April 9, 2024 • 55 mins
When JR Martinez, a man of indomitable spirit whose life unfolds like an epic novel, graced our podcast, we knew the conversation would be anything but ordinary. From his life-altering injury at 19 to his triumphs as an author, actor, motivational speaker, and veteran, JR embodies what it means to be a cycle breaker. His candid reflections on personal transformation and the power of looking back to foster growth will leave you inspired and introspective. We navigated the complexities of self-honesty, the importance of feedback from loved ones, and the surprising role of stillness in our lives—a lesson I learned firsthand amid the flames of a burning Humvee.
The journey didn't stop at self-reflection; it also embraced the delicate art of vulnerability and the immense strength it takes to seek support. I opened up about my father-in-law, a man whose NYPD badge didn't shield him from personal tragedy, and his initial reluctance to seek help. Our discussion underscored how vulnerability can build bridges and foster connections, even with those who might not share identical experiences. Setting boundaries, a topic often shrouded in discomfort, was also laid bare as we examined the intricate dance between maintaining personal well-being and navigating the waters of complex family relationships.
Wrapping up our powerful session, we realized that the smallest moments can leave the largest imprints on our character. I shared how a simple act, like changing a contact photo to a childhood image of a loved one, can shift perspectives and nurture empathy. JR and I explored how stories of adversity and resilience resonate deeply, creating a shared human experience that transcends our individual struggles. This episode isn't just a conversation; it's a journey through the trials and triumphs that define the indomitable human spirit, reminding us to cherish the small moments that shape our lives.
As a First Responder, you are critical in keeping our communities safe. However, the stress and trauma of the job can take a toll on your mental health and family life.
If you're interested in personal coaching, contact Jerry Lund at 801-376-7124. Let's work together to get you where you want to be and ensure a happy and healthy career.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jerry (00:02):
Welcome to today's episode of Enduring the Badge
Podcast.
I'm host Jerry Dean Lund and ifyou haven't already done so,
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On whichever platform youlisten to this podcast on, such
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(00:22):
grow and the reason why, whenthis gets positive ratings and
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this to other people that neverlistened to this podcast before,
and that allows our podcast togrow and make a more of an
impact on other people's lives.
So if you would do that, Iwould appreciate that from the
bottom of my heart.
Very special guest today isJerry Martinez.
How are you doing, jerry?
(00:43):
I'm well, man.
How are you doing?
I'm doing great.
Thank you for asking, jerry.
Do you mind telling theaudience a little bit about
yourself?
JR (00:51):
Oh yeah, man, Like I mean, it's like the footnote, it's
like what do people want to know, right?
And it's like the stuff thatreally gets a lot of the
attention of the course is theauthor, actor, motivational
speaker, veteran, and I alsohappen to be once upon a time in
my lifetime on that show rightover there called Dancing with
(01:12):
the Stars, where I competed onseason 13 and actually won the
competition.
But listen, man, above all ofthose things I really like to
tell people, I think the thingsthat I'm most proud of, and, Lou
, of all the things that I'vebeen blessed to have the
opportunity to do, is that I'm acycle breaker and I'm sure
we're going to probably unpack alot of the stuff, a lot of the
life experiences that I've hadand what I've dealt with and
(01:35):
what I've broken from a cycleperspective to get to where I am
today.
And I think I'm still in thatspace where I'm still learning
and still trying to make thoseimprovements every single day of
my life.
But yeah, man, it's been fun.
Man, I still have those momentswhere I think now I'm 40 years
old and I'm in a space now whereI slow down and I try to
reflect a little bit more than Iused to.
(01:56):
And those moments of reflectionI really I get a smile on my
face because it just makes merealize the things that I've
been able to do, the people I'vebeen able to meet, the stories
I've been able to hear, thestories I've been able to share.
I mean, life is great man, andit has its rocky road and its
challenges, but I've been ableto come out on the other side
(02:18):
and still trying to yeah, let'stalk about reflection for just a
minute.
Jerry (02:24):
There was a time in your life that you didn't do a lot of
reflecting on things that havehappened or things that you're
going through.
JR (02:32):
Yeah, no, I mean I think, like a lot of us, we're just in
the mode, we're in the game,right, you're too busy trying to
play and survive and make it tothe next level, whatever level
you may be in life and I'm nodifferent I mean in my early
twenties, I was 19 when I wasinjured and, as you can imagine,
at 19 years old you take aninjury out of the equation, a
(02:55):
big, big life altering event.
You take that out of theequation.
Just remember being 19 yearsold period and the challenge
that comes with just being 19 inthe world and finding your
place and what do you want to doand how do you live on your own
and just I mean there's allsorts of things that are going
on at 19.
But then you throw this intothe equation where, as I like to
(03:16):
tell people like I lost when Iwas in the military and I was
injured overseas, I lost both ofmy identities, and the first
identity that I lost was thisidentity of being of service.
I was told I wasn't going tostay in the military, I was
going to be medically discharged, I wasn't going to be able to
wear the uniform and serve andbe part of that team and part of
this bigger thing, and so, ofcourse, that was stripped away
(03:39):
for me and I just like,immediately went into this
negative space of like my God,my life is over.
And then, just literally a fewdays after that, I saw my face
in my body for the first timeand, understanding the severity
of the injury, I'm just like, asyou can imagine, now a second
identity has been stripped of me, and one that I've known longer
than the first one.
Like I knew that for 19 years,the way I looked, and then
(04:00):
suddenly I look in the mirror at19 and I'm like I don't know
who that person is and, ofcourse, all that does is add
fuel to that fire that's alreadyburning in regards to my life
is over and I went down to thatroad and I went down in that
rabbit hole and I always Ibelieve in manifestation, I
believe in putting a lot of goodthoughts and good energy into
(04:21):
the world and I think it rewardsyou.
But I don't believe that youjust have to just manifest and
visualize it, like a lot ofpeople like to sit here and do
this practice and wake up and belike check out the lot on
ticket, like did I win?
And I'm like that's not how itworks.
You actually buy the lot onticket right.
(04:44):
So you actually got a different.
When I finally started to get alittle bit of like seeds of
life and realize that I cancontinue to serve in a very
different way, when I started torealize that I brought value to
the table and that all thenarratives that I had been
feeding myself for so long thatno one would ever want to date
(05:05):
me, no one would ever want tolook at me, no one would ever
want to talk to me, I'll neverbe able to have a job, I'll
never all the things you just godown that dark road saying to
yourself.
Once I started to realize thosethings aren't really true, then
I just found myself just goinga hundred miles an hour.
And honestly, jerry, it was oneof the things that I commonly
(05:27):
tell people is this you know, ayear after I was injured, I got
involved with a nonprofit thatwas set up to help veterans and
their families and make thattransition when they come home
from an injury.
And that was my new purpose.
Man, that was the thing thatwas like, that was my lifeline,
that was the thing that waskeeping me going.
And people said, man, you'rereally good at this speaking
thing.
You're really good at beingable to relay the message and
(05:49):
the challenges and get people toget involved.
We want you to be a spokesman,and I was just turned 20.
I was like I don't even knowwhat a spokesman means, but I'll
do it.
And I started to.
The PR company started to put meon all these different shows
and, you know, it gave me asense of purpose, but it was
almost a little harmful in asense, and what I mean by that
(06:12):
is I would have a surgery, anintensive surgery, on, let's say
, a Thursday.
And there's an example of where, on a Thursday, I had a 13 hour
surgery and that followingMonday I was on a plane flying
somewhere to go do press for acouple of days, and it's like
you know.
And so what that did was andthere's a lot of, you know
harmful traits andcharacteristics that are
(06:33):
involved in that, because what Istarted to feel was the sense
of like, oh man, I mean I'mneeded, I'm part of something,
I'm validated and I'm accepted,I bring value.
So all that did was just fuelthat and I was operating from
that place, so I was willing tospread myself so thin because it
was fulfilling something that Iavoid that.
(06:54):
I had inside of me, emotionallyand mentally, that I had not
even scratched the surface onaddressing, and so I just
continued that pattern, man, forso long.
And I guess what?
That's what they say whenyou're in your 20s, you're
supposed to do that, right,you're supposed to go a hundred
miles an hour and have all theexperiences and do all the
things.
And I did.
And now, at a stage of lifewhere, you know, I'm married and
(07:16):
I have two kids, and you know,and there's just different
priorities and differentresponsibilities, now I'm making
sure that I stop and, you know,really reflect on the journey,
reflect on conversations that Iget to have with people, whether
it's the first time we'vespoken or the 15th time, it
doesn't matter.
So, you know, I think it'ssomething that we all have to
(07:36):
practice and it is a practiceLike you literally have to
practice it and you have to beintentional, you have to be
mindful of it.
It doesn't have to be sittingin a dark closet, you know, and
it can be in your car andturning off the music, turning
off a podcast, as much as I knowyou want people to listen to
the podcast.
But you know, just disconnectfor a few minutes, that's all it
(07:57):
takes and just kind of findgratitude and reflect.
And that's something I'm reallytrying to practice every single
day.
Jerry (08:04):
Yeah, the silence, I think, is scary for a lot of
people.
They just don't know what'sgoing to happen when they sit in
that silence and do thatreflection.
JR (08:14):
You lose some emotion as you're outside.
Jerry (08:15):
Thank you, I'm.
I like the guy that said that.
JR (08:16):
Yeah, he just said that it's like yeah, and you know you
hear people say be still, still,be still, and it's like deal.
But are you really listening?
Are you really listening towhat your mind is telling you?
Are you really listening towhat your heart is telling you,
what your body is communicatingto you?
(08:37):
Are you really being honest inthat moment?
It's like people say I go totherapy and I'm like well,
that's great, you're going totherapy, but are you can, you
can fool a therapist, right?
You can go into therapy andtell the therapist everything
that you want them to know, andthey're just all they're doing
is you know?
It's like I saw this thing withTony Robbins, where he did this
(08:57):
exercise in an interview, wherehe told the person that was
interviewing him he said lookaround this room and see if you
can find anything, anythingthat's brown.
And so the guy looks around andhe's like all right.
Tony's like did you findanything that's brown?
He said, yeah, I did.
And he's like well, did you seeanything that was red?
And the guy was like no, and hewas like all right, now look
around and see if you findanything that's red.
So the guy looks around.
(09:18):
He's like did you find anythingthat's red?
And he's like, yeah, and he'slike, see, whatever you're
looking for, you will find tovalidate it.
Whatever narrative you want tofeed yourself, you find a way to
validate it.
Right.
You go on Google, anything onGoogle, it will validate
whatever thoughts you have.
So you have to be very carefulabout that.
So for me, it's not just simplybeing in stillness, like.
(09:43):
I like to gather as muchinformation.
I know this is probably goingto be edited in the timeline,
but when Valentine's Day comesaround and you think about the
people, for me I think about thepeople that are in my circle
that I love, that love meunconditionally, that I value
what they have to say, that Ivalue their constructive
(10:06):
criticism.
They've equally value mine, andso I like to gather that
information.
What are things that I need todo better?
What are things that I need todo differently?
What are things that I got towork on as a human being to be
able to better show up?
And then I go oh, when I sit,still, I have those honest
(10:26):
conversations, although I'vealways remembered the details of
the day that I was injured, butit really took a few years for
me to connect the dots, and whatI mean by.
That is when I was injured.
I was trapped inside of aburning Humvee for five minutes,
completely conscious, screamingand yelling at the top of my
lungs.
I remember through the front ofthe Humvee I can see chaos in
(10:48):
front of the Humvee and it wasjust people just running around
because three of the guys thatwere in the Humvee with me had
been thrown out of the vehicleall at various distances and
then they didn't know for a longtime where I was.
So everybody was trying to findme.
I was trying to get away fromthis Humvee as well, because we
had all of this ammo that washeating up and now it was
(11:09):
starting to shoot off.
You know these 50 cal roundswhich you don't want one of
those on you and you know.
So every there was just allthis chaos and I remember in the
midst of me screaming andyelling at the top of my lungs
and trying to fight for life andstay alive, like I could just
see people chaotically justrunning around.
(11:30):
And there would be severalinstances over the course of
that five minutes where my eyeswould get heavy.
I would just get, my eyes wouldget heavy.
I mean, we've all can relate to.
You know, being in bed or beingon the couch and watching TV
and you're like, starting to getsleep in your eyes, on the
verge of closing, and you'refighting, you're fighting,
you're fighting them.
Before you know you're like,and then you know you're deep
into sleep, and then you do that, startle yourself and you wake
(11:51):
up.
But for me, I found myselfgetting so weak and I closed my
eyes.
But all that was is my body.
I just couldn't fight anymoreand I was losing.
I was losing all strength andenergy that I had to continue to
scream and continue to fightand hold on.
But something so interesting isin in those several moments
(12:13):
when my eyes would close andthey were closed, it was like
this calmness and this peace.
And then, all of a sudden, Iwould remind myself wait, if I
keep my eyes closed, that's it,I'm giving up, I'm going to die.
And so I would open my eyes andI would continue to scream and
yell at the top of my lungs.
But what that taught me and Ididn't realize this years later
(12:33):
was that you could be in themost, the most difficult,
painful situation that you'veexperienced in your life, and
there's all this noise and chaosaround you.
But in the mix of that.
You can still close your eyesand go inside and create silence
and create stillness.
And so for a lot of people thatare watching this, that you
(12:58):
know, or in a stage where theyhave kids or you know, there's a
lot of you know work and andand there's a lot of
responsibilities and peopleneeding you and do this and do
that.
I mean it's like there's a lotof noise out in the world and we
have to find the time to justcreate stillness and close our
eyes and just be present withwhat we're feeling and remind
(13:20):
ourselves that, hey, you knowwhat?
I've survived a lot of thingsalready.
This isn't my first rodeo.
This is a different rodeo,maybe a different city I'm you
know I'm doing this in, butnonetheless it's the same
concept and all I got to do isjust open my eyes and continue
to hang on and continue to showup.
And you know, listen, man.
I mean I was evacuated.
I started the Medevac process.
(13:40):
I ended up in San Antonio,texas.
I was in the medical inducedcoma for three weeks and when I
came out that's essentially whenI got to that point, when they
told me I wasn't going to beallowed to stay in the army and
that I was going to, that thiswas my body and I was going to
be thrown out into what we referto as the civilian world, you
know, with no resources, notools, no nothing.
(14:01):
And I was 22 years old when Igot out of the military.
I spent more time.
I actually spent more time ondancing with the stars than I
did on active duty, because Ijoined in September of 2002,
right after high school, andliterally I did basic training
till December of that same year.
January I was assigned to myunit and March I was on a plane
(14:22):
deploying and April I wasinjured.
So literally, I mean, I was incountry less than a month.
So I spent more time, like Isaid, on dancing with the stars,
which you know.
You probably want to spend moretime on that place than you
know on a deployment, butnonetheless, man, I mean you
know.
So that's, you know, that'swhat's really fascinating for me
is like, in that sense of kindof circle back where we started.
(14:43):
In regards to like reflection.
I think that's the thing thatwhen you allow yourself to stop
and pause and reflect, you'reable to connect a lot of dots
and then you're able to remindyourself that you're capable and
you have every tool that youneed to be able to overcome
whatever adversity life isthrowing at you in the moment.
Jerry (15:01):
Yeah, and reflection can be used in not just for time of
maybe crisis or whatever.
Right, this is also the time tolike sit down, reflect and
celebrate maybe some of theseyou know accomplishments that
you've had in life.
Absolutely, I think we tend notto do that.
We tend not to celebrate.
You know our lives very well,the accomplishments that we've
(15:24):
had, we just like onto the nextthing, Just keep driving forward
.
JR (15:29):
Well, it's interesting because, you know, as a speaker,
most of the time, you know theyplay an intro video and it's
this really it makes me looklike a badass man, like it's
this montage, like a video, ofall these photos and video clips
of things that I've done.
And I watch that, whether I'mbackstage, backstage, whatever,
(15:52):
and I watch that and I'm justlike wow, and the music that
they put on it and it's just, Imean I come on stage and people
are like yeah, yeah, they're allpumped up because the music and
the photos and the videos andit's just a it's recapping my
life up to this point.
And you know, I say I say topeople almost all the time I was
like, you know, it'sinteresting because it's really
(16:14):
awkward for me sometimes towatch that video and it's
because we're not conditioned inmany ways to celebrate those
victories, right, a lot of us, Imean there's some people that
are like perfectly fine, tellingeverybody what they've done and
over and over and, over andover and over, right, and we
(16:34):
know a few of those people, butthey're but, but I think a lot
of us were so careful with howit's going to be portrayed if we
talk about the things thatwe've done and things that we've
accomplished, that we justmaybe kind of keep those things
in.
And you know, I've noticed thatsometimes, for me personally,
when I watch that video, I'mlike all right, just just get
the video over with and let mecome on stage and let me do my
thing.
And I've had to work throughthat.
(16:57):
I really had to work throughthat.
And now I get on stage and I'mlike how cool it be if every
single one of us had a highlightvideo, had an intro video, had
a montage video where you playedit.
Every time when you got up inthe morning, before you did
anything, before you had coffee,before you got the kids up,
before you made breakfast,before you checked your phone or
your email or whatever, youliterally watched that video and
(17:20):
you're like hell, yeah, I'm abadass man, I've done some cool
things and we all need thatvideo, we all need that reminder
.
And so, you know, for me, I'mjust like and trying to
encourage people to really pauseand reflect on the things that
they've done.
And you know and I think that'swhat happens is that, you know,
we think that every piece ofadversity, every challenge that
(17:42):
we're faced with, is differentfrom the last and in reality
it's really not.
I mean, maybe the root of whatcaused it is different, but
nonetheless it's challenging andit's difficult and there's a
lot of as I like to refer to theday that I was injured a lot of
rebirth that comes into theequation and what that means is
(18:03):
that there's something that hasto end, there's something that
no longer is going to be, and Idon't mean this dramatically and
I want to be respectful ofpeople that have actually lost
loved ones and people they careabout.
But I'm just saying, like anopportunity no longer is there,
right?
Like I mean, there's so manythings that just you know, like
roles of parents, I mean, godly,I mean, that's one of the
(18:25):
things that I've experiencedpersonally.
One of the things I witnessedfrom other people, is that, as
parents, we're so accustomed forso long to take care of our
babies and then they become, youknow, adults and we still talk
to them and treat them liketheir baby, because it's what we
need and we for them, and nowembrace the new role where all
(18:45):
they need from us is just tolisten and to be encouraging and
to maybe come watch thegrandkids or, you know, maybe
come help them figure out how todo this or that.
But you know so, there's alwayssomething that ends.
When I think of rebirth, don'tthink of, oh, something's ending
, something's dying.
(19:08):
I want you to think of, yes,something's ending, something's
dying, but it's making room forthe new opportunity, for the new
birth, for the new wave ofblessings that are coming your
way.
And so, for me, that's the wayI think of rebirth.
I think of yeah, this may beending, okay, cool, that's
difficult.
And so I think that's that,because that's part of life, you
have to grieve everything thatyou've known for, however long,
(19:30):
and it's been part of youridentity, and it ends.
You have to grieve it, andthat's natural.
But then I also find myselflike all right, cool, I've had
my party.
Now let me welcome the newopportunity that's coming,
because I know it's coming.
Jerry (19:41):
Yeah, I think that's very important to grieve some of
those things that you're losingand not just like once again
pack those away and not look atthem and not deal with those
emotional stuff with it and justkeep moving forward.
Right, that's kind of the stuffthat builds up or sneaks up on
you, yeah.
JR (20:05):
And I mean, listen, we're all conditioned to do the job
which I love that you have butfor so long, especially people
in the United States, thought ofpost-traumatic stress as
something that only applied tomilitary personnel or first
responders.
And I think, more and more,especially since COVID affected
(20:28):
the entire world, I think all ofus realize, oh no,
post-traumatic stress issomething that's very real to
every single human being, andit's trauma that comes in very
different ways, but nonetheless,we can all relate to what that
is like, right?
I mean, how many parents havelost?
And my mother lost a daughter,my wife lost her younger sister
(20:52):
passed away unexpectedly.
And then you start tounfortunately, you start to
realize there's a wholecommunity of people that have
lost children at different ages,and so there's that group of
people.
But then, okay, so the way thatthey lost somebody is maybe
different than a military familythat lost a loved one overseas
or in training or anything, butnonetheless, just because it
(21:15):
happened differently, you stilllost a child.
So you connect on that level,right.
And so I think people startedto really realize like, oh man,
law enforcement, firefighters,military personnel, the front
lines trauma that theyexperience, oh, they live with
guilt because maybe theycouldn't save this individual or
maybe, because they didn't dothis, someone else got injured
(21:38):
or, unfortunately, lost theirlife.
Well, how many of us live withguilt?
Man, if I would have done thisor if I wouldn't have done that,
this wouldn't have happened,that wouldn't have affected them
.
And listen, there's so many.
There's so muchintersectionality between all of
us, but it's because we're justall doing the same thing.
We're living life and whenyou're living life, there's
(21:59):
going to be a lot of thatintersectionality.
So you really hope that peoplestart to open up in regards to
knowing that.
Hey, maybe this is the best wayto summarize it.
My father-in-law was 27 years,nypd and accomplished, was a
badass, was tough as nails andexterior-wise, even when he
(22:23):
retired, I'd catch him stilllooking around like he was on
patrol and looking around andpeople would come up and they
would talk to him.
He'd be like hi, hi, just reallykind of stoic in that approach
and for so long when he lost hisdaughter.
One of the sound bites that hewould always share with me and
(22:46):
my best friend is I'll talk tosomebody.
But I want to talk to somebodythat has experienced exactly
what I have and, from my pointof view.
I would always say to him I waslike I think when you have that
mindset, you're closingyourself off from the real
opportunity to connect withsomebody else that has had the
same experience, has maybe losta child, but it wasn't in the
(23:10):
same way, like they don't havethe same background as you,
maybe they didn't lose the childthe same way, or maybe they
haven't lost a child at all,maybe they just can be just a
set of ears just to listen toyou and just you know.
And so I think for me, I justwant people to understand like,
hey, don't close yourself offfrom a possible connection with
another human being just becausethey haven't walked mile for
(23:32):
mile, step for step in yourshoes.
That individual was there inyour path for a reason.
Jerry (23:39):
You think some of that would reduce the stigmatism of
seeking help for mental health.
What's that Sorry?
So do you think that would likehelp in the stigma you know for
mental health, for peoplewanting to seek mental health,
if they have maybe a little moreopen mindset on that?
JR (23:59):
Yeah, listen, you know I'm in a stage now.
I've been practicing this for avery long time and leaning into
it even more now.
But this word vulnerability,you hear it a lot and you know,
and you know I spoke at aconference of like 1500
(24:22):
frontline personnel from, youknow, law enforcement to
firefighters, to dispatch, Imean everybody that is a part of
that system.
They had a big conference and Ispoke at this conference and I
remember when I got off of thestage I had a lot of the
attendees come up to me and saywe've had a lot of speakers over
(24:44):
the years but no one, no one,shared the level of depth and
vulnerability that you have.
And that was really surprisingto me.
And I remember talking to myteam about that and I'm like how
is that possible, like.
And then what came into my mindwas then maybe people hear the
word vulnerability, they maybejust don't really know what it
(25:05):
really means or what it feelslike, and they're afraid.
They love to throw the word out, but they don't really love to
sort of lean into whatvulnerability actually is.
And so for me, I've beenvulnerable and in the only way
and I don't expect anybody tojust who's completely closed off
(25:26):
to just start going to everypublic space and start telling
everybody what their trauma isand what your experiences are,
what you're coping with.
No it stages and you can't lookat my life and say JR is so
open and honest about thechallenges.
He was experienced, and notjust the glory things and not
all the beautiful things thanthe shiny things, like that
(25:46):
trophy right there.
I'm talking about when I was 20,21, 22, 23, 24, and I was angry
and I was drinking and I'm notproud of this, but I would get
behind a wheel and I would, youknow, drive and I was just.
I would lash out at people, I'dwant to fight people and just
because I was lost and I wasstruggling and I didn't know how
(26:09):
to connect with people andallow people to understand what
I was dealing with, and so Ijust continued to do it and
eventually, over time, it tookmy best friend that created a
safe space for me, that allowedme to be vulnerable, and what he
encouraged me to do was cry.
He just said, man, you need tocry.
I was like I'm going to need tocry.
I'm 24 years old, I'm notcrying.
(26:30):
I'm crying about what?
And then, jerry, I just startedcrying, man.
I don't even know why I wascrying.
I just started crying and sothat was the foundation.
That was the foundation, thatwas the start, and I've since
then have tested all these otherperiods in my life with
different people, differentaudiences.
(26:51):
Just trying a little bit morevulnerability here.
See how people receive that.
Try a little bit morevulnerability here.
See how people receive that alittle bit here.
Okay, so, the size of like 25to 50 people that are strangers,
embrace it, accept it, receiveit, like just nourish it.
Okay, let me now I'm speakingto 150 people Let me see if I'll
(27:13):
try it there.
Oh, there's people, are samethings happening?
Okay, now I'm getting to thesebigger audiences at this stage
of my life and my career.
Let me try it with 2,500 people.
Let me try it with 20,000people.
People are flooding me withInstagram messages and flooding
me with notes to my website, ormaybe they've catch me after the
(27:33):
event and they're like, man,that level of vulnerability, and
I'm like, oh, so then I'mslowly getting empowered Every
single time I try it to say, oh,this is what people want.
People want and we hear this.
All the people want to know whoyou are and what you're dealing
with and what you're overcomingon a day to day basis.
And so for me, I think that ifwe can all try to practice a
(27:57):
little vulnerability in yoursafe space, in your safe circles
of people that you love andtrust but understand and know,
there are going to be somepeople that are not equipped to
receive that.
There are some people in yourcircle.
You love them.
They're great people.
They're not the person that isemotionally and mentally capable
at this stage in their life toreceive that and to show up for
(28:18):
you.
Like I have friends that I knowif I'm going through, if I'm
having a day man, I'm notcalling them because I know when
I want to have fun, I want tojoke and I want to clown, that's
who I call.
But if there's something reallyweighing on me, these are the
list of people.
So I kind of have like acategory in my context list.
These are the people I reachout to when stuff's getting
(28:40):
really heavy.
It doesn't mean I can't callthem to celebrate stuff.
It just means, like I know thatemotionally and mentally that's
my crew.
When I want to have fun, youknow, then this is my crew.
Over here I want to joke around, kind of keep it surface.
This is my crew here.
Once you start to learn toidentify that and separate those
people and put them in thatspace, then you start to not tap
(29:03):
the same well over and over andyou don't get frustrated
because you have these falseexpectations of going to Jerry,
expecting Jerry to be achameleon that's going to
satisfy everything.
And the reality is Jerry, atthis stage in life, can only
fulfill one or two things, noteverything that you need.
But the only way you learn howto identify those individuals
you have to try it, and I thinkthat if we're able to just try
(29:26):
that, then I think more peopleare able to listen and say, oh
man, like, oh, you know, that'sinteresting.
How many times have you been ina conversation and you say
something to somebody andsomebody goes oh, you know what,
that's interesting.
I never really thought about itlike that.
Or I mean that, is it rightthere?
(29:46):
All of a sudden, now you'veconnected as human beings.
That's way beyond what we're soaccustomed to do, which is just
to be like how you doing and tobe like I'm good, all right,
great, have a good day.
No, how are you doing?
Oh man, today's rough man,there's a struggle like you know
this or that, oh man, you knowwhat?
(30:07):
Me too I had that the other day, or I'm going through that now,
or maybe oh, I'm sorry to hearthat, jerry.
And then guess what?
Two days from that conversation, now I'm going through it and
now I'm like Jerry.
Remember, a couple of days agoyou told me that thing, man, I
literally am experiencing thatright now, all of a sudden.
Now you're connected as humanbeings and that's what we need.
We need, you know.
I know the audience a lot.
(30:28):
For the most part, you know itis.
I want to encourage familymembers, I want to encourage
those individuals that wore thatuniform, that found themselves
in that space.
Practice vulnerability, justpractice positively, daily
(30:54):
practice vulnerability, try it.
Jerry (30:59):
There's the trust me, but nonetheless you're going to get
to that route and if youcontinue to show up and practice
that, you think showingvulnerability is means something
different for everybody to havetheir, their levels of right of
vulnerability of like who, whothey're around, how vulnerable
they want to be.
Not just it's takes a littlebit of practice, maybe, to be
(31:20):
vulnerable up in front of, like,a large group of people 100%,
100% and for and for a lot.
JR (31:32):
It's where our life is not going to put this on a scenario
where we're going to bevulnerable in front of hundreds
of people.
Right, it's, you know.
You know people talk aboutleadership a lot and and and
what I try to really reframe thethought.
We can go really in depth aboutleadership and really unpack a
(31:52):
lot of terms and a lot of stuff,but the most basic form of
leadership is modeling the wayit's.
It's how do you show up.
It's it's how do you move andnavigate through the spaces that
you occupy, how do you respondto.
I mean, how many times have youin your life been in a briefing
(32:15):
and just to kind of see howother people are responding?
You see someone kind of likeroll their eyes or make all
these little gestures.
I mean, and all of a sudden,now that's in your head, now
you're not even listening to theperson given the briefing
anymore.
Now you're asking yourself thequestion why is he or she like?
Why did they do that?
What's going on?
What's that really about Now?
Now you know, so you're nowcompletely so.
(32:37):
That person now has affectedyou and if it affected you,
there's a possible.
Now you are now looking andgazing and trying to make sense
of what you just witnessed.
(32:58):
So it's like leadership.
Man is not just looking atthese individuals that have
these big platforms, whetherit's through social media or a
title or a position within anyorganization.
All of us are leaders.
And it starts at home, likewhether it's just you and a
spouse, you and a partner, youand a kid, you and your kids,
(33:20):
you and your family, and thenall of a sudden, you and your
friends.
Then it starts to sort ofbranch out and sort of spill
into all these other areas andmaybe your level of
vulnerability is always going tobe within your family nucleus.
Maybe that's where it really isgoing to be.
Maybe I know there's stay athome parents, right, moms and
dads that are staying at hometake care of the kids.
(33:43):
Maybe that's your circle, maybethat's where you practice
vulnerability and that's just asimpactful as the JRs and the
jerrys of the world that areprobably reaching a lot of
people.
But we're not reaching yourcircle.
But if you can reach yourcircle, hey, we're all doing the
good work, we're all moving inthe same direction.
(34:05):
You know we're saying that.
Yes, I mean it has to startsmall, just like anything.
It has to be this dailypractice and the small practice
before you can eventually evolveand before you can eventually.
And maybe the evolution is notthe size of people you're being
vulnerable with, maybe theevolution is what you're sharing
(34:25):
with people.
Listen for so long and I'll becompletely honest.
Man, it's easy to look at 19.
My life turned upside down.
How did you overcome that?
And what I like to take peopleback is I like to tell people
like a lot of the challenges Iexperienced for the first 19
years of my life I mean that'soverlooked because of this big
catastrophic thing that happenedin my life but I look at those
(34:48):
moments were moments that werereally traumatic because they
were my youth and they preparedme in many regards for that big
catastrophic moment, that thing,that injury and allowed me to
overcome it.
But it also the foundation wasa little cracked man and I
didn't really start to realize alot of that stuff until my mid
(35:09):
30s and when I started to gointo the therapy and I started
really being honest about someof the things that I experienced
in my youth and things that Ijust completely, just dismissed
and just buried for so long andjust tolerated.
And I'll be honest, and here'sa level of vulnerability I love
my mother to death.
I love her.
She is always going to be myqueen, always going to be
(35:33):
somebody.
As a single mother that I sawstruggle and deal with so much
trauma, she experienced so muchadvert.
But I also can say that mymother and I because I was a
(35:56):
source where she dumpedeverything on she lashed out.
I was the safe zone where shecould just attack me and dump on
me and I just tolerated itbecause that's the way I was
conditioned as a child.
My mother, I mean, listen, I'mgoing to be honest and this is
stuff that I haven't shared fora very long time.
And I know, again, 40 years old, all of us you're 40 and older
(36:18):
you'd be like, yeah, my mom andmy dad whooped my ass and that
was normal, and if they didn'tput their hands on you, they
didn't love you.
That's the way we wereconditioned.
But and then you got theyounger than me that are like,
oh you know, they start callingcivil service right away, child
services right away.
They got a little speed dialthere.
(36:39):
They're quick to go to socialmedia or do something.
But you know, my mom put the wayshe put her hands on me.
I mean, listen, man, it was nothealthy, it was not safe.
And she allowed other people toput their hands on me and I
mean this from a physicalstandpoint of like, like
whooping me and beating my ass.
I mean mom, um, literally wouldtie my hands and my feet so I
(37:01):
couldn't get away, because ofcourse it hurt and she would
take like whatever she couldfind.
And it wasn't like a switchwhich we all joke about and
laugh.
I mean she grabbed a littlerope that she find and just hit
me and I'd go to school withbruises on my arms, on my back.
I mean that's how I would go toschool, but I was conditioned,
I had to protect her.
So I would change in gym classor PE or football practice.
(37:21):
I change in the corner so noone would see and no one would
know.
Because I needed to protect her, because that's the way I was
conditioned to protect.
And I just always continue toprotect her, even though she
lashed out.
And then it wasn't physical,because my mother's 4 foot 11
and even though she's leaked the4 foot 11, you know, and I'm
5'9, you know she was like,alright, maybe physically is not
(37:43):
the way I'm going to get thisdude.
But then she started very muchbut then she started verbally
attacking me and verbally sayingthings and she's just hurting
and she just lashing out and Iknow, I know where it comes from
.
She's struggling, butunfortunately her pride and her
ego has gotten away and ispreventing her from getting the
help that she deserves and shedeserves that and life has been
(38:05):
pretty unfair to her.
But she just verbally, justthrows stuff at me and says
hurtful things and it got to apoint where one day I was like
man.
I realized that's the root of alot of the things that I'm
dealing with.
And so I went to therapy and Iremember the therapist and I was
like I said I was like 30.
I was actually my early 30s andthe therapist she was like in
(38:28):
her prime mid 60s and very quietand and I joke, all the time I
was like man.
I, every time I left therapy Iwas like I want to marry her,
like she was like she.
It was just amazing, like Ijust love, like everything she
extracted from me and my lifeand my experiences.
(38:48):
I remember the first time shesaid you need to establish
boundaries with your mom.
And listen, I'm Hispanic manand I'm not saying that this is
just a cultural thing but, likeI know, everyone loves and
values their mother and theirparents and they put up on this
pedestal.
But definitely I know within myculture there is no such thing
as boundaries with your queen,with your mother, that you don't
(39:10):
do that.
And I was like, what do youmean boundaries?
And she broke it down and shesaid, listen, you've been in an
abusive relationship and thisisn't healthy for you and it's
not fair to you.
And I remember the first time Itold my mother, when she called
me, she just started justsaying things to me, just
because she was afraid.
My mother has been afraid.
(39:30):
She was just afraid she waslosing somebody else in her life
because her little boys allgrowing up and she doesn't need
to coddle him the same way andtake care of him.
I don't need her the same way.
I still needed her, not thesame way.
And she was just afraid.
So her tactic was let me attackhim and make him feel guilty.
So he stays and he doesn'tleave.
(39:51):
And I would always fall intothat cycle of like I'm sorry,
mom, even though I did nothing.
I didn't do anything.
I don't need to apologize.
I'm sorry, mom, and how can Imake it better?
And then I was conditioned whenI got some success, jerry, I
was like well, I'll buy youthings, or I'll buy this for you
all.
I'll take you on this trip, orI'll do this or I'll do that,
(40:12):
thinking that was going to bethe solution.
And I learned, oh, that's notthe solution.
And I remember the first time mymother started, like she was
like called, saying like mom, Igotta establish boundaries.
This isn't healthy.
Like I'm more than happy totalk to you about things that we
(40:35):
want to do, where we want to gowith our relationship, where we
want to go individually, likehow we want to grow things like
that.
But I'm not going to continueto revisit the past.
And when I told her that, shewas like fine, that I'm going to
tell everybody I don't have ason.
Oh, and this is after.
Like this is after I was ondancing.
This is after I wrote a bookthat was a New York Times
(40:57):
bestseller.
This is after I was an actor onthese shows, like rad visibility
, I had platform and I'm likewow, and the thing that really
kind of allowed me to have likeempathy for her was there's a
guy named Caleb Campbell and hegrew up in Texas and kind of had
(41:18):
similar upbringing, playedsports, big, big sports guy.
And then I'm going to WestPoint, played ball there and,
you know, tried out in the NFL.
I think he had like a coupleshort stints with, but now he's
a bigger.
Look at my salad dude awesomedude years ago.
(41:42):
And then randomly I live inAustin, randomly, like during
2020 or 2021.
And I'm like that's Caleb andso I go up to him.
We, you know, talk, we exchangeinformation.
I had him on my podcast and hesaid one of the things that he
(42:04):
did with his mother is hechanged her photo and her
contact.
So when she calls him before,every time she called he saw her
picture in her name.
He would get like a pit in thestomach.
And I related to that becausethat's how I felt and I was
walking on eggshells and there'san amazing book that's called,
(42:24):
that's titled walking oneggshells and and I, when I read
that book, I related to it somany ways.
And he said what he did is hechanged the photo of his
mother's contact to her as achild Because it allowed him to
put his guard down and realizethat that was probably the last
time she was just felt loved,felt supported, felt safe, felt
(42:51):
encouraged, felt like innocent,where there was so much
possibility in the world, and Ithought that that was such a
beautiful, simple way ofallowing yourself to show up for
somebody and kind of puttingyour guard down.
Now, have I done that with mymother?
Yes, I have, but my mother hasnot reached out and you know,
(43:12):
that's where pride and ego getsin the way, and that's one thing
about our culture as well.
We're incredibly prideful andwe're not, and to a to a fault,
to a degree.
But listen, man, I just sharedthat with you.
I don't we just met, we justmet five minutes before we went
live and, yeah, and I don't knowyour audience and they don't
know me, but I'm comfortablesharing that without, you know,
(43:33):
worry of judgment or worry ofanything, because it's on, it's
my authentic truth, it's who Iam, it's part of what I've had
to overcome and but it's part ofwhat's made me strong, what's
made me be able to have empathyfor people that Are struggling
and, you know, be able to seethem as more than what we see in
(43:55):
that, in that very moment whenwe interact with them, and I
think that's that's what lifeshould be about.
Jerry (44:00):
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
Thank you for sharing that.
Those.
I found some value into myself,right, different perspectives,
right, we everybody coming froma different place.
But they can like hear thatstory and probably think a piece
about that, about their howthey interacted with their
parents and relate to that whichis great about being vulnerable
.
Jarrett, what are people goingto find in your book?
JR (44:26):
Man, they're gonna find those stories and you know, you
know honestly, jerry.
So it's been.
It's been, you know, a littlered decade when I wrote that
book.
And so I'm at the stage of lifenow where I want to sit down
(44:48):
and write more and what Irealize when I wrote that book
then, a lot of stories and thatbook of adversity, the
challenges that I experienced inmy youth, the adversity
challenges I experienced, youknow, through my injury post, my
recovery, up into a certainpoint, right like it's up until
that point.
But there was so much more thathas transpired since I wrote
(45:09):
that book.
So I think there's just gonnabe more depth and more
understanding that.
And the reason why I wanted to,like I said in the reason I
talk about Everything thathappened prior to my injury, is
because I want people tounderstand that, oh, I too have
had a lot of those similarexperiences, or I know someone
(45:30):
has those little experiences.
Don't misinterpret them andrefer to them as little,
thinking that they don't holdweight or hold value or you know
, no, no, no, you put all thoselittle things Together.
It's like I told my daughterthat my daughter plays she plays
club, travel, select, whateverpeople call it softball and and
(45:55):
I coach her and this season shewas like, hey, I want to play
fly football.
So we're like, all right, cool.
So there was one weekend whereboth of our quarterbacks were
out so and they're like, hey,we're gonna ask your daughter to
play quarterback.
And I was like man, she hasn'tthrown a football like she can
catch it and run it.
But so her and I, before thegame, we're out in the backyard
(46:19):
and I'm kind of running routesand and she's throwing a
beautiful spiral.
I mean hit me leading me, boommoney.
I mean, like God, leave.
Better than some of thequarterbacks in the NFL and
there's a lot of bad ones outthere.
You know, and you know, and I'mlike man, she's doing a good
job.
Well, of course, in the game Imean it's different when you
have a rusher coming at you.
So she's panicking, she justtossing it up.
She threw like three picks.
(46:39):
I mean it, we lost the game.
I mean we only lost by atouchdown to a boys team, which
was actually impressive.
But you know, I, she, I said toher when we got home that night
I said I want to just realquick, just celebrate you.
And what I want to point out isyou know, life is made up of all
these little moments.
(46:59):
We like to believe it's allthese major events that happen
and, yes, those are player role,but it's these little moments
and you've had so many littlemoments so far at an 11 years of
your life, and today was one ofthose moments.
You've never played quarterback.
Your team needed you to play it.
(47:20):
You showed up and even though itwasn't going the way you wanted
it to go, the way you dreamtabout it, fantasized, I'm sure
in your head, you still showedup, you still took another snap,
you still tried to make it thepast that you needed to make.
You never pouted, you never saidtake me out, you never said I
quit, you never threw a fit, younever should.
You never showed that and I waslike that kid, that kid, you
(47:44):
continue.
And there's all these otherexamples that I pointed out for
her and I was like that is goingto be the thing that when
you're our age, you're going tobe the person that you are
because you continue to show upand those moments like that.
So this book is about thoselittle moments, and I hate using
the word little, but you knowit's because they're not so
(48:04):
little.
They're big moments.
So it's just a lot of depth anda lot of detail for people to
understand JR and kind of whatshaped him and what conditioned
(48:27):
him to be the person that he istoday.
Now, right, a lot of things.
It's a really beautiful spaceReally yes, it's just a city
(48:59):
training with me and then, aftera basic training, he got
stationed overseas and then Iwas stateside and then we lost
on time because this is 2000.
But he didn't even know I wasinjured and for years we would
(49:31):
connect and we'd talk and sharetime together and then he was
still in the military and he'dgo off to his deployments and
I'd give him feedback and he'dtake that and he'd be like yeah,
yeah, yeah.
But then he would just kind ofghost me for a long time.
And about three years ago,around Christmas time, I woke up
(49:51):
one morning for messages on myInstagram, on my Facebook,
through my website, and it washim and he says hey, man, I need
to talk.
And so I immediately called himand man, it's been like it's
been a couple of years.
I mean I can't remember when hereached out in 2020 or 2021.
So you know, three, four yearsit's been of us working, working
(50:17):
and like both of us are workingto help him.
He struggled with addiction andit was the hard stuff and it was
also alcohol and relationshipsand he has a son and there was
just a lot of stuff.
But I can probably say he's ina space now where he's going to
(50:37):
school, he's clean, he has ahealthy relationship with his
son and he has his moments.
He has his moments, as we alldo, because he's a human being.
But he knows he can call mebecause I've already shown up
and I've already proven to himthat I'm a safe space.
I tell my boy I love him Like.
I tell him that I'm like man, Ilove you man.
And you know, at first as adude he's like yeah, I like to,
(51:00):
you know, he's just kind of likemumbling, keeping it under your
breath.
And now he's like no, man, Ilove you too.
And I'm like, yeah, I love youman.
And my best friend taught methat.
You know, my best friend taughtme that.
Now I'm helping pass that on toothers.
And I think the reason Imentioned that story is because,
whatever organization you findyourself a part of, you have to
(51:25):
be able to show up for eachother and you can't just say I'm
going to show up for you.
You have to prove it, you haveto show it Right.
I mean, it's, it's, it's it's,you know, you could talk about
things all day long and we knowthat right.
It's like, how do you show it?
And you got to let people feelthat, no, we're connected
(51:46):
forever, man, and I got you.
As long as you're trying, I'mtrying with you and we can try
together.
And I think I've experienced inmy time in the military where
there was individuals thathonestly there's no other way to
put it but just kind of justwent a term we used went AWOL on
me after they, after they said,no, we, I will always be there
(52:08):
for you and we were alwaysconnected and I'll always show
up for you.
And they weren't, they justleft.
And part of that is becausethey didn't know how to show up
for me.
And I think that's the otherthing that if you want to show
up for somebody but you don'tknow how to show up, you're
overthinking it.
All you need to do is justliterally show up, just walk
(52:29):
into the room, just walk it upto them, say hello, talk to them
, tell them you're there forthem, like, share a little bit
about your life.
That's the modeling, the way,and over time you'll start to
realize they'll start to trustyou and just stop thinking and
just start doing it, startshowing up.
That's the biggest thing Iwould encourage everyone to do.
Jerry (52:50):
Yeah, yeah, jared.
Where can people find you andfollow you and see what's going
on and where you're speaking?
JR (52:58):
Yeah, I appreciate that, man .
So JRMartinezcom is my website.
Obviously, I'm on social at.
I am JRMartinez, so encourageeveryone.
I really do, man.
I love interacting with people.
I love hearing what people haveto say.
I love conversation.
I mean, I've enjoyed thisconversation with you and I want
to thank you for having me onthe show as well and giving me
(53:19):
an opportunity to connect withyour audience.
But I really encourage peopleto hit me up on my website, hit
me up on Instagram.
I am JRMartinez and justconnect and just share.
And if there's something youfeel compelled you want to share
or you want to tell me that Iwas wrong about something, do
that too.
That's fine.
I'm not going to do that.
We can have a conversationabout it.
(53:39):
But I just encourage people toreach out and connect, because I
value the opportunity to have aconversation with every human
being.
Jerry (53:46):
Yeah, I appreciate that and I value being so vulnerable
and willing to tell your storyand I know there's.
We probably could go on forhours about your story, because
you've done a lot of greatthings and been through a lot,
so I really appreciate yousharing that with us and being
the model for vulnerability.
I appreciate that.
JR (54:07):
Well, thank you man, thank you very much.
It's life is incrediblyrewarding.
We just have to trust and justkeep continuing to show up and
find your people.
Find your people.
But you got to find your peopleby practicing a little
vulnerability.
That's how you start to filterthings out and filter people out
, and so don't be afraid ofmaking those hard decisions.
(54:28):
You're capable, you got it, andI hope that we connect on
social.
If not, you know, maybe we'llsee each other in person.
You never know.
Jerry (54:36):
It's a small world out there.
JR (54:37):
Man, that's right.
Thanks again, awesome.
Jerry (54:41):
Thank you.
Thanks again for listening.
Don't forget to rate and reviewthe show wherever you access
your podcast.
If you know someone that wouldbe great on the show, please get
ahold of our host, Jerry DeanLund, through the Instagram
handles at Jerry Fire and Fuelor at EnduringTheBadge podcast,
(55:05):
Also by visiting the show'swebsite,
EnduringTheBadgePodcastcom foradditional methods of contact
and up-to-date informationregarding the show.
Remember, the views andopinions expressed during the
show solely represent those ofour hosts and the current
episode's guests.
Welcome to today's episode of Enduring the Badge
Podcast.
I'm host Jerry Dean Lund and ifyou haven't already done so,
please take out your phone andhit that subscribe button.
I don't want you to miss anupcoming episode.
And hey, while your phone's out, please give us a rating and
review.
On whichever platform youlisten to this podcast on, such
as iTunes, apple Podcasts andSpotify, it helps this podcast
(00:22):
grow and the reason why, whenthis gets positive ratings and
reviews, those platforms likeApple Podcasts and Spotify show
this to other people that neverlistened to this podcast before,
and that allows our podcast togrow and make a more of an
impact on other people's lives.
So if you would do that, Iwould appreciate that from the
bottom of my heart.
Very special guest today isJerry Martinez.
How are you doing, jerry?
(00:43):
I'm well, man.
How are you doing?
I'm doing great.
Thank you for asking, jerry.
Do you mind telling theaudience a little bit about
yourself?
JR (00:51):
Oh yeah, man, Like I mean, it's like the footnote, it's
like what do people want to know, right?
And it's like the stuff thatreally gets a lot of the
attention of the course is theauthor, actor, motivational
speaker, veteran, and I alsohappen to be once upon a time in
my lifetime on that show rightover there called Dancing with
(01:12):
the Stars, where I competed onseason 13 and actually won the
competition.
But listen, man, above all ofthose things I really like to
tell people, I think the thingsthat I'm most proud of, and, Lou
, of all the things that I'vebeen blessed to have the
opportunity to do, is that I'm acycle breaker and I'm sure
we're going to probably unpack alot of the stuff, a lot of the
life experiences that I've hadand what I've dealt with and
(01:35):
what I've broken from a cycleperspective to get to where I am
today.
And I think I'm still in thatspace where I'm still learning
and still trying to make thoseimprovements every single day of
my life.
But yeah, man, it's been fun.
Man, I still have those momentswhere I think now I'm 40 years
old and I'm in a space now whereI slow down and I try to
reflect a little bit more than Iused to.
(01:56):
And those moments of reflectionI really I get a smile on my
face because it just makes merealize the things that I've
been able to do, the people I'vebeen able to meet, the stories
I've been able to hear, thestories I've been able to share.
I mean, life is great man, andit has its rocky road and its
challenges, but I've been ableto come out on the other side
(02:18):
and still trying to yeah, let'stalk about reflection for just a
minute.
Jerry (02:24):
There was a time in your life that you didn't do a lot of
reflecting on things that havehappened or things that you're
going through.
JR (02:32):
Yeah, no, I mean I think, like a lot of us, we're just in
the mode, we're in the game,right, you're too busy trying to
play and survive and make it tothe next level, whatever level
you may be in life and I'm nodifferent I mean in my early
twenties, I was 19 when I wasinjured and, as you can imagine,
at 19 years old you take aninjury out of the equation, a
(02:55):
big, big life altering event.
You take that out of theequation.
Just remember being 19 yearsold period and the challenge
that comes with just being 19 inthe world and finding your
place and what do you want to doand how do you live on your own
and just I mean there's allsorts of things that are going
on at 19.
But then you throw this intothe equation where, as I like to
(03:16):
tell people like I lost when Iwas in the military and I was
injured overseas, I lost both ofmy identities, and the first
identity that I lost was thisidentity of being of service.
I was told I wasn't going tostay in the military, I was
going to be medically discharged, I wasn't going to be able to
wear the uniform and serve andbe part of that team and part of
this bigger thing, and so, ofcourse, that was stripped away
(03:39):
for me and I just like,immediately went into this
negative space of like my God,my life is over.
And then, just literally a fewdays after that, I saw my face
in my body for the first timeand, understanding the severity
of the injury, I'm just like, asyou can imagine, now a second
identity has been stripped of me, and one that I've known longer
than the first one.
Like I knew that for 19 years,the way I looked, and then
(04:00):
suddenly I look in the mirror at19 and I'm like I don't know
who that person is and, ofcourse, all that does is add
fuel to that fire that's alreadyburning in regards to my life
is over and I went down to thatroad and I went down in that
rabbit hole and I always Ibelieve in manifestation, I
believe in putting a lot of goodthoughts and good energy into
(04:21):
the world and I think it rewardsyou.
But I don't believe that youjust have to just manifest and
visualize it, like a lot ofpeople like to sit here and do
this practice and wake up and belike check out the lot on
ticket, like did I win?
And I'm like that's not how itworks.
You actually buy the lot onticket right.
(04:44):
So you actually got a different.
When I finally started to get alittle bit of like seeds of
life and realize that I cancontinue to serve in a very
different way, when I started torealize that I brought value to
the table and that all thenarratives that I had been
feeding myself for so long thatno one would ever want to date
(05:05):
me, no one would ever want tolook at me, no one would ever
want to talk to me, I'll neverbe able to have a job, I'll
never all the things you just godown that dark road saying to
yourself.
Once I started to realize thosethings aren't really true, then
I just found myself just goinga hundred miles an hour.
And honestly, jerry, it was oneof the things that I commonly
(05:27):
tell people is this you know, ayear after I was injured, I got
involved with a nonprofit thatwas set up to help veterans and
their families and make thattransition when they come home
from an injury.
And that was my new purpose.
Man, that was the thing thatwas like, that was my lifeline,
that was the thing that waskeeping me going.
And people said, man, you'rereally good at this speaking
thing.
You're really good at beingable to relay the message and
(05:49):
the challenges and get people toget involved.
We want you to be a spokesman,and I was just turned 20.
I was like I don't even knowwhat a spokesman means, but I'll
do it.
And I started to.
The PR company started to put meon all these different shows
and, you know, it gave me asense of purpose, but it was
almost a little harmful in asense, and what I mean by that
(06:12):
is I would have a surgery, anintensive surgery, on, let's say
, a Thursday.
And there's an example of where, on a Thursday, I had a 13 hour
surgery and that followingMonday I was on a plane flying
somewhere to go do press for acouple of days, and it's like
you know.
And so what that did was andthere's a lot of, you know
harmful traits andcharacteristics that are
(06:33):
involved in that, because what Istarted to feel was the sense
of like, oh man, I mean I'mneeded, I'm part of something,
I'm validated and I'm accepted,I bring value.
So all that did was just fuelthat and I was operating from
that place, so I was willing tospread myself so thin because it
was fulfilling something that Iavoid that.
(06:54):
I had inside of me, emotionallyand mentally, that I had not
even scratched the surface onaddressing, and so I just
continued that pattern, man, forso long.
And I guess what?
That's what they say whenyou're in your 20s, you're
supposed to do that, right,you're supposed to go a hundred
miles an hour and have all theexperiences and do all the
things.
And I did.
And now, at a stage of lifewhere, you know, I'm married and
(07:16):
I have two kids, and you know,and there's just different
priorities and differentresponsibilities, now I'm making
sure that I stop and, you know,really reflect on the journey,
reflect on conversations that Iget to have with people, whether
it's the first time we'vespoken or the 15th time, it
doesn't matter.
So, you know, I think it'ssomething that we all have to
(07:36):
practice and it is a practiceLike you literally have to
practice it and you have to beintentional, you have to be
mindful of it.
It doesn't have to be sittingin a dark closet, you know, and
it can be in your car andturning off the music, turning
off a podcast, as much as I knowyou want people to listen to
the podcast.
But you know, just disconnectfor a few minutes, that's all it
(07:57):
takes and just kind of findgratitude and reflect.
And that's something I'm reallytrying to practice every single
day.
Jerry (08:04):
Yeah, the silence, I think, is scary for a lot of
people.
They just don't know what'sgoing to happen when they sit in
that silence and do thatreflection.
JR (08:14):
You lose some emotion as you're outside.
Jerry (08:15):
Thank you, I'm.
I like the guy that said that.
JR (08:16):
Yeah, he just said that it's like yeah, and you know you
hear people say be still, still,be still, and it's like deal.
But are you really listening?
Are you really listening towhat your mind is telling you?
Are you really listening towhat your heart is telling you,
what your body is communicatingto you?
(08:37):
Are you really being honest inthat moment?
It's like people say I go totherapy and I'm like well,
that's great, you're going totherapy, but are you can, you
can fool a therapist, right?
You can go into therapy andtell the therapist everything
that you want them to know, andthey're just all they're doing
is you know?
It's like I saw this thing withTony Robbins, where he did this
(08:57):
exercise in an interview, wherehe told the person that was
interviewing him he said lookaround this room and see if you
can find anything, anythingthat's brown.
And so the guy looks around andhe's like all right.
Tony's like did you findanything that's brown?
He said, yeah, I did.
And he's like well, did you seeanything that was red?
And the guy was like no, and hewas like all right, now look
around and see if you findanything that's red.
So the guy looks around.
(09:18):
He's like did you find anythingthat's red?
And he's like, yeah, and he'slike, see, whatever you're
looking for, you will find tovalidate it.
Whatever narrative you want tofeed yourself, you find a way to
validate it.
Right.
You go on Google, anything onGoogle, it will validate
whatever thoughts you have.
So you have to be very carefulabout that.
So for me, it's not just simplybeing in stillness, like.
(09:43):
I like to gather as muchinformation.
I know this is probably goingto be edited in the timeline,
but when Valentine's Day comesaround and you think about the
people, for me I think about thepeople that are in my circle
that I love, that love meunconditionally, that I value
what they have to say, that Ivalue their constructive
(10:06):
criticism.
They've equally value mine, andso I like to gather that
information.
What are things that I need todo better?
What are things that I need todo differently?
What are things that I got towork on as a human being to be
able to better show up?
And then I go oh, when I sit,still, I have those honest
(10:26):
conversations, although I'vealways remembered the details of
the day that I was injured, butit really took a few years for
me to connect the dots, and whatI mean by.
That is when I was injured.
I was trapped inside of aburning Humvee for five minutes,
completely conscious, screamingand yelling at the top of my
lungs.
I remember through the front ofthe Humvee I can see chaos in
(10:48):
front of the Humvee and it wasjust people just running around
because three of the guys thatwere in the Humvee with me had
been thrown out of the vehicleall at various distances and
then they didn't know for a longtime where I was.
So everybody was trying to findme.
I was trying to get away fromthis Humvee as well, because we
had all of this ammo that washeating up and now it was
(11:09):
starting to shoot off.
You know these 50 cal roundswhich you don't want one of
those on you and you know.
So every there was just allthis chaos and I remember in the
midst of me screaming andyelling at the top of my lungs
and trying to fight for life andstay alive, like I could just
see people chaotically justrunning around.
(11:30):
And there would be severalinstances over the course of
that five minutes where my eyeswould get heavy.
I would just get, my eyes wouldget heavy.
I mean, we've all can relate to.
You know, being in bed or beingon the couch and watching TV
and you're like, starting to getsleep in your eyes, on the
verge of closing, and you'refighting, you're fighting,
you're fighting them.
Before you know you're like,and then you know you're deep
into sleep, and then you do that, startle yourself and you wake
(11:51):
up.
But for me, I found myselfgetting so weak and I closed my
eyes.
But all that was is my body.
I just couldn't fight anymoreand I was losing.
I was losing all strength andenergy that I had to continue to
scream and continue to fightand hold on.
But something so interesting isin in those several moments
(12:13):
when my eyes would close andthey were closed, it was like
this calmness and this peace.
And then, all of a sudden, Iwould remind myself wait, if I
keep my eyes closed, that's it,I'm giving up, I'm going to die.
And so I would open my eyes andI would continue to scream and
yell at the top of my lungs.
But what that taught me and Ididn't realize this years later
(12:33):
was that you could be in themost, the most difficult,
painful situation that you'veexperienced in your life, and
there's all this noise and chaosaround you.
But in the mix of that.
You can still close your eyesand go inside and create silence
and create stillness.
And so for a lot of people thatare watching this, that you
(12:58):
know, or in a stage where theyhave kids or you know, there's a
lot of you know work and andand there's a lot of
responsibilities and peopleneeding you and do this and do
that.
I mean it's like there's a lotof noise out in the world and we
have to find the time to justcreate stillness and close our
eyes and just be present withwhat we're feeling and remind
(13:20):
ourselves that, hey, you knowwhat?
I've survived a lot of thingsalready.
This isn't my first rodeo.
This is a different rodeo,maybe a different city I'm you
know I'm doing this in, butnonetheless it's the same
concept and all I got to do isjust open my eyes and continue
to hang on and continue to showup.
And you know, listen, man.
I mean I was evacuated.
I started the Medevac process.
(13:40):
I ended up in San Antonio,texas.
I was in the medical inducedcoma for three weeks and when I
came out that's essentially whenI got to that point, when they
told me I wasn't going to beallowed to stay in the army and
that I was going to, that thiswas my body and I was going to
be thrown out into what we referto as the civilian world, you
know, with no resources, notools, no nothing.
(14:01):
And I was 22 years old when Igot out of the military.
I spent more time.
I actually spent more time ondancing with the stars than I
did on active duty, because Ijoined in September of 2002,
right after high school, andliterally I did basic training
till December of that same year.
January I was assigned to myunit and March I was on a plane
(14:22):
deploying and April I wasinjured.
So literally, I mean, I was incountry less than a month.
So I spent more time, like Isaid, on dancing with the stars,
which you know.
You probably want to spend moretime on that place than you
know on a deployment, butnonetheless, man, I mean you
know.
So that's, you know, that'swhat's really fascinating for me
is like, in that sense of kindof circle back where we started.
(14:43):
In regards to like reflection.
I think that's the thing thatwhen you allow yourself to stop
and pause and reflect, you'reable to connect a lot of dots
and then you're able to remindyourself that you're capable and
you have every tool that youneed to be able to overcome
whatever adversity life isthrowing at you in the moment.
Jerry (15:01):
Yeah, and reflection can be used in not just for time of
maybe crisis or whatever.
Right, this is also the time tolike sit down, reflect and
celebrate maybe some of theseyou know accomplishments that
you've had in life.
Absolutely, I think we tend notto do that.
We tend not to celebrate.
You know our lives very well,the accomplishments that we've
(15:24):
had, we just like onto the nextthing, Just keep driving forward
.
JR (15:29):
Well, it's interesting because, you know, as a speaker,
most of the time, you know theyplay an intro video and it's
this really it makes me looklike a badass man, like it's
this montage, like a video, ofall these photos and video clips
of things that I've done.
And I watch that, whether I'mbackstage, backstage, whatever,
(15:52):
and I watch that and I'm justlike wow, and the music that
they put on it and it's just, Imean I come on stage and people
are like yeah, yeah, they're allpumped up because the music and
the photos and the videos andit's just a it's recapping my
life up to this point.
And you know, I say I say topeople almost all the time I was
like, you know, it'sinteresting because it's really
(16:14):
awkward for me sometimes towatch that video and it's
because we're not conditioned inmany ways to celebrate those
victories, right, a lot of us, Imean there's some people that
are like perfectly fine, tellingeverybody what they've done and
over and over and, over andover and over, right, and we
(16:34):
know a few of those people, butthey're but, but I think a lot
of us were so careful with howit's going to be portrayed if we
talk about the things thatwe've done and things that we've
accomplished, that we justmaybe kind of keep those things
in.
And you know, I've noticed thatsometimes, for me personally,
when I watch that video, I'mlike all right, just just get
the video over with and let mecome on stage and let me do my
thing.
And I've had to work throughthat.
(16:57):
I really had to work throughthat.
And now I get on stage and I'mlike how cool it be if every
single one of us had a highlightvideo, had an intro video, had
a montage video where you playedit.
Every time when you got up inthe morning, before you did
anything, before you had coffee,before you got the kids up,
before you made breakfast,before you checked your phone or
your email or whatever, youliterally watched that video and
(17:20):
you're like hell, yeah, I'm abadass man, I've done some cool
things and we all need thatvideo, we all need that reminder
.
And so, you know, for me, I'mjust like and trying to
encourage people to really pauseand reflect on the things that
they've done.
And you know and I think that'swhat happens is that, you know,
we think that every piece ofadversity, every challenge that
(17:42):
we're faced with, is differentfrom the last and in reality
it's really not.
I mean, maybe the root of whatcaused it is different, but
nonetheless it's challenging andit's difficult and there's a
lot of as I like to refer to theday that I was injured a lot of
rebirth that comes into theequation and what that means is
(18:03):
that there's something that hasto end, there's something that
no longer is going to be, and Idon't mean this dramatically and
I want to be respectful ofpeople that have actually lost
loved ones and people they careabout.
But I'm just saying, like anopportunity no longer is there,
right?
Like I mean, there's so manythings that just you know, like
roles of parents, I mean, godly,I mean, that's one of the
(18:25):
things that I've experiencedpersonally.
One of the things I witnessedfrom other people, is that, as
parents, we're so accustomed forso long to take care of our
babies and then they become, youknow, adults and we still talk
to them and treat them liketheir baby, because it's what we
need and we for them, and nowembrace the new role where all
(18:45):
they need from us is just tolisten and to be encouraging and
to maybe come watch thegrandkids or, you know, maybe
come help them figure out how todo this or that.
But you know so, there's alwayssomething that ends.
When I think of rebirth, don'tthink of, oh, something's ending
, something's dying.
(19:08):
I want you to think of, yes,something's ending, something's
dying, but it's making room forthe new opportunity, for the new
birth, for the new wave ofblessings that are coming your
way.
And so, for me, that's the wayI think of rebirth.
I think of yeah, this may beending, okay, cool, that's
difficult.
And so I think that's that,because that's part of life, you
have to grieve everything thatyou've known for, however long,
(19:30):
and it's been part of youridentity, and it ends.
You have to grieve it, andthat's natural.
But then I also find myselflike all right, cool, I've had
my party.
Now let me welcome the newopportunity that's coming,
because I know it's coming.
Jerry (19:41):
Yeah, I think that's very important to grieve some of
those things that you're losingand not just like once again
pack those away and not look atthem and not deal with those
emotional stuff with it and justkeep moving forward.
Right, that's kind of the stuffthat builds up or sneaks up on
you, yeah.
JR (20:05):
And I mean, listen, we're all conditioned to do the job
which I love that you have butfor so long, especially people
in the United States, thought ofpost-traumatic stress as
something that only applied tomilitary personnel or first
responders.
And I think, more and more,especially since COVID affected
(20:28):
the entire world, I think all ofus realize, oh no,
post-traumatic stress issomething that's very real to
every single human being, andit's trauma that comes in very
different ways, but nonetheless,we can all relate to what that
is like, right?
I mean, how many parents havelost?
And my mother lost a daughter,my wife lost her younger sister
(20:52):
passed away unexpectedly.
And then you start tounfortunately, you start to
realize there's a wholecommunity of people that have
lost children at different ages,and so there's that group of
people.
But then, okay, so the way thatthey lost somebody is maybe
different than a military familythat lost a loved one overseas
or in training or anything, butnonetheless, just because it
(21:15):
happened differently, you stilllost a child.
So you connect on that level,right.
And so I think people startedto really realize like, oh man,
law enforcement, firefighters,military personnel, the front
lines trauma that theyexperience, oh, they live with
guilt because maybe theycouldn't save this individual or
maybe, because they didn't dothis, someone else got injured
(21:38):
or, unfortunately, lost theirlife.
Well, how many of us live withguilt?
Man, if I would have done thisor if I wouldn't have done that,
this wouldn't have happened,that wouldn't have affected them
.
And listen, there's so many.
There's so muchintersectionality between all of
us, but it's because we're justall doing the same thing.
We're living life and whenyou're living life, there's
(21:59):
going to be a lot of thatintersectionality.
So you really hope that peoplestart to open up in regards to
knowing that.
Hey, maybe this is the best wayto summarize it.
My father-in-law was 27 years,nypd and accomplished, was a
badass, was tough as nails andexterior-wise, even when he
(22:23):
retired, I'd catch him stilllooking around like he was on
patrol and looking around andpeople would come up and they
would talk to him.
He'd be like hi, hi, just reallykind of stoic in that approach
and for so long when he lost hisdaughter.
One of the sound bites that hewould always share with me and
(22:46):
my best friend is I'll talk tosomebody.
But I want to talk to somebodythat has experienced exactly
what I have and, from my pointof view.
I would always say to him I waslike I think when you have that
mindset, you're closingyourself off from the real
opportunity to connect withsomebody else that has had the
same experience, has maybe losta child, but it wasn't in the
(23:10):
same way, like they don't havethe same background as you,
maybe they didn't lose the childthe same way, or maybe they
haven't lost a child at all,maybe they just can be just a
set of ears just to listen toyou and just you know.
And so I think for me, I justwant people to understand like,
hey, don't close yourself offfrom a possible connection with
another human being just becausethey haven't walked mile for
(23:32):
mile, step for step in yourshoes.
That individual was there inyour path for a reason.
Jerry (23:39):
You think some of that would reduce the stigmatism of
seeking help for mental health.
What's that Sorry?
So do you think that would likehelp in the stigma you know for
mental health, for peoplewanting to seek mental health,
if they have maybe a little moreopen mindset on that?
JR (23:59):
Yeah, listen, you know I'm in a stage now.
I've been practicing this for avery long time and leaning into
it even more now.
But this word vulnerability,you hear it a lot and you know,
and you know I spoke at aconference of like 1500
(24:22):
frontline personnel from, youknow, law enforcement to
firefighters, to dispatch, Imean everybody that is a part of
that system.
They had a big conference and Ispoke at this conference and I
remember when I got off of thestage I had a lot of the
attendees come up to me and saywe've had a lot of speakers over
(24:44):
the years but no one, no one,shared the level of depth and
vulnerability that you have.
And that was really surprisingto me.
And I remember talking to myteam about that and I'm like how
is that possible, like.
And then what came into my mindwas then maybe people hear the
word vulnerability, they maybejust don't really know what it
(25:05):
really means or what it feelslike, and they're afraid.
They love to throw the word out, but they don't really love to
sort of lean into whatvulnerability actually is.
And so for me, I've beenvulnerable and in the only way
and I don't expect anybody tojust who's completely closed off
(25:26):
to just start going to everypublic space and start telling
everybody what their trauma isand what your experiences are,
what you're coping with.
No it stages and you can't lookat my life and say JR is so
open and honest about thechallenges.
He was experienced, and notjust the glory things and not
all the beautiful things thanthe shiny things, like that
(25:46):
trophy right there.
I'm talking about when I was 20,21, 22, 23, 24, and I was angry
and I was drinking and I'm notproud of this, but I would get
behind a wheel and I would, youknow, drive and I was just.
I would lash out at people, I'dwant to fight people and just
because I was lost and I wasstruggling and I didn't know how
(26:09):
to connect with people andallow people to understand what
I was dealing with, and so Ijust continued to do it and
eventually, over time, it tookmy best friend that created a
safe space for me, that allowedme to be vulnerable, and what he
encouraged me to do was cry.
He just said, man, you need tocry.
I was like I'm going to need tocry.
I'm 24 years old, I'm notcrying.
(26:30):
I'm crying about what?
And then, jerry, I just startedcrying, man.
I don't even know why I wascrying.
I just started crying and sothat was the foundation.
That was the foundation, thatwas the start, and I've since
then have tested all these otherperiods in my life with
different people, differentaudiences.
(26:51):
Just trying a little bit morevulnerability here.
See how people receive that.
Try a little bit morevulnerability here.
See how people receive that alittle bit here.
Okay, so, the size of like 25to 50 people that are strangers,
embrace it, accept it, receiveit, like just nourish it.
Okay, let me now I'm speakingto 150 people Let me see if I'll
(27:13):
try it there.
Oh, there's people, are samethings happening?
Okay, now I'm getting to thesebigger audiences at this stage
of my life and my career.
Let me try it with 2,500 people.
Let me try it with 20,000people.
People are flooding me withInstagram messages and flooding
me with notes to my website, ormaybe they've catch me after the
(27:33):
event and they're like, man,that level of vulnerability, and
I'm like, oh, so then I'mslowly getting empowered Every
single time I try it to say, oh,this is what people want.
People want and we hear this.
All the people want to know whoyou are and what you're dealing
with and what you're overcomingon a day to day basis.
And so for me, I think that ifwe can all try to practice a
(27:57):
little vulnerability in yoursafe space, in your safe circles
of people that you love andtrust but understand and know,
there are going to be somepeople that are not equipped to
receive that.
There are some people in yourcircle.
You love them.
They're great people.
They're not the person that isemotionally and mentally capable
at this stage in their life toreceive that and to show up for
(28:18):
you.
Like I have friends that I knowif I'm going through, if I'm
having a day man, I'm notcalling them because I know when
I want to have fun, I want tojoke and I want to clown, that's
who I call.
But if there's something reallyweighing on me, these are the
list of people.
So I kind of have like acategory in my context list.
These are the people I reachout to when stuff's getting
(28:40):
really heavy.
It doesn't mean I can't callthem to celebrate stuff.
It just means, like I know thatemotionally and mentally that's
my crew.
When I want to have fun, youknow, then this is my crew.
Over here I want to joke around, kind of keep it surface.
This is my crew here.
Once you start to learn toidentify that and separate those
people and put them in thatspace, then you start to not tap
(29:03):
the same well over and over andyou don't get frustrated
because you have these falseexpectations of going to Jerry,
expecting Jerry to be achameleon that's going to
satisfy everything.
And the reality is Jerry, atthis stage in life, can only
fulfill one or two things, noteverything that you need.
But the only way you learn howto identify those individuals
you have to try it, and I thinkthat if we're able to just try
(29:26):
that, then I think more peopleare able to listen and say, oh
man, like, oh, you know, that'sinteresting.
How many times have you been ina conversation and you say
something to somebody andsomebody goes oh, you know what,
that's interesting.
I never really thought about itlike that.
Or I mean that, is it rightthere?
(29:46):
All of a sudden, now you'veconnected as human beings.
That's way beyond what we're soaccustomed to do, which is just
to be like how you doing and tobe like I'm good, all right,
great, have a good day.
No, how are you doing?
Oh man, today's rough man,there's a struggle like you know
this or that, oh man, you knowwhat?
(30:07):
Me too I had that the other day, or I'm going through that now,
or maybe oh, I'm sorry to hearthat, jerry.
And then guess what?
Two days from that conversation, now I'm going through it and
now I'm like Jerry.
Remember, a couple of days agoyou told me that thing, man, I
literally am experiencing thatright now, all of a sudden.
Now you're connected as humanbeings and that's what we need.
We need, you know.
I know the audience a lot.
(30:28):
For the most part, you know itis.
I want to encourage familymembers, I want to encourage
those individuals that wore thatuniform, that found themselves
in that space.
Practice vulnerability, justpractice positively, daily
(30:54):
practice vulnerability, try it.
Jerry (30:59):
There's the trust me, but nonetheless you're going to get
to that route and if youcontinue to show up and practice
that, you think showingvulnerability is means something
different for everybody to havetheir, their levels of right of
vulnerability of like who, whothey're around, how vulnerable
they want to be.
Not just it's takes a littlebit of practice, maybe, to be
(31:20):
vulnerable up in front of, like,a large group of people 100%,
100% and for and for a lot.
JR (31:32):
It's where our life is not going to put this on a scenario
where we're going to bevulnerable in front of hundreds
of people.
Right, it's, you know.
You know people talk aboutleadership a lot and and and
what I try to really reframe thethought.
We can go really in depth aboutleadership and really unpack a
(31:52):
lot of terms and a lot of stuff,but the most basic form of
leadership is modeling the wayit's.
It's how do you show up.
It's it's how do you move andnavigate through the spaces that
you occupy, how do you respondto.
I mean, how many times have youin your life been in a briefing
(32:15):
and just to kind of see howother people are responding?
You see someone kind of likeroll their eyes or make all
these little gestures.
I mean, and all of a sudden,now that's in your head, now
you're not even listening to theperson given the briefing
anymore.
Now you're asking yourself thequestion why is he or she like?
Why did they do that?
What's going on?
What's that really about Now?
Now you know, so you're nowcompletely so.
(32:37):
That person now has affectedyou and if it affected you,
there's a possible.
Now you are now looking andgazing and trying to make sense
of what you just witnessed.
(32:58):
So it's like leadership.
Man is not just looking atthese individuals that have
these big platforms, whetherit's through social media or a
title or a position within anyorganization.
All of us are leaders.
And it starts at home, likewhether it's just you and a
spouse, you and a partner, youand a kid, you and your kids,
(33:20):
you and your family, and thenall of a sudden, you and your
friends.
Then it starts to sort ofbranch out and sort of spill
into all these other areas andmaybe your level of
vulnerability is always going tobe within your family nucleus.
Maybe that's where it really isgoing to be.
Maybe I know there's stay athome parents, right, moms and
dads that are staying at hometake care of the kids.
(33:43):
Maybe that's your circle, maybethat's where you practice
vulnerability and that's just asimpactful as the JRs and the
jerrys of the world that areprobably reaching a lot of
people.
But we're not reaching yourcircle.
But if you can reach yourcircle, hey, we're all doing the
good work, we're all moving inthe same direction.
(34:05):
You know we're saying that.
Yes, I mean it has to startsmall, just like anything.
It has to be this dailypractice and the small practice
before you can eventually evolveand before you can eventually.
And maybe the evolution is notthe size of people you're being
vulnerable with, maybe theevolution is what you're sharing
(34:25):
with people.
Listen for so long and I'll becompletely honest.
Man, it's easy to look at 19.
My life turned upside down.
How did you overcome that?
And what I like to take peopleback is I like to tell people
like a lot of the challenges Iexperienced for the first 19
years of my life I mean that'soverlooked because of this big
catastrophic thing that happenedin my life but I look at those
(34:48):
moments were moments that werereally traumatic because they
were my youth and they preparedme in many regards for that big
catastrophic moment, that thing,that injury and allowed me to
overcome it.
But it also the foundation wasa little cracked man and I
didn't really start to realize alot of that stuff until my mid
(35:09):
30s and when I started to gointo the therapy and I started
really being honest about someof the things that I experienced
in my youth and things that Ijust completely, just dismissed
and just buried for so long andjust tolerated.
And I'll be honest, and here'sa level of vulnerability I love
my mother to death.
I love her.
She is always going to be myqueen, always going to be
(35:33):
somebody.
As a single mother that I sawstruggle and deal with so much
trauma, she experienced so muchadvert.
But I also can say that mymother and I because I was a
(35:56):
source where she dumpedeverything on she lashed out.
I was the safe zone where shecould just attack me and dump on
me and I just tolerated itbecause that's the way I was
conditioned as a child.
My mother, I mean, listen, I'mgoing to be honest and this is
stuff that I haven't shared fora very long time.
And I know, again, 40 years old, all of us you're 40 and older
(36:18):
you'd be like, yeah, my mom andmy dad whooped my ass and that
was normal, and if they didn'tput their hands on you, they
didn't love you.
That's the way we wereconditioned.
But and then you got theyounger than me that are like,
oh you know, they start callingcivil service right away, child
services right away.
They got a little speed dialthere.
(36:39):
They're quick to go to socialmedia or do something.
But you know, my mom put the wayshe put her hands on me.
I mean, listen, man, it was nothealthy, it was not safe.
And she allowed other people toput their hands on me and I
mean this from a physicalstandpoint of like, like
whooping me and beating my ass.
I mean mom, um, literally wouldtie my hands and my feet so I
(37:01):
couldn't get away, because ofcourse it hurt and she would
take like whatever she couldfind.
And it wasn't like a switchwhich we all joke about and
laugh.
I mean she grabbed a littlerope that she find and just hit
me and I'd go to school withbruises on my arms, on my back.
I mean that's how I would go toschool, but I was conditioned,
I had to protect her.
So I would change in gym classor PE or football practice.
(37:21):
I change in the corner so noone would see and no one would
know.
Because I needed to protect her, because that's the way I was
conditioned to protect.
And I just always continue toprotect her, even though she
lashed out.
And then it wasn't physical,because my mother's 4 foot 11
and even though she's leaked the4 foot 11, you know, and I'm
5'9, you know she was like,alright, maybe physically is not
(37:43):
the way I'm going to get thisdude.
But then she started very muchbut then she started verbally
attacking me and verbally sayingthings and she's just hurting
and she just lashing out and Iknow, I know where it comes from
.
She's struggling, butunfortunately her pride and her
ego has gotten away and ispreventing her from getting the
help that she deserves and shedeserves that and life has been
(38:05):
pretty unfair to her.
But she just verbally, justthrows stuff at me and says
hurtful things and it got to apoint where one day I was like
man.
I realized that's the root of alot of the things that I'm
dealing with.
And so I went to therapy and Iremember the therapist and I was
like I said I was like 30.
I was actually my early 30s andthe therapist she was like in
(38:28):
her prime mid 60s and very quietand and I joke, all the time I
was like man.
I, every time I left therapy Iwas like I want to marry her,
like she was like she.
It was just amazing, like Ijust love, like everything she
extracted from me and my lifeand my experiences.
(38:48):
I remember the first time shesaid you need to establish
boundaries with your mom.
And listen, I'm Hispanic manand I'm not saying that this is
just a cultural thing but, likeI know, everyone loves and
values their mother and theirparents and they put up on this
pedestal.
But definitely I know within myculture there is no such thing
as boundaries with your queen,with your mother, that you don't
(39:10):
do that.
And I was like, what do youmean boundaries?
And she broke it down and shesaid, listen, you've been in an
abusive relationship and thisisn't healthy for you and it's
not fair to you.
And I remember the first time Itold my mother, when she called
me, she just started justsaying things to me, just
because she was afraid.
My mother has been afraid.
(39:30):
She was just afraid she waslosing somebody else in her life
because her little boys allgrowing up and she doesn't need
to coddle him the same way andtake care of him.
I don't need her the same way.
I still needed her, not thesame way.
And she was just afraid.
So her tactic was let me attackhim and make him feel guilty.
So he stays and he doesn'tleave.
(39:51):
And I would always fall intothat cycle of like I'm sorry,
mom, even though I did nothing.
I didn't do anything.
I don't need to apologize.
I'm sorry, mom, and how can Imake it better?
And then I was conditioned whenI got some success, jerry, I
was like well, I'll buy youthings, or I'll buy this for you
all.
I'll take you on this trip, orI'll do this or I'll do that,
(40:12):
thinking that was going to bethe solution.
And I learned, oh, that's notthe solution.
And I remember the first time mymother started, like she was
like called, saying like mom, Igotta establish boundaries.
This isn't healthy.
Like I'm more than happy totalk to you about things that we
(40:35):
want to do, where we want to gowith our relationship, where we
want to go individually, likehow we want to grow things like
that.
But I'm not going to continueto revisit the past.
And when I told her that, shewas like fine, that I'm going to
tell everybody I don't have ason.
Oh, and this is after.
Like this is after I was ondancing.
This is after I wrote a bookthat was a New York Times
(40:57):
bestseller.
This is after I was an actor onthese shows, like rad visibility
, I had platform and I'm likewow, and the thing that really
kind of allowed me to have likeempathy for her was there's a
guy named Caleb Campbell and hegrew up in Texas and kind of had
(41:18):
similar upbringing, playedsports, big, big sports guy.
And then I'm going to WestPoint, played ball there and,
you know, tried out in the NFL.
I think he had like a coupleshort stints with, but now he's
a bigger.
Look at my salad dude awesomedude years ago.
(41:42):
And then randomly I live inAustin, randomly, like during
2020 or 2021.
And I'm like that's Caleb andso I go up to him.
We, you know, talk, we exchangeinformation.
I had him on my podcast and hesaid one of the things that he
(42:04):
did with his mother is hechanged her photo and her
contact.
So when she calls him before,every time she called he saw her
picture in her name.
He would get like a pit in thestomach.
And I related to that becausethat's how I felt and I was
walking on eggshells and there'san amazing book that's called,
(42:24):
that's titled walking oneggshells and and I, when I read
that book, I related to it somany ways.
And he said what he did is hechanged the photo of his
mother's contact to her as achild Because it allowed him to
put his guard down and realizethat that was probably the last
time she was just felt loved,felt supported, felt safe, felt
(42:51):
encouraged, felt like innocent,where there was so much
possibility in the world, and Ithought that that was such a
beautiful, simple way ofallowing yourself to show up for
somebody and kind of puttingyour guard down.
Now, have I done that with mymother?
Yes, I have, but my mother hasnot reached out and you know,
(43:12):
that's where pride and ego getsin the way, and that's one thing
about our culture as well.
We're incredibly prideful andwe're not, and to a to a fault,
to a degree.
But listen, man, I just sharedthat with you.
I don't we just met, we justmet five minutes before we went
live and, yeah, and I don't knowyour audience and they don't
know me, but I'm comfortablesharing that without, you know,
(43:33):
worry of judgment or worry ofanything, because it's on, it's
my authentic truth, it's who Iam, it's part of what I've had
to overcome and but it's part ofwhat's made me strong, what's
made me be able to have empathyfor people that Are struggling
and, you know, be able to seethem as more than what we see in
(43:55):
that, in that very moment whenwe interact with them, and I
think that's that's what lifeshould be about.
Jerry (44:00):
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
Thank you for sharing that.
Those.
I found some value into myself,right, different perspectives,
right, we everybody coming froma different place.
But they can like hear thatstory and probably think a piece
about that, about their howthey interacted with their
parents and relate to that whichis great about being vulnerable
.
Jarrett, what are people goingto find in your book?
JR (44:26):
Man, they're gonna find those stories and you know, you
know honestly, jerry.
So it's been.
It's been, you know, a littlered decade when I wrote that
book.
And so I'm at the stage of lifenow where I want to sit down
(44:48):
and write more and what Irealize when I wrote that book
then, a lot of stories and thatbook of adversity, the
challenges that I experienced inmy youth, the adversity
challenges I experienced, youknow, through my injury post, my
recovery, up into a certainpoint, right like it's up until
that point.
But there was so much more thathas transpired since I wrote
(45:09):
that book.
So I think there's just gonnabe more depth and more
understanding that.
And the reason why I wanted to,like I said in the reason I
talk about Everything thathappened prior to my injury, is
because I want people tounderstand that, oh, I too have
had a lot of those similarexperiences, or I know someone
(45:30):
has those little experiences.
Don't misinterpret them andrefer to them as little,
thinking that they don't holdweight or hold value or you know
, no, no, no, you put all thoselittle things Together.
It's like I told my daughterthat my daughter plays she plays
club, travel, select, whateverpeople call it softball and and
(45:55):
I coach her and this season shewas like, hey, I want to play
fly football.
So we're like, all right, cool.
So there was one weekend whereboth of our quarterbacks were
out so and they're like, hey,we're gonna ask your daughter to
play quarterback.
And I was like man, she hasn'tthrown a football like she can
catch it and run it.
But so her and I, before thegame, we're out in the backyard
(46:19):
and I'm kind of running routesand and she's throwing a
beautiful spiral.
I mean hit me leading me, boommoney.
I mean, like God, leave.
Better than some of thequarterbacks in the NFL and
there's a lot of bad ones outthere.
You know, and you know, and I'mlike man, she's doing a good
job.
Well, of course, in the game Imean it's different when you
have a rusher coming at you.
So she's panicking, she justtossing it up.
She threw like three picks.
(46:39):
I mean it, we lost the game.
I mean we only lost by atouchdown to a boys team, which
was actually impressive.
But you know, I, she, I said toher when we got home that night
I said I want to just realquick, just celebrate you.
And what I want to point out isyou know, life is made up of all
these little moments.
(46:59):
We like to believe it's allthese major events that happen
and, yes, those are player role,but it's these little moments
and you've had so many littlemoments so far at an 11 years of
your life, and today was one ofthose moments.
You've never played quarterback.
Your team needed you to play it.
(47:20):
You showed up and even though itwasn't going the way you wanted
it to go, the way you dreamtabout it, fantasized, I'm sure
in your head, you still showedup, you still took another snap,
you still tried to make it thepast that you needed to make.
You never pouted, you never saidtake me out, you never said I
quit, you never threw a fit, younever should.
You never showed that and I waslike that kid, that kid, you
(47:44):
continue.
And there's all these otherexamples that I pointed out for
her and I was like that is goingto be the thing that when
you're our age, you're going tobe the person that you are
because you continue to show upand those moments like that.
So this book is about thoselittle moments, and I hate using
the word little, but you knowit's because they're not so
(48:04):
little.
They're big moments.
So it's just a lot of depth anda lot of detail for people to
understand JR and kind of whatshaped him and what conditioned
(48:27):
him to be the person that he istoday.
Now, right, a lot of things.
It's a really beautiful spaceReally yes, it's just a city
(48:59):
training with me and then, aftera basic training, he got
stationed overseas and then Iwas stateside and then we lost
on time because this is 2000.
But he didn't even know I wasinjured and for years we would
(49:31):
connect and we'd talk and sharetime together and then he was
still in the military and he'dgo off to his deployments and
I'd give him feedback and he'dtake that and he'd be like yeah,
yeah, yeah.
But then he would just kind ofghost me for a long time.
And about three years ago,around Christmas time, I woke up
(49:51):
one morning for messages on myInstagram, on my Facebook,
through my website, and it washim and he says hey, man, I need
to talk.
And so I immediately called himand man, it's been like it's
been a couple of years.
I mean I can't remember when hereached out in 2020 or 2021.
So you know, three, four yearsit's been of us working, working
(50:17):
and like both of us are workingto help him.
He struggled with addiction andit was the hard stuff and it was
also alcohol and relationshipsand he has a son and there was
just a lot of stuff.
But I can probably say he's ina space now where he's going to
(50:37):
school, he's clean, he has ahealthy relationship with his
son and he has his moments.
He has his moments, as we alldo, because he's a human being.
But he knows he can call mebecause I've already shown up
and I've already proven to himthat I'm a safe space.
I tell my boy I love him Like.
I tell him that I'm like man, Ilove you man.
And you know, at first as adude he's like yeah, I like to,
(51:00):
you know, he's just kind of likemumbling, keeping it under your
breath.
And now he's like no, man, Ilove you too.
And I'm like, yeah, I love youman.
And my best friend taught methat.
You know, my best friend taughtme that.
Now I'm helping pass that on toothers.
And I think the reason Imentioned that story is because,
whatever organization you findyourself a part of, you have to
(51:25):
be able to show up for eachother and you can't just say I'm
going to show up for you.
You have to prove it, you haveto show it Right.
I mean, it's, it's, it's it's,you know, you could talk about
things all day long and we knowthat right.
It's like, how do you show it?
And you got to let people feelthat, no, we're connected
(51:46):
forever, man, and I got you.
As long as you're trying, I'mtrying with you and we can try
together.
And I think I've experienced inmy time in the military where
there was individuals thathonestly there's no other way to
put it but just kind of justwent a term we used went AWOL on
me after they, after they said,no, we, I will always be there
(52:08):
for you and we were alwaysconnected and I'll always show
up for you.
And they weren't, they justleft.
And part of that is becausethey didn't know how to show up
for me.
And I think that's the otherthing that if you want to show
up for somebody but you don'tknow how to show up, you're
overthinking it.
All you need to do is justliterally show up, just walk
(52:29):
into the room, just walk it upto them, say hello, talk to them
, tell them you're there forthem, like, share a little bit
about your life.
That's the modeling, the way,and over time you'll start to
realize they'll start to trustyou and just stop thinking and
just start doing it, startshowing up.
That's the biggest thing Iwould encourage everyone to do.
Jerry (52:50):
Yeah, yeah, jared.
Where can people find you andfollow you and see what's going
on and where you're speaking?
JR (52:58):
Yeah, I appreciate that, man .
So JRMartinezcom is my website.
Obviously, I'm on social at.
I am JRMartinez, so encourageeveryone.
I really do, man.
I love interacting with people.
I love hearing what people haveto say.
I love conversation.
I mean, I've enjoyed thisconversation with you and I want
to thank you for having me onthe show as well and giving me
(53:19):
an opportunity to connect withyour audience.
But I really encourage peopleto hit me up on my website, hit
me up on Instagram.
I am JRMartinez and justconnect and just share.
And if there's something youfeel compelled you want to share
or you want to tell me that Iwas wrong about something, do
that too.
That's fine.
I'm not going to do that.
We can have a conversationabout it.
(53:39):
But I just encourage people toreach out and connect, because I
value the opportunity to have aconversation with every human
being.
Jerry (53:46):
Yeah, I appreciate that and I value being so vulnerable
and willing to tell your storyand I know there's.
We probably could go on forhours about your story, because
you've done a lot of greatthings and been through a lot,
so I really appreciate yousharing that with us and being
the model for vulnerability.
I appreciate that.
JR (54:07):
Well, thank you man, thank you very much.
It's life is incrediblyrewarding.
We just have to trust and justkeep continuing to show up and
find your people.
Find your people.
But you got to find your peopleby practicing a little
vulnerability.
That's how you start to filterthings out and filter people out
, and so don't be afraid ofmaking those hard decisions.
(54:28):
You're capable, you got it, andI hope that we connect on
social.
If not, you know, maybe we'llsee each other in person.
You never know.
Jerry (54:36):
It's a small world out there.
JR (54:37):
Man, that's right.
Thanks again, awesome.
Jerry (54:41):
Thank you.
Thanks again for listening.
Don't forget to rate and reviewthe show wherever you access
your podcast.
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