Endo Year Reflections: #6 Intimacy, Food, And Chronic Illness: What We Learned From Mallory Oxendine And Dr. Jennifer Gaudiani

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What if the most healing thing isn’t a fix, but finding the right words for what hurts and what helps? We revisit two listener-favorite conversations that reshaped how we think about intimacy, food, and self-trust while living with endometriosis and chronic illness. With therapist Mallory Oxendine, we move past the myth that closeness equals performance and create space for grief, tenderness, and clearer scripts. With Dr. Jennifer Gaudiani, we challenge diet culture’s noise and explore what “normal eating” looks like when pain, nausea, and fatigue are part of daily life—and how neurodiversity and sensory needs change the plan without inviting shame.

Mallory helps us ask better questions: How do I approach you when I want intimacy? What words feel safe? How can we protect connection when plans shift? She shows how partners can support rather than fix, validate both sets of feelings, and build rituals that honor fluctuating capacity. Intimacy becomes broader—touch, presence, humor, and steady care—so bodies aren’t forced to perform to be worthy of love.

Dr. G brings nuance and care to disordered eating in chronic illness. She offers a science-backed view of nourishment that reduces mental load, embraces satisfaction, and respects symptoms. We talk about ADHD, autism, and sensory profiles that make fullness or textures overwhelming and why care plans must flex to those realities. Her practical guidance centers progress over perfection and energy over rules, including a simple seasonal tip: pick one thing to care about and let the rest go.

If you’re craving validation, language, and doable tools, this reflection is for you. Listen, share with someone who needs gentleness today, and if it resonates, subscribe and leave a review so others can find this space.

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
With the Indo Year coming up, it's a perfect time

(00:02):
to reflect on all the lessons,growth, and amazing guests we've
had on Indobattery.
But instead of one big recap,I'm breaking it into quick,
bite-sized reflections multipletimes a week.
Let's revisit what inspired us,learn what we missed, and
recharge together in our EndoYear Reflection series.
Join me each episode as we lookback.

(00:27):
Welcome to Indobattery, where Ishare my journey with
endometriosis and chronicillness while learning and
growing along the way.
This podcast is not a substitutefor medical advice, but a
supportive space to providecommunity and valuable
information so you never have toface this journey alone.
We embrace a range ofperspectives that may not always
align with our own, believingthat open dialogue helps us grow

(00:48):
and gain new tools.
Join me as I share stories ofstrength, resilience, and hope,
from personal experiences toexpert insights.
I'm your host, Alana, and thisis Indobattery, charging our
lives when Indometriosis drainsus.
Welcome back to Indobattery,Indo Year Reflections.

(01:09):
When I think back to theepisodes 120 and 121, my
conversations with MalloryOxendein still sit with me in a
very tender way.
Because these weren't justepisodes about relationships.
They were about what it means tostay connected to yourself and
to someone you love when yourbody doesn't cooperate.
Mallory walked us throughsomething so many people quietly

struggle with (01:33):
the emotional layers that come with intimacy
and chronic illness.
The pain, the frustration, theguilt, and that deep, unspoken
feeling of betrayal when yourbody keeps you from showing up
in ways you wish you could.
She reminds us that intimacyisn't just physical, it's
emotional, relational, anddeeply human.

(01:53):
And when pain enters thepicture, it can change how safe,
connected, or confident we feelin our own bodies.
One of the things Mallory did sobeautifully was normalize the
grief that comes with this.
Grieving that ease you once had,grieving spontaneity, grieving
versions of yourself that nolonger feel accessible.

(02:17):
And instead of rushing past thegrief, she gave us permission to
sit with it without shame.
But she didn't stop there.
Mallory also offered somethingincredibly grounding, practical
tools, real ways to communicatewith partners, ways to name your
needs without apologizing, wayspartners can support, not fix,

(02:39):
not rescue, but genuinelysupport.
And just as importantly, waysyou can support your partner
too.
So the relationship doesn't feellike another casualty of chronic
illness.

SPEAKER_02 (02:52):
I'm a big fan.
I say this all the time.
I'm like, let's talk abouttalking about it.
Yeah.
You know, like let's take it onestep back.
And so being able to go in andgo, hey, how can I approach you
when I have a desire forintimacy?
Like, what's the best way to dothat?
So that you know that I justdesire you and I love you, and

(03:16):
not an expectation of for you toperform or show out or show up
in a certain way.
So I think talking about it whenit's not in the moment is
helpful.
So we're a little bit moreregulated, we're a little bit
more calm, we have our more ofour thinking brain operating,
you know, so we can just maybemake better word choices or be
able to control if our emotionscome up, we can control how

(03:38):
they're exhibited a little bitbetter.
So I love encouraging like let'stalk about it in advance.
So we're not in the momentflailing around trying to figure
this thing out together.
Um, the other thing I want toencourage encourage partners
with is like this is anexperience that you are living

(03:59):
in a junction to and living inpart of your story as well.
So your experience and feelingsmatter and they do not matter
more.
Right.
And so they matter.
It's good to like, well, how doyou feel when y'all had planned
to have intimacy and that nowyou're not sad, frustrated?

(04:22):
Okay, that's valid.
And the why is also important.
Like why you're not having it,your partner's pain, your
partner's, you know, maybe theyhad a doctor's appointment and
they felt triggered, and likethat's important too.
And so it's not no one's moreimportant, no one's feelings are
more important than the others.

SPEAKER_00 (04:41):
What stayed with me most was how approachable she
made such a vulnerable topicfeel.
Sitting down with Mallory, Ifelt seen, and I've heard from
so many of you since thoseepisodes aired.
People said, I finally feel lessalone.
Because intimacy and connectiondon't disappear when chronic
illness enters the room, theyjust evolve.

(05:03):
And Mallory helped us see thatwhile it may look different for
everyone, there is a wayforward, even when our bodies
feel like they're workingagainst us.
Another episode that continuesto stay with me, and one that so
many of you asked for, wasepisode 186 with Dr.
Jennifer Gattiani.
It was a heavy topic, yes, butit was also a deeply healing

(05:27):
conversation.
We talked about disorderedeating in the context of chronic
illness, the guilt of knowingyou should eat, but feeling
unable to, the complicatedrelationship many of us feel
with food when pain, nausea,fatigue, or GI symptoms are
constant companions.

SPEAKER_01 (05:42):
Well, there are formal criteria for eating
disorders, of course.
The notion of disordered eatingis very nebulous, and we have to
contextualize it in the societywe live in, which is so diet
culture focused.

SPEAKER_00 (05:56):
Yes.

SPEAKER_01 (05:57):
You know, I mean, everyone is talking about what
they're no longer eating, notbecause it doesn't, you know,
sit well with their tummy ortheir body, but because, you
know, they think it's the rightthing to do to avoid
inflammation.
I'm not eating this, I'm noteating that, I'm eating less of
this, I'm only eating at thesetimes a day.
I mean, this is so normalizedand typical in our society that

(06:20):
even though I, as a veryhealth-privileged physician who
specializes in eating disorders,would be like, no, no, no, all
of that is disordered eating.
It's so broadly found thatpeople might be like, hey, are
you just trying to pathologizeme by telling me I've got a
problem?
And the answer is I want to befar gentler than that, but also

(06:43):
kind of come back to really goodscience about what truly healthy
eating is.
And I use that H-word roll rollcarefully, um, because boy, is
that a tricky word.
Yeah.
What I would say is that ifthere aren't physical
impediments to nourishing, whichof course many people have, and

(07:04):
many of your listeners have, Iwould say that normal eating
means that you spend relativelylittle brain energy on what did
I just eat and what I'm about toeat, and what did I eat
yesterday and what will I eattomorrow.
You pretty comfortably canlisten to hunger and fullness
cues, and you can nourishyourself with satisfying, tasty

(07:27):
foods in a mindful way,reasonably consistently
throughout the day, without muchchatter or shame or fear that
revolves around these topics,and that you can fuel yourself
to do what your unique bodywants to do that day.
I would say that is sort ofbroadly speaking normal eating.

(07:50):
And therefore, theoretically, Iwould say that anything outside
of that could be disordered.
That doesn't mean judgment.
That doesn't mean someone withsevere IBS, irritable bowel
syndrome, who has to avoid abunch of foods is like, oh, you
have disordered eating and I'mjudging you.
It says, gosh, you must have tospend a lot more time and energy

(08:14):
on how to fuel yourself.
And you must suffer a lot morethan other people when they can
just bolt down a sandwich and goback to work, and you're trying
to figure out how your tummy'sgonna do that day.
Eating disorders, of course,have really formal criteria in
the diagnostic and statisticalmanual five that follow certain

(08:34):
criteria.
Folks who have gotten into arelationship with food in their
bodies, whether or not, again,there's body image stuff
involved, which let's face it,if you were human on the planet,
probably there's some body imagestuff involved because thin
privilege is so powerful in ourculture.
But what I'd like to talk to isjust the breadth of conditions

(08:55):
that might lead somebody to haveto spend so much time on how to
feed themselves and how to dealwith their body's reaction, and
that they're not alone, they'renot a mystery, and they can feel
better.

SPEAKER_00 (09:09):
And then we layered in something so many people
quietly carry ADHD orneurodivergence and chronic
illness, and how the two cancollide in ways that are often
misunderstood or dismissed.

SPEAKER_01 (09:22):
The last couple of years have really humbled me as
I have learned the importance ofneurodiversity and relationship
with food.
It's a topic I just adorebecause a lot of the time it has
been ignored or it has beenunderaddressed.
And as a result, folks feel likethey're failures of the system

(09:44):
when in fact the system has beenfailing them.
The system is normed aroundneurotypicality.
And the truth is, so many peoplewho have struggles with food do
have some form ofneurodiversity.
It could be at the formal ADHDor autism level, and it could

(10:05):
also be at a sort of subclinicalbut still very much important
relationship with food textures,tastes, scents, colors, the
feeling of fullness in one'sbody, the people, you know, for
me, when I in my healthprivilege, when I'm satisfiedly

(10:26):
full after a meal, I feel good.
But other people who haveabsolutely no, you know,
overwhelming pathologic drivefor body change feel terrible
when they're full.
Not because they have sort of aneating disorder necessarily, but
because their sensory input isyou've just some done something

(10:46):
yucky and dangerous.
And you know, guess what?
That can certainly end upleading to a formal eating
disorder.

SPEAKER_00 (10:53):
I can't fully express how seen I felt in this
conversation.
Dr.
G put words into experience I'vecarried since childhood.
Experiences I didn't realize hadnames, context, or compassion
attached to them.
She spoke with gentleness, withsuch care and such validation,
not just to me, but to all of usliving in bodies that don't

(11:15):
always tolerate food the way wewish they would.
What made this episode sopowerful wasn't just the
validation, though that alonemattered deeply, it was that Dr.
G paired the compassion withrealistic practical tools.
She talked about experiencesthat actually made sense for
chronically ill bodies, aboutprogress that doesn't require

(11:35):
perfection, about health thatdoesn't demand punishment or
shame.
That conversation healedsomething in me, not because it
fixed everything, but because itgave my experience language.
And when our experiences havewords, they become lighter to
carry.
And for your holiday survivalguide in that heavy topic, here

(11:58):
it is.
Pick one thing to care about.
Not everything deserves yourenergy budget.
As we look back through theseconversations, I'm reminded of
how much learning and onlearning and quiet healing has
happened this year, often inways we didn't realize at the
time.
So as you continue listeningthrough these reflections, I

(12:20):
want to gently invite you tostay curious.
You may stumble upon an episodeyou missed or hear something
differently now than you didthen, or you might just find the
conversation from months ago isexactly what you need in this
moment.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for reflecting withme, and thank you for continuing

(12:41):
to come back to this table,where your experiences are
valid, your questions matter,and your body is worthy of care,
compassion, and connection.
We'll keep moving through thisyear together, one conversation
at a time.
Until next time, continueadvocating for you and for
others.