March 12, 2024 • 27 mins
Navigating a life woven into the fabric of the military, Victoria Kelly opens her heart to us, recounting tales of resilience and adaptation. Each move, each deployment, she's faced head-on, not just as a military spouse, but as a creative beacon, illuminating the nuanced existence of those who love a service member. From a hurricane-induced home restoration with her daughters to finding harmonious frequencies with her current husband, a former Marine sniper, Victoria's narrative isn't just about survival—it's a masterclass in thriving amidst chaos.
As Victoria switches the lens to her artistic endeavors, we're granted backstage access to her disciplined dance between being a writer, a full-time communication professional, and a mother to five. Her decade-long journey through the craft, punctuated by her strategy to get her stories into literary journals, reveals the meticulous orchestration required to not only pen novels and poems but also to carve out sacred spaces for writing. She candidly shares her strategies for maintaining connections during long separations, emphasizing the power of community, engagement, and the support systems that bolster mental health. Her story is a beacon for those in military families and an inspiration for artists persisting against life's unpredictable rhythms.
As a First Responder, you are critical in keeping our communities safe. However, the stress and trauma of the job can take a toll on your mental health and family life.
If you're interested in personal coaching, contact Jerry Lund at 801-376-7124. Let's work together to get you where you want to be and ensure a happy and healthy career.
Podcast Website www.enduringthebadgepodcast.com/
Podcast Instagram www.instagram.com/enduringthebadgepodcast/
Podcast Facebook www.facebook.com/EnduringTheBadgePodcast/
Podcast Calendar https://calendly.com/enduringthebadge/enduring-the-badge-podcast
Personal Coaching https://calendly.com/enduringthebadge/15min
Host Instagram www.instagram.com/jerryfireandfuel/
Host Facebook www.facebook.com/jerrydeanlund
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jerry (00:02):
Welcome to today's episode of Enduring the Badge
Podcast.
I'm host Jerry Dean Lund and ifyou haven't already done so,
please take out your phone andhit that subscribe button.
I don't want you to miss anupcoming episode.
And hey, while your phone's out, please give us a rating and
review.
On whichever platform youlisten to this podcast on, such
as iTunes, apple Podcasts andSpotify.
It helps this podcast grow andthe reason why, when this gets
(00:24):
positive ratings and reviews,those platforms like Apple
Podcasts and Spotify show thisto other people that never
listened to this podcast before,and that allows our podcast to
grow and make a more of animpact on other people's lives.
So if you would do that, Iwould appreciate that from the
bottom of my heart.
My very special guest today isVictoria Kelly.
How are you doing, victoria?
Victoria (00:45):
Hi, good.
Thank you so much for having meon.
I'm really excited.
Jerry (00:48):
Yeah, thank you for taking the time to be on.
Can you introduce yourself tothe audience?
Victoria (00:54):
Yeah, so I'm Victoria Kelly.
I'm an author and I am theauthor of the new book Homefront
, which is coming out with theUniversity of Nevada Press this
month, and I am also a veteranspouse.
I am the wife of a Marine andalso spent 10 years as an active
(01:17):
duty spouse of a Navy fighterpilot.
So I've been in the militarycommunity for a really long time
and there's been a lot of greatthings, a lot of challenges,
but I just am reallyappreciative that I get to write
about it and share some ofthese stories with people.
Jerry (01:39):
Yeah, I definitely am sure there's been lots of
challenges in that type of lifewhere you're probably moving
around a lot and the deploymentsand I can imagine just be very
challenging.
What were some of the greatestchallenges that you faced during
these times?
Victoria (01:57):
I mean, I think honestly it was just the
struggle of connecting with somany coming, so much coming and
going.
I mean there were deployments.
My husband spent three years ofdeployments, two of them back
to back, right after ourdaughters were born.
(02:19):
So that was hard and ultimatelythe marriage did not work out,
probably because of that kind oftime away and all that.
You know, you become kind ofunfamiliar with each other.
But today, thankfully, we'regood friends.
He transitioned to the NavyReserve and a few years later I
(02:41):
met my current husband, who wasa sniper platoon commander in
Ramadi in 2004.
And I think we really bondedover our shared background and
kind of that kind ofunderstanding.
So yeah, so I think thechallenges are definitely
dealing with not just the movesbut the training periods, you
(03:07):
know, the lead-ups to thedeployment.
It's actually not like ninemonths to a year, it's, you know
, it's several years really ofit.
So I think some people don'teven realize that outside of the
community that it involves somuch more than just the
deployment itself.
But I loved my time in themilitary community.
(03:29):
It was just the bestcamaraderie.
I met so many wonderful peoplewho I'm still friends with today
, and so I really appreciated it.
Jerry (03:38):
Good that struggle of trying to stay connected during
those long periods ofdeployments or leading up to
deployments and I'm sure there'sjust a lot of stress and
tension in the home during thoseperiods how did you get through
that?
Victoria (03:56):
I mean, I think I turned to faith.
Personally, I think my husbandat the time rejected faith and
that was a huge kind of issuebecause we weren't really able
to use that to get through it.
And it's funny because,reflecting back on those years,
he you know, he completely youknow admits that you know that
(04:21):
he wished he had been able to dothat at the time.
I think sometimes militaryservice just makes you kind of
question everything you believe,and so I was able to get
through it with that element.
Jerry (04:36):
Yeah, I could see how you could turn either way.
Right, you could turn ports oraway from it, and if one of you
or if you're in a different past, that's got to be very
difficult to stay connected.
Victoria (04:51):
Yeah, yeah, I think a lot of people experience that.
Jerry (04:54):
Yeah, and so then the military, did you move around a
lot?
Victoria (05:00):
We did.
Let's say, florida, mississippi, virginia Beach and then
Washington DC, and today I livein Maryland.
Okay, yeah, so not as manymoves as some people, but enough
.
Jerry (05:14):
Yeah, yeah, and then you have children, right.
Victoria (05:19):
I do.
I have two daughters from myfirst marriage and I had a
one-year-old from my currentmarriage and I have two staff
kids.
So we have five kids in thehouse and it's really fun.
Jerry (05:31):
Yeah, nice.
How did your kids handle allthis going on?
Victoria (05:39):
Luckily they were really young.
The funniest story is we duringone of the deployments I had,
my daughters were one and twoand we had a hurricane come
through Virginia Beach whichcompletely flooded our house and
it was about an eight-monthrenovation period, just gutting
(06:00):
the entire home.
So we lived in a hotel, me andthe girls, and I was trying to
kind of manage this renovationby myself and having the kids
and I think it was actually kindof an adventure and they really
had no idea because they wereso young.
So we just kind of made it fun.
(06:21):
We were living in one roomtogether.
So thankfully they don't haveany bad memories at all.
They just kind of remember thestories that I tell.
Jerry (06:33):
Yeah, that takes a strong person to be at home and keep
the family together during thesetimes.
What advice do you have forlisteners out there that may be
going through something similarwith deployments, of military
deployments, and then you havethe wildland deployments that
will be coming up here soon.
(06:53):
What advice do you have?
Victoria (06:57):
I think communicating is really important and kind of
finding a common groundsomewhere on how you're going to
handle it.
Like what does thatcommunication look like?
And I think the other part islike it takes two people so you
both have to be really investedand honestly, I think that's the
(07:19):
most important part is justbeing on the same page.
Jerry (07:23):
Yeah, how do you stay invested when your communication
is probably short or longperiods of time without
communication?
How do you stay invested in arelationship?
Victoria (07:36):
Actually, I think probably the best way to stay
invested is to kind of focus onyourself a little bit during
that time, instead of dwellingon the separation.
During the first deployment,this was before I had kids.
That's when I wrote my firstbook, which is called when the
Men Go Off to War, and it's apoetry collection that was
(07:56):
published by the Naval InstitutePress.
And so I spent that whole year.
I took some poetry workshops, Idid a lot of reading.
I just explored a lot of newthings and I really enjoyed that
time.
So it's just, oh, I trained fora half marathon, so I was doing
a lot of things that I hadalways wanted to do, and then
(08:21):
that way you're not kind ofruminating on the sad parts.
Jerry (08:27):
Yeah, yeah, I could see how staying busy would
definitely be helpful.
It sounds like you have thistime where you could explore
these things that you probablyhad built up inside, like I want
to do this, I want to do that,but just not the time when
you're in a relationship, right,so to speak?
On a day-to-day basis, youcould maybe fit it in and put it
together.
Victoria (08:48):
Yeah, exactly, and I did write.
I mean, I wrote an email.
We were able to email, so Iwrote an email.
Actually, I wrote an email andI sent a card every day that
would kind of arrive in bulk.
So I was doing that and I justmade a commitment to do that and
then, once you kind of set thatgoal, you'll follow through, if
(09:10):
you kind of stayed ahead oftime.
Jerry (09:12):
Yeah, did you know you wanted to write?
Victoria (09:16):
I did, yeah, I am.
So I got my MFA from the IowaWriters Workshop right before I
got married and so I alwayswanted to write.
But I was actually working on anovel when I kind of shifted to
poetry and pursued that for alittle while.
And then I went back to fictionand published two more books.
(09:36):
Fiction there was a novelcalled Mrs Houdini it's a
historical fiction novel andthen my current book, homefront,
is a short story collection.
Jerry (09:47):
And the last book, the short story collection, are
those fiction or nonfiction.
Victoria (09:53):
Fiction, so it's based on a lot of real things.
I wouldn't say the experiencesare real or the characters, but
it's based on the places that Iwas living.
It's based on kind of the, Iwould say experiences in general
that military spouses face, andso it's fiction.
(10:15):
But obviously all fiction comesin some way from real life.
Jerry (10:20):
So there's a lot of inspiration behind it.
Yeah, Was your husband like?
He's like, what are you doing?
Did he know you wanted to dothese things while he was gone?
Victoria (10:30):
Yeah, he was always really supportive and yeah, I'm
really lucky about that.
Yeah, he was always supersupportive and still is his
family very supportive too, andmy current husband, so I'm
really fortunate about that.
And it was a great way as wewere kind of unsure if we were
(10:51):
going to be moving, you know,and I was able to write and I
was teaching at a universitypart time as well, but it kind
of gave me a little bit of themore freedom to focus on that
versus like jumping into anothercareer at the time.
Jerry (11:09):
Yeah, that would be.
That's great.
You got to have that time towork on your passion and to do
these things.
What was your favorite out ofthe different books that you
wrote?
What was your favorite?
Victoria (11:23):
I actually think this one's my favorite because this
one is I wrote these storiesover almost 10 years, so this
one has been in the backgroundfor a while.
So to see it come out is justreally exciting and it kind of
touches on periods in my lifeover many years, so I'm able to
(11:47):
kind of like see my evolution ofyou know, my experiences, the
ups and downs and all of that.
Jerry (11:54):
So, yeah, I'm just really excited about it 10 years to
write this, that's I mean that'sa long time to say dedicated to
do that.
Victoria (12:09):
Yeah, I mean, I wasn't only doing that, I was doing so
many other things too.
I was working on other booksand other projects, and then for
the past five years I've had afull-time career in PR and
communication.
So I'm doing that too, and thennow with five kids, and so it's
definitely like something thatI would keep going back to.
(12:31):
But no, if I sat down full-timeand worked, over 10 years I
probably would have gone crazy.
Jerry (12:39):
Even just to have it just sitting there, like to know
that you're like I have thiscollection and I'm like slowly
contributing to it.
I mean, this still takes a highlevel of education just to like
I'm going to finish this withits 10 years five years, you
know, down the road to keep themback to work on it.
Victoria (12:57):
Yeah, and a lot of times with them, with short
stories, you send them out toliterary journals and get them
published individually too.
So I was sending them out,which that's such a long process
.
So almost all of the storieswere previously published in
different literary journals andthen so you'll see that with a
lot of fiction collections,where you know these stories
(13:18):
appeared in whatever publication, and so I think gathering that
kind of history for the storieswas important to the process of
making it into a book andpublishing it.
So I think that also was whattook so long.
Jerry (13:38):
Yeah, You're.
You have five kids now.
You have been working full-timefor five years.
Where do you find the time tostill write and do these things
that you enjoy?
Victoria (13:53):
It's definitely harder than it was in those early
years.
I kind of had all these daysopen, but no, I do it like
evenings, weekends, like lunchhour.
I think the hardest part isn'tnecessarily finding like time,
it's finding longer chunks oftime.
That's the hardest thing,because you get in the zone and
(14:14):
then sometimes it takes like anhour just to get in the zone and
then you know like if you haveto stop, that could be hard.
Jerry (14:22):
Yeah, talking about that zone, what does that look like
to be in the writing zone?
Victoria (14:30):
I read a lot to kind of get to that place.
So I read a lot of, I readevery.
I read a lot of poetry, fiction, nonfiction and you know.
So that definitely helps.
And then you know, sometimesit's writing new stuff,
sometimes it's going back andlike cutting out stuff that just
(14:53):
doesn't sound good anymore.
So but I think the best way toget into a zone is silence.
Having quiet is super importantfor me and then reading, just
kind of flipping through likesome of my favorite books and
just absorbing it.
That's why I especially lovereading poetry, because you get
(15:16):
kind of like the emotional senseof things so you're not really,
you know, getting into a storyas much as like the language
itself.
So I love playing with language, I love lyrical writing and
just all of that.
So it's fun for me.
Jerry (15:30):
Yeah it comes coming from .
I'm like gosh, this is likeseems so hard, you know to do
like I'm not a writer.
I do have like kind of anoutline of a book that I'm, that
I'm working on and stuff likethat.
But I admired the people thatcan just sit down at the
computer and just let thingsflow out.
(15:51):
I just haven't found that beinga way to get into that kind of
zone to do that.
Victoria (15:57):
Yet Honestly, like I don't know if that's good to
know, I won't be looking forthat and the people who say it
does.
I don't know if I believe it,but I think it's hard all the
time.
But like you know it's, it'seasier for some.
Like I couldn't you know I wasnever a math person, I was never
(16:18):
a science person.
Like I couldn't get like I, youknow I really had to work hard
on those subjects.
So I think sometimes you'reit's just like your brain is set
to do different things.
Jerry (16:31):
Yeah, do you feel like everybody has like a maybe a
book or a story in them?
Victoria (16:39):
I definitely think so.
A lot of what I do in my likeday job is I help people write
books or, you know, help themfind their stories and figure
out how they want to tell themin different ways.
And there are so many peopleout there who have a book in
them and maybe that's not likesitting down and writing it by
(17:00):
themselves, like maybe that'sgetting a co writer, or or maybe
it's not even like a book.
It could be a video or a song.
You know a song like there's somany ways to tell stories,
especially now you can do, Imean, this podcast.
You know like you can get yourstory out in so many ways, I
think, unless you love like thewritten word, you know it's
(17:26):
great to explore other things.
I don't think I would be verygood at, you know, video, or I'm
not the best public speaker, sothat's like not funny, but I
can sit down and type something.
So, yeah, I think everybody hassomething, though.
Jerry (17:40):
Yeah, I do too.
I talk to people about comingon the podcast and they're like,
well, I don't have a story.
And I'm like I promise you youhave a story.
My life's boring.
I promise I don't have a storyand I'm like, okay, well, let's
just have, let's just talk aboutit a little bit.
I'm like, oh see, you do have astory, because everybody that
I've talked to has overcomesomething, some challenges.
Victoria (18:03):
And some people maybe they don't have the end yet and
that's why they think you know,that they, maybe they're sitting
through it and then it's hardto see, and so you're on the
other side.
That it's something.
Jerry (18:14):
Yeah, yeah, that's definitely true.
I have not thought about itthat way.
Victoria, what other advicewould you give, like military
spouses you know, to you know tostay tight and hang on to the
family.
You know, during these times,that we haven't talked about.
Victoria (18:32):
I think, you know, I think being creative is a really
good outlet, and then that'salso great because you can share
what you create with yourspouse to, so whether that's
like writing a poem or you know,doing something like that or a
piece of art, and then you knowyou can send that to them or
what you know, I think that'sactually kind of a cool,
(18:56):
interesting way to communicate.
When you're like, what else doI have to say yeah yeah.
One of the organizations that Ivolunteered with for several
years is the Armed Services ArtsPartnership, and I'm actually
donating part of the royaltiesfrom the book to them.
They give free comedy andcreative writing classes to
(19:18):
veterans, military and spouses,so that's actually like a great
way for people to pursue thosecreative outlets.
They do Zoom classes andin-person classes in DC, and so
I just think that's an awesomeway to you know kind of get
started, like if people don'tknow where to start.
Jerry (19:41):
Yeah, I kind of like what you said.
I thought that would be prettyneat if you were being deployed
somewhere and then this artworkor poem arrived, or something
you know, to that you could readthat's super personal.
Victoria (19:56):
Yeah, I like it.
It means so much more than liketoday I got takeout, you know,
so you know it was so much morethan today, like you had a
really boring day.
You know what are you gonna sayI miss you a million times, you
know.
So that's kind of a fun thingto do.
Jerry (20:16):
Yeah, so you did.
Did you send artwork and poetrywhen he was deployed?
Victoria (20:22):
I did send some of the poems.
I'm not the greatest artist.
I actually took a drawing class, I think, during that first
deployment, cause I just thinkit's really interesting, but I
don't think anything I had wasthat great.
I didn't send it.
Jerry (20:37):
You like your baby Truist stick figure of you.
This is yeah, Kelly.
Where are I keep saying Kellyand Victoria?
It's like two first names inUtah it's like ah.
How can people learn more aboutyou and what you're doing?
Victoria (20:56):
So I have a website.
It's victoria-kellycom.
My books are on Amazon.
It's the best place to findthem, but you can kind of find
them anywhere BarnesandNoblecom.
And yeah, I mean honestly,those are the best places to go
to find out what's new.
And if I'm doing events andthings like that, I do like book
(21:18):
clubs, you know so, likemilitary spouses, they have a
book club or something.
I do those too.
Jerry (21:27):
Are you on social media as well?
Victoria (21:29):
I am.
I'm also on Instagram atVictoria Kelly Books, so I'm
trying to be as active as I canon that.
Sometimes it's hard every dayto get on there, but I'm trying.
Jerry (21:42):
It is really rough, I think, to maintain a good social
media president.
It takes a lot of time.
Victoria (21:52):
It really does.
Yeah, it's an art form.
Jerry (21:57):
Yeah, for sure, I'd never really looked at it that way
before.
But yeah, it's definitely anart form and some people just
have the knack for it and somedon't.
And kind of a lot of times whatyou see on social media is like
the final product is that itcould be like eight or 10
different times Someone tried tofilm something, to do it.
At least that's what happens tome.
I say something and I'm like Idon't like the way that sounds
(22:19):
and I said I don't like that, orI screw up somewhere in the
middle.
You know, it's just like yeah.
Victoria (22:23):
Yeah it's definitely difficult.
Jerry (22:26):
Kelly, do you have any last pieces of advice for
someone to stay connected totheir loved one when they're
missing them and they'redistance away?
Victoria (22:40):
I think just being active in community is important
the military and the veterancommunity.
They just have so many greatways to become involved with
other people and so even ifyou're not with a spouse, like
you can be with that communitystill.
(23:01):
I know like one of the greatveteran resources is an
organization called Mission RoleCall where they advocate for
veterans issues on Capitol Hill.
There's so many military spouseFacebook groups, podcasts and
(23:22):
then also like just the you knowthe units always have their own
you know social events andthings like that.
So I like I made it a rule tonever say they know to those.
So I always went, even if youdon't feel like it, you feel so
much better when you go and itkeeps you feeling like in touch
with even your spouse, even whenthey're away.
(23:43):
It kind of keeps you kind offeeling less lonely.
So that's important.
Jerry (23:48):
Do you like, as time has gone on and you know kind of
just generations have shiftedand stuff like that, have you
seen people more, be moreengaged into wanting to do those
things, or do you feel likepeople are withdrawing and just
kind of want to stay in theirhouses or wherever they're
living and just not be activeout there?
Victoria (24:08):
I think there's so much more on social media now.
I mean, back, let's see, when Igot married, it was 2009.
So that was there was socialmedia, but it wasn't the way it
is now.
It wasn't like a place wherepeople spent a whole lot of time
at that point.
So I think there's just moreopportunity now, but I don't
(24:30):
think the number of in-personevents like around military
bases has gone down.
I mean, I think that's alwaysgonna be really important.
Jerry (24:38):
Yeah, I think it's tough if you take the stance of just
like I don't want to be involvedin the community, I just kind
of want to stay at home and domy own thing, because I think
that can lead to a lot ofdepression.
I think when you're depressedand your person is gone, that
makes things difficult both foryou and for them.
(25:00):
So the best thing I'm hearingfor you is just get out and stay
connected into that community.
Victoria (25:06):
Yeah, exactly, and don't be yourself up if you do
feel down, because like it'sgonna happen, like at times it's
normal, so but I found that tobe the best way.
If I stay at home for too long,it's too much thinking.
Yeah, yeah.
Jerry (25:26):
Right, yeah, you're alone and you do.
What else you have to do otherthan think about things, and you
can only numb your brain withTV and social media and other
activities that are probably notmeaningful as getting out and
staying connected into thecommunity, because that
community wants to be connectedto you and we, as humans, need
(25:49):
to be connected to a communityto thrive.
Victoria (25:53):
Yeah, exactly no, it's so important.
I think that's one of the mostimportant things for people at
home.
Jerry (26:02):
Yeah, don't isolate yourselves away.
Victoria (26:04):
Right, exactly.
Jerry (26:07):
Well, victoria.
Thank you so much for being ontoday.
I really appreciate your timeand writings and that's exciting
to have those different booksand different forms of them for
people to read.
Victoria (26:20):
Thank you so much for having me and just appreciate
what you're doing and all thepeople you're reaching.
Jerry (26:28):
Yeah, yeah, thank you so much for being on today.
Thanks again for listening.
Don't forget to rate and reviewthe show wherever you access
your podcast.
If you know someone that wouldbe great on the show, please get
ahold of our host, jerry DeanLund, through the Instagram
handles at Jerry Fire and Fuelor at Enduring the Badge Podcast
(26:52):
, also by visiting the show'swebsite,
enduringthebadgepodcastcom foradditional methods of contact
and up-to-date informationregarding the show.
Remember, the views andopinions expressed during the
show solely represent those ofour host and the current
(27:13):
episode's guests.
Welcome to today's episode of Enduring the Badge
Podcast.
I'm host Jerry Dean Lund and ifyou haven't already done so,
please take out your phone andhit that subscribe button.
I don't want you to miss anupcoming episode.
And hey, while your phone's out, please give us a rating and
review.
On whichever platform youlisten to this podcast on, such
as iTunes, apple Podcasts andSpotify.
It helps this podcast grow andthe reason why, when this gets
(00:24):
positive ratings and reviews,those platforms like Apple
Podcasts and Spotify show thisto other people that never
listened to this podcast before,and that allows our podcast to
grow and make a more of animpact on other people's lives.
So if you would do that, Iwould appreciate that from the
bottom of my heart.
My very special guest today isVictoria Kelly.
How are you doing, victoria?
Victoria (00:45):
Hi, good.
Thank you so much for having meon.
I'm really excited.
Jerry (00:48):
Yeah, thank you for taking the time to be on.
Can you introduce yourself tothe audience?
Victoria (00:54):
Yeah, so I'm Victoria Kelly.
I'm an author and I am theauthor of the new book Homefront
, which is coming out with theUniversity of Nevada Press this
month, and I am also a veteranspouse.
I am the wife of a Marine andalso spent 10 years as an active
(01:17):
duty spouse of a Navy fighterpilot.
So I've been in the militarycommunity for a really long time
and there's been a lot of greatthings, a lot of challenges,
but I just am reallyappreciative that I get to write
about it and share some ofthese stories with people.
Jerry (01:39):
Yeah, I definitely am sure there's been lots of
challenges in that type of lifewhere you're probably moving
around a lot and the deploymentsand I can imagine just be very
challenging.
What were some of the greatestchallenges that you faced during
these times?
Victoria (01:57):
I mean, I think honestly it was just the
struggle of connecting with somany coming, so much coming and
going.
I mean there were deployments.
My husband spent three years ofdeployments, two of them back
to back, right after ourdaughters were born.
(02:19):
So that was hard and ultimatelythe marriage did not work out,
probably because of that kind oftime away and all that.
You know, you become kind ofunfamiliar with each other.
But today, thankfully, we'regood friends.
He transitioned to the NavyReserve and a few years later I
(02:41):
met my current husband, who wasa sniper platoon commander in
Ramadi in 2004.
And I think we really bondedover our shared background and
kind of that kind ofunderstanding.
So yeah, so I think thechallenges are definitely
dealing with not just the movesbut the training periods, you
(03:07):
know, the lead-ups to thedeployment.
It's actually not like ninemonths to a year, it's, you know
, it's several years really ofit.
So I think some people don'teven realize that outside of the
community that it involves somuch more than just the
deployment itself.
But I loved my time in themilitary community.
(03:29):
It was just the bestcamaraderie.
I met so many wonderful peoplewho I'm still friends with today
, and so I really appreciated it.
Jerry (03:38):
Good that struggle of trying to stay connected during
those long periods ofdeployments or leading up to
deployments and I'm sure there'sjust a lot of stress and
tension in the home during thoseperiods how did you get through
that?
Victoria (03:56):
I mean, I think I turned to faith.
Personally, I think my husbandat the time rejected faith and
that was a huge kind of issuebecause we weren't really able
to use that to get through it.
And it's funny because,reflecting back on those years,
he you know, he completely youknow admits that you know that
(04:21):
he wished he had been able to dothat at the time.
I think sometimes militaryservice just makes you kind of
question everything you believe,and so I was able to get
through it with that element.
Jerry (04:36):
Yeah, I could see how you could turn either way.
Right, you could turn ports oraway from it, and if one of you
or if you're in a different past, that's got to be very
difficult to stay connected.
Victoria (04:51):
Yeah, yeah, I think a lot of people experience that.
Jerry (04:54):
Yeah, and so then the military, did you move around a
lot?
Victoria (05:00):
We did.
Let's say, florida, mississippi, virginia Beach and then
Washington DC, and today I livein Maryland.
Okay, yeah, so not as manymoves as some people, but enough
.
Jerry (05:14):
Yeah, yeah, and then you have children, right.
Victoria (05:19):
I do.
I have two daughters from myfirst marriage and I had a
one-year-old from my currentmarriage and I have two staff
kids.
So we have five kids in thehouse and it's really fun.
Jerry (05:31):
Yeah, nice.
How did your kids handle allthis going on?
Victoria (05:39):
Luckily they were really young.
The funniest story is we duringone of the deployments I had,
my daughters were one and twoand we had a hurricane come
through Virginia Beach whichcompletely flooded our house and
it was about an eight-monthrenovation period, just gutting
(06:00):
the entire home.
So we lived in a hotel, me andthe girls, and I was trying to
kind of manage this renovationby myself and having the kids
and I think it was actually kindof an adventure and they really
had no idea because they wereso young.
So we just kind of made it fun.
(06:21):
We were living in one roomtogether.
So thankfully they don't haveany bad memories at all.
They just kind of remember thestories that I tell.
Jerry (06:33):
Yeah, that takes a strong person to be at home and keep
the family together during thesetimes.
What advice do you have forlisteners out there that may be
going through something similarwith deployments, of military
deployments, and then you havethe wildland deployments that
will be coming up here soon.
(06:53):
What advice do you have?
Victoria (06:57):
I think communicating is really important and kind of
finding a common groundsomewhere on how you're going to
handle it.
Like what does thatcommunication look like?
And I think the other part islike it takes two people so you
both have to be really investedand honestly, I think that's the
(07:19):
most important part is justbeing on the same page.
Jerry (07:23):
Yeah, how do you stay invested when your communication
is probably short or longperiods of time without
communication?
How do you stay invested in arelationship?
Victoria (07:36):
Actually, I think probably the best way to stay
invested is to kind of focus onyourself a little bit during
that time, instead of dwellingon the separation.
During the first deployment,this was before I had kids.
That's when I wrote my firstbook, which is called when the
Men Go Off to War, and it's apoetry collection that was
(07:56):
published by the Naval InstitutePress.
And so I spent that whole year.
I took some poetry workshops, Idid a lot of reading.
I just explored a lot of newthings and I really enjoyed that
time.
So it's just, oh, I trained fora half marathon, so I was doing
a lot of things that I hadalways wanted to do, and then
(08:21):
that way you're not kind ofruminating on the sad parts.
Jerry (08:27):
Yeah, yeah, I could see how staying busy would
definitely be helpful.
It sounds like you have thistime where you could explore
these things that you probablyhad built up inside, like I want
to do this, I want to do that,but just not the time when
you're in a relationship, right,so to speak?
On a day-to-day basis, youcould maybe fit it in and put it
together.
Victoria (08:48):
Yeah, exactly, and I did write.
I mean, I wrote an email.
We were able to email, so Iwrote an email.
Actually, I wrote an email andI sent a card every day that
would kind of arrive in bulk.
So I was doing that and I justmade a commitment to do that and
then, once you kind of set thatgoal, you'll follow through, if
(09:10):
you kind of stayed ahead oftime.
Jerry (09:12):
Yeah, did you know you wanted to write?
Victoria (09:16):
I did, yeah, I am.
So I got my MFA from the IowaWriters Workshop right before I
got married and so I alwayswanted to write.
But I was actually working on anovel when I kind of shifted to
poetry and pursued that for alittle while.
And then I went back to fictionand published two more books.
(09:36):
Fiction there was a novelcalled Mrs Houdini it's a
historical fiction novel andthen my current book, homefront,
is a short story collection.
Jerry (09:47):
And the last book, the short story collection, are
those fiction or nonfiction.
Victoria (09:53):
Fiction, so it's based on a lot of real things.
I wouldn't say the experiencesare real or the characters, but
it's based on the places that Iwas living.
It's based on kind of the, Iwould say experiences in general
that military spouses face, andso it's fiction.
(10:15):
But obviously all fiction comesin some way from real life.
Jerry (10:20):
So there's a lot of inspiration behind it.
Yeah, Was your husband like?
He's like, what are you doing?
Did he know you wanted to dothese things while he was gone?
Victoria (10:30):
Yeah, he was always really supportive and yeah, I'm
really lucky about that.
Yeah, he was always supersupportive and still is his
family very supportive too, andmy current husband, so I'm
really fortunate about that.
And it was a great way as wewere kind of unsure if we were
(10:51):
going to be moving, you know,and I was able to write and I
was teaching at a universitypart time as well, but it kind
of gave me a little bit of themore freedom to focus on that
versus like jumping into anothercareer at the time.
Jerry (11:09):
Yeah, that would be.
That's great.
You got to have that time towork on your passion and to do
these things.
What was your favorite out ofthe different books that you
wrote?
What was your favorite?
Victoria (11:23):
I actually think this one's my favorite because this
one is I wrote these storiesover almost 10 years, so this
one has been in the backgroundfor a while.
So to see it come out is justreally exciting and it kind of
touches on periods in my lifeover many years, so I'm able to
(11:47):
kind of like see my evolution ofyou know, my experiences, the
ups and downs and all of that.
Jerry (11:54):
So, yeah, I'm just really excited about it 10 years to
write this, that's I mean that'sa long time to say dedicated to
do that.
Victoria (12:09):
Yeah, I mean, I wasn't only doing that, I was doing so
many other things too.
I was working on other booksand other projects, and then for
the past five years I've had afull-time career in PR and
communication.
So I'm doing that too, and thennow with five kids, and so it's
definitely like something thatI would keep going back to.
(12:31):
But no, if I sat down full-timeand worked, over 10 years I
probably would have gone crazy.
Jerry (12:39):
Even just to have it just sitting there, like to know
that you're like I have thiscollection and I'm like slowly
contributing to it.
I mean, this still takes a highlevel of education just to like
I'm going to finish this withits 10 years five years, you
know, down the road to keep themback to work on it.
Victoria (12:57):
Yeah, and a lot of times with them, with short
stories, you send them out toliterary journals and get them
published individually too.
So I was sending them out,which that's such a long process
.
So almost all of the storieswere previously published in
different literary journals andthen so you'll see that with a
lot of fiction collections,where you know these stories
(13:18):
appeared in whatever publication, and so I think gathering that
kind of history for the storieswas important to the process of
making it into a book andpublishing it.
So I think that also was whattook so long.
Jerry (13:38):
Yeah, You're.
You have five kids now.
You have been working full-timefor five years.
Where do you find the time tostill write and do these things
that you enjoy?
Victoria (13:53):
It's definitely harder than it was in those early
years.
I kind of had all these daysopen, but no, I do it like
evenings, weekends, like lunchhour.
I think the hardest part isn'tnecessarily finding like time,
it's finding longer chunks oftime.
That's the hardest thing,because you get in the zone and
(14:14):
then sometimes it takes like anhour just to get in the zone and
then you know like if you haveto stop, that could be hard.
Jerry (14:22):
Yeah, talking about that zone, what does that look like
to be in the writing zone?
Victoria (14:30):
I read a lot to kind of get to that place.
So I read a lot of, I readevery.
I read a lot of poetry, fiction, nonfiction and you know.
So that definitely helps.
And then you know, sometimesit's writing new stuff,
sometimes it's going back andlike cutting out stuff that just
(14:53):
doesn't sound good anymore.
So but I think the best way toget into a zone is silence.
Having quiet is super importantfor me and then reading, just
kind of flipping through likesome of my favorite books and
just absorbing it.
That's why I especially lovereading poetry, because you get
(15:16):
kind of like the emotional senseof things so you're not really,
you know, getting into a storyas much as like the language
itself.
So I love playing with language, I love lyrical writing and
just all of that.
So it's fun for me.
Jerry (15:30):
Yeah it comes coming from .
I'm like gosh, this is likeseems so hard, you know to do
like I'm not a writer.
I do have like kind of anoutline of a book that I'm, that
I'm working on and stuff likethat.
But I admired the people thatcan just sit down at the
computer and just let thingsflow out.
(15:51):
I just haven't found that beinga way to get into that kind of
zone to do that.
Victoria (15:57):
Yet Honestly, like I don't know if that's good to
know, I won't be looking forthat and the people who say it
does.
I don't know if I believe it,but I think it's hard all the
time.
But like you know it's, it'seasier for some.
Like I couldn't you know I wasnever a math person, I was never
(16:18):
a science person.
Like I couldn't get like I, youknow I really had to work hard
on those subjects.
So I think sometimes you'reit's just like your brain is set
to do different things.
Jerry (16:31):
Yeah, do you feel like everybody has like a maybe a
book or a story in them?
Victoria (16:39):
I definitely think so.
A lot of what I do in my likeday job is I help people write
books or, you know, help themfind their stories and figure
out how they want to tell themin different ways.
And there are so many peopleout there who have a book in
them and maybe that's not likesitting down and writing it by
(17:00):
themselves, like maybe that'sgetting a co writer, or or maybe
it's not even like a book.
It could be a video or a song.
You know a song like there's somany ways to tell stories,
especially now you can do, Imean, this podcast.
You know like you can get yourstory out in so many ways, I
think, unless you love like thewritten word, you know it's
(17:26):
great to explore other things.
I don't think I would be verygood at, you know, video, or I'm
not the best public speaker, sothat's like not funny, but I
can sit down and type something.
So, yeah, I think everybody hassomething, though.
Jerry (17:40):
Yeah, I do too.
I talk to people about comingon the podcast and they're like,
well, I don't have a story.
And I'm like I promise you youhave a story.
My life's boring.
I promise I don't have a storyand I'm like, okay, well, let's
just have, let's just talk aboutit a little bit.
I'm like, oh see, you do have astory, because everybody that
I've talked to has overcomesomething, some challenges.
Victoria (18:03):
And some people maybe they don't have the end yet and
that's why they think you know,that they, maybe they're sitting
through it and then it's hardto see, and so you're on the
other side.
That it's something.
Jerry (18:14):
Yeah, yeah, that's definitely true.
I have not thought about itthat way.
Victoria, what other advicewould you give, like military
spouses you know, to you know tostay tight and hang on to the
family.
You know, during these times,that we haven't talked about.
Victoria (18:32):
I think, you know, I think being creative is a really
good outlet, and then that'salso great because you can share
what you create with yourspouse to, so whether that's
like writing a poem or you know,doing something like that or a
piece of art, and then you knowyou can send that to them or
what you know, I think that'sactually kind of a cool,
(18:56):
interesting way to communicate.
When you're like, what else doI have to say yeah yeah.
One of the organizations that Ivolunteered with for several
years is the Armed Services ArtsPartnership, and I'm actually
donating part of the royaltiesfrom the book to them.
They give free comedy andcreative writing classes to
(19:18):
veterans, military and spouses,so that's actually like a great
way for people to pursue thosecreative outlets.
They do Zoom classes andin-person classes in DC, and so
I just think that's an awesomeway to you know kind of get
started, like if people don'tknow where to start.
Jerry (19:41):
Yeah, I kind of like what you said.
I thought that would be prettyneat if you were being deployed
somewhere and then this artworkor poem arrived, or something
you know, to that you could readthat's super personal.
Victoria (19:56):
Yeah, I like it.
It means so much more than liketoday I got takeout, you know,
so you know it was so much morethan today, like you had a
really boring day.
You know what are you gonna sayI miss you a million times, you
know.
So that's kind of a fun thingto do.
Jerry (20:16):
Yeah, so you did.
Did you send artwork and poetrywhen he was deployed?
Victoria (20:22):
I did send some of the poems.
I'm not the greatest artist.
I actually took a drawing class, I think, during that first
deployment, cause I just thinkit's really interesting, but I
don't think anything I had wasthat great.
I didn't send it.
Jerry (20:37):
You like your baby Truist stick figure of you.
This is yeah, Kelly.
Where are I keep saying Kellyand Victoria?
It's like two first names inUtah it's like ah.
How can people learn more aboutyou and what you're doing?
Victoria (20:56):
So I have a website.
It's victoria-kellycom.
My books are on Amazon.
It's the best place to findthem, but you can kind of find
them anywhere BarnesandNoblecom.
And yeah, I mean honestly,those are the best places to go
to find out what's new.
And if I'm doing events andthings like that, I do like book
(21:18):
clubs, you know so, likemilitary spouses, they have a
book club or something.
I do those too.
Jerry (21:27):
Are you on social media as well?
Victoria (21:29):
I am.
I'm also on Instagram atVictoria Kelly Books, so I'm
trying to be as active as I canon that.
Sometimes it's hard every dayto get on there, but I'm trying.
Jerry (21:42):
It is really rough, I think, to maintain a good social
media president.
It takes a lot of time.
Victoria (21:52):
It really does.
Yeah, it's an art form.
Jerry (21:57):
Yeah, for sure, I'd never really looked at it that way
before.
But yeah, it's definitely anart form and some people just
have the knack for it and somedon't.
And kind of a lot of times whatyou see on social media is like
the final product is that itcould be like eight or 10
different times Someone tried tofilm something, to do it.
At least that's what happens tome.
I say something and I'm like Idon't like the way that sounds
(22:19):
and I said I don't like that, orI screw up somewhere in the
middle.
You know, it's just like yeah.
Victoria (22:23):
Yeah it's definitely difficult.
Jerry (22:26):
Kelly, do you have any last pieces of advice for
someone to stay connected totheir loved one when they're
missing them and they'redistance away?
Victoria (22:40):
I think just being active in community is important
the military and the veterancommunity.
They just have so many greatways to become involved with
other people and so even ifyou're not with a spouse, like
you can be with that communitystill.
(23:01):
I know like one of the greatveteran resources is an
organization called Mission RoleCall where they advocate for
veterans issues on Capitol Hill.
There's so many military spouseFacebook groups, podcasts and
(23:22):
then also like just the you knowthe units always have their own
you know social events andthings like that.
So I like I made it a rule tonever say they know to those.
So I always went, even if youdon't feel like it, you feel so
much better when you go and itkeeps you feeling like in touch
with even your spouse, even whenthey're away.
(23:43):
It kind of keeps you kind offeeling less lonely.
So that's important.
Jerry (23:48):
Do you like, as time has gone on and you know kind of
just generations have shiftedand stuff like that, have you
seen people more, be moreengaged into wanting to do those
things, or do you feel likepeople are withdrawing and just
kind of want to stay in theirhouses or wherever they're
living and just not be activeout there?
Victoria (24:08):
I think there's so much more on social media now.
I mean, back, let's see, when Igot married, it was 2009.
So that was there was socialmedia, but it wasn't the way it
is now.
It wasn't like a place wherepeople spent a whole lot of time
at that point.
So I think there's just moreopportunity now, but I don't
(24:30):
think the number of in-personevents like around military
bases has gone down.
I mean, I think that's alwaysgonna be really important.
Jerry (24:38):
Yeah, I think it's tough if you take the stance of just
like I don't want to be involvedin the community, I just kind
of want to stay at home and domy own thing, because I think
that can lead to a lot ofdepression.
I think when you're depressedand your person is gone, that
makes things difficult both foryou and for them.
(25:00):
So the best thing I'm hearingfor you is just get out and stay
connected into that community.
Victoria (25:06):
Yeah, exactly, and don't be yourself up if you do
feel down, because like it'sgonna happen, like at times it's
normal, so but I found that tobe the best way.
If I stay at home for too long,it's too much thinking.
Yeah, yeah.
Jerry (25:26):
Right, yeah, you're alone and you do.
What else you have to do otherthan think about things, and you
can only numb your brain withTV and social media and other
activities that are probably notmeaningful as getting out and
staying connected into thecommunity, because that
community wants to be connectedto you and we, as humans, need
(25:49):
to be connected to a communityto thrive.
Victoria (25:53):
Yeah, exactly no, it's so important.
I think that's one of the mostimportant things for people at
home.
Jerry (26:02):
Yeah, don't isolate yourselves away.
Victoria (26:04):
Right, exactly.
Jerry (26:07):
Well, victoria.
Thank you so much for being ontoday.
I really appreciate your timeand writings and that's exciting
to have those different booksand different forms of them for
people to read.
Victoria (26:20):
Thank you so much for having me and just appreciate
what you're doing and all thepeople you're reaching.
Jerry (26:28):
Yeah, yeah, thank you so much for being on today.
Thanks again for listening.
Don't forget to rate and reviewthe show wherever you access
your podcast.
If you know someone that wouldbe great on the show, please get
ahold of our host, jerry DeanLund, through the Instagram
handles at Jerry Fire and Fuelor at Enduring the Badge Podcast
(26:52):
, also by visiting the show'swebsite,
enduringthebadgepodcastcom foradditional methods of contact
and up-to-date informationregarding the show.
Remember, the views andopinions expressed during the
show solely represent those ofour host and the current
(27:13):
episode's guests.
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com