July 17, 2024 • 11 mins
What if chasing perfection is actually holding you back from true happiness and fulfillment? On this episode of Endorphasmic, we tackle the complex journey of change in both personal and professional spheres. Discover how the relentless pursuit of an ideal can become both a source of anxiety and a powerful motivator. We'll help you recognize when it's time to leave toxic environments and make courageous decisions that align with your true desires. By examining the internal and external factors at play, we emphasize the importance of addressing personal issues before making any major life shifts. Change may be daunting, but it's an essential step in your hero's journey towards a more intentional and fulfilling life.
Feeling stuck or dissatisfied in your current situation? We're here to guide you through evaluating your opportunities for change. Learn how to pinpoint specific frustrations and categorize them into things you can control, influence, or must accept. We'll walk you through creating a list of criteria for your ideal new opportunity, covering key aspects like compensation, culture, and work environment. Our insights will help you objectively compare potential opportunities to your current situation, ensuring any change aligns with your long-term goals. And remember, leaving positively is crucial—don’t fall into the trap of constantly searching for the next big thing without finding satisfaction. Join us for this insightful discussion and arm yourself with strategies to navigate pivotal moments in life.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Endorphasmic, where we talk
(00:02):
about all things endorphasm.
I am your hostess, erika Porter.
Let's talk about change.
Change can be both unsettlingand it can be terrifying.
However, change can also besomething that we become
addicted to.
We never stick with anythingbecause we're always in search
of the elusive perfect and I saythat in quotes the perfect job,
(00:25):
the perfect relationship,perfect neighborhood, you name
it.
But then we realize that theseplaces are filled with people,
including ourselves.
So perfection is kind of farfrom possible.
So how do we know when it'stime to make a big change?
How do we decide if we shouldstick it out in the cubicle or,
metaphorically, light it on fire?
(00:46):
So I think it depends on thesituation.
So when you're swimming in atoxic cesspool of swirling crazy
.
So, for instance, have you everbeen in a job or a relationship
or a life situation that feelslike you're trying to swim
upstream in a swirling cesspoolof toxic crazy?
(01:07):
Instead of paddling furiouslyand putting your head back in
the water, maybe it's time toswim for sure and get the fuck
out of there.
Sometimes we become so used tothe swirling sickness that we
can't even smell it anymore, andespecially in dating
(01:27):
relationships or jobsrelationships, I think, can be
the trickiest to spot the crazy,because sometimes the feeling
of love can blind us to thereality.
And if you're paddling aroundin a swirling cesspool of crazy,
it's time to swim for your life.
Another consideration is whenthe direction is leading you the
(01:49):
opposite of your destination.
Are you on a well-paid pathwhere you're making great
momentum, yet you're heading inthe exact opposite direction of
where you want to go?
And this can be the toughestand scariest and most courageous
change anyone can make.
When everything on the outsidetells you that you're doing
(02:11):
amazing, that the real stuff onthe inside is desperately trying
to get your attention.
We all go down unexpected pathsfull of twists and turns, where
we don't see exactly how itwill end up, yet we know it's
headed in the general lifedirection that we want.
That's not the path that I'mtalking about.
(02:31):
I'm talking about the pathwhere you know exactly where
it's headed and it's not whereyou want to go.
Believe it would be a sacrificeof sometimes finances, comfort,
your stuff and the known, andmaking a change to unwedge
yourself from somethingcomfortable is far from
(02:53):
comfortable.
You want to live your lifebased on stuff or safety, or do
you want to live intentionally,trying to truly live your life.
There's a great quote from aretired football defensive end.
His name is Robert Quinn and he, I think, states it perfectly.
He says "change is hell, yetnot to change, to stay on the
(03:15):
path of slow death, is alsohell".
The difference is that the hellof deep change is the hero's
journey.
Think about that.
For a second Change is hell,yet not to change, to stay on
the path of a slow death, isalso hell.
The difference is that the hellof deep change is the hero's
journey, and I think the mostdangerous job you can have, or
(03:38):
even life situation, is acomfortable one that is slowly
loading you away from all thethings that are truly important
to you.
The longer you stay in it, theharder it is to escape.
I want to live my life whereI'm serving the world my
signature sauce, if you will,that unique mix of ingredients
(03:59):
inside me that gives the world aflavor that no one else can.
What about you?
So I think first part of makingany kind of big change is
obviously starting with yourself.
I think, before making a bigexternal shift, what internal
changes do you need to make sothat you don't end up in the
same situation as before, justdressed up kind of in different
(04:21):
clothes.
I think one of the biggest lieswe can tell ourselves is if
only, if only I could changejobs, if only I could get a
divorce, then I'd be able toreally pursue my dreams, then
I'd be really happy.
Yet you change jobs, you getdivorced, you get hired
somewhere else, you remarry,whatever it is, and then you
find yourself just as miserableas you were before.
(04:44):
Maybe you're always fantasizingabout some big change that's
going to fix everything, whenthe real hard needed change
starts with you and the monstersthat you're trying to pretend
don't exist in the back of yourcloset.
Change can be held, but ifyou're willing to make the deep
changes in you before you changeyour circumstances.
(05:05):
Those are the changes of ahero's journey.
And unless you're drowning in acesspool of crazy, get out of
that first.
Change the atmosphere, lay onthe shore for a while and work
on what changes you need to makementally, emotionally,
spiritually, so that you don'tjump into another cesspool of
crazy, just a little furtherdownstream.
(05:25):
Sometimes all you can do issurrender to change and just
fucking let it rain.
So how much of your motivationis driven by the pursuit of new
opportunity versus escaping yourcurrent situation, and that's
really important to be able todistinguish those two.
There are days when everyonedreads putting on work clothes
(05:48):
and heading to the office, orwhatever the situation might be.
It might be the work itself,the people you work for, or a
combination of those things, andsome jobs can completely drain
the joy out of working, and I'lluse jobs, but it implies
everything in life, whether it'sthe relationship, the job,
whatever situation.
So you have to think about doesmy current situation drain the
(06:12):
joy out?
When you start considering achange, you need to determine if
you are running towardssomething new or running away
from your current situation.
And the downside of runningfrom something is if your
primary motivation is to leaveyour current situation, nearly
everything else is going to lookappealing and you'll be in such
(06:33):
a hurry to leave that you mightoverlook significant aspects of
whatever new thing you'releaning towards.
And because that can sour overtime, then you'll find yourself
thinking about leaving thatsituation as well.
But have you taken the time tospecifically, and sometimes
unemotionally?
It's hard to kind of separatethose two things to identify
(06:55):
what maybe frustrates you inyour current situation.
I think that a lot of timesit's a good idea to create a
clear list, pinpointing exactly,maybe, what is causing your
dissatisfaction, and then alsotaking an opportunity and
identifying which items in yourlife you can control, which you
(07:18):
can influence and which arebeyond your control or influence
, and start to create a list ofwhat a new opportunity would
provide you.
And I think that there's theopportunity that you can take
action to alleviate somefrustrations when you address
them directly and, at the veryleast, when you're creating that
(07:40):
list, you have kind of aclearer idea of areas to
investigate, to understand thenew opportunity and ensuring
that you're not going to berunning into issues that might
present themselves down the road.
That's when you're running froma situation.
Now, the difference, the upside,when you're running to this, is
(08:03):
where you can really start todevelop a list of, I would say,
anywhere between 12 to 20 clearand measurable criteria in how
it will change your life, how itwill better your situation, how
it allows you to live fully andhonestly, whether it's
considering compensation,culture, commute benefits, who
(08:27):
you might be working for, whatyour situation is going to be.
I think you have to research tocreate a complete picture of
your ideal situation and thislist will become your standard
for measuring specificopportunities.
And then you can compare eachopportunity against your
criteria.
And it requires, I think,thorough investigation.
(08:51):
To objectively compare each newopportunity point by point.
To your list, you have toinclude your current situation
for comparison and I think thatif you answer specific questions
about each new opportunity, itreally can paint a complete
(09:12):
picture of what this newsituation will be.
So how does the new opportunitycompare to both your criteria
what you've written out and yourcurrent situation?
What specifically will you begiving up to take that new
opportunity?
What specifically will you gainby taking this new opportunity?
(09:33):
And I think that you can onlyconsider making a change when
the new opportunity offers clearadvantages.
If the comparison is roughlyequal, then I would say you kind
of tough it out until you finda situation where the benefits
and the criteria I mean it meetseverything that you're looking
(09:54):
for and you know it's the rightmove, when the new opportunity
is measurably better than yourcurrent situation and you can
easily envision yourself beingpassionate about it five years
from now and your running toside tells you it's time for a
move.
And my one final piece of adviceis to leave well, leave things
(10:19):
in better shape than when youinherited them or started them
or started your job or whateverthe situation is, because you
never know when you might needthe support of all of those
people.
And the bottom line is don't bethe person who is always
searching for the next thing,constantly changing but never
being satisfied.
So, if you're really looking tomake a big change, be
(10:42):
calculated, deliberate, makeyour lists, comparison, ensure
that if you don't make thischange, ensure that if you don't
make this change, are youliving your life fully?
Are you living your truth inthe way with your secret sauce
that you're providing to theworld Thoughts?
Change doesn't always have tobe scary of health and happiness
(11:04):
and always much respect.
Welcome to Endorphasmic, where we talk
(00:02):
about all things endorphasm.
I am your hostess, erika Porter.
Let's talk about change.
Change can be both unsettlingand it can be terrifying.
However, change can also besomething that we become
addicted to.
We never stick with anythingbecause we're always in search
of the elusive perfect and I saythat in quotes the perfect job,
(00:25):
the perfect relationship,perfect neighborhood, you name
it.
But then we realize that theseplaces are filled with people,
including ourselves.
So perfection is kind of farfrom possible.
So how do we know when it'stime to make a big change?
How do we decide if we shouldstick it out in the cubicle or,
metaphorically, light it on fire?
(00:46):
So I think it depends on thesituation.
So when you're swimming in atoxic cesspool of swirling crazy
.
So, for instance, have you everbeen in a job or a relationship
or a life situation that feelslike you're trying to swim
upstream in a swirling cesspoolof toxic crazy?
(01:07):
Instead of paddling furiouslyand putting your head back in
the water, maybe it's time toswim for sure and get the fuck
out of there.
Sometimes we become so used tothe swirling sickness that we
can't even smell it anymore, andespecially in dating
(01:27):
relationships or jobsrelationships, I think, can be
the trickiest to spot the crazy,because sometimes the feeling
of love can blind us to thereality.
And if you're paddling aroundin a swirling cesspool of crazy,
it's time to swim for your life.
Another consideration is whenthe direction is leading you the
(01:49):
opposite of your destination.
Are you on a well-paid pathwhere you're making great
momentum, yet you're heading inthe exact opposite direction of
where you want to go?
And this can be the toughestand scariest and most courageous
change anyone can make.
When everything on the outsidetells you that you're doing
(02:11):
amazing, that the real stuff onthe inside is desperately trying
to get your attention.
We all go down unexpected pathsfull of twists and turns, where
we don't see exactly how itwill end up, yet we know it's
headed in the general lifedirection that we want.
That's not the path that I'mtalking about.
(02:31):
I'm talking about the pathwhere you know exactly where
it's headed and it's not whereyou want to go.
Believe it would be a sacrificeof sometimes finances, comfort,
your stuff and the known, andmaking a change to unwedge
yourself from somethingcomfortable is far from
(02:53):
comfortable.
You want to live your lifebased on stuff or safety, or do
you want to live intentionally,trying to truly live your life.
There's a great quote from aretired football defensive end.
His name is Robert Quinn and he, I think, states it perfectly.
He says "change is hell, yetnot to change, to stay on the
(03:15):
path of slow death, is alsohell".
The difference is that the hellof deep change is the hero's
journey.
Think about that.
For a second Change is hell,yet not to change, to stay on
the path of a slow death, isalso hell.
The difference is that the hellof deep change is the hero's
journey, and I think the mostdangerous job you can have, or
(03:38):
even life situation, is acomfortable one that is slowly
loading you away from all thethings that are truly important
to you.
The longer you stay in it, theharder it is to escape.
I want to live my life whereI'm serving the world my
signature sauce, if you will,that unique mix of ingredients
(03:59):
inside me that gives the world aflavor that no one else can.
What about you?
So I think first part of makingany kind of big change is
obviously starting with yourself.
I think, before making a bigexternal shift, what internal
changes do you need to make sothat you don't end up in the
same situation as before, justdressed up kind of in different
(04:21):
clothes.
I think one of the biggest lieswe can tell ourselves is if
only, if only I could changejobs, if only I could get a
divorce, then I'd be able toreally pursue my dreams, then
I'd be really happy.
Yet you change jobs, you getdivorced, you get hired
somewhere else, you remarry,whatever it is, and then you
find yourself just as miserableas you were before.
(04:44):
Maybe you're always fantasizingabout some big change that's
going to fix everything, whenthe real hard needed change
starts with you and the monstersthat you're trying to pretend
don't exist in the back of yourcloset.
Change can be held, but ifyou're willing to make the deep
changes in you before you changeyour circumstances.
(05:05):
Those are the changes of ahero's journey.
And unless you're drowning in acesspool of crazy, get out of
that first.
Change the atmosphere, lay onthe shore for a while and work
on what changes you need to makementally, emotionally,
spiritually, so that you don'tjump into another cesspool of
crazy, just a little furtherdownstream.
(05:25):
Sometimes all you can do issurrender to change and just
fucking let it rain.
So how much of your motivationis driven by the pursuit of new
opportunity versus escaping yourcurrent situation, and that's
really important to be able todistinguish those two.
There are days when everyonedreads putting on work clothes
(05:48):
and heading to the office, orwhatever the situation might be.
It might be the work itself,the people you work for, or a
combination of those things, andsome jobs can completely drain
the joy out of working, and I'lluse jobs, but it implies
everything in life, whether it'sthe relationship, the job,
whatever situation.
So you have to think about doesmy current situation drain the
(06:12):
joy out?
When you start considering achange, you need to determine if
you are running towardssomething new or running away
from your current situation.
And the downside of runningfrom something is if your
primary motivation is to leaveyour current situation, nearly
everything else is going to lookappealing and you'll be in such
(06:33):
a hurry to leave that you mightoverlook significant aspects of
whatever new thing you'releaning towards.
And because that can sour overtime, then you'll find yourself
thinking about leaving thatsituation as well.
But have you taken the time tospecifically, and sometimes
unemotionally?
It's hard to kind of separatethose two things to identify
(06:55):
what maybe frustrates you inyour current situation.
I think that a lot of timesit's a good idea to create a
clear list, pinpointing exactly,maybe, what is causing your
dissatisfaction, and then alsotaking an opportunity and
identifying which items in yourlife you can control, which you
(07:18):
can influence and which arebeyond your control or influence
, and start to create a list ofwhat a new opportunity would
provide you.
And I think that there's theopportunity that you can take
action to alleviate somefrustrations when you address
them directly and, at the veryleast, when you're creating that
(07:40):
list, you have kind of aclearer idea of areas to
investigate, to understand thenew opportunity and ensuring
that you're not going to berunning into issues that might
present themselves down the road.
That's when you're running froma situation.
Now, the difference, the upside,when you're running to this, is
(08:03):
where you can really start todevelop a list of, I would say,
anywhere between 12 to 20 clearand measurable criteria in how
it will change your life, how itwill better your situation, how
it allows you to live fully andhonestly, whether it's
considering compensation,culture, commute benefits, who
(08:27):
you might be working for, whatyour situation is going to be.
I think you have to research tocreate a complete picture of
your ideal situation and thislist will become your standard
for measuring specificopportunities.
And then you can compare eachopportunity against your
criteria.
And it requires, I think,thorough investigation.
(08:51):
To objectively compare each newopportunity point by point.
To your list, you have toinclude your current situation
for comparison and I think thatif you answer specific questions
about each new opportunity, itreally can paint a complete
(09:12):
picture of what this newsituation will be.
So how does the new opportunitycompare to both your criteria
what you've written out and yourcurrent situation?
What specifically will you begiving up to take that new
opportunity?
What specifically will you gainby taking this new opportunity?
(09:33):
And I think that you can onlyconsider making a change when
the new opportunity offers clearadvantages.
If the comparison is roughlyequal, then I would say you kind
of tough it out until you finda situation where the benefits
and the criteria I mean it meetseverything that you're looking
(09:54):
for and you know it's the rightmove, when the new opportunity
is measurably better than yourcurrent situation and you can
easily envision yourself beingpassionate about it five years
from now and your running toside tells you it's time for a
move.
And my one final piece of adviceis to leave well, leave things
(10:19):
in better shape than when youinherited them or started them
or started your job or whateverthe situation is, because you
never know when you might needthe support of all of those
people.
And the bottom line is don't bethe person who is always
searching for the next thing,constantly changing but never
being satisfied.
So, if you're really looking tomake a big change, be
(10:42):
calculated, deliberate, makeyour lists, comparison, ensure
that if you don't make thischange, ensure that if you don't
make this change, are youliving your life fully?
Are you living your truth inthe way with your secret sauce
that you're providing to theworld Thoughts?
Change doesn't always have tobe scary of health and happiness
(11:04):
and always much respect.
Popular Podcasts
United States of Kennedy
United States of Kennedy is a podcast about our cultural fascination with the Kennedy dynasty. Every week, hosts Lyra Smith and George Civeris go into one aspect of the Kennedy story.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.