May 26, 2025 • 24 mins
The transition through midlife presents an opportunity. We often look at this season as a "hot mess" or the old midlife Crisis label, but what if it is a chance for personal rebirth rather than crisis, inviting us to unravel everything that no longer aligns with our soul's purpose?
Our internal dialogue and the language we use to describe our lives profoundly shape our experiences, creating either limitations or possibilities for growth and transformation.
• Our self-talk influences our perception more than anything else, filtering what we notice and experience
• Women waste enormous energy obsessing about appearance when we could redirect that energy toward passion and joy
• Labeling midlife as a "crisis" versus "rebirth" fundamentally changes how we navigate this season
Take a few deep breaths right now, wherever you are, and remember that in every spiritual tradition, breath is life—sometimes all it takes is a few intentional moments to reset and try again.
We want to hear from you! Reach out to us on socials or at emptynestquestpod@gmail.com to share how our conversations are landing with you! xo-Melynda and Jennifer
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello, welcome to the Empty Nest Quest.
So today it is just me.
Melinda, jennifer and I, asmany of you have experienced,
have had the what are peoplecalling it May-cember?
It is so accurate that Mayfeels like the busyness of
December.
Yeah, so we're in that too.
(00:24):
Thank goodness we're doing thistogether so we can pass the
baton when we need to.
But okay, so just to give you alittle like housekeeping stuff.
It is.
It's the end of May, y'all,what the heck.
So happy Memorial Day weekendand we are going to have
(00:47):
episodes in June and most ofthese are going to be Jennifer
and I separately, and then wewill take July off and what
we'll do in July is just re-airsome of the ones that you guys
have shared with us that areyour favorites, and the way that
you can share with us whatyou're thinking or any
reflections.
(01:07):
Y'all please do.
We want to hear from you.
It helps us so much.
Um know, like what you want tokeep hearing, if you want to
hear more interviews, if youwant to hear um about certain
topics.
It is so helpful.
We love your feedback.
We we use immediately.
We're not filming like half ayear ahead of time or anything.
We are.
(01:27):
We are like kind of in realtime.
Um, so we want to hear.
We want to hear, like what you,what you're, you know what
you're in um alignment with andwhat feels like right in this
season of life for you.
So this has just been so fun tocreate together and then with
you all too.
(01:48):
So let us know the ways you canlet us know.
Send us a message in Instagram,send us a message in Facebook.
For some reason, instagram ismore I don't know like the
notifications are better.
It's completely more fluid.
Yes, we get your messages inFacebook, but sometimes it just
feels like the notification isdelayed, but we will get them
(02:09):
eventually.
And then we do have email andI'll put it in the show notes
because I can't remember if it'sthe Empty Nest Quest at Gmail
or Empty Nest Quest at Gmail.
So it's one of those.
But you can email us.
You can also just, you know,email us on our.
You can reach out to me throughmy website, melindamackcom.
(02:30):
You can email Jennifer.
So you know, just, however youknow, to get us, get us and let
us know your thoughts and likewhat you want to hear more of.
And so, to round out this season, jennifer is going to do one
more episode about her favoritebook, the 40 Days to a
Joy-Filled Life I think it'swhat it's called, and I have had
(02:54):
, with my client sessions andjust with my near and dear
people, been having a ton ofconversations just about us
being in this kind of midlifeseason, and so I just wanted us
to talk about that a little bitand some of the things that I
feel like are helping me andthat are helping the people
(03:15):
around me and hopefully it justfeels like someone out there
that this is going to help youtoo and you know, just give you
like something to, um, grab ontofor inspiration, maybe.
Maybe you know there'ssomething you kind of need to
finally work on in your heart,but you're not sure how to
(03:36):
tackle it, um, so, yeah, sohopefully this will meet you
right where you are, but firstI'm going to start with.
So hopefully this will meet youright where you are, but first
I'm going to start with.
I saw this reposted all overInstagram.
I reposted it or, you know,shared it in my stories and I
just love this quote.
It is by someone named EllaHicks and it was on the
(03:59):
Instagram for the account calledMoon Omens.
I love that account.
She always has the mostinspiring like quotes and just
anyway, she's really great.
But this quote says the firsthalf of life is about becoming
who you need to be to survive.
The second half is aboutunraveling everything that no
(04:19):
longer aligns with your soul'spurpose.
This is not a midlife crisis,it's a rebirth.
Gosh, isn't that so good?
So I think one of one of thethings that I feel like as a
person and in my work that youknow, I really feel like God
(04:40):
gives us.
This is just like a littletheory I have.
Feel like God gives us.
This is just like a littletheory I have.
And tell me if this rings truefor you and please share with me
what yours is, if you feel likeyou know.
But I feel like we have a fewmessages and a few like really
hardwired truths in us that wedon't doubt at all, like we have
so much, so much we do doubt,right, we have so many worries
(05:04):
and doubts and things that makeus feel self-conscious, but
there are things in our heartsthat we just know, that we know
that we know and I want to knowwhat yours are, and I think that
what is so important is that wetake those things out into the
world and share them, when it'sappropriate, with the people
(05:29):
that we come in contact with,because that is part of why
we're all so interconnected andwhy it's so important that we
stay in community.
And so one of the things that Ihave since I was a little girl,
I could hear how people talk tothemselves and I could hear how
(05:50):
people talk about themselves andI would see how that had a
bigger impact than anything else.
So I would see my beautifulmother and my astounding
grandmother.
I mean y'all, my grandmotherwas women's lib before that term
even needed to exist.
(06:11):
Like she owned her own realestate brokerage, was raising
her children, sewing all theirdresses, gardening I don't
literally I do not know anythingthat my grandmother was not
doing.
I don't know how she truly didit all.
Like she probably was like thebest and worst influence for me
because she was so amazing atdoing so much.
(06:35):
And then I think I wanted to belike.
I've always wanted to be likeher.
So I think almost every bit ofpressure I've put on myself has
just been self-induced me justwanting to be like my balla.
So even, still, even still.
I heard her so much in her life,talk about her body in a
(06:56):
terrible way.
She was always wanting to loseweight, even though she was
stunning just the way she was.
She always talked about food.
There was one time when I sawher and y'all gosh, maybe I mean
we could do a whole series onthis right here.
But just women, and how muchtime we waste over obsessing
(07:22):
about our appearance and ourweight, over obsessing about our
appearance and our weight, andif we rechannel that energy to
things we were, that lit us up,that we were passionate about,
that really gave us drive andjoy, holy cow, I mean.
Um, even if we just replacethat time with stuff that was
(07:43):
meaningless, you know, but justwhy are we doing stuff that was
meaningless, you know?
But just why are we doing thisto ourselves?
So, anywho, I have this memoryof Bala.
We were, she had this greatpantry and we were in the pantry
and she had baked cookies andshe took a tiny nibble off the
corner of her cookie.
(08:04):
She said I'm just going to eatthis real slow, and then she
goes.
You know, the slower I eat it,the less it tastes good, and she
said I learned this trick atWeight Watchers.
And then she spit the cookie inthe trash can and said to me
nothing tastes as good as beingskinny feels, and y'all, it
(08:26):
broke my heart.
It truly broke my heart.
As a little girl I was like Ican just remember sitting there
like what is going on.
It was so bizarre to me, and somy mom had a lot of that
language.
So so from early on, the pointbeing, I have always just been
(09:01):
very attuned to the way we talkto and about ourselves and our
lives and how much of that isactually determining our lives
and how they go.
More so than anything else.
Because if you, even if you'rejust riding down the road and
you're focused on getting towhere you're going, the only
thing you think about is gettingwhere you're going and getting
there on time.
And getting where you're goingand getting there on time, you
miss everything.
I mean think about it Like youdon't remember anything.
(09:21):
You see on the way to work, youdon't remember anything.
You see where you're in a hurry, because your mind focuses in
so much on what you are sayinglike more than what anyone else
says.
The only time it will switchand pay attention to what
someone else says is when itfinally grabs your attention and
(09:42):
stops the voice in your head.
But if the voice in your headis still, then nothing else can
get through.
So you might be gettingmessages that tell you that
Something more positive,something more impactful,
something more powerful foryourself you might miss.
We miss opportunities when ourvoices in our heads are so noisy
(10:04):
.
We miss everything that iscontrary to that voice that
might help us find a way out ofthis briar patch we have
ourselves in, find a way out ofthis briar patch we have
ourselves in.
So one of the things I wouldlove for you to think about is,
(10:24):
in this season, being carefulhow you label your life.
And if you're like me,everywhere you go it's like hey,
how are you sleeping?
How's your mood?
Are you taking hormonereplacement therapy?
Like, what are the other thingswe're asking about?
(10:45):
Just, you know all the thingsabout this.
Are you having hot flashes?
You know all the things.
Does your husband chew too loud?
So, and it's funny and it'sgood to connect and have those
like oh gosh, it's not just me.
But then I do think that let'sjust, let's just look at how we
(11:06):
are telling ourselves things aregoing, because, like, if we're
saying if, like, if we keephearing ourselves say life is a
shit show, life is a shit show,or everything is a shit show, or
everything's a mess,everything's a hot mess, or I'm
too busy to sit down.
(11:26):
If you think about how oftenyou say these things, you are
telling yourself that you hearthat over and over, and over
again, over again.
So I'm not saying to go totallyPollyanna and gaslight yourself
in a positive way, but I amsaying that if we change our
(11:47):
language and open up to thepossibility that we could see it
a little bit differently.
And that is why that post Ijust read to you, I love it
because she says it is not amidlife crisis.
It is a little bit differently.
And that is why that post Ijust read to you, why I love it
because she says it is not amidlife crisis.
It is a chance for rebirth.
Now some of you might be like,oh, but I do want to remind you
(12:10):
if you have ever birthedanything or seen any mammal
birth anything.
Rebirth is quite a process.
Birth is quite a process.
There is the waiting, the labor, pains, there are potentially
(12:31):
hours.
Some people birth reallyquickly and easily, and boy
don't.
We all want to be that person.
But sometimes it takes time, ittakes struggle and you still
wouldn't trade it for anything.
So if you could just open thedoor for the possibility that
(12:57):
maybe something new, somethingbeautiful, will be born for you
out of this season.
And I do have one example foryou myself Um, and I will share.
I will share this to hopefullyhelp any of you that are going
through the same thing.
So I have Hashimoto's.
Um, it's an autoimmune issue.
It is.
It is really fickle.
Everyone's is different, as areall things hormonal and really
(13:20):
all illnesses, right, and it hasbeen really maddening.
And while I know all the things, I know all the deep spiritual
truths, I know that good thingshappen to bad people.
I know that God is with me nomatter what I'm going through
Like I know that God is with meno matter what I'm going through
, like I know these things.
(13:40):
And y'all, part of us being inthis human experience is we have
human reactions and responsesand then we bring those bigger
comforting truths back in tohelp us through it.
But we still have the humanreaction.
(14:01):
So I've been dealing with thisfor maybe about a year and every
time a doctor tells me to dosomething, I feel like I'm doing
it, and I'm not just doing it,I do that plus like three other
things to make sure I reallycover my bases.
And so I went to my doctor'sappointment.
I was really expectingsomething to hear encouragement
(14:22):
like, gosh, melinda, you'redoing so much, things are
starting to get better, you'regood, you're on the right path.
Like here we go, we're turninga corner, you know, and I do
feel like that, like in my ownbody, I can feel that I'm
feeling better, but I don't feellike I'm where I want to be,
(14:42):
and that's a whole.
That's the topic for the nextepisode the stories, the stories
we tell ourselves.
But anyway, so I have thisstory about where I want to be,
and boy.
So, anyhow, sidebar that fornext week.
But, um, the bottom line is Iwas really expecting to hear
some better news and really whatI heard was a lot more of well,
(15:05):
you know, what are you eating?
Are you eating?
You know, kind of healthyenough?
How often are you exercising?
And it was just like thatfeeling of like I feel like I'm
doing a ton, and I just feltlike she was telling me I wasn't
doing enough.
And that's, of course, not whatshe was doing.
(15:26):
She was trying to troubleshootand get to the bottom of like
why my numbers look like theydid on my lab work.
But I felt totally defeated andI had to just say I need you to
pause, I'm this, I'm reallyupset, I think I'm about to lose
it and, um, I was reallydevastated, I was pissed, I was
(15:46):
frustrated, um, and in the endwe thankfully came around to a
part.
Part of the solution felt likewhat I needed to hear that she
was offering me some moresupport, so some more medical
type support, which felt reallygood to hear like a relief,
(16:08):
because it was like not metwisting myself into a pretzel
even more to try to deal withthis.
But the hard part was I had togo on this pretty restrictive
anti-inflammatory diet and seejust even that language that I
said restrictive At the time.
It felt very restrictive.
It felt like how am I going topull this off and do all this
(16:28):
when I'm trying to do my wholelife and like revamp this whole
health thing?
And so I I really had a momentwhere I was just feeling like a
real Debbie Downer, negativeNelly and pissed off Polly.
I mean, I was mad, and so theonly silver lining was that
(16:52):
Sarah Kate had gotten.
Well.
This is a weird silver lining,but Sarah Kate had gotten the
news from her doctor the daybefore.
She also has an auto immuneproblem, but she also needed to
go on a very specific diet.
They both told us to do it forthree months, telling us that in
(17:12):
May, all through the summer,whatever.
So, sarah, I just decided youknow what my sweet 22 year old
is on the struggle and she'sgoing to do this.
We're just going to do ittogether.
We're going to pick whicheverone of these books they told us
and we're just going to followthis together.
And here is the silver lining.
Y'all don't want to hear allthis nonsense, but here's the
silver lining.
(17:32):
That kind of the rebirth partthat I'm trying to get across in
this story is that somehow, inthe mess of those few days and I
just don't know how to describeit.
I know it sounds silly whenthings are going on in the world
, when people's suffering is somuch greater than mine, they
don't have access to theprivilege I do.
(17:54):
They don't have access to thefood and the choices I do.
I mean, there are bigger thingshappening and I know that, and
that is almost why I felt evenmore frustrated, because I was
mad that I was frustrated,because I felt like I shouldn't
be frustrated because everythingreally, on the whole, is good,
and so why do I feel frustrated?
So you see what I'm sayingabout like our language and the
(18:16):
way we talk to ourselves and theway these like ideas from out
in the world sink in and becomeour internal dialogue and we
think that that stuff out thereis not sinking in, but it is
sinking in, and so I just hadmyself so twisted up and upset.
But y'all, johnny, decided tojump in and do it with us and
(18:40):
there has just been somethinginteresting that has happened
and satisfying, and it sort ofjust diluted my world down like
really small right now andsimplified it.
And I'm not going out as muchand eating out and Johnny and
Sarah Kate and I are talkingabout our food choices a lot
about to drive Anna plum crazy Ijust about to drive Anna plum
(19:11):
crazy and, um, and it just hasdone something to rattle away
some of the sludge, like in mybrain, in my body.
I can feel things gettingbetter, um, and it has had a
real positive impact and Ithought, okay, this is part of
the rebirth.
Part of the rebirth is I foundout I have Hashimoto's.
It sucks, it's a diagnosis noone wants, but it's not the
(19:34):
worst diagnosis in the worldthere are much worse things I
could have and it's giving methe gift of finding real ways
for my body to heal and rest,finding better ways for me to
exist in my relationships thatdon't literally make me sick.
Um, it's just, it's really beenwhen I I could see it as a
(20:02):
midlife crisis and see it as astorm, but actually I can see
the rebirth.
I can see how it is like.
Have you heard the scriptureabout the old wineskins where
Jesus talks about you can't pournew wine?
(20:22):
This scripture will make me cry.
I love it every time I hear it.
You can't pour new wine.
This scripture will make me cry.
I love it every time I hear it.
You can't pour new wine into anold wine skin.
So in those times they usedanimal skins, you know, and they
were like pouches that heldwine drinks and wine, and so
(20:43):
they would pour it into the tothe skin, and so then the wine
skin would kind of be like ifyou know you have like anything
leather and you know if youdon't.
If it every time it gets likekind of hard and if it's not,
you know, oiled, like if youever had boots you hadn't worn
them forever.
I mean, they feel like they'regoing to crack apart on your
foot when you try to put them onif they haven't been oiled and
(21:05):
everything.
And so the old wineskin once itwas empty.
If you poured new wine into theold wineskin, the old wineskin
would like it couldn't hold it.
You had to have the newwineskin for the new wine.
And so he was saying to themyou know about their own minds
and hearts, you can't pour newwine into an old wineskin, just
(21:28):
like you know you can't do thatto yourself either, in the
vessel that is you.
You can't pour new wine into anold wineskin.
And so we have to let ourselvesbe new.
Let ourselves be like embracewho we are right now.
Be new.
(21:49):
Let ourselves be like, embracewho we are right now.
Let the parts of us who aren'there anymore let that go and let
something new be poured into us.
That's pretty potent, isn't it,friends?
But that is what I really thinkthis season is about.
And I think if we look ahead atthe people we know right now
that are in their seventies,eighties, that are up ahead of
(22:10):
us, and we look at who isthriving and we look at who we
look at and say, gosh, I hopeI'm that kind of grandmother,
great grandmother, I hope.
I hope I have that kind of life, you know, and whatever you see
them doing and the contentmentyou see and the inner peace you
(22:30):
see them living with, I promiseyou it's because when they
turned this corner, they didn'tdouble down and try to wish it
away and wish they were youngerand ignore themselves and
gaslight themselves more.
They did something to acceptand tend to who they are or were
(22:53):
where we are right now.
Yeah, okay.
So pay attention to how you'retalking to yourself and talking
about your life.
When you're talking to otherpeople, notice what you're
saying.
If you really want to get nittygritty, you can journal every
morning, and then you will feelyourself get sick of saying the
(23:15):
same thing over and over again.
If you're saying the same thingover and over again which most
of us are so try that out overand over again, which most of us
are, so try that out.
And before we break, just takea nice deep breath, wherever you
are, and remember that in everyreligious tradition and every
(23:40):
spiritual lineage of teaching,breath is life and that
sometimes all it takes is justtaking a few deep breaths to
reset and try again.
So until next time, friends,thank you so much for joining me
today.
Hello, welcome to the Empty Nest Quest.
So today it is just me.
Melinda, jennifer and I, asmany of you have experienced,
have had the what are peoplecalling it May-cember?
It is so accurate that Mayfeels like the busyness of
December.
Yeah, so we're in that too.
(00:24):
Thank goodness we're doing thistogether so we can pass the
baton when we need to.
But okay, so just to give you alittle like housekeeping stuff.
It is.
It's the end of May, y'all,what the heck.
So happy Memorial Day weekendand we are going to have
(00:47):
episodes in June and most ofthese are going to be Jennifer
and I separately, and then wewill take July off and what
we'll do in July is just re-airsome of the ones that you guys
have shared with us that areyour favorites, and the way that
you can share with us whatyou're thinking or any
reflections.
(01:07):
Y'all please do.
We want to hear from you.
It helps us so much.
Um know, like what you want tokeep hearing, if you want to
hear more interviews, if youwant to hear um about certain
topics.
It is so helpful.
We love your feedback.
We we use immediately.
We're not filming like half ayear ahead of time or anything.
We are.
(01:27):
We are like kind of in realtime.
Um, so we want to hear.
We want to hear, like what you,what you're, you know what
you're in um alignment with andwhat feels like right in this
season of life for you.
So this has just been so fun tocreate together and then with
you all too.
(01:48):
So let us know the ways you canlet us know.
Send us a message in Instagram,send us a message in Facebook.
For some reason, instagram ismore I don't know like the
notifications are better.
It's completely more fluid.
Yes, we get your messages inFacebook, but sometimes it just
feels like the notification isdelayed, but we will get them
(02:09):
eventually.
And then we do have email andI'll put it in the show notes
because I can't remember if it'sthe Empty Nest Quest at Gmail
or Empty Nest Quest at Gmail.
So it's one of those.
But you can email us.
You can also just, you know,email us on our.
You can reach out to me throughmy website, melindamackcom.
(02:30):
You can email Jennifer.
So you know, just, however youknow, to get us, get us and let
us know your thoughts and likewhat you want to hear more of.
And so, to round out this season, jennifer is going to do one
more episode about her favoritebook, the 40 Days to a
Joy-Filled Life I think it'swhat it's called, and I have had
(02:54):
, with my client sessions andjust with my near and dear
people, been having a ton ofconversations just about us
being in this kind of midlifeseason, and so I just wanted us
to talk about that a little bitand some of the things that I
feel like are helping me andthat are helping the people
(03:15):
around me and hopefully it justfeels like someone out there
that this is going to help youtoo and you know, just give you
like something to, um, grab ontofor inspiration, maybe.
Maybe you know there'ssomething you kind of need to
finally work on in your heart,but you're not sure how to
(03:36):
tackle it, um, so, yeah, sohopefully this will meet you
right where you are, but firstI'm going to start with.
So hopefully this will meet youright where you are, but first
I'm going to start with.
I saw this reposted all overInstagram.
I reposted it or, you know,shared it in my stories and I
just love this quote.
It is by someone named EllaHicks and it was on the
(03:59):
Instagram for the account calledMoon Omens.
I love that account.
She always has the mostinspiring like quotes and just
anyway, she's really great.
But this quote says the firsthalf of life is about becoming
who you need to be to survive.
The second half is aboutunraveling everything that no
(04:19):
longer aligns with your soul'spurpose.
This is not a midlife crisis,it's a rebirth.
Gosh, isn't that so good?
So I think one of one of thethings that I feel like as a
person and in my work that youknow, I really feel like God
(04:40):
gives us.
This is just like a littletheory I have.
Feel like God gives us.
This is just like a littletheory I have.
And tell me if this rings truefor you and please share with me
what yours is, if you feel likeyou know.
But I feel like we have a fewmessages and a few like really
hardwired truths in us that wedon't doubt at all, like we have
so much, so much we do doubt,right, we have so many worries
(05:04):
and doubts and things that makeus feel self-conscious, but
there are things in our heartsthat we just know, that we know
that we know and I want to knowwhat yours are, and I think that
what is so important is that wetake those things out into the
world and share them, when it'sappropriate, with the people
(05:29):
that we come in contact with,because that is part of why
we're all so interconnected andwhy it's so important that we
stay in community.
And so one of the things that Ihave since I was a little girl,
I could hear how people talk tothemselves and I could hear how
(05:50):
people talk about themselves andI would see how that had a
bigger impact than anything else.
So I would see my beautifulmother and my astounding
grandmother.
I mean y'all, my grandmotherwas women's lib before that term
even needed to exist.
(06:11):
Like she owned her own realestate brokerage, was raising
her children, sewing all theirdresses, gardening I don't
literally I do not know anythingthat my grandmother was not
doing.
I don't know how she truly didit all.
Like she probably was like thebest and worst influence for me
because she was so amazing atdoing so much.
(06:35):
And then I think I wanted to belike.
I've always wanted to be likeher.
So I think almost every bit ofpressure I've put on myself has
just been self-induced me justwanting to be like my balla.
So even, still, even still.
I heard her so much in her life,talk about her body in a
(06:56):
terrible way.
She was always wanting to loseweight, even though she was
stunning just the way she was.
She always talked about food.
There was one time when I sawher and y'all gosh, maybe I mean
we could do a whole series onthis right here.
But just women, and how muchtime we waste over obsessing
(07:22):
about our appearance and ourweight, over obsessing about our
appearance and our weight, andif we rechannel that energy to
things we were, that lit us up,that we were passionate about,
that really gave us drive andjoy, holy cow, I mean.
Um, even if we just replacethat time with stuff that was
(07:43):
meaningless, you know, but justwhy are we doing stuff that was
meaningless, you know?
But just why are we doing thisto ourselves?
So, anywho, I have this memoryof Bala.
We were, she had this greatpantry and we were in the pantry
and she had baked cookies andshe took a tiny nibble off the
corner of her cookie.
(08:04):
She said I'm just going to eatthis real slow, and then she
goes.
You know, the slower I eat it,the less it tastes good, and she
said I learned this trick atWeight Watchers.
And then she spit the cookie inthe trash can and said to me
nothing tastes as good as beingskinny feels, and y'all, it
(08:26):
broke my heart.
It truly broke my heart.
As a little girl I was like Ican just remember sitting there
like what is going on.
It was so bizarre to me, and somy mom had a lot of that
language.
So so from early on, the pointbeing, I have always just been
(09:01):
very attuned to the way we talkto and about ourselves and our
lives and how much of that isactually determining our lives
and how they go.
More so than anything else.
Because if you, even if you'rejust riding down the road and
you're focused on getting towhere you're going, the only
thing you think about is gettingwhere you're going and getting
there on time.
And getting where you're goingand getting there on time, you
miss everything.
I mean think about it Like youdon't remember anything.
(09:21):
You see on the way to work, youdon't remember anything.
You see where you're in a hurry, because your mind focuses in
so much on what you are sayinglike more than what anyone else
says.
The only time it will switchand pay attention to what
someone else says is when itfinally grabs your attention and
(09:42):
stops the voice in your head.
But if the voice in your headis still, then nothing else can
get through.
So you might be gettingmessages that tell you that
Something more positive,something more impactful,
something more powerful foryourself you might miss.
We miss opportunities when ourvoices in our heads are so noisy
(10:04):
.
We miss everything that iscontrary to that voice that
might help us find a way out ofthis briar patch we have
ourselves in, find a way out ofthis briar patch we have
ourselves in.
So one of the things I wouldlove for you to think about is,
(10:24):
in this season, being carefulhow you label your life.
And if you're like me,everywhere you go it's like hey,
how are you sleeping?
How's your mood?
Are you taking hormonereplacement therapy?
Like, what are the other thingswe're asking about?
(10:45):
Just, you know all the thingsabout this.
Are you having hot flashes?
You know all the things.
Does your husband chew too loud?
So, and it's funny and it'sgood to connect and have those
like oh gosh, it's not just me.
But then I do think that let'sjust, let's just look at how we
(11:06):
are telling ourselves things aregoing, because, like, if we're
saying if, like, if we keephearing ourselves say life is a
shit show, life is a shit show,or everything is a shit show, or
everything's a mess,everything's a hot mess, or I'm
too busy to sit down.
(11:26):
If you think about how oftenyou say these things, you are
telling yourself that you hearthat over and over, and over
again, over again.
So I'm not saying to go totallyPollyanna and gaslight yourself
in a positive way, but I amsaying that if we change our
(11:47):
language and open up to thepossibility that we could see it
a little bit differently.
And that is why that post Ijust read to you, I love it
because she says it is not amidlife crisis.
It is a little bit differently.
And that is why that post Ijust read to you, why I love it
because she says it is not amidlife crisis.
It is a chance for rebirth.
Now some of you might be like,oh, but I do want to remind you
(12:10):
if you have ever birthedanything or seen any mammal
birth anything.
Rebirth is quite a process.
Birth is quite a process.
There is the waiting, the labor, pains, there are potentially
(12:31):
hours.
Some people birth reallyquickly and easily, and boy
don't.
We all want to be that person.
But sometimes it takes time, ittakes struggle and you still
wouldn't trade it for anything.
So if you could just open thedoor for the possibility that
(12:57):
maybe something new, somethingbeautiful, will be born for you
out of this season.
And I do have one example foryou myself Um, and I will share.
I will share this to hopefullyhelp any of you that are going
through the same thing.
So I have Hashimoto's.
Um, it's an autoimmune issue.
It is.
It is really fickle.
Everyone's is different, as areall things hormonal and really
(13:20):
all illnesses, right, and it hasbeen really maddening.
And while I know all the things, I know all the deep spiritual
truths, I know that good thingshappen to bad people.
I know that God is with me nomatter what I'm going through
Like I know that God is with meno matter what I'm going through
, like I know these things.
(13:40):
And y'all, part of us being inthis human experience is we have
human reactions and responsesand then we bring those bigger
comforting truths back in tohelp us through it.
But we still have the humanreaction.
(14:01):
So I've been dealing with thisfor maybe about a year and every
time a doctor tells me to dosomething, I feel like I'm doing
it, and I'm not just doing it,I do that plus like three other
things to make sure I reallycover my bases.
And so I went to my doctor'sappointment.
I was really expectingsomething to hear encouragement
(14:22):
like, gosh, melinda, you'redoing so much, things are
starting to get better, you'regood, you're on the right path.
Like here we go, we're turninga corner, you know, and I do
feel like that, like in my ownbody, I can feel that I'm
feeling better, but I don't feellike I'm where I want to be,
(14:42):
and that's a whole.
That's the topic for the nextepisode the stories, the stories
we tell ourselves.
But anyway, so I have thisstory about where I want to be,
and boy.
So, anyhow, sidebar that fornext week.
But, um, the bottom line is Iwas really expecting to hear
some better news and really whatI heard was a lot more of well,
(15:05):
you know, what are you eating?
Are you eating?
You know, kind of healthyenough?
How often are you exercising?
And it was just like thatfeeling of like I feel like I'm
doing a ton, and I just feltlike she was telling me I wasn't
doing enough.
And that's, of course, not whatshe was doing.
(15:26):
She was trying to troubleshootand get to the bottom of like
why my numbers look like theydid on my lab work.
But I felt totally defeated andI had to just say I need you to
pause, I'm this, I'm reallyupset, I think I'm about to lose
it and, um, I was reallydevastated, I was pissed, I was
(15:46):
frustrated, um, and in the endwe thankfully came around to a
part.
Part of the solution felt likewhat I needed to hear that she
was offering me some moresupport, so some more medical
type support, which felt reallygood to hear like a relief,
(16:08):
because it was like not metwisting myself into a pretzel
even more to try to deal withthis.
But the hard part was I had togo on this pretty restrictive
anti-inflammatory diet and seejust even that language that I
said restrictive At the time.
It felt very restrictive.
It felt like how am I going topull this off and do all this
(16:28):
when I'm trying to do my wholelife and like revamp this whole
health thing?
And so I I really had a momentwhere I was just feeling like a
real Debbie Downer, negativeNelly and pissed off Polly.
I mean, I was mad, and so theonly silver lining was that
(16:52):
Sarah Kate had gotten.
Well.
This is a weird silver lining,but Sarah Kate had gotten the
news from her doctor the daybefore.
She also has an auto immuneproblem, but she also needed to
go on a very specific diet.
They both told us to do it forthree months, telling us that in
(17:12):
May, all through the summer,whatever.
So, sarah, I just decided youknow what my sweet 22 year old
is on the struggle and she'sgoing to do this.
We're just going to do ittogether.
We're going to pick whicheverone of these books they told us
and we're just going to followthis together.
And here is the silver lining.
Y'all don't want to hear allthis nonsense, but here's the
silver lining.
(17:32):
That kind of the rebirth partthat I'm trying to get across in
this story is that somehow, inthe mess of those few days and I
just don't know how to describeit.
I know it sounds silly whenthings are going on in the world
, when people's suffering is somuch greater than mine, they
don't have access to theprivilege I do.
(17:54):
They don't have access to thefood and the choices I do.
I mean, there are bigger thingshappening and I know that, and
that is almost why I felt evenmore frustrated, because I was
mad that I was frustrated,because I felt like I shouldn't
be frustrated because everythingreally, on the whole, is good,
and so why do I feel frustrated?
So you see what I'm sayingabout like our language and the
(18:16):
way we talk to ourselves and theway these like ideas from out
in the world sink in and becomeour internal dialogue and we
think that that stuff out thereis not sinking in, but it is
sinking in, and so I just hadmyself so twisted up and upset.
But y'all, johnny, decided tojump in and do it with us and
(18:40):
there has just been somethinginteresting that has happened
and satisfying, and it sort ofjust diluted my world down like
really small right now andsimplified it.
And I'm not going out as muchand eating out and Johnny and
Sarah Kate and I are talkingabout our food choices a lot
about to drive Anna plum crazy Ijust about to drive Anna plum
(19:11):
crazy and, um, and it just hasdone something to rattle away
some of the sludge, like in mybrain, in my body.
I can feel things gettingbetter, um, and it has had a
real positive impact and Ithought, okay, this is part of
the rebirth.
Part of the rebirth is I foundout I have Hashimoto's.
It sucks, it's a diagnosis noone wants, but it's not the
(19:34):
worst diagnosis in the worldthere are much worse things I
could have and it's giving methe gift of finding real ways
for my body to heal and rest,finding better ways for me to
exist in my relationships thatdon't literally make me sick.
Um, it's just, it's really beenwhen I I could see it as a
(20:02):
midlife crisis and see it as astorm, but actually I can see
the rebirth.
I can see how it is like.
Have you heard the scriptureabout the old wineskins where
Jesus talks about you can't pournew wine?
(20:22):
This scripture will make me cry.
I love it every time I hear it.
You can't pour new wine.
This scripture will make me cry.
I love it every time I hear it.
You can't pour new wine into anold wine skin.
So in those times they usedanimal skins, you know, and they
were like pouches that heldwine drinks and wine, and so
(20:43):
they would pour it into the tothe skin, and so then the wine
skin would kind of be like ifyou know you have like anything
leather and you know if youdon't.
If it every time it gets likekind of hard and if it's not,
you know, oiled, like if youever had boots you hadn't worn
them forever.
I mean, they feel like they'regoing to crack apart on your
foot when you try to put them onif they haven't been oiled and
(21:05):
everything.
And so the old wineskin once itwas empty.
If you poured new wine into theold wineskin, the old wineskin
would like it couldn't hold it.
You had to have the newwineskin for the new wine.
And so he was saying to themyou know about their own minds
and hearts, you can't pour newwine into an old wineskin, just
(21:28):
like you know you can't do thatto yourself either, in the
vessel that is you.
You can't pour new wine into anold wineskin.
And so we have to let ourselvesbe new.
Let ourselves be like embracewho we are right now.
Be new.
(21:49):
Let ourselves be like, embracewho we are right now.
Let the parts of us who aren'there anymore let that go and let
something new be poured into us.
That's pretty potent, isn't it,friends?
But that is what I really thinkthis season is about.
And I think if we look ahead atthe people we know right now
that are in their seventies,eighties, that are up ahead of
(22:10):
us, and we look at who isthriving and we look at who we
look at and say, gosh, I hopeI'm that kind of grandmother,
great grandmother, I hope.
I hope I have that kind of life, you know, and whatever you see
them doing and the contentmentyou see and the inner peace you
(22:30):
see them living with, I promiseyou it's because when they
turned this corner, they didn'tdouble down and try to wish it
away and wish they were youngerand ignore themselves and
gaslight themselves more.
They did something to acceptand tend to who they are or were
(22:53):
where we are right now.
Yeah, okay.
So pay attention to how you'retalking to yourself and talking
about your life.
When you're talking to otherpeople, notice what you're
saying.
If you really want to get nittygritty, you can journal every
morning, and then you will feelyourself get sick of saying the
(23:15):
same thing over and over again.
If you're saying the same thingover and over again which most
of us are so try that out overand over again, which most of us
are, so try that out.
And before we break, just takea nice deep breath, wherever you
are, and remember that in everyreligious tradition and every
(23:40):
spiritual lineage of teaching,breath is life and that
sometimes all it takes is justtaking a few deep breaths to
reset and try again.
So until next time, friends,thank you so much for joining me
today.
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