August 21, 2024 • 37 mins
In this episode, I dive deep into the top 10 lessons I learned from Tony Robbins' highest-level coaching program, which cost me $109,000 to join. From radical personal growth to profound insights into human behavior, these lessons have reshaped my perspective and propelled my personal and professional life forward. Join me as I explore each lesson, intertwined with personal stories and actionable advice to help you navigate your own path to success.
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Timestamps:
0:00 - Introduction: Why I joined Tony Robbins' coaching program
1:48 - Backstory: Personal motivations and challenges
2:55 - Discovering Tony Robbins and the power of "why"
4:01 - Taking the financial leap into Platinum Partnership
5:02 - The impact of commitment before readiness
6:18 - Lesson 1: Life is happening for you, not to you
8:36 - Lesson 2: Embracing problems as opportunities
11:21 - Lesson 3: Trading expectations for appreciation
13:20 - Lesson 4: You get what you tolerate
15:12 - Lesson 5: Focus defines your life
17:39 - Lesson 6: The quality of life and uncertainty
20:07 - Lesson 7: Constant and never-ending improvement
22:49 - Lesson 8: Decisions shape destiny
24:10 - Lesson 9: The six human needs
27:20 - Lesson 10: Control your emotions with the triad of physiology, focus, and language
35:21 - Conclusion: The power of sharing and radical responsibility
#TonyRobbins #PersonalGrowth #LifeLessons #Motivation #SelfImprovement #Podcast
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I went on this journey when I was very young,
to understand why we do what wedo, and as I was getting into
personal development andstarting to read books and learn
I was about 20, 21 years old Isaw Tony's Ted talk and he said
you know, most people think I'ma motivator, but I'm the why guy
.
I want to know why you do whatyou do, and I'd never heard
(00:21):
anybody say this before and Iwas like holy shit, this is the
question I've been asking mywhole life, like why do we do
what we do?
And I was like I need to knoweverything this guy knows.
And so I started studying hismaterial and his books and his
courses and Once I started tomake some money and and I had
started to have some success inbusiness, I went to his unleash
the power within course and Ihad this unbelievable experience
(00:43):
.
Welcome to entitled toled toNothing, where we believe our
life is our fault.
My name is Mink and I startedthis show because I've spent the
last 20 years running headfirstinto failure after failure, and
I've learned how to turn myfailures into lessons and I've
used those lessons to createlife on my terms.
I've started multiplebusinesses that have done over
50 million in sales and I wantto share everything I've learned
(01:06):
on my journey.
I'm a man on a mission.
I paid Tony Robbins $109,000and today I'm going to tell you
(01:35):
the top 10 lessons I learnedfrom joining his highest level
coaching program.
But before I dive in, I want togive you guys a little bit of a
backstory of why I would dothat, why I would spend so much
money and join this man'sprogram.
You know some of you if you'veheard earlier podcasts.
You've heard me talk about thestory where my mom said Anthony,
promise me two things.
Promise me you'll never be likeyour dad and promise me you'll
(01:58):
never treat women the way thathe treats me.
If this is the first episodeyou've ever listened to, the
long story short is my dad was areally abusive alcoholic and it
was very intense and chaoticgrowing up.
So my mom asked me to makethese two promises and when she
did, something reallyinteresting happened.
For the first time that I canremember, I started asking the
question why?
(02:19):
Why does my dad do this?
Why does he do that?
Why does he say these things?
Why does he act that way?
It was that idea of why does hedo what he does.
That really fueled me for along time, because if I was to
not do what my dad did, I had tounderstand what he was doing
and why he was doing it.
(02:40):
So my dad drank all the time.
So, for example, I've neverdrank.
My dad was a victim.
Always he blamed everybody forhis situations and all the
failures, and so I take radicalresponsibility for mine.
That's part of the reason why Istarted entitled we do.
And as I was getting intopersonal development and
(03:05):
starting to read books and learnI was about 20, 21 years old I
saw Tony's Ted talk and he saidyou know, most people think I'm
a motivator, but I'm the why guy.
I want to know why you do whatyou do.
And I'd never heard anybody saythis before and I was like holy
shit, this is the question I'vebeen asking my whole life, like
why do we do what we do?
And I was like I need to knoweverything this guy knows.
(03:27):
And so I started studying hismaterial and his books and his
courses.
And once I started to make somemoney and I had started to have
some success in business, Iwent to his Unleash the Power
Within course and I had thisunbelievable experience.
And there he talked about hisprogram called Platinum
Partnership, and PlatinumPartnership is this year-long
(03:48):
program.
At the time it was a $65,000join like initiation fee, and
then you had to pay for someadditional conferences along the
way and when I factored it up,it was about $109,000 to do the
year-long program.
Now I had a business and I wasmaking some money, but at this
time in 2013, I think, I hadmaximum like $50,000 in my
(04:10):
savings, so this was double themoney that I even had and there
was.
In my mind.
It was like I had to do this,but there was no way I could
afford to do it.
So I decided to go to anotherone of his programs.
And it was a few months laterand the business was still
growing and things were goingwell and I decided to just take
a leap of faith.
I decided that you know whatI'm going to put a down payment
(04:31):
down.
I think the deposit was like 15or $20,000.
And then I would just pay$5,000 a month for the next year
or whatever it was, toparticipate in this program.
And so when I joined as I said,it was a leap of faith this was
more money than I'd ever spenton anything.
I'm a college dropout.
I didn't go spend this crazyamount of money on education,
(04:53):
and this idea of spending sixfigures to go to a coaching
program was something so farbeyond my belief at that time.
But I really felt a convictionafter going through his material
.
I saw tangible results in mylife after reading his books and
doing certain things.
So I just felt like this wassomeone that I really wanted to
invest with and learn from, andso it's with that frame and that
(05:17):
purview that I share two thingswith you guys.
One, the biggest changes happenin our life before we're ready,
and what I mean by that is Iwasn't financially ready to make
that level of a commitment.
It was very uncomfortable, itwas a massive stretch for me,
and that's also one of thereasons why it had such a big
impact on me.
(05:39):
One of the things I know withouta shadow of a doubt is growth
and comfort do not coexist.
They don't live together, andwe're going to talk about this
in one of the lessons that Ilearned from him.
But oftentimes the greatestgrowth comes when we're not
ready, when we stretch, when wepush, when we take a leap of
faith, and so, as you readthrough this.
(06:00):
I want you to think about howor, excuse me as I read through
this I want you to think abouthow some of these can apply to
your life, but also, maybe,where's an area of your life
where you can take a leap offaith and try something
different, something that you'venever done before.
All right, so let's dive in.
The first lesson that I learnedfrom Tony is something that has
(06:22):
really transformed the entireway that I live my life, and
it's this idea that life ishappening for you, not to you.
That is literally the operatingsystem that I live my life by.
That is the premise that thispodcast, entitled to nothing, is
created on, and I can tell youwhen I really started to learn
how to apply this idea to mylife and I started to look at
(06:44):
every situation andcircumstances not as a failure
or as an obstacle or as a curse,but as something that was
happening for me.
Okay, if God is giving this tome, then there must be something
here that I'm supposed to learn, or something that I can grow
through, or a way that thismoment is preparing me for
(07:06):
something greater in the future.
And I remember, at one of theconferences I was at, tony was
doing an intervention with thisyoung woman who had a really
challenged relationship with herfather, and that resonated very
deeply with me because I did aswell.
And he said to her if you wouldhave had the father that you
wanted, you wouldn't be thewoman you're proud to be today.
(07:28):
And I remember I got emotionalwhen he said that because I was
like, yes, I wouldn't have thestrength or the courage or the
responsibility or the passionthat I do if it wasn't for those
experiences with my dad Inbusiness.
I wouldn't have the financialsuccess if I hadn't had multiple
failures and bankruptcies.
So if there's one thing, ifthere's one primary lesson that
(07:52):
I've taken away from Tony andI've applied to my life that has
had the biggest impact, it isthis idea that everything in
life is happening for us, not tous.
And that means there must besome type of gift in that moment
, in that fear, in that doubt,in that failure or in that loss.
And so I think next time we gothrough a really difficult
(08:14):
moment when we're reallystruggling or feeling down,
asking ourselves how is this agift?
How is this happening for me?
It can radically transform yourability to grow through that
moment and see it not as ablessing, but as a or, excuse me
, not as a curse, but as ablessing.
(08:35):
All right.
Lesson number two is the biggestproblem you have is you think
you shouldn't have them.
And this really works verybeautifully with the first
lesson Because, again, if wethink we shouldn't have problems
, if we're thinking that lifeshould be easy and stuff should
go our way, if it's the ideathat we shouldn't have these
(08:56):
problems, why do we have them?
What's wrong with me?
Why am I so?
You know, why do I create thisbehavior?
What's wrong?
That just sets ourselves up forfailure.
Because the simple truth is,problems are part of life and it
doesn't matter who we are, orhow much money, how much success
(09:16):
, how good of a relationship, itdoesn't matter what our
situation is in life.
We're all going to haveobstacles, challenges and things
that we're going to have tosolve, problems that we're going
to need to work through.
And for me in my life, when Istopped seeing problems as
problems but as happening for meand opportunities to grow, then
(09:39):
things started to get easier.
And I think you know the bestexample for me is in business,
because business is so difficultit doesn't matter like whether
you're just getting started oryou've been in business for 20
years.
I just talked to a buddy of minetoday who is going through a
really difficult businesssituation because there was a
freak accident with one of hisproducts that ended in a
(10:02):
fatality, and so now he has todeal with insurances and product
liability and all of theseclaims, and he sells sporting
goods.
What took place was genuinely aone in a million situation, and
it might put him out ofbusiness and he could see that
as happening to him, or he couldsee it as happening for him.
(10:24):
He could not, he could getupset because the problem exists
, or he could just look at theproblem as an opportunity to
learn and grow.
And so I think, just know thatlife is fucking hard and you're
going to have problems, andanother one is coming.
A storm of some sort is alwayson the horizon.
We don't want it to come, wedon't wish for it, but we know
that there's something that'sgoing to come.
(10:44):
And so, when it does, ratherthan seeing it as oh my God,
this big thing is happening,what if you just saw it as
another opportunity to grow?
Oh, wow, look, I have a worthyopponent.
I got to figure out how tosolve this problem.
And here's the last thing thatI'll say about problems.
On the other side of them, younow have a greater level of
(11:04):
intellect, strength and capacity, because for every problem you
solve, you now know how to solveit.
And the more problems that wesolve in life and in business,
the greater capacity we have tolearn, grow and evolve, and I
think that's what we all want inlife.
All right, number three is tradeyour expectations for
(11:25):
appreciation.
You know, we live in a worldwhere there's so many
expectations projected on usfrom parents, friends, family
and society as a whole, and Ithink the recipe for unhappiness
is quite simply unmetexpectations.
And I'll tell you a very simplestory.
(11:45):
One time we were doing aproduct launch here at live
bearded and people are like hey,mink, you know, what do you
think we're going to do, how,what do you think sales are
going to be tomorrow for theproduct launch?
And so I gave a number and Idon't remember what the number
is, so I'm going to make it up.
I'm going to say, oh, I thinkwe're going to do 150,000, and
the day comes and we do theproduct launch, and it was a
(12:05):
phenomenal product launch, butwe didn't hit the $150,000
number, which was a huge stretchgoal.
I just flippantly threw thatgoal out there.
But it set an expectation formy team that like, oh you know,
the CEO wants us to hit 150.
So we have to hit 150.
And so people felt a littledown, even though the product
launch was fantastic.
(12:26):
And so, as a leader, I learneda valuable lesson in that moment
A I have to be careful whatexpectations I project onto the
team.
But B what a beautiful lessonthat you can have something that
goes really well but becauseyou had an expectation that was
unmet, you still see it as aloss or as something that should
have gone better.
And so I think, if we can tradeour expectations for just an
(12:49):
appreciation for theopportunities that we have for
the life that we've been given,for the friends or the
relationships, right, if we havethis expectation that a
relationship is gonna go acertain way and it doesn't, we
can rather appreciate thatversus get frustrated by it.
So in life, next time you seeyourself getting frustrated or
upset about an unmet expectation, I would challenge you to find
(13:12):
a way to find appreciation forthat experience and use it so
you can move forward in agreater state, all right.
Number four is you get what youtolerate in life.
You know I love this concept.
I heard it directly from Tonyand he's like everything in life
comes down to your standards.
You get what you tolerate.
(13:33):
You are as healthy as youtolerate being.
You are as wealthy as youtolerate being.
You have the type ofrelationships you experience,
the life that you tolerate.
And so this is sometimes a hardpill to swallow, because it
makes us go to the mirror andtake radical responsibility for
(13:56):
where we're at.
And if our life is a reflectionof what we are tolerating, then
ultimately we are the cause ofthe life that we're living.
And again, this is the wholeethos of entitled to nothing.
Your life is your fault, and itis that way because what you
tolerate from yourself, thestandards that you have, the
(14:17):
actions that you take, thecharacter traits that you
possess, the beliefs that youhave about who you are and what
you deserve that's determiningyour life.
And so you get what youtolerate.
And if you don't like yourenvironment or your
circumstances, that should giveyou a sense of relief, because
(14:38):
it means that you have the powerto change it, and it's not
gonna happen at once.
It's gonna not take placeovernight, but if you commit to
raising your standards of whatyou tolerate for yourself and
you commit to constant andnever-ending improvement which,
coincidentally, is one of theother principles we're going to
talk about you can rewrite yourstory and you can create a new
(15:02):
version of yourself.
But you've got to stoptolerating what you have and
start striving for somethinggreater, and that all starts
with our standards.
Okay, lesson number five is youdon't live the life that you
have, you live the life that youfocus on.
And remember, the first time Iheard it, I didn't quite
understand it and I needed to,like, really consume this idea.
(15:26):
And it comes down to this right, we could have an amazing life,
we could have a greatrelationship, we could have a
beautiful family, we could havea good career, but if all we're
focusing on is what we'remissing or what we don't have,
then the life that we are livingis not the one that we have,
(15:46):
but what we're focusing on.
And so, you know, one of thethings that's remarkable, it's
beautiful and it's a cursesometimes about humans is we are
meaning-making machines andwe're constantly assigning
meaning to everything, all ofthe time.
All of the time and if we don'tbring conscious awareness to
(16:07):
the meanings that we're giving.
Oftentimes we automaticallygive meanings to things that are
disempowering or that hold usback.
They could be discouraging, andso remember this, next time
you're again and this reallygoes very good with if you trade
your expectations forappreciation right, you have a
new life.
Your expectations forappreciation right, you have a
(16:30):
new life.
If you are sitting in asituation where you're focusing
on the wrong things, right,starting to focus on what you
can appreciate in that moment isgoing to help shift where
you're at.
But, quite simply, oftentimeswe just get so fixated on a loss
or what's going wrong or thepromotion that we didn't get or
(16:50):
insert, whatever it is, that welose sight of all of the
progress that we've made, all ofthe great things that we have,
and so we've got to focus onwhat we want, and focus equals
feeling.
So we're feeling what we'refocusing on, and that's another
good way to like bring awarenessto.
What you're focusing on is howyou're feeling.
(17:11):
Right, if you've got abeautiful wife or kids or family
and you're focusing on howbeautiful they are, you're
probably going to feel prettyfucking good.
But if, in that same moment,you didn't get the promotion
that you want and you're pissedbecause someone else got it and
you feel like you deserve it.
And you're like, man, fuck thatguy who got the promotion, I
deserve that shit.
Well, now you're focusing onlack instead of the opposite.
(17:32):
So you don't have the, youdon't live the life that you
have, you live the life that youfocus on.
All right.
Number six this next one, reallychanged the way that I approach
life, and it's this idea thatthe quality of our life is in
direct proportion to the amountof uncertainty that we can
comfortably live with.
(17:52):
And again, the first time Iheard this, I was like wait, you
got to say that again.
What does that mean?
And to make it really simple,success and growth don't exist
or don't coexist with comfort.
Like I said in the beginning,the only way that we grow, the
only way that we learn, evolve,that we create something that
(18:15):
we've never done before, is bydoing something that we've never
done.
And typically, the first timewe do something, not only is it
the worst time, but it stretchesus beyond what we're capable of
doing.
It pushes us outside of ourcomfort zone.
There's uncertainty, there'sunknown right, and so how
comfortable can we be beinguncomfortable?
(18:37):
I was watching this video awhile back of Elon Musk and he
was talking about what it takesto be very, very successful at
business, and he was saying thatmost people can't become
extremely successful in businessbecause they don't have the
capacity to carry theuncertainty and the stress.
And so, if we can understandthat the quality of our life,
(19:01):
the quality of the business orthe relationship or the career,
the level that we can reach inlife, that level is going to be
directly proportionate to theamount of uncertainty or
discomfort or growth that we areable to take on.
And so, if you're constantlyfocused on being comfortable, or
if you have a really hard timebeing uncertain, that's going to
(19:25):
put a governor on how much youcan grow.
Because, again, all the growth,all the quality of life is
built by uncertainty and movingthrough it and growing beyond it
.
Right, you've got to go beyondwhere you have been in order to
get to the next level.
So when you're feeling stressed, when you're feeling pushed
outside of your comfort zone,just know that that's a signal
(19:48):
that you're growing and growthis going to increase the quality
of your life, and I thinkthat's what we all want.
We want to live life on ourterms, by our design, and the
only way we're going to getthere is by being able to be
uncomfortable or get comfortablebeing uncomfortable.
Number seven we touched on thisone already.
(20:09):
It's this idea of constant andnever ending improvement, and
I'll never forget I was I don'tremember what the name of the
conference was, but I wassitting at a Tony conference and
this dude's up on stage andhe's talking about constant and
never ending improvement andhe's like the man that you see
in front of you.
I built this motherfucker.
(20:29):
I didn't start out as TonyRobbins.
I wasn't born this man or thisleader or with this skill set.
I intentionally built him.
And what I love about this is wehave the capacity to create
whatever skills we want to have,to develop whatever character
(20:51):
traits we want to possess, andwe can condition or create
whatever beliefs we want to haveabout ourselves and about life.
No different than you go to thegym and you build a bicep,
right.
If I was to say, okay, I wantto build my bicep and I just sit
here and I do air curls, right,probably not going to get very
(21:13):
strong.
But if I go to the gym everyday and I lift incredible weight
and I stress and I strain and Itear and I fatigue.
I'm going to build this muscleand we can build our body and
build our mind and build ourcharacter in the exact same way.
If you are willing to commit toconstant and never-ending
(21:37):
improvement, if you can havethat ultimate growth mindset and
identify what skills do youwant, what character traits do
you want, what do you want tobelieve about life and your
potential, and you can reallycommit to get better every day,
you can build yourself intowhoever you want and again, this
is why I know your life, mylife.
(21:59):
It's our fault.
So if you don't have somethingthat you want in life, it just
means you need to get better.
Commit to the growth that'srequired to get there and you
will.
Number eight, quite simply, isdecisions shape destiny, and I
love this idea because it saysthe decisions that we make today
(22:21):
are going to shape our tomorrow.
And every day, the actions thatwe take, the decisions that we
make, the things that we putinto motion are growing who we
are and what we're going toexperience tomorrow, and I think
there's no greaterresponsibility that we could
take in life than responsibilityfor the decisions that we make
(22:42):
and understanding that thedecisions that I make today are
going to influence my tomorrow.
And if you know that, if youbelieve that, if you bring
awareness to that, you can startto be more intentional with the
decisions that you make, and Ithink it's that intentionality
that really gives us thecapacity to become the
(23:05):
controller or the captain of ourexperience of life.
You know, one of the thingsI've come to believe is maybe
one of the most important thingswe do is sit down and
intentionally decide what typeof life we want to live, what
type of relationships do we wantto have, what type of career do
we want to have, how do we wantto spend our time, health,
(23:27):
fitness, etc.
Etc.
That all starts with a decision, and everything that you've
experienced, good and bad, insome way started with a decision
A decision to start the company, a decision to say something to
the girl or not say something,a decision to ask her out or not
(23:48):
ask her out, a decision to takethat leap or not take it right.
The decisions that we make,they shape our destiny, and so
we need to bring awareness tothem and sometimes we just need
to fear less and go, be bold anddo the things that we in our
heart want to do, and if you cando that, you can create the
(24:09):
life that you want.
All right, number nine is thesix human needs.
Now, this is one of Tony'sframeworks and quite simply, he
says all of human behavior isdriven by six human needs.
The first need is the need forcertainty.
We need to know what's going tohappen and how it's going to
happen.
We need to have some stabilityin life.
(24:29):
We need certainty.
Number two is variety.
Right, if we knew what wasgoing to happen, when it was
going to happen, how it wasgoing to happen every day, we
would be bored out of ourfucking minds.
So God, in his infinite wisdom,gave us the need for variety,
and all of that is different tous.
My favorite variety is travel.
It's the one thing that lightsme up.
(24:51):
Maybe yours is a new restaurant, maybe you're a foodie, or
maybe it is a new marathon, orit's learning a new skill, right
?
We all have this need forvariety.
How we satisfy it is totallydifferent, but we all have to
have some level of it.
The third need is the need forsignificance.
In all of us is this need tofeel like our life is
(25:13):
significant and that we areimportant to somebody or to
circumstances or to situations,that we can be important.
And if you're striving forsignificance, a lot of times
that comes across as arrogant orlooking for attention right,
but if you can be someone thatdoes significant things, then
maybe you can be a greatcontributor to society.
(25:35):
So we meet these needs, againin different ways.
Some people are on social media, you know, flashing body parts
and shaking asses and doingwhatever they can, showing off
their fancy cars to try to getsignificance, while other people
are donating their time ortheir resource or they're doing
charity work.
(25:55):
Each of us have a way that weengage that makes us feel
significant, and that's abeautiful thing.
We just got to figure out howto meet that need for
significance in a productive andbeautiful way.
The fourth need is the need forlove and connection, and the
truth is most people settle forconnection because love is too
(26:16):
uncertain.
Right, it's scary, it's unknownand it's heartbreaking at times
, but we all need to feelconnected to each other.
As humans, we're a speciesbuilt on relationships, so we
need to feel that connection, weneed the love and the community
and we need to be connected.
So, again, we do that indifferent ways, in different
(26:37):
times, through differentcommunities, but we all have a
need for love and connection.
Number five is the need forgrowth.
Right, if we can meet the firstfour needs and we can have
certainty that things are goingto be a certain way, if we can
have the variety that we enjoy,if we can feel some level of
significance through what we'redoing and how we're living our
life, and then we can have thatconnection and love.
(27:00):
If we can meet those first fourneeds, then we have the
capacity to meet our evolve andhe gives us those challenges and
problems that we've talkedabout, so that we can grow and
become a greater expression ofself.
(27:20):
And then the sixth and finalneed is the need for
contribution.
If we can meet the first fiveneeds, then the need of the
spirit, that final beautifulneed that God gave us is the
need to contribute beyondourselves, to serve and to love
and to give and to positivelyimpact those around us in some
ways.
And what's beautiful is everysingle one of us need to meet
(27:43):
these same six needs, but we allmeet them in different ways and
the way that we meet themstarts to make up who we are,
our personalities and theinterests and the hobbies and
the perspectives that we have.
And so, once you understandthese six human needs, you can
really start to understand whoand how certain people behave.
(28:03):
And so, again for myself, likeI started a business because
uncertainty didn't scare me andI needed the certainty to know
that I could live my life my way.
And then, once I got thecertainty that I could make some
money and I needed thecertainty to know that I could
live my life my way.
And then, once I got thecertainty that I could make some
money and I could create acertain lifestyle, I started
seeking variety in the form oftravel and new experiences.
(28:25):
So there's a simple example foryou, but all of us do this, and
if you can bring awareness tohow you're meeting these needs,
then ultimately you can start torearrange them, because that's
also one thing that's reallyimportant to understand.
We typically all have one ortwo needs that we put above all
the rest, and so, for example,if your need for certainty is at
(28:47):
the top of the list, it's themost important.
How do you think that affectsother things like relationships
or growth?
How often have you had certainrelationships.
How often have you known that,oh, she's going to love me no
matter what I do?
Probably not very often.
How often have you had certaingrowth?
(29:07):
Well, we've already talked andagreed that growth and comfort,
growth and certainty don'tcoexist right.
So if you have to be certainabout everything, well then
that's going to really impactthings that you can do in your
life, relationships that you canhave, experiences that you can
have.
And, adversely, if you'redriven by variety at all costs,
(29:30):
that might cause you the samerelationship drama, because
maybe maybe you'll never commitor you'll always be looking for
the next best thing, maybeyou'll always be jumping from
career to career to career.
What's so beautiful is when youunderstand these six needs and
you really get them.
They're a mirror and they showus who we are and they show us
(29:53):
how we've prioritized things.
And then you can start to dothe reflection and connect the
dots and, based on that, you canstart to rewrite who you are
and how you show up.
And there's nothing morepowerful than that to get that
mirror, that perspective onourselves and to use that to
(30:14):
evolve and grow to the nextlevel.
All right, the 10th and finallesson I wanna share with you
guys today that's had a massiveimpact on my life is this idea
that all of our emotions, theway that we feel, is created by
three things.
It's created by our physiology,our body and how we're using it
.
It's created by our focus, ourbody and how we're using it.
(30:35):
It's created by our focus, whatwe're focusing on, and our
language, the words that we'reusing.
You see how you feel in anymoment, the energyly created by
(30:56):
these three things your body,your focus and your language.
And if that's the truth, if wecan say okay, let's say that's
true.
Then what that means is, whenyou're feeling down or depressed
or sad, let's say your body'sgoing to have a certain
energetic expression.
So let's do an experimenttogether.
If you've ever talked tosomeone who's depressed or maybe
(31:20):
feeling suicidal, how are theyusing their body?
Are their shoulders back andare they breathing deep and
strong, or are they slouched?
Are they hunched over?
Are they speaking softly andwithout any enthusiasm?
Right, there's a pattern ofphysiology that determine that
(31:48):
we can witness and makeassumptions about how somebody's
feeling Okay.
Assumptions about howsomebody's feeling Okay.
So if we can listen to or if wecan watch someone and judge how
they're feeling based on theirbody language which I think you
and I would both agree that youcan do that then that that
passes the smell test, right,that makes sense.
(32:09):
Okay, cool, focus.
Well, we've already establishedif you're focusing on all the
shit that's going wrong, you'regoing to be pretty fucking upset
.
But if you're focusing on allthe great shit that's going
right, you're probably going tohave a different emotional state
.
And then, finally, if I'mtalking to you and I say you
know what?
This is fucking bullshit, Ihave to do this and this sucks,
and I wish that was differentProbably a different emotional
(32:30):
state than I say you know what?
I get to do it every day.
I get to wake up and go do thisbecause I enjoy it and it's
difficult and it's tough, butI'm gonna grow through it and
I'm gonna figure this out.
And the words that we use areindicators of where we're at and
how we're feeling.
And what really changed for meis when I was able to understand
that how I use my bodyinfluences it.
What I focus on influences it,and the words and the language
(32:57):
that I'm using influence it.
And if I can change or bringawareness to all of those things
, then I can change the way thatI feel in a moment.
And I'll tell you a sillyexample that happens to me often
.
You know I work a lot, I pushmyself hard.
Oftentimes I wake up at 4 amand I'm fucking tired and my
body hurts and the instantresponse is fuck, today's going
(33:20):
to be rough.
And immediately when thosewords come out of my mouth and I
realize it, I automaticallychange it.
You know, you know what.
Today's going to be a greatfucking day, and it's going to
be great because I am tired andI am sore and I am going to have
a long day.
My schedule is packed, but thatmeans that I'm going to show up
(33:41):
and I'm going to bring the bestof myself and I'm going to make
sure that I sit up straight inevery meeting and I'm going to
be intent and I'm going to befocused and I'm going to manage
what I'm feeling.
And if you can do those thingsin any moment, you can change
the way that you're feeling.
And so the key is to bringawareness to when you're not on
(34:02):
your A game, when you're notfeeling your best, and sometimes
this may take minutes, it maytake hours, and there's times
where things happen in our lives, that it may take days or weeks
, and I want you to know that'sokay.
The goal is to just try to movethrough it as fast as you can,
(34:23):
and like going to the gym andbuilding that muscle the more
that you use your body, yourlanguage and your focus, the
more of a skill it becomes, thestronger that muscle becomes and
then the more control you haveover how you feel.
And at the end of the day, ourfocus equals feeling and feeling
(34:43):
equals our experience of life.
Right Again, we don't live thelife that we have.
We live the life that we focuson, and focus creates feelings.
So really, what that means isthe quality of our life is based
on the quality of our emotions,and if we're living in a in a
positive emotional state, thenwe're living a great life.
(35:04):
And if we find ourselves in anegative emotional state, well
then life isn't so great.
But if our life is our fault,that means we have to have the
tools and the capacity to changethat.
And with these three things,which Tony calls the triad
physiology, focus and languageyou have a tool that you can use
to change the way that you'refeeling, and I can tell you.
(35:26):
I've used it quite a bit in mylife and it's helped me over and
over and over again.
So I wanted to share these 10lessons with you because I can
honestly say that by goingthrough Tony's material, by
learning these lessons from himand by applying them to my life,
I have created life on my terms, in large part because of the
(35:49):
tools and the changes in focusor the reframes in psychology
that he has given me in focus,or the reframes in psychology
that he has given me, and mynumber one goal in life is to
share everything I've learned onmy journey to help you on yours
.
Like, no one gets out of thislife alive.
It's hard, it's difficult, it'spainful and ultimately, I
(36:09):
believe that we were, we'regoing through this human
experience together and maybeone of the greatest things we
can do is share our learningsand our experiences with each
other so that we can learn andgrow together and hopefully not
have to struggle through some ofthe same pains.
If I've solved a problem in mylife and I can share how to
(36:29):
solve it in yours, thenautomatically you don't have to
go through the same challenge orfrustration that I did, and
that's one of the reasons why Istarted entitled to nothing in
the first place.
My, my mission is very simply Iwant to inspire you to take
radical responsibility for yourlife, to do the work required to
reflect on what's holding youback and what's stopping you,
and where are your fears anddoubts and where are those
(36:52):
things that are causing you tonot experience the life that you
want.
And if you can dig in and dothe reflection and figure out
what those are and start toapply some of these principles,
well then we can create the lifethat we want.
We can live life on our termsand, again, I think that's what
we are put here to do.
I think we are put here to liveour life our way and to grow
(37:15):
through that process and becomethe man that we are born to be,
or woman, if you're a woman outthere listening.
So, with that said, I trulyappreciate you guys listening to
this.
Let me know, reach out to me,drop me a comment on YouTube if
you're watching this on YouTubeand let me know which one of
these lessons you think willhave the biggest impact on your
life.
And also, the only thing Iwould ever ask from you guys
(37:38):
with this podcast is to share itwith someone that you think
needs to hear it.
If you've got someone in yourlife that's going through a
tough time or that's juststruggling right now and you
think one of these lessons willhelp them, please share it with
them.
But, with that said, I'll seeyou guys on the next one.
Talk to you soon.
I went on this journey when I was very young,
to understand why we do what wedo, and as I was getting into
personal development andstarting to read books and learn
I was about 20, 21 years old Isaw Tony's Ted talk and he said
you know, most people think I'ma motivator, but I'm the why guy
.
I want to know why you do whatyou do, and I'd never heard
(00:21):
anybody say this before and Iwas like holy shit, this is the
question I've been asking mywhole life, like why do we do
what we do?
And I was like I need to knoweverything this guy knows.
And so I started studying hismaterial and his books and his
courses and Once I started tomake some money and and I had
started to have some success inbusiness, I went to his unleash
the power within course and Ihad this unbelievable experience
(00:43):
.
Welcome to entitled toled toNothing, where we believe our
life is our fault.
My name is Mink and I startedthis show because I've spent the
last 20 years running headfirstinto failure after failure, and
I've learned how to turn myfailures into lessons and I've
used those lessons to createlife on my terms.
I've started multiplebusinesses that have done over
50 million in sales and I wantto share everything I've learned
(01:06):
on my journey.
I'm a man on a mission.
I paid Tony Robbins $109,000and today I'm going to tell you
(01:35):
the top 10 lessons I learnedfrom joining his highest level
coaching program.
But before I dive in, I want togive you guys a little bit of a
backstory of why I would dothat, why I would spend so much
money and join this man'sprogram.
You know some of you if you'veheard earlier podcasts.
You've heard me talk about thestory where my mom said Anthony,
promise me two things.
Promise me you'll never be likeyour dad and promise me you'll
(01:58):
never treat women the way thathe treats me.
If this is the first episodeyou've ever listened to, the
long story short is my dad was areally abusive alcoholic and it
was very intense and chaoticgrowing up.
So my mom asked me to makethese two promises and when she
did, something reallyinteresting happened.
For the first time that I canremember, I started asking the
question why?
(02:19):
Why does my dad do this?
Why does he do that?
Why does he say these things?
Why does he act that way?
It was that idea of why does hedo what he does.
That really fueled me for along time, because if I was to
not do what my dad did, I had tounderstand what he was doing
and why he was doing it.
(02:40):
So my dad drank all the time.
So, for example, I've neverdrank.
My dad was a victim.
Always he blamed everybody forhis situations and all the
failures, and so I take radicalresponsibility for mine.
That's part of the reason why Istarted entitled we do.
And as I was getting intopersonal development and
(03:05):
starting to read books and learnI was about 20, 21 years old I
saw Tony's Ted talk and he saidyou know, most people think I'm
a motivator, but I'm the why guy.
I want to know why you do whatyou do.
And I'd never heard anybody saythis before and I was like holy
shit, this is the question I'vebeen asking my whole life, like
why do we do what we do?
And I was like I need to knoweverything this guy knows.
(03:27):
And so I started studying hismaterial and his books and his
courses.
And once I started to make somemoney and I had started to have
some success in business, Iwent to his Unleash the Power
Within course and I had thisunbelievable experience.
And there he talked about hisprogram called Platinum
Partnership, and PlatinumPartnership is this year-long
(03:48):
program.
At the time it was a $65,000join like initiation fee, and
then you had to pay for someadditional conferences along the
way and when I factored it up,it was about $109,000 to do the
year-long program.
Now I had a business and I wasmaking some money, but at this
time in 2013, I think, I hadmaximum like $50,000 in my
(04:10):
savings, so this was double themoney that I even had and there
was.
In my mind.
It was like I had to do this,but there was no way I could
afford to do it.
So I decided to go to anotherone of his programs.
And it was a few months laterand the business was still
growing and things were goingwell and I decided to just take
a leap of faith.
I decided that you know whatI'm going to put a down payment
(04:31):
down.
I think the deposit was like 15or $20,000.
And then I would just pay$5,000 a month for the next year
or whatever it was, toparticipate in this program.
And so when I joined as I said,it was a leap of faith this was
more money than I'd ever spenton anything.
I'm a college dropout.
I didn't go spend this crazyamount of money on education,
(04:53):
and this idea of spending sixfigures to go to a coaching
program was something so farbeyond my belief at that time.
But I really felt a convictionafter going through his material
.
I saw tangible results in mylife after reading his books and
doing certain things.
So I just felt like this wassomeone that I really wanted to
invest with and learn from, andso it's with that frame and that
(05:17):
purview that I share two thingswith you guys.
One, the biggest changes happenin our life before we're ready,
and what I mean by that is Iwasn't financially ready to make
that level of a commitment.
It was very uncomfortable, itwas a massive stretch for me,
and that's also one of thereasons why it had such a big
impact on me.
(05:39):
One of the things I know withouta shadow of a doubt is growth
and comfort do not coexist.
They don't live together, andwe're going to talk about this
in one of the lessons that Ilearned from him.
But oftentimes the greatestgrowth comes when we're not
ready, when we stretch, when wepush, when we take a leap of
faith, and so, as you readthrough this.
(06:00):
I want you to think about howor, excuse me as I read through
this I want you to think abouthow some of these can apply to
your life, but also, maybe,where's an area of your life
where you can take a leap offaith and try something
different, something that you'venever done before.
All right, so let's dive in.
The first lesson that I learnedfrom Tony is something that has
(06:22):
really transformed the entireway that I live my life, and
it's this idea that life ishappening for you, not to you.
That is literally the operatingsystem that I live my life by.
That is the premise that thispodcast, entitled to nothing, is
created on, and I can tell youwhen I really started to learn
how to apply this idea to mylife and I started to look at
(06:44):
every situation andcircumstances not as a failure
or as an obstacle or as a curse,but as something that was
happening for me.
Okay, if God is giving this tome, then there must be something
here that I'm supposed to learn, or something that I can grow
through, or a way that thismoment is preparing me for
(07:06):
something greater in the future.
And I remember, at one of theconferences I was at, tony was
doing an intervention with thisyoung woman who had a really
challenged relationship with herfather, and that resonated very
deeply with me because I did aswell.
And he said to her if you wouldhave had the father that you
wanted, you wouldn't be thewoman you're proud to be today.
(07:28):
And I remember I got emotionalwhen he said that because I was
like, yes, I wouldn't have thestrength or the courage or the
responsibility or the passionthat I do if it wasn't for those
experiences with my dad Inbusiness.
I wouldn't have the financialsuccess if I hadn't had multiple
failures and bankruptcies.
So if there's one thing, ifthere's one primary lesson that
(07:52):
I've taken away from Tony andI've applied to my life that has
had the biggest impact, it isthis idea that everything in
life is happening for us, not tous.
And that means there must besome type of gift in that moment
, in that fear, in that doubt,in that failure or in that loss.
And so I think next time we gothrough a really difficult
(08:14):
moment when we're reallystruggling or feeling down,
asking ourselves how is this agift?
How is this happening for me?
It can radically transform yourability to grow through that
moment and see it not as ablessing, but as a or, excuse me
, not as a curse, but as ablessing.
(08:35):
All right.
Lesson number two is the biggestproblem you have is you think
you shouldn't have them.
And this really works verybeautifully with the first
lesson Because, again, if wethink we shouldn't have problems
, if we're thinking that lifeshould be easy and stuff should
go our way, if it's the ideathat we shouldn't have these
(08:56):
problems, why do we have them?
What's wrong with me?
Why am I so?
You know, why do I create thisbehavior?
What's wrong?
That just sets ourselves up forfailure.
Because the simple truth is,problems are part of life and it
doesn't matter who we are, orhow much money, how much success
(09:16):
, how good of a relationship, itdoesn't matter what our
situation is in life.
We're all going to haveobstacles, challenges and things
that we're going to have tosolve, problems that we're going
to need to work through.
And for me in my life, when Istopped seeing problems as
problems but as happening for meand opportunities to grow, then
(09:39):
things started to get easier.
And I think you know the bestexample for me is in business,
because business is so difficultit doesn't matter like whether
you're just getting started oryou've been in business for 20
years.
I just talked to a buddy of minetoday who is going through a
really difficult businesssituation because there was a
freak accident with one of hisproducts that ended in a
(10:02):
fatality, and so now he has todeal with insurances and product
liability and all of theseclaims, and he sells sporting
goods.
What took place was genuinely aone in a million situation, and
it might put him out ofbusiness and he could see that
as happening to him, or he couldsee it as happening for him.
(10:24):
He could not, he could getupset because the problem exists
, or he could just look at theproblem as an opportunity to
learn and grow.
And so I think, just know thatlife is fucking hard and you're
going to have problems, andanother one is coming.
A storm of some sort is alwayson the horizon.
We don't want it to come, wedon't wish for it, but we know
that there's something that'sgoing to come.
(10:44):
And so, when it does, ratherthan seeing it as oh my God,
this big thing is happening,what if you just saw it as
another opportunity to grow?
Oh, wow, look, I have a worthyopponent.
I got to figure out how tosolve this problem.
And here's the last thing thatI'll say about problems.
On the other side of them, younow have a greater level of
(11:04):
intellect, strength and capacity, because for every problem you
solve, you now know how to solveit.
And the more problems that wesolve in life and in business,
the greater capacity we have tolearn, grow and evolve, and I
think that's what we all want inlife.
All right, number three is tradeyour expectations for
(11:25):
appreciation.
You know, we live in a worldwhere there's so many
expectations projected on usfrom parents, friends, family
and society as a whole, and Ithink the recipe for unhappiness
is quite simply unmetexpectations.
And I'll tell you a very simplestory.
(11:45):
One time we were doing aproduct launch here at live
bearded and people are like hey,mink, you know, what do you
think we're going to do, how,what do you think sales are
going to be tomorrow for theproduct launch?
And so I gave a number and Idon't remember what the number
is, so I'm going to make it up.
I'm going to say, oh, I thinkwe're going to do 150,000, and
the day comes and we do theproduct launch, and it was a
(12:05):
phenomenal product launch, butwe didn't hit the $150,000
number, which was a huge stretchgoal.
I just flippantly threw thatgoal out there.
But it set an expectation formy team that like, oh you know,
the CEO wants us to hit 150.
So we have to hit 150.
And so people felt a littledown, even though the product
launch was fantastic.
(12:26):
And so, as a leader, I learneda valuable lesson in that moment
A I have to be careful whatexpectations I project onto the
team.
But B what a beautiful lessonthat you can have something that
goes really well but becauseyou had an expectation that was
unmet, you still see it as aloss or as something that should
have gone better.
And so I think, if we can tradeour expectations for just an
(12:49):
appreciation for theopportunities that we have for
the life that we've been given,for the friends or the
relationships, right, if we havethis expectation that a
relationship is gonna go acertain way and it doesn't, we
can rather appreciate thatversus get frustrated by it.
So in life, next time you seeyourself getting frustrated or
upset about an unmet expectation, I would challenge you to find
(13:12):
a way to find appreciation forthat experience and use it so
you can move forward in agreater state, all right.
Number four is you get what youtolerate in life.
You know I love this concept.
I heard it directly from Tonyand he's like everything in life
comes down to your standards.
You get what you tolerate.
(13:33):
You are as healthy as youtolerate being.
You are as wealthy as youtolerate being.
You have the type ofrelationships you experience,
the life that you tolerate.
And so this is sometimes a hardpill to swallow, because it
makes us go to the mirror andtake radical responsibility for
(13:56):
where we're at.
And if our life is a reflectionof what we are tolerating, then
ultimately we are the cause ofthe life that we're living.
And again, this is the wholeethos of entitled to nothing.
Your life is your fault, and itis that way because what you
tolerate from yourself, thestandards that you have, the
(14:17):
actions that you take, thecharacter traits that you
possess, the beliefs that youhave about who you are and what
you deserve that's determiningyour life.
And so you get what youtolerate.
And if you don't like yourenvironment or your
circumstances, that should giveyou a sense of relief, because
(14:38):
it means that you have the powerto change it, and it's not
gonna happen at once.
It's gonna not take placeovernight, but if you commit to
raising your standards of whatyou tolerate for yourself and
you commit to constant andnever-ending improvement which,
coincidentally, is one of theother principles we're going to
talk about you can rewrite yourstory and you can create a new
(15:02):
version of yourself.
But you've got to stoptolerating what you have and
start striving for somethinggreater, and that all starts
with our standards.
Okay, lesson number five is youdon't live the life that you
have, you live the life that youfocus on.
And remember, the first time Iheard it, I didn't quite
understand it and I needed to,like, really consume this idea.
(15:26):
And it comes down to this right, we could have an amazing life,
we could have a greatrelationship, we could have a
beautiful family, we could havea good career, but if all we're
focusing on is what we'remissing or what we don't have,
then the life that we are livingis not the one that we have,
(15:46):
but what we're focusing on.
And so, you know, one of thethings that's remarkable, it's
beautiful and it's a cursesometimes about humans is we are
meaning-making machines andwe're constantly assigning
meaning to everything, all ofthe time.
All of the time and if we don'tbring conscious awareness to
(16:07):
the meanings that we're giving.
Oftentimes we automaticallygive meanings to things that are
disempowering or that hold usback.
They could be discouraging, andso remember this, next time
you're again and this reallygoes very good with if you trade
your expectations forappreciation right, you have a
new life.
Your expectations forappreciation right, you have a
(16:30):
new life.
If you are sitting in asituation where you're focusing
on the wrong things, right,starting to focus on what you
can appreciate in that moment isgoing to help shift where
you're at.
But, quite simply, oftentimeswe just get so fixated on a loss
or what's going wrong or thepromotion that we didn't get or
(16:50):
insert, whatever it is, that welose sight of all of the
progress that we've made, all ofthe great things that we have,
and so we've got to focus onwhat we want, and focus equals
feeling.
So we're feeling what we'refocusing on, and that's another
good way to like bring awarenessto.
What you're focusing on is howyou're feeling.
(17:11):
Right, if you've got abeautiful wife or kids or family
and you're focusing on howbeautiful they are, you're
probably going to feel prettyfucking good.
But if, in that same moment,you didn't get the promotion
that you want and you're pissedbecause someone else got it and
you feel like you deserve it.
And you're like, man, fuck thatguy who got the promotion, I
deserve that shit.
Well, now you're focusing onlack instead of the opposite.
(17:32):
So you don't have the, youdon't live the life that you
have, you live the life that youfocus on.
All right.
Number six this next one, reallychanged the way that I approach
life, and it's this idea thatthe quality of our life is in
direct proportion to the amountof uncertainty that we can
comfortably live with.
(17:52):
And again, the first time Iheard this, I was like wait, you
got to say that again.
What does that mean?
And to make it really simple,success and growth don't exist
or don't coexist with comfort.
Like I said in the beginning,the only way that we grow, the
only way that we learn, evolve,that we create something that
(18:15):
we've never done before, is bydoing something that we've never
done.
And typically, the first timewe do something, not only is it
the worst time, but it stretchesus beyond what we're capable of
doing.
It pushes us outside of ourcomfort zone.
There's uncertainty, there'sunknown right, and so how
comfortable can we be beinguncomfortable?
(18:37):
I was watching this video awhile back of Elon Musk and he
was talking about what it takesto be very, very successful at
business, and he was saying thatmost people can't become
extremely successful in businessbecause they don't have the
capacity to carry theuncertainty and the stress.
And so, if we can understandthat the quality of our life,
(19:01):
the quality of the business orthe relationship or the career,
the level that we can reach inlife, that level is going to be
directly proportionate to theamount of uncertainty or
discomfort or growth that we areable to take on.
And so, if you're constantlyfocused on being comfortable, or
if you have a really hard timebeing uncertain, that's going to
(19:25):
put a governor on how much youcan grow.
Because, again, all the growth,all the quality of life is
built by uncertainty and movingthrough it and growing beyond it
.
Right, you've got to go beyondwhere you have been in order to
get to the next level.
So when you're feeling stressed, when you're feeling pushed
outside of your comfort zone,just know that that's a signal
(19:48):
that you're growing and growthis going to increase the quality
of your life, and I thinkthat's what we all want.
We want to live life on ourterms, by our design, and the
only way we're going to getthere is by being able to be
uncomfortable or get comfortablebeing uncomfortable.
Number seven we touched on thisone already.
(20:09):
It's this idea of constant andnever ending improvement, and
I'll never forget I was I don'tremember what the name of the
conference was, but I wassitting at a Tony conference and
this dude's up on stage andhe's talking about constant and
never ending improvement andhe's like the man that you see
in front of you.
I built this motherfucker.
(20:29):
I didn't start out as TonyRobbins.
I wasn't born this man or thisleader or with this skill set.
I intentionally built him.
And what I love about this is wehave the capacity to create
whatever skills we want to have,to develop whatever character
(20:51):
traits we want to possess, andwe can condition or create
whatever beliefs we want to haveabout ourselves and about life.
No different than you go to thegym and you build a bicep,
right.
If I was to say, okay, I wantto build my bicep and I just sit
here and I do air curls, right,probably not going to get very
(21:13):
strong.
But if I go to the gym everyday and I lift incredible weight
and I stress and I strain and Itear and I fatigue.
I'm going to build this muscleand we can build our body and
build our mind and build ourcharacter in the exact same way.
If you are willing to commit toconstant and never-ending
(21:37):
improvement, if you can havethat ultimate growth mindset and
identify what skills do youwant, what character traits do
you want, what do you want tobelieve about life and your
potential, and you can reallycommit to get better every day,
you can build yourself intowhoever you want and again, this
is why I know your life, mylife.
(21:59):
It's our fault.
So if you don't have somethingthat you want in life, it just
means you need to get better.
Commit to the growth that'srequired to get there and you
will.
Number eight, quite simply, isdecisions shape destiny, and I
love this idea because it saysthe decisions that we make today
(22:21):
are going to shape our tomorrow.
And every day, the actions thatwe take, the decisions that we
make, the things that we putinto motion are growing who we
are and what we're going toexperience tomorrow, and I think
there's no greaterresponsibility that we could
take in life than responsibilityfor the decisions that we make
(22:42):
and understanding that thedecisions that I make today are
going to influence my tomorrow.
And if you know that, if youbelieve that, if you bring
awareness to that, you can startto be more intentional with the
decisions that you make, and Ithink it's that intentionality
that really gives us thecapacity to become the
(23:05):
controller or the captain of ourexperience of life.
You know, one of the thingsI've come to believe is maybe
one of the most important thingswe do is sit down and
intentionally decide what typeof life we want to live, what
type of relationships do we wantto have, what type of career do
we want to have, how do we wantto spend our time, health,
(23:27):
fitness, etc.
Etc.
That all starts with a decision, and everything that you've
experienced, good and bad, insome way started with a decision
A decision to start the company, a decision to say something to
the girl or not say something,a decision to ask her out or not
(23:48):
ask her out, a decision to takethat leap or not take it right.
The decisions that we make,they shape our destiny, and so
we need to bring awareness tothem and sometimes we just need
to fear less and go, be bold anddo the things that we in our
heart want to do, and if you cando that, you can create the
(24:09):
life that you want.
All right, number nine is thesix human needs.
Now, this is one of Tony'sframeworks and quite simply, he
says all of human behavior isdriven by six human needs.
The first need is the need forcertainty.
We need to know what's going tohappen and how it's going to
happen.
We need to have some stabilityin life.
(24:29):
We need certainty.
Number two is variety.
Right, if we knew what wasgoing to happen, when it was
going to happen, how it wasgoing to happen every day, we
would be bored out of ourfucking minds.
So God, in his infinite wisdom,gave us the need for variety,
and all of that is different tous.
My favorite variety is travel.
It's the one thing that lightsme up.
(24:51):
Maybe yours is a new restaurant, maybe you're a foodie, or
maybe it is a new marathon, orit's learning a new skill, right
?
We all have this need forvariety.
How we satisfy it is totallydifferent, but we all have to
have some level of it.
The third need is the need forsignificance.
In all of us is this need tofeel like our life is
(25:13):
significant and that we areimportant to somebody or to
circumstances or to situations,that we can be important.
And if you're striving forsignificance, a lot of times
that comes across as arrogant orlooking for attention right,
but if you can be someone thatdoes significant things, then
maybe you can be a greatcontributor to society.
(25:35):
So we meet these needs, againin different ways.
Some people are on social media, you know, flashing body parts
and shaking asses and doingwhatever they can, showing off
their fancy cars to try to getsignificance, while other people
are donating their time ortheir resource or they're doing
charity work.
(25:55):
Each of us have a way that weengage that makes us feel
significant, and that's abeautiful thing.
We just got to figure out howto meet that need for
significance in a productive andbeautiful way.
The fourth need is the need forlove and connection, and the
truth is most people settle forconnection because love is too
(26:16):
uncertain.
Right, it's scary, it's unknownand it's heartbreaking at times
, but we all need to feelconnected to each other.
As humans, we're a speciesbuilt on relationships, so we
need to feel that connection, weneed the love and the community
and we need to be connected.
So, again, we do that indifferent ways, in different
(26:37):
times, through differentcommunities, but we all have a
need for love and connection.
Number five is the need forgrowth.
Right, if we can meet the firstfour needs and we can have
certainty that things are goingto be a certain way, if we can
have the variety that we enjoy,if we can feel some level of
significance through what we'redoing and how we're living our
life, and then we can have thatconnection and love.
(27:00):
If we can meet those first fourneeds, then we have the
capacity to meet our evolve andhe gives us those challenges and
problems that we've talkedabout, so that we can grow and
become a greater expression ofself.
(27:20):
And then the sixth and finalneed is the need for
contribution.
If we can meet the first fiveneeds, then the need of the
spirit, that final beautifulneed that God gave us is the
need to contribute beyondourselves, to serve and to love
and to give and to positivelyimpact those around us in some
ways.
And what's beautiful is everysingle one of us need to meet
(27:43):
these same six needs, but we allmeet them in different ways and
the way that we meet themstarts to make up who we are,
our personalities and theinterests and the hobbies and
the perspectives that we have.
And so, once you understandthese six human needs, you can
really start to understand whoand how certain people behave.
(28:03):
And so, again for myself, likeI started a business because
uncertainty didn't scare me andI needed the certainty to know
that I could live my life my way.
And then, once I got thecertainty that I could make some
money and I needed thecertainty to know that I could
live my life my way.
And then, once I got thecertainty that I could make some
money and I could create acertain lifestyle, I started
seeking variety in the form oftravel and new experiences.
(28:25):
So there's a simple example foryou, but all of us do this, and
if you can bring awareness tohow you're meeting these needs,
then ultimately you can start torearrange them, because that's
also one thing that's reallyimportant to understand.
We typically all have one ortwo needs that we put above all
the rest, and so, for example,if your need for certainty is at
(28:47):
the top of the list, it's themost important.
How do you think that affectsother things like relationships
or growth?
How often have you had certainrelationships.
How often have you known that,oh, she's going to love me no
matter what I do?
Probably not very often.
How often have you had certaingrowth?
(29:07):
Well, we've already talked andagreed that growth and comfort,
growth and certainty don'tcoexist right.
So if you have to be certainabout everything, well then
that's going to really impactthings that you can do in your
life, relationships that you canhave, experiences that you can
have.
And, adversely, if you'redriven by variety at all costs,
(29:30):
that might cause you the samerelationship drama, because
maybe maybe you'll never commitor you'll always be looking for
the next best thing, maybeyou'll always be jumping from
career to career to career.
What's so beautiful is when youunderstand these six needs and
you really get them.
They're a mirror and they showus who we are and they show us
(29:53):
how we've prioritized things.
And then you can start to dothe reflection and connect the
dots and, based on that, you canstart to rewrite who you are
and how you show up.
And there's nothing morepowerful than that to get that
mirror, that perspective onourselves and to use that to
(30:14):
evolve and grow to the nextlevel.
All right, the 10th and finallesson I wanna share with you
guys today that's had a massiveimpact on my life is this idea
that all of our emotions, theway that we feel, is created by
three things.
It's created by our physiology,our body and how we're using it
.
It's created by our focus, ourbody and how we're using it.
(30:35):
It's created by our focus, whatwe're focusing on, and our
language, the words that we'reusing.
You see how you feel in anymoment, the energyly created by
(30:56):
these three things your body,your focus and your language.
And if that's the truth, if wecan say okay, let's say that's
true.
Then what that means is, whenyou're feeling down or depressed
or sad, let's say your body'sgoing to have a certain
energetic expression.
So let's do an experimenttogether.
If you've ever talked tosomeone who's depressed or maybe
(31:20):
feeling suicidal, how are theyusing their body?
Are their shoulders back andare they breathing deep and
strong, or are they slouched?
Are they hunched over?
Are they speaking softly andwithout any enthusiasm?
Right, there's a pattern ofphysiology that determine that
(31:48):
we can witness and makeassumptions about how somebody's
feeling Okay.
Assumptions about howsomebody's feeling Okay.
So if we can listen to or if wecan watch someone and judge how
they're feeling based on theirbody language which I think you
and I would both agree that youcan do that then that that
passes the smell test, right,that makes sense.
(32:09):
Okay, cool, focus.
Well, we've already establishedif you're focusing on all the
shit that's going wrong, you'regoing to be pretty fucking upset
.
But if you're focusing on allthe great shit that's going
right, you're probably going tohave a different emotional state
.
And then, finally, if I'mtalking to you and I say you
know what?
This is fucking bullshit, Ihave to do this and this sucks,
and I wish that was differentProbably a different emotional
(32:30):
state than I say you know what?
I get to do it every day.
I get to wake up and go do thisbecause I enjoy it and it's
difficult and it's tough, butI'm gonna grow through it and
I'm gonna figure this out.
And the words that we use areindicators of where we're at and
how we're feeling.
And what really changed for meis when I was able to understand
that how I use my bodyinfluences it.
What I focus on influences it,and the words and the language
(32:57):
that I'm using influence it.
And if I can change or bringawareness to all of those things
, then I can change the way thatI feel in a moment.
And I'll tell you a sillyexample that happens to me often
.
You know I work a lot, I pushmyself hard.
Oftentimes I wake up at 4 amand I'm fucking tired and my
body hurts and the instantresponse is fuck, today's going
(33:20):
to be rough.
And immediately when thosewords come out of my mouth and I
realize it, I automaticallychange it.
You know, you know what.
Today's going to be a greatfucking day, and it's going to
be great because I am tired andI am sore and I am going to have
a long day.
My schedule is packed, but thatmeans that I'm going to show up
(33:41):
and I'm going to bring the bestof myself and I'm going to make
sure that I sit up straight inevery meeting and I'm going to
be intent and I'm going to befocused and I'm going to manage
what I'm feeling.
And if you can do those thingsin any moment, you can change
the way that you're feeling.
And so the key is to bringawareness to when you're not on
(34:02):
your A game, when you're notfeeling your best, and sometimes
this may take minutes, it maytake hours, and there's times
where things happen in our lives, that it may take days or weeks
, and I want you to know that'sokay.
The goal is to just try to movethrough it as fast as you can,
(34:23):
and like going to the gym andbuilding that muscle the more
that you use your body, yourlanguage and your focus, the
more of a skill it becomes, thestronger that muscle becomes and
then the more control you haveover how you feel.
And at the end of the day, ourfocus equals feeling and feeling
(34:43):
equals our experience of life.
Right Again, we don't live thelife that we have.
We live the life that we focuson, and focus creates feelings.
So really, what that means isthe quality of our life is based
on the quality of our emotions,and if we're living in a in a
positive emotional state, thenwe're living a great life.
(35:04):
And if we find ourselves in anegative emotional state, well
then life isn't so great.
But if our life is our fault,that means we have to have the
tools and the capacity to changethat.
And with these three things,which Tony calls the triad
physiology, focus and languageyou have a tool that you can use
to change the way that you'refeeling, and I can tell you.
(35:26):
I've used it quite a bit in mylife and it's helped me over and
over and over again.
So I wanted to share these 10lessons with you because I can
honestly say that by goingthrough Tony's material, by
learning these lessons from himand by applying them to my life,
I have created life on my terms, in large part because of the
(35:49):
tools and the changes in focusor the reframes in psychology
that he has given me in focus,or the reframes in psychology
that he has given me, and mynumber one goal in life is to
share everything I've learned onmy journey to help you on yours
.
Like, no one gets out of thislife alive.
It's hard, it's difficult, it'spainful and ultimately, I
(36:09):
believe that we were, we'regoing through this human
experience together and maybeone of the greatest things we
can do is share our learningsand our experiences with each
other so that we can learn andgrow together and hopefully not
have to struggle through some ofthe same pains.
If I've solved a problem in mylife and I can share how to
(36:29):
solve it in yours, thenautomatically you don't have to
go through the same challenge orfrustration that I did, and
that's one of the reasons why Istarted entitled to nothing in
the first place.
My, my mission is very simply Iwant to inspire you to take
radical responsibility for yourlife, to do the work required to
reflect on what's holding youback and what's stopping you,
and where are your fears anddoubts and where are those
(36:52):
things that are causing you tonot experience the life that you
want.
And if you can dig in and dothe reflection and figure out
what those are and start toapply some of these principles,
well then we can create the lifethat we want.
We can live life on our termsand, again, I think that's what
we are put here to do.
I think we are put here to liveour life our way and to grow
(37:15):
through that process and becomethe man that we are born to be,
or woman, if you're a woman outthere listening.
So, with that said, I trulyappreciate you guys listening to
this.
Let me know, reach out to me,drop me a comment on YouTube if
you're watching this on YouTubeand let me know which one of
these lessons you think willhave the biggest impact on your
life.
And also, the only thing Iwould ever ask from you guys
(37:38):
with this podcast is to share itwith someone that you think
needs to hear it.
If you've got someone in yourlife that's going through a
tough time or that's juststruggling right now and you
think one of these lessons willhelp them, please share it with
them.
But, with that said, I'll seeyou guys on the next one.
Talk to you soon.
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