June 12, 2024 • 24 mins
Welcome to the "Entitled to Nothing" podcast! In this episode, we explore how we can reframe our most painful moments into our greatest strengths. Join us as we go into personal stories of loss, adversity, and the mindset needed to transform pain into a powerful force for growth and resilience.
We'll cover:
- How painful moments shape our strengths
- Strategies for coping with family tragedies and loss
- The importance of planning for difficult situations
- The role of time and perspective in healing
- Finding empowering meanings in adversity
- Turning failure and hardship into opportunities for growth
- Embracing love and forgiveness during life's toughest moments
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
that you gave it was wrong.
Maybe you made some assumptions, maybe you couldn't see it
clearly because you had aheightened emotion, because you
were caught up in the moment andupon reflection you were like,
wow, that didn't happen.
And I need to change themeaning of that, because I
didn't see it in the right lightwe have in life and I don't
know why we don't do this sooften.
(00:21):
I talk to people and they'retelling me the story of the
negative thing, the failure, thechallenge that happened years
ago, and they're reliving it inthe exact same experience, from
the exact same emotionalperspective that they had it
years ago.
Minute no, I won't.
I'm a man on a mission.
(00:44):
I'm a man on a mission.
I don't need no permission.
I'm a man on a mission.
Welcome to, entitled to Nothing,where we believe our life is
our fault.
My name is Mink and for thelast 20 years I've ran headfirst
(01:06):
into failure after failure, andI found out how to turn my
failures into lessons, and I'veused those lessons to create
life on my terms.
I went from broke and bankruptwith six figures in debt to
starting multiple companies thathave generated over 50 million
in sales, and I want to shareeverything I've learned on my
journey to help inspire you onyours.
(01:27):
I believe our most painfulmoments create our greatest
strengths, and the very bestparts of ourselves are often
created during our biggestadversities and challenges, and
I want to talk about this withyou guys today.
I want to talk about a mindsetthat I have adopted during
difficult times, during painfulmoments, because if there's one
(01:49):
thing that we know for sure,it's that life is going to be
hard at times, and I've beenreflecting on this a lot because
it's just a couple days ago wasmy brother's birthday and
unfortunately, my brother passedaway when I was only one year
old, so I never had theopportunity to meet him, but
I've used his memory and hisimage in my life to really
(02:12):
motivate me, to inspire me tolive the life that he's never
had.
I can look at all of the majorinflection points, all of the
biggest moments of growth, allof the strength that I developed
.
Those typically come from themost intense moments, from the
most painful moments, from themost heartbreaking moments.
(02:36):
And I want to just talk aboutthis with you guys today,
because if there's one thing weknow for sure again, it's that
we're all going to go throughheartbreak in life, we're all
going to go through pain, we'regoing to lose loved ones, loved
ones are going to break ourheart.
There's going to be things thathappen, and I just want to
share how I've processed some ofthis in my life, because I feel
(02:57):
like I've gotten to a placewhere I have really been able to
use the pain and the momentsand the struggle in my life to
create the life that I now live,to build character and to
reveal or to create who I am.
You know, one of the thingsthat I believe is oftentimes
adversity is a mirror, and it'ssimply reflecting back to us
(03:19):
parts of ourselves that we can,a, be proud of and, b, be need
to work on and need to develop.
And while, you know, we neverwant to lose a loved one, we
never want to go throughchallenges and struggle.
We're going to, and so weshould be well equipped and we
should have a strategy on how tohandle it when it comes up.
(03:39):
You know when, when my my fatherwas in the process of the last
few months of his life and hewas telling me he was going to
commit suicide, I took a stepback and I said okay, if he does
do this?
How am I going to handle it?
What am I going to do?
How am I going to have to showup?
Actually, like, what are thethings that I will have to take
care of?
What are the steps?
Like, I have to go to Oregon, Ihave to do this, I have to deal
(04:02):
with his belongings, I have todo all the funeral stuff.
I had a plan and that made iteasier to manage the emotion and
the intensity of the situationwhen I was dealing with it.
And so I think, if all of ushave a plan on how to handle,
how to react, how to think aboutchallenges in our life,
(04:27):
ultimately it's going to makethose challenges become a gift.
And maybe a better way to saythis is the most painful moments
.
We have become our greatestgifts when we give them an
empowering meaning and when weuse those moments to develop our
character and to develop ourstrength.
And, as I reflected back on mybrother's passing and the
(04:48):
meaning that I've given that inmy life, it's evolved over time
and I think you know one of thethings that we do is we assign
meaning to everything.
We are meaning making machines.
It's part of our DNA.
We almost can't help it.
It's part of how we haveevolved and survived.
We need to know what this meansand that means, and is that
(05:08):
safe and is that going to hurtus?
And so, as we've evolved overhumans, we just automatically
assign meaning to things.
We're meaning making machinesand oftentimes, when we're in
the heat of the moment, right,when we're experiencing a lot of
intensity, challenges, failure,struggle, we give that moment a
meaning and in the height ofthe emotion, typically that
(05:32):
meaning is not an empowering oneand also it's not the truth,
right, we label it out of aposition of emotion rather than
a position of perspective.
And one of the things that I'velearned to do is, as you know,
they say time heals all wounds,right.
Well, time also gives us abeautiful perspective.
(05:53):
And when we can reflect back onour painful days and we can
actually look through them witha different perspective, right,
whether it's one year, threeyears, five years, when you
reflect back on our challenges,on our inflection points, on our
painful moments, with a newperspective, we typically can
(06:13):
give it a different meaning.
And so for me, in my life, whenI was young, you know, I was
told hey, you know, you have abrother, his name is Dwayne.
There was a picture on the wall, but he's no longer with us.
And then, as I got older, I gotreally sad and then I got angry
because someone took him awayfrom us.
And I went through thesedifferent emotions and I
(06:34):
assigned them different meanings.
But one of the meanings that Iassigned it was he never got to
live life.
He died when he was 11 yearsold.
And now I have this life thathe's never had, and it's my
responsibility to live the lifethat he never had the
opportunity to.
And so I started attachingmeaning to things like he died
(06:55):
when he was 11.
So number 12 was always myfavorite number, because that
represented the year that henever got and that represented
the life that he never had theopportunity to live.
I literally have 12 on mybracelet here.
I wore it on my back in sports.
It became a really importantthing to me in my life because
(07:16):
in reflecting on what was aworse day, right, my father, my
brother passing away and bysaying how can I use this?
What can I learn from this?
What can I take away from thisthat will allow me to live a
greater version of myself in thefuture?
Right Cause, if there's onething that I think we could all
agree on, it's that our lovedones, when they're gone, they
(07:43):
want us to live on in theirmemory.
They want us to live the lifeand to do the things and to go
after the goals.
And so, for me, I thought youknow what?
The best way that I canremember my brother, the best
way that I can honor him, is byliving the life that he never
had, by showing up every day, bybeing present and making the
most of this life that we have.
And with his birthday justpassing a couple of days ago, I
was really just thinking abouthave.
And with his birthday justpassing a couple days ago, I was
(08:05):
really just thinking about this.
And I was thinking about theother moments in my life where
there's been a lot of pain andstruggle, where there's been
challenge, and then, also inreflection, I was able to use
those moments to create mygreatest strengths or to create
a greater capacity within myself.
And I want to share a couplemore moments with you guys to
(08:26):
just illustrate how maybe I'vedone this in my life and
hopefully inspire you to go dothis in your life.
I know there's moments that youhave that, when you reflect
back on.
There's a lot of pain there andI also know that those moments
of pain, there's a gift in therefor you If you have the courage
to go back and to think aboutit, to look at it from a new,
(08:50):
fresh perspective today and sayhow is this moment a gift?
You know I learned thisquestion from Tony Robbins.
You know he says life ishappening for us, not to us.
And what if all of the pain,what if all of the failure, what
if all of the heartbreak wasreally just a gift, right?
Well, if that was possible,then it's our responsibility to
(09:13):
find the gift.
So one of the ways that we cando this is if you think about a
really painful moment in yourlife.
Right, I shared with you, mybrother, how there was many
moments of pain throughout thatsituation.
In the past.
I've shared with you guys how Iwent bankrupt and then I made a
bunch of money and kind of mademy first million dollars, and
(09:33):
then I lost it all.
And in losing it all I wasreally broke and broken and I
didn't have a lot of confidenceor belief that I was going to be
able to figure out how to turnit around.
And by analyzing that intenseemotion, that pain, that failure
, and really sitting with it andasking myself okay, anthony,
(09:55):
where is the gift in this?
What meaning can I give this?
How can I create this?
How can I use this failure,this moment where I have
completely fucked up, how can Iuse this to get to the next
level?
How can I grow through this?
And ultimately, in the, in theheat of the moment, right when I
(10:17):
lost hundreds of thousands ofdollars and was on the urge of
bankruptcy for a second time,the meaning that I gave it in
that moment is you're a fuckingfailure, you're, you're
worthless, you're not goodenough, you're confirming all of
your doubts and all of yourbiases.
Right, the emotion of thatmoment made me define it in a
(10:38):
way that was very disempowering.
It was very negative and I hadto work through that right and I
had to figure out how toreinvent myself and grow through
it and evolve and prove tomyself that I was good enough.
And then, when I went back nowand I look at that moment, what
I realized is that moment gaveme entitled to nothing.
(11:00):
It gave me the belief that mylife is my fault.
It gave me a sense of strengthand confidence that I never had
before Because, as I said, I wasbroke and broken in that moment
and my confidence and faith inmyself was at an all time low.
But by working through that,growing through that and never
(11:23):
quitting, despite of thosefeelings, I realized, wow, okay,
part of the reason why I failedis because I got complacent.
Part of the reason why I failedis because I felt a little
entitled.
I thought I had things figuredout.
Part of the reason I failed isbecause I didn't take
responsibility for certainthings.
And then, on the other side ofthat right, I realized, wow,
(11:44):
that moment taught me how totake radical responsibility for
my life.
That moment taught me that I'mentitled to nothing.
That moment taught me that Ican create anything I want in
life if I never fucking quit andI take responsibility and I
take ownership, you know.
And so it's like thisexperience with my brother
although I wasn't, you know,being a year old, I don't
(12:07):
remember the experience of himpassing, growing up without a
brother and remembering himevery year and talking about him
with my mom and seeing theimpact of his loss had on my mom
.
It inspired me to show up everyday and to live my life in a
way that honors the life henever had right On my wrist.
(12:27):
Every time I look down, I see12.
And it inspires me to try to bethe best version of myself and
it inspires me to try to be thebest version of myself that came
from that loss, that came fromthat worst day.
I'm talking to you guys onEntitled to Nothing, with the
tagline your life is your fault,because I lost everything for a
second time and felt broken.
(12:47):
Broken and didn't know how Iwas going to turn it around.
But I reflected on that momentand I said where is the gift in
this?
How can I use this?
How can I use this?
What can I learn from this?
Ultimately, our most painfulmoments create an opportunity
for a greater level of strengthand capacity, and you know, I
(13:10):
know that this and you know, Iknow that this is true for all
of us, if we have the courage toreflect back, to ask the
question, to embrace it.
You know it's painful to gothrough the loss of a loved one,
(13:36):
to go through the loss of abusiness, to say goodbye.
You know these moments ofchange, of heartbreak, of
failure, they are the mostdifficult experiences we will
have in life, and that meansthat they have the greatest
capacity for our growth.
And for me, there's probablybeen no more painful day than
the loss of my father.
You know, I remember, like itwas yesterday, getting the phone
(13:57):
call that he was foundunconscious at his house.
I remember talking to thedoctor and getting on a plane
and flying to Oregon.
I remember walking into thehospital room and seeing him
lifeless in a coma, all hookedup to the machines, and that's
when it really hit me for thefirst time, that wave of emotion
that just comes over you.
(14:18):
In those moments you can neverpredict what that experience is
really going to feel like.
And I remember I talked to thedoctor before I left Arizona to
fly to Oregon and he said youknow, anthony, we believe
there's about a 50-50 chance ofyour dad waking up and we're
(14:39):
working on, you know, gettingthe like.
So basically, he had liverfailure due to a lifelong abuse
of alcohol and his liver shutdown and that caused his body
and his organs to start to shutdown and so he went into a coma.
And so the doctors told me theythought there was about a 50-50
chance of him waking up.
And so in my head.
I'm thinking okay, I want toget to the hospital, I want to
(15:01):
get there before he wakes up andso I can be there in the room
with him.
I thought you know what's themost loving thing I can do in
that moment is be there when hewakes up.
So I get on a plane, I fly toOregon.
I will see him in the hospital.
I lose it.
I'm crying uncontrollably, I'mjust full of emotion and the
doctor pulls me outside and saysAnthony, we need to have a
(15:22):
conversation.
And he takes me into his officeand he said since I spoke with
you this morning, everything haschanged and we don't think he's
going to make it and we'll doeverything that we can to make
him pull through.
But I need to give you a coupleof options.
The first option is a we doeverything we can to keep him
(15:45):
alive and to bring him back.
And B as his next of kin, youcan make the decision to take
him off life support and saygoodbye.
And so here I am in this momentwith this decision for my
father's life, and I knew in myheart that God had given me one
(16:06):
of the greatest privileges of mylife, because I knew my dad was
struggling.
I knew he had talked aboutsuicide.
I knew he wasn't happy.
I knew my dad was struggling.
I knew he had talked aboutsuicide, I knew he wasn't happy,
I knew he was drinking himselfto death.
And God gave me the privilegeto make the decision for my
father and I really believe itwas a privilege, it wasn't a
burden at all.
And even just that right thereis taking a painful moment and
(16:31):
giving it an empowering meaningis taking a painful moment and
giving it an empowering meaning.
You know it's like how can weredefine or rewrite these
moments in our life to give ussomething, give us a greater
sense of purpose, a greatersense of meaning, right to
empower us to get to the nextlevel.
And so I knew with all my heartwhat the right decision was.
(16:52):
And I sat in the room and, youknow, the doctors made him
comfortable through painmedication and we took him off
life support and I got to bethere with him in that moment.
I got to hold his hand as hetook his final breath and in
(17:13):
that moment I realized what itmeant to love and forgive at the
deepest levels.
You know, if you've listened toany of these podcasts before.
You know that I had a reallydifficult relationship with my
dad.
He told me I was worthless anduseless.
He told me he was going to killme.
He said the most horriblethings to me was going to kill
(17:38):
me.
He said the most horriblethings to me, but in that final
moment, all I had was love andforgiveness.
And I had this thought as hewas passing away I thought why
did I wait so long to feel thisway?
Why and how do I not ever waitagain?
You know?
(18:02):
And after that, reflecting backon losing my dad, I can honestly
say that all of the mostpainful moments I experienced
with him have made me the bestpart of myself.
They've given me the strength.
They've given me the tenacity,the courage, the compassion.
I am proud of who I am todaybecause of those moments, and I
wanted to share this with youguys because I believe with all
(18:25):
of my heart our most painfulmoments are our greatest gifts
and I never want any of us tolose someone, but we will.
I never want any of us to havethe heartbreak and the failure
and the pain, but we will.
And what I know for sure is Godhas given us those moments so
(18:49):
that we can grow, can see themas struggle, as negative, as
something that we don't want toremember or face, or we can see
(19:13):
them as a gift and rememberthose moments and reflect on
those moments as we grow throughlife and have different
perspectives and ultimately, aswe have different perspectives,
we can assign different meaningsto things.
Have you ever had this situationwhere you had a conversation
with someone and you thoughtthey said something and it turns
out they didn't actually say itand you heard through the
(19:34):
grapevine that they didsomething or they said something
and you got really upsetbecause how could they do this
or why would they say that?
Right, and you attached ameaning to that moment or that
person.
In the height of the emotion,you attached a meaning to it and
my guess is that meaning wasn'tvery valuable, wasn't very
supportive, and then later yourealized that you misinterpreted
(19:59):
what happened and you realizedthat that initial meaning that
you gave it was wrong.
Maybe you made some assumptions, maybe you couldn't see it
clearly because you had aheightened emotion, because you
were caught up in the moment andupon reflection you were like,
wow, that didn't happen and Ineed to change the meaning of
that because I didn't see up inthe moment and upon reflection,
you were like, wow, that didn'thappen and I need to change the
meaning of that because I didn'tsee it in the right light.
(20:22):
We can do that with everyexperience we have in life and I
don't know why we don't do thisso often.
I talk to people and they'retelling me the story of the
negative thing, the failure, thechallenge that happened years
ago and they're reliving it inthe exact same experience, from
the exact same emotionalperspective that they had it
(20:43):
years ago.
And the truth is, if we'reintelligent about these moments,
we can go back and relate tothem in a different way, from a
different perspective, with newinsight, new experience and new
character, and oftentimes, lessemotion.
(21:04):
And ultimately, what this leadsto is giving us the ability to
reflect back on our most painfulmoments, our most challenging
days, moments, our mostchallenging days, and use them
to extract the lessons thatallow us to become who we're
born to be, to get to the nextlevel, to evolve and grow and
(21:25):
become the very best version ofourselves.
The parts that I'm most proudof in myself have come from my
most difficult and painfulmoments, and I want you guys to
(21:46):
have that same opportunity.
I want all of us to have thecourage to lean in to the pain
and learn from it and use it sothat it can become a gift in our
life.
I wanted to share this with youguys today because I want to
encourage you and I want toinspire you to look back at your
worst days and find a way tomake them a blessing in your
(22:10):
life.
If you have the courage to sitdown and reflect back on those
moments and ask yourself thisquestion how is this a gift and
sit with it and think about it.
How is that a gift?
How is my brother passing awaya gift in my life?
Man, it inspires me to live mylife.
(22:31):
How is losing everything for asecond time a gift?
How is losing everything for asecond time a gift?
It inspired me to never settle,to never get complacent, to
take radical responsibility formy life.
How is losing my father a gift?
How could that possibly be?
(22:52):
And is it even okay to ask thatquestion?
Yes, it is, because they wantus to live on in the very best
versions of ourselves, and Godgave us those moments so that we
can grow through them andbecome who we're supposed to be.
(23:13):
I believe that every experienceof life makes us a greater
version of ourselves If we havethe capacity to grow through it,
to reflect on it and to use itto become the best versions of
ourself.
And I can tell youwholeheartedly, that's the only
way that I've got to thisposition in my life.
That's the only way that I'vebeen able to create life on my
(23:34):
terms is by approaching theworst days as a gift.
And how can I learn from it andhow can I use it and how can I
grow through it?
And I wanted to share this withyou guys today, to inspire you,
to encourage you and tochallenge you to sit down and
ask yourself that question howis this a gift?
Because I promise if you do.
(23:55):
How is this a gift Because Ipromise if you do, and then you
go back and you redefine and adda new meaning to things from a
new, elevated perspective,you're going to get a totally
different meaning and thatmeaning is going to create a
totally different result, andyou deserve that.
You deserve to rewrite thestory and to create an
(24:16):
empowering meaning that willhelp you move forward and
experience more, achieve moreand create more in your life.
I really appreciate you guyslistening to me today.
I appreciate the support thatyou've given me through this
podcast, and all I would everask of you guys is, if you got
value from this message, pleaseshare it.
Thank you for spending yourtime today.
(24:38):
I believe the greatest gift wehave is the gift of each other,
and I want to share everythingI've learned on my journey to
help inspire you on yours.
I'll see you guys soon.
that you gave it was wrong.
Maybe you made some assumptions, maybe you couldn't see it
clearly because you had aheightened emotion, because you
were caught up in the moment andupon reflection you were like,
wow, that didn't happen.
And I need to change themeaning of that, because I
didn't see it in the right lightwe have in life and I don't
know why we don't do this sooften.
(00:21):
I talk to people and they'retelling me the story of the
negative thing, the failure, thechallenge that happened years
ago, and they're reliving it inthe exact same experience, from
the exact same emotionalperspective that they had it
years ago.
Minute no, I won't.
I'm a man on a mission.
(00:44):
I'm a man on a mission.
I don't need no permission.
I'm a man on a mission.
Welcome to, entitled to Nothing,where we believe our life is
our fault.
My name is Mink and for thelast 20 years I've ran headfirst
(01:06):
into failure after failure, andI found out how to turn my
failures into lessons, and I'veused those lessons to create
life on my terms.
I went from broke and bankruptwith six figures in debt to
starting multiple companies thathave generated over 50 million
in sales, and I want to shareeverything I've learned on my
journey to help inspire you onyours.
(01:27):
I believe our most painfulmoments create our greatest
strengths, and the very bestparts of ourselves are often
created during our biggestadversities and challenges, and
I want to talk about this withyou guys today.
I want to talk about a mindsetthat I have adopted during
difficult times, during painfulmoments, because if there's one
(01:49):
thing that we know for sure,it's that life is going to be
hard at times, and I've beenreflecting on this a lot because
it's just a couple days ago wasmy brother's birthday and
unfortunately, my brother passedaway when I was only one year
old, so I never had theopportunity to meet him, but
I've used his memory and hisimage in my life to really
(02:12):
motivate me, to inspire me tolive the life that he's never
had.
I can look at all of the majorinflection points, all of the
biggest moments of growth, allof the strength that I developed
.
Those typically come from themost intense moments, from the
most painful moments, from themost heartbreaking moments.
(02:36):
And I want to just talk aboutthis with you guys today,
because if there's one thing weknow for sure again, it's that
we're all going to go throughheartbreak in life, we're all
going to go through pain, we'regoing to lose loved ones, loved
ones are going to break ourheart.
There's going to be things thathappen, and I just want to
share how I've processed some ofthis in my life, because I feel
(02:57):
like I've gotten to a placewhere I have really been able to
use the pain and the momentsand the struggle in my life to
create the life that I now live,to build character and to
reveal or to create who I am.
You know, one of the thingsthat I believe is oftentimes
adversity is a mirror, and it'ssimply reflecting back to us
(03:19):
parts of ourselves that we can,a, be proud of and, b, be need
to work on and need to develop.
And while, you know, we neverwant to lose a loved one, we
never want to go throughchallenges and struggle.
We're going to, and so weshould be well equipped and we
should have a strategy on how tohandle it when it comes up.
(03:39):
You know when, when my my fatherwas in the process of the last
few months of his life and hewas telling me he was going to
commit suicide, I took a stepback and I said okay, if he does
do this?
How am I going to handle it?
What am I going to do?
How am I going to have to showup?
Actually, like, what are thethings that I will have to take
care of?
What are the steps?
Like, I have to go to Oregon, Ihave to do this, I have to deal
(04:02):
with his belongings, I have todo all the funeral stuff.
I had a plan and that made iteasier to manage the emotion and
the intensity of the situationwhen I was dealing with it.
And so I think, if all of ushave a plan on how to handle,
how to react, how to think aboutchallenges in our life,
(04:27):
ultimately it's going to makethose challenges become a gift.
And maybe a better way to saythis is the most painful moments
.
We have become our greatestgifts when we give them an
empowering meaning and when weuse those moments to develop our
character and to develop ourstrength.
And, as I reflected back on mybrother's passing and the
(04:48):
meaning that I've given that inmy life, it's evolved over time
and I think you know one of thethings that we do is we assign
meaning to everything.
We are meaning making machines.
It's part of our DNA.
We almost can't help it.
It's part of how we haveevolved and survived.
We need to know what this meansand that means, and is that
(05:08):
safe and is that going to hurtus?
And so, as we've evolved overhumans, we just automatically
assign meaning to things.
We're meaning making machinesand oftentimes, when we're in
the heat of the moment, right,when we're experiencing a lot of
intensity, challenges, failure,struggle, we give that moment a
meaning and in the height ofthe emotion, typically that
(05:32):
meaning is not an empowering oneand also it's not the truth,
right, we label it out of aposition of emotion rather than
a position of perspective.
And one of the things that I'velearned to do is, as you know,
they say time heals all wounds,right.
Well, time also gives us abeautiful perspective.
(05:53):
And when we can reflect back onour painful days and we can
actually look through them witha different perspective, right,
whether it's one year, threeyears, five years, when you
reflect back on our challenges,on our inflection points, on our
painful moments, with a newperspective, we typically can
(06:13):
give it a different meaning.
And so for me, in my life, whenI was young, you know, I was
told hey, you know, you have abrother, his name is Dwayne.
There was a picture on the wall, but he's no longer with us.
And then, as I got older, I gotreally sad and then I got angry
because someone took him awayfrom us.
And I went through thesedifferent emotions and I
(06:34):
assigned them different meanings.
But one of the meanings that Iassigned it was he never got to
live life.
He died when he was 11 yearsold.
And now I have this life thathe's never had, and it's my
responsibility to live the lifethat he never had the
opportunity to.
And so I started attachingmeaning to things like he died
(06:55):
when he was 11.
So number 12 was always myfavorite number, because that
represented the year that henever got and that represented
the life that he never had theopportunity to live.
I literally have 12 on mybracelet here.
I wore it on my back in sports.
It became a really importantthing to me in my life because
(07:16):
in reflecting on what was aworse day, right, my father, my
brother passing away and bysaying how can I use this?
What can I learn from this?
What can I take away from thisthat will allow me to live a
greater version of myself in thefuture?
Right Cause, if there's onething that I think we could all
agree on, it's that our lovedones, when they're gone, they
(07:43):
want us to live on in theirmemory.
They want us to live the lifeand to do the things and to go
after the goals.
And so, for me, I thought youknow what?
The best way that I canremember my brother, the best
way that I can honor him, is byliving the life that he never
had, by showing up every day, bybeing present and making the
most of this life that we have.
And with his birthday justpassing a couple of days ago, I
was really just thinking abouthave.
And with his birthday justpassing a couple days ago, I was
(08:05):
really just thinking about this.
And I was thinking about theother moments in my life where
there's been a lot of pain andstruggle, where there's been
challenge, and then, also inreflection, I was able to use
those moments to create mygreatest strengths or to create
a greater capacity within myself.
And I want to share a couplemore moments with you guys to
(08:26):
just illustrate how maybe I'vedone this in my life and
hopefully inspire you to go dothis in your life.
I know there's moments that youhave that, when you reflect
back on.
There's a lot of pain there andI also know that those moments
of pain, there's a gift in therefor you If you have the courage
to go back and to think aboutit, to look at it from a new,
(08:50):
fresh perspective today and sayhow is this moment a gift?
You know I learned thisquestion from Tony Robbins.
You know he says life ishappening for us, not to us.
And what if all of the pain,what if all of the failure, what
if all of the heartbreak wasreally just a gift, right?
Well, if that was possible,then it's our responsibility to
(09:13):
find the gift.
So one of the ways that we cando this is if you think about a
really painful moment in yourlife.
Right, I shared with you, mybrother, how there was many
moments of pain throughout thatsituation.
In the past.
I've shared with you guys how Iwent bankrupt and then I made a
bunch of money and kind of mademy first million dollars, and
(09:33):
then I lost it all.
And in losing it all I wasreally broke and broken and I
didn't have a lot of confidenceor belief that I was going to be
able to figure out how to turnit around.
And by analyzing that intenseemotion, that pain, that failure
, and really sitting with it andasking myself okay, anthony,
(09:55):
where is the gift in this?
What meaning can I give this?
How can I create this?
How can I use this failure,this moment where I have
completely fucked up, how can Iuse this to get to the next
level?
How can I grow through this?
And ultimately, in the, in theheat of the moment, right when I
(10:17):
lost hundreds of thousands ofdollars and was on the urge of
bankruptcy for a second time,the meaning that I gave it in
that moment is you're a fuckingfailure, you're, you're
worthless, you're not goodenough, you're confirming all of
your doubts and all of yourbiases.
Right, the emotion of thatmoment made me define it in a
(10:38):
way that was very disempowering.
It was very negative and I hadto work through that right and I
had to figure out how toreinvent myself and grow through
it and evolve and prove tomyself that I was good enough.
And then, when I went back nowand I look at that moment, what
I realized is that moment gaveme entitled to nothing.
(11:00):
It gave me the belief that mylife is my fault.
It gave me a sense of strengthand confidence that I never had
before Because, as I said, I wasbroke and broken in that moment
and my confidence and faith inmyself was at an all time low.
But by working through that,growing through that and never
(11:23):
quitting, despite of thosefeelings, I realized, wow, okay,
part of the reason why I failedis because I got complacent.
Part of the reason why I failedis because I felt a little
entitled.
I thought I had things figuredout.
Part of the reason I failed isbecause I didn't take
responsibility for certainthings.
And then, on the other side ofthat right, I realized, wow,
(11:44):
that moment taught me how totake radical responsibility for
my life.
That moment taught me that I'mentitled to nothing.
That moment taught me that Ican create anything I want in
life if I never fucking quit andI take responsibility and I
take ownership, you know.
And so it's like thisexperience with my brother
although I wasn't, you know,being a year old, I don't
(12:07):
remember the experience of himpassing, growing up without a
brother and remembering himevery year and talking about him
with my mom and seeing theimpact of his loss had on my mom
.
It inspired me to show up everyday and to live my life in a
way that honors the life henever had right On my wrist.
(12:27):
Every time I look down, I see12.
And it inspires me to try to bethe best version of myself and
it inspires me to try to be thebest version of myself that came
from that loss, that came fromthat worst day.
I'm talking to you guys onEntitled to Nothing, with the
tagline your life is your fault,because I lost everything for a
second time and felt broken.
(12:47):
Broken and didn't know how Iwas going to turn it around.
But I reflected on that momentand I said where is the gift in
this?
How can I use this?
How can I use this?
What can I learn from this?
Ultimately, our most painfulmoments create an opportunity
for a greater level of strengthand capacity, and you know, I
(13:10):
know that this and you know, Iknow that this is true for all
of us, if we have the courage toreflect back, to ask the
question, to embrace it.
You know it's painful to gothrough the loss of a loved one,
(13:36):
to go through the loss of abusiness, to say goodbye.
You know these moments ofchange, of heartbreak, of
failure, they are the mostdifficult experiences we will
have in life, and that meansthat they have the greatest
capacity for our growth.
And for me, there's probablybeen no more painful day than
the loss of my father.
You know, I remember, like itwas yesterday, getting the phone
(13:57):
call that he was foundunconscious at his house.
I remember talking to thedoctor and getting on a plane
and flying to Oregon.
I remember walking into thehospital room and seeing him
lifeless in a coma, all hookedup to the machines, and that's
when it really hit me for thefirst time, that wave of emotion
that just comes over you.
(14:18):
In those moments you can neverpredict what that experience is
really going to feel like.
And I remember I talked to thedoctor before I left Arizona to
fly to Oregon and he said youknow, anthony, we believe
there's about a 50-50 chance ofyour dad waking up and we're
(14:39):
working on, you know, gettingthe like.
So basically, he had liverfailure due to a lifelong abuse
of alcohol and his liver shutdown and that caused his body
and his organs to start to shutdown and so he went into a coma.
And so the doctors told me theythought there was about a 50-50
chance of him waking up.
And so in my head.
I'm thinking okay, I want toget to the hospital, I want to
(15:01):
get there before he wakes up andso I can be there in the room
with him.
I thought you know what's themost loving thing I can do in
that moment is be there when hewakes up.
So I get on a plane, I fly toOregon.
I will see him in the hospital.
I lose it.
I'm crying uncontrollably, I'mjust full of emotion and the
doctor pulls me outside and saysAnthony, we need to have a
(15:22):
conversation.
And he takes me into his officeand he said since I spoke with
you this morning, everything haschanged and we don't think he's
going to make it and we'll doeverything that we can to make
him pull through.
But I need to give you a coupleof options.
The first option is a we doeverything we can to keep him
(15:45):
alive and to bring him back.
And B as his next of kin, youcan make the decision to take
him off life support and saygoodbye.
And so here I am in this momentwith this decision for my
father's life, and I knew in myheart that God had given me one
(16:06):
of the greatest privileges of mylife, because I knew my dad was
struggling.
I knew he had talked aboutsuicide.
I knew he wasn't happy.
I knew my dad was struggling.
I knew he had talked aboutsuicide, I knew he wasn't happy,
I knew he was drinking himselfto death.
And God gave me the privilegeto make the decision for my
father and I really believe itwas a privilege, it wasn't a
burden at all.
And even just that right thereis taking a painful moment and
(16:31):
giving it an empowering meaningis taking a painful moment and
giving it an empowering meaning.
You know it's like how can weredefine or rewrite these
moments in our life to give ussomething, give us a greater
sense of purpose, a greatersense of meaning, right to
empower us to get to the nextlevel.
And so I knew with all my heartwhat the right decision was.
(16:52):
And I sat in the room and, youknow, the doctors made him
comfortable through painmedication and we took him off
life support and I got to bethere with him in that moment.
I got to hold his hand as hetook his final breath and in
(17:13):
that moment I realized what itmeant to love and forgive at the
deepest levels.
You know, if you've listened toany of these podcasts before.
You know that I had a reallydifficult relationship with my
dad.
He told me I was worthless anduseless.
He told me he was going to killme.
He said the most horriblethings to me was going to kill
(17:38):
me.
He said the most horriblethings to me, but in that final
moment, all I had was love andforgiveness.
And I had this thought as hewas passing away I thought why
did I wait so long to feel thisway?
Why and how do I not ever waitagain?
You know?
(18:02):
And after that, reflecting backon losing my dad, I can honestly
say that all of the mostpainful moments I experienced
with him have made me the bestpart of myself.
They've given me the strength.
They've given me the tenacity,the courage, the compassion.
I am proud of who I am todaybecause of those moments, and I
wanted to share this with youguys because I believe with all
(18:25):
of my heart our most painfulmoments are our greatest gifts
and I never want any of us tolose someone, but we will.
I never want any of us to havethe heartbreak and the failure
and the pain, but we will.
And what I know for sure is Godhas given us those moments so
(18:49):
that we can grow, can see themas struggle, as negative, as
something that we don't want toremember or face, or we can see
(19:13):
them as a gift and rememberthose moments and reflect on
those moments as we grow throughlife and have different
perspectives and ultimately, aswe have different perspectives,
we can assign different meaningsto things.
Have you ever had this situationwhere you had a conversation
with someone and you thoughtthey said something and it turns
out they didn't actually say itand you heard through the
(19:34):
grapevine that they didsomething or they said something
and you got really upsetbecause how could they do this
or why would they say that?
Right, and you attached ameaning to that moment or that
person.
In the height of the emotion,you attached a meaning to it and
my guess is that meaning wasn'tvery valuable, wasn't very
supportive, and then later yourealized that you misinterpreted
(19:59):
what happened and you realizedthat that initial meaning that
you gave it was wrong.
Maybe you made some assumptions, maybe you couldn't see it
clearly because you had aheightened emotion, because you
were caught up in the moment andupon reflection you were like,
wow, that didn't happen and Ineed to change the meaning of
that because I didn't see up inthe moment and upon reflection,
you were like, wow, that didn'thappen and I need to change the
meaning of that because I didn'tsee it in the right light.
(20:22):
We can do that with everyexperience we have in life and I
don't know why we don't do thisso often.
I talk to people and they'retelling me the story of the
negative thing, the failure, thechallenge that happened years
ago and they're reliving it inthe exact same experience, from
the exact same emotionalperspective that they had it
(20:43):
years ago.
And the truth is, if we'reintelligent about these moments,
we can go back and relate tothem in a different way, from a
different perspective, with newinsight, new experience and new
character, and oftentimes, lessemotion.
(21:04):
And ultimately, what this leadsto is giving us the ability to
reflect back on our most painfulmoments, our most challenging
days, moments, our mostchallenging days, and use them
to extract the lessons thatallow us to become who we're
born to be, to get to the nextlevel, to evolve and grow and
(21:25):
become the very best version ofourselves.
The parts that I'm most proudof in myself have come from my
most difficult and painfulmoments, and I want you guys to
(21:46):
have that same opportunity.
I want all of us to have thecourage to lean in to the pain
and learn from it and use it sothat it can become a gift in our
life.
I wanted to share this with youguys today because I want to
encourage you and I want toinspire you to look back at your
worst days and find a way tomake them a blessing in your
(22:10):
life.
If you have the courage to sitdown and reflect back on those
moments and ask yourself thisquestion how is this a gift and
sit with it and think about it.
How is that a gift?
How is my brother passing awaya gift in my life?
Man, it inspires me to live mylife.
(22:31):
How is losing everything for asecond time a gift?
How is losing everything for asecond time a gift?
It inspired me to never settle,to never get complacent, to
take radical responsibility formy life.
How is losing my father a gift?
How could that possibly be?
(22:52):
And is it even okay to ask thatquestion?
Yes, it is, because they wantus to live on in the very best
versions of ourselves, and Godgave us those moments so that we
can grow through them andbecome who we're supposed to be.
(23:13):
I believe that every experienceof life makes us a greater
version of ourselves If we havethe capacity to grow through it,
to reflect on it and to use itto become the best versions of
ourself.
And I can tell youwholeheartedly, that's the only
way that I've got to thisposition in my life.
That's the only way that I'vebeen able to create life on my
(23:34):
terms is by approaching theworst days as a gift.
And how can I learn from it andhow can I use it and how can I
grow through it?
And I wanted to share this withyou guys today, to inspire you,
to encourage you and tochallenge you to sit down and
ask yourself that question howis this a gift?
Because I promise if you do.
(23:55):
How is this a gift Because Ipromise if you do, and then you
go back and you redefine and adda new meaning to things from a
new, elevated perspective,you're going to get a totally
different meaning and thatmeaning is going to create a
totally different result, andyou deserve that.
You deserve to rewrite thestory and to create an
(24:16):
empowering meaning that willhelp you move forward and
experience more, achieve moreand create more in your life.
I really appreciate you guyslistening to me today.
I appreciate the support thatyou've given me through this
podcast, and all I would everask of you guys is, if you got
value from this message, pleaseshare it.
Thank you for spending yourtime today.
(24:38):
I believe the greatest gift wehave is the gift of each other,
and I want to share everythingI've learned on my journey to
help inspire you on yours.
I'll see you guys soon.
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