Toxic productivity, self-abandonment & regenerative self-care. Tamu Thomas #75

 

Where did you learn how to be a woman who worked too much? Who modelled it? And if you don’t identify as a woman, stay tuned. The women in your life are likely overwhelmed and constantly doing – this episode will help you to understand why. 

Tamu Thomas is a former social worker, and now a coach and author of Women Who Work Too Much.

In this conversation Tamu and Mandy discuss toxic positivity and self-abandonment, and where these can come from (Tamu shares how she learned to overachieve in her Sierra Leonean family). You’ll also learn how to reclaim rest and regenerative selfcare, and how Grace Jones championed Tamu through hard times (Grace is available for pep talks, by the way). Mandy gives Tamu three real-life coaching scenarios to unpack. Insightful, powerful and radically practical.

2:06 How Tamu learned to work too much

6:37 Toxic Productivity

10:34 Self-abandonment – “It’s not your fault”

11:45 Being “nice” means it’s okay to feel bad, but not to look bad

12:46 How we learn to ignore our needs in favour of people pleasing

13:41 Tamu’s late diagnosed ADHD

15:28 Women and ambition; bossy leadership

17:46 The antidote to self-abandonment is safe community

19:23 Grace Jones gives Tamu pep talks

21:42 Post-traumatic growth and compassion

23:45 Regenerative selfcare – What is it? Why it matters

26:40 Boundaries

28:04 Regenerative selfcare in action

28:50 Good girl conditioning and stepping into bold womanhood

30:58 Regenerative selfcare is reading about political policies and voting

32:46 Coaching question 1: Corporate Armadillo. Woman in her 50s, has spent her corporate career armoured up. Wants to change

36:40 Coaching question 2: Woman of colour in her 40s who’s a people pleaser

40:35 Coaching question 3: I’m a midlife corporate lawyer and I’ve given myself to my job and my kids. I miss ME.

44:08 Tamu’s Brick of Wisdom

44:40 Outro

LINKS:

Tamu Thomas’ website and book.

Tamu on Instagram

Mandy on Instagram