August 6, 2025 • 47 mins
What do you do when your faith has been wounded? How do you respond and process that pain? Join Chris Brooks on Equipped as he applies a biblical framework to helping us process the woundedness that may have come from family members or fellow followers of Christ. We hope you'll be encouraged in your walk with Jesus!
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Episode Transcript
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S1 (00:15):
Today's program has been pre-recorded so our phone lines are
not open. Well hey there friends, welcome to another exciting
and live edition of equip. I am so glad to
be with you today. Can you do me a favor?
Strap on your seatbelt. We're going to navigate through the
contours of culture, as always with the lens of the
(00:38):
biblical worldview on. But before we do that, let me
remind you, this is the day that the Lord has made.
He is given it as a gift so that you
and I can rejoice and be glad in it. So
let's do just that. Let's follow the words of the
Apostle Paul. Let's rejoice in the Lord always. And again
I say, rejoice! Well, today I want to talk about
(01:00):
a topic that needs to be discussed, but quite often
is easy to overlook two words that should never go together.
But so often, far too often do. The two words
are church hurt. You know, when you think about joining
a church or being a part of a community of faith.
(01:21):
You think about hope, healing. You think about the opportunity
to be around people who share your values, who hopefully
will show and demonstrate the love of God to you
as you demonstrate the love of God to them. But
the reality of being in Christian community is often far
(01:41):
more complicated. While there are certainly things that we celebrate
the upside of it all the support and encouragement that
we all receive, gathering together with the people of God
to magnify, to serve, to celebrate and to worship the
glories of our God and King. There are also the
(02:01):
downsides that come along with being in any community. We've
all experienced it. If we've been a part of the
church for any length of time, we've experienced what it's
like to be disappointed by leaders. We experience what it's
like to have policies and programs that don't live up
to expectations. To have gossip spoken about us. To have
(02:24):
people who should have known better, done better, but unfortunately
did not. And where do you go when your faith
has been wounded? I'm not just talking about minor hurts
and pains, bumps and bruises that are easy to recover from,
but how do you recover when your faith has been
so jarred that you don't know if you ever want
(02:47):
to come back again? You don't know whether or not
you can trust people again. And for some, trusting God
again even seems daunting. Well, today I want to talk
about how to be restored from significant and deep church hurt.
But I want to do it in a very hope
(03:07):
filled way, because I do believe that the gospel calls
us to a living hope. Let me just say up front,
I love the church. I've been a part of the
church since I was a young man. I have seen
a lot of the ups and downs, the good, the
bad and the ugly, as they say. And I still
love the church. And the number one reason why I
(03:30):
still love the church is because I still love Jesus.
And Jesus loves the church. And for those of you
who have been through pains and wounds, I pray that
something that's said today, something that we share today, can
help you to love Jesus and to love the church again.
(03:51):
I also want to say this, that there are a
lot of you who are listening today, who are on
the other side of it. You have walked the journey
and you have seen God heal and restore. I want
to open up the phone lines for you today. While
I share some wisdom from God's Word Heard about how
(04:11):
to experience healing and restoration. I would love to hear
from those of you who say Chris Brookes. I know
firsthand what it's like to be hurt by the church,
but I also know what it is to see God
heal and restore, and my faith is as vibrant as
it's ever been. If you have one of those very
(04:33):
important testimonies today, I'd love to hear from you at 87754836758775483675.
And your testimony is so important. You know, I think
about the sanctity of life movement. And they say that
(04:53):
the most powerful voice in the pro-life movement is the
voice of post-abortive moms and dads. Now, you may be
surprised by that, but there's something powerful that happens when
a person is able to say that this is more
than just theory or speculation or hyperbole or hypothesis to me,
(05:15):
but I've actually lived through it, and I can tell
you of the goodness of God. And that's the moment
and the opportunity we have today. Not everyone who has
experienced church hurt has deconstructed from their faith. Not everyone
who's gone through this dark night of the soul has
come to the point of no return. And there's a
(05:38):
there are a lot of you who are listening to
me today who can say that. Yes. Um, I've been hurt.
I've been wounded. But I also can testify that God
is good. Um, before we go to the phone lines
at eight, seven, seven, five, four, eight, 36, 75, and
I do urge and implore you to call. I do
(06:00):
want to remind you of the way healing works. You know,
the Bible says this in Psalm 117 verse 20, The
God sent out his word and it healed them. And
it saved those, uh, it saved them from their destruction.
You know, it's the word of God that heals us.
(06:22):
It's not, um, man's distorted view, but it's God through
his word presenting, presenting, uh, himself, uh, in a way
that is unmarred in a way that is, um, unperverted,
if you will. And so often what we have received
(06:43):
are distorted views of God through flawed and fallen people.
Let's be honest. Those are the only type of people
that we have access to, flawed and fallen people. But
this is why we've been given the inerrant, infallible, inspired,
and eternal Word of God. It's because His Word heals
(07:05):
and saves from destruction. I want you to just hear
Jesus describing himself. This is an interesting passage of Scripture
in Matthew chapter 11, verse number 23. I'm sorry, verse 28.
Jesus here is describing himself. And you would think if
Jesus was describing himself, what words would he use? Well,
(07:28):
listen to this. He says, come to me, all who
labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
One translation says, come to me, all you who are
weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest
for your soul. He goes on to say in verse 29,
take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for
(07:52):
I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will
find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy,
and my burden is light. There's so many descriptors Jesus
could have used to describe himself that would have been accurate,
he could have said, I am sovereign. That's true. I
am omnipotent, all powerful. That's true. He could have said,
(08:14):
I am a conquering king and that would be totally accurate.
He could have described himself as the eternal word of
the living God that sustains all things. That's exactly who
he is. But I love the fact that when speaking
to this audience of broken men and women who have
(08:36):
experienced the pains of living and traversing through a fallen world,
he describes himself as gentle and lowly. These words, gentle
and lowly, don't speak to the type of weakness that
we often associate with those words, but in approachability and
(08:56):
accessibility that Jesus, though God in flesh, was not so
lofty in his approach to us that we could not
commune with him, and he still invites that communion today.
He still says, if you are weary and heart broken
(09:17):
in spirit and soul to come to him, and he
will restore us. I want to talk for just a moment,
if I could, about how pervasive church hurt is. You
might be surprised by this, but a study done by
Darren Slade, who works for the Global Center for Religious Research,
(09:39):
estimates that about 33% of adults in the US have
experienced church hurt. Think about that for a moment. About 33%
of adults in the US have experienced church hurt. This
comes from his sociological research on the percentage of US
(10:01):
adults suffering from religious trauma. He goes on to say
this 90% of the participants in this study say they
know at least one person who's experience religious trauma, as
he describes it. So that means that odds are, if
(10:21):
you haven't experienced it firsthand, you know someone who has. Now, again,
I want to make sure I distinguish between what is
church hurt and what's not. A working definition of church
hurt is emotional, psychological, physical, or spiritual mistreatment that a
person experiences at the hands of church leaders or a
(10:43):
group of members from a local church. It's a definition
I got from Jerome Gay's wonderful book entitled Overcoming Church Hurt.
By the way, we've interviewed on this topic several leading
figures in this discussion, such as Rachael Denhollander, Diane Langberg.
Jerome J. As I just mentioned, Anne Graham Lotz, Wendy Alsup.
(11:08):
So this is a conversation that we have been having
and we're committed to continuing to discuss. Why? Because we
want you to experience freedom. Uh, there's two types of
church hurt, typically personal hurt, which is the mistreatment and
abuse that comes from the hands of another person. But
then there's also structural hurt. This is when there's a
(11:31):
policy or some practice in place to protect abusers or
to prevent accountability. And it's the policy that wounds it's
the practice that hurts. But this should all be distinguished from, um,
unrealistic expectations. Some of us are disappointed not because someone's
(11:53):
hurt us, but because we all come to church with
certain expectations and some are unrealistic. Your pastor's not perfect.
The pastor's wife is human. They get tired. They don't
always see everyone when they walk into a local church.
Sometimes the fact they didn't say hello wasn't personal, it
(12:15):
just means they were busy. So I don't want to
make it seem like every mistake that's ever made, or
every missed moment of fellowship or opportunity or support is
church hurt. And sometimes we bring our own woundedness and
we're projecting it on others. But yet this is not discount, dismiss,
or minimize the reality that a lot of mistakes are made.
(12:38):
A lot of abuses do take place. And so how
do you heal? We're going to talk about that today.
I have five steps I want to give you the
first I already did. And that is remain connected to
the Word of God. Don't ever disconnect from God's Word
because that is your source of healing. Let's go to
(13:00):
the phone lines. 877548 3675. Cody from West Virginia wanted
to get you in before a break. Thank you for listening, Cody.
What's your testimony?
S2 (13:11):
Thank you. Well, I've been through two different churches that
have split, and the the one was growing up when
I was a kid in West Virginia. And then the
other one was more recent, but they. I've watched one
go downhill really fast to where there's barely anybody going
(13:34):
to it now and now. And the one the pastor
came out with, everything that was wrong, apologized, and now
God is blessing that church and everything and they are
recovering slowly.
S1 (13:52):
But what about what about you on a personal level?
Where where's your faith at after all of this?
S2 (14:00):
Well, I mean, I still believe in God and I'm
still solidly Christian and everything that hasn't changed. But I
recognized where the direction of the one church was going,
so I removed myself from that, from that church before
it all went, before it all happened, because I realized
(14:21):
it wasn't going the direction it needed to go. And
the second one, my job kind of interfered with that.
I'm a long distance truck driver. I'm actually in Michigan
at the moment, and so I don't get to go
to church every weekend like I would like, but when
(14:42):
I can, no matter where I'm at, I do make
a point to, uh, find a local church or wherever
I'm at to go to attend a church and everything.
S1 (14:51):
Well, Cody, I appreciate you calling and so many wonderful
truths and what you just shared. Maybe the strongest of
which is the difference between the two churches. One dug
in their heels in pride and has only continued to decline.
The other humbly confessed, repented, and God restored. Maybe that's
(15:12):
one of the keys that we need to remember that
God restores us when we confess and repent. So, father,
I thank you for Cody blessing. We pray in Jesus name. Amen.
We'll be right back to take more of your calls
right after this. As followers of Christ, we know daily
time in God's Word matters, but some are. Distractions can
(15:34):
make it hard to stay consistent. Now is the perfect
time to refresh or begin this life giving habit. I
would love to sing you The Quiet Time Kickstart by
Rachel Jones. This compact guide starts small and helps you
build a steady, meaningful rhythm in Scripture, setting you up
for ongoing success. Request your copy today with a gift
(15:55):
of any amount To equip, simply call 888644 4144 or
visit Equip Radio.com. Chris Brooks here, reminding you that today's
program is pre-recorded. While we won't be taking calls, we
do want to connect with you on social media. Welcome
(16:18):
back to equip with Chris Brooks. Today we're talking about
restoration from Church Hurt. Love to hear from you who
have stories of healing. I'm sure if we opened up
the phone line, we could fill them with stories of
brokenness and woundedness, resentment, and unforgiveness that still exist. And
(16:42):
I do pray for those of you who are there
and you're honestly there. You maybe find yourself at a
place where you say, I don't know if I could
go back through the doors of another church, or I
don't know if I ever want to be in a
community of people worshiping Jesus. I don't know if I
could ever trust a church leader again. Some of you
(17:03):
are still at that place and certainly this program is
for you. My heart breaks for you. As a pastor myself, I, um,
I just feel like I wish I could give a
mass apology to so many who have been wounded, and
I recognize I can't do that fully, but I'm going
to do my best to do that, at least in part.
(17:24):
But I also think that part of the healing journey
is that you need to hear the testimonies of others
who have come through church hurt there on the other
side of it. They lived and survived the days of
pain or the dark nights of the soul, and they're
able to share how God and His grace prevailed against
(17:47):
their brokenness. And if that's you, if you have a
testimony of restored faith, if you have a testimony of
restored fellowship with other believers in the local church after
experiencing church hurt, I would love to hear from you today.
Dial this number 877548 3675. That's 877675. You give us
(18:12):
a call today. Let's go to the phone lines. Melissa
is listening in Indiana. Hey, Melissa, thank you so much
for listening to equip. What's your story?
S3 (18:22):
Well, I had experienced things with a church that had.
It's a family church. Um, a lot of family goes.
And I went with my husband's family to church, and
there was family trauma that had happened. And I had
thought that the church members should reach out to me.
And I had let my own heart get full of
(18:42):
resentment because they hadn't. And in the end, um, I
had the lady who thought she was protecting me say,
after a year and a half of I didn't go
to church. I did read the Bible, and I listened
to Moody Radio and I stayed with the Lord. Praise
the Lord. And I started asking the Lord to help
me with my own heart. And about that time she
(19:03):
came and said that she had told the people, the church,
not to call me because I'm not good at talking
to people all the time. I'm more of an alone person.
So I went back and talked to the people and, um, we,
we worked things out together, like through talking things out,
and it restored everything. My marriage is restored, our church
(19:23):
is doing better. My children and my husband now seeing
in the in the in front of everyone and even
my children's friends are coming and it's just a blessing.
But a lot of it was my own resentment because
of not working through my trials with other people.
S1 (19:39):
Wow. Well, let me just say for you, Melissa, for
someone who doesn't always like to talk to people, you've
done a great job today. day sharing your heart. What
an awesome and powerful story. And there's so many beautiful
truths in your story about how God heals us. I
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love the fact that while you were separated from church,
you didn't separate from the word. I love that a
third party stepped in. You know, sometimes the woundedness between
us and another person, um, needs a third party to
step in. When we've said everything we know to say,
(20:22):
and every additional word only seems to make matters worse.
When we feel like we're talking at one another instead
of with one another. Uh, sometimes the third party stepping
in makes a huge difference. So you had that take place. Um,
the humility you demonstrate and being able to own, uh,
(20:43):
that maybe part of this was my own immaturities or
ways I need to grow. Uh, There's so much that
is beautiful and humble and powerful. Melissa, in your story
and I'm just going to say I am super grateful
that you've lived to see the other side of church hurt,
that your marriage is thriving, your family is thriving, and
(21:05):
that your kids are not only going to church, but
they're inviting their friends. How awesome is that? Let's pray together. Father,
thank you for Melissa. Thank you that you saw her, um,
when she was wounded and maybe even wandering away from
the fold of God. And you, the good shepherd. You
(21:25):
oversaw her restoration process, and you brought her back into fellowship. Lord,
I pray that the same way you've done this for Melissa,
you would do this for others who are listening, who
maybe say, my family is suffering because of church hurt. Uh,
my heart is wounded. Lord, won't you be their healer
(21:46):
as well? It's in Jesus name, I pray. Amen and amen.
Phone number is 8775675. That's 877548 3675. Have you overcome?
Live to see the other side of church hurt us.
(22:07):
And able to share the story of God restoring your faith?
If that's you, um, I'd love to hear from you today. (877)Â 548-3675. Also,
those of you who, after being wounded in church, maybe
stop fellowshipping. And now you're at a place where you're
(22:27):
slowly but surely starting to go back again. I'd love
to hear. What was it? What was it that allowed
you to take that first step? And what keeps you
taking step after step after step, not only back towards God,
but towards God's people as well? I promise you that
(22:48):
throughout this conversation, we were going to share a few, uh,
ways or steps, if you will, to experiencing healing. And
the fact is, is that this list could be far
more exhaustive. We're just going to give you a couple
of things. First, make sure that you're being heard and
(23:10):
affirmed when you have experienced church hurt. What I mean
by this is so often we sit in silence. We
suffer in silence, and that means that we go through
church hurt and we don't tell anybody. And we assume
that people should know. In particular, the church leaders should know.
And that is a formula for further woundedness. It's a
(23:33):
formula for disappointment. If you're going to experience healing, I
would start and I would highly encourage you to start
with the assumption that they may not know that the
people who hurt me may not know they hurt me.
They may not know how, how much, and deeply this
(23:53):
affected me. So start with that premise, that assumption that
they may not know. And then secondly, take it to them.
Share with a leader, or maybe even multiple leaders, depending
on the size of the church. Maybe you can sit
before the entire leadership team and share with them. This
(24:15):
is what happened to me. And after you've shared that,
listen to see if they can affirm. Um, and when
I say affirm, it doesn't mean necessarily that you agree.
They still have to investigate. They still have to make
sure they're not rushing to conclusion, because that could also
be harmful. But at least I want you to be
(24:36):
able to hear them say, we take you seriously. We
take what you have experienced and shared with us. Seriously.
So you need to be heard, and you need to
type of affirmation that helps you to trust that they're
trying their best to resolve this, to settle this, to
help me work through it so that hopefully this task
(25:00):
can become a testimony. This mess can become my ministry.
Hopefully that's true for you. We gotta take another break.
But before we go to break, I want to give
you the phone number again. It's 8775675. And when we
come back, I'm going to take some of your calls.
Many of you are calling from all over the country.
(25:22):
What a blessing that is. I also want to encourage
you to check us out on social media as well
Facebook and Twitter. We are there on social media, Facebook
and Twitter. Don't go anywhere. Much more to come. Next
up on equipped with Chris Brooks. In today's rapidly changing culture,
(25:43):
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(26:04):
Join our team of monthly supporters today! Call 888644 4144
or visit Equip Radio. Hey there friends, Chris Brooks here.
You know, you may have recently heard me promoting our
next program or even asking you to become a monthly partner,
(26:26):
folks that we call Equippers. But today I want to
invite you to join something infinitely more important. Would you
consider joining the family of God? You know, it may
be possible that you've been listening to us talk about
the Bible and the Christian life, but you've never really
met Jesus personally. He longs to welcome you into his
family and have a close relationship with you. You can
surrender your life to him, accept his forgiveness, and start
(26:49):
your journey with Jesus right now. I'd love to help
you to take that first step. All you have to
do is simply call 888888 him. Chris Brooks here reminding
you that today's program is pre-recorded and we won't be
taking your calls. Hey there friends, welcome back to equip
(27:13):
with Chris Brooks. Today. We're talking about being restored from
church hurt. How do we recover? Is recovery even possible
with the good news? The answer is yes. You can
be restored after you have experienced pain and church hurt
woundedness by the hands of leaders, hurt by those that
(27:33):
you trusted and maybe expect it more from listen to
church is not full of perfect people. The Bible makes
it clear that the fact is, is that we should
be a place where people can experience healing and if
by chance it do or I do experience hurt, then
there should be stories of restoration. And that's what we're
(27:56):
highlighting today. Uh, what is it like to live on
the other side of hurt, where you've experienced, restored faith,
and even restore fellowship? We're going to go back to
the phone lines in just a moment, but let me
just give, uh, a correction. Earlier, I referenced, uh, the
Psalms and, uh, and the importance of the word of God. And, um,
(28:20):
I want to give the right reference. It's Psalm 107,
verse 20, Psalm 107, verse 20. I think I said 117,
but let me just read it to you. Psalm 107,
verse 20. It simply says, he sent out his word
and healed them and delivered them from their destruction. Think
(28:40):
about that for a moment that God's tool for administering
healing was his Word. It has always been the case
that God's Word heals. And so one of the things
I'm going to encourage you to do if you've experienced
church hurt is to do a Bible study is to maybe, um,
(29:01):
get with a group of believers, a small group of
believers that you can study scripture with. But if you
can't do that, then at least do a study on
your own. There are so many great studies out there,
and so many great Bible apps that can give you
recommendations for study. YouVersion is one of the more popular ones,
(29:24):
and there's a whole plethora of studies there. But I
believe that studying scripture is so important because whenever we
go through hurt, we get a distorted view of God. Hurt,
by definition, Isshin is a misrepresentation of Christ. So if
Christ has been misrepresented by those who are in leadership
(29:45):
or those who should have known better or done better,
then what you need is to have a restored and
renewed view of Christ. I put it this way you
need to see Christ as He presents himself. What does
Jesus have to say about himself? What does God have
to say about himself? So that's the importance of the
(30:07):
Bible study. Maybe you want to study online with someone,
or maybe you want to simply read through Scripture yourself.
But I do encourage you don't disconnect from healing. Because
I mean from Scripture. Because that's where your healing lies.
Let's go back to the phone lines. Brenda is listening.
(30:28):
And Brandon, Florida. Uh, thank you, Brenda, for listening. What's
your testimony?
S4 (30:37):
Um, well, I've had, uh, a few times when I've
been hurt in churches, and, um, I kind of it's
very difficult to go through that. And, um, it almost
wipes out who you are as a person. So, uh, anyway,
but you're asking for constructive things that I was able
(30:58):
to focus on, and I'm still not out of the
woods yet, but, um, some things that really helped me was, uh,
first of all, like you said, stay in the word.
Keep on praying. And I journaled, and I would sit
there and cry and pray. And, um, that made a
huge difference, to feel that I was being heard by God.
(31:21):
And because what had happened is I had confused the
pastor with God. And so I was trying to please
the pastor. And so when it didn't work out, I
was kind of wiped out. So I had to Separate
the two of them and to recognize that we're to
please God and not the pastor and not other people.
(31:42):
And that that really helped me a lot. Um, the
other thing that I had was I had some friends
who who didn't go to church with me. Um, but
they're believers who go to other churches.
S1 (31:53):
Sure.
S4 (31:54):
And we would get together every now and then. We
were just friend friends, and, uh, they would help me,
encourage me, pray for me, and, um, I so I
was able to be really honest and vulnerable with them
that I didn't feel like I could be in the
church because I didn't want to speak poorly about the
leadership in my church to any friend in there. So
(32:15):
it helped. Having friends who didn't go helped, having friends
that did not go to my church and that.
S1 (32:21):
Well, you know, and if I could just make a
comment on that for for just a moment, we're talking
about steps to healing. And one of those steps you
just mentioned, and I think it's it's beautiful that you
did is from James 516. Confess your faults one to another,
and pray for one another, that you may be healed.
(32:44):
So clearly His Word plays a part in our healing.
And I again, I want to just at the risk
of sounding redundant, God's word is his primary tool for
healing and it ministering his grace in our lives. But secondly,
are his people. So staying connected and sometimes you're going
(33:04):
to have to do with Brenda. Uh, just so wisely suggested.
And that is you're going to have to tap into
relationships sometimes outside of your local fellowship. And there's nothing
wrong with that. The earth is the Lord's and the
fullness thereof. And so we get a chance to benefit
not just from those that we sit across the pew from,
(33:26):
but we get a chance to benefit from all of
God's people. And so praise God for that. I want
to go back to something you said earlier. Uh, Miss Brenda,
and that is. Don't make the pastor too high. And, uh,
and as a pastor myself, I recognize there's such a
delicate balance here. You do want to respect leaders in
(33:50):
your local fellowship? The Bible calls us to that. Read
Hebrews 13. It's all about that and so much more.
But yet in the midst of it, we don't want
to put them on a pedestal right next to Christ.
We have to recognize that these are earthen vessels to
use New Testament language, that these are normal people through
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whom God's grace is at work. And so while I
am to respect them and honor them, I also recognize
that they are fallen just as much in need of
the gospel, just as much in need of a Savior
as I am. Day by day. So if they should fall, which, um,
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just about every leader is going to be imperfect in
some way, then, um, I should be praying for them.
I should certainly help to make them aware of it.
If there's no transformation, then the Bible gives us very
clear guidelines on the steps that we should take. And, uh,
and I would encourage you to make sure that you
(34:56):
take those steps of letting others know and trying to
bring about accountability. And let me just say one last
thing about this. And we're going to go back to
the phone lines. But accountability is really important. You being
willing to share your woundedness is really important, because it
(35:17):
can help to prevent somebody else from being wounded. And
so often when you have hurt someone, you and I
don't know that we've done it. And it's when they
bring it to our attention that we're able to make correction.
So if we want to see leaders doing better in
the future, we need to tell them about ways that
(35:37):
maybe their actions, maybe their words have hurt us today.
Let's go to, um, Oak Park, Michigan. But before I do,
I want to pray for Brenda. Father, please heal Brenda fully.
Totally restore her completely. She's come such a long way.
But even with her own words, she admits that she's
(35:58):
still not out of the woods yet. So you. Oh, Lord,
know what it's like to be the fourth man in
the fire. To walk through hurt and pain with us.
So be near to her. Show her, as you described yourself,
that you are gentle and lowly, that your yoke is
easy and your burden is light. Bless her, Lord, in
Jesus name. Amen and amen. Brenda, thank you so much
(36:21):
for calling. Let's go to Esther, who's listening in Oak Park. Esther,
thank you so much for calling. What's your story?
S5 (36:30):
Hi Chris, I love your program. Thank you. I mean,
my testimony is that I had an opportunity to be
heard and it just didn't make sense, so it didn't
affect me. I was up early one Saturday morning doing
my housework and ladies from my church. Three ladies got
on the phone together about 20 years older than me,
(36:53):
and they all called me to tell me I thought
I was this and I thought I was that. I've
always been very active in church, and for some reason
they thought that I thought a lot of things that
I didn't think, such as one programs and working with
the scholarship committee, various things, and I didn't try to
(37:14):
argue with them after they said all they wanted to say. Um,
the phone was finished. So, um, I just wondered what
was going on, and I never really accepted them as
being angry with me. So the next day at church.
I just spoke as if nothing ever happened. And, um,
it did never happen. As far as I was concerned,
(37:35):
I didn't take it any further. I didn't think about
it anymore.
S1 (37:39):
Well, you.
S5 (37:40):
Didn't accept the hurt.
S1 (37:42):
First off, Miss Esther, you just made my day. I
just want you to know I love you, and I'm grateful.
I wish I could sit across a table with a
cup of coffee, and we could talk for the rest
of the afternoon. Because it sounds like you are a
woman full of godly wisdom. But let me just say,
what Miss Esther said is so, so true. And that is,
(38:06):
we can choose not to be hurt. We can choose
not to be offended. The Bible over and over again
tells us not to be offended. And, uh, and if
the Bible tells you and I not to be offended, then, uh,
we That means that we have been given. We've been
(38:28):
empowered by the Lord not to be easily offended. Consider
for just a moment, uh, Colossians 313. Make allowances for
each other's faults, and forgive one another. And forgive. I'm sorry.
Anyone who offends you remember the Lord forgave you, so
(38:48):
you must forgive others. Think about what Paul is saying here.
Make allowances for each other's faults. So Paul is saying,
assume that the people around you who love Jesus are
not going to be perfect, and they're going to make mistakes.
And then he goes on to say, and forgive anyone
who offends you. That means that in the moment you
(39:09):
can do that. The Lord forgave you, so you must
forgive others. Paul obligates us to our identity in Christ
that since we are in Christ, we are to model
the same type of forgiveness that he modeled. Now, we
can't do that on our own. This isn't a self-help
(39:29):
pep talk. It takes the power of the spirit. But
you have the mind of Christ. You can pray. God,
help me to forgive them. And and and and and
that offense doesn't have to stay. Now, that doesn't mean
that consequences don't need to take place. Doesn't mean that
you don't have to maybe talk things out. Sometimes you
(39:51):
have to. Not every time, but sometimes you have to.
But if you do this, if you choose not to
be offended, just like Miss Esther, you can shed a
multitude of hurts and be free. That's what I want
for you. Don't go anywhere. Much more to come next
on equip. Here's a surprising statistic. Only 32% of Protestant
(40:13):
churchgoers read the Bible daily. If you find it hard
to stay consistent, The Quiet Time Kickstart by Rachel Jones
is for you. This Grace-filled guide offers a simple, sustainable
way to grow in God's Word without the pressure of perfection.
I would love to sing you a copy as a
thank you for your gift of any amount to equip
(40:34):
this month. Call (888)Â 644-4144 or give online at Equip Radio. Org.
Chris Brooks here reminding you that today's program is pre-recorded
and we won't be taking your calls. Welcome back to
(40:55):
equip with Chris Brooks. I am so thrilled that you've
joined me today. Hearing your calls and your testimonies have
encouraged my heart. And and I think that part of
our healing journey is to hear the testimonies of others
who have overcome by the blood of the lamb and
by the word of our testimony. Our testimony is that
(41:19):
Christ is Lord, that Jesus is Savior and that we
can trust in him because he heals all hurts. Today
we're talking about restoration from church hurt. But I do
want to let you know this is just one of
many topics that we discuss here on equip in order
to help you to more effectively live, share, and defend
your faith. And if we have been a blessing to
(41:41):
you and an encouragement, we certainly could use your partnership.
You know, occasionally we have financial update meetings with our team.
We talk about our budget, just like you do in
your own family. We're committed to living within our means.
That means that no matter how big our vision and
dreams are of reaching people and reaching a generation with
(42:03):
the word, we're going to live within the means of
what God has supplied, because it's important for us to
have a testimony of spiritual impact and good stewardship. But
that also means that your generosity makes all the difference.
The difference between a yes and a no. Between walking
through a door that God opens, or maybe saying, we
(42:25):
can't walk through that door. The difference between helping someone
who needs that help or not being there for someone
who needs that help. So I would simply ask that
you would pray and ask God, uh, how would he
have you to express generosity today? Maybe it's a gift
of $100 or $500 or $1,000. Or maybe it's becoming
(42:49):
a monthly partner at $30 a month. Wherever the Lord
finds you right now, wherever life finds you in the
midst of your budget, I know two things that God
has been good to every single one of us, and
that he's blessed us so that we might be a blessing.
Call right now 888644 4144. If equip has been a
(43:11):
blessing to you, can you call now? 888644 4144. I
want to go to the phone lines. David is listening
in Maple, Florida. David, thank you so much for giving
us a call. What's your comment today, my friend?
S6 (43:28):
Well, Chris, I'm a pastor and my family got hurt.
My children, they were very young. We were at a young, uh,
a church that had been through a lot of struggles and, uh,
several of the members and the older members there came
to my kids because they didn't like how I was
doing things and said, we're not going to pay our tithe.
(43:51):
And given the offering so your dad, mom won't get
money and you will starve and you will not have
anything to eat. So, um, my daughter comes to me
and asks me, dad, what does this mean? They're not
going to give money, so we'll starve. What does that mean?
So that she is still. She is in her 30s
(44:15):
now and still not attending church regularly because of some
of the hurt my son has got over it. But, uh,
I think sometimes everybody looks at the pastor's kids and say, well,
while the pastor's kids are so mean. I said, I
simply say because they play with the kids.
S1 (44:33):
Well, I want to say a couple of things. First off,
I'm so sorry you went through that. Uh, part of
the reason why I think your voice is so important
to this conversation is because so often when we think
of church hurt, we don't think of pastors and their families. Um,
and it's easy. I mean, the stories of members who
(44:54):
have been hurt by churches and leaders are voluminous, but
the stories of pastors who have been wounded by congregations
are equally as numerous. And so I just want to
say I'm sorry that you went through that. Secondly, I
would hope that anyone who would dare say something so demonic, so, um,
(45:15):
so evil to a child would be brought to repentance.
That would be my prayer. Because, um, it's a dangerous
thing to speak that way to anyone, especially someone who
is called by God to serve the church and to children.
So I pray for repentance, and I hope you would
join me in praying for their restoration, David, because we
(45:37):
got two options in moments like this. As a pastor
speaking to another pastor, we can choose bitterness. We certainly can.
Or we can choose blessing. I believe that Christ has
called us to choose blessing, that the same God who
forgave us, and the same glorious gospel that we preach
that culminates in a Savior on the cross saying, father,
(45:59):
forgive them, for they know not what they do is
what His Spirit empowers us to do. We can't do
it on our own. It's impossible. I'm way too human,
way too flawed. But by God's grace, you and I, David,
can model what it is to love Christ and to
love his people as flawed as they may be. So, father,
(46:19):
I pray for David that you would encourage his heart,
that you would help him to know that he is
so deeply loved, and that he would experience the love
of Christ in such a profound way that he be
able to love others well. Thank you that he hasn't
fallen out of ministry or turned his back on his
calling like so many have. But I pray for his
(46:40):
whole family to be restored in Jesus name. Bless my brother.
Amen and amen. David, thanks for giving us a call.
Thank you all of our friends who've listened. May God
heal every hurting heart. And until we're together again next time.
As always, remember equip with Chris Brooks is a production
of Moody Radio, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute.
Today's program has been pre-recorded so our phone lines are
not open. Well hey there friends, welcome to another exciting
and live edition of equip. I am so glad to
be with you today. Can you do me a favor?
Strap on your seatbelt. We're going to navigate through the
contours of culture, as always with the lens of the
(00:38):
biblical worldview on. But before we do that, let me
remind you, this is the day that the Lord has made.
He is given it as a gift so that you
and I can rejoice and be glad in it. So
let's do just that. Let's follow the words of the
Apostle Paul. Let's rejoice in the Lord always. And again
I say, rejoice! Well, today I want to talk about
(01:00):
a topic that needs to be discussed, but quite often
is easy to overlook two words that should never go together.
But so often, far too often do. The two words
are church hurt. You know, when you think about joining
a church or being a part of a community of faith.
(01:21):
You think about hope, healing. You think about the opportunity
to be around people who share your values, who hopefully
will show and demonstrate the love of God to you
as you demonstrate the love of God to them. But
the reality of being in Christian community is often far
(01:41):
more complicated. While there are certainly things that we celebrate
the upside of it all the support and encouragement that
we all receive, gathering together with the people of God
to magnify, to serve, to celebrate and to worship the
glories of our God and King. There are also the
(02:01):
downsides that come along with being in any community. We've
all experienced it. If we've been a part of the
church for any length of time, we've experienced what it's
like to be disappointed by leaders. We experience what it's
like to have policies and programs that don't live up
to expectations. To have gossip spoken about us. To have
(02:24):
people who should have known better, done better, but unfortunately
did not. And where do you go when your faith
has been wounded? I'm not just talking about minor hurts
and pains, bumps and bruises that are easy to recover from,
but how do you recover when your faith has been
so jarred that you don't know if you ever want
(02:47):
to come back again? You don't know whether or not
you can trust people again. And for some, trusting God
again even seems daunting. Well, today I want to talk
about how to be restored from significant and deep church hurt.
But I want to do it in a very hope
(03:07):
filled way, because I do believe that the gospel calls
us to a living hope. Let me just say up front,
I love the church. I've been a part of the
church since I was a young man. I have seen
a lot of the ups and downs, the good, the
bad and the ugly, as they say. And I still
love the church. And the number one reason why I
(03:30):
still love the church is because I still love Jesus.
And Jesus loves the church. And for those of you
who have been through pains and wounds, I pray that
something that's said today, something that we share today, can
help you to love Jesus and to love the church again.
(03:51):
I also want to say this, that there are a
lot of you who are listening today, who are on
the other side of it. You have walked the journey
and you have seen God heal and restore. I want
to open up the phone lines for you today. While
I share some wisdom from God's Word Heard about how
(04:11):
to experience healing and restoration. I would love to hear
from those of you who say Chris Brookes. I know
firsthand what it's like to be hurt by the church,
but I also know what it is to see God
heal and restore, and my faith is as vibrant as
it's ever been. If you have one of those very
(04:33):
important testimonies today, I'd love to hear from you at 87754836758775483675.
And your testimony is so important. You know, I think
about the sanctity of life movement. And they say that
(04:53):
the most powerful voice in the pro-life movement is the
voice of post-abortive moms and dads. Now, you may be
surprised by that, but there's something powerful that happens when
a person is able to say that this is more
than just theory or speculation or hyperbole or hypothesis to me,
(05:15):
but I've actually lived through it, and I can tell
you of the goodness of God. And that's the moment
and the opportunity we have today. Not everyone who has
experienced church hurt has deconstructed from their faith. Not everyone
who's gone through this dark night of the soul has
come to the point of no return. And there's a
(05:38):
there are a lot of you who are listening to
me today who can say that. Yes. Um, I've been hurt.
I've been wounded. But I also can testify that God
is good. Um, before we go to the phone lines
at eight, seven, seven, five, four, eight, 36, 75, and
I do urge and implore you to call. I do
(06:00):
want to remind you of the way healing works. You know,
the Bible says this in Psalm 117 verse 20, The
God sent out his word and it healed them. And
it saved those, uh, it saved them from their destruction.
You know, it's the word of God that heals us.
(06:22):
It's not, um, man's distorted view, but it's God through
his word presenting, presenting, uh, himself, uh, in a way
that is unmarred in a way that is, um, unperverted,
if you will. And so often what we have received
(06:43):
are distorted views of God through flawed and fallen people.
Let's be honest. Those are the only type of people
that we have access to, flawed and fallen people. But
this is why we've been given the inerrant, infallible, inspired,
and eternal Word of God. It's because His Word heals
(07:05):
and saves from destruction. I want you to just hear
Jesus describing himself. This is an interesting passage of Scripture
in Matthew chapter 11, verse number 23. I'm sorry, verse 28.
Jesus here is describing himself. And you would think if
Jesus was describing himself, what words would he use? Well,
(07:28):
listen to this. He says, come to me, all who
labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
One translation says, come to me, all you who are
weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest
for your soul. He goes on to say in verse 29,
take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for
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I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will
find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy,
and my burden is light. There's so many descriptors Jesus
could have used to describe himself that would have been accurate,
he could have said, I am sovereign. That's true. I
am omnipotent, all powerful. That's true. He could have said,
(08:14):
I am a conquering king and that would be totally accurate.
He could have described himself as the eternal word of
the living God that sustains all things. That's exactly who
he is. But I love the fact that when speaking
to this audience of broken men and women who have
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experienced the pains of living and traversing through a fallen world,
he describes himself as gentle and lowly. These words, gentle
and lowly, don't speak to the type of weakness that
we often associate with those words, but in approachability and
(08:56):
accessibility that Jesus, though God in flesh, was not so
lofty in his approach to us that we could not
commune with him, and he still invites that communion today.
He still says, if you are weary and heart broken
(09:17):
in spirit and soul to come to him, and he
will restore us. I want to talk for just a moment,
if I could, about how pervasive church hurt is. You
might be surprised by this, but a study done by
Darren Slade, who works for the Global Center for Religious Research,
(09:39):
estimates that about 33% of adults in the US have
experienced church hurt. Think about that for a moment. About 33%
of adults in the US have experienced church hurt. This
comes from his sociological research on the percentage of US
(10:01):
adults suffering from religious trauma. He goes on to say
this 90% of the participants in this study say they
know at least one person who's experience religious trauma, as
he describes it. So that means that odds are, if
(10:21):
you haven't experienced it firsthand, you know someone who has. Now, again,
I want to make sure I distinguish between what is
church hurt and what's not. A working definition of church
hurt is emotional, psychological, physical, or spiritual mistreatment that a
person experiences at the hands of church leaders or a
(10:43):
group of members from a local church. It's a definition
I got from Jerome Gay's wonderful book entitled Overcoming Church Hurt.
By the way, we've interviewed on this topic several leading
figures in this discussion, such as Rachael Denhollander, Diane Langberg.
Jerome J. As I just mentioned, Anne Graham Lotz, Wendy Alsup.
(11:08):
So this is a conversation that we have been having
and we're committed to continuing to discuss. Why? Because we
want you to experience freedom. Uh, there's two types of
church hurt, typically personal hurt, which is the mistreatment and
abuse that comes from the hands of another person. But
then there's also structural hurt. This is when there's a
(11:31):
policy or some practice in place to protect abusers or
to prevent accountability. And it's the policy that wounds it's
the practice that hurts. But this should all be distinguished from, um,
unrealistic expectations. Some of us are disappointed not because someone's
(11:53):
hurt us, but because we all come to church with
certain expectations and some are unrealistic. Your pastor's not perfect.
The pastor's wife is human. They get tired. They don't
always see everyone when they walk into a local church.
Sometimes the fact they didn't say hello wasn't personal, it
(12:15):
just means they were busy. So I don't want to
make it seem like every mistake that's ever made, or
every missed moment of fellowship or opportunity or support is
church hurt. And sometimes we bring our own woundedness and
we're projecting it on others. But yet this is not discount, dismiss,
or minimize the reality that a lot of mistakes are made.
(12:38):
A lot of abuses do take place. And so how
do you heal? We're going to talk about that today.
I have five steps I want to give you the
first I already did. And that is remain connected to
the Word of God. Don't ever disconnect from God's Word
because that is your source of healing. Let's go to
(13:00):
the phone lines. 877548 3675. Cody from West Virginia wanted
to get you in before a break. Thank you for listening, Cody.
What's your testimony?
S2 (13:11):
Thank you. Well, I've been through two different churches that
have split, and the the one was growing up when
I was a kid in West Virginia. And then the
other one was more recent, but they. I've watched one
go downhill really fast to where there's barely anybody going
(13:34):
to it now and now. And the one the pastor
came out with, everything that was wrong, apologized, and now
God is blessing that church and everything and they are
recovering slowly.
S1 (13:52):
But what about what about you on a personal level?
Where where's your faith at after all of this?
S2 (14:00):
Well, I mean, I still believe in God and I'm
still solidly Christian and everything that hasn't changed. But I
recognized where the direction of the one church was going,
so I removed myself from that, from that church before
it all went, before it all happened, because I realized
(14:21):
it wasn't going the direction it needed to go. And
the second one, my job kind of interfered with that.
I'm a long distance truck driver. I'm actually in Michigan
at the moment, and so I don't get to go
to church every weekend like I would like, but when
(14:42):
I can, no matter where I'm at, I do make
a point to, uh, find a local church or wherever
I'm at to go to attend a church and everything.
S1 (14:51):
Well, Cody, I appreciate you calling and so many wonderful
truths and what you just shared. Maybe the strongest of
which is the difference between the two churches. One dug
in their heels in pride and has only continued to decline.
The other humbly confessed, repented, and God restored. Maybe that's
(15:12):
one of the keys that we need to remember that
God restores us when we confess and repent. So, father,
I thank you for Cody blessing. We pray in Jesus name. Amen.
We'll be right back to take more of your calls
right after this. As followers of Christ, we know daily
time in God's Word matters, but some are. Distractions can
(15:34):
make it hard to stay consistent. Now is the perfect
time to refresh or begin this life giving habit. I
would love to sing you The Quiet Time Kickstart by
Rachel Jones. This compact guide starts small and helps you
build a steady, meaningful rhythm in Scripture, setting you up
for ongoing success. Request your copy today with a gift
(15:55):
of any amount To equip, simply call 888644 4144 or
visit Equip Radio.com. Chris Brooks here, reminding you that today's
program is pre-recorded. While we won't be taking calls, we
do want to connect with you on social media. Welcome
(16:18):
back to equip with Chris Brooks. Today we're talking about
restoration from Church Hurt. Love to hear from you who
have stories of healing. I'm sure if we opened up
the phone line, we could fill them with stories of
brokenness and woundedness, resentment, and unforgiveness that still exist. And
(16:42):
I do pray for those of you who are there
and you're honestly there. You maybe find yourself at a
place where you say, I don't know if I could
go back through the doors of another church, or I
don't know if I ever want to be in a
community of people worshiping Jesus. I don't know if I
could ever trust a church leader again. Some of you
(17:03):
are still at that place and certainly this program is
for you. My heart breaks for you. As a pastor myself, I, um,
I just feel like I wish I could give a
mass apology to so many who have been wounded, and
I recognize I can't do that fully, but I'm going
to do my best to do that, at least in part.
(17:24):
But I also think that part of the healing journey
is that you need to hear the testimonies of others
who have come through church hurt there on the other
side of it. They lived and survived the days of
pain or the dark nights of the soul, and they're
able to share how God and His grace prevailed against
(17:47):
their brokenness. And if that's you, if you have a
testimony of restored faith, if you have a testimony of
restored fellowship with other believers in the local church after
experiencing church hurt, I would love to hear from you today.
Dial this number 877548 3675. That's 877675. You give us
(18:12):
a call today. Let's go to the phone lines. Melissa
is listening in Indiana. Hey, Melissa, thank you so much
for listening to equip. What's your story?
S3 (18:22):
Well, I had experienced things with a church that had.
It's a family church. Um, a lot of family goes.
And I went with my husband's family to church, and
there was family trauma that had happened. And I had
thought that the church members should reach out to me.
And I had let my own heart get full of
(18:42):
resentment because they hadn't. And in the end, um, I
had the lady who thought she was protecting me say,
after a year and a half of I didn't go
to church. I did read the Bible, and I listened
to Moody Radio and I stayed with the Lord. Praise
the Lord. And I started asking the Lord to help
me with my own heart. And about that time she
(19:03):
came and said that she had told the people, the church,
not to call me because I'm not good at talking
to people all the time. I'm more of an alone person.
So I went back and talked to the people and, um, we,
we worked things out together, like through talking things out,
and it restored everything. My marriage is restored, our church
(19:23):
is doing better. My children and my husband now seeing
in the in the in front of everyone and even
my children's friends are coming and it's just a blessing.
But a lot of it was my own resentment because
of not working through my trials with other people.
S1 (19:39):
Wow. Well, let me just say for you, Melissa, for
someone who doesn't always like to talk to people, you've
done a great job today. day sharing your heart. What
an awesome and powerful story. And there's so many beautiful
truths in your story about how God heals us. I
(20:01):
love the fact that while you were separated from church,
you didn't separate from the word. I love that a
third party stepped in. You know, sometimes the woundedness between
us and another person, um, needs a third party to
step in. When we've said everything we know to say,
(20:22):
and every additional word only seems to make matters worse.
When we feel like we're talking at one another instead
of with one another. Uh, sometimes the third party stepping
in makes a huge difference. So you had that take place. Um,
the humility you demonstrate and being able to own, uh,
(20:43):
that maybe part of this was my own immaturities or
ways I need to grow. Uh, There's so much that
is beautiful and humble and powerful. Melissa, in your story
and I'm just going to say I am super grateful
that you've lived to see the other side of church hurt,
that your marriage is thriving, your family is thriving, and
(21:05):
that your kids are not only going to church, but
they're inviting their friends. How awesome is that? Let's pray together. Father,
thank you for Melissa. Thank you that you saw her, um,
when she was wounded and maybe even wandering away from
the fold of God. And you, the good shepherd. You
(21:25):
oversaw her restoration process, and you brought her back into fellowship. Lord,
I pray that the same way you've done this for Melissa,
you would do this for others who are listening, who
maybe say, my family is suffering because of church hurt. Uh,
my heart is wounded. Lord, won't you be their healer
(21:46):
as well? It's in Jesus name, I pray. Amen and amen.
Phone number is 8775675. That's 877548 3675. Have you overcome?
Live to see the other side of church hurt us.
(22:07):
And able to share the story of God restoring your faith?
If that's you, um, I'd love to hear from you today. (877)Â 548-3675. Also,
those of you who, after being wounded in church, maybe
stop fellowshipping. And now you're at a place where you're
(22:27):
slowly but surely starting to go back again. I'd love
to hear. What was it? What was it that allowed
you to take that first step? And what keeps you
taking step after step after step, not only back towards God,
but towards God's people as well? I promise you that
(22:48):
throughout this conversation, we were going to share a few, uh,
ways or steps, if you will, to experiencing healing. And
the fact is, is that this list could be far
more exhaustive. We're just going to give you a couple
of things. First, make sure that you're being heard and
(23:10):
affirmed when you have experienced church hurt. What I mean
by this is so often we sit in silence. We
suffer in silence, and that means that we go through
church hurt and we don't tell anybody. And we assume
that people should know. In particular, the church leaders should know.
And that is a formula for further woundedness. It's a
(23:33):
formula for disappointment. If you're going to experience healing, I
would start and I would highly encourage you to start
with the assumption that they may not know that the
people who hurt me may not know they hurt me.
They may not know how, how much, and deeply this
(23:53):
affected me. So start with that premise, that assumption that
they may not know. And then secondly, take it to them.
Share with a leader, or maybe even multiple leaders, depending
on the size of the church. Maybe you can sit
before the entire leadership team and share with them. This
(24:15):
is what happened to me. And after you've shared that,
listen to see if they can affirm. Um, and when
I say affirm, it doesn't mean necessarily that you agree.
They still have to investigate. They still have to make
sure they're not rushing to conclusion, because that could also
be harmful. But at least I want you to be
(24:36):
able to hear them say, we take you seriously. We
take what you have experienced and shared with us. Seriously.
So you need to be heard, and you need to
type of affirmation that helps you to trust that they're
trying their best to resolve this, to settle this, to
help me work through it so that hopefully this task
(25:00):
can become a testimony. This mess can become my ministry.
Hopefully that's true for you. We gotta take another break.
But before we go to break, I want to give
you the phone number again. It's 8775675. And when we
come back, I'm going to take some of your calls.
Many of you are calling from all over the country.
(25:22):
What a blessing that is. I also want to encourage
you to check us out on social media as well
Facebook and Twitter. We are there on social media, Facebook
and Twitter. Don't go anywhere. Much more to come. Next
up on equipped with Chris Brooks. In today's rapidly changing culture,
(25:43):
Christians need solid biblical guidance more than ever. That's our
mission here at Equip to provide biblical wisdom for life's
toughest questions. When you step in as an equipper, you're
not just giving your monthly support helps to offer clarity
and hope to a confused and anxious culture, and you'll
get exclusive resources and updates from us all year long.
(26:04):
Join our team of monthly supporters today! Call 888644 4144
or visit Equip Radio. Hey there friends, Chris Brooks here.
You know, you may have recently heard me promoting our
next program or even asking you to become a monthly partner,
(26:26):
folks that we call Equippers. But today I want to
invite you to join something infinitely more important. Would you
consider joining the family of God? You know, it may
be possible that you've been listening to us talk about
the Bible and the Christian life, but you've never really
met Jesus personally. He longs to welcome you into his
family and have a close relationship with you. You can
surrender your life to him, accept his forgiveness, and start
(26:49):
your journey with Jesus right now. I'd love to help
you to take that first step. All you have to
do is simply call 888888 him. Chris Brooks here reminding
you that today's program is pre-recorded and we won't be
taking your calls. Hey there friends, welcome back to equip
(27:13):
with Chris Brooks. Today. We're talking about being restored from
church hurt. How do we recover? Is recovery even possible
with the good news? The answer is yes. You can
be restored after you have experienced pain and church hurt
woundedness by the hands of leaders, hurt by those that
(27:33):
you trusted and maybe expect it more from listen to
church is not full of perfect people. The Bible makes
it clear that the fact is, is that we should
be a place where people can experience healing and if
by chance it do or I do experience hurt, then
there should be stories of restoration. And that's what we're
(27:56):
highlighting today. Uh, what is it like to live on
the other side of hurt, where you've experienced, restored faith,
and even restore fellowship? We're going to go back to
the phone lines in just a moment, but let me
just give, uh, a correction. Earlier, I referenced, uh, the
Psalms and, uh, and the importance of the word of God. And, um,
(28:20):
I want to give the right reference. It's Psalm 107,
verse 20, Psalm 107, verse 20. I think I said 117,
but let me just read it to you. Psalm 107,
verse 20. It simply says, he sent out his word
and healed them and delivered them from their destruction. Think
(28:40):
about that for a moment that God's tool for administering
healing was his Word. It has always been the case
that God's Word heals. And so one of the things
I'm going to encourage you to do if you've experienced
church hurt is to do a Bible study is to maybe, um,
(29:01):
get with a group of believers, a small group of
believers that you can study scripture with. But if you
can't do that, then at least do a study on
your own. There are so many great studies out there,
and so many great Bible apps that can give you
recommendations for study. YouVersion is one of the more popular ones,
(29:24):
and there's a whole plethora of studies there. But I
believe that studying scripture is so important because whenever we
go through hurt, we get a distorted view of God. Hurt,
by definition, Isshin is a misrepresentation of Christ. So if
Christ has been misrepresented by those who are in leadership
(29:45):
or those who should have known better or done better,
then what you need is to have a restored and
renewed view of Christ. I put it this way you
need to see Christ as He presents himself. What does
Jesus have to say about himself? What does God have
to say about himself? So that's the importance of the
(30:07):
Bible study. Maybe you want to study online with someone,
or maybe you want to simply read through Scripture yourself.
But I do encourage you don't disconnect from healing. Because
I mean from Scripture. Because that's where your healing lies.
Let's go back to the phone lines. Brenda is listening.
(30:28):
And Brandon, Florida. Uh, thank you, Brenda, for listening. What's
your testimony?
S4 (30:37):
Um, well, I've had, uh, a few times when I've
been hurt in churches, and, um, I kind of it's
very difficult to go through that. And, um, it almost
wipes out who you are as a person. So, uh, anyway,
but you're asking for constructive things that I was able
(30:58):
to focus on, and I'm still not out of the
woods yet, but, um, some things that really helped me was, uh,
first of all, like you said, stay in the word.
Keep on praying. And I journaled, and I would sit
there and cry and pray. And, um, that made a
huge difference, to feel that I was being heard by God.
(31:21):
And because what had happened is I had confused the
pastor with God. And so I was trying to please
the pastor. And so when it didn't work out, I
was kind of wiped out. So I had to Separate
the two of them and to recognize that we're to
please God and not the pastor and not other people.
(31:42):
And that that really helped me a lot. Um, the
other thing that I had was I had some friends
who who didn't go to church with me. Um, but
they're believers who go to other churches.
S1 (31:53):
Sure.
S4 (31:54):
And we would get together every now and then. We
were just friend friends, and, uh, they would help me,
encourage me, pray for me, and, um, I so I
was able to be really honest and vulnerable with them
that I didn't feel like I could be in the
church because I didn't want to speak poorly about the
leadership in my church to any friend in there. So
(32:15):
it helped. Having friends who didn't go helped, having friends
that did not go to my church and that.
S1 (32:21):
Well, you know, and if I could just make a
comment on that for for just a moment, we're talking
about steps to healing. And one of those steps you
just mentioned, and I think it's it's beautiful that you
did is from James 516. Confess your faults one to another,
and pray for one another, that you may be healed.
(32:44):
So clearly His Word plays a part in our healing.
And I again, I want to just at the risk
of sounding redundant, God's word is his primary tool for
healing and it ministering his grace in our lives. But secondly,
are his people. So staying connected and sometimes you're going
(33:04):
to have to do with Brenda. Uh, just so wisely suggested.
And that is you're going to have to tap into
relationships sometimes outside of your local fellowship. And there's nothing
wrong with that. The earth is the Lord's and the
fullness thereof. And so we get a chance to benefit
not just from those that we sit across the pew from,
(33:26):
but we get a chance to benefit from all of
God's people. And so praise God for that. I want
to go back to something you said earlier. Uh, Miss Brenda,
and that is. Don't make the pastor too high. And, uh,
and as a pastor myself, I recognize there's such a
delicate balance here. You do want to respect leaders in
(33:50):
your local fellowship? The Bible calls us to that. Read
Hebrews 13. It's all about that and so much more.
But yet in the midst of it, we don't want
to put them on a pedestal right next to Christ.
We have to recognize that these are earthen vessels to
use New Testament language, that these are normal people through
(34:14):
whom God's grace is at work. And so while I
am to respect them and honor them, I also recognize
that they are fallen just as much in need of
the gospel, just as much in need of a Savior
as I am. Day by day. So if they should fall, which, um,
(34:35):
just about every leader is going to be imperfect in
some way, then, um, I should be praying for them.
I should certainly help to make them aware of it.
If there's no transformation, then the Bible gives us very
clear guidelines on the steps that we should take. And, uh,
and I would encourage you to make sure that you
(34:56):
take those steps of letting others know and trying to
bring about accountability. And let me just say one last
thing about this. And we're going to go back to
the phone lines. But accountability is really important. You being
willing to share your woundedness is really important, because it
(35:17):
can help to prevent somebody else from being wounded. And
so often when you have hurt someone, you and I
don't know that we've done it. And it's when they
bring it to our attention that we're able to make correction.
So if we want to see leaders doing better in
the future, we need to tell them about ways that
(35:37):
maybe their actions, maybe their words have hurt us today.
Let's go to, um, Oak Park, Michigan. But before I do,
I want to pray for Brenda. Father, please heal Brenda fully.
Totally restore her completely. She's come such a long way.
But even with her own words, she admits that she's
(35:58):
still not out of the woods yet. So you. Oh, Lord,
know what it's like to be the fourth man in
the fire. To walk through hurt and pain with us.
So be near to her. Show her, as you described yourself,
that you are gentle and lowly, that your yoke is
easy and your burden is light. Bless her, Lord, in
Jesus name. Amen and amen. Brenda, thank you so much
(36:21):
for calling. Let's go to Esther, who's listening in Oak Park. Esther,
thank you so much for calling. What's your story?
S5 (36:30):
Hi Chris, I love your program. Thank you. I mean,
my testimony is that I had an opportunity to be
heard and it just didn't make sense, so it didn't
affect me. I was up early one Saturday morning doing
my housework and ladies from my church. Three ladies got
on the phone together about 20 years older than me,
(36:53):
and they all called me to tell me I thought
I was this and I thought I was that. I've
always been very active in church, and for some reason
they thought that I thought a lot of things that
I didn't think, such as one programs and working with
the scholarship committee, various things, and I didn't try to
(37:14):
argue with them after they said all they wanted to say. Um,
the phone was finished. So, um, I just wondered what
was going on, and I never really accepted them as
being angry with me. So the next day at church.
I just spoke as if nothing ever happened. And, um,
it did never happen. As far as I was concerned,
(37:35):
I didn't take it any further. I didn't think about
it anymore.
S1 (37:39):
Well, you.
S5 (37:40):
Didn't accept the hurt.
S1 (37:42):
First off, Miss Esther, you just made my day. I
just want you to know I love you, and I'm grateful.
I wish I could sit across a table with a
cup of coffee, and we could talk for the rest
of the afternoon. Because it sounds like you are a
woman full of godly wisdom. But let me just say,
what Miss Esther said is so, so true. And that is,
(38:06):
we can choose not to be hurt. We can choose
not to be offended. The Bible over and over again
tells us not to be offended. And, uh, and if
the Bible tells you and I not to be offended, then, uh,
we That means that we have been given. We've been
(38:28):
empowered by the Lord not to be easily offended. Consider
for just a moment, uh, Colossians 313. Make allowances for
each other's faults, and forgive one another. And forgive. I'm sorry.
Anyone who offends you remember the Lord forgave you, so
(38:48):
you must forgive others. Think about what Paul is saying here.
Make allowances for each other's faults. So Paul is saying,
assume that the people around you who love Jesus are
not going to be perfect, and they're going to make mistakes.
And then he goes on to say, and forgive anyone
who offends you. That means that in the moment you
(39:09):
can do that. The Lord forgave you, so you must
forgive others. Paul obligates us to our identity in Christ
that since we are in Christ, we are to model
the same type of forgiveness that he modeled. Now, we
can't do that on our own. This isn't a self-help
(39:29):
pep talk. It takes the power of the spirit. But
you have the mind of Christ. You can pray. God,
help me to forgive them. And and and and and
that offense doesn't have to stay. Now, that doesn't mean
that consequences don't need to take place. Doesn't mean that
you don't have to maybe talk things out. Sometimes you
(39:51):
have to. Not every time, but sometimes you have to.
But if you do this, if you choose not to
be offended, just like Miss Esther, you can shed a
multitude of hurts and be free. That's what I want
for you. Don't go anywhere. Much more to come next
on equip. Here's a surprising statistic. Only 32% of Protestant
(40:13):
churchgoers read the Bible daily. If you find it hard
to stay consistent, The Quiet Time Kickstart by Rachel Jones
is for you. This Grace-filled guide offers a simple, sustainable
way to grow in God's Word without the pressure of perfection.
I would love to sing you a copy as a
thank you for your gift of any amount to equip
(40:34):
this month. Call (888)Â 644-4144 or give online at Equip Radio. Org.
Chris Brooks here reminding you that today's program is pre-recorded
and we won't be taking your calls. Welcome back to
(40:55):
equip with Chris Brooks. I am so thrilled that you've
joined me today. Hearing your calls and your testimonies have
encouraged my heart. And and I think that part of
our healing journey is to hear the testimonies of others
who have overcome by the blood of the lamb and
by the word of our testimony. Our testimony is that
(41:19):
Christ is Lord, that Jesus is Savior and that we
can trust in him because he heals all hurts. Today
we're talking about restoration from church hurt. But I do
want to let you know this is just one of
many topics that we discuss here on equip in order
to help you to more effectively live, share, and defend
your faith. And if we have been a blessing to
(41:41):
you and an encouragement, we certainly could use your partnership.
You know, occasionally we have financial update meetings with our team.
We talk about our budget, just like you do in
your own family. We're committed to living within our means.
That means that no matter how big our vision and
dreams are of reaching people and reaching a generation with
(42:03):
the word, we're going to live within the means of
what God has supplied, because it's important for us to
have a testimony of spiritual impact and good stewardship. But
that also means that your generosity makes all the difference.
The difference between a yes and a no. Between walking
through a door that God opens, or maybe saying, we
(42:25):
can't walk through that door. The difference between helping someone
who needs that help or not being there for someone
who needs that help. So I would simply ask that
you would pray and ask God, uh, how would he
have you to express generosity today? Maybe it's a gift
of $100 or $500 or $1,000. Or maybe it's becoming
(42:49):
a monthly partner at $30 a month. Wherever the Lord
finds you right now, wherever life finds you in the
midst of your budget, I know two things that God
has been good to every single one of us, and
that he's blessed us so that we might be a blessing.
Call right now 888644 4144. If equip has been a
(43:11):
blessing to you, can you call now? 888644 4144. I
want to go to the phone lines. David is listening
in Maple, Florida. David, thank you so much for giving
us a call. What's your comment today, my friend?
S6 (43:28):
Well, Chris, I'm a pastor and my family got hurt.
My children, they were very young. We were at a young, uh,
a church that had been through a lot of struggles and, uh,
several of the members and the older members there came
to my kids because they didn't like how I was
doing things and said, we're not going to pay our tithe.
(43:51):
And given the offering so your dad, mom won't get
money and you will starve and you will not have
anything to eat. So, um, my daughter comes to me
and asks me, dad, what does this mean? They're not
going to give money, so we'll starve. What does that mean?
So that she is still. She is in her 30s
(44:15):
now and still not attending church regularly because of some
of the hurt my son has got over it. But, uh,
I think sometimes everybody looks at the pastor's kids and say, well,
while the pastor's kids are so mean. I said, I
simply say because they play with the kids.
S1 (44:33):
Well, I want to say a couple of things. First off,
I'm so sorry you went through that. Uh, part of
the reason why I think your voice is so important
to this conversation is because so often when we think
of church hurt, we don't think of pastors and their families. Um,
and it's easy. I mean, the stories of members who
(44:54):
have been hurt by churches and leaders are voluminous, but
the stories of pastors who have been wounded by congregations
are equally as numerous. And so I just want to
say I'm sorry that you went through that. Secondly, I
would hope that anyone who would dare say something so demonic, so, um,
(45:15):
so evil to a child would be brought to repentance.
That would be my prayer. Because, um, it's a dangerous
thing to speak that way to anyone, especially someone who
is called by God to serve the church and to children.
So I pray for repentance, and I hope you would
join me in praying for their restoration, David, because we
(45:37):
got two options in moments like this. As a pastor
speaking to another pastor, we can choose bitterness. We certainly can.
Or we can choose blessing. I believe that Christ has
called us to choose blessing, that the same God who
forgave us, and the same glorious gospel that we preach
that culminates in a Savior on the cross saying, father,
(45:59):
forgive them, for they know not what they do is
what His Spirit empowers us to do. We can't do
it on our own. It's impossible. I'm way too human,
way too flawed. But by God's grace, you and I, David,
can model what it is to love Christ and to
love his people as flawed as they may be. So, father,
(46:19):
I pray for David that you would encourage his heart,
that you would help him to know that he is
so deeply loved, and that he would experience the love
of Christ in such a profound way that he be
able to love others well. Thank you that he hasn't
fallen out of ministry or turned his back on his
calling like so many have. But I pray for his
(46:40):
whole family to be restored in Jesus name. Bless my brother.
Amen and amen. David, thanks for giving us a call.
Thank you all of our friends who've listened. May God
heal every hurting heart. And until we're together again next time.
As always, remember equip with Chris Brooks is a production
of Moody Radio, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute.
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