October 6, 2025 • 36 mins
Hi!! I would love to hear from you!
A successful career, loving family, and all the right boxes checked—yet behind the scenes, overwhelming anxiety, exhaustion, and a deep disconnect from self. This is the reality many high-achieving women face, including Jeannie Stumne, who spent 25 years building an impressive career in higher education while silently drowning in burnout.
Jeannie's powerful conversation with Jen reveals how a life-threatening nervous system shutdown became her ultimate wake-up call. After reaching a breaking point at 40, repressed childhood trauma surfaced, sending her into full PTSD symptoms while still trying to maintain her demanding director role at a major university. When the pandemic hit, forcing rapid adaptation in her professional life against the backdrop of civil unrest in her Minneapolis neighborhood, Jeannie's body finally said "enough."
What makes this episode particularly valuable is Jeannie's candid sharing of her healing journey—not just what worked, but what didn't. She explains how the perfectionist achievement mindset that contributed to her burnout actually hindered her recovery when she approached healing with the same "push through" mentality. Instead, she discovered the critical importance of nervous system regulation, somatic (body-based) healing, and finding the right community for co-regulation.
The conversation offers practical wisdom for anyone feeling depleted despite "having it all" on paper. Jeannie emphasizes starting with nervous system healing before diving into trauma work, embracing self-compassion as a foundation, and accepting that healing isn't linear but cyclical. Perhaps most powerful is her reminder that healing isn't about returning to baseline—it's about becoming more of your authentic self than you've ever been before.
Whether you're currently in burnout, supporting someone who is, or simply feeling the warning signs, this episode provides both hope and practical guidance from someone who's been through the darkest places and emerged with purpose and wisdom. Connect with Jeannie at shinebrighterlc.com or on Instagram @jeanniecoaching to learn more about her one-on-one coaching and upcoming group programs.
To contact or learn more about Jeannie
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61571229877346
https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeanniestumne/
https://www.instagram.com/healwithjeannie/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:02):
Welcome back to Empowered Ease.
I'm Jen Ollinger.
Twice a month I bring youcourageous women who are
rewriting the rules, choosingslowing down, self-love, and
inner wisdom over the pressureto hustle and prove our worth.
Today's guest embodies thatrevolution.
Jeannie Stumney spent more than25 years leading and pouring
(00:25):
herself into her work andfamily.
And behind the success, she wasdrowning in overwhelm,
exhaustion, and anxiety.
A life-threatening shutdownforced her to rebuild from rock
bottom.
Through somatic healing andnervous system regulation,
Jeannie recovered andreconnected with her true self.
Now, a trauma-informed andsomatic practitioner,
(00:47):
practitioner, excuse me, shehelps parents and leaders who
have it all on paper but feeldepleted inside.
End burnout and reclaim energy,joy, and the purpose through her
somatic spark method andprograms reignite and welcome,
Jeannie to Empowered Ease.
I'm so happy you're here.
(01:09):
How are you?
SPEAKER_01 (01:10):
Oh thank you so much.
I'm super happy and excited tobe here with you today, Jen.
SPEAKER_00 (01:15):
Yes, I'm so excited too.
I'm um I love that you're, Ithink you're you're here to talk
about burnout, which is verypopular.
I think all those, I've had acouple people specializing in
burnout on the show, and thoseepisodes have done really well.
But what I love about you that'sdifferent is I think you're the
first person that's not a nursehere to talk about burnout.
SPEAKER_01 (01:32):
So some definitely, definitely not a nurse.
SPEAKER_00 (01:35):
But you have a great perspective and you have a
history in academia, and I justwant to I would love to hear
your take on it and how you helppeople and how you got into this
work and your your story ofburnout.
SPEAKER_01 (01:48):
So yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
So I started, I'm one of thosepeople who for a long time on
paper, I looked very successful.
I had a 25-year career in highered.
And so, especially in my 30s, Iwas kind of living that life,
that autopilot life where I wasmarried, I had a child.
(02:08):
At the time, I was workingfull-time, I moved up to a
director role at the Universityof Minnesota, which is a very
large institution.
And I was successful in mycareer, and I kind of had it
all, but that's what it lookslike.
I was winning awards, I wasdoing all the things.
But honestly, like most of thetime with burnout, I was
anxious, I was overwhelmed, Iwas depressed, and I was doing a
(02:33):
lot of self, I would say,improvement work and trying to
figure out all those things.
And really, I just struggledwith not understanding what was
going on with me.
So why was I so overwhelmed?
I even at one point gotmisdiagnosed in my 30s with
ADHD, adult ADHD, because of theracing thoughts, the inability
(02:54):
to focus, all those symptomswere very similar to ADHD.
So for a little while I thoughtI had that.
And I was getting to the pointwhere I was trying everything
and I just couldn't figure outlike my life is like exactly
what I wanted it to be in someways.
You know, you kind of are like,this is what I went, I was a
first generation collegestudent.
(03:15):
So I grew up working class andwas a first generation college
student, went to college, got mydegree, got my master's degree,
got my first job at theUniversity of Minnesota, did all
of that, got married, had thechild, and I just couldn't
figure out like why am I not ashappy as it looks like I should
be.
Yeah, I made it.
This is what I wanted.
This is what I wanted.
(03:35):
I have the education.
I like, I, you know, wentthrough barriers.
I'm, you know, middle class now,not what I grew up.
And so I just was getting reallyfrustrated because my mental
health was just, you know, itwasn't great and I couldn't
figure it out.
So eventually it was when I was40, which I realize now from
talking with a lot of peoplearound me.
40 tends to be an age whensometimes people have like those
(03:58):
awakening moments.
And I was just frustratedbecause I didn't know what else
to do.
So I literally at one point whenI was in one of my really dark
places, I just threw my hands upin the air and I yelled out to
the universe, what the fuck iswrong with me?
Because I couldn't figure itout.
And that was a very definingmoment that started the
(04:18):
beginning of my healing journey.
Because very shortly after that,and it's amazing how when you
ask, stuff starts to happen.
SPEAKER_00 (04:26):
You are not the first guest that has said that
once they localized it and likeallowed themselves to just say
it, like ask for it, that that'swhen the change started to
happen.
I don't know if it's what it is,if it's like a break, you break
in yourself.
You just let yourself feel it,or or if it's something bigger,
but you're not the first personI've heard say that.
So I love that.
Like you have to just have thecourage to ask for it and then
(04:47):
things start lining up.
Sorry to distract you.
I just was like, wow, somebodyjust else just said this.
SPEAKER_01 (04:53):
Yeah, because it's so and no, that helps me too,
and know because I remember whenI was doing it, I felt like,
what am I doing?
But it was like my my true selflistened and it started to come
online almost.
And it was really difficultthough, because what happened is
my the trauma that I experiencedin childhood that I had
repressed, been repressing allthrough my 20s and my 30s to
(05:14):
survive, all started comingback.
And so I went into pretty muchthe full-blown PTSD symptoms.
And so I was having flashbacksand like I was like, what is
going on with me?
And so that it was really likean awakening.
It was more than, I mean, Iwould call it on some levels,
definitely a spiritual awakeningof just like all of my past
(05:37):
trauma that I was so tightlypulling down and holding down to
keep that life that I hadcreated.
It was just time for it to berevealed and for me to start the
healing journey.
So that's what yeah, I did.
I started going to therapy and Istarted off really doing a lot
of the more traditional thingsthat that were that I guess when
(05:57):
I also was a psychology major.
So I kind of started there withtalk therapy.
Oh my gosh, I love that.
Some of the more traditionalthings, which did help because
it gave me an understanding ofwhat was happening because it
was really scary to have allthese memories of trauma and
stuff that I had repressed sodeeply that didn't feel.
I was just like, how could thatbe me?
(06:18):
But I knew it was me, but itstill just felt so scary.
Um, and at the time too, I wasstill working full-time
parenting.
Um, I was still married at thattime.
So that's where I started, waskind of the traditional route of
talk therapy, just an EMDR andthings like that.
And it helped and it got me alittle bit more stabilized.
(06:40):
But then, as I'm sure otherpeople on their journeys, it was
realizing that there wereaspects of me, especially like
spiritual and understanding whoI really was at a core level
that I had never addressed.
I had so many masks on, so manyfilters on, that it was like
that all those things startedcoming off.
(07:00):
And the traditional methods, Iwas just like, these aren't,
there's more, and I need morehelp.
And so for 10 years, I was on ahealing journey of um doing
energy healing, doing I think Idid almost every healing
modality that there was.
I just did so many differentones, which I will I'll talk a
little about that more.
But and all of them helped me indifferent ways.
(07:22):
And I don't regret that I didthat.
But at the time, you know, whenI was 40, that was 10 years ago,
over 10 years ago, trauma wasn'ttalked about in the same way it
is now.
And so now there's so many moreroadmaps.
I really did not have a roadmap.
I was just like, you know, I'llI'll try this modality, I'll try
this.
Oh, this YouTube video says,here's five things to do to end
(07:45):
your trauma, or things likethat.
And I felt like I just got so Iwas working really, really hard
at healing.
But during that time, I alsoended up getting divorced.
So part of that healing journeytoo was I started realizing that
I never actually made choicesabout what I wanted in my life.
And I wasn't connected to who Ireally was because I had so many
(08:07):
masks, I was playing so manyroles, I was playing out the
patterns that I that came fromchildhood, that came from
experiencing abuse and traumaand realizing like, what's
underneath all those?
And just the way that a lot oftimes relationships go, the
relationship, I was just like,it wasn't fair to him because I
was so deep in this healing.
(08:28):
And I also knew on the otherside of the healing that we
probably wouldn't be at the sameplace.
And so, on top of all that, Iended up getting divorced when I
was 40, I think 42, also.
And so I kept going through thenin my mid-40s, working on
healing, working full-time,having my daughter, having my
(08:49):
daughter part of the time, andthen COVID hit.
And so I was a director of anoffice, and it was with most
people.
We were at the University ofMinnesota one day, all of our
services were on campus inperson.
Next day, I have to have a wholeoffice be moved to online
services for college students.
So amazingly, we did that and itall worked out, but it obviously
(09:14):
is with a lot of people, thatstress of living through COVID
just added a whole nother layer.
Additionally, I also lived inSouth Minneapolis at the time.
So I was living in an area thatwas experiencing civil unrest at
the time, too, during COVID.
I was living really close towhere the murder of George Floyd
happened.
(09:34):
So also my physical environmentand everything going on in our
community was also another layeradding up.
And so I was I was holding on,using all the coping mechanisms,
healing as much as I could.
But then in 2021, when we werecalled, when I knew we'd have to
go back to campus, so part of itwas I was working remotely and I
(09:57):
had enough flexibility that Iwas somehow like able to like
keep keep going.
But in 2021, when we were toldto go back to campus, I just
knew that there was no way withmy mental health and physical
health that I would be able tokeep going and that I was
already.
At the time, I wouldn't haveused the word burnout because I
didn't understand enough aboutburnout.
But in retrospect, I now realizethat I had been in the stages of
(10:20):
burnout for a long time.
And I was to the point where ifI would have gone back, I know I
would have at that point reallyexperienced burnout.
So I made the really, reallyhard decision to leave my
25-year career and higher ed.
And I moved from SouthMinneapolis to Lakeville,
Minnesota.
So I went from living in thecity to a suburb here in
(10:43):
Minnesota, which was a bigchange.
My dad had changed schools andwe had a lot of changes.
And my idea was that well, I'lltake some time, um, focus on
myself and heal, and then startmy own business and kind of
reinvent myself.
What happened though, that Ididn't realize is that burnout
(11:03):
can also happen.
Like you can leave your job, anddoesn't mean burnout just goes
away.
For me, what I ended upexperiencing is I my healing
journey started moving so fastthat I was almost doing too much
healing work, and it eventuallycaused me, caused my nervous
system and my body to completelyshut down.
(11:24):
So when I look at the next bigmoment, I actually spent almost
a year in pretty much isolationdealing with the healing of
trauma, and my nervous systemgot so overwhelmed that I went
into a canatonic state.
And no one, it was really hardto get help because I had to go
to the emergency room threetimes because the idea of
(11:47):
physical pain and mental andemotional pain coinciding was
just really hard.
And so I it was hard to get helpbecause people would say, Well,
you're depressed.
And I'm like, Well, I can't,I've been depressed before, this
is different, but I justcouldn't, and I was in physical
pain.
My whole body was just in painbecause I had so much trauma
(12:07):
that was leaving my body.
So after three emergency roomvisits and basically getting to
the point where I wasn't eating,I couldn't take care of myself.
I had friends who, thankgoodness, intervened.
I reached out for help finallyand said, I need help, which is
a really hard thing to do whenyou're in that place.
(12:28):
But I needed help, I neededcommunity.
And so they ended up helping mego to the emergency room the
third time when I didn't want togo because I felt like I
couldn't be helped, but theywouldn't give up on me.
And they said, there has to be away, we have to figure out
what's going on.
And so that last visit, they putme into an empath unit.
And finally, after being theretwo days, the nurses, amazing, I
(12:52):
will say, in my time.
That's one thing I don'tcomplain about is the nurses.
And complain about some of theother aspects of the care.
But the nurses were amazing.
So between the nurses and one ofthe psychiatrists, they finally
figured out that I was in acanatonic state and that that's
why I couldn't function.
My burnout was so far gone thatit was past even burnout to
(13:13):
canatonic.
And so the only way to get meout of it was to do the Ada van
challenge.
And they did that, and I finallycame back, basically came back
online, is how I wouldexperience it because it was
like my true self and who Ireally am was just gone.
I was barely functioning.
And when they they did the whatI guess they normally do for to
(13:38):
see if you're in a canatonicstate, it worked.
And within about 15 minutes oftaking the meds, I all of a
sudden like felt like I woke upagain.
And now in retrospect, Irealized it was probably my
nervous system, it was just solike overloaded and stuff, and
the meds just helped me calmdown.
So once I figured out what wasgoing on, and I got meds, and
(14:03):
then I went and did more traumawork, did some outpatient, did a
lot of trauma work.
And that was really when Istarted realizing okay, now I
know what I want my business tobe focused on.
Like a burnout because there'sso many different ways to
experience burnout.
And what I came to realize isthat so many of us are in this
(14:24):
constant state of burnout and wedon't even know it.
And it goes on for years becauseour nervous systems are stuck in
a place that we're never we'renever meant to live in.
And so, yeah, so that's kind ofa long story, but I love it.
SPEAKER_00 (14:38):
I I relate with so much of it, my own burnout
journey.
I mean, not sp specifically, butI just I relate so to so many
aspects of it.
I think it's so powerful.
I got I was like moved at pointsof it, but like yeah, I mean,
seriously, like I think for meit was like listening to your
story is like I what I rememberabout it that was was that like
(15:00):
it you can't communicate.
I I did I wasn't catatonic.
I couldn't go to work for likethree months, and when I did try
to even think about it, it wouldthere was like this physical
sensation of a ball that feltlike it was coming up my throat,
and like I would die.
I knew I would die if I, youknow, like I was gonna choke on
it, and it was just like peoplelooked at me like I was crazy,
(15:21):
but I'm like, this is real, thisis real, like you know, so just
that like trying to communicateit and people not getting it,
it's so hard.
It's such a hard place, it'ssuch a scary place to be.
And I just empathize with thatpart of your struggle so hard.
You're welcome.
(15:42):
It's it's hard, it's so it'sreal and it's very, very scary.
You know, you talk about it nowbecause you're out of it, but
it's intense and the things thatwe go through.
It's it's just like for peoplewho are in it, it's you're not
alone, even though you feel likeyou are.
That's what made me feel I'mlike, oh, I just felt all the
feels for you.
(16:02):
But the parts of your story Ireally, really relate with.
I love that you are a psychologymajor.
And I wonder personally,discovering my own childhood
trauma that bubbled up in my I'm42 and very similar stuff.
I got really like had to take alot of time to myself.
I call it like the dark night ofthe soul.
(16:23):
I was doing so much likemeditating and energy work and
sound therapy, and all thesethings were breaking loose.
I was having flashbacks andunderstanding why I have these
self-worth issues, and it wasjust so overwhelming that that
shut me down for a little bittoo, because it was like too
much, too much too fast andtherapy for me.
(16:44):
I tried EMDR, and there's justtoo much nursing trauma that I
have incurred over over a decadeof being a critical care nurse,
that I couldn't even reallyaccess any of those memories to
work through them.
I it was so difficult.
And talk therapy helped a bit,but you know, it was really
going through a program,journaling, looking at myself,
(17:06):
asking myself, and then givingmyself the time to sit with it
and rest.
I think I slept for threemonths, like just saw this
intensity.
So your story, I just relatedwith it so much.
And I also have always like, I'ma neurocritical ICA.
I worked in mental health, and Iwonder if part of that is just
like an effort to understand ourworld and our trauma.
SPEAKER_01 (17:26):
Yes, yeah, yeah.
And I really question my careermode of that sometimes after
some of it started coming up.
I was like, my master's degreeis in counseling, yeah, my
undergrads in psychology.
And I, you know, and I workedwith students, even though I
worked in advising and careercounseling, I worked with
students who experienced traumabecause it was getting in the
way of their academics.
(17:47):
And yeah, sometimes inretrospect, I'm like, hmm, I
think I was preparing myself toeventually confront my own
trauma.
SPEAKER_00 (17:55):
Yeah, or giving people.
Sometimes I think about likeyou're giving people what you
wish someone would have givenyou until you're ready to give
it to yourself, right?
Until you're ready to be like,okay, I'm the one that needs
this.
I need to give this to myself.
It's just beautiful, beautiful.
Yeah.
So I don't know about for you.
For me, I found like burnout wascyclical.
Like I would feel like I gotbetter, and then the next time
(18:17):
it would be so much worse.
And then I would feel like Idon't know what I would do.
Maybe I'd like to do more yogaor run or relax a little bit.
And then the next time it wouldcome around, it would be so
worse until it got completelyoverwhelming.
So anyway, that was like theseare all the parts I related
with.
So for people listening, and Ithink you know, this is so
(18:38):
relevant.
The reason this is um, these aremy most popular episodes is
because I feel like so manypeople are struggling with this.
So many women, COVID was such ahuge stressor for so many
people.
The state of the world right nowis stressful for many of us,
especially if you're a woman.
And so it's just bringing a lotof this up.
Middle age, when our prioritiesshift, you know, all of this
(19:00):
really powerful things happeningthat you've touched on there.
So for people listening that arelike, me, me, this is so me.
What advice would you give themor where would you start?
How do you help them?
Like all of that, share with us.
SPEAKER_01 (19:17):
Yeah, well, where I would start that I had no
understanding of and have nowlearned is I would start with
nervous system.
And really before getting intolike for me, I feel like I just
once I found out I had trauma, Iwas like, dive into the trauma,
you know.
And I never took time to learnhow to regulate my nervous
(19:39):
system, learn how to get intoreally safe spaces.
I would ground myself, but itwas kind of more of a like throw
a heavy blanket on me.
And I just I didn't learn someof that before I started diving
into the heavy work of trauma.
And I think that's part of whatcaused a lot of my burnout is I
was doing healing too much toofast.
Yeah.
(19:59):
Honestly, that pattern that Ihad of pushing and achieving, I
brought that to my healing work.
So, what I would say to otherpeople is healing is much
different.
Slow and steady is going to bethe way to go because as soon as
you speed up too much, your bodyis going to say, This is too
(20:21):
fast, this is too much, we can'tdo it, and it's gonna pull you
back.
And so I would start withnervous system healing and
getting co-regulation.
And this is something I didn'tknow from someone who's been
through it.
Because that experience, I mean,even talking to you, Jen, it's
so nice because I can feel, Ican feel like what you've been
through.
(20:42):
I think I didn't know theimportance of how our nervous
systems communicate with eachother and how we co-regulate and
how being with someone who hasgone through the journey, not
just not the exact same journey,but has gone through something
similar, can really help you notjust feel alone, but it's
actually physiology too, ofbeing together.
(21:03):
So that's the first part I wouldsay is take it slow, find
support, but also, you know,find the community that's right
for you.
Because I know for me, like awhole eventually, especially
when I did outpatient, I was ina group that was focusing on
trauma, and that was so great.
Like I needed it.
But there was an earlier timewhere more one-on-one was better
(21:26):
for me.
And then eventually I got to thepoint where like a group format.
So go start wherever you're at,but taking it slow and steady is
what I would recommend, andreally learning how to ground
yourself, anchor yourself, andknow that you have the ability
to always come back and feelsafe and learn how to be in your
(21:46):
body.
I'm gonna touch my body when Ido that because I think that was
something for me that it took mea long time, especially because
I had so much disassociationthat being in the body, I was
trying to do too much healingwork without incorporating my
body.
So the idea of somatic or bodyfirst healing, I would really
recommend and focusing on that.
(22:08):
And not that we don't talk aboutthings or, you know, not that
talk therapy is isn't anything,but I actually don't know that
it's the place to start.
I think sometimes the place tostart is really getting in touch
with your body.
And then also I would sayrealizing that it is possible.
I mean, I think I was sohopeless sometimes because I I
just didn't believe it waspossible to heal.
(22:30):
But that it is, like you said,it's a cycle.
It's almost like you heal, youlevel up, and then you kind of
go back down and then you healand level up.
And so knowing that ahead oftime, that it is a journey.
I remember when I first went totherapy, I basically asked my
therapist, can I have astrategic plan for healing?
Because I was taking thismindset that I had from my job
(22:53):
and from work and being a leaderand applying it to healing.
And the healing is just sodifferent.
It's slow.
And it's getting to knowyourself on this really deep
level at the end of the day.
And then I think the ultimatepart that I would want people to
know is that at the end of it,you won't just get back to a
baseline.
(23:14):
You will become more of who youreally are.
And so sometimes I think when wetalk about healing, it's the
idea of like, well, I'm justtrying to get out of this dark
place to get to be okay.
But really, it can take you to awhole nother place that you've
never been.
I never really knew my true selfuntil I went through the dark
night, had the awakening, andwas like, oh, wait, there's a
whole part of me I didn't evenknow was inside of me.
(23:36):
So that's a couple of thingsthat I would say is just start
with your nervous system, stayin touch with your body, go
slow, find co-regulation thatworks for you.
And self-compassion is the otherfoundation of it all.
And that's a journey.
Unfortunately, yeah, it's alearned journey.
(23:57):
So again, go slow.
But I think some of thesethings, what I realized is once
you learn or love yourself, likesome of these other all these
techniques and strategies andself-care become easy because
you just do them naturally.
But when you're at a place whereyou're not loving yourself, you
don't feel like you're enough,you don't feel like you're
worthy, then all of these habitsthat support our health are so
(24:20):
difficult to do.
SPEAKER_00 (24:21):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's very true.
I kind of use that sometimes aslike there's certain habits I
drop first when I'm struggling.
And because sometimes, you know,you find yourself you're already
in the rut and you're like, ohmy God, how did I get here and
not know it?
I'm I fell again.
And so sometimes I'll use thoselike what what self-care habits
I'm dropping off.
Like, if I don't want to brushmy teeth at night, I know
(24:43):
there's something building up.
If I'm not taking the time totake care of myself and I'm
feeling lazy, like usuallythere's something, sometimes I'm
just tired, but sometimes youknow, it's like, what am I
avoiding here?
You know.
So I like using that as a as aguide.
But oh my gosh, I love this, Ilove this advice because I think
feel like even like people hearit, but the perfectionism in a
(25:05):
lot of us, it's the mostdifficult thing to do.
Oh, and we also think of healinglike it's a destination, and I
think the more I heal, which ishas it's sometimes harder.
You know, it's like you have yousuffer a little bit as you if
you choose to heal.
(25:27):
But that you know, it's that thethings never really go away,
except for that we revisit themin a different way, we see them
in a new light, we learn to workwith them.
It's like I'm I'm never notgonna have the issues I have,
but I'm we have differentawareness of them.
I see them differently.
I have tools when they come backup each time.
And I feel like that's reallythe journey.
(25:49):
It's not a place that weachieve, but an understanding of
ourselves that as we cyclethrough these things about us,
that we get better at it or welearn new information that helps
us deal, you know.
At least that's my been myexperience so far.
SPEAKER_01 (26:06):
So yeah, no, I totally agree.
And that's been my experience.
And I will say the further I goalong, like I have had to come
to acceptance that like, yes,right now I'm probably in the
best health that I've been in inmy whole life, but there's still
more to go.
Like I still have more to go.
But every once in a whilethere'll something will happen
where I will remember I used toget really triggered by this.
(26:29):
And all of a sudden, maybe I'llhave some little feeling, but
it'll be like the 90 second,like I'm angry for what is it,
90 seconds to go throughemotion.
I'll be angry for like 90seconds, but I don't get
triggered back into the past.
And so, yeah, so just knowingthat that is possible, that
yeah, the stuff, it never can gocompletely away because it's it
(26:50):
happened, but how you relate toit, how you move through it, and
that those big triggers can, youknow, that charge, I guess, that
charge that you know comes withthem can start to go away.
SPEAKER_00 (27:01):
Well, yeah, it's like you build a relationship
with it.
You build it, and you know,instead of reacting to it, which
is what I spent many, many yearsbeing just like reactive and
avoidant, I think, until burnoutmade me be like, no, no, no, you
have to look at this.
SPEAKER_01 (27:16):
Thank you so much.
Yeah, burnout is the ultimatemessenger to tell you, like, I
think feel like it tells youyou're worth more than you
believe you are.
It just doesn't seem that waywhen you're in the middle of it.
It's horrible.
SPEAKER_00 (27:28):
Yeah, yes.
So when uh when you're lookingfor inspiration in your life,
who are what are your what arethe things that inspire you or
people or whatever?
What is what what are theinspirations that keep you
going?
SPEAKER_01 (27:40):
Well, for sure, it's my daughter.
She's 17, she'll be 18 in acouple weeks.
So I'm right in that, yeah, thatanother new place for me in my
life.
So that's definitely my daughterhas been there.
I think when I had my daughter,that was the first time I really
experienced unconditional lovefrom someone.
And so, or in a way that I trulywas able to receive it.
(28:01):
And so she was also part of mykind of, I had a little bit of
awakening when I had her too, ofthat first feeling of like, I
just remember my heart just kindof cracked open when I held her
the first time.
Like, whoa, this is love thatI've never experienced before.
So she is definitely my maininspiration.
But I also, as a lot of people,nature for sure, like I just
(28:24):
like the last couple of weeks, Iwasn't in nature as much.
And me and my daughter just wenthiking on Sunday because I was
like, I could feel it.
Like I could tell my true self,my inner being was like, you
need to be outside.
You haven't been connectingenough.
And so nature for sure has beensuch a healing force for me.
And I found that the more Ihealed, the more I wanted to be
(28:45):
in nature.
It's like it's almost natural toconnect.
And then I would say the lastthing that inspires me that I
really love is I do dancefitness.
So I love dancing.
And I was not a dancer when Iwas a child.
I started dancing in my 30s andstarted doing group fitness, and
that's also such an inspirationbecause you have to be present.
(29:06):
There's music, there's acommunity, there's co-regulation
and moving your body and beingable to have feelings.
Like it's a great place to getfeelings out and process stuff
in a way that doesn't feelhorrible.
It can feel okay.
So, yeah, that's my otherinspiration is is dancing and
(29:26):
music and movement.
SPEAKER_00 (29:27):
Oh, I love that.
Okay, so I was gonna I ask allmy guests this, but I think you
kind of answered it.
So I'll I'll ask you it now.
I ask everyone what like theirgo-to self-nurture practice is
when things get tough.
So would you say it's yourdancing or is there another
procedure or yeah, I would saydancing in nature.
SPEAKER_01 (29:43):
It kind of depends on where I'm at, what mood.
If I want, if I'm more of like Ineed to be by myself, I'll
probably tend to go more towardsnature.
And then if I feel like I needpeople, I need to be in a
community, I'll go to dance.
I'll also say I right now I havea cat, I used to have a Dog.
So I usually always have a petthat's my go-to, also, because
(30:04):
yeah, again, they're just thatunconditional love.
So yeah, I don't know if you cansee mine.
She's sleeping behind me.
So yeah.
Having a pet or having, yeah.
And it's like I used to be a dogperson, and then when I lost my
dog, I wasn't ready for anotherdog, but I was like, maybe a
cat.
And that's been a nice, but I Ido need to have that other being
(30:26):
in the house, that other toconnect with too.
So that's my other go-to is ifI'm feeling down, it's just like
talk to the cat and baby voice,and that always makes me feel
better.
Hey, little kitty.
Like that's just amazing howmuch that can help me shift out
of wherever I am.
SPEAKER_00 (30:42):
I love that.
So if people are listening tothis and they're they're like,
oh my God, this is what I needin my life.
How how do you work with people?
How can people connect with you?
What are the ways that you helpactually help people with this?
SPEAKER_01 (30:54):
Yeah.
So what I've been doing is rightnow I've been doing mostly
one-on-one working with clients.
I do coaching and somatic.
I'm a practice, somaticpractitioner and burnout and
leadership coach.
So I do one-on-one programs thatright now are three months.
And then in January, I'm goingto be doing my first group
(31:15):
program.
So I'm going to keep it asmaller group so that the
community, especially withburnout, sometimes having a big
group is too much.
So I'm going to keep it asmaller community.
But I have taught a lot in thepast.
I taught a course on burnoutthis last summer through the
University of Minnesota.
And I really love that groupexperience and love creating
community.
So I'm going to do that againwith my work now on burnout in
(31:38):
January.
So yeah, if people, I do freeconnection calls.
So if people want to connectwith me just to see, get to know
me better, see what if anythingwould be a good fit for them,
that's definitely a great placeto start or follow me on social
media and get to know me alittle bit better.
I know that's an important pieceof it.
And so I'm I'm active on socialmedia too.
SPEAKER_00 (32:01):
I love that.
That's perfect.
So what is the website or socialmedia that people could go to?
Because some people don't.
I will put all of it in the shownotes, but some people are
listening.
So where can they go to findyou?
SPEAKER_01 (32:14):
So my business name is Shine Brighter.
And so the website isshinebrighterlc.com.
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (32:24):
And what's your Insta or your social handle?
SPEAKER_01 (32:28):
And so my Instagram is at geniecoaching.
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (32:34):
I love that.
Is there anything that you wouldlike to leave my guests with
before we go?
SPEAKER_01 (32:41):
Yeah, I just number one, I want to say thank you for
um having me and for giving methe chance to connect with
everybody and letting me tell mystory.
I mean, I think that's that'spart of it.
And I want to offer hope topeople that there is hope, even
though it's not necessarily alinear journey or it's not
necessarily gonna happen in aweek or a month, but there is
(33:04):
hope.
And that's one of the thingsthat I want to offer.
And I want to offer, yeah, youknow, myself too.
I love connecting with peopleand emailing me or scheduling a
connection call because I thinkit's important to meet people
who have been through it andhave come out to the other side
and also know they're stillhealing.
Like there's that realizationthat like we're never done.
(33:27):
And sometimes I I know it washard for me when I was in my
journey because I would seepeople who they're just like, I
went through all this and I'mdone and I'm great and
everything's fine.
And it's like, is it?
And it's like, well, yeah, itis, but there's you're still
always healing.
So I want to offer that too thatI am in a great place.
I am so much better than I'veever been, but I am still on the
journey with everybody too.
So that's an offering, too.
(33:48):
I'd like to give to everyone.
We're we're in it together.
You're not alone, even when itfeels that way.
And also I know how hard it isto make the first reach out.
And reaching out to a friendwhen I was in the darkest place
was so hard, but it saved mylife.
And so sometimes that first, ifyou can get that first little
reach out to somebody, it's soimportant and you're worth it.
SPEAKER_00 (34:11):
Powerful, powerful advice.
Thank you so much.
I really enjoyed ourconversation.
It was honestly healing for meto hear your story.
It's really powerful when peopleshare such vulnerable things.
So thank you so much.
I really appreciate it.
SPEAKER_01 (34:26):
Thank you so much.
It was great.
Thank you.
Welcome back to Empowered Ease.
I'm Jen Ollinger.
Twice a month I bring youcourageous women who are
rewriting the rules, choosingslowing down, self-love, and
inner wisdom over the pressureto hustle and prove our worth.
Today's guest embodies thatrevolution.
Jeannie Stumney spent more than25 years leading and pouring
(00:25):
herself into her work andfamily.
And behind the success, she wasdrowning in overwhelm,
exhaustion, and anxiety.
A life-threatening shutdownforced her to rebuild from rock
bottom.
Through somatic healing andnervous system regulation,
Jeannie recovered andreconnected with her true self.
Now, a trauma-informed andsomatic practitioner,
(00:47):
practitioner, excuse me, shehelps parents and leaders who
have it all on paper but feeldepleted inside.
End burnout and reclaim energy,joy, and the purpose through her
somatic spark method andprograms reignite and welcome,
Jeannie to Empowered Ease.
I'm so happy you're here.
(01:09):
How are you?
SPEAKER_01 (01:10):
Oh thank you so much.
I'm super happy and excited tobe here with you today, Jen.
SPEAKER_00 (01:15):
Yes, I'm so excited too.
I'm um I love that you're, Ithink you're you're here to talk
about burnout, which is verypopular.
I think all those, I've had acouple people specializing in
burnout on the show, and thoseepisodes have done really well.
But what I love about you that'sdifferent is I think you're the
first person that's not a nursehere to talk about burnout.
SPEAKER_01 (01:32):
So some definitely, definitely not a nurse.
SPEAKER_00 (01:35):
But you have a great perspective and you have a
history in academia, and I justwant to I would love to hear
your take on it and how you helppeople and how you got into this
work and your your story ofburnout.
SPEAKER_01 (01:48):
So yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
So I started, I'm one of thosepeople who for a long time on
paper, I looked very successful.
I had a 25-year career in highered.
And so, especially in my 30s, Iwas kind of living that life,
that autopilot life where I wasmarried, I had a child.
(02:08):
At the time, I was workingfull-time, I moved up to a
director role at the Universityof Minnesota, which is a very
large institution.
And I was successful in mycareer, and I kind of had it
all, but that's what it lookslike.
I was winning awards, I wasdoing all the things.
But honestly, like most of thetime with burnout, I was
anxious, I was overwhelmed, Iwas depressed, and I was doing a
(02:33):
lot of self, I would say,improvement work and trying to
figure out all those things.
And really, I just struggledwith not understanding what was
going on with me.
So why was I so overwhelmed?
I even at one point gotmisdiagnosed in my 30s with
ADHD, adult ADHD, because of theracing thoughts, the inability
(02:54):
to focus, all those symptomswere very similar to ADHD.
So for a little while I thoughtI had that.
And I was getting to the pointwhere I was trying everything
and I just couldn't figure outlike my life is like exactly
what I wanted it to be in someways.
You know, you kind of are like,this is what I went, I was a
first generation collegestudent.
(03:15):
So I grew up working class andwas a first generation college
student, went to college, got mydegree, got my master's degree,
got my first job at theUniversity of Minnesota, did all
of that, got married, had thechild, and I just couldn't
figure out like why am I not ashappy as it looks like I should
be.
Yeah, I made it.
This is what I wanted.
This is what I wanted.
(03:35):
I have the education.
I like, I, you know, wentthrough barriers.
I'm, you know, middle class now,not what I grew up.
And so I just was getting reallyfrustrated because my mental
health was just, you know, itwasn't great and I couldn't
figure it out.
So eventually it was when I was40, which I realize now from
talking with a lot of peoplearound me.
40 tends to be an age whensometimes people have like those
(03:58):
awakening moments.
And I was just frustratedbecause I didn't know what else
to do.
So I literally at one point whenI was in one of my really dark
places, I just threw my hands upin the air and I yelled out to
the universe, what the fuck iswrong with me?
Because I couldn't figure itout.
And that was a very definingmoment that started the
(04:18):
beginning of my healing journey.
Because very shortly after that,and it's amazing how when you
ask, stuff starts to happen.
SPEAKER_00 (04:26):
You are not the first guest that has said that
once they localized it and likeallowed themselves to just say
it, like ask for it, that that'swhen the change started to
happen.
I don't know if it's what it is,if it's like a break, you break
in yourself.
You just let yourself feel it,or or if it's something bigger,
but you're not the first personI've heard say that.
So I love that.
Like you have to just have thecourage to ask for it and then
(04:47):
things start lining up.
Sorry to distract you.
I just was like, wow, somebodyjust else just said this.
SPEAKER_01 (04:53):
Yeah, because it's so and no, that helps me too,
and know because I remember whenI was doing it, I felt like,
what am I doing?
But it was like my my true selflistened and it started to come
online almost.
And it was really difficultthough, because what happened is
my the trauma that I experiencedin childhood that I had
repressed, been repressing allthrough my 20s and my 30s to
(05:14):
survive, all started comingback.
And so I went into pretty muchthe full-blown PTSD symptoms.
And so I was having flashbacksand like I was like, what is
going on with me?
And so that it was really likean awakening.
It was more than, I mean, Iwould call it on some levels,
definitely a spiritual awakeningof just like all of my past
(05:37):
trauma that I was so tightlypulling down and holding down to
keep that life that I hadcreated.
It was just time for it to berevealed and for me to start the
healing journey.
So that's what yeah, I did.
I started going to therapy and Istarted off really doing a lot
of the more traditional thingsthat that were that I guess when
(05:57):
I also was a psychology major.
So I kind of started there withtalk therapy.
Oh my gosh, I love that.
Some of the more traditionalthings, which did help because
it gave me an understanding ofwhat was happening because it
was really scary to have allthese memories of trauma and
stuff that I had repressed sodeeply that didn't feel.
I was just like, how could thatbe me?
(06:18):
But I knew it was me, but itstill just felt so scary.
Um, and at the time too, I wasstill working full-time
parenting.
Um, I was still married at thattime.
So that's where I started, waskind of the traditional route of
talk therapy, just an EMDR andthings like that.
And it helped and it got me alittle bit more stabilized.
(06:40):
But then, as I'm sure otherpeople on their journeys, it was
realizing that there wereaspects of me, especially like
spiritual and understanding whoI really was at a core level
that I had never addressed.
I had so many masks on, so manyfilters on, that it was like
that all those things startedcoming off.
(07:00):
And the traditional methods, Iwas just like, these aren't,
there's more, and I need morehelp.
And so for 10 years, I was on ahealing journey of um doing
energy healing, doing I think Idid almost every healing
modality that there was.
I just did so many differentones, which I will I'll talk a
little about that more.
But and all of them helped me indifferent ways.
(07:22):
And I don't regret that I didthat.
But at the time, you know, whenI was 40, that was 10 years ago,
over 10 years ago, trauma wasn'ttalked about in the same way it
is now.
And so now there's so many moreroadmaps.
I really did not have a roadmap.
I was just like, you know, I'llI'll try this modality, I'll try
this.
Oh, this YouTube video says,here's five things to do to end
(07:45):
your trauma, or things likethat.
And I felt like I just got so Iwas working really, really hard
at healing.
But during that time, I alsoended up getting divorced.
So part of that healing journeytoo was I started realizing that
I never actually made choicesabout what I wanted in my life.
And I wasn't connected to who Ireally was because I had so many
(08:07):
masks, I was playing so manyroles, I was playing out the
patterns that I that came fromchildhood, that came from
experiencing abuse and traumaand realizing like, what's
underneath all those?
And just the way that a lot oftimes relationships go, the
relationship, I was just like,it wasn't fair to him because I
was so deep in this healing.
(08:28):
And I also knew on the otherside of the healing that we
probably wouldn't be at the sameplace.
And so, on top of all that, Iended up getting divorced when I
was 40, I think 42, also.
And so I kept going through thenin my mid-40s, working on
healing, working full-time,having my daughter, having my
(08:49):
daughter part of the time, andthen COVID hit.
And so I was a director of anoffice, and it was with most
people.
We were at the University ofMinnesota one day, all of our
services were on campus inperson.
Next day, I have to have a wholeoffice be moved to online
services for college students.
So amazingly, we did that and itall worked out, but it obviously
(09:14):
is with a lot of people, thatstress of living through COVID
just added a whole nother layer.
Additionally, I also lived inSouth Minneapolis at the time.
So I was living in an area thatwas experiencing civil unrest at
the time, too, during COVID.
I was living really close towhere the murder of George Floyd
happened.
(09:34):
So also my physical environmentand everything going on in our
community was also another layeradding up.
And so I was I was holding on,using all the coping mechanisms,
healing as much as I could.
But then in 2021, when we werecalled, when I knew we'd have to
go back to campus, so part of itwas I was working remotely and I
(09:57):
had enough flexibility that Iwas somehow like able to like
keep keep going.
But in 2021, when we were toldto go back to campus, I just
knew that there was no way withmy mental health and physical
health that I would be able tokeep going and that I was
already.
At the time, I wouldn't haveused the word burnout because I
didn't understand enough aboutburnout.
But in retrospect, I now realizethat I had been in the stages of
(10:20):
burnout for a long time.
And I was to the point where ifI would have gone back, I know I
would have at that point reallyexperienced burnout.
So I made the really, reallyhard decision to leave my
25-year career and higher ed.
And I moved from SouthMinneapolis to Lakeville,
Minnesota.
So I went from living in thecity to a suburb here in
(10:43):
Minnesota, which was a bigchange.
My dad had changed schools andwe had a lot of changes.
And my idea was that well, I'lltake some time, um, focus on
myself and heal, and then startmy own business and kind of
reinvent myself.
What happened though, that Ididn't realize is that burnout
(11:03):
can also happen.
Like you can leave your job, anddoesn't mean burnout just goes
away.
For me, what I ended upexperiencing is I my healing
journey started moving so fastthat I was almost doing too much
healing work, and it eventuallycaused me, caused my nervous
system and my body to completelyshut down.
(11:24):
So when I look at the next bigmoment, I actually spent almost
a year in pretty much isolationdealing with the healing of
trauma, and my nervous systemgot so overwhelmed that I went
into a canatonic state.
And no one, it was really hardto get help because I had to go
to the emergency room threetimes because the idea of
(11:47):
physical pain and mental andemotional pain coinciding was
just really hard.
And so I it was hard to get helpbecause people would say, Well,
you're depressed.
And I'm like, Well, I can't,I've been depressed before, this
is different, but I justcouldn't, and I was in physical
pain.
My whole body was just in painbecause I had so much trauma
(12:07):
that was leaving my body.
So after three emergency roomvisits and basically getting to
the point where I wasn't eating,I couldn't take care of myself.
I had friends who, thankgoodness, intervened.
I reached out for help finallyand said, I need help, which is
a really hard thing to do whenyou're in that place.
(12:28):
But I needed help, I neededcommunity.
And so they ended up helping mego to the emergency room the
third time when I didn't want togo because I felt like I
couldn't be helped, but theywouldn't give up on me.
And they said, there has to be away, we have to figure out
what's going on.
And so that last visit, they putme into an empath unit.
And finally, after being theretwo days, the nurses, amazing, I
(12:52):
will say, in my time.
That's one thing I don'tcomplain about is the nurses.
And complain about some of theother aspects of the care.
But the nurses were amazing.
So between the nurses and one ofthe psychiatrists, they finally
figured out that I was in acanatonic state and that that's
why I couldn't function.
My burnout was so far gone thatit was past even burnout to
(13:13):
canatonic.
And so the only way to get meout of it was to do the Ada van
challenge.
And they did that, and I finallycame back, basically came back
online, is how I wouldexperience it because it was
like my true self and who Ireally am was just gone.
I was barely functioning.
And when they they did the whatI guess they normally do for to
(13:38):
see if you're in a canatonicstate, it worked.
And within about 15 minutes oftaking the meds, I all of a
sudden like felt like I woke upagain.
And now in retrospect, Irealized it was probably my
nervous system, it was just solike overloaded and stuff, and
the meds just helped me calmdown.
So once I figured out what wasgoing on, and I got meds, and
(14:03):
then I went and did more traumawork, did some outpatient, did a
lot of trauma work.
And that was really when Istarted realizing okay, now I
know what I want my business tobe focused on.
Like a burnout because there'sso many different ways to
experience burnout.
And what I came to realize isthat so many of us are in this
(14:24):
constant state of burnout and wedon't even know it.
And it goes on for years becauseour nervous systems are stuck in
a place that we're never we'renever meant to live in.
And so, yeah, so that's kind ofa long story, but I love it.
SPEAKER_00 (14:38):
I I relate with so much of it, my own burnout
journey.
I mean, not sp specifically, butI just I relate so to so many
aspects of it.
I think it's so powerful.
I got I was like moved at pointsof it, but like yeah, I mean,
seriously, like I think for meit was like listening to your
story is like I what I rememberabout it that was was that like
(15:00):
it you can't communicate.
I I did I wasn't catatonic.
I couldn't go to work for likethree months, and when I did try
to even think about it, it wouldthere was like this physical
sensation of a ball that feltlike it was coming up my throat,
and like I would die.
I knew I would die if I, youknow, like I was gonna choke on
it, and it was just like peoplelooked at me like I was crazy,
(15:21):
but I'm like, this is real, thisis real, like you know, so just
that like trying to communicateit and people not getting it,
it's so hard.
It's such a hard place, it'ssuch a scary place to be.
And I just empathize with thatpart of your struggle so hard.
You're welcome.
(15:42):
It's it's hard, it's so it'sreal and it's very, very scary.
You know, you talk about it nowbecause you're out of it, but
it's intense and the things thatwe go through.
It's it's just like for peoplewho are in it, it's you're not
alone, even though you feel likeyou are.
That's what made me feel I'mlike, oh, I just felt all the
feels for you.
(16:02):
But the parts of your story Ireally, really relate with.
I love that you are a psychologymajor.
And I wonder personally,discovering my own childhood
trauma that bubbled up in my I'm42 and very similar stuff.
I got really like had to take alot of time to myself.
I call it like the dark night ofthe soul.
(16:23):
I was doing so much likemeditating and energy work and
sound therapy, and all thesethings were breaking loose.
I was having flashbacks andunderstanding why I have these
self-worth issues, and it wasjust so overwhelming that that
shut me down for a little bittoo, because it was like too
much, too much too fast andtherapy for me.
(16:44):
I tried EMDR, and there's justtoo much nursing trauma that I
have incurred over over a decadeof being a critical care nurse,
that I couldn't even reallyaccess any of those memories to
work through them.
I it was so difficult.
And talk therapy helped a bit,but you know, it was really
going through a program,journaling, looking at myself,
(17:06):
asking myself, and then givingmyself the time to sit with it
and rest.
I think I slept for threemonths, like just saw this
intensity.
So your story, I just relatedwith it so much.
And I also have always like, I'ma neurocritical ICA.
I worked in mental health, and Iwonder if part of that is just
like an effort to understand ourworld and our trauma.
SPEAKER_01 (17:26):
Yes, yeah, yeah.
And I really question my careermode of that sometimes after
some of it started coming up.
I was like, my master's degreeis in counseling, yeah, my
undergrads in psychology.
And I, you know, and I workedwith students, even though I
worked in advising and careercounseling, I worked with
students who experienced traumabecause it was getting in the
way of their academics.
(17:47):
And yeah, sometimes inretrospect, I'm like, hmm, I
think I was preparing myself toeventually confront my own
trauma.
SPEAKER_00 (17:55):
Yeah, or giving people.
Sometimes I think about likeyou're giving people what you
wish someone would have givenyou until you're ready to give
it to yourself, right?
Until you're ready to be like,okay, I'm the one that needs
this.
I need to give this to myself.
It's just beautiful, beautiful.
Yeah.
So I don't know about for you.
For me, I found like burnout wascyclical.
Like I would feel like I gotbetter, and then the next time
(18:17):
it would be so much worse.
And then I would feel like Idon't know what I would do.
Maybe I'd like to do more yogaor run or relax a little bit.
And then the next time it wouldcome around, it would be so
worse until it got completelyoverwhelming.
So anyway, that was like theseare all the parts I related
with.
So for people listening, and Ithink you know, this is so
(18:38):
relevant.
The reason this is um, these aremy most popular episodes is
because I feel like so manypeople are struggling with this.
So many women, COVID was such ahuge stressor for so many
people.
The state of the world right nowis stressful for many of us,
especially if you're a woman.
And so it's just bringing a lotof this up.
Middle age, when our prioritiesshift, you know, all of this
(19:00):
really powerful things happeningthat you've touched on there.
So for people listening that arelike, me, me, this is so me.
What advice would you give themor where would you start?
How do you help them?
Like all of that, share with us.
SPEAKER_01 (19:17):
Yeah, well, where I would start that I had no
understanding of and have nowlearned is I would start with
nervous system.
And really before getting intolike for me, I feel like I just
once I found out I had trauma, Iwas like, dive into the trauma,
you know.
And I never took time to learnhow to regulate my nervous
(19:39):
system, learn how to get intoreally safe spaces.
I would ground myself, but itwas kind of more of a like throw
a heavy blanket on me.
And I just I didn't learn someof that before I started diving
into the heavy work of trauma.
And I think that's part of whatcaused a lot of my burnout is I
was doing healing too much toofast.
Yeah.
(19:59):
Honestly, that pattern that Ihad of pushing and achieving, I
brought that to my healing work.
So, what I would say to otherpeople is healing is much
different.
Slow and steady is going to bethe way to go because as soon as
you speed up too much, your bodyis going to say, This is too
(20:21):
fast, this is too much, we can'tdo it, and it's gonna pull you
back.
And so I would start withnervous system healing and
getting co-regulation.
And this is something I didn'tknow from someone who's been
through it.
Because that experience, I mean,even talking to you, Jen, it's
so nice because I can feel, Ican feel like what you've been
through.
(20:42):
I think I didn't know theimportance of how our nervous
systems communicate with eachother and how we co-regulate and
how being with someone who hasgone through the journey, not
just not the exact same journey,but has gone through something
similar, can really help you notjust feel alone, but it's
actually physiology too, ofbeing together.
(21:03):
So that's the first part I wouldsay is take it slow, find
support, but also, you know,find the community that's right
for you.
Because I know for me, like awhole eventually, especially
when I did outpatient, I was ina group that was focusing on
trauma, and that was so great.
Like I needed it.
But there was an earlier timewhere more one-on-one was better
(21:26):
for me.
And then eventually I got to thepoint where like a group format.
So go start wherever you're at,but taking it slow and steady is
what I would recommend, andreally learning how to ground
yourself, anchor yourself, andknow that you have the ability
to always come back and feelsafe and learn how to be in your
(21:46):
body.
I'm gonna touch my body when Ido that because I think that was
something for me that it took mea long time, especially because
I had so much disassociationthat being in the body, I was
trying to do too much healingwork without incorporating my
body.
So the idea of somatic or bodyfirst healing, I would really
recommend and focusing on that.
(22:08):
And not that we don't talk aboutthings or, you know, not that
talk therapy is isn't anything,but I actually don't know that
it's the place to start.
I think sometimes the place tostart is really getting in touch
with your body.
And then also I would sayrealizing that it is possible.
I mean, I think I was sohopeless sometimes because I I
just didn't believe it waspossible to heal.
(22:30):
But that it is, like you said,it's a cycle.
It's almost like you heal, youlevel up, and then you kind of
go back down and then you healand level up.
And so knowing that ahead oftime, that it is a journey.
I remember when I first went totherapy, I basically asked my
therapist, can I have astrategic plan for healing?
Because I was taking thismindset that I had from my job
(22:53):
and from work and being a leaderand applying it to healing.
And the healing is just sodifferent.
It's slow.
And it's getting to knowyourself on this really deep
level at the end of the day.
And then I think the ultimatepart that I would want people to
know is that at the end of it,you won't just get back to a
baseline.
(23:14):
You will become more of who youreally are.
And so sometimes I think when wetalk about healing, it's the
idea of like, well, I'm justtrying to get out of this dark
place to get to be okay.
But really, it can take you to awhole nother place that you've
never been.
I never really knew my true selfuntil I went through the dark
night, had the awakening, andwas like, oh, wait, there's a
whole part of me I didn't evenknow was inside of me.
(23:36):
So that's a couple of thingsthat I would say is just start
with your nervous system, stayin touch with your body, go
slow, find co-regulation thatworks for you.
And self-compassion is the otherfoundation of it all.
And that's a journey.
Unfortunately, yeah, it's alearned journey.
(23:57):
So again, go slow.
But I think some of thesethings, what I realized is once
you learn or love yourself, likesome of these other all these
techniques and strategies andself-care become easy because
you just do them naturally.
But when you're at a place whereyou're not loving yourself, you
don't feel like you're enough,you don't feel like you're
worthy, then all of these habitsthat support our health are so
(24:20):
difficult to do.
SPEAKER_00 (24:21):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's very true.
I kind of use that sometimes aslike there's certain habits I
drop first when I'm struggling.
And because sometimes, you know,you find yourself you're already
in the rut and you're like, ohmy God, how did I get here and
not know it?
I'm I fell again.
And so sometimes I'll use thoselike what what self-care habits
I'm dropping off.
Like, if I don't want to brushmy teeth at night, I know
(24:43):
there's something building up.
If I'm not taking the time totake care of myself and I'm
feeling lazy, like usuallythere's something, sometimes I'm
just tired, but sometimes youknow, it's like, what am I
avoiding here?
You know.
So I like using that as a as aguide.
But oh my gosh, I love this, Ilove this advice because I think
feel like even like people hearit, but the perfectionism in a
(25:05):
lot of us, it's the mostdifficult thing to do.
Oh, and we also think of healinglike it's a destination, and I
think the more I heal, which ishas it's sometimes harder.
You know, it's like you have yousuffer a little bit as you if
you choose to heal.
(25:27):
But that you know, it's that thethings never really go away,
except for that we revisit themin a different way, we see them
in a new light, we learn to workwith them.
It's like I'm I'm never notgonna have the issues I have,
but I'm we have differentawareness of them.
I see them differently.
I have tools when they come backup each time.
And I feel like that's reallythe journey.
(25:49):
It's not a place that weachieve, but an understanding of
ourselves that as we cyclethrough these things about us,
that we get better at it or welearn new information that helps
us deal, you know.
At least that's my been myexperience so far.
SPEAKER_01 (26:06):
So yeah, no, I totally agree.
And that's been my experience.
And I will say the further I goalong, like I have had to come
to acceptance that like, yes,right now I'm probably in the
best health that I've been in inmy whole life, but there's still
more to go.
Like I still have more to go.
But every once in a whilethere'll something will happen
where I will remember I used toget really triggered by this.
(26:29):
And all of a sudden, maybe I'llhave some little feeling, but
it'll be like the 90 second,like I'm angry for what is it,
90 seconds to go throughemotion.
I'll be angry for like 90seconds, but I don't get
triggered back into the past.
And so, yeah, so just knowingthat that is possible, that
yeah, the stuff, it never can gocompletely away because it's it
(26:50):
happened, but how you relate toit, how you move through it, and
that those big triggers can, youknow, that charge, I guess, that
charge that you know comes withthem can start to go away.
SPEAKER_00 (27:01):
Well, yeah, it's like you build a relationship
with it.
You build it, and you know,instead of reacting to it, which
is what I spent many, many yearsbeing just like reactive and
avoidant, I think, until burnoutmade me be like, no, no, no, you
have to look at this.
SPEAKER_01 (27:16):
Thank you so much.
Yeah, burnout is the ultimatemessenger to tell you, like, I
think feel like it tells youyou're worth more than you
believe you are.
It just doesn't seem that waywhen you're in the middle of it.
It's horrible.
SPEAKER_00 (27:28):
Yeah, yes.
So when uh when you're lookingfor inspiration in your life,
who are what are your what arethe things that inspire you or
people or whatever?
What is what what are theinspirations that keep you
going?
SPEAKER_01 (27:40):
Well, for sure, it's my daughter.
She's 17, she'll be 18 in acouple weeks.
So I'm right in that, yeah, thatanother new place for me in my
life.
So that's definitely my daughterhas been there.
I think when I had my daughter,that was the first time I really
experienced unconditional lovefrom someone.
And so, or in a way that I trulywas able to receive it.
(28:01):
And so she was also part of mykind of, I had a little bit of
awakening when I had her too, ofthat first feeling of like, I
just remember my heart just kindof cracked open when I held her
the first time.
Like, whoa, this is love thatI've never experienced before.
So she is definitely my maininspiration.
But I also, as a lot of people,nature for sure, like I just
(28:24):
like the last couple of weeks, Iwasn't in nature as much.
And me and my daughter just wenthiking on Sunday because I was
like, I could feel it.
Like I could tell my true self,my inner being was like, you
need to be outside.
You haven't been connectingenough.
And so nature for sure has beensuch a healing force for me.
And I found that the more Ihealed, the more I wanted to be
(28:45):
in nature.
It's like it's almost natural toconnect.
And then I would say the lastthing that inspires me that I
really love is I do dancefitness.
So I love dancing.
And I was not a dancer when Iwas a child.
I started dancing in my 30s andstarted doing group fitness, and
that's also such an inspirationbecause you have to be present.
(29:06):
There's music, there's acommunity, there's co-regulation
and moving your body and beingable to have feelings.
Like it's a great place to getfeelings out and process stuff
in a way that doesn't feelhorrible.
It can feel okay.
So, yeah, that's my otherinspiration is is dancing and
(29:26):
music and movement.
SPEAKER_00 (29:27):
Oh, I love that.
Okay, so I was gonna I ask allmy guests this, but I think you
kind of answered it.
So I'll I'll ask you it now.
I ask everyone what like theirgo-to self-nurture practice is
when things get tough.
So would you say it's yourdancing or is there another
procedure or yeah, I would saydancing in nature.
SPEAKER_01 (29:43):
It kind of depends on where I'm at, what mood.
If I want, if I'm more of like Ineed to be by myself, I'll
probably tend to go more towardsnature.
And then if I feel like I needpeople, I need to be in a
community, I'll go to dance.
I'll also say I right now I havea cat, I used to have a Dog.
So I usually always have a petthat's my go-to, also, because
(30:04):
yeah, again, they're just thatunconditional love.
So yeah, I don't know if you cansee mine.
She's sleeping behind me.
So yeah.
Having a pet or having, yeah.
And it's like I used to be a dogperson, and then when I lost my
dog, I wasn't ready for anotherdog, but I was like, maybe a
cat.
And that's been a nice, but I Ido need to have that other being
(30:26):
in the house, that other toconnect with too.
So that's my other go-to is ifI'm feeling down, it's just like
talk to the cat and baby voice,and that always makes me feel
better.
Hey, little kitty.
Like that's just amazing howmuch that can help me shift out
of wherever I am.
SPEAKER_00 (30:42):
I love that.
So if people are listening tothis and they're they're like,
oh my God, this is what I needin my life.
How how do you work with people?
How can people connect with you?
What are the ways that you helpactually help people with this?
SPEAKER_01 (30:54):
Yeah.
So what I've been doing is rightnow I've been doing mostly
one-on-one working with clients.
I do coaching and somatic.
I'm a practice, somaticpractitioner and burnout and
leadership coach.
So I do one-on-one programs thatright now are three months.
And then in January, I'm goingto be doing my first group
(31:15):
program.
So I'm going to keep it asmaller group so that the
community, especially withburnout, sometimes having a big
group is too much.
So I'm going to keep it asmaller community.
But I have taught a lot in thepast.
I taught a course on burnoutthis last summer through the
University of Minnesota.
And I really love that groupexperience and love creating
community.
So I'm going to do that againwith my work now on burnout in
(31:38):
January.
So yeah, if people, I do freeconnection calls.
So if people want to connectwith me just to see, get to know
me better, see what if anythingwould be a good fit for them,
that's definitely a great placeto start or follow me on social
media and get to know me alittle bit better.
I know that's an important pieceof it.
And so I'm I'm active on socialmedia too.
SPEAKER_00 (32:01):
I love that.
That's perfect.
So what is the website or socialmedia that people could go to?
Because some people don't.
I will put all of it in the shownotes, but some people are
listening.
So where can they go to findyou?
SPEAKER_01 (32:14):
So my business name is Shine Brighter.
And so the website isshinebrighterlc.com.
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (32:24):
And what's your Insta or your social handle?
SPEAKER_01 (32:28):
And so my Instagram is at geniecoaching.
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (32:34):
I love that.
Is there anything that you wouldlike to leave my guests with
before we go?
SPEAKER_01 (32:41):
Yeah, I just number one, I want to say thank you for
um having me and for giving methe chance to connect with
everybody and letting me tell mystory.
I mean, I think that's that'spart of it.
And I want to offer hope topeople that there is hope, even
though it's not necessarily alinear journey or it's not
necessarily gonna happen in aweek or a month, but there is
(33:04):
hope.
And that's one of the thingsthat I want to offer.
And I want to offer, yeah, youknow, myself too.
I love connecting with peopleand emailing me or scheduling a
connection call because I thinkit's important to meet people
who have been through it andhave come out to the other side
and also know they're stillhealing.
Like there's that realizationthat like we're never done.
(33:27):
And sometimes I I know it washard for me when I was in my
journey because I would seepeople who they're just like, I
went through all this and I'mdone and I'm great and
everything's fine.
And it's like, is it?
And it's like, well, yeah, itis, but there's you're still
always healing.
So I want to offer that too thatI am in a great place.
I am so much better than I'veever been, but I am still on the
journey with everybody too.
So that's an offering, too.
(33:48):
I'd like to give to everyone.
We're we're in it together.
You're not alone, even when itfeels that way.
And also I know how hard it isto make the first reach out.
And reaching out to a friendwhen I was in the darkest place
was so hard, but it saved mylife.
And so sometimes that first, ifyou can get that first little
reach out to somebody, it's soimportant and you're worth it.
SPEAKER_00 (34:11):
Powerful, powerful advice.
Thank you so much.
I really enjoyed ourconversation.
It was honestly healing for meto hear your story.
It's really powerful when peopleshare such vulnerable things.
So thank you so much.
I really appreciate it.
SPEAKER_01 (34:26):
Thank you so much.
It was great.
Thank you.
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