December 2, 2024 • 73 mins
Lets have tea and hear some Scandinavian troll tales !
In this episode we will hear about the troll's daughter and about Terrible Ollie!
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Episode Transcript
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(00:36):
Hello, welcome to Esoterica and Nonsense, a podcast where we
discuss myths, legends, folk tales, fairy tales, supernatural
phenomenon and religions from around the world.
(00:56):
I am your host Annabelle, and I am sitting here in my tiny
little office dreaming about theworld.
I've just been feeling so nostalgic today.
I feel like the Best Song that sums up my vibe is that one
(01:18):
Selena song. Is it called Dreaming?
What's the name of that song? Late at night when all the world
is sleeping, I stay up and thinkof you.
You know what I mean? Because I'm dreaming of you
(01:40):
tonight till tomorrow. Like I it's the nostalgia.
I love that song. When I hear that song, I'm
transported back to being five years old in 1999 and just
thinking about the world and my future.
(02:02):
And I just feel so nostalgic today.
Maybe because it's Sagittarius season.
Happy Sagittarius season, everyone.
I hope you're taking really goodcare of yourself.
There are so many horrific things happening on planet Earth
right now, and I really pray forevery human being to take
(02:24):
initiative in their life and to create some kind of beauty.
If everyone dedicated their lifeto creating beauty, we would
live in a paradise. So that's my dream, that's my
wish check. Just to get on some business.
(02:49):
I have launched a whole bunch ofnew merchandise on my website.
There's merchandise for the podcast, there's merchandise for
some of my art. There's blankets, T-shirts,
hoodies, tote bags, thermos, like what are those Stanley cups
(03:09):
that are all popular like giant thermoses.
There's cute little like glass iced coffee sipping cups.
There are so many fun goodies. Check it out.
It's in the description of this episode and in the description
of all episodes. There's a link to my merchandise
shop. Thank you so much for listening
(03:31):
and supporting to this podcast. Oh Lord.
Well, today on a special request, we're going to talk
about trolls. Maybe trolls.
First of all, I think that trolls get a really bad rap and
are really misunderstood. I think that there is a
(03:56):
preconception with trolls being like, I don't know.
I mean, we obviously use the verb trolling, which is a whole
separate thing and obviously derives from the lore of trolls.
But even though trolls are knownas being mischievous and a
little rough on the eyes, I think modern humanity has
(04:20):
demonized them. But let's get into it.
I'm going to tell a few fairy tales, but before I do that, I'm
going to get into some generalized lore.
We're going to learn about the etymology.
We're going to learn the the broad strokes.
So, oh, there, the Peppers do hear them barking on cue every
(04:43):
time. They haven't been barking all
day, but when I start recording,they show out.
They're famous. I love that about them.
So what is a troll you ask? I'm So what a great question.
I'm so glad that you asked. A troll is a being of Nordic
(05:05):
folklore, or let's just say Nordic culture because some may
argue that they are not a folklore at all and that they
are in fact real. And they are described to dwell
in isolated areas of rock, mountains, or caves.
(05:28):
They're known to live together in small family units, and they
are infamous for being rarely helpful to human beings, AKA
being a little bit mischievous and grumpy and sometimes even
mean. And of course as Scandinavian
folklore matured, trolls became associated with being like non
(05:55):
Christian. I think this is like a really
common theme around the world. Once one of the Abrahamic
religions, dare I say colonized to their mindset, any belief,
you know pre Abrahamic religion became as like viewed as Pagan,
right? So the trolls are seen as non
(06:17):
Christian, therefore dangerous to humans.
And that's why I really wanted to throw out this idea that like
a lot of these quote UN quote villains in folklore became
villainized through with the Christianization or
Islamification or I, I don't really know what you how you
would you conjugate that in the term of Judaism.
(06:40):
But my point is is that the major religions of Earth have
often been skeptical and or demonized Ancient culture AKA
Pagan culture. OK that being said, some common
themes with their depictions as trolls revolve around them being
(07:03):
ugly. Sometimes they're depicted being
very slow witted or stupid, or sometimes they're depicted to
look exactly like human beings with no obvious characteristic
that would reveal them as a troll, which I think is really
(07:24):
interesting. Obviously, when I think of
trolls, I think of the classic like bridge troll or like, yeah,
a troll that guards some kind ofopening.
I feel like they're always like the the doorkeeper.
What? What's the word when you are
like, I guess like a genius, right?
(07:49):
Like the ancient Roman concept of genius is like a, like a
spirit that is a guardian of a certain space.
And I feel like that's what I associate trolls with, right?
Like watching over, pardon me, watching over a bridge or a
doorway or like an opening into a tree hole.
(08:11):
Or I think of them being mischievous and stealing
mittens. Shout out to Jan Brett, if you
know, you know. OK, so just some fun little fun
facts. I love getting into the
etymology. The etymology is fascinating.
(08:32):
And interestingly the word trollor I'm just going to guess troll
in Old Norse means fiend, demon,sometimes werewolf, and in other
cases they used it to mean Jotun, which is also a being of
(08:58):
Germanic mythology and they are kind of like deities or depicted
as dwarfs or elves. Interesting, I've never heard of
this term. Also in Middle high German the
word troll meant fiend. And I think, I think that's
(09:25):
really funny. I, I, it is miserly.
Like I, I understand the word fiend because I, I do think of
trolls being little misers and Ithink that's very, very cute.
OK, so before I start reading these fairy tales, I'm going to
(09:50):
read this really short poem or IOK, I guess.
So this is technically like a how do I say it?
This is like a little excerpt from the Prose Edda book.
(10:12):
And this is basically an encounter between an unnamed
troll woman and this human man. And so allegedly this man was
going through a forest late 1 evening and a troll woman
aggressively asked him who he was.
(10:33):
And in the process she describesherself.
So this is like this little excerpt which I think is so
super cute. So she says trolls call me moon
of dwelling run near giants wealth sucker storm Suns Bale
(10:55):
series friendly companion, guardian of corpse fjord,
swallower of heaven wheel. What is a troll?
Other than that, I love that. I just love that guardian of
corpse fiord. Oh that's amazing.
(11:21):
That is amazing. OK, so that's just like a few
little things I wanted to sprinkle to set the stage.
I also have heard rumors are notrumors.
So I have heard quite a few things about trolls and I this
just came to my mind. One of them is that they're
(11:42):
known to turn to stone if they get in contact with stun light,
and some of them are thought of as almost like earth spirits,
like they like made out of treesor made out of rocks.
Whereas other depictions that I've seen, they seem more like a
dwarf or elf community, like they're human humanoid, but just
(12:07):
smaller and like kind of like with grumpier features.
But but yeah, I think they're sosuper cute.
And I do, I do love this this theme in Scandinavia and places
like Iceland, like these like mystical little people who like
(12:29):
live in nature. And specifically I love the
trolls because I love that they're grumpy.
They're just like grumpy little guys.
I highly recommend now that I'm thinking about this, there's
this incredible Swedish film that if you haven't seen, you
have to see it's called Border. It's really intense and it's
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kind of dark, but it is an imagining of of trolls living
amongst humans in the modern dayand it is a wild ride.
It's incredible. OK, And with that, let's hear
some troll stories. So this is a story.
(13:12):
This is a Dutch story and it's called the Trolls Daughter.
I'm going to have a sip of coffee really fast.
Hold on Bob Wiz OK and here is the trolls daughter.
There was once a lad who went tolook for a place.
(13:37):
As he went along he met a man who asked him where he was
going. He told him his errand, and the
stranger said, then you can serve me.
I am just in want of a lad like you, and I will give you good
wages, a bushel of money the first year to the second year,
(14:01):
and three the third year. For you must serve me three
years and obey me in everything.However strange, however strange
it seems to you, you need not beafraid of taking service with
me. For there is no danger in it if
you only know how to obey. This is a red flag.
(14:26):
Immediately. My first thoughts are red flag.
This is a wild contract. He has not been specific about
how much money he's offering. He simply said a bushel of money
your first year to the second, three or third.
What is a bushel of money? I'm going to need more
specifics. Is it is it a bushel of $100
bills? Is it a bushel of $1.00 bills?
(14:48):
Also blindly obeying. We're going to need some more
context and detail. So my first thought is that this
is looking pretty bad. But of course the bargain was
made, and the lad went home withthe man to whom he had engaged
himself. It was a strange place indeed,
(15:11):
for he lived in a bank in the middle of the wild forest, and
the lad saw there was no other person other than his master.
The latter was a great troll andhad marvellous power over both
men and beasts. Oh my gosh.
OK, so he's working for a troll now.
Honestly this is amazing. Maybe I was too quick to judge.
(15:36):
This little lad went on a walk and just got hired by a troll
immediately. This is so fun.
OK, The next day the lad had to begin his service.
The first thing that the troll set him to was to feed all of
the wild animals from the forest.
(15:57):
These the troll had tied up, andthere were both wolves and
bears, deers and hares, which the troll had gathered in the
stalls and folds in his stable down beneath the ground, and
that stable was a mile long. The boy, however, accomplished
all this work on that day, and the troll praised him and said
(16:19):
it was very well done. The next morning the troll said
to him, Today the animals are not to be fed.
They don't get the like of that.Every day you shall have leave
to play about for a little untilthey are to be fed again.
(16:39):
Then the troll said some words to him which he did not
understand. And with that the lad turned
into a hare and ran out into thewoods.
What? Oh my gosh.
OK, so the troll just shape shifted him.
This, this is like some sorcery.He got plenty to run for two for
(17:04):
all the hunters aimed at him andtried to shoot him, and the dogs
barked and ran after him wherever they got wind of him.
He was the only animal that was left in the wood now, for the
troll had tied up all the others, and every hunter in the
whole country was eager to knockhim over.
(17:25):
But in this they met with no success.
There was no dog that could overtake him, and no marksman
that could hit him. They shot and shot at him, and
he ran, and he ran. It was quite an unquiet life,
but in the long run he got used to it when he saw that there was
(17:45):
no danger in it, and it even amused him to befool all the
hunters and dogs that were so eager after him.
Thus a whole year passed, and when it was over, the troll
called him home, for he was now in his power like all the other
animals. The troll then said some words
(18:07):
to him which he did not understand, and the hare
immediately became a human beingagain.
Well, how do you like to serve me?
Said the troll. And how do you like being a
hare? Wait, so this is amazing.
It sounds like he did one day ofwork and then he spent 364 days
(18:31):
being a hare. That's not a bad job, but we
just need to figure out how mucha bushel of money is, because if
you're going to pay me for beinga hair, sign me up, I'm having a
bite of a cookie right now. Excuse me?
(18:53):
OK. The lad replied that he liked it
very well. He had never been able to go
over the ground so quickly before.
The troll then showed him the bushel of money that he had
already earned and the lad was well pleased to serve him for
(19:14):
another year. The first day of the second year
the boy had the same work to do as on the previous one, namely
to feed all the wild animals in the trolls stable.
When he had done this, the trollagain said some words to him,
and with that he became a Raven and flew high up into the air.
(19:40):
This was delightful. The lad thought he could go even
faster now than when he was a hare, and the dogs could not
come after him here. This was a great delight to him,
but he soon found out that he was not to be left quite at
peace, for all the marksmen and hunters who saw him aimed at him
(20:00):
and fired away, for they had no other birds to shoot than
himself, as the troll had tied up all the others.
This, however, he also got used to when he saw that they could
never hit him, and in this way he flew about all that year
until the troll called him home again.
(20:23):
Said some strange words to him and gave him his human shape
once more. Well, how did you like being a
Raven? Said the troll.
I liked it very well, said the lad, for never in all my days
have I been able to rise so high.
(20:44):
That's what he said. The troll then showed him the
two bushels of money which he had earned that year, and the
lad was well content to remain in his service for one
additional year. The next day he got his old task
of feeding all the wild beasts. When this was done, they're the
(21:08):
Peppers. When this was done, the troll
again said some words to him, and at these he turned into a
fish and sprang into the river. He swam up and he swam down, and
he thought it was pleasant to let himself drive with the
stream. In this way he came right out
(21:30):
into the sea and swam further and further out.
At last he came to a glass palace which stood at the bottom
of the sea. Oh my God, what?
He's in an undersea palace of glass.
This is such a good story, I'm hooked.
He could see into all the rooms and halls where everything was
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very grand. All the furniture was of white
ivory inlaid with gold and Pearl.
Oh my God, are you kidding me? There were soft rugs and
cushions of all the colours of the rainbow, and beautiful
carpets that looked like the finest Moss, and the flowers and
(22:16):
trees with curiously crooked branches, both green and yellow,
white and red. And there were also little
fountains which sprang up from the most beautiful snail shells
and fell into bright mussel shells and at the same time made
(22:36):
a most delightful music which filled the whole palace.
Shut the fuck up. This is my dream home.
This is an underwater glass palace.
Furniture with white ivory, withinlay of gold and Pearl.
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Incredible soft rugs and cushions of every color.
Carpets that look like the finest Moss.
Did you get that? The finest Moss carpets.
That's incredible. Filled with flowers and trees.
This is unbelievable. The snail shell fountain
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cascading into bright mussel shells.
Honestly, I would probably add an abalone feature.
I think that was the only thing missing.
But All in all, I'm giving this a 10 out of 10 review.
Take notes everyone, because thecurrent state of interior design
is just not it. All of this Gray and beige and
(23:42):
it's, it's just way too homogeneous.
We need some interior decoration.
And this undersea palace is is really doing it for me.
OK. The most beautiful thing of all,
however, was a young girl who went about there all alone.
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She went about from one room to another, but did not seem to be
happy with all the grandeur thatshe had about her.
She walked in solitude and melancholy and never even
thought of looking at her own image in the polished glass
walls that were on every side ofher, although she was the
(24:26):
prettiest creature anyone could wish to see.
Oh yeah? So this guy's in love.
This guy is in love. Are you kidding me?
Can you imagine a beautiful underwater Princess laying on a
Moss rug with a fountain of of snail shells behind her like
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you? You could never.
You could never. The lad thought so too, while he
swam round the palace and peepedfrom every side.
What did he think? Oh, he thought that she was the
most beautiful girl in the world.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, duh.
Here. Indeed.
It would be better to be a man than such a poor dumb fish as I
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am now, said he to himself. If I could only remember the
words that the troll says when he changes my shape, then
perhaps I could help myself to become a man again.
He swam and he pondered, and he thought over this until he
remembered the sound of what thetroll said, and then he tried to
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say it himself. In a moment, he stood in human
form at the bottom of the sea. Well, I guess we're going to
suspend our disbelief, because how is he going to breathe?
But whatever, he made haste thento enter the glass palace.
And wid up he went up to the young girl and he spoke to her.
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At first, he nearly frightened the life out of her.
Yeah, dude, this is breaking andentering.
Sorry. This is.
You're not invited. And this is not how it's done.
This is not how you woo the Princess.
You don't just enter into the palace.
This is but I he'll probably succeed.
He's a white guy. They always, you know what I
(26:22):
mean? You know how these stories go.
But honestly, this is what I'm suspecting here.
I don't know what happens in this story, but I have a
suspicion. He's probably going to get the
girl, but because he turned himself into the human, he's
probably not going to get paid from the troll.
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And there's going to be some kind of price to pay.
You know what I'm saying? That's what I'm smelling here.
But I'm not always right. Let's see what happens, OK.
At first, he nearly frightened the life out of her.
But he talked to her so kindly and explained how he had come
down there and that she soon recovered from her alarm.
(27:07):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's probably blonde.
She's probably just like, oh, myGod.
And she was very pleased to havesome company to relieve the
terrible solitude that she livedin.
Time passed so quickly for both of them that the youth, for now
he was quite a young man and no longer a lad, forgot altogether
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how long he had been there. One day the girl said to him
that now it was close on the time when he must become a fish
again. The troll would soon call him
home, and he would have to go, but before that he must put on
the shape of a fish, otherwise he could not pass through the
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sea alive. Before this, while he was
staying down there, she had toldhim that she was the daughter of
the same troll whom the youth had served, and he had shut her
up there to keep her away from everyone.
She had now devised a plan by which they could perhaps succeed
(28:12):
in getting to see each other again and spending the rest of
their lives together. But there was so much to attend
to, and he must give careful heed to all she told him.
Oh, my God, she's a troll Princess.
Are you kidding me? Yeah, this guy scored.
I want to marry a troll Princess.
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She told him then that all the kings in the country round about
were in debt to her father the troll, and the king of a certain
Kingdom, the name of which she told him, was the first who had
to pay, and if he could not do so at the time appointed, he
would lose his head. And she said he cannot pay.
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I know that for certain. Now you must first of all give
up your service with my father. The three years are past and you
are at liberty to go. You will go off with your 6
bushels of money to the Kingdom that I have told you of, and
there enter the service of the King.
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When the time comes near for hisdebt becoming due, you will be
able to notice by his manner that he is ill at ease.
You shall then say to him that you know well enough what it is
that is weighing upon him, that is the debt which he owes to the
troll and cannot pay, but that you can lend him the money.
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The amount is 6 bushels, just what you have.
You shall, however, only lend tohim on condition that you may
accompany him when he goes to make the payment, and that you
then have permission to run before him as a fool.
When you arrive at the trolls abode you must perform all kinds
(30:05):
of foolish tricks and see that you break a whole lot of his
windows and do all other damage that you can.
My father will then get very angry and as the king must
answer for what his fool does, he will sentence him even
although he has paid his debt, either to answer 3 questions or
(30:27):
to lose his life. The first question my father
will ask will be where is my daughter?
Then you shall step forward and answer.
She is at the bottom of the sea.He will then ask you whether you
can recognize her, and to this you will answer yes.
Then he will bring forward a whole troop of women and cause
(30:52):
them to pass before you, in order that you must pick out the
one that you take for his daughter.
You will not be able to recognize me at all, and
therefore I will catch hold of you as I go past so that you can
notice it, and you must then make haste to catch me and hold
me fast. You have then answered his first
(31:14):
question. His next will be, Where is my
heart? You shall then step forward and
again answer. It is in a fish.
Do you know that fish? He will say, and you will again
answer yes. He will then 'cause all kinds of
(31:35):
fish to come before you, and youshall choose between them.
I shall take good care to keep by your side and when the right
fish comes, I will give you a little push.
And with that you will seize thefish and cut it up.
Then all will be over with the troll.
He will ask no more questions and we shall be free to wed.
(32:01):
Wait. Why is his heart in a fish?
Is there like some I? I want to know more about this.
This feels very cryptic and confusing, but I'm on board.
This is this is fascinating. When the youth had got all these
directions as to what he had to do when he got ashore, the next
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thing was to remember the words which the troll said when he
changed him from a human into being an animal.
But these words he had forgotten, and the girl did not
know them either. Oh my God, this dude is an
imbecile. You really don't remember the
words? That's so lame.
(32:43):
It's only been one year and he said them to you.
Let's see, in the first year twice, in the second year twice,
and in the third year he said itonce.
That's five times. Oh my God.
OK. The young man went about all day
in despair and he thought and hethought, but he could not
(33:03):
remember what they sounded like.During the night he could not
sleep, until towards morning he fell into a slumber, and all at
once it flashed upon him what the troll used to say.
He made haste to repeat the words, and at the same moment he
became a fish again and slipped out into the sea.
(33:26):
Immediately after this he was called upon, and he swam through
the sea, up the river to where the trolls stood on the bank,
and he restored him into his human shape with the same words
as before. Well, how did you like being a
fish? Asked the troll.
(33:47):
It was what he had like best of all, said the youth, and that
was no lie, as everyone can guess.
The troll then showed him the three bushels of money which he
had earned during the past year.They stood beside the other
three, and all six now belong tohim.
(34:09):
Perhaps you will serve me for another year yet, said the
troll. And you will get 6 bushels of
money for it. That makes 12 in all, and that's
a pretty penny. No, said the youth.
He thought he had done enough and was anxious to go some other
place to serve and to learn other people's ways.
(34:30):
But he would perhaps come back to the troll some other time.
The troll said that he was always welcome, he had served
him faithfully for three years that they had agreed upon, and
he could make no objections to his leaving.
Now honestly, this is like the coolest job ever.
You feed a bunch of animals for a day.
(34:52):
Well, first of all, I don't lovethat the troll tied up all these
animals, but you feed animals for one day a year and then you
get to live as a free animal in the wild.
Like this is the coolest job ever.
You get paid a bunch of money. Dude, sign me up.
The youth then got his six bushels of money, and with these
(35:16):
he betook himself straight to the Kingdom which his sweetheart
had told him of. He got his money buried in a
lonely spot close to the King's palace, and then he went in
there and asked to be taken intoservice.
He obtained his request, and wastaken on as a stable man to tend
to the King's horses. Some time passed, and he noticed
(35:41):
how the king always went about sorrowing and grieving, and was
never glad or happy. One day the King came into the
stable, where there was no one present except the youth who
had, who said straight out to him that his, with his Majesty's
permission, he wished to ask himwhy he was so sorrowful.
(36:06):
It's of no use speaking about that, said the King.
You cannot help me at any rate you don't know about that, said
the youth. I know very well what it is that
lies so heavy on your mind, and I know also of a plan to get the
money paid. This was quite another case, and
(36:29):
the king had more talk with the stableman, who said that he
could easily lend the king the six bushels of money, but would
only do it on condition that he should be allowed to accompany
the king when he went to pay hisdebt, and that he should be
dressed like the King's court fool and run before him.
(36:50):
He would cause some trouble for which the king would be severely
spoken to, but he would answer for it with and no harm would
befall him. The king gladly agreed to all
that the youth proposed and it was now high time for them to
set out. When they came to the trolls
(37:12):
dwelling, it was no longer in the bank but on the top.
Oh OK, OK, wait, say so sorry. The trolls house was no longer
on the Bank of the river, but onthe top of this there stood a
large castle which the youth hadnever seen before.
(37:33):
The troll could in fact make it visible or invisible just as he
pleased, and knowing as much as he did of the trolls magic arts,
the youth was not at all surprised at this.
All the preppers are barking. When they came to the near side
(37:54):
of the castle, which looked as if it was of pure glass, the
youth ran on in in front of the King's fool.
He ran sometimes facing forwardsand sometimes backwards.
He stood sometimes on his head and sometimes on his feet, and
he dashed in pieces so many of the trolls big glass windows and
(38:18):
doors that it was something awful to see, and he overturned
everything he could and made it a fearful disturbance.
The troll came rushing out, and was so angry and furious, and
abused the King with all his might for bringing such a
wretched fool with him, as he was sure that he could not pay
(38:39):
the least bit of all the damage that had been done when he could
not even pay off his old debt. The fool, however, spoke up and
said that he could do so quite easily, and the King then came
forward with the six bushels of money which the youth had lent
him. They were measured and found to
(38:59):
be correct. This the troll had not reckoned
on, but he could make no objection against it.
The old debt was honestly paid and the king got his bond back
again, but there still remained all the damage that had been
done that day and the king had nothing with had nothing with
(39:20):
which to pay for this. The troll therefore sentenced
the king either to answer 3 questions that he would put to
him or have his head taken off as was agreed on in the old
bond. There was nothing else to be
done than to try to answer the trolls riddles.
The fool then stationed himself just by the King's side while
(39:44):
the troll came forward with his questions.
He first asked, Where is my daughter?
The Fool spoke up and said, She is at the bottom of the sea.
How do you know that? Said the troll.
The little fish saw it, said theFool.
Would you know her, said the troll.
(40:05):
Yes, bring her forward, said thefool.
The troll made a whole crowd of women go past them one after the
other, but all these were nothing but shadows and
deceptions. Amongst the very last was the
trolls real daughter, who pinched the fool as she went
past him to make him aware of her presence.
(40:29):
He thereupon caught her round the waist and held her fast.
And the troll had to admit that his first Riddle was solved.
Then the troll again asked, Where is my heart?
It's in a fish, said the fool. Would you know that fish, said
the troll? Yes, bring it forward, said the
(40:52):
fool. Then all the fishes came
swimming past them, and meanwhile the troll's daughter
stood just by the youth side. When at last the right fish came
swimming along, she gave him a nudge, and he seized it at once,
drove his knife into it, and split it open.
(41:13):
He took the heart out of it and cut it through the middle.
At the same moment the troll fell dead and turned into pieces
of Flint. With that all the bonds that the
troll had bound were broken. All the wild beasts and birds
which he had caught and hid under the ground were free now,
(41:33):
and dispersed themselves into the woods and into the air.
The youth and his sweetheart entered the castle which was now
theirs, and held their wedding. And all the King's roundabout,
who had been in the trolls dead and we're now out of it, came to
the wedding and saluted the youth as their emperor.
(41:54):
And he ruled over them all, and kept peace between them.
And he lived in his castle with his beautiful Empress and great
joy and magnificence. And if they have not died since,
they are living there to this day.
And that is the story of the troll's daughter.
(42:21):
This is OK. I loved this story, but this is
my one complaint. And this is like my common
complaint with most stories. I just want to know more about
the troll. Obviously I don't love that he
was tying up all these animals and hiding them underground but
like he can shape shift people. Why did he want this young guy
(42:41):
to work for him for three years when he only did 3 days of Labor
in three years? Like what was he doing?
Like how does he spend his time?Is he learning these magical
spells as a kid from his troll mom?
Was he like training to become asorcerer?
Or is this like a pop? Like what language was he
speaking? Was he speaking a special troll
language? I want to know details here.
(43:04):
You know what I'm saying? I just, there's not enough
details. More details.
Well, let's do one more. Don't you think?
(43:24):
This one I'm excited about because I feel like there's
this, what's the word I'm looking for?
There's this like stereotype of Scandinavian jokes like Ollie,
Am I crazy? Aren't there like a bunch of
like weird one liners about Ollie and like his like
(43:45):
escapades? I don't know, maybe I'm maybe
I'm crazy, but this is a story about the terrible Ollie, the
story of an honest Finn, and thewicked troll.
This is a finished tale. So that's why when it says an
honest Finn, it it refers to a person of Finland and a wicked
(44:05):
troll. So I'm excited, I'm excited
about this wicked troll. But hear me out.
I just, I would love there to bemore stories from the troll
perspective because I'm sure trolls are grumpy and
mischievous, but humans are often in my experience, the most
(44:26):
wicked animals. So I would love to hear a story
from, sorry, I'm repositioning this pillow.
I would love to hear a story from a trolls perspective
because what if it's a story about an honest troll and a
wicked human? You know, I'm just throwing that
out there. That's just my opinion.
(44:46):
Do what you want with that. OK?
Are you ready? I'm ready.
I'm very excited. There once was a wicked rich old
troll who lived on a mountain that sloped down to a Bay.
(45:07):
A decent Finnish man, a farmer, lived on the opposite side of
the Bay. The farmer had three sons, and
when the boys had reached manhood he said to them, One day
I should think it would shame you, 3 strong youths, that that
wicked old troll over there should live one year after year,
(45:32):
and no one trouble him. We work hard like honest Fins,
and we are as poor at the end ofthe year as at the beginning.
That old troll, with all his wickedness grows richer and
richer. I tell you, if you boys had any
real spirit, you'd take his riches from him and drive him
(45:55):
away. I mean, OK, I don't know
anything about, like, the local economy at this time, but is the
troll a part of the local economy?
Like, is he exploiting people? Like, where is he getting his
money? Is it human money?
(46:15):
Or like, I'm just kind of confused because why are they
this feel. Yeah, this feels very baited.
Like, already the name of the story is an honest fin and a
wicked troll. But like, what makes him wicked?
That he's rich. I mean, again, maybe he he
(46:39):
procured his wealth with questionable means.
But I'm just going to need more details.
I don't have enough details for me to feel like this is a
justified lick, you know what I'm saying?
But the story continues. Let's see.
OK, so his youngest son, whose name was Ollie, at once cried
(47:02):
out. Very well, father, I will, I
will steal from the wicked troll.
But the two older sons, offendedat all these promptness,
declared. You will do no such thing.
Don't forget your place in the family.
You are the youngest and we are not going to let you push us
aside. Now, father, we too will go
(47:25):
across the Bay and route out. That old troll Ollie may come
with us if he likes and watch uswhile we do it.
Ollie laughed and said all right, for he was used to his
brothers treating him like a baby.
So in a few days the three brothers walked around the Bay
(47:46):
and up the mountain and presented themselves at the
trolls house. The troll and his old wife were
both at home. They received the brothers with
great civility. Yeah, OK.
I feel like the troll and his old wife are nice.
They're letting them come over. They're just living up on the
mountain being super cute and old.
(48:06):
Like I'm not getting anything damning about them.
So far I'm not really liking ALDI and the brothers.
Just saying. You are the sons of the Finn who
lives across the Bay, aren't you?
The troll said I've watched you boys grow up.
I'm certainly glad to see you, for I have three daughters who
need husbands. Marry my daughters and you'll
(48:29):
inherit my riches. What?
Dude, this old troll couple is so nice.
I love them. They better not fuck them over.
I'm getting worried. The old troll made his offer in
order to get the young men into his power.
Oh come on, be careful, Ollie whispered, but the brothers were
(48:54):
too delighted at the prospect ofinheriting the trolls riches so
easily to pay any heed to Ollie's warning.
Instead, they accepted the trolls offer at once.
Fine, maybe I'm brand new, but Ijust want to trust the trolls.
I like trolls, sue me. Well, the old troll's wife made
(49:18):
them a fine supper, and after supper the trolls sent them to
bed with his three daughters. But first he put red caps on the
three youths and white caps on the three troll girls.
He made a joke about the caps, ared cap and a white cap in each
bed. He said.
(49:43):
Oh my God. The older brother suspected
nothing and soon fell asleep. Ollie, too, pretended to fall
asleep, and when he was sure that none of the troll girls
were still awake, he got up and quietly changed the caps.
He put the white caps on himselfand his brothers, and the red
caps on the troll girls. Then he crept back into bed and
(50:06):
waited. Presently the old troll came
over to the beds with a long knife in his hand.
There was so little light in theroom that he couldn't see the
faces of the sleepers, but it was easy enough to distinguish
the white caps from the red caps.
With three swift blows he cut off the heads under the red
(50:27):
caps, thinking of course they were the heads of the three
Finnish youths. Oh my God, this is dark.
Dude, he just beheaded his daughters just like that.
This is this is nuts. This is nuts.
Then he went back to bed with his old troll wife and Ollie
(50:49):
could hear them both chuckling and laughing.
How traumatizing is that though?Like imagine if you're the troll
daughter and your dad literally has you lay in bed with some
dude and then like cuts his headoff while you're sleeping and
you just wake up in a bed with adecapitated dude.
Like this is wild. This is fucking wild, OK?
(51:12):
After a time they went soundly to sleep, as Ollie could tell
from their deep, regular breathing and their loud snores.
Ollie now roused his brothers and told them what had happened,
and the three of them slipped quietly out of the troll house
and hurried home to their fatheron the other side of the Bay.
(51:33):
After that, the older brothers no longer talked of despoiling
the troll. They didn't care to try another
encounter with him. He might have cut our heads off,
they said, shuddering to think of the awful risk they had run.
Ollie laughed at them. Come on, he kept saying to them,
day after day, let's go across the Bay to the trolls.
(51:59):
We'll do no such thing, they told him.
And you wouldn't suggest it either, if you weren't so young
and foolish. Well, Ollie announced at last,
if you won't come with me, I'm going alone.
I've heard that the Troll has a horse with hairs of gold and
(52:20):
silver, and I've decided I want that horse.
See, like, even if the troll is like, brutal and intense, I want
to know more about the Troll. Like, he and his old wife live
on this mountain and they have ahorse with hairs of gold and
silver. Like I, I don't really care
(52:40):
about ALDI and his brothers. I want to know about the troll.
I'm fascinated with the troll. And like, for all we know, maybe
the troll's family was massacredby humans and he's traumatized.
You know what, I'm like, I'm just saying if I know humans,
they often do horrifying things.And maybe the troll just kind of
(53:02):
hates humans. Now, I'm not justifying murder.
I'm just saying, like, maybe he's traumatized and he doesn't
really have a lot of trust for humans, you know?
And technically, he's not wrong.Those boys went up there to rob
him. So I don't know, just saying.
Ollie, the boy's father, said, Idon't believe you ought to go to
(53:23):
the troll's house. You know what your brothers say.
That old troll is an awfully slyone.
But Ollie only laughed. Goodbye.
He called back as he waved his hand.
When you see me again, I'll be riding the troll's horse.
The troll wasn't home, but the old troll wife was there.
(53:47):
When she saw Ollie, she thought to herself, MercyMe, here's that
Finnish boy again, the one that changed the caps.
What shall I do? I must keep him here on some
pretext or other, until the troll comes home.
So she pretended to be very gladto see him.
(54:11):
Why, Ollie, she said, is that you come right in?
She talked to him as long as shecould, and wish when she could
think of nothing more to say. She asked him would he take the
horse and water it at the lake. That will keep him busy, she
thought to herself, and long before he gets back from the
(54:34):
lake, the troll will be here. But Ollie, instead of leading
the horse down to the lake, jumped on its back and galloped
away. By the time the troll reached
home, he was safely on the otherside of the Bay.
When the troll heard from his wife what had happened, he went
(54:55):
down to the shore and hallooed across the Bay.
Ollie. Oh, Ollie, are you there?
Ollie made a trumpet of his hands and called back.
Yes, I am here. What do you want, Ollie?
(55:15):
Have you got my horse? Yes, I've got your horse.
But it's my horse now, Ollie. Ollie, his father cried.
You mustn't talk that way to thetroll, you'll make him angry.
And his brothers, looking with envy at the horse with gold and
(55:38):
silver hairs, warmed him sourly.You better be careful, young
man, or the troll will get you. Yet A few days later, Ollie
announced. I think I'll go over and get the
trolls money back. His father tried to dissuade
him. Don't be foolhardy, Ollie.
(55:59):
Your brothers say that you have better not go to the troll house
again. But Ollie only laughed and
started gayly off, as though he hadn't a fear in the world.
Again he found the old troll wife alone.
MercyMe, she thought to herself,as she was, as she saw him
coming here. Is that terrible Ollie again?
(56:22):
Whatever shall I do? I mustn't let him off this time
before the troll gets back. I must keep him right here with
me in the house. So when he he came in, she
pretended that she was tired andthat her back ached and she
asked him would he watch the bread in the oven while she
(56:42):
rested a few moments on the bed.OK, this this lady, this is like
feeling sexist to me because this troll wife's plan sucks.
All of her plans are terrible tokeep him occupied.
And this just feels like veiled in sexism because I just don't
(57:05):
buy it. Women are clever and I assume
that troll women are even more clever than human women and this
is just not, no, I can tell a man wrote this story.
This is not feeling real. This is not ring true of what I
know. A troll woman and stands for.
OK, I'm just putting that out there.
(57:25):
So Ollie replies. Certainly I will watch the
bread. So the old troll wife lay down
on the bed and Ollie sat quietlyin front of the oven.
The troll wife was really tired.Before she knew it, she fell
asleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I get it. You think nothing of women.
You think women are fucking idiots.
I get it. Whoever wrote this, shame on
(57:48):
you. I need, I need some water.
I need a water break to relieve my frustration about the
patriarchy. Ha ha, thought Ollie.
Here is my chance without disturbing the troll wife.
(58:12):
He reached under the bed and pulled out the big money bag
full of silver pieces. He threw it over his shoulder
and he hurried home. He was measuring the money when
he heard the troll hollowing across to him.
Ollie. Oh Ollie, are you there?
(58:33):
Yes, Ollie shouted back. I'm here.
What do you want, Ollie? Have you got my money back?
Yes, I've got your money bag, but it's my money bag now.
Dude, Ollie's a little asshole. A few days later, Ollie said.
(58:56):
Do you know the troll has a beautiful coverlet woven of silk
and gold? I think I'll go over and get it.
Oh my God, dude, Ollie isn't OK.This is crazy.
I don't know where this story isgoing, but it's I just want to
remind you that the name of thisstory is about the honest Finn
(59:19):
Ollie and a wicked troll like that is so this is so fucked up.
I'm like, on the troll side right now.
Maybe he should have beheaded these, these entitled little
brothers. You know what I'm saying?
Like, this is crazy, OK? His father, as usual, protested.
(59:42):
But Ollie laughed at him merrily.
And he went, oh, actually, now that I'm looking at the title of
the story, the story is called Terrible Ollie, The story of an
honest Finn and the wicked troll.
OK, so Ollie is terrible. It's not just me.
At least we have that. At least we have that.
(01:00:05):
OK. Ollie took with him an auger and
a can of water. Wait, pause.
What's an auger again? I don't have to go auger.
Oh, OK. An auger is a tool for boring
holes in wood. It's it's like a it's like a
screw. A giant screw tool to make a
(01:00:26):
hole in wood. OK got it.
I'm up to speed. I know exactly what what that
is. OK.
He took with him an auger and a can of water.
He hid until it was dark. Then he climbed the roof of the
trolls house and he bored a holeright over the bed.
This is like some like like a Mission Impossible shit.
(01:00:47):
When the troll and his wife wentto sleep he sprinkled some water
on the coverlet and on their faces.
The troll woke with a start. I'm wet, he said.
That's what she said. And the bed's wet too.
The old troll wife got up to change the covers.
(01:01:08):
The roof must be leaking, she said.
It's never leaked before. I supposed it was that last
wind. She threw the wet coverlet up
over the rafters to dry and put other covers on the bed.
When she and the troll were again asleep, Ollie made a hole.
(01:01:31):
He made the hole a little bigger.
He reached in his hand and he got the coverlet from the
rafters. The next morning the troll
hallooed across the Bay. Ollie.
Oh, Ollie, are you there? Yes, Ollie shouted back.
I'm here, what do you want? Have you got my coverlet woven
(01:01:55):
of silk and gold? Yes.
Ollie yelled back. I've got your coverlet, but it's
my coverlet now. Dude, I would be so mad at this
little bitch. I bet he's blonde too.
I bet you money that Ollie is blonde.
This is giving little blonde bitch boy energy.
(01:02:16):
Am I right or am I right? I know that I'm.
I know, I know. I'm a doctor too.
A few days later, Ollie said. There's still one thing in the
trolls house that I think I ought to get.
It's a golden bell. If I get that golden bell, then
(01:02:38):
there will be nothing left that had better belong to an honest
Finn. Oh my God, you're not even an
honest Finn. You, like, are lying left and
right to these trolls, dude. Excuse me?
Yeah, dude, I'm I'm sick of Ollie.
I'm I'm ready for some divine justice.
(01:03:00):
It better come soon because I'm sick of this shit.
So of course he went again to the trolls house, taking with
him a saw and an auger. He hid until night and when the
troll and his wife were asleep he cut a hole through the side
of the house through which he reached in his hand to get the
(01:03:21):
golden bell. At the touch of his hand the
bell tinkled and woke up the troll.
The troll jumped out of bed and grabbed Ollie's hand.
Yes, grab his hand. Fuck this guy, Ha ha, he cried.
I've got you now, and this time you won't get away.
(01:03:43):
Tell him, troll, fucking tell him.
Ollie didn't try to get away. He made no resistance while the
troll dragged him into the house.
We'll eat him, that's what we'lldo, the troll said to his wife.
Heat the oven at once. We'll roast him.
Yes, now you're talking roast his ass.
(01:04:05):
So the troll wife built a roaring fire in the oven.
He'll make a fine roast, the troll said, pinching all these
arms and legs. I think we ought to invite the
other troll folk to come and help us eat him.
Suppose I just go over the mountain and gather them in.
(01:04:26):
You can manage here without me as soon as the oven is well
heated, just take Ollie and sliphim in and close the door and by
the time we come he'll be done. Oh no, fuck, I already know
what's going to happen because the author of this story hates
(01:04:47):
women. I'm pretty sure the troll wife
is going to fuck it up. Damn it.
I just to be clear, if this was a real life story, you best
believe the troll wife isn't fucking it up.
Women are so much more cunning, clever, and if they want to be,
they can serve revenge just a little bit colder.
(01:05:07):
So I don't buy this, but I didn't write this story very
well. The troll wife said but don't be
too long. He's young and tender and he
will roast quickly. Boom, roasted.
So the troll went out to invite to the feast the troll folk who
(01:05:30):
lived on the other side of the mountain, and Ollie was left
alone with the troll wife. When the oven was well heated
she raked out the coals and she said to Aldie.
Now then, my boy, sit in front of the oven with your back to
the opening, and I will push youin nicely.
(01:05:51):
You didn't tie him up or anything.
Come on, you guys, it's not how you cook.
It's not how you cook a young boy, OK?
Ollie pretended he didn't quite understand.
He sat down first one way and then another, spreading himself
out so large that he was too bigfor the oven door.
(01:06:12):
No, that way, the troll wife kept saying.
Hunch up a little straight in the front door.
You show me how? Ollie begged.
Oh, come on, don't fall for it. She's going to fall for it.
So the troll wife sat down before the oven directly in
(01:06:32):
front of the opening. She hunched herself up very
compactly, with her chin on her knees and her arms around her
legs. Oh, that way, Ollie said.
So that you can just take hold of me and push me in and shut
the door. As he spoke, he took hold of her
(01:06:56):
and pushed her in and slammed the door.
And that was the end of the old troll wife.
Dude, this is so sad. I am not.
I'm on the troll team on this story, dude.
Ollie let her roast in the oven until she was done to a turn.
(01:07:19):
Then he took her out and put heron the table all ready for the
feast. Then he filled the sack with
straw and dressed the sack up insome of the old troll wife's
clothes. He threw the dressed up sack on
the bed and just to glance at it, you'd suppose it was the
troll wife asleep. Then Ollie took the golden bell
(01:07:42):
and he went home. Well, presently the troll and
all the troll folk from over themountain came trooping in.
Yum Yum. It certainly smells good.
They said as they got the first whiff from the big roast on the
table. Not seasoned or anything.
Dude, I just want to throw that out there.
(01:08:02):
They didn't put any seasoning all.
They didn't put any seasoning onher.
I can't imagine it smells good. I really can't personally see.
The troll said pointing to the bed.
The old woman's asleep. Well, let her sleep, she's
tired. We'll just sit down without her.
(01:08:23):
Oh my God. So they set to and they feasted
and feasted. This is so sad, dude.
This reminds me of that one episode of South Park when
Cartman feeds Chili to that 8th grader.
Do you remember that? That's what this is giving Ha
(01:08:44):
ha, said the troll. This is the way to serve a
troublesome young Finnish boy. Just then his knife struck
something hard and he looked down to see what it was.
MercyMe, he cried. If here isn't one of the old
woman's beads, what could that mean?
(01:09:06):
You don't suppose the roast is not Ollie after all, but in fact
my wife? No, no, it can't be.
This guy's an idiot. He got up and went over to the
bed, and alas, what does he find?
His own troll wife? Then he came back to the table,
(01:09:31):
shaking his head sadly. My friends, he said.
We've been eating the old woman herself.
However we've eaten so much of her that I suppose we might as
well finish her. Shut the fuck up.
(01:09:52):
That's so dark. That is so dark.
I do your thing, Playboy. However you need to grieve.
Do whatever. Do whatever you need.
This is wild. So the troll folk sat all night
feasting and drinking. At dawn the troll went down to
(01:10:13):
the water and hallooed across the Bay.
Ollie, Ollie, are you there? Ollie, who is safely home,
shouted back. Yes, I'm here.
What do you want? Have you got my golden bell?
(01:10:34):
Yes, I've got your golden bell, but it's my golden bell.
Now. One more thing, Ollie.
Did you roast my old woman? Your old woman?
Ollie echoed. Look, is that she?
(01:10:54):
Ollie pointed at the rising sun,which was coming up behind the
troll. The troll turned and looked.
He looked straight at the sun, and then of course he burst and
that was the end of him. Well, after that, no other troll
ever dared settle on that side of the mountain.
(01:11:16):
They were all too afraid of the terrible Ollie.
Oh my God that story was so sad.Ollie sucks, dude.
Ollie truly is terrible. What a little prick.
(01:11:38):
I'm I'm heartbroken by this story.
This was so fucked up. This was so royally fucked up.
I'm I'm on the troll team on this one.
I'm on the troll team. Well, if you grew up hearing
stories about trolls, please write in to
(01:12:01):
esotericaandnonsense@gmail.com. I would love to hear the stories
that you heard growing up. I would love to hear
supernatural stories, stories about aliens.
Feel free to just write me an e-mail.
I would love to read your emails.
I would love to read the emails on the podcast.
Please write in. I would absolutely love that.
(01:12:21):
Please check out my merch on my merch link, which is in the show
notes. Thank you so much for listening
to the podcast. You are fantastic.
We need more fun, kind human beings on earth who aren't
murdering each other and roasting each other in ovens.
(01:12:42):
Thank you so much for being kind.
Thank you so much for listening to the podcast.
I'm sending you a big hug over and out, baby.
Hello, welcome to Esoterica and Nonsense, a podcast where we
discuss myths, legends, folk tales, fairy tales, supernatural
phenomenon and religions from around the world.
(00:56):
I am your host Annabelle, and I am sitting here in my tiny
little office dreaming about theworld.
I've just been feeling so nostalgic today.
I feel like the Best Song that sums up my vibe is that one
(01:18):
Selena song. Is it called Dreaming?
What's the name of that song? Late at night when all the world
is sleeping, I stay up and thinkof you.
You know what I mean? Because I'm dreaming of you
(01:40):
tonight till tomorrow. Like I it's the nostalgia.
I love that song. When I hear that song, I'm
transported back to being five years old in 1999 and just
thinking about the world and my future.
(02:02):
And I just feel so nostalgic today.
Maybe because it's Sagittarius season.
Happy Sagittarius season, everyone.
I hope you're taking really goodcare of yourself.
There are so many horrific things happening on planet Earth
right now, and I really pray forevery human being to take
(02:24):
initiative in their life and to create some kind of beauty.
If everyone dedicated their lifeto creating beauty, we would
live in a paradise. So that's my dream, that's my
wish check. Just to get on some business.
(02:49):
I have launched a whole bunch ofnew merchandise on my website.
There's merchandise for the podcast, there's merchandise for
some of my art. There's blankets, T-shirts,
hoodies, tote bags, thermos, like what are those Stanley cups
(03:09):
that are all popular like giant thermoses.
There's cute little like glass iced coffee sipping cups.
There are so many fun goodies. Check it out.
It's in the description of this episode and in the description
of all episodes. There's a link to my merchandise
shop. Thank you so much for listening
(03:31):
and supporting to this podcast. Oh Lord.
Well, today on a special request, we're going to talk
about trolls. Maybe trolls.
First of all, I think that trolls get a really bad rap and
are really misunderstood. I think that there is a
(03:56):
preconception with trolls being like, I don't know.
I mean, we obviously use the verb trolling, which is a whole
separate thing and obviously derives from the lore of trolls.
But even though trolls are knownas being mischievous and a
little rough on the eyes, I think modern humanity has
(04:20):
demonized them. But let's get into it.
I'm going to tell a few fairy tales, but before I do that, I'm
going to get into some generalized lore.
We're going to learn about the etymology.
We're going to learn the the broad strokes.
So, oh, there, the Peppers do hear them barking on cue every
(04:43):
time. They haven't been barking all
day, but when I start recording,they show out.
They're famous. I love that about them.
So what is a troll you ask? I'm So what a great question.
I'm so glad that you asked. A troll is a being of Nordic
(05:05):
folklore, or let's just say Nordic culture because some may
argue that they are not a folklore at all and that they
are in fact real. And they are described to dwell
in isolated areas of rock, mountains, or caves.
(05:28):
They're known to live together in small family units, and they
are infamous for being rarely helpful to human beings, AKA
being a little bit mischievous and grumpy and sometimes even
mean. And of course as Scandinavian
folklore matured, trolls became associated with being like non
(05:55):
Christian. I think this is like a really
common theme around the world. Once one of the Abrahamic
religions, dare I say colonized to their mindset, any belief,
you know pre Abrahamic religion became as like viewed as Pagan,
right? So the trolls are seen as non
(06:17):
Christian, therefore dangerous to humans.
And that's why I really wanted to throw out this idea that like
a lot of these quote UN quote villains in folklore became
villainized through with the Christianization or
Islamification or I, I don't really know what you how you
would you conjugate that in the term of Judaism.
(06:40):
But my point is is that the major religions of Earth have
often been skeptical and or demonized Ancient culture AKA
Pagan culture. OK that being said, some common
themes with their depictions as trolls revolve around them being
(07:03):
ugly. Sometimes they're depicted being
very slow witted or stupid, or sometimes they're depicted to
look exactly like human beings with no obvious characteristic
that would reveal them as a troll, which I think is really
(07:24):
interesting. Obviously, when I think of
trolls, I think of the classic like bridge troll or like, yeah,
a troll that guards some kind ofopening.
I feel like they're always like the the doorkeeper.
What? What's the word when you are
like, I guess like a genius, right?
(07:49):
Like the ancient Roman concept of genius is like a, like a
spirit that is a guardian of a certain space.
And I feel like that's what I associate trolls with, right?
Like watching over, pardon me, watching over a bridge or a
doorway or like an opening into a tree hole.
(08:11):
Or I think of them being mischievous and stealing
mittens. Shout out to Jan Brett, if you
know, you know. OK, so just some fun little fun
facts. I love getting into the
etymology. The etymology is fascinating.
(08:32):
And interestingly the word trollor I'm just going to guess troll
in Old Norse means fiend, demon,sometimes werewolf, and in other
cases they used it to mean Jotun, which is also a being of
(08:58):
Germanic mythology and they are kind of like deities or depicted
as dwarfs or elves. Interesting, I've never heard of
this term. Also in Middle high German the
word troll meant fiend. And I think, I think that's
(09:25):
really funny. I, I, it is miserly.
Like I, I understand the word fiend because I, I do think of
trolls being little misers and Ithink that's very, very cute.
OK, so before I start reading these fairy tales, I'm going to
(09:50):
read this really short poem or IOK, I guess.
So this is technically like a how do I say it?
This is like a little excerpt from the Prose Edda book.
(10:12):
And this is basically an encounter between an unnamed
troll woman and this human man. And so allegedly this man was
going through a forest late 1 evening and a troll woman
aggressively asked him who he was.
(10:33):
And in the process she describesherself.
So this is like this little excerpt which I think is so
super cute. So she says trolls call me moon
of dwelling run near giants wealth sucker storm Suns Bale
(10:55):
series friendly companion, guardian of corpse fjord,
swallower of heaven wheel. What is a troll?
Other than that, I love that. I just love that guardian of
corpse fiord. Oh that's amazing.
(11:21):
That is amazing. OK, so that's just like a few
little things I wanted to sprinkle to set the stage.
I also have heard rumors are notrumors.
So I have heard quite a few things about trolls and I this
just came to my mind. One of them is that they're
(11:42):
known to turn to stone if they get in contact with stun light,
and some of them are thought of as almost like earth spirits,
like they like made out of treesor made out of rocks.
Whereas other depictions that I've seen, they seem more like a
dwarf or elf community, like they're human humanoid, but just
(12:07):
smaller and like kind of like with grumpier features.
But but yeah, I think they're sosuper cute.
And I do, I do love this this theme in Scandinavia and places
like Iceland, like these like mystical little people who like
(12:29):
live in nature. And specifically I love the
trolls because I love that they're grumpy.
They're just like grumpy little guys.
I highly recommend now that I'm thinking about this, there's
this incredible Swedish film that if you haven't seen, you
have to see it's called Border. It's really intense and it's
(12:50):
kind of dark, but it is an imagining of of trolls living
amongst humans in the modern dayand it is a wild ride.
It's incredible. OK, And with that, let's hear
some troll stories. So this is a story.
(13:12):
This is a Dutch story and it's called the Trolls Daughter.
I'm going to have a sip of coffee really fast.
Hold on Bob Wiz OK and here is the trolls daughter.
There was once a lad who went tolook for a place.
(13:37):
As he went along he met a man who asked him where he was
going. He told him his errand, and the
stranger said, then you can serve me.
I am just in want of a lad like you, and I will give you good
wages, a bushel of money the first year to the second year,
(14:01):
and three the third year. For you must serve me three
years and obey me in everything.However strange, however strange
it seems to you, you need not beafraid of taking service with
me. For there is no danger in it if
you only know how to obey. This is a red flag.
(14:26):
Immediately. My first thoughts are red flag.
This is a wild contract. He has not been specific about
how much money he's offering. He simply said a bushel of money
your first year to the second, three or third.
What is a bushel of money? I'm going to need more
specifics. Is it is it a bushel of $100
bills? Is it a bushel of $1.00 bills?
(14:48):
Also blindly obeying. We're going to need some more
context and detail. So my first thought is that this
is looking pretty bad. But of course the bargain was
made, and the lad went home withthe man to whom he had engaged
himself. It was a strange place indeed,
(15:11):
for he lived in a bank in the middle of the wild forest, and
the lad saw there was no other person other than his master.
The latter was a great troll andhad marvellous power over both
men and beasts. Oh my gosh.
OK, so he's working for a troll now.
Honestly this is amazing. Maybe I was too quick to judge.
(15:36):
This little lad went on a walk and just got hired by a troll
immediately. This is so fun.
OK, The next day the lad had to begin his service.
The first thing that the troll set him to was to feed all of
the wild animals from the forest.
(15:57):
These the troll had tied up, andthere were both wolves and
bears, deers and hares, which the troll had gathered in the
stalls and folds in his stable down beneath the ground, and
that stable was a mile long. The boy, however, accomplished
all this work on that day, and the troll praised him and said
(16:19):
it was very well done. The next morning the troll said
to him, Today the animals are not to be fed.
They don't get the like of that.Every day you shall have leave
to play about for a little untilthey are to be fed again.
(16:39):
Then the troll said some words to him which he did not
understand. And with that the lad turned
into a hare and ran out into thewoods.
What? Oh my gosh.
OK, so the troll just shape shifted him.
This, this is like some sorcery.He got plenty to run for two for
(17:04):
all the hunters aimed at him andtried to shoot him, and the dogs
barked and ran after him wherever they got wind of him.
He was the only animal that was left in the wood now, for the
troll had tied up all the others, and every hunter in the
whole country was eager to knockhim over.
(17:25):
But in this they met with no success.
There was no dog that could overtake him, and no marksman
that could hit him. They shot and shot at him, and
he ran, and he ran. It was quite an unquiet life,
but in the long run he got used to it when he saw that there was
(17:45):
no danger in it, and it even amused him to befool all the
hunters and dogs that were so eager after him.
Thus a whole year passed, and when it was over, the troll
called him home, for he was now in his power like all the other
animals. The troll then said some words
(18:07):
to him which he did not understand, and the hare
immediately became a human beingagain.
Well, how do you like to serve me?
Said the troll. And how do you like being a
hare? Wait, so this is amazing.
It sounds like he did one day ofwork and then he spent 364 days
(18:31):
being a hare. That's not a bad job, but we
just need to figure out how mucha bushel of money is, because if
you're going to pay me for beinga hair, sign me up, I'm having a
bite of a cookie right now. Excuse me?
(18:53):
OK. The lad replied that he liked it
very well. He had never been able to go
over the ground so quickly before.
The troll then showed him the bushel of money that he had
already earned and the lad was well pleased to serve him for
(19:14):
another year. The first day of the second year
the boy had the same work to do as on the previous one, namely
to feed all the wild animals in the trolls stable.
When he had done this, the trollagain said some words to him,
and with that he became a Raven and flew high up into the air.
(19:40):
This was delightful. The lad thought he could go even
faster now than when he was a hare, and the dogs could not
come after him here. This was a great delight to him,
but he soon found out that he was not to be left quite at
peace, for all the marksmen and hunters who saw him aimed at him
(20:00):
and fired away, for they had no other birds to shoot than
himself, as the troll had tied up all the others.
This, however, he also got used to when he saw that they could
never hit him, and in this way he flew about all that year
until the troll called him home again.
(20:23):
Said some strange words to him and gave him his human shape
once more. Well, how did you like being a
Raven? Said the troll.
I liked it very well, said the lad, for never in all my days
have I been able to rise so high.
(20:44):
That's what he said. The troll then showed him the
two bushels of money which he had earned that year, and the
lad was well content to remain in his service for one
additional year. The next day he got his old task
of feeding all the wild beasts. When this was done, they're the
(21:08):
Peppers. When this was done, the troll
again said some words to him, and at these he turned into a
fish and sprang into the river. He swam up and he swam down, and
he thought it was pleasant to let himself drive with the
stream. In this way he came right out
(21:30):
into the sea and swam further and further out.
At last he came to a glass palace which stood at the bottom
of the sea. Oh my God, what?
He's in an undersea palace of glass.
This is such a good story, I'm hooked.
He could see into all the rooms and halls where everything was
(21:54):
very grand. All the furniture was of white
ivory inlaid with gold and Pearl.
Oh my God, are you kidding me? There were soft rugs and
cushions of all the colours of the rainbow, and beautiful
carpets that looked like the finest Moss, and the flowers and
(22:16):
trees with curiously crooked branches, both green and yellow,
white and red. And there were also little
fountains which sprang up from the most beautiful snail shells
and fell into bright mussel shells and at the same time made
(22:36):
a most delightful music which filled the whole palace.
Shut the fuck up. This is my dream home.
This is an underwater glass palace.
Furniture with white ivory, withinlay of gold and Pearl.
(22:57):
Incredible soft rugs and cushions of every color.
Carpets that look like the finest Moss.
Did you get that? The finest Moss carpets.
That's incredible. Filled with flowers and trees.
This is unbelievable. The snail shell fountain
(23:18):
cascading into bright mussel shells.
Honestly, I would probably add an abalone feature.
I think that was the only thing missing.
But All in all, I'm giving this a 10 out of 10 review.
Take notes everyone, because thecurrent state of interior design
is just not it. All of this Gray and beige and
(23:42):
it's, it's just way too homogeneous.
We need some interior decoration.
And this undersea palace is is really doing it for me.
OK. The most beautiful thing of all,
however, was a young girl who went about there all alone.
(24:03):
She went about from one room to another, but did not seem to be
happy with all the grandeur thatshe had about her.
She walked in solitude and melancholy and never even
thought of looking at her own image in the polished glass
walls that were on every side ofher, although she was the
(24:26):
prettiest creature anyone could wish to see.
Oh yeah? So this guy's in love.
This guy is in love. Are you kidding me?
Can you imagine a beautiful underwater Princess laying on a
Moss rug with a fountain of of snail shells behind her like
(24:48):
you? You could never.
You could never. The lad thought so too, while he
swam round the palace and peepedfrom every side.
What did he think? Oh, he thought that she was the
most beautiful girl in the world.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, duh.
Here. Indeed.
It would be better to be a man than such a poor dumb fish as I
(25:13):
am now, said he to himself. If I could only remember the
words that the troll says when he changes my shape, then
perhaps I could help myself to become a man again.
He swam and he pondered, and he thought over this until he
remembered the sound of what thetroll said, and then he tried to
(25:36):
say it himself. In a moment, he stood in human
form at the bottom of the sea. Well, I guess we're going to
suspend our disbelief, because how is he going to breathe?
But whatever, he made haste thento enter the glass palace.
And wid up he went up to the young girl and he spoke to her.
(26:01):
At first, he nearly frightened the life out of her.
Yeah, dude, this is breaking andentering.
Sorry. This is.
You're not invited. And this is not how it's done.
This is not how you woo the Princess.
You don't just enter into the palace.
This is but I he'll probably succeed.
He's a white guy. They always, you know what I
(26:22):
mean? You know how these stories go.
But honestly, this is what I'm suspecting here.
I don't know what happens in this story, but I have a
suspicion. He's probably going to get the
girl, but because he turned himself into the human, he's
probably not going to get paid from the troll.
(26:43):
And there's going to be some kind of price to pay.
You know what I'm saying? That's what I'm smelling here.
But I'm not always right. Let's see what happens, OK.
At first, he nearly frightened the life out of her.
But he talked to her so kindly and explained how he had come
down there and that she soon recovered from her alarm.
(27:07):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's probably blonde.
She's probably just like, oh, myGod.
And she was very pleased to havesome company to relieve the
terrible solitude that she livedin.
Time passed so quickly for both of them that the youth, for now
he was quite a young man and no longer a lad, forgot altogether
(27:29):
how long he had been there. One day the girl said to him
that now it was close on the time when he must become a fish
again. The troll would soon call him
home, and he would have to go, but before that he must put on
the shape of a fish, otherwise he could not pass through the
(27:51):
sea alive. Before this, while he was
staying down there, she had toldhim that she was the daughter of
the same troll whom the youth had served, and he had shut her
up there to keep her away from everyone.
She had now devised a plan by which they could perhaps succeed
(28:12):
in getting to see each other again and spending the rest of
their lives together. But there was so much to attend
to, and he must give careful heed to all she told him.
Oh, my God, she's a troll Princess.
Are you kidding me? Yeah, this guy scored.
I want to marry a troll Princess.
(28:33):
She told him then that all the kings in the country round about
were in debt to her father the troll, and the king of a certain
Kingdom, the name of which she told him, was the first who had
to pay, and if he could not do so at the time appointed, he
would lose his head. And she said he cannot pay.
(28:58):
I know that for certain. Now you must first of all give
up your service with my father. The three years are past and you
are at liberty to go. You will go off with your 6
bushels of money to the Kingdom that I have told you of, and
there enter the service of the King.
(29:19):
When the time comes near for hisdebt becoming due, you will be
able to notice by his manner that he is ill at ease.
You shall then say to him that you know well enough what it is
that is weighing upon him, that is the debt which he owes to the
troll and cannot pay, but that you can lend him the money.
(29:43):
The amount is 6 bushels, just what you have.
You shall, however, only lend tohim on condition that you may
accompany him when he goes to make the payment, and that you
then have permission to run before him as a fool.
When you arrive at the trolls abode you must perform all kinds
(30:05):
of foolish tricks and see that you break a whole lot of his
windows and do all other damage that you can.
My father will then get very angry and as the king must
answer for what his fool does, he will sentence him even
although he has paid his debt, either to answer 3 questions or
(30:27):
to lose his life. The first question my father
will ask will be where is my daughter?
Then you shall step forward and answer.
She is at the bottom of the sea.He will then ask you whether you
can recognize her, and to this you will answer yes.
Then he will bring forward a whole troop of women and cause
(30:52):
them to pass before you, in order that you must pick out the
one that you take for his daughter.
You will not be able to recognize me at all, and
therefore I will catch hold of you as I go past so that you can
notice it, and you must then make haste to catch me and hold
me fast. You have then answered his first
(31:14):
question. His next will be, Where is my
heart? You shall then step forward and
again answer. It is in a fish.
Do you know that fish? He will say, and you will again
answer yes. He will then 'cause all kinds of
(31:35):
fish to come before you, and youshall choose between them.
I shall take good care to keep by your side and when the right
fish comes, I will give you a little push.
And with that you will seize thefish and cut it up.
Then all will be over with the troll.
He will ask no more questions and we shall be free to wed.
(32:01):
Wait. Why is his heart in a fish?
Is there like some I? I want to know more about this.
This feels very cryptic and confusing, but I'm on board.
This is this is fascinating. When the youth had got all these
directions as to what he had to do when he got ashore, the next
(32:22):
thing was to remember the words which the troll said when he
changed him from a human into being an animal.
But these words he had forgotten, and the girl did not
know them either. Oh my God, this dude is an
imbecile. You really don't remember the
words? That's so lame.
(32:43):
It's only been one year and he said them to you.
Let's see, in the first year twice, in the second year twice,
and in the third year he said itonce.
That's five times. Oh my God.
OK. The young man went about all day
in despair and he thought and hethought, but he could not
(33:03):
remember what they sounded like.During the night he could not
sleep, until towards morning he fell into a slumber, and all at
once it flashed upon him what the troll used to say.
He made haste to repeat the words, and at the same moment he
became a fish again and slipped out into the sea.
(33:26):
Immediately after this he was called upon, and he swam through
the sea, up the river to where the trolls stood on the bank,
and he restored him into his human shape with the same words
as before. Well, how did you like being a
fish? Asked the troll.
(33:47):
It was what he had like best of all, said the youth, and that
was no lie, as everyone can guess.
The troll then showed him the three bushels of money which he
had earned during the past year.They stood beside the other
three, and all six now belong tohim.
(34:09):
Perhaps you will serve me for another year yet, said the
troll. And you will get 6 bushels of
money for it. That makes 12 in all, and that's
a pretty penny. No, said the youth.
He thought he had done enough and was anxious to go some other
place to serve and to learn other people's ways.
(34:30):
But he would perhaps come back to the troll some other time.
The troll said that he was always welcome, he had served
him faithfully for three years that they had agreed upon, and
he could make no objections to his leaving.
Now honestly, this is like the coolest job ever.
You feed a bunch of animals for a day.
(34:52):
Well, first of all, I don't lovethat the troll tied up all these
animals, but you feed animals for one day a year and then you
get to live as a free animal in the wild.
Like this is the coolest job ever.
You get paid a bunch of money. Dude, sign me up.
The youth then got his six bushels of money, and with these
(35:16):
he betook himself straight to the Kingdom which his sweetheart
had told him of. He got his money buried in a
lonely spot close to the King's palace, and then he went in
there and asked to be taken intoservice.
He obtained his request, and wastaken on as a stable man to tend
to the King's horses. Some time passed, and he noticed
(35:41):
how the king always went about sorrowing and grieving, and was
never glad or happy. One day the King came into the
stable, where there was no one present except the youth who
had, who said straight out to him that his, with his Majesty's
permission, he wished to ask himwhy he was so sorrowful.
(36:06):
It's of no use speaking about that, said the King.
You cannot help me at any rate you don't know about that, said
the youth. I know very well what it is that
lies so heavy on your mind, and I know also of a plan to get the
money paid. This was quite another case, and
(36:29):
the king had more talk with the stableman, who said that he
could easily lend the king the six bushels of money, but would
only do it on condition that he should be allowed to accompany
the king when he went to pay hisdebt, and that he should be
dressed like the King's court fool and run before him.
(36:50):
He would cause some trouble for which the king would be severely
spoken to, but he would answer for it with and no harm would
befall him. The king gladly agreed to all
that the youth proposed and it was now high time for them to
set out. When they came to the trolls
(37:12):
dwelling, it was no longer in the bank but on the top.
Oh OK, OK, wait, say so sorry. The trolls house was no longer
on the Bank of the river, but onthe top of this there stood a
large castle which the youth hadnever seen before.
(37:33):
The troll could in fact make it visible or invisible just as he
pleased, and knowing as much as he did of the trolls magic arts,
the youth was not at all surprised at this.
All the preppers are barking. When they came to the near side
(37:54):
of the castle, which looked as if it was of pure glass, the
youth ran on in in front of the King's fool.
He ran sometimes facing forwardsand sometimes backwards.
He stood sometimes on his head and sometimes on his feet, and
he dashed in pieces so many of the trolls big glass windows and
(38:18):
doors that it was something awful to see, and he overturned
everything he could and made it a fearful disturbance.
The troll came rushing out, and was so angry and furious, and
abused the King with all his might for bringing such a
wretched fool with him, as he was sure that he could not pay
(38:39):
the least bit of all the damage that had been done when he could
not even pay off his old debt. The fool, however, spoke up and
said that he could do so quite easily, and the King then came
forward with the six bushels of money which the youth had lent
him. They were measured and found to
(38:59):
be correct. This the troll had not reckoned
on, but he could make no objection against it.
The old debt was honestly paid and the king got his bond back
again, but there still remained all the damage that had been
done that day and the king had nothing with had nothing with
(39:20):
which to pay for this. The troll therefore sentenced
the king either to answer 3 questions that he would put to
him or have his head taken off as was agreed on in the old
bond. There was nothing else to be
done than to try to answer the trolls riddles.
The fool then stationed himself just by the King's side while
(39:44):
the troll came forward with his questions.
He first asked, Where is my daughter?
The Fool spoke up and said, She is at the bottom of the sea.
How do you know that? Said the troll.
The little fish saw it, said theFool.
Would you know her, said the troll.
(40:05):
Yes, bring her forward, said thefool.
The troll made a whole crowd of women go past them one after the
other, but all these were nothing but shadows and
deceptions. Amongst the very last was the
trolls real daughter, who pinched the fool as she went
past him to make him aware of her presence.
(40:29):
He thereupon caught her round the waist and held her fast.
And the troll had to admit that his first Riddle was solved.
Then the troll again asked, Where is my heart?
It's in a fish, said the fool. Would you know that fish, said
the troll? Yes, bring it forward, said the
(40:52):
fool. Then all the fishes came
swimming past them, and meanwhile the troll's daughter
stood just by the youth side. When at last the right fish came
swimming along, she gave him a nudge, and he seized it at once,
drove his knife into it, and split it open.
(41:13):
He took the heart out of it and cut it through the middle.
At the same moment the troll fell dead and turned into pieces
of Flint. With that all the bonds that the
troll had bound were broken. All the wild beasts and birds
which he had caught and hid under the ground were free now,
(41:33):
and dispersed themselves into the woods and into the air.
The youth and his sweetheart entered the castle which was now
theirs, and held their wedding. And all the King's roundabout,
who had been in the trolls dead and we're now out of it, came to
the wedding and saluted the youth as their emperor.
(41:54):
And he ruled over them all, and kept peace between them.
And he lived in his castle with his beautiful Empress and great
joy and magnificence. And if they have not died since,
they are living there to this day.
And that is the story of the troll's daughter.
(42:21):
This is OK. I loved this story, but this is
my one complaint. And this is like my common
complaint with most stories. I just want to know more about
the troll. Obviously I don't love that he
was tying up all these animals and hiding them underground but
like he can shape shift people. Why did he want this young guy
(42:41):
to work for him for three years when he only did 3 days of Labor
in three years? Like what was he doing?
Like how does he spend his time?Is he learning these magical
spells as a kid from his troll mom?
Was he like training to become asorcerer?
Or is this like a pop? Like what language was he
speaking? Was he speaking a special troll
language? I want to know details here.
(43:04):
You know what I'm saying? I just, there's not enough
details. More details.
Well, let's do one more. Don't you think?
(43:24):
This one I'm excited about because I feel like there's
this, what's the word I'm looking for?
There's this like stereotype of Scandinavian jokes like Ollie,
Am I crazy? Aren't there like a bunch of
like weird one liners about Ollie and like his like
(43:45):
escapades? I don't know, maybe I'm maybe
I'm crazy, but this is a story about the terrible Ollie, the
story of an honest Finn, and thewicked troll.
This is a finished tale. So that's why when it says an
honest Finn, it it refers to a person of Finland and a wicked
(44:05):
troll. So I'm excited, I'm excited
about this wicked troll. But hear me out.
I just, I would love there to bemore stories from the troll
perspective because I'm sure trolls are grumpy and
mischievous, but humans are often in my experience, the most
(44:26):
wicked animals. So I would love to hear a story
from, sorry, I'm repositioning this pillow.
I would love to hear a story from a trolls perspective
because what if it's a story about an honest troll and a
wicked human? You know, I'm just throwing that
out there. That's just my opinion.
(44:46):
Do what you want with that. OK?
Are you ready? I'm ready.
I'm very excited. There once was a wicked rich old
troll who lived on a mountain that sloped down to a Bay.
(45:07):
A decent Finnish man, a farmer, lived on the opposite side of
the Bay. The farmer had three sons, and
when the boys had reached manhood he said to them, One day
I should think it would shame you, 3 strong youths, that that
wicked old troll over there should live one year after year,
(45:32):
and no one trouble him. We work hard like honest Fins,
and we are as poor at the end ofthe year as at the beginning.
That old troll, with all his wickedness grows richer and
richer. I tell you, if you boys had any
real spirit, you'd take his riches from him and drive him
(45:55):
away. I mean, OK, I don't know
anything about, like, the local economy at this time, but is the
troll a part of the local economy?
Like, is he exploiting people? Like, where is he getting his
money? Is it human money?
(46:15):
Or like, I'm just kind of confused because why are they
this feel. Yeah, this feels very baited.
Like, already the name of the story is an honest fin and a
wicked troll. But like, what makes him wicked?
That he's rich. I mean, again, maybe he he
(46:39):
procured his wealth with questionable means.
But I'm just going to need more details.
I don't have enough details for me to feel like this is a
justified lick, you know what I'm saying?
But the story continues. Let's see.
OK, so his youngest son, whose name was Ollie, at once cried
(47:02):
out. Very well, father, I will, I
will steal from the wicked troll.
But the two older sons, offendedat all these promptness,
declared. You will do no such thing.
Don't forget your place in the family.
You are the youngest and we are not going to let you push us
aside. Now, father, we too will go
(47:25):
across the Bay and route out. That old troll Ollie may come
with us if he likes and watch uswhile we do it.
Ollie laughed and said all right, for he was used to his
brothers treating him like a baby.
So in a few days the three brothers walked around the Bay
(47:46):
and up the mountain and presented themselves at the
trolls house. The troll and his old wife were
both at home. They received the brothers with
great civility. Yeah, OK.
I feel like the troll and his old wife are nice.
They're letting them come over. They're just living up on the
mountain being super cute and old.
(48:06):
Like I'm not getting anything damning about them.
So far I'm not really liking ALDI and the brothers.
Just saying. You are the sons of the Finn who
lives across the Bay, aren't you?
The troll said I've watched you boys grow up.
I'm certainly glad to see you, for I have three daughters who
need husbands. Marry my daughters and you'll
(48:29):
inherit my riches. What?
Dude, this old troll couple is so nice.
I love them. They better not fuck them over.
I'm getting worried. The old troll made his offer in
order to get the young men into his power.
Oh come on, be careful, Ollie whispered, but the brothers were
(48:54):
too delighted at the prospect ofinheriting the trolls riches so
easily to pay any heed to Ollie's warning.
Instead, they accepted the trolls offer at once.
Fine, maybe I'm brand new, but Ijust want to trust the trolls.
I like trolls, sue me. Well, the old troll's wife made
(49:18):
them a fine supper, and after supper the trolls sent them to
bed with his three daughters. But first he put red caps on the
three youths and white caps on the three troll girls.
He made a joke about the caps, ared cap and a white cap in each
bed. He said.
(49:43):
Oh my God. The older brother suspected
nothing and soon fell asleep. Ollie, too, pretended to fall
asleep, and when he was sure that none of the troll girls
were still awake, he got up and quietly changed the caps.
He put the white caps on himselfand his brothers, and the red
caps on the troll girls. Then he crept back into bed and
(50:06):
waited. Presently the old troll came
over to the beds with a long knife in his hand.
There was so little light in theroom that he couldn't see the
faces of the sleepers, but it was easy enough to distinguish
the white caps from the red caps.
With three swift blows he cut off the heads under the red
(50:27):
caps, thinking of course they were the heads of the three
Finnish youths. Oh my God, this is dark.
Dude, he just beheaded his daughters just like that.
This is this is nuts. This is nuts.
Then he went back to bed with his old troll wife and Ollie
(50:49):
could hear them both chuckling and laughing.
How traumatizing is that though?Like imagine if you're the troll
daughter and your dad literally has you lay in bed with some
dude and then like cuts his headoff while you're sleeping and
you just wake up in a bed with adecapitated dude.
Like this is wild. This is fucking wild, OK?
(51:12):
After a time they went soundly to sleep, as Ollie could tell
from their deep, regular breathing and their loud snores.
Ollie now roused his brothers and told them what had happened,
and the three of them slipped quietly out of the troll house
and hurried home to their fatheron the other side of the Bay.
(51:33):
After that, the older brothers no longer talked of despoiling
the troll. They didn't care to try another
encounter with him. He might have cut our heads off,
they said, shuddering to think of the awful risk they had run.
Ollie laughed at them. Come on, he kept saying to them,
day after day, let's go across the Bay to the trolls.
(51:59):
We'll do no such thing, they told him.
And you wouldn't suggest it either, if you weren't so young
and foolish. Well, Ollie announced at last,
if you won't come with me, I'm going alone.
I've heard that the Troll has a horse with hairs of gold and
(52:20):
silver, and I've decided I want that horse.
See, like, even if the troll is like, brutal and intense, I want
to know more about the Troll. Like, he and his old wife live
on this mountain and they have ahorse with hairs of gold and
silver. Like I, I don't really care
(52:40):
about ALDI and his brothers. I want to know about the troll.
I'm fascinated with the troll. And like, for all we know, maybe
the troll's family was massacredby humans and he's traumatized.
You know what, I'm like, I'm just saying if I know humans,
they often do horrifying things.And maybe the troll just kind of
(53:02):
hates humans. Now, I'm not justifying murder.
I'm just saying, like, maybe he's traumatized and he doesn't
really have a lot of trust for humans, you know?
And technically, he's not wrong.Those boys went up there to rob
him. So I don't know, just saying.
Ollie, the boy's father, said, Idon't believe you ought to go to
(53:23):
the troll's house. You know what your brothers say.
That old troll is an awfully slyone.
But Ollie only laughed. Goodbye.
He called back as he waved his hand.
When you see me again, I'll be riding the troll's horse.
The troll wasn't home, but the old troll wife was there.
(53:47):
When she saw Ollie, she thought to herself, MercyMe, here's that
Finnish boy again, the one that changed the caps.
What shall I do? I must keep him here on some
pretext or other, until the troll comes home.
So she pretended to be very gladto see him.
(54:11):
Why, Ollie, she said, is that you come right in?
She talked to him as long as shecould, and wish when she could
think of nothing more to say. She asked him would he take the
horse and water it at the lake. That will keep him busy, she
thought to herself, and long before he gets back from the
(54:34):
lake, the troll will be here. But Ollie, instead of leading
the horse down to the lake, jumped on its back and galloped
away. By the time the troll reached
home, he was safely on the otherside of the Bay.
When the troll heard from his wife what had happened, he went
(54:55):
down to the shore and hallooed across the Bay.
Ollie. Oh, Ollie, are you there?
Ollie made a trumpet of his hands and called back.
Yes, I am here. What do you want, Ollie?
(55:15):
Have you got my horse? Yes, I've got your horse.
But it's my horse now, Ollie. Ollie, his father cried.
You mustn't talk that way to thetroll, you'll make him angry.
And his brothers, looking with envy at the horse with gold and
(55:38):
silver hairs, warmed him sourly.You better be careful, young
man, or the troll will get you. Yet A few days later, Ollie
announced. I think I'll go over and get the
trolls money back. His father tried to dissuade
him. Don't be foolhardy, Ollie.
(55:59):
Your brothers say that you have better not go to the troll house
again. But Ollie only laughed and
started gayly off, as though he hadn't a fear in the world.
Again he found the old troll wife alone.
MercyMe, she thought to herself,as she was, as she saw him
coming here. Is that terrible Ollie again?
(56:22):
Whatever shall I do? I mustn't let him off this time
before the troll gets back. I must keep him right here with
me in the house. So when he he came in, she
pretended that she was tired andthat her back ached and she
asked him would he watch the bread in the oven while she
(56:42):
rested a few moments on the bed.OK, this this lady, this is like
feeling sexist to me because this troll wife's plan sucks.
All of her plans are terrible tokeep him occupied.
And this just feels like veiled in sexism because I just don't
(57:05):
buy it. Women are clever and I assume
that troll women are even more clever than human women and this
is just not, no, I can tell a man wrote this story.
This is not feeling real. This is not ring true of what I
know. A troll woman and stands for.
OK, I'm just putting that out there.
(57:25):
So Ollie replies. Certainly I will watch the
bread. So the old troll wife lay down
on the bed and Ollie sat quietlyin front of the oven.
The troll wife was really tired.Before she knew it, she fell
asleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I get it. You think nothing of women.
You think women are fucking idiots.
I get it. Whoever wrote this, shame on
(57:48):
you. I need, I need some water.
I need a water break to relieve my frustration about the
patriarchy. Ha ha, thought Ollie.
Here is my chance without disturbing the troll wife.
(58:12):
He reached under the bed and pulled out the big money bag
full of silver pieces. He threw it over his shoulder
and he hurried home. He was measuring the money when
he heard the troll hollowing across to him.
Ollie. Oh Ollie, are you there?
(58:33):
Yes, Ollie shouted back. I'm here.
What do you want, Ollie? Have you got my money back?
Yes, I've got your money bag, but it's my money bag now.
Dude, Ollie's a little asshole. A few days later, Ollie said.
(58:56):
Do you know the troll has a beautiful coverlet woven of silk
and gold? I think I'll go over and get it.
Oh my God, dude, Ollie isn't OK.This is crazy.
I don't know where this story isgoing, but it's I just want to
remind you that the name of thisstory is about the honest Finn
(59:19):
Ollie and a wicked troll like that is so this is so fucked up.
I'm like, on the troll side right now.
Maybe he should have beheaded these, these entitled little
brothers. You know what I'm saying?
Like, this is crazy, OK? His father, as usual, protested.
(59:42):
But Ollie laughed at him merrily.
And he went, oh, actually, now that I'm looking at the title of
the story, the story is called Terrible Ollie, The story of an
honest Finn and the wicked troll.
OK, so Ollie is terrible. It's not just me.
At least we have that. At least we have that.
(01:00:05):
OK. Ollie took with him an auger and
a can of water. Wait, pause.
What's an auger again? I don't have to go auger.
Oh, OK. An auger is a tool for boring
holes in wood. It's it's like a it's like a
screw. A giant screw tool to make a
(01:00:26):
hole in wood. OK got it.
I'm up to speed. I know exactly what what that
is. OK.
He took with him an auger and a can of water.
He hid until it was dark. Then he climbed the roof of the
trolls house and he bored a holeright over the bed.
This is like some like like a Mission Impossible shit.
(01:00:47):
When the troll and his wife wentto sleep he sprinkled some water
on the coverlet and on their faces.
The troll woke with a start. I'm wet, he said.
That's what she said. And the bed's wet too.
The old troll wife got up to change the covers.
(01:01:08):
The roof must be leaking, she said.
It's never leaked before. I supposed it was that last
wind. She threw the wet coverlet up
over the rafters to dry and put other covers on the bed.
When she and the troll were again asleep, Ollie made a hole.
(01:01:31):
He made the hole a little bigger.
He reached in his hand and he got the coverlet from the
rafters. The next morning the troll
hallooed across the Bay. Ollie.
Oh, Ollie, are you there? Yes, Ollie shouted back.
I'm here, what do you want? Have you got my coverlet woven
(01:01:55):
of silk and gold? Yes.
Ollie yelled back. I've got your coverlet, but it's
my coverlet now. Dude, I would be so mad at this
little bitch. I bet he's blonde too.
I bet you money that Ollie is blonde.
This is giving little blonde bitch boy energy.
(01:02:16):
Am I right or am I right? I know that I'm.
I know, I know. I'm a doctor too.
A few days later, Ollie said. There's still one thing in the
trolls house that I think I ought to get.
It's a golden bell. If I get that golden bell, then
(01:02:38):
there will be nothing left that had better belong to an honest
Finn. Oh my God, you're not even an
honest Finn. You, like, are lying left and
right to these trolls, dude. Excuse me?
Yeah, dude, I'm I'm sick of Ollie.
I'm I'm ready for some divine justice.
(01:03:00):
It better come soon because I'm sick of this shit.
So of course he went again to the trolls house, taking with
him a saw and an auger. He hid until night and when the
troll and his wife were asleep he cut a hole through the side
of the house through which he reached in his hand to get the
(01:03:21):
golden bell. At the touch of his hand the
bell tinkled and woke up the troll.
The troll jumped out of bed and grabbed Ollie's hand.
Yes, grab his hand. Fuck this guy, Ha ha, he cried.
I've got you now, and this time you won't get away.
(01:03:43):
Tell him, troll, fucking tell him.
Ollie didn't try to get away. He made no resistance while the
troll dragged him into the house.
We'll eat him, that's what we'lldo, the troll said to his wife.
Heat the oven at once. We'll roast him.
Yes, now you're talking roast his ass.
(01:04:05):
So the troll wife built a roaring fire in the oven.
He'll make a fine roast, the troll said, pinching all these
arms and legs. I think we ought to invite the
other troll folk to come and help us eat him.
Suppose I just go over the mountain and gather them in.
(01:04:26):
You can manage here without me as soon as the oven is well
heated, just take Ollie and sliphim in and close the door and by
the time we come he'll be done. Oh no, fuck, I already know
what's going to happen because the author of this story hates
(01:04:47):
women. I'm pretty sure the troll wife
is going to fuck it up. Damn it.
I just to be clear, if this was a real life story, you best
believe the troll wife isn't fucking it up.
Women are so much more cunning, clever, and if they want to be,
they can serve revenge just a little bit colder.
(01:05:07):
So I don't buy this, but I didn't write this story very
well. The troll wife said but don't be
too long. He's young and tender and he
will roast quickly. Boom, roasted.
So the troll went out to invite to the feast the troll folk who
(01:05:30):
lived on the other side of the mountain, and Ollie was left
alone with the troll wife. When the oven was well heated
she raked out the coals and she said to Aldie.
Now then, my boy, sit in front of the oven with your back to
the opening, and I will push youin nicely.
(01:05:51):
You didn't tie him up or anything.
Come on, you guys, it's not how you cook.
It's not how you cook a young boy, OK?
Ollie pretended he didn't quite understand.
He sat down first one way and then another, spreading himself
out so large that he was too bigfor the oven door.
(01:06:12):
No, that way, the troll wife kept saying.
Hunch up a little straight in the front door.
You show me how? Ollie begged.
Oh, come on, don't fall for it. She's going to fall for it.
So the troll wife sat down before the oven directly in
(01:06:32):
front of the opening. She hunched herself up very
compactly, with her chin on her knees and her arms around her
legs. Oh, that way, Ollie said.
So that you can just take hold of me and push me in and shut
the door. As he spoke, he took hold of her
(01:06:56):
and pushed her in and slammed the door.
And that was the end of the old troll wife.
Dude, this is so sad. I am not.
I'm on the troll team on this story, dude.
Ollie let her roast in the oven until she was done to a turn.
(01:07:19):
Then he took her out and put heron the table all ready for the
feast. Then he filled the sack with
straw and dressed the sack up insome of the old troll wife's
clothes. He threw the dressed up sack on
the bed and just to glance at it, you'd suppose it was the
troll wife asleep. Then Ollie took the golden bell
(01:07:42):
and he went home. Well, presently the troll and
all the troll folk from over themountain came trooping in.
Yum Yum. It certainly smells good.
They said as they got the first whiff from the big roast on the
table. Not seasoned or anything.
Dude, I just want to throw that out there.
(01:08:02):
They didn't put any seasoning all.
They didn't put any seasoning onher.
I can't imagine it smells good. I really can't personally see.
The troll said pointing to the bed.
The old woman's asleep. Well, let her sleep, she's
tired. We'll just sit down without her.
(01:08:23):
Oh my God. So they set to and they feasted
and feasted. This is so sad, dude.
This reminds me of that one episode of South Park when
Cartman feeds Chili to that 8th grader.
Do you remember that? That's what this is giving Ha
(01:08:44):
ha, said the troll. This is the way to serve a
troublesome young Finnish boy. Just then his knife struck
something hard and he looked down to see what it was.
MercyMe, he cried. If here isn't one of the old
woman's beads, what could that mean?
(01:09:06):
You don't suppose the roast is not Ollie after all, but in fact
my wife? No, no, it can't be.
This guy's an idiot. He got up and went over to the
bed, and alas, what does he find?
His own troll wife? Then he came back to the table,
(01:09:31):
shaking his head sadly. My friends, he said.
We've been eating the old woman herself.
However we've eaten so much of her that I suppose we might as
well finish her. Shut the fuck up.
(01:09:52):
That's so dark. That is so dark.
I do your thing, Playboy. However you need to grieve.
Do whatever. Do whatever you need.
This is wild. So the troll folk sat all night
feasting and drinking. At dawn the troll went down to
(01:10:13):
the water and hallooed across the Bay.
Ollie, Ollie, are you there? Ollie, who is safely home,
shouted back. Yes, I'm here.
What do you want? Have you got my golden bell?
(01:10:34):
Yes, I've got your golden bell, but it's my golden bell.
Now. One more thing, Ollie.
Did you roast my old woman? Your old woman?
Ollie echoed. Look, is that she?
(01:10:54):
Ollie pointed at the rising sun,which was coming up behind the
troll. The troll turned and looked.
He looked straight at the sun, and then of course he burst and
that was the end of him. Well, after that, no other troll
ever dared settle on that side of the mountain.
(01:11:16):
They were all too afraid of the terrible Ollie.
Oh my God that story was so sad.Ollie sucks, dude.
Ollie truly is terrible. What a little prick.
(01:11:38):
I'm I'm heartbroken by this story.
This was so fucked up. This was so royally fucked up.
I'm I'm on the troll team on this one.
I'm on the troll team. Well, if you grew up hearing
stories about trolls, please write in to
(01:12:01):
esotericaandnonsense@gmail.com. I would love to hear the stories
that you heard growing up. I would love to hear
supernatural stories, stories about aliens.
Feel free to just write me an e-mail.
I would love to read your emails.
I would love to read the emails on the podcast.
Please write in. I would absolutely love that.
(01:12:21):
Please check out my merch on my merch link, which is in the show
notes. Thank you so much for listening
to the podcast. You are fantastic.
We need more fun, kind human beings on earth who aren't
murdering each other and roasting each other in ovens.
(01:12:42):
Thank you so much for being kind.
Thank you so much for listening to the podcast.
I'm sending you a big hug over and out, baby.
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