Have you ever considered the profound impact your childhood has on your adult life? Dr. Robb Kelly joins me, Jerry Dean Lund, to unravel the ties between early experiences and self-sabotaging behaviors, particularly in those who serve as our society's protectors. Through Dr. Kelly's personal odyssey from a musician finding solace in alcohol to overcoming alcoholism and homelessness, we gain a deep understanding of addiction's complexities and neuroscience's transformative power.
This episode is not just about the struggles; it's about the triumph of the human spirit and the importance of mindset. We delve into narratives about unexpected leaders who started out with doubts but embraced a world of possibilities. The conversation extends to the mental health of first responders, the cascading effects of kindness, and the idea that contentment can come from knowing what 'enough' truly is. As we share anecdotes on the power of positive impact, you'll see why supporting those who support us is vital — and how a single act of generosity can uplift an entire community.
Your circle of friends isn't just a social choice, it's a strategic one. In our dialogue with Dr. Kelly, we discuss the significance of surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals and the courage to distance oneself from negative influences. True to life stories of reconciliation and fulfillment pepper this episode, emphasizing the empowering change that comes from taking decisive action. Join us as we explore the importance of building strong relationships and taking action in life, and remember to engage with us on our social platforms to share your thoughts and suggest future guests.
As a First Responder, you are critical in keeping our communities safe. However, the stress and trauma of the job can take a toll on your mental health and family life.
If you're interested in personal coaching, contact Jerry Lund at 801-376-7124. Let's work together to get you where you want to be and ensure a happy and healthy career.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jerry (00:02):
Welcome to today's episode of Enduring the Badge
podcast.
I'm your host, jerry Dean Lund,and if you haven't already done
so, please take out your phoneand hit that subscribe button.
I don't want you to miss anupcoming episode.
And, hey, while your phone'sout, please give us a rating and
review.
On whichever platform youlisten to this podcast on, such
as iTunes, apple Podcasts andSpotify, it helps this podcast
(00:22):
grow and the reason why, whenthis gets positive ratings and
reviews, those platforms likeApple Podcasts and Spotify show
this to other people that neverlistened to this podcast before,
and that allows our podcast togrow and make more of an impact
on other people's lives.
So if you would do that, Iwould appreciate that from the
bottom of my heart.
My very special guest today isDr Kelly.
(00:43):
How are you doing, dr Kelly?
Robb (00:45):
Great.
Thank you, jerry.
Thanks for having me.
Hey guys.
Jerry (00:48):
Yeah, thanks for being on , Dr Kelly.
Introduce yourself to theaudience.
Robb (00:52):
My name is Dr Rob Kelly.
I specialize in depression,addiction, childhood trauma,
stuff like that.
From Manchester, england, but,as you can tell by the accent, I
live in San Texas now but I dohave the five offices around the
world, love what we do becausewe do what we love.
So this is about helping people.
So, even on podcasts like this,I don't sell services, I don't
(01:15):
sell books.
It's just like if I can haveone person through this that
build my job, we don't need yourmoney, we don't need your
business.
It's like this is just to helpother people.
So sit around guys, listen toone of the best podcasts you've
ever listened to yeah, yeah, Ilove it.
Jerry (01:31):
So, dr kelly, what is it that you do?
Robb (01:34):
so I'm a psychologist and behavioral scientist.
So basically what we do is werewire brains and the circuitry,
uh, we change, uh, behavioralscience we use to change our
behavior.
And then we go back and weuncover, discover, discover the
trauma in the past.
So you know, we also heal anyaddictions, any depression and,
(01:56):
like I say, childhood trauma isthe gateway drug.
So we're really big on that.
If you want to put a cap on allof that, it's all about
neuroscience.
We specialize in neuroscienceand that's what we found
permanently changes brains fromself-sabotage to positive life,
happy life, wealthy, healthy allthat great stuff that we all
(02:16):
chase.
Jerry (02:17):
Yeah, yeah, we definitely all chase that, for sure, dr
Kelly.
You have your own littlepersonal story on kind of maybe
what led you to this.
Robb (02:26):
Yeah, you know I'm an alcoholic and I took my first
drink at the age of nineAlcoholism in the family and it
kind of was good.
You know the first I wasplaying bass with my auntie and
uncle at nine years old, onstage with them, you know, and I
went to we do 13 minute spots,went on for the first eight
(02:47):
minutes, so nervous, biggestcrowd I've ever played in.
Uncle gave me a beer, went on,second half killed it.
So then alcohol became my bestfriend, went through life, you
know, just always drinkingweekend and it's up to 12, 13,
14, 15, like through throughteenagers just drinking.
When I went out with the bandmy auntie and uncle just hop a
little beer every week got methrough.
(03:09):
And then through school I wasnot being amazing, but music I
was good and then got to collegeby a skin in my teeth for
somebody you know, somebody kindof thing.
Not because my own academic,you know I wasn't, I wasn't a a
college guy if I know me, butit's kind of who you know it's
been.
(03:29):
The story of my life is who youknow, not kind of what you know.
And then, you know, eventuallygot married drinking every day,
had two children drinking everyday.
And then, uh, we split up and Igot my children for the weekend
and I messed that up drunk onthe floor please kick the door
down took my children off me, um, and from there wife divorced
(03:53):
me.
I went to parents and I leftthe house and everything and
eventually I was homeless.
So I was homeless for about 14months, and when I say homeless
guys, I really it's not couchsurfing, I really mean like
sleeping on the bushes, you know, on park benches, just
surviving every day to drink.
That's all I did.
My main purpose, from my eyesopening, uh, to when I passed
(04:15):
out, was get alcohol, and that'swhat I did for 14 months.
I hurt people.
For money for alcohol, I wouldsteal alcohol.
I did a lot of stuff there onthe streets I'm not proud of,
did a lot of stuff in the housewith my wife that I'm not proud
of, uh.
But yeah, eventually it allwent wrong yeah then.
Jerry (04:34):
So you got into college and then was this something that
you studied in college or wasthis something that you that
came later?
Robb (04:40):
uh, yeah, I was.
I was in college before thehomelessness, I studied
psychology and after that it'skind of I don't want to say 10
years, after that, eight yearsmaybe.
Then that's when it started togo wrong.
It was just I was alcoholics.
And addiction is nothing likeyou think it is, guys.
(05:01):
We studied the neurosciencebehind it.
Alcohol has 1% to do withalcohol.
Alcoholism the same with anyother addiction.
The only problem, the onlydifference, is alcohol we have
the predisposition, um, and thebasal ganglia is is different
and we have that, um, we havethat uh, you know crazy head,
that attention to alcohol thatwe can't leave.
(05:22):
So I'm like this mind thatalways wants to drink and
self-sabotage.
As soon as I do, my body getssick and I'm actually allergic
to.
I'm born allergic to theethanol in alcohol, but the
moment I drink, if you're a realalcoholic now, you can't drink
yourself into becoming analcoholic.
Can't do that.
People think we can.
Oh Johnny on the road, he's analcoholic, he drinks every day.
And oh Johnny on the road, he'san alcoholic, he drinks every
(05:44):
day.
Not true?
Alcoholism is the onlyself-diagnosed illness in the
world.
Can you take the first drinkand stop?
The answer is no.
Jerry (05:52):
Try three generations back in the family If you find
an alcoholic, there's a goodchance that you can
self-diagnose yourself as beingan alcoholic.
So the neuroscience behindaddiction.
Can we dive down into that alittle bit more and explain what
that really is and means?
Robb (06:09):
So we have the alcoholic that's born with three parts of
the brain that differHypothalamus, basal ganglia and
the amygdala.
So when it comes to addiction,childhood trauma is the gateway
drug every single time.
Then we have the addict.
So alcoholics are born, drugaddicts are made.
Then we have the addicts withthe addictive personality and
(06:31):
the addictive brain.
So they both show up the samebecause they both can't stop and
it's causing havoc and webecome homeless and stuff.
But that definition of thealcoholic canada, it's slightly
different, it's not all the same.
Alcoholic canary, it's slightlydifferent, it's not all the
same.
So what we have to do isusually there are billions of
new pathways, but usually 80percent of alcoholics and
(06:51):
drug-related pathways areself-sabotaging.
So if I stop alcohol, drinkingalcohol, I'm still left with me.
So then I'll relapse because ofold behavior.
So we have patterns.
Uh, from We'll find that youngchildren, toddlers, start to
recognize patterns in what theydo and the pattern to sell a
sub-assortment will always stick.
(07:11):
So when these things happen tous as a child or 9, 10, 11, 12,
around that area, there comes apattern and a working part of my
mind that this is how that'ssupposed to be.
So my mom and dad used to droptheir friends on a friday night
and used to go out drinking andpick us up on saturday.
It was a great thing for themto do, but what they didn't know
(07:32):
and I thought was normal is thepeople that got dropped off.
I used to make us.
There's two or three kids there.
They could all dress naked andrun around the house and be
called a chasing game orsomething and they would get us
in ticklers and you know, kindof in our private area.
We just thought that was normal.
So, years on, when I'm actingout of this and nobody knows why
(07:53):
it's because of this, but youwould never put that together.
Like I would never take myshirt off, even when it's
bodybuilding, I would never takeit off because they made me
take it off and that gives me um.
So yeah, it's.
It's all about connection andpatterns.
It's like when you go out guys,either school or you know a
guy's out into the seaside orsomething, and you get there and
(08:15):
you have a few drinks and havefun.
When you get back on the bus,which seat you're sitting?
You're sitting the same as youtraveled to the extent is, if
somebody sat there, you go hey,that's my seat.
That's the kind of patternsthat we use.
So we have to break thepatterns we direct in your
pathways, sort out the childhoodtrauma and then give uh, give
the future to us.
(08:36):
Really, it's like what we can do, because we think we're capable
of this.
When we're capable of this, youcan achieve mind, which is
energy, and power over the brain, which is matter.
That's where the same comes onmind over matter.
We can program the mind.
First thing in the morning iswhat we do and teach to affect
how we start off that day.
With neural pathways in thebrain, then we can have a great
(08:59):
day every single day.
My I work with over 8 000patients, by the way, guys, over
30 years.
It's not just like a littlepractice.
We have five practices.
We deal with high-profilepeople, movie stars, and we also
give 25% of the business backto people who can't afford it.
So we work with them as well,free of charge.
And, yeah, we found that thereis a 97% success rate and the
(09:23):
nearest one to us is 11%,because of all the new science
that we've learned andexperience, because you know, I
was one of them guys.
Jerry (09:31):
Yeah, experience definitely counts for a lot.
Robb (09:33):
Oh yeah, People don't believe that I go to college and
I become a therapist.
What are you going tospecialize in?
Alcoholism?
Have you ever been an alcoholic?
No, forget it, forget it,forget it.
(10:07):
You're not going.
It's like a semester at HarvardUniversity, because the
knowledge and stuff I learnedthere can become my greatest
asset to help other people.
Jerry (10:16):
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
How does this neuroscience work, really?
Robb (10:24):
well, it kind of works.
Like you know, the brain issupposed to act a certain way
and the gut is supposed to act acertain way in the central
nervous system, but we gotdistorted over the years and
years and years when they foundthere was an alcoholic gene,
obviously.
So it's about mostly subliminalmessage that the subconscious
brain picks up, but notconscious brain.
(10:45):
So you've got a conscious brain, subconscious brain.
Everything we do is hidden frombirth.
I can't remember that.
It's there.
It's there for everything badand good, mostly fine, but
alcoholics and addicts is storedthere, okay.
And here's living in the now.
So you're hearing 12 step for24 hours at a time.
That's not a 12 step.
(11:05):
Saying that comes way back, butit's not an aACA, not an NACA.
It comes years and years beforethat where we found out that
today is only really what we'vegot.
And if we can live in today andlive in the now and be in our
own essence, then life becomesamazing, because all these
opportunities that we never sawbecome visible to us.
It's like I ask people when youcome to the office, how many
(11:28):
red cars did you pass?
I have no idea.
When you go home, or it's aspot and count how many red cars
you see coming.
Oh my God, I saw like 20.
I never saw any weather.
That's because you're lookingfor that.
So, living in the now, we'relooking for that opportunity.
We're looking for all thethings that are sent to us by
God, universe, uncle Jimmy,whatever it is, we start to see
(11:50):
them opportunities.
So what most people do afterthey work with us is they create
empires.
Because that's how the brainhas been changed so much that we
now believe that we can doanything and anything is
possible.
You know, 10 years ago peopleused to always snap back
Anything is possible.
You want to do?
Well, I can't be president ofthe United States.
That's the biggest one.
(12:11):
They always used to tell meWell, forget your political
views for a second.
Guys, we had a freakingbusiness and ran the country for
four years with no politicalexperience whatsoever.
Don't dare tell me that youcan't be whatever you want to be
.
It's just not true.
But then we rely on the trauma.
You're never good enough.
You're a waste of time.
(12:31):
Who wants to listen to you?
So, subconsciously, it's likewe're never blonde enough, tall
enough, thin enough, original.
And that's how I live my lifeSince I got the first $100,000
in the bank, wifey, I'm going tobe happy and that's it.
So we got $100,000.
When I, when I get quarter of amillion, I just want a quarter,
(12:52):
I just want a million.
It's crazy how the mind works,is we never seem to have enough.
Well, living in the essence andliving in today, I have a lot
of.
I have something that not a lotof people have, and that is
enough.
I have enough.
I don't come here to sell ourprogram.
I don't come in here to sellanything at all.
I have enough.
And when you live in that place, all that crap, we worry about
(13:15):
all that.
Do I look?
Okay to go out?
Nobody cares.
The door slammed.
I always thought they werelooking at me.
Nobody cares, they've got theirown stuff going on.
You know it's crazy and wethink we're that important.
So alcoholics and addicts andchildren we get two lives in one
(13:36):
lifetime.
We get the first thing.
That's all messed up.
We're homeless, almost dead.
I died on two occasions.
They brought me back to life,hated them.
So we have this second life.
Why would you mess a secondlife up?
What can anybody do to you inyour second life?
I'm in my second life.
What can you do to me that Ihaven't already done to myself?
(13:56):
I signed an office deal a fewyears ago in Dallas.
That was our main HQheadquarters.
It was like a million dollarsover a period of years.
And my friend says how do yousleep at night?
What are they going to do?
They're going to send me off orsomething.
Who cares?
And that's how I've lived mylife for many years.
(14:17):
I'll do.
I'll try anything, be anybody Iwant, because nobody can stop
me.
What are you going to do TakeChristmas off me.
Shut up, behave yourself.
Jerry (14:30):
I love it because there's definitely so much truth to
that.
And first responders the studythat I've seen there is quite a
few first responders like it'svery high percentage have
childhood trauma.
Robb (14:47):
Well, first of all, I just want to correct that Everybody
has childhood trauma.
Well, first of all, I just wantto correct that everybody has
childhood trauma.
In high profile jobs or stressjob, it's worse because we're
more with alcoholics and addictsand depressed people and
childhood trauma people whenthey go into the police or, you
know, the fire service, uh,we're still very, um, we're very
sensitive and we take things onand keep things.
(15:09):
So I think a study was donefour or five years ago and the
highest suicide in the workenvironment was the police, and
doctors were the second and firewas the third.
Something crazy like that.
It's like, yeah, we work withfirst responders.
25% of our business is givingback to the community, so we
(15:32):
work a lot with vets, a lot withfirst responders.
We give 25% pro bono Everybodymust carry a pro bono in mind
but we find that the police Imean, I was a policeman in
England for about two years andit's not been there but can you
imagine, every single time thatyou stop a car, there's a
potential of somebody killingyou.
(15:53):
And this is what we found with,first of all, so they become
hardened.
And then, when they becomehardened and cut off from the
future.
They live in their past of allthat crap that we carry, and you
know that that cop wasn't veryfriendly.
He's probably been shot twice.
He's probably in a situationthat is his life.
We're on the line right there.
I have the biggest respect forveterans and first responders,
(16:16):
because without them guys, we'dbe nothing.
We've got to live in a freecountry, so I'm really big on
that.
We don't charge veterans, wedon't charge first responders or
nurses or doctors.
Jerry (16:26):
We don't do any of that Because without your service, um
, most of us would be deadthat's pretty awesome that you
do that, because I think if youcan change a first responders
life right there, there's a it'salways you change anybody's
life.
There's a trickle-down effectright, especially when someone
comes in contact with the publicquite often and you're able to
(16:47):
change their, their lives.
I mean, how are they going totreat the public?
Robb (16:51):
probably the best they've ever treated them yeah, and we,
we prove this by uh, you know,if you don't think that's true,
guys, and you can't change theworld on a daily basis, I want
you to do this for me next timeyou're going to build a pair of
people, I want you to look atsneakers.
They're always the best.
Find somebody towards you withnice sneakers.
Go hey, man, nice sneakers.
Hey, man, nice.
(17:11):
Forwards, he's going to go.
Oh, thank you man.
Turn around and watch him walkpast you.
He's going to look at hissneakers at least two or three
times.
Now you've created what'scalled dopamine in his brain,
okay, so now he's a bit happier.
He looks at his shoes.
Now he goes on to thegirlfriend or wife because he's
in a good mood.
They're in part of the brain.
Monkey, see monkey, do she nowis in a good mood.
(17:32):
Then mother-in-law calls andyou get the picture.
Now you've just affectedprobably 30 people's lives with
four words.
But we don't do it.
We don't compliment people, wedon't say hi to strangers.
That was a beautiful well, notbeautiful story.
A guy, uh, wanted to go to thegolden gate bridge and throw
himself off and kill himself,and so he did.
(17:52):
When they shipped him out ofthe water.
He found out who he was, wentback to his apartment to try and
find next of kin.
When they got there, they founda letter on the kitchen table
and it read I'm gonna walk tothe golden gate bridge and I'm
to throw myself up and die,unless on the way there, about
four miles, somebody smiles atme, says hey, hello, good
(18:16):
morning, I'll stop and turn back.
So my question to the generalpublic is this how many people
today have you walked pastheading to the Golden Gate
Bridge?
So we never know what peopleare going through and we think
they already know.
So a smile, you know.
Hey man, nice sneakers, orspeaking on the elevator.
Jerry (18:36):
I'm the guy.
Is everyone okay on?
Robb (18:38):
here.
Shut up, man.
I'm that guy because you neverknow.
The words are very powerful.
It can change the chemicalmakeup of somebody.
You know when you say or speakto them and you'll never find
what you've done.
I can bet this.
Guys, you've stuck quite a fewpeople heading towards a golden
gate bridge, that's for sure.
Jerry (18:59):
Yeah, I do definitely believe that and I try to go out
of my way to engage with people, or people that like at the
store, like the cashier thateverybody like takes for granted
, and just say hey hi, how areyou doing, how's your day going?
Like you know, just talk like Ifeel like as a normal human
being, to another human being.
(19:20):
You know, a little smallconversation, gosh, I mean it's,
it's great, especially wheneven when you receive right when
people say something about youlike that you know, it's a funny
story behind that, because whathappened?
Robb (19:35):
jerry's, I my main office in dallas, so I went there about
six years ago over there and,uh, the staff, amazing and a new
girl as a nurse joined us andshe was kind of looking at
everything that was going on.
This guy walked in, he wassuicidal and he was down and he
was shaking.
He walked into my office and anhour later he walked out.
(19:55):
He's high-fiving the nurses,he's chatting with the reception
and the new nurse said to theold nurse oh my God, did you see
what Dr Rob just did?
Did you see?
That's amazing.
And the other words said yeah, Iknow right, have you told him
that?
Oh, I mean, oh, he alreadyknows.
Oh, I don't know.
I mean, nobody knows.
(20:23):
I just want to put it out there, guys, nobody knows.
So compliment, everybody youthink already knows, because we
don't, and they're the peoplethat need it most.
Anybody who's leading anybodyin a position that's leading
other people into whateveryou're doing team leaders,
police officers we all need agood validation or approval from
the next person, especially ifwe don't know them.
It's amazing, but we don't know, guys, we don't know.
Jerry (20:46):
I agree.
A lot of first responders shyaway from the public right.
Especially when they're offduty, they want to be in
solitude.
Do you know why that is or whatcould be causing that?
Robb (21:00):
Anybody that's in an environment that's threatening
for eight hours a day on YouTubewill pull away from that
environment.
So that's what most people do.
I generally I'm careful.
I say it don't like people.
You know I will never go tothese.
Oh, what I've been this.
You know all the treatmentcenters a bit.
I don't do that smoothly.
I don't like people.
You know some people can behorrible.
(21:21):
Some people are great.
I choose animals over people.
Before you start shoutingcomments at Jerry, it's because
I've seen so much.
I've seen so many people let medown Because we do good.
There's always people askingfor money, always people doing
pro bono, and every singleperson coming from the world I
was in the addiction world wouldlet me down.
So you tend to pull away fromthat, pull away from that stress
(21:46):
and go home and have a fewdrinks in the early days and try
and forget that.
But that's how people are.
You know, a friend of mine uh,he ran this a8 group for like
five years.
Me and him opened this groupand I tell you what.
We saved more people thananyone else, connecting them to
god or high power.
And he was the man.
He did everything.
He had no money, you know, Iused to fund his rent, fund car
(22:09):
payments, and nobody knew aboutit.
I used to do that every month.
He died two weeks ago, jerry,and not one person helped For
the funeral.
No money, they couldn't affordit.
They had no furniture.
They had to get their ownfurniture to get some more money
.
Not one person has helped them.
They did a little barbecuething that ranked about a
(22:29):
hundred dollars, but that'swhere we step in, you know, and
he was right.
He always said to me you know,you know, if I die tomorrow, I
go shut up rick.
He said no, if me, me or youdie tomorrow, in a week's time,
in this a8 meeting, they go rob,who you know, rick, who they
forget about us and I've justseen it happen in front of my
eyes.
Jerry (22:47):
It's crazy yeah, and I think you'll find most first
responders and it's probably Iknow it sure applies to the the
corporate world of you leavenext person up your bike right
replaced, you're replaced, and,and some agencies and
departments just like to usethat Like you don't like it here
(23:08):
.
You're just a number, go aheadand leave and I think that
really is hurtful but crazy forthem.
Robb (23:13):
On Sunday, the only person that's going to remember that
you worked hard and worked onSunday is your kids.
The boss won't, the companywon't, but your kids will, yeah,
that's why we can nurturechildren and be there from as
much as we can.
And I know that's hard thesedays when usually two parents
have to work to provide a house,a lot mortgage, you know.
But every time you get withthem, man, these pressures
(23:35):
always be validating and provingthem.
You know it get given routinesevery day.
You know stuff like that.
It's amazing.
Jerry (23:42):
But yeah, I can fully understand that what can, what
can people do that maybe arelike struggling with their,
their self-worth?
Robb (23:55):
yeah, self-worth.
So, going back to the memorypart, right, we mimic other
people around us.
So if you hang around 90 presspeople, you will become the 10th
.
You hang around nine successfulpeople, you get the gist.
So surround yourself with theright person In your group right
now.
If you're feeling less thanthere's somebody in your group
now that doesn't want you tosucceed and always slides in
(24:15):
them subliminal message like anair shot over air, does he think
he has idea?
And you know?
You see, we take that in andvery sensitive.
We can't change the peoplearound us, but we can change the
people around us.
So look at your inner circle,guys.
Your inner circle should be nomore than three, maybe four at
the most, and then peoplevalidating you, lifting you up.
Are you doing the same for them?
(24:36):
Once you get surrounded by thosepeople, you'll find your
self-worth will disappear as youstart to achieve, whatever that
looks like Money, kids.
Get your kids back.
Be the best father.
You'll like money, kids, getyour kids back.
Be the best father you'll findyourself achieving, because they
do as well, you know, andyou're out of circle.
They're out, but in a circle.
You must be validating andapproving each other every
single day, because that's whatlife's like.
(24:58):
Certain parts of the brain weset every 24 hours.
So I get up.
Tomorrow it all starts all overagain.
So the adoration and thank youand nod and whatever yesterday
makes no difference to today'slife.
So you have to start againbeing that person that talks,
being that person thatcompliments people surrounding
yourself.
Show me your friends.
I'll show you your future.
Surround yourself with thepeople that you want to be like
(25:20):
and if you earn 60 grand a year,hand around the guys that earn
100, you'll soon be earning 100.
And don't be scared of gettingrid of anybody around you If
they don't match up to yourbeliefs and your attitude and
you're lifting everybody up.
Get rid of them.
You don't have to be nastyabout it, but get rid of them
Because you'll find that youthink you have loads of friends
(25:42):
and you talk every day on text,but you end up saying the first
text stop texting people.
See how many people text you.
They're your real friends.
You'll find out a 9%.
Don't, by the way, you alwaysstart the conversation.
Cut them out.
You don't need them in yourlife.
Jerry (25:58):
Yeah, that's unfortunate.
The people you know there'ssome friends, you have friends
will use their quotes thatyou're always reaching out to,
that you're always putting intothe effort, and then there's
nothing really ever given backand those are the kind of the
friendships and things thatyou're talking about that to
remove.
Robb (26:18):
Yeah, yeah, and don't be shy about it, guys, we have one
lifetime.
I'll call it that too, likeStein.
It guys, we have one lifetime.
I'll call him that too, likestarting, but we have one
lifetime, guys.
How many moms and dads, howmany times you keep saying and
waving them off to kindergartennext week, next minute, or
waiting on to college, orwhether that time goes to.
Time is pressure?
Today it's about living in thenow.
I have no idea what tomorrowbrings.
(26:39):
I don't get a calendar.
I'll get my day tonight at 8o'clock.
I'm living in the now.
Once you start to do that, yousee the opportunities.
Surround yourself with theright people.
Get rid of those people thatdon't.
There's always one person animmediate family or close
friends that do not want you tosucceed, because if you
succeeded, then the spotlight'son one, while you all keep
messing up Spotlight's on youand they like that.
(27:01):
So just be assertive, guys,people around you, and mix with
who you want to be period.
Jerry (27:08):
Yeah, I mean.
There's lots of versions ofthis that you're saying out
there, right?
People are telling you in manydifferent ways to do these same
things.
Worry about your inner circle,and I know you're right, I know
you're right about your innercircle.
You know, and I, and I knowyou're right, I know you're
right.
I think people really have ahard time with trying to either
establish an inner circle or cutpeople out of their inner
(27:29):
circle the.
Robb (27:31):
The answer to that, guys, is we attract what we think we
are worth.
Think about that for a second.
So with our childhood trauma,the way for a lot of people,
especially alcoholics, to talkto us when we relapse on, we're
drinking, you know, we just.
You have to change thatcompletely.
You have to try and be the guythat attract people, and anybody
can do this, by the way.
(27:51):
Anybody can do it, unless youhave serious brain damage and
you can't think for yourself.
Anybody can do this.
You want to be a beacon.
You want to be a lighthouse onthat shore where people can see
you from miles around.
Do that smile, do that sillything at work.
You know, come dress in yourslip.
I've got my slippers on rightnow.
We have monday slipper day.
I'll create yeah, but whenpeople come in they love that.
(28:12):
So why don't you do it?
Attract the people you want toattract.
Go seek them, you know, andbuild good friendships and do it
.
Do it today.
We have a 7.3 second rule.
We did lots of tests and trialsand seven seconds, 7.3 seconds
with our golden number.
We came out that if you want todo something, you've got to
make a move in that time frame.
(28:32):
So if I'm sat there with a bagof chips, you know I'm drinking
coca cola.
Now you know I've got my dognext to me and I turn to my wife
and go, hey, I'm thinking'mthinking of hitting the gym
tomorrow.
I'm not hitting the gym, I knowit, she knows it, the dog knows
it.
But if I get up right there andthen and walk to the bedroom
and I put all my training stuffin a bag and I put the bag near
the door, I go out every morning, there's a good chance we're
(28:54):
going to the gym, because withinthat 7.3 second time frame it's
gone.
If we don't hunt upon it andstrengthen that neural pathway,
it's gone.
That's the way you must livelife, guys.
Do it we don't have time, do itdate that girl, buy that house,
that car, start that business,get married today, make moves
today to do it and you'll neverregret it.
Because I'm telling you guys, Ipeople go.
(29:16):
You can't have done all thestuff that you've done.
You must be telling lies.
I take every opportunity to docrazy stuff that ever comes to
me because I never want to be.
I've wasted most of my lifewith alcohol.
I never want to be that guy at80 years old, going.
You know, something didn'treally do much in her life.
Now people some people can live.
I can't live with that.
And what happens when you helppeople, what happens when you be
(29:36):
of service to other people, is,after 30 years, um, four years
ago my eldest daughter contactedme on Messenger.
I went over to see her.
She handed me mythree-month-old granddaughter.
Now she works for me as my headtherapist in Manchester.
I have a younger daughter who'snever got in contact, but I
kept doing and helping peopleand being the best person I can.
(29:57):
Three weeks ago I got a messagefrom my youngest daughter.
So now she's in my life andit's like everything we lose we
get back as long as we do theright thing.
And you know, guys, if you don't.
You know you still have candybars.
That little voice going?
I don't know, we know.
You know, when you don't dosomething nice, be that nice
person.
Don't take any crap of anybodyby the way.
(30:17):
Don't let them do that.
You have boundaries.
You step over that boundary.
Ah, ah, ah ah.
You're going to call the oldRob out there and you don't want
to see it.
I don't want to see the old Rob, so you don't want to see it.
So create them big boundariesaround you, because if people do
something you don't like, whodo you blame?
Well, you blame you, becauseyou have to set them boundaries
out so when they cross, theydon't know what the boundaries
(30:39):
is.
You know, there it is.
You've got to do that, guys.
You've got to live for now.
Nobody cares.
Go and do it now.
Jerry (30:46):
Yeah, I've got probably one last question for you to
explore and I know people arelike thinking how do I live in
the now and like what actionsteps can I take?
And I love the 7.2 seconds or 3seconds, like I love the 7.2
seconds or 3 seconds, I lovethat, get up and take that
action.
What other things?
Robb (31:07):
I've got three things for you guys before we go.
It'll change your life fortomorrow.
One of the reasons nobody'swoke up laughing in the morning
is lack of oxygen.
As a human being, we only takein about 45-50% of our oxygen
capacity.
The presence of oxygen in thehuman body equals the lack of
disease.
(31:27):
So every disease, every illness, every you know ailment in the
body, including cancer, start ina hypoxic area of the body.
So the idea in the morning isto get a hundred percent oxygen.
Three things here.
We Get up in the morning, standnext to the bed before you do
anything.
The brain is asleep.
Oh, you're tired.
Hold on to the bed, stand andtake 20 exaggerate breaths in.
(31:51):
That's 20 times.
Flood the brain with oxygen.
Flood every cell, every nervouscell.
Flood it with oxygen.
Immediately, the brain willcome to life.
Every nervous state.
Flood it with oxygen.
Immediately, the brain willcome to life.
Now we're ready to go.
Walk in the bathroom.
Let's put some stuff in thesubconscious brain.
Lock in the mirror from sixfeet away.
(32:14):
Don't go to the mirror when youput your shave and stuff like
that.
We see all our blemishes.
We subconsciously go out to theworld knowing that we see these
blemishes.
When's the last time you went?
Hey, johnny, good morning, howare you?
We don't do that, but when wefind six feet away from the
mirror, our blemishes disappear.
I love you.
I love you 10 times.
It's going to feel silly,you're not going to feel it, but
it's storing the subconsciousmind.
(32:34):
So if 300 neural pathways dieevery day and there are billions
in their head, there arebillions in their head what are
you replacing them?
300 neural pathways with Sameold behavior.
You're never going to getanywhere.
So we want to create these newneural pathways, starting in the
body.
Last thing I wanted to do guys,if you're right-handed, for
instance, and you brush yourteeth with your right one week
(32:54):
left, one week right, one weekleft, one week right your life
in a month's time will becompletely different to what it
is today.
Jerry (33:02):
Those are pretty easy, actionable steps that might but
everybody can do gary.
Robb (33:08):
people think I can't, that's, I can't be interested in
three things and the guys Iinsist on doing all go.
Oh my god, I'm thinking ofstarting an empire.
Oh my god, I've seen that girl.
I want to date with daisy.
Things change because we floodwith oxygen.
We change neural pathways, wespeak to the internal dialogue
and the subconscious brain thatwe are worthy and all of a
sudden you become tall enough,blonde enough, thin enough, rich
(33:32):
enough psychologically and thenyou get wet.
But not all the people go.
I have enough.
I have enough today.
You know it's crazy, but I haveenough.
And that place is worth everypiece of gold in the world,
every man of truth.
It's like a billion dollarsevery single day that people are
getting to you.
That's the only way to live,guys.
But I'll tell you what I did.
(33:52):
Listen if you want.
I know we're finishing soon.
If you're at home and you're ina place what we talked about
you're in that lonely onebedroom apartment.
Everybody doesn't like you.
You think you're never going toamount to anything.
You might even you know havesenses of doing something silly.
214-600-0210 is my personalcell phone number.
(34:14):
Send me a text message and thisis what's going to happen.
As you can imagine, I'm busy.
I'm going to text you backwithin a couple of hours of you
sending me And'm going toarrange a 20-minute pep talk
between me and you.
That will change your life and,you know, if it doesn't, I'm
going to send you a hundreddollars for wasting your time.
You see, I might be, you know,up here now working with all the
(34:35):
you know superstars and havemoney and everything I want.
But you know something I'vealways got my feet in the
trenches.
So if you're feeling like that,don't search me, don't Google
me.
Just text me, man, and I'mgoing to help you.
I promise you, no one's goingto sell you anything.
Okay, I always said before I'mrich enough, I have enough
people around, I'm fine.
I'm not doing this for that.
Jerry (34:55):
Just text if you're in that place that golden gate
bridge guy that stops youjumping off.
Yeah, wow, I really appreciatethat, um, and I hope there are
people out there listening thatwill take you up on that offer.
Um, I can't imagine what a 20minute pep talk would be with
you all right it'd probably begreat, you'd you know you might
(35:21):
want to record it so you canlisten to it more often.
And, yes, pep yourself up, drkelly, though, seriously, where
can people find you?
I mean, you have a presence ononline and there's people that
are going to want to researchyou and see what you're doing,
and and it's all good stuff sofor those guys listening, not
watching, I stole my name in twob's.
Robb (35:42):
R-o-b-b-k-e-l-o-ycom is the website.
There's lots of things there.
We have a non-profit rob kellyfoundation just started.
We had other thing.
We have conferences, speakingand stuff like that.
So lock us up.
You know, have fun, dr robkelly, again, in any search
engine will come up and, uh,just if you need to, you know,
(36:02):
if you need to go on researchers, find out about us, get to the
website.
There's a book on there.
It's nine dollars on amazon.
But you know something if youtext us from that website, I'll
send you a free, signed copy.
I'll even pay the postage, themailing as well.
So you know everything we cando for you guys.
I want to do for you guys.
So go have fun.
Yeah, for you guys.
So go have fun.
Jerry (36:23):
Yeah, that is definitely some great offers and right,
once again, being the guy who'syou know that's life-changing.
I think Just the simple thingsfrom this podcast can change
your life and can change thelife of others around you.
Robb (36:40):
Boom baby, let's do it.
Jerry (36:42):
Yes, thank you, dr Kelly.
This was awesome.
I really appreciate it.
Robb (36:47):
Thank you so much, Jerry.
Thanks guys, Thanks forlistening.
Jerry (36:50):
Thanks again for listening.
Don't forget to rate and reviewthe show wherever you access
your podcast.
If you know someone that wouldbe great on the show, please get
a hold of our host, jerry DeanLund, through the Instagram
handles at JerryFireAndFuel orat EnduringTheBadgePodcast, also
(37:13):
by visiting the show's website,enduringthebadgepodcastcom, for
additional methods of contactand up-to-date information
regarding the show.
Remember, the views andopinions expressed during the
show solely represent those ofour host and the current
episode's guests.
Welcome to today's episode of Enduring the Badge
podcast.
I'm your host, jerry Dean Lund,and if you haven't already done
so, please take out your phoneand hit that subscribe button.
I don't want you to miss anupcoming episode.
And, hey, while your phone'sout, please give us a rating and
review.
On whichever platform youlisten to this podcast on, such
as iTunes, apple Podcasts andSpotify, it helps this podcast
(00:22):
grow and the reason why, whenthis gets positive ratings and
reviews, those platforms likeApple Podcasts and Spotify show
this to other people that neverlistened to this podcast before,
and that allows our podcast togrow and make more of an impact
on other people's lives.
So if you would do that, Iwould appreciate that from the
bottom of my heart.
My very special guest today isDr Kelly.
(00:43):
How are you doing, dr Kelly?
Robb (00:45):
Great.
Thank you, jerry.
Thanks for having me.
Hey guys.
Jerry (00:48):
Yeah, thanks for being on , Dr Kelly.
Introduce yourself to theaudience.
Robb (00:52):
My name is Dr Rob Kelly.
I specialize in depression,addiction, childhood trauma,
stuff like that.
From Manchester, england, but,as you can tell by the accent, I
live in San Texas now but I dohave the five offices around the
world, love what we do becausewe do what we love.
So this is about helping people.
So, even on podcasts like this,I don't sell services, I don't
(01:15):
sell books.
It's just like if I can haveone person through this that
build my job, we don't need yourmoney, we don't need your
business.
It's like this is just to helpother people.
So sit around guys, listen toone of the best podcasts you've
ever listened to yeah, yeah, Ilove it.
Jerry (01:31):
So, dr kelly, what is it that you do?
Robb (01:34):
so I'm a psychologist and behavioral scientist.
So basically what we do is werewire brains and the circuitry,
uh, we change, uh, behavioralscience we use to change our
behavior.
And then we go back and weuncover, discover, discover the
trauma in the past.
So you know, we also heal anyaddictions, any depression and,
(01:56):
like I say, childhood trauma isthe gateway drug.
So we're really big on that.
If you want to put a cap on allof that, it's all about
neuroscience.
We specialize in neuroscienceand that's what we found
permanently changes brains fromself-sabotage to positive life,
happy life, wealthy, healthy allthat great stuff that we all
(02:16):
chase.
Jerry (02:17):
Yeah, yeah, we definitely all chase that, for sure, dr
Kelly.
You have your own littlepersonal story on kind of maybe
what led you to this.
Robb (02:26):
Yeah, you know I'm an alcoholic and I took my first
drink at the age of nineAlcoholism in the family and it
kind of was good.
You know the first I wasplaying bass with my auntie and
uncle at nine years old, onstage with them, you know, and I
went to we do 13 minute spots,went on for the first eight
(02:47):
minutes, so nervous, biggestcrowd I've ever played in.
Uncle gave me a beer, went on,second half killed it.
So then alcohol became my bestfriend, went through life, you
know, just always drinkingweekend and it's up to 12, 13,
14, 15, like through throughteenagers just drinking.
When I went out with the bandmy auntie and uncle just hop a
little beer every week got methrough.
(03:09):
And then through school I wasnot being amazing, but music I
was good and then got to collegeby a skin in my teeth for
somebody you know, somebody kindof thing.
Not because my own academic,you know I wasn't, I wasn't a a
college guy if I know me, butit's kind of who you know it's
been.
(03:29):
The story of my life is who youknow, not kind of what you know.
And then, you know, eventuallygot married drinking every day,
had two children drinking everyday.
And then, uh, we split up and Igot my children for the weekend
and I messed that up drunk onthe floor please kick the door
down took my children off me, um, and from there wife divorced
(03:53):
me.
I went to parents and I leftthe house and everything and
eventually I was homeless.
So I was homeless for about 14months, and when I say homeless
guys, I really it's not couchsurfing, I really mean like
sleeping on the bushes, you know, on park benches, just
surviving every day to drink.
That's all I did.
My main purpose, from my eyesopening, uh, to when I passed
(04:15):
out, was get alcohol, and that'swhat I did for 14 months.
I hurt people.
For money for alcohol, I wouldsteal alcohol.
I did a lot of stuff there onthe streets I'm not proud of,
did a lot of stuff in the housewith my wife that I'm not proud
of, uh.
But yeah, eventually it allwent wrong yeah then.
Jerry (04:34):
So you got into college and then was this something that
you studied in college or wasthis something that you that
came later?
Robb (04:40):
uh, yeah, I was.
I was in college before thehomelessness, I studied
psychology and after that it'skind of I don't want to say 10
years, after that, eight yearsmaybe.
Then that's when it started togo wrong.
It was just I was alcoholics.
And addiction is nothing likeyou think it is, guys.
(05:01):
We studied the neurosciencebehind it.
Alcohol has 1% to do withalcohol.
Alcoholism the same with anyother addiction.
The only problem, the onlydifference, is alcohol we have
the predisposition, um, and thebasal ganglia is is different
and we have that, um, we havethat uh, you know crazy head,
that attention to alcohol thatwe can't leave.
(05:22):
So I'm like this mind thatalways wants to drink and
self-sabotage.
As soon as I do, my body getssick and I'm actually allergic
to.
I'm born allergic to theethanol in alcohol, but the
moment I drink, if you're a realalcoholic now, you can't drink
yourself into becoming analcoholic.
Can't do that.
People think we can.
Oh Johnny on the road, he's analcoholic, he drinks every day.
And oh Johnny on the road, he'san alcoholic, he drinks every
(05:44):
day.
Not true?
Alcoholism is the onlyself-diagnosed illness in the
world.
Can you take the first drinkand stop?
The answer is no.
Jerry (05:52):
Try three generations back in the family If you find
an alcoholic, there's a goodchance that you can
self-diagnose yourself as beingan alcoholic.
So the neuroscience behindaddiction.
Can we dive down into that alittle bit more and explain what
that really is and means?
Robb (06:09):
So we have the alcoholic that's born with three parts of
the brain that differHypothalamus, basal ganglia and
the amygdala.
So when it comes to addiction,childhood trauma is the gateway
drug every single time.
Then we have the addict.
So alcoholics are born, drugaddicts are made.
Then we have the addicts withthe addictive personality and
(06:31):
the addictive brain.
So they both show up the samebecause they both can't stop and
it's causing havoc and webecome homeless and stuff.
But that definition of thealcoholic canada, it's slightly
different, it's not all the same.
Alcoholic canary, it's slightlydifferent, it's not all the
same.
So what we have to do isusually there are billions of
new pathways, but usually 80percent of alcoholics and
(06:51):
drug-related pathways areself-sabotaging.
So if I stop alcohol, drinkingalcohol, I'm still left with me.
So then I'll relapse because ofold behavior.
So we have patterns.
Uh, from We'll find that youngchildren, toddlers, start to
recognize patterns in what theydo and the pattern to sell a
sub-assortment will always stick.
(07:11):
So when these things happen tous as a child or 9, 10, 11, 12,
around that area, there comes apattern and a working part of my
mind that this is how that'ssupposed to be.
So my mom and dad used to droptheir friends on a friday night
and used to go out drinking andpick us up on saturday.
It was a great thing for themto do, but what they didn't know
(07:32):
and I thought was normal is thepeople that got dropped off.
I used to make us.
There's two or three kids there.
They could all dress naked andrun around the house and be
called a chasing game orsomething and they would get us
in ticklers and you know, kindof in our private area.
We just thought that was normal.
So, years on, when I'm actingout of this and nobody knows why
(07:53):
it's because of this, but youwould never put that together.
Like I would never take myshirt off, even when it's
bodybuilding, I would never takeit off because they made me
take it off and that gives me um.
So yeah, it's.
It's all about connection andpatterns.
It's like when you go out guys,either school or you know a
guy's out into the seaside orsomething, and you get there and
(08:15):
you have a few drinks and havefun.
When you get back on the bus,which seat you're sitting?
You're sitting the same as youtraveled to the extent is, if
somebody sat there, you go hey,that's my seat.
That's the kind of patternsthat we use.
So we have to break thepatterns we direct in your
pathways, sort out the childhoodtrauma and then give uh, give
the future to us.
(08:36):
Really, it's like what we can do, because we think we're capable
of this.
When we're capable of this, youcan achieve mind, which is
energy, and power over the brain, which is matter.
That's where the same comes onmind over matter.
We can program the mind.
First thing in the morning iswhat we do and teach to affect
how we start off that day.
With neural pathways in thebrain, then we can have a great
(08:59):
day every single day.
My I work with over 8 000patients, by the way, guys, over
30 years.
It's not just like a littlepractice.
We have five practices.
We deal with high-profilepeople, movie stars, and we also
give 25% of the business backto people who can't afford it.
So we work with them as well,free of charge.
And, yeah, we found that thereis a 97% success rate and the
(09:23):
nearest one to us is 11%,because of all the new science
that we've learned andexperience, because you know, I
was one of them guys.
Jerry (09:31):
Yeah, experience definitely counts for a lot.
Robb (09:33):
Oh yeah, People don't believe that I go to college and
I become a therapist.
What are you going tospecialize in?
Alcoholism?
Have you ever been an alcoholic?
No, forget it, forget it,forget it.
(10:07):
You're not going.
It's like a semester at HarvardUniversity, because the
knowledge and stuff I learnedthere can become my greatest
asset to help other people.
Jerry (10:16):
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
How does this neuroscience work, really?
Robb (10:24):
well, it kind of works.
Like you know, the brain issupposed to act a certain way
and the gut is supposed to act acertain way in the central
nervous system, but we gotdistorted over the years and
years and years when they foundthere was an alcoholic gene,
obviously.
So it's about mostly subliminalmessage that the subconscious
brain picks up, but notconscious brain.
(10:45):
So you've got a conscious brain, subconscious brain.
Everything we do is hidden frombirth.
I can't remember that.
It's there.
It's there for everything badand good, mostly fine, but
alcoholics and addicts is storedthere, okay.
And here's living in the now.
So you're hearing 12 step for24 hours at a time.
That's not a 12 step.
(11:05):
Saying that comes way back, butit's not an aACA, not an NACA.
It comes years and years beforethat where we found out that
today is only really what we'vegot.
And if we can live in today andlive in the now and be in our
own essence, then life becomesamazing, because all these
opportunities that we never sawbecome visible to us.
It's like I ask people when youcome to the office, how many
(11:28):
red cars did you pass?
I have no idea.
When you go home, or it's aspot and count how many red cars
you see coming.
Oh my God, I saw like 20.
I never saw any weather.
That's because you're lookingfor that.
So, living in the now, we'relooking for that opportunity.
We're looking for all thethings that are sent to us by
God, universe, uncle Jimmy,whatever it is, we start to see
(11:50):
them opportunities.
So what most people do afterthey work with us is they create
empires.
Because that's how the brainhas been changed so much that we
now believe that we can doanything and anything is
possible.
You know, 10 years ago peopleused to always snap back
Anything is possible.
You want to do?
Well, I can't be president ofthe United States.
That's the biggest one.
(12:11):
They always used to tell meWell, forget your political
views for a second.
Guys, we had a freakingbusiness and ran the country for
four years with no politicalexperience whatsoever.
Don't dare tell me that youcan't be whatever you want to be
.
It's just not true.
But then we rely on the trauma.
You're never good enough.
You're a waste of time.
(12:31):
Who wants to listen to you?
So, subconsciously, it's likewe're never blonde enough, tall
enough, thin enough, original.
And that's how I live my lifeSince I got the first $100,000
in the bank, wifey, I'm going tobe happy and that's it.
So we got $100,000.
When I, when I get quarter of amillion, I just want a quarter,
(12:52):
I just want a million.
It's crazy how the mind works,is we never seem to have enough.
Well, living in the essence andliving in today, I have a lot
of.
I have something that not a lotof people have, and that is
enough.
I have enough.
I don't come here to sell ourprogram.
I don't come in here to sellanything at all.
I have enough.
And when you live in that place, all that crap, we worry about
(13:15):
all that.
Do I look?
Okay to go out?
Nobody cares.
The door slammed.
I always thought they werelooking at me.
Nobody cares, they've got theirown stuff going on.
You know it's crazy and wethink we're that important.
So alcoholics and addicts andchildren we get two lives in one
(13:36):
lifetime.
We get the first thing.
That's all messed up.
We're homeless, almost dead.
I died on two occasions.
They brought me back to life,hated them.
So we have this second life.
Why would you mess a secondlife up?
What can anybody do to you inyour second life?
I'm in my second life.
What can you do to me that Ihaven't already done to myself?
(13:56):
I signed an office deal a fewyears ago in Dallas.
That was our main HQheadquarters.
It was like a million dollarsover a period of years.
And my friend says how do yousleep at night?
What are they going to do?
They're going to send me off orsomething.
Who cares?
And that's how I've lived mylife for many years.
(14:17):
I'll do.
I'll try anything, be anybody Iwant, because nobody can stop
me.
What are you going to do TakeChristmas off me.
Shut up, behave yourself.
Jerry (14:30):
I love it because there's definitely so much truth to
that.
And first responders the studythat I've seen there is quite a
few first responders like it'svery high percentage have
childhood trauma.
Robb (14:47):
Well, first of all, I just want to correct that Everybody
has childhood trauma.
Well, first of all, I just wantto correct that everybody has
childhood trauma.
In high profile jobs or stressjob, it's worse because we're
more with alcoholics and addictsand depressed people and
childhood trauma people whenthey go into the police or, you
know, the fire service, uh,we're still very, um, we're very
sensitive and we take things onand keep things.
(15:09):
So I think a study was donefour or five years ago and the
highest suicide in the workenvironment was the police, and
doctors were the second and firewas the third.
Something crazy like that.
It's like, yeah, we work withfirst responders.
25% of our business is givingback to the community, so we
(15:32):
work a lot with vets, a lot withfirst responders.
We give 25% pro bono Everybodymust carry a pro bono in mind
but we find that the police Imean, I was a policeman in
England for about two years andit's not been there but can you
imagine, every single time thatyou stop a car, there's a
potential of somebody killingyou.
(15:53):
And this is what we found with,first of all, so they become
hardened.
And then, when they becomehardened and cut off from the
future.
They live in their past of allthat crap that we carry, and you
know that that cop wasn't veryfriendly.
He's probably been shot twice.
He's probably in a situationthat is his life.
We're on the line right there.
I have the biggest respect forveterans and first responders,
(16:16):
because without them guys, we'dbe nothing.
We've got to live in a freecountry, so I'm really big on
that.
We don't charge veterans, wedon't charge first responders or
nurses or doctors.
Jerry (16:26):
We don't do any of that Because without your service, um
, most of us would be deadthat's pretty awesome that you
do that, because I think if youcan change a first responders
life right there, there's a it'salways you change anybody's
life.
There's a trickle-down effectright, especially when someone
comes in contact with the publicquite often and you're able to
(16:47):
change their, their lives.
I mean, how are they going totreat the public?
Robb (16:51):
probably the best they've ever treated them yeah, and we,
we prove this by uh, you know,if you don't think that's true,
guys, and you can't change theworld on a daily basis, I want
you to do this for me next timeyou're going to build a pair of
people, I want you to look atsneakers.
They're always the best.
Find somebody towards you withnice sneakers.
Go hey, man, nice sneakers.
Hey, man, nice.
(17:11):
Forwards, he's going to go.
Oh, thank you man.
Turn around and watch him walkpast you.
He's going to look at hissneakers at least two or three
times.
Now you've created what'scalled dopamine in his brain,
okay, so now he's a bit happier.
He looks at his shoes.
Now he goes on to thegirlfriend or wife because he's
in a good mood.
They're in part of the brain.
Monkey, see monkey, do she nowis in a good mood.
(17:32):
Then mother-in-law calls andyou get the picture.
Now you've just affectedprobably 30 people's lives with
four words.
But we don't do it.
We don't compliment people, wedon't say hi to strangers.
That was a beautiful well, notbeautiful story.
A guy, uh, wanted to go to thegolden gate bridge and throw
himself off and kill himself,and so he did.
(17:52):
When they shipped him out ofthe water.
He found out who he was, wentback to his apartment to try and
find next of kin.
When they got there, they founda letter on the kitchen table
and it read I'm gonna walk tothe golden gate bridge and I'm
to throw myself up and die,unless on the way there, about
four miles, somebody smiles atme, says hey, hello, good
(18:16):
morning, I'll stop and turn back.
So my question to the generalpublic is this how many people
today have you walked pastheading to the Golden Gate
Bridge?
So we never know what peopleare going through and we think
they already know.
So a smile, you know.
Hey man, nice sneakers, orspeaking on the elevator.
Jerry (18:36):
I'm the guy.
Is everyone okay on?
Robb (18:38):
here.
Shut up, man.
I'm that guy because you neverknow.
The words are very powerful.
It can change the chemicalmakeup of somebody.
You know when you say or speakto them and you'll never find
what you've done.
I can bet this.
Guys, you've stuck quite a fewpeople heading towards a golden
gate bridge, that's for sure.
Jerry (18:59):
Yeah, I do definitely believe that and I try to go out
of my way to engage with people, or people that like at the
store, like the cashier thateverybody like takes for granted
, and just say hey hi, how areyou doing, how's your day going?
Like you know, just talk like Ifeel like as a normal human
being, to another human being.
(19:20):
You know, a little smallconversation, gosh, I mean it's,
it's great, especially wheneven when you receive right when
people say something about youlike that you know, it's a funny
story behind that, because whathappened?
Robb (19:35):
jerry's, I my main office in dallas, so I went there about
six years ago over there and,uh, the staff, amazing and a new
girl as a nurse joined us andshe was kind of looking at
everything that was going on.
This guy walked in, he wassuicidal and he was down and he
was shaking.
He walked into my office and anhour later he walked out.
(19:55):
He's high-fiving the nurses,he's chatting with the reception
and the new nurse said to theold nurse oh my God, did you see
what Dr Rob just did?
Did you see?
That's amazing.
And the other words said yeah, Iknow right, have you told him
that?
Oh, I mean, oh, he alreadyknows.
Oh, I don't know.
I mean, nobody knows.
(20:23):
I just want to put it out there, guys, nobody knows.
So compliment, everybody youthink already knows, because we
don't, and they're the peoplethat need it most.
Anybody who's leading anybodyin a position that's leading
other people into whateveryou're doing team leaders,
police officers we all need agood validation or approval from
the next person, especially ifwe don't know them.
It's amazing, but we don't know, guys, we don't know.
Jerry (20:46):
I agree.
A lot of first responders shyaway from the public right.
Especially when they're offduty, they want to be in
solitude.
Do you know why that is or whatcould be causing that?
Robb (21:00):
Anybody that's in an environment that's threatening
for eight hours a day on YouTubewill pull away from that
environment.
So that's what most people do.
I generally I'm careful.
I say it don't like people.
You know I will never go tothese.
Oh, what I've been this.
You know all the treatmentcenters a bit.
I don't do that smoothly.
I don't like people.
You know some people can behorrible.
(21:21):
Some people are great.
I choose animals over people.
Before you start shoutingcomments at Jerry, it's because
I've seen so much.
I've seen so many people let medown Because we do good.
There's always people askingfor money, always people doing
pro bono, and every singleperson coming from the world I
was in the addiction world wouldlet me down.
So you tend to pull away fromthat, pull away from that stress
(21:46):
and go home and have a fewdrinks in the early days and try
and forget that.
But that's how people are.
You know, a friend of mine uh,he ran this a8 group for like
five years.
Me and him opened this groupand I tell you what.
We saved more people thananyone else, connecting them to
god or high power.
And he was the man.
He did everything.
He had no money, you know, Iused to fund his rent, fund car
(22:09):
payments, and nobody knew aboutit.
I used to do that every month.
He died two weeks ago, jerry,and not one person helped For
the funeral.
No money, they couldn't affordit.
They had no furniture.
They had to get their ownfurniture to get some more money
.
Not one person has helped them.
They did a little barbecuething that ranked about a
(22:29):
hundred dollars, but that'swhere we step in, you know, and
he was right.
He always said to me you know,you know, if I die tomorrow, I
go shut up rick.
He said no, if me, me or youdie tomorrow, in a week's time,
in this a8 meeting, they go rob,who you know, rick, who they
forget about us and I've justseen it happen in front of my
eyes.
Jerry (22:47):
It's crazy yeah, and I think you'll find most first
responders and it's probably Iknow it sure applies to the the
corporate world of you leavenext person up your bike right
replaced, you're replaced, and,and some agencies and
departments just like to usethat Like you don't like it here
(23:08):
.
You're just a number, go aheadand leave and I think that
really is hurtful but crazy forthem.
Robb (23:13):
On Sunday, the only person that's going to remember that
you worked hard and worked onSunday is your kids.
The boss won't, the companywon't, but your kids will, yeah,
that's why we can nurturechildren and be there from as
much as we can.
And I know that's hard thesedays when usually two parents
have to work to provide a house,a lot mortgage, you know.
But every time you get withthem, man, these pressures
(23:35):
always be validating and provingthem.
You know it get given routinesevery day.
You know stuff like that.
It's amazing.
Jerry (23:42):
But yeah, I can fully understand that what can, what
can people do that maybe arelike struggling with their,
their self-worth?
Robb (23:55):
yeah, self-worth.
So, going back to the memorypart, right, we mimic other
people around us.
So if you hang around 90 presspeople, you will become the 10th
.
You hang around nine successfulpeople, you get the gist.
So surround yourself with theright person In your group right
now.
If you're feeling less thanthere's somebody in your group
now that doesn't want you tosucceed and always slides in
(24:15):
them subliminal message like anair shot over air, does he think
he has idea?
And you know?
You see, we take that in andvery sensitive.
We can't change the peoplearound us, but we can change the
people around us.
So look at your inner circle,guys.
Your inner circle should be nomore than three, maybe four at
the most, and then peoplevalidating you, lifting you up.
Are you doing the same for them?
(24:36):
Once you get surrounded by thosepeople, you'll find your
self-worth will disappear as youstart to achieve, whatever that
looks like Money, kids.
Get your kids back.
Be the best father.
You'll like money, kids, getyour kids back.
Be the best father you'll findyourself achieving, because they
do as well, you know, andyou're out of circle.
They're out, but in a circle.
You must be validating andapproving each other every
single day, because that's whatlife's like.
(24:58):
Certain parts of the brain weset every 24 hours.
So I get up.
Tomorrow it all starts all overagain.
So the adoration and thank youand nod and whatever yesterday
makes no difference to today'slife.
So you have to start againbeing that person that talks,
being that person thatcompliments people surrounding
yourself.
Show me your friends.
I'll show you your future.
Surround yourself with thepeople that you want to be like
(25:20):
and if you earn 60 grand a year,hand around the guys that earn
100, you'll soon be earning 100.
And don't be scared of gettingrid of anybody around you If
they don't match up to yourbeliefs and your attitude and
you're lifting everybody up.
Get rid of them.
You don't have to be nastyabout it, but get rid of them
Because you'll find that youthink you have loads of friends
(25:42):
and you talk every day on text,but you end up saying the first
text stop texting people.
See how many people text you.
They're your real friends.
You'll find out a 9%.
Don't, by the way, you alwaysstart the conversation.
Cut them out.
You don't need them in yourlife.
Jerry (25:58):
Yeah, that's unfortunate.
The people you know there'ssome friends, you have friends
will use their quotes thatyou're always reaching out to,
that you're always putting intothe effort, and then there's
nothing really ever given backand those are the kind of the
friendships and things thatyou're talking about that to
remove.
Robb (26:18):
Yeah, yeah, and don't be shy about it, guys, we have one
lifetime.
I'll call it that too, likeStein.
It guys, we have one lifetime.
I'll call him that too, likestarting, but we have one
lifetime, guys.
How many moms and dads, howmany times you keep saying and
waving them off to kindergartennext week, next minute, or
waiting on to college, orwhether that time goes to.
Time is pressure?
Today it's about living in thenow.
I have no idea what tomorrowbrings.
(26:39):
I don't get a calendar.
I'll get my day tonight at 8o'clock.
I'm living in the now.
Once you start to do that, yousee the opportunities.
Surround yourself with theright people.
Get rid of those people thatdon't.
There's always one person animmediate family or close
friends that do not want you tosucceed, because if you
succeeded, then the spotlight'son one, while you all keep
messing up Spotlight's on youand they like that.
(27:01):
So just be assertive, guys,people around you, and mix with
who you want to be period.
Jerry (27:08):
Yeah, I mean.
There's lots of versions ofthis that you're saying out
there, right?
People are telling you in manydifferent ways to do these same
things.
Worry about your inner circle,and I know you're right, I know
you're right about your innercircle.
You know, and I, and I knowyou're right, I know you're
right.
I think people really have ahard time with trying to either
establish an inner circle or cutpeople out of their inner
(27:29):
circle the.
Robb (27:31):
The answer to that, guys, is we attract what we think we
are worth.
Think about that for a second.
So with our childhood trauma,the way for a lot of people,
especially alcoholics, to talkto us when we relapse on, we're
drinking, you know, we just.
You have to change thatcompletely.
You have to try and be the guythat attract people, and anybody
can do this, by the way.
(27:51):
Anybody can do it, unless youhave serious brain damage and
you can't think for yourself.
Anybody can do this.
You want to be a beacon.
You want to be a lighthouse onthat shore where people can see
you from miles around.
Do that smile, do that sillything at work.
You know, come dress in yourslip.
I've got my slippers on rightnow.
We have monday slipper day.
I'll create yeah, but whenpeople come in they love that.
(28:12):
So why don't you do it?
Attract the people you want toattract.
Go seek them, you know, andbuild good friendships and do it
.
Do it today.
We have a 7.3 second rule.
We did lots of tests and trialsand seven seconds, 7.3 seconds
with our golden number.
We came out that if you want todo something, you've got to
make a move in that time frame.
(28:32):
So if I'm sat there with a bagof chips, you know I'm drinking
coca cola.
Now you know I've got my dognext to me and I turn to my wife
and go, hey, I'm thinking'mthinking of hitting the gym
tomorrow.
I'm not hitting the gym, I knowit, she knows it, the dog knows
it.
But if I get up right there andthen and walk to the bedroom
and I put all my training stuffin a bag and I put the bag near
the door, I go out every morning, there's a good chance we're
(28:54):
going to the gym, because withinthat 7.3 second time frame it's
gone.
If we don't hunt upon it andstrengthen that neural pathway,
it's gone.
That's the way you must livelife, guys.
Do it we don't have time, do itdate that girl, buy that house,
that car, start that business,get married today, make moves
today to do it and you'll neverregret it.
Because I'm telling you guys, Ipeople go.
(29:16):
You can't have done all thestuff that you've done.
You must be telling lies.
I take every opportunity to docrazy stuff that ever comes to
me because I never want to be.
I've wasted most of my lifewith alcohol.
I never want to be that guy at80 years old, going.
You know, something didn'treally do much in her life.
Now people some people can live.
I can't live with that.
And what happens when you helppeople, what happens when you be
(29:36):
of service to other people, is,after 30 years, um, four years
ago my eldest daughter contactedme on Messenger.
I went over to see her.
She handed me mythree-month-old granddaughter.
Now she works for me as my headtherapist in Manchester.
I have a younger daughter who'snever got in contact, but I
kept doing and helping peopleand being the best person I can.
(29:57):
Three weeks ago I got a messagefrom my youngest daughter.
So now she's in my life andit's like everything we lose we
get back as long as we do theright thing.
And you know, guys, if you don't.
You know you still have candybars.
That little voice going?
I don't know, we know.
You know, when you don't dosomething nice, be that nice
person.
Don't take any crap of anybodyby the way.
(30:17):
Don't let them do that.
You have boundaries.
You step over that boundary.
Ah, ah, ah ah.
You're going to call the oldRob out there and you don't want
to see it.
I don't want to see the old Rob, so you don't want to see it.
So create them big boundariesaround you, because if people do
something you don't like, whodo you blame?
Well, you blame you, becauseyou have to set them boundaries
out so when they cross, theydon't know what the boundaries
(30:39):
is.
You know, there it is.
You've got to do that, guys.
You've got to live for now.
Nobody cares.
Go and do it now.
Jerry (30:46):
Yeah, I've got probably one last question for you to
explore and I know people arelike thinking how do I live in
the now and like what actionsteps can I take?
And I love the 7.2 seconds or 3seconds, like I love the 7.2
seconds or 3 seconds, I lovethat, get up and take that
action.
What other things?
Robb (31:07):
I've got three things for you guys before we go.
It'll change your life fortomorrow.
One of the reasons nobody'swoke up laughing in the morning
is lack of oxygen.
As a human being, we only takein about 45-50% of our oxygen
capacity.
The presence of oxygen in thehuman body equals the lack of
disease.
(31:27):
So every disease, every illness, every you know ailment in the
body, including cancer, start ina hypoxic area of the body.
So the idea in the morning isto get a hundred percent oxygen.
Three things here.
We Get up in the morning, standnext to the bed before you do
anything.
The brain is asleep.
Oh, you're tired.
Hold on to the bed, stand andtake 20 exaggerate breaths in.
(31:51):
That's 20 times.
Flood the brain with oxygen.
Flood every cell, every nervouscell.
Flood it with oxygen.
Immediately, the brain willcome to life.
Every nervous state.
Flood it with oxygen.
Immediately, the brain willcome to life.
Now we're ready to go.
Walk in the bathroom.
Let's put some stuff in thesubconscious brain.
Lock in the mirror from sixfeet away.
(32:14):
Don't go to the mirror when youput your shave and stuff like
that.
We see all our blemishes.
We subconsciously go out to theworld knowing that we see these
blemishes.
When's the last time you went?
Hey, johnny, good morning, howare you?
We don't do that, but when wefind six feet away from the
mirror, our blemishes disappear.
I love you.
I love you 10 times.
It's going to feel silly,you're not going to feel it, but
it's storing the subconsciousmind.
(32:34):
So if 300 neural pathways dieevery day and there are billions
in their head, there arebillions in their head what are
you replacing them?
300 neural pathways with Sameold behavior.
You're never going to getanywhere.
So we want to create these newneural pathways, starting in the
body.
Last thing I wanted to do guys,if you're right-handed, for
instance, and you brush yourteeth with your right one week
(32:54):
left, one week right, one weekleft, one week right your life
in a month's time will becompletely different to what it
is today.
Jerry (33:02):
Those are pretty easy, actionable steps that might but
everybody can do gary.
Robb (33:08):
people think I can't, that's, I can't be interested in
three things and the guys Iinsist on doing all go.
Oh my god, I'm thinking ofstarting an empire.
Oh my god, I've seen that girl.
I want to date with daisy.
Things change because we floodwith oxygen.
We change neural pathways, wespeak to the internal dialogue
and the subconscious brain thatwe are worthy and all of a
sudden you become tall enough,blonde enough, thin enough, rich
(33:32):
enough psychologically and thenyou get wet.
But not all the people go.
I have enough.
I have enough today.
You know it's crazy, but I haveenough.
And that place is worth everypiece of gold in the world,
every man of truth.
It's like a billion dollarsevery single day that people are
getting to you.
That's the only way to live,guys.
But I'll tell you what I did.
(33:52):
Listen if you want.
I know we're finishing soon.
If you're at home and you're ina place what we talked about
you're in that lonely onebedroom apartment.
Everybody doesn't like you.
You think you're never going toamount to anything.
You might even you know havesenses of doing something silly.
214-600-0210 is my personalcell phone number.
(34:14):
Send me a text message and thisis what's going to happen.
As you can imagine, I'm busy.
I'm going to text you backwithin a couple of hours of you
sending me And'm going toarrange a 20-minute pep talk
between me and you.
That will change your life and,you know, if it doesn't, I'm
going to send you a hundreddollars for wasting your time.
You see, I might be, you know,up here now working with all the
(34:35):
you know superstars and havemoney and everything I want.
But you know something I'vealways got my feet in the
trenches.
So if you're feeling like that,don't search me, don't Google
me.
Just text me, man, and I'mgoing to help you.
I promise you, no one's goingto sell you anything.
Okay, I always said before I'mrich enough, I have enough
people around, I'm fine.
I'm not doing this for that.
Jerry (34:55):
Just text if you're in that place that golden gate
bridge guy that stops youjumping off.
Yeah, wow, I really appreciatethat, um, and I hope there are
people out there listening thatwill take you up on that offer.
Um, I can't imagine what a 20minute pep talk would be with
you all right it'd probably begreat, you'd you know you might
(35:21):
want to record it so you canlisten to it more often.
And, yes, pep yourself up, drkelly, though, seriously, where
can people find you?
I mean, you have a presence ononline and there's people that
are going to want to researchyou and see what you're doing,
and and it's all good stuff sofor those guys listening, not
watching, I stole my name in twob's.
Robb (35:42):
R-o-b-b-k-e-l-o-ycom is the website.
There's lots of things there.
We have a non-profit rob kellyfoundation just started.
We had other thing.
We have conferences, speakingand stuff like that.
So lock us up.
You know, have fun, dr robkelly, again, in any search
engine will come up and, uh,just if you need to, you know,
(36:02):
if you need to go on researchers, find out about us, get to the
website.
There's a book on there.
It's nine dollars on amazon.
But you know something if youtext us from that website, I'll
send you a free, signed copy.
I'll even pay the postage, themailing as well.
So you know everything we cando for you guys.
I want to do for you guys.
So go have fun.
Yeah, for you guys.
So go have fun.
Jerry (36:23):
Yeah, that is definitely some great offers and right,
once again, being the guy who'syou know that's life-changing.
I think Just the simple thingsfrom this podcast can change
your life and can change thelife of others around you.
Robb (36:40):
Boom baby, let's do it.
Jerry (36:42):
Yes, thank you, dr Kelly.
This was awesome.
I really appreciate it.
Robb (36:47):
Thank you so much, Jerry.
Thanks guys, Thanks forlistening.
Jerry (36:50):
Thanks again for listening.
Don't forget to rate and reviewthe show wherever you access
your podcast.
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