April 16, 2024 • 50 mins
Have you ever stood at life's crossroads, wondering how to weave emotional intelligence into the fabric of your leadership? Today, I sit down with Gene Reed, the mastermind behind Reed Training Solutions and author of "Police Leadership Redefined: The EQ Advantage," who embodies the transformation from a seasoned police veteran to a trailblazer in the realm of emotional intelligence for first responders. Our conversation is a deep dive into the heart of leadership, mapping out the intersection where emotional intelligence enhances not just professional relationships but also the personal well-being of those in high-stress careers.
Navigating the complexities of life, Gene guides us through the four pillars of emotional intelligence—self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management—and their profound impact on the law enforcement community. We dissect the unique emotional challenges faced by first responders, where certain emotions are normalized, and others are stifled, leading to long-term consequences if left unchecked. As we walk this path, we stress the importance of emotional regulation as a cornerstone to building strong leadership qualities that ripple out into all facets of life.
In wrapping up, we don't just talk the talk; we walk you through actionable steps toward a purposeful life filled with intention. Our exchange sheds light on the art of designing a life vision, setting boundaries, and making choices that resonate with personal values, including my own journey in prioritizing health and wellness. Whether you're in a high-stress profession or simply seeking to infuse more intentionality into your daily routine, this episode offers a blueprint for self-discovery and a reminder of the power we hold to shape our own destinies. Join us on this quest to harness emotional intelligence and lead a life that truly matters.
As a First Responder, you are critical in keeping our communities safe. However, the stress and trauma of the job can take a toll on your mental health and family life.
If you're interested in personal coaching, contact Jerry Lund at 801-376-7124. Let's work together to get you where you want to be and ensure a happy and healthy career.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jerry (00:02):
Welcome to today's episode of Enduring the Badge
Podcast.
I'm host Jerry Dean Lund and ifyou haven't already done so,
please take out your phone andhit that subscribe button.
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(00:24):
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So if you would do that, Iwould appreciate that from the
bottom of my heart.
My very special guest today isGene Reed.
How are you doing, gene?
Gene (00:43):
Doing good.
Brother, Thanks for having meon.
Jerry (00:45):
Yeah, thanks for being on .
I really appreciate you takingthe time to be on the podcast
today.
Gene, can you introduceyourself to the audience?
Gene (00:53):
Yeah, sure, my name is Gene Reed.
I am a 15-year police veteran.
I work in Delaware for theNewcastle County Police.
I am also the founder of ReedTraining Solutions.
That is a training and coachingcompany that I developed very
like about three months ago, tobe honest with you, kind of back
in December, and basically whatI'm doing with that is
(01:16):
specializing in emotionalintelligence, putting on
training presentations for lawenforcement organizations, other
first responders.
I also wrote a book it's calledPolice Leadership Redefined the
EQ Advantage.
And then also what I do on topof that is when I give these
training presentations, justfrom what I have found is after
(01:37):
about three days most peoplehave forgotten my name.
After about seven days mostpeople have forgotten most of
the presentations.
So I do offer follow-upservices to come back, you know
what I mean.
I really kind of work withorganizations more one-on-one.
But yeah, I do a lot ofdifferent things.
To be totally honest with you,jerry, like I said, I had the
law enforcement career, I hadthe side business, I'm married,
(02:00):
I got two kids, I'm training fora marathon right now I have my
PhD, I do Jiu-Jitsu that's me.
Jerry (02:10):
Yeah, you must schedule your life up pretty well to be
able to do all of that.
Gene (02:14):
Yeah, time management is definitely a skill that I have
worked on over time, for sure.
Jerry (02:20):
Yeah, what prompted you to start your business?
Gene (02:25):
I went to an event.
So a buddy of mine, his name isTJ Frank.
He owns a company that's calledConsequences of Habit.
It's a nonprofit.
He put on what's called a.
Basically it was just like aspeaker event.
He had an event where there wasabout four to five speakers
that came to this event and thiswas the first event that he was
(02:45):
putting on and just out ofsupport, I put it out to our
organization and there were some.
One of the big speakers was agentleman by the name of Nick
Lavery.
He is a active green beret.
He actually lost his leg incombat.
He's still an active greenberet, even missing his leg.
So he's a motivational speaker.
(03:06):
Well, he was the keynotespeaker and I've heard about him
, I've seen him on social media.
The guy's a bigger than lifefigure.
He's six foot five, probably265 pounds, just solid muscle.
So I go to this event and I hadno, I wasn't really thinking
about the business at that timebut I went and saw that man
speak on stage and that was inOctober or November-ish and he
(03:29):
basically I really felt like hewas talking to me.
His whole thing is stop wastingtime, like, stop wasting your
life, like if you have an idea,you want to do something, go do
the thing.
And there was probably 40people on the stands and I
thought he was just talking tome.
It was one of those things.
So I had always had this ideain the back of my head.
(03:50):
I had had my PhD at that time.
I'm currently a police sergeant, so I have a little bit of rank
within my organization.
But I was always just waiting.
Right, I was always just I'llwait till I'm a lieutenant or a
captain.
I have a little more cloutright at that point in time, and
then I'll start my business.
But after I heard him talk, Ireally just kind of sat down.
(04:11):
I was like, and I was alreadyin the process of writing that
book.
So I'm like what else can Ipossibly need?
I have a PhD, I'm writing abook, I have some rank, like
I've been around, like I knowwhat I'm talking about.
So that was like the thing thatreally kind of propelled me to
start that.
Jerry (04:28):
Yeah, very nice.
And what about the book?
Like what prompted you to writethe book.
Gene (04:34):
I've always loved writing, so when I was in so just to
back up a little bit when Istarted my law enforcement
career I started off when I was18 years old.
I was a police officer down theshore in Wildwood, new Jersey.
So that's like a seasonal thing, right.
You just worked during thesummertime, kind of walked the
boardwalk.
It was a great time.
Well then I got the bug forpolicing and I applied to
(04:58):
basically every state policeorganization in the country and
I got picked up by Marylandstate police.
So I went there.
I worked there for a couple ofyears.
I met my now beautiful wife whowe live.
We're from New Jersey, we livein New Jersey and really we just
made a decision at that timethat our family's in New Jersey,
everything we love and isendearing to us is in New Jersey
(05:20):
.
So I made the jump leftMaryland state police and found
Newcastle County police, right,and still had like no education.
I did not go to college.
I started with Newcastle Countypolice at 22, 23 years old,
didn't even think about collegetill I was in our detective unit
.
A terrible time to startthinking about education because
(05:42):
we were very busy.
I was in our major crimes unitat the time.
But really somebody had acouple of people had a
conversation with me and theyjust said hey, listen, we think
you have a lot of potentialwithin the organization, but
you're going to have to geteducated.
You have nothing, you don't you?
You don't only have like anassociate's degree, you got to
go do something.
So I know you don't know methat well, jerry, but I'm a
(06:06):
little psychotic with that kindof stuff.
So at that time, at about 25, 26years old, I did some research
and I just was like okay, well,it's the highest level of
education you can get.
I don't even know at the timefound out that it's a PhD.
So I basically spent the nexteight years going to school and
really just fell in love withwriting.
(06:26):
When I was a detective, even Iwas the guy who on a lot of the
major cases would write oursearch warrants.
I just always liked likecreative writing and just all
that kind of stuff.
So if anybody's thinking aboutgoing to PhD route, you better
love writing, because that'sreally all it is and I do.
So I fell in love with writing,got done, and then I've always
(06:50):
been somebody who reads booksand I enjoy reading myself and I
just kind of thought why don'tI just write my own book?
So I just really got latchedonto this concept of emotional
intelligence and just kind ofstarted a Word document.
Before I knew it I had 50, 60pages and then I just started
expanding it and it kind of justtook off from there.
Jerry (07:11):
Yeah, that's impressive.
That's quite a feat to take onduring like the this portion of
your career.
So I can see why Ty and Manj islike probably down to a science
kind of for you.
Why did you pick emotionalintelligence?
Gene (07:28):
Great question.
So I have been a student ofleadership forever, right?
I mean, really, I've alwaysbeen into reading leadership
books.
It's always been fascinating tome and I started to realize
that Leadership has.
I don't know if it's purposelybeen overcomplicated, but there
are so many tips and tricks andtheories and philosophies.
(07:51):
There's tens of thousands, ifnot hundreds of thousands, of
books out there about leadershipand I started to realize
they're all just kind of sayingthe same thing when it all comes
down to it.
So then I found emotionalintelligence, and I had heard of
emotional intelligence before,I had heard of this concept and
for those that are listening,emotional intelligence it's
(08:12):
broken down into four categories.
The first is there's reallyfour pillars to emotional
intelligence.
The first is self-awareness, sobasically you just need to
figure out who you are, becomeaware of, why you do the things
you do.
The second is self-management.
So once you figure that out,learn how to manage your
emotions.
And something I always tellpeople is whatever emotion
(08:35):
you're feeling at any point intime and it's funny because the
first responder communitydoesn't like to talk about
emotions a lot, but we all haveemotions, so get over it.
But whatever emotion you'refeeling, it's okay, it's totally
valid, now how you react tothat emotion that may not be
okay.
So if you're feeling angryabout something, you're feeling
(08:57):
happy or jealous or whatever,it's totally fine.
That's okay to feel that way,but how you react to it could
potentially be inappropriate.
If you're angry about asituation, you scream and yell
about it.
I'm just telling you nowthere's a 99% chance that that's
probably not the right answer.
So that's the second part ofemotional intelligence is this
self-management, learning how tobecome aware of your emotions.
(09:19):
Number two learn how to managethose emotions.
The third part is socialawareness.
So becoming aware of all theselittle social dynamics that are
going on around you at any pointin time.
And I think in policing andreally the first responder
community, is a good examplebecause, let's say, you hold
some rank within yourorganization, let's say you're a
(09:39):
lieutenant or a captain.
You know, when you walk into aroom, especially with my
organization, if a captain walksinto a room full of officers,
the social dynamic has totallychanged within that room and I
would argue that it's not theresponsibility of the officers
to go up and approach thatcaptain and have a conversation.
(10:00):
It's just not how the hierarchyworks.
But if you have emotionalintelligence, you recognize that
as a captain and then you goand approach those officers and
try to have that conversation.
So the last part of emotionalintelligence is relationship
management, and that, I wouldargue, is man in any leadership
position in your personal life,your professional life.
(10:23):
Your ability to manage yourrelationships is everything.
So once I started looking atthat, I was like, well, that's
the whole thing.
You can give me any situation,jerry, any situation, and I can
pinpoint it to one of those fourpillars.
Like if you're having an issuewith something, it's either
because you're lackingself-awareness, you're not able
(10:45):
to manage your emotions about acertain situation, you're either
not socially aware enough tounderstand what's going on and
then ultimately, you're probablyjust not managing your
relationships.
So when I came across that, Iwas like that's my thing, that's
easy to understand and it kindof covers everything.
Jerry (11:04):
I really like that because I think there is a big
education gap in our societyabout emotional intelligence.
I think it's just somethingthat doesn't get really talked
about very much and I thinkthat's a big problem, right?
Because if you have one ofthose pillars, or all four of
(11:26):
those pillars, a little bit weak, then it makes your life really
hard and then makes your lifethe people around you, I should
say lives probably hard as well.
So I love talking aboutemotional intelligence.
So I'm going to back up topillar two, and you talked about
anger.
So anger, I feel like in thefirst responder world, is very
(11:48):
common and very accepted.
Now the other emotions may notbe as accepted.
So here's a question for youwhy is it that way?
Gene (12:00):
I think it's just like I tell you right now it's not
socially acceptable to say thatyou're scared within the law
enforcement community.
It's not socially acceptable tosay that you're sad about
something.
It's not socially acceptable.
It's not socially acceptable togo to a baby death, right,
which is a terrible incident,especially if you have children.
And listen, this is how I wasraised in my law enforcement
(12:25):
career as well.
You just be, and I don't evenknow if stoic is the right word,
but you just go to the thing,you handle it, you shut your
mouth and you just go on to thenext thing, right.
And there's never.
People are really never allowedthat time to process that
information, right.
So I wish you'd be working in avery busy area, right, the area
(12:46):
that I, when I was working theroad we talked about this before
I came on.
I don't work the road anymore,I don't work shift work.
It's fantastic.
Say what you want.
If you're in a very busyjurisdiction, you're just.
You're moving, you're motoring,you're going from call to call
to call, right.
So in the heat of the moment, Iwill argue this in the heat of
(13:07):
the moment, you do have to putyour emotions aside.
You're just going to have todeal with the situation and just
deal with the thing right Now.
Later on you're going to haveto learn how to process that
emotion and that's where thefailure really comes in.
And I think, I think honestly,jerry, I think just first
responders in general are verytype A personalities and they
(13:28):
just want to act like they haveeverything figured out, and I'm
here to tell you nobody does.
Nobody has this thing figuredout.
It's a great being a firstresponder or being in the
military, both of those twothings.
It's a crazy endeavor, it's.
You're exposed to so manyinsane things that humans are
not supposed to be exposed toand you can get away with it.
(13:50):
Right.
You will get away with shovingthose emotions down and never
dealing with them for maybe twoto four years.
I would say you could probablyget away with it for that a
little bit of time.
But what we see in lawenforcement especially is you
start hitting that five to sevenyear mark.
That's when people really starthaving problems if they don't
(14:11):
have this education, if theydon't understand it.
So I think things are gettingbetter.
I do, I think, just like theconversation you and I are
having now.
I mean, I'm an active policeofficer who's become an expert
in emotional intelligence, andI'm spreading the word about it.
I think things are getting outthere, but yeah, that is a tough
sell for the older generationsfor sure.
Jerry (14:35):
Yeah, and I agree with you right to be stoic on a call
is important 90% of the time,maybe 95% of the time.
Right, there's definitely time.
Showing emotion can definitelyhelp the situation, you know,
depending on what that emotionis.
But I think just being stoicall the time just causes people
(14:56):
to always be stoic and neverrevisit those emotions that they
had about a call.
But, right, if you're busy,area call the call to call, you
don't have time to process them.
But you got to take the time atsome point right to process
these emotions, because startunpacking it after four years,
(15:17):
like there is so much to unpack,and I, you know, I did this for
34 years and I had to startunpacking a lot longer down the
road.
So unpacking it sooner probablyjust not in the right way.
Right, the emotional,intelligent way to do that.
But yeah, I mean, I just thinkit's something that maybe as
(15:41):
supervisors, right with thatemotional intelligence, can help
, you know, break down thosebarriers and talk about it when
there is some calm, you know, inthe story.
Gene (15:50):
You took the words right out of my mouth.
So if you are in a leadershipposition, you got to keep an eye
on people.
Right, and you got to.
You got to know.
Number one you have to bepresent.
If you're a leader, especially,let's say, you're on the on the
ground level right, you'rewithin my organization.
I'll just give you an exampleIf you're a sergeant within my
organization on a patrol level,well, you have about eight to 10
(16:14):
people on your span of controland you're out there with them,
you're out there on the roadwith them, you're going from
call to call, like that kind ofstuff, and you're gonna have to
have conversations with yourpeople and get to know them and
just park out with them.
I remember, you know, if we'reon a midnight shift, we would be
going from call to call to call, and then I would make it a
(16:35):
point to park up with each oneof those people at least once by
the end of the night.
And listen, I'm telling youright now that was annoying for
me to do.
It was not easy, because wework in a big area.
So I would have to, like, findout where they're at and then go
, drive to them and then parkout for a little bit.
But you know, this doesn't haveto be over complicated.
(16:55):
When I say that you have tounpack these emotions, it could
just be me and you parking upright and just talking about the
thing we just went through.
You don't have to be apsychologist, you don't have to
be like this crazy thing.
But those emotions, thosestress hormone levels, they
gotta go somewhere.
So when you have this giantjump in stress hormone, it
(17:19):
doesn't just go away, right,it's not just gonna dissipate.
It will dissipate, but it'sgonna harbor itself in your body
until you release it, which canbe done through exercise.
Talking about it.
There's a whole lot ofdifferent ways to do it.
The problem comes in whenpeople use alcohol, when people
use other substances, to justkind of like drown those
(17:41):
feelings out.
That is when we really start tosee issues.
But really just talking aboutit, being in shape, working out,
I mean those are basic things,but they really do work.
Jerry (17:52):
Yeah, once again, you have to invest in yourself.
This is a long and gruelingcareer.
You gotta take that time tofind those ways to invest in
yourself.
You can't just invest all intothe job because, I'll be honest,
right At the end of the day,you're still just a number For
(18:12):
most departments.
Right, you're just a number andyou're gonna be replaced, so
you gotta really take care ofyourself, look out for yourself.
Gene (18:21):
Yeah, I got two things to say about that.
Number one, what I tell people.
So I try to be.
Here's the other thing I'mgonna drop a bomb on you.
So I work in internal affairs.
So I've been in internalaffairs for the last two and a
half years.
Nobody likes anybody that's everworked in internal affairs, but
I'm a very social person withinour organization.
(18:42):
So we have about four, we havean author, I strength of 415
officers.
We're a decent size, but I makeit a point I strategically walk
around our building everysingle day for at least an hour,
hour and a half and just talkwith people.
Just talk with people, becauseif you're in internal affairs
(19:02):
and you never talk to people andthe only time they ever see you
is when they're getting introuble, it's gonna be a
terrible experience for thatofficer.
You're never really gonna get atrue relationship with them.
If you really have toinvestigate like a serious
incident.
But when I tell people, so whenI'm at the gas pumps, right, and
I see a younger officer, I lovehaving conversations with them
(19:22):
and my new thing, what I'mtelling people is when I see a
younger officer, I tell themlisten, your goal should be to
leave this profession betterthan you came in.
So us here in Delaware we'relucky.
It's a 20 year pension, thenyou can get out, which is great.
So theoretically I could retirehere at 42, but that's my goal.
(19:44):
My goal is to be betterphysically and mentally than
when I came in.
Now, listen, is that gonnahappen?
I don't know, but I'm sure it's.
Hell gonna try.
You know what I mean.
I'm gonna try for that, butthat's the attitude you have to
take and you can't.
This is a proactive thing Likethis is not just gonna happen by
itself.
That first pillar to emotionalintelligence, that
self-awareness, that is work.
(20:06):
I mean, dude, you gotta reallyfigure yourself out.
You gotta figure out what makesyou tick, what are your
sleeping patterns, what foodswork well for you, how's your
hydration, all that physicalstuff.
How many days a week do youneed to exercise to really feel
at your best?
How are your relationships?
All that stuff goes intoself-awareness and it's not
(20:27):
gonna happen overnight andyou're gonna have your ups and
downs and all that kind of stuff.
But you have to figure that out, you have to.
Jerry (20:35):
Yeah, I think I tried to point out on the podcast, like
multiple times, but if you'renew to listening, you know it's
that body and you know thephysical aspect right, physical
aspect of your mind and body,like how they work together.
If you're not putting in goodstuff into your body then you're
probably not functioning at anoptimal level.
And I too, I love the goal oflike retire better than you know
(20:58):
thing.
You came in.
That was one of my big goals,you know, just tried to, you
know, hit that level as much asI could and I did in a lot of
ways and I was lucky to do sobecause I see so many people
retire and then they like justkind of become a shell of
themselves and I also can seehow that can happen.
Gene (21:17):
Yeah and Jerry, I feel terrible for people.
I really do.
You know, my levels of empathyhave definitely grown over the
years.
I used to be a pretty likehollow person when it came to
empathy for other people, but Ifeel bad for people who got into
this profession, were nevereducated about how to properly
(21:37):
manage their stress, how toproperly, you know, exercise and
eat well and manage therelationships, all that stuff.
And now they did 25, 30 yearsand the system just spits them
out and it's like good luck toyou.
And, like you just said, yousaid it perfectly you're just a
number.
And somebody actually explainedthat to me when I was in our
(21:59):
detective unit.
And listen, when I was indetectives I was married but I
had no kids.
So every time I called outanytime there was a page I
always came out.
But man, I'll tell you what, ifI had kids at the time, I don't
know if I would have been likethat, because I knew as soon as
I left they were gonna replaceme with somebody else the very
next day.
And I'm not so like arrogant tothink that I'm so special right
(22:25):
that I couldn't be replacedEverybody's replaceable.
Jerry (22:28):
Yeah, I mean to speak to that.
You do have special qualitiesand historical knowledge and
things like that, but at the endof the day it doesn't stop them
from replacing you when youleave and to go back to taking
all the call outs and beingavailable all the time.
And that does come at a cost,not just to you, right, it comes
at a cost to all those whosurround you.
(22:50):
So I think maybe people shouldthink about that a little bit
more when they're saying I do,or I guess I will, or whatever,
and never saying no to thedepartment.
I mean I think you have to kindof stand up for yourself at
some point and just like I can'tdo it, and they shouldn't think
bad about you, Like you know,they just like, hey, I
(23:11):
understand your priorities, yourfamily, you know, and that's
acceptable.
Gene (23:16):
Yeah, you actually just made me think of something.
So, something I talk about,like when I go to speaking
events and really I could do awhole, probably speaking event
just on self-awareness, becausethat that's when you talk about
emotional intelligence.
You gotta think about it Likeeach one of those things is kind
of builds upon one another,right?
So your self-management skillsare not.
(23:38):
They're going to be prettycrappy if you're not self-aware,
right?
And the same token, your socialawareness.
You're never going to besocially aware unless you have
self-management skills andunless you're self-aware.
But anyway, one of the bestthings that I ever did was I had
somebody work me through anexercise.
And I'll work you through itright now too.
(23:59):
You don't have to, we're notgoing to go through the whole
thing, but basically theconversation is all right.
Jerry, let's say this is thelast time you and I speak to
each other for the next year,right?
And I reject that because Ithink, jerry, I think you and I
are going to probably have moreconversations after this, but
for sake of argument.
And then I see you at aconference one year from now and
(24:20):
, jerry, you come up to me andyou say, dude, since the last
time I talked to you one yearago, I've had the most
incredible year of my entirelife.
You wouldn't believe it.
Everything just went exactlyhow I thought it was going to go
.
The next part of that is well,what does that look like and
what it requires you to do?
The next part for you partakingin this is to actually write it
(24:42):
down, which takes time.
I did this and it took me a fewdays right, I took two to three
hours for a few days, and mywife did the same thing and you
write out specifically likewhat's your perfect day look
like?
Okay, I can already tell youright now my vision that I wrote
out.
This is some woo-woo stuff.
I get it writing out vision.
(25:05):
You're good, I like it.
But part of my vision is everyday when I wake up in the
morning, I am free from diseaseand I am proud of every
accomplishment I've had up tothat day.
And then it goes on and onright about how my relationship
is with my wife, how much moneyI have in the bank, what's my
relationship like with my kids,how do I feel when I'm at work,
(25:27):
how do I feel when I'm doing myspeaking events.
And then it evolves even morebecause now I know, now that I
have my clear vision, I knowthat I don't do more than two
podcasts in a week and I won'tbe away from my family more than
three times in a month for aspeaking event.
Like I know what those numbersare.
So when opportunities come up,it's very easy for me to say no,
(25:51):
thank you, because that doesn'talign with my vision.
Right, and me personally.
Not that I ever had a problemwith alcohol, but alcohol is not
part of my life anymore.
I stopped drinking alcohol, Idon't know, probably five, six
months ago, really for no reason.
I just kind of thought tomyself like this doesn't make me
feel good the next day.
(26:12):
Ever it's never made me feelgood.
So, with that exercise, withthe vision, I'm telling you, man
, if people took the time toactually sit down and write this
thing out it's harder than youthink it's harder to get very
granular and think about how youwould feel and then, based off
of that, then you can startbuilding your life, then you can
(26:33):
start building things off ofthat.
Jerry (26:36):
So life by design, not life by accident.
Gene (26:40):
Yes, yes.
Jerry (26:42):
Yeah, I mean.
So.
I mean, can you explain alittle bit about, like, the
power of seeing these things andwriting them down?
I mean, I know the kind of likeone is like you're setting your
limitations right, you'resetting your balance and stuff
like that of how right I likethat about speaking engagements
and I'm not going to be gonemore than three times and
(27:03):
because if you don't do that,what's the opposite of that
Right Is taking on maybe morethan you could and then it
shifts right back into bleedingover until all these other
things your career, your familylife and everything.
But I believe I totally believein design in your life.
Gene (27:23):
Yeah, I think it's very easy to become desperate as well
, right?
Especially, I think some peopleget caught into this pattern of
just waking up in the morningand just making decisions and
just going about their day.
And I say this too I wouldargue that people that you see
that are super successful andpeople that you see that are
(27:45):
really struggling, I would arguethey make the same number of
decisions every day.
The difference is, where arethose decisions taking them?
Because the successful personquote, unquote, whatever success
means to you probably has anidea in their head of the path
that they're going down.
They probably have a to-do listthat they do every morning hey,
(28:06):
I'm going to accomplish this,this and this.
Whereas we see other people whoare kind of just like wavering
all the time right, they're veryeasily blown off track, they
don't really know exactly whatdirection they're going in.
And, again, they're making 150,200 decisions a day, just like
the other person is, but theirdecisions are just taking them
(28:26):
all over the place.
And by writing down that visionand I'm also going to say this
if you have a significant other,have them do it too.
They have to do it too.
My wife did this same exerciseby herself, and then me and her
came together and we reviewed ittogether.
Luckily, thank God, they wereboth very much aligned, which is
(28:49):
why we have a greatrelationship.
But let's say you're married tosomebody and you go through
this exercise and it turns outthat they're totally not in
alignment with what you thoughtthey were.
That's awesome.
I would look at that as apositive, like, oh, thank
goodness, thank goodness wefigured this out now, but now we
can try to get back on path,like how we need to go.
(29:11):
But yeah, man, I think justgoing through life kind of
haphazardly, good luck to you.
I don't think that's the bestplan.
I'm not telling anybody what todo, but for me personally, when
I really drilled down andstarted figuring out exactly
what I wanted to do and thewhole free from disease thing,
well, that means I got toexercise five days a week,
(29:33):
because that's a non-negotiable,it's a total non-negotiable.
There's also a totalnon-negotiable that after dinner
time my daughter and I watch TVtogether Non-negotiable.
I don't care what's going on,I'm not missing that, you know.
Jerry (29:48):
Yeah, I like that.
I think you may not find asmuch joy like kind of like going
through your life haphazardly.
I mean, I think there is somejoy sometimes in that and
there's maybe some you knowmoments to do that in your life,
but generally through your lifeI don't think that's going to
get you to where you want to beand I think you're going to find
yourself as you get older andolder and like crap and look
(30:09):
back like what did I accomplish?
Or and it's not too late, maybeto do those things that are
really enjoyed and I wanted todo, and I cut them out of my
life because the thing that tookover that seems to take over
for most first responders rightis their career.
Gene (30:24):
Yeah, yeah, man, I'll tell you what I talk to people all
the time from all over the place.
I've been very fortunate to youknow the I just started this
business, but this message thatI'm putting out seems to be
connecting with people becauseI'm getting to go and travel and
see different policeorganizations and different
things and see how they operate.
Man, I'll tell you what firstresponders are basically all the
(30:46):
same, it doesn't matter whereyou go, because and I don't know
what it is but they really gettied up.
They're very passionate people,which is awesome.
With that culture of being afirst responder can become a
black hole and they almost justget blinded.
They have these blinders on andthey fail to like step outside
(31:07):
of it sometimes and realize,like the big picture, and I
listen, I get it.
I was, I'm still, a verydedicated first responder.
I love the job, but there aremany other things that are far
more important to me than theprofession and that's hard for a
lot of people to hear and it'shard for a lot of people to
follow suit with that.
But again, I'm not tellinganybody what to do, but you will
(31:31):
be replaced pretty quickly onceit's over.
Jerry (31:34):
I mean, you wrote a book.
You kind of are telling peoplewhat to do.
Gene (31:38):
I appreciate it.
Very good point, Jerry.
Jerry (31:42):
You're giving them help on what to do?
Gene (31:45):
Yes, yeah, have you ever heard of you ever heard of Earl
Nightingale?
So Earl Nightingale for anybodywho doesn't know, he was kind
of the Godfather ofself-development.
He was back in the 50s and 60s.
He's dead now.
But something Earl would saybefore a lot of his speeches and
stuff and I really recommendanybody go listen to his stuff
(32:06):
he's awesome.
But he would say you know, I'mnot here to tell you how to live
your life.
That's not in my business,that's nobody else's business,
that's your business.
Now, all I'm here to do isshare with you decades upon
decades of research and whateveryou do with that information is
on you and that's what I'vereally tried to do recently
(32:27):
because, I'll be totally honest,I did not used to be like that,
especially when it comes tofitness.
I mean, we haven't even reallytouched on the fitness side of
things.
I can get very psychotic withthe fitness side of things.
I mean I got super intotriathlons for a while.
Then I got super into jiu-jitsufor a while and I would always
try to pressure people intodoing the things that I was
(32:49):
doing.
But it's very hard to convincepeople to go do an Ironman
triathlon right, where you swim2.4 miles, you get on a bike for
112 miles and you go run amarathon.
To me it's like, of coursethat's an awesome thing.
Why would you not want to dothat?
But I learned very soon or veryshortly that you can't tell
(33:09):
people how to live their life.
You can give them advice, youknow what I mean.
You can kind of try to steerthem in a positive direction,
but chances are and if anybodywho's married out there has a
significant other if you justtell somebody to do something,
they're probably not going to doit.
Jerry (33:25):
Yeah, yeah, I like going back to kind of like designing
your life and putting thingsintentional in order, because I
think it's very easy.
It was easy for me to do thisfollow-in-the-strap of just
constantly working right and thejoy just kind of just
(33:48):
diminishes and the only memoriesthat you will have for a while
in my career is like, oh, it'sall work related.
I worked four or five jobs fora bulk of my career, which was
ridiculous, and they're like,well, how'd you do that?
I just knew I had to be thisplace one day, that place the
next day, one this place thenext day, the next place, and
then you'd see your family someodd times in between.
(34:11):
But then you just keep in likethis perpetual rhythm of work
and little to no joy, and thatcan only last so long.
Gene (34:20):
Yeah, yeah, that's like I'm telling you.
I think the timeframe on thatis like that three, maybe five
years.
You can kind of get away withit and then it goes downhill
from there.
Now here's the only thing, likethe only fortunate thing for me
personally I'm just talkingabout myself is within my own
police organization and honestly, even when I started at the age
(34:41):
of 18, I have done somethingdifferent every two years, like
clockwork.
Every two years I'm doingsomething different, I have a
new assignment, I have to learna new job.
So for me personally that'svery mentally stimulating.
I don't get burned out, I justalways have these new things
going on.
Well, guess what?
That's the rare case, right, alot of first responders,
(35:04):
especially if you work in asmaller organization.
You're gonna be doing your ownpatrol, like you're gonna do
patrol work for 20 years, andagain, that's what it comes back
full circle to.
You're gonna have to be veryproactive to keep your head
above water, because and thejob's fun, you know- what I mean
Like being a first responder.
It's fun.
It really is.
(35:24):
It's arguably theorganizational stressors that
really stress people out, morethan the operational stuff.
But you're gonna have to comeup with some formula for you.
Like Jerry Lund is gonna have adifferent formula than Jean
Reed.
Like I can tell you like, hey,this has worked for me and that
(35:44):
might not work for you.
It might not, and that's thetough part.
That's the tough part is itreally comes back on you as the
individual, to you gotta wannado it number one, and it's gonna
be some trial and error.
It's gonna take some trial anderror for sure.
Jerry (36:00):
Yeah, it's like physical fitness and nutrition, right?
I mean we could eat the sameand work out the same, but our
bodies are gonna do probably twototally completely different
things.
Gene (36:10):
Yeah, oh, man, speak about eating.
Have you ever gotten involvedin like fasting or anything like
that?
A little bit.
So me being psychotic, I gotreally into intermittent fasting
for a while, right, Cause itwas like all the craze and
everybody's like this is theanswer to living forever or
whatever.
And I would do this 16 hourfast and then you're feeding
(36:33):
windows eight hours and thatworked, Like that was fine.
And then I experimented with a24 hour fast and that was fine,
Like I was like okay.
And so then I started doingthese 24 hour fasts like once a
week because I'm a psycho and Istarted getting sick, Like I
would just get these colds right.
(36:53):
I would kind of like get sickmore often than not and I never
put two and two together.
I never put two and twotogether.
That, hey, dummy, maybe it'scause you're stressing your body
out and on top of all, that I'mworking out like a fiend,
really only eating six days aweek, cause I'm taking one of
those days and just not eating.
And then I extended that to a72 hour fast.
(37:16):
So I did a 72 hour fast onetime, which honestly wasn't for
anybody who's like tryingfasting once you get past the
first 16 hours or whatever.
It's really not.
Your body kind of just stopsbeing hungry.
But again I got really sickafter that 72 hour thing and
that was my final moment to belike.
This isn't for me.
(37:36):
Like the whole intermittentfasting thing, it's not for me.
It works great for a lot ofpeople, Not me.
So when I get up in the morningI have like a little bit of
food.
It's like a little, you know,maybe some protein, some mixed
nuts and an apple or somethingwhatever.
But and that works really wellfor me.
And despite me having two smallchildren who are like just
(37:57):
bring germs from who knows where, and my wife's a school teacher
, so I've all these differentbio-domes of germs coming into
my home, Knock on what.
I don't really get sick thatmuch.
So now I know that, okay, well,that thing didn't work for me.
But what did that take?
Well, it took trial and error.
I had to figure that out.
Jerry (38:15):
Yeah, I think you have to be willing to put yourself out
there and do that trial anderror and then and continue
right To do that, to find what'sgonna work for you.
I do that a lot.
When it comes to like doingdifferent types of therapy, like
you know, I'm like, oh, I'lltry this therapy, I'll try that
therapy.
Like you know, it's just try itto see you like, okay, I like
(38:37):
this, you know, about EMDR, Ilike this about ketamine.
Like you know, just maybe buildyour own kind of like routine
of healthcare right and wellness, and I think that's really the
key.
When it comes to being a firstround, it's like you have to
build it kind of yourself.
Take bits and pieces from greatpeople and try and try on there
(38:57):
, but build something, yep.
Gene (39:00):
Yep, yeah, that's a great point.
Like I said, I did Jiu Jitsupretty hardcore for like two and
a half years.
I love Jiu Jitsu, it's awesomeand I will definitely get back
into Jiu Jitsu.
I took a small break just to betelling you honestly, I just
ran out of time, dude, Like Istarted the business doing too
many things.
Something's gotta give at somepoint.
But I found for me, from amental clarity standpoint, like
(39:24):
endurance stuff works reallywell for me when I go for a 10
mile run that I don't listen tomusic.
I don't bring anything with me.
That's meditation for me.
I just get into this meditativestate and man do I feel
incredible, and that's why I'mpurposely training for a
marathon right now.
I'm not even signed up to gorun a marathon race.
(39:46):
What I'm gonna do is train forthis marathon and then walk out
my front door one Saturday andjust run 26.2 miles just to do
it.
But like that works for me andI know it works for me, the
endurance side of stuff.
Guess what?
That may not work for you.
It may be a terrible idea forsomebody else.
Jerry (40:05):
Yeah, and I've played around with different physical
activities I like to do.
I've done triathlons, marathons, like all those things, just
regular pickleball, right.
All just what is it that worksfor you to get you active and
like looking forward to doingsome physical activity?
Because for a lot of firstresponders they don't have a lot
(40:27):
of physical activity.
Maybe it comes in spurts, right, but there's a lot of downtime
between that physical activityand then it hurts their mobility
if they're not doing anythingdaily to help themselves.
Gene (40:40):
You know what else I found in?
Again, this is not me tellinganybody what to do or whatever,
but I got into Wim Hof like hisbreathing style.
I'm not very familiar with it,or not?
Yeah, I do that.
So I do three rounds of WimHof's breathing protocol, if you
will, every single morning, andthat's how I start my day.
Then I go take a cold shower,and that's just.
(41:02):
I've been doing that for quitea while now, but I think I
realized that, why exercise isso important and why it's just
the breathing.
It literally just comes down tobreathing.
So, whatever you can do toforce yourself to take deep
breaths which is why the coldexposure is so good, I think,
because it forces you to takethat deep breath in.
(41:23):
So, wim Hof, you go throughthese 30 repetitions of the
inhale exhale, or if you go dojiu-jitsu in the morning, you're
gonna be gasping for air.
Jerry (41:31):
Or if you go for a run.
Gene (41:33):
That's like really just find something that forces you
to breathe, because I think alot of people again I don't have
the research on this, I don'treally know I think a lot of
people are just like workingdesk job and then just going
around.
They're not even thinking abouttheir breathing and they're
just shallow breathing and theirbody's just kind of like hey,
man, I need like some oxygen.
(41:54):
Can you give me some deepbreaths here please?
And that's why I think earlymorning exercise is why people
feel so good for the rest of theday.
Your oxygen in your body, youneed that oxygen.
That's why I like the Wim Hofstuff early in the morning.
I usually save my exercise fornighttime, but that Wim Hof
doing the rounds of that, that'smoney.
Jerry (42:16):
Yeah Well, Gene, you'll be excited to know there is
research on the breathing thing.
Gene (42:21):
Oh great, tell me about it .
Jerry (42:23):
And you are correct, people are breathing less deeply
, they're breathing shallower.
So there's a whole thing wecould go into about the rate of
breathing and how it's changedover time and everything like
that.
But there is research out there, cause I was curious when I
(42:43):
started doing the Wim Hof stuffright, and then I was so I
started looking into it and thenstarted diving down into you
know why it's so important andwhy it works so well and stuff
like that.
But there's some good researchout there.
Gene (42:56):
So I think-.
Jerry (42:56):
That's that Go ahead.
Gene (42:58):
I was just gonna say the my buddy who has that nonprofit
consequences of habit, in Marchsometime in the next few weeks
they're putting on it's a WimHof breathing seminar with cold
exposure.
So I got invited to go do that.
I am pumped.
It's a two hour thing wherethey go through a pretty intense
.
So I've never done like aseminar like this where, from
(43:21):
what they tell me, it gets likeyou might get emotional.
It gets super intense, likewith the breathing and you know
I'm used to doing rounds of 30inhales and exhales.
Well, they might do 120.
And you really get into it andthen you get into the cold
exposure like dude.
I cannot wait for that.
That's gonna be incredible.
Jerry (43:39):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, they do some around here too.
I think it's become more andmore popular.
But yeah, I think when I wasdoing this the research on the
breathing thing there is someemotional aspect to it.
I don't completely understandwhat that is and how that ties
into your breathing or releasingthose emotions, but there's
(43:59):
probably definitely somebodylistening who can reach out to
both of us and let us know whatthat is.
Gene (44:05):
Yeah, there's probably somebody screaming right now.
Like I know the answer.
You're right, you idiots, I'lltell you what else I do.
So when I do my early morning.
Now you want some woo-woo stuff.
I'll give you some woo-woostuff when I do my Wim Hof stuff
.
When I get done, I simply askthe universe for guidance for
(44:25):
the day.
And I'm telling you what man, Idon't know what Jedi mind trick
that is or what happens, butevery single day something
happens that answers that Right,that I'm having some problem or
having something.
And maybe it's just because inthe morning I'm framing my mind
to become aware and look out forthose things.
(44:47):
But that combination of goingthrough the three rounds of Wim
Hof now my body's like primedright.
It's highly oxygenated, I'mfeeling good, and then I just
take some time, I just think tomyself, I ask for guidance for
the day and then I go about myday that's been like a
life-changing recipe for successfor me.
It really has.
Jerry (45:08):
Yeah, I think there's definitely something to that.
Right, braining it, putting itout there, your brain is like
flooded with oxygen, it's going,it's firing.
Right, your whole body's firing.
Now you went through thebreathing thing, so I think,
right, there's some focus there,right, and you put it out to
the universe to be able to seeit.
I like that.
(45:29):
I think it's not hard to do,right, the three rounds of
breathing or I can't rememberit's a few minutes right, of
breathing.
Gene (45:38):
So that whole thing, so three rounds takes me it's like
nine minutes and then, like thatwhole protocol, I have it down
to science it's like 12 minuteslong.
So by the time I'm done thebreathing, by the time I take
some time to just kind of thinkto myself, and then it's 12
minutes, I'm done.
Jerry (45:55):
Everybody.
You've got 12 minutes.
I promise, just get rid of thisthing, the phone.
Just get rid of your phone for12 minutes at a downtime and
then do these other thingsinstead.
That will benefit your wellness.
Yeah, absolutely.
Where can people find you andfollow you and get some more
(46:15):
tips from Dr Reed?
Gene (46:18):
Yeah, thank you.
Yeah, linkedin has been my bestsocial media platform, if you
will.
So you can just look me up,Jean Reed, phd, on LinkedIn.
You can visit my website atisreadsolutionsllccom.
And here's what I tell people.
You know I'm very definitive inwhat I'm good at, if you will
(46:38):
right.
So emotional intelligence,stress management and resilience
and overall self-developmentthose are my three key areas.
So if that's what you arelooking for in your organization
you think that would benefityou then I'm your guy.
If you want something else, gofind somebody else, because I'm
not your guy.
And then I'm telling you soI've had a lot of success.
(47:00):
Right, I will go speak for anorganization.
We'll do a full day training onemotional intelligence.
It's great.
Everybody gets fired up,they're hyped up, and then I
always just tell them like allright, give it a week, okay,
when you forget all of thisinformation, now we can really
start the work, right?
All I do is I come in and Ijust give you a little bit of a
(47:21):
spark, and then I have afollowup program where I work
with organizations for three tofour months on a more personal
basis, right, and then there'sdifferent exercises I put people
through.
But that's really, I'm tellingyou right now, just seeing
somebody speak for one day, it'sall it's gonna do is give you a
spark, but it's gonna take sometime right to kind of really
(47:41):
change an organization's cultureand really start massaging this
stuff into place.
And listen, I think emotionalintelligence is one of the best
frameworks out there.
I really truly doSelf-awareness, self-management,
social awareness, relationshipmanagement.
I would argue you're not gonnafind anything more succinct for
most of the things you're gonnaexperience in life.
(48:03):
So again, yeah, you can find meon my website, linkedin, and I
really wanna thank you, jerry.
This was great man.
I really wanna thank you forhaving me on.
Jerry (48:11):
Yeah, no, this is a great , great conversation.
Where can people find your book?
Gene (48:16):
Amazon.
Yeah, so police leadershipredefined the EQ Advantage.
That's on Amazon, so you canget a copy there.
It's $9.99, super cheap.
Just buy it and that's it.
Jerry (48:28):
Buy it and then follow you for some more in-depth tips.
Yes, correct.
Well, thank you so much forbeing on today.
I really love the conversationabout emotional intelligence.
I think that is gonna be a gamechanger moving into the future
of wellness for first responders.
Gene (48:48):
Yeah, thanks, jerry.
I appreciate that man.
Jerry (48:50):
Yeah.
Thanks again for listening.
Don't forget to rate and reviewthe show wherever you access
your podcast.
If you know someone that wouldbe great on the show, please get
ahold of our host, jerry DeanLund, through the Instagram
handles at Jerry Fire and Fuelor at EnduringTheBadge Podcast,
(49:14):
also by visiting the show'swebsite,
enduringthebadgepodcastcom, foradditional methods of contact
and up-to-date informationregarding the show.
Remember, the views andopinions expressed during the
show solely represent those ofour hosts and the current
episode's guests.
Welcome to today's episode of Enduring the Badge
Podcast.
I'm host Jerry Dean Lund and ifyou haven't already done so,
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(00:24):
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So if you would do that, Iwould appreciate that from the
bottom of my heart.
My very special guest today isGene Reed.
How are you doing, gene?
Gene (00:43):
Doing good.
Brother, Thanks for having meon.
Jerry (00:45):
Yeah, thanks for being on .
I really appreciate you takingthe time to be on the podcast
today.
Gene, can you introduceyourself to the audience?
Gene (00:53):
Yeah, sure, my name is Gene Reed.
I am a 15-year police veteran.
I work in Delaware for theNewcastle County Police.
I am also the founder of ReedTraining Solutions.
That is a training and coachingcompany that I developed very
like about three months ago, tobe honest with you, kind of back
in December, and basically whatI'm doing with that is
(01:16):
specializing in emotionalintelligence, putting on
training presentations for lawenforcement organizations, other
first responders.
I also wrote a book it's calledPolice Leadership Redefined the
EQ Advantage.
And then also what I do on topof that is when I give these
training presentations, justfrom what I have found is after
(01:37):
about three days most peoplehave forgotten my name.
After about seven days mostpeople have forgotten most of
the presentations.
So I do offer follow-upservices to come back, you know
what I mean.
I really kind of work withorganizations more one-on-one.
But yeah, I do a lot ofdifferent things.
To be totally honest with you,jerry, like I said, I had the
law enforcement career, I hadthe side business, I'm married,
(02:00):
I got two kids, I'm training fora marathon right now I have my
PhD, I do Jiu-Jitsu that's me.
Jerry (02:10):
Yeah, you must schedule your life up pretty well to be
able to do all of that.
Gene (02:14):
Yeah, time management is definitely a skill that I have
worked on over time, for sure.
Jerry (02:20):
Yeah, what prompted you to start your business?
Gene (02:25):
I went to an event.
So a buddy of mine, his name isTJ Frank.
He owns a company that's calledConsequences of Habit.
It's a nonprofit.
He put on what's called a.
Basically it was just like aspeaker event.
He had an event where there wasabout four to five speakers
that came to this event and thiswas the first event that he was
(02:45):
putting on and just out ofsupport, I put it out to our
organization and there were some.
One of the big speakers was agentleman by the name of Nick
Lavery.
He is a active green beret.
He actually lost his leg incombat.
He's still an active greenberet, even missing his leg.
So he's a motivational speaker.
(03:06):
Well, he was the keynotespeaker and I've heard about him
, I've seen him on social media.
The guy's a bigger than lifefigure.
He's six foot five, probably265 pounds, just solid muscle.
So I go to this event and I hadno, I wasn't really thinking
about the business at that timebut I went and saw that man
speak on stage and that was inOctober or November-ish and he
(03:29):
basically I really felt like hewas talking to me.
His whole thing is stop wastingtime, like, stop wasting your
life, like if you have an idea,you want to do something, go do
the thing.
And there was probably 40people on the stands and I
thought he was just talking tome.
It was one of those things.
So I had always had this ideain the back of my head.
(03:50):
I had had my PhD at that time.
I'm currently a police sergeant, so I have a little bit of rank
within my organization.
But I was always just waiting.
Right, I was always just I'llwait till I'm a lieutenant or a
captain.
I have a little more cloutright at that point in time, and
then I'll start my business.
But after I heard him talk, Ireally just kind of sat down.
(04:11):
I was like, and I was alreadyin the process of writing that
book.
So I'm like what else can Ipossibly need?
I have a PhD, I'm writing abook, I have some rank, like
I've been around, like I knowwhat I'm talking about.
So that was like the thing thatreally kind of propelled me to
start that.
Jerry (04:28):
Yeah, very nice.
And what about the book?
Like what prompted you to writethe book.
Gene (04:34):
I've always loved writing, so when I was in so just to
back up a little bit when Istarted my law enforcement
career I started off when I was18 years old.
I was a police officer down theshore in Wildwood, new Jersey.
So that's like a seasonal thing, right.
You just worked during thesummertime, kind of walked the
boardwalk.
It was a great time.
Well then I got the bug forpolicing and I applied to
(04:58):
basically every state policeorganization in the country and
I got picked up by Marylandstate police.
So I went there.
I worked there for a couple ofyears.
I met my now beautiful wife whowe live.
We're from New Jersey, we livein New Jersey and really we just
made a decision at that timethat our family's in New Jersey,
everything we love and isendearing to us is in New Jersey
(05:20):
.
So I made the jump leftMaryland state police and found
Newcastle County police, right,and still had like no education.
I did not go to college.
I started with Newcastle Countypolice at 22, 23 years old,
didn't even think about collegetill I was in our detective unit
.
A terrible time to startthinking about education because
(05:42):
we were very busy.
I was in our major crimes unitat the time.
But really somebody had acouple of people had a
conversation with me and theyjust said hey, listen, we think
you have a lot of potentialwithin the organization, but
you're going to have to geteducated.
You have nothing, you don't you?
You don't only have like anassociate's degree, you got to
go do something.
So I know you don't know methat well, jerry, but I'm a
(06:06):
little psychotic with that kindof stuff.
So at that time, at about 25, 26years old, I did some research
and I just was like okay, well,it's the highest level of
education you can get.
I don't even know at the timefound out that it's a PhD.
So I basically spent the nexteight years going to school and
really just fell in love withwriting.
(06:26):
When I was a detective, even Iwas the guy who on a lot of the
major cases would write oursearch warrants.
I just always liked likecreative writing and just all
that kind of stuff.
So if anybody's thinking aboutgoing to PhD route, you better
love writing, because that'sreally all it is and I do.
So I fell in love with writing,got done, and then I've always
(06:50):
been somebody who reads booksand I enjoy reading myself and I
just kind of thought why don'tI just write my own book?
So I just really got latchedonto this concept of emotional
intelligence and just kind ofstarted a Word document.
Before I knew it I had 50, 60pages and then I just started
expanding it and it kind of justtook off from there.
Jerry (07:11):
Yeah, that's impressive.
That's quite a feat to take onduring like the this portion of
your career.
So I can see why Ty and Manj islike probably down to a science
kind of for you.
Why did you pick emotionalintelligence?
Gene (07:28):
Great question.
So I have been a student ofleadership forever, right?
I mean, really, I've alwaysbeen into reading leadership
books.
It's always been fascinating tome and I started to realize
that Leadership has.
I don't know if it's purposelybeen overcomplicated, but there
are so many tips and tricks andtheories and philosophies.
(07:51):
There's tens of thousands, ifnot hundreds of thousands, of
books out there about leadershipand I started to realize
they're all just kind of sayingthe same thing when it all comes
down to it.
So then I found emotionalintelligence, and I had heard of
emotional intelligence before,I had heard of this concept and
for those that are listening,emotional intelligence it's
(08:12):
broken down into four categories.
The first is there's reallyfour pillars to emotional
intelligence.
The first is self-awareness, sobasically you just need to
figure out who you are, becomeaware of, why you do the things
you do.
The second is self-management.
So once you figure that out,learn how to manage your
emotions.
And something I always tellpeople is whatever emotion
(08:35):
you're feeling at any point intime and it's funny because the
first responder communitydoesn't like to talk about
emotions a lot, but we all haveemotions, so get over it.
But whatever emotion you'refeeling, it's okay, it's totally
valid, now how you react tothat emotion that may not be
okay.
So if you're feeling angryabout something, you're feeling
(08:57):
happy or jealous or whatever,it's totally fine.
That's okay to feel that way,but how you react to it could
potentially be inappropriate.
If you're angry about asituation, you scream and yell
about it.
I'm just telling you nowthere's a 99% chance that that's
probably not the right answer.
So that's the second part ofemotional intelligence is this
self-management, learning how tobecome aware of your emotions.
(09:19):
Number two learn how to managethose emotions.
The third part is socialawareness.
So becoming aware of all theselittle social dynamics that are
going on around you at any pointin time.
And I think in policing andreally the first responder
community, is a good examplebecause, let's say, you hold
some rank within yourorganization, let's say you're a
(09:39):
lieutenant or a captain.
You know, when you walk into aroom, especially with my
organization, if a captain walksinto a room full of officers,
the social dynamic has totallychanged within that room and I
would argue that it's not theresponsibility of the officers
to go up and approach thatcaptain and have a conversation.
(10:00):
It's just not how the hierarchyworks.
But if you have emotionalintelligence, you recognize that
as a captain and then you goand approach those officers and
try to have that conversation.
So the last part of emotionalintelligence is relationship
management, and that, I wouldargue, is man in any leadership
position in your personal life,your professional life.
(10:23):
Your ability to manage yourrelationships is everything.
So once I started looking atthat, I was like, well, that's
the whole thing.
You can give me any situation,jerry, any situation, and I can
pinpoint it to one of those fourpillars.
Like if you're having an issuewith something, it's either
because you're lackingself-awareness, you're not able
(10:45):
to manage your emotions about acertain situation, you're either
not socially aware enough tounderstand what's going on and
then ultimately, you're probablyjust not managing your
relationships.
So when I came across that, Iwas like that's my thing, that's
easy to understand and it kindof covers everything.
Jerry (11:04):
I really like that because I think there is a big
education gap in our societyabout emotional intelligence.
I think it's just somethingthat doesn't get really talked
about very much and I thinkthat's a big problem, right?
Because if you have one ofthose pillars, or all four of
(11:26):
those pillars, a little bit weak, then it makes your life really
hard and then makes your lifethe people around you, I should
say lives probably hard as well.
So I love talking aboutemotional intelligence.
So I'm going to back up topillar two, and you talked about
anger.
So anger, I feel like in thefirst responder world, is very
(11:48):
common and very accepted.
Now the other emotions may notbe as accepted.
So here's a question for youwhy is it that way?
Gene (12:00):
I think it's just like I tell you right now it's not
socially acceptable to say thatyou're scared within the law
enforcement community.
It's not socially acceptable tosay that you're sad about
something.
It's not socially acceptable.
It's not socially acceptable togo to a baby death, right,
which is a terrible incident,especially if you have children.
And listen, this is how I wasraised in my law enforcement
(12:25):
career as well.
You just be, and I don't evenknow if stoic is the right word,
but you just go to the thing,you handle it, you shut your
mouth and you just go on to thenext thing, right.
And there's never.
People are really never allowedthat time to process that
information, right.
So I wish you'd be working in avery busy area, right, the area
(12:46):
that I, when I was working theroad we talked about this before
I came on.
I don't work the road anymore,I don't work shift work.
It's fantastic.
Say what you want.
If you're in a very busyjurisdiction, you're just.
You're moving, you're motoring,you're going from call to call
to call, right.
So in the heat of the moment, Iwill argue this in the heat of
(13:07):
the moment, you do have to putyour emotions aside.
You're just going to have todeal with the situation and just
deal with the thing right Now.
Later on you're going to haveto learn how to process that
emotion and that's where thefailure really comes in.
And I think, I think honestly,jerry, I think just first
responders in general are verytype A personalities and they
(13:28):
just want to act like they haveeverything figured out, and I'm
here to tell you nobody does.
Nobody has this thing figuredout.
It's a great being a firstresponder or being in the
military, both of those twothings.
It's a crazy endeavor, it's.
You're exposed to so manyinsane things that humans are
not supposed to be exposed toand you can get away with it.
(13:50):
Right.
You will get away with shovingthose emotions down and never
dealing with them for maybe twoto four years.
I would say you could probablyget away with it for that a
little bit of time.
But what we see in lawenforcement especially is you
start hitting that five to sevenyear mark.
That's when people really starthaving problems if they don't
(14:11):
have this education, if theydon't understand it.
So I think things are gettingbetter.
I do, I think, just like theconversation you and I are
having now.
I mean, I'm an active policeofficer who's become an expert
in emotional intelligence, andI'm spreading the word about it.
I think things are getting outthere, but yeah, that is a tough
sell for the older generationsfor sure.
Jerry (14:35):
Yeah, and I agree with you right to be stoic on a call
is important 90% of the time,maybe 95% of the time.
Right, there's definitely time.
Showing emotion can definitelyhelp the situation, you know,
depending on what that emotionis.
But I think just being stoicall the time just causes people
(14:56):
to always be stoic and neverrevisit those emotions that they
had about a call.
But, right, if you're busy,area call the call to call, you
don't have time to process them.
But you got to take the time atsome point right to process
these emotions, because startunpacking it after four years,
(15:17):
like there is so much to unpack,and I, you know, I did this for
34 years and I had to startunpacking a lot longer down the
road.
So unpacking it sooner probablyjust not in the right way.
Right, the emotional,intelligent way to do that.
But yeah, I mean, I just thinkit's something that maybe as
(15:41):
supervisors, right with thatemotional intelligence, can help
, you know, break down thosebarriers and talk about it when
there is some calm, you know, inthe story.
Gene (15:50):
You took the words right out of my mouth.
So if you are in a leadershipposition, you got to keep an eye
on people.
Right, and you got to.
You got to know.
Number one you have to bepresent.
If you're a leader, especially,let's say, you're on the on the
ground level right, you'rewithin my organization.
I'll just give you an exampleIf you're a sergeant within my
organization on a patrol level,well, you have about eight to 10
(16:14):
people on your span of controland you're out there with them,
you're out there on the roadwith them, you're going from
call to call, like that kind ofstuff, and you're gonna have to
have conversations with yourpeople and get to know them and
just park out with them.
I remember, you know, if we'reon a midnight shift, we would be
going from call to call to call, and then I would make it a
(16:35):
point to park up with each oneof those people at least once by
the end of the night.
And listen, I'm telling youright now that was annoying for
me to do.
It was not easy, because wework in a big area.
So I would have to, like, findout where they're at and then go
, drive to them and then parkout for a little bit.
But you know, this doesn't haveto be over complicated.
(16:55):
When I say that you have tounpack these emotions, it could
just be me and you parking upright and just talking about the
thing we just went through.
You don't have to be apsychologist, you don't have to
be like this crazy thing.
But those emotions, thosestress hormone levels, they
gotta go somewhere.
So when you have this giantjump in stress hormone, it
(17:19):
doesn't just go away, right,it's not just gonna dissipate.
It will dissipate, but it'sgonna harbor itself in your body
until you release it, which canbe done through exercise.
Talking about it.
There's a whole lot ofdifferent ways to do it.
The problem comes in whenpeople use alcohol, when people
use other substances, to justkind of like drown those
(17:41):
feelings out.
That is when we really start tosee issues.
But really just talking aboutit, being in shape, working out,
I mean those are basic things,but they really do work.
Jerry (17:52):
Yeah, once again, you have to invest in yourself.
This is a long and gruelingcareer.
You gotta take that time tofind those ways to invest in
yourself.
You can't just invest all intothe job because, I'll be honest,
right At the end of the day,you're still just a number For
(18:12):
most departments.
Right, you're just a number andyou're gonna be replaced, so
you gotta really take care ofyourself, look out for yourself.
Gene (18:21):
Yeah, I got two things to say about that.
Number one, what I tell people.
So I try to be.
Here's the other thing I'mgonna drop a bomb on you.
So I work in internal affairs.
So I've been in internalaffairs for the last two and a
half years.
Nobody likes anybody that's everworked in internal affairs, but
I'm a very social person withinour organization.
(18:42):
So we have about four, we havean author, I strength of 415
officers.
We're a decent size, but I makeit a point I strategically walk
around our building everysingle day for at least an hour,
hour and a half and just talkwith people.
Just talk with people, becauseif you're in internal affairs
(19:02):
and you never talk to people andthe only time they ever see you
is when they're getting introuble, it's gonna be a
terrible experience for thatofficer.
You're never really gonna get atrue relationship with them.
If you really have toinvestigate like a serious
incident.
But when I tell people, so whenI'm at the gas pumps, right, and
I see a younger officer, I lovehaving conversations with them
(19:22):
and my new thing, what I'mtelling people is when I see a
younger officer, I tell themlisten, your goal should be to
leave this profession betterthan you came in.
So us here in Delaware we'relucky.
It's a 20 year pension, thenyou can get out, which is great.
So theoretically I could retirehere at 42, but that's my goal.
(19:44):
My goal is to be betterphysically and mentally than
when I came in.
Now, listen, is that gonnahappen?
I don't know, but I'm sure it's.
Hell gonna try.
You know what I mean.
I'm gonna try for that, butthat's the attitude you have to
take and you can't.
This is a proactive thing Likethis is not just gonna happen by
itself.
That first pillar to emotionalintelligence, that
self-awareness, that is work.
(20:06):
I mean, dude, you gotta reallyfigure yourself out.
You gotta figure out what makesyou tick, what are your
sleeping patterns, what foodswork well for you, how's your
hydration, all that physicalstuff.
How many days a week do youneed to exercise to really feel
at your best?
How are your relationships?
All that stuff goes intoself-awareness and it's not
(20:27):
gonna happen overnight andyou're gonna have your ups and
downs and all that kind of stuff.
But you have to figure that out, you have to.
Jerry (20:35):
Yeah, I think I tried to point out on the podcast, like
multiple times, but if you'renew to listening, you know it's
that body and you know thephysical aspect right, physical
aspect of your mind and body,like how they work together.
If you're not putting in goodstuff into your body then you're
probably not functioning at anoptimal level.
And I too, I love the goal oflike retire better than you know
(20:58):
thing.
You came in.
That was one of my big goals,you know, just tried to, you
know, hit that level as much asI could and I did in a lot of
ways and I was lucky to do sobecause I see so many people
retire and then they like justkind of become a shell of
themselves and I also can seehow that can happen.
Gene (21:17):
Yeah and Jerry, I feel terrible for people.
I really do.
You know, my levels of empathyhave definitely grown over the
years.
I used to be a pretty likehollow person when it came to
empathy for other people, but Ifeel bad for people who got into
this profession, were nevereducated about how to properly
(21:37):
manage their stress, how toproperly, you know, exercise and
eat well and manage therelationships, all that stuff.
And now they did 25, 30 yearsand the system just spits them
out and it's like good luck toyou.
And, like you just said, yousaid it perfectly you're just a
number.
And somebody actually explainedthat to me when I was in our
(21:59):
detective unit.
And listen, when I was indetectives I was married but I
had no kids.
So every time I called outanytime there was a page I
always came out.
But man, I'll tell you what, ifI had kids at the time, I don't
know if I would have been likethat, because I knew as soon as
I left they were gonna replaceme with somebody else the very
next day.
And I'm not so like arrogant tothink that I'm so special right
(22:25):
that I couldn't be replacedEverybody's replaceable.
Jerry (22:28):
Yeah, I mean to speak to that.
You do have special qualitiesand historical knowledge and
things like that, but at the endof the day it doesn't stop them
from replacing you when youleave and to go back to taking
all the call outs and beingavailable all the time.
And that does come at a cost,not just to you, right, it comes
at a cost to all those whosurround you.
(22:50):
So I think maybe people shouldthink about that a little bit
more when they're saying I do,or I guess I will, or whatever,
and never saying no to thedepartment.
I mean I think you have to kindof stand up for yourself at
some point and just like I can'tdo it, and they shouldn't think
bad about you, Like you know,they just like, hey, I
(23:11):
understand your priorities, yourfamily, you know, and that's
acceptable.
Gene (23:16):
Yeah, you actually just made me think of something.
So, something I talk about,like when I go to speaking
events and really I could do awhole, probably speaking event
just on self-awareness, becausethat that's when you talk about
emotional intelligence.
You gotta think about it Likeeach one of those things is kind
of builds upon one another,right?
So your self-management skillsare not.
(23:38):
They're going to be prettycrappy if you're not self-aware,
right?
And the same token, your socialawareness.
You're never going to besocially aware unless you have
self-management skills andunless you're self-aware.
But anyway, one of the bestthings that I ever did was I had
somebody work me through anexercise.
And I'll work you through itright now too.
(23:59):
You don't have to, we're notgoing to go through the whole
thing, but basically theconversation is all right.
Jerry, let's say this is thelast time you and I speak to
each other for the next year,right?
And I reject that because Ithink, jerry, I think you and I
are going to probably have moreconversations after this, but
for sake of argument.
And then I see you at aconference one year from now and
(24:20):
, jerry, you come up to me andyou say, dude, since the last
time I talked to you one yearago, I've had the most
incredible year of my entirelife.
You wouldn't believe it.
Everything just went exactlyhow I thought it was going to go
.
The next part of that is well,what does that look like and
what it requires you to do?
The next part for you partakingin this is to actually write it
(24:42):
down, which takes time.
I did this and it took me a fewdays right, I took two to three
hours for a few days, and mywife did the same thing and you
write out specifically likewhat's your perfect day look
like?
Okay, I can already tell youright now my vision that I wrote
out.
This is some woo-woo stuff.
I get it writing out vision.
(25:05):
You're good, I like it.
But part of my vision is everyday when I wake up in the
morning, I am free from diseaseand I am proud of every
accomplishment I've had up tothat day.
And then it goes on and onright about how my relationship
is with my wife, how much moneyI have in the bank, what's my
relationship like with my kids,how do I feel when I'm at work,
(25:27):
how do I feel when I'm doing myspeaking events.
And then it evolves even morebecause now I know, now that I
have my clear vision, I knowthat I don't do more than two
podcasts in a week and I won'tbe away from my family more than
three times in a month for aspeaking event.
Like I know what those numbersare.
So when opportunities come up,it's very easy for me to say no,
(25:51):
thank you, because that doesn'talign with my vision.
Right, and me personally.
Not that I ever had a problemwith alcohol, but alcohol is not
part of my life anymore.
I stopped drinking alcohol, Idon't know, probably five, six
months ago, really for no reason.
I just kind of thought tomyself like this doesn't make me
feel good the next day.
(26:12):
Ever it's never made me feelgood.
So, with that exercise, withthe vision, I'm telling you, man
, if people took the time toactually sit down and write this
thing out it's harder than youthink it's harder to get very
granular and think about how youwould feel and then, based off
of that, then you can startbuilding your life, then you can
(26:33):
start building things off ofthat.
Jerry (26:36):
So life by design, not life by accident.
Gene (26:40):
Yes, yes.
Jerry (26:42):
Yeah, I mean.
So.
I mean, can you explain alittle bit about, like, the
power of seeing these things andwriting them down?
I mean, I know the kind of likeone is like you're setting your
limitations right, you'resetting your balance and stuff
like that of how right I likethat about speaking engagements
and I'm not going to be gonemore than three times and
(27:03):
because if you don't do that,what's the opposite of that
Right Is taking on maybe morethan you could and then it
shifts right back into bleedingover until all these other
things your career, your familylife and everything.
But I believe I totally believein design in your life.
Gene (27:23):
Yeah, I think it's very easy to become desperate as well
, right?
Especially, I think some peopleget caught into this pattern of
just waking up in the morningand just making decisions and
just going about their day.
And I say this too I wouldargue that people that you see
that are super successful andpeople that you see that are
(27:45):
really struggling, I would arguethey make the same number of
decisions every day.
The difference is, where arethose decisions taking them?
Because the successful personquote, unquote, whatever success
means to you probably has anidea in their head of the path
that they're going down.
They probably have a to-do listthat they do every morning hey,
(28:06):
I'm going to accomplish this,this and this.
Whereas we see other people whoare kind of just like wavering
all the time right, they're veryeasily blown off track, they
don't really know exactly whatdirection they're going in.
And, again, they're making 150,200 decisions a day, just like
the other person is, but theirdecisions are just taking them
(28:26):
all over the place.
And by writing down that visionand I'm also going to say this
if you have a significant other,have them do it too.
They have to do it too.
My wife did this same exerciseby herself, and then me and her
came together and we reviewed ittogether.
Luckily, thank God, they wereboth very much aligned, which is
(28:49):
why we have a greatrelationship.
But let's say you're married tosomebody and you go through
this exercise and it turns outthat they're totally not in
alignment with what you thoughtthey were.
That's awesome.
I would look at that as apositive, like, oh, thank
goodness, thank goodness wefigured this out now, but now we
can try to get back on path,like how we need to go.
(29:11):
But yeah, man, I think justgoing through life kind of
haphazardly, good luck to you.
I don't think that's the bestplan.
I'm not telling anybody what todo, but for me personally, when
I really drilled down andstarted figuring out exactly
what I wanted to do and thewhole free from disease thing,
well, that means I got toexercise five days a week,
(29:33):
because that's a non-negotiable,it's a total non-negotiable.
There's also a totalnon-negotiable that after dinner
time my daughter and I watch TVtogether Non-negotiable.
I don't care what's going on,I'm not missing that, you know.
Jerry (29:48):
Yeah, I like that.
I think you may not find asmuch joy like kind of like going
through your life haphazardly.
I mean, I think there is somejoy sometimes in that and
there's maybe some you knowmoments to do that in your life,
but generally through your lifeI don't think that's going to
get you to where you want to beand I think you're going to find
yourself as you get older andolder and like crap and look
(30:09):
back like what did I accomplish?
Or and it's not too late, maybeto do those things that are
really enjoyed and I wanted todo, and I cut them out of my
life because the thing that tookover that seems to take over
for most first responders rightis their career.
Gene (30:24):
Yeah, yeah, man, I'll tell you what I talk to people all
the time from all over the place.
I've been very fortunate to youknow the I just started this
business, but this message thatI'm putting out seems to be
connecting with people becauseI'm getting to go and travel and
see different policeorganizations and different
things and see how they operate.
Man, I'll tell you what firstresponders are basically all the
(30:46):
same, it doesn't matter whereyou go, because and I don't know
what it is but they really gettied up.
They're very passionate people,which is awesome.
With that culture of being afirst responder can become a
black hole and they almost justget blinded.
They have these blinders on andthey fail to like step outside
(31:07):
of it sometimes and realize,like the big picture, and I
listen, I get it.
I was, I'm still, a verydedicated first responder.
I love the job, but there aremany other things that are far
more important to me than theprofession and that's hard for a
lot of people to hear and it'shard for a lot of people to
follow suit with that.
But again, I'm not tellinganybody what to do, but you will
(31:31):
be replaced pretty quickly onceit's over.
Jerry (31:34):
I mean, you wrote a book.
You kind of are telling peoplewhat to do.
Gene (31:38):
I appreciate it.
Very good point, Jerry.
Jerry (31:42):
You're giving them help on what to do?
Gene (31:45):
Yes, yeah, have you ever heard of you ever heard of Earl
Nightingale?
So Earl Nightingale for anybodywho doesn't know, he was kind
of the Godfather ofself-development.
He was back in the 50s and 60s.
He's dead now.
But something Earl would saybefore a lot of his speeches and
stuff and I really recommendanybody go listen to his stuff
(32:06):
he's awesome.
But he would say you know, I'mnot here to tell you how to live
your life.
That's not in my business,that's nobody else's business,
that's your business.
Now, all I'm here to do isshare with you decades upon
decades of research and whateveryou do with that information is
on you and that's what I'vereally tried to do recently
(32:27):
because, I'll be totally honest,I did not used to be like that,
especially when it comes tofitness.
I mean, we haven't even reallytouched on the fitness side of
things.
I can get very psychotic withthe fitness side of things.
I mean I got super intotriathlons for a while.
Then I got super into jiu-jitsufor a while and I would always
try to pressure people intodoing the things that I was
(32:49):
doing.
But it's very hard to convincepeople to go do an Ironman
triathlon right, where you swim2.4 miles, you get on a bike for
112 miles and you go run amarathon.
To me it's like, of coursethat's an awesome thing.
Why would you not want to dothat?
But I learned very soon or veryshortly that you can't tell
(33:09):
people how to live their life.
You can give them advice, youknow what I mean.
You can kind of try to steerthem in a positive direction,
but chances are and if anybodywho's married out there has a
significant other if you justtell somebody to do something,
they're probably not going to doit.
Jerry (33:25):
Yeah, yeah, I like going back to kind of like designing
your life and putting thingsintentional in order, because I
think it's very easy.
It was easy for me to do thisfollow-in-the-strap of just
constantly working right and thejoy just kind of just
(33:48):
diminishes and the only memoriesthat you will have for a while
in my career is like, oh, it'sall work related.
I worked four or five jobs fora bulk of my career, which was
ridiculous, and they're like,well, how'd you do that?
I just knew I had to be thisplace one day, that place the
next day, one this place thenext day, the next place, and
then you'd see your family someodd times in between.
(34:11):
But then you just keep in likethis perpetual rhythm of work
and little to no joy, and thatcan only last so long.
Gene (34:20):
Yeah, yeah, that's like I'm telling you.
I think the timeframe on thatis like that three, maybe five
years.
You can kind of get away withit and then it goes downhill
from there.
Now here's the only thing, likethe only fortunate thing for me
personally I'm just talkingabout myself is within my own
police organization and honestly, even when I started at the age
(34:41):
of 18, I have done somethingdifferent every two years, like
clockwork.
Every two years I'm doingsomething different, I have a
new assignment, I have to learna new job.
So for me personally that'svery mentally stimulating.
I don't get burned out, I justalways have these new things
going on.
Well, guess what?
That's the rare case, right, alot of first responders,
(35:04):
especially if you work in asmaller organization.
You're gonna be doing your ownpatrol, like you're gonna do
patrol work for 20 years, andagain, that's what it comes back
full circle to.
You're gonna have to be veryproactive to keep your head
above water, because and thejob's fun, you know- what I mean
Like being a first responder.
It's fun.
It really is.
(35:24):
It's arguably theorganizational stressors that
really stress people out, morethan the operational stuff.
But you're gonna have to comeup with some formula for you.
Like Jerry Lund is gonna have adifferent formula than Jean
Reed.
Like I can tell you like, hey,this has worked for me and that
(35:44):
might not work for you.
It might not, and that's thetough part.
That's the tough part is itreally comes back on you as the
individual, to you gotta wannado it number one, and it's gonna
be some trial and error.
It's gonna take some trial anderror for sure.
Jerry (36:00):
Yeah, it's like physical fitness and nutrition, right?
I mean we could eat the sameand work out the same, but our
bodies are gonna do probably twototally completely different
things.
Gene (36:10):
Yeah, oh, man, speak about eating.
Have you ever gotten involvedin like fasting or anything like
that?
A little bit.
So me being psychotic, I gotreally into intermittent fasting
for a while, right, Cause itwas like all the craze and
everybody's like this is theanswer to living forever or
whatever.
And I would do this 16 hourfast and then you're feeding
(36:33):
windows eight hours and thatworked, Like that was fine.
And then I experimented with a24 hour fast and that was fine,
Like I was like okay.
And so then I started doingthese 24 hour fasts like once a
week because I'm a psycho and Istarted getting sick, Like I
would just get these colds right.
(36:53):
I would kind of like get sickmore often than not and I never
put two and two together.
I never put two and twotogether.
That, hey, dummy, maybe it'scause you're stressing your body
out and on top of all, that I'mworking out like a fiend,
really only eating six days aweek, cause I'm taking one of
those days and just not eating.
And then I extended that to a72 hour fast.
(37:16):
So I did a 72 hour fast onetime, which honestly wasn't for
anybody who's like tryingfasting once you get past the
first 16 hours or whatever.
It's really not.
Your body kind of just stopsbeing hungry.
But again I got really sickafter that 72 hour thing and
that was my final moment to belike.
This isn't for me.
(37:36):
Like the whole intermittentfasting thing, it's not for me.
It works great for a lot ofpeople, Not me.
So when I get up in the morningI have like a little bit of
food.
It's like a little, you know,maybe some protein, some mixed
nuts and an apple or somethingwhatever.
But and that works really wellfor me.
And despite me having two smallchildren who are like just
(37:57):
bring germs from who knows where, and my wife's a school teacher
, so I've all these differentbio-domes of germs coming into
my home, Knock on what.
I don't really get sick thatmuch.
So now I know that, okay, well,that thing didn't work for me.
But what did that take?
Well, it took trial and error.
I had to figure that out.
Jerry (38:15):
Yeah, I think you have to be willing to put yourself out
there and do that trial anderror and then and continue
right To do that, to find what'sgonna work for you.
I do that a lot.
When it comes to like doingdifferent types of therapy, like
you know, I'm like, oh, I'lltry this therapy, I'll try that
therapy.
Like you know, it's just try itto see you like, okay, I like
(38:37):
this, you know, about EMDR, Ilike this about ketamine.
Like you know, just maybe buildyour own kind of like routine
of healthcare right and wellness, and I think that's really the
key.
When it comes to being a firstround, it's like you have to
build it kind of yourself.
Take bits and pieces from greatpeople and try and try on there
(38:57):
, but build something, yep.
Gene (39:00):
Yep, yeah, that's a great point.
Like I said, I did Jiu Jitsupretty hardcore for like two and
a half years.
I love Jiu Jitsu, it's awesomeand I will definitely get back
into Jiu Jitsu.
I took a small break just to betelling you honestly, I just
ran out of time, dude, Like Istarted the business doing too
many things.
Something's gotta give at somepoint.
But I found for me, from amental clarity standpoint, like
(39:24):
endurance stuff works reallywell for me when I go for a 10
mile run that I don't listen tomusic.
I don't bring anything with me.
That's meditation for me.
I just get into this meditativestate and man do I feel
incredible, and that's why I'mpurposely training for a
marathon right now.
I'm not even signed up to gorun a marathon race.
(39:46):
What I'm gonna do is train forthis marathon and then walk out
my front door one Saturday andjust run 26.2 miles just to do
it.
But like that works for me andI know it works for me, the
endurance side of stuff.
Guess what?
That may not work for you.
It may be a terrible idea forsomebody else.
Jerry (40:05):
Yeah, and I've played around with different physical
activities I like to do.
I've done triathlons, marathons, like all those things, just
regular pickleball, right.
All just what is it that worksfor you to get you active and
like looking forward to doingsome physical activity?
Because for a lot of firstresponders they don't have a lot
(40:27):
of physical activity.
Maybe it comes in spurts, right, but there's a lot of downtime
between that physical activityand then it hurts their mobility
if they're not doing anythingdaily to help themselves.
Gene (40:40):
You know what else I found in?
Again, this is not me tellinganybody what to do or whatever,
but I got into Wim Hof like hisbreathing style.
I'm not very familiar with it,or not?
Yeah, I do that.
So I do three rounds of WimHof's breathing protocol, if you
will, every single morning, andthat's how I start my day.
Then I go take a cold shower,and that's just.
(41:02):
I've been doing that for quitea while now, but I think I
realized that, why exercise isso important and why it's just
the breathing.
It literally just comes down tobreathing.
So, whatever you can do toforce yourself to take deep
breaths which is why the coldexposure is so good, I think,
because it forces you to takethat deep breath in.
(41:23):
So, wim Hof, you go throughthese 30 repetitions of the
inhale exhale, or if you go dojiu-jitsu in the morning, you're
gonna be gasping for air.
Jerry (41:31):
Or if you go for a run.
Gene (41:33):
That's like really just find something that forces you
to breathe, because I think alot of people again I don't have
the research on this, I don'treally know I think a lot of
people are just like workingdesk job and then just going
around.
They're not even thinking abouttheir breathing and they're
just shallow breathing and theirbody's just kind of like hey,
man, I need like some oxygen.
(41:54):
Can you give me some deepbreaths here please?
And that's why I think earlymorning exercise is why people
feel so good for the rest of theday.
Your oxygen in your body, youneed that oxygen.
That's why I like the Wim Hofstuff early in the morning.
I usually save my exercise fornighttime, but that Wim Hof
doing the rounds of that, that'smoney.
Jerry (42:16):
Yeah Well, Gene, you'll be excited to know there is
research on the breathing thing.
Gene (42:21):
Oh great, tell me about it .
Jerry (42:23):
And you are correct, people are breathing less deeply
, they're breathing shallower.
So there's a whole thing wecould go into about the rate of
breathing and how it's changedover time and everything like
that.
But there is research out there, cause I was curious when I
(42:43):
started doing the Wim Hof stuffright, and then I was so I
started looking into it and thenstarted diving down into you
know why it's so important andwhy it works so well and stuff
like that.
But there's some good researchout there.
Gene (42:56):
So I think-.
Jerry (42:56):
That's that Go ahead.
Gene (42:58):
I was just gonna say the my buddy who has that nonprofit
consequences of habit, in Marchsometime in the next few weeks
they're putting on it's a WimHof breathing seminar with cold
exposure.
So I got invited to go do that.
I am pumped.
It's a two hour thing wherethey go through a pretty intense
.
So I've never done like aseminar like this where, from
(43:21):
what they tell me, it gets likeyou might get emotional.
It gets super intense, likewith the breathing and you know
I'm used to doing rounds of 30inhales and exhales.
Well, they might do 120.
And you really get into it andthen you get into the cold
exposure like dude.
I cannot wait for that.
That's gonna be incredible.
Jerry (43:39):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, they do some around here too.
I think it's become more andmore popular.
But yeah, I think when I wasdoing this the research on the
breathing thing there is someemotional aspect to it.
I don't completely understandwhat that is and how that ties
into your breathing or releasingthose emotions, but there's
(43:59):
probably definitely somebodylistening who can reach out to
both of us and let us know whatthat is.
Gene (44:05):
Yeah, there's probably somebody screaming right now.
Like I know the answer.
You're right, you idiots, I'lltell you what else I do.
So when I do my early morning.
Now you want some woo-woo stuff.
I'll give you some woo-woostuff when I do my Wim Hof stuff
.
When I get done, I simply askthe universe for guidance for
(44:25):
the day.
And I'm telling you what man, Idon't know what Jedi mind trick
that is or what happens, butevery single day something
happens that answers that Right,that I'm having some problem or
having something.
And maybe it's just because inthe morning I'm framing my mind
to become aware and look out forthose things.
(44:47):
But that combination of goingthrough the three rounds of Wim
Hof now my body's like primedright.
It's highly oxygenated, I'mfeeling good, and then I just
take some time, I just think tomyself, I ask for guidance for
the day and then I go about myday that's been like a
life-changing recipe for successfor me.
It really has.
Jerry (45:08):
Yeah, I think there's definitely something to that.
Right, braining it, putting itout there, your brain is like
flooded with oxygen, it's going,it's firing.
Right, your whole body's firing.
Now you went through thebreathing thing, so I think,
right, there's some focus there,right, and you put it out to
the universe to be able to seeit.
I like that.
(45:29):
I think it's not hard to do,right, the three rounds of
breathing or I can't rememberit's a few minutes right, of
breathing.
Gene (45:38):
So that whole thing, so three rounds takes me it's like
nine minutes and then, like thatwhole protocol, I have it down
to science it's like 12 minuteslong.
So by the time I'm done thebreathing, by the time I take
some time to just kind of thinkto myself, and then it's 12
minutes, I'm done.
Jerry (45:55):
Everybody.
You've got 12 minutes.
I promise, just get rid of thisthing, the phone.
Just get rid of your phone for12 minutes at a downtime and
then do these other thingsinstead.
That will benefit your wellness.
Yeah, absolutely.
Where can people find you andfollow you and get some more
(46:15):
tips from Dr Reed?
Gene (46:18):
Yeah, thank you.
Yeah, linkedin has been my bestsocial media platform, if you
will.
So you can just look me up,Jean Reed, phd, on LinkedIn.
You can visit my website atisreadsolutionsllccom.
And here's what I tell people.
You know I'm very definitive inwhat I'm good at, if you will
(46:38):
right.
So emotional intelligence,stress management and resilience
and overall self-developmentthose are my three key areas.
So if that's what you arelooking for in your organization
you think that would benefityou then I'm your guy.
If you want something else, gofind somebody else, because I'm
not your guy.
And then I'm telling you soI've had a lot of success.
(47:00):
Right, I will go speak for anorganization.
We'll do a full day training onemotional intelligence.
It's great.
Everybody gets fired up,they're hyped up, and then I
always just tell them like allright, give it a week, okay,
when you forget all of thisinformation, now we can really
start the work, right?
All I do is I come in and Ijust give you a little bit of a
(47:21):
spark, and then I have afollowup program where I work
with organizations for three tofour months on a more personal
basis, right, and then there'sdifferent exercises I put people
through.
But that's really, I'm tellingyou right now, just seeing
somebody speak for one day, it'sall it's gonna do is give you a
spark, but it's gonna take sometime right to kind of really
(47:41):
change an organization's cultureand really start massaging this
stuff into place.
And listen, I think emotionalintelligence is one of the best
frameworks out there.
I really truly doSelf-awareness, self-management,
social awareness, relationshipmanagement.
I would argue you're not gonnafind anything more succinct for
most of the things you're gonnaexperience in life.
(48:03):
So again, yeah, you can find meon my website, linkedin, and I
really wanna thank you, jerry.
This was great man.
I really wanna thank you forhaving me on.
Jerry (48:11):
Yeah, no, this is a great , great conversation.
Where can people find your book?
Gene (48:16):
Amazon.
Yeah, so police leadershipredefined the EQ Advantage.
That's on Amazon, so you canget a copy there.
It's $9.99, super cheap.
Just buy it and that's it.
Jerry (48:28):
Buy it and then follow you for some more in-depth tips.
Yes, correct.
Well, thank you so much forbeing on today.
I really love the conversationabout emotional intelligence.
I think that is gonna be a gamechanger moving into the future
of wellness for first responders.
Gene (48:48):
Yeah, thanks, jerry.
I appreciate that man.
Jerry (48:50):
Yeah.
Thanks again for listening.
Don't forget to rate and reviewthe show wherever you access
your podcast.
If you know someone that wouldbe great on the show, please get
ahold of our host, jerry DeanLund, through the Instagram
handles at Jerry Fire and Fuelor at EnduringTheBadge Podcast,
(49:14):
also by visiting the show'swebsite,
enduringthebadgepodcastcom, foradditional methods of contact
and up-to-date informationregarding the show.
Remember, the views andopinions expressed during the
show solely represent those ofour hosts and the current
episode's guests.
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