December 2, 2024 • 26 mins
What if the holiday season could be your time to redefine midlife, free from the pressures of perfection and tradition? Join us as we share how we’re navigating these transformative years, starting with a heartwarming tale from Jennifer’s adventures in Oregon with Johnny, where the true beauty of the Pacific Northwest dispelled any preconceived notions they had. Meanwhile, Melinda opens up about the whirlwind of activities as the school year wraps up, all while holding onto the cherished family ritual of picking out a real Christmas tree despite the looming tree shortages. Thanksgiving takes the spotlight as our beloved holiday, with its promise of relaxation and indulgence sans the stress of gift-giving.
In this episode, we’re tackling the weighty expectations that often accompany the festive season, urging you to release the grip of perfectionism. Melinda candidly recounts her journey to a more relaxed holiday preparation, embracing change and shedding guilt as life evolves. We discuss social media's role in amplifying unrealistic standards and how adapting traditions can lighten our load and honor life’s natural transitions, such as becoming empty nesters or dealing with loss. By inviting adult children into the process of crafting new customs, we discover that shared responsibility not only eases individual burdens but also enhances the joy and meaning of our celebrations.
We want to hear from you! Reach out to us on socials or at emptynestquestpod@gmail.com to share how our conversations are landing with you! xo-Melynda and Jennifer
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Welcome to the Empty Nest Quest, the podcast where we
redefine midlife and embracethe journey ahead.
Join your hosts, jennifer andMelinda, as we share inspiring
stories, helpful hints,entrepreneurial advice and tips
that will have you thriving notjust surviving, during this
transformative time of your life.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Whether you're approaching the empty nest phase
or already navigating it, we'rehere to support you every step
of the way.
Let's embark on this questtogether, okay, well, hello, hi,
(00:53):
you're so happy that y'all arehere at the empty nest quest.
Yes, jennifer and melinda andwe are.
It's actually the weekendbefore thanksgiving.
This will come out afterthanksgiving, but just to, we're
definitely in the holiday frameof mind.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Absolutely yes.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
And our topic today is things that we are planning
on leaving behind in the newyear.
And really you don't have towait.
I'm always under the I take theviewpoint of anything you say
you're going to do in the newyear.
Just do it now.
Yeah, Like just every day is anew day.
(01:35):
You don't have to wait for anew year.
So I think that's reallyimportant for people to remember
, and it has to do with this too.
So do you want to do a littlequick life update?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yes, well, we kind of cheated because we talked
earlier, so we kind of caught it, I know, but I don't mind
hearing yours again I knowthat's what I was going to say,
but I always love to hear, like,what's been happening.
Yeah, we, johnny and I, justwent to Oregon.
We were gone, honestly, for awhole week, which was not our
initial plan, but we kind ofjust kept adding a couple of
(02:12):
days, cause while we were outthere, we were like, oh, we
should go see this, we should gosee that, and I really love the
Pacific Northwest Like I don'tknow.
I just thought it was going towe went last year as well and I
just thought I was going to feellike, you know, cause November
is really not ideal time to govisit and you know it's just
(02:34):
drizzling.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Weather is very unpredictable.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
But gosh, it is just.
It is just so grounding andbeautiful and the people are so
nice it is just so grounding andbeautiful.
And the people are so nice,honestly, all the crazy stuff
you hear in the media about likewe were in Portland and I don't
know if you remember when, likeall the media was like you.
I mean it just sounded likeeverything in Portland was
(02:58):
negative and so many people inthat city shared with us how
much that hurt their city, thatthey did have trouble, but not
any more trouble than likeatlanta or other cities, but it
was so widely publicized that itreally hurt their tourism right
um, and it was just really Idon't know.
(03:20):
We just met like the nicestpeople and just every experience
.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
That's so good.
Yeah, it's such a beautifulpart of the country, it really
is.
That's awesome.
You know, just wrapping up theschool just this time period
between Thanksgiving andChristmas at school is always
hectic and wrapping up standardsand you know that kind of thing
(03:45):
.
So but it's, it's all been goodand I just can't believe it's
this time of the year.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
I know when you just said wrapping up standards, I
think you gave me like a heartpalpitation.
I remember when I taught schooland I had to like dig it up on
my board Do you still do that?
Do you have to like put it?
Oh yeah, we have to yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
But yeah, it's crazy because this morning, well, this
afternoon, we went out and gotour tree and we always get a
real tree and do y'all cut itdown.
No, we don't, we don't.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
We're not that sentimental, I just feel like
the biggest family fight myparents ever had was trying to
cut the tree down.
I was like can we just go tothat place in town where they're
?
All parking lot.
I feel like yeah, it's.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
I mean we both love real trees.
I would say Mike loves themmore than I do, but I love a
real tree.
But I tell you what last year'swas a little sketchy.
I mean we got it home and likethe first couple of days, no
needles on the ground, nothing.
But then, oh, it was a miracle.
(04:58):
It was a Christmas miracle thatthat tree made it through
Christmas.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
I've heard something about last year.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
That tree made it through Christmas.
I've heard something about lastyear.
It was insane.
And we were kind of nervousabout this year because we saw a
news report this morning thattalked about all the Christmas
tree farms in North Carolina,how they were all destroyed with
the hurricane, and we were like, oh gosh, you know we may have
to get an artificial one thisyear.
And we went and you know it waslike the third tree that Mike
(05:26):
got was perfect and it was lessthan last year.
It cost less money.
Yeah, it was.
I don't know why, but I waslike I'm not arguing about that,
but yeah, it was good.
So we've got it up.
We'll probably do the lightstonight, but that's it, and
(05:48):
we'll wait till afterThanksgiving and do the rest
next weekend.
But anyway, it's kind of goodto have that part done, since we
do a real tree.
It's like it's over, we've gotit, it's in the stand and it's
being watered.
So, yes, I mean nothing,nothing major, so it's, it's all
(06:22):
good.
We're excited for Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving to me is one of myfavorite holidays because you
don't have to worry about giftsand everybody is just a little
bit more relaxed and I think theexpectations are just not as
what people set them up to befor Christmas.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
That's a good point.
That's fair yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
So I just you know I enjoy Thanksgiving and I love
all the yummy food.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
So I do too, and I was.
I was kind of sharing with youearlier that um that this year
I'm getting tasked with makingdressing and I was looking
through my sister-in-law slidesof like what she sent.
She sent me pictures.
It literally looks like.
It looks like in my text matchthread.
(07:01):
It looks like a blog post.
It is like literally pictureslike buy this, buy this, buy
this buy this.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
That is so sweet.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Step by step and took pictures.
So anyway, I'm nervous,Jennifer, but I'm making this, I
bet you'll be great.
I will report back if it isdelicious or dry, either way.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
I bet it will be delicious.
Dressing is my favorite thing.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Me too, and I'm not going to be able to do it.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
I think it's because we don't have it the rest of the
year, you know.
But I love my dad's dressing isthe best.
I always look forward to itevery day.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
My dad makes it.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
My dad makes it.
It's like a work of art.
He spends all day and he, likeyou know, will put more of the
au jus on top and he can addressit and it's just.
Yeah, it's a work of art, butit's my favorite thing.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
On on thanksgiving well, I'm I'm intimidated to
make it, but I'm gonna you'regonna do great.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
You're gonna do great .
Speaker 2 (08:03):
I have all these great cooks in my family.
Um so you know, gotta try to,gotta try to hang.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Yes, yes, it'll be fun to do, yes, it will.
Well, this week we are talkingabout things we are going to
leave behind, um, as we starteda new new year, and you know,
like I mentioned before, don't,don't wait till the new year.
You know, try to do it now.
I know I'm going to.
So, melinda, you want to kickus off with yours?
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Yeah, cause when we were talking about this I was
really thinking about what.
I think this time of year Istart feeling just the pressure
of the holidays, and I don'tknow why I put pressure on
myself, but I think it's justbecause, like, I want the house
to be warm and inviting.
I want to be decorated, I wantto make sure that I remember to
(08:51):
like, host something and justhave some people over, so we
gather during this time, and soI think I start putting like I
don't even know I do it, but Ihave, I feel this pressure on
myself.
So because, in my brain.
I know that this is not thewhole point, but if I'm being
(09:24):
real.
I do get a little like trippedout about, like oh gosh, it's
already, you know, november 24thand I haven't even gotten my
tree up and I don't even knowwhere.
I like kind of start start, youknow, shitting all over myself
and you spiral you just startspiraling and it's like.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Then it's like where does it end?
Speaker 2 (09:47):
you know, and this is supposed to be a happy thing,
it's not supposed to bestressful right, and so I think
what I normally do is then I tryto okay, I'm going to get
myself in a happy place about it, and I think sometimes what I
do with good intention is like,oh, I'll start looking online or
(10:08):
on Pinterest and be like, oh,let me see some people's ideas
and it'll get me motivated, andthen actually it does the
opposite.
It like overwhelms me, and thenI feel like, oh, shoot, is that
what people are doing now?
Because that's not the stuff wehave.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
That was not my plan.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Yeah, so this year I'm not doing that, I'm not, I'm
not going, and here's the thingI feel like if that's your
thing and that brings you joy,do that you know, like Anna
loves to do that and like getideas.
It's part of her creativity.
For me, I think that I'm at thefeet of my life, where I just
want to get out what I have.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Right.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Whatever I'm feeling I'm going to put out and
whatever I'm not, I'm eithergoing to get rid of or just
leave it in the closet.
I'm just.
I'm just not going to letmyself get in a tizzy this year
about the decorating beingperfect.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
And I totally agree.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Yeah, I just feel like the expectations are too
much.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Oh yeah, absolutely, and I think one thing that we
can get ourselves into troublewith is by looking online,
because we look at what everyoneelse is doing.
We look at you know just.
We look at everything else andthat's just, that's not
realistic and it can take awayyour joy.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
You know, that.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
You know we've said this on here before that that
comparison is the thief of joy.
You know we've said this onhere before that that comparison
is the thief of joy.
And during the holidays I thinkthat applies.
You know, it's just that youget into that comparison trap
and that's just.
That's not a healthy place tobe.
It's definitely not a happyplace to be.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Yeah, and I think it's really a nice time of year
to look at like when you dostart having those feelings of
expectations.
Sometimes we call expectations,we kind of gaslight ourselves
and call them traditions andthen we think we married to them
.
And I remember when so when Iwas young, our family, we would
(12:11):
do Christmas morning really,really early and then my parents
would sell my brother and Iwhatever we could hold in our
arms, we could pack in the carand we would load down the car
and we would take off on ourfour hour road trip and we would
go to all the grandparents andcousins houses you know Marietta
from South Georgia and it wasfun and exciting.
(12:34):
But like we spent all ofChristmas day driving and my mom
and dad, just like when we gotmarried, they were like we don't
want y'all to do that.
We don't don't in your headthink that's a family tradition.
Like we set that precedent andthen they had to stop when we
got older and we had sports andwe couldn't, you know go to a
(12:56):
high school that we always wentto the playoffs and football and
I cheered, so that kind of letmy parents off the hook because
we just couldn't do it anymore.
But it was such an expectation,like Thanksgiving, christmas we
just drove everywhere and soand it kind of became like, oh,
this is the tradition, and mymom said, well, we're going to
(13:17):
have new ones.
So I just think like let'sthink about that word and not
use it to you know cornerourselves.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I think as life changes, your traditions have to
change with it.
And that's sort of you know,make new traditions and as our
children get married, as theycreate their own families,
they're going to create theirown traditions and that's what
they're supposed to do.
And that's not to say we don'tstart our new traditions too,
(13:49):
you know, I think one thing thatjust really made crystal clear
on the Empty Nest Quest is youknow, it's important to have our
own lives.
It's important to have our own,just our own, things to do and
that will make, you know, thatwill make it a more attractive
thing for our children to bewith us.
(14:12):
So it's, but it is hard.
I mean this is I don't want to,you know, ignore the fact that
this is a very, very difficulttime for so many people, whether
if this is your first holidaywithout your children being in
the same house, or if it's aholiday that you know someone
(14:32):
has passed away this past year.
So it's, it is a difficult timeand as a teacher, I see that
with my students.
You know we're so excited toget out for break and but you
know you look in some of thesekids' eyes and they're not
looking forward to the next weekbecause you know school was
where they had, you know, twogood meals a day and had people
(14:58):
that loved on them and you know.
So that part's hard to thinkabout and if you're in a good
place in your life and you havea happy family, sometimes you
don't remember that.
So I think that's veryimportant to remember,
especially with our community atthe Empty Nest Quest, that you
know a lot of our listeners it'sprobably going to be a
(15:19):
different looking kind ofholiday, but just because it's
different doesn't mean it's bad.
It's time to create newtraditions.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
So yeah, yeah, and I'm reading this book right now.
I don't have it down here withme.
I can't remember the authorit's Kendra something but it's
called the Plan.
One of my dear friends gave itto me because she hears me on
the struggle with my brain fogand all the perimenopause, so
(15:49):
it's called the Plan and thetitle of it kind of freaked me
out.
But it's actually perfect forempty nesters Like.
I'll show it to you.
It might be a good book studyin the new year.
But one of the things she saysis, as we're making plans and I
(16:09):
did kind of air quotes as we'remaking plans she said you know,
it's really important toacknowledge the season you're in
.
And she said and I want to bemore specific so she was like,
for instance, she gave theexample of you know, parenting a
kid that you've given a phoneto, and she was like OK, there's
(16:29):
more to it than that.
She was like really define theseason.
There's more to it than that.
She was like really define theseason You're parenting your kid
, giving them a phone in thesummer of their eighth grade
year, while you're also writinga book.
She was like really define yourseason.
So I think for us if we'll justspend a moment to say really
define what this holiday seasonlooks for us Like.
(16:49):
If it is like it is, we'recoming up on the first
Thanksgiving with our childrengoing to their new significant
other's houses, I have a new joband my husband's been traveling
.
Like, if you can really kind ofniche down and really describe
(17:15):
and then say what's mostimportant to me right now, and
then you might find out gosh,actually I just want to.
The most important thing to meright now is I just want to make
sure I talk to both of my kidson the phone and I just want a
meal with my husband, right?
Speaker 1 (17:28):
and then then that might be and that might be at
the local restaurant.
It doesn't have to be anuncooked meal.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
So she really just talks about really drilling down
all the way to what, what isreally the very most important
thing really present right now.
And I loved her method ofgetting there.
Like when you say I'm an emptynester, okay, well, that's
really broad.
Like, keep narrowing it down,it's my first year being an
empty nester.
Or I'm'm an empty nester, okay,well, that's really broad.
Like, keep narrowing it down.
It's my first year being anempty nester, or I'm almost an
(17:57):
empty nester, or you know what Imean.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
Right, oh, I love that yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
It has been really helpful to me to help plan for
family and business and all ofthose things.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Definitely that might be something we have to look at
for the new year book study.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Oh yeah, that would be fun.
Okay, one of the other things Ifeel like I am so guilty of is
I just expect I do the whole.
I want it to look like Miracleon 34th street or you know, the
Norman Rockwell like everybody,get along, everybody, come with
their happiness.
Right, everybody's gonna, youknow.
And Norman Rockwell, likeeverybody, get along, everybody,
come with their happiness.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Everybody's gonna you know.
And I'm like what?
Why do I do that?
Why do I think?
Speaker 1 (18:42):
Well, I think it's now more than ever because of
social media.
I think, you know, we lookonline and we look at everyone's
pictures.
Well, if you look at picturesof my family and I, yeah, we're
all smiling and we're all happyand for the most part we are a
very happy little group, but weall have our moments and there
(19:03):
is arguing, that goes on.
It's not perfect, but that'snot what you and that's not what
you should put on social media.
You know, I mean, we've talkedabout this before and to me,
facebook is my photo album.
That is, those are the memoriesthat pull up every year and
that I have those.
You know what were we doingthis time last year?
(19:24):
And to see those pictures ofthe kids.
So, you know, I think it wouldbe like if you went to
somebody's house and pulled downa photo album, the pictures
that you're going to see inthere, those are the happy
memories, those are the memoriesthat you want to, you know,
tuck away and but at the sametime, if that's all you're
(19:44):
seeing and you're not looking atit like that, you're going to
have unrealistic expectations ofwhat everyone's life is like
and you jump into thatcomparison trap and it's just
and that's a very unhealthyplace to be and especially, you
know, I think it's.
I think it's unhealthy for allof us, but women especially,
(20:05):
because we want to make surethat everything looks right and
every everybody is happy and wefeel like that is our
responsibility.
We really carry that weight onour shoulders and sometimes not
our responsibility.
You know everyone, especiallyif we have adult children,
they're responsible for theirown happiness and you know
(20:28):
that's just, it's a hard placeto to come from.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
So yeah, yeah, and I think, if we can, just Go ahead,
sorry.
No, I was just going to say thatpart of that, one thing that I
was I'm going to really try togive up, is that feeling of
guilt and this kind of ties intowhat we were just talking about
, because if Christmas morningdoesn't look exactly the way,
(20:59):
you know, we envisioned it tolook, we can really have that
guilt going on and I just feellike we need to give ourselves a
break you know things are notgoing to be perfect and just do
the best you can.
I think it's a really fun timeto get the kids involved they're
old enough now they're adultsand ask them you know, what new
(21:22):
tradition do you want to startthis year?
What do you want to?
What do you see Christmas Daylooking like?
Speaker 2 (21:28):
You know, and get their buy-in and that they can
bring that.
They do you know.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Instead of it being like Mom, we would love for you
to start adding I'm like no, no,no, mom, mom doesn't have any
request windows open.
It's got to be something you'rewilling to bring to the table
yourself.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Yes, yes, and I think , if they take some of that
responsibility, some of theguilt comes off of our shoulders
.
Well, I know one of my friends.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
A fun thing that she did was, you know their kids had
you know the elf on the shelfthing and she was like could not
wait to retire that duty as amom.
She was like I'm so over theflipping elf and so, but they
were those like Pinterest.
Parents like their elf was likemade our elf.
(22:16):
I was like my kids can't comesee you during Christmas because
your elf is too extra.
But it was so, it was so funnyand so what they did is like the
minute their kids were oldenough and they were kind of
getting like, oh, we're sodisappointed.
I thought this was such a greatidea.
They were like, do y'all wantthe elf to stick around?
And the girls were like yeah,yeah, yeah.
And they were like, okay, y'alldo the elf.
(22:40):
And she, they had the best time,and so now their young adult
children still come back totheir house and like the elf and
it's hilarious, and so that'slike how, to me, you can like
keep a tradition and put a funnyspin on it and not be like.
Oh, you're so sad, y'all arebig and we can't do this anymore
.
Like no, you can do it funny.
(23:00):
Like you can even do thingslong distance right.
Like just do it different, it'sokay.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
It's okay, things are not always going to say the
same, and I think if we havethose, if we have those
unrealistic expectations in ourmind, that's where a lot of
people get into a depression andthey just really get down and
out and it's just, it's notrealistic.
You know, your kids are growingup and they're going to make
their own traditions and it'stime for us to make our own
(23:27):
traditions too, and that mightlook totally different than what
it did when the kids werelittle, and that's okay, and
it's just to realize everybody'sdifferent too, you know.
So I think that's important.
But, yeah, I think for me, justthe guilt and not only from you
know what Christmas looks likeor anything like that, but just
(23:50):
guilt.
In general, I put so muchpressure on myself and you know,
with the kids, with thebusiness, anything, and I just I
really I've always been a verymuch a self-reflection kind of
person, which I think is good.
I think you know toself-reflect and think you know
(24:11):
what was my role in this, howcan I make things better?
But sometimes I overdo it and Ireally lay blame on myself for
things that shouldn't be there,and so I'm going to work on that
and Mel Robbins said and it'sjust the let them.
(24:32):
Now she says you know, whateversomebody, let them.
If somebody doesn't invite youto a party, let them.
If you I mean it's just likeanything just let them, it's
okay.
It's okay, you're still who youare and you've got to let other
people go through that process.
(24:54):
And a lot of times I put toomuch self-reflection on myself.
I'm like what could I have donedifferently?
And so oftentimes I couldn'thave done anything differently.
You know, that person is theway they are because of whatever
they've been through in theirlife.
It's not because of me.
And so I think, if we kind oftake that weight off of our
shoulders of unnecessary guiltI'm going to work on that.
(25:19):
So yeah, but these were great.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
I'm so glad we talked about this.
I feel like it's nice just tohave conversations like this to
just, you know, put our littleperspectives on and make
yourself see like a differentperspective, as you're going
into a time that, like you said,can have a lot of expectations
that induce guilt and all thethings.
(25:42):
So, yes, Absolutely.
Yeah, we want to hear what ourlisteners, we want to hear what
y'all are doing differently,what you're ditching and not
taking with you in to theholiday season, into the new
year.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
You in to the holiday season into the new year and so
message us, reach out to us andlet us know what you're doing,
and make sure you follow us onsocial media Facebook, instagram
and join our Facebook page.
Got a great little, greatlittle community starting so
y'all go out and have a greatweek.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Yes, happy holidays.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Yes, thank you for joining us on the Empty Nest
Quest.
We hope today's episode broughtyou inspiration, insight and a
sense of community.
Remember, this is your time tothrive.
If you enjoyed the show, besure to subscribe, leave a
review and share it with friends.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Stay connected with us on YouTube and Instagram at
Empty Nest Quest Podcast formore resources and updates.
Until next time, keep embracingthe journey and thriving on
your empty nest quest.
Welcome to the Empty Nest Quest, the podcast where we
redefine midlife and embracethe journey ahead.
Join your hosts, jennifer andMelinda, as we share inspiring
stories, helpful hints,entrepreneurial advice and tips
that will have you thriving notjust surviving, during this
transformative time of your life.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Whether you're approaching the empty nest phase
or already navigating it, we'rehere to support you every step
of the way.
Let's embark on this questtogether, okay, well, hello, hi,
(00:53):
you're so happy that y'all arehere at the empty nest quest.
Yes, jennifer and melinda andwe are.
It's actually the weekendbefore thanksgiving.
This will come out afterthanksgiving, but just to, we're
definitely in the holiday frameof mind.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Absolutely yes.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
And our topic today is things that we are planning
on leaving behind in the newyear.
And really you don't have towait.
I'm always under the I take theviewpoint of anything you say
you're going to do in the newyear.
Just do it now.
Yeah, Like just every day is anew day.
(01:35):
You don't have to wait for anew year.
So I think that's reallyimportant for people to remember
, and it has to do with this too.
So do you want to do a littlequick life update?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yes, well, we kind of cheated because we talked
earlier, so we kind of caught it, I know, but I don't mind
hearing yours again I knowthat's what I was going to say,
but I always love to hear, like,what's been happening.
Yeah, we, johnny and I, justwent to Oregon.
We were gone, honestly, for awhole week, which was not our
initial plan, but we kind ofjust kept adding a couple of
(02:12):
days, cause while we were outthere, we were like, oh, we
should go see this, we should gosee that, and I really love the
Pacific Northwest Like I don'tknow.
I just thought it was going towe went last year as well and I
just thought I was going to feellike, you know, cause November
is really not ideal time to govisit and you know it's just
(02:34):
drizzling.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Weather is very unpredictable.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
But gosh, it is just.
It is just so grounding andbeautiful and the people are so
nice it is just so grounding andbeautiful.
And the people are so nice,honestly, all the crazy stuff
you hear in the media about likewe were in Portland and I don't
know if you remember when, likeall the media was like you.
I mean it just sounded likeeverything in Portland was
(02:58):
negative and so many people inthat city shared with us how
much that hurt their city, thatthey did have trouble, but not
any more trouble than likeatlanta or other cities, but it
was so widely publicized that itreally hurt their tourism right
um, and it was just really Idon't know.
(03:20):
We just met like the nicestpeople and just every experience
.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
That's so good.
Yeah, it's such a beautifulpart of the country, it really
is.
That's awesome.
You know, just wrapping up theschool just this time period
between Thanksgiving andChristmas at school is always
hectic and wrapping up standardsand you know that kind of thing
(03:45):
.
So but it's, it's all been goodand I just can't believe it's
this time of the year.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
I know when you just said wrapping up standards, I
think you gave me like a heartpalpitation.
I remember when I taught schooland I had to like dig it up on
my board Do you still do that?
Do you have to like put it?
Oh yeah, we have to yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
But yeah, it's crazy because this morning, well, this
afternoon, we went out and gotour tree and we always get a
real tree and do y'all cut itdown.
No, we don't, we don't.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
We're not that sentimental, I just feel like
the biggest family fight myparents ever had was trying to
cut the tree down.
I was like can we just go tothat place in town where they're
?
All parking lot.
I feel like yeah, it's.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
I mean we both love real trees.
I would say Mike loves themmore than I do, but I love a
real tree.
But I tell you what last year'swas a little sketchy.
I mean we got it home and likethe first couple of days, no
needles on the ground, nothing.
But then, oh, it was a miracle.
(04:58):
It was a Christmas miracle thatthat tree made it through
Christmas.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
I've heard something about last year.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
That tree made it through Christmas.
I've heard something about lastyear.
It was insane.
And we were kind of nervousabout this year because we saw a
news report this morning thattalked about all the Christmas
tree farms in North Carolina,how they were all destroyed with
the hurricane, and we were like, oh gosh, you know we may have
to get an artificial one thisyear.
And we went and you know it waslike the third tree that Mike
(05:26):
got was perfect and it was lessthan last year.
It cost less money.
Yeah, it was.
I don't know why, but I waslike I'm not arguing about that,
but yeah, it was good.
So we've got it up.
We'll probably do the lightstonight, but that's it, and
(05:48):
we'll wait till afterThanksgiving and do the rest
next weekend.
But anyway, it's kind of goodto have that part done, since we
do a real tree.
It's like it's over, we've gotit, it's in the stand and it's
being watered.
So, yes, I mean nothing,nothing major, so it's, it's all
(06:22):
good.
We're excited for Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving to me is one of myfavorite holidays because you
don't have to worry about giftsand everybody is just a little
bit more relaxed and I think theexpectations are just not as
what people set them up to befor Christmas.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
That's a good point.
That's fair yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
So I just you know I enjoy Thanksgiving and I love
all the yummy food.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
So I do too, and I was.
I was kind of sharing with youearlier that um that this year
I'm getting tasked with makingdressing and I was looking
through my sister-in-law slidesof like what she sent.
She sent me pictures.
It literally looks like.
It looks like in my text matchthread.
(07:01):
It looks like a blog post.
It is like literally pictureslike buy this, buy this, buy
this buy this.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
That is so sweet.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Step by step and took pictures.
So anyway, I'm nervous,Jennifer, but I'm making this, I
bet you'll be great.
I will report back if it isdelicious or dry, either way.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
I bet it will be delicious.
Dressing is my favorite thing.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Me too, and I'm not going to be able to do it.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
I think it's because we don't have it the rest of the
year, you know.
But I love my dad's dressing isthe best.
I always look forward to itevery day.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
My dad makes it.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
My dad makes it.
It's like a work of art.
He spends all day and he, likeyou know, will put more of the
au jus on top and he can addressit and it's just.
Yeah, it's a work of art, butit's my favorite thing.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
On on thanksgiving well, I'm I'm intimidated to
make it, but I'm gonna you'regonna do great.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
You're gonna do great .
Speaker 2 (08:03):
I have all these great cooks in my family.
Um so you know, gotta try to,gotta try to hang.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Yes, yes, it'll be fun to do, yes, it will.
Well, this week we are talkingabout things we are going to
leave behind, um, as we starteda new new year, and you know,
like I mentioned before, don't,don't wait till the new year.
You know, try to do it now.
I know I'm going to.
So, melinda, you want to kickus off with yours?
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Yeah, cause when we were talking about this I was
really thinking about what.
I think this time of year Istart feeling just the pressure
of the holidays, and I don'tknow why I put pressure on
myself, but I think it's justbecause, like, I want the house
to be warm and inviting.
I want to be decorated, I wantto make sure that I remember to
(08:51):
like, host something and justhave some people over, so we
gather during this time, and soI think I start putting like I
don't even know I do it, but Ihave, I feel this pressure on
myself.
So because, in my brain.
I know that this is not thewhole point, but if I'm being
(09:24):
real.
I do get a little like trippedout about, like oh gosh, it's
already, you know, november 24thand I haven't even gotten my
tree up and I don't even knowwhere.
I like kind of start start, youknow, shitting all over myself
and you spiral you just startspiraling and it's like.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Then it's like where does it end?
Speaker 2 (09:47):
you know, and this is supposed to be a happy thing,
it's not supposed to bestressful right, and so I think
what I normally do is then I tryto okay, I'm going to get
myself in a happy place about it, and I think sometimes what I
do with good intention is like,oh, I'll start looking online or
(10:08):
on Pinterest and be like, oh,let me see some people's ideas
and it'll get me motivated, andthen actually it does the
opposite.
It like overwhelms me, and thenI feel like, oh, shoot, is that
what people are doing now?
Because that's not the stuff wehave.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
That was not my plan.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Yeah, so this year I'm not doing that, I'm not, I'm
not going, and here's the thingI feel like if that's your
thing and that brings you joy,do that you know, like Anna
loves to do that and like getideas.
It's part of her creativity.
For me, I think that I'm at thefeet of my life, where I just
want to get out what I have.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Right.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Whatever I'm feeling I'm going to put out and
whatever I'm not, I'm eithergoing to get rid of or just
leave it in the closet.
I'm just.
I'm just not going to letmyself get in a tizzy this year
about the decorating beingperfect.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
And I totally agree.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Yeah, I just feel like the expectations are too
much.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Oh yeah, absolutely, and I think one thing that we
can get ourselves into troublewith is by looking online,
because we look at what everyoneelse is doing.
We look at you know just.
We look at everything else andthat's just, that's not
realistic and it can take awayyour joy.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
You know, that.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
You know we've said this on here before that that
comparison is the thief of joy.
You know we've said this onhere before that that comparison
is the thief of joy.
And during the holidays I thinkthat applies.
You know, it's just that youget into that comparison trap
and that's just.
That's not a healthy place tobe.
It's definitely not a happyplace to be.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Yeah, and I think it's really a nice time of year
to look at like when you dostart having those feelings of
expectations.
Sometimes we call expectations,we kind of gaslight ourselves
and call them traditions andthen we think we married to them
.
And I remember when so when Iwas young, our family, we would
(12:11):
do Christmas morning really,really early and then my parents
would sell my brother and Iwhatever we could hold in our
arms, we could pack in the carand we would load down the car
and we would take off on ourfour hour road trip and we would
go to all the grandparents andcousins houses you know Marietta
from South Georgia and it wasfun and exciting.
(12:34):
But like we spent all ofChristmas day driving and my mom
and dad, just like when we gotmarried, they were like we don't
want y'all to do that.
We don't don't in your headthink that's a family tradition.
Like we set that precedent andthen they had to stop when we
got older and we had sports andwe couldn't, you know go to a
(12:56):
high school that we always wentto the playoffs and football and
I cheered, so that kind of letmy parents off the hook because
we just couldn't do it anymore.
But it was such an expectation,like Thanksgiving, christmas we
just drove everywhere and soand it kind of became like, oh,
this is the tradition, and mymom said, well, we're going to
(13:17):
have new ones.
So I just think like let'sthink about that word and not
use it to you know cornerourselves.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I think as life changes, your traditions have to
change with it.
And that's sort of you know,make new traditions and as our
children get married, as theycreate their own families,
they're going to create theirown traditions and that's what
they're supposed to do.
And that's not to say we don'tstart our new traditions too,
(13:49):
you know, I think one thing thatjust really made crystal clear
on the Empty Nest Quest is youknow, it's important to have our
own lives.
It's important to have our own,just our own, things to do and
that will make, you know, thatwill make it a more attractive
thing for our children to bewith us.
(14:12):
So it's, but it is hard.
I mean this is I don't want to,you know, ignore the fact that
this is a very, very difficulttime for so many people, whether
if this is your first holidaywithout your children being in
the same house, or if it's aholiday that you know someone
(14:32):
has passed away this past year.
So it's, it is a difficult timeand as a teacher, I see that
with my students.
You know we're so excited toget out for break and but you
know you look in some of thesekids' eyes and they're not
looking forward to the next weekbecause you know school was
where they had, you know, twogood meals a day and had people
(14:58):
that loved on them and you know.
So that part's hard to thinkabout and if you're in a good
place in your life and you havea happy family, sometimes you
don't remember that.
So I think that's veryimportant to remember,
especially with our community atthe Empty Nest Quest, that you
know a lot of our listeners it'sprobably going to be a
(15:19):
different looking kind ofholiday, but just because it's
different doesn't mean it's bad.
It's time to create newtraditions.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
So yeah, yeah, and I'm reading this book right now.
I don't have it down here withme.
I can't remember the authorit's Kendra something but it's
called the Plan.
One of my dear friends gave itto me because she hears me on
the struggle with my brain fogand all the perimenopause, so
(15:49):
it's called the Plan and thetitle of it kind of freaked me
out.
But it's actually perfect forempty nesters Like.
I'll show it to you.
It might be a good book studyin the new year.
But one of the things she saysis, as we're making plans and I
(16:09):
did kind of air quotes as we'remaking plans she said you know,
it's really important toacknowledge the season you're in
.
And she said and I want to bemore specific so she was like,
for instance, she gave theexample of you know, parenting a
kid that you've given a phoneto, and she was like OK, there's
(16:29):
more to it than that.
She was like really define theseason.
There's more to it than that.
She was like really define theseason You're parenting your kid
, giving them a phone in thesummer of their eighth grade
year, while you're also writinga book.
She was like really define yourseason.
So I think for us if we'll justspend a moment to say really
define what this holiday seasonlooks for us Like.
(16:49):
If it is like it is, we'recoming up on the first
Thanksgiving with our childrengoing to their new significant
other's houses, I have a new joband my husband's been traveling
.
Like, if you can really kind ofniche down and really describe
(17:15):
and then say what's mostimportant to me right now, and
then you might find out gosh,actually I just want to.
The most important thing to meright now is I just want to make
sure I talk to both of my kidson the phone and I just want a
meal with my husband, right?
Speaker 1 (17:28):
and then then that might be and that might be at
the local restaurant.
It doesn't have to be anuncooked meal.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
So she really just talks about really drilling down
all the way to what, what isreally the very most important
thing really present right now.
And I loved her method ofgetting there.
Like when you say I'm an emptynester, okay, well, that's
really broad.
Like, keep narrowing it down,it's my first year being an
empty nester.
Or I'm'm an empty nester, okay,well, that's really broad.
Like, keep narrowing it down.
It's my first year being anempty nester, or I'm almost an
(17:57):
empty nester, or you know what Imean.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
Right, oh, I love that yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
It has been really helpful to me to help plan for
family and business and all ofthose things.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Definitely that might be something we have to look at
for the new year book study.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Oh yeah, that would be fun.
Okay, one of the other things Ifeel like I am so guilty of is
I just expect I do the whole.
I want it to look like Miracleon 34th street or you know, the
Norman Rockwell like everybody,get along, everybody, come with
their happiness.
Right, everybody's gonna, youknow.
And Norman Rockwell, likeeverybody, get along, everybody,
come with their happiness.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Everybody's gonna you know.
And I'm like what?
Why do I do that?
Why do I think?
Speaker 1 (18:42):
Well, I think it's now more than ever because of
social media.
I think, you know, we lookonline and we look at everyone's
pictures.
Well, if you look at picturesof my family and I, yeah, we're
all smiling and we're all happyand for the most part we are a
very happy little group, but weall have our moments and there
(19:03):
is arguing, that goes on.
It's not perfect, but that'snot what you and that's not what
you should put on social media.
You know, I mean, we've talkedabout this before and to me,
facebook is my photo album.
That is, those are the memoriesthat pull up every year and
that I have those.
You know what were we doingthis time last year?
(19:24):
And to see those pictures ofthe kids.
So, you know, I think it wouldbe like if you went to
somebody's house and pulled downa photo album, the pictures
that you're going to see inthere, those are the happy
memories, those are the memoriesthat you want to, you know,
tuck away and but at the sametime, if that's all you're
(19:44):
seeing and you're not looking atit like that, you're going to
have unrealistic expectations ofwhat everyone's life is like
and you jump into thatcomparison trap and it's just
and that's a very unhealthyplace to be and especially, you
know, I think it's.
I think it's unhealthy for allof us, but women especially,
(20:05):
because we want to make surethat everything looks right and
every everybody is happy and wefeel like that is our
responsibility.
We really carry that weight onour shoulders and sometimes not
our responsibility.
You know everyone, especiallyif we have adult children,
they're responsible for theirown happiness and you know
(20:28):
that's just, it's a hard placeto to come from.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
So yeah, yeah, and I think, if we can, just Go ahead,
sorry.
No, I was just going to say thatpart of that, one thing that I
was I'm going to really try togive up, is that feeling of
guilt and this kind of ties intowhat we were just talking about
, because if Christmas morningdoesn't look exactly the way,
(20:59):
you know, we envisioned it tolook, we can really have that
guilt going on and I just feellike we need to give ourselves a
break you know things are notgoing to be perfect and just do
the best you can.
I think it's a really fun timeto get the kids involved they're
old enough now they're adultsand ask them you know, what new
(21:22):
tradition do you want to startthis year?
What do you want to?
What do you see Christmas Daylooking like?
Speaker 2 (21:28):
You know, and get their buy-in and that they can
bring that.
They do you know.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Instead of it being like Mom, we would love for you
to start adding I'm like no, no,no, mom, mom doesn't have any
request windows open.
It's got to be something you'rewilling to bring to the table
yourself.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Yes, yes, and I think , if they take some of that
responsibility, some of theguilt comes off of our shoulders
.
Well, I know one of my friends.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
A fun thing that she did was, you know their kids had
you know the elf on the shelfthing and she was like could not
wait to retire that duty as amom.
She was like I'm so over theflipping elf and so, but they
were those like Pinterest.
Parents like their elf was likemade our elf.
(22:16):
I was like my kids can't comesee you during Christmas because
your elf is too extra.
But it was so, it was so funnyand so what they did is like the
minute their kids were oldenough and they were kind of
getting like, oh, we're sodisappointed.
I thought this was such a greatidea.
They were like, do y'all wantthe elf to stick around?
And the girls were like yeah,yeah, yeah.
And they were like, okay, y'alldo the elf.
(22:40):
And she, they had the best time,and so now their young adult
children still come back totheir house and like the elf and
it's hilarious, and so that'slike how, to me, you can like
keep a tradition and put a funnyspin on it and not be like.
Oh, you're so sad, y'all arebig and we can't do this anymore
.
Like no, you can do it funny.
(23:00):
Like you can even do thingslong distance right.
Like just do it different, it'sokay.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
It's okay, things are not always going to say the
same, and I think if we havethose, if we have those
unrealistic expectations in ourmind, that's where a lot of
people get into a depression andthey just really get down and
out and it's just, it's notrealistic.
You know, your kids are growingup and they're going to make
their own traditions and it'stime for us to make our own
(23:27):
traditions too, and that mightlook totally different than what
it did when the kids werelittle, and that's okay, and
it's just to realize everybody'sdifferent too, you know.
So I think that's important.
But, yeah, I think for me, justthe guilt and not only from you
know what Christmas looks likeor anything like that, but just
(23:50):
guilt.
In general, I put so muchpressure on myself and you know,
with the kids, with thebusiness, anything, and I just I
really I've always been a verymuch a self-reflection kind of
person, which I think is good.
I think you know toself-reflect and think you know
(24:11):
what was my role in this, howcan I make things better?
But sometimes I overdo it and Ireally lay blame on myself for
things that shouldn't be there,and so I'm going to work on that
and Mel Robbins said and it'sjust the let them.
(24:32):
Now she says you know, whateversomebody, let them.
If somebody doesn't invite youto a party, let them.
If you I mean it's just likeanything just let them, it's
okay.
It's okay, you're still who youare and you've got to let other
people go through that process.
(24:54):
And a lot of times I put toomuch self-reflection on myself.
I'm like what could I have donedifferently?
And so oftentimes I couldn'thave done anything differently.
You know, that person is theway they are because of whatever
they've been through in theirlife.
It's not because of me.
And so I think, if we kind oftake that weight off of our
shoulders of unnecessary guiltI'm going to work on that.
(25:19):
So yeah, but these were great.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
I'm so glad we talked about this.
I feel like it's nice just tohave conversations like this to
just, you know, put our littleperspectives on and make
yourself see like a differentperspective, as you're going
into a time that, like you said,can have a lot of expectations
that induce guilt and all thethings.
(25:42):
So, yes, Absolutely.
Yeah, we want to hear what ourlisteners, we want to hear what
y'all are doing differently,what you're ditching and not
taking with you in to theholiday season, into the new
year.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
You in to the holiday season into the new year and so
message us, reach out to us andlet us know what you're doing,
and make sure you follow us onsocial media Facebook, instagram
and join our Facebook page.
Got a great little, greatlittle community starting so
y'all go out and have a greatweek.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Yes, happy holidays.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Yes, thank you for joining us on the Empty Nest
Quest.
We hope today's episode broughtyou inspiration, insight and a
sense of community.
Remember, this is your time tothrive.
If you enjoyed the show, besure to subscribe, leave a
review and share it with friends.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Stay connected with us on YouTube and Instagram at
Empty Nest Quest Podcast formore resources and updates.
Until next time, keep embracingthe journey and thriving on
your empty nest quest.
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