August 11, 2025 • 41 mins
Hi!! I would love to hear from you!
What if the weight you're trying to lose isn't just physical?
For highly sensitive women—roughly 20-25% of the population—traditional diet approaches often fail because they don't address the deeper patterns connecting sensitivity, emotional regulation, and body image. In this illuminating conversation with holistic weight loss expert Ellouise Heather, we explore the unique challenges highly sensitive women face in their relationship with food and their bodies.
Ellouise reveals how being highly sensitive means you not only experience emotions more intensely but also absorb external messages about your body more deeply. This heightened awareness often leads to distorted body perception and using food as an emotional regulation tool. Rather than seeing these patterns as personal failings, Ellouise offers a compassionate framework for understanding them as natural responses to overwhelm.
Our conversation takes a fascinating turn as we discuss the connections between neurodivergence, sensitivity, and eating patterns. Many women with ADHD or other neurodivergent traits experience more pronounced struggles with emotional eating due to dopamine-seeking behaviors and challenges with impulse control—yet these connections are rarely discussed in mainstream weight loss conversations.
What makes this episode particularly valuable is Ellouise’s practical wisdom. She shares actionable strategies for breaking cycles of shame and self-criticism, including blood sugar regulation techniques that stabilize mood and reduce emotional eating urges. But perhaps most powerful is her approach to addressing the "invisible weight" of perfectionism and external expectations that many women carry.
Whether you identify as highly sensitive or simply want to develop a more peaceful relationship with food and your body, this conversation offers a refreshing alternative to diet culture's punishment-based approach. Subscribe now and discover how reconnecting with your body's wisdom might be the key to lasting transformation.
Get in touch with Ellouise
https://ellouiseheather.coach/calmcravings
https://www.instagram.com/ellouiseheather
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hi everyone and welcome back to Empowered Ease.
If you're a highly sensitivewoman who's been battling the
bathroom scales and feelingfrustrated with traditional
weight loss methods, then thisepisode may be for you.
I'm delighted to introduceEloise Heather.
She's a holistic weight lossexpert with a decade of
experience supporting highlysensitive women.
(00:23):
Expert with a decade ofexperience supporting highly
sensitive women, eloise helpsthem peacefully release excess
weight without having to hate orpunish their bodies, so that
they can finally love the womansmiling back in the mirror.
Eloise, welcome to the show.
Hello and welcome to EmpoweredEase.
(00:49):
So I just wanted to give youguys a little heads up.
If you have been listening andnoticed, I haven't been putting
out as many episodes this summer.
I've been just doing an episodeevery other week to give myself
a little break over the summer.
But I'm so excited to announceour guests today.
So welcome, aloise.
I'm so excited to announce ourguests today.
So welcome Eloise.
I'm so excited to talk to youand about your unique approach
to this and how you help women.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
So welcome.
Tell us a little bit aboutyourself, hi, thank you so much
for having me.
I'm thrilled to be here withyou.
So where do I start?
I mean, I live in the northeastof England.
In a little village.
I have the most adorable littledog, and she is just a shining
example of breaking all therules of what it is to grow
older.
She's technically a senior dog,but she is full of life, um,
(01:47):
she's, um, a little bit of aninspiration.
I think we find coaching fromour animals, um, on a regular
basis.
I think that's something thatthat tends to happen, uh, when
you're, when you're highlysensitive and I do identify as
highly sensitive, which is whathas led me to this path oh, I
love that.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
okay.
So first of all, you sound likeyou are in like the intro or
the main character in a romanticcomedy, with your cute little,
your beautiful accent and yourcute like I live in a little
village.
It's like so cute, it's loveactually here.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Okay, but I love it.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
So when you say highly sensitive women, what do
you mean by that?
What's a highly sensitive woman?
Or how could women identifythat?
Hey, maybe that's me.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Okay, so highly sensitive people.
They take up about 20 to 25% ofthe population I think the
original figure was about 15 to20%, but it does fluctuate with
the estimations and this groupof people, basically how it
sounds, they feel things moreintensely, more deeply, and
that's not a good thing or a badthing, it just is.
And so what tends to be theexperience for these highly
(02:57):
sensitive people is that theworld can overwhelm them, it can
overstimulate them if theydon't understand how being
highly sensitive affects themand if, indeed, that they are
highly sensitive and thereforethat they're not going to be
aware of how to manage that andthat subcategory, highly
(03:20):
sensitive women uh, it's aslightly more more nuanced,
because when you're a highlysensitive woman, there are
certain rules that are bestowedupon you when you're younger and
expectations, and the landscapeis shifting a little bit now,
which is fantastic, but thereare certain expectations put on
(03:42):
you as a child for you.
You know both.
You know little girls, littleboys, and you know expectations
of who we should be, you knowthe genders that we should
actually grow into, and that's alot of pressure.
And this is really, reallydifficult for highly sensitive
(04:02):
people because all of our brainsare wired to survive and if we
don't seek that survival bymaking sure our needs are met,
then we risk being neglected.
So this is why the human brainseeks um surviving, survival,
(04:29):
ensuring behaviors.
And the way that we do that iswe just do everything that we're
told, or we try to doeverything that we're told, and
that's on the surface, but thenunderneath, when you're highly
sensitive, you're also pickingup on all these subtle nuances
that are going on under thesurface that other people might
not detect, and so it's notalways about what you're being
(04:51):
told to do.
It's about things that gounspoken, unspoken expectations,
unspoken rules, and we pick upon those.
And because all we want to dois to make sure that the status
quo is okay and that we're notrocking the boat, we want to we
(05:13):
often feel how other people arefeeling.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
I was going to ask you.
So I hear a lot of peopletalking about like an empath and
, like you know, is that is isfor people who identify as like
an empath.
Is that the same as identifyingas like a sensitive, a
sensitive woman, or are thosethings different?
Because I feel like empaths arepeople who say they're always
like sensitive to the emotionsof others in the room, like
(05:39):
they're highly tuned in to otherpeople's emotions, and I've
heard a couple things aboutwhere that comes from one, so
that could be from likechildhood trauma.
It teaches you to be aware ofeveryone's emotions because it's
a survival mechanism.
So is that the same or is theresome differences there?
Speaker 2 (05:55):
there's certainly an overlap, okay, so, in order to
be an empath, you would need tobe well, need to be you, you'd
expect to be a highly sensitiveperson, but you don't have to be
an empath.
You would need to be well, needto be you, you'd expect to be a
highly sensitive person, butyou don't have to be an empath
if you are a highly sensitiveperson.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
So I hear you okay, like a sub-set.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Okay, yes, so you can still pick up on what's going
on for the people in terms oftheir emotional state by being
highly sensitive, because youcan pick up on like micro um,
I'm sorry, I'm looking for likeshifts in people's mood, or yes,
(06:36):
okay so you can pick up onshifts in people's mood, but
also it's like micro gesturesand body language and this kind
of thing that other people don'ttend to pick up on tone of
voice.
So these are all things that youknow can be picked up from, um,
the highly sensitive point ofview.
But then as an empath, you canalso get a sense of like, a real
(06:59):
strong sense of what the otherperson's feeling and then you
can actually take that on asyour own.
And that is particularlytypical if you want to please
the people around you becausethere's some kind of difficulty
there or because you, uh, youdon't feel safe.
So you, you've got um, perhaps,um, some self-esteem issues
(07:24):
that are going on, which, in myopinion, more likely to happen
if you're highly sensitive,because you get told that you're
wrong, you're too sensitive andthat these things that you're
picking up on aren't real orthat kind of thing.
Thankfully, that's actuallychanging now, because people are
(07:44):
starting to understand theexistence of what it is to be a
highly sensitive person andwe've also got like a rising of
awareness in a neurodivergenceas well.
So these kinds of things arefantastic, but definitely for me
when I was younger, it wasdefinitely very much the message
in the early 90s that it waswrong to be too sensitive using
(08:13):
air quotes there and that any ofthese little things that we
supposedly picked upon theyweren't in fact there.
And when you repeatedly toldthat you're wrong, then that can
erode your self-esteem, and so,in order to feel safe and
(08:34):
secure, your priority becomesfitting in with everybody else
and doing what you're told,doing what you're expected, and
that can also include by takingon those feelings of others
because you want them to behappy.
You can feel that they'reunhappy, and so you're.
(08:56):
You're trying to appease that,so you're basically compromising
your own inner peace for theouter peace of everybody else.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Like people pleasing kind of behaviors.
So you mentionedneurodivergence.
Do you think that affectspeople being, or makes them more
likely to be, a sensitiveperson?
Are those related in any way?
Speaker 2 (09:19):
I think it's a very complicated area and lots more
research needs to be done inthis area, but I personally
believe that there is a link.
I don't think it necessarilymeans that if you're highly
sensitive, that you areneurodivergent, but I'm open to
evidence that suggests otherwise.
I think there's a lot of talkout there about how it actually
(09:45):
means that if you're highlysensitive, that you have autism,
and I don't know if thatactually fits together all the
pieces, so I think that's justone theory out there that I
don't currently align with, andit's it's definitely the case
(10:10):
that a lot of people who areneurodivergent are highly
sensitive.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
That is well, and women are like significantly
underdose or underdosed underdiagnosed because we present so
different.
Well, I shouldn't saysignificantly, but in the past
we've been very underdiagnosedbecause we present so different.
Well, I shouldn't saysignificantly, but in the past
we've been very under diagnosed.
Because we present differently,as in childhood, like our like,
being on the spectrum shows updifferently for women.
(10:36):
For what?
From what I've read, and triedto understand.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Absolutely yes.
So I think that for young girlsthey typically present more
with inattentive symptoms ofADHD than hyperactive, and that
can lead to it going under theradar it going under the radar
(11:03):
and for years my own experiencewith ADHD symptoms did in fact
go under the radar.
I was late diagnosed and yet Idid have symptoms of ADHD.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Looking back, oh yeah , I got diagnosed in my forties
because perimenopause brought itout so bad.
But I've been a nurse so youcan function very well with ADHD
as a nurse.
It's like the perfect job.
So I didn't need to bediagnosed.
I was not having any issues.
It was fine until perimenopausehit and I was like whoa help.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Yes, it's fascinating how the change in hormones can
actually affect how it presents.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Yeah, yeah.
And then then I startedlearning about it, looking back,
looking back at my childhood,like I'm like, oh, this it's so
fits, a lot of it fits Like Iused to get in trouble for like
talking all the time in classand stuff like that.
Just things like women show upa little differently.
So very interesting to say.
So I love this, thisconversation, but I also want to
get kind of a little more intolike some of like the binge
(12:07):
eating and body dysmorphia.
So would you say that that isrelated to the, to being more
sensitive.
These issues are more prevalentin people who are sensitive.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
uh, I would say that that's how it presents to me.
Okay.
So when you think about bodydysmorphia and how, what it
essentially presents as is acondition where your perception
(12:42):
of how others perceive you isdistorted, and the way that this
seems to occur in my experienceis that you're taking on
everybody else's beliefs abouthow we're meant to look, how
(13:07):
we're meant to fit into society.
There's all of these externalexpectations of how much weight
we should carry, how our faceshould look.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Our skin color, our tone, like yeah, everything.
There's that ideal.
There's an ideal, but there'san ideal woman for, like every
decade or culture you know,whatever is the popular thing or
the look that everyone's tryingto meet right.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Absolutely yes, and you're right, it changes and
it's arbitrary, yeah, and so Ithink the best way to explain
this would be you know, toreflect on my own story, is that
when I was younger, I actuallydidn't really have any problems
(14:00):
with how I looked when I lookedin the mirror.
And when I hit puberty, Ilooked in the mirror and I
thought, ok, I'm good with this,you know, yeah.
And then I went out into theworld and I was told you're too
fat, you're not pretty enough,and getting these messages you
(14:21):
know there are countless othermessages.
I also started to developcystic acne, which really
affected my confidence becausepeople would point that out, and
so all of this kind of thing.
It can actually really erodeyour self-esteem.
And if you're already highlysensitive, your nervous system
(14:48):
might be more susceptible tothis regulation and therefore
you're just trying to keepyourself safe.
So, as a safety mechanism, what,what can then happen this was
the case for me is that,ultimately, I took on what other
people were saying about me andI used that to keep myself safe
(15:11):
.
What I saw in the mirror throughthe lens of all of these
different criticisms, and thisstarted to affect how I
perceived myself, until it gotto the point where, even though
I was what you would classmedically as an average, like a
(15:35):
regular weight, I actually sawthat I was medically overweight
and that it was a problem andthat it was unacceptable.
Basically, this is how Istarted to perceive myself, and
so I began to see myself as thisreally ugly person, and I just
(16:00):
think it's really interestingwhen I look back at how I was
okay with how I looked, until Istarted taking on what everybody
else was saying, and then itbecame a mechanism to keep me
safe and, as you were also.
Also, you were asking me aboutbinge eating disorder, I'll go
(16:22):
there as well, yeah, yeah, so,um, with regards to binge eating
disorder, I think you can bemore susceptible to it if you're
highly sensitive.
I believe there's evidence thatdoes link adhd and binge eating
, and that's often to do withimpulse control and dopamine
(16:46):
seeking behaviors and lots ofother things really.
But when you're highly, youdon't necessarily know how to
deal with the overwhelm, theoverstimulation, and so you
might develop coping mechanismsthat aren't necessarily of best
(17:09):
service to you.
And for me that was bingeeating.
It started off as disorderedeating, started off as
disordered eating.
So I had a very difficultrelationship with food as I went
into my teens, from all of thedifferent avenues of, you know,
(17:30):
media and just people talking atschool and that kind of thing,
and I felt that there was aspecific way that I had to look
and there was a specific way todo it, and that was dieting.
And so I started to become verycontrolled about what I was
(17:51):
eating, very controlled about myweight.
I got to the point where I wasgetting on the scales multiple
times a day.
I just became obsessed with itbecause it was almost like I was
checking to see if I wasgetting on the scales multiple
times a day.
I just became obsessed with itbecause it was almost like I was
checking to see if I was goodenough yet.
And that, for me, was reallydamaging because I didn't
(18:15):
realize what I was creating formyself.
Didn't realize what I wascreating for myself.
I was self-perpetuating withthis idea of not being good
enough, which is something thatI had carried around with me,
and it took a long time for meto actually see that actually,
yes, I am good enough, exactlyas I am, because it does take a
(18:38):
lot of consistent effort beingconsciously aware of how you're
talking to yourself, and so ittook a lot of time to actually
unravel that.
But the actual binge eatingbehavior was absolutely a way of
(19:02):
me trying to gain some kind ofemotional regulation, and I
remember there were times when Iwas just so overwhelmed with
emotions that I would actuallybe eating, and eating, and
eating, even though I wasphysically in pain.
(19:24):
I had stomach ache from thevolume of the food that I was
eating, but I just couldn't seemto stop.
And because, you know, nobodyactually really tells you that
the kinds of foods that we tendto binge on actually help to
feed that cycle for want of abetter word there, or maybe it's
(19:48):
very appropriate but it doesfeed the cycle because of how
the product is created it's isdesigned to make you want to eat
more of it, because why would acompany sell a product that
people don't want to eat, youknow?
Yeah, yeah, so I would blamemyself and that would cause more
(20:14):
of the same behavior.
Yeah, like shame.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Yeah yeah, it's just compounding.
So how do you help women toescape that?
How do you get get help womenget out of that cycle?
What's the key there?
Speaker 2 (20:28):
okay.
So there are several keys and Ithink really, what it starts
with is acknowledging that yourvoice is valuable your own inner
voice is valuable, andreconnecting with that.
Because we spend so much timeand energy listening to the diet
(20:56):
industry, this is, you know,the diet that we should be doing
.
These are the diet productsthat we should be having.
We spend so much time listeningto the media saying this is how
you should look and this iswhat you should be doing, and
we've been conditioned to dothis because we believed that it
(21:17):
wasn't safe to trust ourselveswhen we were younger, because we
were told that we were wrong.
And when we actually start toreconnect with ourselves, then
that's when we can start totrust ourselves again, because
this mistrust of the self is ahuge piece of why highly
(21:39):
sensitive women struggle withthe bathroom scales, why they
struggle for a way forward ofreleasing not only the physical
weight but all of the otherheaviness that comes with these
expectations, the need to beperfect and, yes, a part of that
(22:05):
is what we're putting into ourbodies.
So when we just continue theeating habits that we normally
go about with and we'rereconnecting with ourselves, yes
, it's really great that we aremaking that effort to reconnect
(22:27):
with ourselves, but what we tendto encounter is a very confused
internal system, because we'renot used to trusting ourselves
and because what we've beenputting into our bodies often is
just throwing our system out ofwhack.
(22:48):
It's disrupted the hormones,it's disrupted the signals, and
so this is why, when you turn toan approach such as intuitive
eating because you throw yourhands up in the air and say I'm
done with this whole dietingthing you turn to intuitive
eating what can happen is youjust get really confused because
(23:08):
you're listening to your body,but your body wants chocolate or
your body wants, you know,whatever your favorite food is
that you feel like you mightoverindulge on body wants, you
know whatever your favorite foodis that you feel like you might
overindulge on, and that'sbecause all of the signals are
misfiring.
Your body's really confused, andso what then needs to be looked
at is what are we feeding ourbodies on a daily basis that's
(23:31):
confusing these signals, and howcan we go about changing this
in a gentle and compassionateway, not doing it from a point
of right we're going to overhaulthis because it needs to go.
That can actually be reallydetrimental because, again, it's
(23:51):
making you wrong and it'smaking you feel like you're not
safe and increases shame.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Right like shame is like the enemy of everything.
Right, you can't.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
If you're shaming yourself, you're not gonna win
absolutely yes, because it justself-perpetuates the more you
shame yourself, the more youfeel ashamed, and then yeah and
that's what we're feeding.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
That's what we're like trying to hide or mask or
not feel.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
Yeah, absolutely yes, and so it's really important to
not only look at the inner game, but what we're actually
putting into our bodies as well,and we can do this in a way
that isn't about pushing, thatisn't about being at war with
ourselves.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
It's about realizing that our body's doing the best
that it can with what it's beinggiven and, ultimately, you're
on the same side, your body isjust Like compassion having a
little compassion for yourselfand your body and why you're
doing this and what you'retrying to fix.
(24:57):
I love that.
I think that's what we all need, right, just to give ourselves
a little break, like it's got tobe about ourselves so much.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Absolutely yes, that self-compassion is so important.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
I love that.
I love that.
So if listeners are listeningat home and they're like this is
me, like this is me, how do Iget started?
What kind of tips would yougive them, like at home, or
where to look or what the firststep would be?
Because I'm imagining this is avery overwhelming thing and for
people they've probablystruggled for a long, long time.
(25:30):
I know now I've gotten to a goodplace since I've healed, but,
like when I was younger, Istruggled.
I wouldn't say it was enough tobe diagnosed as binge eating,
but I have ADHD, pretty badwhich was diagnosed later in
life.
We talked about that a littlebit before we started recording,
but I definitely struggled withbinge eating on and off when I
was younger and it would alwaysbe in like times of emotional
turmoil where I would dosomething very similar I would
(25:51):
like eat until the point I wasso uncomfortable and then the
only, and then I would hatemyself.
I would hate myself because Iknew what I just did and how I
felt and then I would have topurge it Like because that was
the only thing that made me feelbetter and it wasn't like a
consistent thing all the timewhere like, but it was
definitely something that, whenI got overwhelmed- that would
happen.
It hasn't happened now in awhile, cause I feel like I've
gotten to a good place, but, um,I feel like a lot of people
(26:15):
struggle with this maybe low keythat maybe don't ever talk
about it, or or not enough to bediagnosed, you know.
So where would you?
What advice would you givepeople at home to kind of like
cut that shame cycle and whereto start?
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Okay, well, thank you so much for sharing that so
candidly, and I think a lot ofpeople resonate with that story.
I do too, actually, like a lotmore than you know.
I mean, I think a lot of peopleresonate with that story.
I do too, actually.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Like a lot more than you know.
I mean, I think a lot of peopleprobably will never tell
anybody but I think a lot ofpeople struggle with these.
A lot of women struggle withthese issues.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
Yeah, okay.
So first of all, I would liketo say that if you do think that
you have body dysmorphia orbinge eating disorder, then it
is something that you do need tospeak to your doctor and all
therapists about, because it's adelicate situation that needs
addressing holistically.
(27:09):
So it's definitely importantthat this is addressed in a way
that is supported by medicalprofessionals, but that's very,
very important.
However, if you're at home andyou're thinking to yourself you
(27:32):
know this really resonates withme, because I feel like what I
see when I look in the mirrormight actually be a distortion,
like I'm realizing that now andthat I really do struggle with
emotional eating Then I thinkthe first step to take is to
(27:54):
actually just freakingacknowledge yourself for all
that because, if you don'tacknowledge it, you can't deal
with it.
Exactly yes, and I think it'sincredible if you've actually
got that self-awareness whereyou can identify it it's scary
(28:17):
though I think for a lot ofpeople really scary to like.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
Sit there and be honest about it, right?
Yeah, big step.
I love that.
That's great advice it is.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
It can be really, really challenging to actually
just sit with that and be like,okay, so this is what I'm
actually facing, and to bereally compassionate with
yourself and also to look forpatterns.
So this is one way that you canreconnect with yourself is to
(28:48):
look at every time you look inthe mirror and you have a
particular thought that'srecurring what is it, and you
have a particular thought that'srecurring what is?
Speaker 1 (29:02):
it that's been going on for you.
When you actually have thatthought, I'm also kind of taking
an inventory of, like the daysI'm really seeing an image that
is not real.
I'm really feeling this, thentaking note of what else is
going on in your life to kind ofcreate some patterns.
I love that.
That's a great idea absolutely,and similarly with food habits
as well like what you're eating,what you're turning to with
(29:25):
certain things, that's great,that's great.
I've had this conversation withum, some of my close friends,
but it and you know, it's notlike backed by anything, but
like that certain emotionsactually elicit.
You know, like if I'mstruggling in my really my
intimate relationship, I maywant more food, or or I may not
want to eat at all.
You know what I mean.
Like it's so.
(29:45):
It's the emotion sometimes,like am I feeling hurt, am I
feeling betrayed, am I feelingnot good enough?
And how I react because some ofthose I I will not want to eat
at all, and then other ones it'slike that's my comfort.
I need to like eat sugary,fatty things that make me feel
good in the moment, terriblelater, so it's different.
So I love that you put likepaying attention to yourself,
(30:06):
learning your pattern.
It's great.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
Absolutely yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
So how do you work with women in this capacity?
I know you do some one-on-onecoaching.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
Yes, that's right.
So it's generally one-to-onecoaching sessions, as you say,
that are a container for us toexplore eating habits, but not
in a way that's aboutoverhauling things.
So what we want to do is justlook at it from a point of
(30:38):
curiosity rather than judgmentand see what incremental shifts
that we can make in eatinghabits in order to start
reconnecting to ourselves byhelping to regulate the hormones
and the signals that are goingon in our bodies so that we're
(31:01):
actually truly understanding.
You know whether we're reallyhungry, and you know it's.
It's okay if we are reallyhungry, and then we want to look
at how we can use food as atool to actually help with
regulating our emotions in a waythat's of service to us, not in
(31:23):
a way that's undermining allour efforts.
So the main thing for that isblood sugar regulation, because
when our blood sugar is out ofbalance, that actually affects
the nervous system and how wellregulated it is and, as we've
previously talked about, ifwe're dysregulated, then that
(31:49):
can cause that feeling of notbeing safe, being afraid, which
is then, you know, it puts us ina position of how do we cope
with this and then potentiallyfalling back on default coping
mechanisms.
So that is the like.
(32:10):
The first point of call in termsof the physical is blood sugar
management and then we really gofrom there about looking at
ways that we can help supportthe um, the releasing of weight,
whether that is just thephysical weight, but more often
(32:32):
than not it's the other weightthat we carry, the invisible
weight that we carry, which isall of those expectations.
So a lot of clients that come tome they don't realize actually
that it wasn't really about theweight until they're working
with me they realize that it'sabout all of the expectations
that they're putting onthemselves and this almost
(32:56):
compulsion to be perfect.
And once they realize that theydon't need to be perfect because
they're already good enoughexactly as they are, that just
takes off so much pressure andit's through consistent work
together that helps them toalign with that belief.
(33:20):
So to start with it seems likea leap just to say I'm already
enough.
And that's because it's almostlike a cognitive dissonance that
when we believe something sostrongly like I'm not good
enough to completely pivot 180and believe completely the
(33:45):
opposite.
It just feels like too much ofa stark contrast and the mind
will know essentially that it'sbeing almost deceived, but if we
do it in a gentle way, wherewe're just like, we're open to
the possibility that actuallymaybe what we've been telling
ourselves about not being goodenough might not actually be
(34:06):
true, and then we work at itfrom that perspective and
gradually move towards yes, I amenough, because otherwise,
again, it's all about overwhelmwhen we turn everything upside
down I love that.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
I love that it's like it's these, like internal,
these small internal shifts thatcause the, that like
reverberate into these bigexternal shifts that you're not
expecting.
It's like that stuff comeseffortlessly when we can align
the more, the more inner waysabout how we feel about
ourselves, the rest kind of justfalls into place.
I love that and I think it'svery true.
(34:44):
It's just hard.
It's hard to believe that andit's hard to get there, so I
love it can be challenging, yes,but it is definitely possible.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
And again, it's not about being perfect at it, yeah.
So I believe that I'm goodenough, but am I perfect at that
?
No, and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
You're human.
We're flawed creatures.
I love that, so I know you'rein the UK, but do you work with
people everywhere virtually?
Is that, I'm assuming, like aZoom call?
Speaker 2 (35:16):
I do.
Yes, so I work virtuallyoccasionally in the physical,
but my work's generally online.
Yes, okay, so it means I get towork with people all over the
world in different time zones,which is fantastic and actually
also, um, when you're asking meabout how I work with people,
the other thing that I do isenergy alignment sessions, and
(35:37):
this can actually work quitewell, because if we're not in
the same time zone, it meansthat I can more easily work with
them when they're resting orsleeping, which is something
that I like to do.
That's how I do it, so I take alook at you know what's going
on for them energetically andhelp them to release that, and
(36:00):
that the way that I do that isthat I receive this information
when I'm doing an energy readingand then I can actually bring
that into the coaching.
So this came up, and so I startasking questions about that and
you know whether it resonatesand therefore, what can we do?
(36:24):
That's going to actuallyincorporate this into releasing
all of that extra weightinvisible extra weight.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Yeah, okay.
So if someone is listening tothis and they are interested in
talking to you or using yourservices, how would they get
ahold of you, do you?
Speaker 2 (36:52):
like for your.
Instagram or for your instagram, or?
Yes, absolutely so.
Instagram is where I live, tobe and, um, if you would care to
drop by, it's at eloise heatherand I'm sure you could put a
link for that in the show notesand the eloise is with two l's,
not one, that's right, yeah, edouble l odouble-L-O-U-I-S-E.
(37:15):
Yeah, eloise Heather.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
Love that.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
And yeah, just come by, drop me a DM, and I would
absolutely love to know if thisresonated with you.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
Yay, okay.
And then, with all my guests, Iask them what is your go-to
self-care when things getoverwhelming and you're feeling
out of control?
How do you?
Speaker 2 (37:41):
bring it back to you, bring it back to center, okay.
So there's a few things really.
So number one is movement.
That is an absolute priorityfor me.
Movement looks different foreveryone, though, so I like to
go out for walks in nature, andnature is another big element of
(38:02):
the self-care for me, but I'maware that you know people at
home might struggle with that.
It depends on you know yourlevel of current physical
ability, and so even if it'sjust deep breathing because that
in itself is still a movementit still can create a shift, and
(38:23):
I find that so, so powerful.
And another thing that I liketo incorporate for self-care is
whenever I look in the mirrorand I notice a change in myself
because you know, time movesforward and it always changes
(38:43):
and I look in the mirror and Inoticed something that wasn't
there before, you know, maybelike a blemish or fine line or
something like that.
And then I look at myself and Ismile and I say, and that okay.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
I like that.
That's great, like I'maccepting this and it's what it
is.
It's a gift to be able to ageright, absolutely, yes.
Well, thank you so much forcoming on today.
I really enjoyed ourconversation.
I really enjoy your approach tothis because I think, like I
said I don't know if I said thiswhen we were recording our
before, but, um, you know this,this subject can turn a lot of
(39:20):
women off.
I think, as we age, we've beenthrough so much of this, we've
we've struggled with our waiterimage for so long and we're just
kind of tired of this, and so Ithink the approaches that are
more holistic, that that centeraround self-acceptance and
self-love, are the ones that arereally needed.
And it's hard to get, you know,it's just it's hard to believe
(39:42):
in that.
So I really appreciate yourapproach and your time
explaining it, because I thinkit is very powerful.
So, thank you so much forcoming and sharing your work
with us.
And yeah, if you guys areinterested, it's at Eloise
Heather on Instagram.
And yeah, well, hopefullyyou'll be back on the show soon
when you have new updates and wewill talk to you again.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
Yeah, have a great day, thank you.
Hi everyone and welcome back to Empowered Ease.
If you're a highly sensitivewoman who's been battling the
bathroom scales and feelingfrustrated with traditional
weight loss methods, then thisepisode may be for you.
I'm delighted to introduceEloise Heather.
She's a holistic weight lossexpert with a decade of
experience supporting highlysensitive women.
(00:23):
Expert with a decade ofexperience supporting highly
sensitive women, eloise helpsthem peacefully release excess
weight without having to hate orpunish their bodies, so that
they can finally love the womansmiling back in the mirror.
Eloise, welcome to the show.
Hello and welcome to EmpoweredEase.
(00:49):
So I just wanted to give youguys a little heads up.
If you have been listening andnoticed, I haven't been putting
out as many episodes this summer.
I've been just doing an episodeevery other week to give myself
a little break over the summer.
But I'm so excited to announceour guests today.
So welcome, aloise.
I'm so excited to announce ourguests today.
So welcome Eloise.
I'm so excited to talk to youand about your unique approach
to this and how you help women.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
So welcome.
Tell us a little bit aboutyourself, hi, thank you so much
for having me.
I'm thrilled to be here withyou.
So where do I start?
I mean, I live in the northeastof England.
In a little village.
I have the most adorable littledog, and she is just a shining
example of breaking all therules of what it is to grow
older.
She's technically a senior dog,but she is full of life, um,
(01:47):
she's, um, a little bit of aninspiration.
I think we find coaching fromour animals, um, on a regular
basis.
I think that's something thatthat tends to happen, uh, when
you're, when you're highlysensitive and I do identify as
highly sensitive, which is whathas led me to this path oh, I
love that.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
okay.
So first of all, you sound likeyou are in like the intro or
the main character in a romanticcomedy, with your cute little,
your beautiful accent and yourcute like I live in a little
village.
It's like so cute, it's loveactually here.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Okay, but I love it.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
So when you say highly sensitive women, what do
you mean by that?
What's a highly sensitive woman?
Or how could women identifythat?
Hey, maybe that's me.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Okay, so highly sensitive people.
They take up about 20 to 25% ofthe population I think the
original figure was about 15 to20%, but it does fluctuate with
the estimations and this groupof people, basically how it
sounds, they feel things moreintensely, more deeply, and
that's not a good thing or a badthing, it just is.
And so what tends to be theexperience for these highly
(02:57):
sensitive people is that theworld can overwhelm them, it can
overstimulate them if theydon't understand how being
highly sensitive affects themand if, indeed, that they are
highly sensitive and thereforethat they're not going to be
aware of how to manage that andthat subcategory, highly
(03:20):
sensitive women uh, it's aslightly more more nuanced,
because when you're a highlysensitive woman, there are
certain rules that are bestowedupon you when you're younger and
expectations, and the landscapeis shifting a little bit now,
which is fantastic, but thereare certain expectations put on
(03:42):
you as a child for you.
You know both.
You know little girls, littleboys, and you know expectations
of who we should be, you knowthe genders that we should
actually grow into, and that's alot of pressure.
And this is really, reallydifficult for highly sensitive
(04:02):
people because all of our brainsare wired to survive and if we
don't seek that survival bymaking sure our needs are met,
then we risk being neglected.
So this is why the human brainseeks um surviving, survival,
(04:29):
ensuring behaviors.
And the way that we do that iswe just do everything that we're
told, or we try to doeverything that we're told, and
that's on the surface, but thenunderneath, when you're highly
sensitive, you're also pickingup on all these subtle nuances
that are going on under thesurface that other people might
not detect, and so it's notalways about what you're being
(04:51):
told to do.
It's about things that gounspoken, unspoken expectations,
unspoken rules, and we pick upon those.
And because all we want to dois to make sure that the status
quo is okay and that we're notrocking the boat, we want to we
(05:13):
often feel how other people arefeeling.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
I was going to ask you.
So I hear a lot of peopletalking about like an empath and
, like you know, is that is isfor people who identify as like
an empath.
Is that the same as identifyingas like a sensitive, a
sensitive woman, or are thosethings different?
Because I feel like empaths arepeople who say they're always
like sensitive to the emotionsof others in the room, like
(05:39):
they're highly tuned in to otherpeople's emotions, and I've
heard a couple things aboutwhere that comes from one, so
that could be from likechildhood trauma.
It teaches you to be aware ofeveryone's emotions because it's
a survival mechanism.
So is that the same or is theresome differences there?
Speaker 2 (05:55):
there's certainly an overlap, okay, so, in order to
be an empath, you would need tobe well, need to be you, you'd
expect to be a highly sensitiveperson, but you don't have to be
an empath.
You would need to be well, needto be you, you'd expect to be a
highly sensitive person, butyou don't have to be an empath
if you are a highly sensitiveperson.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
So I hear you okay, like a sub-set.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Okay, yes, so you can still pick up on what's going
on for the people in terms oftheir emotional state by being
highly sensitive, because youcan pick up on like micro um,
I'm sorry, I'm looking for likeshifts in people's mood, or yes,
(06:36):
okay so you can pick up onshifts in people's mood, but
also it's like micro gesturesand body language and this kind
of thing that other people don'ttend to pick up on tone of
voice.
So these are all things that youknow can be picked up from, um,
the highly sensitive point ofview.
But then as an empath, you canalso get a sense of like, a real
(06:59):
strong sense of what the otherperson's feeling and then you
can actually take that on asyour own.
And that is particularlytypical if you want to please
the people around you becausethere's some kind of difficulty
there or because you, uh, youdon't feel safe.
So you, you've got um, perhaps,um, some self-esteem issues
(07:24):
that are going on, which, in myopinion, more likely to happen
if you're highly sensitive,because you get told that you're
wrong, you're too sensitive andthat these things that you're
picking up on aren't real orthat kind of thing.
Thankfully, that's actuallychanging now, because people are
(07:44):
starting to understand theexistence of what it is to be a
highly sensitive person andwe've also got like a rising of
awareness in a neurodivergenceas well.
So these kinds of things arefantastic, but definitely for me
when I was younger, it wasdefinitely very much the message
in the early 90s that it waswrong to be too sensitive using
(08:13):
air quotes there and that any ofthese little things that we
supposedly picked upon theyweren't in fact there.
And when you repeatedly toldthat you're wrong, then that can
erode your self-esteem, and so,in order to feel safe and
(08:34):
secure, your priority becomesfitting in with everybody else
and doing what you're told,doing what you're expected, and
that can also include by takingon those feelings of others
because you want them to behappy.
You can feel that they'reunhappy, and so you're.
(08:56):
You're trying to appease that,so you're basically compromising
your own inner peace for theouter peace of everybody else.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Like people pleasing kind of behaviors.
So you mentionedneurodivergence.
Do you think that affectspeople being, or makes them more
likely to be, a sensitiveperson?
Are those related in any way?
Speaker 2 (09:19):
I think it's a very complicated area and lots more
research needs to be done inthis area, but I personally
believe that there is a link.
I don't think it necessarilymeans that if you're highly
sensitive, that you areneurodivergent, but I'm open to
evidence that suggests otherwise.
I think there's a lot of talkout there about how it actually
(09:45):
means that if you're highlysensitive, that you have autism,
and I don't know if thatactually fits together all the
pieces, so I think that's justone theory out there that I
don't currently align with, andit's it's definitely the case
(10:10):
that a lot of people who areneurodivergent are highly
sensitive.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
That is well, and women are like significantly
underdose or underdosed underdiagnosed because we present so
different.
Well, I shouldn't saysignificantly, but in the past
we've been very underdiagnosedbecause we present so different.
Well, I shouldn't saysignificantly, but in the past
we've been very under diagnosed.
Because we present differently,as in childhood, like our like,
being on the spectrum shows updifferently for women.
(10:36):
For what?
From what I've read, and triedto understand.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Absolutely yes.
So I think that for young girlsthey typically present more
with inattentive symptoms ofADHD than hyperactive, and that
can lead to it going under theradar it going under the radar
(11:03):
and for years my own experiencewith ADHD symptoms did in fact
go under the radar.
I was late diagnosed and yet Idid have symptoms of ADHD.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Looking back, oh yeah , I got diagnosed in my forties
because perimenopause brought itout so bad.
But I've been a nurse so youcan function very well with ADHD
as a nurse.
It's like the perfect job.
So I didn't need to bediagnosed.
I was not having any issues.
It was fine until perimenopausehit and I was like whoa help.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Yes, it's fascinating how the change in hormones can
actually affect how it presents.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Yeah, yeah.
And then then I startedlearning about it, looking back,
looking back at my childhood,like I'm like, oh, this it's so
fits, a lot of it fits Like Iused to get in trouble for like
talking all the time in classand stuff like that.
Just things like women show upa little differently.
So very interesting to say.
So I love this, thisconversation, but I also want to
get kind of a little more intolike some of like the binge
(12:07):
eating and body dysmorphia.
So would you say that that isrelated to the, to being more
sensitive.
These issues are more prevalentin people who are sensitive.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
uh, I would say that that's how it presents to me.
Okay.
So when you think about bodydysmorphia and how, what it
essentially presents as is acondition where your perception
(12:42):
of how others perceive you isdistorted, and the way that this
seems to occur in my experienceis that you're taking on
everybody else's beliefs abouthow we're meant to look, how
(13:07):
we're meant to fit into society.
There's all of these externalexpectations of how much weight
we should carry, how our faceshould look.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Our skin color, our tone, like yeah, everything.
There's that ideal.
There's an ideal, but there'san ideal woman for, like every
decade or culture you know,whatever is the popular thing or
the look that everyone's tryingto meet right.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Absolutely yes, and you're right, it changes and
it's arbitrary, yeah, and so Ithink the best way to explain
this would be you know, toreflect on my own story, is that
when I was younger, I actuallydidn't really have any problems
(14:00):
with how I looked when I lookedin the mirror.
And when I hit puberty, Ilooked in the mirror and I
thought, ok, I'm good with this,you know, yeah.
And then I went out into theworld and I was told you're too
fat, you're not pretty enough,and getting these messages you
(14:21):
know there are countless othermessages.
I also started to developcystic acne, which really
affected my confidence becausepeople would point that out, and
so all of this kind of thing.
It can actually really erodeyour self-esteem.
And if you're already highlysensitive, your nervous system
(14:48):
might be more susceptible tothis regulation and therefore
you're just trying to keepyourself safe.
So, as a safety mechanism, what,what can then happen this was
the case for me is that,ultimately, I took on what other
people were saying about me andI used that to keep myself safe
(15:11):
.
What I saw in the mirror throughthe lens of all of these
different criticisms, and thisstarted to affect how I
perceived myself, until it gotto the point where, even though
I was what you would classmedically as an average, like a
(15:35):
regular weight, I actually sawthat I was medically overweight
and that it was a problem andthat it was unacceptable.
Basically, this is how Istarted to perceive myself, and
so I began to see myself as thisreally ugly person, and I just
(16:00):
think it's really interestingwhen I look back at how I was
okay with how I looked, until Istarted taking on what everybody
else was saying, and then itbecame a mechanism to keep me
safe and, as you were also.
Also, you were asking me aboutbinge eating disorder, I'll go
(16:22):
there as well, yeah, yeah, so,um, with regards to binge eating
disorder, I think you can bemore susceptible to it if you're
highly sensitive.
I believe there's evidence thatdoes link adhd and binge eating
, and that's often to do withimpulse control and dopamine
(16:46):
seeking behaviors and lots ofother things really.
But when you're highly, youdon't necessarily know how to
deal with the overwhelm, theoverstimulation, and so you
might develop coping mechanismsthat aren't necessarily of best
(17:09):
service to you.
And for me that was bingeeating.
It started off as disorderedeating, started off as
disordered eating.
So I had a very difficultrelationship with food as I went
into my teens, from all of thedifferent avenues of, you know,
(17:30):
media and just people talking atschool and that kind of thing,
and I felt that there was aspecific way that I had to look
and there was a specific way todo it, and that was dieting.
And so I started to become verycontrolled about what I was
(17:51):
eating, very controlled about myweight.
I got to the point where I wasgetting on the scales multiple
times a day.
I just became obsessed with itbecause it was almost like I was
checking to see if I wasgetting on the scales multiple
times a day.
I just became obsessed with itbecause it was almost like I was
checking to see if I was goodenough yet.
And that, for me, was reallydamaging because I didn't
(18:15):
realize what I was creating formyself.
Didn't realize what I wascreating for myself.
I was self-perpetuating withthis idea of not being good
enough, which is something thatI had carried around with me,
and it took a long time for meto actually see that actually,
yes, I am good enough, exactlyas I am, because it does take a
(18:38):
lot of consistent effort beingconsciously aware of how you're
talking to yourself, and so ittook a lot of time to actually
unravel that.
But the actual binge eatingbehavior was absolutely a way of
(19:02):
me trying to gain some kind ofemotional regulation, and I
remember there were times when Iwas just so overwhelmed with
emotions that I would actuallybe eating, and eating, and
eating, even though I wasphysically in pain.
(19:24):
I had stomach ache from thevolume of the food that I was
eating, but I just couldn't seemto stop.
And because, you know, nobodyactually really tells you that
the kinds of foods that we tendto binge on actually help to
feed that cycle for want of abetter word there, or maybe it's
(19:48):
very appropriate but it doesfeed the cycle because of how
the product is created it's isdesigned to make you want to eat
more of it, because why would acompany sell a product that
people don't want to eat, youknow?
Yeah, yeah, so I would blamemyself and that would cause more
(20:14):
of the same behavior.
Yeah, like shame.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Yeah yeah, it's just compounding.
So how do you help women toescape that?
How do you get get help womenget out of that cycle?
What's the key there?
Speaker 2 (20:28):
okay.
So there are several keys and Ithink really, what it starts
with is acknowledging that yourvoice is valuable your own inner
voice is valuable, andreconnecting with that.
Because we spend so much timeand energy listening to the diet
(20:56):
industry, this is, you know,the diet that we should be doing
.
These are the diet productsthat we should be having.
We spend so much time listeningto the media saying this is how
you should look and this iswhat you should be doing, and
we've been conditioned to dothis because we believed that it
(21:17):
wasn't safe to trust ourselveswhen we were younger, because we
were told that we were wrong.
And when we actually start toreconnect with ourselves, then
that's when we can start totrust ourselves again, because
this mistrust of the self is ahuge piece of why highly
(21:39):
sensitive women struggle withthe bathroom scales, why they
struggle for a way forward ofreleasing not only the physical
weight but all of the otherheaviness that comes with these
expectations, the need to beperfect and, yes, a part of that
(22:05):
is what we're putting into ourbodies.
So when we just continue theeating habits that we normally
go about with and we'rereconnecting with ourselves, yes
, it's really great that we aremaking that effort to reconnect
(22:27):
with ourselves, but what we tendto encounter is a very confused
internal system, because we'renot used to trusting ourselves
and because what we've beenputting into our bodies often is
just throwing our system out ofwhack.
(22:48):
It's disrupted the hormones,it's disrupted the signals, and
so this is why, when you turn toan approach such as intuitive
eating because you throw yourhands up in the air and say I'm
done with this whole dietingthing you turn to intuitive
eating what can happen is youjust get really confused because
(23:08):
you're listening to your body,but your body wants chocolate or
your body wants, you know,whatever your favorite food is
that you feel like you mightoverindulge on body wants, you
know whatever your favorite foodis that you feel like you might
overindulge on, and that'sbecause all of the signals are
misfiring.
Your body's really confused, andso what then needs to be looked
at is what are we feeding ourbodies on a daily basis that's
(23:31):
confusing these signals, and howcan we go about changing this
in a gentle and compassionateway, not doing it from a point
of right we're going to overhaulthis because it needs to go.
That can actually be reallydetrimental because, again, it's
(23:51):
making you wrong and it'smaking you feel like you're not
safe and increases shame.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Right like shame is like the enemy of everything.
Right, you can't.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
If you're shaming yourself, you're not gonna win
absolutely yes, because it justself-perpetuates the more you
shame yourself, the more youfeel ashamed, and then yeah and
that's what we're feeding.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
That's what we're like trying to hide or mask or
not feel.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
Yeah, absolutely yes, and so it's really important to
not only look at the inner game, but what we're actually
putting into our bodies as well,and we can do this in a way
that isn't about pushing, thatisn't about being at war with
ourselves.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
It's about realizing that our body's doing the best
that it can with what it's beinggiven and, ultimately, you're
on the same side, your body isjust Like compassion having a
little compassion for yourselfand your body and why you're
doing this and what you'retrying to fix.
(24:57):
I love that.
I think that's what we all need, right, just to give ourselves
a little break, like it's got tobe about ourselves so much.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Absolutely yes, that self-compassion is so important.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
I love that.
I love that.
So if listeners are listeningat home and they're like this is
me, like this is me, how do Iget started?
What kind of tips would yougive them, like at home, or
where to look or what the firststep would be?
Because I'm imagining this is avery overwhelming thing and for
people they've probablystruggled for a long, long time.
(25:30):
I know now I've gotten to a goodplace since I've healed, but,
like when I was younger, Istruggled.
I wouldn't say it was enough tobe diagnosed as binge eating,
but I have ADHD, pretty badwhich was diagnosed later in
life.
We talked about that a littlebit before we started recording,
but I definitely struggled withbinge eating on and off when I
was younger and it would alwaysbe in like times of emotional
turmoil where I would dosomething very similar I would
(25:51):
like eat until the point I wasso uncomfortable and then the
only, and then I would hatemyself.
I would hate myself because Iknew what I just did and how I
felt and then I would have topurge it Like because that was
the only thing that made me feelbetter and it wasn't like a
consistent thing all the timewhere like, but it was
definitely something that, whenI got overwhelmed- that would
happen.
It hasn't happened now in awhile, cause I feel like I've
gotten to a good place, but, um,I feel like a lot of people
(26:15):
struggle with this maybe low keythat maybe don't ever talk
about it, or or not enough to bediagnosed, you know.
So where would you?
What advice would you givepeople at home to kind of like
cut that shame cycle and whereto start?
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Okay, well, thank you so much for sharing that so
candidly, and I think a lot ofpeople resonate with that story.
I do too, actually, like a lotmore than you know.
I mean, I think a lot of peopleresonate with that story.
I do too, actually.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Like a lot more than you know.
I mean, I think a lot of peopleprobably will never tell
anybody but I think a lot ofpeople struggle with these.
A lot of women struggle withthese issues.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
Yeah, okay.
So first of all, I would liketo say that if you do think that
you have body dysmorphia orbinge eating disorder, then it
is something that you do need tospeak to your doctor and all
therapists about, because it's adelicate situation that needs
addressing holistically.
(27:09):
So it's definitely importantthat this is addressed in a way
that is supported by medicalprofessionals, but that's very,
very important.
However, if you're at home andyou're thinking to yourself you
(27:32):
know this really resonates withme, because I feel like what I
see when I look in the mirrormight actually be a distortion,
like I'm realizing that now andthat I really do struggle with
emotional eating Then I thinkthe first step to take is to
(27:54):
actually just freakingacknowledge yourself for all
that because, if you don'tacknowledge it, you can't deal
with it.
Exactly yes, and I think it'sincredible if you've actually
got that self-awareness whereyou can identify it it's scary
(28:17):
though I think for a lot ofpeople really scary to like.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
Sit there and be honest about it, right?
Yeah, big step.
I love that.
That's great advice it is.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
It can be really, really challenging to actually
just sit with that and be like,okay, so this is what I'm
actually facing, and to bereally compassionate with
yourself and also to look forpatterns.
So this is one way that you canreconnect with yourself is to
(28:48):
look at every time you look inthe mirror and you have a
particular thought that'srecurring what is it, and you
have a particular thought that'srecurring what is?
Speaker 1 (29:02):
it that's been going on for you.
When you actually have thatthought, I'm also kind of taking
an inventory of, like the daysI'm really seeing an image that
is not real.
I'm really feeling this, thentaking note of what else is
going on in your life to kind ofcreate some patterns.
I love that.
That's a great idea absolutely,and similarly with food habits
as well like what you're eating,what you're turning to with
(29:25):
certain things, that's great,that's great.
I've had this conversation withum, some of my close friends,
but it and you know, it's notlike backed by anything, but
like that certain emotionsactually elicit.
You know, like if I'mstruggling in my really my
intimate relationship, I maywant more food, or or I may not
want to eat at all.
You know what I mean.
Like it's so.
(29:45):
It's the emotion sometimes,like am I feeling hurt, am I
feeling betrayed, am I feelingnot good enough?
And how I react because some ofthose I I will not want to eat
at all, and then other ones it'slike that's my comfort.
I need to like eat sugary,fatty things that make me feel
good in the moment, terriblelater, so it's different.
So I love that you put likepaying attention to yourself,
(30:06):
learning your pattern.
It's great.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
Absolutely yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
So how do you work with women in this capacity?
I know you do some one-on-onecoaching.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
Yes, that's right.
So it's generally one-to-onecoaching sessions, as you say,
that are a container for us toexplore eating habits, but not
in a way that's aboutoverhauling things.
So what we want to do is justlook at it from a point of
(30:38):
curiosity rather than judgmentand see what incremental shifts
that we can make in eatinghabits in order to start
reconnecting to ourselves byhelping to regulate the hormones
and the signals that are goingon in our bodies so that we're
(31:01):
actually truly understanding.
You know whether we're reallyhungry, and you know it's.
It's okay if we are reallyhungry, and then we want to look
at how we can use food as atool to actually help with
regulating our emotions in a waythat's of service to us, not in
(31:23):
a way that's undermining allour efforts.
So the main thing for that isblood sugar regulation, because
when our blood sugar is out ofbalance, that actually affects
the nervous system and how wellregulated it is and, as we've
previously talked about, ifwe're dysregulated, then that
(31:49):
can cause that feeling of notbeing safe, being afraid, which
is then, you know, it puts us ina position of how do we cope
with this and then potentiallyfalling back on default coping
mechanisms.
So that is the like.
(32:10):
The first point of call in termsof the physical is blood sugar
management and then we really gofrom there about looking at
ways that we can help supportthe um, the releasing of weight,
whether that is just thephysical weight, but more often
(32:32):
than not it's the other weightthat we carry, the invisible
weight that we carry, which isall of those expectations.
So a lot of clients that come tome they don't realize actually
that it wasn't really about theweight until they're working
with me they realize that it'sabout all of the expectations
that they're putting onthemselves and this almost
(32:56):
compulsion to be perfect.
And once they realize that theydon't need to be perfect because
they're already good enoughexactly as they are, that just
takes off so much pressure andit's through consistent work
together that helps them toalign with that belief.
(33:20):
So to start with it seems likea leap just to say I'm already
enough.
And that's because it's almostlike a cognitive dissonance that
when we believe something sostrongly like I'm not good
enough to completely pivot 180and believe completely the
(33:45):
opposite.
It just feels like too much ofa stark contrast and the mind
will know essentially that it'sbeing almost deceived, but if we
do it in a gentle way, wherewe're just like, we're open to
the possibility that actuallymaybe what we've been telling
ourselves about not being goodenough might not actually be
(34:06):
true, and then we work at itfrom that perspective and
gradually move towards yes, I amenough, because otherwise,
again, it's all about overwhelmwhen we turn everything upside
down I love that.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
I love that it's like it's these, like internal,
these small internal shifts thatcause the, that like
reverberate into these bigexternal shifts that you're not
expecting.
It's like that stuff comeseffortlessly when we can align
the more, the more inner waysabout how we feel about
ourselves, the rest kind of justfalls into place.
I love that and I think it'svery true.
(34:44):
It's just hard.
It's hard to believe that andit's hard to get there, so I
love it can be challenging, yes,but it is definitely possible.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
And again, it's not about being perfect at it, yeah.
So I believe that I'm goodenough, but am I perfect at that
?
No, and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
You're human.
We're flawed creatures.
I love that, so I know you'rein the UK, but do you work with
people everywhere virtually?
Is that, I'm assuming, like aZoom call?
Speaker 2 (35:16):
I do.
Yes, so I work virtuallyoccasionally in the physical,
but my work's generally online.
Yes, okay, so it means I get towork with people all over the
world in different time zones,which is fantastic and actually
also, um, when you're asking meabout how I work with people,
the other thing that I do isenergy alignment sessions, and
(35:37):
this can actually work quitewell, because if we're not in
the same time zone, it meansthat I can more easily work with
them when they're resting orsleeping, which is something
that I like to do.
That's how I do it, so I take alook at you know what's going
on for them energetically andhelp them to release that, and
(36:00):
that the way that I do that isthat I receive this information
when I'm doing an energy readingand then I can actually bring
that into the coaching.
So this came up, and so I startasking questions about that and
you know whether it resonatesand therefore, what can we do?
(36:24):
That's going to actuallyincorporate this into releasing
all of that extra weightinvisible extra weight.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Yeah, okay.
So if someone is listening tothis and they are interested in
talking to you or using yourservices, how would they get
ahold of you, do you?
Speaker 2 (36:52):
like for your.
Instagram or for your instagram, or?
Yes, absolutely so.
Instagram is where I live, tobe and, um, if you would care to
drop by, it's at eloise heatherand I'm sure you could put a
link for that in the show notesand the eloise is with two l's,
not one, that's right, yeah, edouble l odouble-L-O-U-I-S-E.
(37:15):
Yeah, eloise Heather.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
Love that.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
And yeah, just come by, drop me a DM, and I would
absolutely love to know if thisresonated with you.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
Yay, okay.
And then, with all my guests, Iask them what is your go-to
self-care when things getoverwhelming and you're feeling
out of control?
How do you?
Speaker 2 (37:41):
bring it back to you, bring it back to center, okay.
So there's a few things really.
So number one is movement.
That is an absolute priorityfor me.
Movement looks different foreveryone, though, so I like to
go out for walks in nature, andnature is another big element of
(38:02):
the self-care for me, but I'maware that you know people at
home might struggle with that.
It depends on you know yourlevel of current physical
ability, and so even if it'sjust deep breathing because that
in itself is still a movementit still can create a shift, and
(38:23):
I find that so, so powerful.
And another thing that I liketo incorporate for self-care is
whenever I look in the mirrorand I notice a change in myself
because you know, time movesforward and it always changes
(38:43):
and I look in the mirror and Inoticed something that wasn't
there before, you know, maybelike a blemish or fine line or
something like that.
And then I look at myself and Ismile and I say, and that okay.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
I like that.
That's great, like I'maccepting this and it's what it
is.
It's a gift to be able to ageright, absolutely, yes.
Well, thank you so much forcoming on today.
I really enjoyed ourconversation.
I really enjoy your approach tothis because I think, like I
said I don't know if I said thiswhen we were recording our
before, but, um, you know this,this subject can turn a lot of
(39:20):
women off.
I think, as we age, we've beenthrough so much of this, we've
we've struggled with our waiterimage for so long and we're just
kind of tired of this, and so Ithink the approaches that are
more holistic, that that centeraround self-acceptance and
self-love, are the ones that arereally needed.
And it's hard to get, you know,it's just it's hard to believe
(39:42):
in that.
So I really appreciate yourapproach and your time
explaining it, because I thinkit is very powerful.
So, thank you so much forcoming and sharing your work
with us.
And yeah, if you guys areinterested, it's at Eloise
Heather on Instagram.
And yeah, well, hopefullyyou'll be back on the show soon
when you have new updates and wewill talk to you again.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
Yeah, have a great day, thank you.
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