58: Stories of Lebanon with Nour!

Let's talk about the ancient world ! With your favorite magical pepper and the powered milk alien Nour !

Episode Transcript

(00:37):
Hello and welcome to Esoterica and Nonsense, a podcast where we
discuss myths, legends, folk tales, fairy tales, supernatural
phenomenon and religions from around the world.
I am your host, Annabelle, AKA Blizzy Bell, AKA Pepper Man, AKA

(01:00):
President of Pepper World Headquarters.
I'm sitting here on a beautiful Wednesday evening, a mystical
day, and I'm sitting next to oneof the most beautiful shining
souls on planet Earth. Welcome, Noor.
Hi, I'm so introduction. I'm so excited to have you on

(01:24):
the pod. I've been talking about this for
quite a few months and this is kind of my dream.
This is why I started the podcast, because I was raised in
the United States by heathens. Just kidding, but they I was
raised by parents who had kind of like their ancestors had had
left behind all of their culture.

(01:44):
Yeah. I wasn't really raised with any,
like, cultural practices. I didn't know any words that my
ancestor spoke. I don't know anything about the
kinds of religions that they practiced.
And I just kind of spent my whole childhood thinking about,
like, I want to hear stories from old people.
I want to know about the old world.

(02:05):
I want to hear stories about theancient world.
And you grew up in Lebanon, which is truly the old world.
And I really just want to hear, I mean, I want to hear
everything. But I guess first my first
question is, I mean, my obviously one of my first

(02:27):
interest is to know about what was it like being a child in
Lebanon and what, what were like, what were the kind of
stories, what were the kind of things that like a young child
hears? And I guess maybe you can kind
of like talk about like what it's like a little little little
young child here. And then like as you get older,
like what are this the news stories that introduce?

(02:49):
Are there like kind of age appropriate stories that they
tell you? Oh my gosh, I think I think
leaving Lebanon mid, you know, Ilike 1414 years old.
Those stories are way different now, obviously than when you go
back as an adult. But I remember there's so many
folk tales because especially I think when you're in really

(03:11):
stressed times, there's no technology, there's no iPads to
entertain you, there's no TV. You're entertaining each other.
And how do you entertain each other?
By telling stories and, you know, being a character.
So I just remember all of my cousins always being the best
storyteller. So I've always been a listener.
I've never been a storyteller, but I've always been like the

(03:34):
grab your tea and grab your popcorn.
Someone's about to tell me a story.
Yeah, exactly. I'm like, I'm going to listen to
this because it's true. And I'm easily swayed.
So I was, you know, very gullible.
So all my cousins would convinceme that I was made in a Nido
milk box. And if anyone's Arabic and knows

(03:54):
what Nido is, it's like powderedmilk.
And they're like, yeah, you're actually an alien who came from
a powdered milk carton. So like, my whole childhood, I
actually truly believed that I didn't come from humans.
I was like, oh, yeah, I'm like from the milk carton.
And whenever I'd go to the store, I'd like, be really
connected to this, like, milk carton that I came from.
And like, my parents were like, dude noir, you know, this is not

(04:16):
true. I'm like, no, it is.
And they convinced me that it wasn't that way because I had an
Audi belly button and no one else did.
And they're like, oh, it's because of your belly button.
Like, that's how you were teleported here.
And I would like, communicate with my belly button.
I'm like, OK, you got me here. Like I actually from a milk
carton. Love that story only because I
do think you are an alien and I love that like subconsciously

(04:39):
your your cousins were like you're not one of us you're a
little freak. Oh yeah, 100%.
Or the stories where, you know, you would go into, you know,
during the war, you'd go to the mountains because the Beirut
would be really congested. So you'd go, we would go to big
failure, which was, you know, inthe mountain area.

(05:00):
And they would say we would be passing through the mountain
areas at night. And they would say the farmers
were growing lettuce and like, don't get too close to their
farms because you could follow the lettuce and like the lettuce
is going to grow over and you'regoing to be stuck in a lettuce
ball. Like just crazy stories that
like, you know, you keep. But it, it was because they
didn't want us to run off, of course.

(05:21):
So they would be like, don't getstuck in the farms because like
you'll be you're so tiny, you'llget stuck in the in the plant.
And I always was like, Oh my gosh, lettuce must be like huge,
like, you know, my God. So they just like create
imagery. I guess that doesn't exist, but
you think it does. I do think.
That's why I love hearing stories though, because in a lot

(05:41):
of stories, I think this is likecross cultural.
You can tell when some story haslike religious or spiritual
significance. Some stories are to scare
children or scare young adults from having sex or you know, to
teach you not to kill people forXY and Z.
Like you can kind of smell the different.

(06:02):
Stories, right? Like to make that's like, that's
all I feel like that's all humanity, humanity's building
blocks are is stories. Stories, stories and.
Stories and stories and stories.Definitely.
And then, of course, as time goes on, people will change
details to fit their intentions,right?
Maybe. Maybe to scare the kids or

(06:22):
something. But maybe that story did come.
Maybe once this story was a realstory, whatever, whatever story
it is, maybe it really was once real.
And then through the passing of time, it just gets tweaked and
tweaked and tweaked. Yeah.
So actually, I guess before I get into deep stories, remind me
you were born in 93? And were you born in Beirut?

(06:43):
Beirut. And so tell me, I mean, I got
obviously you don't remember being a baby, but like, what was
what, what was going on in the 90s in Beirut?
I remember my grandma's house was like fully bombed like
literally a hole through her house and she was still there.
She was like I refuse to move out.

(07:05):
It was a crazy looking building like hella unsafe and even I
remember from the jump like the stairs were extremely hard to
get up which terrified me for her 'cause she was old but she
was on the 3rd floor which was tough to see because that even
that third like the left side ofthe third floor were our friends

(07:26):
and that was like all gone. Like they had destroyed their
apartment. And it feels like it's just like
dice, like this person's alive. This person's not this, you
know, like, whichever part of the building you're at, you
know, they would always try to pay her off and say, hey, we'll
give you this much money if you let us just, like, tear this
down and make something new. She's like, no, no, no, this is
like my home. And no, like, my husband's sick.

(07:48):
You know, I live here. And she was a very tough woman.
And she, she, you know, it was sad to see, you know, my, my
mom's school get destroyed that she was like teaching out and
like, it was just like random, you know, deaths in the family
or friends that are missing things of that nature.
But it was always hidden from meas a child, like I was younger.

(08:10):
So they just would drive us to the mountain area and kind of,
you know, take us out of school and be like, oh, it's time for
creativity. Help your uncle farm.
And I was like, this is amazing.So to me, I was like, hell yeah,
I'm out of school, like right this.
Is the best time was mountain time?
It was mountain time. It was literally like, get out
of the city. We're always outside every day.

(08:33):
There was like way it is with, which is like literally farms
that are like stairs. And we would just get terraces.
Terraces, yeah. How would you say it?
Where they, where they, where they, it's just like layers and
layers. And I was just outside all day
riding bikes. Like I just, I don't remember it
being a like a obviously I remember the traumatic parts and

(08:56):
the sad parts, but it was alwayslike, oh, because of this, I
don't have to do the normal thing, which is go to school.
Yeah, I mean, you're a kid. You get to leave school and go
to the mountains, I mean. Yeah, and my mom made stories
along the way to make me think that, like, we were going to go
like, defeat the emperor or something.

(09:16):
I'm like, this is cool. OK, yeah.
So that's well actually. So I do want to hear specific
stories, but I before I forget, because I will forget, I do want
to ask you. I remember once you were telling
me about the caves. I don't really know anything,
but you were seeing that there'sa lot of stories and lore and
like legends and like kind of creepy stories about the caves.

(09:39):
And I do really want to like tell me about.
That yes, it used to be one of the seven wonders of the world.
I don't think really, yeah, I think it like got voted to be
like one of the seven wonders ofthe world, but.
And then the US was like. We can't like, hold on to
everything. We're like, you know, they have
like the four like celebrities that are like half Lebanese or

(10:01):
full Lebanese. So we try to hold on everything.
We're like, this is from Lebanon, don't forget.
But but yeah, I, I, I feel like Mahari to Joaita is what they
call it. Mahari to Mahara is like a cave.
And Joaita is like where it is so Mahari to Joaita.

(10:21):
And it's, I think it's like 16 miles long, but they only tour
like one 1 1/2 miles in. And they bring you back.
And it's literally just like a gondola.
They take you in a little like aboat.
And it's the cleanest water likein the freaking world.
And it's cold and crisp. And they take little cups and
you drink it, OK. Wait so is this the coastal like

(10:45):
the water is in the? Cave.
It's in The Cave. So you like almost go down a
river and it takes you into a cave.
Correct. And they up to 60.
Miles long, but you only go in amile deep.
They don't want anyone else further in.
Yeah, I don't remember why. I just remember, of course,
being so curious as a child, Like, Oh my God, I would do
anything to just zoom down that 16.

(11:07):
It was like stalactite and stalagmite, you know, like
melting and what does really beautiful.
You should look up pictures. But the the colors look like
turquoise. Like it's like, it's like
turquoise colors. Not actual rock, but like it's
blue and then brown and then there's water that's like pure
blue and then there's land inside of it.

(11:29):
So it, it goes. But they say like the, the myth
is like Lebanon is built on 9 cities and I, I, I'll never
know. I have no idea what that even
means to be honest. So if someone else knows I'd
love to know. But if they always say it's
built on 9 cities so there's like worlds below it.
Which to me? Checks.
Out because we. Like cave people?

(11:50):
Like cave people, thank you. And and they're finding these
underground cities all around the world, specifically in
places like Turkey and other parts of the Middle East.
And it would make sense to me, especially in the Ice Age or
especially during times where you had super hot temperatures,
why wouldn't you live? Underground or in a cave cool

(12:11):
off. And so you grew up hearing that
like, all the time that like, Beirut is like the city on top
of nine cities. Oh, my God.
Well, right. And, and I, I, it makes me think
about all the stories I've heardabout underground civilizations
because if there's fresh water in there, yeah, there's still
blue water, There could possiblybe places where there's like.

(12:35):
Live. Forests in there?
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Imagine. I think it's really untapped,
the caves. The caves there are all over.
I've only been to a couple, but they're everywhere.
And the climate is so crazy because you can go to Faria and
then like see snow and then you drive to Beirut and it's like.
It's warm, right? Yeah, so tell like, what are the

(12:57):
kind of stories that you would hear about the caves growing up?
The caves were definitely like, I don't want to say like God
sent, but they would relate everything I feel like to
religion. So which I never liked 'cause I
feel like why can't it have its own mystery?

(13:18):
Why can't it have its own mystery?
Always has to be related to something that we can't explore
or like can't question type of thing.
But what are they there for? How did they get there?
Who lives in there? How deep do they go?
Why don't we know about them? Why can't we travel all the way?
And I know that humans would destroy anything that they see.

(13:41):
So I get that they're trying to preserve it.
But at the same time, I would love to know, you know, the
history of caves because I thinkof Neanderthals, you know, like,
they survived in cave systems and that's where they made
fires. And if there's water, I mean,
there's humans have been deep inthere.

(14:02):
Yeah, for sure. They have to have been.
Yeah, 100, especially in that terrain, if you were to see that
terrain, right, it's like Grand Canyon everywhere, but then
there's houses on top of it. But then if you travel down,
there's. Well, it's Lebanon.
I mean, humans have been living there for thousands of years.
Over 10,000 years. Yeah, Large, large populations

(14:23):
of people, you know, So that's, that's more than plausible.
That's probable. And yeah, I don't know.
So I, I guess though, now that I'm thinking about it, it's not
that crazy that this, what you're hearing about the caves
is religious, because I do thinkmaybe allegorically, I do think

(14:44):
about a lot of ancient religions, even Christianity, a
lot of monks would go to caves to have like like spiritual
retreats to like connect with God.
But also allegorically, The Caveis kind of like an opening.
It's kind of like a vagina. It's like an entering into the
earth. Like it is kind of like an
allegory both for enlightenment and rebirth, but also for like

(15:07):
The Cave is also the allegory oflike being trapped in darkness.
So like, it's, it's, I can understand like the religious
connections. So like, what were the adults
telling you as a kid? Like what kind of things were
they saying? About The Cave, they weren't
really like they, I, I don't think adults were ever fond of
exploring anything because they just never really wanted their

(15:29):
kids too far away from them. It's not a safe space at all.
You know, it's people are trafficked there on a daily
basis. So it's like, I feel like they
were just protecting their theirchildren from everything.
And I think that's, I think religion separates from the folk

(15:49):
tales in the and the magic of things in the world because they
just wanted to be like, hey, don't ask questions like this is
how it is. There's no magic.
Like we're just all going to go to heaven and you have to be a
good person now. But there's so much beyond that.
Right. And being a good person means
listen to mom and dad and my mom.
The thing is, my mom was like anextremely spiritual person and

(16:09):
like she was an artist and she, she would draw a really, really
incredible thing. So I I knew it was inside of
her, but I feel like religion always kind of like overshadow,
overshadows the mystical aspect of life.
Like you're not allowed to have a mystical aspect.
You're just following this book and nothing outside of it is
real type thing. I think it's really limiting to

(16:32):
creativity and storytelling because they want to stick to
those stories only. And then we can't like progress
our storytelling ever because we're kind of like stuck.
But definitely Bigfoot was real.Like Bigfoot definitely heard
about like, you know, like cave people, you know, like cave

(16:56):
people who would survive in the caves.
They didn't need to be in society really.
And then? And they were.
And they but they were like big,like giants.
Yeah, like just cave people like, and then coming to
Michigan after moving, you know,from Lebanon to Michigan, I was
like, oh, and then that was another whole culture here, like

(17:16):
Sasquatch and yeah, the whole Sasquatch.
I mean, Americans especially like the crazy one.
I mean, I don't want to say crazy because I'm who am I to
say they don't have it? Bigfoot is a big thing over here
and it's old. I have a friend who grew up on a
reservation in Socal and he was saying that they have a specific
Bigfoot that they have met. She's a woman.

(17:38):
They have a statue for her. They're obsessed with her, they
love her. So this is not like a new thing.
Bigfoot is like big over here, as you know.
I love that Bigfoot is real. Was there ever like drawings and
stuff? Like, did people have like
imaginings of them 'cause I'm sure you've seen the ones over
here, They're kind of like big hairy people.

(18:00):
Yeah, and they, I it's kind of the same, same thing.
Like, reddish hair, big, large beings, obviously big feet, big
hands. Yeah.
The Cave people, they're anotherbreed, yeah.
And, and you've heard about that, right?
Like the red haired giants, there is an alleged ancient race

(18:21):
of people who are known as the red haired giants.
And I think they were like originally from the Indian
subcontinent or something. And then I so I don't know how
real this is, but I have heard that this is funny because the
movie Shrek is like, if this is true, the movie strike is
actually more truthful than we realize.

(18:43):
But I've heard that at one pointin the ancient world, some
colonizer group, I don't know who, chose Scotland as an island
to send beings, animals, creatures that were deemed like
not normal or, or magical or like.

(19:04):
I guess blasphemous would be theword I would use.
Did not they were deemed blasphemous and they would send
them in exile to Scotland. And I'm only bringing this up
because there is a lot of red haired people in Scotland.
And there's also so many storiesof giants like a building
islands and like throwing rocks to create like rock pathways to

(19:27):
connect islands in the northern Isles of the UK.
And so that's just like an odd theory that like the red hair of
of Ireland and Scotland actuallyare like they're like super deep
descendants from these red haired giants from from who
knows where. Yeah, gay people are.

(19:48):
I feel like they know a lot morethan us.
I think. They're closer to the core.
I think any being who's living, connected with nature and
connected with their body knows more.
Yeah. And we basically know nothing
because we were raised super colonized.
Yeah. But actually Speaking of being

(20:11):
colonized, Yeah. Tell me about, like, Lebanon
because of course, like, I really, I haven't actually been
over to that part of the world. Always wanted to go.
Yeah. And what?
And now that you've experienced both the United States and
Lebanon, I feel like, I feel like the Middle East is kind of
like the OG colonizers. It's a huge area.

(20:33):
But I'm just saying like they, they originally colonized Spain
and then Spain kind of became like the big guns and they
colonized the Americas. And so I feel like in a way, the
Middle East is like our grandparent here in the United
States, You know, our parents are like the Europeans and then
their parents are like, yeah, people of the Old world.

(20:55):
And so that's a. Really good way to explain.
It what was that like? Like what, How would you
describe? I guess this is kind of a broad
question, but like how would youdescribe the attitudes of adults
and like how how the colonized mindset plays out in that
culture? Oh, yeah.
I think they just want to replicate everything that
Americans do out there, which ispretty sad in my opinion.

(21:18):
But you know, anything that comes out here, they want it
there. It's extremely influenced.
I mean, there it's always been like with the dream to come to
the United States to get your citizenship and to work out
here. But it's, it's a, it's a really
twisted way of getting people tocome work in the US because it's

(21:42):
all used through media and it's the movies we watch.
And it's the opportunities that we think we might have here,
which some people do, some people don't.
But it's, it's very, very colonized in the ways of in
every way and and music culture and food.

(22:06):
The cafes that start opening arelike burgers and fries instead
of like healthier foods because they just think of, oh, if
they're mass producing things over there and making money,
then we can too. So we just adopt colonizer ways,
which is pretty sad. So I think, I think it's, I

(22:32):
think it's shocking to see how much people will choose the
progression of like technology and money versus like the
progression of humanity. Like I'll never understand.
I mean that's we need to just. Be better medicine has to be
better. Technology has to be better.
Like this is it's like, wait, but why can't like we be better?

(22:52):
Like we have to become better before we're constantly
progressing everything. So I feel, I feel like that was
always weird. Like what, what's the big hype?
Like, what's the fucking big hype?
And then I get here and it's like, there is nothing but
darkness, sadness. And I'm I, if I could sum up my

(23:15):
American experience in two sentences.
It was when I was working at a title company and a woman would
walk in and be like, yeah, my father just passed.
So like, I need the house in my name, and I need all the money
and all this. And I was like, this is what
this is. Place is made of like that.
That situation describes moving here.

(23:37):
It was like darkness. There's like no communities.
There's no sense of community. Everyone splits after they're
18. They go live in their own
apartments. God knows how they even take
care of each other. And they somehow find a stranger
to marry. And then it's like, hopefully we
can take care of kids together, when in reality it's supposed to
be a community thing, if that's what you want, But you can't

(23:59):
really like raise the whole family by yourself with just you
and your partner. You need like a community and
people that love you and supportyou.
So I think that is, is really sad.
You know, like convincing brown women or just like any woman of
color that like independence means like living alone and

(24:20):
getting a nine to five and beingin the corporate world or
whatever. But like, sure, some women can
view it that way or some people can view it that way, but it's
like a trap. It's a trap into the rat race,
into their money like scheme. And then you're just so
disconnected from community. And now you're boom, you're in a
company, you're colonized. They own your time, they own

(24:43):
your time. And then, yeah, good luck after
that. Like going back, you know?
Yeah, it's it's a major. And then all of your friends
work at the company because you have no time for other friends.
And then you marry someone that you work with and without
realizing it in a way you joinedliterally corporate.
Literally, I'm not laughing. It's terrifying.

(25:03):
No, it's, I mean, it's, it's really dark, but you have to
laugh to keep from crying. It's it's.
It's literally like a. It's fucking intense.
Yeah, So I, I, you know, I definitely feel like
colonization in general, like rips apart families.
It destroys history and it also just destroys like, your chance

(25:28):
of like making it in your own world.
Like, I would have loved to see children not suffer.
I would have, you know, all throughout history, not just
with the diaspora now, like withso many, so many, so many
diasporas in in the past, like it's, it's centuries old.
And it's like, how can we have taken the opportunity for like

(25:50):
children to become musicians or how can we have taken
opportunities for people to become artists?
And I just think about all the art in the world, like all the
lost are all the lost poetry, all the things like we don't
know because we just choose likemoney, money, money, money.
And it's it's pretty sad. Yeah.
So I'm not a fan of either. Lebanon is very, you know, it's,

(26:11):
it's there, there's no middle class.
It's like you're either really, really poor or you have a lot of
money and you're a Dick. So it's like there's no in
between, which is heartbreaking because it's just, you can't,
it's just, it's destroyed. Like the economy is destroyed,

(26:31):
the government steals from its own people.
And it's, it's very corrupt, to be honest.
And it's it's very sad to see like where it's it's gotten, but
my memories of it, of course, are like my storytelling parents
and like going to where the LA moon, like citrus farms and, you

(26:51):
know, beautiful, beautiful beaches.
Like I never felt and saw the exact pain of war.
I knew it was happening, but I just kind of was like, this is
just life. Like, of course people are going
to want this. Like, why wouldn't they?
It's literally heaven here. You know, that's only a matter
of time. And I think as a child knowing
that, like, colonization is like, normal, like, that's

(27:17):
really twisted. That's twisted.
Like, imagine as a child knowing, like, well, yeah, you
know, you could die at any moment.
And nothing, nothing is more important than the relationships
you have, who you are, the love you have for people.
That's all that matters. Like, your bank account doesn't
fucking matter. What you drive doesn't matter.
Nothing matters except for like,how you make people feel and

(27:39):
being present because I think knowing that your life could be
taken away from you at any moment changes how you live for
the rest of your life. Oh.
My God, for sure. Yeah, for sure.
Like you, you look at everythingdifferently.
You're never going to put, you're never going to like
nothing, no material object could ever be be valuable ever
again. When your family's been stripped

(28:00):
away from. Nothing could ever make you
happy. Nothing could ever like.
I mean, I think that's why, in my experience, by a long shot,
the kindest people I've ever metare people that, by American
standards are living in poverty.And I've met people with nothing

(28:21):
who are so overjoyed to share whatever it is that they have.
Yeah. A piece of bread.
Yeah. A cup of tea.
A A a smile. That's life.
That's the definition of life, right?
That's life, right? Like enjoying.
And I think that's when you don't, when you can't enjoy like

(28:44):
a cup of tea or like the little things don't mean anything to
you anymore. That's when I know you're like
you're far gone. Like emotionally, you have to be
able to at least be present and enjoy like the little things and
the big things don't really meananything.
They, they're great, but they atthe end of the day, it's, it's

(29:06):
the exact moment that you're in.And I think that both places I
love Lebanon, I like where I live now.
I wish it wasn't extracting fromevery other place in the world
and causing genocide, genocides,probably multiple genocides.

(29:27):
Feel like I live in Israel at this point.
This is literally like Israel's sister.
Technically not to get like I, Idon't know the verbiage, but
Israel was like started by the British slash the US.
And so in a way it's, I don't think it's considered an annex,

(29:50):
but I actually think it is an annex.
So in a in a sense it it it is an extension.
Yeah, yeah. I mean.
It's a police state. We live in a police.
State it's, it's such a twisted like a space to be in because I
feel like my culture is naturally really, really
judgmental. So they're going to like
criticize everything you do and say because like, that's just

(30:13):
kind of like how they happen to be.
So, you know, a part of me like it's, it's a, it's just a
really, it's like a specific space to be in because a lot of
out of don't give a shit about what's going on, which is the
most painful space. Like even siblings or people
that you know, I love dearly that don't, you know, understand

(30:38):
or they want to forget. So that's also really hard, like
the people that don't know. I understand that you maybe you
just didn't cross any paths withsomeone who's like keeping you
in the loop, which that's crazy,but it is what it is.
I guess so, but the, the people who grew up in it and are aware

(31:01):
is like the, that's, that's likethe they're hiding, I guess, you
know what I mean? Like they're hiding how they
feel about certain situations. And I think that like kills,
that kills everyone. That's, that's like what
continues the violence and perpetuates what's going on
because people don't say anything because they're afraid.

(31:23):
So it keeps going and going and going.
But yeah, I mean, it's sad living in a growing up in a
place where everyone wanted to be like Americans.
And then you move to a place where you're like, EW, this is
disgusting and I want nothing todo with it.
And then you you're like, you can't really go back because
that's not possible. So you're just going to have to
move to Mexico. Pack your bags, baby.

(31:48):
We're out of here. It's.
Just it's just so interesting. It's just so, it's so
fascinating to me the the world and, and specifically the nature
of colonization and how it it, it travels like a virus.

(32:08):
Yeah, absolutely. There's a movie I think you
should watch it. It's it's intense, but it while
you were speaking, it was actually reminding me of this
film. It's called El Norte.
Have you ever heard of it? I think it was made in the 80s
and like the late 80s and it's, it's, I don't want to say it's
based off of a true story, but it's based off of stories of

(32:30):
immigrants that's kind of compiled and, and boiled down
into like a story about two siblings who are from Guatemala
from what they, and it starts like during like a civil war
basically happening between different local groups.
And so like when the film starts, they're in Guatemala,

(32:52):
they're in like their traditional clothing, they're
traje and like there's like all this murder that happens.
And so this brother and sister set forth to cross to, to go
travel through Mexico and then cross the US border.
And it is a horrifying journey. There's this famous scene where
they get stuck in this tunnel. They're like going through a

(33:14):
sewer to get to the US And there's rats that come and bite
them. And then they move to Los
Angeles and like the they're like Mayan people.
But like now they're trying to assimilate.
So like the girl starts wearing makeup and push up bras and she
came from like wearing her traditional clothing.
It was like so beautiful. And she's like working for this

(33:34):
rich white woman. And it's like people, there are
just people in the States are just lawless.
They have no, they have no shame.
They have no heart. They have no compassion.
And people steal from them like,yeah, no, it's, it's yeah.
It's a really, it's a really intense film.

(33:55):
It's actually like heartbreaking.
But it's such an important film and I don't hear people
reference it enough because I I see this a lot.
I see this happen a lot where the rest of the world will
idolize the United States because in all the films it's
this land of freedom and opportunity.
Such a propaganda. And then upon arrival, there is
a destitution of emotional connection, and that's like an

(34:21):
understatement. But I feel like we've gone super
off track. And I want to steer us back to
talk about your grandma 'cause you mentioned her.
Yeah, you mentioned she lived ina building that had been bombed.
And I want to know more about her.
And, like, I want to. Yeah, I want to, I know, I want
to know. I want to know about your
grandma. What's her name?

(34:42):
That's my mom's mom, Khadija I. Love, what a beautiful name.
She was hilarious. We would always be walking to
the bakery or going somewhere down the street and these red
buses would pass by. I'm like, grandma, what are
those? She's like, those are people
that are going to hell because it was like a red bus.
She was like, the red buses, they go to hell, honey.

(35:03):
And I'm like, damn, I never wantto be on a red bus.
And I was, like, always scared of the red buses, only to
realize that they were just, like, regular buses, like just
regular transportation buses. She was just always, like,
trying to freak me out, you know?
And she would always tell me she's like, yeah, you know, You
know, she wasn't, she wasn't that religious.
Like she always would tell my mom, like, you know, you should

(35:25):
just let her wear a bikini to the beach.
And mom's like, stuff with a lawlike that would never happen.
She's going to the all women's beach.
She's not going to wear, you know, a swimsuit in front of
people. So my grandma was definitely
like, let them loose. Like let your kids do their
thing. Love that.
Which was really funny. But yeah, I mean, my, her
husband was like an alcoholic, my grandpa's alcoholic singer

(35:48):
who just would, like, sing at bars and that's how he made
money. Your grandpa, my grandpa, what
kind of songs? Like would he karaoke or like
just like acapella he? Was an amazing singer.
I've been trying to get tape of him singing but no one is like
has any record of this. But I, I, I know an uncle who

(36:08):
could possibly send me some stuff, but just old school music
kind of similar to Fido's just really, really beautiful music.
He was a serenader for sure. He actually grew up Christian,
but but a Muslim family adopt took him in and so he was just
like oh Muslim. And then he like met my grandma,

(36:29):
OK. So, so loosely, like just off
the top of your head, what wouldyou say percentage wise in
Lebanon of of Muslims versus Christian?
Are there practicing Jews there?Oh, gosh, Lebanon is so
interesting because it's there'sa huge Christian population in
Lebanon And I mean, there's beena genocide of like Muslims for a

(36:53):
very, very long time. But the South of Lebanon is like
where all the most of the Muslims are in bed with.
Of course, they're scattered allthroughout.
And of course there's Jewish people there as well.
There's a lot of Jewish people, but yeah, I would say like the
Shia population is like the smallest, I mean, or just the

(37:14):
Sunni population as well. I don't want to say Sunni Shia
because it's like so controversial to say that, but
it is true like this. The Shia, you know, there's and
I they're they associate them with terrorism.
So it's like that's who gets murdered first is the people
that have the closest lineage orlike the most history, Whoever

(37:35):
has the most history, whoever has the most information about
the earth, whoever knows how to heal themselves with garlic,
kill them off. Yeah, no of.
Course, whoever has the most information, like the
fruitfulness of the land, get rid of, you know, that's it's
very sad. So it's, it's unfair to judge
like the population of like Muslims now, but it's mostly

(37:56):
Christian in the north. And then I would say maybe 2030%
Muslim. I had no idea.
I went to a private Christian School my whole life, 'cause it
was safer. Yeah, 'cause Muslim schools get
bombed. They bombed.
That makes sense. It's so dark.
That's, I mean, they're exiling this Muslims.

(38:17):
It just my parents did not want me to.
I mean this they would be so upset.
Like they're like, no, that's not why, you know, like you
know, but it's true like that that is true.
They put us in private Christianschools 'cause they were afraid.
It makes me so sad how much Islamophobia has been.
Oh my God. Normalized and.
Disgusting. On a daily basis, it's

(38:38):
disgusting. Name a single religion besides
maybe Buddhism. I mean every single religion has
has carried out religious wars. This is not this is not specific
to any people. These are actually just angry
men who are spearheading witch hunts, if you will.
OK so actually this is just a question because I don't feel
like I know I my understanding of Islam is like super in a

(39:03):
nutshell. So let's see if I'm right.
That's going to test Annabelle. The Sunni and Shia are groups
factions of Islam that are allegedly descended from two
different understudies of Muhammad.
Yeah. One of which was his son and the

(39:24):
other was like his right hand man, right?
Yeah. And which one's which again?
So Shias are like supposedly connected by blood 'cause it's
like MMI to his. Son.
To his son got it and then so usually when you revert into
Islam you go you're a Sunni cause like you're born in or

(39:45):
you're. You couldn't.
You couldn't be from the bloodline 'cause you're a
convert. Correct Yeah, so yeah, yeah.
So Shias are sub, you know, the ones that are supposed to be
teaching like they believe, like, hey, we're the ones that
are supposed to teach. Sunnis are like anybody can
teach, you know, so you know, there's no I hate like the.
You know, my, my cousins will belike, oh, you're Shia because

(40:07):
like my mom's sending my dad's Shia.
So I'm like, what does this evenmean?
You know, it doesn't mean anything, but the meaning is
just, I understand my dad's perspective, you know, like
there's a, there's blood, you know, like I understand that
there's a lineage, there's a specific lineage and that's they
pray a certain way. They, you know, they, they don't

(40:27):
eat until it's dark, dark. You know, they're like, oh, soon
as we eaten, when it's like light out during Ramadambra, you
know, like, oh, they only be praying three times a day.
We pray five times a day. You know, like it's like little
things. Like it's not everyone that is
Muslim is just Muslim. You know, like it's not like the
80% of Muslims would be like, don't even go there.
Like there's no difference. We're all just Muslim.

(40:49):
Like the word, the word Muslim or Islam means to submit.
I don't even like to consider. I always tell a Christian like
who people are going to kill me for saying this, but like it's a
way of life. Like they say everybody's
Muslim, like everyone's Muslim. If we're, if we're just all like
Islam just means to submit, to submit to something other than
yourself, you know, don't be such a don't be such an asshole

(41:14):
and be so full of yourself that you don't, can don't commit to
something other than yourself. Commit to something other than
yourself. There's more outside of you that
exists. This is just the shell in the
body that you live. In live life for more than just.
Yourself, yeah there's no need for class, there's no need to
change yourself just live and the word Islam literally means

(41:37):
like to submit like just a submission to.
Something that's beautiful. So it's not like, I don't know,
it's so twisted in the Western world.
I mean, people are like, what? What does a squiggle next to
your name? Like, you know, the dumbest
questions you get even on a day on a daily basis.
I'm sure other people experiencethis in many different ways, but

(41:59):
the ideologies of Islam are justso sad and twisted.
And there's a difference, too, between like Sharia law, like
what men want of women in the inthe religion versus like what it
actually says, right? I was just going to say, and I
think this is like a big reminder for every human being
on planet Earth. The scriptures of almost every

(42:19):
religion are from pure kind places and then humans turn
those religions into cults. Exactly and then create.
I mean Christians do it all the time.
Women are property. A woman is a soulful Sinner and
who who lusts for sex unless a man marries her.

(42:41):
And like, we're going to murder this entire village because
they're practicing witchcraft. And really, what that means is
they light candles and sing songs of their ancestor like the
most arbitrary, silly things that the scriptures never
indicated. Oh yeah, no, I was not a good
kid. I literally ate all throughout
Ramadan. I was like, this sucks.
Like this is awful. God would not want us to.

(43:04):
I was not a good Muslim. Like, you know, I, I definitely
thought I was definitely againsteverything.
I was taught when I was a child,even to this day, you know, I
don't, I'm not like, Oh yeah, I'm a practicing Muslim.
Like I go to the Masjid and I and I fast like that's not true.
I think Islam is really beautiful and I think it's
extremely underrated and people are extremely Islamophobic.

(43:28):
I'll defend that until the day Idie for sure.
Yes, that's where I'm from. But I'm not saying like that's
the spectrum. That is the truth.
I don't. I believe that standing in one
place in one spectrum and sayingI'm right makes me wrong.
Like, I don't know anything. So I I can't tell people like,
this is the way or this isn't the way.
I do believe that something is bigger than me out there.

(43:49):
But yeah, I think I'm like a literal amoeba cell on a planet
that just wants to live. And I'm kind of making it a
little bit. Yeah.
Like, I wish that humans were making it worse.
Like, I feel like we are the infection.
Like I am in a bacterial infection that the Earth has.
You're not. I feel so bad.
Like I hate that we have emissions and like garbage and

(44:11):
shit and like hurt this planet. But I think, you know, it's, you
can try your best to exist in the best way that you can, but I
it's, it's tough being like growing up Muslim and then
having outside perspectives because they're like, this is
the way. And I'm like, I'm going to get
tattoos and I'm going to date whoever I want.

(44:31):
And no, I'm, I'm 11. Hair that's shown is not going
to be one minute in hell. These are all stories.
They're like every hair you showis one minute in hell.
I'm like, damn, that's hell of minutes.
Shit, my mom's like every, you know, does length play?
Does length play a role? Can't show your armpits, Can't
show your knees. I'm like, OK, I understand.

(44:52):
I understand. What about eyebrow?
Hairs and eyelash hairs. Did you ever ask that?
I was not allowed to touch my eyebrows so I was like 18
literally like they didn't allowit was like but are those?
A minute in hell. Yeah, right.
Where's the cut off? I have a very hairy face.
Like what is going to happen to me in hell?

(45:15):
I'm going to spend a lot of timethere.
So these are the silly things that I just don't, you know, I
don't, I don't condone this behavior, this scaring a child
into thinking that, you know, showing skin is wrong, like,
because that's why then then I did it and I was like, yeah,
hell yeah. Booty shorts.
This is what's going to piss my mom off.
I'm going to wear these ones this.

(45:36):
Is just a personal thing but like I would just prefer if the
rules were equal for men and women.
Yeah, absolutely. I'm totally down for people
doing what they're comfortable with for whatever reason.
But like, if you have to do it, then like make the boys do it.
That's all I'm going to say. But but I'm, you know, you know,
I agree. I'm not really big on rules.

(45:58):
I, I do believe it's best to be kind and supportive and teach
young children to critically think, but to also be a part of
community because ideally you don't need to make rules that
there's no killing. That would just be an obvious
why. Why would I ever want to kill?
You know what I'm saying? And I think that's kind of what
religion and and government has really gotten wrong.

(46:21):
Like placing a rule doesn't change anything.
We need to create a world where that's not an interest.
Why would I want that exactly? It creates an ideology for
someone to actually and go do that instead of not even talking
about it at all, because that's abnormal.

(46:42):
Yeah, I'm with you. I wish it was that way.
So OK, I want to hear about yourgrandma.
I want to hear about what your grandma's relationship to Islam
was, and I want to hear about the stories your grandma would
tell you. My grandma was a crazy woman.
She was amazing. We would literally just go to
the go to the ocean with a net. We'd catch a bunch of sardines,

(47:04):
we'd come home, we'd fry them and we would just make sardine
sandwiches and like like fresh sauce and on.
And then her sauce, her sauce bread, literally the bread I
made today, she would just make a huge piece.
They're usually like huge. And then she would just little
sardine sandwiches. Yummy.

(47:24):
She was really, really cool, butyou know, she had a lot of fear.
She just lived in fear. Did.
She grew up in Beirut. Yeah, Yeah.
Grew up in Beirut, had nine children.
Fuck, that's a lot. And do.
You know what year she was born.I couldn't even tell you.

(47:48):
How? How old was she like?
She would be probably in her in her late 80s now.
OK, OK. Late 80s, May Yeah, she just
passed a couple years ago. But my mom's mom was, it was an
incredible person. I mean, she she made life, life.

(48:11):
I think there's resistance, resilience, whatever you want to
call it. You have to distract children
when there's a lot of distress politically, you can't control
it. You can't leave, you can't do
anything. So you have to create fun.
There's no power, there's no hotwater.
You better make it fun. So I, you know, I just have like

(48:31):
the best and spookiest memories too, because it was all always
like surviving off candlelight alot of times.
And I love those days like secretly I loved when things
would go wrong because family had to spend time together and
then we were forced to spend time together and that was the
only time we did because every other time you were like
scrambling to work because the work, work, work until there's

(48:53):
no power and then we have to be together again.
So I, I definitely didn't grow up with like regular, like
human, like basic needs were notlike always there, right, Which
made me extremely like independent just as a child.

(49:17):
So then growing up here, I thinkthat's different.
You can't really do that like you have in the US.
You're kind of forced to be dependent on the system.
So you have to. Work together.
Yeah. And So what kind of stories
would your grandma tell you whenyou were little?

(49:39):
Did she ever tell you any like folk tales or fairy tales?
Yeah, my grandma did. She read us a lot of books.
And most books were, most books were about like, pardon me, Most
books were about, like talents and singing.
A lot of the books they would sing to us.
It wasn't like a lot of the storytelling was like singing.

(50:03):
Oh my God, that's so nice. Yeah, the stories were, there
was some stories that were just like regular conversation, but
most of them were just like songs.
So the song would be the story. I do remember, I remember 1
talking about a she was like, itwas a, it was a bird.

(50:27):
It was a beautiful bird with the, the maybe A2.
What does it start with? He has like an orange tip.
The Toucan. A toucan and he had a salmon in
his mouth and he thought he was the best thing that's ever
walked the planet. He's like, I have AI have a fish
and the the fox is below him andhe and pretty much the whole

(50:51):
point of the story is like to stroke someone's ego and to
catch their fish. And he was like O2 can I've
heard you have the best voice. Like I heard you're an amazing
singer and he's like, what? He's like, no, no, sing for me.
And he's like, ha ha ha. And he like sang and he dropped
the salmon and the fox caught the salmon and left.
And he was like, all you have todo in life is just stroke

(51:12):
people's ego and they'll drop the ball 'cause people love to
feel significant. Oh my God.
That's how she she always convinced me that like, people
would be doing things for you only because they want to feel
significant, not because they actually want to do it for you.
That's, I mean, I don't think that's true for everyone but it.
I agree it's. In a colonized world, fuck yeah.

(51:34):
Yeah, she's like, trust no soul.Like I can't blame her.
I mean, it catches the salmon and run.
Get your bread. But it's, it's brutal out here.
It's it is brutal out here and at people.
People can be so conniving. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, there's Adidas in survival mode at all times.

(51:58):
Even poetry, you know, like poet, women's poetry in the
Middle East is just like just everything has always been from
the perspective of a man always.And just now I'm starting to
read like as a 31 year old, I'm like just now starting to read
poetry. Actually, Sarah got me that
book. It was a, it's, you know, an

(52:19):
Arabic poetry book. I'm like, Oh my God, women never
get published poetry like this. I need to read this.
It just it's such a different perspective.
She got to be Saraha Theodora manicova #1 fan of the podcast.
Right, because you get to see life from a different
perspective, like the caretakersof the world giving you

(52:40):
perspective versus like. I mean, and that's my biggest
dream, right? That's why I think I just always
hated history class growing up, because I'm really interested in
history, but I want to hear it from the perspective of women
every day with not rich women, not the Queens and their
castles. I want to hear history from the

(53:02):
grandmas and the moms and the nice and the nice babies, Right?
And it's the grandmas. I mean it it I think that's
where we've gone wrong as a culture.
Grandmas are what keep the worldtogether.
Grandmas are the most important and precious cargo that we have.

(53:28):
That's so true. That is so true, yeah.
Because and and and. It's not about hierarchy, but
like, all babies are precious, All babies are born pure.
But like a baby can be baked in nine months, a grandma.
Grandma. Is a.
That's a slow bake. Yeah.
That's a slow bake. That's a slow, slow bake on low.

(53:52):
On it's a low temperature. It's a low temp bake.
She's so cute. I love grandma's like, that's
something I also really feel like disconnected with the
younger generation. Like they have no like there's
like. Well, they're not race with
their grandparents, so they just, they don't even know.
Like, I grew up with my grandma and my grandma was one of my

(54:13):
best friends. Yeah.
And I knew. I know everything.
I mean, not everything, but I know so much about my grandma
because I spent time with her all the fucking.
Time I spent more time with my grandmother.
I know more about my grandmotherthan my mom.
Me too, like she was my grandma.Is this is the shit?
It's like their second try, likethey didn't do it right with our

(54:35):
moms, so then we're the second try.
Mine's mine's my paternal grandma.
But but I will say like, it's, Imean, you know, I grew up in the
United States. I remembered my whole life
talking to other kids and they just didn't, they don't know
shit. Like, like here's a simple small
example. My, my grandma, her, her parents

(54:58):
were born in the arts, which were the early 1900s.
My mom's mom, sorry, my grandma's mom, I think was born
in the year in 1900 and I think her dad was born in 1901.
So like the years 1900 to the year 1909, they referred to as
the odds. So when when I grew up, my

(55:18):
grandma would tell me her parents stories.
And so she would call them the odds.
Back in the odds, my mom lived on an almond farm up in Chico.
Like, these are stories I would hear.
Yeah. But then I remember in school, I
would like, reference, you know,whatever we're learning about
history or something. And I would say the aughts, no
one would know what I was fucking talking about.

(55:40):
And I just didn't realize. Right.
Like, no one's being raised by their grandparents.
No one's hearing lingo from 100 years ago.
I'm hearing lingo from 100 yearsago because my grandma's telling
me about her parents and, and she barely told me that much
anyway, but I just was like, wow.
Like no one talks to their grandparents.
They see them maybe once a year,twice a year or just for like

(56:02):
little dinners. But like, you're not really
spending time with them, you know?
Don't let your precious time go away.
If you have grandparents, go interview them.
Go ask them questions. Record them.
Record them. They have all the relics.
They know everything. Like you said, if you've lived

(56:22):
past 85, you really have to be tough, strong, Yeah, to have
survived that long. And the women like.
Yeah. They have been carrying the
human race. Yeah, literally and
figuratively. Yeah, I've always seen the like
the women in my family being them, the caretakers of the men

(56:43):
always, every time, like my evenjust like the physic.
My grandma was like a just a really tall big woman and my
grandpa's like really scrawny, like tiny little guy.
So she was just like really, shewas definitely like the big
spoon for sure. Probably her whole life.
So that's like the image like she was the caretaker and she
was like, you know, don't drink,go sing and come right back, you

(57:06):
know, type thing. So I, I was always surrounded by
the women, always taking care ofthe men, which isn't, which
isn't a bad thing. I feel like other Arab countries
are, you know, the opposite and Lebanon is very like progressed
in that way where like there's probably the least amount of
women that are covered there least amount of like it's a

(57:31):
it's, it's a party city for sure.
Like Beirut is like party central.
Wasn't disco huge there in the 70s?
Oh yeah. It was like, Oh yeah, Tehran and
Beirut were like huge disco centers.
Right. Yes, Oh, yes, it's like the SF
of hot of the Middle East hot, not LA, but the SF Dubai is like

(57:55):
the LA for sure, but it's yeah, Lebanon is very people go there,
you know, party. I never, I never saw that
lifestyle, sadly. Very, very sad about that.
I never experienced the party lifestyle but then but I will go
back. Yeah, I would love to go back.
It's Beirut is one of those cities that I've never known a

(58:17):
lot about, but I've always knownI'm supposed to go.
Ah, the cedar trees, the, you know, the, the snow, you can
literally ski and then go to thebeach like it's, it's so
beautiful. The sea is incredible like it's,
it's a, it's a perfect world there.
I, I mean, I see why everyone isup in there.

(58:40):
You know, it's, it's, it feels like it's inevitable.
And that's always how it felt asa child, too.
I was like, this is short, shortlived.
It's a magical it's ancient land.
Why wouldn't you want it? Short lived, but I I would
always bury notes for myself. Actually, I buried notes and she
been in big failure, which was the most fruitful land like

(59:02):
literally fruit trees everywhere.
I loved going up there and I buried a note to myself when I
left and I came back at like 1819 and it was I you found it?
Yeah, because they were like, we're actually laying a
foundation here and we're going to build a house here.
I was like, no, you can't. My capsule is there.

(59:23):
So they let me. They let me, they let me dig it
up and I got to keep my note. So I was like, no, you're so
nice. Well, I feel like I could talk
to you forever, but before we go, if you have a specific like

(59:48):
fairy tale or story that you canremember from Lebanon, I'd love
to hear it. A fairy tale.
It could be, it could be just like a little story.
Did you ever? Can you?
Is there one that comes to mind?The one that you really liked

(01:00:09):
hearing growing up. The one that honestly my
favorite stories growing up werealways about like a Jasmine type
energy, like a Princess that hasgotten away and doesn't live
where she's at anymore because that's something that I've I
always dreamt of. I'm like, I wish I could just

(01:00:30):
leave this place. And that's, you know, I think my
mom always like would place my sister or myself in those
scenarios. She'd always be like, Once Upon
a time there was a Princess justlike you and she left and she
would just kind of, I feel like she painted our life as in those

(01:00:50):
stories like you're going to leave this hell and you're going
to make something of yourself and you're going to be an
amazing Princess and you're going to get what you want.
So she would kind of I think my mom was like playing out our our
own lives and our heads type thing.
So I don't know. I don't really like specifically
remember. I obviously remember like the

(01:01:10):
little the lettuce stories and like the scary stories that they
would tell us. But I think the the biggest ones
are are mostly like them just manifesting like a future for
yourself. Like as a little Princess
probably. That's so nice.

(01:01:33):
And then you envision that stuff.
You're like, what, I want to drive a car someday and get
groceries. That sounds like a dream.
Princess who drives and goes to grocery stores.
And get tomatoes and cucumbers from the store.
Wow, those were like our dreams.The little things, the little

(01:01:54):
things. Lebanon was magical.
The snow in the mountains was magical.
I remember like, seeing, you know, my first alien sightings
to like as a child. OK.
So you're going to have to tell me about that.
Yeah. I mean, it's I just would
always, I just felt like there was always saucers there.

(01:02:17):
Like, I don't know, I just felt like there were aliens.
There were things in the sky that I couldn't explain.
Or I would show it to someone and then the minute they look,
it's not there. I hated that, like, seeing
things as a kid and then you pointed out and it's not there
anymore. But yeah, my mom was always
like, yeah, I know. Oh, you know, even she fully
believed in aliens. My mom was a full believer of

(01:02:39):
aliens. She believed that wherever there
was water, there was aliens because that's where they land,
you know, on the shores and theygo down on the shores.
I Oh my God, I love. She would she painted one time.
She literally painted like thousands of vases and she said
every single vase is a Galaxy. She's like, we are one tiny

(01:03:00):
little Galaxy and there's millions of other galaxies.
She's like, you're lucky we're pretty.
I was like, what do you mean? She's like, yeah, aliens are
like, ugly. Like they're like, they could be
slimy and like, ugly. They could have one eye like.
That's so funny. I don't want that to take me.
Out technically, we could be ugly to the alien.
Right that I always thought thattoo.

(01:03:21):
I'm like, what if you know that the human brain tells you that
you're three times more attractive than you actually
are? But you know what I heard?
So I do listen to a woman. Her name is Barbara Marciniak,
and she channels a group of Pleiadians and they speak
through her. And at one point they were
actually talking about Earth women and they were saying they
were saying that there's something about Earth women that

(01:03:47):
for some reason are considered particularly attractive to so
many beings across the multiverse.
And they were saying that's why there's all these stories from
all these ancient cultures of like gods coming to Earth to
like fuck women and it's and abducting women.
Or like, you know, there's all those stories of like Zeus

(01:04:08):
turning into a swan or like turning into a horse or like
whatever he like would always come to Earth and like bamboozle
women to fuck him. But apparently according to
these Pleiadians that it's like there's there's a mesmerizing
quality specifically about Earthwomen.
And I buy it. I'm I'm the biggest fan of Earth

(01:04:28):
women. I just think that they are so
magical. They make me proud to be a
human. Anytime I get really depressed
about the state of humanity, I. Just think about all the women
in. Law.
I think about all the women I love and they're so nice.
They're so pretty and they're hot.
And they're so nice and they're so nice and they cook and they
take care of doggies. Like I just think of how nice

(01:04:51):
the my friends are to their animals and to their kids.
They're just the nicest moms ever.
And it's just like snacks. And.
Cuddle I just I love that what you said the other day, you're
like been around borrowed time. I'm like, this makes sense.
Everyone is humble. Well, so technically, like

(01:05:13):
biologically, the basis of our genetics is feminine, right?
And, and the masculine or reallyjust like having a penis is a
variation, but like the, the blueprint of our bodies are
feminine. And that's true for almost every
living creature, like when they're developed in the womb or

(01:05:36):
in the egg form, they're all identical.
They're actually the feminine form.
And then they they end up growing their, their male
anatomy. But what I find interesting, I
think I've mentioned this beforeon my podcast, I don't remember,
but there's this incredible bookcalled the Art of Dreaming.
And it's about a man named Carlos Castaneda.

(01:05:57):
And he ends up befriending a Native American man who is in a
while, he's like a sorcerer and he like becomes his apprentice
for a while. And they have a long friendship.
But in there's a particular book, The Art of Dreaming, where
he learned the art of dreaming. And there's this portion where
he's he's dreaming. And in his dream, he travels to

(01:06:20):
another dimension, like he's in outer space, but like he's in
another world. And as he's like looking around,
he feels like this swooshing energy.
And it's almost like this thing is about to like eat him and he
like pops up and wakes up. And so he tells Don Juan who's
this master like about his dream.

(01:06:41):
And Don Juan explains to him like he says Carlos, like the
universe, the multiverse is female.
And as a male, you are not free to travel anywhere you you can.
But they will swat you just as easily as you would swat a
spider on your desk while you work without thinking.

(01:07:03):
They'll just just snap you and and and you will cease to exist.
I love the idea of being nothing.
It brings me so much comfort knowing I'm just like the grain
of sand. I'm like, oh nice, cool.
Have you ever had a a nothingness dream or like a
dream about like being in a realm of nothingness?
All the time, really. Tell me about that.

(01:07:25):
I just feel like I'm a part of amillion other cells.
Like the vision I had when I waswith Todd, when we did the
meditation, I was like, oh, I'm just like I was in sand.
I was like a grain among like millions of grains of sand.
I always think of myself as this.
Like, I want to crawl into a cave and observe.

(01:07:46):
I don't know how to explain it. Like I'm not supposed to ever be
in a spotlight. I'm just supposed to be like an
observer from the side. Not like I'm a pawn, but I just
always. You can tell me today that the
earth is like hot pink and I'll believe you.
Well, yeah, I my impression of you, my, my opinion of you is

(01:08:10):
that you come from like the, theweb of consciousness and
singularity isn't for you 'causeright now I call it borrowed
singularity. Yeah, borrowed singularity.
I love that word. And yeah, I just get the
impression that that's on your vibe.

(01:08:30):
It's hard. It's really hard.
It's. It can be really lonely.
And I think that's so why so many people struggle with
depression, especially with a colonized climate, because it's
about isolating you from people.And it sucks.
Yeah. Because that's not how
consciousness exists. Yeah.
Consciousness is a web of interconnectedness that is

(01:08:51):
constantly weaving and and reinforcing itself again and
again and again. And like we've created a world
where it's like we cut ourselvesoff again as every time a a
bridge is built, we cut it off. And like we live these like sad.
Fears and realities that don't even exist.
Yeah, and we lack, we lack real connection.

(01:09:13):
And, and I see this a lot in theUnited States.
I see people really struggling to make meaningful connections
and, and and maybe have never, maybe had maybe never made a
real connection in their life because their parents were also
disconnected and their parents never really connected with them
and so on and so forth. I definitely feel very thankful

(01:09:38):
to be free for a long time. I'm like, oh, maybe I didn't do
the right thing and I should have been had an arranged
marriage and done this and that.But then I realized that none of
those things are even real. Like you're just randomly born
into a family. Like in your past lives, you
were so many different things. And so you've experienced so

(01:09:58):
many different races already. So I think that takes away the
pressure knowing that like, yes,colonization has been happening
for thousands and thousands of years and just happens to be
that it's your family this time,but it's not going to be your
family forever. So it just doesn't feel like
it's something to victimize yourself for, but like something

(01:10:20):
to be thankful of, to know that.Wow, yeah, people really do
suffer. People suffer, yes.
And I've, I really have experienced seeing that deeply
in this lifetime. And I'll take that and I'll
treasure that with me forever. And I think, I think this is
actually like a Hindu principle or like a Yogic principle.

(01:10:45):
But what? Technically in human form, you
have 0 control over the world. Truly.
Yeah. Even if you think you do, even
if you're a billionaire or a king or something, you actually
are not in control at all. And the only thing that you do
control is your inner world and how you decide to feel.

(01:11:10):
And of course you could have theworst day or or a really
difficult life and be exposed tohorrific things, but no one can
make you feel. 100. Percent anything.
And that's that's what true freedom really is, is is is

(01:11:30):
choosing to create your inner world.
And I actually really think that's what so much religion has
robbed from humanity is it's kind of like mandating what the
inner world is, but the inner world could be anything.
And it's not about controlling others.
It's not about controlling things around you.
It's about taking ownership overyourself and and who do you want

(01:11:54):
to be on the inside? Do you want to be meditating?
Do you want to be thinking of ideas?
Do you want to be exploring universes like you can build
universes within yourself? It's not about astral travelling
100. Percent.
You can do it within and that's what freedom is.
Do whatever. Yeah, that's so beautiful.

(01:12:15):
I think about that. I think that about a lot because
I read a book in high school which is it's like one of the
coolest books. Maybe you've heard of it.
It's called Man's Search for Meaning.
You heard of it? No, it was written, I think,
correct me if I'm wrong, humanity, but I think it's
written by Viktor Frankel. I think he, he was a licensed

(01:12:37):
therapist. And then when he for two years,
and then when he was 26, he was taken to a concentration camp by
the Nazis. He was a Jewish man.
And so he was 26 years old, but he had finished school to become
a doctor and was a therapist. And that's how he survived

(01:12:57):
because he was a psychologist. And so he wrote this book years,
years, years later after he survived.
And so the book is partially himprocessing his experience in a
concentration camp, but he also talks about as a psychologist,
the reactions that humans had tothe concentration camp.

(01:13:20):
So not just Jewish prisoners. He also talks about the Nazis.
And what's fascinating is that about 80%, not only of Jewish,
we'll, we'll start with Jewish people, around 80 to 90% of
Jewish people completely shut down day one within six hours
because they beat it out of them.
If you, if they were beating someone and you watch them beat

(01:13:42):
them, they would beat you. So within six hours everyone is
checked out, right? Understandably.
And then around like 10 to 15% of people would become capos,
which were basically like informants like they would, they
would kind of brown, they were bootlickers.
They would give, they would rat out other Jewish people or they

(01:14:04):
would help. They would help the Nazis beat
other Jewish people. And then in exchange, they'd get
privileges like maybe a pair of shoes or maybe they'd get extra
food or whatever. But what Viktor Frankel talked
about was that these people who are more likely the people who
were riding on other Jewish people for extra privileges,

(01:14:24):
were people who in the outside world worshipped money.
They were people who were rich and, and couldn't stand not
being rich, or they were people who had always wanted to be
rich. But here's where it gets
interesting. The percentages within the Nazi
community were almost identical.So there was a small, maybe 10
to 50% of Nazis who really got off on it, who like enjoyed

(01:14:49):
beating people and, and the power.
But majority of them would be like, oh, well, I have to do
this. You know, this is my job.
I don't really have another way out.
But it's actually the same mentality.
Like, it's the same percentages of people who are checked out,
taking no autonomy. Of course, as a prisoner, it's

(01:15:09):
much easier to empathize with. But it's interesting to observe
that about 10 to 15% of people want to experience power over
others. And about like 80 to 90 are like
checked out. And so that part of how he
survived is the Nazi who is in charge of his group of people

(01:15:30):
was a kid. He was like 20 years old and
this kid was like, oh, all the other Nazis don't respect me
because I'm young and like, my life is hard.
And Victor would be like, oh, that sounds so hard.
And he would give him therapy. And so this, this kid ended up
liking him because he was basically his fucking therapist.

(01:15:52):
And so one day he was like, yeah, I just so you know, I'm a
doctor. Like you guys should really be
putting my skills to use becausewinter was coming and they were
having them work outside withoutshoes on.
So Victor was recognizing that winter is when people start
fucking dying like really fast. So basically because he started

(01:16:12):
giving therapy to this Nazi, this Nazi moves him to the quote
UN quote hospital, which was basically a cabin that had a
bunch of costs and an allowance of like 3 aspirin a week.
And that was basically the what the hospital was.
And so Victor is now just like gets to stay inside and he just
watches people arrive in pain with illnesses and unbelievable

(01:16:35):
horrible things. But in this part of the book, he
talks about a very special 1% ofprisoners.
And this is who I aspire to be. This is like the 1%.
There was 1% of prisoners who started reciting the Torah
because again, during your bar and bat mitzvah, you have to

(01:16:56):
memorize pieces of the Torah. And.
He said that there was this, he there was a few people like
this, but he, he end up talking to one of these women and she
would just like basically the Nazis had dismissed her from
work because she was deemed too crazy.
And so there was nothing physically wrong with her.

(01:17:17):
She was just considered insane. So they sent her to the hospital
and every morning the sun would rise and she would go outside
barefoot and talk to a tree. Wow.
Every day. And then she would like be
reciting the Torah all the time and like she would be like, I
fucking get it now I get it. It all makes sense.

(01:17:39):
And like she would always say shit like that.
So finally, one day, Victor was like, what?
Like, can I ask you like, what are you talking?
Like, are you talking to that tree?
And she's like, oh, yeah, I'm talking to the tree.
And he'd be like, does the tree talk back?
And she's like, yeah, the tree, The tree talks back.
And he asked her, like, what does the tree say to you?

(01:18:02):
She said, the tree says, I am eternal life, and I love you.
Wow. And she was saying, like, I get
it now. Like all the answers are in the
Scriptures, like we are God, youare God, I am God, God lives
within us. Like it's that easy and like
it's it really is that easy. That was like a long winded

(01:18:24):
story about how like your inner world is the only thing.
Nothing can no one can take fromyou, no one can touch.
And that's what liberation is. That's that's the whole point of
spirituality and religions is toremind people to unlock that
door within you, that even in the most horrifying

(01:18:45):
circumstances, you have the freedom to to be whatever you
want within. Yeah.
And I wish that for all humanity.
I wish for all humanity to starttapping into that 1% of freaky
people who choose, who choose love in the midst of turbulent
seas. Yeah, You know, Yeah.

(01:19:07):
Because. It's so easy to fall into.
It's so easy and it's been happening for the last 10,000
who knows, 20,000 who knows? For thousands and thousands of
years we humans have been creating wars and imperial
societies and it's been devastating.
It's so hard, especially when you're the person who's being

(01:19:29):
crushed by the iron thumb. It's so fucking hard.
But it doesn't mean that you don't have free will, right?
You know it. You may not have a lot of
options, but the but within you are infinitely.
Free internal. Eternally free. 100.

(01:19:50):
Percent and this life is short. So.
Far, I think it's long, but it'slike dragonfly level like it's
in the grand scheme of things, it's our lives are basically two
weeks long. Right.
It's not so serious. It's really.
It's really not that serious. Prepare for the next one.
Make sure you're good for the next one so you can communicate

(01:20:13):
and find where you're going to see your friends.
I'm going to go to the fig tree.Right.
I'm this is actually good. We're talking about this.
So that's where we're going to rendezvous in the next life.
The fig tree. The fig tree.
OK, OK, that's easy. I can remember that fig tree.
I'll be there. We should practice now.
We should meditate and meet at the fig tree.
OK, we can practice. I'm so down.

(01:20:36):
Does that sound good? That sounds amazing.
And that's an invitation for youtoo, whoever you are.
Maybe you're human. Maybe you're a pepper.
Maybe you're a cat. Maybe you're a fig.
Maybe you're a fig listening andthis is an invitation.
If you'd like to meditate and meet us at The Fig Tree, you're
more than welcome. Absolutely.

(01:20:56):
Well, I just love you so much and thank you.
Thank you SO. Much for talking with me.
Thank you. And it's just such a, it's such
a pleasure and a treasure that we get to have you here on
planet Earth. I love you.
I'm. So thankful for this is this is
a casting call for more aliens from the powdered milk planet.

(01:21:17):
We would love more of you to Incarnate here on Earth because
we need more kind little Peppershere.
We need more kind. Peppers, we do need more kind.
Peppers So that's a that's an open casting call.
Yes, taking applications now. Remind me, what's the name of
the powdered milk again? Anito.

(01:21:38):
Anito Sick. We should make some Anito
shirts. I'm gonna work on some merch
about that. Stay tuned.
Stay tuned, I'll make some milk bread.
I love you. I love you.
Thank you so much for listening in, and wherever you are on
planet Earth right now, I'm sending you the biggest hug over

(01:21:59):
and out.