Endo Year Reflection: #3 Grief, Hormones, And Hope

Send us a text with a question or thought on this episode ( We cannot replay from this link)

What if the most compassionate choice you make this season is the quiet one—leaving early, resting without apology, or finally asking for the support your body has needed all along? This reflective chapter pulls together the most resonant insights from recent conversations on grief, hormones, and the everyday work of living with endometriosis and chronic illness.

We look back into how grief moves in spirals, not straight lines, and how perfectionism can turn pain into a private contest no one wins. Through a trauma lens, we unpack avoidance, intrusive thoughts, and the family stories that shape how we carry stress. Then we shift into the hormonal landscape: the messy, human reality of perimenopause, surgical menopause, hypermobility, and endo—plus how progesterone and estrogen changes can drive anxiety, sleep loss, hot flashes, joint pain, and brain fog. Clear, practical takeaways emerge around HRT basics and why local therapy matters: vaginal estrogen and DHEA can restore tissue health, reduce pain with sex, calm urinary symptoms, and support sexual function in ways systemic hormones alone can’t.

We also name a hard truth: the research gap in women’s health has left too many of us feeling confused and blamed. Reframing testosterone as a human hormone, not a male-only one, opens space for better care and better questions. Across these threads, one message holds: you’re not broken for needing help. Choose one next step—book that appointment, try local support, track symptoms for patterns, or give yourself permission to leave the party early. Subscribe for more honest, practical conversations, share this with someone who needs it today, and leave a review to help others find their way here. What’s the one idea you’ll let sit with you this week?

Support the show

Website endobattery.com

Instagram: EndoBattery

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
With the Indo Year coming up, it's a perfect time

(00:02):
to reflect on all the lessons,growth, and amazing guests we've
had on Endobattery.
But instead of one big recap,I'm breaking it into quick,
bite-sized reflections multipletimes a week.
Let's revisit what inspired us,learn what we missed, and
recharge together in our EndoYear Reflection series.
Join me each episode as we lookback.

(00:27):
Welcome to Indobattery, where Ishare my journey with
endometriosis and chronicillness while learning and
growing along the way.
This podcast is not a substitutefor medical advice, but a
supportive space to providecommunity and valuable
information so you never have toface this journey alone.
We embrace a range ofperspectives that may not always
align with our own, believingthat open dialogue helps us grow

(00:48):
and gain new tools.
Join me as I share stories ofstrength, resilience, and hope.
From personal experiences toexpert insights.
Some episodes teach yousomething new, and some episodes

(01:10):
arrive exactly when you needthem, whether you realize it at
the time or not.
Episode 111 was one of thosemoments for me.
I had the honor of sitting downwith Dr.
Natasha Traheel, a fellowWyoming native and doctor of
psychology.
And this conversation hit meright where it counts.
I actually first encountered herwork last Christmas.

(01:33):
I remember driving out to lookfor Christmas trees and Laramie,
listening to her book in thecar, and silently wiping away my
tears as I looked out thewindow.
And here's the irony.
She talks about generationalexperiences and how they shape
the way we grieve.
And there I was, in deep griefmyself.
Because we do grieve chronicillness.

(01:55):
And that grief isn't linear.
It doesn't follow a timeline,and it certainly doesn't care
what month it is, thoughDecember tends to be especially
hard for me.
Dr.
Trujillo spoke about how tohonor your grief journey, how
perfectionism becomes entangledwith loss and self-worth, and
how family history shapes theway we carry chronic stress and

(02:16):
illness.
And as I listened, I saw myselfin so many of those words.
Something you said in your book,and I'm probably paraphrasing
this, is that you talked abouthating your body for what it
couldn't do, often lied aboutthe pain you were in and finding
ways to punish your body withoutshowing others that you were
human.

SPEAKER_03 (02:33):
Yes.
One, you had mentionedperfectionism earlier.
And I mean, there's an entirechapter on the book about
perfectionism because I feellike there's so much grief and
loss inherent in perfectionism.
And that's not often aconnection that people make.
But I think that adds to thistoo, because as a as people who
struggle with perfectionism,it's like, okay, but I'm the
exception.

(02:54):
So yeah, I can say all thesethings and uh everyone else
should do this, but I have tofigure out a different way, or I
have to, you know, be successfulwithout doing A, B, C, and D.
That makes me more perfect, or Idon't need, you know, I don't
need X, Y, and Z.
So I think that can make itvery, very complicated.
And then again, that sense ofwhat are we in control over and
what are we not in control over?

(03:16):
That can make the relationshipthat we have with ourselves
very, very complex and verycomplicated.
And of course, grief isinterwoven with all of us.
Give yourself permission toexplore and to kind of consider
it.
Uh, from a trauma lens, I oftenthink about avoidance.
How much does an experience thatyou have had in your life make

(03:38):
you hesitate or make you pushthings aside or make you fearful
of things in a way where, youknow, you'll take a take a route
that's a little longer.
Yeah.
You'll do something to truly nothave to confront something.
And I think that awareness isoftentimes something where it's
like, yeah, there's there'ssomething here.
I also think another huge signis just intrusive thoughts.

(03:59):
You know, how often do you, asmuch as you want to push it
aside, does it always seem tofind its way back?
So I'll see this a lot withpeople who will tell me, I just
think about a flare-up happeningall the time, and I can't stop
thinking about, you know, whatthis doctor said to me or what
this doctor didn't say to me,or, you know, this experience in
the lab or when I was gettingimaging or whatever it may be.

(04:21):
So I think that in thoseintrusive thoughts that come up
when you're not expecting it,when you when they aren't
wanted, and if you have a reallyhard time working through it,
that is also a huge indication.

SPEAKER_01 (04:32):
What made this episode even more surreal is
that she's from Laramie,Wyoming.
And as I was listening to herbook, I was literally driving
through Laramie.
She mentioned landmarks I couldsee out my window.
I felt like one of those fullcircle moments where life gently
taps you on the shoulders andsays, pay attention.

(04:54):
We connected before and afterthe episode about growing up in
small towns and sharedexperiences that came with that
and how those roots shaped usfar beyond grief or chronic
illness.
There was something deeplyhealing about that connection.
This episode met me in a seasonwhere I was struggling and it
helped me realize I had somework to do, but I didn't have to

(05:17):
do it alone.
If you haven't read her book andshe was never the same, I truly
believe it can change the wayyou understand grief and the way
you see yourself inside of it,especially when chronic illness
is part of that story.
Episode 112 took me into a verydifferent but equally important
conversation.
As I sat down with VanessaWhelan, this episode came at a

(05:41):
time when I was really beginningto explore the role of
hypermobility and hormones.
Vanessa has a uniqueunderstanding of the
intersection between hormones,hypermobility, and
endometriosis.
And honestly, I needed thisconversation more than I
realized.
We were both still learning, andI think that honesty mattered.
As someone who's gone throughsurgical menopause, hearing her

(06:04):
clearly lay out how hormonesinteract with endometriosis and
how surgical menopause changesthe landscape was incredibly
grounding for me.

SPEAKER_02 (06:13):
So normally menopause is a clinical
diagnosis, and we use periods tokind of help figure out where
you are in the transition.
So oftentimes earlyperimenopause, you're still
having periods, but they getlonger and closer together and
heavier.
And then later perimenopause iswhen they start to get more
spread out.
And then the definition ofmenopause is one year without a

(06:35):
period at all.
So obviously, all that is allout the window if you don't have
a uterus.
But all the other symptoms oughtto be pretty similar.
So a lot of people in that earlyperimenopause phase, the reason
you're having heavier and longerperiods is that you have less
progesterone on board.
And progesterone also can makeyou sleepy and calmer.

(06:56):
You know, our progesterone isnaturally highest when we're in
that week before a period.
You know, everyone likes talkingabout the luteal phase now, you
just chill out and be leftalone.
So when you're low on that, youcan get anxious and have trouble
sleeping.
So if you start to notice that,that can be a sign of early
perimenopause.
And then in that middleperimenopause phase where your
periods are getting spaced out,that means that you're starting

(07:19):
to lose the estrogen.
And so low estrogen symptoms arethe stereotypical symptoms of
menopause, hot flashes and nightsweats and vaginal dryness.
And some common things that areless well known are heart
palpitations, itchy skin, itchyinside your ears, joint pain.
Um, a lot of people noticebrain, brain fog, and

(07:40):
forgetfulness during this time.
And those symptoms tend tobasically ramp up to their most
extreme.

SPEAKER_01 (07:47):
Now, I would be lying if I said this episode
didn't come with its challenges.
There were some tech issues,internet issues, those moments
where you take a deep breath andremind yourself to, you know,
stay calm.
And through it all, Vanessa wasprofessional, patient, and
incredibly committed to makingsure this information got out.

(08:09):
She spoke passionately aboutHRT, perimenopause, menopause,
and how hormonal shifts don'tjust affect us individually, but
ripple through our families, ourrelationships, and our daily
lives.
And then came episode 124 withDr.
Christine Vegaro, anotherpowerhouse when it comes to
hormones and quality of life.

(08:30):
Dr.
Vigaro brought such clarity tothe conversation around
hormones, the pain generators,and especially vaginal estrogen.
And let's be honest, it's notalways fun to talk about
something you need, but don'tnecessarily love doing.
She gave practical, realistictips for using vaginal estrogen,
different ways to approach it,and reassurance that yes, it can

(08:53):
be messy, but it's alsoincredibly valuable.

SPEAKER_00 (08:57):
So I think sometimes or, you know, even a good doctor
that talks about full bodyreplacement might forget about
local vaginal hormones, whichare also really important.
So full body hormones, eventhough they're called full body
or systemic hormones, they'reactually not enough to support
the genitourinary systems.

(09:18):
Because again, full bodyhormones are just getting a
little bit of gas in the tank.
We're not giving back the fullamount that most women have.
And so the genitals reallysuffer in that regard and
generally need local support.
So that's generally in the formof either vaginal estrogen,
either creams, tablets,suppositories, there's vaginal

(09:38):
rings, or through othersuppositories like DHEA, which
converts to estrogentestosterone in the cell level.
So there's different ways thatwe can replace the hormones in
the vagina, which protectsagainst, you know, pain with
sex, so dryness-related painprotects against overactive
bladder like urgent urinaryurgency, potentially leakage, it

(09:59):
protects against recurrent UTIs,and again, changes in sexual
function.
So again, blood flow to thevulva, vagina, clitoris is
really important to maintain ahealthy sexual function.
Again, all these places arereally sensitive to a decline in
hormones.
Even if it's still a half a, youknow, quarter gas in the tank,
it's not enough for thegenitals.
So it's really important.

SPEAKER_01 (10:20):
What stood out to me most was her honesty about the
lack of research in women'shealth and how that gap has led
so many of us down confusing,frustrating paths.

SPEAKER_00 (10:30):
So testosterone, of course, the most data we have is
in males.
Again, testosterone is not amale-only hormone.
It's a human hormone.
Women have more testosterone atall times in their life than
estrogen.
The only time where this may notbe true is late in pregnancy
when estrogen levels are really,really high.
But other than that, we havemore testosterone than estrogen,

(10:51):
which I think is a revelation tosome patients.
It's a revelation to somedoctors because, again, we just
don't have good education onhormones in our medical
education.

SPEAKER_01 (11:01):
She spoke thoughtfully about topical
estrogen, testosterone, and whyvaginal estrogen plays such a
critical role in quality oflife.
What these episodes collectivelyreminded me is this: hormones
matter, grief matters, andquality of life matters.
We are not broken for needingsupport.
We are not weak for askingquestions, and we are certainly

(11:23):
not alone in trying tounderstand bodies that don't
always follow the rules.
I walked away from theseconversations, knowing I still
had a lot to learn, but alsoknowing that there's a village
behind me, experts, advocates,and fellow humans willing to sit
at the table, share knowledge,and help us navigate the
complicated, messy, very humanexperiences of living with

(11:46):
chronic illness.
And sometimes that's exactlywhat we need.
Not all the answers, but justthe reminder that we don't have
to figure it out alone.
And for your holiday gift today,I want to give you this tip for
surviving this holiday season.
You are allowed to leave early.
Irish goodbye equals medicalaccommodation.

(12:09):
Just so you know, you don't haveto stick around just because you
think you should.
If you're not feeling good, it'sokay to say thank you so much
for having me.
It is time for me to go and gorest.
As we wrap up this reflection,I'm always struck by just how
much learning lives inside theseconversations.
Looking back, it's not justabout the information.

(12:30):
It's what continued to inspireme, challenge me, and sometimes
gently nudge me to see things alittle differently.
My hope is that something youheard today sparked a moment of
recognition, curiosity, or evena quiet, uh, whatever that makes
sense now.
So here's what I'm gonnachallenge you with.
Take one idea from this episode,just one, and let it sit with

(12:54):
you.
You don't have to fix anything,change anything, or suddenly
become a brand new person byMonday.
Growth counts even when ithappens in sweatpants.
Be gentle with yourself.
Honor how far you've come thisyear, and remember, you're
allowed to learn, unlearn, rest,and repeat.
Thank you for reflecting withme.
Continue being curious untilnext time.

(13:15):
Continue advocating for you andfor others.