy work.
I was helping her to writeletters to her loved ones.
It's so amazing If you startwriting love letters to your
loved ones, to your futuregrandchildren, you know, um, uh,
you're the first.
You know.
All these firsts after someonepassed away are super tender All
of them are tender but writinglove notes to your family
(32:20):
members and sending those youknow, making arrangements for
flowers to be sent for yourspouse after they pass on your
anniversary.
So I just start working withpeople you know weekly and then,
as the time draws near, then Ican spend more time with them.
I've actually done overnightvisits with them, so it really
the person who is having theexperience or their family
(32:41):
members are really making thedecision on how much time is
needed, and it's real flexibleso it can be whatever they want
it to be.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
I can only imagine, too, that doing that planning
like for the woman you youmentioned that it probably helps
her live life more fullybecause she doesn't have to.
She doesn't have things shestill has to get done.
She has taken care of her stuff, put it away in a neat little
box and she tends to it when sheneeds to, but she's free to
live her life.
She doesn't have these tiesthat she has to get done before
(33:15):
she can put herself first.
And isn't that the battle thatwe're all fighting, right to put
our needs out there.
So it really seems like itwould be a freeing process to be
able to fully engage inyourself, in your life, at the
end to get this stuff out of theway Totally.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
And I you know people say they really want to have
their advanced directives done.
You know their end of lifewishes, but there is a very
small percentage of people thathave actually done it.
So that's like and then whathappens is that this person
doesn't know what you want.
Something happens, somethingcatastrophic happens.
They end up in the emergencyroom or the ICU, and then these
(33:50):
decisions have to be made atthat point.
Please do not wait until thatmoment.
It does take a lot of effortnot a lot of effort, but it does
take a little bit of a lift toget those, get those wishes
written down, let your peopleknow what you want, and then, if
something does happen, thenyou're ready.
The decision has already beenmade.
(34:11):
I think with the decision, oneof the things that I feel really
passionate about is kind of thewording of the advanced
directive.
So when you name a health careproxy, that person is not making
the decision for you.
That person is actuallycarrying out your wishes.
Yes, that's the goal, so thatthe decision doesn't have to be
(34:33):
made Right?
So the person that you chooseto speak for you if you are
unable to speak for yourself.
That's the goal of the advanceddirective.
You're not.
I mean, you can say, yeah, I'lldo whatever you want, but
really I think there's thatlevel of empowerment.
Let let your family know whatyou want and then trust, pick.
Make sure that you pick aperson that is going to carry
(34:55):
out your wishes.
That's the other thing.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Don't say you're going to have this person do it,
and then there'll be like oneperson in your family that has
no backbone, that the rest willpush around.
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
So I love that you say thatbecause that's the conversation
I've had with my parents.
They're like oh, you are anurse, you will make the
decisions.
I'm like, no, no, no, that'snot the point of this.
(35:18):
Yeah, I know what will happen,but that doesn't mean I know
what you want to happen to youand how far you want this.
We have this conversation allthe time Cause I'm like you need
to write down what you wouldwant and what circumstances,
because I can't make thatdecision for you.
I can tell you what I'd make formyself and I have had, like,
nurses I've worked alongside forlike 10 years tell me that they
(35:39):
would want every single thingdone to the very end, and it
shocked the hell out of mebecause those are not my beliefs
.
We do the same job, the sameviewpoint on life, and I could
see how my viewpoint might skewmy beliefs about that for my
parents.
You know what I mean.
They don't know what I want,what I see, so that people
deserve the right you have allearned the right to end your
(36:00):
life with as much control aspossible.
That's something I try to statetoo when I'm helping people
make this decision, because asan ICU nurse, I have so like I
mean I probably 80% of the endof life conversations I'm having
with people is telling themwhat do you think they would
want?
Think back to any conversationwhere you've talked about end of
life, because they don't knowand they're feeling lost and
(36:22):
they're feeling guilty andthey're feeling like people are
going to their sibling, theirbrother, their sister, that the
decision maker is feeling likepeople are going to blame them.
That's all not there.
If they have made their owndecisions and you know what they
want, and in the end, whenyou're stressed and trying to
grieve, thinking about whatconversations would we have
surrounding this?
What would they really want?
(36:42):
Have they ever told me?
It's not an easy thing to bedoing in that moment, when it's
so much better to give the giftof the people you love that are
left here to just be able togrieve you and not have to worry
about what you would want andworry about how the people left
will feel about these decisionsthey're making.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Oh, so much in that.
I, you know, I, when we love,when we, when we lose a person,
regardless, and the ones thatseem to be sudden and tragic,
super tender, super hard,because those last goodbyes you
don't get a chance to say thoselast goodbyes, even if it's
expected, it still does notdiminish the grief and the loss
(37:23):
and the pain that we experience.
But really, when all of ourfinancial, when all of all those
loose ends, all of thoseresponsibilities end up being
tended to afterwards, even justfuneral arrangements like did
they want to be buried?
did they want to be cremated?
Do they want to be?
Speaker 1 (37:42):
what does?
Speaker 2 (37:42):
she want to wear right, yeah or not?
If you marry me with my bra, Iwill come back and get you so?
we're just getting that clearhere.
So it's just like you have tobe able to have those
conversations and do find, youknow, find some, some common
(38:05):
ground.
You know, sometimes if it getsa little heavy, it's okay to
come back, come up for air.
There's a couple of things thatI wanted to mention.
The deck deck is a greatresource.
It's a card deck, it's a cardgame that you can actually you
can buy it, bring it and justinvite everybody over for dinner
, drinks, if you want.
And then it's a card game andit's just these questions that
(38:28):
you ask.
You know, like you know what,what, what would you, what would
you like to do?
You know, do you want to beburied?
Do you want to be cremated?
Do you want it?
There's, you know, all sorts ofbody dispositions.
There's composting.
You know there's all thesequestions.
Do you believe in the afterlife?
You know, how do you?
What would?
What's your biggest regret?
(38:48):
So there's some seriousquestions.
There's also funny ones, and soreally that offers an
opportunity for families ifthey're struggling with getting
the conversation started.
The death deck is a great toolfor that.
And then the other thing that Ithink about is a book from Atul
Gawande Living Mortal, beingMortal, oh my gosh, that really
(39:09):
was pivotal in my practice ofreally beginning to understand
that again, we, we are, um, wehave more power than we, than we
realize, on how we make thosemedical decisions, because
there's a million different waysthat we can die and um, and so
really, all these different um,you know, I think, um, I think.
(39:30):
What makes me sad, my hearthurt, when I see people get on
that medical treadmill Right,and so they're, they're
sustaining life.
But really, when we aresustaining life, are we really
living?
And so I think about quality oflife versus quantity.
And my husband has a cancerdiagnosis and we talk about this
all the time.
(39:51):
He has A, b and C.
If he can't go fishing, if hecan't play A, b and C, if he
can't go fishing, if he can'tplay with his grandchildren, you
know, if he can't, he loves toeat.
He and I are both big foodies.
You know, if, if, if he isn'table to do those things that he
loves, then you know,considering making some changes.
You know, then we'll haveanother conversation.
But I think that when we have,when we find that we have
(40:13):
purpose and meaning in our life,um, then then, uh, you know
having a life that's worthliving, but when really, um,
when, when the scale is tipped,you know we do need to begin to
reflect back and and realizeagain we have more power than we
realize.
We can choose to stop treatment.
That may not be a decision foreverybody, but really, when we
think about quality of life,it's a decision based on your
(40:37):
ideas and beliefs and what'scomfortable for you, and it may
not be in alignment with others,but I think that, again, we
just have to honor everybody'sdecision of where they're at,
everybody's on their own journey, and we have to respect that.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
Yeah, and I think something for people who aren't
medical, like extending lifesometimes is very, very, very
painful.
It is not an, it's not apeaceful process to extend life
through a lot of medical meansand for some people they're okay
with that.
They want to fight till the endand they deserve that Right.
(41:12):
But for people who don't know,there are a lot of people out
there who would rather notsuffer and they don't know
necessarily that thoseextensions to keep you know, the
some of the things we do arequite uncomfortable.
So having that talk awarenessis also super helpful, because
you get in there and you're likewhat's happening.
So this is there's.
(41:34):
So much can be avoided and somuch beauty that can be created
through being open about theseconversations early.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
And are we making?
Are we making a decision out oflove or are we just making a
decision out of fear?
And so I think, when we reallyget into that place of just
honoring, and so I think, whenwe really get into that place of
just honoring, okay, is this afearful decision or is this a
decision that is in alignmentwith what makes me feel right in
(42:03):
this moment, and it can change.
You know, like I'm done, I'mdone, I don't want treatment.
And then it's like, oh my gosh,I have my grandbaby now, and so
I'm going to just go a littlelonger.
One of the biggest things thatbothers me so much is when I
(42:24):
hear people say, oh, they losttheir battle to cancer, or you
know, it's like they didn't loseanything, they fought hard.
Please stop saying that.
They didn't they, they, theyfought, they fought.
And so when, if death is abattle, then we're all going to
lose.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
Everyone will, and so transition to the next thing,
whatever that is.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
That's right, yeah, so when we really embrace death,
we really are embracing andsaying yes to life.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
I love that.
That's so beautiful.
Okay, I want to spend some ofthis time talking about you a
little bit here.
So do you help people just inyour local area, or do you work
with people virtually as well?
Speaker 2 (42:57):
Yeah, both I do Teledula and also I have a Reiki
practice where I can do Reiki,a distance Reiki, so really just
supporting people.
I can do Zoom calls, I can justdo it over the phone.
It can look like whateverpeople need at a distance wise,
(43:17):
and then also here locally inthe Treasure Valley, I travel to
people's homes.
I have a little spot for Reiki.
I just meet people wherethey're at.
Yeah, I love.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
That I don't want to.
I want to also like give voiceto how powerful it is to meet
people where they are.
It's part of like that littlepiece of my podcast.
This is like challenging thepatriarchy and you know, part of
that is like a break from thisvery stiff, standardized way of
doing things, and doing thingsbased around what people need,
(43:46):
about a based around individualslives needs where they're at in
that moment.
It's such a powerful thing onso many levels and this is just
another beautiful example ofthat.
If someone were interested andwanted to get a hold of you
maybe consultation or get thisprocess started, or maybe talk
(44:07):
to you about how they approachtheir elderly parents, who they
want to be prepared for maybeit's the other way around how
would they find you or what doyou recommend them doing?
Speaker 2 (44:17):
Yeah, so for dual work I provide a 30 minute free
consultation so we can just sitand talk for a little bit and
figure out what exactly they'relooking for support in, and then
they can call me.
They can send an email totruenorthawakening at gmailcom.
They can fill out a littlecontact information on my
(44:39):
website.
Facebook, instagram andLinkedIn are all great ways to
reach out to me.
Speaker 1 (44:45):
And they're all.
The True North Awakening is howto find you.
All this will be in the shownotes, but I like to say it too,
because not everyone stops andlooks at the show notes, which
is understandable, so I like toget that on here too.
And one thing I ask all myguests is like what is your
go-to self-care when things arejust like getting out of control
and you're feeling like over it?
(45:06):
What's your go-to?
Speaker 2 (45:08):
My breath.
You know, I think that you knowI I'm a big, I'm a big advocate
of connecting with nature andbut I can connect with my breath
anywhere.
So if I'm in between clients oryou know, I have a sacred time
in the morning that I sit andmeditate.
Sometimes I don't get as muchtime as I'd like, but you know
(45:31):
it just takes three breathsreally to just ground ourselves.
I have river rocks in my carwhen I'm feeling super
ungrounded, and pine cones andand really if we can just, you
know I have a phrase calledcalled be where my hands are.
So if I can just connect withmy hands, connect with my body,
connect with my breath, thatbrings me back into an alignment
, knowing that all is well righthere.
Speaker 1 (45:55):
Back into an alignment, knowing that all is
well right here right now,because it is because it is all
well.
Right here.
You have a very calmingpresence.
I gotta say so.
Whatever you're doing isworking, because I can feel it
from here.
It makes me feel calm, so Iappreciate that.
I can only imagine howcomforting it would be to be
like interacting with you insuch a vulnerable time of
someone's life.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
So yeah, I owe it all to Reiki.
I feel like I was just havingthis conversation with my
husband last night.
I am not the same person that Iwas.
I wish everyone could get Reikiattuned and integrated into
their life.
Everyone can use a little Reiki, because Reiki is love and it's
a.
We can admit it.
We can administer Reiki toourselves.
(46:35):
We can administer Reiki toeveryone on the planet.
It's really a form of activism.
So when we're feeling a littleuntethered and knowing that
there's a lot going on in ourworld, we can send Reiki to the
world, the planet to one another, and it just helps to.
Really it's like a rippleeffect.
It's just sending out love andpeace to the world.
(46:55):
So thank you.
Speaker 1 (46:56):
I feel your ripple and I appreciate it.
Thank you so much for being onthe show.
Is there anything you want toleave us with before we go?
Speaker 2 (47:03):
Oh my gosh, you know, I think that really remembering
that we are all each light andthat, when, I know, sometimes
our light within us becomes alittle dim with circumstances or
things that have happened to usin our life, we really have
(47:24):
this pilot light within each ofus.
So all we have to do isremember to ignite that pilot
light and just when we ignitethat flame and when we become
the light that will empowerothers to find light within
themselves.
And it's just like sharing acandle, right?
So you share your light andit'll expand and we'll just
(47:46):
light up this whole world.
Speaker 1 (47:48):
I love that Beautiful .
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
You're welcome.
Thank you so much.
I appreciate your time.
It's been lovely.
Yes,
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