The Average Joe Beatdown: Who's the Toughest Mediocre Guy?

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
In 2020, hayden made two friends start a podcast with
him.
They promptly went home andwatched some movies.
Today they survive his podcastas a fortune.
If you want to entertain ifthere are no other podcasts, if
you have Spotify, you can listento Entertain this Well done,
well done.
Well done.

(00:26):
I don't even know if we'reone-taking these or if it's just
like, oh, he nailed the firsttake.
Or it's just like, no, we'rejust not going to bother trying
it again, Just go with it.

Speaker 2 (00:35):
It's fine.
It's fine, it's the charm.
People get what they're getting.
I got what you were puttingdown, yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
I still think the Law .

Speaker 3 (00:47):
Order one was like the best.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
Hey, hello, welcome To Entertain this.

Speaker 1 (00:53):
Exclamation point.

Speaker 2 (00:54):
A podcast about movies, tv shows and video games
.
My name is Hayden.
With me I have Mitch, hello andTom.

Speaker 1 (00:58):
Hi Tom.

Speaker 3 (00:59):
Today we're discussing the Average Joe
Beatdown.

Speaker 2 (01:04):
It's like the speed version.
I didn't want to do all thatone word thing.

Speaker 1 (01:08):
Hey, welcome to Entertain this.
This is a podcast of one of themost TV shows and video games.
My name is Simon.
With me, I'm Vincent Hayden.
Check us out onEntertainThisPodcastcom.
We're also on Instagram andTikTok at EntertainThis
underscore.
You can also check us out onPatreon at patreoncom forward
slash.

Speaker 2 (01:18):
EntertainThis underscore attention to yeah,
we'll hit that again at the endwe'll touch on that later all
right average joe.
Beat down mitch.

Speaker 3 (01:27):
Explain how this is going to work well, we did an
action turn, our action herotournament before, where we all
picked 10 different actionheroes from movies and they,
basically we pit them againsteach other.

Speaker 1 (01:39):
I remember which one we did, that lasted like eight
rounds and just wasn't beaten.

Speaker 3 (01:43):
I don't remember who it was.
Basically, we'll each pick.
We each have our ten people,which are considered average
Joes.

Speaker 2 (01:52):
Yeah, Tom made these rules and he slipped in like the
Predator and stuff like that Iwas like what are you talking
about?

Speaker 3 (01:59):
Tom made the rule of nobody with a military
background, and his first personwas Walker Texas Ranger.

Speaker 1 (02:05):
I was like what the heck and Rip Whe?
Nobody with a militarybackground and his first person
was walker, texas ranger and ripwheeler.

Speaker 2 (02:09):
It's because you were scared because when you rip
wheeler would have won to add inmore specificities into this
specificity.
Yeah, uh they.
They got to be like a dudethat's not actively looking to
like get into violence yeah,like al bundy, none of us picked
him but and they're not in asupernatural setting of any sort
, yeah right like deanWinchester, that Tom tried to
pick Right.
So Okay, all right.

(02:29):
So like we're aching more tolike sitcom dads, but we have
the occasional cop that likeslips through the cracks here.
So one of mine might be a littleridiculous, but man.

Speaker 3 (02:42):
All right, I feel outgunned in this, just saying
Out of the list that we picked,yeah well we'll see how it goes,
Tom's like don't be bothered bywho's going to beat who.
All right, so does anybody wantto volunteer to have their
people go first?

Speaker 2 (02:59):
Yeah, I'll throw one out there.
All right, let's do, fonzie.

Speaker 1 (03:03):
All right, I'll throw out uh mine my number 10, sam
malone from cheers.

Speaker 3 (03:10):
Let's see former pro pitcher.

Speaker 1 (03:14):
So god, if there's any baseballs around, oh no,
well, watch out I mean thefonzie's pretty he might peg him
in the head at 90 miles an hour.
Fonzie's pretty lucky and givehim brain brain damage.

Speaker 3 (03:24):
All right, let's see You're going to be fighting in
the Batcave.
Okay, and let me find the thinghere.
Phone doesn't want to workright, and?

Speaker 1 (03:39):
The show's predicated on your phone working well.
Mitch, you both have a hammer.

Speaker 2 (03:43):
Okay, all right.
Well, I'll start my argumentfirst.
On your phone working.
Well, mitch, you both have ahammer.
Okay, all right.
Well, I'll start my argumentfirst.
I feel like the Fonz could justslap a random bat computer
machine device and then goodthings will happen.

Speaker 1 (03:57):
Nah, he bumps it with his fessy zoop.
Yeah, that's what I do.
He does it to jukeboxes anelbow.

Speaker 2 (04:04):
And then a Gatling gun will pop out and just kill a
Cheers guy, ted Danson, tedDanson, yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:12):
Huh, is that your argument?

Speaker 2 (04:14):
Yeah, and in the worst-case scenario, just throw
a hammer.

Speaker 1 (04:18):
Why would you throw the hammer and not hit it?

Speaker 2 (04:20):
Because he's got to keep his distance.
I don't know.
I recall one fight that theFonz was in in Happy Days and it
was just like goofy.

Speaker 1 (04:28):
Yeah, he gets beat up by Tom Hanks.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
That's right.

Speaker 1 (04:31):
Yeah, oof, he jumped a shark.
Yeah, that's, true, he did jumpa shark On a surfboard.
He did jump a shark In aleather jacket.

Speaker 2 (04:37):
He was so lucky that he started a movie trend, didn't
even get wet, that's right.
So I feel pretty good aboutFonzie.

Speaker 1 (04:47):
Well, Sam Malone, I believe, was a former pro
pitcher, which implies some sortof athleticism and training
that he would have had In hisday In his day.
He's still in his 30s, he's not, you know.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
I'm just saying Fonzie's like barely out of high
school.
Yeah, but he looks like he's 42and he's hanging out with high
school kids.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
He's got the demeanor .
Oh, you know what?
Sit on it, Potsy.

Speaker 2 (05:13):
You don't say that to Fonz.

Speaker 1 (05:14):
They did say it to him To.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
Fonz.

Speaker 1 (05:16):
Yeah, Mrs Cunningham said it to him.

Speaker 2 (05:18):
Oh, okay, sit and spin.

Speaker 1 (05:20):
He's somebody who has .
Obviously he has a considerableheight and distance advantage
over Henry Winkler.

Speaker 2 (05:26):
We're not talking about Henry Winkler.

Speaker 1 (05:28):
Over the Fonz.
The Fonz is a short fella, he'sa little fella and Sam Malone
is probably like 6'4" and indecent shape, I think.
The Fonz, I mean he has to runa bar, he's got to throw drunks
out.

Speaker 2 (05:44):
I think the Fonz has got enough luck and charisma and
he'll be able to beat up TedDanson without having to comb
his hair.

Speaker 1 (05:55):
Sam Malone has great hair as well.
What do you think, Mitch?

Speaker 3 (06:00):
Well, judging by what the AI said, it says this one's
a close call, but Fonzie has aslight edge.

Speaker 2 (06:07):
What.

Speaker 3 (06:08):
Between adaptability, mental game and fighting style,
the outcome Fonzie wins six outof ten times.
Woo Almost a 50-50 split, itsays, likely by outmaneuvering
Sam and using the Batcave'senvironment to set up a decisive
strike or trap.

Speaker 2 (06:22):
That's what I said.

Speaker 3 (06:23):
Sam takes four out of ten if he lands an early
powerful blow before Fonzie canadapt.

Speaker 2 (06:27):
Thank you, AI overlord.

Speaker 3 (06:29):
The final scene, fonzie leans against the
Batmobile, hammer twirling, andsays hey, sammy, better luck
next time.
Wow.

Speaker 2 (06:38):
It's like a fighting game.
Ai is stupid, says.

Speaker 3 (06:41):
Sam nursing a bruise mutters.
Yeah, well, I'll get you atCheers.

Speaker 2 (06:46):
Oh, he can't say that .
They're like dead.
Is that too violent for the A?
Probably.

Speaker 3 (06:50):
Somewhere matches Malone watches from the shadows
unimpressed.

Speaker 2 (06:55):
Yeah, all right, cool , I've won, so you continue I
crossed out Sam.

Speaker 3 (07:02):
You don't cross him out.

Speaker 1 (07:03):
I crossed out Sam Malone on my bracket, which
means the Fonz advances towhoever Mitch's number 10 is.

Speaker 3 (07:10):
I got to type this in here, so you got to give me a
second.

Speaker 1 (07:13):
Who is your number 10 ?

Speaker 3 (07:15):
Well, my first one that I'm using is Cody, from
Step by Step Cody from Step byStep.
Let's see, we will be in a WWEarena.

Speaker 2 (07:30):
All right, is Cody fighting Fonz, or is Cody
fighting?

Speaker 3 (07:32):
Fonzie Okay, because you're got one.

Speaker 2 (07:34):
All right, so Fonz versus Cody, and we both have a
knife.
Okay, well, I feel like theFonz being like a greaser kind
of guy, he's pretty familiarwith knives.
He's able to beat up a guywho's twice his size.
Obviously, so far, cody is justsome dork that can't even spell

(07:56):
his name correctly.
Yeah, he won one bar fight withfour biker guys, but those guys
took turns Well he's only gotto fight one-on-one though.

Speaker 3 (08:03):
Yeah, it's the got to fight one-on-one though.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
Yeah yeah, it's the biker code of honor.

Speaker 2 (08:06):
But I feel like Fonz is a lot more intelligent.
He's able to, you know, figureout the bat.
Where are we?
Again the WWE?

Speaker 3 (08:16):
arena.
Oh dude.

Speaker 2 (08:19):
So we're basically in a ring.
Well, I bet you Cody doesn'tknow much about like wrestling
culture.

Speaker 3 (08:26):
He probably does.
He knows kickboxing, that'strue.

Speaker 2 (08:29):
But maybe he doesn't know that you can use like
chairs and stuff like that.
Fonz is in the game, he's inthe bar fight.

Speaker 1 (08:35):
Anything goes in a bar fight.

Speaker 3 (08:36):
Yeah, he just grabs them and swing it.

Speaker 2 (08:39):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (08:45):
I do feel like knives , though Fonz has the edge Pun
included, intended Well, I mean.
I just feel like you know, withCody being a martial artist
he's got a little bit ofadvantage because Fonzie's kind
of a broad Martial arts is onething.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
all right, We've all seen Once Upon a Time in
Hollywood, right?
It's got to be, yeah, thatstreet ability right.

Speaker 3 (08:59):
Yeah, because we all believe Bruce Lee was just
thrown against a car.

Speaker 2 (09:03):
My hands are registered weapons.
If I kill you, I'll go to jail.

Speaker 1 (09:08):
Anybody who kills anybody in a fight goes to jail.

Speaker 3 (09:10):
It's called manslaughter.
I mean, cody was prettyathletic too.
I mean he did not just punchesand kicks, but jumping, spinning
, kicks and all that stuff.

Speaker 2 (09:19):
Yeah, well.

Speaker 3 (09:21):
I think his physicality and his athleticism,
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (09:24):
Out-move her Fonzie by a good bit.
I don't know.
I feel like the Fonz has got it.
What do you think, tom, it's?

Speaker 1 (09:30):
a toughie.
I don't know much about thisCody from Step by Step.

Speaker 2 (09:32):
unfortunately, he's a real idiot.
Imagine Joey Tribbiani withless IQ.
Oh my God.

Speaker 3 (09:38):
Against the Fonz.
I think he was in the movie theKickboxer 2, because in that
character, because the actualactor knows all the kickboxing
stuff- I'd probably put my moneyon the Fonz.
Alright, well, the outcome.
Cody pins Fonzie after Whoa,whoa it's not giving me the out

(10:00):
of 10 thing.
It says the outcome Cody pinsFonzie after a brutal
crowd-pleasing brawl, winningvia a three count, with a knife
held dramatically, but notfatally, to Fonzie's throat.
Oh, thank you, AI the crowderupts as Cody raises his arms,
shouting totally righteous dude,Fonzie, ever cool, rolls out of
the ring, adjusts his jacket,gives a begrudging IA nod of

(10:23):
respect before limping to thelocker room.

Speaker 1 (10:26):
Alright, and there goes the Fonz.

Speaker 3 (10:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (10:29):
Or Fonz.

Speaker 3 (10:31):
Cody wins.
Wwe arena favors Cody'swrestling-like physicality over
Fonzie's street style.
Knives make it dangerous, butCody's size and durability let
him absorb more damage while hisreckless offense overwhelms
Fonzie's finesse.
Nobody got stabbed.
Fonzie's best shot isoutsparting Cody with traps or
precise cuts, but Cody's rawpower and heart tip the scales,

(10:52):
especially in a wrestling-stylepin finish.
Nobody got stabbed.
Look, I told you, AI does notlike violence.

Speaker 2 (10:58):
Well, just give him pillows or something I don't
know.
Pillow fight All right, what doyou got Tom?

Speaker 1 (11:08):
Huh, huh.
Kickboxing guy huh, yeah, hmm,hmm.

Speaker 2 (11:13):
Hmm, hmm, hmm, just pick a name.

Speaker 1 (11:17):
I don't know if I want to use my best people.
Do that guy, hal from Malcolmin the Middle.
Yep, all right, yeah, we'll gowith Hal, with Malcolm in the
Middle, since Aiden decided thatone I needed to use.

Speaker 3 (11:29):
All right, let's see.
Give me a little bit of why youthink Hal would win.

Speaker 1 (11:34):
I mean, he obviously knows you can't, you know,
nobody can beat Sub-Zero inMortal Kombat 2.
So he clearly knows the fightgame literally.

Speaker 2 (11:42):
The fighting game.
He does knows the fight game,literally the fighting game.
What's the environment thatthey're fighting at?

Speaker 3 (11:46):
In a rancor pit with no rancor.

Speaker 1 (11:50):
So you could have just said a pit.

Speaker 3 (11:54):
It's got the bones and stuff scattered around.

Speaker 1 (11:56):
Oh bones, I mean Hal is almost a sort of genius.

Speaker 3 (12:00):
And they have him force.

Speaker 2 (12:01):
They have him force, but they can't shoot it because
it's too violent.

Speaker 3 (12:06):
We'll see.

Speaker 1 (12:07):
They just have to beat each other to death with
M-Force.
I mean Hal's almost a sort ofkind of genius, because
everything he gets embroiled inhe excels in almost immediately.
Like where he finds all themuscle dudes working out and he
talks to them and then theydon't know what to do when he's
leaving.
And muscle dudes like workingout and he talks to him and then
they're like they don't knowwhat to do when he's leaving and
he's like I can come back,doesn't?

Speaker 2 (12:27):
doesn't frankie muniz like have to save him from
getting beaten up at school allthe time?

Speaker 3 (12:31):
how's the older brother right?

Speaker 1 (12:33):
no, how's the father?

Speaker 2 (12:34):
oh the father, oh the father.
Yeah, brian cranston.
Oh okay, he's like, you know,quit drinking all that damn
orange juice.
It doesn't grow on trees.
They're like, yeah, it does.
He's like why, quit drinkingall that damn orange juice?
It doesn't grow on trees.
They're like, yeah, it does.
He's like, why is it so damnexpensive?

Speaker 1 (12:48):
That How's not a man to be trifled with.

Speaker 3 (12:53):
I mean great that they have M4s.
I don't know that they have toget close to fight, but I do
think Cody's more versatile withweapons.

Speaker 1 (13:04):
What weapons training ?

Speaker 3 (13:04):
does he have?
He knows how to use martialarts weapons.

Speaker 1 (13:07):
Yeah, m4s are renowned in karate.

Speaker 3 (13:12):
Plenty of gun training.
It's gun-fu.

Speaker 1 (13:14):
Yeah, I know, gun-fu it's like okay, keanu.

Speaker 3 (13:20):
Well, according to AI , hal emerges as the survivor,
limping and sobbing after Cody'sgung-ho assault wounds the
rancor See.
This is why AI is not alwaysgood.
There's not supposed to be arancor in the shit.

Speaker 2 (13:33):
Well, just say a pit, Just say like a hole in the
ground.

Speaker 1 (13:37):
All I heard though, is Hal won.

Speaker 2 (13:38):
Yeah, that's all he's going to focus on.
I guess the rancor ate theother guy.

Speaker 1 (13:45):
And I can see like Brian Cranston too.

Speaker 2 (13:46):
He'd go.
Oh, it would be because WalterWhite's in here somewhere, right
.
Does somebody have Walter White?

Speaker 1 (13:51):
No, I don't have Walter.

Speaker 2 (13:51):
White.
Somebody should have pickedWalter White so like how could
have Fuck Walter?

Speaker 3 (13:54):
White, I'll put it in a pit.
We'll see what it comes up with.
I would see Hal as like thatmeme or that video with
Jean-Claude.
When he's got the gun, he'slike I'll cover you Guns, go at
every one of you Seem in hisunderwear.

Speaker 1 (14:12):
All right, let's see.
This is why he takes.
What was the mom's name onMalcolm in the middle?
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (14:17):
I can't remember what her name was.
It's loading slowly.
It gives me a bunch of stuff.
I just go down to who wins.
Hal Wilkerson wins six out often times, but it's a
fluke-filled upset.
Damn right it is.
Let's see Hal wins becauselet's see, well, it just skipped
a bunch of stuff.
Let me find that again it justsays Hal wins, Hal wins the

(14:43):
Pitt's close quarters amplifyHal's chaotic survival instincts
.
Cody's aggressive spray praystyle burns ammo and leaves him
open, while how scurrying andlucky shots, or improvised moves
.

Speaker 1 (14:56):
Let him outlast cody, yeah, okay.

Speaker 3 (14:57):
Well, so there were my, my fighter.

Speaker 2 (15:00):
It's the guy that randomly gets a shot in All
right, oh, all right, we'regoing to do Hal versus Marshall
from how I Met your Mother.
All right, all right.
Marshall can slap Renowned,slaps, hurt around the world.

Speaker 1 (15:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (15:18):
Slaps that sent the fear into the ladies' man,
barney himself.
Barney Stinson Changed him,made him a changed man, yeah.

Speaker 3 (15:30):
What was Marshall's?

Speaker 2 (15:30):
last name?
Do we know Marshall, justMarshall, from how I Met your
Mother?

Speaker 3 (15:37):
That takes a lot of typing.

Speaker 1 (15:38):
Hang on, hang on, I'm working on it, y'all just keep
talking about it.

Speaker 3 (15:42):
Y'all worry about it.

Speaker 2 (15:43):
I'll type it in Erickson E-R-I-K-S-E-N so what
do you think?
You think Hal's got a chance,marshall's like 6'5, what was it
?

Speaker 1 (15:56):
his chaotic survival skills just screaming.

Speaker 2 (16:01):
I feel like Marshall's pretty chaotic.
I don't think he's how chaotic.
The episode with his smoked potMarshall's just all over the
world and he's quite a tactician.
He can build board games thatcould put anybody to sleep.

Speaker 1 (16:16):
He can build board games Well hopefully this
doesn't happen on a Monopolyboard.

Speaker 2 (16:21):
Where is this happening?

Speaker 3 (16:23):
On the plane from Con Air With a lead pipe.

Speaker 2 (16:28):
I feel like Marshall's got it yeah.

Speaker 1 (16:30):
I feel like Hal accidentally kills Marshall or
Marshall accidentally killshimself.

Speaker 2 (16:35):
Maybe they accidentally pull the door open
and just get sucked out.

Speaker 3 (16:37):
It's a draw.
Turn around the corner, put thebunny down.

Speaker 1 (16:41):
Yeah, ted just goes ah, and like hits, the door
latch and just opens it and goes, just gets sucked out, sucked
out the back.
The bunny down.
Yeah, ted just goes and likehits the door latch and just
opens up and goes and just getssucked out, sucked out the back
While Hal's like holding on tolike a seatbelt going he's going
to win by sheer luck of thewhole tournament, malcolm.

Speaker 3 (16:54):
It's slow.

Speaker 2 (16:57):
It's loading.

Speaker 3 (17:01):
I skip all the round one, round two and just try to
go straight to who wins, butit's taking a moment.

Speaker 2 (17:07):
Okay, well, I feel like, even though it's kind of
close, Okay, there we go.
You're like, ah, just go ahead.

Speaker 3 (17:13):
Marshall Erickson wins eight out of ten times.

Speaker 2 (17:15):
Yeah, eight out of ten.

Speaker 3 (17:17):
Yeah, let's see, got your butt kicked.
The Conair plane's tight,chaotic space favors Marshall's
physical dominance.
Yeah, his strength and reachwith the lead pipe overwhelm
Howell's frantic defense and hisbar fight instincts.
Let him adapt to the brawl'sflow.
Howell's unpredictability keepshim in it briefly, but his lack

(17:37):
of stamina and fighting skillcan't match Marshall's raw power
.

Speaker 1 (17:40):
But he beats the train fighter.

Speaker 3 (17:44):
So the outcome?
Marshall stands over a dazedHal lead pipe in hand.
As the plane's engines scream,he drops the pipe muttering.
Sorry man, I owe you a slap betfor this Hal groaning mumbles.
Lewis is going to ground meforever.

Speaker 2 (17:59):
This is the life stage.

Speaker 3 (18:03):
Alright, who you got Thad Castle?

Speaker 2 (18:05):
Oh man All right.

Speaker 3 (18:07):
Where are we fighting ?

Speaker 2 (18:09):
Gigantic dope cocaine-fueled moron.
They're both about the sameheight.

Speaker 1 (18:16):
However, Thad is a little bit more muscular, just a
little bit.

Speaker 2 (18:19):
But Marshall is much more intelligent than Thad
Castle.
I'll give you that.
Yeah, so I.
There are dogs that are smarterthan Thad Castle.
I'll give you that.
Yeah, so I.
There are dogs that are smarterthan Thad Castle we're fighting
in the.
Batcave.
Oh okay, so technology is a gohere.
Does Thad scream get out of myhouse?
I feel like Get out.
I feel like Marshall is aBatman fan and he would

(18:43):
understand the you knowIntricacies of the weaponry
afoot.

Speaker 3 (18:46):
Yeah, and we're fighting with hammers again.

Speaker 2 (18:49):
The hammer fight, so he'll throw hammers like
batarangs.
You know, I feel pretty goodabout this one.
What's your argument?
I mean Thad Castle couldclearly run circles around
Marshall yeah if he can not haveto deal with the chaos of the
environment?

Speaker 3 (19:06):
And he is an all-American athlete.
I'm just saying.

Speaker 2 (19:09):
Okay, marshall's a big dude who can slap really
hard.

Speaker 3 (19:14):
Let's see Thad's also very inventive on the ways that
he can do things.
He's smart when it's Okay,never mind, he's not smart, he's
not smart.

Speaker 1 (19:24):
He's not smart, he's captain of the football team.

Speaker 2 (19:27):
Yeah, he might accidentally kill himself in
that environment.

Speaker 3 (19:32):
Yes, what does it say ?
Marshall Erickson wins sevenout of ten times.
Marshall wins because theBatcave's complex terrain favors
Marshall's strategic thinkingand endurance over Thad's
all-out assault.

Speaker 2 (19:46):
I'm good.

Speaker 3 (19:47):
Marshall's size and power match Thad's, but his
ability to adapt using thecave's gadgets or cover gives
him an edge.
Thad's reckless style burns himout and his ego makes him
underestimate Marshall'stoughness.
Marshall's heart and smartsseal the deal, though.
Thad wins 3 out of 10.
Let's see the outcome.
Marshall stands over a groaningThad hammer raised at the
Batcave system's hum, he dropsthe weapon, muttering.

(20:09):
That's for Minnesota.
What Thad?
Well, because he's a Vikingsfan.
Oh okay, Thad, clutching hisknee, growls you're still a
benchwarmer, but can't get upthe fight's over.
Cave's a mess.
Batman's going to need a newcomputer.
All right, my guys are goingdown.

Speaker 2 (20:28):
Marshall moves on to the next round?
All right, I'm only down.
One guy.
I still got Marshall.
Yeah, what do you got?
Tom Frazier?
Oh, okay, I think in everyscenario I got this Just throw
your cannon fodder at Marshall.

(20:49):
So Frazier's a tall guy, I'llgive you that.
Kelsey Grammer is a large man.
He's a large man, but Frazieris also a very smart person.

Speaker 1 (20:58):
He is very smart.
He's very much an intellectualand tactician-ish.
I guess it depends on wherewe're fighting,
machiavellian-esque.
In the bar from Cheers oh hometurf.
Yeah, he knows that terrain, heknows the intricacies of that
bar.

Speaker 3 (21:11):
And you're fighting with katanas.

Speaker 2 (21:12):
I feel like if anybody's handled a katana
before it would have beenMarshall or Frazier in his
visits to Japan.

Speaker 3 (21:19):
They do fight with the swords in the apartment
Marshall and Ted.
He has sword playability.

Speaker 1 (21:26):
Everyone knows Frazier's a world-class fencer.

Speaker 3 (21:31):
Doctor's gonna throw stuff out as if it sticks.

Speaker 2 (21:34):
Fencing has nothing to do with it.

Speaker 1 (21:36):
I'm telling Hayden about a character from his
favorite show.
Educate me more that I've neverwatched.

Speaker 2 (21:43):
Please mansplain me some more about, please, tom
explain this to me, but I thinkthat Marshall, being younger,
stronger and has experience withtechnology.

Speaker 1 (21:56):
Is this, cheers Frazier?

Speaker 2 (21:58):
or Frazier Frazier, you decide.

Speaker 3 (22:01):
Well, frazier's a spinoff from Cheers.
Yeah, same character.

Speaker 1 (22:04):
He's still been to the bar.
He knows the exact layout, yeah, and knows where the gun's
hidden behind the bar.

Speaker 2 (22:11):
Okay, there's not a gun behind the bar, all right.

Speaker 3 (22:15):
It's called the win, Justin.

Speaker 1 (22:17):
It's foolish of you, Ted, to bring a katana to a
gunfight.

Speaker 2 (22:22):
What does the AI overlord say?

Speaker 1 (22:26):
Well, nine out of ten times marshall erickson, I just
figured I'd just sacrificefrazier I'm just curious to know
how the one time worked out oh,let's see frazier's might.

Speaker 3 (22:37):
Art.
Frazier might win one out often times with a fluke slash or
clever strap.
Or trevor clever trap, uh, saysthe cheers bars tight quarters
amplify marshall's Slash orClever Trap, it says the Cheers
bar's tight quarters amplifyMarshall's physical dominance.
His strength and reach with thekatana overwhelm Frazier's
theatrical flailing and hisendurance outlasts Frazier's
winded theatrics.
Let's see.

(22:58):
The outcome is Marshall standsover a defeated Frazier, katana
lowered.
As the Cheers crowd roars, heoffers a hand saying no hard
feelings, doc.
Frazier, sprawled on the barfloor, groans my ego is bruised
more than my body.
Sam sweeps up glass muttering.
This is why we don't have sorry, this is why we don't do sword

(23:20):
fights.

Speaker 2 (23:20):
Man, my boy Marshall, he's crushing it.

Speaker 1 (23:22):
We're going to have to pick up some heavy hitters to
take him out.

Speaker 3 (23:25):
All right, all right, I got you, I got you.

Speaker 2 (23:27):
Oh, what do you got?
You got nothing.

Speaker 3 (23:29):
I'm taking Julius Rock.

Speaker 2 (23:31):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (23:34):
The dad from Everybody Hates Chris.

Speaker 1 (23:36):
Terry Crews.
Pretty much, he's throwing aTerry Crews at you.

Speaker 3 (23:39):
We got to get Marshall off the board.
Let's see Julius Raka.
Where are we going to befighting?
We are fighting.

Speaker 2 (23:49):
What is his job?
I don't know.
It's like a mechanic orsomething, isn't it?

Speaker 3 (23:53):
I think so.

Speaker 2 (23:54):
He has like 40 jobs.
Let's see, everybody hatesChris.
Is that what it's from?

Speaker 3 (24:00):
Yeah, Well, this doesn't help me, but we're
fighting in Santa's workshop,okay.

Speaker 2 (24:07):
With revolvers, what?
Okay, I think the one who wouldknow more about random toys
would be Marshall.

Speaker 3 (24:17):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (24:17):
Okay, you know, maybe I don't know how the guns would
come into play for both of them, but I feel like he would adapt
faster in Santa's workshop.

Speaker 1 (24:36):
I feel like he'd be more shocked.
He was at Santa's workshop andwant to talk to.
Santa.
He'd be distracted.

Speaker 2 (24:40):
He could use that to his advantage and be like why
didn't I get this when I was 10?
He could use that to hisadvantage, because he's such a
child at heart Like he could useall of the elves and stuff.

Speaker 3 (24:50):
I do see him setting up traps and stuff and be like
ha ha, ha, ha ha, exactly, butJulius Rock can just power
through it.
Yeah, if he can catch him?

Speaker 2 (24:59):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (25:05):
What does our AI overlord say?
Our AI overlord Crap.
Yes, marshall Erickson wins 7out of 10 times.
Woo, let's see, marshall wins.
Santa's Workshop's chaoticclose-quarter setup favors
Marshall's physical dominanceand endurance.
Physical dominance, what Hisstrength and bold charges
overwhelm Julius's cautiousstrategy, especially as ammo

(25:26):
dwindles.
Let me make sure this is theright Julius rock that they took
.
Let's see here.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
Is there another Julius rock out there?

Speaker 3 (25:35):
Yeah, that's what I'm checking.
Nope, that's the same guy.
Okay, just checking Marshall'sa strong dude.

Speaker 2 (25:41):
He's a big guy, big guy, huge.
I don't think guy Huge, huge.

Speaker 3 (25:46):
I don't think he's the physical dominance there's a
part here.
As ammo dwindles, the fightgets scrappy.
Julius is smart to precision,keeping him competitive, landing
key shots, but Marshall'sdurability and heart tips the
scales.

Speaker 2 (26:00):
Heart.
I'm aching that to Santa'sworkshop.

Speaker 3 (26:06):
Marshall stands over a disarmed Julius revolver empty
.
As the workshop sprinklersdouse tinsel fires, he offers a
hand saying sorry, man, you'restill a rock Julius clutching
his hand gribbles.
This is why I don't doChristmas.
Elves sweep up muttering aboutovertime as the jingle bells
fade.

Speaker 1 (26:22):
That was 68 cents worth of tinsel.
He's taking us out, Tom.
He's taking us Wondering aboutovertime as the jingle bells
fade.

Speaker 2 (26:25):
That was 68 cents worth of tinsel, all right.

Speaker 3 (26:27):
He's taking us out, tom, he's taking us out.

Speaker 1 (26:29):
Cosmo Kramer.

Speaker 2 (26:32):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (26:33):
We're about to fight chaotic with more chaotic.

Speaker 2 (26:36):
Kramer, wouldn't it be funny if it was in?

Speaker 1 (26:38):
Jerry's apartment Jerry's apartment, home
territory.

Speaker 2 (26:42):
Let's see, let me try and type all this up here.
I mean, I'll be honest, I didnot think that Marshall would
make it this far.

Speaker 1 (26:54):
No I am shocked.

Speaker 2 (26:56):
I'm pretty happy I've only lost one guy so far.
How many do you have left?

Speaker 1 (27:00):
I have one, two, three, four, five, six, seven
left.

Speaker 2 (27:06):
I feel like Kramer's terrified.

Speaker 3 (27:10):
I don't think he could win a fight against
anybody.

Speaker 1 (27:14):
Well, you're fighting in a hedge maze with shovels.
This might be the one.

Speaker 2 (27:20):
What's how it's.

Speaker 1 (27:21):
Kramer, it's frantic chaotic energy and spontaneous
idea making.

Speaker 3 (27:25):
He's even just bursting out of a bush, yeah.

Speaker 1 (27:33):
Just taking him out.

Speaker 2 (27:34):
Stare.

Speaker 1 (27:36):
The only thing I could think it's a book about
coffee tables, but it's gotlittle arms so you can make it
into a small coffee table, theonly thing I could think is
Kramer sometimes has an insaneboost of luck that comes out of
nowhere.
It's literally.

Speaker 2 (27:48):
And he just like skyrockets to like stardom, but
then he like meteoricallycrashes.

Speaker 1 (27:53):
Like where he showed up at a big firm and like got a
job just by being there and likehe was like doing great, but
they fired him.

Speaker 2 (28:03):
Yeah, the coffee table book and he got to talk
shows, yeah, all sorts of stuff.
So who won this one?

Speaker 3 (28:12):
Eight out of ten times Marshall Erickson wins God
.

Speaker 1 (28:16):
I mean, I didn't have that much faith.

Speaker 3 (28:19):
So the hedge maze's tight, disorienting paths favor
Marshall's physical dominance.

Speaker 1 (28:23):
Oh, I'm tired of hearing about it.

Speaker 3 (28:25):
Much like his edge in the bar parking lot scenario
I'm about to send Wayne fromLetterkenny against him.

Speaker 1 (28:31):
It's like here's a person who has beat up every
tough person in Canada and won.

Speaker 2 (28:37):
This here's.

Speaker 3 (28:37):
American Says.
His strength and focusedaggression overwhelmed Kramer's
unpredictable flailing,especially in the clearing's
close quarters.
Brawl Kramer's tricks keep himin it, winning two out of ten
times if he disorients Marshall.
The outcome is Marshall standsover a pinned Kramer shovel,
tossed aside.
As the maze fog thickens, heoffers a hand saying let's get

(28:57):
out of here.
Man Kramer dusting off quips.
I was just warming up.
Oh for my maze spinoff.
I was like warming up.
Oh for my May spinoff.
I was like what?
Okay, yeah, sure I don't know.

Speaker 2 (29:08):
It'd be funny if he said something racist.
Ai just didn't filter that partout.

Speaker 1 (29:15):
AI just went rogue.
It's just like Michael Richards.
It's like all right, pleasedon't.

Speaker 3 (29:20):
All right, you're fighting Dan Connors now.

Speaker 2 (29:22):
All right, marshall versus Dan Connors, somebody's
got to take him out.

Speaker 1 (29:27):
I can see Dan Connors .

Speaker 2 (29:28):
Where's Dan Connors from?

Speaker 1 (29:30):
Roseanne.

Speaker 2 (29:31):
Oh, and he's a biker.
Yeah, this might be a tough one.
Come on, marshall, I believeyou.
He can just exert until he hasa heart attack, like in the show
.
Isn't that how he dies?
That's how the show ends, withDan Connors dying.

Speaker 1 (29:44):
No, no, the show's still on.

Speaker 2 (29:46):
Yeah, they brought him back because they said it
was like a dream or somethinglike that.
But the original Roseanne, hedied from a heart attack.

Speaker 1 (29:51):
Because they just had some anniversary thing with the
show, Like even going toRoseanne, but they didn't even
show Roseanne Barr and I'm likeyeah because she's canceled.

Speaker 3 (30:07):
Yeah, and I was man.
That's kind of lame.
It's like the show was calledRoseanne.
Yeah, so you got.

Speaker 2 (30:09):
Marshall Erickson versus Dan Connors in a Jurassic
Park lab with axes, with axes,yeah, okay, I feel like Marshall
would know more about Jurassic.

Speaker 1 (30:14):
Park.
I'm sick of hearing aboutMarshall.
He's a nerd.

Speaker 2 (30:17):
He's a super nerd, so you'd understand the terrain,
but Dan's a construction workerand a biker.

Speaker 1 (30:28):
Yeah, but how?

Speaker 2 (30:28):
much experience does he have with dinosaurs?
He's not fighting dinosaurs.
He's not fighting a dinosaurhe's got an axe.
He just has to swing an axe.
But they're in a lab, right,yeah?

Speaker 3 (30:33):
there's dinosaurs in the lab.
No, no there's no dinosaurs.

Speaker 2 (30:38):
I feel like you push a button and a raptor would show
up well then my guy could dothat just as much.
You dude wouldn wouldn't knowwhat button to push.
He's a construction worker.
You push them all, he wouldn'tfigure it out.
I feel pretty good about thisone.
What do we got there?

Speaker 3 (30:56):
Unfortunately, marshall wins seven out of ten
times.

Speaker 1 (30:59):
Yes, I swear to God if I have to hear it due to his
superior something.

Speaker 3 (31:04):
Let's see Marshall wins.
Jurassic Park's lab crampedhigh-tech setup like your
favorite movie locations.
Marshall's athleticism andendurance over Dan's raw power,
His height and speed let himnavigate the lab's obstacles and
land key hits, while Dan's ageand slower recovery limit him in
a drawn-out fight.
The outcome Marshall standsover a panting Dan, axe lowered.

(31:28):
As the lab's alarms wail, heoffers a hand, saying no hard
feelings man Dan sprawled andAhmed broken vials grumbles
you're buying the beers for this.
The distant raptor screechesfade as they limp out in the lab
in ruins.

Speaker 1 (31:45):
Yes, all right, rusticle, and it's C-O-H-L-E.

Speaker 2 (31:50):
Mitch, this is your like Trump, your ace in the hole
.

Speaker 1 (31:56):
The one that got away .
I have two, three other acesMarshall versus Rusticle.

Speaker 3 (32:03):
How do you say your last name?
Spell it.

Speaker 1 (32:05):
C-O-H-L-E.
That's how it's spelled for theshow.

Speaker 2 (32:08):
Now I'll be honest.
I feel like, when it comes toweaponry, rust would win, but
pure body mechanics, there's noway.
He's like 120 pounds.

Speaker 1 (32:23):
He's anorexic, he beats the crap out of, like the
biker kid guy With a gun.
He's got a gun.
He's beaten him in the facelike multiple times.
He fights Marty.
When Marty grabs him, he grabshis hands and he goes.
Yeah, but if I just apply thisamount of pressure and I break
your hands, yeah, yeah, yeah,he's a skilled fighter.

(32:43):
But, and he's a tacticalperson- but he's also a drug
addict.
So if he's on cocaine he ain'tgoing to feel any of the hits.

Speaker 2 (32:54):
I don't know when are we fighting.

Speaker 3 (32:59):
You're fighting on the bridge of Khazad-dum with
brass knuckles.

Speaker 1 (33:05):
Might not be good.

Speaker 2 (33:07):
I think this might be it for Marshall.

Speaker 1 (33:09):
That's the point.
I swear to God, if Marshallbeats Rustic, all this chat not
a GPT crap is useless.

Speaker 2 (33:19):
I will say, though, if anybody knows the terrain, it
wouldn't be Russ Cole, it woulddefinitely be Marshall.

Speaker 1 (33:25):
Well, I'm pretty sure Russ could stand there and look
and go.
All right, I'm on a bridge overnothing.
I'm pretty sure his vision isstill there.

Speaker 2 (33:33):
Maybe his back is to the Balrog and he doesn't know
what's happening.

Speaker 1 (33:39):
My money's on.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
Ruskell, I'm hoping here, what do you got?
Mitch Marshall wins.

Speaker 3 (33:46):
Marshall Erickson wins six out of ten times.
Yes, how, I don't know,marshall Erickson wins 6 out of
10 times.
How I don't know says thebridge of Kazadoom's narrow high
stakes setup, like let's see,amplifies Marshall's physical
dominance and endurance.
His raw power and reach withbrass knuckles overwhelms Russ.

(34:06):
Precise strikes, especially asfatigue sets in.
Rust's skill and intensitykeeps it close, winning 4 out of
10 if he lands early cripplingblows or pushes Marshall off
balance into the chest.

Speaker 2 (34:17):
Who would have known that Marshall was such a sleeper
?

Speaker 3 (34:19):
fighter.
Marshall stands over a batteredRust brass knuckles bloodied.
As the bridge groans underfoot,he offers a hand, saying You're
one tough philosopher man.
Rust coughing mutters we're alljust dust, just something.
It takes the help limping offthe bridge.
The cavern's glow pulses, orcdrums fading.

Speaker 2 (34:40):
Something nihilistic.

Speaker 1 (34:42):
We're all just dust Tom.

Speaker 3 (34:45):
I don't know what we're going to do.

Speaker 2 (34:46):
I've already won.
I don't know what we're goingto do.

Speaker 1 (34:50):
Let's see I might have the ace, but I'm not
playing him.

Speaker 3 (34:54):
I'm going with Haas Cartwright.

Speaker 2 (34:56):
Where's that from?

Speaker 3 (34:57):
The sheriff from Bonanza.
All right, you got to figureout how to spell it, right, dude
, marshall, superior, haas, yeah, haas, cartwright.

Speaker 2 (35:07):
Yeah, how tall is he?
Because it feels likeMarshall's superior.
You know strength.

Speaker 1 (35:13):
Yeah, apparently he's a superhero, yeah.

Speaker 2 (35:15):
I remember the episode where, like he couldn't
finish a marathon, it was likeyeah.
But he's got superior enduranceStupid.

Speaker 3 (35:25):
Give me a number one to 16.

Speaker 2 (35:27):
Seven.

Speaker 3 (35:29):
God damn it.
Is it the Batcave?
No, this is for the weapon.

Speaker 2 (35:34):
Oh, what was it Enforce?
Yeah Well, your sheriff guyshould know how to fire a weapon
better than Marshall.

Speaker 3 (35:41):
Well, he is from like the early 1900s, 1800s.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 (35:48):
He should know what guns are and triggers go bang.

Speaker 3 (35:52):
Hoss Cartwright, though, is a guy that's about
the size of John Wayne.
He's a big guy.
Typically, if he's not shootingthe guy, he just one, punches
him and knocks him out.

Speaker 2 (36:01):
Okay, well, let's see what happens.
I don't know enough about thischaracter.

Speaker 1 (36:05):
He might just have to pull in Rip Wheeler and see
what happens.

Speaker 3 (36:08):
Just think of a more comedic John Wayne.
That's pretty much what he is.
Comedic John Wayne.
He's a big man.
It doesn't matter, god damn it.

Speaker 1 (36:19):
Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 (36:20):
Marshall Erickson wins seven out of ten times.
We were fighting on the BlackPearl with M4s.

Speaker 1 (36:28):
I hate this.
This is stupid.

Speaker 3 (36:31):
The Black Pearl's chaotic, storm-tossed deck
favors Marshall's athleticismand endurance over Haas's brute
strength.
His speed and modernfamiliarity with the M4, however
slight, let him land key shotswhile Haas's bulk struggles with
the ship's sway and the rifle'scomplexity, take cover.
Yes, marshall stands over akneeling, haas, m4 in hand.

(36:53):
As Rain pounds the Black Pearl,he offers a hand saying you're
a legend, haas.
Haas, clutching the leg gruntsreckon I'll stick to horses.
The ship rocks and they staggerto the helm.
Allies in survival, okay.

Speaker 2 (37:10):
Dead gummit.
Who knew that Marshall was sucha bad?
You know what?
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (37:15):
Alright, al Borland.

Speaker 3 (37:19):
I feel like Marshall could win that, but okay.

Speaker 1 (37:21):
From Home Improvement , the reliable sidekick of Tim
the Toolman.
Taylor B-O-R-L-A-N-D.

Speaker 2 (37:28):
Why didn't you pick Tim?

Speaker 1 (37:30):
I wanted to pick somebody who doesn't set stuff
on fire or electrocutethemselves.

Speaker 2 (37:34):
That's fair.

Speaker 1 (37:36):
Al Borland.
Al is dependable, reliable andknows how to actually do
everything that Tim does.

Speaker 2 (37:42):
If it's in a woodworking shop, maybe I'll
give it to you.
But yeah, I think somebody whoworks with works with wooden
tools he's probably got stronghands.

Speaker 1 (37:58):
Uh what?
What is what he did?

Speaker 2 (37:59):
some like like a heart medication commercial
after.
Yeah, he did family feud, oh,that's right, yeah, he did the.
But like you see you today,you're like, yeah, he looks like
a guy that would need heartmedication.
So I don't know.

Speaker 3 (38:10):
I feel pretty good about Marshall, alright so you
got Marshall Erickson versus AlBorland in the war zone gulag
with hedge clippers tools.

Speaker 1 (38:22):
He knows how to use tools.

Speaker 2 (38:23):
However, due to the confining spaces, it accentuates
Marshall's athleticism andendurance oh man, I'm pretty
sure I got it the bad part is,marshall is not that athletic or
enduring, he's not any of thatthis AI is convinced that he is

(38:45):
and I'm all for it.
Was it 9 out of 10 timesMarshall?

Speaker 3 (38:49):
Erickson wins 9 out of 10 times.
Marshall Erickson wins 8 out of10 times, reflecting your
interest in his physical edge.

Speaker 2 (38:56):
Oh my goodness, let's see, marshall is currently 1, 2
, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 for 9right now.
What was those?

Speaker 3 (39:05):
gulags, Brutal close quarter setup.
Oh my God.
Favors Marshall's athleticismand endurance over Al's
tool-savvy.
His raw power and brawlingexperience overwhelm Al's
precise defensive style,especially as fatigue sets in,
al's resourcefulness keeps itclose, winning 2 out of 10 times
.
If he lands early, cripplingcuts, the outcome Marshall

(39:27):
stands over a pinned Al Hedgeclippers dropped.
As the gulag's light flicker,he offers a hand saying you're a
tough handyman.
Owl Owl rubbing his armgrumbles should have stuck to
power tools.
The crowd jeers demanding moreas they limp away.

Speaker 2 (39:44):
It looks like I get to enter back in the war zone.
Return to lobby Shut up.

Speaker 3 (39:55):
What do you got Mitch ?
I'm running out of people.
Hmm, I guess I'm going to gowith Hank.

Speaker 2 (40:04):
Hank from Breaking Bad.
Yeah, hank.

Speaker 3 (40:08):
Schrader.

Speaker 2 (40:09):
Maybe if you get a gun.

Speaker 1 (40:14):
But, mitch, what about Marshall's athleticism and
endurance that you never seehappen, ever on the show?
He slaps Marnie.

Speaker 2 (40:19):
That's it.
He just slaps somebody.

Speaker 3 (40:21):
Anybody can slap somebody, but he does it really
well.
Let's see, I mean shrink,shrink Hank.
He's got cop training, coptraining.

Speaker 2 (40:37):
He gets PTSD when somebody sneezes hard around him
.
He takes his defensive tactics.
I'm just saying no, he doesn't.
He's a bowling ball.
You've seen that guy get intohis car.
It takes like five minutes.

Speaker 3 (40:47):
He is a very large man.

Speaker 2 (40:51):
He's out of breath just from talking.

Speaker 3 (40:53):
Pick a number one in 16.
There are minerals.

Speaker 2 (40:56):
Marie Two Glock pistol, oh darn.

Speaker 1 (41:02):
He literally picked his service weapon.
Will this be it?
Will the reign of Marshall?

Speaker 3 (41:09):
end.
Where are we fighting In theMatrix, dojo?

Speaker 2 (41:12):
Is it a Taekoo fight place?

Speaker 3 (41:15):
I mean, there are a couple of wooden pillars.

Speaker 1 (41:17):
According to Chad GPT , they might as well just be
fighting in a port-a-john.

Speaker 2 (41:21):
Marshall will know that he's in the Matrix before
Hank.
Okay, so I have confidence, andmy boy, and my boy, and my boy.
The smugness needs to end, comeon.

Speaker 3 (41:34):
Come on, grock, you can do this.

Speaker 2 (41:37):
He said Grock.

Speaker 3 (41:38):
Yes, oh no.
Finally, hank Schrader winseight out of ten times.

Speaker 2 (41:42):
Eight out of ten times.

Speaker 3 (41:45):
Let's see.

Speaker 2 (41:45):
You get a good run Marshall.

Speaker 3 (41:46):
The Matrix Dojo's open no cover layout.
Let's see Get a good run,marshall.
The Matrix Dojo's open no coverlayout.
Let's see oh, everything jumped.
Where'd it go?
Oh, it amplifies Hank'sfirearms expertise over
Marshall's raw physicality.
His precise Glock shots outpaceMarshall's erratic fire and his
tactical mind exploits thearena's exposure.
Let's see the outcome Marshallkneels bloody as Hank stands

(42:09):
over him.
Glock empty in the flickeringdojo, hank offers a hand,
gruffly saying Not bad, kid,you'd make a decent cop.
Marshall panting grins Only ifI get a slap bet, klaus.

Speaker 2 (42:21):
They limp off the virtual floor.
What Allies in exhaustion.

Speaker 3 (42:26):
I wish they could just kill each other in this,
but they can't.

Speaker 2 (42:29):
Goodbye Marshall.
You had a good run, all right,took out half the board, god.

Speaker 1 (42:35):
Wiped out all the fodder is what he did.

Speaker 2 (42:38):
Here I'll do the typing if you want to argue.

Speaker 3 (42:41):
All right.

Speaker 2 (42:44):
All right, what are you guys picking?

Speaker 3 (42:45):
I got Hank Schrader.
And who you got Rick.

Speaker 1 (42:47):
Castle, rick Castle.

Speaker 3 (42:50):
Rick Castle.
I know that's Nathan Fillion'scharacter, but I don't know
anything about it, I mean thesuperior marksman with a weapon
and sword fighter.

Speaker 1 (42:57):
Is he though?
Yes, he does it in the show.

Speaker 3 (42:59):
I mean, you know, didn't Hank end up in the FBI?

Speaker 2 (43:02):
Or is he just with the PD?
How do I pick where they'refighting and stuff?

Speaker 3 (43:07):
There should be a number generator on there.
You have to like.

Speaker 1 (43:12):
Why are we letting Hayden do this?
I?

Speaker 2 (43:14):
don't know.
All right, pick a numberbetween 1 and 16 twice.
So you go for the first one 10.
All right, and then you go forthe second one, 5.
All right, keep talking.

Speaker 1 (43:28):
Rick, I mean shown to be a proficient swordsman,
actually quite good at it,obviously someone who's
incredibly brilliant becausehe's solving cases, so he has a
tactical acumen to him.
He's also a superior marksmanbecause they take him to a range
and he's like, effing aroundwhile he's shooting and like
they're trying to like teach him.
And he's like, effing aroundwhile he's shooting and they're

(43:49):
trying to teach him.
And he's like if I get threebullseyes, will you go on a date
?
And she's like, yeah, sure.
And he picks up the weapon andjust goes dunk dunk, dunk dunk
and nails like keyholes three ofthem.
And he's like I take classes.

Speaker 3 (43:58):
Hank figures out who Heisenberg is.

Speaker 1 (44:07):
He's the biggest meth dealer there.
I mean there him like fourseasons.

Speaker 3 (44:09):
We're not talking about how long it took, we're
just saying he did it.

Speaker 1 (44:12):
I'm just saying Rick is smarter and he has hair.

Speaker 3 (44:16):
Hey, hey, don't be bashing people that don't have
hair.
And he has money.

Speaker 1 (44:20):
He's like a modern day Batman without a suit.

Speaker 2 (44:22):
Modern day Batman.

Speaker 1 (44:24):
He's an author.

Speaker 3 (44:26):
I just don't.
I think.

Speaker 1 (44:27):
Hank His vest said.
Writer.

Speaker 3 (44:29):
What are they using?
What weapon are they using?

Speaker 2 (44:32):
You guys are using machetes.

Speaker 3 (44:34):
And where are we?

Speaker 2 (44:34):
at it's in a pit, the Rancor pit yeah yeah, hank's
got this.

Speaker 3 (44:38):
It's a machete.
Yeah, it's a tool he works withall the time.

Speaker 2 (44:41):
Rick's sword fights.
What, yeah, in the show?
When does he do that?
I?

Speaker 1 (44:49):
don't remember the episode.

Speaker 2 (44:54):
All right.
Well, anyways, hank wins 9 outof 10.
Yes, the reason why is thepit's brutal close-quarter setup
, like your favorite tacticalsettings, amplifies Hank's
combat expertise and grit overRick's scrappy improvisation.
Hank stands over a kneelingRick, machete lowered.
As the pit's crowd jeers, heoffers a hand, gruffly saying

(45:15):
write about this castle.
Rick, bloodied but grinning,replies I already got the title
the Pit of Peril.
They limp out the pit shadows,swallowing their steps.
All right, now you get to do.
Now you get to do our next one.
Okay, let's see here who wouldbe a great contender against.

Speaker 3 (45:37):
You have plenty to choose from.

Speaker 1 (45:39):
How do I phrase this?

Speaker 3 (45:41):
The name versus name.

Speaker 1 (45:43):
Do I write versus?

Speaker 3 (45:44):
Yeah, you type versus Okay.

Speaker 2 (45:48):
Let's do.
Abed from Community I don'tknow his last name.

Speaker 1 (45:53):
All right, look that up, Mitch.
Who's yours?

Speaker 2 (45:55):
Hank, oh Hank.

Speaker 1 (45:56):
Hank Schrader.

Speaker 2 (46:00):
And then we have to figure out what weapons and
everything Abed Nadir N-A-D-I-RIs that how you spell, schrader?

Speaker 1 (46:08):
No Ied.

Speaker 3 (46:08):
Nadir N-A-D-I-R.
Is that how you spell, schrader?
No, I don't know.
It spelled it for me when Ityped it in earlier.
I think it's like O -E, it's anA.

Speaker 1 (46:16):
So, Okay, versus what was his name?
Albet A-B-E-D, a-b-e-d.

Speaker 3 (46:31):
And his last name is Nadir N-A-D-I-R.
I'm just saying Hank's got thetraining.
Okay, I don't know anythingabout a bed.

Speaker 2 (46:37):
A bed can recognize that he's in a multiverse.

Speaker 1 (46:42):
Okay, oh, I didn't change the.
You gotta change the settingdude, I didn't do that.
I don't know how to?
I never use this.

Speaker 2 (46:49):
So hit up on the swipe up on the thing down there
.

Speaker 1 (46:53):
Or.

Speaker 3 (46:53):
I can just do it.

Speaker 2 (46:56):
Might have to do it so if I do ask anything, I type
in.
Okay, well, you gotta do the.
Let me see, that's it.
Swipe up right here.
Where do you go to get to?

Speaker 3 (47:10):
you don't even know.
I don't know what y'all aredoing.

Speaker 2 (47:12):
I'm trying to get up to that list right there.

Speaker 1 (47:15):
Alright, then tell us , pick a number alright, pick a
number between 1 and 16.

Speaker 2 (47:20):
3 alright, and then I want 16 the Bridge of
Khazad-dum and Katanas.
Oh snap.

Speaker 3 (47:33):
Hanks got the power.
If they clash with swords, he'sgot the power to knock him off.

Speaker 2 (47:37):
Abed will definitely know everything about Lord of
the Rings.

Speaker 1 (47:39):
Where do?

Speaker 2 (47:39):
I type in these numbers, just type in they fight
in the Bridge of Khazad-Dumwith Katanas.
Yeah, abed will know everythingin Lord of the Rings, all right
.
That doesn't do him any goodthough it will, he'll know like
to run.

Speaker 3 (47:54):
He'll know don't fall off of this.
There's nothing down there.

Speaker 2 (47:56):
He'll know to run in a direction and then like get
the golems, he'll speak.
He'll speak the goblin speak,but they're on, and he'll speak
the goblin speech to get them toattack him.
He'll convince them that he isa goblin, yeah, or he'll cast a
spell or something.
So I've got.
You can't cast spells as muchof a nerd as Marshall was.

(48:20):
Abed is a god amongst nerds.

Speaker 3 (48:23):
So what you're saying is Hank's definitely going to
out-superior him in physicality.

Speaker 2 (48:27):
Maybe, In physicality .

Speaker 3 (48:35):
Maybe In physicality it's loading.

Speaker 1 (48:36):
It's loading.
It's loading.
I'm trying to.

Speaker 3 (48:39):
I've never AI'd so I do it all the time.

Speaker 2 (48:41):
What are you talking about, Mitch?

Speaker 3 (48:44):
Who can be who?
Deathstroke and Nightwing.

Speaker 1 (48:48):
Hank Schrader wins nine and a half.
How about no?
Consistent with his dominanceover a bed in the pit.
Here's the breakdown Hank's oh,it did the load thing.

Speaker 3 (48:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (49:05):
Kicked it up.

Speaker 2 (49:06):
Who did Hank fight before Abed?

Speaker 3 (49:09):
Castle.

Speaker 1 (49:09):
The bridge that caused the Doom's narrow
high-stakes setup, like yourfavorite cinematic locations,
amplifies Hank's combatexperience and grit over Abed's
creative but ineffectiveimprovisation.
Hank's precise katana strikes atactical mind honed against
deadlier foes than Rick Castle,over one of Abed's
movie-inspired antics.

Speaker 3 (49:31):
That's funny, that's right, hank's my man, my boy.

Speaker 2 (49:35):
All right, let's do Hank versus.

Speaker 3 (49:42):
Well, it's his person .

Speaker 2 (49:45):
So then I got to type in oh okay, because it's your
guys fighting, okay, all right,versus Dr Cox.
So then I gotta type it in ohokay, because it's your guys
fighting, okay, alright, versusDr Cox.

Speaker 3 (49:54):
Dr Cox where's he?
From.
I mean, I don't know who's hefrom.
Do I just have to type fromScrubs, scrubs okay, oops.

Speaker 2 (50:03):
Do I have to type in Cox, or will it know like?
Does it need to be Perry Cox?

Speaker 3 (50:07):
probably, I think, perry Cox.
If you can tell the full name,it'll be more accurate.

Speaker 1 (50:11):
First of all, Ulysses Cox, MD MD.
He's good with a scalpel.
I mean obviously in fantasticshape, incredibly Machiavellian
mindset.

Speaker 2 (50:27):
Hank's a cop Cox is angry and athletic and willing
to fight One through 16?

Speaker 1 (50:35):
12.

Speaker 2 (50:37):
Okay and Eight.
Okay, all right, so it'sSanta's workshop and an axe.

Speaker 3 (50:45):
Let's see what you got Hank's not going to do it.
It's Santa's workshop.
He's going to be like what theheck are all these things?

Speaker 1 (50:54):
Dr Cox doesn't believe in Santa, he's not even
going to think he's there.

Speaker 3 (50:57):
He's going to be thinking, he's hallucinating the
two of them are both going tobe like this is dumb.

Speaker 1 (51:02):
You want to go to a bar and get drunk?
Yep Is.
Is your wife a?

Speaker 3 (51:06):
I definitely think Hank has the physical
superiority there and endurance.

Speaker 2 (51:15):
I think Perry has him beat.

Speaker 3 (51:16):
Keep talking.
It's thinking I mean using anaxe, though Hank's used to.

Speaker 1 (51:19):
Perry's a big dude.
The gritty fighting Perry's avery large man.

Speaker 3 (51:23):
Oh yeah, I think Hank's still got it.
He's got that versatility, he'sgot that grit.

Speaker 1 (51:27):
He's been in fights.
So's I think Hank's still gotit.
He's got that versatility, he'sgot that grit.
He's been in fights.
So has Dr Cox.
He punched Dr Kelso in the face.

Speaker 3 (51:33):
Well, I wouldn't say those are fights and knocked him
out.

Speaker 2 (51:37):
As you know, the AI names the rounds.
Round one Festive Fury.

Speaker 1 (51:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (51:41):
I know Round two Workshop Wreck.

Speaker 1 (51:44):
That's so dumb.

Speaker 2 (51:45):
Round three the Final Chop wreck.
That's so dumb.
Round three the final chop, thefinal chop.
Who wins Nine out of ten times?
Hank Schrader.
Yes, my boy Hank.
Yeah, it's because of his.
He likes the Santa's Workshop'stactical setting.
It amplifies his combatexpertise over Perry's emotional

(52:06):
, untrained swings.
Yeah, he just cries.

Speaker 3 (52:08):
Emotional yeah, it's angry, like you said he just
cries, it's just swinging.

Speaker 1 (52:13):
It's just rage.

Speaker 2 (52:16):
Let's see here.

Speaker 1 (52:16):
She controls emotions .

Speaker 2 (52:18):
Hank stands over a sprawled, sprawled Perry, ax
lowered, as as the workshopsprinklers douse tensile fires,
he offers a hand, gr gruffly,saying stick to doctoring cocks,
Perry, bloodied but defiantsnaps, and you stick to busted
punks meathead.
They limp away, elves, sweepingup the mess.

(52:39):
So Thanks to man, all right,boom, you guys have to deal with
this while I pee.
It's your turn.

Speaker 3 (52:48):
No, I just went.

Speaker 2 (52:49):
Oh my bad, all right, I guess you can do the phoning
okay, so we got hank, let's do,uh, the janitor from scrubs
which is it's just the janitor.
He doesn't have a name.
Okay, the janitor from scrubsfrom Scrowth.

Speaker 3 (53:09):
So if we win, we're going to have the janitor?

Speaker 2 (53:11):
Yeah, he doesn't have a name.
Alright pick two numbers, 15and 15.

Speaker 3 (53:20):
Okay, inside the con airplane.

Speaker 2 (53:23):
Oh man, I already picked that one.

Speaker 3 (53:25):
With revolvers, oh man.

Speaker 2 (53:29):
I don't know.
The janitor is really asharpshooter with his bleach
bottles, with his bleach bottles.

Speaker 3 (53:36):
Yeah, hanes, hanes, hank's superiority with firearms
, I definitely think, gives itto him.
You're like, yeah, maybe.

Speaker 2 (53:47):
No guarantee.
The janitor is a master ofdisguise On a plane there's two
of them.
He can disguise as Hank.
I don't think he's looking in amirror.
He's always setting traps.
You know Always playing greatpranks.
You know there's plenty ofcleaning supplies.

Speaker 3 (54:10):
Are there on a play?
Yeah, they carry all thosechemicals.
Yeah, I feel pretty confidentabout this.

Speaker 2 (54:15):
Well, yeah, do you not?
I think I got it.

Speaker 3 (54:19):
Hank Schrader wins 9.5 out of 10 times well, damn
it let's see everything jumpedagain.
Hank wins 9 out of 10 times.
Conair's plane cramped,turbulent setup amplifies Hank's
firearms expertise and gritover the janitor's creative but
ineffective chaos.
Hank's precise revolver shotsand tactical mind, honed against

(54:41):
deadlier foes, overwhelm thejanitor's pranks and wild firing
.
I'm running out of people.

Speaker 2 (54:48):
How many you got left on your list.

Speaker 3 (54:50):
One, two, three, four , Four more people after Hank.

Speaker 2 (54:55):
How about you?

Speaker 3 (54:56):
Two.
Hank stands over a sprawledjanitor revolver empty.
As the plane's engines roar heoffers a hand, gruffly saying
stick to cleaning pal.
The janitor, bloodied butsmirking, replies this will make
a killer scrub spinoff.
They limp to the cargo.
Hold the convicts, jeers fadingall right, all right, so we got
hank versus ron swanson oh yeah, that's that's gonna be a tough

(55:22):
one there ron swanson swansswanson's versed in, uh, all
sorts of apocalyptic weaponryfrom his survival stuff.
All right.

Speaker 1 (55:31):
Telling Adam Scott, who had a crossbow in his hand
while he had a full, he goeshe's like I'm pretty sure that
I'm more dangerous with thisfull than you are with that
crossbow, and he's like, yeah,I'd agree, Pick a number one
through 16, Tom.
Four.

Speaker 2 (55:46):
All right, WWE arena.

Speaker 1 (55:48):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (55:49):
Mitch.

Speaker 1 (55:50):
Ron's dojo.

Speaker 2 (55:52):
Knife.
Alright, let me open up thisthing.
You guys talk while I argue it.

Speaker 3 (55:59):
It's Ron Swanson.
It's.

Speaker 1 (56:02):
Hank Schrader Ron's never lost, he's a weapon expert
.
Ron cried twice Once when hewas run over by a school bus
when he was eight.
And when he found out, littleSebastian died Little.

Speaker 3 (56:18):
Sebastian.

Speaker 1 (56:20):
I saw the flags were at half mast Show some damn
respect.
That's too damn high.

Speaker 3 (56:25):
Hank's gonna take away all his ability and power
by shaving him with a knife.

Speaker 1 (56:30):
Ron Swanson knocked Star-Lord, unconscious, that's
true, that was fat Star-Lord,though.
Keep talking.
It's Ron Swanson.
It's like the Swanson Pyramidof Greatness.
I will turn you from boys tomen, from men into gladiators,
from gladiators into Swanson's.

Speaker 3 (56:52):
Behold, I'm just saying they're in a WWE arena
and you know, Hank is the indoorfighting kind of guy.
He's a cop, you know he doesthe defensive tactics on the mat
Hank.
He's more of an outdoorsman.

Speaker 1 (57:05):
I don't know why that matters.
I don't know why that matters,but I'm just telling you, ron
knocked Chris Pratt out in adojo.
I don't know why that matters.
I don't know why that matters,but I'm just telling you, ron
knocked Chris Pratt out in adojo.

Speaker 2 (57:12):
It's two.
You know short fat guys.

Speaker 1 (57:17):
One has a mustache.

Speaker 2 (57:18):
One does have a mustache.
Round one ring rumble.
Round two arena anarchy.

Speaker 1 (57:28):
Round three final cut Ron, don't subscribe to his
nonsense.

Speaker 2 (57:31):
Hank Schrader wins 8.5 out of 10 times.

Speaker 1 (57:33):
He beats Ron Swanson this is Hank's actual training.

Speaker 2 (57:37):
Hank's DEA training makes him a close quarters
master.

Speaker 3 (57:41):
Yes, DEA training.

Speaker 2 (57:43):
With precise knife fighting skills and blah blah
blah.

Speaker 1 (57:49):
Did he know the?

Speaker 2 (57:50):
weird symbols on Ron's will meant yeah, ron's an
experienced whittler, isn't he?
Let's see here.
Hank stands over a pinned Ron,knife lowered.
As the WWE crowd roars, heoffers a hand gruffly saying
stick the whittle in Swanson.
Ron, bloody but stoic, repliesfair fight, I'll carve your
badge later.
They limp from the crowdchanting.

Speaker 3 (58:14):
Because no one could die in this fight.
Imagine if we did an actionhero fight this way.

Speaker 2 (58:21):
I think we might be stuck with Hank yeah that's
right, all right, I don't knowwhy, but yeah, hank versus Uncle
Phil, let's do this, pullingout the big guns.
All right, give me a know why.
But yeah, hank versus UnclePhil, let's do this.

Speaker 1 (58:31):
Pulling out the big guns.
All right, give me a numberbetween 1 and 16.
7.

Speaker 3 (58:35):
Hayden 13.

Speaker 2 (58:42):
7 and 13.

Speaker 1 (58:44):
All right, and that is.

Speaker 3 (58:47):
Now I'll give it to you.
Uncle Phil can throw people along ways, You'd see him throw
jazz the hedge maze with a chain, ooh.

Speaker 2 (58:55):
Hmm, all right, all right.
Well, I feel like there's nocombat.
Hank has no combat experiencewhipping a chain around, so it's
equal footing on that and it'sa hedge maze what?

Speaker 3 (59:08):
combat experience does Uncle Phil have, besides
throwing jazz out the door?

Speaker 2 (59:12):
I feel like Uncle Phil's fought tooth and nail to
acquire his wealth.
He's a rich judge.
He probably started withnothing.
He came a long way.
He can put the law down.
He knows the law better thanHank does, Does he?
He does because he's a judge.

Speaker 1 (59:32):
So, and you know, push comes to shove and a great
pool player.

Speaker 2 (59:36):
And he's a great pool player and push comes to shove.
You know, uncle Phil, pound forpound, quite literally.
I think he's got it.
I think he's got it.
I feel pretty confident aboutthis.
What's your argument?

Speaker 3 (59:49):
Well, Hank actually knows how to fight.
He actually knows how to useweapons.
He's actually been in realfights, I mean.

Speaker 2 (59:58):
Not just scraps.
Scraps Like fights, fights Okay, but like you know, I feel like
there's enough touch and gowith Uncle.

Speaker 1 (01:00:07):
Phil Maze melee Labyrinth lunge Central showdown
.

Speaker 3 (01:00:13):
And I definitely feel like Hank has the endurance,
even though he's a big guy too.
Hank does not have theendurance.

Speaker 2 (01:00:18):
You're right.

Speaker 3 (01:00:18):
More so than Uncle Phil, I'm ready.

Speaker 1 (01:00:21):
Hank wins.

Speaker 3 (01:00:21):
No.

Speaker 1 (01:00:22):
Eight out of ten times.

Speaker 2 (01:00:26):
You got any other big guns over there?

Speaker 1 (01:00:28):
I got one left, oh no .

Speaker 3 (01:00:32):
Tom's about to be out of this.

Speaker 1 (01:00:34):
All right, he does not have a last name.
You might have to write theshow.

Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
Hank Schrader.
Versus.

Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
Wayne from Letter Kenny.

Speaker 2 (01:00:44):
Wayne from.

Speaker 3 (01:00:46):
Is this your big gun?
You've been hanging on to.

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
It's the toughest guy in letter Kenny.
The whole show is predicated onhim beating the brakes off of
people.

Speaker 3 (01:00:55):
What am I at 16?
Nine Jurassic.

Speaker 2 (01:00:59):
Park Lab Alright Tom.

Speaker 1 (01:01:02):
Eleven.

Speaker 2 (01:01:04):
Hammer Back to that.

Speaker 1 (01:01:07):
Alright Wayne works on a farm.

Speaker 2 (01:01:10):
That's true.

Speaker 1 (01:01:11):
He uses hammers.
You see him use them in theshow.
He is an astute wordsmith,tactical genius and the toughest
guy in all of Letter County.

Speaker 3 (01:01:23):
Hank is a DEA agent.
He has that training.

Speaker 1 (01:01:26):
Yeah, wayne beats the living crap out of a lot of
people.

Speaker 2 (01:01:32):
The AI did not have to think hard about it, hmm.

Speaker 1 (01:01:40):
Apparently, Hank is 5'11" Wayne's like 6'2", wayne
is 6'2".

Speaker 2 (01:01:44):
Hmm, round one, lab lurch, round two tech tangle.

Speaker 1 (01:01:51):
Wayne's never lost a fight.

Speaker 2 (01:01:53):
I think until now.
Round three, final smash.

Speaker 3 (01:01:57):
You're like I think it's all down.

Speaker 2 (01:01:58):
Who wins Hank Schrader 7.5 out of 10 times,
it's closer though it's bollocks, it's closer.

Speaker 3 (01:02:06):
Hank Schrader the average Joe beat down man Hank's
got a few more.

Speaker 2 (01:02:12):
I do.

Speaker 1 (01:02:14):
It was all funny games when it was Marshall
Erickson, wasn't it Hayden Brann?

Speaker 2 (01:02:18):
It was.
Hank stands over a pinned Wayne, hammer lowered.
As the lab's alarms blare, heoffers a hand, gruffly saying
stick to the farm, buddy Wayne,bloodied but smirking.

Speaker 1 (01:02:28):
That's your buddy guy .

Speaker 2 (01:02:29):
Draws, you're alright , first city boy Nah.

Speaker 1 (01:02:34):
Wayne wouldn't have said that.
What would he have said?
He wouldn't have lost, itwouldn't have mattered.
He would have knocked out Hankand then pulled out a cigarette
and, after he threw the punch inone motion, lit a dart and had
a shot of Puppenbrews and kepton walking.

Speaker 3 (01:02:49):
You just can't beat Hank Schrader.
I'm just saying All right, hewas a breaking bad.

Speaker 2 (01:02:54):
Let's move on to Joey Tribbiani.

Speaker 3 (01:03:01):
I think Joey kills himself on accident.

Speaker 2 (01:03:06):
I don't know what to do.
Let's see, your Hank is one,one, two, three, four, five, six
, seven times.
He's almost caught up toMarshall, oh yeah, all right.

Speaker 1 (01:03:19):
Give us a location Number between one and ten, or
one and sixteen.

Speaker 2 (01:03:26):
Four have we done that one yet?

Speaker 1 (01:03:29):
WWE arena Six.

Speaker 2 (01:03:29):
Bar from Cheers WWE arena Six.
Bar from Cheers Nah Seven.

Speaker 3 (01:03:35):
Just give us one.
We haven't done.

Speaker 1 (01:03:37):
Hedge maze.

Speaker 3 (01:03:38):
Eight, just give us one.
We haven't done.

Speaker 1 (01:03:40):
Factory from Terminator 2.

Speaker 3 (01:03:42):
Let's do that one.
So you want to fight Hank in afactory?

Speaker 1 (01:03:48):
Mitch one through 16?
Two Glock.

Speaker 2 (01:03:53):
Stop picking two.
You can't do it.

Speaker 3 (01:03:55):
Okay, we won't do two , just pick one that we haven't
done yet Crossbow Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:04:03):
Oh man, Joey's going to kill himself.

Speaker 3 (01:04:06):
He's going to fall in the molten pit.

Speaker 2 (01:04:08):
Yeah, he's going to shoot himself in the foot.
Try to load it.
He's like to fall in the moltenpit.
Yeah, he's going to shoothimself in the foot.
Try to load it.

Speaker 3 (01:04:13):
He's like pulling the string back and shoots himself
in the foot.

Speaker 2 (01:04:16):
He's going to go ah and fall in the pit.
He'll still do the like how you, doing as he slays down.

Speaker 3 (01:04:22):
If Joey wins, hank will be laying there dead, how
you doing Holding the crossbar.

Speaker 2 (01:04:28):
Yeah if Joey wins but he won't He'll probably say
that if he loses too.
Well, I don't know, Maybe hecan act his way into being a
better, superior fighter.

Speaker 3 (01:04:43):
You don't think he can trick him into thinking that
he's somebody else?

Speaker 2 (01:04:46):
Yeah, maybe he'll pretend that he's a Terminator
and it'll scare Hank Hank.

Speaker 1 (01:04:50):
Schrader wins 9.9 out of 10 times.

Speaker 3 (01:04:57):
The biggest beat so far.

Speaker 2 (01:04:58):
That was bad, oh, joey, why?

Speaker 1 (01:05:03):
Oh my God, who's your next person?

Speaker 2 (01:05:05):
All right, you want to say the stupid quips that
they say All right, you want tosay the stupid quips that they
say All right.

Speaker 1 (01:05:15):
Hank and Joey battered, slump against the
crate Crossbows, discarded Joeymuses.
I could pitch this as a Friendsthe action movie, hank wiping
blood grunts.
Tell it to your agent, allright.

Speaker 2 (01:05:31):
Hank, wiping blood, grunts, tell it to your agent.
All right, well, I've beenavoiding this one, but no, I'll
hold off on this one.
Let's do.

Speaker 3 (01:05:36):
It doesn't matter, I've got to fight.
You're the only one left anyway.

Speaker 2 (01:05:39):
Let's do Stefan, not Steve Urkel.
Stefan Stefan, yeah, stefanUrkel.

Speaker 1 (01:05:46):
Stefan.

Speaker 2 (01:05:47):
Yeah, the cool one.

Speaker 1 (01:05:49):
I don't know if it'll even do that.
Why wouldn't?

Speaker 2 (01:05:52):
it If it says Steve Erkel, I'm going to lose.

Speaker 1 (01:05:56):
It's going to be 9.99 .

Speaker 2 (01:06:00):
Is it S-T-E-F-A-N?

Speaker 3 (01:06:02):
Yeah, but there's an asterisk over the you can't do
asterisks.

Speaker 2 (01:06:04):
But Just like Steve, can you just say Steve Erkel's
alter ego, or something likethat?

Speaker 3 (01:06:09):
Like Steve.
Can you just say Steve Urkel'salter ego or something like that
?
Yeah, just type that in SteveUrkel's alter ego.

Speaker 2 (01:06:12):
Stefan, alter ego, and then you pick the locations.

Speaker 3 (01:06:17):
Try and pick them in my favor, pick them in your
favor, because Urkel's usedweapons before.

Speaker 2 (01:06:23):
Yeah, stefan.
No, how do you spell UrkelU-R-K-L-E?

Speaker 3 (01:06:26):
Yeah, urkel.

Speaker 2 (01:06:27):
U-R-K-L-E.
Yeah or Kale.
Yeah, stefan or Kale.

Speaker 3 (01:06:32):
Yeah, no matter what, I think Hank wins though.
Stefan has no weapons trainingwhatsoever.
I don't think he's ever been ina fight.

Speaker 2 (01:06:44):
He's cool, though he's cool.
Remember that episode where hetook all the pencils and he
threw them up into the ceilingand they stuck into the ceiling
and they made a heart.

Speaker 3 (01:06:52):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, is that what you're going?

Speaker 2 (01:06:54):
to do here, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:06:55):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:06:58):
Feel pretty good about it All right.

Speaker 1 (01:06:59):
Old West Street.

Speaker 2 (01:07:01):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:07:02):
With Brass knuckles.

Speaker 2 (01:07:09):
Okay, have we used all of their weapons?
No, no, not all of theirweapons?

Speaker 1 (01:07:12):
No, no, not at all.
The other one's an MP5.
Let's do the brass knuckles.

Speaker 3 (01:07:16):
Yeah, let's go with that, Stephon.

Speaker 2 (01:07:19):
you know, I feel like Stephon could throw down.

Speaker 3 (01:07:22):
Probably.
I mean, he does have some youthon his side, that's right.

Speaker 2 (01:07:25):
That's right.
I don't know.
I feel like we kind of brokethe bank here with Hank Break
the bank Message limit reached.

Speaker 3 (01:07:37):
Oh, what does that mean?
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:07:39):
It says message limit reached.
Please try again in an hour.

Speaker 2 (01:07:43):
Oh, you don't pay for this.

Speaker 3 (01:07:44):
No, why would I pay for that?
No, you know how we do that wego to the next AI app.

Speaker 2 (01:07:52):
I've got three of them.
The AIs could be biased.
They could be.
Marshall could still be in thefight.

Speaker 1 (01:08:02):
I don't think so.

Speaker 3 (01:08:04):
Let's see this one's loading up here.
I'll chat.
Gpt.
Now the verdict's a draw, what?

Speaker 1 (01:08:12):
are you going't have a draw?
Well, we need winners on thisshow.
Well, just to see, on the lastone, while you guys were talking
, I did Hank Schrader versusDean Winchester in the same
setting, like the factory orwhatever, with hammers or
whatever we did with crossbows.

Speaker 2 (01:08:25):
You wasted one of our things.
I did For science.

Speaker 1 (01:08:31):
Just to see if Schrader could be defeated by
somebody of higher caliber.
And he won Hank won 6.5 out of10.
Against who?
Against Dean Winchester.
Oh, we all know Dean wouldprobably mop the floor.

Speaker 2 (01:08:42):
Dean can't die.
He's got all these weapons andstuff and tattoos that keep him.
Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:08:50):
Anyways, hank Schrader wins.
It doesn't give me a number outof 10.
It says not pretty, not elegant, but in a brawl with brass
knuckles in the Wild West, rawpower and relentless grit beat
style and charm All right.

Speaker 2 (01:09:03):
I got two more.
All right, I'll save the onethat I think could win for last.
But I was saving this next onebecause I was avoiding having to
fight him with Hank, and it'sJesse Pinkman.
Hank is beating up Jesse in theshow, so so who's your next guy

(01:09:24):
?
All right, give me a when atJust pick a location we haven't
used.
Pick a location that's not goodfor Hank, I don't know, like a
treetop.

Speaker 1 (01:09:40):
A desert.
Let's see the RV.

Speaker 3 (01:09:43):
Somewhere we haven't been Top of the Cliffs of
Insanity.

Speaker 2 (01:09:47):
All right, let's do that one the Cliffs of.

Speaker 1 (01:09:49):
Insanity.

Speaker 2 (01:09:51):
And what's a weapon that we haven't used before?
Not the MP5.
No firearms no firearms here.

Speaker 3 (01:09:59):
Let's see Weapon we haven't used, hmm.

Speaker 2 (01:10:03):
Can there be a crystal meth lab?
Is that one?

Speaker 3 (01:10:06):
Really there's no weapon we haven't used.
That's not a gun of some sort.

Speaker 2 (01:10:12):
Oh, I don't know, not a gun.
Just pick something that's nota gun.

Speaker 3 (01:10:18):
Um, how We'll go with a chain.

Speaker 2 (01:10:21):
Okay, come on, jesse, jesse.

Speaker 3 (01:10:27):
The fight kicks off raw.
Hank charges in chains,whipping like a bull whip.
Trying to end it early, jesseducks, barely dodging a crushing
blow.
He's scrappy, rolling in gravel, grabbing rocks.
Using the terrain, he swingshis chain wide, catching Hank's
leg, tripping him.
Hank roars and yanks Jesse inlike a fish on a hook.
Let's see.
Oh my God, the winner Jesse,yes, this is.

(01:10:57):
Let let's see.
Oh my god, the winner jesse,yes, this is.
Uh, let's see.
In a final brutal moment, bothare at the cliff's edge, chains
tangled around them.
One slip could be fatal.
Jesse uses hank's momentumagainst him, sidesteps, pulls
hard.
Hank stumbles forward, but thechain catches jesse's ankle.
They both go over chains,unravel in midair like metallic
snakes as they plummet.
Only one hand catches the edge.

Speaker 1 (01:11:13):
Jesse pinkman pulls himself up yeah, I like that
chat better.
We should have did that earlier, let's start over.

Speaker 3 (01:11:19):
Let's start over it's like another time than
everybody left it's one I'm just20

Speaker 1 (01:11:28):
in the morning and my wife's asleep on the couch.

Speaker 2 (01:11:29):
I'm just kidding.

Speaker 1 (01:11:31):
Jesse versus who.
Oh my god, how many people doyou have left I?

Speaker 3 (01:11:36):
don't have.
I've got 4 people CharlesEagles, warzone Goulet.

Speaker 2 (01:11:46):
Pick a number 2 7, now 2, let's do 2 Glock pistol.
Who am I fighting?
Pick a number Two no seven, nowtwo.
Let's do two Glock pistol.
All right, who am I fightingagain?

Speaker 3 (01:11:55):
Charles Engel.
Who's that from Little House onthe Prairie?
Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 (01:12:00):
He's not a work Glock pistol?

Speaker 3 (01:12:01):
No, he does not.
Oh well, the Gulag showdown.
Jesse immediately crouch walks,scanning like he's in a bad
deal gone worse.
Uh, charles starts, confused,maybe yelling what in tarnation,
while trying to understand thehellscape what the?

(01:12:26):
Verdict jesse wins 51 out of 49times.

Speaker 2 (01:12:29):
Wow, 51 out of 49 times.

Speaker 3 (01:12:32):
Or 51 to 49.
Okay, Barely Just because he'sused to panic, fear and chaos.
Charles is a tank, but in amodern fight with a Glock,
Pinkwin's slightly betterprepared for the madness.

Speaker 2 (01:12:43):
Unless Charles channels full pioneer rage,
Jesse's the favorite by a hair,just yells Oklahoma and charges
at him.

Speaker 3 (01:12:50):
What in?

Speaker 2 (01:12:50):
darnation.
What in Darnay what?

Speaker 3 (01:12:53):
in Darnay Alright.

Speaker 2 (01:12:57):
Did you have the best list, Tom?
What happened?
He did.

Speaker 1 (01:13:01):
I feel like I was sabotaged by crappy AI.

Speaker 3 (01:13:07):
Marshall Erickson ran through them.
Yeah, you're getting TimRiggins.
Where's he from Friday NightLights?

Speaker 2 (01:13:16):
Oh, no, alright let's see, let's do 12 and 9.
12 and 9.

Speaker 3 (01:13:24):
9?

Speaker 2 (01:13:24):
9?
.

Speaker 1 (01:13:25):
Because I really look at these.
Wayne from Letterkenny shouldhave beat the crap out of
everybody.

Speaker 3 (01:13:30):
You say that, but I don't even know who he is.

Speaker 1 (01:13:32):
Because you never watched Letterkenny.

Speaker 3 (01:13:33):
Deck of the Black Pearl.
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:13:36):
With hedge clippers, all right, and I'm fighting a.

Speaker 3 (01:13:42):
Tim.

Speaker 2 (01:13:43):
Riggins Football guy.
Yeah Well, Jesse's killed menwith his bare hands.
I feel pretty good about this.

Speaker 3 (01:13:51):
Tim Riggens is good at fighting, not as good as
Wayne, not as good as Wayne.
Oh, let's see the fight.
The bell tolls.
There's a bell, now Go with it.
Jesse makes his first move,lunging for the hedge clipper,
slipping slightly Meth's shoes.
Don the hedge clippers Slightlyslipping slightly meth shoes

(01:14:12):
Don't have good grip.
Tim seizes the moment, shoulderchecks Jesse into the mast.
Cause, oh cause, we're fightingon the black Pearl with hedge
clippers.
Jesse rebounds with a wild lefthook, yelling something about
magnets.
Tim gets the clippers, jessebacks off trying to MacGyver a
weapon out of a broken deckplank and a belt buckle.

(01:14:34):
Tim swings, misses by inches.
Jesse ducks, tackles him low.
They tumble.
Clippers clatter across thedeck, lightning flash.
They both dive Hands clash onthe handle.
Jesse bites.
Dirty move but effective, timshouts.
Jesse yanks the Clippers free.
Stab, just like I did to mewhen Vince.

Speaker 2 (01:14:53):
Apparently I picked all the sleeper kills.
Yeah, oh man.

Speaker 3 (01:14:59):
How many you got left ?
Mitch, two, all right.
All right, tom, pick a number.

Speaker 2 (01:15:07):
Eight.
After this, we can do Wayneversus Hank in this AI.

Speaker 1 (01:15:20):
If he would have won, or Ron Swanson?
Yeah, rust Cole.
Yeah, and Marshall took him outwhich doesn't make any sense
whatsoever.

Speaker 3 (01:15:33):
With what weapon?
Just pick a weapon.
Who's fighting you?
Jesse Pinkman and Jack Arnold.
Who's Jack Arnold, the dad fromWonder Years?
Oh my God.

Speaker 1 (01:15:46):
Huh, what were the options?
Can I see the list?
Can you hold it up real fast?

Speaker 3 (01:15:51):
Yes, Tom.

Speaker 1 (01:15:52):
Here.

Speaker 3 (01:15:54):
I meant like pick a number.

Speaker 1 (01:15:58):
One.

Speaker 3 (01:16:00):
With a knife, okay.

Speaker 1 (01:16:02):
Knife fight.

Speaker 3 (01:16:04):
Stabby stab.

Speaker 1 (01:16:05):
Like your son.

Speaker 3 (01:16:07):
We're fighting with knives in a factory.

Speaker 1 (01:16:08):
I'm really happy your son, thomas Seidel, tend to see
some sighted.

Speaker 2 (01:16:13):
He's somewhat better.
Every once in a while I'll loadhis Nerf gun and point it at
people.
He's like huh, he'll headshotpeople.
I'll just be watching TV andhe'll be like, in my eye He'll
just giggle and get so mad athim.

Speaker 3 (01:16:29):
The fight.
Jesse stumbles in, bloodied butdetermined.
He's breathing, he's breathinghard.
Jack's already there, stoic,still like he owns the place.
The silence is tense.
No witty banter, just a mutualunderstanding.
Only one walks out.
Jesse lunges first, sloppy butfast.
Jack sidesteps like he'sswatting a fly, slashing Jesse's

(01:16:49):
arm.
The younger man growls gettingup more pissed off than before.
Jack's cold controlled oh, it'smilitary training, what Oops?
But Jesse's wild.
He doesn't fight fair.
He throws a handful of dustinto Jack's eyes, grabs a chain
hanging from the ceiling andswings around like some punk
MacGyver.
A few lucky shots land, bloodhits the concrete In the end, uh

(01:17:14):
, let's see Come on Anticipationhere man.
It says if it's early Jesse, orif it's post-series Jesse, we'll
go with post-series.
He's hardened, smart, desperateJesse, bloody, limping knife in
hand, walks out of the factoryinto the night.
Behind him, jack's body liesstill beneath flickering
overhead lights.

Speaker 2 (01:17:32):
This one's way more violent than the other one.
Yeah, this one's way better.

Speaker 1 (01:17:35):
We should have did this entire one with that All
right, I'm on my last one Downto your last man, jim, from.

Speaker 3 (01:17:41):
According to Jim.

Speaker 2 (01:17:43):
Okay, jesse versus Jim.

Speaker 1 (01:17:50):
Can Jesse be like Senzu being Rehealed now Cause
it.

Speaker 2 (01:17:52):
It seems like he's like carrying on From one fight
To the next fight.
It does kinda sound that way.
Yeah, he's like Stumbles inbloody.
That's not fair.
I mean, he's doing Prettyawesome.

Speaker 1 (01:18:06):
After he killed Hank Schrader While yelling Magnets.

Speaker 3 (01:18:09):
Alright just pick.
Pick a location.
It can be anywhere.

Speaker 1 (01:18:13):
Subway.
All right, pick a weapon, Tom.
Subway sandwich.

Speaker 2 (01:18:23):
Apparently Tom is hungry Ladles.

Speaker 3 (01:18:29):
How do you spell ladle L-A-D-L-E?
I didn't know if it was two D'sor not.
Spoons like the genozachi ok,well, here we go the world's
most horribly slow murderalright, let's see.

Speaker 1 (01:18:51):
I should have picked that one, did you know?

Speaker 3 (01:18:52):
such the spot, the spot.
They spot the lone ladleglinting under flickering
fluorescent lights, the loneladle, ladle, ladle, ladle.
Both make a break for it.
Jesse's move Quick.
He gets there first, grabs theladle, starts swinging like it's
a medieval mace.
He's fast, but Jim absorbs onehit with his thick forearm and

(01:19:14):
just growls.
Jim's move he bum, rushes Jessewith that linebacker energy,
tackles him to a bench.
Jesse drops the ladle.
Now it's fists and fury.
Jesse tries to scramble, maybeeven scream yo as a distraction,
but Jim sits on him full weight.
Jesse thrashes but Jim grabsthe ladle, holds it up like

(01:19:35):
Excalibur and bonks him intosubmission.
Jim wins barely.
It's messy and he probablythrows out his bag.
Pure sizing grit.
Chicago dad rage, overpoweringJesse's chaotic energy.
Chicago dad rage, he's a bigChicago Bears fan Bears.

Speaker 2 (01:19:54):
Jesse had a good little run there, but you got me
down to my final boss, luther.
He's going to win.

Speaker 1 (01:20:01):
Yeah, I want to pick the weaponry in the location
again.
That was funny.

Speaker 2 (01:20:08):
We should do it where we just don't have a list.
Let's stick an odd guy out nexttime, just pick random stuff.

Speaker 3 (01:20:13):
Pick a place.

Speaker 1 (01:20:17):
Skyscraper rooftop.

Speaker 3 (01:20:21):
All right.
What kind of weapon?

Speaker 1 (01:20:23):
Ooh Gun Come on now.

Speaker 3 (01:20:28):
Come on no.

Speaker 1 (01:20:29):
No, he's a British cop.
They don't get those.

Speaker 3 (01:20:32):
No influence from the peanut gallery.

Speaker 2 (01:20:34):
Give him a billy club Slapjacks.

Speaker 1 (01:20:39):
A blackjack.
What's a fun weapon that nobodyreally uses or thinks about?

Speaker 2 (01:20:47):
A boomerang Throwing darts.

Speaker 1 (01:20:52):
A didgeridoo.

Speaker 2 (01:20:53):
A didgeridoo.
That's not a weapon.

Speaker 1 (01:20:56):
Not with that attitude.

Speaker 3 (01:20:58):
All right, come on, it's the last one.

Speaker 1 (01:21:02):
Saxophones.
All right, okay, it's made outof metal.

Speaker 2 (01:21:08):
After Luther wins, he's going to play Careless
Whisper.

Speaker 1 (01:21:11):
It's going to be Baker Street by Jerry Rafferty.

Speaker 3 (01:21:20):
All right, let's break this wild matchup down.
Let's see.

Speaker 1 (01:21:26):
Even the AI is like okay.

Speaker 3 (01:21:30):
Both start 20 feet apart.
The only weapons saxophones.
Jim opens with some bravadotrying to psych Luther out with
bluesy riffs and dad jokes.
Luther doesn't flinch.
He immediately weaponizes thesax like a bludgeon.
Jim's got heart and maybe onecould whack at him, but Luther
is just too precise.
He sidesteps, disarms andsudden death.

(01:21:51):
It ends with a swift move.
Luther wins.
Unless this is a cartoonversion of Jim where plot armor
exists, I'll see Luther'sassassin instincts and combat
skill outmatch Jim's dadstrength and charm.
Saxophones or not, this is overin one clean hit.
But if Jim gets the lucky shotin and the rooftop has some
loose shingles or slapstickpotential, there's a tiny chance

(01:22:13):
he pulls off a surprise win.
Tiny chance, think banana peelenergy.
Does that make sense?

Speaker 2 (01:22:20):
Tiny?
I don't think so.

Speaker 1 (01:22:22):
I think Luther's won.

Speaker 2 (01:22:24):
And I have one.
It was down to the last guy wegot.
I thought for sure Tom wasgoing to win.

Speaker 1 (01:22:31):
Tom.
It's down to the last guy wegot.
I thought for sure Tom wasgoing to win.
Tom thought that too.

Speaker 2 (01:22:33):
Tom's been out for half an hour yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:22:36):
I was about to just go to bed.

Speaker 3 (01:22:38):
Did you lock up when you leave?
Yes, the average joke beat down.
Win by Luther from Luther.

Speaker 2 (01:22:46):
All right, what's that social media?
One more time, tom yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:22:48):
Luther, luther one.
If you enjoyed this and I don'tknow why.
It was pretty funny and youwant to hear more content like
this.
You can check us out atentertainthispodcastcom.
We're also on X, Instagram andTikTok at entertainthis
underscore, and check us out onPatreon at patreoncom.
Forward slash entertainthisunderscore.

Speaker 2 (01:23:07):
Should do sitcom wives next.

Speaker 1 (01:23:11):
I'm picking Lois from Malcolm in the Middle.
She's evil, she's mean.
She held a teddy bear in afireplace that was on fire to
give Francis the business whileyelling at him, and didn't
flinch while sustaining Burns.

Speaker 2 (01:23:26):
I don't know, if Fran Dreschner's got that, my Fair
Lady, oh yeah, got that streetsmarts.

Speaker 3 (01:23:31):
Alright.

Speaker 2 (01:23:32):
That was fun.
Well, until next time, I'mHayden.

Speaker 3 (01:23:35):
I'm Mitch.

Speaker 2 (01:23:36):
I'm Tom, goodbye.

Speaker 1 (01:23:44):
I feel like your AI.
Let us all down and make itlike a just a fight.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club

Dateline NBC

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}The Average Joe Beatdown: Who's the Toughest Mediocre Guy?

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club

Dateline NBC

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

All Episodes

The Average Joe Beatdown: Who's the Toughest Mediocre Guy?

Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club