February 6, 2025 • 44 mins
It's Therapy Thursday!!
When life throws a curveball, how do you respond? Join me, Candace Patrice, and my wonderful mother, Janet Hale, as we navigate the rollercoaster of family life when illness hits home. Despite my crazy schedule, there was no question about being there for my mom, reminding us of the power of familial bonds and the little acts of care that mean the world. Through laughter and nostalgia, we explore how life's unexpected moments can bring us closer, making us appreciate the love and support we often take for granted.
Ever wondered how to keep your cool when everything around you is chaotic? We dive into the art of maintaining consistency during life's many surprises, from health hiccups to unforeseen scheduling conflicts. Our journey takes a personal turn as Janet shares the spiritual roots that connect her to her African ancestry, offering insight into how spirituality transcends traditional religious structures. This exploration of faith and identity invites listeners to reflect on their own beliefs and the deep connections that shape who we are.
Family, friendship, and community are the heartbeats that keep us going. We celebrate the intricate dance of parenting, balancing the roles of both a guiding parent and a trusted friend to our children. With stories from a moving exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum and cherished moments with dear friends, we shine a light on the importance of community. By honoring the past while nurturing the future, we emphasize the values of love, forgiveness, and laughter, inviting you to embrace the connections that enrich our lives.
Host Candace Fleming
Co-host Janet Hale
visit the website at https://www.essentialmotivation.com/
visit the store at https://shopessentialmotivation.com/
Instagram instagram.com/essentialmotivationllc
visit Janet's website https://haleempowermentllc.com/
To be a guest on our show email me at candacefleming@essentialmotivation.com
In the subject line put EMH Guest
Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988
Music by Lukrembo: https://soundcloud.com/lukrembo
Provided by Knowledge Base: https://bit.ly/2BdvqzN
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Candace Patrice (00:06):
Hello and welcome back to another episode
of Essential Mental Healing,where I am your host, Candace
Patrice, and joining me today ismy co-host, as always, my
lovely mother, jenny Teal.
Hello, hello, hi, hello.
(00:39):
Started as a reminder.
Go and follow our social mediaum Instagram, candace Patrice,
underscore E M?
Um website, essentialmotivationcom.
Hell, empowermentcom LLCcom,sorry.
And then email Candace Flemingat essential motivationcom and
(01:02):
then, of course, you can textfrom the show link whatever
platform you guys are looking at.
All right, so how are you?
How have you been?
What's life like so?
Janet Hale (01:14):
I am all right, candace, and I'm glad we are
having this program.
They don't know how late we are, but I'm going to tell them
we're in the evening and we arerelaxing and we are recovering.
We both had a bottle ofsomething, I don't know what.
We took turns.
(01:35):
I think that's the first.
I think the sugar baby startedit.
She just got sick.
When she was on my couch thatday coughing and you was like oh
well, mom, well, I rememberthat Anyway, well then, that
really sucks.
Candace Patrice (01:53):
If that's well, I guess I did.
Janet Hale (01:54):
I don't know.
Candace Patrice (01:55):
I don't know, no, because I was going to say
the virus she's supposed to beimmune, so how she get it again.
Janet Hale (02:10):
But then it wasn't the same thing, because whatever
she gave you, I didn't havewhat you had.
Then she got what I had.
So poor baby didn't have twostrengths.
No, poor, all three of us,because we were all down for the
count all the way down.
I mean, we're different, likeyou said, I don't think it was
the same thing.
Yeah, I really don't.
Candace Patrice (02:20):
But it was like , had me, I said, okay, I'm down
for the count, but even thoughI think my, I think yours, might
have been worse than, but itwas like I said okay, I'm down
for the count, Even though Ithink yours might have been
worse than mine.
Janet Hale (02:28):
Oh, it was bad.
Candace Patrice (02:31):
Because I didn't have any coughing, any
feet.
Mine was 24, well, 12 hoursextremely bad of liquids.
Sorry guys for the imagerythere.
And then I was able to, then itwas just weakness.
Janet Hale (02:54):
And then it started.
All my energy started comingback.
So I think I would take that Iwas, that I'm in a position
where I was allowed to take iteasy and give my body time to
heal.
I'm grateful to have a daughterby the name of Candace.
(03:18):
That was so funny, you guys.
Let me tell y'all about this.
So I'm happy.
You know, I'm like when I getsick I let sick be sick.
Okay, I lay all the way out allthat stuff.
So you know I don't be tryingto pretend.
I be like look, I'm sick forreal, it's going down.
So I called her.
I'm like, oh, I'm sick, I needyou.
(03:39):
Can you special honey that myniece told me to get Local honey
everyone To go on your tea, andso I was like, can I need to go
to the health food store?
And my niece was talking aboutsomewhere and I said, no,
there's one closer by, and allthis stuff.
And so I had a couple ofrequests.
(03:59):
If she could get those thingsfor me, she's like, yeah, I'll
get them for you, but I'm goingto say Suka Baby, to keep her
name anonymous or whatever, butanyway, we've probably said her
name a thousand times.
Candace Patrice (04:10):
A thousand times Okay so.
Janet Hale (04:12):
I'm Suka Baby have to play tonight.
I'm going to New York, but I'llget it over there Now, I feel
bad about me feeling like I'mabout to die and this girl
telling me this is her agenda.
But I'm going to try to getover it.
Okay, I'm going to work it out.
(04:33):
And this is her all the time.
Everybody and I'm like man, Igot to figure out I'm going to
have to find another person toget over here because I couldn't
see her doing it.
I promise you that.
But I just said to her out loudI look up, the child is in my
house in my kitchen With thestuff, okay, and got me so
(04:57):
together.
Candace Patrice (04:58):
Yay.
Janet Hale (05:03):
And man, okay, that's making me a little
emotional, because not everybodyhas that, you know.
Candace Patrice (05:09):
Yeah.
Janet Hale (05:09):
Because, you know, when a man down, you know it's
always good to know that youhave somebody that's going to
care enough to jump in there,even though she has a flight,
she's got a performance, she'sgot a performance and she's got
all these things.
But in all those things youtook the time to be like look,
(05:32):
okay, I got you.
Mama Even was putting the stuffup.
Guys, I was sick, it was a mess.
I looked the way I felt I cameout of my room and made it to
the kitchen because I was weakas I don't know what.
My kid just took one look at meand flew out the house.
(05:55):
She was like, oh no.
Candace Patrice (06:01):
That was not my sentiment.
Wait a minute, oh no, yoursentiment.
That was a different sentiment.
Wait a minute, oh no, yoursentiment.
I mean, that was a differentexperience for me.
I didn't do that, yeah.
Janet Hale (06:11):
Which is what you did.
And I even had the specialrequest to go by the health food
store, not just a regular store.
You know what I mean.
So you did the things, and thething was for me to stay in the
back because I didn't want youto get whatever that was, and
then for you to put the thingsup, but I wanted to see you, the
(06:34):
living dead.
That came to the kitchen.
All I knew was you were gone.
You took a look at me.
Candace Patrice (06:47):
And that's all I saw.
Was you leaving?
Janet Hale (06:48):
I said okay with the trash oh, and took the trash
out, because she always takes mytrash out, and you know so okay
, well, so she told.
Candace Patrice (06:59):
she told her story.
Now I'm half dead back from NewYork.
Tuesday I got hit real bad justout of.
I'm half dead back from NewYork.
Tuesday I got hit real bad.
I don't know.
I'm at work and throwing up,but not bad because I didn't
feel bad.
I was like, ooh, that wasstrange, I think I gagged.
Then I started not feeling well.
Then Tuesday just went reallybad.
(07:23):
Wednesday I needed things and Iwas going to wait because
Kamari's father had to pick herup because I couldn't go get her
.
And I'm like, well, maybesomebody bring something, maybe
he'll be able to bring it atthat time.
All of a sudden it was about 12.
I was talking to my mom.
She's like that's a long time.
(07:45):
I want to say an hour later.
She's like that's a long time,I want to say an hour later.
She's like unlock your door.
I've got you all the thingsyou've asked for.
But didn't ask for.
And I'm like, oh, my goodness.
But I was so grateful and sheaccidentally got the soup I
actually wanted.
I wanted chicken, lemon ricesoup, but that's so specific.
And she was like I got you soupfrom the restaurant up the
street but they only had thischicken and rice and I was like
(08:09):
chicken lemon rice.
She was like, yeah, I was likethat's what I wanted, so it
worked out so perfect.
And having the Gatorade and theorange juice, and it was just.
It was really nice to have itreciprocated as well.
But just to have a mommy wasreally nice to have it
reciprocated as well, but justto have a mommy.
And then my daughter got sickuntil thursday.
Now I'm trying to take care ofher and then being able to care
(08:32):
for her the way that she youknow all three of us just really
took care of each other andthat is really nice you know
what?
Janet Hale (08:42):
yes, three generations, like we're to get
through this.
Because I wasn't well when Iwent over there, oh, I had a
whole thing I didn't even takeman, I was like whoa, that thing
hit me again.
Yeah, I said it in a differentkind of way, kind of how you
said it yeah, was it the energy?
It was the bathroom.
(09:03):
Oh Sorry.
I said what is this?
Because I'm feeling like, okay,I'm on the.
That happened.
I said hold on.
And then the cable man had tocome.
He was coming, oh yeah, so I'mwaiting on the text.
(09:25):
But then the emergency jumpedoff and I'm like, okay, oh my
God, this is horrible, let metake care of all those things.
So I come in the gym and I lookat my phone and it says the
cable man is on his way, blah,blah, blah.
And then I look and it said thecable man is there, but it may
(09:47):
take him a moment to come in.
Candace Patrice (09:48):
I'm like no, the cable man is here.
Janet Hale (09:51):
So I go to the front .
I see the cable man, the truck,the car, whatever.
Now I call my window and I'mlike that's crazy, he can't hear
me.
Oh, that's funny.
I had to come to thatconclusion on my own.
Then I opened my door because Iwas like if I holler out he
can't hear me.
That's possible.
Candace Patrice (10:13):
He could hear you if you yell out.
Janet Hale (10:14):
I don't know.
I didn't have a lot to yell out,my voice was not on there I'm
still dealing with trying to getbetter Open the door and then
he finally looked and he waswalking towards and I'm like, oh
man, come on in.
He's like I knocked on the door, listen.
(10:35):
He said I kept knocking on thedoor and I said, oh, I'm so
sorry.
I think I was in the restroomor something like that.
I didn't tell them the wholestory but, which was a very
interesting experience for me, Ididn't tell you about this.
So, yeah, because I called thecable people, I did tell you
(10:59):
about this.
All of a sudden, your data is90% used.
Candace Patrice (11:02):
Oh yeah, you told me all about it?
Janet Hale (11:04):
When did this happen ?
And I remember trying to getthe bill reduced and all that I
said hold up.
So I called the people.
I said I know I'm on therecorded line.
I always say that because theyneed to know that.
I know that you're recordingthis.
However, there's a problem, andI feel like I got fast-talked
(11:24):
into something and agreed tosomething that was not that
great.
I said to save the $10 and tolose some of our benefits is not
a good deal for me, and so thelady said that's exactly what
happened.
Oh, okay.
(11:47):
Anyway, you guys, I had thewoman on the phone for about an
hour.
We laughed.
She asked that I know I'm onthe recorded line and they're
probably going to say you wereon the line with me too long.
However, you are my therapistat this moment and she laughed
hard.
I said because listen.
I said because listen, I'vebeen with the service that I'm
with for many moons.
(12:08):
I said these prices are crazy.
I said because I think you'reone of the best in town, but
y'all need to look at after weget a certain age coming down
off that price and the automatedsystem.
People of a certain age wedon't.
Candace Patrice (12:22):
And I told you that's not of a certain age.
I'm tired of automated systems.
Janet Hale (12:26):
I told you what I told you.
You told me what you know.
You was like mama no, it's notabout age, sick of it.
That thing kept onunderstanding my issues.
Right now I need a person onthe phone, and so, and then the
cable guy came and I had him inhere for an hour talking and he
needed to talk.
This is interesting about lifeand people connections.
(12:48):
You just never know when you'remaking somebody's day.
I'm sick, but I'm.
You know this mouth don't stopit, just the hell.
Well, it stops for a minute.
Candace Patrice (13:00):
No, it don't Day one sick he was dying.
Why are you trying?
No, it don't.
Because you was day one sick.
You was yeah.
Why are you trying to talk?
Janet Hale (13:09):
What in the whole world?
So the guy is he needed to talkand I felt privileged that he
felt that he could trust meenough because he shared some
stuff, that he felt that hecould trust me enough, because
he shared some stuff, to be ableto have this conversation that
I'm sure he's been needing tohave, because, you know what you
(13:32):
guys Not everybody have a safespace, you know, and it's good
to be able to be a safe space orto be recognized as a safe
space.
That's how I took it, because Ididn't know this person, but
that's what happened with thecable people.
(13:53):
Oh the other thing.
I'm glad we're back and also tothe audience.
I'm going to kind of say whatshe said.
I think she said it, I'm notsure, but it's real important
that for us to get your feedback, because we know you're
listening, we are able to seewhat's going on.
But getting your feedback wouldbe very important to us so that
(14:15):
we'll know how to betterservice you, because we are here
for you.
Check this one out.
So you just heard the story.
Me and her have been sick,under the bed, under the couch,
everywhere, but we said for youthat we needed to do a podcast.
Am.
Candace Patrice (14:34):
I right, kat?
Yes, and today's podcast isabout what we've already been
talking about Consistency andunexpected changes and
challenges.
Yes, like my mom was sickduring well one, I was in New
York.
We were going to actually thisis wild we had a guest scheduled
(14:57):
she's going to be on our nextepisode and she was under the
weather.
I was also in New York, so itkind of worked out, but I was
going to shoot it.
I did a shoot the podcast inNew York, but that changed the
schedule because she was unableto record and then you were also
sick, so that didn't make forvery good recording.
(15:18):
Then I got sick, which thenpushed us again.
So it's, you know, what do youdo when you want to be
consistent?
You want to keep doing thingsbecause it always looks good to
be consistent and it looks goodfor it feels good to be
consistent and you want to showup consistently.
(15:39):
But then things happen.
But then things happen and Iknow for me, when things happen,
it can make me feel like I'mletting other people down, and
that is I think that works foror that's the sentiment for a
lot of people is that it's a,it's a letdown when that happens
(16:02):
.
So how do we move through thatand understanding that these are
things beyond our control andthat we have to give grace and
move through them?
How do we continue to show upas best we can in our
(16:28):
consistency that becomesinconsistent because of, or
inconsistent because of, changesand challenges in this world?
That's why we went from yearround podcast to seasonal,
taking the summer off.
Because it's trial and error.
I guess that's the answer it'strial and error.
You're going to figure it out.
Janet Hale (16:39):
And also, yes, and to add to that, learning to
pivot and because challengeswill come, unexpected change and
challenges will come andlearning how to pivot, because
you and I had to pivot and be inagreement with the pivot, right
(17:21):
, okay.
And so the consistency to me isthat me pause and time to think
and self-reflect, because youknow, that's one of the things
that I do and one of the thingsin there was, say, I'm not
(17:42):
religious and how that may bemisinterpreted by others.
And I thought about that and Ihad a conversation about that.
People who know me know, butthose who don't may not know.
(18:04):
And I said, and I went throughthe whole thing, I'm not
religious.
You know, I'm a deeplyspiritual person.
I need to say that.
And as I was talking to thisperson, there were some words to
(18:29):
assist.
I want to try them out on you,candice.
All right, let's do it.
You ready?
Candace Patrice (18:38):
Wait, what's my role?
What am I supposed to do?
Listen, just listen, do.
Janet Hale (18:42):
I respond Be back.
Oh, you know, I want to be back, oh, okay, so wait, wait wait,
is this an?
Activity on which I.
This is when I say I'm notreligious.
This is a deeper meaning tothat.
Okay, just listen.
Candace Patrice (18:59):
Got it and feedback Got it.
Janet Hale (19:03):
I am I'm not going to say the dang word, and I say
it all the time Indigenous tothe African continent.
Connection to the spirits,traditions and practices of my
ancestors that are embedded inmy DNA and blood memories.
(19:26):
My question to you, candicedoes that sound?
How does that differ for you?
Candace Patrice (19:36):
Could you repeat that?
Is this your response to notbeing religious Right?
Janet Hale (19:43):
Because I'm deeply spiritual.
Okay, Repeat that.
Okay, I am indigenous to theAfrican continent.
Connection to the spirits,traditions and practices of my
ancestors that are embedded inmy DNA and my blood memory that
(20:06):
are embedded in my DNA and myblood memory.
Candace Patrice (20:08):
So I think that it's wonderful.
I love the definition, I lovethe identification.
However, I don't think ittouches on the religious part,
because it doesn't identify your, your connection to God, which
(20:31):
you say you identify a God.
Janet Hale (20:38):
So when I hear that and I disagree, Okay, Let me
tell you why.
Yeah, when we go back to God, Iwish and Angel and.
I love her Mm-hmm, mm-hmm,mm-hmm.
I'm not saying that out loud,but anyway, that's okay.
Candace Patri (20:58):
Liberatedgirlscom .
Janet Hale (21:00):
Hello, I'm sure she would.
I could say that to her rightaway.
Right, so there is okay.
So for me, I've been fortunateenough to go, you know, because
in our culture a lot ofgenerations have been taken away
from us.
I mean, we just it is what itis.
The story is what the story isright.
(21:22):
So for me, I'm able to go backas far as your great-grandmother
, right, who you are fortunateenough to meet, right.
So I go back and I honor theways in which my ancestors
believed in the spirituality orthe way that I believe they did
(21:48):
in God.
Candace Patrice (21:50):
So how did they believe in God?
Janet Hale (21:55):
They did it, but it was a spiritual thing there was.
Maybe there were no buildings,there was this whole church
thing, this whole division therewas.
There may have been division Itake that back because we think
about that throughout our livesit's been division but it was
just purely on or mostly aboutbeing spiritually connected.
Candace Patrice (22:21):
But what does?
Janet Hale (22:22):
spiritually connected.
Look like it looks like.
Or what are the practices whensomething?
It's not about a practice, okay, it's something.
It's when the spirit, whensomething touches your spirit
and your soul.
So sometimes with that thereare no words really to
articulate that.
I mean you can come up with acouple, that's fine, but it has
(22:44):
a lot to do with that and notidentifying with you know, so
your inner God.
Okay.
See that's your interpretation.
I'm asking that's actually aquestion, but see.
But here's the thing.
I think inner God is in all ofus.
Candace Patrice (23:03):
No, that's fine , you know what I mean.
I too believe that.
I'm just trying to understandor make it make sense,
especially if you're explainingit to others and what they hear.
Janet Hale (23:13):
I am not religious, mm-hmm, I am not religious,
mm-hmm.
Okay, and the whole thing aboutthe God thing, when we talk
about the indigenous people andour ancestors, that in itself,
in my mind, should speak to thespiritual realm of things.
(23:34):
And it just should, becausethat's what I hear you saying
without using it, because it'sall about, for me, the spiritual
connection to the higher source, to the universe, whatever it
(23:55):
is that we call it God.
I mean, you know me, I'm opento whatever, but my and I know
this, and I say this because,when we look at our history, we
did a lot of things by throughstorytelling, which I do with
you a lot, and passing ourhistory down in that manner.
(24:19):
So when we, for me, when I getinto this conversation about not
being religious and peopleinterpreting that to mean that I
don't, I guess, don't, have aspiritual compass, because some
people feel that way, when yousay that or that I don't believe
(24:40):
in a higher source, I don'tknow and that's not the case you
know, because I do, but I do inthe way that I do.
You follow me, and so I justwanted to clear that, because
when that question was asked tome, it stuck with me.
(25:02):
Gotcha, it did.
It stuck with me and I hadconversations around it.
Candace Patrice (25:10):
You know, because I think you may say the
word religion more than anyonethat I know.
Or religious, I think I do too.
Janet Hale (25:19):
I think I do too, and you know a lot of times for
me I get a kick out of it.
I know, I don't know, but Ireally get a kick out of it and
that, and sometimes I dounderstand that people may
(25:40):
misinterpret what it?
is.
So let's just be 1000 aboutthis whole process that we're
talking about.
However, there's a lot ofthings that I do know and I like
to be educated, I like to read,I like to find out what I need
to know or what I want to know,and so there are some folks,
(26:01):
when I say that, they start andI'm like, oh, you don't do that,
because now and then, every nowand then, I'll, you know, have
something to say.
Wait a minute, didn't she justsay she wasn't religious?
But when she just saidsomething that they said in a
Bible, what was she?
Well, you know.
Candace Patrice (26:24):
I believe, as I've said before, there are a
lot of great practices foreveryone in the Bible just about
being a good person, and so Ithink a lot of times, when you
do do the quotes from the Bible,they are applicable to everyone
(26:45):
, to every human.
So it's not like I don't thinkyou're giving you never give any
religious advice, more so thanjust for one.
I'll say this this is somethingI wanted to say everything
works together for our good, andI came to that when I was
(27:05):
thinking about what it is to beconsistent and seeing how
sometimes, when we have to pivot, it is still working together
for our good.
But that's also a saying in theBible.
But if someone doesn't knowthat, it doesn't matter, because
it's a basic principle.
When you can see that somethingthat may have affected you a
(27:29):
year ago is now, you can see howit's working together for your
good.
Or let's say, there's abusiness that you have and you
had to shut that business downand you didn't understand why,
because now you feel like afailure, you put everything into
this and to have to shutsomething down, but not
realizing that one year laterthe doors that open for you
wouldn't have been open had thatbusiness not been shut down.
(27:51):
How everything works togetherfor our good.
One of those things that I'vebeen thinking of recently is
Brandon, who is my brother.
Really.
Yeah, let me tell you, I thinkall things work together for his
good, and I say that because hegot married to a thug woman.
Janet Hale (28:14):
We love her.
Candace Patrice (28:15):
He was a thug man.
Yes, I love you.
Yes, and she was pregnant withtheir thug twin babies, to our
understanding, and had amiscarriage with their thug twin
babies, to our understanding,and had a miscarriage, and then
he was killed in 2016.
And then she died in 2017, butlike New Year's Day the next day
(28:38):
or so.
It was like January 2nd.
They both died within a year ofeach other.
However, when I look at things,I'm like man.
So it's him, her and two babiesin heaven, like low key that
all worked together for theirgood.
Depending on the belief systemand what you think could be good
hey, can't ask God to take careof your brother and his wife
(29:06):
and we got twins on the way andit's like wait.
But when I read that everyone'sgone, so I'm like I'm praying
to God that your God family isgood, right, like all things
working together.
That's just the way it hit me,because I don't even know why I
read that letter.
I don't know why I went and didthese things, but for me it was
(29:27):
confirmation that he's okaywith his wife and children in
heaven or wherever they are in agreat place.
So that's the way I kind oflook at that, like he could have
had any wife and she could havestill been here while he was
gone.
But they're together and Ithink that's beautiful.
I think that's so beautiful youwas a little mad.
Janet Hale (29:50):
after Capri's time you said, Mama, she came and
took my brother Remember.
Candace Patrice (29:56):
Oh yeah.
Janet Hale (29:59):
Because his name was all in me, yeah, and then when
she came and got him that, didhappen.
Candace Patrice (30:06):
That definitely happened, but see even more
confirmation though.
Okay, yeah, you know thatthey're together.
Like he couldn't be with me ifhe got a whole wife to go be
with.
Janet Hale (30:16):
See you can't do this, yeah, and I think, when
you mentioned those two I thinkthey're not everyone knows them,
but those that know them knowthem that their way of living
For some may have Just been allover, but I think that they had.
(30:38):
I think they had the formula,you see, because here's the
thing, they didn't care what youthought.
Please, everybody know that,please know that, and they stuck
together Period.
Now they got into an argumentI'm about to tell it and my
(31:02):
little sister and my cousin wasover there.
They tried to get in and takeup for one of them.
I can't remember.
Brandon and Caprice turned onboth of them.
That's how they were.
That's them.
That's who they were.
That's how it went.
(31:23):
They were married.
They's who they were.
That's how it went.
They were married and theymeant to stay married.
They loved each other in theirown way.
Candace Patrice (31:31):
Man.
Janet Hale (31:35):
They were together until the end.
Candace Patrice (31:38):
They were consistent in their craziness.
Janet Hale (31:41):
They were consistent , that's true.
They would take their show onthe road and get a call in their
craziness.
And they were consistent,that's true, that's a real truth
.
And they would take their showon the road.
And then they did this.
Oh, they took their show on theroad, man, but oh, wow, that's
cool, candice, it's huge.
Candace Patrice (31:58):
Everything is working together for our good,
even me being sick.
I wanted to be able to be athome and do nothing, and granted
, it took a big hit in the firstday.
But to be able to sit in thehouse and just lay, or take a
(32:19):
moment and listen to the soundsof the ocean on a meditation app
, or to catch up on a movie orsome shows with my daughter, or
to laugh with her.
She tells me not to be on myphone and she catches me and I
throw the phone in the air as ifI wasn't on the phone and she
goes, mother.
Janet Hale (32:38):
With her.
Okay, you're good, you're good.
Candace Patrice (32:42):
It's like getting caught as a kid y'all.
It's hilarious when she see Idon't pick up my phone we find
ways to balance and we are openwith the kids.
Like right now I told her I'mgonna go to the bat, gonna shoot
the podcast.
If you need me, silently creepin and let me know.
(33:05):
But she usually gives me thetime and she does whatever she
does for a little bit of time.
I always tell her, don't getinto no trouble.
But she's eating and she does,we have a thing.
And then when I'm done she'slike okay, it's our time again
and then we go and do our thingsand it's.
(33:26):
You know, I have to beconsistent in that part for her
and I do my best at being sothat we can maneuver as best we
can as mother and daughter andas friends.
I know parents don't like tosay that and when I say friends
(33:59):
I don't mean it in the aspectlike my friend, but she is but
also to be a model of a friend.
So when she goes and has herfriends she'll know what it's
like to be a good friend tosomeone, as she watches me be a
friend to other people as well.
So you know, if we're out andhaving a good time, I can model
(34:22):
that.
You know if we're out andhaving a good time I can model
that and if I need to disciplineor put some structure in areas,
I can do that too, because shestill respects me as her mom.
But it is finding that balancein life.
And I was having a conversationwith someone who was talking
about if the old way wasn'tbroke, why fix it?
Oh, it was broke.
(34:43):
Broke, why fix it?
And oh, it was broke.
And I was explaining to themthat I feel like we're trying to
eliminate the trauma of raisingchildren and what what that
looked like like there were.
There were things that wentreally well with the way, um,
your generation or your mother'sgeneration raised kids, but
(35:03):
there were some things thatcould use improvement.
So now we're in a place oftrying to find that balance and
some people have gone off thedeep end and they're like I'm
not doing anything but being afriend and have to, you know,
find their balance.
And I think we're creating newnorms, creating new norms.
Janet Hale (35:21):
I agree.
I think you're an excellentmother.
Everybody knows that.
Listen to us.
I love the way you parent.
I love the way that you allowher to be who she is.
She's a lot, you guys, she cancarry five ass on her own.
Sit up and do the Wendy Williamson you.
So but I did want to.
(35:44):
I sent Candace something lastnight.
I want to read this as a mother, this is to my daughter, to my
grown daughter.
As a mother, that's me, that'sher.
As a mother, you are notreplaceable.
Let that sink in Show.
When you think so, when youthink you're not enough, just
(36:07):
know that you are exactlyeverything.
I hope you never second guessyour worth or value ever again.
The end, the end.
Candace Patrice (36:20):
Period and you know I read that and I think it
really sank in that a mother iseverything Like.
There is only one yes, only onemother can give birth to a
child, and that's so special,special, and I was sharing with
(36:41):
my mom how I felt so honored tobe able to take care of my
daughter, to be able to let herthrow up in the space that she
was in and find a way tomaneuver so that it was okay for
her and me.
But she didn't feel any kind ofway about being sick.
(37:03):
I didn't want her to feel likeshe was a burden or that it was
a problem that she was havingwhat she was going through.
There was a point when she wasthrowing up and I was just like
you're doing so good, I'm proudof you, and she was like I'm
doing so good, I'm so proud ofme.
We were just both happy thatshe was able to get through it.
(37:28):
That was it.
That was a simple thing, justgetting through it.
And I know it was so hard forher and I know she wanted to cry
at times when she didn't,simply because I think I created
a space that let her know itwas okay.
Janet Hale (37:44):
She was comfortable.
Candace Patrice (37:45):
Yes, and she just would release whatever
needed to be released.
And I said don't you worryabout how many times we got to
go through?
She said I love you, I lovethat you love me or that you
care about me, and it just gaveme a little extra boost of
energy.
I think that's why I'm windedtoday.
Janet Hale (38:07):
She said the magic words.
She said all kinds of magicwords.
She put the energizer batteryin you, but I was listening to
you about the tiles and thethrone of it and it reminded me
of when you were young and Iused to love crystal, okay, and
I had crystal pieces all overthe house, special pieces too,
like really nice little pieces,and so when Candice would clean
(38:31):
up, deliver.
Candace Patrice (38:35):
She put butter on her crystals.
I'm telling you, no, I didn't,no, I didn't.
She had to put butter on themcrystals.
She was buttering them?
Janet Hale (38:39):
No, I didn't, she buttered him.
She's like oh, mom, I'm sorry Ibroke one of your and I would
just look over and go, okay,it'd be a special piece, I'd be
like it's okay.
You know?
Nope, it happened more thanonce.
You guys, this was like on aconsistent basis.
Candace Patrice (39:00):
Okay, it was only like three pieces of
crystal.
Janet Hale (39:03):
No, it was more than three pieces of crystal.
No, it was more than three, butthat's okay, it's more than
three, but but but on the otherhand, I, when you kept breaking
them, I probably should havemoved them.
Now that I think about it, I'mtrying to put it all on you like
.
This shit cannot handle this.
If you want the crystal, janet,move it, yeah pretty much.
But I say all that to say thisI don't feel that you felt like
(39:27):
oh my God, or did you?
Candace Patrice (39:29):
Mm-mm, Nope, you was like I tried to create
that for Kamari too, because shebroke one of my Barbados
souvenirs.
Janet Hale (39:38):
Are you okay?
Candace Patrice (39:39):
Oh yeah, I was like it's okay, it's just broke.
But I got that from you.
Oh, thank you, but it didn'thurt me either, because it was
so simple.
I mean, yeah, it was a souvenirfrom Barbados and it's okay.
It broke, okay.
What can we do now?
Move on or get some glue andput it together like one of the
(40:04):
two.
Janet Hale (40:04):
What are we going to do?
Candace Patrice (40:05):
What are we going to do?
We're not going to sit here andbe upset about a mistake, an
accident.
That's right, it's an accident.
So we just move forward and sheapologized and we kept moving.
That's it.
There's no shame in a mistake.
Janet Hale (40:22):
Say that so they can hear you.
Okay, there's a.
I mean, there's no shame in amistake.
Ooh, say that.
Say that so they can hear you.
Okay, uh-oh, there's a basscoming.
Candace Patrice (40:27):
There's no shame in a mistake.
I didn't like that one.
There's no shame in a mistake,Okay baby, there's no shame in a
mistake.
Janet Hale (40:37):
I said say it loud enough so they can hear you.
Candace Patrice (40:38):
There is no shame in a mistake.
Janet Hale (40:42):
Exactly.
Wow, can we put that on aT-shirt?
Candace Patrice (40:47):
I think so.
So if you or someone you knowis suffering, or having hard
times.
You can definitely call or text9887 days a week, 24 hours a
day, 365 days a year.
Whatever you're going through,find your safe place, Find your
(41:10):
happy place.
Janet Hale (41:14):
Go ahead and sometimes we don't get to our
happy place.
I know I don't mean to bedouble down, I promise Well,
everybody doesn't, right.
But sometimes it's okay to sitin whatever you need to sit in
until you get through what youneed to get through.
Just like her and I had to gothrough what we went through.
We had to get through it, getthrough it Because there was
(41:39):
nothing we could do about it.
Oh, I could.
I don't think she could either,but you know sometimes, you
know, it can be kind of hard forsome folk.
Candace Patrice (41:51):
Yeah, I want to give a shout out to a friend of
mine who allowed me to staywith her in New York and just
allowing me and my daughter torest in her home, which was so
beautiful, and she may neverhear this podcast or this part,
but it meant so much to me.
(42:12):
It was a very homey place, itwas love, it was family, it was
sisterhood, it was friendship,it was community.
It is exactly what the worldneeds and I got to experience
that on a very beautiful level.
So I thank you, my friend, Ithank you, I thank you, I thank
(42:37):
you, my friend, for that.
And then shout out to the FirstJubilee Singers.
I went to go see a exhibit atthe Brooklyn Museum and the
exhibit it was beautiful and Iwas actually able to go with one
(43:03):
of the singers during that timewho was a staple of that piece.
So shout out to you all, shoutout to her.
And yeah, just shout out.
Janet Hale (43:20):
You know I was talking earlier and I know I've
said this before, but it's socool because your people will
find you like your village.
And I do know your friend fromNew York who went to Howard with
you and I find her adorable.
I haven't seen her in a longtime, but she's a sweetie, yeah,
(43:44):
and so it's good to hear thatyou were able to connect with
her.
And then the other person I'vemet, who's a darling in her own
right and that is what's so coolis she allows it to be just
that way.
So kudos to you.
You pick your friends like youpick your fruit, hey.
Candace Patrice (44:09):
Fisk Jubilee Singers.
Okay, what an honor, what anhonor.
All right, guys, thank you,thank you.
Thank you so much for listening, thank you for being present,
thank you for continuing to letthis show thrive and share it
with someone.
(44:30):
Um, we're just truly grateful.
Always remember to love hard,forgive often and laugh frequent
.
Bye, guys, bye.
Hello and welcome back to another episode
of Essential Mental Healing,where I am your host, Candace
Patrice, and joining me today ismy co-host, as always, my
lovely mother, jenny Teal.
Hello, hello, hi, hello.
(00:39):
Started as a reminder.
Go and follow our social mediaum Instagram, candace Patrice,
underscore E M?
Um website, essentialmotivationcom.
Hell, empowermentcom LLCcom,sorry.
And then email Candace Flemingat essential motivationcom and
(01:02):
then, of course, you can textfrom the show link whatever
platform you guys are looking at.
All right, so how are you?
How have you been?
What's life like so?
Janet Hale (01:14):
I am all right, candace, and I'm glad we are
having this program.
They don't know how late we are, but I'm going to tell them
we're in the evening and we arerelaxing and we are recovering.
We both had a bottle ofsomething, I don't know what.
We took turns.
(01:35):
I think that's the first.
I think the sugar baby startedit.
She just got sick.
When she was on my couch thatday coughing and you was like oh
well, mom, well, I rememberthat Anyway, well then, that
really sucks.
Candace Patrice (01:53):
If that's well, I guess I did.
Janet Hale (01:54):
I don't know.
Candace Patrice (01:55):
I don't know, no, because I was going to say
the virus she's supposed to beimmune, so how she get it again.
Janet Hale (02:10):
But then it wasn't the same thing, because whatever
she gave you, I didn't havewhat you had.
Then she got what I had.
So poor baby didn't have twostrengths.
No, poor, all three of us,because we were all down for the
count all the way down.
I mean, we're different, likeyou said, I don't think it was
the same thing.
Yeah, I really don't.
Candace Patrice (02:20):
But it was like , had me, I said, okay, I'm down
for the count, but even thoughI think my, I think yours, might
have been worse than, but itwas like I said okay, I'm down
for the count, Even though Ithink yours might have been
worse than mine.
Janet Hale (02:28):
Oh, it was bad.
Candace Patrice (02:31):
Because I didn't have any coughing, any
feet.
Mine was 24, well, 12 hoursextremely bad of liquids.
Sorry guys for the imagerythere.
And then I was able to, then itwas just weakness.
Janet Hale (02:54):
And then it started.
All my energy started comingback.
So I think I would take that Iwas, that I'm in a position
where I was allowed to take iteasy and give my body time to
heal.
I'm grateful to have a daughterby the name of Candace.
(03:18):
That was so funny, you guys.
Let me tell y'all about this.
So I'm happy.
You know, I'm like when I getsick I let sick be sick.
Okay, I lay all the way out allthat stuff.
So you know I don't be tryingto pretend.
I be like look, I'm sick forreal, it's going down.
So I called her.
I'm like, oh, I'm sick, I needyou.
(03:39):
Can you special honey that myniece told me to get Local honey
everyone To go on your tea, andso I was like, can I need to go
to the health food store?
And my niece was talking aboutsomewhere and I said, no,
there's one closer by, and allthis stuff.
And so I had a couple ofrequests.
(03:59):
If she could get those thingsfor me, she's like, yeah, I'll
get them for you, but I'm goingto say Suka Baby, to keep her
name anonymous or whatever, butanyway, we've probably said her
name a thousand times.
Candace Patrice (04:10):
A thousand times Okay so.
Janet Hale (04:12):
I'm Suka Baby have to play tonight.
I'm going to New York, but I'llget it over there Now, I feel
bad about me feeling like I'mabout to die and this girl
telling me this is her agenda.
But I'm going to try to getover it.
Okay, I'm going to work it out.
(04:33):
And this is her all the time.
Everybody and I'm like man, Igot to figure out I'm going to
have to find another person toget over here because I couldn't
see her doing it.
I promise you that.
But I just said to her out loudI look up, the child is in my
house in my kitchen With thestuff, okay, and got me so
(04:57):
together.
Candace Patrice (04:58):
Yay.
Janet Hale (05:03):
And man, okay, that's making me a little
emotional, because not everybodyhas that, you know.
Candace Patrice (05:09):
Yeah.
Janet Hale (05:09):
Because, you know, when a man down, you know it's
always good to know that youhave somebody that's going to
care enough to jump in there,even though she has a flight,
she's got a performance, she'sgot a performance and she's got
all these things.
But in all those things youtook the time to be like look,
(05:32):
okay, I got you.
Mama Even was putting the stuffup.
Guys, I was sick, it was a mess.
I looked the way I felt I cameout of my room and made it to
the kitchen because I was weakas I don't know what.
My kid just took one look at meand flew out the house.
(05:55):
She was like, oh no.
Candace Patrice (06:01):
That was not my sentiment.
Wait a minute, oh no, yoursentiment.
That was a different sentiment.
Wait a minute, oh no, yoursentiment.
I mean, that was a differentexperience for me.
I didn't do that, yeah.
Janet Hale (06:11):
Which is what you did.
And I even had the specialrequest to go by the health food
store, not just a regular store.
You know what I mean.
So you did the things, and thething was for me to stay in the
back because I didn't want youto get whatever that was, and
then for you to put the thingsup, but I wanted to see you, the
(06:34):
living dead.
That came to the kitchen.
All I knew was you were gone.
You took a look at me.
Candace Patrice (06:47):
And that's all I saw.
Was you leaving?
Janet Hale (06:48):
I said okay with the trash oh, and took the trash
out, because she always takes mytrash out, and you know so okay
, well, so she told.
Candace Patrice (06:59):
she told her story.
Now I'm half dead back from NewYork.
Tuesday I got hit real bad justout of.
I'm half dead back from NewYork.
Tuesday I got hit real bad.
I don't know.
I'm at work and throwing up,but not bad because I didn't
feel bad.
I was like, ooh, that wasstrange, I think I gagged.
Then I started not feeling well.
Then Tuesday just went reallybad.
(07:23):
Wednesday I needed things and Iwas going to wait because
Kamari's father had to pick herup because I couldn't go get her
.
And I'm like, well, maybesomebody bring something, maybe
he'll be able to bring it atthat time.
All of a sudden it was about 12.
I was talking to my mom.
She's like that's a long time.
(07:45):
I want to say an hour later.
She's like that's a long time,I want to say an hour later.
She's like unlock your door.
I've got you all the thingsyou've asked for.
But didn't ask for.
And I'm like, oh, my goodness.
But I was so grateful and sheaccidentally got the soup I
actually wanted.
I wanted chicken, lemon ricesoup, but that's so specific.
And she was like I got you soupfrom the restaurant up the
street but they only had thischicken and rice and I was like
(08:09):
chicken lemon rice.
She was like, yeah, I was likethat's what I wanted, so it
worked out so perfect.
And having the Gatorade and theorange juice, and it was just.
It was really nice to have itreciprocated as well.
But just to have a mommy wasreally nice to have it
reciprocated as well, but justto have a mommy.
And then my daughter got sickuntil thursday.
Now I'm trying to take care ofher and then being able to care
(08:32):
for her the way that she youknow all three of us just really
took care of each other andthat is really nice you know
what?
Janet Hale (08:42):
yes, three generations, like we're to get
through this.
Because I wasn't well when Iwent over there, oh, I had a
whole thing I didn't even takeman, I was like whoa, that thing
hit me again.
Yeah, I said it in a differentkind of way, kind of how you
said it yeah, was it the energy?
It was the bathroom.
(09:03):
Oh Sorry.
I said what is this?
Because I'm feeling like, okay,I'm on the.
That happened.
I said hold on.
And then the cable man had tocome.
He was coming, oh yeah, so I'mwaiting on the text.
(09:25):
But then the emergency jumpedoff and I'm like, okay, oh my
God, this is horrible, let metake care of all those things.
So I come in the gym and I lookat my phone and it says the
cable man is on his way, blah,blah, blah.
And then I look and it said thecable man is there, but it may
(09:47):
take him a moment to come in.
Candace Patrice (09:48):
I'm like no, the cable man is here.
Janet Hale (09:51):
So I go to the front .
I see the cable man, the truck,the car, whatever.
Now I call my window and I'mlike that's crazy, he can't hear
me.
Oh, that's funny.
I had to come to thatconclusion on my own.
Then I opened my door because Iwas like if I holler out he
can't hear me.
That's possible.
Candace Patrice (10:13):
He could hear you if you yell out.
Janet Hale (10:14):
I don't know.
I didn't have a lot to yell out,my voice was not on there I'm
still dealing with trying to getbetter Open the door and then
he finally looked and he waswalking towards and I'm like, oh
man, come on in.
He's like I knocked on the door, listen.
(10:35):
He said I kept knocking on thedoor and I said, oh, I'm so
sorry.
I think I was in the restroomor something like that.
I didn't tell them the wholestory but, which was a very
interesting experience for me, Ididn't tell you about this.
So, yeah, because I called thecable people, I did tell you
(10:59):
about this.
All of a sudden, your data is90% used.
Candace Patrice (11:02):
Oh yeah, you told me all about it?
Janet Hale (11:04):
When did this happen ?
And I remember trying to getthe bill reduced and all that I
said hold up.
So I called the people.
I said I know I'm on therecorded line.
I always say that because theyneed to know that.
I know that you're recordingthis.
However, there's a problem, andI feel like I got fast-talked
(11:24):
into something and agreed tosomething that was not that
great.
I said to save the $10 and tolose some of our benefits is not
a good deal for me, and so thelady said that's exactly what
happened.
Oh, okay.
(11:47):
Anyway, you guys, I had thewoman on the phone for about an
hour.
We laughed.
She asked that I know I'm onthe recorded line and they're
probably going to say you wereon the line with me too long.
However, you are my therapistat this moment and she laughed
hard.
I said because listen.
I said because listen, I'vebeen with the service that I'm
with for many moons.
(12:08):
I said these prices are crazy.
I said because I think you'reone of the best in town, but
y'all need to look at after weget a certain age coming down
off that price and the automatedsystem.
People of a certain age wedon't.
Candace Patrice (12:22):
And I told you that's not of a certain age.
I'm tired of automated systems.
Janet Hale (12:26):
I told you what I told you.
You told me what you know.
You was like mama no, it's notabout age, sick of it.
That thing kept onunderstanding my issues.
Right now I need a person onthe phone, and so, and then the
cable guy came and I had him inhere for an hour talking and he
needed to talk.
This is interesting about lifeand people connections.
(12:48):
You just never know when you'remaking somebody's day.
I'm sick, but I'm.
You know this mouth don't stopit, just the hell.
Well, it stops for a minute.
Candace Patrice (13:00):
No, it don't Day one sick he was dying.
Why are you trying?
No, it don't.
Because you was day one sick.
You was yeah.
Why are you trying to talk?
Janet Hale (13:09):
What in the whole world?
So the guy is he needed to talkand I felt privileged that he
felt that he could trust meenough because he shared some
stuff, that he felt that hecould trust me enough, because
he shared some stuff, to be ableto have this conversation that
I'm sure he's been needing tohave, because, you know what you
(13:32):
guys Not everybody have a safespace, you know, and it's good
to be able to be a safe space orto be recognized as a safe
space.
That's how I took it, because Ididn't know this person, but
that's what happened with thecable people.
(13:53):
Oh the other thing.
I'm glad we're back and also tothe audience.
I'm going to kind of say whatshe said.
I think she said it, I'm notsure, but it's real important
that for us to get your feedback, because we know you're
listening, we are able to seewhat's going on.
But getting your feedback wouldbe very important to us so that
(14:15):
we'll know how to betterservice you, because we are here
for you.
Check this one out.
So you just heard the story.
Me and her have been sick,under the bed, under the couch,
everywhere, but we said for youthat we needed to do a podcast.
Am.
Candace Patrice (14:34):
I right, kat?
Yes, and today's podcast isabout what we've already been
talking about Consistency andunexpected changes and
challenges.
Yes, like my mom was sickduring well one, I was in New
York.
We were going to actually thisis wild we had a guest scheduled
(14:57):
she's going to be on our nextepisode and she was under the
weather.
I was also in New York, so itkind of worked out, but I was
going to shoot it.
I did a shoot the podcast inNew York, but that changed the
schedule because she was unableto record and then you were also
sick, so that didn't make forvery good recording.
(15:18):
Then I got sick, which thenpushed us again.
So it's, you know, what do youdo when you want to be
consistent?
You want to keep doing thingsbecause it always looks good to
be consistent and it looks goodfor it feels good to be
consistent and you want to showup consistently.
(15:39):
But then things happen.
But then things happen and Iknow for me, when things happen,
it can make me feel like I'mletting other people down, and
that is I think that works foror that's the sentiment for a
lot of people is that it's a,it's a letdown when that happens
(16:02):
.
So how do we move through thatand understanding that these are
things beyond our control andthat we have to give grace and
move through them?
How do we continue to show upas best we can in our
(16:28):
consistency that becomesinconsistent because of, or
inconsistent because of, changesand challenges in this world?
That's why we went from yearround podcast to seasonal,
taking the summer off.
Because it's trial and error.
I guess that's the answer it'strial and error.
You're going to figure it out.
Janet Hale (16:39):
And also, yes, and to add to that, learning to
pivot and because challengeswill come, unexpected change and
challenges will come andlearning how to pivot, because
you and I had to pivot and be inagreement with the pivot, right
(17:21):
, okay.
And so the consistency to me isthat me pause and time to think
and self-reflect, because youknow, that's one of the things
that I do and one of the thingsin there was, say, I'm not
(17:42):
religious and how that may bemisinterpreted by others.
And I thought about that and Ihad a conversation about that.
People who know me know, butthose who don't may not know.
(18:04):
And I said, and I went throughthe whole thing, I'm not
religious.
You know, I'm a deeplyspiritual person.
I need to say that.
And as I was talking to thisperson, there were some words to
(18:29):
assist.
I want to try them out on you,candice.
All right, let's do it.
You ready?
Candace Patrice (18:38):
Wait, what's my role?
What am I supposed to do?
Listen, just listen, do.
Janet Hale (18:42):
I respond Be back.
Oh, you know, I want to be back, oh, okay, so wait, wait wait,
is this an?
Activity on which I.
This is when I say I'm notreligious.
This is a deeper meaning tothat.
Okay, just listen.
Candace Patrice (18:59):
Got it and feedback Got it.
Janet Hale (19:03):
I am I'm not going to say the dang word, and I say
it all the time Indigenous tothe African continent.
Connection to the spirits,traditions and practices of my
ancestors that are embedded inmy DNA and blood memories.
(19:26):
My question to you, candicedoes that sound?
How does that differ for you?
Candace Patrice (19:36):
Could you repeat that?
Is this your response to notbeing religious Right?
Janet Hale (19:43):
Because I'm deeply spiritual.
Okay, Repeat that.
Okay, I am indigenous to theAfrican continent.
Connection to the spirits,traditions and practices of my
ancestors that are embedded inmy DNA and my blood memory that
(20:06):
are embedded in my DNA and myblood memory.
Candace Patrice (20:08):
So I think that it's wonderful.
I love the definition, I lovethe identification.
However, I don't think ittouches on the religious part,
because it doesn't identify your, your connection to God, which
(20:31):
you say you identify a God.
Janet Hale (20:38):
So when I hear that and I disagree, Okay, Let me
tell you why.
Yeah, when we go back to God, Iwish and Angel and.
I love her Mm-hmm, mm-hmm,mm-hmm.
I'm not saying that out loud,but anyway, that's okay.
Candace Patri (20:58):
Liberatedgirlscom .
Janet Hale (21:00):
Hello, I'm sure she would.
I could say that to her rightaway.
Right, so there is okay.
So for me, I've been fortunateenough to go, you know, because
in our culture a lot ofgenerations have been taken away
from us.
I mean, we just it is what itis.
The story is what the story isright.
(21:22):
So for me, I'm able to go backas far as your great-grandmother
, right, who you are fortunateenough to meet, right.
So I go back and I honor theways in which my ancestors
believed in the spirituality orthe way that I believe they did
(21:48):
in God.
Candace Patrice (21:50):
So how did they believe in God?
Janet Hale (21:55):
They did it, but it was a spiritual thing there was.
Maybe there were no buildings,there was this whole church
thing, this whole division therewas.
There may have been division Itake that back because we think
about that throughout our livesit's been division but it was
just purely on or mostly aboutbeing spiritually connected.
Candace Patrice (22:21):
But what does?
Janet Hale (22:22):
spiritually connected.
Look like it looks like.
Or what are the practices whensomething?
It's not about a practice, okay, it's something.
It's when the spirit, whensomething touches your spirit
and your soul.
So sometimes with that thereare no words really to
articulate that.
I mean you can come up with acouple, that's fine, but it has
(22:44):
a lot to do with that and notidentifying with you know, so
your inner God.
Okay.
See that's your interpretation.
I'm asking that's actually aquestion, but see.
But here's the thing.
I think inner God is in all ofus.
Candace Patrice (23:03):
No, that's fine , you know what I mean.
I too believe that.
I'm just trying to understandor make it make sense,
especially if you're explainingit to others and what they hear.
Janet Hale (23:13):
I am not religious, mm-hmm, I am not religious,
mm-hmm.
Okay, and the whole thing aboutthe God thing, when we talk
about the indigenous people andour ancestors, that in itself,
in my mind, should speak to thespiritual realm of things.
(23:34):
And it just should, becausethat's what I hear you saying
without using it, because it'sall about, for me, the spiritual
connection to the higher source, to the universe, whatever it
(23:55):
is that we call it God.
I mean, you know me, I'm opento whatever, but my and I know
this, and I say this because,when we look at our history, we
did a lot of things by throughstorytelling, which I do with
you a lot, and passing ourhistory down in that manner.
(24:19):
So when we, for me, when I getinto this conversation about not
being religious and peopleinterpreting that to mean that I
don't, I guess, don't, have aspiritual compass, because some
people feel that way, when yousay that or that I don't believe
(24:40):
in a higher source, I don'tknow and that's not the case you
know, because I do, but I do inthe way that I do.
You follow me, and so I justwanted to clear that, because
when that question was asked tome, it stuck with me.
(25:02):
Gotcha, it did.
It stuck with me and I hadconversations around it.
Candace Patrice (25:10):
You know, because I think you may say the
word religion more than anyonethat I know.
Or religious, I think I do too.
Janet Hale (25:19):
I think I do too, and you know a lot of times for
me I get a kick out of it.
I know, I don't know, but Ireally get a kick out of it and
that, and sometimes I dounderstand that people may
(25:40):
misinterpret what it?
is.
So let's just be 1000 aboutthis whole process that we're
talking about.
However, there's a lot ofthings that I do know and I like
to be educated, I like to read,I like to find out what I need
to know or what I want to know,and so there are some folks,
(26:01):
when I say that, they start andI'm like, oh, you don't do that,
because now and then, every nowand then, I'll, you know, have
something to say.
Wait a minute, didn't she justsay she wasn't religious?
But when she just saidsomething that they said in a
Bible, what was she?
Well, you know.
Candace Patrice (26:24):
I believe, as I've said before, there are a
lot of great practices foreveryone in the Bible just about
being a good person, and so Ithink a lot of times, when you
do do the quotes from the Bible,they are applicable to everyone
(26:45):
, to every human.
So it's not like I don't thinkyou're giving you never give any
religious advice, more so thanjust for one.
I'll say this this is somethingI wanted to say everything
works together for our good, andI came to that when I was
(27:05):
thinking about what it is to beconsistent and seeing how
sometimes, when we have to pivot, it is still working together
for our good.
But that's also a saying in theBible.
But if someone doesn't knowthat, it doesn't matter, because
it's a basic principle.
When you can see that somethingthat may have affected you a
(27:29):
year ago is now, you can see howit's working together for your
good.
Or let's say, there's abusiness that you have and you
had to shut that business downand you didn't understand why,
because now you feel like afailure, you put everything into
this and to have to shutsomething down, but not
realizing that one year laterthe doors that open for you
wouldn't have been open had thatbusiness not been shut down.
(27:51):
How everything works togetherfor our good.
One of those things that I'vebeen thinking of recently is
Brandon, who is my brother.
Really.
Yeah, let me tell you, I thinkall things work together for his
good, and I say that because hegot married to a thug woman.
Janet Hale (28:14):
We love her.
Candace Patrice (28:15):
He was a thug man.
Yes, I love you.
Yes, and she was pregnant withtheir thug twin babies, to our
understanding, and had amiscarriage with their thug twin
babies, to our understanding,and had a miscarriage, and then
he was killed in 2016.
And then she died in 2017, butlike New Year's Day the next day
(28:38):
or so.
It was like January 2nd.
They both died within a year ofeach other.
However, when I look at things,I'm like man.
So it's him, her and two babiesin heaven, like low key that
all worked together for theirgood.
Depending on the belief systemand what you think could be good
hey, can't ask God to take careof your brother and his wife
(29:06):
and we got twins on the way andit's like wait.
But when I read that everyone'sgone, so I'm like I'm praying
to God that your God family isgood, right, like all things
working together.
That's just the way it hit me,because I don't even know why I
read that letter.
I don't know why I went and didthese things, but for me it was
(29:27):
confirmation that he's okaywith his wife and children in
heaven or wherever they are in agreat place.
So that's the way I kind oflook at that, like he could have
had any wife and she could havestill been here while he was
gone.
But they're together and Ithink that's beautiful.
I think that's so beautiful youwas a little mad.
Janet Hale (29:50):
after Capri's time you said, Mama, she came and
took my brother Remember.
Candace Patrice (29:56):
Oh yeah.
Janet Hale (29:59):
Because his name was all in me, yeah, and then when
she came and got him that, didhappen.
Candace Patrice (30:06):
That definitely happened, but see even more
confirmation though.
Okay, yeah, you know thatthey're together.
Like he couldn't be with me ifhe got a whole wife to go be
with.
Janet Hale (30:16):
See you can't do this, yeah, and I think, when
you mentioned those two I thinkthey're not everyone knows them,
but those that know them knowthem that their way of living
For some may have Just been allover, but I think that they had.
(30:38):
I think they had the formula,you see, because here's the
thing, they didn't care what youthought.
Please, everybody know that,please know that, and they stuck
together Period.
Now they got into an argumentI'm about to tell it and my
(31:02):
little sister and my cousin wasover there.
They tried to get in and takeup for one of them.
I can't remember.
Brandon and Caprice turned onboth of them.
That's how they were.
That's them.
That's who they were.
That's how it went.
(31:23):
They were married.
They's who they were.
That's how it went.
They were married and theymeant to stay married.
They loved each other in theirown way.
Candace Patrice (31:31):
Man.
Janet Hale (31:35):
They were together until the end.
Candace Patrice (31:38):
They were consistent in their craziness.
Janet Hale (31:41):
They were consistent , that's true.
They would take their show onthe road and get a call in their
craziness.
And they were consistent,that's true, that's a real truth
.
And they would take their showon the road.
And then they did this.
Oh, they took their show on theroad, man, but oh, wow, that's
cool, candice, it's huge.
Candace Patrice (31:58):
Everything is working together for our good,
even me being sick.
I wanted to be able to be athome and do nothing, and granted
, it took a big hit in the firstday.
But to be able to sit in thehouse and just lay, or take a
(32:19):
moment and listen to the soundsof the ocean on a meditation app
, or to catch up on a movie orsome shows with my daughter, or
to laugh with her.
She tells me not to be on myphone and she catches me and I
throw the phone in the air as ifI wasn't on the phone and she
goes, mother.
Janet Hale (32:38):
With her.
Okay, you're good, you're good.
Candace Patrice (32:42):
It's like getting caught as a kid y'all.
It's hilarious when she see Idon't pick up my phone we find
ways to balance and we are openwith the kids.
Like right now I told her I'mgonna go to the bat, gonna shoot
the podcast.
If you need me, silently creepin and let me know.
(33:05):
But she usually gives me thetime and she does whatever she
does for a little bit of time.
I always tell her, don't getinto no trouble.
But she's eating and she does,we have a thing.
And then when I'm done she'slike okay, it's our time again
and then we go and do our thingsand it's.
(33:26):
You know, I have to beconsistent in that part for her
and I do my best at being sothat we can maneuver as best we
can as mother and daughter andas friends.
I know parents don't like tosay that and when I say friends
(33:59):
I don't mean it in the aspectlike my friend, but she is but
also to be a model of a friend.
So when she goes and has herfriends she'll know what it's
like to be a good friend tosomeone, as she watches me be a
friend to other people as well.
So you know, if we're out andhaving a good time, I can model
(34:22):
that.
You know if we're out andhaving a good time I can model
that and if I need to disciplineor put some structure in areas,
I can do that too, because shestill respects me as her mom.
But it is finding that balancein life.
And I was having a conversationwith someone who was talking
about if the old way wasn'tbroke, why fix it?
Oh, it was broke.
(34:43):
Broke, why fix it?
And oh, it was broke.
And I was explaining to themthat I feel like we're trying to
eliminate the trauma of raisingchildren and what what that
looked like like there were.
There were things that wentreally well with the way, um,
your generation or your mother'sgeneration raised kids, but
(35:03):
there were some things thatcould use improvement.
So now we're in a place oftrying to find that balance and
some people have gone off thedeep end and they're like I'm
not doing anything but being afriend and have to, you know,
find their balance.
And I think we're creating newnorms, creating new norms.
Janet Hale (35:21):
I agree.
I think you're an excellentmother.
Everybody knows that.
Listen to us.
I love the way you parent.
I love the way that you allowher to be who she is.
She's a lot, you guys, she cancarry five ass on her own.
Sit up and do the Wendy Williamson you.
So but I did want to.
(35:44):
I sent Candace something lastnight.
I want to read this as a mother, this is to my daughter, to my
grown daughter.
As a mother, that's me, that'sher.
As a mother, you are notreplaceable.
Let that sink in Show.
When you think so, when youthink you're not enough, just
(36:07):
know that you are exactlyeverything.
I hope you never second guessyour worth or value ever again.
The end, the end.
Candace Patrice (36:20):
Period and you know I read that and I think it
really sank in that a mother iseverything Like.
There is only one yes, only onemother can give birth to a
child, and that's so special,special, and I was sharing with
(36:41):
my mom how I felt so honored tobe able to take care of my
daughter, to be able to let herthrow up in the space that she
was in and find a way tomaneuver so that it was okay for
her and me.
But she didn't feel any kind ofway about being sick.
(37:03):
I didn't want her to feel likeshe was a burden or that it was
a problem that she was havingwhat she was going through.
There was a point when she wasthrowing up and I was just like
you're doing so good, I'm proudof you, and she was like I'm
doing so good, I'm so proud ofme.
We were just both happy thatshe was able to get through it.
(37:28):
That was it.
That was a simple thing, justgetting through it.
And I know it was so hard forher and I know she wanted to cry
at times when she didn't,simply because I think I created
a space that let her know itwas okay.
Janet Hale (37:44):
She was comfortable.
Candace Patrice (37:45):
Yes, and she just would release whatever
needed to be released.
And I said don't you worryabout how many times we got to
go through?
She said I love you, I lovethat you love me or that you
care about me, and it just gaveme a little extra boost of
energy.
I think that's why I'm windedtoday.
Janet Hale (38:07):
She said the magic words.
She said all kinds of magicwords.
She put the energizer batteryin you, but I was listening to
you about the tiles and thethrone of it and it reminded me
of when you were young and Iused to love crystal, okay, and
I had crystal pieces all overthe house, special pieces too,
like really nice little pieces,and so when Candice would clean
(38:31):
up, deliver.
Candace Patrice (38:35):
She put butter on her crystals.
I'm telling you, no, I didn't,no, I didn't.
She had to put butter on themcrystals.
She was buttering them?
Janet Hale (38:39):
No, I didn't, she buttered him.
She's like oh, mom, I'm sorry Ibroke one of your and I would
just look over and go, okay,it'd be a special piece, I'd be
like it's okay.
You know?
Nope, it happened more thanonce.
You guys, this was like on aconsistent basis.
Candace Patrice (39:00):
Okay, it was only like three pieces of
crystal.
Janet Hale (39:03):
No, it was more than three pieces of crystal.
No, it was more than three, butthat's okay, it's more than
three, but but but on the otherhand, I, when you kept breaking
them, I probably should havemoved them.
Now that I think about it, I'mtrying to put it all on you like
.
This shit cannot handle this.
If you want the crystal, janet,move it, yeah pretty much.
But I say all that to say thisI don't feel that you felt like
(39:27):
oh my God, or did you?
Candace Patrice (39:29):
Mm-mm, Nope, you was like I tried to create
that for Kamari too, because shebroke one of my Barbados
souvenirs.
Janet Hale (39:38):
Are you okay?
Candace Patrice (39:39):
Oh yeah, I was like it's okay, it's just broke.
But I got that from you.
Oh, thank you, but it didn'thurt me either, because it was
so simple.
I mean, yeah, it was a souvenirfrom Barbados and it's okay.
It broke, okay.
What can we do now?
Move on or get some glue andput it together like one of the
(40:04):
two.
Janet Hale (40:04):
What are we going to do?
Candace Patrice (40:05):
What are we going to do?
We're not going to sit here andbe upset about a mistake, an
accident.
That's right, it's an accident.
So we just move forward and sheapologized and we kept moving.
That's it.
There's no shame in a mistake.
Janet Hale (40:22):
Say that so they can hear you.
Okay, there's a.
I mean, there's no shame in amistake.
Ooh, say that.
Say that so they can hear you.
Okay, uh-oh, there's a basscoming.
Candace Patrice (40:27):
There's no shame in a mistake.
I didn't like that one.
There's no shame in a mistake,Okay baby, there's no shame in a
mistake.
Janet Hale (40:37):
I said say it loud enough so they can hear you.
Candace Patrice (40:38):
There is no shame in a mistake.
Janet Hale (40:42):
Exactly.
Wow, can we put that on aT-shirt?
Candace Patrice (40:47):
I think so.
So if you or someone you knowis suffering, or having hard
times.
You can definitely call or text9887 days a week, 24 hours a
day, 365 days a year.
Whatever you're going through,find your safe place, Find your
(41:10):
happy place.
Janet Hale (41:14):
Go ahead and sometimes we don't get to our
happy place.
I know I don't mean to bedouble down, I promise Well,
everybody doesn't, right.
But sometimes it's okay to sitin whatever you need to sit in
until you get through what youneed to get through.
Just like her and I had to gothrough what we went through.
We had to get through it, getthrough it Because there was
(41:39):
nothing we could do about it.
Oh, I could.
I don't think she could either,but you know sometimes, you
know, it can be kind of hard forsome folk.
Candace Patrice (41:51):
Yeah, I want to give a shout out to a friend of
mine who allowed me to staywith her in New York and just
allowing me and my daughter torest in her home, which was so
beautiful, and she may neverhear this podcast or this part,
but it meant so much to me.
(42:12):
It was a very homey place, itwas love, it was family, it was
sisterhood, it was friendship,it was community.
It is exactly what the worldneeds and I got to experience
that on a very beautiful level.
So I thank you, my friend, Ithank you, I thank you, I thank
(42:37):
you, my friend, for that.
And then shout out to the FirstJubilee Singers.
I went to go see a exhibit atthe Brooklyn Museum and the
exhibit it was beautiful and Iwas actually able to go with one
(43:03):
of the singers during that timewho was a staple of that piece.
So shout out to you all, shoutout to her.
And yeah, just shout out.
Janet Hale (43:20):
You know I was talking earlier and I know I've
said this before, but it's socool because your people will
find you like your village.
And I do know your friend fromNew York who went to Howard with
you and I find her adorable.
I haven't seen her in a longtime, but she's a sweetie, yeah,
(43:44):
and so it's good to hear thatyou were able to connect with
her.
And then the other person I'vemet, who's a darling in her own
right and that is what's so coolis she allows it to be just
that way.
So kudos to you.
You pick your friends like youpick your fruit, hey.
Candace Patrice (44:09):
Fisk Jubilee Singers.
Okay, what an honor, what anhonor.
All right, guys, thank you,thank you.
Thank you so much for listening, thank you for being present,
thank you for continuing to letthis show thrive and share it
with someone.
(44:30):
Um, we're just truly grateful.
Always remember to love hard,forgive often and laugh frequent
.
Bye, guys, bye.
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