February 13, 2024 • 28 mins
Have you ever wondered what lies beneath the tough exterior of a law enforcement officer? Join me, Jerry Dean Lund, as I sit down with Ashley Jones, an experienced officer and a mental and physical growth expert, for a candid discussion about the personal battles faced by those who protect and serve. We peel back the layers of the expected stoic facade to reveal the importance of vulnerability, empathy, and adaptability in policing. Navigating the complexities of mental health within the force, Ashley provides eye-opening insights into the struggle of maintaining integrity and personal well-being in a profession that often demands an unyielding front.
As we explore the art of balancing life's demands with self-care, Ashley shares her transition into life coaching and the transformative power it holds. This conversation is not only for those in uniform but for anyone striving to overcome life's hurdles while aiming for success. We talk about the significance of mindset and determination, and how these key attributes can help anyone achieve their goals. Ashley's expertise in fostering personal growth shines through as we discuss the critical need for supportive environments, both institutionally and individually, that prioritize mental and physical health. Tune in for an episode that promises to enhance your perspective on the human side of law enforcement and the journey toward a life well-lived. Connect with us for more inspiration on Instagram @JerryFireandFuel and @EnduringTheBadgePodcast, and find additional resources at enduringthebadgepodcast.com.
As a First Responder, you are critical in keeping our communities safe. However, the stress and trauma of the job can take a toll on your mental health and family life.
If you're interested in personal coaching, contact Jerry Lund at 801-376-7124. Let's work together to get you where you want to be and ensure a happy and healthy career.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jerry (00:02):
Welcome to today's episode of Enduring the Badge
Podcast.
I'm host Jerry Dean Lund and ifyou haven't already done so,
please take out your phone andhit that subscribe button.
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(00:24):
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grow and make a more of animpact on other people's lives.
So if you would do that, Iwould appreciate that from the
bottom of my heart.
My very special guest today isAshley Jones.
How are you doing, ashley?
Ashley (00:44):
I'm doing pretty good.
A little bit tired, a littlebit cold, but yeah, we're just
talking about that, excuse me.
Jerry (00:52):
Yeah, I have a cold, but Ashley's in the cold in the New
York area.
Ashley (00:59):
Correct Central New York .
It's been a little bit coolerthese past few days, Nothing
horrible.
It's been worse, but I'm notgood for the cold.
The cold will go on too.
Jerry (01:14):
Ashley, tell the audience a little bit about yourself.
Ashley (01:18):
So I am a law enforcement officer in the area.
I have over 10 years of lawenforcement experience.
I'm also a mental and physicalgrowth expert and I just started
my life coaching business lastJune for my 34th birthday.
Jerry (01:36):
Oh nice, it's very nice.
Ashley.
Let's tell the audience alittle bit about your business
and why you got into it.
Ashley (01:44):
So I don't know if you've heard the phrase.
I pray and heal from the thingsthat you don't talk about.
So I've gone through a lot oftraumatic things for me growing
up, being bullied, going throughdate, rape, forceful touching
incidents, working long hours,working overnight hours.
(02:08):
I just knew that I was able todo something better and provide
more for not only myself but forother law enforcement officers
from the stuff that they don'ttalk about.
Yeah.
Jerry (02:23):
Why do you think they don't talk about it?
Ashley (02:27):
It's very stigmatized.
Mental health, anything thatshows vulnerability in and of
itself is not considered tough.
It's not considered as normalof what a first responder would
deal with, I guess.
So it's a huge stigma.
Jerry (02:48):
What about vulnerability?
It makes it.
Why is it so hard for peoplethat you've noticed to be
vulnerable about things?
Ashley (02:57):
So, for example, as a law enforcement officer, you're
just supposed to be a toughcallous, well put together.
You go to all these calls.
You're not supposed to show toomuch emotion, because you're
there to deal with the situationat hand rather than feeling and
processing your own emotions.
So after you digress and youcan feel through the things,
(03:21):
that's true vulnerability, to beable to talk about that.
A lot of officers don't,because they don't want to be
like oh they're soft, oh they'reweak, and that's a huge issue
which shouldn't be there.
Jerry (03:34):
Do you think it's an issue to be tough and callous on
calls?
Ashley (03:38):
Absolutely so.
Being a woman, I'm more soft.
I have my heart tied at 1,000%.
But in regards to alwaysshowing up, tough is not always
the best way to run into thesituation.
Jerry (03:57):
I totally agree with you Little empathy or sympathy.
There's other ways to handlesituations than always just
being tough and callous.
That just doesn't work foreverybody.
Ashley (04:08):
Correct.
You kind of have to.
Well, you're taught toempathize with the people as you
should.
I mean, you always have tosympathize because you might not
know exactly what they're goingto feel.
I don't think what they'refeeling, but you have to
understand that they're callingyou for a read and major help
most of the time.
Most of the time they'relooking to understand what
(04:30):
they're going through, to helpthem.
So if you show up Muscles andguns blazing, it's not always
going to be well received.
Jerry (04:39):
Yeah, and are you?
Do you feel like you're trainedfor every situation?
I mean, you didn't go to school, probably to be a counselor,
did you?
Ashley (04:48):
No, but that's what we are literally that 90% of the
time of the counselor, at leastin my general area, it's more
like counseling calls, so I amwell versed in being that
counselor person.
We have to adapt to so manysituations so you do have to be
(05:10):
well rounded as an officer to besuccessful at it.
Jerry (05:15):
Yeah, I think it's probably a little difficult for
some officers to be well roundedwhen they're so young and maybe
not have had a lot of lifeexperiences, so they're looking
to other officers to see the waythey handle it, and that's kind
of the system that they use fora while for them to handle
calls.
Ashley (05:33):
Right and necessarily, learning from other officers
isn't always the best, becauseyou have those rough callus
officers once that are retiredon duty.
So while it is important toabsorb everything that other
officers tell you give you thatyou see, you also have to be
(05:53):
your own person and a lot ofpeople lose themselves
throughout their career, notonly in law enforcement but
firefighting any first responder.
You just lose who you were whenyou started and I don't like
that.
I always told people that ifthey see me become rough callus,
(06:13):
retired on duty like literallytell me to retire, because at
that point I'm not being helpfuland that's a huge issue.
Jerry (06:23):
So, yeah, you're just there collecting a check when
you turn into that person, right, and I think for most people
they don't, definitely don'twant to be, like, labeled as
that person and I think somepeople might just happen to,
right, they don't, they're notself aware enough to know that
that's the position they've,kind of like, assumed.
Ashley (06:44):
Correct Self-awareness in your own personal
accountability is huge.
If you can take accountabilityfor your shortcomings or maybe I
need to learn this, maybe Ineed to learn that, or I could
have handled this situationbetter Anything where you can
take yourself accountable andlearn from it, that's great,
(07:05):
because you're not always goingto go up on a call and be your
best self.
But if you can learn from itafter the fact, that's very
important.
Jerry (07:14):
Do you think that's a skill to learn from things?
Do you think there is thatsomething that's taught by your
FTO or in the academy?
Ashley (07:24):
No, I mean technically, it can be a learned skill.
I think it's also within theperson themselves.
Are they arrogant and theydon't care?
Do they want to do better?
Like you, have to choose yourheart.
So if you want to go into itthinking you're the best when
(07:44):
you're actually not the best andyou don't want to learn, you're
not going to be as successfulas people who are willing to
learn from their shortcomings.
Jerry (07:58):
Do you think you've been through a lot as a person?
Does that help you become abetter officer?
Ashley (08:07):
Oh, 1000%.
But it's also shaped how Ireact to certain calls as well,
because I mean, like I've donelike my inner child work, if you
will, so like I understand whyI act a certain way and I it's
very important for others tounderstand why they act a
certain way as well.
So, with my trauma is it hasmade me more sensitive to
(08:33):
people's issues because I canrelate to them or I can
sympathize with them.
Jerry (08:38):
So Self-reflection is really important right To sit
with these emotions and thesefeelings and process them.
Is that something that comesnatural, or do you feel?
Or is that something that needsto be maybe taught to people?
Ashley (08:58):
So it's natural to feel your emotions, but a lot of
first responders suppress thembecause they're not vulnerable.
It's stigmatized to talk aboutit, but you have to.
It's something that I've had tolearn more of.
Like I'm more of the type whereI'll feel all the feels but I
still won't tell anybody aboutit.
Like I'll work through myproblems on my own, and I've
(09:21):
done that for a very, very longtime.
So, whether you work throughyour problems on your own or if
you talk to someone, you have towork through the issues or it's
going to create further issuesdown the road.
Jerry (09:34):
At what point did you realize that you needed to work
through your issues?
Ashley (09:43):
Because I feel like I've had so many life experiences
where I've tried to adapt toeach one.
So the bullying portion thatwould have started from grade
school all the way up to when Ilost weight because I used to be
like Wicked OB that was 236pounds at my highest, at least
(10:08):
that I remember.
So working through that thatwas something for me.
That was more of adetermination factor for me and
the whole like choose your hardsituation.
At that point I was just sickof being bullied Like it gets
old.
So I took accountability for myactions, how I became
(10:29):
overweight and I made thatchange for myself and that
provided a lot of mental healthissues as well.
Along the road, big turningpoints for me was when I
developed anxiety, depression,stuff like that.
So I turned to podcasts, books,anything to pull myself out
(10:52):
because I knew that I could dobetter, like I would be suicidal
but I didn't actually want tokill myself.
You know what I mean.
But, I was just so low that Ihad to find ways to pull myself
out.
Jerry (11:06):
Yeah, you got to see this .
If you're just listening tothis, ashley is pretty Wicked
fit now.
So I mean that has taken someincredible dedication to do that
, so props to you.
That's incredible, which leansin towards the coaching and
(11:27):
stuff that you do.
You take some, or probably alot of what you learned into
that.
Ashley (11:33):
Correct and like.
That's what makes me an expertin both areas of the mental and
physical growth.
Because I've lived through it,I know what it takes to set the
goals and stay determined to getthose accomplished.
I think the maximum amount ofweight I lost was a hundred and
(11:57):
some odd pounds, and I've donethis all on my own, like it
wasn't any weight loss surgeryor anything like that.
I just put in the work.
That also set me at a deficitwhen I went to the academy, like
I didn't have the muscle andthe speed that all the other
recruits did, so I got picked ona lot.
But I also won the award formost improved in physical
(12:20):
fitness when I graduated fromthe academy.
So when you're going from 236plus pounds to now receiving an
award for physical fitness asmost improved, like that's a
pretty solid accomplishment forweight loss.
So that was pretty cool.
Jerry (12:37):
So I have to ask this how did you celebrate that moment?
Ashley (12:44):
Well, I mean, you can't really celebrate it when you get
the award.
Jerry (12:48):
I mean at some point, right, you had to be like that
was so cool, that was awesome.
You know, because sometimespeople, we take these big, long
journeys right, and we get tothere, to the end of this
accomplishment, and they're like, ok, what's next?
Because we really didn't takethe time to celebrate that long.
I'm sure it was a long journeyto get to where you're at today
or to receive that award.
Ashley (13:10):
Yes, I don't remember how I really celebrated.
It involves a party right, soit was on display.
I don't celebrate my weightloss as much as I should Like.
More recently I've become moreconfident.
So with being bullied and thatweight issue you lose your lack
(13:32):
of confidence.
But over the past year I'vebeen really working on that and
I'm just now starting to realizelike how much I have
accomplished.
It does make me proud, but Icould do better.
Jerry (13:48):
You definitely should be proud.
That was how long of a journeywas that?
Ashley (13:54):
So probably so.
I graduated I was in college in2009 and at that point that's
when I was around like 236.
So that would have put mearound the age of 20, 21-ish.
Then I had gotten a job where Iwas working right next to a
(14:15):
plant fitness, so I would justgo back and forth every single
day that I worked to the gym.
So the actual drop in weighttook a few years.
But then to obtain the muscletook a lot more.
Like in the academy, I wasdoing two workouts a day for
(14:36):
five days a week, just so that Icould be at the standard at the
end of the academy that all theother people were.
So I really had to go hard Likeit wasn't easy by any means,
but it's all done now.
Jerry (14:54):
Well, you have to maintain it right now.
So it's just a differentchallenge.
I'm sure you're going through.
Ashley (15:00):
Correct.
At the age I am, my hormonesare changing.
Weight loss is no longer easyat this point, so it's literally
just a maintenance thing.
I just listen to my body.
I do what makes me feel best.
I do have two-chorten hip legrooms that I went through on the
academy with, so I just listento my body.
(15:21):
I don't push too hard anymore.
I just stay physically fitenough for my career and what I
need to do.
Then I just go with it likethat.
Jerry (15:31):
So yeah, can you explain a little bit of your mindset
when you're going through thatweight loss journey?
That took a little while, like.
What mindset did you develop tomake you want to keep going
each day?
Ashley (15:46):
So I definitely was not motivated.
I still am not motivated for alot of things.
I'm very burned out for work,but I am very determined.
That's what I had during thatweight loss process that I was
determined.
I set a goal, I learned and Ipracticed and I obtained what I
(16:07):
was going for.
Because what most people knowis that motivation only lasts
for a couple of weeks Becauseyou're motivated, you're excited
, but that excitement fades.
So you really have to staydetermined, otherwise you're not
going to accomplish what youseek to accomplish if it's a
long term goal.
Jerry (16:26):
So Did you hit a few stumbling blocks along the way?
Ashley (16:31):
Oh, absolutely.
I mean more so now than thelast few years Because I try to
find balance between work life,home life.
Like I own a home by myself, Iadopted a dog, I work a lot, so
trying to find that motivationand determination to work out,
(16:55):
do things around the house thatthat's probably been my biggest
stumbling point is trying tofigure out how to get everything
done and still feelaccomplished at the end of each
day.
Jerry (17:07):
Yeah, I mean there's.
There's only so much time in aday, right, To get all these,
all these things done.
Are you able to help peoplewith their mindset and to be
determined to accomplish theirgoals?
Ashley (17:21):
Yeah, absolutely so.
Like as a life coach, we offerI offer the ability to help you
shift your perspective for lifechanging issues.
So work on mindset, confidence,your inner child work, maybe
emotional baggage, what you wantto accomplish in your career,
(17:42):
goal setting, health goals,stuff like that.
So I have been helping peoplewith that for years.
But because I've been doingthat, I was like, well, let me
just start a business doing itand feel a little bit more
accomplished.
You know what I mean.
Right now I do one on one, butI do want to bring this to
(18:06):
academy level and then annual inservice trainings, because they
train you in service for somany other things but they never
take your mental state intoaccount.
Jerry (18:18):
So yeah, and sometimes they don't take your physical
state in account, right Either.
Ashley (18:25):
Yeah, there's a lot of heavy hitters out there, so, yes
, they definitely at least uphere.
They don't have the physicalrequirements, but I mean it
would be nice even if, likeinsurance companies or your
agencies in general, allow you afree membership.
That would definitely motivatepeople to go to the gym more, or
(18:46):
at least give them some sort ofincentive with it, just to get
them out there.
Because there's a big issuewhen you get out of the academy
not everybody stays physicallyfit.
Jerry (19:00):
Right.
Ashley (19:02):
Problem because you have to be physically fit for this
career.
Jerry (19:05):
So do you think part of the problem with being
physically fit in this career isjust the amount of time you
spend at work and the crazyschedules and lack of sleep and
where do I find the time to bephysically fit?
And I'm sure you know as muchas I know that is the right
(19:25):
physical fitness and mentalfitness or go hand in hand.
Ashley (19:33):
Yeah, absolutely.
So you do run out of time.
But that goes back to me likechoosing your heart.
Do you want to spend 40 minutesat the gym at least, like
walking, so that way your heartcan be better on a call?
Or do you want to have a heartattack when you're chasing after
somebody because you're sooverweight and you're too empty
up and your body doesn't knowhow to deal with it?
(19:55):
So that's an extreme scenario,obviously, but that's just one
thing that could happen.
So I mean, it's hard to findthat balance, but you can find
that balance.
You just have to choose to findit.
Jerry (20:10):
Yeah, throughout my career I always wanted to retire
healthy enough to enjoy allthose the your pension right to
enjoy your pension.
You worked so hard and so longto get to that point.
If you don't take care ofyourself along the way, what
happens when you collect yourretirement, your pension?
You're, you don't have thequality of life that you wanted
(20:32):
to have, and so it's.
It's difficult.
I see way too many people justget to the finish line.
Ashley (20:39):
You're like and I've done exactly exactly Like you
want to live a fulfilling life.
I don't think, even as a firstresponder, you can live a
fulfilling life.
Being physically fit just givesyou more energy in general than
being like a bump on a log.
So naturally, when you get outof work, you have free time,
(21:00):
you're going to want to dothings, so I think it's very
important for agencies to stepup their game with that for sure
.
Jerry (21:09):
Definitely.
I wanted to go back tosomething you brought up a
couple times and that's yourinner child.
I'm sure some people that arelistening want to understand
that.
Maybe a little bit more.
Ashley (21:21):
Sure, there's a book and I can't remember what the book
is.
I was introduced by AutumnClifford.
I don't know if you've everheard of her, but she's the one
who made me realize like the wayI am, the way I am, it's
because of the things thathappened to me when I was
younger, and that's howeverybody is.
(21:42):
You are who you are now becauseof your past experiences.
So, in a non like, I don't knowin the easiest way to explain
it would be anything thathappened to you in your
childhood when your brain wasreally just trying to develop
and process things.
So for me, for instance, beingbullied and then having bad
(22:07):
relationships with men, my mainissue is boundaries, and I'm a
people pleaser because I didn'treceive that love or and that
would be from peers I didn'treceive that and then, with the
trauma that happened with mengrowing as I grew, I'm sorry
(22:32):
those boundaries were lacking aswell.
So that was a huge thing for me.
To realize is that my lack ofboundaries, my people pleasing
skills, comes from a trauma whenI was a kid.
Jerry (22:45):
So and then, how does that shape what you do today and
into the future?
Ashley (22:56):
So that comes down to like more of a self-awareness,
now that I know what my traumasare, where I need to hold myself
accountable, where myboundaries need to be placed.
It allows things to be easierfor me.
It allows me to realize why Iact the way I do and if I can
(23:16):
perform better.
So my lack of boundaries I'vehad to really practice that over
the past few years.
I've had to hold myselfaccountable for a lot of my
choices because I couldn'tcontrol what happened to me when
I was younger to develop theseissues, if you will.
But now I have the ability tolearn from them and control them
(23:38):
so that I can live a better,more meaningful life.
So but there are books outthere, there's journals out
there that you can use to figureout what your inner child is
kind of like.
Jerry (23:52):
Yeah, the interesting thing.
I heard the statistic and Idon't know if it's true as today
as we speak, but 70% of firstresponders had a traumatic
childhood and they basicallyhave not dealt with as they
moved into the first responderworld.
Ashley (24:11):
Yeah, and honestly, like talking to first responders, I
could totally see in a trauma oran issue as a child.
It's different to everybody butit literally shapes why you are
the way you are and it'susually why we wanna help people
when we get older, like it'sinstilled with us.
We wanna help people to makethings better for us or them,
(24:31):
because we're trying to heal awound that was presented to us.
Jerry (24:35):
So yeah, ashley.
What one piece of advice wouldyou want to give the first
responders or their familiesthat are listening today?
Ashley (24:44):
Gosh just one.
Jerry (24:46):
Oh, you could give two, you got.
Ashley (24:50):
So I don't know.
I guess you could stay with itfor a long time.
I guess, choose your heart andthen remember your wounds, but
don't become your wounds.
It's fine to process throughyour emotions, but don't become
those angry emotions that you'reholding onto.
(25:12):
You gotta move through thewounds.
You can't stay there.
Jerry (25:15):
Yeah, I'm sure you're familiar with this book and
maybe you've even read it.
The Body Keeps a Score.
No, oh wow you gotta read it oryou can listen to it.
It's like 16 hours.
It's a really big, long book.
I bet you'd really enjoy it.
It's kinda how these traumaticexperiences are held within your
body and how they exhibit Likeoh, I have this unexplained back
(25:40):
pain and I've gone to thedoctor and there's nothing wrong
with me.
They don't know what to do.
And then I mean by reading thatbook, it'll help you put some
things together, like, oh, thisis why I have the back pain.
Maybe it's because mypersonality is like I'm just
carrying the load for everybody.
Ashley (25:59):
Yes, oh my God, I need to read that because it's kinda
like what I'm saying, like, so,anything that I hold in my body,
I know why it's held therebecause I've had the ability to
process that inner child and whyit is like.
It is Like I have cervicalissues and I know why my body
(26:19):
holds the disease there becauseof what I've experienced.
So that is actually the bookfor anyone who can't figure
themselves out.
I haven't, I'm not familiar.
Jerry (26:33):
Awesome Ashley.
Where can people find you andfollow you?
Ashley (26:38):
So my website is prerogridcoachingcom.
On Instagram, I do have aprerogridcoaching business page,
and then my personal iswarriorwithgrace, and then I
have a Facebook that isprerogridcoaching as well.
Jerry (26:59):
Awesome Ashley.
Thank you so much for being ontoday and please, everyone,
reach out to her and followAshley.
I mean, she's got some greatposts that she puts on her pages
and help you get.
Find maybe a little motivationturning into determination to
get you to where you want to beyes, absolutely.
Ashley (27:17):
You have to stay determined or you're not gonna
get there.
Jerry (27:20):
Yeah, thank you so much for being on today, Ashley.
Ashley (27:23):
Thank you.
Jerry (27:26):
Thanks again for listening.
Don't forget to rate and reviewthe show wherever you access
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(27:48):
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episode's guests.
(28:10):
Steme Music.
Welcome to today's episode of Enduring the Badge
Podcast.
I'm host Jerry Dean Lund and ifyou haven't already done so,
please take out your phone andhit that subscribe button.
I don't want you to miss anupcoming episode.
And hey, while your phone's out, please give us a rating and
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On whichever platform youlisten to this podcast on, such
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It helps this podcast grow andthe reason why, when this gets
(00:24):
positive ratings and reviews,those platforms like Apple
Podcasts and Spotify show thisto other people that never
listened to this podcast before,and that allows our podcast to
grow and make a more of animpact on other people's lives.
So if you would do that, Iwould appreciate that from the
bottom of my heart.
My very special guest today isAshley Jones.
How are you doing, ashley?
Ashley (00:44):
I'm doing pretty good.
A little bit tired, a littlebit cold, but yeah, we're just
talking about that, excuse me.
Jerry (00:52):
Yeah, I have a cold, but Ashley's in the cold in the New
York area.
Ashley (00:59):
Correct Central New York .
It's been a little bit coolerthese past few days, Nothing
horrible.
It's been worse, but I'm notgood for the cold.
The cold will go on too.
Jerry (01:14):
Ashley, tell the audience a little bit about yourself.
Ashley (01:18):
So I am a law enforcement officer in the area.
I have over 10 years of lawenforcement experience.
I'm also a mental and physicalgrowth expert and I just started
my life coaching business lastJune for my 34th birthday.
Jerry (01:36):
Oh nice, it's very nice.
Ashley.
Let's tell the audience alittle bit about your business
and why you got into it.
Ashley (01:44):
So I don't know if you've heard the phrase.
I pray and heal from the thingsthat you don't talk about.
So I've gone through a lot oftraumatic things for me growing
up, being bullied, going throughdate, rape, forceful touching
incidents, working long hours,working overnight hours.
(02:08):
I just knew that I was able todo something better and provide
more for not only myself but forother law enforcement officers
from the stuff that they don'ttalk about.
Yeah.
Jerry (02:23):
Why do you think they don't talk about it?
Ashley (02:27):
It's very stigmatized.
Mental health, anything thatshows vulnerability in and of
itself is not considered tough.
It's not considered as normalof what a first responder would
deal with, I guess.
So it's a huge stigma.
Jerry (02:48):
What about vulnerability?
It makes it.
Why is it so hard for peoplethat you've noticed to be
vulnerable about things?
Ashley (02:57):
So, for example, as a law enforcement officer, you're
just supposed to be a toughcallous, well put together.
You go to all these calls.
You're not supposed to show toomuch emotion, because you're
there to deal with the situationat hand rather than feeling and
processing your own emotions.
So after you digress and youcan feel through the things,
(03:21):
that's true vulnerability, to beable to talk about that.
A lot of officers don't,because they don't want to be
like oh they're soft, oh they'reweak, and that's a huge issue
which shouldn't be there.
Jerry (03:34):
Do you think it's an issue to be tough and callous on
calls?
Ashley (03:38):
Absolutely so.
Being a woman, I'm more soft.
I have my heart tied at 1,000%.
But in regards to alwaysshowing up, tough is not always
the best way to run into thesituation.
Jerry (03:57):
I totally agree with you Little empathy or sympathy.
There's other ways to handlesituations than always just
being tough and callous.
That just doesn't work foreverybody.
Ashley (04:08):
Correct.
You kind of have to.
Well, you're taught toempathize with the people as you
should.
I mean, you always have tosympathize because you might not
know exactly what they're goingto feel.
I don't think what they'refeeling, but you have to
understand that they're callingyou for a read and major help
most of the time.
Most of the time they'relooking to understand what
(04:30):
they're going through, to helpthem.
So if you show up Muscles andguns blazing, it's not always
going to be well received.
Jerry (04:39):
Yeah, and are you?
Do you feel like you're trainedfor every situation?
I mean, you didn't go to school, probably to be a counselor,
did you?
Ashley (04:48):
No, but that's what we are literally that 90% of the
time of the counselor, at leastin my general area, it's more
like counseling calls, so I amwell versed in being that
counselor person.
We have to adapt to so manysituations so you do have to be
(05:10):
well rounded as an officer to besuccessful at it.
Jerry (05:15):
Yeah, I think it's probably a little difficult for
some officers to be well roundedwhen they're so young and maybe
not have had a lot of lifeexperiences, so they're looking
to other officers to see the waythey handle it, and that's kind
of the system that they use fora while for them to handle
calls.
Ashley (05:33):
Right and necessarily, learning from other officers
isn't always the best, becauseyou have those rough callus
officers once that are retiredon duty.
So while it is important toabsorb everything that other
officers tell you give you thatyou see, you also have to be
(05:53):
your own person and a lot ofpeople lose themselves
throughout their career, notonly in law enforcement but
firefighting any first responder.
You just lose who you were whenyou started and I don't like
that.
I always told people that ifthey see me become rough callus,
(06:13):
retired on duty like literallytell me to retire, because at
that point I'm not being helpfuland that's a huge issue.
Jerry (06:23):
So, yeah, you're just there collecting a check when
you turn into that person, right, and I think for most people
they don't, definitely don'twant to be, like, labeled as
that person and I think somepeople might just happen to,
right, they don't, they're notself aware enough to know that
that's the position they've,kind of like, assumed.
Ashley (06:44):
Correct Self-awareness in your own personal
accountability is huge.
If you can take accountabilityfor your shortcomings or maybe I
need to learn this, maybe Ineed to learn that, or I could
have handled this situationbetter Anything where you can
take yourself accountable andlearn from it, that's great,
(07:05):
because you're not always goingto go up on a call and be your
best self.
But if you can learn from itafter the fact, that's very
important.
Jerry (07:14):
Do you think that's a skill to learn from things?
Do you think there is thatsomething that's taught by your
FTO or in the academy?
Ashley (07:24):
No, I mean technically, it can be a learned skill.
I think it's also within theperson themselves.
Are they arrogant and theydon't care?
Do they want to do better?
Like you, have to choose yourheart.
So if you want to go into itthinking you're the best when
(07:44):
you're actually not the best andyou don't want to learn, you're
not going to be as successfulas people who are willing to
learn from their shortcomings.
Jerry (07:58):
Do you think you've been through a lot as a person?
Does that help you become abetter officer?
Ashley (08:07):
Oh, 1000%.
But it's also shaped how Ireact to certain calls as well,
because I mean, like I've donelike my inner child work, if you
will, so like I understand whyI act a certain way and I it's
very important for others tounderstand why they act a
certain way as well.
So, with my trauma is it hasmade me more sensitive to
(08:33):
people's issues because I canrelate to them or I can
sympathize with them.
Jerry (08:38):
So Self-reflection is really important right To sit
with these emotions and thesefeelings and process them.
Is that something that comesnatural, or do you feel?
Or is that something that needsto be maybe taught to people?
Ashley (08:58):
So it's natural to feel your emotions, but a lot of
first responders suppress thembecause they're not vulnerable.
It's stigmatized to talk aboutit, but you have to.
It's something that I've had tolearn more of.
Like I'm more of the type whereI'll feel all the feels but I
still won't tell anybody aboutit.
Like I'll work through myproblems on my own, and I've
(09:21):
done that for a very, very longtime.
So, whether you work throughyour problems on your own or if
you talk to someone, you have towork through the issues or it's
going to create further issuesdown the road.
Jerry (09:34):
At what point did you realize that you needed to work
through your issues?
Ashley (09:43):
Because I feel like I've had so many life experiences
where I've tried to adapt toeach one.
So the bullying portion thatwould have started from grade
school all the way up to when Ilost weight because I used to be
like Wicked OB that was 236pounds at my highest, at least
(10:08):
that I remember.
So working through that thatwas something for me.
That was more of adetermination factor for me and
the whole like choose your hardsituation.
At that point I was just sickof being bullied Like it gets
old.
So I took accountability for myactions, how I became
(10:29):
overweight and I made thatchange for myself and that
provided a lot of mental healthissues as well.
Along the road, big turningpoints for me was when I
developed anxiety, depression,stuff like that.
So I turned to podcasts, books,anything to pull myself out
(10:52):
because I knew that I could dobetter, like I would be suicidal
but I didn't actually want tokill myself.
You know what I mean.
But, I was just so low that Ihad to find ways to pull myself
out.
Jerry (11:06):
Yeah, you got to see this .
If you're just listening tothis, ashley is pretty Wicked
fit now.
So I mean that has taken someincredible dedication to do that
, so props to you.
That's incredible, which leansin towards the coaching and
(11:27):
stuff that you do.
You take some, or probably alot of what you learned into
that.
Ashley (11:33):
Correct and like.
That's what makes me an expertin both areas of the mental and
physical growth.
Because I've lived through it,I know what it takes to set the
goals and stay determined to getthose accomplished.
I think the maximum amount ofweight I lost was a hundred and
(11:57):
some odd pounds, and I've donethis all on my own, like it
wasn't any weight loss surgeryor anything like that.
I just put in the work.
That also set me at a deficitwhen I went to the academy, like
I didn't have the muscle andthe speed that all the other
recruits did, so I got picked ona lot.
But I also won the award formost improved in physical
(12:20):
fitness when I graduated fromthe academy.
So when you're going from 236plus pounds to now receiving an
award for physical fitness asmost improved, like that's a
pretty solid accomplishment forweight loss.
So that was pretty cool.
Jerry (12:37):
So I have to ask this how did you celebrate that moment?
Ashley (12:44):
Well, I mean, you can't really celebrate it when you get
the award.
Jerry (12:48):
I mean at some point, right, you had to be like that
was so cool, that was awesome.
You know, because sometimespeople, we take these big, long
journeys right, and we get tothere, to the end of this
accomplishment, and they're like, ok, what's next?
Because we really didn't takethe time to celebrate that long.
I'm sure it was a long journeyto get to where you're at today
or to receive that award.
Ashley (13:10):
Yes, I don't remember how I really celebrated.
It involves a party right, soit was on display.
I don't celebrate my weightloss as much as I should Like.
More recently I've become moreconfident.
So with being bullied and thatweight issue you lose your lack
(13:32):
of confidence.
But over the past year I'vebeen really working on that and
I'm just now starting to realizelike how much I have
accomplished.
It does make me proud, but Icould do better.
Jerry (13:48):
You definitely should be proud.
That was how long of a journeywas that?
Ashley (13:54):
So probably so.
I graduated I was in college in2009 and at that point that's
when I was around like 236.
So that would have put mearound the age of 20, 21-ish.
Then I had gotten a job where Iwas working right next to a
(14:15):
plant fitness, so I would justgo back and forth every single
day that I worked to the gym.
So the actual drop in weighttook a few years.
But then to obtain the muscletook a lot more.
Like in the academy, I wasdoing two workouts a day for
(14:36):
five days a week, just so that Icould be at the standard at the
end of the academy that all theother people were.
So I really had to go hard Likeit wasn't easy by any means,
but it's all done now.
Jerry (14:54):
Well, you have to maintain it right now.
So it's just a differentchallenge.
I'm sure you're going through.
Ashley (15:00):
Correct.
At the age I am, my hormonesare changing.
Weight loss is no longer easyat this point, so it's literally
just a maintenance thing.
I just listen to my body.
I do what makes me feel best.
I do have two-chorten hip legrooms that I went through on the
academy with, so I just listento my body.
(15:21):
I don't push too hard anymore.
I just stay physically fitenough for my career and what I
need to do.
Then I just go with it likethat.
Jerry (15:31):
So yeah, can you explain a little bit of your mindset
when you're going through thatweight loss journey?
That took a little while, like.
What mindset did you develop tomake you want to keep going
each day?
Ashley (15:46):
So I definitely was not motivated.
I still am not motivated for alot of things.
I'm very burned out for work,but I am very determined.
That's what I had during thatweight loss process that I was
determined.
I set a goal, I learned and Ipracticed and I obtained what I
(16:07):
was going for.
Because what most people knowis that motivation only lasts
for a couple of weeks Becauseyou're motivated, you're excited
, but that excitement fades.
So you really have to staydetermined, otherwise you're not
going to accomplish what youseek to accomplish if it's a
long term goal.
Jerry (16:26):
So Did you hit a few stumbling blocks along the way?
Ashley (16:31):
Oh, absolutely.
I mean more so now than thelast few years Because I try to
find balance between work life,home life.
Like I own a home by myself, Iadopted a dog, I work a lot, so
trying to find that motivationand determination to work out,
(16:55):
do things around the house thatthat's probably been my biggest
stumbling point is trying tofigure out how to get everything
done and still feelaccomplished at the end of each
day.
Jerry (17:07):
Yeah, I mean there's.
There's only so much time in aday, right, To get all these,
all these things done.
Are you able to help peoplewith their mindset and to be
determined to accomplish theirgoals?
Ashley (17:21):
Yeah, absolutely so.
Like as a life coach, we offerI offer the ability to help you
shift your perspective for lifechanging issues.
So work on mindset, confidence,your inner child work, maybe
emotional baggage, what you wantto accomplish in your career,
(17:42):
goal setting, health goals,stuff like that.
So I have been helping peoplewith that for years.
But because I've been doingthat, I was like, well, let me
just start a business doing itand feel a little bit more
accomplished.
You know what I mean.
Right now I do one on one, butI do want to bring this to
(18:06):
academy level and then annual inservice trainings, because they
train you in service for somany other things but they never
take your mental state intoaccount.
Jerry (18:18):
So yeah, and sometimes they don't take your physical
state in account, right Either.
Ashley (18:25):
Yeah, there's a lot of heavy hitters out there, so, yes
, they definitely at least uphere.
They don't have the physicalrequirements, but I mean it
would be nice even if, likeinsurance companies or your
agencies in general, allow you afree membership.
That would definitely motivatepeople to go to the gym more, or
(18:46):
at least give them some sort ofincentive with it, just to get
them out there.
Because there's a big issuewhen you get out of the academy
not everybody stays physicallyfit.
Jerry (19:00):
Right.
Ashley (19:02):
Problem because you have to be physically fit for this
career.
Jerry (19:05):
So do you think part of the problem with being
physically fit in this career isjust the amount of time you
spend at work and the crazyschedules and lack of sleep and
where do I find the time to bephysically fit?
And I'm sure you know as muchas I know that is the right
(19:25):
physical fitness and mentalfitness or go hand in hand.
Ashley (19:33):
Yeah, absolutely.
So you do run out of time.
But that goes back to me likechoosing your heart.
Do you want to spend 40 minutesat the gym at least, like
walking, so that way your heartcan be better on a call?
Or do you want to have a heartattack when you're chasing after
somebody because you're sooverweight and you're too empty
up and your body doesn't knowhow to deal with it?
(19:55):
So that's an extreme scenario,obviously, but that's just one
thing that could happen.
So I mean, it's hard to findthat balance, but you can find
that balance.
You just have to choose to findit.
Jerry (20:10):
Yeah, throughout my career I always wanted to retire
healthy enough to enjoy allthose the your pension right to
enjoy your pension.
You worked so hard and so longto get to that point.
If you don't take care ofyourself along the way, what
happens when you collect yourretirement, your pension?
You're, you don't have thequality of life that you wanted
(20:32):
to have, and so it's.
It's difficult.
I see way too many people justget to the finish line.
Ashley (20:39):
You're like and I've done exactly exactly Like you
want to live a fulfilling life.
I don't think, even as a firstresponder, you can live a
fulfilling life.
Being physically fit just givesyou more energy in general than
being like a bump on a log.
So naturally, when you get outof work, you have free time,
(21:00):
you're going to want to dothings, so I think it's very
important for agencies to stepup their game with that for sure
.
Jerry (21:09):
Definitely.
I wanted to go back tosomething you brought up a
couple times and that's yourinner child.
I'm sure some people that arelistening want to understand
that.
Maybe a little bit more.
Ashley (21:21):
Sure, there's a book and I can't remember what the book
is.
I was introduced by AutumnClifford.
I don't know if you've everheard of her, but she's the one
who made me realize like the wayI am, the way I am, it's
because of the things thathappened to me when I was
younger, and that's howeverybody is.
(21:42):
You are who you are now becauseof your past experiences.
So, in a non like, I don't knowin the easiest way to explain
it would be anything thathappened to you in your
childhood when your brain wasreally just trying to develop
and process things.
So for me, for instance, beingbullied and then having bad
(22:07):
relationships with men, my mainissue is boundaries, and I'm a
people pleaser because I didn'treceive that love or and that
would be from peers I didn'treceive that and then, with the
trauma that happened with mengrowing as I grew, I'm sorry
(22:32):
those boundaries were lacking aswell.
So that was a huge thing for me.
To realize is that my lack ofboundaries, my people pleasing
skills, comes from a trauma whenI was a kid.
Jerry (22:45):
So and then, how does that shape what you do today and
into the future?
Ashley (22:56):
So that comes down to like more of a self-awareness,
now that I know what my traumasare, where I need to hold myself
accountable, where myboundaries need to be placed.
It allows things to be easierfor me.
It allows me to realize why Iact the way I do and if I can
(23:16):
perform better.
So my lack of boundaries I'vehad to really practice that over
the past few years.
I've had to hold myselfaccountable for a lot of my
choices because I couldn'tcontrol what happened to me when
I was younger to develop theseissues, if you will.
But now I have the ability tolearn from them and control them
(23:38):
so that I can live a better,more meaningful life.
So but there are books outthere, there's journals out
there that you can use to figureout what your inner child is
kind of like.
Jerry (23:52):
Yeah, the interesting thing.
I heard the statistic and Idon't know if it's true as today
as we speak, but 70% of firstresponders had a traumatic
childhood and they basicallyhave not dealt with as they
moved into the first responderworld.
Ashley (24:11):
Yeah, and honestly, like talking to first responders, I
could totally see in a trauma oran issue as a child.
It's different to everybody butit literally shapes why you are
the way you are and it'susually why we wanna help people
when we get older, like it'sinstilled with us.
We wanna help people to makethings better for us or them,
(24:31):
because we're trying to heal awound that was presented to us.
Jerry (24:35):
So yeah, ashley.
What one piece of advice wouldyou want to give the first
responders or their familiesthat are listening today?
Ashley (24:44):
Gosh just one.
Jerry (24:46):
Oh, you could give two, you got.
Ashley (24:50):
So I don't know.
I guess you could stay with itfor a long time.
I guess, choose your heart andthen remember your wounds, but
don't become your wounds.
It's fine to process throughyour emotions, but don't become
those angry emotions that you'reholding onto.
(25:12):
You gotta move through thewounds.
You can't stay there.
Jerry (25:15):
Yeah, I'm sure you're familiar with this book and
maybe you've even read it.
The Body Keeps a Score.
No, oh wow you gotta read it oryou can listen to it.
It's like 16 hours.
It's a really big, long book.
I bet you'd really enjoy it.
It's kinda how these traumaticexperiences are held within your
body and how they exhibit Likeoh, I have this unexplained back
(25:40):
pain and I've gone to thedoctor and there's nothing wrong
with me.
They don't know what to do.
And then I mean by reading thatbook, it'll help you put some
things together, like, oh, thisis why I have the back pain.
Maybe it's because mypersonality is like I'm just
carrying the load for everybody.
Ashley (25:59):
Yes, oh my God, I need to read that because it's kinda
like what I'm saying, like, so,anything that I hold in my body,
I know why it's held therebecause I've had the ability to
process that inner child and whyit is like.
It is Like I have cervicalissues and I know why my body
(26:19):
holds the disease there becauseof what I've experienced.
So that is actually the bookfor anyone who can't figure
themselves out.
I haven't, I'm not familiar.
Jerry (26:33):
Awesome Ashley.
Where can people find you andfollow you?
Ashley (26:38):
So my website is prerogridcoachingcom.
On Instagram, I do have aprerogridcoaching business page,
and then my personal iswarriorwithgrace, and then I
have a Facebook that isprerogridcoaching as well.
Jerry (26:59):
Awesome Ashley.
Thank you so much for being ontoday and please, everyone,
reach out to her and followAshley.
I mean, she's got some greatposts that she puts on her pages
and help you get.
Find maybe a little motivationturning into determination to
get you to where you want to beyes, absolutely.
Ashley (27:17):
You have to stay determined or you're not gonna
get there.
Jerry (27:20):
Yeah, thank you so much for being on today, Ashley.
Ashley (27:23):
Thank you.
Jerry (27:26):
Thanks again for listening.
Don't forget to rate and reviewthe show wherever you access
your podcast.
If you know someone that wouldbe great on the show, please get
ahold of our host, jerry DeanLund, through the Instagram
handles at Jerry Fire and Fuelor at EnduringTheBadgePodcast,
(27:48):
also by visiting the show'swebsite,
enduringthebadgepodcastcom, foradditional methods of contact
and up-to-date informationregarding the show.
Remember, the views andopinions expressed during the
show solely represent those ofour host and the current
episode's guests.
(28:10):
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